Speaker 1Hello and welcome to the How Not to Screw Up Your Kids podcast, the bucket-emptying episodes. I'm your host, Dr Mary Hand, psychologist and parenting expert. So, pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat and enjoy the conversation. Today's episode is for all of you who have a child who is forever procrastinating, whether that's tidying their room, doing their homework or completing any task they don't want to do. And it's also for you as a parent, in any aspect of your life, as an adult, in work, as a parent, tasks that you don't want to do, things that you're putting off and procrastination. And it's a technique that I want to share with you called the five-minute rule. Now, it's not something I have come up with myself, but it's a technique that I want to share with you. And it's a technique that I want to share with you. And it is a phenomenal technique and is the one that I use regularly when I find myself in that procrastination loop. So the rule itself is based on principles of cognitive behavioural therapy. So in other words, it addresses this concept of the stories that we tell ourselves and the emotions we have that are associated with the job or the task that we are avoiding. So if you imagine that your child is putting off doing their homework, they won't start their homework or they won't tidy up their room. The reason why they're procrastinating and the reason why you're procrastinating is the feelings that you have that are connected to that task. So homework is one of the common ones that parents will complain and get super frustrated with their children about. And the reason why they're procrastinating and they're putting it off is actually maybe they don't feel that they can do it. Maybe they see it as something that's really boring. Maybe they are a bit annoyed that they've spent a whole day at school and now they're having to do some horrid homework. So the procrastination is not really about I can't do this, but I don't like the feelings that I have that are associated with this task. And therefore the stories that I tell myself that I either can't do it or it's boring or it gets in the way of me doing something that I'd much rather be doing that's much more fun or I'll do it later is really how the five minute rule, it tackles those stories and that narrative. And those emotions direct by simply stating, I'm going to do this task. I'm going to commit to this task for five minutes. So we're changing that story and then creating this alternative. It's just like, okay, this might take me, I don't know, half an hour, an hour, or quite often when it's a task that we're putting off, we always imagine that it's going to take a lot longer than it is. And because we don't want to do it, it often does take longer because we just keep dipping in and out of it. The five minute rule simply says, I'm going to do this task for five minutes. And that's what the five minute rule says that you make a commitment. That's the cognitive, that's the thinking bit of it. I am committing to five minutes and the brain is a little less resistant to five minutes because five minutes conceptually doesn't feel like a really long time. And then the behavioural bit is the doing. So let me talk you through what that looks like. So the four things to kind of, to do, if you're going to commit to trying this, and I really would recommend it. And obviously I've given an example in terms of homework, but we can do this with really young children. Yeah, really young children who don't want to come and have a bath, who don't want to sit and read a book, or they don't want to go to bed, whatever it might be, that we can use this with any age, obviously with a younger two year old and a three year old, then the language that we use needs to be a little more simplified. But the five minute rule works for anything and everything, including our children going on family walks, or doing things together as well. So let me talk you through the four steps to implementing this and some of the common pitfalls that we need to try and avoid. So the first thing is obviously to identify the task that your child or you have been procrastinating about, which you will commit to your five minutes to do. That's the first thing to do. The next thing is you need to set a timer for five minutes. Please do not use a timer. It completely defeats the object. And in fact, that's one of our pitfalls that I'll talk about. So you want to set a timer without it being a digital device. So something like an egg timer, a sand timer, a timer on a cooker, you know, and if you don't have any of those, I would really recommend that you invest a little bit of money. Those sort of sand timers are really inexpensive in buying one because it's totally worth the investment and actually a really useful visual for your children. And if you don't have any of those, you don't have any of those, you don't have any of those, you don't have any of those. So if you're struggling with your children in terms of coming off technical devices and electronics, a five minute egg timer is also fabulous as a way of that's their leeway to get off. So you will use it for so many things. So it's definitely worth the investment. So identify the task that you're going to commit to, set a timer and then commit fully and engage in that task, laser focused, nothing else, for five minutes. That's, that's it. It's that simple. And the fourth bit is obviously when the timer goes off, you make a decision in that moment, whether you continue working, you might find your child might be in flow, you might be in flow, whatever it might be, if it is fabulous, you keep going, you don't need to redo the timer, or it may be that you take a break and maybe look at doing another block of five. That's it. And the idea behind it is it cognitively, from a brain perspective, it allows us to get over that hump of those five minutes. So that is the five minute rule in its simplest form. Can I just talk about a couple of pitfalls that I think are really important that we put in place to make sure that this is effective. Now, the first one is about making sure, particularly if it's for you as an adult, but equally, if you've got a way from you, so not in arm's reach, completely removed, and on silent, if it's somewhere where it could make a noise. So that's a really crucial bit, you do not want to be distracted. It's five minutes. The second thing is, if while you're committing into that five minutes, you suddenly remember something else that you need to do, then simply note it on a piece of paper. So have a children to do the same, is that they do that. And then when they think of something, they write it down, or you write it down on that notebook. If you've got a child who might be tend to sort of articulate it and want to say, Oh, but I've also got to do this, it'd be really clear that they just write it down. And then they return back to their five minutes to that task. That's the other thing. And then the third thing I would say is, just be aware to manage the whatever the distractions may be for your child. So if they're sitting and doing their homework, for example, in a space that is often that is a bit of a thoroughfare, you've got to think about how are you going to manage those distractions? If you've got siblings coming backwards and forwards, how are you going to avoid that happening? And five minutes really isn't a long time. And if it's just gets your child over that hump of starting, and then just saying that that's an area that's out of bounds for five minutes, it's just thinking through what that what you might need to do for that. If the task that you are doing as an adult or as a child, is on something electronic in any way, then it's making sure that you manage the possible distractions that way by closing down applications, or using specific functions within the device to block notifications, you do not want distractions to come in, in any shape or form. And it's really thinking that through in advance, how can I offset kind of how can I minimize those, so that I can commit, because all it is you making a commitment to five minutes. And you can use this. Now, you know, I've talked about this five minute rule being particularly for procrastination. But you could equally use the five minute rule if you've got a child, and who or a teen who tends to find themselves sort of sort of wallowing in a bit of, you know, oh, this isn't fair, or I'm really nervous about this, or I don't want to do that. Again, that's where the egg timer, or the sand goes off. So it's a commitment to think about and be in this space for five minutes. And then beyond that, I then move on. So it's a really, really great technique, you can tell by my passion, that I think it's brilliant. And it's really helpful, just make a commitment to trying it yourself, make a commitment that it becomes a language that you use with your children, so that whenever they find themselves procrastinating, or putting things off, that as a family, that is something that you do, okay, we're gonna let's do the five minute rule. And then let's have multiple children using the five minute rule for multiple different things at the same time, that may be completely unrelated. So I hope that that's been super helpful. I hope that that's something tangible that you can come away with. Please do let me know how you get on with these bucket emptying episodes, because it's really helpful for me to know how helpful you're finding them. And if you have got a specific question that you would like me to answer in a bucket emptying episode, then please do email in, it's contact at drmaryhand.com. We read all of the emails. And I reply to most of them with a voice note for clarification if I need to otherwise if it's super clear we just crack on so all of the questions do get recorded so get emailing in and as ever if you enjoy the podcast if you enjoy the episodes if you're new to the podcast or you've been listening for a while if you can follow the podcast that means that the episodes automatically appear in whatever app you use for your podcast listening and if you rate and review the podcast then you make it easier for other people to find the podcast so that we can share their love so until next time
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