C03 - Ep. 43 - Under Oondar Fire - Rules of M’Prov

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We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them and squeezed out the truth. All hail the lemon. That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7-Up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the 7-Up rising. Flip the sip. We're going to get to the real deal. - I was gonna say, take an inspiration die for your amazing translation of your name into another language. - Wow. - I already got one, but-- - Did you know it's Juni? In Japanese. All right. Tolv. Learning a lot. Learning a lot from everyone. But last up is Natty. Hello, everybody. It is John Reisinger here playing Natty Wonder, who is a drow drag queen mother. And if I got to learn another language, I think I would just default to, I've always wanted to understand undercommon. We get a lot of folk who come and sell their wares in my hometown, in our market. And they're these nice ladies who made the best wigs anywhere. And I couldn't understand. We had the hardest time making transactions work between us because they only spoke undercommon and I don't know it. And so we just had to fumble through me getting the right wig that I wanted every time. We sorted it, but I would love to be able to just, not only be able to buy their wares with a lot, more ease, but just compliment them on the beauty of these hairs. Now, Natty, if they were selling their wares in undercommon, were they selling their underwears? You know what's so funny about that? We don't record visuals for our show, but I was watching Blaine's face during John's answer. And I saw the smirk starting. I was like, Blaine has a joke. Blaine has a joke. Cue it up. It's coming here. Fresh off vacation. I'm full of the energy. Yeah. The Vin. Vin and vigor. Oh, I could see everyone's tells. Yeah. It's weird that drow don't get undercommon as a starting language. I had to verify that as you were talking, John. Yeah. Because it is elvish in like nature. Yeah. But it is not a drow dialect. It's, yeah, I guess from what I can see, jurigar get it, but not drow, even though it's a language supposedly written in elvish script. Yeah. This makes no sense. Well, that's why they were there. You know, it made sense for them to be in the night market with us, but we just, you know, it's just kind of like, you know, just someone in the next town over speaks a little different than you, and you just don't know exactly how they use their language. Yeah. It's coming from someone who's dating a Cajun. They got a whole world over there in Louisiana that's separate from the United States. Were you dating your girlfriend during campaign one at all? Or did that start happening after? Because you were, essentially like a Cajun character almost, right? Like it's berated. I know for a fact that, yeah, we were just pre-COVID is when we started. So yeah, all the way. That's why mud is from the bayou. The bayou, okay, got it. Michael wanted to incorporate that part of John's life. Stinky dragon lore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, if you did that before you were dating, it was meant to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have adopted my girlfriend's culture of eating just fried brownies. Brown stuff all day long. I know it's delicious, but that sounds gross. That's, the Cajun cuisine is delicious and all brown. There's no other colors in there in their spectrum. Healthy. Just like America. Yeah. What would be a vile habit? A vile habit is, oh, I, yes, it is quite clear. It is when you, it's you dump your waste and trash into the water. You know, where people are, the children are swimming, and that is, it's just a vile thing. You should keep the water clean. As you all are thinking about the answers to these questions in your head, the scenery around you changes. What once was an empty room transforms and becomes a bustling night market. Whoa. Yo! The floor, however, does remain blank and white. And in the night market, you see a giant drink vending machine that is smashing its way towards you, dumping trash into all the fresh water that lies around. And the rule of law for this arena is, thou shall be curious. You're surrounded by a moonlit forest of deciduous trees. Market stalls line a thoroughfare between tree trunks, but none of it is how Natty remembers the outskirts of her town. The trees are choked by black oil and sludge. They're full of slimy vines, and instead of technicolored leaves, goopy phlegm dribbles from the branches. The market stalls are stained with sewage and littered with spoiled detritus. Nailed to one of the choked trees is a plastic wrap that reads in aggressive all caps, "THOU SHALL BE CURIOUS." Bursting through the trees above the canopy is a towering rectangular apparatus of glass and metal. The machine's door-swinging mouth spits out metal cans that spew toxic gases, tacky car, and one-time-use plastics that, in some cases, do not exist. There's no way of getting out of this place. You have no choice. You have to leave. weaken it in any way. What I was going to say is that his hammer comes through and smashes right into the middle of the glass face of the machine. However, it turns out that it's plexiglass, so your hammer just bounces off ineffective. Curses! The whole thing vibrates, and in your hands, the hammer vibrates a little bit and shakes. Well, that's my turn. That's embarrassing for you. I guess I. Could I rage? Let's rage. It's a bonus action. You sounded like the little dude that pops out at Crash Bandicoot. The little, uh. You might want to wait until your next turn, because it would have to hit you, I think, for you to keep your rage. Okay, yeah, that's a good point. You really did that in the wrong order, Blaine. The Council of Barbarians has been heard. I wait until. Okay, so when you want to take your turn, usually you rage first because then if you hit, you know you'll get a little bit of an extra damage. Oh, also benefits there. Gum Gum, anything to say? That's true. That's true. Yeah, you want to do it that way. Unless you want to cast a spell, then don't rage. Do you cast spells? I don't know if he has spells. I know I didn't have very many spells. It's very hard. Do you guys want to, like, tag in, you know? I love tag. Let's play tag. Okay, alright. Gus, I'm going to tag in Gum Gum for told. No, no, no. Alright, you two get out of here. This isn't your place. We're just in your imagination. You have the Council of Barbarians. I have the Council of DMs on my side here. And I have a point of order from Dungeon Master Ben Ernst. So, rage ends early if you're knocked unconscious or if your turn ends and you haven't attacked a hostile creature since your last turn or taken damage since then. You can also end your rage on your turn as a bonus action. So, I was of the same opinion as Barbara, that once you rage, you need to attack. But, the way that that's written, you attacked this turn, so your rage would stand, is my interpretation of the rule as written in the book. You don't have to do it first, and then whatever happens after that? Right. Just benefits for you to do it first because you get the bonus damage. Got it. Right, yeah. So, it is beneficial to do it first. But, if you rage at the end of your turn, and you attacked in that turn, the rage still would persist. So, if you want to rage, you can, told, and it would continue. It would not drop. Elgar, come, come! You lied to me! Ah! Yeah, I raged. You still made the wrong decision! We are not legally responsible for any decisions you make during your campaign! Alright, they're raged. They've been swallowed back into the vortex. And we'll never see them again. What? No! Alright, that's it for Tolv, which means, next up, we've got Gunther. Alright, so, this guy is shooting trash at us. Is there a bunch of trash on the ground right now? Yeah, it's like cans, empty cans, that have been spewing everywhere. Alright, can I pick some up and try and shove them into his, like, holes? Yeah, absolutely. Sorry, wrong voice. Yeah, that was the wrong voice. I told you to leave! I told you to leave! You will not dirty this nice place. Alright, yeah, so you gather up a couple, and, I guess, just try to make like a, and, I guess, just try to make like a, like a unarmed strike. like a unarmed strike. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so it's a D20 plus your proficiency, plus dexterity? Yeah, alright, here we go. Unarmed strike, yeah. I'll tell you what, make me an intelligence saving throw. Oh, okay. Intelligence saving throw. Not my strong suit. Not bad. Alright, that's a 13. Okay, you gather up all the cans, and begin walking over to the creature to try to stuff them into the various receptacles? What would you call it? The various holes, as you put it, the various holes, as you put it, on the machine, and as you take your first step in that direction, you forget what you were doing. What was I doing? Oh, I was drinking the soda. Oh, that's what you start doing. You start drinking the soda. Yeah, oh yes, yeah, it's delicious. Yeah, you just, in a moment of confusion, Yeah, you just, in a moment of confusion, you forget what you were doing, and look at the cans in your hand, and look at the cans in your hand, and begin drinking it. You take a drink, you take a drink, and you immediately spit it out, and you immediately spit it out, because it tastes gross. because it tastes gross. It's like, it's Surge. Just kidding, I like Surge. Surge was amazing, alright. I knew that was going to make Blaine mad, I knew that was going to make Blaine mad, that's why I picked it. that's why I picked it. Oh, it's diet. Oh, it's diet. There you go. Gross. Gross. Yeah, so, yeah, you got distracted there. You got distracted there. Do not drink the soda! It is poisoned! If you want to move, I guess, or if you have any, well, I guess you picked up cans. Yeah, if you want to move, you can move around. Alright, what about this? What about this? What about that? As a bonus action, you can expend one superiority die and make a ranged attack and make a ranged attack with a weapon that has the throne property. with a weapon that has the throne property. I'll just say my turn. Yeah, and I think we said that your bonus action would have been gathering up the cans and whatnot. Yeah, it's fine. Oh, it's that creature's turn. Yay, I get to play. Okay, it sees Tove in front of it, Gunther taking a sip out of the can and consuming. Natty and Doug have not gone yet. Okay. It opens up its vending machine door like where you grab your goodies out of and tries to bonk Tove on the top of the head with it. Machines not being nice to other machines. It's machine-on-machine violence. Yes. Yeah. Rage against the machine. It bonks a twenty-five. Okay. Well, that's pretty good. Yeah. That's a twenty-three. Oh, my God. Yes. That hits. All right. I just need to unequip my shield 'cause at this point, it's just gonna happen, you know? What are we doing here? How much does it add to your AC, the shield? One? Two? One? It's plus two. Okay. Just get rid of the shield. I'm the shield guy. That's true, you are. But my shield tells me when there's my brothers and sisters around. You could just give it to Captain Grumbles. He's got one already. He could use two. Grumbles? Thoughts? Yeah. All right. So, it bonks you for twenty-six points of damage. Okay. Well. Ah! Oh-ha! Thirteen 'cause I'm raging. Oh, there you go. Look. It worked. Do you hear that? Scum gum. Do you hear that? Silence on the other end. Yeah. They're gone. They're taking lunch. Okay. I understand. Then, after it bonks you, Tolv, you hear that loud, booming voice once again. Give me your coin and I will take it. Okay. That's it. Give me your coin and I will give you contamination. Is that like a. That seems like a pretty bad trade. Is that a. Yeah. Is that a new soda? Contamination? Is it going for that extreme, hardcore, you know, like. Prepare for total contamination. Yeah. Contamination. Contamination. It's got, like, taurine in it. Mm-hmm. It's taurine and, like, aspartine. It's just terrible. Oh. Red dye 40. Oh. Red dye 40. Oh. Red dye 40. Oh. Red dye 40. Oh. perks and rewards. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balance fees. You get, let me just list them off, 5% cash back on Chime Card in a category of choice like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending with no credit check. You can also grow your money faster with a savings rate that is nine times the national average. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 without fees. So hey, join the millions who are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to Chime.com/Dragon. That is Chime.com/Dragon. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes. And thank you, Chime, for supporting our show. And thank you, you, for checking out Chime. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to Chime.com/disclosures for details. All right, that's it for the machine for now. So Doug, you're up. Okay, I have a theory. So that place that we had to like give up something we created and I gave over my invention of the thing that's supposed to do this. To detect wildlife. It seems like this thing is the antithesis of that because it's polluting and it's spewing out garbage and it's trapping animals. Would I? Is it trapping animals? It's trying to ensnare chipmunks and bluebirds. Oh, with its trash. Oh my. So am I on any sort of right track in thinking that this might be related or is it just happenstance? Make me a. What do we call it? Just make me an intelligence chipmunk. Check. Doug. Well, that's an A team. You know, Doug stands there and ponders this hypothesis and runs through some inquiries in his mind. And he comes to the conclusion that it is probably not connected, that this probably has a more direct connection to each of your individual answers to the question you were posed when you first came into the room. Okay. Well, for the sake of being curious. Doug, maybe try to circle this thing and see like what it looks like from like all angles just to kind of see what this thing is. And maybe if he could detect if it's like, I don't know, an illusion, a cord, power cord, off button. Why don't you make me, I'm sorry, an investigation check, but I want you to have it with advantage because you're being curious. Okay. Quick. Tov, where's your off button? Maybe it has the same one. Oh, it's right. Oh. You tried again. Almost got you. Oh. Oh, you're going to kill me someday. 22 for investigation. You know, you look around and there is no power cord. However, you do see that the cans, as Tov already discovered, all have yes and written on them. And you see that at the top of the vending machine, there's a label on it as well. Can I read it? Yeah. The label on the vending machine reads Improv, M apostrophe P R O V. Improv? Improv. Improv? Maybe. Improv. Tilt my hat at that. Okay. So could I get a can somehow? Yeah. Absolutely. There's a, they're everywhere. I mean, they're just all on the ground. Okay. Let me pick up a can. Okay. You hold one. It's a, yeah, it's nice. What does it say? It says yes and. Ah, I'm super parched right now. Let me just take a delicious sip of this. Yes and. Careful. Diet! Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Oh, that's a great sound. All right. So you, you begin trying to drink the yes and, and as soon as it hits your tongue, it just feels, you know, like the most foul sludge that is flavored with artificial sweetener. Ooh. Why would they put that in there? It doesn't make any sense. Listen, not everybody hates diet beverages in this group right now. Okay. So I don't need all this besmirching of my preferred drink. It is disgusting. Yuck. What's wrong with you? Wow. It's just me on my way to my office job. I happen to pick up a can of this and boy, is it delicious. That's me. That's Doug doing improv, by the way. Quick, Doug, act like you're going up your office elevator. Here I go. 28th floor. Make me a performance check, Doug. Yay. Natty's applauding to help. Hmm. How about a zero on that? Oh, no. A zero to critical failure. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. No. I'm going to. No. Critical failure. I'm going to use my inspiration. That's a good use of an inspo. Not much better. Nine. Yeah, you do that. And out from the ground, an elevator appears. And with a ding, the doors open. Guys, I figured it out. Oh, wow. Elevator's here. But, you know, it'd be really cool to all of a sudden find a giant axe that could destroy a building in one swing right here. Then with a ding, the elevator doors close. And then it continues rising and disappears into the distance. Well, I guess I could just do one at a time. I don't know how far I could keep going on this since I probably have taken an action at this point. Let's see. You drank, you moved. It's a lot, but if you want to take an action, you probably could because you didn't really attack or do anything. Could I take another drink? Yeah. I have a theory. All right. Yeah. Do you like hold it or you mean you like when you say take a drink or drink it? Like a drink it. Okay. Drink another soda. Yeah. You somehow stomach it, that disgusting diet beverage. And yeah. Okay. And now could I say, oh, wow. What is this giant power cable doing over here attached to this giant building that powers it from moving? Vending machine. Vending machine. Vending machine. Why don't you make me. I don't know why you think it's a building. You kept saying building. I'm just imagining it being really. Really big and so like a skyscraper style. It's pretty big. Why don't you make me a constitution saving throw? 22. Okay. You take the drink and you try to get these words out, but the disgustingness of the drink overcomes you and you take some poison damage. It takes. With a 22? Yeah. You're able to contain it, but you still do take a little bit of poison damage. You take six points. Gosh, dang it. Okay. Yeah. It's just disgusting. You can't bear it. You can't bear it. Okay. And then nothing happens. And you're a bugbear. Yeah, and then nothing happens. Oh, nice. It's true. I can't bugbear it. Yeah, but nothing seems to happen, Barbara slash Doug. Okay. I had a theory that, you know, drinking these cans and we improv something, it comes to fruition, but maybe not. Yeah, I was going to ask you if it can make me like spells or like healing potions instead of yes and soda. Yes and soda available at store.seekydragon.pod.com. All right. Is that it for you, Doug? Yeah. You did a couple things there. Natty. Okay. Natty turns to Gigi and starts like, and starts pantomiming, like throwing a ball between her and Gigi. Okay. Like passing the ball back and forth, like playing catch, like a round ball that could fit in like both hands. Mm-hmm. And then as Gigi throws the ball back to Natty, Natty then throws the ball to the vending machine. Zip, zap, zop. Okay. And what's the vending machine do? It seemingly tries to pantomime catching the ball as well. Yeah. And then Natty goes, oh no, it wasn't a ball, it was a bomb. Yeah. With that, you know, the top of the vending machine looks down into its own arms and a bomb explodes. And it has like that cartoon effect where the top of the vending machine's all black and blown backwards now. Yeah. With a loud, like cartoonish puff of smoke and flash of light. And it takes a little bit of damage. Okay. Okay. Okay. See, see, see, see. Good dog. I guess you didn't have to drink the soda, but you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. You know, we're learning. I would not recommend. Yeah. Good, good thinking there, Natty. Anything else you want to do? And then Natty just goes and starts like browsing the night market stands just because they're there and she's missed his shopping. Okay. So she's just kind of seeing who's got some good tchotchkes to maybe get something, you know. She misses home. Yeah. It's kind of like home, but kind of not at the same time. It's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's, I mean, shopping, shopping. Yeah. You did mention it was covered in sewage. I will say that much. Maybe you get a discount. Yeah. Listen, Natty's, you know, she's done some thrift store, you know, diving and you have to get through some garbage before you find your gold. Okay. You're right. That is words to live by, Natty. Yeah. And so she starts, she finds a, she finds like a nice new, like blouse and holds it up to Captain Grumbles and sees if it's Captain Grumble size. He hasn't had anything new to wear since his death in life. Oh, great. That is, I presume that is it for Natty, which would take us back to the top two totals. Okay. Improv, improv. What can you, what do you, what do you got? What do you got? Okay. Hmm. Hmm. What you want to do? What you want to do, Tova, is you want to overthink it? Zip, zap, zop. No. Hey, zip, zap, zop, zip, zap, zop. Zip, zap, zop. Zip, zap, zop. Let your mind be free. Oh, okay, okay, okay. I got it. I go, point at myself, and I go, zip. And I act like I'm, like, being electrocuted. And then I look at Gunther, and I'm like, play along. And I say, zap. Oh, he's electrocuted. And then I, like, kamehameha point at the vending machine and say, zap. As you do that, it looks down and realizes it's standing in a puddle of sewage. And it holds up a little sign that says, yikes. And, yeah, huge bolts of electricity surround it, all going up and down throughout the entirety of the machine. And then it's left smoldering with a little bit of smoke coming off the top. Perfect. And how much damage did Gunther take from that attack? Yeah. Gunther, how much did you commit to this? I committed 100%. Gunther takes no damage because he's playing. That might be my turn. I mean, I have two attacks, but I don't know if, like, these are attacks or. Just kind of turns, you know what I mean? Yeah, this is not really. Like, I think the spirit of the two attacks is like a weapon attack. Sure, got it. Yeah, I'm good. All right. That was good, Tolf. Gunther, what do you have for us? Oh, yes. I here am in charge of the vending machine. Oh, look, it's not working. Out of order. And put a sign. I, like, put a sign on it. It's, like, an imaginary sign that says, Out of order. Not functioning. Spelled completely wrong. Yeah. Indraconic. Out of hors d'oeuvres. Out of order. All right. Let's see if you can make a. Well, no. Let's just end this. You go out and put the sign on the machine. And, yeah, I guess, like, the light inside of the machine turns off. And it seems to, like, settle down and power down. Oh, sleepy. Okay. And, I guess, is that it? I'll do that. That is it. Okay. Metagame-wise, just so you're clued in, you don't feel like it's pointless, I'm going to let that do damage to it, but it's going to. Okay. It's going to continue. Necrotic damage. Yeah. Like, when I start doing something in a second, I don't want you to think, like, oh, well, my thing did nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it settles down and seems to be in a power-off state. And then, you know, after about six seconds of that, it, like, stands back up and, you know, shakes and the sign goes flying off. Oh, I fixed it. As it does that, you know, it powers up and it seems like it may be almost, you know, you say you fixed it, but it's almost, like, malfunctioning a bit. And it begins shuddering. And when it starts shuddering, a mixture of both cans and coins begin flying out of it. Collect the coins. It's pooping. It's vomiting. That too. All right. Yeah. As the cans begin flying around everywhere, everyone make a. another constitution saving throw. Okay. 24. 23. 12. 12. Which is, like, a nat 20 because it's my name, so, you know. It should be. I feel like we should add that rule into this campaign. I'm pretty sure that's a rule now. Yes, and zip, zip, zop, boom, boom, boom. Nine. Nine. Okay. So, once the. Or I should say Natty and Tolv have the poison condition. I'm not sure. I don't know if you all had it from before. I already had it. What should that have done on my turn? You have double poison. Disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks. Yeah. Thank you, Barbara. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't really do an attack or an ability, so it's fine. But, yeah, Natty and Tolv are poisoned and take 13 points of poison damage. And Doug and Gunther, you made the save, so you're not poisoned, but you do take six points of poison damage. Gosh. She's just eating away at my health. Yeah. So, the machine powers back. You know, spews all these coins and pans out. And I'm going to roll a d4 to see who it does this to. Barbara, one. John, two. Chris, three. Tolv, four. Three. Chris, or Gunther. Yeah, you put the out-of-order sign on it, so this makes sense. Above you, an anvil appears and falls out of the sky. Right where you are standing. Where's the coyote? Make me a dexterity saving throw. Okay, dexterity saving throw. Here I go. Twelve. Almost had it. Yeah, the anvil falls and hits you directly on the head. Oh, ouchies. Do we call it 13 points of psychic damage? And after it bounces off of your head, the anvil grows four legs, a tail, and a pair of horns. Oh, what? It bellows a snort and paws its leg like a raging bull. Oh, let's fight. It charges straight. For you. I'm green, not red. I'm green. Let's see if it hits. Oh, that hits. I'm pretty sure that's going to be a miss. That hits, what, a C13. That misses. Yeah. It, like, very quickly, like, it surprises you, but you manage to dodge out of the way, and it does not hit. I conjure a red cape, bait the anvil, then leap out of the way at the last second. Doug, you are up. Gosh. Um, okay. You know what? I've seen people do this before. I'm going to try to light this guy on fire. Ooh. Because, uh, I hear that could work. I'm curious. Which guy? Which guy? The, uh, the vending machine. Oh, the vending machine. Yeah. Okay. I am curious to see what fire does to this vending machine, Gus. Okay. So curious. That's, uh, that's what you have to do. Yeah. That is one of the rules. Uh, how are you going to do that? Uh, just use my firebolt. Okay. Uh, and that's a 25 to hit. Uh, I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure that hits. Yeah, that hits. And that will do 11 points of fire damage. Ooh. That's pretty good. Yeah. The, the machine begins smoldering and burning and little bits start melting and little pieces of plastic start falling off. Okay. That's pretty good. Now fire resistant. Excellent. That's my turn. Okay. Yeah. Keep it simple. That's good. Yeah. Okay. That's my turn. That's my turn. Okay. Yeah. Keep it simple. That's good. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. You know what? Simple does just as much damage. Uh, do you have two attacks? I do have two attacks. I always forget that. Thank you, Micah. Wow. You know, that was really good. I'm going to do it again. This time, 20 to hit. Oh, yeah. That hits. Cool. And that will do 10 points of fire damage. Ooh. Yeah. Even more melting and destruction on Improv. Mprov. Mprov. Yeah. It's, uh. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Yeah. It's, you know, seen better days for sure. How do you feel now, big guy? I forgot that I could talk. Consumption is eternal. Oh, okay. That's weird. It's not actually talking. It's just the little ticker, uh, LED screen on his, above the coin slot. Pepsi half off. Like a spell and speak. Yeah. Don't talk to me. You know, it's eternal. That was good. That was really good. I'm going to go ahead and take a look at the other one. coin slot. Pepsi half off. Yeah. That was good. 12, you're really good at doing like a robotic voice. I'm Arigato. Where did you learn that skill? You know. Around. Alright, that's it for Doug, which means it is Natty. How far. Was there any distance between the anvil and the vending machine? It's all really close to each other because Gunther had gone up and put the sign and the anvil would have fallen on it so they're all like within five feet of each other. Okay. Natty, I'm worried about taking a step forward because Gunther had a weird reaction when he moved forward, but 12 didn't when he moved forward to attack with the hammer. Am I remembering that all correctly? Well, I moved forward to pick up the trash and then had to make an intellect saving throw before I could throw it or something. It was kind of weird. It's almost like his mind got muddled. Okay. But that dealt with the trash. I don't know if the trash had something to do with it. Okay. Then. Hmm. I need to do something to do something. Brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Because Gunther and 12 are also up against the anvil and the vending machine, right? In like melee range. Correct. But the anvil has only attacked Gunther, but that's only because it's gone once. Okay. Natty's got a plan. Natty mimes putting on like a big helmet on Natty's head and she kind of mimes putting on like her coveralls and puts them up and she starts pantomime walking to her made up job and then she gets in this piece of machinery and starts pulling levers and she starts moving her fake giant garbage. What do you call the place for all the garbage? Dump. The dump. Like those magnetic cranes? Yeah. And starts moving it over to where the uh. Sorry, 12. Moves it over to where the machines are and turns it on at full blast to suck them up into the sky to her giant magnet. Take that, Gus. What happens, Gus? The first question, is 12 magnetic? I think so and to add to the Looney Tunes nature of it, I feel like he would be ripped out with such force, he would leave his Bjorn skin on the. Oh my god. On the ground and then in the form of standing Tolv and then he would go and then fall to the ground. This is all very Looney Tunes acme. I love it. Yeah, I love it. Alright, so yeah, Tolv the Anvil and Improv are all ripped up from the ground into. into the magnet. - And then Natty pushes another button that changes the polarity of the magnet so that Thaumatech is not grabbed anymore. - Oh. - And then proceeds to swing the crane around with the anvil and the vending machine attached. - And while all this stuff is happening, that dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. - That's such a great tune. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, so first of all, we'll do a dexterity safer toll just to make sure he hits the ground safely. - Perfect, I have advantage on dex saving throws. 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Yeah, they go flying into the distance, and suddenly another elevator rises from the ground with a ding! What? Out steps Improv, with stars circling above where its head would be. It grabs the stars and tries to bonk you with them. Well, Natty didn't take her helmet off yet, so. My roll for bonk is 23. That's, yeah, that hits. Yeah. I saw you roll a 13, I knew you had a modifier. So I was like, you've got this. You got this, my dude. Yeah, so, uh, you get bonked for 26 points of bludgeoning damage. Yikes! Oof. Exactly! That's the spirit! That's quite the bonk. Natty is low. That's bonkers. Hey! Natty has taken a lot of poison damage. But that was Natty's turn, so 12. All right, bear with me here. This is, this is a lengthy one, but I think it's gonna be fun. Uh, is there a ceiling or are we in an outdoor space? It's like an outdoor space. A liminal dark space. Is there, are there any roofed things? You know, you mentioned before that they have, like, vending areas and stuff like that. Do any of them have, like, awnings of any sort? Yeah, there's little awnings and, uh, you know, uh, little, like, cloth roofs on these stalls. Okay. And there are trees as well. So I try to get the attention of Improv and the anvil, and I pull out. The anvil's gone. The anvil did fly away. Oh, oh, oh. So now it's just Improv in front of you. So I, I get the attention of Improv, and then I, uh. How? I, I tap 'em. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Okay. And I pull out a piece of black chalk, and then I go under one of the awnings of the, the stalls, and I draw a big black circle on the ground, and then I draw a big black circle on the awning, and then I put the marker away, I walk over to the circle, and I circle. Jumping on it, and nothing happens. And then I, I scratch my head, and then I welcome Improv to come take a look at this. Jesus. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah? Do they come over? Okay, Improv, Improv wanders over and, like, leans down and looks. Okay. And then I push them into, it is now a hole, the, the one on the ground. He's thinking with portals. So then they're just going shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, like, between the two circles, they're flying. Yeah, of course. And then in classic Looney Tunes nature, I pull one of the holes and put it on a wall, of the stall, forcing them to just shoot out with all that velocity that they've gotten. Sure. Oh, no, Tov, you place that other hole in a direction that's facing towards Gunther. Uh, yeah, Improv, uh, goes through, accelerating through the holes, and then shoots out and hits a nearby tree. Oh. And, uh, yeah, sparks, uh, seem to fly everywhere. And, yeah, very, uh, very "Georgia the Jungle" coded. Yeah, it is. They're, they're, they're two, they're, their limbs are, like, stretched across the tree. Yeah. Like, they're hugging it. Right, like, just the body is blocked by the tree, and the, uh, arms and legs, uh, on either side of it. Yeah. Now, like, every visual gag from a Looney Tunes cartoon is hitting me, and I'm just like, "Oh, god, next turn, next turn," and I went over, like. Uh, yeah. The, uh, Improv seems rather beaten and, uh, not moving so well at this point. Uh, Gunther. Yes. Right this way, children. The snacks are over here. Come along, all, all of the, all the children, and then. Yeah, don't make them drink that soda. It's a bunch of little giggies, though. Oh. Yeah, and then, like, gestures, and there's, like, snack machine. Go get all the snacks, and be rough. And be rough. Uh, yeah. Uh, you, uh, you, you do that, and seemingly out of nowhere, a, like, a field trip, like, a, a class of a couple of kindergarteners appear. And begin running and, uh, mobbing, uh, Improv off, banging on it, trying to get snacks and drinks. Oh, look, giant baby. Oh, giant baby. Yeah, and, uh, they begin, uh. I love this scene from Weapons. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. Uh, they begin, uh, beating at it, and you, and after several seconds of that, uh, Improv disappears. Oh. Hmm. And once Improv disappears, the children disappear, too, and all the surroundings, the stalls, and the marketplace you were in. disappears as well. The ground turns into a glossy, reflective floor, almost like glass. Yellow mist softens into small puffs of clouds slowly circling you. Cloudy skies directly above sunder, revealing constellations of shifting stars. Doug, in the glass floor, you recognize a reflection. Not of yourself, but a familiar face that is half metal mask and half obscured with a void of stars. His body made of clouds. The veiled eye looks up at you. I know your face, but. I'm sorry I don't recall your name. My memory comes and goes. The further I am from familiarity, the more difficult it becomes. Why are you here again? Are you one of my patrons, here to present one of your creations? The further he is from his, uh. From familiarity. Familiarity. The further he is from, like, or the worse his memory gets. The more difficult it becomes. Familiarity. Well, he was probably moved for his safety, or if he. Okay. Or because they put them in the opposite places of where they're supposed to be. Well, maybe. Uh, yes, the veil. Eldai, I am one of your patrons, but where are you right now? Do you know? It's not familiar to me. It's someplace new. Can you describe it at all? It's difficult to ascertain, but perhaps paying some homage can further clarify my vision. Okay, well, I did create something, but it's not with me anymore. Because didn't I give it to you? You just presented it, but then you got it back. It's just like you showed it. Yeah, you took it back. My misunderstanding? Yeah, you think that it disappeared, or you think you'd given it up, but then as you're talking about it and thinking about it, it's just in your hand. Okay, yes, I have created something. It's one of my newest inventions that I'm really proud of. I'm holding it now. I don't know if you could sense it, but it's here with me. Oh, why don't you tell me what it does? Oh, you got it. Let me remember. Exact phrase. I think it makes julienned fries. Yeah, so it's called the Echo Pulse Locator. It emits a soft sound and pulses, kind of like a bat echolocation, to detect hidden animals without causing them to panic or anything. And it also draws them into the device's location. So it's done in a really safe and gentle manner. Oh, that's amazing. That's wonderful. What a fantastic invention. And you came up with this all on your own? I did, yeah. I come up with all my inventions on my own, actually. I typically work alone. You know, these guys here with me are my friends, and they're my, you know, party members, but all the inventions are just Doug. Yeah, we like to party. Yeah. Also, I'm a robot, but I'm not his invention. But, like, I don't know. You might like this. Just show him, like, the robot. I just do the robot dance. I don't know. You can hear or see my fellow party members right now, but whatever they're saying, we just went through, like, a pretty crazy battle, so they might be a little bit tired and, you know, just not thinking straight. So this is, you know, no reflection on Doug. Gunther dances, too. I sense perhaps you have many ideas. Are there any others you're working on as well, Doug? Well, Doug is always thinking of ideas, but, you know, sometimes it's I have a need or someone I care about has a need, and I fix things up for them more. I create something for them. You know, like, I fixed up Tolv's axe the other day, and he's been using that bad boy pretty well. Yeah, as you say that, a cloud appears of that axe. That axe, yeah. Then as, you know, as you're looking at it, you know, it's the axe, it's Tolv's axe that you repaired, and it begins morphing. You know how clouds, like, shift and move, and they're never quite the same. Like, little bits of it fly away from the main part, other parts come in, and add on to the cloud body itself, and it begins to look like a different axe, almost like some kind of mechanized hand axe. Oh, I know that one. I think that's the axe I created for my brother. I see. So many inventions. Many, many things created by your hand. Well, that one, that one, I have a, I'm not really proud of that one. Well, the important thing is that every invention leads to innovation. Oh, that's a really wise thing to say, to no surprise, of course. Not the Veiled Eye, you know, you know, a lot, a whole lot. The body of clouds that kind of make up the Veiled Eye begins swirling and reveal a void of stars. They form into a constellation before your eyes, but not shapes. Instead, it forms words. Could I, am I able to read it? Isn't it a language that I understand? Yeah. Actually, Natty can read it right now. It says, the stars at night are big. And bright. And bright. Deep in the heart of Texas. That was one of my favorite scenes in that Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. You know, oh, really quick, they have. All of our international fans have no idea what we're talking about, by the way. Pee-Wee's bike is on display at the Alamo. Really? Yeah, they have a little. Did they make a basement for it? They have a little area. I did not know that. Yeah, Doug, you absolutely can read the words that the constellation makes. And is everyone else seeing this too, or is it just Doug? Just you. You see it, Doug. Just me, okay. Yeah. Natty's changing Giggie's diaper. And that takes her whole focus. Yeah, everyone else sees the room, you know, the change in the floor, you know, everything else disappearing. But only you see the veiled eye. Okay. And only you see the words that the constellation forms. Winter, spring, summer, fall. My budding bud likes them all. Three hands up, three hands down. Wears royal robes without a crown. Sometimes bearded, bathes in light. Armed with swords that never fight. Shares a name with what you see. Like color fingerprints, less than three. And it's a chat if you want to see. Yes, I was literally furiously writing it down. And then I saw that Micah put it in the chat. Budding butt? My budding butt. Budding buds. It's budding butts? Bud. It's in the chat. Budding butt? Is there like a, can I do a reality check? No. No? Okay. No. Um, okay. You can maybe confer with your party, maybe share, maybe they have some kind of insight. Okay. Hey guys, uh, Natty, you could just listen. You could keep focusing on what you're doing over there. I'm getting a vision from the veiled eye and I could see some words in the sky. And then I think I would recite them back. I don't know if you want me to say the whole thing to them. It's up to you. Ahem. Winter, spring, summer, fall, my budding bud likes them all. Three hands up, three hands down, wears royal robes without a crown. Sometimes bearded, bathes in light, armed with swords that never fight. Shares a name with what you see, like color-y fingerprints less than three. Are they, is it a cactus? Less than three. Doesn't that make like a heart? Doug's very in touch with, uh, modern. Uh, modern symbology, modern runes. What do I, like, it says shares a name with what I see, but is there anything in particular that I'm seeing that stands out other than of course the words in the sky? Yeah, I mean, uh, the, there's that room, it's the shimmering, excuse me, the glossy reflective floor, uh, there's yellow mists that soften into puffs of clouds circling around you, cloudy skies. It seems like it's, I think you're on the right track that it's something with like a plant with thorns is what he's talking about. Thorns, yes. Something with thorns. Sometimes bearded, uh, bearded, non-bearded dragon. Catfish. Did you say catfish? Don't they have like, they've got like whiskers. If it, if it lacks all the, all the seasons and it must be something that's like, uh, an evergreen kind of thing. Yeah. Budding bud. Oh, oh. It's not a clock. Well, if you looked at like a tree, it looks like, I don't know, this might be stretching, but it looks like if you put like three hands up, it's like all the branches and leaves, and then three hands down is all the roots and stuff. Like a pine tree. Just think that or a spider. Swords that never fight. Okay. We give up. Veiled eye. What is it? Uh, you, you don't see the veiled eye, but. I know that's why I'm just speaking out into this void. Is it maybe referring to an, an object? An eye? Is it the wilder flower? Is it referring to an eye, like an actual eyeball or an, like an iris? Shooting stars arc from the veiled eye's body and each of them settle into your respective hands. The starlight slowly dims, revealing magical relics. Doug, in your hand, you see a wrinkled blueprint with schematics for, uh, a new device called the Guiding Providence Sensor. The Guiding Providence Sensor, it's a blue brick shaped device with antennae and dials. It contains windows with an animated map, and it allows you to receive divine guidance to your destiny. Like a dowsing machine? Dowsing rod of some kind? Yeah. Yeah, a dowsing rod. So I, I'll just, so it was an iris and, uh, you did say that. Oh, I figured it out. I can figure it out. You did. And you did. Gunther, like, is that like seemingly, it kind of shocks you that this shooting star seems to come out of nowhere and lands in your head. And in it, you, uh, in your hand, you find a croak folk crafted wrapping known as the Ribbit Ribbon. Oh, the Ribbit Ribbon. What's that do, Gunther? I don't, do I know what this does? He puts it in his luscious hair, of course. Yes, this, he puts on his, uh, Doug, fur, uh, wig. And you can wrap it around the hilt of your sword, uh, to augment it and give you additional abilities. Oh, this is good stuff. I like this. That's cool. And you can wrap it around the hilt of a sword to lash out at your enemies or keep your tongue tied. What? Ooh. As a bonus action, you can squeeze the hilt twice and you gain additional reach on it. Oh. So, uh, but you don't have to get as close to your enemies to, to attack them. Alternatively, you can tap the hilt on any hard surface and the blade collapses into the hilt. And then you can tap it again to, um, extend it. Like a lightsaber. Yeah, that's cool. Or a switch. blade it's very cool network switchblade tolv yes tolv the shooting star lands in your hand and you see a shimmering thaumatech crystal oh it's known as the thaumatech compact disc overclock protocol software say that five times fast compact disc tcd okay what was it again the thaumatech compact disc overclock protocol software overclock protocol software tcd you can uh ingest the data you can stick it stick it in your mouth and you can perform perform a software update oh oh is this uh big sir what is it it's one of the apple names it's a snow leopard oh oh i love this one it's a yeah it's a thin circular disc of glass and there's an inscription on one side that reads dps amplification final version 2.1 and it shimmers with rainbow colors on the other side are these gifts from you valedoy yes wow i didn't get you anything you presented your invention that's very cool tolv this basically it's an overclock protocol and it increases your damage output to 1d20 good lord whoa so attacks just out now have an additional d20 oh it has three charges i see that's a lot oh do you see it yeah i just added it to my thing oh you got it okay yeah yours is in there okay great insert your mouse download software update tolv opens his mouth really wide and then a disc tray comes out it's not a coaster you don't put your drink there it's just for a cd so yeah it uh there are it is a little unstable there may be uh there may be some some bugs that still are to be worked out this is after all version 2.1 of course of course well and if you're going to overclock your system it's going to come with its own you know problems yep yeah tolv tolv sticks it in his mouth it goes back in he kind of shut downs for a minute and then you hear like a tome like a like a startup thing and then a bunch of like like like electronic kind of dial-up-y downloading sounds i love it natty as you're changing giggy's diaper one of the shooting stars lands in your hand oh but it misses natty's hand and lands in the diaper now you gotta retrieve it it's a black dark star a black star it's a coiled relic known as the chain reigns of rustling and you have to stick it in the mouth it's horse reins made of black chains and it feels like sand to the touch the chains don't make much noise and you can uh it allows you to summon those who seek runaways of death oh i like that you rustling yeehaw cool natty i guess i don't know puts it around her neck is like a necklace i don't know how to carry this but i'm gonna put it that way you'll figure it out yeah and you know as you all look over the these shooting stars and these items that have landed in your hand you look down and you realize you can see the veiled eye as well and the veiled eye is looking up at the four of you i remember it's about time you met the pathfinder you you you you like right now yeah where we've been looking man i didn't even dress up i'm still you know wearing the not good suit i feel like i need to just spruce myself up a bit do you have other pairs of like sets of skin that you put on i'm working on it i measure natty up yeah yeah yeah it's like terminator looking for someone who's got clothes that fit him your clothes give them to me but to find out what happens you have to tune in next time to the next episode of tales from the stinky dragon we're never finding this stupid god who's supposed to help us find stuff they're just gonna be that's supposed to help you find stuff just in general helps find stuff yeah that's a they get a lot of very highly yourself there i am i am main character energy thank you very much toll's gonna spray a little bit of mouth freshener in and like kind of slick back his hair you're gonna spray a little bit of mouth freshener in and like kind of slick back his hair okay let's let's meet this fella let's do this you gotta get the compact disc out of your breath we've released a dia gem dice set at store.stinkydragonpod.com he's right thy prayers hath been answered all ye faithful followers of dia the sacred dia gems have been unearthed and can now be yours in the form of dice unlock the celestial and magical mysteries of dia with all six colorful gemstone dia gem dice and the pearlescent white diadem of dia gems d20 fair warning to all followers of dia these premium glass and stone dice have been known to make you roll like gods in honor of our five years of magic get your dia gem dice set at store.stinkydragonpod.com don't miss the extra content on our stinky dragon youtube channel not only do we share grand tales of our podcast but also post action-packed gameplay videos in our side splitting animation and puppet shorts that shall bring a chuckle to even the grimest of adventurers subscribe today and never miss a thing at youtube.com at stinky dragon pod new episodes of tales from the stinky dragon premiere every other wednesday wherever your streams of podcasts flow and on the stinky dragon youtube channel tired of waiting for the next adventure and looking for a quest join the ranks of the stinky dragon patrons at stinkydragonpod.com to get early access to episodes and unlock a horde of exclusive treasures and powerful artifacts like every one of our patrons gets access to our member-only discord that's like entering an adventuring guild hall where you instantly gain thousands of allies fierce fellowship and incredible insights say goodbye to tpks you can also receive a coveted shout out on the show just like soren jake rim marinosaurus rex and nuffle these putrid patrons directly support the show and get access to all of these perks and more on our patreon stop missing out on the adventure become a patron today at stinky dragon pod.com some npcs were named after patrons from our stinky dragon discord and some of our friends provided voices in this tale including improv voiced by bill sunderland at escape this podcast where guests playing an audio escape rooms including a recent episode featuring chris and blaine other shows featuring bill and partner solving original murder mysteries is called solve this murder the veiled eye voiced by andre oulette at andre.krat this week's our question was submitted by alfred underscore unland enlund one of those this episode of tales from the stinky dragon was produced by ben ernst and micah reisinger written composed by micah reisinger and edited by alina lekorchek join us in the tavern next time for another aromatic adventure of tales from the stinky dragon just make me uh an intelligence check doug not barbara barbara's not there doug's there uh well that's an 18 yeah and doug's doug's a pretty smart dude you unlike barbara no i'm just saying like have faith in doug i'm a smart woman not a smart dude don't worry guys i know you think i'm smart otherwise you wouldn't have had me work on rtx with you or or or maybe it's because you were dumb enough to join work on that hell of a project endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix 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