C03 - Ep. 38 - From On Hyra - This Means Warden!

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Latch on to our libation and let's leap into our lore. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon. I'm your dungeon master, Gustavo Sorolla, and I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. I think Gus is using hacks because he has unlimited ammo. Oh, that's true. We don't keep track of them. We're not that kind of D&D podcast. We give them back after each time. I think that's what happens. Is that part of battle where you go out there and you just get your arrows back, or are they done? That's a good point. Yeah, and I never miss. Everyone roll a d20. And this week's question is, what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? 14. 6. 18. 2. Okay, so it looks like it's going to be Tolv, Gunther, Natty, Doug. Tolv, why don't you leave us off? Hello, it's me, Blaine, back from vacation. Terrible to be back, thanks for asking. I'm engaged now. Oh, congratulations. That's nice news. Yeah, thank you. That wasn't a question, but thank you for telling us. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm so kidding. Let's stay on track. Sorry, guys. I play Tolv. He's a Thaumatech barbarian. And yoo-hoo, as far as things that happen when you die. God, my voice is gone. Yoo-hoo, it's me, Tolv. Hello. Welcome to Jet Life. This is going to be maybe the weirdest episode ever. Yeah. It's just, it's already got those vibes. I'm here for it. I'm here for it. Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo. Okay, anyways. So, when you die, I don't actually think that we are living. You think, I think that it is some sort of like, what's that thing called? Simulation? Simulation, yes. Thank you, John Reisinger from On The Spot. And so, I think that I just go, you know, and I just like, I'm in a holding pattern in a tube, like in the great beyond, like the great D&D beyond. And then I'm there, and I look to my left, and there's another green guy. And he's a part robot. And he has an arm. It's a robot. And then I see a purple man, and he's there too. And I see a man that looks like a lawyer, and he's screaming. Is he on fire? Something about euthygenia. That tracks. So, a holding pattern filled with nightmares is what I'm gathering from you, Tol. Yeah. Until the next adventure awaits. Interesting. Interesting. All right. Yeah. That's a horrifying vision of the future. Thank you, Tol. Very far-fetched. Oh, Gunther, I'm glad you're here. You're actually up next. Yes. Hi. I'm Chris DeMaris, and I play Gunther, the male croak folk fighter. Chris is also engaged. I'm not. Big announcement. Oh, congratulations, Chris. I'm not. Engaged in this podcast recording. Wow. Engaged in combat. Oh. When I die, I believe I will join my ancestors in the ground. But we are not just dead. We are still there watching and looking up. Over our families and our village. We are in the ground, not in the sky. Powerful. Looking up over your families. Yes. Yes. Yes. Beautiful. Well, we look up and then. Yeah, the prepositions are kind of messing with my mind here. Yeah, yes, yes. I see you. So, we don't see their feet all the time. Sometimes, maybe you can, like, jump up high. Gunther, you are a weird little frog man. It's always. Interesting to hear your perspective on what's going on. Because I guarantee it's always going to be a little different. So, thank you for that. You're welcome. Is there. Sorry, I'm going to dig into that just for a second. Yeah, because we're in the ground. That makes sense. Yes. I got to dig you up and ask. Is there just family that you would look over? Or is it anything wider in the world? Like, are you still concerned with the same connections you had? Yeah. Well, my village and the people in my village and my family. That is who. That is. That is where I will be. We're, like, planted. I love the way that Gunther says family. I don't know why. Family. It's very just like. All of my brothers, sisters, and me. Family. It's just like. I want a loop of Gunther saying family and Elga saying broccoli. Just playing back and forth over and over for eternity. I'm going to fall asleep to that. Thank you, Gunther. Appreciate that. Broccoli. Natty, you are up next. Hi, everybody. I'm John Reisinger. I am not engaged. I already tried the marriage thing. It didn't work out. And I play Natty Wonder. I was there. I saw. I played Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock drag queen mother. And I'm impressed with the question of what happens when I die. I don't think I'm going to really surprise anybody with my idea or understanding. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to go be with my wife. My wife. I was like, the train was coming, and I knew that it was going to come out that way. And I was like, you know what? It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. Let it happen. What harm could a little bit of Borat in our show be? Listen, only a partial portion of our audience is millennials. So. So, yeah. I mean, I'll, you know, my wife will be there. And, you know, I think, well, I mean, the real answer is that we're going to finally get to have our actual celebration of our marriage and our wedding. And all that kind of stuff. Which is what I've been sending all these souls there to get prepped for. Because, you know, they got a lot of napkins to fold and stuff. Natty, I have a quick follow-up question to that. Go for it. Have you actually met your wife? Yeah, my wife. When? In a flashback. In my dreams. Oh, okay. Well, you know, I don't know if that would actually constitute meeting. But, you know, fair enough. Well, hold on. Did you, didn't you say that you, like, talked to your God? Yes. Where did you talk to him? I played the fifth? I feel like I could picture Doug looking down at his feet in that moment. Twiddling. You know what they always say. Don't point a finger because you got, like, three more pointing back at you. Oh, well, that's, I guess that's almost technically not a finger. So that's very wise, Natty. Excellent use of the terminology. Well, and the way that I point, my thumb's not pointing at me. How do you do that where your thumb's pointing at you? I'm trying to do it. Everybody at home now, Stinky Dragon, try to point it. at someone and point your thumb at you. Let's see the fan art of all the characters pointing their thumb back at them. I think I'm doing it. So natural. I'm double jointed, though, so the finger's just extending out. Was that it? Are you going to be with your wife, have the actual celebration, wedding? Yeah. I hope everyone's invited. Thanks, Natty. Yeah. Everybody is invited. I hope not. Guys, you'll want to go. That's why I keep looking for toes off butt. You're never going to find it. Alright, and finally up, we got Doug. You know how in Grotesque we did this gag during our Arrow questions, how it was like we were in confessional booths or something like that? I think my headcanon for canon is that we're sitting around a campfire with Gus and just telling him all these, we're answering all these questions for him at a campfire. Okay, I like that. That's what I picture. Yeah, because we're on the go a lot. And we have like the talking stick or something that allows us each to talk. Yeah, it's funny because it's funny you say that because earlier in this episode we were recording right now, I was like, oh, Gunther, there you are. Come on over. He had walked out to go use the facilities in the woods and coming back to the fire. Yeah, which turns out was three feet away from us. Drink some more water. My God. Well, hello everyone. I'm Doug Boone, the artificial bugbear. And, you know, it's a great question about what happens after death. And you know, Gustavo, I think Doug knows a lot of stuff. Doug feels like he's very knowledgeable, very wise, but Doug is willing to admit this is the one thing he has yet to learn. This is the one thing he doesn't know, but he hopes to learn maybe someday maybe through some divine intervention or or, you know, some type of knowledge. What happens just ultimately he just wants to be reunited with his brother. Yeah, that's nice. And just tell him he's sorry. So, whatever happens, you know, after death, I hope that could be the case. It's a reunion communication of some kind. Exactly. Oh, that's really nice. You didn't say if you're engaged or not. Oh, I was engaged. I've been engaged so long that I turned married. No! Weird way to phrase it. I mean, it's not wrong, but it is weird. I turned married. I turned married. Yeah, I've been engaged so long. As you all are taking the room in, a faceless yet familiar voice reflects off the walls. There's no use hiding it. I can smell your fear. The warden steps out from behind the tombstone tapestry and takes in a deep breath through her nose. You feel a tingle run down your spine. Everyone make a charisma saving throw. Oh. Alright, let's get Rizzy. That's a four. Okay. Eighteen. Sixteen. Oh! Twenty. Dirty twenty-eight. Nice. Well, I'm glad one of us failed so we can see what's gonna happen. And I, yeah, I did that for you guys. There you go. Polve, you feel an all-consuming fear washing over you like an ice-cold wave. You immediately drop within your hands and take off running in the opposite direction away from the warden as fast as you can. Metagame-wise, you're under the condition frightened. Frightened. The other three of you, you steal yourself as a deluge of fear crashes over you, but even though it doesn't take fully control, your knees buckle beneath you, forcing you to fall prone. Oh. Okay. In here, no one can hear your screams. In here, I am the warden. In here, I am the queen of nightmares. Her horn-rimmed spectacles flash over her eyes and the tapestry behind her flaps from a ghastly wind. The threadwork shifts from a tombstone into a crank. And all at once, the crank begins ratcheting with a click. Click. Click. And the ceiling rumbles to life, lowering menacingly toward the floor and you. Everyone roll initiative. What are those initiatives? Seven. Six. Nine. Twenty-one. Let's see. And the warden's got an eight. Alright, so she's gonna go between Doug and Natty. So we've got Gunther, Doug, Warden, Natty, Tolv. Gunther, why don't you lead us off? Okay, so we're in the center of the room? You are close to the center. Not, like, dead center. You came down from that hatch, which is kind of close to the center, like a little north of the center of the room. Because in the center of the room's that pedestal, so you're just north of that. And it's circular or square? What's the shape of the room? A hexagonal? The room's a hexagon. And then, and where is the warden in relation to us? She emerged from behind the tapestry that's on the north wall. So she's pretty close to you, within, like, ten feet or so. And that tapestry that's on the north wall, is it billowing? Like, what's the, what's it look like it's doing? Is it actively moving, like, cranking? Yeah, it looks like it's a type of crank called a dog. So, that may be confusing, but yeah, it's a That is confusing. It's a crank, and it appears to be, like, ratcheting through gears. That's why you hear, like, click, click, click, click, click. Oh, it's a hand crank. I'm sorry, it's not a dog. This one's a hand crank. So this tapestry looks like a TV or something. Where it's got, it's, like, moving. Or is it three-dimensional? I think you can think of it like a TV, right? But instead of pixels, it's threads that are moving. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the ceiling is falling down on us now? Yeah, it's lowering. I wouldn't say falling implies, like, it's coming very quickly. It's cranking down. Falling, with style. Indiana Jones style. Yes. Got it. Okay, alright, alright. I'm going to, well, I guess stand up first, so I'm no longer prone. And would I be able to reach the tapestry? Yes, but the warden is between you and the tapestry. Okay, I'm going to, can I just try and hop over to just jump over her entirely and just hit the jump to the tapestry? Yeah, I mean, describe to me the specifics of your jump. How high can you jump? How far can you jump? I can jump up to 25 feet. A high jump is 15 feet. My long jump is 25 feet. Because I'm a croak folk legs and whatnot. So standing up from prone, you have some of your movement. Does that affect how far you can jump? What if it's like a track runner stance, Tony? It's extra push. I guess it probably would, right? Yeah, so I'd be like half movement, so what is that? It's like 12 for your long jump? 12 and a half, yeah. Yeah, and I said the warden's about 10 feet away from you, and she's between you and the tapestry, so you'd basically be I wouldn't be able to reach. Jumping. Yeah, okay. Right, you'd be jumping right to her. Then never mind, Gus. I want to rush her and just go for an attack. Okay. I guess. What kind of attack? Why don't you paint me a picture? Paint me a tapestry with my sword. I'm gonna paint you a tapestry. That's not how you make tapestries. Weave me a tapestry. That's how I make tapestries. I shall not run from you this time, warden. It is me. Hi. And then runs forward with his sword and stabs. Stabby stabs. Okay. I guess at her. Take her glasses. Yeah. She's got room room glasses. I stab her in the eye. Yeah. Yeah. Get her. Yeah. You're gonna make an attack. Let's avoid shots here. Let's not get in the weeds that much about it. Okay. All right. I shall roll. That's only a ten. I shall fail. Ooh. So you run up and try to lash out at the warden with your rapier, but maybe the stress of the situation, remembering or seeing the warden again triggers bad memories and your blow misses. But what if I extend a superiority die? To add eight to it. Or try to add eight. I'm gonna do that. Didn't see that coming, did you, Gus? Okay. So how does that work? You use a superiority die and you can roll a d8 and add it to your roll? Yeah. So that's plus six. So 16 hit? Yeah. 16 does hit. Woo! All right. So then I will hit her. Okay. So never mind. You don't miss. You actually hit. Ha ha ha. I tricked you. Twelve points of damage. Whoa. Focused on the glasses. Stop. What? Spectacles, actually, is the word that he used. Gus, you should just let him do what he's doing and have Chris do this at disadvantage. Ha ha ha. It's called shot, right? That's how it works? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we could homebrew that. You lash out, hitting the warden, who doesn't even really seem to wince. She just kind of sneers at you, Gunther, and says, Oh, Gunther, welcome back. Oh. Welcome back. Yeah, he was there. Right. Welcome back. I was like, have we met this person before? I need that in Doug's voice, because that's a. Welcome back. What the hell? What are you talking about? You got voice time here? Oh, Gunther. Ha ha ha. Thank you, Barbara. Aye, aye, Captain. And I guess I'll strike once more, but this time I want to strike her toe. Get him. Wait, how many toes does she have? Is she wearing flip-flops, Gus? This is important. No. Birkenstocks, perhaps? You never know. Proper prison shoe attire. Yeah. Pinstripe suit. And it's flip-flops. My God. A true villain. A style like that. She sits at a desk all day, you know? She doesn't see. She's supposed to be comfortable. She's one of those people who takes her shoes off on the plane, isn't she? Alright, that's a 16. Does that hit? Yes. Listen, if you're on a 14-hour flight, you gotta take the shoes off. No, it's always wrong, Barbara. It's always wrong. Well, you leave the socks on. At least one sock on, right? I rolled a one on my damage, but I'm gonna use my um, I'm gonna use puncture to re-roll that damage die. All right, so that's 10. rolled a one but you're gonna use the puncture skill to re-roll it yeah and make it a ten so that's ten points of damage to her ten all right and i shall use my bonus action yeah is that uh is that a maneuver what is that exactly no that's just like a feature of like a feat i got and i want to use my frost blade rapier effect where when the blade strikes the surface as a bonus action an inch of ice spreads across a surface up to up to 10 feet in radius and i want to try and freeze where she's standing that's why i stabbed her in the toe ah she's gonna get cold feet can i do that guys sorry there's a there's a lot to read so i'm just trying to keep up with you here yeah i'll read it icy inch when the blade strikes the surface as a bonus action an inch of ice layer spreads across a surface up to 10 feet in radius i just kind of want it around her okay and does it have any other effectors just like it becomes icy it just becomes icy i guess maybe she's like i'm hoping she's frozen to the spot okay we'll we'll deal with that when we get there then uh making a note of it here because she was standing in water right yeah that's like uh water and there's already some patches of ice in here as well yeah okay got it you've got a lot of abilities gunther yeah i'm out i'm done okay gunther's gonna be wearing an elsa dress he's like all blue doug you're up next then after doug is the warden the natty then told okay i want to stand up stand up that takes uh half your movement i believe that's okay because i'm gonna use my crossbow comma light to shoot at the warden okay anywhere gus anywhere no i'm not calling the shot just want to shoot at her okay i appreciate that i was just thinking about our baldur's gate 3 videos where i have gum gum has a tiny little baby crossbow that's what i picture this being like yeah it was a 21. 21. that's a success all right and that does heck yeah 10 points of damage but also gus doug has something called surprise attack where if you hit a creature that has not taken a turn yet in the current combat with an attack roll it takes an extra 2d6 what what roll it a ping and that does an extra six points woo woo wow perfectly average perfectly average exactly so that's 16 total 16 total great got it but then i got another attack now oh yeah extra attack so i'm gonna do that again doug gets two attacks already wow yeah i figured that out last episode i probably had it for who knows how long i just want to point out the vocal range of our barbara she goes from like this very i got another attack now it's a little gremlin going uh i don't know if this will hit but it's a 14. oh no sadly that is a miss okay and then i want to summon my steel defender okay so i think he goes right after me do we have a thing that you do or say when you summon him no he's always just kind of there yeah but is there like is there like like you know how like i tell you know we tell all our devices to do stuff in our house is there like something you do to oh yeah i'm not saying you have to i'm just curious alexa summon gambot everyone's alexa just got really confused wow that's kidding so follow up question two is it always gambot or is it do you have other like does it always have to be the same steel defender it's just gambot it can't be like thomas or something no i would never i would never blame okay sorry i'm just curious i i think it'd be great if every time you summon gambot with whatever like your phrases that we get like a sailor moon style like animation things or like he comes up and it's like all sparkly and it's like the the camera coming around and all the parts attaching the game hair all of a sudden waving in the wind oh my god yeah a little theme music plays and it's just like this yeah an easy reusable animation it's like anytime gambot comes out it's like this is the sequence we play what is what does he say blaine once the sailor moon comes out like i am the something something uh let moon prison power make a terror that flaps at night i have the tear that's dark winged up uh moon prism power flight make up all right uh i think what what doug does to summon gambot he doesn't say anything i think he has a little button that he presses okay to be discreet it's his belly button i'm not telling you where the button is yeah no no are you doing any abuse of power we all know where tol's button is already who knows the button she hasn't found the button yet what shall you think our fuse doug no choice is gambot activate gambot activate um so i think he goes directly after me okay yeah so he is going to uh roll up to this warden here and do some force empowered rend aka shoot his little head up into her chin bam okay shot i know i know well i mean you know shoot his head up into her vicinity oh that is a 26. wow how that's so good he has a plus seven to his uh attack wow getting hit in the chin is the worst yeah more like a steel offender got him uh and then he does one d8 plus three so that would be oh there's a one so closer so four points of damage you got it it's like comical like yeah i like to imagine he knocked the glasses off of her yeah jenny yeah guys come on guys let's say that uh the warden's head flies back from the force of the impact of which she pulls her head back down her glasses are just a little askew so what you're saying is her her vision is kind of off yeah no i'm not saying that this episode of tales from the sticky dragon is brought to you by shipstation if it ain't broke don't fix it sounds right until you actually do the math for most businesses shipping is that thing what's it actually costing you because if nobody's questioning it it's probably costing way more than it should shipstation makes switching easy and the savings are immediate most businesses are overpaying our shipping without realizing it shipstation automatically compares rates across ups usps and fedex on every order with savings of up to 90 percent shipstation 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infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip all right that is it for me okay it is the warden's turn what she's gonna do is she's going to uh point at tolls and a bolt of energy flies out from her hand in toll's direction i'm already running away what do you want from me i'm i'm running the abstraction hitting ac18 uh yeah that gets me unless well wait if it hits my back and my shield is on my back would that no no you're not wielding your shield oh no but it's on my back though where it needs to be this bolt of energy flies out from her hand in tolls and a bolt of energy flies out from her hand in of energy hits you and it's a psychic damage so it it forces you to recall and it brings up scary memories from your past uh what does it make you think of tolf oh man scary memories from my past oh i remember this one night i was waking up in my bunk bed and i saw in the corner a man sitting there with a big hat ah it's so scary but it was a coat rag that's all it was but for like five just like minutes not even seconds five minutes i thought that there's a dude staring at me maybe the man in the yellow hat from curious george oh no it could have been this bolt of psychic energy makes you think of this terrifying encounter you had tolf and it shakes you to your core causing 30 points of damage oh my god ow guys what did i do all right the warden laughed with joy watching you you were already afraid and now you're even like you know you're damaged and recalling scary memories she seems to really relish in this a lot of our villains laugh can we give a villain a laugh that actually kind of sucks like it's just not scary like she snorts yeah or like a tea i have an idea how about we when we cast this npc we cast them for all the voice lines except we keep gus's laugh for the villain what are you saying i'm saying you have such a great laugh that no one could do better oh yeah right yeah okay gotcha yeah after you take this damage toll the warden adjusts her glasses and looks over them at you and says my brother may have misjudged you but i can see into your heart's horrors i'm no magistrate i am the warden wait brother what's her life what's her do i see a like a name tag on the warden the magistrate brother what's your was it ironclad is your brother what's she look like i described her already she described it i know horn room glass yeah but i don't you know like uh jowls jowls short jowls skinny pinstriped uh suit uh-huh and also has a i was at a button that had like the scales being weighed down by serpents brother the hamburger yeah she had a button with the scales wasn't the magistrate the thing that we fought at the beginning of this campaign the bad guy yeah but that was that's an undarian and she seems like not an undarian right well the that thing didn't look like it was an indarian either at first the magistrate at first well oh or is she related to someone else she's not the magistrate it's gotta be the magistrate right judge john getting inspiration die am i taking crazy pills you're getting inspiration haven't we met the magistrate yes wouldn't we recognize her then yeah wasn't the magistrate an undarian isn't she not an undarian this is like a not an undarian prison why would you offer this information you look at so much confusion you have sewed into our party this is the first time i didn't ask if i recognize this person in the middle of combat and it bites me in the butt also why would i i would never be like oh my sister went to the starbucks like why would you offer this information uh you talk about ironclad all the time dude yeah well he's my sworn enemy i don't talk about you know t.o and neo you talked about looking for your sibling why is this bothering you so much because john how many times do you go to best buy and say my brother micah has a mac i think you did psychic damage to blaine i think blaine is taking psychic damage it seems like it i think the 18-hour travel day blaine had yesterday did psychic damage to possibly who's to say okay we're all on the same page is everyone good do i need to clear anything up they are the magistrate's sister maybe correct i'm done can i cut recording i'm done did we kill the magistrate we killed the magistrate murdering magistrate instead of yeah yeah you killed your brother ha ha oh that's a bold move gunther let's see how it plays out all right natty you're up okay i have a couple of things can you take your turn to explain to us what's going on yeah story time i actually want to try to accomplish a couple of things first gus is there any way that a other party member can help their party member remove the the fear thing or is that something that the player has to resolve on their own if you have like a spell or an ability or something that can do that but there's no like just like normal correct okay not like you know lending a hand when they're down or something right you're not gonna like shake them by the shoulders and start slapping him to get them out of it or get smelling salts out okay that's fine i'm just curious pep talk perhaps oh how how full is your glass right now i can't i can't hear you over the screaming no your fiance is gonna think something's wrong is that that almost empty glass is that what that is okay okay captain grumbles get that shield of swearing over and and block uh toe from any more damage okay that's a good that's a good little sweary boy all right and then natty stands up uses a bonus action to use her elemental gift of flight grabs yeah just yeah the t-pose it's every time it's the it's magneto and in days of future past and she grabs giggy and flies up so if i got up from the ground and my the elemental gift gives me a flying speed of 30 feet how can i go so you'd be able to do so removing the prone aspect takes half your movement so you'd be at half of your flying speed so you'd be able to fly up 15. does if if if turning flying does that not automatically remove prone because they're not standing up they're just flying up oh no take that oh no that's the movement that's so much more lame that they're just having to stand up and then they lift off yeah okay so the natty will go up into the sky she's got giggy in her hand and she's gonna throw a giggy pokeball at the tapestry cool nice nice the one with the crank the crank no just one of the other ones no not the cranks i was messing i was messing only one john john stop being silly yeah i throw it at the at the the dog crank hand crank hand crank yeah all right is are you trying to have giggy do something or you're just throwing him at it or what's what's the plan here pay me a picture pay me a tapestry well natty's plan is throw giggy at the tapestry if giggy gets the tapestry natty then will try to command giggy to do something uh yeah we'll just have you make like a strength check or something just to see if you're able to throw giggy far enough to get to the tapestry and i get like advantage in that like with a mom who's like got adrenaline going they can lift their car off their kid right well you're not trying to save giggy you're trying to throw him into danger in natty's mind a car is on giggy right now just no doesn't matter nat 20 doesn't matter mom is here mom is here mom strength mom strength on the board okay you toss giggy and uh i like your picture like he rolls up like into a little ball yeah and like tumbles end over end hits the wall with the tapestry and bounces off and it's like like a pokeball in pokemon just like kind of wiggling back and forth on the ground yeah so when he hit the tapestry since you went ahead and played with that visual nothing happened did he go into world 1.1 in mario i was hope well yeah there's that opportunity or i was gonna say like hoping that he would like cat like grab onto it oh you want him to grab onto it uh i mean you could say either way either he's holding on to it or standing in front of it like a screen door yeah all right giggy can you stop the crank bite the crank do something bite bite it bite it for mama roll to see if giggy listens man i rolled an eight i think he you tell giggy to do that and he does that thing like a dog where he sits down and then puts one of his legs up and starts like chewing on uh the inner part of his thigh okay dang it all right well he's there he's flexible yeah our soldier is is on the point you've deployed grumbles and giggy i would imagine me throwing giggy's my action we call it a bonus action if you want okay i have bonus action was flying i'm gonna be i'm gonna be honest okay all right yeah so then yeah okay i think you earned a bonus john you don't have to be honest give him an inspiration he's been so good today i gave him one guys it's christmas time i gotta be good for santa okay well by the time this comes out it's gonna be way better yeah it's not gonna be christmas march month or whatever it's marsh month summer stinkuary yeah that's that's the one probably happy sanctuary well then natty will finish her turn by saying that tie does not match that suit just saying girl if that's it for natty you all see the the warden disappear what she seems to like vanish just like poof out of existence and then with a poof she reappears immediately right next to tolv oh oh what what is their obsession with me tov and uh grumbles thank you thank you thank you tolv it's your turn okay well and you can remake by the just for reference you can remake your save at the end of your turn to try to break the frighten oh great to clarify you said that i drop everything can you just tell me if i was holding my gavel and i dropped it or if i dropped something because i i don't know what was equipped if anything i would say let me i'm going to look at your inventory if you have it yeah it looks like right now you have well you have both your gavel and your javelin quip that's plain so i would say yeah you dropped the gavel okay how many shields does he have equipped on the back or the front in both am i still running because you said that i was running in the opposite direction you were running then you are still under the frightened effect so let's double check what that says the room's not that big he's probably just scratching at the wall i had a plan actually that involved the wall if i was running so you have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while your source of your fear is in line of sight and you cannot willingly move closer to the source of your fear oh lucky for you she came to you oh great can i paint you a picture for what i think would have to happen okay and then you you do all the things you know just hatred things where you make me roll bad things and then i lose and i die if i'm running then i'm in a and i see a wall oh your mittens leggings oh leggings your octo leggings or whatever they call i was thinking of the mittens of mushrooms i have my stockings of spider silk so i want to go like real looney tunes with it and i would just run at the wall and then run up the wall what i have a question what do those look like lulu lemons you know like do they look like fishnet stockings or something like that like what in my head they're male uh ballet dancers uh stockings oh amazing tights it's cold in austin right now and i'm wearing like like actual like little leggings on right now underneath my jeans so i just kind of imagined they were just like that like athletic like under armor lulu lemon type very cool okay yeah you could try to keep running up the wall okay so i'm just gonna do that and because i'm not prone i think i got my full speed right so like 40 40 feet yes however i'm gonna get my attack of opportunity yeah i figured that would happen i mean i have to do it though because you told me i'm just running so yeah yeah okay so the warden appeared next to you which reignited your fear and caused you to continue running at the wall she lashes out again with another one of those psychic attacks okay oh lucky for you i don't think it's very good that is a 12 yes you missed okay i have a great quip for this even though i'm afraid you want to hear it yeah don't you know that terror leads to truth nothing is hidden from me your secrets are mine you just told us your secret that you have a brother yeah just offering so many little quips okay listen if micah wrote him i'm gonna say him i know of course i understand was is the wall the the uh what's the sense between me the wall and then how tall is the wall how far up do i get on the wall with my spider silk you were probably pretty close to the wall already cool and then from where you were the ceiling is six was 60 feet high but it's starting to crank down we'll say it's probably closer to 50 feet at this point okay so i'm like 10 feet from the roof ish okay somewhere maybe not that like 30 feet up in the air okay yeah halfway up the wall we'll say sure or when it was fully extended cool so i'm up on the roof and you said i can't take our sorry up on the wall and you said i can't take any sort of actions against them right disadvantage yeah you're just at disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls okay then i want to i'm going to double speed double move up and i want to be to where when i end up on the roof i'm directly on top of the person okay yeah so then in my next turn if i were to theoretically take the the fear thing off then i could just like jump down and do it down on them or something yeah luckily you're so afraid of the warden that you don't have time to be afraid of the ceiling that's slowly cranking down it doesn't even register with you yeah okay so now i'm upside down and you guys look like you're on my roof and then i'm gonna finish with a rage although if i don't take if i don't attack then that's gonna screw me up right farts yeah or take damage but unfortunately uh the uh the attack of opportunity missed yeah okay well can i at least try to like shake the fear thing yeah make another charisma safe oh 18 oh you shake it off all right like taylor swift yeah player's gonna play play play play play i wish i mean i wish i knew the rest of the lyrics that song thank you thank you okay uh that's all i need all right so i am no longer afraid and i'm on the roof and i'm directly on top of her yeah all right cool you're no longer afraid of her there might be other things in your life you're still afraid of no fear no toll has toll has no fear except for the uh the hat man that that really did shake him to his core okay is that it yeah yeah okay then uh we're back up to the top with gunther and gunther you're up gunther why don't you you you hear something gunther what do i hear is that is that captain grumble captain grumbles in the wrong direction but it sounds like some kind of groaning or mumbling coming from behind one of the tapestries which one make a perception check solid seven pretty you know seven not bad they say it's the new 20 guess seven's the new 20. yeah dungeons and dragons magazine says uh sevens are like the new crit dnd power that's the new 2026 thing i guess yeah yeah you know you may not have read it yet but yeah we did issue comes out tomorrow nat seven it's somewhere on the southern end of the room so like not quite close to you but like down in the opposite direction all right which which tapestries are on the southern side the one that's on the southern end of the room is the one that's on the southern end of the room the ones in the south are the pair of hands with fingers tied together that one's in the southeast the one to the south is a tombstone and then the one to the southwest is two faces one of which is covering its ears and the other one's covering its eyes i'm gonna gunther's just gonna can gunther make it to the pair of hands fingers tight together see i'm pretty sure you can make it yeah you can make it there in uh one movement okay i'll go there and i guess i'll like first touch it touch the hands maybe are they tactile like moving like the other ones or you approach the tapestry uh with a hand outreach to touch it and feel like how tactile it is and as you're doing so several serpents leap out from the tapestry all over you make me a strength saving throw oh no snakes why it's gonna be snakes that's good that was really good oh no oh no oh no five no it did the snakes all begin wrapping around you and drag you down to the floor and they begin slowly starting to constrict you what does it feel like describe that to me gunther it feels like giant worms can i do anything am i restrained completely metagame wise you lose the ability to roll a d20 until the end of your next turn so all d20 rolls and saving throws are auto failures hey okay question i don't remember did i use misty step last time have i used missy step i believe you did for part of your surprise like you're when you did the uh when you surprised the guards that's right i did okay is it only a one time per long rest thing yeah yeah yeah it's like so i lose all my d20s uh one thing i'm going to mention as well you hear the the clicking of the crank continue click click click click click and the ceiling just continues to lower tools on the bright side you're getting closer to the ground uh but for everyone else the ceiling appears to be dropping precariously more and more okay i guess that's i don't know can i can i i can't even i'm just like in the ground wrapped up right on the ground yeah yeah i was like oh i know we covered that at the beginning during the arrow yeah i don't know if i could do anything other than maybe i could try and use my tongue to like move the the tapestry can i do that i don't know if that counts as a d20 if you're trying to grab something i guess i need to make a dex grapple check with it correct that's a d20 well i i go to and i stop gunther there's a little tongue tied at the moment tongue tight yes all right that's it for gunther doug and after doug's awarding the natty all right i'm gonna try something here who's that that's barbara that's a new voice i'm trying out just dig dig dig oh i wonder if i could do a british accent for dog oh that was that was tough me dad all right i love it where did that go oh this is his friend rug i'm going to once again shoot my crossbow comma light at the magistrate but before i do that the warden i don't know what skill check you want me to use for this but could i try to remember what we know about the magistrate or like what we learned in our battle with them history make me a history check yeah okay i figured i just didn't want to assume yeah uh 20 well that's pretty good the magistrate you he was initially disguised as colonel bull and that's not how you say his name boy thank you you fought him early on at fort endridge how did we kill him you had combat with him in the armory room remember by the three chests and then afterwards steel eye came in what would doug remember if he was like had like any vulnerabilities during that battle i don't think it was anything specific that okay he was that seemed to work better than anything else no specific vulnerabilities i'm double checking to be safe if i remember correctly he had to have his blood in his body to keep living yeah that's one weakness to 12 yeah that would be Yeah, I guess a weakness. Yeah, there was nothing that seemed to, like, be especially effective. But nothing that also seemed like it didn't work, if that makes sense. Yeah, that does make sense. Well, I'm going to try shooting my crossbow. I imagine she's still within range. I have 80 feet on that crossbow. Okay. Yeah. Shooting. That is a 22 to hit. Wow. Okay. Yeah, that connects. And I will do my damage. Ay-yi-yi. Three points of piercing damage. That's better than last time. Oh, that was a D6. No, wait. That was a gambot. Gambot got the little roll. But I do also have a spell called Branding Smite. The next time I hit a creature with a weapon attack, before the spell ends, the weapon gleams with astral radiance as you strike. The attack deals an extra 2D6 radiant damage to the target. One of these random little buffs you have. I know, I know. What was that called? Branding Smite. It's a spell. Brandon Smite? Never heard of him. So, I think. The spirit of the spell, just for clarification, is you cast Branding Smite at some point, and then the next time you attack with a weapon and it hits, then it activates. We'll let it slide. There's not a big difference one way or another in this case. Okay. So, I would have had to cast it before I made the attack? Right. You had the bonus action and everything. So, we can easily say you would have cast it first and then used your crossbow, because you can cast it, and then if your crossbow misses, it's still active. Then the next time you would hit, it would work. Okay. For some reason, I thought it was something you do after, so I will remember that for future spell casting. I'm just bringing it up so we know going forward. Aren't with paladins, like, you do your smites after you hit your attack? Some of them are, yes. Or some of them, it can go either way. I think with paladins also, it's like, yeah, you can proc it after. Gotcha. You can only go one way. You can't go two ways, Gus. Yep. Gus being generous DM. Well, also, it's not that big a deal. It's just the order that we do things, so it wouldn't have made a difference here. And this one's a, I guess the big difference is this one's, a concentration spell, so you wouldn't be able to, like, keep it up, cast something else, and maintain it at the same time. Gotcha. So I assume now that I'm using it to do that extra D6, 2D6 of damage, after that, the spell is off. Correct. Okay. So that's an extra 2D6 of damage, which is seven. Seven points, and that's radiant damage, right? Correct. All right. The warden does not seem too pleased about that. It's because she's a daemon. A daemon. She's an undead. She's an undarian, and they probably don't like that radiant damage. But she is still standing and fighting. A daemon. Well, good thing I have a second attack. Do it. Crossbow, light, hitting at you. 19 to hit. Nice. Yeah, that hits. And that, oh, my God, it's going to be another three points of damage. I keep rolling ones on my hit die. Yeah, not great. I mean, those are all pretty low. It adds up, but, yeah, they're all a little low. Yeah. And now, how far is Gambot from? Well, she teleported over closer to 12. So, Gambot is probably, let's say, 25 feet away. Perfect. 20, 25 feet, somewhere in that neighborhood. His speed is 40, so he's going to go up to her again and give her another what's it for. Gambot's got wheels. He does. The problem is that Gambot moves like a Roomba, so he doesn't actually go straight at her. He just starts hitting walls until he finds her. Yeah, he uses up all 40 feet of his speed. He's just binging. Oh, I'm just trying to find her. Mapping the area for himself for later. He's caught on the lip of the carpet again. He's trying to dock on 12. Stop it, Gambot. Diggy left a mess on the floor and Gambot rolled over it. Oh, no. And his tray's already full. No. All right. 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But she's just going to, yeah, use her. Psychic attack on you. A bolt of energy flies out once again from her finger guns, flying towards you, Tolv, hitting AC. Fifteen. Ah-ha! You missed. Smells like up Tolv in here. Come on. Say it. Say it, please. Hey, Tolv, what's up, Tolv? Somewhat frustrated, the warden. I mean, nothing much, Natty. What is up with you? I'm sorry. I got so excited. You ignored me. You abolished me. I was waiting for it. It was like, you just laughed. I go, okay. So stupid. She kind of furs her brow, Tolv, and says, I like to think that despairing is caring. And trust me, I can take care of all of you. Uh-oh. Oh, that sounds nice, actually. Yeah. Oh, wow. Thank you. Wow. Wow. Wow. I think she's about to do an AOE attack, so it's not going to be very nice. I think she's about to do something very matronly. I think she's about to turn over a new leaf right now. And she concentrates, but you can't see what the effects of it are right now. Great. Time to break that concentration. I love danger I can't see. Natty, it's your turn. And then after Natty is Tolv. All right. Natty's going to fly over to the tapestry. The one where Gigi is? Yep. And he's going to feel around on the crank and see if, like, Natty can do something to it. Okay. Can Natty grab it or stop it or just rip up the tapestry? I don't know. You. Can I blue skidoo into the tapestry? Ooh. No. Oh. But. No. Make me a perception check, Natty. Gladly. That's a 14 plus. What is my modifier? Three. 17. Yeah, you come up to this tapestry and, yeah, you can see, like, a crank that's woven into it. And you begin feeling around, trying to see what you can do. What you can do with it. You touch it, and it just appears to be flat. Like, there's no. The texture is of thread and, you know, the woven fabric, but there doesn't seem like there's anything sticking out from it. What about behind the tapestry? You move the tapestry and look, and there's just a stone. I mean, a metal wall behind it. What happens if I just crumble up the tapestry and my hands kind of hold it, like. Just kind of like, you know, it's still probably attached to where it is hanging, but I'm just kind of, like, crumbling it up. Does that stop the sealing? No, you bunch it up. It's still attached, but, you know, it seems like the sealing. You can still hear it clicking, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, and the sealing is still slowly lowering itself. Hey, any of you guys got an idea what to do with this tapestry? I'm here. I'm open. Opened ideas. I know how to stop the ceiling from falling. I know this. But I'll go on my turn. I got a firebolt. Yeah, you think it's like destroy it? Hey, warden, how do I stop this? She'll tell us. If I say please, will you tell me? No. Natty shoots the warden. Yeah, Eldritch Blast. I don't know what to do with this tapestry. I'm going to have Gigi try and just scratch at it, but I'm going to shoot her first. Oh, that's a 19 plus modifiers doesn't matter probably, right? It doesn't matter. However, the warden crinkles her nose, and you have to re-roll that die. Okay. She has what Micah has lovingly coined desperation die. It's like an anti-luck die, which forces you to re-roll. What does that have to do with her nose? Does she smell something weird? It's like a bewitch thing. Yeah. Can you do that, the genie? No. It's not a genie. It's a witch. It's a witch. Literally the name. Oh, the genie. No, the genie. The genie does it. Remember? No, she does the head nod. Get your old TV land shows correct, okay? You're right. I'm sorry. Okay. I rolled again. I rolled a 16 with modifier. Oh, curses. All right. That still connects. Yeah, yeah. What a waste of a desperation die. Yeah. Oh, man. It really sucks when you try to do something, and then you roll, and your demon child won't do it. Wait a minute. Gus has, oh, that's an inspiration die, not a luck die. Man. Yeah. I was going to use it. He's grumpy. I rolled a three plus four. That would be seven plus. Oh, I got to see all my modifiers. I get agonizing blast, so they move the plus four. That's what I say. Seven. That's 11. And then I have my genie thing. Gives me three thunder damage. So 14 damage. And this is all attached to an eldritch blast, right? This is all attached to an eldritch blast. Okay. Yeah. So your eldritch blast leaps forward from your hand. Zigzag. I like to think eldritch blast kind of like zigzag, like a lightning bolt. Zigzag. Through the room, striking the warden, doing 14 points of damage. It's like dark side lasers. He says to a room full of people who have no idea what he's talking about. No idea. I shoot another eldritch blast. Can I do that? If you can. You tell me. Yeah, I can. All right. 17. That hits. That's a good one. That's a nine plus four. That's 13 plus four. And I don't think I do thunder again. Once during each of your turns. Yes. So 17. That's a lot of damage. Yeah. All right. All right. Yeah. The warden is displeased with you, Natty. She might have to do something about that, but she is still standing. That's fine. I'm going to roll to see if Giggy will do it. Mommy says. Mommy rolled an 18. Giggy, eat the tapestry. All right. Giggy's going to just try to like rend at it with Giggy's attack. Sure. I think in the future, let's just make sure we ask Giggy and then roll. I want to make sure we don't roll and then change the idea after. Oh, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. No. Uh, but yeah, you had already said that that's what you're going to do, so it's fine. Yeah. That's why. Normally I wouldn't, but that's a good call. Okay. Yeah. I guess have Giggy make an attack. Yeah. Let's do that. Rend is plus five. I rolled a six. That's an 11 on the tapestry. What's the AC of the tapestry? Um, that's a great question. I'm trying to double check while you're doing that. Hope it's not a seven. That's like the new 20. Yeah. Callback. Good callback. Take an inspiration die. That was an excellent callback. Oh, thank God. I've been needing one. I've been having to grasp my enshrouds here. I like the callback. I'm going to say that, uh, Giggy begins clawing at it and trying to rend it, uh, but it doesn't really seem to do anything. Metagame-wise, I think it was a little low. Probably should have been a little higher to, to really be effective. I thought Giggy was going to eat it. He's just hanging there on this tapestry. Yeah. I guess like he's trying to claw through it, but he's just like claws out on it. Well, mama's done. Mama. Tolv, you're up. And then after Tolv, we go back up to the top to Sneaky Gunther. Okay. Tolv is going to stop the roof from falling. So he's going to push down really hard. Push down? Yeah. Well, for him, it's down. Like jump? Oh, right. He's not going to jump. He's just going to, he's going to hold it as strong as he can. Does that have any effect on it? Is it a thing Tolv can't poop? How did I know that when I said, has anybody got ideas? And you said Tolv knows how, I was like, Tolv does not know how. Oh, no, he's like pressing it. He's going. I thought he had a better idea too. No, it doesn't seem to do anything. You're stuck to the ceiling slash floor for you. And it's still very slowly clicking down with that ominous click. But I'm on top of the warden. I would say you're above the warden. Right. How far away is the warden from my gavel? Oh, she teleported, I'd say 20, 25 feet. I think that's what we rolled for Gambot's movement. Oh, farts. Okay. I'm going to have to do this really, really cool attack without it. But that's all right. Because I got my javelin. You can just drop it. You don't even have to make an attack, right? You just drop. Okay. A free hand action, a free action. Like a cow. Yeah, nice. No, this is way cooler. Check this out. It's time to get Tolverized. I take my javelin and I unrelease from the roof with my spider silkings directly on top of the warden. And then as I'm coming. Down with my javelin, I want to do like a lightning strike. So I'm going to engage my rage. I didn't mean to rhyme, but I'm loving that. That sounds fun. Engage your rage. And when I start raging, I proc storm aura. So I gain a 10 foot aura effect when you start your rage. And as a bonus action on each of your turns, when activated one creature of your choice and your aura takes lightning damage. So like right as I'm about to hit them, I activate my rage. That's pretty cool. You're doing a Blanka. It's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolute Toad lightning strike. I loved playing Blanka. You would. So OP. I like Blanka too. He looked like a little mutant. Let's figure out the damage. Well, I guess you have to make an attack of some kind. How is this going to work in your mind, Blaine? Probably the. In Blaine's mind, this will kill the warden. Does that work for you? Yeah, in my mind, I think that this is about as powerful as a nuclear bomb. It's a javelin attack. So, I mean, it says it's thrown, but I'm just going to treat it like it's like a melee. Two-handed? Yeah. Like Scrooge McDuck in the Nintendo game. He just went down with his cane. That's what he's doing. So maybe I'll do that. And then because I'm raging when it happens, I'll add my rage bonuses. And then I'll add my storm aura bonuses on top of that. Javelin's listed as a melee weapon here. You can throw it, but yeah, it's a melee weapon. So, yeah, if you just use it as it's in there, it should work fine. Okay. Then let's roll 12. That's a miss. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Does rage give me any advantage? You gain advantage on strength checks and saving throws plus two. Okay. Yes, damage. All right. Well, hey, Gus, remember when I made you laugh and you gave me that inspiration die? Yes. That's what you get, Gus, for letting Blaine make you laugh. There you go. I'm going to use my inspiration die. Rolling that again. That's a little bit better. Oh, I think that's a little bit better. 21. Dog, is that you? 21, believe it or not. Good. Okay. That's a hit. So, I'll roll my javelin. That's an eight plus two melee damage from rage. Ten. And then I'm going to use my storm aura, which is. Okay, I got to start writing these down. Hold on. A 1d6. Okay. So, once again, it was eight with the javelin. A javelin plus two with rage plus a 1d6 that I'm about to roll. Okay. You going to roll? I go. Roll. Here it is. Yoo-hoo. That's a B. There. It's a one. It's a one. Yeah, but the emotional impact, the emotional damage is an eight. Well, speaking of impact, do I get any, like, additional bonuses because I'm dropping from the ceiling? Yes. We call that fall damage. You fell 40 feet. No, no, no. On them, Gus. On them. Well, let's deal with your fall damage first, then we'll figure that out. So, you fell 40 feet, and it's d6 per 10 feet. So, I'm going to roll 4d6 falling damage here. Okay. But I'm also raging, though. So, you'll take half. So, lucky for you, that's only 10. So, you take half of that, which is five. Don't take that. Five. All right. Cool. And then I want to use my second attack. Boy, would I love to go for my gavel of gale storm. And I have the movement speed to do it. But then I would proc a. Whatchamacallit? She missed last time. That's when Gus turns into the little demon on Blaine's shoulder. He goes, she missed last time. I'll just hit with the javelin again. Yeah, you could also, if you want, maybe ask the sea drinker for help. What? I can do that? Okay. All right. Oh, sea drinker. I don't know why I'm starting this with a whisper song, but I want to know if you'll help me. I'm trying. I'm trying to attack this warden. Please, sea drinker, I did like a cool lightning strike. In your name I pray, amen. Make me a religion check. Okay. Do you say pray men? Yeah. It's like praying amen. It's like combining praying and amening. 13. It seems like nothing happens. And then the water along the floor begins like lapping and moving, almost like waves are generating in a wave pool. It seems like the origin point is under. your gavel of Gaelstrom, and the waves begin picking it up. and floating it across the floor. And it comes across and bumps into your ship right around your ankles. Oh, it surfed. Very cool. Ouch. Oh, God! Oh! Cedric, go away! I pick up my gavel then. Okay, yeah, you pick it up. But I want to do it, like, with a cool flourish where it kicks up water and it makes, like, a, like a, like a. One of those water tornadoes. Okay. Do any of us get picked up in that? Yeah, you can surf with it, Doug. You start a little vortex, yeah. Yeah, and then carrying that momentum from picking up the gavel, I take another swipe at the warden. Okay. Farts! That's a 12. Ooh, that is a miss. But what if I did a bonus that I don't have? All right, fine. What if I make you. What if I do a little dance, Gus? Huh? Huh? Come on, Gus, give me a little inspiration now, huh? Well, you don't get an inspiration die, but you miss, and there's something about seeing you miss, especially after having such a cool moment with the sea drinker bringing you the gavel, it shakes the confidence of your party members around you. Something about seeing this cool moment kind of fizzle causes everyone to have doubts, and they feel like they could. You all could potentially fail at your mission here. 12 gave us anxiety. Guys! No! Everyone hears the warden whisper in their minds, Your friends will fail you. Rude. Metagame-wise, everyone has disadvantage on their next D20 roll. Oh. Dang it. But what if we heard it and didn't believe it? What if we heard the friends theme song after? Yeah. ♪ Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do ♪ Bar was so fast to that. Yeah. I hope they came through with my audio. They did. We heard it. Yeah. Unfortunately, the warden's in her napalm era. She's gonna take down. I'm the only one here who gets it. You're the only one. I saw your Spotify rap, so. Big check for my napalm era. Okay. That's it for 12? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. Gunther, what's up with those snakes? I don't know. I don't know. Are they on me still? Yeah, they're constricting tighter and tighter. What are you gonna do? Can I try and slip out of them? Slippery. I'm all wet. I'm a frog. Yeah. At the end of your turn, we say you can make another strength saving throw. But until then, I just stay under snake? I don't know if you have any other abilities or any other ideas. All right. Well, so can I stand up? Or am I on the ground? They dragged you to the ground and they're wrapped around you. You could, we could try to stand up. You can make like a strength check independent of the saving throw to see if you're able to stand. Okay. Here it goes. Oh, wait. No, you can't. Because all D20s are auto failures. Okay. So no. Okay. Farts. I want to roll to the next paint, next mural. Tapestry? Yes. I want to roll to the one with the two faces and listen and see if I can listen, hear that noise that I heard. No, you can't do that because that's a check. Those are all perception checks. Oh, well, I'm just going to roll to the two faces. Okay. You roll over to the two faces, which does not require a check. That's just movement. You don't get all the way there, but you get most of the way there. Oh, wait, that would be regular movement. You're rolling held up by snakes. You get halfway there. Okay. Yeah. And like every other like half of the turn, you're submerging yourself in water. It's like you're torturing yourself half the time you're rolling over there. Mamba Mia. Mamba Mia? Mamba Mia? Mamba's name is Snake. That's good. Have you been looking up snake puns? Shut up, John. No. I didn't say anything. Shut up, John. Yeah, John. He goes after John. I didn't do nothing. No, I was going to say Gus. I was going to say Gus. John catching strays for no reason over here. Shut up, Josh. Normally, you're the one calling me out for- I didn't do anything. I'm so used to it. I've been a good boy. All right. I hate snakes. I can't do anything unless- It's like an anime moment. I can't do anything unless- Gunther, Gunther. It works for me to pray to the seed drinker. You should pray to your crappy god. I pray, please help me. I've not talked to any other gods. Would a flower, please? Say anything. That's your prayer? Okay. I can do better. Listen, I've been thinking about you a lot, and I'm trying my hardest, and I've been good, and not seen any other deities, or even thought of them. Just me, you, and these snakes, and they're getting between us. I think it's going to work. Make a religion check. 15. You say this prayer. You close your eyes real tight, and then you open them, and you see the water moving in front of your face. And very slowly up from the ground, you see a water lily start to sprout up from the ground, and flower and bloom right in front of your face. And the waves kind of cause it to move back and forth, and it leans forward and touches you in your nose. It's in the shape of a middle finger. You regain the hit points that you've been missing for a little while here. What? Really? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. It worked. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Exploring this, it was the water from the sea drinker that I summoned. So is this sea drinker, or is this the tiger lily? A lily sprouted out and touched him. No, I've been at half HP for, like, a long time. Yeah, because your god took it away. So, like, don't be so happy that they're giving it back, you know? It sounds like an abusive relationship. Yeah. But, yeah, you got it back. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're too easy to impress. But you're still covered by snakes. Snakes. Snakes. Anything else? No. Okay. Dirty 20. At disadvantage. Yeah, it's at disadvantage. Ooh. I thought that already happened to him. Or is it all of his D20s? Ha! 21! Oh. Really? At disadvantage. It's from the warden's "your friends will fail you" thing. Okay. Yeah. You managed to pull the snakes off, like, some kind of wrestler ripping your shirt open. Yeah. Can they just explode into gory goo? Like, just. Sure. You rip the snakes apart and have snake bits all over you, Gunther. Those snakes are history. Look at that. All right. Doug, you're up. Oh, gosh. Okay. Could I pray to the veiled eye? You've opened a can of worms, Gus. I feel like I see it happening, and so I'm just like, "Oh, yeah, it's a good idea, actually." Yeah. Oh, blessed veiled eye. It is I, Doug Boone. I remember last time we spoke, you kind of didn't remember my name when I told you, but now I'm telling you again. It's a favor to you. Give me a sign that you hear me. Make a religion check, I guess. That's not normally what you do in a prayer. Give me a sign. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that, so I was like, "Oh, there's a long pause." Would this be a disadvantage? Yes, because it's your next D20 check. Okay. Ah. Okay. An eight. It was a one, so it's a critical fail. You feel a breeze. Is it the veiled eye? Is that something it does? Yeah. It's a very good sign. I'm going to go ahead and do a religion check. Okay. Okay. Okay. - Tombstone? - No. - Turned into crank. - Turned into crank. - Correct. - And then the two faces. - Correct. - On the southwest, right? - Correct. - From my own curiosity, why are you attacking another tapestry? - Well, when this one burst into flames, it stopped the crank. So I want to see if burning all these tapestries maybe injures her. - It's not a bad theory. - Or helps us get out of here. - Yeah, I was just curious. You do you. - Doug has method to his madness. - Yeah. - Doug cast fireball at the two faces tapestry. - Fireball? - Firebolt, sorry. - Oh, okay. I was like, "Oh, where'd you get that?" - I was just saying fireball. - I was just saying, I was like. - I was like, "That's pretty powerful." - That was also on her Spotify rap. - Yeah, yeah. Fireball. Firebolt, please, which is a cantrip. - Yeah, make a ranged spell attack. - 16. - Yeah, that's a successful hit. - Okay, that does 11 points of fire damage. - Wow. The firebolt strikes the tapestry, igniting it, and the flames run all through it, and the tapestry goes up in a puff of smoke. - Okay. - And it seems like the smoke rises up to the ceiling and just kind of dissipates from there. - Do I see anything change in the room, or does anything happen to the warden? - Make a perception check. - 25. - Nothing that is apparent to you. - Okay. - Well. - And Doug just brushes his hands off and goes, "Next." - Next. - Which I think at Gambot's turn. - Oh, yeah. - Where is Gambot now in relation to the warden? - I believe Gambot is still right by the warden, 'cause the warden didn't move, and Gambot had run up to the warden. - Well, guess what he's gonna do? Bob that little head up, Force-Empowered Rend. - Yeah. - Whang, whang, whang. That is a 26. - That hits. - Plus three, which is seven points of damage. - That hits the warden squarely in the jaw. - Good job, Gambot. - Does Gambot reply? - And then he spins up in the air and does another one of those Sailor Moon poses. - We've got it, we're gonna use it. Okay, that's it for Doug and Gambot? - Yes. - Okay, it's the warden followed by Natty and then Tolv. The warden is once again gonna go after Tolv. She's single-minded on Tolv, apparently. - My gosh. Are you obsessed with me? - Well, you were frightened and now you're right next to her. So it's just easy. She's gonna try to psychically damage you once again, hitting AC 18. - Yeah, yeah, that hits. - The bolt flies out and strikes you, forcing you to recall another scary memory from your past, Tolv. - Okay, okay. Okay, so there's this one time, right, where I'm hanging out with the crew, right? You know what told me all the, my brothers and sisters were on the ship and then someone says like a really funny joke. So I'm laughing. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then suddenly my stomach like turns like poopy style. And then I just like, all of the fluids inside of me just start like, you know, coming out. And I'm just like, oh, but you know, like everybody's still laughing. And I know that if everyone noticed that I stopped laughing, that something was wrong. So I have to keep laughing. So I keep laughing and then I'm just like, counting down the moments until I could go to the poop deck. Um, it's terrifying, really scary stuff, yeah. - I got secondhand embarrassment for you there, Tolv. - Yeah, it happens. - Terrible memory. And on top of that terrible memory, you also receive 15 points of psychic damage. - Good. Is there any sort of like effect that rage does? Let me see. - Does that knock that in half or is it just physical? - No, it's just for physical. I'll say Gunther, you noticed that the tapestry, Gunther, the tapestry in the Northeast begins moving. - What? - Almost like it's flapping in the wind. From the tapestry emerges a giant bird. - A bird. - Gunther, Gunther hates birds. - I do not like birds. - It takes flight. - Oh! - And flies over you, Gunther. And it's circling. - Oh no. Everyone, run! - So Gunther doesn't like birds? - And the bird circles and then dives down at you with its claws stretched out, almost like it's going to grab you, Gunther. - Oh no. - What is it? What do I do? - It would hit a C 14. - Oh, thank goodness. I miss me. - The talons clasp right around you, but you move your head at the last second. Otherwise they would have firmly gripped around your head. - Oh, everyone, there is a bird. - Yeah, we can see it, Gunther. It's like a, it's like a 30 foot wide room. - With a ceiling that's like down to like 30 feet. - There is a bird! - I feel bad for the bird. It's like when you go to the Home Depot and the bird gets in. - Yeah, it's stuck in here. It's probably just scared. - Can we help it? Is there anything we can do? - You know what? I'm going to use my Gus Inspiration die. - Oh yes! - Oh no. - Yes! - Finally! - Oh no. - I'm so happy. - It's coconut. - I'm going to re-roll that. - Come on. - That's a 25. - Yeah! - Go bird! Go bird! - Oh! - Ah! - The bird's talons grasp firmly around your skull. - Oh! - Gunther. - Don't go for the snakes! - You ripped the snakes off already. Doing 12 points of slashing damage. - Oh! - And it begins beating its mighty wings against the air, trying to take flight. Make a strength check, Gunther. - Oh! - It's a 13. - I rolled a 13 and I have plus five on strength. That's an 18. - The giant bird takes flight with Gunther in its talons. - Oh! - By the head, it's kind of like a Kermit the Frog situation where your arms and your legs are just flailing around frantically. - Oh! Help me! - I want to make a fan art request that someone does the Mexican flag, but instead of a snake, it's Gunther out of the beak. - Oh my God. - And as you're taking flight to the air, you once again hear that groaning snake. - That's a great sound, Gunther. This one's not you. It's not your groan, it's something else. - Where do I hear, do I hear where it's, do I hear where it's from? - A 10? - It seems almost like it's coming from the tapestry in the southeast portion of the room where the snake slept out from. - What? - The one you rolled away from. - Do not be afraid of the snakes. There is something in there, in the tapestry. - Eek! - Okay, that is it for-- - I was like being carried off. - Yeah, his voice fades away. Natty, you're up. - Okay, well, Natty's flying. - You're not the only one. - Or Natty can fly. Yeah, I'm gonna shoot at the bird. - Okay. - Actually, could I do another Gigi throw? - Yeah. - Please, please and thank you. - That's what I want to do. I think Gigi up close and personal with the bird is exactly what I want right now. - Be one with the bird, Gigi. - So throwing, you did what, a strength check, Goose? - Yeah, yeah. - 14 plus, what is my strength modifier? One, 15. - That succeeds. - All right. And then I gotta roll to see if Gigi will do what I want? - Yes. - So like attack the bird? - Yes. - Okay. That's a critical fail. It's not a good day for me getting Gigi to do what I want. - Okay, well, what were you gonna have Gigi try to do? I'm just curious. - Just attack, just like, just mess up the bird. - My perspective on this, the failure since, you know, you, you didn't succeed is that Gigi gets there and is so overcome with the fact that he's flying in the air that he loses sense of what's what and begins attacking Gunther. - Perfect. - I think John failed intentionally because Chris told him to shut up earlier for no reason. - So am I rolling for attack with Gigi then? - Yeah. - Yeah? - Yeah. - All right, what is Gigi? Okay, Gigi's a plus five, that's a 17. - Is that a hit, Chris? - No. - What? I asked that sarcastically. I figured that was a hit. - Uh-uh. - Oh, all right. - He's so strong. - He's got a weirdly high AC, remember Gus? - Yeah, I just double checked it. Yeah, all right. He begins trying to attack Gunther, but Gunther's just flailing around so much that all the attacks miss, yeah. - Gigi, no, no! - Curving, floppy limbs. - The bird, not me! - That's exactly what I'm picturing, just. - It's wet slaps, just like. - Since I didn't use a bird, it's a bonus action this time. Can I make the throw my bonus action this time and now do an attack? - Sure. - Oh, you're such a good man. - Who's a good man? - Who's a good Gustavo? - It's me. - It's me. - That's a 25 from a first Eldritch Blast. - That's good. - So then we'll roll for damage. That's three plus four, plus four, plus three. So 14 damage. - Ooh, yeah, that's pretty good. You knocked some feathers loose from the bird. - Perfect. And we're gonna shoot. - We're gonna shoot the bird again, just like we did in the backyard with my mamas. - What? - You know, like you go sit in the backyard and you shoot. Maybe I'm just thinking of my dad. I think he had a memory where he would like, shoot like doves in the backyard and then they'd like eat them. - Oh, hurting small animals with your parents? - No, I didn't do it. My dad did. It was like on a farm. - They would eat it? At least they would eat it. - That's hunting. - Yeah, it's called hunting. People do it. - I thought you were just revealing that you just killed birds for fun as a kid. - Yeah. - I said my dad. - And you worked your way up to humans. - Very different. I said my dad. - The signs were all there. yeah you know how much i hate animals i've really incorporated into all of my dnd characters i forgot what i was doing i was like rolling my second yeah harming a small no i rolled a 16 plus 7 is a 23 this which is successful thank you that's an 8 plus 4 plus 3 so 15 the elder's blast flies striking the bird which causes it to explode into a like a big ball of feathers and it falls to the ground and so do giggy and gunther along with giggy and gunther okay let's see how much fall damage they take yeah let's yeah do it taking seven points of fall damage okay he's gonna take damage that's okay he's actually almost as beefy as mom wow he's growing he's a big boy and that's my turn i didn't use any of my flying so can i fly over to that tapestry that was making the noise yeah absolutely and just as a free action can i just whisper is anybody in there it's not captain grumbles one grumble if you're a person perfect okay there's someone in the tapestry it's probably a prisoner of somebody careful it could be the hat man all right all right that's my turn i'm done cool uh how close is the warden pretty close still right up on you okay i'm stuck in here that's okay uh tov is still spinning around he's gonna act like he uh that momentum that he was carrying from that missed hit it's still going he's working up a vortex and he's gonna go for another hit all right so i'm gonna hit with my gavel galestrom Oh, my God. It's me. Play your deity again. Play the sea drinker. Sea drinker, please. I'm bombing over here. Everyone, you hear once again the warden's voice in your mind. Your friends will fail you. I think you just mean Tov. Tov will fail us. Tov will fail you. There we go. Wow, you didn't have to, like, name names, okay? Gosh. All right. I'm going to keep spitting around, and then I'm going to take another hit. He's going to vomit. All right. And you have disadvantage on this one because of the effect. Because your friends will fail you. Okay. Disadvantage. Great. I really needed that. 25 and 17. Believe it or not, that's a hit. Oh, my God. All right. Well, it's definitely two-handed, so I'm going to roll with that. So it's a 1d10 plus 13. So that's 7 plus 2 from rage. Plus Storm Aura, which would be a d6. So we're at 9 right now. Let me roll that d6. And it's a 3. Okay. Well, we're doing some math. 13, I think. You spin around again, maintaining that vortex and maintaining that momentum. And even though the warden's somewhat in your head with her whispering about failure, the gavel of Gaelstrom comes around and strikes her on the side of the body, doing a significant amount of damage. It, like, does that thing where it, like, knocks the warden. It, like, knocks the wind out of her. Like, she gets hit in the lungs and, like, all the air comes out. Almost like when you get hit in the solar plexus and you're, like, you're, like, trying to get your breath back in. Barber, what does that sound like again? I can't breathe. And you hear her mutter something. How? And she falls to her knees and then slumps over to the ground. Oh. Oh. Did we get her? How? How? Maybe she's just impressed by our confidence. Combat abilities, I think, is what's happening. We're just wiping this family out. This is great. See if it's a fake face. Can I, uh, face off? I'm gonna pull the face. You go and you try to Mission Impossible her, and you see that she is indeed wearing a disguise. Oh, my God. Just like her brother did with Colonel Boye. Who would do such a dastardly thing wearing a fake skin mask? My God, what have we come to as a society? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? It's no one you recognize. It's, uh, like, a disfigured being that seems like, obviously, she's not moving. She's, you know, you've taken her out, but it seems like she would be hunched over on all fours, shivering. She's got mantis arms. Mantis arms? Yeah, like a sagging, tearful face. But she's deceased? Is she deceased? It seems like it. Okay. And it seems like her face almost looks like Elva's face. Elva? Elva? Like your sister, Elva? Yeah. The fake one or the real one? The real one. Uh, okay. As in Elva's disguised face when Elva was in disguise? No, like Elva's face as you remember her working with her on Ironclad Ship. Oh. Is there, like, any known, like, shapeshifters out there or, like, people who could take on the appearance of others? Yeah, you just start shapeshifting in front of you guys saying, "Yes, I've done it the entire time we've been here." I don't think such a thing exists. No. Doug, you ask that question. And, you know, you look over at the warden's face and you have no idea what Tolv's talking about. That is very clearly your brother's face. Oh. Oh, no. What? Oh. Oh, my God. Whose face does he look like to me? You go and look and you see your wife laying there, Gunther. My wife! My wife. Can I go and kiss her? Natty, who do you see? Do I see anything? Yeah, you take a look, Natty. And, yeah, you see your wife as well. You see Death's face on this body that's laying there. Well, I know that. I know that's not her. Well, she's dead now. Maybe. And then from the corner, once again, you hear, "Oh, yeah, Natty moves this tapestry aside." Who do you see? Who do you see when you look in the face, Mr. Mumbles? Oh, you move the tapestry aside, and behind the tapestry, you see a bloodied and restrained bunlap. Bunlap! No! Why not? Natty goes to try to remove his face, see if he's a fake. No! No! Who are you? Who are you? You try to pull at it, but his face is actually there. It's a real face. It's a real face. Okay. Gunther, is that the real bunlap? I don't hope so. Gunther runs over and tries to restrain him. Yeah. He's got, like, a gag in his mouth and restraints holding him, and you're able to free him. And it looks like he's been worked over. He's pretty bloodied and beat up. Can I cast Cure Wounds on him? Yeah. And it seems to really help. Like, you cast Cure Wounds. And it lets you roll whatever the healing is here. Five points of healing. Five points. And it seems like that kind of energizes him. Like, he can really, like, breathe. And he seems like, oh, like his eyes clear up. And he can look at you. He's taller than most croak folk, muscular and knightly. He's got dreamy golden eyes. Very dreamy. They're very fierce. And they fix on you, Gunther. He says, "Gunther, thank you for coming back." I'm sorry I left. Think nothing of it. It is what needed to happen. But, Gunther, you need to help me escape now. Of course. I'm sorry. Let us go. Yes, let us go. And, Gunther, I have something I need to tell you. What? I know where the Wilder Shield is. Tell me. Find out where the Wilder Shield is and find out what's going on with Bunlap all in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Gunther, I could see why you wanted to say Bunlap. Hello. You have to say it. He's like the hotter version of you. Hello, hello. This is what he looks like beat up. Oh, my God. He's so dreamy. I think it helps. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you next time. Think you survived high school? Try doing it with superpowers. Our newest Tavern Tales: Sea Squad season two officially kicks off on March 18th. Follow the continuing and chaotic adventures of your favorite new soul youngsters played by Barb, Blaine, Chris, and Gus as they navigate puberty, powers, and pop quizzes under me, the DM, Jon Reisinger. It's time to go back to school, and the premiere drops March 18th for every single one of our patrons. Head over to our Patreon to catch up on season one today. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. Want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad-free? You can support us by becoming a patron at stinkydragonpod.com or join as a member on beacon.tv. Both give you early ad-free access and a members-only Discord for their respective platforms. Looking for even more stinky content and community perks? Our patron offers exclusive bonus shows, behind-the-scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon Discord, members-only livestreams, stinky community events, and a shout-out on the show, just like Vash Stumped, Adam Wood, Luna Neko, and ShebaFan1. These patrons directly support the show, get ad-free episodes, access to our patron-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen, and other stinky perks. Once again, that's stinkydragonpod.com. We are incredibly grateful for your support, which makes this show possible. Some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode, and listeners who interacted with us on the Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them, like The Warden, named after Tyrell, Voiced by Fiona K.T. Howitt at fkth.bsky.social on Blue Sky and at Fiona K.T. Howitt on Instagram. Her most recent podcast product is Last Line Rewind, a new horror anthology podcast with tabletop role-playing games bring the terror of the TV glow to life. Also, Bunlap, voiced by Devin Finn at Devin underscore Carruthers. This week's Arrow question was submitted by Atnon plus Old Man McGregor. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Micah Reisinger and composed by Micah Reisinger and edited by Alina Lukorchik. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Anybody realize Curious George didn't have a tail? What? He's a curious little monkey. Monkeys got tails, don't they? They cut his tail off? I just think he. Was he a Doberman? He just didn't have a tail in the artwork. That is weird. I never thought about it. They docked his tail? That's a good question. It's like a monkey's defining thing. Yeah, that's how they, like, walk. They need that thing. I know. For balance. I'd say they walk with their legs, but okay. Some might say it's curious. Oh, get out of here. Beat the heat. 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