C03 - Ep. 40 - Under Oondar Fire - Caught Off Vanguard

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I've got a question for you, listener. If you could wake up tomorrow and be better at one thing, what would it be? Maybe you'd want to be better at having less screen time on your phone. Maybe you'd like to improve your relationship with a loved one and be a better partner. Maybe you want to get better at dealing with anger issues and you want to sort through those feelings in a healthy and better way. Better is a feeling defined by you. And for BetterHelp, it's a BetterHelp therapist who really gets you. It's a focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in over 100 countries. It's progress. So I myself have actually been going to therapy for about five years on and off, and it has helped me tremendously. I've been able to control my emotions so much better and feel like I've grown as a person. 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During our Buy More, Save More event going on now, upgrade your carpeting with the top brands and save up to 15% off installed carpet projects. Installation starting at just 49 cents per square foot. Select from a wide assortment of carpet to fit your room, lifestyle, and budget during the Buy More, Save More event. Buy More, Save More event at The Home Depot. Offer valid August 27th through September 13th, 2026. Base price for standard installations only. Excludes Traffic Master and Stock Carpet. For licenses, see homedepot.com slash license numbers. Rake up your roots and roost your nets For fostering friends and close your quest To find your path first, lose your way Where? Where flowers bloom All times of day K-K-K-Kyborg Remix! What's up, mother? Bow and arrow-ers! It's the Kyborgverse! And I'm here to say I shoot a bow and arrow like it's my job every day! Give me that mic! Get out of here! What is happening? I don't know. Give me that. I don't know. This is. Kyborg, you're not even in here. I know. It's not my campaign. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Chelsea with a Stinky Dragon. This is your Dungeon Master, Gustavo Sorolla. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. It's kind of too cold for arrows. They kind of sting more. Could we just, like, try something a little softer? Like a pillow? Flaming arrow. A Nerf dart, perhaps? A Nerf dart. That'd be nice. Pillow fight! Quick, make up an acronym for Nerf instead. Good job. Improv. Let's go! Yeah, roll a d20. Oh, right. 20. 5. 6. 14. So, you know, 20, that's. Blaine, Chris, Barb, John. That's exactly it. The question this episode is. Oh, well, actually, it's more of a statement slash question. So, you guys, since our previous episode, you all have moved up to level 8. That's two levels. So, we want you to explain your characters' new capabilities in world. You know, how have you been training? What have you been learning? What skills did you acquire? Just give us a little amuse-bouche of what's been going on. It still makes me laugh. Stupid. Hello, I'm Blaine, and I play Alexey Tenchik. I'm just kidding. I was going to say, you started a little Borat-y there. Hello! That's your tavern tale. We're recording that also, and I'm having fun with that. It should be up by now, I think. Is it? Yeah. C-Squad. If you're listening and you haven't already, you should go check it out. Season 2. And I play Tolv. Yoo-hoo, it's me. And, oh, wow, so much growth, both from a physical fighting prowess level and on a character level. I've matured so, so much. I guess real quick meta talk. I, with my level 8, have gotten advantage on initiative rolls. Okay. I also can't be, like, surprise attacked as long as I'm not, like, incapacitated, so I can just act normally. Which I think is great. Okay. And then with my level 8 ability, I have a new feat called Savage Attacker. And I basically can re-roll damage dice. So in my mind, you know, Tolv has been still shaking off the Rusk from being at the bottom of the sea, and he's lost his combat prowess. So he's kind of been doing, like, Conan the Barbarian training montages on a free time. Okay. And, you know, swinging his axe around, flexing his muscles that are actually, you know, robot stuff under skin that's not his own. Either way, he needs to get oiled up. Yes. And. Are you talking in Tolv's voice, but in the third person? Tolv talks in the third person sometimes. Yeah, how weird is it for us to talk in the third person? Doug Boone never talks in the third person. But it wasn't even, like, I don't know if that's, like, fourth person where he's like, he does this, and I'm like. Yeah, he's talking meta talk as Blaine, but speaking as Tolv, talking about Tolv. One time, we had. We had to do talking head interviews for a production forever ago, and it broke my brain having to talk in the past, present. Yeah, that. But anyways, yeah. No, he's just been, like, practicing a lot. I think with, like, the damage strikes and stuff like that in particular, like, I'm imagining, like, a bullet time thing where, like, maybe he makes a strike, but he makes, like, some small, like, Sherlock Holmes-type adjustments to make it, like, the perfect hit. I see. So it's not, like, time manipulation, but it's, like, hyper-processing. I almost think, like, Tiny Servo, is that adjust the exact angle of the blade and whatnot for, like, maximum damage on impact. Yeah, whatever, nerd. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I'm going to try out the thing with Tolv where, like, you go up and you push the robot really hard and you see if it can, like, stabilize itself, you know? The Boston Dynamics thing? Yeah, just kick him. With a hockey stick. I do have a question about Tolv's makeup now that I'm thinking about it. Yes? Are the muscles that you have on your body, like, from your robot infrastructure or. Or from, like, the skin? Like, are the muscles included in your skin suit? I think it's, like, the skin. And I think. Oh, we've talked about it a little bit. His biology is weird, but I think it just kind of, like, tethers to the Bjorn skin and, like, just kind of adjusts in size and in shape. Very futuristic. He's just stuffing chicken breasts under his skin. Yeah, barb his rig. Tolv has implants. Just letting you know. He is. Hey, I'm not shaming. You go, girl. Okay, cool. That's a lot, Tolv. I'm curious to see how these play out, because I think there's some very powerful things that you've picked up there. Yes. Okay, I believe next up was Chris Damaris. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris, and I play Gunbur, the Krogfolk fighter, and I shall tell you what I have learned. First of all, I can know my opponent very good now. I can study them and learn everything that they have known. Everything? Well, I know if they're better than me or stronger than me or weaker than me. I have also learned new fighting techniques where I can trip and I can throw and I can crow. You can trip or you can trip someone else. I can trip people. Really? Trip attack. Trip attack. Oh. Is that like a bonus? It's a maneuver, like sort of with my little priority die, and I can like knock them down. It goes with an attack, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, when I hit with an attack. Yeah, it's like a modified attack where this attack, I'm going to hit them and they're going to fall over. That's handy. And then I also got. I learned some, like, I have a stronger streak now. There's no longer negative. Stronger what? Stronger streaks? Strength. Oh, strengths. Oh, oh, oh. I had streaks too. No longer have negative strength. You had negative strength as a fighter? Yeah. Yeah, because he's dex build. Oh. But it makes sense. He's a little froggy. Probably a little frog. I'm just a little guy. I love that. Come find me. And I got the. I got the shield mask. I'm getting better with my shield. I can hit people with it. You can hit people with your shield? Is that like a bonus or is that like an unarmed kind of attack? It's like a feat. Can you combine it and trip people with your shield? Swipe. It does. Yeah. And now I'm looking at it. Now I'm saying this aloud. I'm like, maybe I should have picked a different trip instead of a trip because they're kind of repetitive. No, no. Commit, commit. It's great. I get two chances. I mean, that's what happens when you upgrade five minutes before the recording. I did it. No, I did it. I did it the other night, but I was sleepy. That's full Chris talking, not Gunther. So, metagame-wise, like, what does Gunther do to acquire these skills? Well, you see, I've been thinking a lot about. I've been watching with my eyes and saying, look at them. What could they be doing? And then I go and fight. And then I say, oh, it was right or wrong. And then I learn from that. I studied how to study, and that's how I can survey people. And then also I've been practicing just blocking and hitting with my shield and throwing things. I've just been fighting. I sometimes sneak up on Dov and I go, ha, ha, ha, and I attack. But he cannot be surprised by me. Ha! Yes, I have advantage on the initiatives and I cannot be surprised attacked. It never works. No, but we have fun here at camp. It keeps Natty awake, but we still have fun. I go, ha! For the older audience, it's a very like Inspector Clouseau, Kato kind of relationship going on there. I love that relationship. I've been watching the old Pink Panther movies and it's just so great. The first time they introduced Kato into the movie series and he's just really determined to attack Clouseau at the worst possible time. It's so good. It's such a dumb movie. I love him. Classic, classic. All right. Is that all of your stuff, Gunther? Yeah, it's enough. Okay, it's enough. All right, all right, all right. I don't remember. I don't remember who was next. I believe, Barbara, you were next? Yeah. Yes. Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play Doug Boone, the artificial bugbear. And I actually, the other night, the veiled eye came to me in a dream. And he showed me things. He reminded me of things. And, you know, it made me a skill expert. Ooh. Oh. Yes. Skill expert, specifically in insight, history. And I, you know. I've got to increase my intelligence a little bit. Even though, you know, I know what you guys are thinking. Doug, isn't your intelligence at the maximum amount it could possibly be? And for that, I say thank you. But, you know, always more to learn. Doug, you misread this. It says you're a kill expert. I could never. An S kill expert. That's S level tier. Oh, S. Oh. So, yes. Metagame-wise, I took a feat called skill expert. Where I gain an ability score increase, which I chose intelligence. And then skill proficiency, you gain proficiency in one skill of my choice. And expertise, you choose one skill in which you have proficiency but lack expertise. You gain expertise with that skill. So, I chose insight, history, and intelligence score increase. That's handy for this campaign because I feel like we keep making those rolls. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I also got another cool ability with my leveling up called flash of genius. Ooh. For this, it's when you or another creature you can see within 30 feet of you makes an ability check or a saving throw. I could use my reaction to add plus four to that roll. Dang. So, if I could see you, I could have a flash of genius to help you. Barbara, I got to say, this is really good. Can you imagine if you'd done, like, trip twice? How silly that would have been? No reaction from Chris. I think Chris is frozen. Sorry, sorry. I was reading up about my shield bashing. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Instead of listening to us speak directly about death. Did you really equip, like, some version of trip twice? I feel like you would, like, pan over to Gunther and instead of shield bashing, he'd be, like, kit bashing. He'd have, like, multiple, like, mech gundams that he'd be putting together trying to make something cool out of them. Like, no, Gunther, put that away. Also, my flash of genius, I could use it four times per long run. Trust. Wow. Oh. Yes. And that's a feat? No, that's just something I get with my reactions for, I think, level eight. That seems. Probably a trait, then. Yeah. That seems broken. That seems super powerful. Oh, yeah. Starting at seventh level. So, I guess I would have gotten it at seven. New luck you just dropped. So, yeah, you gain the ability to come up with solutions under pressure. When you or another creature you could see within 30 feet makes an ability or saving throw, you can use your reaction to add my intelligence modifier, which is plus four, to the roll. Wow. So, we got. We got two of our party that have added processing speed to themselves. Yes, more RAM. It's very hard to come by these days. Yeah, that was. I considered that. I saw that was added at my level, and I was like, let me make sure I increase my intelligence score if I can, so that I have even more to use. Because before, I was like, why would you upgrade your intelligence if it's already so high? But now, it's like, you're like, my brain powers. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Wow. You know it. That's great. So good. All right, Natty, tell us how you. Tell us how you became a more proficient killer. S-killer. Hello, everybody. I'm John Rice here, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock drag queen mother. And I don't think I necessarily got anything with our training time that helps me become a better killer. I'm just already so good at that, I don't need to improve it. But what I can improve is I've kind of worked on two routes of my being to become better, but they kind of meet at the end. The first is, is that I've upgraded as a mom. I always thought, you know, dang, my mom is, they see everything. They almost got eyes in the back of their head. I didn't know that was a thing that you got as a mom eventually, the more that you like raised your youngins. And I now have the ability to see through stuff. I can see through walls. Whoa. I can see through. I can see through, you know, the floor, the ceiling, a rock, you name it. Lead? Oh, it says no lead. Just kidding. I was going to say all buildings from now on are made of complete lead. No. And so, meta-wise, Natty has ghostly gaze, which I loved partly because it says gaze. Once per short rest, as an action, you gain the ability to see through solid objects with dark vision. So that's like basically black and white. Um, to a range of 30 feet for one minute. I feel like ghostly gaze is the phrase that perfectly encapsulates the majority of your D&D characters. Yeah. I was like, ghostly gaze. Isn't that just Matit Confucius? And so that, that helps me be a better mama. And I've actually, I've grown closer with my wife, um, who, uh, yes, I said that. What you, what you giggling over there? You want to share the class? I just said my wife. Nothing. I'm. How many fingers? Am I holding up behind my back? I'm not spending it right now. Oh. And so with that, I feel like with my like communion with, uh, her being a god and stuff, I've, I've become more favored in that kind of area. And with that, I've, I've kind of grown, uh, uh, she's kind of bestowed upon me, um, some more things to help me be, you know, a better custodian of the Harbinger of the apocalypse. Okay. Mm-hmm. Most excellent. So, and it's so funny. Y'all got better at processing stuff and like making decisions better and, and, and kind of examining things better. Um, except for Gunther who now just trips with his shield. I now, you know, this is something that every mama wants. I think you're all going to agree with me. I just have, I just need a moment to think, right? Mm-hmm. I literally have an ability called moment to think. Whoa. It's a cantrip. When you cast this spell, you briefly stop time for everyone, but yourself. Whoa. You can take one additional action and move around in your space while no time passes for other creatures. That action can be used only to take the search, study, or utilize action. So it's not like a, go hit somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's not that broken. Um, but it, it's like, do you need a second to think or to move or to check out something or look up, look at something up close? So anytime Gustavo pulls out one of those, he's like, oh, I don't know. One of those. All right. You got 60 seconds to do this. And he's actually timing us. I'm like, I'm going to study for a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Just do the, that's so Raven thing where you're like. It's the future I can see. Yeah. Can't affect or damage any creatures or objects other than objects I'm wearing or carrying. If an object leaves my hand, it also becomes frozen in time. So that's cool. And so, yeah, that's just a, that's a bonus action I get to pull every once in a while. It's a cantrip. So I can do a lot. I was going to say cantrip. You can do that whenever you want, pretty much, right? Wow. Got some really good upgrades on the team and Gunther. It doesn't end there. Because of my divine favor, I also can commune with my wife on a more regular basis. Isn't that so nice? How lovely. Yeah. I actually have something called ancestral communion. It's a concentration spell. And I invoke the wisdom of my ancestors to gain insight into my trials when I cast the spell. And at the start of each of my turns, for the duration, I gain heroic inspiration if I don't already have it. So it's kind of like a buffer or a buff that I can pull. And then during the combat, I get heroic inspiration, which is basically like a, almost like a lucky roll. It's interesting that something having to do with communing with your ancestors allows you to commune with your wife. I didn't realize daddy was from Mississippi. I'll have you know, Gustavo, that my ancestors have been communing. With the god of death for a very long time. We've always been fans of her. So she's robbing the cradles, what you're saying? No. I mean, I guess any god to date an immortal will be like really dating someone younger than you. But I'm old enough. I'm a big girl. That's true. And then one more thing comes with this thing. Wait, there's more. Yeah. It's a feat. It's a warlock feat is what I think. But this one's another like, it's kind of similar. I have augury, which is kind of like a divination. That you can do where it's fun. This is something you have to help me with, Gus. Here's what's funny. It says, Casting gem-inlaid sticks or rolling dragon bones. Laying out ornate cards. I thought when it said that, I thought it said laying out ornate candies. And I thought that sounded even more fun. I can employ blah, blah, blah. You can ask the fates to give me guidance on something that I'm going to make a decision on the next 30 minutes. And then, Gus, you have four options that you can respond with. They sound like severance things. One is wheel, W-A-E-A-L, for good results. Woe, for bad results. Wheel and woe, for like, come see, come saw. And nothing, for results that aren't especially good or bad. Yeah, I think you all used augury once in campaign two, if I'm remembering right. Yeah. Let's real fast circle back on the x-ray vision thing. That's always interesting to me because I always wonder, like, when does it stop? If there's someone just on the other side of a wall you're looking through, are you looking through them too? Is it like a depth of field thing where you, like, focus in? Where? Where, you know, exactly within the 30 feet that x-ray vision stops? Yeah, I mean, I think that's something that, like, John, the comic book reader, has always seen artists depict is that, like, those who have that ability, it's kind of like a focus. Kind of like how I'll focus on something further away. It's kind of the same thing, and that can adjust how far you're seeing through. But whenever she uses it, she goes very cross-eyed. It's quite funny. Yeah. That's why she wears the sunglasses. Private Mark Book runs up to you. Gunther salutes and asks, What are your orders, sir? Defend at all costs. Do not let them in. Defend at all costs. Understood. We'll take care of it, sir. They are coming. And as he turns to scramble away to defend the walls, the sky cracks with lightning and thunder. A downpour of rain begins to fall, but not of water, of blood. You turn back to look for Mark Book, but he's gone. One after another, the soldiers are being snatched into the sky as if by invisibility. Invisible streams, screaming as they disappear behind blood-soaked clouds. A realization falls on all of you. Every soldier now snatched into the sky was human. You find yourselves hilariously outmatched, and Lundarmi is nearly on your doorstep. Lundarmi, you are now under arrest. So you all are standing there on the ramparts at Fort Meadow, watching the Lundarian vanguard approach. All four of you, make me a perception check. You've got it. What's a vanguard? It's like the, you'd say, like the tip of the spear, the very, like, forward positions of an attacking army. Okay, I thought it was something like that, but, you know, if you don't know, ask questions. Fifteen. Twenty-one. Nine. There's also an SUV made by Toyota, but, you know. I'm sorry. I was so busy trying to remember who made that. Perception. Thank you, Barbara. One step ahead. That's a lifelong friend. Fifteen. I got you. So, yeah, I would say everyone except Natty. Natty, you're just, like, awestruck watching the vanguard approach, which, thank you for asking. You know, our listeners might not know what a vanguard is, too, so it's good to ask questions. Anyway, Natty is so awestruck watching the vanguard approach that she does not hear the rumbling coming from behind her. The other three of you, however, hear a rumbling noise within Fort Meadow itself. Giggie. He's hungry. It almost sounds like a rumbling sound followed by loud thumps and the sound of, like, stones scraping against stone. Mm. Are we getting. Is. We got. Sorry, I don't know. Hey, you guys, look at that vanguard. They got nice outfits. They're. Look at them all matching and clean. Hey, did anybody else hear anything and want to. Do you want to talk about it? Can we look behind the other side and. Is it coming from below us or behind us? Yeah, like, behind and below, like, in the courtyard of the fort. Can we go look? You turn around and look, and as you turn around, you see what appears to be a large marble statue walking out of the keep into the courtyard of Fort Meadow. Oh. I, Bloodbather. Oh, my God. Bloodbather Children is humans, pure, sweet. I rescued children from Mortallion, now safe with Bloodbather and Hyrah. They stay with Bloodbather till Dum-Dum War over. And with that, the statue turns around and walks back into the keep. Uh, dude. Did anyone else see that? Uh, I thought I was the only one who saw that, but you guys saw that, too? I tell you how sometimes before you die, you see your life flash, but sometimes you're just like, this isn't even my life. This is just a weird statue man talking. I mean, I feel like we've seen a lot of weird stuff lately, so let's just, I guess, add it to the pile. So, the statue, I'm so sorry, I was thinking of, like, how this is this season's Martian, what was that, Jim Glurb, what was that guy named, the, the, from the season two? It's a campaign team. Jim Glurb? Jim Glurb, that was his name, right? It was the, I think it was the, the Gems of Glurb arc. Yeah, there was, like, the big crystal man. Anyways, I didn't hear a word that this guy said. He said he was here to help us, and he's gonna protect the fort? Yes. He's gonna protect the children? Totally. Okay. All right, did he go? Can we, can we go talk to him? Can we go hang out? Yeah. He went back into the keep. Uh, can we go hang and chill? I'm gonna go hang out with that dude. Sweet. He came out, he's like, I'm here to help, and then he leaves? Is that what? I'll, I'll repeat what he said. Okay, thank you. Just to be safe. I, Bloodbather, Bloodbather Children is humans, pure, sweet. I rescue children from death. Children from Mortallion. Now safe with Bloodbather and Hyrah. Okay, so he, he raptured the humans. Yes. He's saying that, like, his children are the humans, and that he's gonna protect them. And they're in Hyrah. Okay. Or rescue them from the Mortallion. Do we count as, when you say humans, are you referring to us? No. You're not a human. Is a frog a human? We're humanoid. Yeah, you're not a human. Okay, all right. Well, you know. It's a weird thing in DD, 'cause it's like. No, it's not. There's an actual race called humans. No, but, you know, humanoids. Humanoid is just like a general broad classification. You know, you're walking upright, two arms, two legs. It's just for, like, combat classification purposes. Two belly buttons, completely normal. Normal stuff. And did he mean humanoids or actual, like, specifically humans? I think he meant human humans, 'cause those were the guys that disappeared when this stuff went down. Correct. Which, you know, color me surprised, 'cause I just thought you were one very hairy human, but I guess you're not. What do you refer to yourself as, a bugbear? Are you talking to me? Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, a bugbear, definitely not a human. Bugbear, okay, okay. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, you're being shot with arrows again. Do I have to be hit with the arrows as well, 'cause I was just waiting for them to stop talking? I'm just messing, I'm just messing. 17. Dirty 20. 7. 15. 15's the number you were looking for. So everyone except Doug succeeds. With that, a-- Doug the human. A volley of arrows lands in the fort all around you, piercing you. If you saved on your save, if you made the save, I should say, you take 11 points of piercing damage. Doug, however, for failing, you take 22 points of piercing damage. Oh. It seems like all the arrows have little pieces of paper tied to them. Oh. Are they all questions for us from the audience? Hell. Take an inspiration die, that's really good. Barb's on fire. Barb's on fire today. Could Doug pop one out of him and read one of what the paper says? Sure. I'm gonna slack it to you, Barb. That one smarted. All right, this one says-- uh-oh, guys, this says-- Time's up. Oh, Dorian Overlord. And Sun Slayer Infilus. Wow, they really-- they have a nice signature on this. They did this on every single arrow. That is such a waste of time. Yeah, did he, like, copy all of these? Do they have, like, a team? Or did she just write every single-- I mean, there must be thousands of them. Ah, yes, let me check this one. Yeah, yours says the exact same thing, Gunther. I wonder about this one, sir. Let me check this one here. "Naddy would like a moment to think." Okay, but I found one that has a typo. This one says Tim's up, and that's very embarrassing. Who is Tim? Are you stopping time to have your moment to think, Naddy? Yes. Okay, time pause. Time pause. Time pause. Time out. What is that, Morse? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so this is-- this is just, like-- this is for everyone's benefit. Just to re-- to kind of, like-- Naddy's gonna take this time to map out, like, what we're looking at. What we're looking at here in its entirety. Uh-huh. So we're at the keep, or we're at the ramparts-- Correct. --ahead of the keep. Correct. That surround the keep. Surround the keep. Or block it off. And then in front of us is the entire-- or what seems to be the entire Undarian army. Mm-hmm. And do we see Infernus with the vanguard? No. Okay. You see the vanguard is about-- let's say more or less about 50 Undarians. Also, I just want to make sure. Infernus is referring to herself. as both the Undarian Overlord and Sun Slayer, correct? It's not two different- people okay at first i was like is this yeah yeah it's like it's like your little your little extra titles you know yeah yeah yeah okay and then the marble dude he came out and went back into the keep and so it's just the four of us plus our kucherman of of npcs and stuff hanging out here on the ramparts correct there are a few non-human mortalian soldiers left within the fort as well oh okay then i'm gonna i'm gonna do another thing because and this is again for the benefit everybody can i do augury yes look at you putting all your uh abilities to use immediately well we're like we're like at a crossroad so i'm like well let me think for a second and then let me get some advice on what we should do call me ugly no odd all right natty takes some bones damn bones from the bag of bones she keeps for gigi to chew on all the time you puts them on the ground and asks is this a battle we should fight or not so you're asking is is this a battle we should fight or not is that was that your wording yeah maybe since the the results are either uh good results bad results or both good and bad what's gonna happen if we try to fight how about that that help you out guys yeah like are we gonna like should we try to flee versus yeah and so it's that thing when you throw the bones down down, they form a shape, and then you can glean some sort of message from it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this one just makes a skull. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's also, he's throwing a skull. Yeah, I mean, I'm so confused. This one's that cool S symbol that I used to write in my journal back during basic training. Stop it. We can't make Stussy references in every campaign of this show. Just watch us, John. Oh, can we? This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is brought to you by ShipStation. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Sounds right until you actually do the math. For most businesses, shipping is that thing. What's it actually costing you? Because if nobody's questioning it, it's probably costing way more than it should. ShipStation makes switching easy and the savings are immediate. Most businesses are overpaying on shipping without realizing it. ShipStation automatically compares rates across UPS, USPS, and FedEx on every order with savings of up to 90%. 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Beat the heat. You toss the bones onto the ground and cast augury and looking at the bones when they land on the ground they almost to your eye appear to form a skull kind of shape on the ground. Oh. Which you interpret and you know as meaning whoa. Whoa. Okay. Like whoa. Yeah. Time in so I can talk to my teammates. You dropped your skull. There's all these bones on the ground. Someone, they need you to clean this mess up. Hey, I got a little insight. This ain't a fight we should do, okay? I know it's kind of obvious since seeing this how it's just like basically us versus all the Andarians. Uh-huh. So yeah, either we go into the keep or we go even further and just get out of here because I Everyone, retreat to the keep and go talk to the big stone man. There is also just to make sure you're aware of all your options I should say. You know, you can of course go in the keep if you want. You could try to escape somehow. Whether that's going in a direction, maybe escape in to the canyon or back in the direction you came from. I like that. You could try to bulldoze through. Try to push your way through and see if you can break the vanguard charge in order to escape on the other side. I mean it's really up to you guys. Yeah. My vote is we get out of here. Who's team leader? I guess I am. I am I think. Let's go talk to the bloodbather real quick just to see what's up with him. Okay. So we'd be going, he went into the temple? Yeah. The keep. But you do, but that is a good note. You do know, you remember in the previous episode that there is a temple to the bloodbather inside the keep. I'm sure that's why you said that. Right. Yes. Probably hanging out in there. Yeah, I have that written down. Alright, let's go. Let's go. Alright. You walk back into the keep and you find the temple, which you know is referred to as the Basilica of the Bloodbather. And you see bronze armor pieces and weapons that mask and mend a derelict stone temple, which is in the center of the fort in the keep. Inside, you see that there are inner walls painted red. Or, is it blood? It seems like there were a few rooms in here that served as triage for wounded soldiers. And there's a muscular marble statue of a bronze armored man, which is the statue that went out and spoke a little while ago. And there's a red bronze shield that hangs on the wall. Is this like his size shield or like our size shield? It's a pretty big shield. But looking at it, you see. His scale? Yeah, it's hanging on the wall. It's painted red. There's runes on it. They look like WB. No, no, no. It seems like it's been used. You know, it's maybe not just an art piece. It appears like it's actually been used in combat. Mmm. Mmm. The Bloodbather statue that's there, is it still animated? Oh, yeah. No, it is unmoving. It is a muscular marble statue of a man dressed in bronze armor, wielding a bronze sword, and it drips with blood. But that's not the one we saw before? It is the same one. It is the same one. Same one. He's just not animated. He woke up, said, hey, I'm taking all the humans, but none of you other guys, because I'm xenophobic, and then he just went back, and he went back to sleep. Okay, maybe he's not as cool as we thought. No. Maybe we shave Doug to look like a human, and then we convince him that he's. He missed one. If this is. If you guys have ever seen. Alright. Have you ever seen a bear when you shave it? Yeah, they look weird. I've never seen this. Google it. Okay, alright. I'm gonna pull up the Google. Don't ask me why I know this. I'm telling you, you don't want it. In here, in the basilica, there appears to be one bishop remaining who's walking around, tending to some of the wounded non-human soldiers who are still here. Is he walking in only diagonal lines? Nice, nice. That's a chess joke. It's an intelligent podcast. I do have a question about this. Yeah. You said his sword was dripping with blood. Yes. Do we see anyone wounded around here? That, like, may have been injured by him and his sword? It seems like there are some injured soldiers, but it doesn't seem necessarily, like, they're freshly injured. I think it's a feature. Yeah. The entire statue as a whole is dripping blood, not just the sword, but, yeah, the sword is also. If I had to take a guess, it was probably, like, a ritual thing where they have to give blood to him. He's called the bloodbather, so maybe he's just, yeah, always needing to be bathed in blood. Yeah, they're, like, paying tribute or whatever. Boy, would this be a fun room for a different character? Yeah, Chip would love this. Can I approach the bishop? Sure. Tolve to be ten. It's a chess joke. Hey, you, can we summon this guy, or is he, like, taking as Natty calls it, nannies? This bishop is a half-dwarf with brown hair. He's kind of bow-legged, wearing a bronze breastplate, and he's got a bronze sword And much like the statue, his skin is also covered in blood. Blood or red paint? I don't know. It's kind of weird. And so you approach him and ask your question, Toll. And what was your question again? I'm sorry. I was too busy looking at things. No, you're good. If we can summon the bloodbather, bring him back, or is he just, like, back to being out of it? Bro, I don't know. That was really weird. Okay, okay. Have you ever seen him do that before? No. Why, are you covered in blood? This is the Basilica of the Bloodbather. Why does it sound like you have a Jolly Rancher in your mouth? Bro, you want one? Are you holding back on us? I've got watermelon. Oh, pass. I think we need to sneak past. Maybe we decorate ourselves like bad guys and sneak. Why do we need to disguise ourselves? I don't know, because we need to continue going past them. I guess. And they're all in the way. Gunther's saying it's a dead end with the bloodbather, so we have to get out of the fort. Yes. Got it. I think we could probably skedaddle out of here without having to make ourselves look like Andarians and we just be sneaky. Mm-hmm. Because we can go to the canyon. I think so, too. I think I am in agreement. I think that, you know, the fort is lost. Fortunately. The fort is lost? Abandon your post! Okay, let's calm down. Let's have some calm now. Are the officers abandoning us? They are. They are. You? No. Yes and no. We're going to make a strategic retreat. The humans are safe because the bloodbather took care of them, so we're going to get the non-humans, and I believe we should get them to retreat with us and maybe protect them so that we do not lose more forces. Is there any sort of information in this temple about the history of the bloodbather? The temple itself seems pretty. There's an audio tour you can do in about three hours. Yeah. I'm picturing like the plaques in front of the statue. Brother of the mudbather. Oh, interesting. Oh, there's a button here in front of the statue, and he moves when you push it. Established in 1845. The bloodbather temple. There's not much to this temple itself. You did hear some legends previously. I'll tell you what, Doug. Since you're looking around trying to see if there's anything more to this basilica, why don't you make me an investigation check just to see if there's anything else? Sure. And just while you're doing that, just as an overview, there is, you know, this statue. There's that shield which was on the wall, and there's also that triage area with cots that seem to be for wounded combatants, wounded members of the mortalian. I'm going to use my inspiration tonight because I rolled a two. All right, cool. That's better. 20. Oh, nice. 20. Yeah, you look around, and there's really not much else. However, you do notice that under the statue, there seems to be some type of emblem on the ground. On the ground. Could I look at the emblem? It's only partially visible. Okay. You might have to, like— Because he's standing on it? Right. You might have to, like, shove the statue or find a way to look under it. All right. Mr. Bloodbay, though, I apologize if you're still in there. I'm going to have to just mosey on over here, and I think he would, like, wiggle his way over to the emblem and stand on it. Okay. Or push the statue, you mean, so you can see the emblem? Yeah. It's pretty heavy. I won't make you go through the checks because we'll just— I'm going to keep rolling until it works. Listen, if Link can do this in Dungeons, Bugbears can do this in Dungeons. Yeah. It's a really heavy statue. It takes a lot of effort, and you probably have to involve some of your friends, but you're able to move the statue a little bit, and, you know, it does scrape the ground a bit and leave a little bit of scoring. It's a very Animal Crossing-esque moment. Yeah. Absolutely. However, you see that there was an emblem beneath the statue that was being obscured, and it's a starry eye, like the Veiled Eye? Yeah, it's the symbol of the Veiled Eye. That's weird. I mean, it is and it isn't, because I think the Veiled Eye was the one who told us to come to Meadow Canyon. Maybe this was, like, his place before the blood people took over. Oh, that's very possible. Yeah, that was something where it's like there was, like, some sort of disruption, and then all of the gods kind of got messed up in their lore, so then they started taking them literally. So, like, maybe the Bloodbather is one of those. I don't know. Oh, yes. I tell you what, I'm going to interrupt you for a second. Jon, give yourself an Inspiration Die. Well, thank you. I'll take one, too, if you've got any extras. Yeah. What's he getting the Inspiration Die for? There's some good thinking going on by Jon there. What did Jon say? Say it again. I wasn't listening. Pay attention. I was. What are you going to say, Chris? I was paying attention, but say it again, because everyone was talking at once. He said maybe this was the Veiled Eye's temple, but it got misappropriated to the Bloodbather. Oh, okay. So, Natty wants to go over, and can Natty pull the shield, see if it comes off the wall? Yeah. You, you know, you give the shield a bit of a pull, and it's not, like, super fixed. You know, you wouldn't say it was glued to the wall. It's like hanging on some hooks on the wall, so it's actually pretty easy to pull off. Yeah. Yeah. You're able to, you know, pull it off of the wall, and the bishop goes, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." Hey, who's the superior officer? Okay. All right. Why? Wait. Why? Why? You said that kind of in, like, a warning way. Why shouldn't I do it? Is it because you. Is it like a Feng Shui thing, or is it like, "Hey, that's not yours"? Well, it's a temple. Okay. Okay. I'll pull it off. Is there anything on the wall or underneath the shield or anything like that? I'm looking for stuff. I'll tell you what. Make me. Tell me what? Make me an. Let's call it a religion check. Oh, I'm actually professional. Okay. I'm proficient in that. I finally get to use that. Dirty 20. Okay. You don't see anything physical, right? There's nothing, like, hidden behind the shield. There's nothing written on the back of the shield. However, you feel like this shield is imbued with some kind of magic. Some kind of. Some kind of, like, almost like a blood magic? Question mark? Blood magic. Scale to Natty. Is this like, "Natty could hold this," or "Natty could sleep under this"? You could sleep under it. Okay. Let's say it's not super. Let's say it's Natty-sized. Okay. Well, I don't really use a shield. Hey, Tov? Yeah? I know you got a special shield that, like, glows up when you see your kin. Yeah, sure do. Do you want to hold on to another one? Like, I'm just like Mr. Shield now? Like Captain Shield? Captain Shield. It's Shield Man from Mega Man. Actually, I'm going to go over to the bishop, and I'm like, "All right. Was this the bloodbathers? Is this his?" Well, Regin says. Are you Scooby-Doo? What the hell? Who's Regin? Who's Regin? Slight Scooby-Doo voice. Raspy inserts R's into words. E.G. Ruh-roh. Ruh-roh. Okay. I guess it's the first time we picked up on that. Okay. Okay. So, this is the bloodbathers. Can we. I, as the superior officer, would like to borrow this. Well, you're the boss. And he salutes you. Okay. I like this. Powerful. I like this. I'm not going to use it. Powerful. Doug has some power. Well, okay. Yeah, he does. I'm just observing. Did Doug tell us about Doug's like little moment with the Veiled Eye? I would think so, yeah. Okay. That wasn't one collective thing? That was just Doug? Oh, that's a good question. That's something I didn't write down if that was just me. I think, yeah, with the Veiled Eye and Maestro and Pharynx and stuff like that, that was everybody, right? Or was that just me and Doug because we were outside with the tarot? That was all four of us. No, because we went and joined you. Okay. Okay. Cool. Right. Well, you two were walking through the, or the other two were walking through the courtyard to the keep and you got sucked in as well. Okay. I'm glad you guys were there because I had a moment with them at the Lava Snakes Temple and I thought I was going crazy. Volcaniconda, put some respect on her name. Forgive me. Forgive me. All right. I'm out of ideas. I thought this shield would have given more answers, but it's just like a special shield. I don't know what it's special for. It feels like it's blood magic special, but I don't know what to do with it. Okay. So you cut open your hand and put blood on it. Smart. Natty pulls a little blade out of her hair, cuts her hand, and puts the blade back in her hair. Gross. Cute. And smears it over the shield. You wrote 12 socks with an ax. What the heck? I don't think she wrote that, but it seems like- It just filled in cracks. Like a Rorschach test maybe where you're seeing things that you're deeply thinking. It's like, again, like augury. It shows up in a way. The gods have spoken. Oh, jeez. You feel like a magical aura fill in around you, giving you some type of protection. Oh. Okay. Natty does? Yeah. I feel stronger. So I feel like Natty would want to hold onto this, but you said it's so big. I don't know. Can Natty hold onto it? Yeah. I'll say it's surprisingly light. Okay. I'm not much of- I mean, you were able to get it off the wall. Okay. Natty, can I equip this? I feel like I'm taking up so much of this podcast time with this shield, I want to move on. No, it seems important. Yeah. If you can use a shield, sure. Oh, shoot. How do you. Hmm. What am I- I don't think your class typically can. Okay. I don't want it then. Who wants it? It's probably too big for me. Okay. Tov, would you like another shield that you could leave your Bluetooth one on your back and this one you could use for actual aura stuff? Yeah. Yeah. I'm down for that. Is that cool? Can I take this? You don't have blood though, so you're going to have to ask for help, okay? Yeah, I know. Or it'd be blood of your enemies. That's cool. I like that. All right. Well, yeah, if Natty put her blood on the shield, but Tolv is the one holding it, does Natty still feel that effect of the, like, what do you say, Gus, like, protection? Did putting down the shield change my status? So Natty put blood on the shield, then hands it to Tolv, then you're asking if does Tolv feel protected or does Natty still feel protected? I bet you Tolv does. Natty, you still feel the protection. Oh. So the blood of whoever puts it on the shield gets protection. Yes. Okay, that's weird. Oh. However, you feel like it is beginning to wane and wear off. It's fine. Throwing Skeddy at the wall, maybe if we put blood on the bloodbather, maybe that does something, I don't know. I'll cut Tolv's, like, a little servo open to get some hydraulic fluid, which is essentially his blood. It's your lifeblood. Yeah. And then I just go. I thought it'd be, like, oil. I think we need to retreat out of here before they come and get us. Probably. We should rally the troops, maybe set some home alone-type traps as we leave and then retreat. What about Reverend Doopies? Am I to go with you? Is that your name? Reverend Doopies? Yes, of course. We could never leave you here alone, Reverend Doopies. Were you rapping at me? Is that your name? I just didn't realize. I just didn't realize you were a reverend. I thought you were a bishop. Oh, wait. Are those two different things? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not great. Barbara's not great with religion information. We like to call Doug Reverend Doobie. Doobie, doobie, do. You probably should lock the door. Maybe if you got a couple of locks, use those. Maybe put, like, a couch up against that door. And then point. Point us to the back door. Well, okay. This is all strategy, okay? Yeah, you've already intimidated Reverend Doopies into respecting the chain of command, so he will do as you ask. Okay. So he begins, you know, trying to pull out locks and getting some cocks ready to barricade the door. I guess you could leave out of the northern part of the fort. Where's that lead to? Rope and field. Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't take you seriously. Just an open field, I think. That's okay. Someone who also has trouble saying some words, I understand you. Gus, is that an open field that is, like, towards a direction that is not from where we came from? Yeah, so the main portcullis to this fort, you all entered from the southern side of the fort. So, you know, exiting the north would be essentially the back. And then the, I believe, you all came from kind of, like, the west slash northwest kind of direction here. And then the Undarians and the canyon are to the east of the fort. And where were we trying to get to? We're trying to get to. The canyon is probably our best means of escape. Otherwise, we have to go through them, so. Well, just to clarify, you will have to go through them. They are coming from the direction of the canyon. So if you want to go to the canyon, you will have to either barrel through them or sneak around. Or you will have to go around them in some way to get to the canyon. How about sneaking? Sneaking. I mean, I know Natty could go into her ring, so that's an easy way to hide at least one of us. Yes, and I have disadvantage on stealth, so that's great. It's okay. I can help you with my flash of genius. Potentially. Okay, before we figure out what we're going to do with the canyon or wherever you all are going here, real fast, I forgot to say, Blaine, if you want to put that shield in your inventory, you can. It should be called the Bronze Dash Blood Shield. Okay, and then the dash, is that spelled out dash or is that the symbol dash? It's the symbol. Thank you, thank you. Okay, it says, Bloodbather Shield found in Mido Canyon. Bronze shield painted in crusty blood. Gross. Bears symbol of the bloodbather. Bloody bronze sword. I guess that's the symbol. It screams insults at enemies when attacked. That's fun. And trade blood for protection when painted with one's own. one's own fresh blood, five HP worth, where instantly gains the effects of the Shield Spell. Oh, it has more information. It says, "Gus owes me one extra inspiration die." Okay, gonna mark that. Gus owes me one, that doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't know, strange. Okay, yeah, I didn't, just 'cause we were feeling it out, Natty, I didn't make you take the five hit points worth of damage in that little test run. Thank you. What's the Shield Spell? Does anybody have that? It's like plus five to AC. Yeah. Add five to AC. Plus five. Yeah. I think it's, mine's a reaction, yeah. Wow. But it's only for one turn. Minus? Farts, okay, okay. No, the one Blaine's doing. And it costs five HP. Five HP, I'm just gonna pawn this off when we get the nearest, you know, opportunity. Everyone keep their eyes on the resale store. The interesting thing about the Shield Spell, just as a quick aside, is that it also allows you to take no damage from Magic Missile, which is, Magic Missile, you normally can't avoid. So that is like a weird, nice quirk of it. Oh. So now I'm having like, building my Batman plan against each of the team members, and that's for Natty. Well, she didn't have Magic Missile. I don't shoot Magic Missile. What do you shoot? You always got that one that you shoot. Yeah. Eldritch Blast. Oh, okay. It is a blast. So I could see the confusion. Missile blast. Plasma blast. Plasma blast. It's a different campaign. Go to stinkydragonpod.com and listen to C-Squad season two. Beat the heat. Get your tickets today at Netflix.com/house. Select from a wide assortment of carpet to fit your room, lifestyle, and budget during the Buy More, Save More event at the Home Depot. Offer valid August 26th. 27th through September 13th, 2026. For licenses, see HomeDepot.com/license-numbers. I see you. Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney+. It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet. Go, go, go, go, go! A true epic and completely jaw-dropping. This is the only pure thing in this world. Return to Pandora on Disney+. It will be an adventure for the whole family. And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home. This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney+, rated PG-13. Are we not, are we to abandon everyone here? I don't want to do that. I think we need to give them some sort of escape plan so that we can sleep at night. Yes, I say we barricade everyone up and make a sneaky retreat, and in the case-- He said there was only one bishop in here. No, no, like all the people in the ramparts. Correct. There's still some Mortallion members left, and there were a few injured soldiers. I'd say if you had to estimate it, you'd say ballpark, there's probably roughly 30 Mortallion members total left. Gotcha. Boarding them up, that's just-- they're just going to set the building on fire, because that's what I would do if I was attacking a base. Blaine, vicious. Wow. You know, I don't know. Can we round everyone up and make a retreat? Yeah, you tell me, Mr. Team Leader, what's the plan? We shall round everyone up and make a retreat, for we shall not let them die in vain. We should not let them die, period. Yeah, oh, yes, that's true. Okay, what does that look like? You're going to take everyone and all 30 of you leave to the north together, or, like, what's the nuts and bolts here? Well, where could they go? Because they don't necessarily need to continue onward, but we do. They could really-- They could return, like, in the direction you all came from, like, to the northwest or so. Yeah, I say we tell them-- Like, away from the Undarians. We tell them to go return to the Fort Indridge or something, and then we try and sneak our way past them in the confusion of abandoning the fort. Just to be clear, so they know where to go, you said Fort Indridge or something. You're directing them to go to Fort Indridge, right? What's the nearest safe place where the-- would that be Fort Indridge? I mean, you know that there's, you know, that's a military. It's a military installation. There's definitely reinforcements and-- Yeah. --Mortalian support there. Okay. That makes sense to me. I say we do that. Okay. So the plan will be to gather everyone up, exit out of basically the back door of Fort Mido to the north, and then send the remaining Mortalian, about 30 people or so, away back toward Fort Indridge while the four of you sneak around the Undarians to the east towards the canyon. Am I summarizing the plan correctly? Yes. Doug salutes. Also, just for the heck of it, can I-- if I find, like, a piece of wood-- or something, can I quickly scribe on it, danger minefield, and then just plant it into the ground? Just like, we don't have time to actually set up any traps, but just anything that could slow their progress. In the courtyard? Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but any level of confusion we can add to this disarray so that we can slow them down. Sure. Because I'm really trying to buy those 30 people time. Or if we have any, like, if there are any traps, like bear traps or things like that, we could just have people set up as they retreat. Sure. Yeah, we'll say you're able to start organizing that kind of stuff and, you know, Tolv is able to fashion. Some marbles, you know, around the stairs. Paint cans with wine from high areas. Really home alone it. Well, you don't have too much time, so I'll say you at least get the sign and you home alone one or two things, and then you round up all of the soldiers and instruct them to make a tactical withdrawal towards Fort Endridge. Tactical withdrawal. You protect the injured. Do not leave them behind. And they begin. With as much haste as they can, you know, making their way in that direction. So what are the four of you going to do as far as, like, sneaking or trying to get around or what's the plan for you four? What do the Undarians look like? Is there anything we could disguise ourselves with either like them or within the environment? Yeah, I mean, Undarians, it's a pretty, who would you say, like a diverse or scattershot type of creatures. Eclectic. Eclectic. There you go. That's a good word for it. A vocab on this guy. It's an eclectic look of creatures that make up the Undarians. So there's not like one specific look you could go for, but maybe that plays to your advantage. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Maybe we take some of the garb from the dead ones that have been slain and then try and do, it's not going to be perfect, but it's something. Yeah. I have an idea to help Doug. Oh, yeah. Hey, Doug, come here. I'm going to make you look like a really big, scary Undarian, okay? Okay. You can make me look bigger and scarier than I already look. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you know you have your vest that you wear? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, if you pull that up over your head, you know, like the collar up over your head so that it's almost like a hooded thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. But you kind of put a little extra forward and then as Doug does that, I pick up Gigi and I put Gigi in the hole. Oh. Facing out so that it's Gigi head and bugbear body. Okay, so it's like multiple, yeah, got it, got it. Yeah. Make a Gigi roll. Oh, I mean, I. Okay, well, first, wait. Here, Gigi, Mama really needs this one, okay? Mama, you like Uncle Doug, right? Like the one that who's like, don't. Well, there's two things I got to ask you. Stay there. Doug looks down and goes, Hi, hi, hi, guys. Stay there when I put you in his hood and don't fart. But if you got to pick one, stay there, okay? Oh, God. Okay, now, hey, I give him a try. I give him a treat and I say, I'll let you kill something later, okay? I'll let you kill something later. Why don't we treat this as a pedigig method of life lessons with Gigi? Oh, we haven't done one of those in a while. Yeah, so I'm going to say, you know, this breaks down into whether the lessons are easy, medium, or hard. Yeah. I'm going to say this is probably a medium lesson. Stay? Stay is a medium? Jesus. Well, it's because it breaks down into easy is basic social skills. Medium is slightly more complex, like know the difference, ally, foe, or other. So I think you're kind of like riding the line here between like social skills and a slightly more complex lesson. And hard would be advanced doomsday philosophy, which we're not there. Okay, then that involves a wisdom check of DC 13. Correct. And I'm rolling with my wisdom modifier. Gosh darn, it's. Plus zero. All right. Come on. Still got a good chance. 13 or more. You got an inspiration dot two. Good roll. 17. 17. Whoa. So Gigi not only agrees, but Gigi has learned a lesson here, and this allows his stat block to improve slightly. Wow. So since this is a medium lesson with bigger risk, bigger rewards, John, Gigi gains an additional hit die to his HP. Okay. I just had a thought. Do you think that we're like building a future enemy? And this is not to Natty, and this is not to offend John, but I feel like whenever we need Gigi to cooperate, we pull one of these out and it makes him stronger. And I'm worried. And smarter. Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah. That's like, I'm just. It's like, hey, I think it's good for Gigi to learn lessons and to learn how important his mama is and how he should always treat his mama and his. His friends with love and respect. Right, Gigi? Okay. You can't abandon a child just because they have difficulties. Otherwise, they'll turn out like you. Yes. Jeez. Natty puts Gigi up in the hood, gives him a treat, makes a little click sound, you know, to signify the move and to stay. But Gigi, you can look scary as much. That's what you want. You can slobber. You can growl. You need to be like. You use that Undarian, you know, genes you got inside of you, okay? Well, he's also gained an extra hit die, so he's a little bigger. He's a little scarier. Yeah. All right, Gigi. Hop on top, buddy. Doug is sorted. I can get into my ring, so. I'm the knight. Gunther and Tove, what y'all gonna do to be sneaky? How much does Gunther. Because Gunther's like frog-like, right? How much does that look like Undarian? It might be small enough to just be sneaky without having to actually do anything. Yeah, you can sneak under my jacket or something. I don't know. You could look like. What's the dude from Total Recall that's like popping out of that other guy's chest? Quattro? Yeah, yeah. Or Quatto. Quatto, yeah. Yeah. Quattro is the blade that I use. Thanks for ruining that movie for me, Gus. I was waiting to watch that. It's only been 40 years, I know. Can't tell if you're being serious. Oh, I know what Tove will do. Just a quick on-the-fly. I think, but he's gonna take his Bjorn face mask and flip it inside out. There you go. Do that and put Gunther in your back so you got a hunchback. Yeah. And let me do this, yes. All right, it sounds like we've got a plan. Perfect. Natty puts her ring into Doug's hand and then jumps into it. I got the whole Natty family right here. Because death is right at our back door. And you guys said you're not going to barrel directly through the vanguard. You're going to kind of take a wide arc and turn around them, right? And try to, like, go casually but stealthily. Fly casual. Yeah, fly casual kind of deal. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Why don't all of you make me, we'll call it stealth with advantage checks. Because I think you all have a good plan going here. Okay, cool. With tolls being disadvantage and stealth, should I just, is this a standard roll? Regular, yep. Got it. I did a 19. 24. 11. Inspiration die given to 12. Oh, thank you, sweet Natty. I will not waste it. 17. Ooh. That's pretty good. Average. I'm betting I get more inspiration die from my teammates than I do from you. Yes. Your success is our success. Yeah. It's a team effort. Go team. Yeah. 12s on inspiration die at welfare. Yeah. All right, so you all head out to the northern, you take a northern exit out of the fort and begin turning your way east but staying far to the north of the vanguard. I assume you keep them in sight so you can also see the canyon that you're heading to and you watch them, you know, close the distance and begin banging on the fort and, you know, attack them. You see them breaking the walls and trying to get the portcullis open, and then after a while, you know, they disappear at the distance as you continue making your way east towards the canyon. Mission accomplished. Excellent. Easy peasy. Now, if we don't turn around, we don't know if it ended badly for them there, so. Schrodinger's killed allies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you go for a bit and you eventually do see a canyon passage to the east of the fort and as you get closer, you see that it appears to be pitch black and once you get to the entrance, let's say the mouth of this canyon passage, you see, you know, like I said, it's pitch black and the walls appear to be concave and it stinks, it reeks of rotting flesh. Ah. The canyon itself? Like. Yeah. The canyon passage itself. Are there bodies or anything or is it just like the material that it's made of? It's pitch black. Can you see through the dark? Yeah. What is everyone's dark vision? Low light vision. What's the situation here? I like caves. I have dark vision. Dark vision. Uh. I could see in dim light within 60 feet. Yeah, same. In my dark vision. I was basically raised in a cave. I mean, I was. I was molded by it. Molded by it. I was molded by the cave. At the point I could take Gigi off my shoulders now, I think he might have gone doo-doo. I think we got to make another roll for that one. You have a different type of dark vision now. Oh, gross. You get inspiration. Yeah! - Yeah! I don't know how to find my, if I have vision. It should be in your features and traits. Features and traits. Tolv can't see anything ever. Yeah. No, I don't believe I do. Bummer. Really? I'm a robot. That's surprising. Micah, can we work on that? You'd think you'd have like night vision. Infrared. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay, Tolv. Just hold on to one of us and we'll lead the way. I'm still on your back. Just follow my lead. So, just for a rules clarification, if you have dark, the way it works is if you have dark vision, you have disadvantage on perception checks in pitch black. Okay. Okay. Okay, so Gunther, you asked if what the source of the smell was or how did you word it? You asked something about that. Yeah, like is it something on the ground like bodies or is it the material of the canyon itself? You look around. This is why I was asking. This is why we started talking about dark vision and what you can see since it's so dark. Just so you know. Mine's called superior dark vision. Oh. What makes it superior? I don't know. Does it cost more? It's just premium. It's just like they charge twice as much, but it's the same thing. Dark vision plus. There's still ads, though. It's kind of annoying. Your dark vision has a radius of 120 feet. Oh, it's just further because normally it's 60. 60, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, you look around trying to identify the source of this smell. And as you're looking around, Gunther, you see that there are corpses piked into the canyon walls and there's blood and viscera that are oozing and flooding the canyon floor. Oh, there's the occasional bit of like military wreckage, like war machines and things of that nature. Do we get a sense of who was killed? What type of people were they? Dariens? Were they? It looks like a mortalian corpse. Mortalian. Oh, I bet you this is this is this is their stop before they headed to the cape. Oh, God, I think I'm going to be sick. We should be careful. I would say so. All four of you make me a call it a perception check. Okay. We have disadvantage. Yeah. Yes. Hold. So he does not have dark vision because he's aquatic base. Can I have something called shark vision? You know, can we have fun? No. Your eyes become like shark eyes, just like black. Like a doll's eyes. Like a doll's eyes. Seven for Doug. Ten. That's a nine. Oh, and nothing, I guess, from 12 because he can't see. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm assuming not to not play ball, but I just can't see. Yeah. Nine, seven, ten. Nothing. I'll give you an inspiration die. Gus, can I take out a loan for inspiration? Bail bondsman at this point. You do not want to know the interest on that. You don't see anything, but I'll say all four of you hear something. Almost like someone muttering to themself. Is it grumbles? Hush. Is it like craze, like, or is it like? I think he's about to do it. Yeah. Bow, bow, bow before your God. Just good for nothing. Get in here and fix it. Hello. Hello. Do you hear a shuffling that appears? That sounds like it's getting closer and closer to you, Natty. I cast dancing lights. Oh, okay. What does that do? Tell us. Everyone has to start dancing now. Yes. It's a cantrip, dancing lights, 120 feet. Four torch-sized lights within range. They appear. They're glowing orbs that hover in the air. So they light the area. Cool. Okay. The area around you lights up, and before you, you see a sinewy halfling who is topless, wearing oxblood gingham braids, which are short trousers. I hope I said that right. Turn off the lights. Turn off the lights. He appears to have a belt. He has a belt with medicinal tools around his waist. He shields his eyes. Oh, who are you? My name's Natty. Uh, what you doing in here? I heard you mumbling to yourself. Yeah, yeah, I'm working, hard at work. The name's Stump. Stump. I feel like that's pretty apt, you being a halfling. Did you name yourself? Oh, I thought you were going to say Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Stump. Yeah, everyone needs my services. I'm working hard. You need to eat, we can help with. Hey, guys, I think this guy's just been cutting up dead bodies for a while. I think we've met a serial killer. Well-- I could be wrong. Is it a killer if you're just doing it to dead things? No, you've met a god. Oh, you're a god. Yeah. I think we heard you mumbling something about, like, bow before-- Bow before your god. Yeah. Is that something you said or something someone said to you? Yes, I say it to everyone, bow before your god. Hey, Stump, how long you been in here? Oh, a long time. Yeah, it seems like it. I got kicked out from the bloodshed bishops. Oh, so what are you a god of? A god of medicine. Oh, seems pretty handy. Do you have any, like, pseudonyms? Do you go by any other monikers other than Stump? The Bonesaw. Oh, Bonesaw's ready. So why did-- why did the-- those annoying bloodshed bishops, what did they do? Why did they make that such a mistake? Oh. They don't understand. They don't know the plague. Is it coming or are you bringing it? Tell us about it. The plague, the plague, it's everywhere. It is here. Did-- did you happen to know Doobies? Was he a bloodshed bishop? Oh, oh, pah, pah, pah. He spits. OK. Why-- I don't know why on my face. I was just asking a question. He's the worst of them all. Hey, Stump, I got a question. Did, by any chance, an entire army of demon-like creatures just come through here? Oh, yeah. Undarians. How did you survive? Stump is a god. Yeah, but, like, on a practical level, did you-- or did they just walk right past you, or did you fight them, or did you go invisible, or what? They fear my power. My power, gotcha. Hey, where'd your shirt go? He looks down and seems almost shocked at the sight. I don't know. He reaches over to a corpse and pulls off a tunic and kind of haphazardly drapes it over himself. Stump, I think you're actually more of an autumn, so I don't think that's in your colors. Let's see if we can find you something that's a cooler color. Shopping spree. That will give more of a contrast to you. Ah, nomads. That's better. Well, maybe we'll look for a good shirt over this way. You look that way. Yeah. Stump is busy. I was going to ask if I could cast Detect Thoughts. OK. On this guy? Yeah. Why don't you remind us what that does? Not for me, for the audience. Of course, of course, yes. Once for long rest, you could cast it without a spell slot or spell component. It's like things that are on the forefront of their mind. OK. It's either Sense Thoughts or Read Thoughts. So I think I'm going to Read Thoughts. Target one creature you could see within 30 feet of yourself that you detected with the Sense Thoughts option. You learn what is most on the target's mind right now. If the target doesn't know any languages and isn't telepathic, you learn nothing. OK, yeah, you do that. Try to read thoughts and reach out into Stump's mind. And it's almost like the same thought repeating itself over and over. Curse you may heal. I will have my revenge. Curse you may heal. Don't say real name. Don't say real name. Don't say real name. Hey, Stump, what's your real name? He looks like shocked for a second. Stump. No reason. I just thought that would be like a nickname and that maybe you have a real name. Does Doug hear the real name? You wouldn't have heard that anyway. I know, I know, I'm messing, I'm messing. Yeah, would Doug know his real name if he's like sensing his or reading his thoughts rather? No, that's all that you're hearing. OK. Hey, Stump. Yeah? This is an awkward question, but you know, I heard about this guy that I thought maybe you might know about named Mayhew. Do you happen to know who that is? He spits on the ground again. Stop spitting on my face. Why are you on the ground? I hate Mayhew. I need my revenge. Revenge against what? Who is he? Yeah, what did he do to you? Maybe we could help you. He pretended to be injured. Made Stomp help him. And what happened? And yeah, what did he do to you? What was wrong with that? He learned too much. Did you cut his arm off too? So how you help him? Like you healed him or something like that and you learned how you did it? Yeah. Too much. Secrets. So that we're on the same side, we'll help you find Mayhew. But what secrets did you tell him? That way we know more about our enemy, you know. Enemy of enemies or friend, you know. Secrets are secrets. Dang it, okay, I thought he would fall for that. But there is a secret I can share. Okay, okay. All right, I can tell. Leaning in, don't spit on me. Hey, Stomp, I'm going to need you to say that in a less creepy way. You got anything? To trade anything old Stomp could use. Yeah, lots of stuff. Yeah, what do you need? Medicine, tools, cadavers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about, uh, hmm, how about this heavy-duty drill? Wow, that looks neat. His eyes perk up. Yeah, that's the hand drill you got, right? I think so. Yeah, I remember that. You got that, I don't remember where you got it, but I do remember it was like that heavy-duty drill. Yeah, it could drill through stone, so maybe I don't want to get rid of that. When you mentioned it, I will say it seemed like he, he perked up at that. Oh, well, you know, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, this heavy-duty drill, Stomp could probably make his own, so, you know. Uh, but yeah, I think trading this for some, uh, juicy information could be, uh, you know, something we could bargain for. Oh, that is pretty good. Can I try it out? You give us one secret to try it and then an ultimate secret to have it. Half the secret now, half the secret after. It's a good secret. Can I do an insight check on him? Yeah. If he's telling the truth. Vibe check. Vibe check. Well, I have no idea, uh, seven. Yeah, I would say you think he's being truthful, but, you know. Uh, you could try a persuasion, maybe. Yeah, let's persuade him. Me and my negative one. Eight. No, half now, half later. Well, okay. All right, uh, you hand over the drill and. And he, like, holds it, kind of, you know, tries to feel the heft in his hands and goes over to one of the corpses and begins trying to drill into the skull. Oh. I regret everything. Gigi is cheering him on. I am. So, there's a secret passage out of the canyon. Oh, yeah? Go on. Continue all the way down the canyon in that direction. Mm-hmm. So, to get out of the canyon, we just have to go through the canyon. And. He spits again. Oh, all right. Oh, God. That one got in my mouth. I'm starting to think that Tolv might be Mayhew. There's a secret passage that takes you straight to Veiled Vale. That's probably where your god temple is. Would Doug know what the Veiled Vale is? I don't remember if it was mentioned to you or not. I think it was. But, you know, it is, uh, mm, it's a valley that. I don't want to say too much in case we didn't say anything about it. But, yeah, it's a valley with a few different things in it. But, yeah, it is related to the Veiled Eye. Okay. I mean, I assumed, but. Yeah. I should know if, like, Doug would have read about that or something or have known of that location. Where is Chimera Keep? I believe that was further on beyond this. Okay. Okay. So, he knows where the secret passage to the Veiled Vale is. It's a big machine. The Veiled Vale or the secret passage? Big machine. The secret passage. Okay. What does it look like? Like, um, like a meat compactor, giant air conditioning unit, giant robot? Here's the secret part. It's a catapult. Whoa. Okay. Like, get into it and then shoot yourself out? Yeah. Secretly. Okay. Uh-huh. Great. Okay. How many people fit in this secret catapult? You could fit a lot. But it's. Pretty big. Uh. One, two, three, four, five, six. Do you want to show us how it works? No. I'm busy. Clearly. Gotta get back to work. Has Doug heard the name Mayhew before? Make a history check. Yeah! With pleasure. 29. That's such a good roll. Oh, my God. I now have a plus 10 to history. Jesus Lord. Uh, no. That name does not sound familiar. I'm gonna give it to you. Okay. You sure? 29? Sure? I guarantee you I've never heard that before. Yeah. All right. Stump gotta get back to work. He begins waddling away back over to a wheelbarrow that you see now he had in the distance. Best of luck, Stump. They'll all bow to your god. They'll see. They'll understand. Yes. Yes. Yes. They'll bow. They'll understand. You. They'll bow. They'll understand. You. They'll understand. You. And you. Good to meet you. Can we continue? I don't know. What a guy. Yeah. I'd say we should probably go the direction he pointed us in to that secret passage. Yeah. Yeah. You continue to the east, and the passage stays pitch black every now and then. How long do the dancing lights run for? Do you keep them up, Natty? Yeah. I can keep them up. They're a cantrip. Okay. So, it is pitch black, but you're able to see some light with the dancing lights courtesy of Natty. Okay. So, you can see snakes slithering along. It seems like they retreat from the light whenever you approach with it. The width of the passage itself fluctuates pretty wildly. Sometimes it narrows down to only five feet in width. Other times it widens out to 15 feet in width. And the whole time you're walking through it, it just blooded with viscera and blood all along the floor and the walls. Lovely. Roosh. A turnaround, and Gigi's just walking along with his tongue just dragging against the walls. Oh, nasty. That's really funny. I was thinking like a little kid in galoshes, like jumping puddle to puddle, making splashes. With his mouth wide open. That is how you get tetanus. And, yeah, probably all kinds of other things. Every now and then you see wreckage, like a ruined or rotting piece of military equipment, maybe from past battles or something. And on the walls you see, like what Gunther noticed earlier, bodies that are piped to the canyon walls, hung upside down. And the top of the walls, you know, seems like there's a, it's plagued by a harsh blizzard. Oh. There's like a blizzard above us? Yeah. Over the top of the passage in this canyon. This place is weird. Yeah, I can figure out like the, kind of, I don't know. Are we, are we heading to a different climate or is it something to do with the nature of this canyon? Is it like magical or something, or are we just traveling such great distances that it's like we're heading into a new world? A new, uh, you know, biome, region, biome. Thank you, John. Mm-hmm. So just as a reminder, the prison that you were in not that long ago was frozen, uh, as well. So it's, it's cold in general. Mm-hmm. Okay. And as you're walking along here, you know, looking at all of the different grotesque sites everywhere, Doug, you, uh, don't notice and you stub your toe on a, uh, a piece of rock on the ground. Ugh. Darn it. Why me? Do you need to borrow Captain Grumble's shield? No. Doug doesn't have a potty mouth. Was, was that a rock or was that something else? Yeah. Could Doug look down and see what he stubbed his toe on? Yeah. It looks like a, a rock. It's just a, you know, like the top piece of a weathered rock sticking out from the, the soil. Hm. All right. Fair enough. Could we look around and see if there's any other rocks like this poking out? Uh, you see a. We see a circle of rocks. It's a circle of rocks. Yeah. Yeah. Except there's one missing and then we put the rock in the missing spot. A little leafy thing pops out. A leafy thing? Yeah. It gives us a seed. You don't see, I mean, you see a couple of rocks and you see, uh, various little bits of viscera on the ground. In particular, you see a brittle gallbladder, uh, next to the rock and by that you see a flattened piece of fat. Okay. Could I look at the flattened piece of fat? Yeah. You bend over, you know, and touch the piece of fat. You look at it and pick it up and examine it and, you know, it's pretty slippery. Why don't you go ahead and make me a constitution saving throw? Saving throw, okay. Nineteen. Okay. It's really gross and it's got, you know, old viscera and blood on it and, you know, you realize that you're touching something pretty disgusting so I would say you probably look at it and then just drop it pretty quickly. But you do, however, take a level of exhaustion from, uh, touching this decrepit piece of waste. Even with a nineteen? Yeah. Uh, it would be way worse if you had failed that save. Oh gosh. Um, could I at least tell, like, what, like, what creature it was from or? Uh, yeah, you, you'd think it's some kind of humanoid, probably human, specifically. So the gunk on the walls could hurt us and damage us in some way. I, I can't tell if it actually hurt us or it's just so gross that it made me, like, ill. Maybe we should get out of here. This is gross. Yeah, let's find that catapult. Chop, chop. Guys, I'm just gonna put my blinders on and just walk forward. Okay. Okay. Nice. - Blinders being just your hands next to your head? - Yep. My giant bear paws. So are you going to continue looking at this stuff, or what's the idea here? I think we should just continue on. You guys, just watch out. I stubbed my toe, and it hurts a lot. So there might be stuff poking out of the ground, so just walk with caution. Also, don't pick up any of this fat or just stuff you see. It's pretty gnarly. I do want to give a quick shout-out and a quick thanks to Micah, who made a random viscera table for this episode, and it's gross. Here, just to utilize it, I'm going to roll a couple more times to give you some more flavor text on things that you see. Should we actually say what viscera is? Because I don't know if a lot of people might know that term. It's just like gore, what you would expect after a bloody battle to remain. If you'll go play the Steam game Viscera Cleanup, you'll know it really well. Things like spongy veins and wax-coated glands. Gross. It's disgusting. All right, yeah, you continue your way east, and again, just more viscera, more broken machines, but then eventually after walking for a ways, you do see a war machine that's largely intact, and it's a catapult. Oh. Well, there it goes. All right, all aboard. I'll be taking your tickets at the kiosk here. Could someone first check inside there to make sure there's no more viscera? Viscera. Doug's covering his eyes. Mm-hmm. Tov will check in the basket to make sure that there's nothing in there for us. Yeah, the basket itself is pretty clean. There's nothing in there. Should we do a test fire so that we do not slam into walls? Well. That's not a bad idea. Gigi? I just don't know how easy it is to reset this thing. Gigi could. He loves this kind of stuff. All right, so you're all going to put Gigi in there and fire away? And maybe Captain Grumbles, too. Yeah, yeah. No, he's fragile. Like your kid? Yeah, toss him in there. This random NPC. He's strong. He does this on his own time. Okay. Well, Gigi, line up. You must be this tall to ride the ride. Boy, good thing you had that growth spurt. I'd like to think that he's way below the minimum height, but you still put him in there anyway. All right, perfect. Lift your arms up, uppies. I rolled a 14. He does it. Okay. I lift him into the machine. All right. And I say, keep all limbs inside of the ride. During the duration of your experience, leave a Yelp review. And then I crank the lever or whatever the release mechanism is. Yeah. With a thud, the catapult fires, and Gigi flies in a wide arc out of the canyon, off into the distance. What does that sound like? It's like, what? Ah! Ah! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. She's got the grape, lady. Yeah. Ah! Yeah, there it is. It's like a Doppler effect into the distance. But yeah, he does not hit the wall. Do we see where he lands, or is he just, like, gone? It's, like, in the distance. Yeah, it's pitch black, so he goes out of your dancing lights range very quickly. Natty, can you call out to him and see if he's okay? Gigi! You don't hear anything. All right. I think we team rocketed this kid. All right, so which of you has experience with siege weapons to reset this? I'm assuming. Well, haven't we have army training? We've got an engineer. I was like, I think Doug. I can figure it out. You can figure it out. I'm just being difficult. Also, I think episode two, we also were going to launch Gunther. That is true. All right, yeah. Yeah, if you want, you can reset that. It's not that difficult. This is like a child's toy to Doug. Yeah, so you're able to, you know, pull it down and reset it and get it back into a configuration where it's ready to fire again. And he jumps in. Well, I mean, should we just. Should we all go in there? Yeah. All right. One big happy family. Gigi will catch us. All right, yeah, you all climb in the basket and I assume you can get like a sword or a long stick or something and. An Eldritch Blast. An Eldritch Blast. There you go. That's even better. To let the mechanism loose and you all fly through the air. Whee! Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. I'm going to be sick. You. Launch out and you can't see too far. Do the dancing lights go with you, I guess? Wouldn't they? Because they're around here? Are they fast enough? No, I think I have to will them. Yeah, I think so. So I think this launch. Yeah, so you launch very quickly. It's like riding Magic Mountain. You're going really fast and it's pitch black. Or Space Mountain, there you go. And you can't see anything. And there's rock music. Yes, there's no rock music here, but yeah. Oh. Once I got stuck on Space Mountain and they had to turn the lights on while I was still in there, on the ride. Terrifying. And I never rode it again after that. Yep. It's scary looking. Now he puts her arms up. You put your arms up and you all fly through darkness and eventually you land with a thud and hit the ground. Everyone takes 15 points of bludgeoning damage upon landing. 15. Are you sure that Doug couldn't, like, splay his arms out like a flying squirrel kind of situation? Maybe if you could see what was going on, yeah, but it's just pitch black. 15. Guys. I landed on Gunther. Ah! So make sure that Gigi takes that as well. Okay. Now who is the flattened fat? Okay. You find yourself in a new location. You find yourself in a valley blanketed with darkness except for moonlight. It appears that there are a few different buildings and paths in front of you. You see a glacier. You see a special fortress. You also see a spherical building swaying between two dead trees. And lastly, you see a labyrinth gated by luminescent golden mist. Doug, as you're looking at all these things, you feel like a question slowly creep into the back of your mind. Like, but you're not even sure, was it your thought or is it something that was planted there? But you can't help but wonder, where is the Veiled Eye? I can't help but wonder. Where is the Veiled Eye? It's like an inspiration die. That's perfect. That's perfect comedy. Deep comedy right there. I don't know. Where'd you leave him? I mean, I don't know where he is. I mean, I don't want to keep tabs on him or anything like that. Should you like. I feel like he should be here, though. Have a little moment of prayer? Could I try to like, yeah, close my eyes and feel his presence and like try to. A little Marco Polo? Yeah, communicate kind of with him a little bit. Yeah, why don't you, I don't know, make a religion check? You go. Can I help somehow with this religion check? Well, I'm immediately going to use my inspiration die because that was a one for an eight. Yeah, you can roll to assist. You can roll like a religion check and see if you can like add a place. I'm really. My mamas were the high priestesses and so I'm really good at religion stuff. So I'm going to roll to assist. Is that just a D20 or is that with my modifier? Just roll a flat D20. Well, I rolled a 12. I rolled a 16 for assistance. All right, Doug, what is your question or what do you say? What do you say as part of this? Oh, veiled eye, we are here in the veiled veil seeking your guidance and your presence. Where might you be at this moment? From beyond in your mind, you feel like mists parting and a thought being implanted into your brain. You can almost hear a voice that answers your question, reaches back to you and says, Who's this? It's the boon. Remember me? Who's that? Oh, no. The last time I spoke with you, it seemed like you were, you know, forgetting things and it seems like whatever is happening might be progressing, but I am someone who very much, you know, worships you and looks for your guidance in everything I do. So I'm one of your, you know, most trustworthy followers, Oveiled Eye, Doug Boone, spelled D-U-G, B-O-O-N-E. In case you need to write it out or something like that, if you have, like, a post-it note. Here's my code. I'm not where I should be, but I am where you should be. Uh, and where might you be at this moment? Not where I should be. And what do you see? Could you describe your location for me at all? As soon as you ask that, Doug, your vision goes stark white. Everything around you is blank, colorless void. It's all quite unnerving, perhaps even paralyzing. And for the rest of the party, you see Doug's body go stiff and his eyes turn milky white. Uh, but that's not all. Amidst the darkness, your eyes catch shifting shadows approaching and the padding of footsteps. Three beasts swiftly flank your position. They look feline, but their bodies are shaped like tents and their fur is flaked with gold. Their heads bear six antlers and their tails are short like a bobcat. The darkness is suddenly pierced with light as golden mist spews from each of the felines' mouths right into your face. Jesus. ♪ ♪ Is it the same golden mist we see around the labyrinth? We'll have to find out in the next episode. Aww. Yee-turd. Let's meet these kitties later. We'll find out what that all means in the next episode. We'll have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Thanks for listening, everybody. And if you'd like to hear more, like our show section, and Wind, or C-Squad Season 2, which is available now, you can head over to our Patreon at StinkyDragonPod.com. Until next time. Think you survived high school? Try doing it with superpowers. Episodes of our newest Tavern Tale, C-Squad Season 2, are available now for patrons. Follow the continuing and chaotic adventures of your favorite new soul youngsters played by me, Barb, Blaine, Chris, and Gus, as they navigate puberty, powers, and pop quizzes under DM John Reisinger. It's time to go back to school. Head over to our Patreon to catch up on Season 1 and dig into Season 2 at StinkyDragonPod.com. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday, wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad-free? You could support us by becoming a patron at StinkyDragonPod.com or join as a member on Beacon.tv. Both give you early ad-free access and a members-only Discord for their respective platform. Looking for even more Stinky content and community perks? Our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind-the-scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon Discord, members-only livestreams, Stinky community events, and a shout-out on the show, just like our shout-outs for today, including Kai Wernicke, AnomniscientGod, PhoenixRising, and TimmyTheBFG. These patrons directly support the show, get ad-free episodes, access to our patron-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen, and, of course, other Stinky perks. Once again, that's StinkyDragonPod.com. We are so incredibly grateful for your support, which 100% makes this show possible. Also, some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode, and listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them, including Infernus voiced by Laurel Rothamel at Laurel Rothamel, Rev Doopies named after Scooby Doopies voiced by Ryan Brandt at Kaidozu, Stump named after Katrina Stump voiced by Barrett Courtney from Kinda Funny at SadboyBarrett, and TheVailedEye voiced by Andre Ouellette at Andre.Krat. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Micah Reisinger, written and composed by Micah Reisinger, and edited by Alina LaCordia. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Hey, Gus, my sister was listening to the podcast and she says she thinks you should give me more inspiration dice. Sounds like all of us should get one except Chris. I feel like you just put a nail in the coffin if you never get an inspiration die ever again. Yeah, that sounds like nepotism or something. My sister's like, I think you should get more. I'm like, you're my sister, Joe. Hey, Gus, my elderly grandmother, who loves you, by the way, listens to the podcast and says. My grandfather on his deathbed said, tell Gus more inspiration dice. None of my family likes this show, so I got nothing to say. Beat the heat. I see you. Go, go, go, go, go! This is sick! Avatar Fire and Ash, now streaming on Disney+. Rated PG-13.