C03 - Ep. 36 - From On Hyra - No Guard Feelings

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For licenses, see homedepot.com/licensenumbers. - What's up, everybody? I'm Jimmy Wong. - How's it? It's Josh Lee Kwai. We're the hosts of the Command Zone podcast. - You've probably heard of Magic: The Gathering. Whether you're a new player or a seasoned veteran, or you used to play and want to get back into the game, you've got to check out Commander. - It's the most popular way to play Magic, and for good reason. - It's everything you love about board games, but with Magic cards. - Deep, rewarding strategies, infinite creative deck-building possibilities, and it's multiplayer. So there are tons of opportunities for complex social interactions. - If you can't tell, we seriously love this game, and we think you would, too. - I mean, why else would we talk about it for like an hour every single week? - All right, so if you like Magic: The Gathering, check us out at the Command Zone, the premiere podcast for all things Commander. - Available on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or anywhere podcasts are found. - Best wishes all you Bayou beasts. Bound your mound in the stinky dragon, and drink up our latest leaf juice, Marshy Mellow. It's a mixture of swamp spice tea bags, boiling bog water, Jinx craft juice, hexed honey, and topped with thinly sliced pears of poison. One mouthful of this Moorish mixer will clear any bog in your throat. Previously our adventurers tossed themselves towards the desert, but now they're in the desert themselves, towards turbid terrain, and combed the cold depths for can-do Cody. Next, they were vexed by a volley of arrows and voted to vacate the premises to parse out a plan. Whilst crouching closely beneath a cozy canvas cover, they cautiously crept closer to the Carinian Watchtower column and climbed inside. Now they travel to the top of the turret and its group of guards, but a new tentacular torment teases our team. Cobble a cup, and let's continue this Kokodos chronicle. It's the first time we've seen this in the series, so we'll have to wait a bit longer. Hello everyone! Welcome to Tales from the Stingy Dragon! I'm your Dungeon Master, Gustavo Sorolla, and I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. I have a good feeling about this arrow today. I feel really good about it, because I think it's going to be a banger. Go ahead! I don't know if you have inside information or not, but this arrow today was submitted by Tolv. Oh! And the arrow is, tell me- Blaine, did you know that we're getting a bunch of questions from us, and we've been asking them? I just, you know, patterns and things, I've been noticing some stuff, you know. Tell me about your perfect first date. Okay. Roll dice. Roll dice. Perfect first date. Everyone roll a d20? Yeah, let's see the order. Fourteen. I also rolled a fourteen. Seven. Critical failure. Roll off, Chris. Fourteen. Seventeen. So it's going to be Barbara, Chris, Blaine, John. Yes. Oh, going for so much pressure. Oh, I never podcasted before. That's not true. I've never podcasted. Not in my whole life, Gus. What are you talking about? You have done it, and your character has a podcast as well. Oh my gosh, you're right. Thirteen, fourteen years of podcasting under your belt? Uh, yeah. I think thirteen and a half. Get it together, Barbara. Yeah, I know. Well, hello, stinkers. It is I, Barbara Dunkelman. Main character. Main character of Stinky Dragon. I actually forgot your guy. Yeah. I play Doug Boone, the male bugbear artificer, who is also Battlesmith. Fun fact. Ooh. And, you know, if I was being honest, Gustavo, my perfect first date would be no date at all, because it's very nerve-wracking to be face-to-face with another human being that you're trying to impress. True. And that's one of Doug's worst nightmares, but I think if I were to have a perfect first date, it would be via Zoom call. Mmm. Because that way you get to know each other a little bit, you have some conversation, but yet you're still in the comfort of your own space and, you know, not necessarily having to spend money on each other if you don't know if it's going to work out yet. And that way you kind of break the ice without having to be somewhere, you know, in public and, and maybe sweating profusely and, you know, all the fun stuff that comes with being on a first date. So that, yeah, that would be Doug's ideal. Doug, I see me in this photo and I don't like it. Take this down. Yeah, all right, that's good, I guess. But, uh, we're not, we, I know the question's not about, the question is strictly about first dates, but, you know, of course if things go well, you might have to move beyond that. But I think it's, it's a good starting point. So I appreciate that insight, Doug. Yeah. The other, the other joke I was going to make is, uh, favorite first date is April 15th, because it's not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket. Is that Mean Girls? No, no, that's Miss Congeniality, isn't it? Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. All right. That's pretty good. Shot here in Austin. Is there like a calendar of all of those, like, dates from movies that everyone always - Oh my goodness. There's so many dates that we reference. Man. Yeah. That's great. Okay. Uh, sorry. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Doug. Yeah. That's, uh, good information. Uh, next up, I believe we have, uh, Gunther. Hi, I'm Chris Damaris. I play Gunther, the male croak folk fighter. And I have to disagree. I don't think April 14th is the best first date. 15th. I don't, I have to disagree. I don't think April 15th is the best first date. If anything, it would have to be April 1st. Or March 1st or, or maybe February 1st, uh, 15th is just not first, but, but- Rooster Teeth? No. No. Literally first. Yeah. Oh. I think also Gunther has tax problems and continually needs to file for extensions. So he's not a fan of April 15th in general. That sounds like someone, someone I know. But if we are talking about the date as in where you, you meet someone, then I have a different answer. And that would be, I don't know if this is actually a date, but it was, uh, the first time I, I, I really got to know Punya, my, my now wife, it is, but when we were tadpoles. And so I had just little nubby legs, nubby legs, and she is very, very brave and, and well, I was afraid to leave the water. I was afraid to leave the water and we were swimming around with all of us tadpoles. And then I had, uh, and then a mean bully, he threw one of my favorite pebbles, uh, out, out of the water. And then I was just looking at it. And then, and that's when Punya came up and she said, Hey, I'll go get your pebble. And I was like, but you don't have legs, not full ones. She says, we have to, at some point take the leap out of the water. And then she, she, she got out and she got my pebble. And then, then you know what? The very next day. I got out and I got her a pebble. Wow. You came out. Wow. Congrats. Do you guys know people who like met each other in grade school, started dating in grade school, middle school, and then they just stayed together. I think that that's, that's, that's a, that's Gunther and Punya. Very beautiful. Yeah. Um, also correction. Cause I know people will correct me on this. It's April 25th is the perfect date. Not too hot. Not too cold. Sandra Bullock was so upset just then. I was 10 days off. Yeah. You got my first blister from, uh, trying to use your new legs. Yes. So that was your first date with Punya to summarize your perfect first date is getting picked on by a bully, having your date undo or remedy the situation. And then you giving the date a gift the next day. Well, yes. If you, it is much sweeter when I say it summary, I'm thinking high level here. We're just, uh, trying to get. Make sure that we all understand the points here. It was the perfect date in my head right now. I think it was the only first date you had too, because nobody else. That's the only time I can have a first date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Last date. Cause I think you asked her to marry you the next day. No. He got down on one stubby little knee. When you know, you know. Yeah. All right. Thanks Gunther. When you're a kid, you don't know. I just gotta be clear about that. I just don't want people to put that pressure on themselves and to think that that's, that's, like, a thing. Wink. Right, John? Wink. If you're a tadpole or a frog, maybe, but if you're a human, probably not. Well, I did not know I was going to marry her then. I just thought, I was just impressed that she got my pebble. Yeah. You're not human. Don't worry Gunther. It's fine. It's different. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thanks, Gunther. Next up, who's next? Tolv, I believe, is next. Yeah, you who? It's me, Tolv, played by Blaine Gibson. He's stepped out for the moment. I will say his name. Yeah, so, well, first of all, great question. Good question, submitter. That's a very good question. Very creative, very fun. It's already ripe with comedy. So I would say first date, wow. I think I would want to go out for a night of dancing at the discotheque, listening to Abba, you know, and having all the fun there. And then maybe like a nice walk around the ocean, you know, looking longingly into the sea. And then just, you know, bearing it all, you know, feelings. Why not in the ocean? I mean, we could do that. We could go for a swim, yeah. You know, just, you know, bearing our souls, bearing our endoskeletons, you know, showing off. Showing off that we are all robots. And then, you know, if they run away, so be it. But if they stick around and they're into that sort of thing, that's, you know, great. So, yeah, never been on a date. Never been kissed. I love that movie. Yeah, it's not a good movie, but. Kind of a weird premise because it's high school teacher dating high school girl, but she's not really high school, anyway. Maybe it's not a good movie. I take that back, actually, now that I know the premise. I don't. I still like it. Is it really about a high school teacher? Nuts. In the end, yes. Nuanced. That's who kisses her. Oh. She's undercover. She's of age. It's a 21 Jump Street with Drew Barrymore. It's Drew Barrymore. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. A lot to unpack on that one. Well, anyways. I like how the energy just fell off a cliff for Blaine there. Sorry. All right. It's funny. I don't think this is the time or place for it, Tolv, but one of these days, I want to circle back and find out the effects of brine and, like, the sea air and salt water on your Skellington and how that all works. Because I never thought about it until you talked about it. You set the scenario right now. Yeah. Magic, metals, you know, I don't know. It's like Atlantean technology. Yeah. We could just yada yada that away, you know? Yeah. No, I mean, yeah, that's how, like, what's all that technology underwater in the comic books? Yeah. If you've ever seen the movie, the quick, quick, quick tangent, if you've ever seen the movie, Thank You for Smoking. No, not allowed to do movie quick tangents. Yeah, they have to be long tangents. There's a scene, we do have a separate podcast for that. There's a scene where someone's pitching a movie in space and they want to have the character smoking on a space station and one of the characters asks, well, isn't it an all-oxygen environment? Wouldn't it explode? And the executive's like, oh, yeah, just say we invented the whatever thing that makes it not a problem. Just like total MacGuffin, just like totally write it off. It's like that. All right. Not to extend your tangent, but I think it's a good idea. I have to say, I'd recently rewatched the original Planet of the Apes and Charlton Heston is in space and literally lights up a cigar while he's up there in the first five minutes of the movie. It's great. All right. Thank you, Tolf. Next up, we've got Natty. Hello. I am John Reisinger and I play Natty Wonder, who is a drow warlock drag queen mother. And, well, I was going to ask, when you asked this question, I was going to ask, do you want the short version or the long version? The long version, but considering who just went before me, I'll give you guys the short version so we can just get to our adventure. You look so offended. No, it's fine because I'm the same way. Like my first date is with, you know, my favorite first date would be what my wife did with me on our first date when we first met. And it was like, I mean, talk about ideal. It was in a dream. So, I mean, it was a dream date, you know? And it was actually, it has a little bit of connection to what Tove, Tove listed as his favorite date because while he went, he decided he'd like to go dancing at something-a-ma-jig called a discotheque. I did go dancing. And my wife came and took me to this like elegant ballroom kind of setting, but it was like magical and the floor was clouds and there was like magnolias all over the place and they were singing the music and we danced all night and then we went and walked through this graveyard. And that was awesome. And we just talked as we walked through the graveyard and the stars kind of just, you know, they whooshed around and at the end of the day, they formed a picture of both of us, stars in the sky. It's funny because the juxtaposition of like who Natty is in that character and even the visuals of that character mixed with like death and like walking around in a graveyard and being married to death. Like it seems so, they shouldn't fit together, but they do. Also, might I add that this is just another Sandy Bullock movie while you were sleeping. I mean, that's, it's right there. Another kind of problematic movie. A woman falls in love with a man in a coma, you know? Wow. There's a lot of bad romance movies that have questionable premises. It's true. It's true. It's the early, it's the 90s and early 2000s, baby. Yeah, Barb, I like to think I, again, just to connect it to another movie because that's the only way I connect with people in life apparently is I watched Adam's Family and the lady who is like not part of the Adam's Family, but then marries cousin It. She's like that. Where she's like a normal, like a chipper, cheery, like stereotypical domestic wife kind of person, but then like she's married to a little monster and part of the Adam's Family family. But she was evil though, wasn't she? No, you're thinking of Adam's Family values. The one who tries to woo Uncle Fest. Also, guys, love is love. Yes. If it's an ax murder, you know, love is love. My wife and I were walking through Target the other day and they were playing, you know, that in-store music and it was the MC House. Hammer, Adam's Family song from like the movie in the 90s that came on. And I turned to my wife. I was like, man, this is a deep cut. Do you know what this is? And I told her, she's like, you love this song, don't you? That's why you know this. Like, she's like, I've never heard this song before. It's a great song. I was like, it was super popular. It's terrible. It's an awful song. Anyway. I love that she negs you as well. Is that your perfect first date, Gus? Yes. Listening to MC Hammer in Target. You all hop out and Natty jumps out from the ring. Doug. Reforms into a solid mass and tosses a stinky stone. Gunther, I feel like, does like a combat roll out from the hatch, ready to attack. And Tolv jumps out very menacingly. No skin. Just pure Thaumatech rage. Cool. It seems like you have caught the guards by surprise. And all four of you make me a perception check. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Seven. Thirteen. Four. Seventeen. Colvin. And Natty. You notice some unusual snowflakes starting to fall. They're not pure white snow like all the others. Just like little small black specks falling as well, intermingled with the white snow. And as you look closer, you realize it's a swarm of skiders. Flying spiders are descending down on the top of the watchtower, covering all of you and the floor. Can I tell, based on the guards' reactions, if the skiders are a defense measure? Or are they also taken aback by the skiders? Make a. Is this like a three-way battle? Yeah. It's like the end of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Man, we're just nonstop movies today. I'm sorry. I think it's me. God, that's a great movie, though. God, so good. Make a. Let's call it a perception check. Perception? No, no, no. Not perception. That's more of an insight check. Make an insight check. Vibe check on skiders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't like that role anyways. He rolled an eight on his perception. Yeah, thank you, Barbert. Oh, that's a 22. Yeah, insight. That's right. Yes, yeah. That makes way more sense. And just a reminder, we still have vibe check hats at the store, right? Store.stinkydragonpod.com? We do. They're quarter right. Got you. Get your own vibe check hat. They're very comfy. Great hats. Okay, you notice the skiders, and you kind of turn instinctively told to look and see what the reactions of the guards are, and they look. How can I phrase it? They look disturbed and upset about the skiders arriving. I see. Okay. Are we in initiative order, or.? I'll give you all a chance here to let me know or figure out what you want to do, and then, depending on circumstances, we can jump into initiative or figure that out. I think I would react with a firebolt, personally. I have a non-combative solution, but if you want to go, Doug, do your worst. What are you going to aim that firebolt at, Doug? Probably up at where the skiders are coming in. Yeah. Because I think Doug's first reaction to seeing any sort of spider-like creatures would be to burn it. Doug, once again, I see myself in this photo. I think I have a good reaction as well. This has very similar vibes of, like, the southern guys who shoot their guns up into a storm. All right. So, is there a roller? You hurl a mote of fire at a creature or object within range, so you make a ranged spell attack against the target. It is a. Ooh-hoo-hoo, 26. Oh, I'm pretty sure that's a hit. I'll double-check that. What's the AC on these skiders, guys? Skiders? They're heavily armored. Yeah. They're made of titanium. They fly, so they can dodge. They're wearing full-blown armor. That hits, Doug. Okay. It does 2d10 of damage, and that is a 14 total. That's got to kill one at least, right? Well, it's a swarm, so in D&D, like, when you deal. It's not. Since there's a whole bunch of them, you're not targeting, like, individual little creatures. I used to turn into swarms. Yeah. Well, yeah. Mud knows that. Doug, you see the skiders, and then almost without thinking, you'd probably hurl that mote of fire skyward at them, and it does a significant amount of damage. You see. You see, let's say, like, half of the swarm vaporize and then fall to the ground around you and then off the side of the tower as well. Oh, God. God, I think one's in my hair. Oh, God, get out. You know when you burn hair and it smells terrible? I imagine that's what's going on right now, too. We're just like, oh, oh. Tolf, did you say you had a reaction as well? Yeah, so I have something fun called the Mittens of Mushrooms. I used them once on the Volcaniconda. There it is. Yeah, there it is. Mushroom-covered Thaumatite gloves. Smells musty. Spongy texture. Glows near fungus. I didn't realize that. Huh, interesting. Making a fist releases a fungal spray 15-foot cone. So I can get into the failure and all that stuff. But I wanted to target as many of the guards as I can in that 15-foot cone to just kind of like, before we get into all the combat, throwing them off their guard and kind of confusing them. Yeah. So you make a fist and you blow these spores out in the direction of the guards. So they need to make a DC-13 Constitution say, let me double check what their Constitution is. They have, what was that, a zero, plus one. So I need to roll a 12 or better on this for them to succeed. Yeah. And here it goes. Boop. I prefer if you roll badly. That is an eight, which is a nine, which is a failure. So the guards are unable to form short-term 15-foot cone. There were six of them up here. You could probably get three, three or four. Is it four, three or four? We'll go four. You're able to get four of them. Okay. Take it. That was Gus trying to do the geometric math in his head of like, all right, if it took a 15, he was trying to figure that out. I was trying to imagine a 15, a three-dimensional 15-foot cone and translating how many people would fit in there. I know you. I'm just imagining it like in video games when you see the cone of, you know, like the. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the fart sound too. Yep. Yep. Oh, yeah. Blaine, you roll a 1D4. You roll a D4. D4 to see how many rounds you're unable to form short-term memories for. That's two rounds. Do we all get kind of a surprise attack? Sure. We'll call it a surprise action. Gotcha. Gotcha. We have to be violent. Yay. I wonder if the skiders were actually nice. I had that thought too. I was thinking that they're kind of like the soot sprites. The soot sprites from like a Ghibli movie, you know? How long, Barbara, how long has that intrusive thought been forming in your head? Ever since I burned half of them. You haven't said anything since you're like Modifier. And I'm like, that's been on your mind since that moment happened. Yeah. Oh, you're so sweet. As they fell to the ground. We're here to help you. In spider, you heard them yell, watch after my children. Good Samaritans, they're going to help these other people escape. Let's go in. We've been following you guys for miles in the preparation to protect you from harm. We were just going to. Make a message above a pig so it wouldn't get eaten. Some frog. Gunther or Natty, someone have an action they want to take here? I'm second guessing if what I wanted to do, I should still do. Do it, do it, do it. Don't second guess? All right. Natty cast darkness. That really tickles Chris. It's going to create such chaos. Yep. I mean, it would have been. It's still helpful. It's still helpful. And I got to read you how, like, it's a, well, how big is this tower? Actually, we'll determine, like, what's the radius of this tower, Gustavo? It's pi divided by, no, it's about a, I want to say it was about 30 feet. I'm double checking to make sure that that's correct. 30 square feet? 30 feet wide in total. Or diameter. Diameter? Yeah, yeah. Okay, perfect. Perfect. Because darkness is a 15 foot sphere. So, I'll put it in the middle, which I assume is where we are. Yes. And that'll cover us and all these, these skiders that are now angry will go after the guards. Skiders. Yeah. See if you can get some of those short-term memory guards, too, because that would really confuse them. I cast darkness and the darkness spreads around corners. A creature of dark vision can't see through this darkness and non-magical light can't illuminate. And so, yeah, we're all, we're all in a little protective darkness. You know how we're on a train? What if you cast it and then it just held the position? It just gets blown away. Is it like quantumly fixed in a position or does it travel with me? That's a great question. I think if I was a jerk, I would say it would stay in place. So, then it stays in place then. There's actually, you can cast darkness on an object and it travels with the object. Yeah, do that. Oh. So, Natty. She casts it on her ring. Oh, okay. So, it's permanently centered on your ring. So, if you move around, it moves with you. Yeah. Okay. There you go. And then, while in the darkness, Natty turns into one of the guards. Nice. Oh, nice. And then begins saying, I believe in a thing called love. I was going to say that darkness is her old friend. There's another one. So many darkness references. Yeah. Okay. Who turned the lights out? Wait. So, wait. None of you can see then either, right? Nope. Right. Okay. What if we have dark vision? Nope. Nope. Dark vision does not work through darkness. It's impenetrable. It specifically says. Ironic. Creatures with dark vision can't see through this darkness and non-magical light cannot illuminate it. Yeah. It's a fun spell. So, I guess it's my little action now. Yeah. If you want. No pressure. I'll take one. And I'll go to the one of the guards that's not been short-term memory lost and attempt to attack. You think you're going to try that? Why don't you roll me a D4 and see if you go in the right direction? One is the right direction. Two, three, and four are not. Okay. Well, I feel like I would know where I don't have short-term memory loss. So, I feel like I would know. Yeah, but it's dark. Yeah, I feel like you wouldn't though. Okay. Isn't it dark though? Yeah, right. It's because of the darkness, Barbara. Yeah. All right. So, I rolled a three. What was the right answer? One. As soon as Gus, you told him to roll a D4 and then I heard Chris rear up for his rebuttal, I knew him. He was like, Gus ain't going to pick up anything Chris says. There ain't nothing you can say right now, Chris. And then sure enough, you came back with just a, I think he wouldn't be able to say it. You got to sweet talk him, Chris. You got to be like, Gus, I love your glasses today. You look really handsome. Wow. And then you go into your argument. No way in hell that was going to work. That darkness joke was really good, Gus. That was a really good one. There you go. That a boy. Well, I'm not going to be super mean. I'm not going to be super mean. I'm not going to say you fall off the edge of the tower or anything, but you walk, and I'll tell you what, I'm going to roll a die as well, because you said specifically you were going to try to target one of the ones that did not have memory loss. I'm going to roll a die and see if maybe you hit one that does have memory loss. It's a target rich environment. Yeah. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. I just read something in the spell thing that I think has to be followed by the rules. Let's hear it. It's not 15 feet in diameter. It's 15 foot radius. So it fills the entire tower. Even better. Even better. There is no safe place, or there is no illuminated place. All right. So I'm going to roll a die, and maybe you hit a guard who just does have memory loss, right? I'm going to roll a d4. One through three, you hit a guard, and then four is just you miss entirely. You hit nothing. Two. Yeah. So you wander around. Your intention is to hit a guard suffering or not suffering from memory loss, right? So instead, you hit a guard with memory loss. Okay. That beats us even more. Confused. I guess I'm not really strong. So I'm going to just attack. Okay. And since you're in darkness, this attack will be at disadvantage. Okay. 22. 18. Nice. Yeah, that's a hit. Yes. And that's 10 piercing damage. Stab, stab. And you know what? Just to make this even more confusing, possibly for this guard. Okay. I'm going to try a menacing attack. So. That they are scared of me. Okay. So I'm going to roll superiority dice. That's a D8. Boom. That's a six. Added to the damage for a total 16 damage. And they have to make a wisdom saving throw of 16. Wisdom saving throw DC 16. Their wisdom is plus four. So they need a 12 or better. Okay. They're pretty wise. Yeah. They only got the best cards here. Doesn't matter. Roll a seven. And I say, I'm here to get you. Boom, boom, boom. Just a little bit of Gunther channeling Barney there, but okay. Gus just goes, okay, this guy has advantage. I'm going to roll again. He's somehow more brave now after he said that. And what is, what does that do? He's just afraid of you. So they're frightened until the end of my next turn. So frightened. You have disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls. While the source of fear is within line of sight. I don't like the price is right. So that was, that was a hundred percent of the price is right. They can't willingly move closer to the source of fear. Okay. So that still works. Even if they can't, even if they don't have disadvantage. So you're doing that thing that my sister used to do where she'd lick her hand and then approach me with it. And then I would just be like, yeah, in my, so gross in my mind, I'm like, there's only one way for them to go. And it's like, they were on the ledge, right? Shooting arrows? They were all around. I think what I'd said was, because Doug had tried to come up when they weren't all looking, but I said that they were all facing in different directions. Okay. There's no railing on these things? This would be almost like a, what do they call it? I believe they call it like a rampart. I'm going to have to Google that. Is that the correct term? It's like a rampart where there's like, it's walls, but there's little like subsections that are like lower or holes where they can shoot through. Got it. I only know about that word from the, isn't that in the National Anthem? Yes, it is, Barbara. USA. God bless America. USA, come on, guys. Why isn't anybody chanting with me? Ramparts, red. This is fantasy world. Exactly, America. All right. 51 states. Is there anything else, Gunther, or is that it? I could do another attack, but I don't know if it, and that's one action, but it's whatever. Yeah, I mean, we said we kept it broad as an action. Okay. So, yeah. If you're taking an attack, actually, absolutely. All right. Well, then, is there another one within reach that I could stab? You think so? You don't know. It's dark. All right. I'll take a stab at it. All right. Roll a D4. One and two, you find someone. Three and four, you don't. Let's see. Are we including in that someone? Three. Oh, well. Roll a D4. If you roll a one, you hit one of your teammates. Oh, man. Oh, God. Two. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You turn to attack. You attack one of the other guards and begin slashing viciously, but you're just attacking nothing. You're just attacking the air. Ah, they're so sneaky. They dodge so well. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is brought to you by ShipStation. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Sounds right until you actually do the math. For most businesses, shipping is that thing. What's it actually costing you? Because if nobody's questioning it, it's probably costing way more than it should. 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Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com slash dragon. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash dragon. Yeah, let's go and let's make this official. Let's roll some initiative here. Yay! Three. Nineteen. Fourteen. Twelve. Well, okay. What are your nerds roll, Gus? Let's see. You stinky guards. The guards are six, and the skiders are 15. Wow. I think these shouldn't be called skiders because it keeps sounding like you're saying scotters, and they should just be ska spiders. Ooh. You're skanking on us. I always think of Bruce Green when I think of ska. I was going to say stop or Bruce Green's going to show up. Yeah. I don't know how he's gotten so associated with that music genre. I'm going to go get my trumpet. That sounds like a curse more than anything. I wouldn't want that association. I know. What kind of music would you want to be associated with? Hair metal. Hair rock. Glam rock. Stupid 80s rock. For me, Baby Shark. That's it. Oh. That's a good one. I'd want to be associated with the soundtracks for Tilt From Stinky Dragon, which you can stream on music platforms. Oh. Wow. The enthusiasm for that was off the charts. Well, I was saying it matter-of-factly. I was saying it matter-of-factly. Sounds like maybe a topic we could really dive into on Second Wind, which is available for all levels of patrons at StinkyDragonPod.com. I want to know what show tunes John is going to reference. That he wants to be associated with. Is it Cats? Oh, my gosh. Jesus Christ Superstar. Oh. Gus, we all know that you're the Blade Club soundtrack thing. Oh, yeah. Blood Wraith? Yeah. That's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great scene, man. What an opener to a movie. I got to watch that. Oh, yeah. Man, it's so good. What were we doing? Oh, D&D. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Who had short-term memory loss? It was the guards? Yes. So, we're leading off with Toll, then the Skyders, then Gunther. Brr-up, yo. Okay. Stop. Brr-up. I would like to. As far as, like, memory with who I had in front of me, am I going to have to roll on, like, where I last saw them kind of thing? It depends on what actions you say you're going to do. If it's someone, like, right in front of you, then it's, like, it's just a straight attack with disadvantage. If you want to move and attack, then it's, like, oh, you're going to have to make. I'm going to make you make a roll to see if you can picture it correctly in your head. I see. You know, I never rage, because I'm always, like, I got to save my rages, but I have four of them, and I think I'm. It's okay. I'm going to use a rage. I'm going to rage. Are you sure? Gus, why make a question? I rage. Gus, why? Gus used question. It was super successful. Do we have this call of insecurity with us somewhere? Oh, no. I brought him with me. Gus, is that for Blaine? No. It's the call of insecurity. Oh, God. I'm going to rage. Okay. And then I'm going to use the gavel of Gaelstrom against the nearest guard from memory. Okay. And you use the mitten of mushrooms, so the nearest guard in front of you would be one suffering from short-term memory loss. Yeah. He arguably got the most of it. He got a mouthful of it. Just right there in it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, just make your attack. Make your attack roll with disadvantage. Okay. That's a 19 and a 12. A 12, right? Was it because you rolled with disadvantage? Yes. I skank on over to him, and then I hit him with my gavel. Jeez. Ba-da-ba. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You take a swing, and unfortunately, you miss. Okay. And then I have. I have a second attack. Hold on. I'm going to make sure. You gain advantage on strength checks and saving throws, but that's not a strength check. Mm-mm. Resilience. Just making sure. I'm just reading through. I don't rage often enough, so I need to make sure I'm catching. everything here you're a barbarian yeah don't say that i've been dealing with my anger i've been managing my anger all right i take a another attack sure with the gavel oh it's a 14 and a 21 14 unfortunately it is a miss again it's just this this darkness is just messing with your your aim toll i'm sorry it's all right it happens okay that's that's uh that's that's good for me okay toll is unable to connect so it is the skiders turn skiders and just for fun no reason at all i'm rolling this die y'all don't need to ask me what it's for so nobody can see right it's darkness no one has any way to see at all right yeah i mean i could probably do something on my turn but okay naturally can't see you know i'm gonna make a request to micah that i get some sort of homebrewed thomatech infrared vision like predator mode you know you know that's terminator but you know it's cool that's the same thing right same thing right play it's not different both have schwarzenegger so you know natty you feel something crawling up your legs like dig it get off no no this is like little little legs almost like insect legs just climbing up and starting to swarm all over uh your feet and your legs oh okay and you begin to start to feel little bites uh like insect bites how big are these skiders yeah they're they're pretty small sized are they actual spider size are they like little monster spider size bigger than actual spiders uh i mean they're in dnd they're classed as tiny so they're like they're not like the size of a dog or a cat you know if that's what you're thinking they're like they're small creatures like a chinchilla smaller like smaller they're they're big spiders not a true maybe not quite terrestrial chinchilla size okay okay i just curious because they were like regular ones they're gonna bite through natty's clothes what's the worst sensation something crawling up your leg or something like creeping down your leg up yeah yeah well i mean but the alternative is that you just you know oh like poop pooped yourself yeah yeah you know i don't know yeah but at least you know what you have at least you know what's going on if it's going down it's going away from you if it's coming up it's where's it gonna go next yeah yeah they they try to uh begin biting at you but they don't that's what you said natty they're unable to bite through your clothing and uh they're unable to really attach with their fangs however you begin to start to feel a little bit restrained like uh maybe there's some kind of webbing starting to entangle your legs uh-oh why don't you roll me a dexterity saving throw okay natty did you pad is that why they're not able to of course of course natty pad what was that dex saving throw a roll to five what is my modifier doesn't matter properly plus three eight yeah you feel like the web is getting tighter and tighter and it's starting to restrict your movement a matter wise you are under the effect of the restrained condition hey john can can giggy see in the darkness do they have total uh uh whatever sight no okay i think the only thing that would allow you to see in this kind of magical darkness would be like a blind side yeah there's some like imps and stuff that have those that's why i was asking doesn't have it listed on his i look you know or predator infrared vision you know like a you know yeah all right so uh you're you are restrained by some by something that seems to be starting to form around your legs uh natty all right next up is gunther then after gunther is natty i guess i'll let's just take a stab in the dark yeah since you've moved and you kind of know where one guard is at this point it's just disadvantage because of the darkness okay take a stab 13 and 12 24. i would hate to see gunther go after a pinata i feel like there'd be a lot of casualties unfortunately uh maybe you're starting to get in your own head about the darkness gunther your attack fails to connect oh shoot well i guess i'll do another one it's all that ska music i know it's hurt your hearing his trumpets are too loud my second attack is a 22 and a 17 that successfully connects you you do feel something on the other end of your rapier this time yeah yeah roll some damage uh-huh now now i'm nervous the way you phrase that yeah i was like somehow got me that's a nine me doug and natty just skewered through all three of us but you know what i'm gonna do my um puncture once per turn when you hit a creature with an attack roll you can re-roll one of the attacks damage dice and you must use the new one so i'm gonna instead of okay so i'm gonna i'm gonna re-roll that damage like the nine oh man it got worse it's an eight oh yeah i can't well no it was two plus seven of out of a d8 so it was like out of a d8 so now it's one plus seven now it's one plus seven yeah yeah okay and you stab out in the darkness with your rapier and connect and you feel something on the other end of your rapier and as you stab you feel an increased weight on the end of your rapier like something has gone limp on the end oh ah what a sublime i'm sorry i'm sorry incorporate ska bands oh it's it's sorry i'm done i'm done okay okay no doubt i have killed them you know that great ska band no doubt early early they were ska yeah yeah i guess i guess so they've gone rancid i believe okay uh is that it for you gunther yeah yeah that's gonna be it and quick side note for in case it comes up and uh anybody listening for any of the rules lawyers out there i know we play hardcore dnd by the rules darkness makes people blinded that's the the effect that it has on creatures that's why like things like dark vision don't necessarily work it's like a magical darkness that's like all consuming okay that's it for gunther up next we've got natty then after natty the guards and then doug coming in last okay when natty raised her hand like a little uh called upon the power of darkness in her ring to turn into one of the guards she was looking at one of the guards so that's the guy she's gonna have in mind guess you pick whoever that is and we'll roll whatever needs to happen for whatever i do roll a d6 for me like a normal dice six okay i just picked a card based on your role now he's gonna cast armor of agathys which should help with everything i want to happen the i'm gonna get to the spell it was agathys all along hey i think about her every time i cast this in this context it's it's skagathis stop i'm gonna leave a protective magical force surrounds you manifesting as a special as a spectral frost that covers you and your gear you gain five temporary hit points and uh if a creature hits you with a melee attack while you have these hit points the creature takes five cold damage i imagine things are going to be a little bit more difficult for you if you get hit with a melee attack you might have a hard time with that yeah it'd have no effects on you there it is that's a ska band well it's a punk band that does some ska yeah okay actually yeah chris hasn't really said a full-on ska band yet yeah i have some well sublime okay sublime he's looking at his google list i see him i mean i know all these bands i'm picking the ones i know yeah no doubt there it is you said that one already i know i just wanted to say so the armor of agathys would be my axe okay goose so with my action i guess that leaves me with movement but i am restrained how do you stop being restrained for this metagame wise there's you probably you don't know this for a fact but you can probably take an educated guess that there's a web that's restraining you you can try to destroy the web through whatever okay methods you want to try to use good news i birthed the destroyer so netty's going to call upon giggy to try and eat the web ooh like cotton candy gross with little crunchy bits yeah those are surprises yeah do you have to roll to see if giggy listens i guess i do well darn i rolled a seven so can we get like what does it sound like when you ask giggy to do it giggy eat mama's shoes giggy eat mama's shoes yeah uh you can't see it you don't know what he actually does but uh giggy never shows up we hear biting somewhere in the darkness yeah you hear chomping in the in the distance in the darkness but you're not quite sure exactly what's going on okay i'm gonna let you decide what's going on gus maybe he's trying to listen but he went to the wrong place who knows he's most likely eating someone's shoes hey it's mine aren't they good thing i do not wear shoes it's true gunther is barefoot he's just eating your feet ah my toe he's eating one of your toes you're gonna become the sixth toad no wait poor toad yeah i had a teacher in college that didn't wear shoes i had a teacher in college that didn't wear shoes i had a teacher and uh yeah he walked around austin streets with no shoes on that's vile yeah and then he showed up to one day he had flip-flops on and a bandage because he stepped on glass i'm gonna say it's not like gross it's dangerous yeah that is a literal nightmare i have every now and then that i'm like out and about in public and i'm like like oh crap i don't have shoes on like how did i get here like i have to walk on the street now or i have to walk like uh you know on rocks and i don't have my shoes it felt so perfunctory i don't have my shoes on i don't have my shoes on i don't have and I just remember the disgusting food I mean, it was just rancid feet. Not the Ska Band. Stop. All right, is that it for you, Natty? Yes. Okay. Next up, we got the guards, and then Doug, and then back to the top with Toph. So curious to see what these guards are going to do. It's the guards' turn, and like you guys, they're also in the darkness, which creates a problem for me, huh? One of them, you know one of them, Gunther, knows is dead. Four of them are affected by the Mitten of Mushrooms, which leaves one alive that is not affected by the Mitten of Mushrooms. I guess it'll try to make an— I'm just going to roll an attack here with disadvantage, obviously, because it's in the darkness. That's not going to hit anyone. That's a seven. You sound so sad. Yeah, well, it's like I didn't even bother trying to call someone out. It's like it's probably not going to hit anyway. I'm sorry, Gus. You want me to take down the darkness, Gus, so you can do something? No, no, no, no, no. I know what it's going to do. You all hear an arrow whiz past in the darkness. It doesn't sound like it hits anyone. It flies off into the distance. You hear the shuffling of feet as if someone's moving around in the darkness slowly, like sliding their feet on the ground. And then you hear like the clicking of metal, almost like gear. Is it the Cupid shuffle? Almost like metallic gears interacting with each other. Oh, like where they did the thing that extends the prison to the prison? You don't know, Chris. I mean, it's dark, so you can't see, but you do hear some kind of mechanical mechanism activating. And that's it for the guards. So then it's Doug. Then after Doug is Tolv and then the Skyders. What I have, I feel like with Doug's ability to like equate things and use his like senses with his math skills, he'd be able to maybe hear things and be able to tell how far away or where they are in relation to him. Like daredevil. Yeah. The bat. I'm having. I'm having. Yeah. Maybe. Sure. Do you want me to like roll something to check? What do you have in mind? I would like to swing my hand axe. You have an invention that you might be able to test here. Oh, is that with me? I didn't send that off already. No, I don't think you've sent it off yet because you were supposed to show it. You're supposed to take it and and show it off. Yeah. It basically uses echolocation to like bring in wildlife towards the machine I have. So, yeah, could I guess, uh, try that out? Yeah. What's it called? It's it doesn't have like echolocation in the name. It's the Echo Pulse Locator. Echo Pulse Locator. Yeah. What if it was like echolocation gadget? It just spells out Elga. I lost the thread. I was like, are you spelling Elgato? So, uh, yeah, maybe you have this, it's, it's in the name Echo Pulse Locator. Maybe you could use this to try to help you out. Yeah. Let me try it out. Yeah. I strap it to my back and I try it out. What's this sound like? That's exactly what I was going to ask. It sounds like this. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. It's just my own voice that I've recorded for the best answer ever. Uh, okay. And what is your, your goal with this? My goal is to bring, I guess, the guards closer to me and like be able to tell where they are in the space. Cause yeah, echolocation, it would like bounce off of, yeah, why don't we make a check against. Against the dice pool? I need to stop playing a smart character cause I'm not, my, my knowledge is not matching. It's so funny. Why do you think Blaine and Chris play the characters they play? Just got a point, just got a point. What, what is your dice pool at? Do you have that written down? I don't know if I have that written down. I think I've rolled it once before and I think I got rid of one dice. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So we were at 46. So let's do a. 3d6 dice pool check. That is a two sixes and a two. So the two is dropped, which means you've dropped one more dice. So now you're down to a 2d6 in the dice pool. Okay. So you strap the echo pulse locator to your back and begin emitting your hellos out to the, uh, the darkness. I would say that it probably begins attracting the, the guards that are currently affected by the mitten of mushrooms. Since they're not forming short-term memories, it's like, they're having a conversation with someone. Hello? Hello? Like back and forth between you and them or between your device and them. There was a time when I was a teenager over at my friend's house and her grandmother was in the other room and she farted and said hello, because she thought her fart was someone else coming into the room. Whoa. And so that I, that's just my favorite. Goals. Yeah. I was like, I want to be that old lady talking to your own farts. Yeah. That's almost there almost. Yeah. So, uh, you can't see it, but some of the guards begin. Okay. Shuffling in your direction slowly. Okay. And I'd probably be able to hear that. Yeah. Okay. Then I will use my hand axe to just out in front of me. So metagame wise, since you use the Echo Pulse Locator, which specifically helps you find and bring things to you, you can make this attack roll with no disadvantage. Oh, okay. Cool. I'll use my hand axe. Swing and a swing. That's a 19. That is a hit. And that does, oof, just two points of damage. Slashing damage. Okay. And you know what's funny? I was looking at my character sheet the other day and I don't know when I got this. I have an extra attack. Oh. You do? That I just have never been using, but also I guess I don't attack very often. I think you just got it from this past level. Oh, maybe. Okay, cool. That makes sense. Yeah. Congrats, Doug. Thank you. Oh, thank you so much. I've been, you know, I realized after you use one hand to do something, you could use the other hand to do something. Yeah. I don't know why I didn't think about that. Genius. Beat come next. Yeah. So I'm going to just attack again the same way. Okay. That one, oof, don't know if that's going to hit. It's a nine. Ooh, no, that is not enough. You get overly excited. You rarely get to do this. Maybe your excitement gets the best of you. Yeah. I try using my left hand and that, I just, you know when you try to throw a ball with your left hand if you're not left handed and it like just goes like, uh, wonky? Yeah. That's what happened. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, you still managed to get one. Anything else, Doug? Nope. But my little Gambot is. Oh, wait, is he still out in the field? He's on mission. Oh, yeah. He's wearing Bjorn skin. Could he have been making his way to us? Sure. Okay. He's not here yet probably, but he's bouncing along. Yeah. He'll be here because you all had to climb and everything. He'll be here probably after combat, we'll say. It takes a little while. He hears my, yeah, he hears my echo location too. Hello? Hello? Hello? I just like to imagine he's standing in front of the oncoming train just waiting to board. 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Okay. I have this thing called the storm aura thing. Oh, yeah. Where I can like hit, inflict people with lightning damage. I'm not asking for like a handout here. I understand that even if it's like lightning, I probably am not going to see it, but I feel I feel like it would at least help with sound in my own echolocation. It's not as good as Doug's Hello machine, but I want to activate that as my bonus attack first. So, yes, Storm Aura, I'm going to read what it says here. It says, you gain a 10-foot aura effect when you start your Rage and as a bonus action on each of your turns. And when activated, one creature of your choice in your aura takes lightning damage, decks DC 14, half damage on success based on your level. So I feel like we should have probably done it previously and now, but yeah, we can do it now. Maybe you want to, like. I think previously my bonus action was towards Raging, though. So I think it's okay that I didn't activate. It says it happens when you Rage. Well, farts. Yeah, when you start your Rage and as a bonus action. So it is a bonus action on subsequent turns, but I think you get a free beak when you Rage as well. Okay, we're learning. Yes. Yeah, so you want to try to activate this and just, like, what's your goal with this again here? Sorry, I was reading. I'm embracing the darkness. I'm going to open. I'm going to open all of my audio perceptors and really listen in for who goes when I strike them with lightning. So just kind of, like, listening ahead of me who the person I was originally trying to attack and kind of echolocate them that way. Yeah, you could probably also, since it's, like, Storm War, you could also ask, like, the Sea Drinker for guidance for help in achieving your goals. Okay, yeah, I'll do that. Is this, like, do I need to say this out loud or is it in my mind? Either way, but why don't you say it to us? Okay. We hear it. Okay, yeah, yeah. Well, actually, I mean, this is for Njorda, so if you guys can just, like, stop listening. Audience members as well. I'm going to take my headphones off. Yeah, this is just a private conversation. Yeah, I appreciate it. Yeah, okay, great. Yoo-hoo, hey, Njorda. I can say that. You know your name because it's just you and me just talking. No one else is listening. Nobody else, just you and me. How you doing? Good, good, that's good. Good to hear. Well, yes, it's Torv, by the way. Yeah, miss you. Hope you're doing well. We're still looking for the. The Fire Eater? Is that who you're looking for? Hold on, let me look at my notes. Let me make sure. Yeah, it's the Fire Eater. Yeah, we've still got our eyes out for the Fire Eater. And we're on top of a tower. It's, like, actually on a choo-choo train. It's very confusing and it's very dark, so. What was I talking about? Sorry, I just got distracted. There's so many Skyders in the air and they smell so bad because Doug burned them all, but. Oh, yeah, anyways, I can see my enemies, so if you can help guide me to them, I'm going to try to kill them so we can release Bunlap. He's, like, Gunther's friend. You remember Gunther. He's, like, the little frog man. He cut his arms like this. Yeah, so if you can help with that, that'd be great. Yep, that's about it. Anyways, hope you're doing great. Cool, cool, cool. Let's catch up sometime. Okay, peace, love, and kisses from Torv. Bye-bye. My headphones are pretty loud. I heard all of that. You know, I was having to, like, hold them far away, and then had to, like, look somewhere else so I wasn't thinking about it. Yeah. I heard pieces. So you. That's like when you're sitting down for a dinner and you're starving, but then someone goes, we're going to pray before the meal, and then they just give the longest prayer possible. And you're just like, I just want to eat. And mom and dad. I just want to eat. Yeah, yeah. They think for everybody. Oh, my God, I just want to roll. It's always the same key phrases, too. Dear Lord, thank you, Lord. Yes, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. I just want to roll. Could be for both the dinner and us. It's so perfect. Okay, yeah. You commune with your deity, Torv, and your storm aura reaches out. And I'm going to say because of your communication that whoever has to make the dexterity check does so with disdain. Disadvantage. Cool. It's also, you know, I'm not, hey, I'm not trying to milk things here, you know? I'm no Chris Damaris, okay? But it says 10-foot aura effect. So it could be multiple, you know, if you're feeling generous. But, guys, you look great today. What have you been doing with your hair? It also says quit activated one creature of yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I read that, and then I was, you know, just anyways. If they were holding hands. Were they holding hands? I mean, you know, it's the dark, you know? So just never mind. Let's keep going. All right, so that is a DC 14 dexterity saving throw. Their dexterity save is plus seven, but they have disadvantage on this. Rolling right now. And that is a five and a 12. So they take the five plus seven, which is a 12. So, yeah, that is a failure. So one of the creatures in the darkness takes the storm aura down. Okay, and then this is based on my level. Well, third. Okay, because next is 10th, and I don't hear that yet. So 1D6. Yeah. I will roll that 1D6 now. Three. Okay, I'm just picking one here that that would have hit. Yeah, you hear someone yelp in pain in the darkness. Fish out of water. And then I attack them with my gavel. Okay, yeah. Again, because of the sound that draws your attention and because of your deity intervention, you do not have disadvantage on this attack. This would be a normal, great attack on it. Cool. Toll speak your attack, I guess. Okay. Rolled an 18 plus 6, 24. That is a hit. Let me see. Hold on. Actually, I'm going to let my inventory decide this if I'm holding my shield. It is not equipped, so this is a two-handed attack. So that's 1D10 plus three. Ha-cha-cha. Go! Gus, did you just notice that growth? I'm trying. He's like the Grinch. His heart grew bigger. Except it's his brain. My skull hurts. I think that's a four. One plus three, yeah. Okay. Is there anything else? I have an additional attack. I didn't know if you wanted me to go with that. I was going to stop down, so I wasn't like, and then this, and then that. Yeah, we'll say that the guard or whoever the creature that you're hitting is still standing if you want to do that additional attack. Okay. Going to roll again. 21. That is a hit. All right. Two-handed. That's a seven. Okay. You bring your weapon around and strike mightily, and you feel whatever it is that you hit crumple to the ground beneath your mighty machine muscles. Got one. Cool. You know what? I'm going to call it there. I think that was fun. My prayer took long enough. All right. That is it for Toll. It is the Skyder's turn. Okay. They have restrained Natty. They were unable to bite. They're going to move on. But they also can't see, right? From a metagame, perspective, I'll let you all know this now, spiders have blindsight. Son of a. That's because they have eight eyes? I mean, come on. I'm going to retcon that. Instead of moving on, the Skyders continue crawling up Natty. Stop it. And you can feel them coming up your torso and then down your arms onto your hand. And they convene entirely around your ring that is the source of the darkness. Oh, interesting. Does that stop it? Yeah. As they're doing so, you see the darkness begin flickering, in and out. And then as they totally swarm over your hand and the ring, the darkness falls off and you can once again see. You'd think they'd want to keep it on because they're the only ones who could see through this. Or maybe they're attracted to it. Oh. What did they do? There's nothing. I don't really care, but there's nothing I could have done to counter what they were doing. I'll tell you what. Just to be fair, why don't you make me. Let's call it another dexterity saving throw. I'm out of concentration. We say dexterity because you're like trying to like fling them off, but you have a disadvantage on it. Okay. Because of the restraint. So that ring on your finger, would you say it's gold? Is it gold? So you have like a gold finger? Is that a ska band? It's a ska band. It's a ska band, yeah. Listen, there's like three listeners who are super excited right now. Dimension gold finger. You said dexterity saving throw. I rolled. My low one was. It was 15. 18. 18. What was your high one? That's really good. My high one was I rolled. What is it? I rolled a 21. Yeah, wow. Okay. The spider's been climbing up your torso and then down your arm and around your hand and you feel like they're trying to maybe swarm around your ring. But you do that thing, you know, where like a bug touches you. You're like. Especially because it's in the dark and you shake your hand with such violence that it stops the spider or it stops the skiders from totally covering your ring. But as they were getting on it, you can see that it was starting to make the darkness flicker in and out and that light was beginning to penetrate again. So it's like, almost like a strobe light effect for a few seconds. So now everybody has their. Just a bead of the scar. Isn't there a game where it like, you turn the lights on and then off and then you now. Lights on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that game. Yeah. So those little moments of the light peering through, everyone would just like stare at each other just for a half second. Yeah. I look at the body that I just took out and it's Bunlap. Oh, no. Turns out he didn't need our help at all. He was escaping all on his own. Well, Natty, you ruined my fun. So. Oh, no. I didn't mean to do it twice in a row. Now I feel bad. Oh, no. They'll just attack you again. That's the point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have inspiration die from us, remember? It does. Oh, yeah. But that was his role though or that was Natty's role. So I can't. It's not lucky. No, no. Attack me again. But thank you for the reminder. Yeah, they'll try to bite Natty again, but that's no fun. I'm so sad. So is Gus. I know. - Yeah, they'll just attack again. - Micah's saying he wouldn't be as generous as you guys yeah i'm too nice to you guys you'll softy they hit 21 this time oh they're mad because i'm mad they're big mad yeah big mad they begin uh biting at you maybe on your hands because it's not as covered by the clothing i have gloves just to be clear oh that's right you do have gloves but that's fine they they that's they've they've bitten through the armor that's the roll and the armor is my gloves and uh they you could feel like a burning sensation from where they're starting to bite you on the hands and you take 10 points of poison damage okay and you also are under the poisoned effect look at the bright side maybe they're they're radioactive you know you get some fun new uh that's true yeah it could be perk skyder man skyder man he feels it in his bones scotter man michael wants us to do a concentration check yeah i was going to bring that up what's the concentration check so the way the concentration check works is so basically it's a constitution saving throw so you roll a d20 and add your constitution modifier okay rolling this is just for john right or for natty yeah okay yeah they're biting me i am using a concentration spell which is darkness a roll of six is that with your constitution modifier that is you try to hold your concentration for the darkness spell but the again it begins flickering as the pain and the poison courses through your blood and the darkness drops okay hi everybody you just can't maintain that concentration yeah what do we see when the darkness fades who is like fighting a wall who is like whose pants are down it's like blinking from robin hood men in tights yeah what are we seeing there's just kissing a guard they met while he was when he was on the inside i think gunther would probably be at the edge of the rampart facing the wrong way tolf would be standing over one of the enemies that he just vanquished doug has a contraption step strapped to his back that's just going hello hello and two of the guards are down three of them are seemingly in a daze and one of them is activating seems to be activating the plank to extend it to the prison oh what's giggy up to oh yeah who he's who's he chewing giggy is is chewing the face of one of the guards that's laying down on the ground that's mama's little angel mouth to mouth he's trying to save him he was such a good job that is it for the skiders which mean it is now gunther's turn and then natty do i have any idea looking at the faces of these guards which one's afraid of me yeah you do not but i'm gonna tell you right now that the one that was afraid of you is dead that's right yeah it's it's the one that you had stabbed again and uh that fell that was the weight on your rapier that's up the one that's in the machine a i'm gonna go after that one okay and you can see it's like it's like a big circular gear like a crank and he's like pulling it and as he's activating the crank this long like piece of wood is extending up from the uh the tower that you all just climbed up wouldn't we want to be letting him do that so he could make the bridge come out well we can do it once they're gone but i don't want them going and getting help before getting new people yeah fair enough yeah you can absolutely attack that one gunther okay yeah i'll go after that one okay he's got both his hands on is it a two-hand crank thing yes make me a perception check gunther okay five it's really weird you do a double take that guard's twin is out here too what what's going on i don't want to say there's two of them like there's another guard that looks identical to that one i figured it out there you go yeah now he's now he's disguised as one of them yeah so yeah you rolled a six john for your disguise and that's this one i'm keeping track of all of them it is it is this one that ran to do to the crank that's so good that guy's having the worst day of his life like he's just like yeah and then i'm gonna uh attack it okay attack the block all right that's uh 24 that's a hit all right believe it or not that's my favorite superhero i'm re-rolling my dice i'm using my puncture thing okay you didn't like the roll too too low i rolled a one so now and now it's just now it's a six so uh six plus seven 13 damage stabby okay it's piercer by the way did i say it wrong he's a puncture i said do not spin the wheel unless it's a wheel of death so you do 13 points of damage okay yeah you stabbed that guard and he winces into it pain but he still keeps his hands on the on the crank he's committed all right i will stab again it's stabigale at first you don't succeed stab stab again guess i rolled a one i i didn't i didn't say it last time because you roll so well but because this guard has two hands on the crank i had assumed you would have advantage on this because he's not defending himself thank you gus thank you i was hoping it's one of those things because you know how rapiers are like really flexible that he would stab in the armor and it would just go back and then just stab gun through in the head that's funny like a cartoon yeah oh yeah okay thank you gus i rolled a nat 20 so that's gonna be a lot more zero to hero all right so that would be a two and then we said the one that does max damage right yeah yeah so 17 yes but then i also have an ability where i get an extra damage die it is called enhanced critical damage when i score a critical hit that deals piercing damage to a creature you can roll one additional damage die when determining the extra damage it takes so okay so it's currently 17 because of the critical and then you're going to do enhanced critical so you roll another d8 on top of that plus seven so so 24 that math checks out gus we'll wait to hear back from nasa on that one but for now we'll use the preliminary number of 24 yeah you know you stab the guard with your rapier and you stab him with your rapier and you stab him with your rapier and you stab him with your he still keeps cranking and then you uh you know take a step back and then hop forward almost like a fencer and take a second stab with your rapier uh and he slumps over the mechanism unmoving gunter crosses his arms this is i'm the mighty mighty boss stone of this place okay that isn't a scott it is really bad mighty mighty boston's the jokes are even better when you have to explain them i know aren't they and that's that's my turn okay well does the crank stop what happens when he dies what happens to the crank does it like return or does it just stop it stops and it's like stuck in place almost like it's a gear mechanism with like a tooth that holds it in place that you have to release if you want to retract it it's probably osha compliant so that way it doesn't you know slam back in and potentially hurt someone but osha is a deity in this land the deity of workplace environments take an inspiration die john that's really funny oh yeah yeah that was a good joke the great osha that's it for gunther which means it's natty and then after natty is the remaining guards and then doug okay now he's going to try this again sweetie pie love my life beautiful little cherubian angel yeah what's going on yeah shut up what's up gigi i need you to come get mommy out of these webs all right ricka roll and see if gigi's listening or if he's too obsessed with the face that he's currently uh eating munching on he's from florida 16. remember bath salts yeah that that works yeah something about the way you say it catches gigi's attention this time uh and his head whips around looks at you and he comes running maybe now he can see more clearly so you know he knows that he's not actually doing what you had said and uh you had called it cotton candy before right you come up you he runs over to what he believes is cotton candy yeah dirty cotton candy it's his favorite ooh have him make an attack roll to see if he's able to like attack the dice unless there's like another way you want him to do it like i'm trying to feel like i know you said he's going to eat it but like his his attack is literally called rend okay so let's just go with that rend melee attack plus five it's 23. mommy's little angel roll a little bit of damage to see if he's able to rip it all off d4 plus three five total okay yeah i feel like he would gather it all up into one big ball and then just shove it all into his mouth in one big bite then he's gonna be chewing on that for a while yeah then it's like his mouth is like glued shut for a little bit great natty since we're playing d d and you've called out that the skiders are swarms how many swarms are we dealing with here it's one swarm that fell down but after doug's firebolt from earlier it appears that it's only about half of the swarm that had initially appeared it's still around welcome okay so that's like meta wise the swarm lost that much hp yeah but visually we're looking at a swarm getting smaller and we're still fighting the same one swarm correct so i ask all that so that if natty wants to shoot the swarm there is one swarm to shoot correct perfect natty wants to do that what are you gonna shoot him with natty love and outer splash see they're immune to love it says it on their character sheet right here on their stat block outer splash is right there plus seven that's 26 my friend that hits believe it or not Good song. It's very good. I'm going to listen to it after this. Same. Eight plus four, plus four for agonizing blast, plus three for thunder damage from her warlock genie's wrath. So eight, four, four, three. So that's 19. 19? Yeah. You see them still kind of like swarming on you on your hands, and you do that thing where you point your right hand at your left hand, Eldritch Blast them off of your hand, and they all begin sizzling and explode and fall to the ground. Ouchy, ouchy. Unfortunately, it also hurts your hand a little bit. Oh, no. Ouch. So you take nine points of that damage from the Eldritch Blast going through and hitting your own hand. Ow. Don't shoot yourself. It's just that thing where it's like when, again, you got like a bug on you and you begin swatting at it or moving all like wildly, not realizing that you're going to hurt, you're going to hurt yourself in the process, too. Yeah. But, yeah, that's it. The swarm is done for. Yay. Yay. Biters. The sound of a swarm of brass instruments quiet. Oh. Just Scott died in the 90s, and now it dies again. It did. It died doing what it loves most. Biting the glove of a drackley. Being referenced. Oh, there you go. Gigi did something. I did something. I'm going to high-five Captain Grumbles and let my turn be over. All right. There are three guards left. These three, however, were affected by the Mitten of Mushrooms. These three guards are going to get beat. But this is the last round they're under the effect of Mitten of Mushrooms because you rolled a two. But they are still under that effect, and they wander around seemingly like not really knowing what they're doing. Have any of you ever had Twilight Anesthesia? Yes. Yes. Yes. Imagine that's what it's like because I've had it too. It's just like nothing is sticking. You may as well be asleep or not there because it's just not registering at all. Twilight Anesthesia? It's like you're awake. It's like when they read you the books while you're in surgery, so then you learn about Edward and Jacob. It's really bizarre if you've never heard of it. You are awake, but your brain is not forming memories, so you're there, but it's like you're on autopilot. I think they used that for my colonoscopy. Yeah, they probably. I had an endoscopy, and that's when I had it. They didn't put you down for that? Well, I don't remember anything, but I think they'd use it so that because they have to tell you like, okay, we need you to shift or whatever. Right. I'm glad there was an F in that word you just said. Listen, it's the freakiest thing ever because I'm like, this is very vulnerable. That's true serum. That's just true serum then. I remember when they gave it to me, I had my endoscopy, and they wheeled me into the room to do the procedure, and right as I'm getting wheeled into the room, it's like multiple injections. They gave me the final one as I was getting wheeled in, and my last memory was, oh, my doctor's here. That's weird. What a random coincidence. What are you doing here? And that's before the final dose. Then the final dose hits, and you're like, I came to, and I was eating a barbecue chicken pizza, and I looked at it, and I thought, who ordered this? I hate barbecue chicken pizza. And my wife looked at me and said, I told you not to get that like five times. I just didn't want it. I'm getting it. There's a Rooster Teeth animated adventure of this. I love that one. So yeah, that's what it is. It's just, you are not there. But anyway. I can't imagine how belligerent a Gus recovering from anesthesia would be like. I can't. Just so argumentative. I was a jerk based on the stories I've heard, and I hope I never have to do that again because I do not want to subject my wife or anybody else to that. Oh, you're gonna. I feel so sorry. So all that. All that to say, these three guards are eating barbecue chicken pizza. Okay. All right. They're not here. Twilight. So we're gonna go ahead and skip past them and go to Doug, then after Doug is told. Would you say they're all kind of like in a central spot? Yeah, because they all were affected by the mitten together, so they're all clumped up. So if I were to say cast fire bolts, like in that area, usually it's just, I think, targeted at one creature, but if it's fire, would they all be affected? Line up your shot, like it's a pool or something? Yeah. Yeah. I love yes anding, but I'm gonna say no on that one. This one will just affect one creature. Okay, so instead I'm just going to use my crossbow to shoot at the one closest to me. Okay. Oh, dang it. 11. Yeah, that's not a hit. It goes wide. You can have my inspiration down. Really? Yeah. Aw, thanks, John. 14. 14? No. No! Doug, you're just not used to using this crossbow. Your hands are a little shaky, and the shot just goes above their head. Well, uh. Is Gambot back yet? No, I think we said Gambot would come back at the end of combat. Is Gambot back yet? No, it's just because every round is six seconds, and this is our second round, so it's been 12 seconds. Okay. Well, uh. All right, who's next? All right. All right. All right. That's it for Doug. So we're back up to the top at Tolv, and then Gunther, and then Natty. Yoo-hoo. So when do the mittens wear off? Is it on your turn or at the top of the round? Because if it's the top of the round, they're aware again. Micah! Micah, help! It says. Mushrooms covered with Thaumatech gloves, smells musty, smudgy texture, glows near fungus, making fists, releases spray, 15-foot cone, DC 13 con save. On failure, target unable to form short-term memories for 1d4 terms. On success, target loses concentration, train of thought. It doesn't really say anything. Since we used that on what we coined like a surprise round, we're going to say that it ends now at the top of the turn. So they're. Not that it matters much, I don't think, but they are aware now. Okay. Okay. Eh, it changes a little bit of what I was going to do, but that's all right. I. Eh, what the heck. I'm going to see if this flies. Instead of using. Instead of using my storm aura, I'm just going to see if I can grapple one of these guys and throw them off of the side of the, like, train thing. The rampart? What did we call. The rampart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to see if I can toss one into the water. Or shove? Yeah, something to that effect that's just going to get them out of there. Yeah, because would a shove be like a bonus? Yeah, if you're going to shove them or try to grapple them, we'll just make like opposed strength checks to see if you're able to overcome them and get them off the side. Okie dokie. So make me a strength check. That's a. Fifteen. Fifteen. Their strength is plus three. Oh, we are matched. A worthy adversary. So they need a. Just like you, they need a twelve or better. So if they match or beat your roll, they don't move. Then they throw me off the rampart. No, no, no. They just hold fast. And the rampart's red glare. Your Canadian is showing. Is that not the lyric? And they rolled a seven. Sixteen, which is a nineteen. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. Raging. You gain advantage on strength checks. Oh. Because I'm raging. Oh, okay. Roll that again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Twenty-two. Yeah, twenty-two. So I rolled a nineteen. So your twenty-two is able to overcome it. Yeah, you rush in and the guard puts his shoulder down and meets your charge. And you think for a second he's not going to move. But then with like a last little bit of effort, you activate your Thaumatech overdrive. And his legs begin sliding along the floor. And he, you know, you push him. Do you want to push him over the edge or to the edge? Over. Into the water. Yeah. His legs slide or his feet slide across the top of the tower and eventually over the air. And his weight drags him down and he falls to the icy lake below. You see him fall. It's like a Temple of Doom. He falls into the water and the crocodiles come up and begin biting at him, dragging him to the bottom. Yeah, icy water where crocodiles really thrive. Well, it's like the ones that got our friend Halfling Can-Dude Cody. I guess Halfling is his race, not his name. But, you know. Meta-wise, these are cryodiles. Whoa. Skyders and cryodiles. Where are we, folks? D&D land where anything could exist. These are just Pokemon. Anything else, Tov? Yeah, so then I'm going to take that Gavel of Gaelstrom, and I'm going to take that Gavel of Gaelstrom, and I'm going to take that Gavel of Gaelstrom, and I'm going to take that Gavel of Gaelstrom, strike, so I still have my attacks, so I'm going to focus those on another person. Okay. If I had the movement. Yeah. Okay. It's only, we said, 30 feet across, so even at worst case scenario, you'd be able to do it. Okay. So yeah, I'm going to do that. That is a 23. That hits. Okay, that's a seven. Okay, seven points of damage. Let me. Okay, yeah, you bring your gavel of Gaelstrom down on this guard, who winces into the pain, but he is, of course, still standing. This is the first damage he's taken. Ooh, okay. And then I'm going to hit him again, because he had a second attack. Okay. Same old, same old. That's a nat 20. Ooh, critical hit. Roll that damage. I rolled a four and a five, but I know that we crit one of those maxes out. I don't know which one you want. Normally I do the first. So 10 plus four is 14 plus three. 17 points of damage. Yeah. He is still standing, but he does look pretty shaky on his feet. Cool. That's it. That's for me. Cool. All right. That's it for Toll. Up next is Gunther, then Natty, then any guards who will be left if they are. still left. I'll hustle to the one that's nearly standing on its feet, or barely standing on its feet. Okay, the one 12 just hit? Yeah. I'll just attack it. Nat 20. That's three criticals in this combat, wow. I'm just as surprised as you are. Look at us go. Alright. So wait, I'll roll my damage now. Yeah. So it's 8 plus 7 is 15 plus 7 is 22 points of damage. Plus. So 24 points of damage. Okay, so Gunther runs over, seeing his opportunity, strikes the guard that 12 had just hit with his gavel, and this guard falls to the ground, unmoving. No doubt. I'm just going to keep using that one. What's the next one nearby? Yeah, the next, I mean, you'd be able to get to it. This tower is only 30 feet diameter anyway, so that's within your movement. How many are left total? There's only one guard left. Can I attempt? I want to try and talk to him. Freeze, or you shall die. You do as you say, then we can be friends. Or at least you will live, and we will be you know, acquaintances. What a poet. Yeah, he raises his hand and says, Okay, I yield. We can be friends. This guy's already outsmarted Gunther. No, it's not gum gum. We require entrance into the prison. What will we face? You'll face additional guards. And possibly the warden. Oh, God. Boss fight. Are there passwords? Are there secrets? Tell me and know this. If you lie, then you die. That's pretty good. That's pretty fire. It rhymes. Should be a ska song. What did you ask? Are there secrets? Was that your question? Are there secrets? Are there passwords? Are there you know, like. There are no passwords. Secrets. Are there secrets? The bathroom at the far end of the building is the best bathroom. Most people don't know who that is. It's stocked with the finest toilet paper. No one uses this, so it's usually pretty empty. The guards will always seek to lock down and then question. And the warden. Tell us of the warden. She rules the prison with an iron fist. Nothing gets by her. Except us. Nice. Right now. Yeah, yeah. It's just Doug just sliding across the frame behind Gunther to say that little line. Are they. Okay. What are they wearing exactly? Like, are there. Can we, in theory, disguise ourselves with their uniforms? The ones that are around? Yeah. These guards that you encountered up here, they're pretty tall humans. They're wearing white fur lined leather armor. Cover your ears. What's your name? I'm Bosco. That's one of my favorite drag queens. Dante? Bosco. Bosco. Mighty, mighty Bosco. Cover your ears, Bosco. Please. Okay. He covers his ears and turns away. You think we could go in under disguise and then bring Bosco, but someone be like, I don't know, like secretly ready to stab me or something so he takes us the right way? I don't know. What do you think? Could alert the others to our presence, though. I feel like. Does anybody have any spells they can cast to, like, make sure that he cooperates? It might be easier if it's just us going in, you know, because, you know, maybe they'll cooperate, maybe they won't, and just yell out that, you know, we're capturing them or trying to break in. Good point. Can you read minds? Yes. How far? Let's find out. Might not be able to because I don't know if we've taken a long rest of it. I don't think you've used it recently. Have you? I might be. I might still have it. Everyone make me a perception check. Okay. Something's happening. Five. Fourteen. Twenty-four. Thirteen. Doug, as you're, you know, thinking this over and trying to figure out your move, you hear the sound of footsteps running, and you look up to see Bosco making a dash for the crank. No! And he begins very quickly, finishing, extending the plank, and it drops down to the prison. And he shoots him. There you go. Yeah, make your attack roll. Thanks for doing that for us. Now we don't have to do it. That's a nineteen plus whatever her modifier is. That hits. So go ahead and roll your damage. Yeah. Three plus four, plus four, plus three. So. Fourteen. Fourteen. That's good. Yeah, the force of the blast hits Bosco in the back, and he loses his footing and falls over the edge of the tower into the ice he gets below. Natty leans over the edge and tries to shoot him again before he gets in the water. With a loud slam, the gangplank finishes extending and it slams down onto the roof of the prison across the lake. And you see a horde of armor-plated guards and a woman aboard the plank and quickly run across and accost you all. Natty starts pulling the crank up so that while they're crossing it, Natty retracts. He already accosted us. The woman commands the guards. Arrest and incarcerate these invaders. We'll deal with them in the prison. Guys, we're in. Natty high-fives Doug. But you look like, you still look like one of the guards. Yeah. Find out how that all plays out. Yeah, you're going to jail. In the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. It's like The Departed. Yeah. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll see you all next time. You might think this month is February, but it's actually Stinkuary. That's right. All month long, we'll be celebrating Stinky Dragon in what's known as Stinkuary. And yes, it's an official holiday. It's official. We'll be having a weekly stream showing off our Patreon exclusive content, announcing what's coming this year and bookending the month with a two-part Tavern Tale adventure. So tune into our YouTube channel for our big kickoff stream on February 2nd, then every Friday to see us record our Patreon content live. And finally, to wrap it all up, we'll be having a big finale stream on Saturday, February 28th. And you're not going to want to miss it. We'll have more details on our social pages at StinkyDragonPod and on Patreon. So check those out closer to then for all of the information. And get ready to get stinky. No showers are allowed. A whole month. No showers. New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stinky Dragon YouTube channel. You want to listen to the show 48 hours early and ad-free? Well, you can support us by becoming a patron at StinkyDragonPod.com or join as a member at Beacon.TV. Both give you early ad-free access and a members-only Discord for their respective platforms. Looking for even more stinky content and community perks? Well, our Patreon offers exclusive bonus shows, behind-the-scenes content, access to the Stinky Dragon Discord, members-only live streams, stinky community events, and a shout-out on the show. Just like our friends Ryanair L'Oreal, Blood Nasir, Liam Coyne, and Em, with the smiley face turned upside down. Oh, I didn't know you could do that. These patrons directly support the show, get ad-free episodes, access to our Patreon-only Discord server, bonus content like second one behind the screen, and other stinky perks. Once again, that's StinkyDragonPod.com. We're incredibly grateful for your support, which makes this show possible. You know, viewers like you. Hey, some of our friends voiced NPCs in this episode, and listeners who interacted with us on Stinky Dragon Discord had NPCs named after them. The character Bosco was named after CrazyGuy343 and was voiced by KindaFunnyZoneBlessingArioyeJr, and he can be found at BlessingJr on social media. The warden was named after Terrell, and they were voiced by FionaKTHowitt. You can find them at FionaKTHowitt on Instagram, and her most recent podcast project, is Last Line Rewind, a new horror anthology podcast where tabletop role-playing game brings the terror of the TV glow to life. This week's Arrow Question was submitted by Tolv. Yoo-hoo, I love that guy. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst and Micah Reisinger, written and composed by Micah Reisinger, and edited by Alina Lukorchik. Tune in next week for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon! Tales from the Stinky Dragon Tales from the Stinky Dragon Question. What the hell is the origin of that Marco Polo game that we all know what you're talking about? What is that? Who started it? I don't know what the game is, because you even have a, you're like, fish out of, what does fish out of water have to do with Marco Polo? I don't know, you know, just, it's, everything's nautical based, it's Tolv, you know, he's a sailor, so, sometimes it's a bit of a stretch, but, you know, it's better than. Chris's ska references will tell you that much. I'm all right, I'm all right, come on. Okay, Chris, don't get upset. You know, look what shirt I'm wearing right now. What shirt is that? I changed, I had a costume change in our bathroom break. I'm now wearing an Operation Ivy shirt. Cool, and now you're also filled with pee because you should have used the bathroom during that time. What's Operation Ivy? Is that a ska band? Punk ska band. Oh, I was making a joke and it's actually real. Never mind. Labor Day savings are happening now at The Home Depot with select appliances starting at $399. Plus, save up to an extra $1,000 and get free delivery on appliance purchases of $998 or more. Get a Whirlpool Laundry Tower featuring industry-first UV clean technology designed to reduce bacteria in the wash without fading fabrics. Plus, with great prices at The Home Depot, you can save on select appliances designed to make Laundry Day easier. Shop Labor Day savings at The Home Depot today. Offer valid August 27th through September 16th at the US only C-Store or online for details.