138: Buzz Lightyear is an American Hero

Hey, say a lie, I found about the situation at the moment. It's the best uniform. But you're all right, huh? Let's say. Rusty! [laughs] To infinity. and beyond! Welcome back to the Brunsky Report. It's me, your guest host, Buzz Lightyear. And when I say beyond, honey, I mean beyond. And when I say beyond, I do mean. Beyond gender norms. Because I'm not joking. Every time I get rid of my hair. [laughs]. whatever comedic purpose. I do feel gender euphoria. And by the way, I just realized the light above me is not on, so I'm going to turn it on. Don't look at my body. [laughs] Welcome back to the Brunsky Report. Seriously, guys. And what a welcome back it is. What do you think Buzz Lightyear's politics were? Do you think that he supports Open Carry? Do you think that he would have been a right-wing voter? Or do you think because he. This understanding he's an international space traveler. He's probably seen some shit. Does he work for the United States government, probably ultimately? Is he a part of Space Force? Probably. Okay? Is he subject to the. Every whim of the Department of Defense. Chief Officer. [laughs] The Chief of the Department of Defense. Yes! Okay? He is a pawn of the DOD. However, in my fantasy, I choose to believe that Buzz Lightyear is a force for good. Okay? Because all geopolitical signs point to him being kind of a right-wing puppet. But I. not. not in my universe. Okay? Not in mine. Not in mine. I do believe that he would have cried during the National Anthem. But there is this weird gray area of like, you know, you work for space and then sometimes you're a little bit too American. Okay? You work for space. You've seen things beyond all human grasp and then you're still a little bit American. So that's kind of the give or take there. Okay. I'm kind of happy Halloween. I'm of the opinion that July 31st, like into August 1st. August 1 is Halloween 1st. That is how I do it in my house, in my Christian house. When you celebrate Halloween on August 1st. And I just really feel that like the closer I get to 30, and yeah, I'm sweating. And yeah, Buzz Lightyear's tits are sweating. Ever heard of it, honey? Yeah, Buzz Lightyear has tits wet. Yeah, there's moisture accumulating under his breasts. And yeah, there's a big fucking hole in my shirt somewhere. Where is it? Oh, my wings are hiding it. I have a huge hole in this shirt that, like, you can fully like stick your arm through it. I do believe that, um, what the hell is I going to say? Oh, happy for Halloween. Yeah, I do celebrate the season starting August 1st. One aug to 1 nove. I really am doing Halloween. And I don't mean that in like a second bat Halloween, like millennial. Oh, that's how I was going to say. I really feel myself the closer I get to 30 being pulled towards that. Like, I understand it. I understand it. It's like the dark side. Oh, please don't come for me. Don't come for me please. I've been so good. It's like freaking bats. I love Halloween. Just millennial Halloween shit. I'm at the store and I see like two ghosts. Like, cheers and wine glasses. I'm like, oh, cute. I'm at TJ Maxx. And it's that, you know that design. I'll put it up here. It's hard to describe. It's that specific artist. And I know this because I'm on fucking TJ Maxx YouTube. I don't shop at TJ Maxx that much. I'm just, this is what I watch on YouTube. It's like relationship content creators and their whole tea. I watch just because that's so tea like you can never take that back. You know what I mean? Then I watch like overconsumption stuff, which is really inspiring for me. I really like absorb all that. And that's how I absorb the TJ Maxx stuff is this girl made this video. She was like, and the thing about TJ Maxx is that all of these artists, independent artists, TJ Maxx, doops, the stupid. And it is a shittier, hollow version of what the trio art is. And I'm literally like doing crafts in my bed like so fucking true. Because it is. It's so evil. It's really evil. Anyway, there's this one specific like Halloween designer. I don't know her fucking name, but shout out. And it's this kind of spooky crazy creepy like orange and black cat. Almost like a treasure cat type. And yeah, you know, I'm in I'm in TJ Maxx and I'm like. That's horrible. That's horrible. So just trust me. I am, you know, the closer you get to 30, the more millennial coded you are. I don't know what people were doing at 30 before millennials dropped. When God dropped millennials, I don't know how people celebrated Halloween in a meaningful way. Because I really just feel like millennials have their finger on the pulse of holidays of capitalism. You know, like there's never been maybe other than like boomers. Well, angionex. People who have just done capitalism the way that they want you to. You know, and the beautiful thing about this Buzz Light your costume is it sits right above. Micah, it like it doesn't cover my chest. It covers like the area right before my chest. Because, you know, I ultimately have memories. There are not, you know, it's not boobs. It's not sexual organs. Well, they are sexual organs in the fact that they are memories. It's not like, oh, and her titties are sitting just right. Oh, and her titties sitting. Okay, yitty sitting just, no, these are memories. These are mammary glands. It's different, okay? I look at my body as a medical anomaly. I don't look at it as a sexual object. And it's very healing. It's very healing to think of yourself as, you know, doctors are intrigued. This should not exist. And it's just my body. Okay, what I thought would be fun for today. Celebrating Halloween spirit celebrating the month of October. Oh my god, every day is a goddamn. I'll spend the same nightmare, but I didn't mean that. Every day is a goddamn celebration. Every day is a happy reason to be alive. Especially in the month of October. I'm going to be doing different costumes every single week. And I want to start this week by doing the thought experiment. A Nietzsche of sorts, a Freudian thought experiment of sorts. Smash or pass all the Toy Story characters. And I'm not going to elaborate. We're kind of just going to start. So let's kind of go through all of them. And now keep in mind also, I don't know about what's his name. Forky. Forker. I don't know about Forker. Is that his name? The like Spork. Sporker. What's his name? Spork. Character. Forky. And forky. I really feel like they missed an opportunity here of, again, haven't seen it. Don't know anything except I do know that gift. Or that clip of Woody walking holding his hand. And he's walking and he's dragging him behind him. He's dragging forky behind him. But the gift up here. That's what I'm talking about. That makes me laugh every time I see it. God. I probably would love whatever Toy Story this front. Toy Story 4. Toy Story 4. I did not get around to see in Toy Story 37. I really did not. And I need to see Toy Story 5 because Conan is in it. And that's kind of the only pull for me at this point. I would see it because Conan's in it. Okay. Going back. I do think that Forky, again, missed opportunity to call him Forker. You're not the Forker. His character arc should have been mobster, like Bostonian, almost like Italian, New Yorker, mobster. Where his name's Forky. You know, and it's about to get, and this is his catchphrase, it's about to get real Forky in here. It's about to get real Forky in here. And then he shanks you. That's Forky's, you know, So what's the Snoopy B-sides where they're always like, "Charlie Brown main plot." And they're like, "Tototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototototot And they're like dancing with fall leaves and pumpkins, and then it's snoopy. Okay, "Forky" is doing, "Yeah, boys." "Yeah, boys." "Tell a boss, God, boys, you're so smart and funny and charming. I'll handle it, boys." "It's about to get real fucking here." That's what I'm suggesting for "Forker," for the character "Forker." Okay, who's next? Who's this little girl? Oh, hold on, I think I do believe I saw. - This is Toy Story. Two, three, three, Pixar, Toy Story Treasury of characters. I need to go to the originals, 'cause lots of-- ♪ Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta ♪ Okay, here are the originals. Okay, obviously we've got Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Can you like work the way that I need you to? And now why is it taking me to goddamn Facebook? I don't. Oh, it's crashing my computer. Oh, and the liberal book virus is crashing my computer. Nice liberals. You won't win this one. Woody. Smash, first of all, Woody would be a type of Vince Vaughn husband. Do you know what I mean? A Vince Vaughn gaslighting, weaponized incompetence, husband. But at the same time, Woody is incredibly high strong. He's not trying to let me pull my blouse down. Let me pull my blouse down. Oh, Lord. Woody would be incredibly high strong as a partner, and like you think you have OCD, he's running the shit. Okay, Woody's running this shit. No one's touching him. I think that while in the beginning, you know Woody would offer, he would court you very well. He would do all the right things. And then about two years in, or what's the seven year itch? Okay, seven years in, he's gonna have an affair. It will break you, but in the back of your head, you're kind of like, thank you for doing it 'cause I didn't wanna do it. Thank you for committing this sin because now I get to be mad at you and a problem that was in the back of my head is fixed. Is that this is a loveless marriage, Woody. This is a loveless marriage. And I feel trapped. I feel trapped. Woody and Buzz talking to each other. I feel trapped in this, okay? I just feel like we had a really good thing for a really long time. No, I'm not talking, I'm not talking. Wait. This is Woody and Buzz having a domestic dispute, a marital spat, okay? And they're, and I just feel like you've been neglecting me emotionally and whatever. And then here comes Lil Bo Peat. I sucked it. I sucked it. So therefore incriminating Woody because Woody will not did Buzz Cheater, did Woody Cheater. Maybe not, I sucked it. (laughs) Surely not, I sucked it. Like, surely that's not. (gasps) I sucked it. Like, surely that's not, that's not the plot that I'm taking this to. Okay, anyway, can my wings thank you? Woody and Buzz domestic dispute. I had a matcha. And so my throat is just a little bit coated and a milky kind of, a coat, throat coat. And competitors throat coat, thank you. Okay, that's Woody and Buzz. And you know, ultimately is Jesse the side piece as Lil Bo Peat, the side piece. Who knows? Because at one point in time, Woody and Buzz were incredibly intimate. How could they not be? And it is this almost heated rivalry. Like, one of them's the hard-ass. One of them's the, you have to do it this way, okay? The Hudson Williams one. And then the Conor Story one is Buzz Lightyear. Where he's like, you know, he's DL. They're both DL. And that's sad. That's sad because I would like to imagine a Toy Story universe where they can be out. Where it's Pride Month for the toys. Okay, Pride Month Woody. Where he is, his boots are pride, his hat is pride. He's got a gay little bandana. Maybe he's topless with glitter. He's in a weeny bikini that's pride. Like, you know, and you pull the string and it's like your Frankie Grande song that plays. Like, I do see that for the Toy Story franchise. Buzz Lightyear on the other hand, he's got to play both sides. Okay, they might put him in like a, like a Harry Styles wide leg pant and a tank top. Okay, they'll show his, he's got some like tattoos from his time in the service. Again, what service, I don't know. Is he Republican? Is he Democrat? I don't know. I can't say at this time, but I can say that he was a good and loyal partner to Woody for seven plus years, you know, until one of them was unfaithful. So, with that being said, let's move on to Jessie. Jessie, lesbian. Jessie, butch. Jessie is the manliest man out of all of these characters. This whole cast of characters, the gang. Jessie was the one that got that shit done. She is a go-getter. She is a U-Haul lesbian. She would love bomb you in a way that is so unbelievably personal. And then six months in and get bored and move on to somebody else. I bet her a low-bopey-pads-something. And I mean that. I'm still trying to, I'm trying to familiarize myself with my soundboard. Hi, my name is Carmen Winston. Wrong one. Sorry. Um. [LAUGHS] [MUSIC PLAYING] [GASPS] Buzz Lightyear among us trade. [LAUGHS] Buzz Lightyear among us trade. I always make this reference, and I feel like no one ever laughs. So I'm going to do it here with my captive audience. Whenever you get a scratch or you're riffing about, oh, I hurt myself or oh, whatever, I'm always like among us bone sticking out. [LAUGHS] You know what I mean? Among us bone sticking out. [LAUGHS] This is how I feel. When it's like, you know, someone like shoulder checks you, or you like graze your arm on something, and it feels like it ripped your skin off. Like among us bone sticking out. [LAUGHS] Like, ultimately, this is hilarious. Whoa. Holy shit, anatomical diagram. Because it's one bone. Among us is very complicated, our slash gaming. Now, this is something I have never-- oh, I don't like that they drew eyes on it. I don't like that. They don't-- it would be one eye. It's one eye. And where do the arms go? Ew, ew, why is it like a skeleton teradactyl? It's like a humanoid teradactyl. Oh, I do not like this. Let's click on it. Someone says, "Top comment looks like it has a penis." Response, LMAO. [LAUGHS] [MUSIC PLAYING] "Looks like it has a penis." LMAO. And then someone else said, "Looks rather yummy." It reminds me of how they draw meat drumsticks in cartoons or emojis. And then he followed that up with the drumstick emoji. So yeah, you know, really, really interesting things happening on Reddit. I do believe, obviously, like, you rip a head off or it gets flown out into space or blown out into space. It gets ejected. And it's just one bone. So there's not even a brain. Unless it's at the top of the femur. It's one femur, it's whole body. It's just a brain stem. Like, that's probably more probable than this teradactyl situation. That's a lot of micro bones to be fit in this gelatin encasing. And this minion-esque, borers skin encasing. Not to bring it back to the first episode back. But like, yeah, dude, among us skin has to be thick because think about it. You're out in space, a lot of different pressures, a lot of different chemicals. You're in that suit, but the suit has to be breathable. So well, I guess it doesn't have to be breathable to airtight. But at the same time, can you pee in the-- can you pee in the among us suit? And what is the backpack on the back? Is there like lore to among us? Like, why are they on the ship? The backpack worn by among us crew members functions visually as a life support or oxygen tank. Though it's exact in-game purpose remains a running mystery. Space suit design, the shape mimics real-life astronaut gear, duh, specifically a primary life support subsystem, which typically holds oxygen and removes carbon dioxide. Here are lore and fan theories. While many fans view it as an oxygen tank, others point out that an oxygen sabotage still causes immediate failure, meaning it is not a standalone air supply. Official animations and shorts suggest that removing the backpack reveals anatomical secrets. Treating the pack almost like a part of their core suit or biology-- a fleshy skin sack on the back of my crewmate uniform. No, my skin sack. It's like ripping off a mole. [GROANS] [MUSIC PLAYING] Do not remove the crew members' backpack. That is their skin. Got your backpack! [GROANS] It's like a skin tag. What else are they going to look up? Why are the among us smung us? Why are the among us characters on the ship? On the ship. [LAUGHS] The crew may be here. lights are on the spaceship known as the "skilled" on a deep space exploration and mining mission for a corporation like Mira. What the hell is Mira? Alien threat. The imposters are shape-shifting alien parasites that have infiltrated the crew or hitched a ride on the ship. Am I stupid? I just didn't know this. I thought it was like, "I'm a play potato. I'm gonna get you." I didn't even think about. There's an infiltration. There is an enemy aboard. Enemy aboard. Get him off the ship. I didn't even realize that. I thought they were just like friends playing jokes on each other. And I do. This is whatever this is called. I know there are some nerd gamers out there that you can like diagnose me. In any video game I've ever played. And for me, it started with Spyro. Do you know that dragon game? Obviously, checks out now knowing who I am and what I like. Spyro. Spyro. Spyro. He's the cute little people dragon and you can like build the dove and go flowers. I love that game. What I liked about that game is being able to just roam. I like the free roam. I like the free play. I don't like having missions. I don't really care for the missions. Don't care much for me and hold what to do, having shit to do. I want to just roam. Any game I'm like that. We used to play a little big planet. Me and my siblings. Any of the Lego games. I just wanted to roam. I don't. Oh my God. We have to do something. Minecraft. I love to roam. Okay. I like among us as well. I get real stressed out when it's like, I can't go here. Do this. I fucking do the wires. I gotta go here. Oh my cousin. He died. Oh my God. One day is literally. And so I think that whatever that is speaks to my carefree and loving nature. It really speaks to I just want to go have fun. I'm here with all my crewmates. I'm just trying to have fun. And then the the the game maker like Seneca Crane rips off my my mole on my back. And they started doing experiments on me. I won't tell. I won't tell. They're trying to hold my arms now, but I have no arm bones. No. No. They keep fracturing my main femur bone in different areas. Anyway, the obscure lore of among us. It's 55 seconds long. Let's watch it. The goal of the crewmates are to oust the imposter's. And the goal of the imposter's is to obviously kill everyone. After the imposter kill someone, their body is left for someone to discover. Either a crewmate or imposter can report it. Which summons all players to the conference table for a meeting. And from there, the players can discuss where they've been and they must prove their innocence or point blame. And from that, whoever was voted, you can eject them into space or burn them alive. All depends on the man. For the more than once in that, but you get the gist. It's like a video game version of the 1980s movie The Thing. First, the characters. Well, there aren't really characters. Besides the crewmates, and none of them are really different. They are different colors, and some have different jobs, but they are functionally all the same. I don't know if they are humans. They breathe air. They have blood. They are only three foot six and weigh 92 pounds. All of them do. They're okay. How do we know their height and weight? How do we know that? Who did that empirical research? They are three foot six and weigh 92 pounds. Just like a minion. Not unlike a minion. Hello. Not unlike a minion. Has anyone ever put two and two together that minions might be among us? Minion among us. Minion X monsters X among us collab. I'm getting high as balls and going to the theater and watching minions in space. I'm watching minions be catapulted out into space, solving a greater mission of a domestic terrorist threat upon the skilled. I'm watching that. I guess I am. Coca-Cola. Hello. That's what I'm doing. I would love that. Guys, illumination. Hear me out. Minions among us. Minecraft. You get me? And for audio listeners, I just kind of, I pushed three of my fingers together. And for audio listeners, I just kind of like pushed one, two, three, pushed my three fingers together. Okay. I didn't know that there was like crazy lore like this. I also was always so jealous because again, I always was the imposter or got voted out among us because I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm not doing my job. I'm following people around. I'm being annoying. We were like, Imposter. Imposter. And I'm like, I don't give a fuck. So I was always kind of, like, my meat bone was thrown out into the space for the space hounds. But like, I wish I kind of would have tried because there's so much lore. This is kind of reminding me of a fanap. It's reminding me of like, why is the fanbase for among us so intense? I have to do a deep dive. Another thing I loved about this damn game is all the little things you can have. Like, I loved the little sprout on the top of your head. He's got a little ham following him around. Like a little spiral ham. That's cute and fun. Now, is the ham sentient? Does the ham think for itself? Does it have thoughts and feelings? Or did you just, is it like a snack for later? There are so many, they used to have fun. All the little shit you can put on your head, like a pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. Do you even know what you're subscribed to? Seriously, can you name them all? 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That's RocketMoney.com/BroskeyReport, RocketMoney.com/BroskeyReport. Thanks, Rocket Money. All right, back to Toy Story. Back to Toy Story. Jesse Lesbian. Alex Jones. Patriot. Patriot. Patriot. Patriot. That's, Buzz Lightyear. Patriot. Woody. Patriot. Jesse. Lesbian. Bullseye. Loyal. Bullseye. Pass. Okay, all three up to this point have been smashed. Bullseye. Pass. Bullseye. Friendzone. I fear for his intelligence he gives, you know, and I hate this term, but for lack of a better term, golden retriever boyfriend, hate that, right? Because why do you want someone to just follow you around and slaughter? Like, surely we have higher standards for ourselves than that. Just like a submissive, subservient. Like, I'm not. But then every once in a while, he'll have a thought. And then he'll go back to just like drooling on himself and like looking as his penis, licking his bullseye penis ever heard of it, honey. So yeah, bullseye probably pass. Bo Peep again. Lesbian. And I think that she actually know Bo Peep Pan because when you're that sexy Pan, you can get anybody you want. And she does. Trust she does. But she also inherited her father's land. So she understands the value of hard work. She understands the value of working the land of having a relationship with the land and with nature, right? With her, her Billy goat and gruff. Which I do love them. They're very sweet. They're little sheep. And I think they're conjoined at the hip. I do think they're like a dolly the sheep or maybe a what's the two tonight, the two headed goat will see double the stars. What's that fucking quote? Is it cow two headed calf poem tomorrow when the farmboys find this freak of nature? They will wrap his body and newspaper and carry him to the museum. But tonight he is alive and is in the north field with his mother. I forgot how sad this poem is. It is a perfect summer evening. The moon rising over the orchard, the wind and the grass. And as he stares into the sky, there are twice as many stars as usual. Yeah, that's actually pitiful. And I wish I hadn't read that. But we move on. We carry on. Yeah, Billy goat and gruff. They're giving me that. Okay, Billy goat and gruff. No, come. I have no hard opinions on them. They are the ultimately the property of Bo Peep. So, yeah, I think Bo Peep, she's a hard work at Patriot. Bo Peep, Patriot. Mr. Potato Head. Mr. Potato Head. Racist. Mr. Potato Head. Mr. Potato Head is a boomer racist who remembers America the way that it was, the way that it quote unquote used to be. Okay, when they talk about the they want to make great again, it's his America. And that's scary, you should be scared of that. They live in a penthouse in New York. He has anything he could ever need in his ass and his ass compartment. (laughs) He stores it in his ass. (upbeat music) Sus, you're sus. Mr. Potato Head, DL, next. Mrs. Potato Head, stupid. Mrs. Potato Head, blind and stupidly comfortable. She doesn't know that Mr. Potato Head has been having illicit affairs with people that work for him for years, okay? And his ass is full. His ass is full of shit. And Mr. Potato Head, she lives a comfortable lifestyle that was afforded to her by Mr. Potato Head. So she's not gonna complain. She's never gonna complain. Why would she ever like raise a complaint or anything above like slight nagging at Mr. Potato Head? Her life is fine. Like she's got the credit card. She's off with the girls. She's doing like the Hamptons every other weekend. She's fine. Like they hardly see each other. But when they do, it's this fake like, "I love you, schmoopsie poo." Like it's very that. He kind of has this attitude of like, she's my fucking crazy wife, but I love her. 55 years married, never been happy. He's cheating on her every day. 55 years, she stood by me through everything. You know, you know the couple that I'm talking about. That's them. Slinky dog, anarchist. Slinky dog, anarchist, off the grid. I believe he has a kind of like the, and not in a Republican way, but like the 5G, like someone needs to come scan for 5G. He's kind of Fillmore from Cars. He's kind of this like hippy-dippy, uh, laid-a-beda-beda-beda-beda. Like that's very Slinky dog. Lay-a-beda-beda-beda. The Joel's parents do that to their dogs is my mom did. My whole family does that shit. Slinky dog, yeah. He would be kind of in the camp of Hinchman, a la Forky, but Forky's much more loyal. Slinky dog, he would have a conscience about it. I'd be like Slinky, second. And if he didn't agree with that command, he'd be like, I don't know, boss. Do we have to? Like that would be Slinky. And ultimately he would defect. He would defect. And that's fine because that's his arc. He's kind of like, he gets his own spin-off show like Penguin. Like Batman Penguin on HBO. So it's fine. Rex, hypochondriac. Rex, high functioning, OCD. Probably an autism diagnosis, but it's incredibly high functioning. I think that he's got a few roommates. Rex lives with a few different roommates. He's not really comfortable living alone. He could if he really wanted to, but he doesn't want to. And that's fine. You know, that's fine. I think for Rex's journey, he's very gentle. He's a gentle giant, asexual. No partners, no nothing. Fine just being within the company of his friends and family. And it is kind of, you know, Rex is under ADA. He has limited mobility with his arms. And so he needs the rest of the gang to kind of help him in that regard. And they do. They're very accommodating to Rex. 'Cause they understand. And he's just a nice guy. You know, not a bad word to say about Rex. Hey, I'm Patriot. (laughing) Ham is the brains of the operation. Ham is a kind of, what are those shows that like GeneX parents love? Like Reacher and like Jack Ryan and Landman. Any of those Taylor Sheridan shows, Ham would be on one of those. He would be operating a helicopter. He would be, "Get out!" (humming) That would be Ham. He's kind of, actually, no. Ham would be in Mission Control. Ham would be running some sort of like agent born. Do you copy? Agent born, do you copy? We lost him. Shit. We lost him. And then his radar beeps, starts beeping again. Beep, beep. And Ham takes his glasses off. Jesus Christ. It's Jason Bourne. That's Ham. Okay. Patriot. (laughing) Alien. Trader. Vampire. (laughing) Alien. Smash. Alien. Actually, go back to Ham. Smash, Rex, Pass, Slinky Dog, Smash. Mr. Potato Head, Mr. Potato Head. Smash, both smash. Okay, Alien. Smash. Alien is, you can't figure him out. Can you? He's an elusive little fucker. You can't figure him out. There's about a billion of them, okay? So you think you know one. Oh, you're talking to his brother, okay? How is I supposed to know? So I think that Alien, as a partner, first of all, language barrier. I don't know what you're saying, pal. Hey, speak English, dude. (laughing) Hey, pal, speak American. I don't know what you're saying. Other than that, a wonderful lover. A really fantastic lover. You know, they're not from here, they're foreign. They're foreign. So it's almost like dating an Italian. It's very, it's very exotic. (laughing) Very exotic. You know, you're on a date with him and he's like, baby, baby, baby, baby. And you're like, I'm blushing, I don't even know what to say. Like, you are just so complimentary, thank you. And right back at you, you know, so tell me about where you grew up. (singing in foreign language) And then 30 of his brothers who are also at the date with me, they start laughing. (laughing) And I'm like, I love how close you are with your friends. No, it's a green flag. And I don't mean green because you're green. I just mean, sorry, I'm like nervous. And he's like, (laughing) (laughing) I don't know what they sound like. We gotta look up what they sound like. Ailian from Toy Story. (singing in foreign language) I'm just a stranger from the outside. (singing in foreign language) Okay, say, (laughing) say, I am just now realizing in my folly that the aliens do in fact speak English, all of them. Say, I was confusing the aliens with minions. I confused them and that's on me. That's a bit racist, don't we? All you guys are the same. All you little guys, you're just the same. Among us, minions, aliens, you all look the same to me. Okay, I did not take the time, especially as a ranger, okay, as a space explorer. I did not take the time to fully appreciate the differences in culture, the harm and damage that I've done to the alien community, I'm sorry. And I didn't know, you know, I didn't know. Stranger from the outside, ew, I forgot, I forgot about that. So, I'd like to apologize. I really did not mean to offend the aliens from Toy Story. Uh, but yeah, I really cute guys. I am Buzz Lightyear, I come in peace. (laughing) I have to rewatch Toy Story. (laughing) I'm like giggling like it's my first time seeing it. They all go and touch his chest, ew, that's funny. And I have to watch that forky bit of him like trying to keep up with the big drug. That's funny. That's funny. Okay, alien, forky, done that. Vampire, Sarge, Patriot, Patriot. (clapping) Patriot, Sarge, Sarge is the classic, don't marry him, pass, pass on Sarge. But he is a Patriot. Sarge is what the US government wants. They wanted, other than the Vietnam draft, the few, few American men that were like, send me, send me, that's Sarge. Okay, for World War II when people were like, I'm 13 but I'm gonna put that I'm 17 on my shit and then they got sent off to war and then inevitably sent back because they lied, that's Sarge. Like why are you so excited about war, bro? Like genuinely, what's wrong? What's up? You're so fucking hyped about the war. There are other, men create shit. This is actually, actually I have a real issue with Sarge because men create things to create pain in the world because they're bored. Because they feel like their life doesn't have enough meaning on it's own, basking in the beauty of what this wonderful life has to offer. They have to create strife and pain. They think that it gives them a higher purpose. They're serving a higher purpose. All this shit about glory. All this shit. about victory. What the fuck are you talking about? That is such a man-made concept that it's like, wow, Sarge is just, to me, the epitome of this. Like, oh my god, your whole life is about glory and victory and like fucking saluting the flag and crying. Like, you, oh my god. Like, yeah, Patriot, but not, not, do not get married. That meme of like, it's always the military spouse Disney lover. Like, he's got a Disney adult wife, bro. He's got a Disney adult wife with a bag full of lounge fly Disney backpacks, a wall full of ears that their monthly expenses at Disney total in the 10 tens of thousands. Okay. And he doesn't make that kind of money. He is not an officer in the fucking military. He is a plastic toy. And you are abusing his credit card, buying all this bullshit because you don't have a job. You don't have a life of your own. Your identity is capitalism. Your identity is buying a lounge fly backpack so that when your husband comes home from war, PTSD, battered Bruce, he tries to strangle you in the night. You're like, "But I got the Halloween drop." But check out these beauty and the beast ears. You know, that's Sarge. And his, his army wife. And that's fine. Okay. Next, RC Patriot. RC really got them where they needed to go. RC was the glue. He was who they relied on. Is it, they controlled him with the little remote, the little, so that was like a good team bonding thing. RC, I can't overstate how crucial he is to this crew, smash, absolutely smash. And Rocky, I can't say I remember Rocky, is Rocky one of those at SIDS, all those fucked up freak ass toys at SIDS. And now like watching this movie back, which I need to, but like remembering all the freaky concoctions that SID made, he's a designer. Okay. Tim Burton, eat your heart out. Any of these like claimation, whatever, you need SID on your team. He was pre-gothed. Okay. Very, very cool actually to start exhibiting signs of Goth at what, eight, nine. Most people don't realize that until they're teenagers. Okay. He was in early onset Goth. E-O-G, early onset Goth. He was ripping the heads off shit, glued them together, and making actually the creations he made really, really cool. I take SID, I'm going to add SID to this list, and I'm going to say artist. SID from Toy Story, artist. So yeah, what now? What now? You ever thought about it that way? SID was the epitome of a child being creative with his toys. And if I was his mother and I walked in the room and I saw the shit he was doing, yeah, I'd say maybe we need to get you into, you know, counseling of some sort. But in the service of, let's channel that into fashion design. Let's channel that into an almost Simone Rocha sort of, you know, playboy Cardi, opium, like Knight, like I missed the rage kind of thing. Like we need him to wear the next Rick Owen's drop. He needed to be the archetype for like something Drew Ski would make fun of. And that is really beautiful when you think about subcultures and about them being represented in media. I think that SID could have been an opium core influencer about 15 years down the line. So never stop believing your kids because they could really do some amazing stuff someday. Truly. Okay, something I really wanted to look up that is totally not Toy Story related is do all mammals have balls? Holy shit. Yes, all male mammals have testicles. They do not all have them hanging outside the body in a scrotum. So scroties, scroties are limited to what? Most mammals like humans, dogs and horses have testicles that descend into an external sack called a scrotum. Internal testicles. Some mammals like elephants, manatees, whales, dolphins, and platypuses keep their testes inside their abdominal cavity. They've got their nuts and their guts. They've got their nuts all up in their guts. I didn't know that. Well, you learn something new every day. Do all I've thought this as well. Like okay, mammals were mammals, obviously. There are water dwelling mammals. Look, my wings are like they're drooping because they're sad. They're drooping because I'm not hard. I'm soft. My wings are soft. There are land mammals. But ultimately, we're so back by the way. Here's my question. Can mammals be in water? How long can a mammal be in water before you die? And I don't mean drown. I mean, how long could I physically be in water before my health starts to deteriorate? Like what happens if you stay underwater forever? How long can human skin be wet? How long can human skin stay in water? Your skin does not. What? Your skin does not instantly fall off. Who said shit about your skin falling off? I did not know that was an option. I did not know that could happen. Your skin does not instantly fall off, but significant structural damage and loss of elasticity began after about 12 hours of continuous water immersion. That's from Binghamton University. Oh, my god. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, I didn't know, I didn't know. 30 to 60. Oh, I actually can't. This is a new fear. This is a new fear. Awesome. 30 to 60 minutes. Your fingers and toes turn wrinkly. It's a normal nervous system response, not actual skin damage. 12 hours. The outer layer of your skin loses important oils, natural moisture, and elasticity. Several days. Continuous soaking, what? Leads to severe skin breakdown. The skin becomes soft, white, and fragile, macerated. One week or more, extreme prolonged exposure causes the outer skin cells to lose cohesion and slough off or detach completely. I didn't know that could happen. I don't know that could happen. But who's staying in the pool for a week? That would just be more like my, my, you know, very real fear of being just stuck at sea. What if I'm in a shipwreck and I'm stuck at sea? I'm gonna be in water for a week until somebody comes and grabs me. On a human body left in water, skin typically starts to peel away in about a week. Okay. And I bet you have a UTI as well. Skin fell off plus UTI plus L plus your bald plus your white. Actually, you're red because your muscles are exposed. Plus your bald plus your red. So what now? I did not know that that is a thing. Hypothermia, infections, dehydration. Oh my God. David Blaine was in a tank of water for a week. I don't want to know. I'm not looking that shit up. There is a limit. There is a limit. You'd suffer open sores. I don't need to know all that, dude. I don't need to know all that. Okay. I had no idea that your skin could slough off. By the way, not a worse pair of words. Slough off? Wow. New fear unlocked. Me every time I get into a pool. Well, my skin could slough off. So I actually can't be in there for longer than 60 minutes. Yeah. You guys have fun with your fucking exposed vertebrae. Your exposed muscle, muscular system. I have the fun with the open sores. I mean, your shit starts to fall off and peel off. I think you have hypothermia probably and you die. Yeah, I'll be over here in the shade. This episode is sponsored by CashApp. CashApp for me has been a lifesaver for when I only bring my phone places and I get pretty great cashback deals at places I love to blow money like bookstores. CashApp does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money. 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See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and BankCorp debit flex card. Cash app green features, savings, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage, and discounts provided by Cash app, a blocking brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Thanks Cash app! Totally unrelated to absolutely anything I've been talking about, I wanted to share a transformative experience that I had back in May. This is deeply earnest, not related to wanting to fuck Sarge from Toy Story. I went to Scotland in May, too. I genuinely, of course I was really burnt out from the broski report. Slow down! Slow down when you're speaking, and also my blouse keeps writing up. I was very burnt out from the broski report, but I will say that was the one thing I wanted to come back here and talk about, is I went to Scotland on a family vacation. And it was so like, I don't even think restorative is the right word because it kind of changed something in my brain in terms of reconnecting with like the beauty. But here's also what I've learned about myself older, I get love LA, okay, love a palm tree, love the beach, love whatever. I am meant to be in the cold rain. I'm meant to be in the rain. I love the rain. I love a heavily wooded forest. I love a mist over a lock. These things truly, it's, do you ever have that feeling like when you go somewhere or it's a certain type of weather and you're like, this is what I'm supposed to be in? And for a lot of people, that's sun, for a lot of people, it's the mountains. It's like, oh, this is, and I do think that calls back to some ancestral something. It's like, this is, and what's it called, phenotype? Is that what that is? You know, like if you have a lighter hair, lighter skin, lighter eyes, it's because you're meant to be in places that are not as bright all throughout the year or like, fucking Iceland or wherever, like the Nordic countries. And then the, like the more sun exposed areas, that's when like, you're very melanated. You have darker eyes to protect against the sun. Like, what the, is that called a phenotype? Is that an outdated word? Correct me in the comments, the exact term that I'm thinking of. Man, being in Scotland, I was like, this is, yeah, this is correct for me. And it was deeply healing, and I did a little forest walk through some like protected forest in the Highlands, and it was genuinely something out of a fairy tale. I didn't know those places actually existed. I thought it was just like TikTok bait. It's like, like, tourist slop, but it's like what, calling nature a tourist slop. But you know what I mean? Where it's like, the viral waterfall, the viral dead and you go, and it's just like, there's trash everywhere. People don't take care of it. It's like just that one spot, and then it's the rest is like apartments. This, we went, it was in the middle of nowhere, just a nature trail. And I did it, and I left, and I was like, oh, this has changed me. And I struggled really to put it into words of, I felt so small in the best way. Like it's not about me, it's never been about me. It is so much bigger than me. All of my problems fall away when you're standing at the base of a huge tree. You know, like when you're listening to a creek, that scene from, um, fucking movies. The Beaver one that just came out, hoppers at the beginning of that movie when it's her and her grandma and they're sitting on the rock and she's like, just listen. And then it does all these zoom-ins of like each little micro ecosystem of like the tadpoles on the pool and then like the dragonflies above the pool and then, you know, like birds coming to eat and then it zooms up into the trees and it's like birds with their young and then everything like flitting, the trees moving and the whatever and the wind and, and the bugs on the rocks. It's just like everywhere around you is life all the time and it's so much more important than you actually. Like we are the most egotistical creatures alive. We add nothing to the functioning or survival of the Earth of the planet. In fact, all we do is harm it. So that really was like, oh, wow, I'm gonna cry. And like I cried to the forest and it was just so unbelievable and how sad is that that I'm so far removed from something as special as that? Would I live in Southern California? Like one hour that way is mountains, one hour that way is desert, one hour that way is beach. Like it's just taking the time to go and appreciate it and do it and explore. And sometimes I'm so trapped in my own brain that that feels like the most difficult thing in the world to me is like leaving my house and doing something that is ultimately in service of myself, but also, you know, a lot of these parks you pay an entry fee and it like is to conserve it. So I don't know, that's something that kick started back in May and I've been trying to find small ways to implement it in my life ever since. And I'm kind of re-inspiring myself to go and find a nature trail in LA because it's finally cooling down. It's been a hundred billion degrees. So yeah, that's something I just wanted to share. If you ever go to Scotland, find a forest, obviously don't get murdered, like don't die. I don't think they have like Scottish murderers like that. I don't think the Scots are like killing people the way that Americans are, but yeah, hundred percent would recommend it was life changing. Okay, you know what time it is. Housekeeping. Let's go ahead and get into it. Song of the Week. Anything by McGee. I'm back on my McGee shit. Rockman is maybe a favorite song by him ever, but like are you looking up, Alessies, Riley and I, Riley and me. What's that song? That whole album that all those are on, I'm back on it. I'm so back on my bullshit. But I'm watching. I'm still watching girls, but also I've been watching influencer commentary videos when I eat lunch, spooky, spooky, okay, just so much. It's so much. I like to stay up to date with like the heavy hitters and like how, how out of touch influencers can be because I don't want to ever be that. See what the girls are doing so that it's like, oh, yeah, not that I would like have a propensity to do those things anyway. And I'm talking about like luxury halls or like over consumption core and all that. Like that stuff really, I'm not going to say I enjoy watching it, but it's very interesting to watch because I'm like, now girl, now, like it's not 2015 anymore, but I got for Christmas and it's like a deer bed. You can't be doing that. It's just so strange to me. And so I was all sometimes watched that stuff on YouTube as well as meanily, I fucking love sorry, mean, I love mean, she is probably my favorite YouTuber other than Luna Montana. Love those girls. What I'm looking forward to. I'm doing some fashion week stuff this week. I'm going to a Michael Korshow, very excited. And I am just so completely freaking honored that dress an old heifer like me. You know, I can't believe they have the big ass size of size 12, US 12, US 14, sometimes when I've eaten a bit much. I'm just so honored, but I am really excited. And also it's fall. I'm excited for food. I'm probably going to Ireland sometime October, November because I've got a good friend group over there now. And the big fat dub, it's just like a second home to me now. How lucky am I to get to say that. Like my Irish obsession really turned into like, let me find some found community here. Let me actually go ahead and set up some roots here. Randomly. So yeah, those are what I'm looking forward to. Some style things I'm loving or something new I'm doing style wise this week. I thrifted this really fun blue pale blue purse from JW pay pie. It was like 30 bucks and it is so cute. And I got these tabbies that are light blue as well. And then I thrifted this blue tank and I'm very excited to do. I'm going to pair it all together with like this pretty layered, teared, striped skirt. Can't wait to reveal that on the IG. Unless it looks fucking stupid, then no, I'm not. But yeah, very, very into playing with color. Okay. I'm so used to dressing in like black, white and red. And I'm really trying to expand my horizons also. This probably isn't the avenue or mill you, great word, look it up, mill you to ask for this. But what is my color analysis? I could do the shit on TikTok. I could do whatever. But I feel like I'm white in a way that's like, some colors are going to look fucking awful. I know I can't wear pink. I know I can't wear yellow. But everything else is kind of up for grabs. I don't know. Sometimes I find this really pretty green, like a, not a sage green, but like a, it's almost a puke green. But I really love it because that with a burgundy together is so beautiful and I'm worried I can't wear it. And I know it's like, you can wear whatever you want, queen. Shut up! I want to know on my skin tone, is it flattering or will I look like I have the suds. So if anyone's willing to do a color analysis on me, just go ahead and let me know. And then as per usual, plug the Patreon if you guys have questions, suggestions, recommendations, things to Google that you would like to throw at me, go on the Patreon and submit any of that. We're going to be pulling from it over the next coming weeks, maybe even year because I really want to start incorporating Rosky Nation. Okay, I'm going on corporate gate. Okay. It's really hard to talk sometimes. And like I do it for the I do it for the living. Anyway. Yeah, go on the Patreon. And as per usual, we've got the British British main channel. Don't get used to the uploads on there, but do go enjoy the bat catalog. Royal court, new upload every single week. We've got merch. Go check out the merch if you are so inclined. And then Patreon, yeah, guys, that's pretty much it for me. I will see you next week. And until then, to infinity. Wait. Chase infinity. To infinity. And beyond. Bye.