Speaker 1Before we begin, this episode is brought to you by Biogland Smart Minds. The clocks have gone back, it's dark by tea time, and if bedtimes have quietly gone sideways in your house, you're not alone. Mine were just the same. Biogland Smart Minds are tasty, sugar-free gummies designed to support growing minds, balanced moods, and restful sleep. And they're the ones I'm happy to recommend. Available online and in store at Holland & Barrett. Half term is over, and the children who managed September and October are suddenly a different proposition. The primary age child who got through the first half of term without a major meltdown is having one daily. The teenager who seemed fine, who seemed more than fine, has retreated entirely. The younger child who was sleeping well is now waking at five and refusing to go back. The toddler is vulgar. This is not parenting failure. This is November. And if you're new here, hit follow so the next episode finds you automatically. Now, let's get into it. Welcome to November. And can I just say, the November wobble is real, and it has a shape. The first half of term runs on novelty and adrenaline. New teacher, new classmate, and new teacher. New class, new shoes, new bag, fresh start, all of that fresh start energy, the September momentum which carries everyone forward. By half term, that has burned through. And the second half is the hard stretch. No bank holiday, no milestone breaker, cold and dark, and six weeks until anything which might feel like a relief. What parents and teachers describe to me every single year is children who held it together beautifully through September and October begin falling apart in those first two weeks of November. And I want you just to hold this phrase in your mind. The wobble is information and not failure, in your child or in you. So let's think about this from the fine lens and then the wide lens, which I'm encouraging you to consider these things through. So the fine lens is the problem that, is right in front of us, whether that's our child refusing to go to school, whether that's making the transition to get them to school really challenging, or maybe they're melting down daily over what appears to be absolutely nothing, or they're impossible to live with, or they're withdrawn in a way which sort of feels different from their usual quiet, or they're doing the bare minimum and absolutely no more, or crying over things which wouldn't have touched them at all in September or even in October. So let's think about this from the fine lens and then the wide lens asks a different question, not how do I stop this or how do I fix this? But what is this telling me about what my child and what I actually need right now and the skill that needs building or bridging? The wobble is a signal that a skill needs to be built. So let's think about this from well, that the skill of riding out a demanding stretch hasn't been fully developed yet or fully built yet. The skills underneath it are knowing what your body and mind need when you're depleted, when your bucket is full, being able to communicate that rather than act it out and tolerating discomfort, that discomfort of that process without falling apart completely and knowing things, which things genuinely empty your bucket. And these are adult skills too. And so I'd like you to reframe the November wobble as actually November being the training ground to building these skills. So what are the skills that I want this episode to focus on? Well, their self-awareness of their own state, theirs, but also our self-awareness of our own state, the language to say, I'm running on empty rather than showing it through behavior. And of course, our children are not necessarily going to say out there running on empty, but being able to articulate and communicate where they're at in terms of that bucket and the ability to lower their own bar in terms of what they expect from themselves and what they need to do when they need to, and to seek help before that tank, that bucket completely overflows or their battery hits complete zero. So as usual, I'm going to focus on five things. And we're going to look at these specifically by age. So the first one is name it, don't fix it. So give the wobble a name and take the alarm out of it. Yeah, you seem a bit wrung out this week. That's really normal at this point of term. You seem really tired. You seem to be a little overwhelmed. Whatever that might be that you are seeing, you're finding it difficult to communicate what you need. And then let's normalize that. So we want to name it, give it something that our what is going on and then normalize it. Because that sentence does something really important. It says, I see you. This has a reason. And the reason is not that you're falling apart or failing. And a child who has language for their own state is already halfway there to managing it. You've got to sort of being able to articulate it and understand it before you can look at what do you need to do for yourself. So we're not minimizing what they're feeling. We're preventing the wobble from becoming a crisis. Because wobbles which feel nameless and alarming have a tendency to escalate. Now for our younger children, we might use language like we might phrases like your body's really tired today, isn't it? November's a hard month. With our primary school children, maybe we're going to say you've been working really hard since September. It makes sense that you're feeling it now. And with teenagers, maybe something along this. I know this stretch is tough. It's the same every year. You're not imagining it. Yep. So those named things are manageable. Unnamed things are terrifying. So use the phraseology that sits comfortably and sounds like you and sits comfortably for your child. Number two, lower the bar deliberately. Now, ask yourself honestly, what can we take off the plate this week? And I say this with so much love. So often we don't realize it because it's a bit of an incremental. We put something here on this day, and then we put something there on that day. And then we make a decision last minute to do this. And before we know it, our children's diaries, not only from a school perspective, but after school is overburdened, or we have a long list of expectations when they get home. When we lower the bar deliberately in November, we're not doing it forever. It's not that we were wrong and that we failed. What we're doing instead is using it as a So a child who is managing school and three, four after school clubs and a full social diary and homework every night is not managing all those things equally. Something is carrying the cost. And usually it's their emotional regulation, particularly if they're not able to articulate the overwhelm or what they need. November is a recovery week and month, not a performance week. So when we think about this by age, younger children, maybe what we can do is earlier bedtime, maybe make the evenings quieter, maybe some less organized activity, more unstructured time at home, less going, more being. With our primary school children, I would really encourage you to do a bit of an afterschool commitment audit. If your child is having the November wobble, if they are to consider one afterschool commitment rather than two, three or four. Dinner together without any form of agenda and permission to just be quiet and be. With our teenagers, maybe what we can do is just not push the social calendar. The ones who look most antisocial in November are often the ones who most need to stop and restore. Let them. This podcast is brought to you by Biogland Smart Minds, the tasty gummies supporting young people's sleep, mood and focus with high quality magnesium and carefully selected vitamins, amino acids and natural extracts to help your child's brain and body function at their best. November is a slog, isn't it? The clocks have gone back. It's pitch dark by four and everyone's running on empty. That long gray hall to Christmas. And in my practice, this is exactly what I'm doing. I'm exactly when I see it. The child who's wired and won't settle at night. The one who can't concentrate with mocks looming. The one whose mood has just flattened. I remember those winters well as a mum. The early starts in the dark, the short fuses by tea time. So these are gummies I'm genuinely glad to recommend. A nighttime one to help them wind down, a focus one for the revision stretch, a mood and mind one for the great days. Sugar free and designed to support growing minds. Balanced Moods and Restful Sleep. Number three, body before mind. What parents and teachers consistently describe is that the November wobble shows up in the body first. Sleep changes, appetite changes, more minor illnesses, less energy for things, less, you know, more frustration, intolerance, more tummy aches. Before any conversation, before any consequence, before any attempt to talk things through, ask just some of these questions. When did they last sleep properly? What is the quality of their sleep? Are they getting enough? Have they eaten today? And what have they eaten? Has it been fulfilling and nourishing? Or are they looking for the sweets? And the sweet stuff? Have they been outside at all? Have they spent time in nature? What have they done that has helped them decompress? The body is, in lots of ways, the sort of the ground floor and the foundations. Trying to have the big emotional conversation from the top floor, top brain, without it is exhausting for everyone and usually goes nowhere. A child who hasn't slept properly hasn't eaten properly. And consistently, and hasn't seen daylight regularly, needs feeding, resting, and putting outside for 10 minutes. That comes first. So by age, with younger children and toddlers, physical needs are most likely always the first answer. Full rested and some outdoor time. They are, literally, when they're fully rested and they've had that outdoor time, they are a completely different child. Primary age children, the after school slump is real. They've spent huge amounts of time on their own. They've spent a lot of time on their own. They've spent a lot of their day focusing, concentrating, managing their impulses, doing the right thing. A snack and 10 minutes outside, where possible, before anything else is asked of them, generally changes the whole evening. Teenagers, well, sleep is the big one. The urge to stay up late and sleep in at weekends is strong and makes Monday mornings pretty brutal. The rhythm of the body matters even when they're resisted. Number four, find the one anchor point. So this is about, when we talk about the bucket, it's about finding one thing in their week which gives them genuine pleasure or a sense of being good at something. Not organized, not improving them, not scheduled with an educational outcome, just something they love being absorbed in. The game, the creative project, the show they're working through, the walk with the dog, whatever it is, protect it, fiercely. This is not a reward, it is maintenance. In November, the things which naturally empty a child's bucket, long evenings outdoors, spontaneous play, lighter energy everywhere, have largely disappeared. Yeah, because we've lost that in lots of ways. That's why buckets often empty so much more easily in the summer, because that's exactly what they can do. Long evenings outdoors, spontaneous play, lighter energy. So we have to be deliberate in November. It's about creating space for them. So with younger children, unstructured play, physical if possible, the trampoline, the bike, making something with their hands. With primary school children, whatever they are currently absorbed in, give it time and actual interest. So ask them to show you, sit with them in it, ask them questions, and really listen rather than looking to respond. And with teenagers, so their version of absorption looks, pretty different from ours. A game, music, their show. If it is genuinely immersive and enjoyable, it empties the bucket. The question is not what they're doing, it's whether they are actually present in it, and it actually empties their bucket. Number five, your wobble matters too. What I hear from parents every November is that they are also depleted, exhausted, particularly if you've been juggling, what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? You're already starting that half term when they return back absolutely knackered. The dark mornings are hitting you too. Work is relentless. The emotional labour of managing a wobbly child is considerable, and you're trying to do it from your own bucket, which is overflowing. Now here is the thing which is easy to forget when we're in the middle of it. You cannot regulate a dysregulated child if you are dysregulated yourself. Your calm is the intervention. It is not a luxury that we need to make sure that we take care of ourselves. It's not the strategy that you use in the moment. It's not the words you choose. It's your own regulated nervous system walking into the room, which means you're wondering, what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's an anchor point this week matters as much, or I would argue, probably more than theirs. So what's the one thing which empties your bucket? Protect that too. Now, on Thursday, we go deeper into what the dark months actually do to children's mood and energy, the science behind it, and five things which help. If the wobble feels heavier than usual this year, Thursday's episode is for you. The time that anything has gone wrong, it is a sign that your child has been working very hard for a long time, and their body and their mind are asking for a rest. Give them one, and give yourself one too. I'm Dr. Mary Hann, and I'll see you again on Thursday. Thank you.
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