Cameron Diaz & Katherine Power (Re-release)

Hey dear listeners, in today's flashback episode I'm joined by Cameron Diaz and her business partner Catherine Power to talk about life, relationships, and the genesis of their organic wine company, Alvaliene. Here's Cameron and Catherine. Ladies and gentlemen, you are listening to On Qualified with your host, Ana Ferris. Thank you guys so much for doing my podcast. Thanks for having us. Cameron, I did want to tell you something really quickly though. Sure. Which is a little fan-girlie. When I watched you in Charlie's Angels, I had this revelation of like, "Oh my God, if she's having so much fun, that means all of us as an audience are having a blast." Yeah. I'm kind of taking that spirit, if I'm having fun, they're bound to have fun. Absolutely. Oh, I love that. Yeah, because it really is that it's a translation. It's like being in the room with somebody. It's like, if you're having a good time, what you're putting off is more likely to be infectious to people, that energy. The same as going into a room and being that total dick. Like everybody's like, "You know, I'm like, you're around on angels." You know, we all know those people, but yeah, it's about having a good time and letting people have a good time with you. Well, thank you though. That has been like a huge lesson for me. Well, I always have a great time watching you. I'm always like, she's just having a good time. Thanks. Not always. Well, you know what I'm saying. I do. You're acting that at least. Yeah. I put on my camera and dance. There you go. So, we recently went back to our original format where we talk with our listeners and try to offer them advice on various topics. And we are going to talk with Erica first. Hi, Erica. Hi. I'm Stone Arbyson. Oh, don't be. Don't be. I'm here with Catherine and Cameron. And I know it is a lot though. It's a lot for me. My heart was pounding before they got on. I'm like, oh, God. Erica, the three of us read your letter, but will you tell our listeners what's going on? Yes, I will. I wrote in because I just recently got out of a six year relationship. I'm 25. And one of the issues in the relationship that ended with it ending was because of our sex life. And it just wasn't great. And it had gotten worse over the last couple of years of the relationship. And I just kind of left the relationship feeling really confused and kind of undesirable. And you know, now that I'm 25 and I feel like I kind of have to start over. And I just don't really know how to rediscover myself, regain confidence. And especially when I'm like, now I'm kind of scared of what's out there. And I'm scared of going back out there and just kind of scared of men in general. So I just was looking for advice on how do you take a fresh start? How to find yourself again? Oh, I'm sorry. Heartbreak is rough. It's kind of interesting and weirdly maybe comforting that your sex life, there was a downward trajectory. Cameron, Catherine, how does one get over? Heartbreak. Well, first off, you're 25. Yeah. So you're really lucky because you're so young. And this is part of life, especially being 25. I was going to say like I would be worried about somebody getting married to someone that at 25 that they had dated for six years. Like, this is when you start to know who you are. Absolutely. And I think that, you know, we look at sex and we are inundated with what sexuality, sex looks like between men and women and inundated with just in daily life, you know, hypersexualization of women that were supposed to look and be a certain way to be attractive to men. Men have gotten this idea that women are supposed to be attracted to women that look that way because it's in their face as well. And really what sexual relationship with a partner really is about is intimacy. You know, whatever that looks like, whatever that revealed to one another is, it could be hypersexualized. It can be something that is like overtly sexual in a relationship or in the bedroom, but it's also about revealing yourself to another person and feeling safe to do so and for it to be reciprocated, not for one person to be holding back something about themselves and not revealing what they desire or what they want or how they feel or what they're afraid of. And this is the thing that we don't realize. We're not taught this about sexuality, about our relationships with our partners sexually, is that really it's just about intimacy and that's scary. I mean, revealing yourself is terrifying. And I think especially at a young age, you're not even aware of yourself yet. You're not even certain what your fears are or what you like or what you might connect with another person and you certainly can't do that if they're not willing to receive and they're not willing to reciprocate. So that's a journey. That's going to take a long time possibly for you to find that with somebody. But the thing that you definitely need to do is find somebody who's willing to do the same as you. You can't do it on your own. You can practice it. You can be in a relationship and practice being vulnerable and it may not be received, but at least you're doing it, at least you're strengthening that muscle of displaying your vulnerability. And if that person's not receiving it, they're not capable of it. You just move on and you find somebody who can. Cameron, shit, you're so good at this. You're kind of ready. I'm kind of going to what happened. I like, I did really try to be really vulnerable in the relationship and talk to him about it openly and try to just have conversations with him where I said, you know, like there's no shame. Like let's just work on this and figure it out, but it just wasn't reciprocated. And by the end, he was kind of interested in somebody else. And like I gave it my best and I tried it and it just didn't work out. And so now it just feels, it feels confusing to do all of that and still not get anything back. Has nothing to do with you? Yeah. And I would guarantee that this is about a lot more than sex, you know, at your age, when you come to that age, you start to settle into what you like, what's important and you just kind of start to find your groove. And I'm not surprised to see a relationship that started at 19 and at 25 because that's that time period. It could just be not the right fit. And I think sometimes we look for areas where we can try to articulate something going wrong when it's just a feeling. It just might be, you're not groving with each other and the person that you should spend your life with or be in a long relationship with, it should just feel right. It should feel really easy. And if it's not feeling right for one or both of you, it's time to end it. And I would guarantee you that it's just kind of not the right fit. That don't think it's about sex specifically. Yeah. I think we also 19 to 25, you're changing so much, you're learning so much about yourself and it's about growth. And if you guys are not growing together, you know, you can both be growing, but you can be growing apart, right? Ooh, or you can keep sort of a parallel growth. But like she said, it's not surprising because you're so young, but also just learning to know yourself, like take the time, forget about a relationship right now. Just take the time at this age to learn about yourself, to go and like dive into your truths and what it is that you like, forget about him, forget about what didn't work between you guys and what you could have done different or maybe what you could have been more for him. It doesn't have anything to do with you. His desires or a lack of interest or whatever, that's his journey. Let that go. Like move on, you know, just get your own truth, understand yourself better. That way you have something to offer to somebody going forward, you know, it's that rear view mirror. If you're looking in the rear view mirror, you're not looking at the road. Try to get to a destination only looking in the rear view mirror. You're going to crash, you know, so just keep looking forward. You could think about it as an exciting fresh start where you can now figure out what are your relationship goals, you know, what do you want out of a partner and then make sure you're going and you're getting that exact thing, right? Because I don't think you even know that because you've just been in this relationship for so long. So I would try to look at it as a fresh start and you are a young, beautiful woman who's going to have, you know, five years from now and you're in another relationship, you're going to say, oh, thank God. I, you know, thank God we were able to cut ties and go in different directions because now look where I am. I guarantee it. And really truly happiness is about self esteem. Love yourself. Do not beat yourself up. Know your value. Love who you are. Don't apologize for it. You know, not to say that we don't all have character traits that we need to be self-aware of because they can definitely intrude on other people. Just take this time to become self-aware and make sure that you're taking care of yourself the steam and your own self value. You guys are both so good at this. This is the quietest I think I've ever been. We've done a lot of therapy. Yeah, we've done a lot of work. And I love exactly what you're saying. I would have been like, oh, you know, like sort of chewing on the heartbreak a little bit. But it is pointless. We do tend to romanticize for better, for worse, our relationships and dwell on them. I love it that you guys are like, move on. Let's go. Yeah, yeah. Keep going. So how does that sound, Erica? Yeah. It feels really positive. And it is really reassuring. I just, I think maybe right now I'm just not feeling the confidence and like the self-esteem that I need. And I'll just, we'll have to keep working on that, I guess. And it takes time. But you'll get there. Yeah, I'm sure it'll happen at some point. It just, this feels like a hard one between time. I agree with Cameron and Catherine that you should use this time for kind of getting to know yourself better. And 25 is a good time to start figuring out what you really want in a partner. Erica, this sounds like super simple advice. But try giving a stranger a compliment, like once or twice a week. Little things like that will help sort of nurture that side of you that will bring you some like minor joy under the weight of the break up. Yeah, that's really sweet. Thanks so much for talking with us, Erica. Thank you guys so much. Thanks, Erica. Yeah, it was awesome to meet you guys and talk to you guys. You as well. Thank you. Bye, Erica. Bye. [MUSIC PLAYING] You two are unbelievable. That was just awesome. We've been through it. And a lot of my podcast guests are like people in their 20s. And I'm 44. And Cameron, I think I heard an interview where you were talking about sort of-- I don't know if you put it as the liberation of 40. But I really enjoy this decade. Yeah, it's so great. It's so great. The 40s are the best. I can't wait. I'm one year away from my 50. I can't wait. I was telling my husband that I'm going to make an awesome 93-year-old. Yeah. And people are just going to love me. I can't wait. Today I had a little bit of a fantasy, or maybe it was last night. I was like, you know what I should do? I should just go live on Capri. Be one of those old Italian women that only have a certain area of the world that they occupy. And they shuffle up and down the street. And they carry their groceries every day. And they look out the window. They know everybody. And they have a cat that comes and goes. I love this. Like, how does that happen? It can be done. Yeah. It can be done, Cameron. I think we should all do it together. I know. Right. We need a little community of expats and debris. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, please. That would be incredible. I do think this last year, I've been reflective kind of for the first time in my life a little bit. And sort of a shift in priorities. I think a lot of people experienced that. For sure. A thousand percent. I think that that was the silver lining of the whole experience, the whole moment in time and history. OK, before we talk with our next listener, I have a few questions for you guys. First, how old were you when you really thought you were in love? Oh, gosh. Nine years old. Nine years old. I feel the same way. I was like-- I have diaries. I was like 19. I mean, I thought I was in love with a boy in kindergarten, you know? Right. Like, cart crushing loves. Really? Yeah. I mean, I definitely had crushes on boys, but it was never that. But in love, relationship kind of situation? Yeah. For me, I feel like for most people, that raw intensity love where you're like, I might die. I feel like that tends to happen between 16 and 19. Yeah. And then also, the heart breaks are physical at that time. Don't you think? Yeah. Yeah. I had a heart break when I was 16 and to 17. And you know what was so wild is like, anytime I would go back to that moment, I would like crumble, like even into my 40s. Like, I had like-- And that's the feeling. And that's the feeling of like the heart break. And my therapist took me back in a little time vessel of like going back to that 16 year old who couldn't carry the basket of laundry because she fell on the floor and was like catatonic hysterical because her heart was breaking and just let her know that she's going to be okay and that, you know, there's nothing she could do. And this is part of life and you're going to be okay. It literally healed that moment. And from that moment on, I never cried once again or can't even muster up the feeling again. That's good. I also think too at that age, I don't know if you felt this way, Cameron, but it's so much less about the partner, the other person, because we're so consumed with oneself, I think, or at least I just had a really bad budget. I think it's just all new. You know what I mean? You're having just like first experiences. Yeah. I think it's part of self discovery and development. And yeah, it is often so focused on oneself. But that's kind of the point of going through it so that you can separate those feelings from like what's real later on. You know? Yeah. You know, I've been married twice before. And for me, I think in my 20s, it was, I was in this new big city. And that felt like the one part of my life I could maybe control. I remember when I got engaged, I didn't want to call my parents and tell them. I was like, oh god. And I'm kind of bummed too. And yet still did it. Yeah. I think that there's, I mean, it's becoming less and less now. But I think there certainly was a societal sort of norm that we kind of grew up with at our ages where, you know, there was still like, you know, you get married and you have kids. That's sort of your path. And especially if you have, for me, I had parents who got married at 18 and 19 and had kids right away. And, you know, my mom was 19 and 22 and she had her kids, you know? So I always thought I was going to be married and have kids by the time I was 22. I would have two kids and be married. And then I was 22. I was like, what the fuck? Why would I ever do that? Why would I do that? And I just realized because my parents didn't have other options. You know, I had all these other opportunities that my parents didn't have. And I was like, that's not for me. You know, I want to go and do things that I have these opportunities to do and being married doesn't really help me maximize that experience, you know? Yeah. I think when I was younger, I maybe just went along with it because it seemed easier. Okay, wait. So speaking of weddings, I think Gina is on the line. You guys read her letter. Are you ready? Sure. Sure. Love a little wedding, drama. Weddings are a big topic on this podcast. Really a waste of money and energy and what a scam that industry has going. I just eloped and we had the best time. Hi, Tina. Hi. Gina, you are here with Cameron and Catherine. Hi. Hi. How's it going? Thank you so much for writing to us. Will you tell our listeners what's going on? No, thank you so much for having me. I've been listening for a long time. So this is really exciting. So I just recently got engaged and one of the issues that's come up, but also been something that's been way on my mind for the last even year, is my dad's wife. She's an alcoholic. I don't think she would admit that, but we all know she's an alcoholic and both of my older brothers are married and she caused us seeing at one of the weddings being there and then not even being there. She still managed to cause issues. She was the reason my dad left my mom. So obviously that caused us some major issues just with that factor. So my first brother got married like 10 years ago and she was not invited to the wedding because the divorce had just happened. And so when she wasn't there, my dad was obviously upset about that and got into a fight with my other brother about it. And then he refused to even come to the reception because she wasn't invited. So then last year my other brother got married and she was drunk and lost her purse and proceeded to accuse my brother's brand new in-laws and like close friends and family of stealing her purse. I don't need to hear anything more. Okay. So this is like drama. Obviously this person has issues and also your father obviously is an issue. I'm sure you probably need to do a lot of therapy about that because your father clearly is not honoring any of you first cheating on your mother, then pushing a woman into your life that you don't want in your life who was the reason that he utilized to get out of the marriage from your mother. But I'm just going to say this, your marriage is about you. Your wedding is about you. It's not about your dad. It's not about his wife. And if your father cannot put you before himself or his wife to honor you on the day that's one of the most important days of your life to come forward in a ceremony to join you and your husband, that's what it's about. about. who you want to be present for that ceremony to witness that. It's about your community who's going to help the two of you remember what you said to one another to be your support team when the time gets difficult. That woman is not a person who's you're going to go to. Maybe not even your father's going to be that person. Let go of like the idea of what a wedding is supposed to be about for everybody else and think about what you want it to be for you. Right. I think it's hard because I do want my dad there and sometimes it seems like he's starting to kind of understand like where we're at. And like, for example, my brother's wedding was like that night he was understanding of like what is this? He's like, you don't have to see her again. Don't worry about it. But then the next day is like someone did steal. Oh yeah, who was it? Our best friends of 20 years or the in-laws. Like really like are you insane? So I do want my dad there. Like I hear what you're saying, but I do want my dad there. I mean, he has changed in the last 10 years and I do want him to walk me down the aisle. And it's hard because I feel like if I choose to not have her there or not have him there, what fact does that have even for the rest of my life moving forward? Well, just have a conversation with your dad. Sit down with them and say, hey, dad, look at what means so much to me as your daughter is to have you take me down the aisle. I want that. That is a gift I'm asking you to give me. But I'm also asking you to please leave her at home. Yeah, I'm asking you to not bring her because I need you to respect me on or me. Not make this about you. Not make this about her. But please make it about me. And don't punish me for it. That is not a healthy relationship to have with your daughter. That's not fair to do to your daughter. Where adults, this is a reasonable request. And you need to honor me. Yeah. Gina, how does your mom play into this? Like, how would she feel? Because the other alternative is to be like, fuck it. I'm just going to like expect the worst and have a great time with these other people. So my mom is like my best friend. So she's would fully support. I mean, she actually refers to because not there because she obviously does not like this person. Yeah. And so I've thought about and I'm like, talk to my fiance about it. I'm like, I can go like one or a couple of ways, either she's not in bite at all. Or we like kind of lay down some ground rules of like, first off, you don't speak to my mother for any reason. There's no reason for you to talk to her. You don't drink. And if she drinks, which we know she will, because she'll show up drunk, then you can leave. So it's like kind of giving her the opportunity. But then on the other hand, like, why give someone an opportunity? Yeah, you don't want to be policing that. And it's sad because it's like, I know she's going to do it. That's inevitable. She's proven time and time again. That's what she does. And I don't want the conversation the next day, the next year to be like, Oh, remember what she did at your wedding? Like, that's not fair to my brother and his now wife. One of the things that's really important, I think that I've learned over my lifetime that I've worked on consistently. And I think that adds such great value to my life and to my relationships is to learning to set boundaries that I don't let other people cross. That I protect myself from other people's prep basically. And you got to practice that. And you have the practices in moments in life that are important to you, such as a wedding, you know, where you say, I deserve this. I deserve to have the wedding. I'm spending the money. Me and my fiance, it's our money. It's our investment. It's our time. It's our friends. It's our ceremony. It's our bonding. And it is up to me. Everything's my decision. What ecosystem I want to create for this moment. And I'm going to draw this boundary. And I'm going to stick to it. And I'm not going to feel bad about it. And when you really give yourself that permission and you really like draw that boundary. And anytime somebody starts to step over you go, oh, I'm sorry. You're stepping over my boundary. Right. It's okay because I did this for myself. I created this for myself. And I deserve it. And I'm going to take it. And I'm not going to apologize for it. Right. And we shouldn't apologize for our boundaries. We shouldn't. No, I don't think she has to be prepared though. You have to be prepared in the worst case scenario where your dad says she's not going, I'm not going. Even if he doesn't say that in that first conversation, he's going to go home. They're going to have weeks to discuss it. She's the person he wakes up to every day. And there's a chance that as a result of your boundary, he's not going to come. Right. And so you have to be prepared for that. But remember, that's your boundary. You decided that you decided it's okay if he doesn't come because you feel so strongly about this boundary. And I think like I've kind of prepared for like I'm expecting that just because again, history is shown that he'll take our side one minute and then the next he's not. So I'm like, you know what? I have two great older brothers. They'll step in. Yes. But it's also like again, one of the most important days of my life. And to have that like possibly come up. And again, what does that mean for the rest of our life? Like is that going to be like a total cutout? Which if it's her, I don't really care. I don't need to see her up again. But if it's my dad, like it's still my dad. I totally think both Catherine and Cameron are right. I do think Catherine's point of like your dad. Like there's going to be this ripple effect of your causing a lot of stress between me and my wife, whatever. Like she'll be good. Or this is devastating her. Whatever he will say to you, the initial conversation is important. Like what Cameron was suggesting. I think timing, you know, make sure that you're feeling all right. And you're getting the sense that he's feeling all right. But I would say all the reasons that it's important to him. But I would also say, like let's call her Janice. As you know, I've had a lot of raw feelings about Janice. And I know this is going to be really difficult for you. But you have to understand that this is incredibly important to me. And I don't mean to hurt you at all. I am protecting myself from feeling unhappy that day. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I mean, Catherine's point about like, you know, I am dealing with the ripple effect with her. But I'm like, what about the ripple effect of me like having her there? So it's like, what point does he need to protect me? Totally. That's what I'm just going to say. This goes back to again, the boundary, the boundary, because listen, people step up. Okay. If you give them free reign to make his decisions, you know, he's going to be making those decisions based off the fact that he can demand that she comes and you'll say, okay, right. And then whether or not he comes comes off of what he says his boundaries are to you, right. And so you acquiesce to his boundaries to, you know, what he says he needs from you for him to show up, right. But really, this is about what you need from him for you to have him there, right. Right. So he has to this side, whether or not the boundary you have drawn for him to be there is something he can accept because this isn't about him. It's about you. It's not about you accepting his terms. It's about him accepting your terms. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because this is about you. So like you can say in whatever you can apologize that this might hurt his feelings because I don't think I need to apologize. I don't think so either. I think I need to learn from Cameron. It's not like I'm like bringing up like old issues. And I'm like I'm still mad that you left mom for her 10 years, like whatever, over 10 years ago. It's not me like holding onto that. With a smile on your face, I say, Dad, I love you. I'm so excited about you coming and walking me down the aisle. It would mean the world to me. If you could show up, I just want to let you know that for you to come and do that, I need for Janice to not come. Janice is not invited to the ceremony or to the party. You are. She's not. And I would love for you to walk me down the aisle. Just get back to me and let me know if you can do that. I mean, I feel like I know what you guys are going to say, but would it be terrible to be like, I'll go 50 50 and she can come to the ceremony, but then she can leave like a child or no. I mean, that's that's what I was going to say, but I just worry like what if they don't she's going to create a goal. She's not going to leave maybe maybe he could just come for the ceremony. And then if he feels uncomfortable being there without a date, like just have him go. I think either way post this day, you're going to have a very different relationship with your father. Yeah. Go to bed. I guess that's the question I have. Do you try to just ignore Janice and give your dad that gift? Otherwise, you might be feeling the effects of this decision for a long time. That's the thing that you're going to have to really work through, because after this conversation, it's really never going to be the same. And that's the loss. If he chooses not to show up for you, I mean, I think if he does the right thing and shows up, I don't really care if my relationship was with her. I really don't like I never have to see her again. I'm totally fine. But, you know, I don't want to make him uncomfortable, but it's also kind of like at what point are you going to stand up to your wife? Stick up for your children. Like even though we're adults, we're we're still your children. That's the point. And I think you really want to see that. Yeah. And if you don't see that, that's really sad, but that is what it is. And you're about to start a whole new life. And that's kind of what a wedding represents. It's a picture representing what you want the rest of your life to look like. And I remember when I got married, someone said to me, because we were debating whether to invite these friends that, you know, you knew when you were 12, but you never speak to anymore, versus somebody you just met, who you really like. And they said to me, don't worry about inviting the people that you have been friends with. Worry about inviting the people that that you wanna be friends with. And so that allowed me to invite someone I barely knew who 10 years later is now one of my best friends. And that was so representative of, that's what I want my future life to look like. Let go of the past, my relationships with those people are what they are. And you gotta just focus on the future. You're getting married, you're gonna build your own family, and it's gonna be great. And this is just an awkward time. That was such good advice. - Yeah, it's so good. - Because I feel like the first thing that happens after engagement is you're making the guest list. And then you're starting to argue about that because it's like, why does your soccer coach have to get like, what, you know, and I love like thinking about who like instinctually, what happy face do I wanna see? - Yeah, you know what I mean? - You know what I mean? - Yeah, who's that support team? Who's gonna be your tribe that supports your marriage, you know? You know what, a lot of times like I found that my husband and I after we got married, we all of a sudden found all these married couples that were not our wedding, but who are our biggest support group, you know? Those are the people that we are with all the time because we don't hang out with our single friends anymore 'cause our lives are so different, you know? But we were single when we met, so we have all these friends, you know? Also, just remember your dad is a human being, and he's flawed. And you know, it takes a lot of work to be self-aware. And if he's still making the same decisions over and over again, it's because he hasn't done any work to make anything different about himself, you know? And that's something you can't change. - There's nothing you can do. - There's nothing you can say to him that's gonna help him see your side of things. If he's still 10 years later, whatever it is, you know? With this woman, still having these conversations with his children, where he feels, you know, betrayed whereas if you guys are not accepting this woman, he still believes that you guys need to accept her and nobody's done the work. - We've all tried, but it's just kind of been within the last year where it's like, we're done. I mean, I got into a fight with her a month ago. I'm like, about something stupid. I'm like, this is ridiculous. Like, at what point is, yeah, it's just done. - The problem with alcoholism, you know, alcoholics is that there is zero self-awareness. - Oh, yeah. - Because you cannot be self-aware when you're drunk, especially if you're a long-term alcoholic. You know, you don't remember anything. You only remember the fighting points, right? - Right. - Of survival. You don't take in the nuances of experience and emotion past, you know, what alcohol just allows you to experience. - Yeah, absolutely. If your dad decided not to go, how would you feel? - It will hurt, you know, but I think I should be prepared for it because I know that it could go 50, 50, I even know the day of he could decide not to show up because she's not there. You know, I mean, that's the sad part of it is that could happen. - And all that will bring some level of grief for you, but remember, you're gonna have to grieve it. I think you will have to give yourself the opportunity and time to grieve that because it's a little bit of a death, you know, but it's a day of celebration. So do everything that you can do. And that's why I say a boundary is such a protective space because you're going in ahead of it, knowing that you have created a space for yourself to feel safe and happy and celebrate and give yourself permission to do so and not allowing other people's issues to step over the line onto that moment in your time, your experience in life. - And I think as Cameron also said, you gotta let go of the idea of what you think the ideal wedding is supposed to look like and what you think even the ideal family is supposed to look like. Because as an adult, you realize you've no control over that and it is what it is. And so it's really getting comfortable with that that most families have issues. There's very few where you can say that's my idea of what a family should look like and maybe this is gonna be the new reality of what your family looks like. - Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, I choose not to involve myself too often with family. I mean, my core family is like my mom and her significant other and my brothers and their wives and my fiancee. So I just not too big a part of my life but it's still gonna be something strange and also kind of just like time to stand up for myself to be like, listen, I've had this person rule whatever for the last 12 years, purposely and not purposely. It's taken over my life, my brother's life, my mom's life and feel like this would be like a, we're done. And like, so it's not just a boundary for the wedding. It's kind of like moving forward like a boundary for the rest of our lives. - Yes, absolutely. - And you know what, your dad, my over period of time, you know, he might just like be kicking himself going, how could I have ever allowed that? You never know how people evolved and maybe he'll never get there. But that's the thing, you can't worry about either way. You just have to take care of yourself in the moment. Is there anybody, I know your brothers are close to you but has anyone been sort of like a father figure to you or showed up for you in a way that your father hasn't been able to? - I've never felt like, I mean, he was, I mean, a big part of my life, I was 22 when they divorced. So it wasn't like he was absent. I mean, he was my soccer coach until I was 18 years old. So it's not like he was like, not like around figure. He was, I don't ever felt like I needed like a father figure replacement. Like I said earlier, like my mom and I are closer than we should be probably, but she's kind of has always filled my parental void. - Of course, okay, there is another version of this where everyone gets drunk and just has a crazy time. (laughing) - I just wanted to be an awesome day for you. Whether they come or not, I just want you to focus on your husband and hopefully you can ignore all of the nonsense. - I'm excited for you to set that boundary and I'm excited for your future. - Yeah, me too. - I'm terrified to set that boundary, but I know what has to happen. - It's gonna feel so good. - Yeah. - And it's just for you affirming 'cause I think I can, I knew I had like kind of two ways I could take this. It's just nice to hear from total outside observers being like, "I absolutely know that." Because you know what, if the boundaries that she has to uphold are ones that are like, she's already inside the party, you know what I mean? And it's left for her to have to police herself. She's not going to do it. - She's not going to do it. - She can't, she's incapable. But if you put the set the boundary that there's just no entrance, it doesn't matter. Let her flail about. Let her do what she's going to do. Let her like leave a voice message or send a text or you know, whatever it might be outside of your day. - Yep, you're absolutely right. - Gina, thank you so much for talking with us. - Thank you. - I know what's gonna be an awesome day. It really will be. You're gonna just look into your husband's eyes and be like, "Yeah, this is great." - Well, thank you so much Anna, I can have fun and can have a run. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Thank you so much. - I love. - Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music) - You both were so great talking with our listeners. You have a great perspective. That was really hard. So you're both married. Will you tell me how you met your husbands? - Yeah. I met mine through my now sister-in-law and brother-in-law. I met them first. And then they didn't set us up, but we were in the same room because of them. And then we found each other. Were you instantly drawn? - I was like, "How come I didn't see him before?" (laughing) I was like, "Which was funny because you saw his twin brother." - No. - But. - Wasn't the same. - Yeah. - Wasn't, it's not the same. - It's totally different. - There's no different. - They're different. - Yeah, they, you know, made another twin. So they're very, very different obviously. But yeah, I just, I saw him walking towards me and I was like, "Oh, he's hot." I haven't seen him before. - I love that. - But then when I saw him, like who he was, that's what made me really be like, "Oh, you, you, you're special. Like you're the guy. You're the hidden gem in my life." (laughing) - I love that. How about you, Katherine? - I met my husband through one of my business partners. She went to college with him. So, very basic story. - Okay, wait, tell me about wine. - Well, we created a wine brand called Avaline, which is a clean brand that is made with organic grapes, very low intervention without the unwanted additives that are found in many commercial wines. And it's just clean, delicious wine, super accessible across the United States. We're in about 5,000 different retailers. It's also for sale on drinkavaline.com. - Yeah, we realized we had never questioned what was in wine 'cause we both had always just thought it was fermenting grapes, very naively, but because everything is an industry, wine is governed by TTV, not the FDA, there is no requirement for labeling of ingredients. So if you turn the bottle around, there's no list of ingredients in a bottle. And we found out that there was over 73 ingredients that could be added to making wine and that kind of blew our minds and we questioned - Without any transparency. - We're no transparency. - Disclosure. - Yeah. And so we were like, well, how can we tell? There's no way of telling. I mean, you can go on so many websites of wines that you love and there's no list of ingredients. There's not any sort of-- - Really no information at all besides-- - Not even the white, organic-- - The vintage, right? and today. consumer really wants to know what they're putting in their body, right? We've cleaned up every aspect of our life, you know, from groceries to skincare. That's fascinating. Yeah. We just personally started questioning what was in the bottle and it set us out on a journey and, you know, what we learned was very surprising. So we felt compelled to create a product that was clean and transparent and started with organic grapes so that at least if you're drinking wine, you could feel better about that decision. What advice or what have you learned about entrepreneurship over the course of this? Well, Catherine has several companies that she started who, what where was her first business that she started, what 15 years ago? Yeah. Then you have merit. I've got a color cosmetics brand called Merit and a skincare brand called Verst. So clean. So I've built a lot of businesses but learning. So we want to partner with you, Catherine. Yeah. But honestly, like this business was unlike any other business. It's like learning a foreign language between, you know, the regulations and the specific laws around alcohol. It's just a very old fashioned industry. So we really knew nothing about it. Do you mean that in like a legality sense? Yes. It's very antiquated. The laws that are there have been there and they haven't really changed. And every state has a different law, you know, regarding alcohol. So you have to, for every state that you're in to get a license, you have to acquiesce to what their, their laws are. So it's very, yes, it's interesting. I mean, I know it's a basic question. Overall, I'm sure there were times that were tough that felt like roadblocks. I don't know. And then kind of overcoming those or, you know, getting a sense of ingenuity or whatever, are you guys at a place where it's like this journey has been rad? Oh, the whole time. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of like where Cameron and I get excited when there's a roadblock and we like to figure out a way, you know, we're like puzzle people, problem solvers. So we don't like know to us just means like go around the person and find a different path. But yeah, and we're only just we just hit a year old as a brand and, you know, there will be many more roadblocks ahead. But that's what makes business interesting. And we're just so excited that the consumer's response has been what it's been because we just had this feeling three years ago that this was going to become a larger trend, you know, sort of the cleaning up of adult beverage and the timing has just been right. And we're really excited to see this big community kind of build around the brand. Do you have advice, either the best or worst advice, perhaps that you've been given? I think one piece of advice that I talk about a lot is just that sometimes you just have to get it done. So I think I see a lot of entrepreneurs who wait for the perfect time, the perfect amount of funding, the perfect partner, the perfect graphic design, whatever it is. And they don't put their product out in market or they don't get to the finish line on starting a business. And it's like sometimes you just have to get there whatever it takes. And then after you can kind of catch up, learn what you need to learn, perfect what you need to do. But you've got to just get out there and do something. I think that's great advice. You know, for me, it was a complete change, you know, I stopped acting and then Katherine and I became friends just really at the beginning of that. And when this came along, this sort of idea was like, I really don't know anything about it. But the cool thing was like, okay, first off, she knows everything about building a business. But to be able to do it with her in a category that she didn't know either understand was really incredible because I got to see the process of solving problems within a business. And it really just is a skill set. Like you can apply it from any other problem solve. You just have to ask the question, she have to gather the information. You have to figure out the puzzle of like how do we find our way to what our next step is to keep moving it forward. And that was I think the funnest part of doing it. And creating a product that we both just loved. Yeah, that we love. We're so excited. We made this like at least once a week. I look and I'm drinking a bottle of Oveline and I text camera to say like, thank God we made it. Because what would I be drinking? Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's just it's very cool. What a great feeling though. Yeah, yeah. And it's awesome. Yeah. And I also love all of her other products. I think she makes that's just incredible. I really hope someday we can be in Capri. Yeah. Drinking some Oveline. Yeah. What talent or ability would you most like to have? I've always wished I could sing. Yeah. I wish I could like, I know, like I have ADD, which I know works for me in so many ways. But I just like to know one time what it feels like to like not have that process of thought to be like totally focused. Yeah. You know, like I'd love to just kind of be like, oh, what's because I can't. I just don't have the ability to just be like right in here. It's like I can be there, but I gotta go do something else really. And then come back. Yeah, I'm with you. I wish I was diligent enough to like practice my very base level Italian. That's a good one. Yeah. I wish I could speak. Yeah. I wish I could couple of foreign languages. Yeah. I don't have the chip though. Just don't have it. Catherine, do you have children? Do you mind asking? I do. I have a four-year-old. You both have one child each, right? Yes. Was there anything when you were pregnant that frightened you with the concept of motherhood? Oh, the whole thing. I mean, you don't really realize what it is until you have the baby. So I think you don't know what's coming with your first child when you're pregnant. So I think in some ways that was kind of ignorance is bliss. And I'm just trying to get through being pregnant because I was super sick. But you know, you just realize when this person comes out that you're responsible for everything from their health to their happiness to their confidence, it's just it's a lot. And you sort of did it to yourself, right? And to them. And to them. And then you feel responsible and like the world is a tough place. And that's kind of what worries me is just that life is hard. Even when you're really blessed and really privileged, you know, there's so many different things you go through in life and just being responsible for another person's journey is pretty scary. Totally agree. And then I think you kind of get numb to it. My son just turned nine. Like you're nervous all the time, but you've learned to live with sort of the low level. Somebody said to me, once you have a child, you never again have peace of mind. Never again. So when I was pregnant, that didn't resonate with me. But once that child is born, you can never truly be at ease because that person is always out there. You know, maybe that first hour where he's asleep at night and I'm not asleep and I just sit there. That's like my most relaxing hour of the day because I know where he is and he's safe and he's asleep. But it's the loss of peace of mind. Completely. And I don't know if it's gotten better or worse. I mean, in terms of just my own personal like learning to live with it, that's definitely under control. But like at every age, she's nine, like you can cross the road. But yeah, God. You know, it's funny because like, you know, I look at even my nieces and nephew who are grown now, you know, my sister and I grew up so differently than them, you know, both our parents worked. We were a latch-key kids. We were. We had a level of self-reliance that kids don't have to have those in the woods. Yeah, you know, yeah. The streets of the exactly streets of Long Beach. You know, there's like, I grew up with that my whole life. Like, it was always that way, right? So if your kid doesn't have that from the beginning, they're not building that skill set that vigilance that it takes to survive that, right? So how do you instill that vigilance and awareness of the world if you're not letting them go into the world? But if you let them go into the world, then you can't protect them from the world. You have to rely on their vigilance, right? So how do you strike that balance of letting them be able to be self-reliant to trust their instincts if you don't just let them do it? It's the little tasks on a daily basis and then the information about like the world in a way that's like, you know, I remember my dad always saying like and I think a lot of parents feel this way, but it's just how it's delivered. It's sort of like, you know, I'm going to teach you this lesson because the world's going to teach it to you a lot, harsher kind of thing, right? Right. So what does that look like in this day and age? What does that information look like? How is it given? What is your own personal tolerance of the suffering that your child is going to have to actually experience in life in any given moment, the smallest to the biggest? Like we think that our children are a part of us in a way that is not separate, but they are separate. They're not us. They are their own people. And to honor that autonomy is so important. You guys, thank you so much for spending all this time with us and for your wonderful advice. Thank you for having the podcast and bringing us in on it. We really, really appreciate it and congratulations on everything. Thank you. Thank you so much. Great to meet you. Bye.