Busy Being Busy: Why Our Lives Feel Both Full and Empty

Hello, and thanks for joining us today on, as a matter of interact, practical sociology for everyone, where we believe that understanding social interactions and social structures help us navigate life and critically address problems. I'm Dr. Wesley Cahoon, a sociologist, a professor and a consultant. Today's podcast title is "Busy Being Busy, Why Are Lives Feel Both Full and Empty." The plan for today is, first I'll talk about busyness as a badge of honor, then I'll discuss productivity, priorities and performance, and finally, I'll give you practical solutions to combat busyness with resisting the hustle delusion. We have a love of busyness in our society. I know people all the time who say, "No to things or they can't do things because they claim they're too busy." Being busy is a catch-all, everyone is busy. But are we busy? Really it's the ultimate excuse. It's what we're supposed to be. If you see someone you haven't seen in a while or someone you've seen even last week and you say, "What have you been up to?" They say, "Oh, I've been so busy." But in reality, why are we so busy? And is it really busyness? First thing I'd like to talk about is busyness typically is seen as a badge of honor in our society. To understand this, I'm going to give you a brief kind of history of Max Weber. He's a German sociologist who did some work in understanding America. He wrote this book called Protestant Work Ethic in the Spirit of Capitalism, and what Weber did, he wanted to look at what makes American different. This was around the 1800s, and what makes people in the US successful. He found that what made them different was capitalism plus Christianity, specifically Protestantism, which I won't get into if you don't know Protestantism is, but basically just Christianity. And so what he came up with is this idea of the Protestant ethic or what he observed. And that capitalism requires a disciplined labor force where workers show up and they're supposed to work hard every day to have output. So he developed this idea, and he's like, that's what America has, and that's why they're so successful. And his whole kind of premise is Weber had this idea that people's beliefs impact or situation. It's the first time really where work became a divine calling, even the word "vocation." The root word of that Latin word "vocum" means calling. The idea and societal ideas, this is where it all started. The idea to save money, avoid idleness, not overly indulging in pleasures. He also realized that wealth needs religious and ethical kind of meaning. Disconnected early even with poor Richards Almanac and Ben Franklin, who really took a lot of Bible verses, and he just kind of didn't say they were from the Bible. And it basically internalized religious discipline with rationalization of time, such as time as money, and idleness is a sin. So these Christian values of discipline, hard work, being frugal and moral duty to pursue once calling, it laid the social and psychological groundwork for modern capitalism. This was all rooted in the idea that material success is a sign of divine favor, and it encouraged people specifically, quote, "believers" to work relentlessly. So what ended up happening, and Weber noticed, and what he said would happen, is that even though, Protestantism kind of faded away, and it wasn't the core anymore, this ethic maintained in a secular form, that the religious ethics started the foundation, and now it's part of the American ethos, it's American idea. This could be seen in the idea of rise and grind. Weber is a quote directly from Protestant work ethic, Weber said, "Man is dominated by the making of money, by acquisition as the ultimate purpose of life." So what that means, is Weber started noticing the economic acquisition has become an end in itself. So instead of a means to satisfy material needs, it's the pursuit of which we never fully attain, this idea that we're constantly working, you never have enough. Now, Weber's idea is they connect to hustle culture, myths concerning merit and personal identity. So hustle culture, it's a mindset and societal expectation that emphasizes hard work and it's striving for success through relentless working. This includes even long hours at the expense of personal well-being and work-life balance. The first way that Weber's ideas connect to this, to hustle culture, is through moralizing work ethic. Hustle culture mirrors the idea that work is a moral command, so long hours and constant productivity, or not just career moves, but they're seen as evidence of a personal virtue. If you're doing these things, you're a good person, it's what you're supposed to do. The second way that these ideas connect and kind of plant in our society, to hustle culture, is through internalized pressure. So in today's society, there's often guilt and shame with rest and downtime. This reflects Weber's idea of an iron cage. So it's a, Weber said that we create something in society, then it kind of, it traps us. It's what's a system where people feel trapped by relentless demands. So what iron cage does, it limits individual freedom and creativity. So even after the religious motivations are gone from the Protestant work ethic, that they, the kind of spirit, quote unquote, kind of lives on, myths concerning merit. Weber showcased that the early capitalist reason that success was a result of moral character with things like discipline, being frugal, and hard work that we talked about above. The idea is that moral merit equals economic success. The Protestant ethic promotes the idea that success is deserved because people work hard and live right. This translates to the myth that everyone has an equal shot that failures of personal failing, not a structural issue. That if you fail, that it's you, if you succeed, it's you. What this does and how this plays out in societal values now is it overlooks structural inequality. So the idea that quote anyone can make it if they work hard enough reflects this idea. It ignores what it does, though, the problem with it ignores how social class, race, gender, and other structural barriers complicate this opportunity. So I'm not saying it makes it impossible. I'm not saying that people can achieve things. I'm saying that it complicates it, that everyone doesn't start at the same place and have the same advantages that others do, right? So for example, I am five foot nine, five foot ten, no matter how hard I trained or how much I trained as a boy or even now, there's no way I'm ever playing the NBA. I just, I don't have the athletic ability to. I don't have the height to do it. I'm just never going to do it. You would probably all agree with that. If you knew me or saw me or whatever it gets me be or even by my brief description, you're like, there's no way. But with other things in life, we don't necessarily say that. So this is why when someone is poor, usually they're blamed on their own situation. They just need work harder, get out of it. If they're rich, that's like they succeeded. It's not considering these external factors. Personal identity, Weber showed that work isn't just a job. It's a calling and that's a big difference. This is a calling where spiritual duty gives life meaning and in our society, work defines the person. So people often define themselves by their occupation. You meet someone for the first time, a very, very common question is, so what do you do? That question, they're not trying to figure out that's usually not a networking thing. Like I'm trying to figure out if you're a plumber or you're a realtor, in case I need a plumber or a realtor. It's an assessment question. It's to find out who you are and what kind of value it is, what kind of value you bring at the table. The answer has a lot to do with identity meaning and purpose. So work, therefore, is infused with identity and purpose. That's what we've done. Productivity equals worth. So many people, especially professionals and entrepreneurs, get their self-worth from their productivity. This is a secular version of the idea that one's calling demonstrate spiritual worth, that you are living out, you're calling by and through this hard work. Modern American values about work aren't just economic. They're cultural and even some are religious in tone. They shape how we just success, how we understand ourselves, how we interpret societies. And modern technologies keep it this way. We have productivity apps, Google calendars, working from home that really blends the kind of shift, the line between personal and professional, cell phones, text emails, you're always on. Someone can always reach you from the office or whatever the case may be. The other element of this to consider is busyness does not equal productivity. There's performative busyness. People often signal status by how full their schedule is. So regardless of actual productivity, if someone says I've been swamped, it's a badge of honor. That's because busyness is connected with identity. I'm busy or I hustle, therefore I am, I exist, I have value. And our society where work is central identity, showing how busy you are becomes a quick way to say who you are. It's a way of signaling you have purpose, drive and ambition. We can see this through social media and through even self-branding. So if you're not being busy, but you're showing others that you're being busy through like LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, et cetera, we'll talk more about this later. But it's performative busyness is trying to show others. Look how busy I am. This is what I'm doing. Busyness, a lot of times, is connected to social value. Business is seen as a virtue. If you're busy, you're important, you're hard working and you're in demand. So business then signals your social value. So people want to stay busy because it signals I'm important. I'm needed. What this means is that people want to perform or at least be busy. Being busy is more important than being productive. If you're truly productive, there's a difference between busyness and productive. If you're truly productive, you won't be busy all the time. You will have downtime. But busy people who are constantly busy are seldomly productive. A lot of this is related to the presentation of self, which I've talked about in other podcasts. It's a sociological concept that how people present ourselves in everyday life is that it uses the imagery of a theater and actors that we present the version of ourselves we want others to see. So as mentioned in the social media, people post in the present the type of life they want to show the public. It's not necessarily the life that they have. So why do they do this? They do this to maintain a certain identity. They do this to manage any shame or stigma they have with either being lazy or being unproductive. That's associated with that with being lazy or unproductive because we're talking about being busy means equal societal value. Therefore being busy becomes front stage. It's what we see the actor performance. We don't see the backstage. We don't see what's actually happening. This is one reason that no matter how busy some people are, no matter how much they complain about being busy, they won't let anything go. They won't take anything off their plate because it's subtle focus and the values on business. So that's what they want to portray to others. So I've talked before about the importance of data and social research. So what do the statistics and numbers say about Americans and business and productivity? According to some studies about meetings, they found out that the average employee spends about three hours a week in meetings, about 30 percent of workers spend over five hours a week in meetings. Unproductive meetings waste 24 billion a year on average employees participating in eight meetings a week. And 11 percent of meetings are considered productive. The average CEO spends 72 percent of time in their meetings. Middle management spends 35 percent of time in meetings about multitasking, which people value. Studies have found it can decrease productivity by 40 percent comparing the US with other countries. Nearly 70 percent of global respondents estimate they spend at least one hour day multitasking. US respondents only 1 percent say they don't multitask. 44 percent said they spend at least three hours or more multitasking. Found looking at leisure, rest, and filling overwhelmed, a 2025 study by Ohio State found at 16 percent of American adults feel report being stressed every day, 45 percent experienced stress at least once a week, a Gallup poll indicated 49 percent of Americans frequently experienced stress, a 2018 Pew research found that 60 percent of US adults said they felt "too busy to enjoy life." Of that, 12 percent of them felt this way most or all of the time. Their respondents with children under 18 in this study say that 74 percent said that at least sometimes they feel too busy to enjoy life. Why? Because they're awful of activities with kids, with personal work, etc. You know when my kids were elementary school my wife met another mom and this mom was talking about how busy she was and she literally told my wife that she didn't buy groceries. My wife said why? She said, "Oh, ever shed three kids this lady and she said every night of the week we eat out because I'm taking the kids year round to these different activities." She's busy all the time. So now that we understand that busyness is a badge of honor and that's why people do it. It's a societal expectation that transmits personal value, meaning and identity. That busyness does not equal productivity and that our lives are full of activities but also stressed and lack of productivity and even a lack of satisfaction. Let's look at productivity, priorities, and performance. So when someone says I'm too busy, what do they actually mean? I would argue that seldomly means that they are really too busy. They may feel that they're too busy, they may have calendars jam-packed full of activity, they may be running around everywhere but it doesn't mean they're necessarily too busy. Instead, when someone says I'm too busy, what it does mean is that's not a priority for me. Now, that's a difficult truth, maybe you don't like hearing that but it's true. Think about some examples. Exercising, dieting, meal prepping, going to church or religious services, spending time with loved ones, getting enough sleep or even self-care, and all those things, it's a priority issue, it's not a busy issue. I'm not trying to beat you up or make you feel bad, I'm just making an observation about what occurs. We say I'm too busy because it's a socially acceptable excuse. I'm too busy to exercise or diet. Sounds better than I just want to sit on my couch or eat a burger or eat some blue bill ice cream. I'm too busy to attend church or small group. Sounds better than I just don't want to go or I'd rather do XYZ. I'm too busy to spend time with loved ones. Sounds better than I have a life where my focus is on work and tasks more than relationships with those closest to me or my work validates me or appreciates me while my family seems to take me for granted. I'm too busy to get enough sleep or self-care. Sounds better than I have too many things in my schedule, or as we discuss above, we're afraid that self-care is considered idleness or laziness or selfish. So what we say is we say what we're focusing on others, and all these scenarios, it's a priority issue, until we recognize it's a priority issue, we're continually placing ourselves in the role of a victim to our circumstances. If we're too busy to do XYZ, we can't do anything about it to change it, and we don't have any or very little personal responsibility. It's not my fault. I'm too busy. It's a perfect excuse. It doesn't require any change on my part. When we recognize it's a priority issue, not a busyness issue, we can make changes and evaluate our priorities. It's important to understand how priorities and values and the relationship to busyness is. One way we can do that is by this concept of habitus and busyness, Pierre Bordeaux. He's a sociologist. He developed this idea of habitus. It refers to deeply ingrained habits, dispositions, and ways of perceiving the world that people develop through their social upbringing. So people internalize norms about what a "full life" looks like. A lot of that is based on social positioning. So for example, middle-class people may prioritize structured busyness, sports, sometimes the lessons, as a way to build cultural capital. So cultural capital is knowledge, skills, and tastes that are valued within society. It can be used to navigate social situations, again, advantages. Upper-class people may use busyness to signal distinction through curated busyness, being too busy with excessive events or high-level decision making. Working with class people may experience involuntary busyness. This is tied to survival. It could be juggling multiple jobs of paid labor or even caretaking. When someone says, "I'm too busy," what they're really saying is usually reflecting what their social conditioning has taught them to value. Everyone has 24 hours. But not everyone has the same freedom, framing, or flexibility on how to spend that time. So what values are you living out with your calendar? If you were to look at your calendar and you're to say, "This is what I do daily, monthly, weekly, yearly," what values are lived out in your calendar. You want to see what you value to look at your calendar. There's an emotional cost of busyness. Busyness, anxiety, loneliness, and burnout. Busyness becomes a distraction. It becomes a distraction from dealing with inter-life or existential questions. Constant busyness, masks, loneliness, fear of relevance, or anxiety. If you stay busy enough, you don't think about being lonely, you don't think about being irrelevant because, quote, "people need you," but most times, maybe they don't need you as much as you need them or you need to be busy. Digital distractions, constant connectivity, feeds a low-grade state of busyness. So notifications, social media, inboxes, were constantly digitally distracted. Tech feeds, this low-grade constant stimulation, it can feel like productivity. So you can scroll through Facebook or social media or wherever, and you can feel like you're making a political difference because you're reposting stuff or you can feel that you're making a difference because you're reading all these news articles or what the case may be. Or you're catching up with friends on social media, but like we talked about before with like drama-turgy and presentation of self, you're really just connecting and catching up with the idealized self that they want you to see. So all of this takes a toll. It takes a toll on our mental health, emotional well-being, and our social relationships. You know, previously, before I was a professor, I worked as a health care chaplain for many years. Because of that, I've been around death and grief a lot. I promise you, one thing I've never heard anyone grieve about when they're dying is that they wish they were busier. You know what they do? They grieve over. They grieve over quality, over quantity. They grieve over quality of time, quality of relationship. The live busyness is that you can spend your whole life being busy and having your calendar full. Only to realize at the end, you don't really live at all. So what can we do about this? We can resist the hustle delusion, which is our last section. The hustle delusion is a false belief about reality. That the more we work hard, half full calendars, the more we strive for success through relentless working, specifically at the expense of personal well-being and the neglect of any balance of other elements of life, that we will produce the good life. It won't. If you never accept that, you will spend your whole life like a hamster on a wheel. You'll always be running towards something that you'll never achieve. No matter what you'll have, you'll keep running and you'll keep wanting more. So you have to resist the hustle delusion, have some practical tips on how to do that below. Number one in the first foremost is be countercultural. I talked about the beginning on how the Protestant or Catholic, how it's kind of ingrained in American society and American ethos, this busyness and this idea of importance and value, you have to move away from that, you just have to. One way to do that is through slow movement and resistance, you know, slow living. This is lifestyle and philosophy that emphasizes intentionality, mindfulness and a slower pace of daily life, it values quality over quantity, it values presence over productivity. You do this by rejecting the urgent C culture, the culture that glorifies busyness, instead of saver tasks, saver relationships, even routines, even mundane routines, finding, you know, the gift in that. Focus on your well-being, prioritize rest, sleep, time in nature, mental clarity, whatever you enjoy doing. You can shift towards intrinsic satisfaction instead of external satisfaction. A lot of times in a consumeristic, Catholic society, we always look for the external. The new shiny object that we buy, the new car, the bigger house, whatever case may be, then we'll be happy. Instead of that, there's nothing wrong with those things, but find the little joys in life, find things that are meaningful and make those little things have meaning and saver those like a cup of coffee, a hobby, eating with friends, watching a TV show with your family. Second thing you can do in addition to slow living is Sabbath practices, Sabbath practices is rooted in Judaism and then Christianity and it involves resting at least one day a week. Practically, it's a designated regular rest. It doesn't have to be a day or what a case may be, but it is saying no to endless work. It focuses on renewal, which includes physical, emotional, spiritual renewal, this approach reclaims human dignity and this life, people, jobs, societies, whatever, they're always going to want more from you. You're never going to do enough. There's always, always, always more work to do. There's always additional needs. Sabbath practices doesn't bend to this and the more because it will just continue taking from you, but it says no. Work life balance is a third one. I'm hesitant to even say that because some people misunderstand it. I've seen people try to do work life balance by adding things to their already busy schedule. They don't cut anything. There's like, I'm going to add rest. I'm going to add this. I'm going to add that. That defeats the whole purpose. You know, they're already not getting sleep, not taking care of themselves. I've seen other people make this an impossible task, never fully achieving it. So balance becomes some mythical kind of thing that they'll never, that they're always chasing, but they'll never achieve. It's neither of those. What it means primarily in work life balance is setting boundaries and limits, specifically with professional obligations and personal lives, saying no. So none of this happens by accident. You have to be intentional. You have to be intentional relationships. You have to be intentional with your leisure time. You have to be intentional with rest. Start out small and make it manageable. Sometimes this means you block out time for rest or you block out time for these things. Maybe you have to be rigid on it or you just say no to things. I don't know, but you have to be intentional. It won't just happen. The last thing to consider is that boredom is not bad. We spend so much of our lives trying to consume and be entertained. This creates a discontentment where we are searching for a constant stimulation. It's okay to not have anything going on. It's okay to be bored. It's okay if your kids aren't in activities year-round. Statistically speaking with your kids, they aren't going to be professional athletes. Statistically speaking with your kids, they aren't getting a college scholarship. I've heard parents say things like, you know, they're investing in their kids with their sports because they think they're going to get a college scholarship. You're better off putting that in some kind of college fun than you are with your, if that's your plan, then you aren't investing in your kids' sports. So there's nothing wrong with activity. Even those activities, kids' sports, kids' activities, your personal activities, there's nothing wrong with it. It becomes a problem when we equate the activities with personhood. It becomes a problem when we are too busy that life is actually sacrifice. Listen, I'm not an expert in living this out. I get stressed. I become too busy sometimes. I fall into these societal traps. But at the same time, I'm aware of these things. And I live an intentional life. There's so much in life that we can't control. You can't control like control that just happens to us. However, I'm convinced that intentionality is one way where we can take a more active role in our lives, and intentionality is one way where we can live our best, most meaningful life. Well thank you for listening. I'll be back. As you go about your lives this week, I hope you're able to critically assess how social interactions and social institutions impact your life, that you use this understanding to make the world a better place. This is Dr. Wesley Kuhn saying, "I will see you soon."