Bryn's Conscious Kink Journey with Kimi Inch

What I'm really interested in is how do I help my partner feel more vulnerable than they've ever felt more seen than they've ever felt. How do I help my partner let go as much as they've ever let go like those are the ways that I'm using the power differential to benefit my clients and my partners is because I want them to actually feel themselves like what is it feel like when you actually get what you want. I'm Alexa and you're listening to that sex check us all fire production. All right, hello, that sex check listeners. Today, you have me, Brinsky, by now, you probably know my voice and I'm so, so excited to be interviewing one of my dear friends. Mentors, Kimmy, inch, aka mistress, Mina, pain, hello, Kimmy. Hello, bunny bee. I know you, I know you as wait, where is it be bunny? It was something honestly kind of like bunny bee, but it wasn't me. Yeah. That's how I know you. I know I know some secrets about you. And I imagine some of those will come out today in today's episode and Kimmy is a incredible, incredible, somatic therapist, kinkin, BDS, and expert consultant and educator who I've had the absolute most pleasure of working with now several times. And she's also a really hilarious sex positive comedian. So if you're not following her on Instagram and seeing her reels, you absolutely should, I'm going to shit on you. And today we're going to be diving into my first conscious kink journey. That can be so beautifully led me through how can can be healing and what it looks like to explore your kinks and a safe, sane and consensual environment. Plus, Kimmy's actually going to take me through my debrief live on the show. So I'm so excited to dive in today with you. Thank you. I am too. Thank you for having me and sharing me with your audience and also being vulnerable and maybe showing a piece of the process for the world. You know, I really honor your courage. Thank you. That means a lot. And I think we have already created and we'll continue to create a lot of magic together. So yeah, I'm excited. So let's start off with just giving our listeners a bit of background because we actually have had Kimmy on the show. So if you haven't already heard our first episode together, we had Kimmy link the episode in the show notes. But we had Kimmy on to debrief our first play party as a company. And that was so fun. But for those of our listeners who haven't listened to the show, I'd love for you to just share how you came into blending therapy and kink in such a beautiful way. Well, I have to say that podcast that we did together was one of my favorites of all time. Honestly, thank you so much fun with you guys and reflecting on the amazing weekend we had together. You know, my career as a dominatrix started 20 years ago, and I was working just as a professional dom for about five years. And I had a really sort of surface sort of outlook on kink and BDSM, you know, I didn't really understand the potential that it has today. For me, being a dominatrix, I sort of bought into the stereotype that it's just this woman who gets paid all this money to beat up people and to be a bitch and to be treated like a queen and all of this sort of stuff. And, you know, as I was just doing my own personal healing work and going to therapy, you know, doing medicine journeys. I mean, all of those things. I really started to see kink as more than this transactional job that I was originally bought into, like I really started to see it as this sacred space for people to be able to express themselves authentically and really, really vulnerable. I mean, we're talking about our darkest, deepest, secretist desires, like being played out in real time. And these are fantasies and secrets and things that most of my clients would never dare tell anyone, not their family, not their spouse, not their therapist, you know, nobody. But they could have an hour or two with me where they could fully embody those things and really be in that energy. I started to feel like, wow, there is so much more here than what I've been bringing to the table. So I wanted to go back to school. I started studying somatic therapy at a school called cornered genetics. And it was a five year, well, it was a four year program. And I ended up doing a post-grad year as well. And what I had learned is just that the healing process looks different for everyone. And I'm not here to discredit traditional therapy. But what I was noticing was that when we are in a traditional talk therapy, sort of environment, there's only so much that's been incorporated in the moment, you know, like it's a lot of cerebral. Heady, sort of back and forth talk. And what I enjoyed about somatic therapy is that it's a full-bodied energy, emotion, you know, psychology, sort of experience, like it's all of the things, like it's all of these elements. And when I was going to school for that, I wasn't really sure how that was going to fit into the kink work that I loved so much. I even contemplated maybe saying, okay, maybe this is the end of my dorm career. And now it's time to become a therapist and leave all of the kink stuff behind me. And, you know, as I continue to go to school, I was like, oh, I actually see the elements that can be brought together with what I'm doing in kink and what I'm doing in somatic healing as well. So that's really the catapult of all of this was creating a space where people can use kink as a therapeutic modality to help them release shame, help them release any energetic blocks that are happening in their body, help them reclaim themselves again, help them look at maybe some past traumas and empower them in those scenarios. And bringing it all together just actually felt like a really like clear and simple route to my evolution as a healer in general. So I feel really blessed that i'm able to sort of bring all of these gifts together and help people go deeper into what they desire. It's so special and it's so it's so divine, you know, when we look back and see the way that everything leads to exactly where we are now, right. Right. And Lex always talks about how for her when she started doing personal development, she realized it didn't trickle into sexual development. But sexual development trickled into development everywhere else. And from what you do and from my integration as well, I can feel that of when I heal and grow in sex, it trickles into all parts of my life. And I'm curious, you may not be able to answer this. And if that's the case, that's OK, because we'll certainly touch on my experience, but I'm curious if there was a moment when You were starting to blend the two worlds and you maybe was a particular client or a particular scene where you thought, oh, wow, this is really working like, do you have a moment that comes to mind. Yeah, you know, it's interesting because as the one who is in the leadership position for the dominatrix work I was doing, you know, I was looking to drop into deeper places with my clients that were just seeking out kink sessions. And what I mean by that is like actually giving them permission and letting them know upfront that this doesn't have to look a certain way. And if anything arises in you thoughts feelings emotions, you know, I just want you to know that I'm here to hold space for you and be with whatever shows up. So when I started like making that clear like my intention for why I'm in service to my clients, they started to like really shift in their perception of what kink was and they were like, oh, we can do that actually like that. There's room for me. There's room for me to just be all of who I am. And I started to feel like people were really starting to drop deeper and I and I realized that people can only go deep as deep as I'm willing to go. Like how deep am I willing to go in my own processes and in the shadows of my own like, you know, psyche, how deep am I willing to go, how far am I willing to go because wherever that ending is is where my clients are going to hit up against. So I was working with one of my earliest clients. She was a woman who was in a long term relationship. She was, she was in a committed relationship with another woman over six or seven years. And she had never revealed to her partner that she had this fantasy that she's had this fantasy her whole life. And she is holding a lot of shame and and pain around this. And when she was finally available to share what the fantasy was, I couldn't believe that this was something that she held so much shame around it. The fantasy was that she had a desire to be led by a dominant woman who would take her and sit her in a chair and cut off her hair. And that she would have to surrender to this dominant beautiful woman cutting her hair hair off. there was no nudity, there was no sexual exchange. It was just like this act of being led and to surrender completely and to shed all that didn't serve her. And this is a fantasy that she, you know, hit away from her partner, had a lot of pain around, didn't know what to do with it. So we worked in a therapeutic structure for several sessions to just talk about it, help her feel her body as she described what she was fantasizing about and what was like really lighting her up, noticing where she would contract in the actual thinking about playing it out in person. And then when we were finally ready to dip that pinky toe into the shallow end of the pool, we set up the space to, you know, basically accommodate this van as she's had for like 20 years. And we were able to, you know, go into it together. I'm not a hairstylist by any means. So she actually just had me sort of mimic that I was cutting hair, I wasn't actually cutting her hair. And yeah, what came from that was just like an explosion, like an explosion from within of like freedom, like a just complete liberation in her whole body, you know, was kind of like moving like this while I was cutting her hair. And she's like not crying for pain, but just like the tears were just coming out of her eyeballs, like they was just released release the breath, the shakes, all of these sort of things. And afterwards, you know, I picked her up and held her in my arms for a really long time and told her how beautiful she was and how special she was. And she just, we just stayed like that for probably a good hour. And that was the entire experience. And from that point, she was able to talk to her partner about her fantasies and to start giving herself more compassion and grace around these desires and look at why was there shame there? And what, what was it linked to? And it was really powerful. And that's just one example of many that I've been able to experience in this like space. So yeah, it feels really good. That I have full body goosebumps. And while obviously I can't relate to that experience, I can certainly relate to what it feels like to show up 100% as myself, be fully seen in it and loved and worshipped. And then the freedom, like you said, the freedom of being able to be fully yourself. And I think that's the thing that you keep touching on that is so important is kink when done in a safe, consensual way gives you access to fully be yourself and to be fully received in that. And there, in my opinion, is nothing more freeing or loving than being fully yourself and having somebody hold you in that. So yeah, so beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, you know, I have to say I really, and we'll go into it later, but I really like cherish the work I do with my clients. I really cherish the work that I was able to do with you. Because it's just such a beautiful example of what the human experience is. And so often we actually don't give ourselves permission to be human. Like we actually are like, no, how dare you like how dare you like feel this longing and this pain and this need for attention and like how dare you like, you know, and I don't those voices aren't actually ours. Those voices are made up of a council in our head that wasn't ever really ours. It was given to us, right, from some of these people that aren't even alive anymore, but from other people. And I say like if you have counsel in your head, that's not an alignment for what you want in your life. You need to fucking fire those council members. They need to get fucking fired. And we need to bring in new council. I love that. Yeah. So the, this is the dominion coming out like we're gonna fucking down. Like let's talk a business. We need to fire some other fuckers and get back to work. You know what I mean? Like honestly, like it's yeah. Look at these things. So I bring in the playfulness with you right now in this moment, but the domin part of it is like bringing in the authority. Because if I help my partner and my client know that I'm gonna be holding this responsibility now, you can actually let it go. So let go of the shame. I'll hold it for now. And you can just blame everything on me. I'm telling you what to do. And you know, it's all consensual of course, right? And it was pre-negotiated. But there's just a permission of being like, oh, okay, I'm gonna follow this lead and see where it takes me. And hopefully eventually it takes them to a place of self-empowerment so they can hold it themselves. That's exactly what I was thinking. It's a reclamation. You're letting go of everything that's not you. And I was laughing because when I talk about like the different voices or the council members, I'm thinking about the way I've described it to my clients. And like, yeah, there's these different parts of you and you want to have them have a seat at the dinner table and talk to them and you're like, fire those bitches. I'm like, oh, wait, that's so much better. Step into my office. You're fired. So good. Yeah. I have a confession. I ran out of everyday dose. And before I could get my refill in, I went back to coffee for about a week. One day around noon, I sat having a conversation with Jordan and I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. The conversation wasn't particularly challenging. I think we were just chatting about some things happening in the business. And I remember placing my hand over my heart and taking a few deep breaths and a little light bulb going off. Whoa. Could this be because of the coffee? I looked up at Jordan and I said, I need your support in kicking the coffee for good, good. It's not serving me. And even if it's not the cause or the source of my anxious feelings, it's not helping anything. And it's quite possibly even exacerbating it all. So we agreed no more coffee for Lex no matter what. It's hard y'all to even say that out loud. I have loved capital L O V E D my morning coffee for years. And to say goodbye is so sad. Good news, though. My everyday dose arrived literally the next day. And I was reminded why I love it so much. And why it's seriously the perfect replacement. I still get to have my morning cup of something warm and delicious. Only now it's a third of the caffeine as compared to a regular cup of coffee plus mushrooms and adaptogens to help create sustainable energy in my system. I'm much more pleasant in my relationship and my day to day life when I choose to do what's best for my nervous system, my digestion, and my physical and mental health. Every day dose is definitely in the category of what's best. Now, not everyone is like me, but some of you listening are. So for those of you who could stand to kick the coffee habit with me, you can try everyday dose by going to everydaydose.com. Remember to use the code that sex check for 20% off at checkout. And because I know you're going to ask, here's my personal recipe, one tablespoon of dose, two ounces of hot water. Blend at five drops of liquid stevia. The vanilla is my favorite. And then on top, eight ounces of frothed three seed almond milk. Now, my extra bonus is a sprinkle of a little stevia powder across the top of the foam. It's my fave. Enjoy my loves. Everydaydose.com. Let's transition into what is conscious kink and what is a conscious kink journey because that's what we did together. And I'd love to take our listeners for a ride, including the ride that I went on. I'd love to share my journey through the lens of our work together. So let's just start off with the basics. What is a conscious kink journey? Sure. So when we're talking about conscious kink specifically, it's looking at engaging in our fantasies and our desires with consciousness, with mindfulness, being grounded and fully embodied. So kink so often is portrayed as this scenario where one person gives up their power to another and they engage in acts of intensity that could be spanking and bondage and roleplay scenarios, dirty talk. We can take these elements, but what we're looking at more so is like what is the part that people are turned on by that they also want to distance themselves from? Like they feel like it's taboo, they feel like it's naughty, they feel like it's wrong on some level or they're shy about it because there might be judgment or rejection. That's kind of what Jayama says about kink and people that are kinky is that people are turned on by the taboo. And it's funny because someone was asking me recently, like what is taboo mean to you? Like if taboo was a color or this or that and I'm like, I don't really think of taboo that way because taboo has really been put upon us by our society and by our culture and by again probably a bunch of people that are dead by now. And so we've created what taboo is and everybody creates their own idea of what taboo is. And we go into these uncomfortable places with purpose and an intention to either gain more self-knowledge, to have more pleasure, to create more freedom, to maybe look at shadows. There's a lot of different reasons why people might be interested in engaging in conscious kink, but there's purpose to it. More so than just having an exchange, there's purpose for it to be meaningful and to lead to somewhere else. So the conscious king journey is just basically setting up a container of time for people to have that exploration in. And I do sort of a combination of bringing in my somatic healing and therapy work into the conscious king journey. As a sense of I meet with the client, we do an intake process. I need a minimum of at least one intake process. But for some, we meet several times before we even engage in a journey. So we get a lot of foundational information. I want to get a sense of someone's sexual history. And not only that, but maybe some traumas. And also it doesn't even have to be as major as traumas. It could just be what are the impressions that you had around sex, love, intimacy, relationships. And I want to get an understanding of how you were learning about these topics as you were developing. Because a lot of the time we're basing our fantasies and our desires around this childlike impression that was made upon us. And we have somehow eroticized it as adults. And so we're sort of picking away these layers. People are sharing like where they're at with their love life and what they're seeking and where they're feeling fulfillment and maybe feeling unfulfilled. What they want more of in their lives. What are some of the blocks that they're aware of? It's a real deep dive into what the person's present experiences and what they've sort of how they've gotten there from their past. And then we take all of that information. We talk about their hell yeses in exploration. Like what are you a hell yes to right now? Like spanking bondage. Like we talk about the specifics. And what I do is I curate an experience that keeps all of this in mind. It keeps the sexual history piece in mind. It takes what the client's goals are, what their boundaries are, what their desires are. We've pulled it all together for the journey. Which is similar to any other journey like a ayahuasca or MDMA like these medicine journeys are so incredible and fruitful. But with a kink journey, there is no outside substance that's going to be taken. There is no plant. There is no chemical that will be introduced to the body. It all comes from within the body's natural responses to kink and to these explorations. And what is sort of expanded from that place. And once expanded, you have more access to source. You have more access to mother earth. And her was done like you have more access. And hopefully that shift of consciousness will also help you maybe change perspectives and help give you creativity of how to navigate your life in a way that's going to create more of what you want. I'm just reliving my experience as we were talking about it and thinking of all the incredible parts. And you know, something that came to me, this actually happened before we did our journey together. But I wanted to touch on it because I think it's such a great example of how we can eroticize our wounds when it's done in a consensual and safe way was when I was growing up. And this is actually something you did help me work through, but just in a different way. When I was growing up, I learned about sex from my mother who was really open and we talked about this in our intake process. And so I was really lucky that I didn't have a lot of that societal or religious shame around sex. I was raised that sex was beautiful and done with people who love each other. But the world wasn't ready for that. They weren't ready for 15-year-old Brynn who was open and sexual and wanted to play. And several times non-consensually, I was videotaped in sexual experiences in high school. And it wasn't until later in actually doing work with you, doing work in containers where I could start to understand my desires. I started to see why I actually really enjoy now being in an exhibitionist role where I am consensually being watched by someone because there was this part of me that wanted to reclaim being seen. But by somebody who I'm saying yes, you can see me. And it was such an interesting loop. I was walking one day and it all just kind of came through like, this is why you like that. And I'm like, holy shit, had I not been introduced to kink and you and the way that it works when it's done beautifully and safely, I would have never made that connection. And I thought that was so powerful. Well, I mean, I feel like it would be remiss to not mention that part of the experience of your journey was actually videotaped, not for us, but for a show that was shot by MGM studios and it's going to be released in the summer. So that's all I'll say about that. But wow, you know, to have such a sensitive experience and also not only being witnessed by me and that, but also by the cameraman and women as well. That is big. That's really big. Yeah, it didn't even occur to me until this moment that yes, there wasn't a layer two of that exhibitionism and how when we worked together, I didn't even notice them because we were so present in connection. But there was a huge healing component in that. So let's go back to you said the beginning, the intake process. And I'd love to use myself as an example of yeah, we went into so this was Sunday night, we're filming and going through this journey on a Wednesday. So I come over to your home. And let's talk about the process that you took me through because that set the foundation for everything. And you mentioned a little bit of like sexual history and desires and I'm super open to anything I shared with you. We can name in the podcast because I think it's really important for people to understand this like at the tangible level. So let's talk about that process and what that looked like. Absolutely. So yeah, you were here, right? Yeah, in my play space. And yeah, and how we started off, you know, I know we did some connection and breath and all of that to sort of center you and presence you in the moment. But when we started moving into it, you know, I have I have a desire to like really like seeing where the energy is going to take us in the moment. And I wanted to collect data from you for sure. So I had the information and knew how to sort of use that for our session. But I also was really curious and seeing how you felt energetically and allowing space for emotions and just having a free flow. So yeah, you know, as we're talking about stuff around your sexual history and around your development years around sex, love and intimacy, I know that there was I felt like a lot like there was a lot of aliveness in your body, for sure. Like you have a lot of aliveness and I know that you also had experienced some release in the eyes and and some pain around like when we really started talking about what's happening presently and what is your longing and like what are you as your desire. And yeah. And so when we started tapping into, if you don't mind, like, yeah, tapping into what your longing is and talking about wanting the attention, wanting connection, wanting intimacy, wanting to be held, wanting to be taken care of, wanting to let go, wanting to surrender. You know, these are qualities that are very common that people are longing to experience that either society keeps us from having these experiences or we also contribute to us keeping us from having these experiences as well. A huge part of my life with Jordan is our dogs. Some of y'all may know we have a blue nose pit bull named Biggie James Smalls and a French bulldog named Little. They are quite the duo. Biggie, as Jordan likes to say, is his first born baby boy and a couple of years ago, I don't know where I just had to have a pup of my own. The star is aligned and my baby girl little was brought into my world. And for the record, we did not name them big and little on purpose. Biggie is 11 and Jordan is a huge big papa fan. Little is two and I tried to name her many other things, but little she liked and little she listened to so little she became. They are the source of so much joy for us. We connect with each other by taking walks around our neighborhood with the dogs. They are our favorite snuggle bugs when we are curled up on the couch with a movie. We love visiting Zilker Park in the heart of Austin and letting them run around with all the other dogs. Little often joins me in my office while I'm on calls. I often refer to her as the sex and love co mascot unofficial mascot. And Jordan loves taking Biggie to swim a few times per week. We are absolutely convinced that he was a sea mammal in a past life. As Biggie has gone older, we've noticed that after big trips to the park or long swim sessions, he's a bit slower to move around later that day in the next day. His joints get a little stiff and sometimes are even painful. Our vet recommended we try adding pup-friendly CBD oil into his diet. I had no idea that dogs have an endocannabinoid system just like humans do. So we've recently upgraded the treat jar over here to the CBD dog treats from cured nutrition. We also started adding a few drops of cured nutrition CBD oil to big food every so often to help with the discomfort in his hips and his shoulder joints due to arthritis. Little isn't left out of this either though. She's a small dog with anxious tendencies, kind of like mother like daughter here. So she gets a few drops when I know we'll be traveling or having an event at our house. Both of them get a little CBD when the holidays are upon us and fireworks might be going off around our neighborhood or when the weather says a thunderstorm is coming. So it's really quite sad to see big saunter around the house. He's this big jacked pit bull but his tail goes right between his legs and he can't get close enough to Jordan or I. We treat our pups like our children. We love them dearly and it's important to us to make sure that they have a great quality of life to give cured nutrition a try whether it's their pet products or their human ones head to the link in my show notes. Not all CBD is made equal y'all and cured nutrition is literally as good as it gets when it comes to ingredients and of course high quality full and broad spectrum CBD. We are incredibly considerate when it comes to choosing what goes in our bodies as well as our pups. It's our plan for every member of our family to live a long, healthy, happy and pleasurable life. Check the show notes for more info and make sure to use the code that sex check all one word for 10% off your order of items not already a part of discounted bundles. I remember going through the intake like the more heady part where you were like are you open to spanking are you open to hair pulling and like that part was great because it helped me to really own my voice of like yes I want you to pull my hair yes I want you to spank me yes I want you to call me a good little slut right we went through these like definitive and what I thought was also really powerful was if I even slightly hesitated you took that as a no right that's so true you know and what you're referring to is the king checklist that it's available on my website and it's it's a list of possibilities that could be explored and it's not a complete list because that would be a novel there's so many possibilities but also on the list is like you know we're really focusing on truly your hell yeses at this stage like we don't actually for our first journey together because I like to work with clients as an ongoing process whenever possible but especially for your first journey like let's really focus on the definite hell yeses and we could always maybe consider the things that are maybe or there's hesitation around in the future so when I was asking you and we were going through the list of impact play options and bondage options and sensory play options you know if I saw a moment of like you know I was like okay that doesn't feel like that's going to be a great place to go because of anything I want you to stay in it as much as possible because it's already really vulnerable work so true and it's already yeah it's already going to be a lot just going in for the first time so yeah going through the list and finding those hell yeses is a super important part and I'm glad that you were really clear and honest about that and also you were bringing up you know maybe past experiences with the possibilities I was bringing up with the spanking and the bondage and what not and how it was making you feel and and all of that so yeah that was really important it was and I believe it was you that taught me too if we don't change our mind during scenes that's why it's really important that our nose are fully honored and there's no wavering it's this isn't no it'll be a note all the way through this scene and then we can always reevaluate another time like maybe I am interested in that but it's a no for now and I thought that was really powerful yeah it's so true because we get excited you know like sure maybe you know before we begin people are like oh like I don't know about this and once they feel really comfortable with me they're like actually it's okay now like I'm good and I'm like no you know like you're you have started to open you started to shift your consciousness a bit like it would be yeah an ethical really to introduce these things that you said no to during a time of sobriety and neutrality and if you're say if you're changing it now I would fear a you know a vulnerability hangover and those are big you know those can be really really big like oh my god why did I do that and you know I don't want people also splitting off energetically like I want them to be as embodied and as full in themselves and grounded in themselves as possible through the journey so they are able to take the information and grow and learn from it you know so often people become dissociative or they just sort of get swept away and leave parts of them behind like they're they're like maybe little boy or little girl parts or they're they're you know other parts that maybe feel more vulnerable because they don't feel like they can have all of it at the same time and we really go slow because I don't want to overwhelm the system and I want to go slow to make sure that you're able to track what's happening so you can actually benefit from it I'm not playing with my clients to because I you know I enjoy what I do so don't get me wrong I love what I do but it's not for me and it's not about me it's about them and that's the part of the dynamic that's different than a regular maybe kink session between two lovers or just two uh play partners is that this is truly not about me at all it is really all for my play partner every single thing um and a lot of people don't experience that much um attention and focus like you know I was with you and I told you like I will have tunnel vision like there is nothing else in the world that I am aware of except for you or my clients that I'm with in that moment and a lot of people don't have that experience I felt that I felt that so tremendously and in fact that alone was one of the most healing parts of my journey was for the first time it may be ever I felt the total presence of a partner for an entire hour and our scene was technically shorter because of filming I know these journeys are typically as long as two hours um yeah so you know I can't even imagine what that would be like when it's two threefold but um what I do think is really powerful was the way you helped me to set intentions and to do it from a place where it was from my body because I remember when we first started you were asking me things like we did the intake I gave you my full yeses I gave you my full nose and then you had me you know name some intentions and just so the audience knows like I went into this first of all I wanted to explore my own erotic energy and recently I think I can still use that recently divorced you know when you're with somebody for 10 years and there wasn't much exploration it was like I want to know more about my sexuality so I wanted to explore my erotic energy I wanted to explore my energetic side my um specifically like my blueprint around energetics because I know and I'd witnessed you in another journey during our play party of getting to use that and I I'm so intrigued by energy in sex and in life really um so those were some of my more like I know this thing in my mind like I want to explore my erotic energy I want to explore some of my kinks I want to explore um this energetic side but then you asked me it was almost like you felt intuitively there was more there like let's go deeper into your body and I remember you had me close my eyes and you just had me like very simply ask and what is your body want and I'm curious if you remember like without hesitation what I said and if not I can share because I remember I want to make sure I get it right yeah I instantly said attention it was like without faltering and it was I think that's how you almost know that it's from your body because there was no story there was no hesitation it was just like bloop attention and that ended up being I think such a central theme of the journey was like what it was to fully receive attention and for me it's interesting we could say of course like the king and the spanking and the hair pulling and you know me being in lingerie is the taboo part but I also think in today's society it's also equally as taboo for a woman to say like I want a surrender I don't want to work I just want to be taken care of I want to be fully worshiped I don't want to be a girl boss I just want to be like loved Don and adored as me and it was this reclamation this part of me that wanted to say like I just want to fucking be a get attention I want all of your attention yeah and how healing that was you're right that is so taboo and what comes up for me is that when I'm working as the Dom and as the one in leadership and my partner is usually assuming the sub or bottom or follower position you know I'm not so interested about doing a bunch of shit to my client so I'm not like actually going through the king checklist to be like cool I'm going to spank her and then I'm going to tire up and then I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do that this is going to be awesome I can't wait you know like I'm not doing that I just want to make sure I have a clear understanding of the parameters and what could be possible but what I'm really interested in is how do I help my partner feel more vulnerable than they've ever felt? And more seen than they've ever felt, how do I help my partner let go as much as they've ever let go? Like those are the ways that I'm using the power differential to benefit my clients and my partners is because I want them to actually feel themselves. Like what does it feel like, when you actually get what you want? Not just a little bit, not just the touch of it and then like, oh, and I'm going to take it away, you know, like I'm actually going to keep bringing it back over and over, I'm going to express how I'm giving you my full attention by, you know, words of affirmation, by acts of service, by touch, I mean, by every love language I can come up with and continue to remind you of this over and over and over. So like whatever layer it's hitting up against, it's going to penetrate a little bit deeper and a little bit deeper and a little bit deeper because really in the beginning, a lot of people, it's almost like an overload. They're like, I totally said I wanted this but some people got shy. Did you feel shy and started to feel like, oh, I don't know anymore if this is what I want. Yeah, Siri, like mailing it for me because, yeah, the attention piece, you know, if we're thinking about it from the lens of healing and childhood and inner child work, that's a deeply rooted wound for me. Like I never felt like I got full attention growing up. And so the fact that my body was ready to heal this sexually as a 32 year old woman, it was powerful because I didn't even realize that that was still such a deep need for me. Because growing up, my brother was going through some sicknesses and things that took a lot of my parents resources. And so I learned to sort of stay in the background and just be a really good girl. And so for me, getting attention, I felt like I had to really work for it. Like I had to be really beautiful or really smart or really sick, unfortunately, to get their attention. And so it was so healing just like from the get go, just saying it out loud. But then you hit the nail on the head of that, okay, so I say I want attention. Our scene begins. So I'll just fast forward to it's the day of the scene. And we start in the same room that we actually began our intake process. And I remember, I'll never forget, I've actually reshared this moment with several girlfriends. And every time I tell someone, everyone gets the shivers because it was such a powerful moment, where we were sitting across from one another. And I think you were just speaking to me like peer to peer. And you were sharing like what's to come. And there was a clear moment where you said, I'm going to shift from a place of neutrality to being in charge. And I'm going to penetrate you with my energy. And I get goosebumps even saying it because I felt such a shift immediately, especially being someone who's already sensitive to energy. So all of a sudden, you're giving me the thing that I want from like the get go. I'm getting all of your attention. You're putting all your focus on me. And everything in my body started to feel intensified. Almost to the point of overwhelm where I was like, I remember feeling almost like a little girl. I got a little giddy and giggly because it was, it was confronting to feel your full attention on me. I'm in lingerie like I'm I'm vulnerable in this position. And so all of a sudden my mind started just a world of like, oh my god, I'm getting the thing that I want. Can I even hold it? And it was so powerful, so so powerful. I love that you're speaking to that because you know, it's interesting. The desire and need and want for the attention. And then sometimes the shame and guilt of even having that need and want desire can also be present. And yeah, it was really amazing to see the shift in you when I shifted myself when I was like, okay, now, now I'm going to start moving towards you. And I'm going to start directing my energy differently. I'm not just holding it in myself. I'm actually going to be directing it towards you. And almost putting you under a magnifying glass not to analyze, but to because just nothing else matters really like nothing else mattered in that moment. And the attention piece is like, wow, I matter like, you know, like there's something in there that's like people want attention because they want to feel like they matter. They want to the specialness thing is actually really interesting. People have a lot of guilt and shame around wanting to feel special. And what that looks like. So like, you know, when I have a clear understanding of what that is, because even the people that are interested in exploring this side of kink that could be more considered humiliation and maybe a little more hardcore. Sometimes under all of those layers is still about the specialness and about the attention and about having someone's presence, you know, like I'm here and I'm unwavering in that presence with you, like I'm not going anywhere. And hopefully your nervous system starts to feel that, oh my god, oh my god. And then maybe hopefully it starts to reach a point of like unwind and wind and wind. Yes. Like I can actually settle into that. Right. It was with more time. I would feel like that would have gone much deeper as well. Absolutely. I think, you know, I found myself you've been getting a little emotional and hearing of like the what's underneath the attention as you matter, you matter and you're special. And that definitely even still ping something in me. And I felt what it did for me was it expanded my capacity to be seen, to be special, to be cared for because that like you said, I bumped up against an edge of, oh my gosh, this woman has all of her attention on me. And yes, it got crunchy for a moment. It started to peak. But then there were waves. It was you were so intuitive with you could feel my energy. And so you would do things throughout the entire journey where I imagined you could feel potentially overwhelmed or in intensity. And then you would bring me back down so you would like put your hand on my shoulder or you would affirm me, which is something I asked you to do. Yeah. Tell me like what a good little girl I was being. And all of that helped to titrate the level in which I could hold. So we would go up up up and then come back down and up up and back down. And it allowed my nervous system exactly like you said to ride the waves of she's giving me everything. And it's a lot of no, okay, I can come back down for a moment. Right. Yeah. I love that. And you know, it's interesting because people get really curious about the sexual energy piece. And I love to speak to that because it is hopefully a space of transformation, healing and empowerment. So where does the sexuality piece come in? You know, you and I both love each other and you know, find each other to be attractive women. But we're not necessarily like I'm going to rip off your clothes and go on top of you. That's not what's happening here. But the arrows that's being cultivated in the space of trust and the space of allowing and your aliveness that's coming up from partly from your wounding, but also from your higher self as well. It's like, you know, I'm here to sort of hold space and hold a container for that. So it doesn't have to be this like big sexual tension, like yearning for me to penetrate physically or, you know, like it to be actually general focused orgasm. Like that doesn't actually ever have to happen in these spaces. And in fact, if I'm doing journeys with people, if we ever get to something that's that sexual as an exchange, it's ages and ages down the road because it's just so important for people to feel this piece. I think a lot of the time we cut to the, you know, sex or cut to it being physical in that way. And it's like, let's keep playing in the energy, let's keep playing in the sensuality, let's keep playing in the thoughts and feelings and emotions that are arising as we're going through this. And let's stay there for a moment and not actually, you know, bypass this to a orgasm, like a genital focused orgasm or to genital penetration, et cetera, things like that. So like during our intake, you know, it's very clear that, you know, these while someone looking at this king checklist, they could imagine doing this with their partner and our, for the sake of our work together, we're just going to be focusing on sensuality, on eroticism. And that piece and the energetics, we're not going to actually be moving into anything that's going to be highly sexual. I love that you name that. It's funny because I could talk about the healing components all day, but yet there were erotic parts to my journey. And specifically, one of the ones that I am so well forever continuously be so curious about and enjoy bringing into my sex and sexuality is is impact impact play. And that was one of the things I was a full yes to. And I'd love to talk a little bit about the ways you brought impact play in specifically, one to bring in erotic energy, but two to help me get into my body. I'd love to have you share a little bit more about that. Well, that's interesting. The definition of impact play is repeatedly striking another for sexual gratification, which is actually really limiting definition in my opinion. And a lot of people equate spankings to punishment because most of the time if you were spanked as a little kid, there wasn't a erotic charge to it. It was because you were in trouble or you did something bad. So people have a lot of connotation around spanking and what it can be and what I like to use spanking for while it can be used as a form of showing dominance over someone else, I like to really use it to manipulate energy and to move energy in the body. So often we have so much energy up in our heads around like what I have to do tomorrow and what's going on here and am I doing it right do I look okay. Oh my gosh, just you think that you know like all of our heads the brain is a phenomenal thing right like it's it's really complex and it goes in all of these directions and it's really fast and quick and it does all this stuff and the body is actually really simple right and the body is like unable to lie like it cannot it doesn't know how. So when I'm helping people get from their head into their bodies I like to use impact play I like to use you know can like a physical contact with people but also creating a little level of intensity there you know some people are seeking something like that might be really painful that's really going to take them out of their heads and get them into their bodies but with you it wasn't too focused on it being really really painful but I know that it was really. You know there was moments of intensity that like kind of shook your your whole body awake almost yes that there. Absolutely and for me it felt like one of the best to this day one of the most impactful powerful ways to drop me into my body and I remember I did a live shortly after just to help like articulate my experience I went live on Instagram to share like what it meant to me. And the part where during my live where I started to really cry was I and I feel it coming again this deep deep deep deep desire for every person on this planet to understand what sex is like when you were in your body because I came from a very long a history of dissociative sex sex where I'm checked out it is for my partner's pleasure and the difference. And we like you said we didn't even have penetrative sex we had energetic it would felt like afterwards but there was this period where. In my life I didn't even know what that felt like or what that was what was possible when I was in my body and now to know what it is like to be that present it changes everything I mean it is entirely new form of sex and sexual energy to be in my body and it is. Again like I have such a deep desire for everyone to know what that feels like because once you go there it's really hard to do anything other than that because you can just feel the entirety of the experience the entirety of the pleasure and you're you're in a state of love and connection with this other person that's just not possible when you're not in your body so. It's really powerful share I love that share and I feel like you know because you're giving me so much great information this would be very similar to some of the debriefing that we would do because in order to create a fully sustainable erotic experience everyone involved has to feel safe and positive about it from beginning to end right which is why. The journey is not the end of the journey is not the end of the experience because if anything it's just open Pandora's freaking box and all sorts of stuff starts coming through and coming out and all of this stuff so the debrief is actually structured and it's different than after care and i'll talk about that in a second but the debriefing is structured to come from a more neutral place to really reflect and see like how did this serve what are my eyes what did I want more of what did I want less of like. Where could I see myself traveling to in the future with either Kimmy or a different partner you know like what has brought up has it brought up more desire more wants more needs and and i'll say you know with after care that's something that we did at the very end of your session where when we started to when we finally hit a sort of crescendo and started to bring and everything sort of back down. The after care is there to sort of create the soft landing so if you're having this highly erratically intense experience in your floating you're like oh my god like everything is like on fire and I feel so alive and you know after that sort of peak it's like. It's like okay and like being able to come back down into yourself you know we had a like a peak arousal experience so it's going to start to you didn't orgasm per se but you had a peak arousal experience so the only direction from there is to go back down and holding you and being with you in that space. And you were able to emote a lot of emotions from that place that I think even surprised you it definitely because yeah after the impact play we went to the bed and there was a lot of energetic happening so for listeners who don't maybe fully understand. At one point you weren't even touching me I think you were straddling me and you had just hovering your hand but because I'm an energetic we're all energetic beings but because I am really sensitive to it and I enjoy playing with energy I remember feeling at one point and you told me after the fact that you felt. Like an intuitive sense to pop your hand over my heart and I remember just feeling this surge of love and surge of energy and again surge of attention and knowing that everyone went every person in that room all eyes on me and the intensity that I felt in my body it was so intense and so powerful and definitely this peak experience I remember starting to shake. And then on the the downside just sobbing like releasing releasing releasing and it came in waves you know I had one wave that was really clear when you were like sort of holding me in the experience was over and then another wave that hit me and what it was hanging was you name this at the front of our show together was longing like you just touched a part of my soul. That was so so so powerful to be on the receiving end and how rare that it had been in my sexual history to ever have someone touched that part of me which is so wild can we because it was without touch right. And to be able to fully touch that there's this moment of sadness after like when will I have that again and I know that I will I know that by being in this energy I am attracting more of that in my life but it was such a gift that you gave me because it it was an expanded you expanded in that moment. In all moments of what is possible in my sexuality and in my healing and that's why for me doing this on camera while yes I had all of these fears come up it is so much more important for me that people will know that this is what is possible than any fears that I had coming up around being on camera. So thank you seriously and that means so so much like I'm feeling really tender towards you right now and I am so glad that we could create a situation where you could be reminded of what's possible. And sometimes we actually need to be reminded and it can bring up a lot of pain and the longing and all of those things but sometimes we need to be reminded of magic and of what is possible in love and sex and intimacy. And I think we really touched on that in such a short amount of time like you are really willing to step into the fire like that's so courageous so fucking courageous and the fact that you're so willing to step in the fire and really go to those places places that people are actually afraid to go to because it's so painful. I think it just cracks your heart open a little bit bigger to let in more of all the good stuff that you want. I love that visual it's like heartbreak is your heart breaking open really if you allow it to and yeah it was just so special and. I'd love them to transition into you know we talked a little bit about you said you like to cover a little bit of after care but then also let's go into there's anything left in our debrief that you would want to cover I know we've kind of touched on a lot but I of course want to create space for that piece too. I'm really curious you know for the time in between now and when we completed the experience like how had you been feeling over the couple weeks like I know that you express a little tenderness and yeah emotions yeah so how was that. So the day of the journey I immediately I took your suggestions I cleared my schedule and you know even and you prepped me for this and I've had experience of this so I knew that it could happen and it did of subspace that like I altered. States of consciousness feeling so soupy after like could not formulate full sentences in fact it wasn't dangerous but I remember I missed my turn like six times. trying to drive home that day because I was just I wasn't out of it is in like dangerous but just I wasn't super focused like the way that I normally am and I took myself to the park and I just sat in nature and I really let my body just it was so open like I felt literally cracked open and I just wanted to be in quiet stillness and I also ended up going to be with a girlfriend that night because I knew that potentially a drop was coming like you said you reached this really high peak state of bliss and attention and love and then afterwards it's like oh I remember feeling like I want to be around people but what was funny was I went over to girlfriend's house and everyone wanted to know about the experience and it it was too much I was like whoa it was just such an interesting experience to realize titrating afterwards like ladies I've had my attention for a film I am attentioned out and then for you know the days and to come I definitely was writing this high of feeling so powerful and so open and so you know sex is such a powerful energy and to be a sexual woman and to claim that I I felt high like I really did I felt powerful I felt proud there was another word that I would describe yeah and overall just like more in love with myself more in love with a woman that was able to have an experience like that and it was in the the weeks after that there was some heartbreak that occurred I went through a breakup and so I got to touch more of that sadness and longing again but I think every experience is specifically the conscious King's journey again it helped me to widen my container to be with all of it so even going through heartbreak it was I know how to be with all of this I really do I know how to care for myself and I know that this takes me one step closer to a person that won't be you but will be able to hold me in an experience like we had together like if I were to give you and your audience the visual like if you imagine like buying a package of unused balloons and you take one and you blow it as big as you can up into the point where it could almost burst but it doesn't and you and you fill it up to that extent and then when it's time to release and let the air out it does go back into a smaller a smaller dimension but it's never going to go back to how it ever was before and so the part of the debrief is like what are those differences that that new balloon was to what it is now after the air has been let out and that it's more in a state of neutrality but it's still changed like it's still changed and I'm curious when I give that visual like what do you feel like has been some of those changes for you? Oh so making this connection now in the moment I have definitely had more erotic energy without a doubt there was a period in my life and I don't remember if I shared this with you or not but especially there was a bit of an imposter feeling because I teach sexuality for a living and yet here I was feeling so disconnected from my own pleasure and I was starting to kind of get to that place where I was going through the motions and I've had clients say this to me and I actually kind of understood it recently where like all of a sudden self pleasure would become something I've resented because I would want partnerships so deeply and there was a part of me that was angry like I don't want to fucking do this for myself and after I just made connecting these dots now I'm like I've been having the most beautiful, powerful, delicious and like craving those self pleasure sessions and I never even realized that and it was so interesting to think too I made a commitment to myself that I'm gonna for 30 days stop using vibrators and I think it's because there's been this deep craving of like I want to feel my hands on myself I want to feel my sex come online without anything else like there was this desire that I feel like I got a woken on the other side of just like connecting to my body and my pleasure again in a way that I have not felt in probably months, Kimmy, wow, wow, so good, citing, thank you, yeah, I'm trying to think if there's been any other I think the other thing that's shifted in me is a comfort in using my voice like that is forever been part of my journey like when they were making my soul up in heaven they were like this one's Dharma will be to learn how to use her voice like there's so many days in my or parts of my days where I feel I'm struggling to speak into what I want and I'm struggling to speak into that to know for me or that's a yes for me and also surrendering and so both of those things have come online even more fully since our journey together I've been speaking my guesses and knows what's just relative ease and I surrender like really I feel so like the way that I felt held by you I feel that energy and just my life now because in my breakup I felt the energetics of him pulling away and I remember somebody saying to me what if you just let go of control like what if you just let go let the whole thing unfold as it's supposed to and not feel like you have to show up and do anything and I did and that was so new for me to be able to watch the thing unfold versus being behind the the curtain trying to you know be the Marianette leader or puppet puppeteer right I just I like oh and I feel like a because of that I was able to move through my breakup with more ease too yeah extraordinary and you again you know we didn't have the full time together so I'm just really loving this share and you know if if this was a scenario where you are a client and we were gonna continue working forward and you know something that could be explored moving forward is like really specifically focusing on using your voice during the session or you're not going to get something you know are like playing with that a little bit that's just you know just playing something out of my ass at this stage I would something I would feel into and see what's really a current in the moment but like looking at maybe more of the voice piece looking at more of overwhelming the senses looking at you know going deeper in these places so often when people come for their first session you know there is a lot of you know nervous energy and things and it takes a little time to really drop into deep deep trust and you did drop in really deeply with me and I know we have an existing relationship before the journey and the more that people are going into these spaces with the someone they trust and the safer they feel that deeper they're gonna go right so yeah so in a debrief you know we can always talk about with the client you know where where are you at and whether it's with me or someone else where do you want to go like what what else is there you know like what do you want to manifest from this this tender place you know fertile soil almost so I love the idea of using my voice more and it made my butthole pucker which is a sign that it was exactly what I mean yeah yeah so good I love that and I think my last piece of integration will be I'll be attending a play party again yeah I can't wait to have you back yeah you know um the more me and my business partner Casey Niel you know we've been doing more and more of these immersive weekends where we're taking people through an learning experience of how they can step into more of their erotic selves and what that could look like and it's been such a positive experience and we're in moving forward we want to create more opportunities for people to continue to integrate and also explore and express you know like we don't want the journey to end there um and what was the big motivator of doing these types of play parties is that I have noticed especially in the kink scene there doesn't tend to feel like there's a lot of heart like and it doesn't feel as prevalent as we try to create in our in our play party so like we're trying to create that safe container of course and a fun place like a playground and stuff for people to play in but it's also like we really want to bring in that heart element so people do feel safe people do feel held and people do feel like nourished from the experience you know they want people to walk away how you did feeling full and proud of yourself and all of these things um and also yeah to know that they have access to that you know um in the future as well it wasn't just like the sexy fling it was actually this meaningful heart-opening experience that they can continue to come back to and and and remember so yeah like I'm excited that you're gonna be joining us again for this uh lovely little kinky playtime party that we're doing me too and I love that you just like specifically named bringing heart energy into this because it's not common in my experience for people not only to name that [BLANK_AUDIO] really created an environment that that is possible and that is something you do so so well. And I just imagine like over time this is going to continue to grow and grow and grow and there's going to be way more humans wanting to work with you than you even have the capacity to serve. And so yeah. That means so much. And I want to take a moment to honor you for taking this, yeah, plunge with me, especially with cameras. And you know, it wasn't a typical scenario. Just so your audience knows, this isn't normal. We don't normally have all these cameras around. The lights were a little bit brighter than normal. There was absolutely no music, which for me is like bananas. And still this amazing woman here, Brynn, she was able to really, it's a credit to your, the work you've done on yourself and just who you are as a woman, but you were really able to step into the fire. And I felt like you were the Phoenix by the end of it. And that was just a little taste of your greatness that I feel so honored I got to witness. So yeah, thank you so much. Yeah. And thank you for the work you bring to the world. And you know, at our play parties, they're so successful because we take so much time and energy, helping people get conscious and in their bodies and in their hearts. And people feel the difference of walking into a party like that because it's such a different energy. And the work you're doing, the work I'm doing is like trying to bring that out even further into the world. Like if we're able to bring people in touch with their erotic selves, while they can stay in their heart, while they can stay grounded in the truth of who they are, like imagine more magic being spread around this world. We desperately need it, you know. Yes, yes, yes, yes, can we, this has been such, such an honor. I do want to check in and see is there any last thing that you'd like to leave our listeners with? You know, I just like to remind people that you're not alone, that we're all, you know, having this crazy thing called the human experience. And I want to urge you to remember that there are options and resources to remember that you don't have to do it all by yourself. And when it comes to exploring your erotic self and your sex life and all of these sort of things, there's no no nobler work. It's a hero's journey. Like it's a hero's journey returning to home. And again, you don't have to take that journey by yourself. There's all these people out here with genuine love and intention to, to being in service to you in that journey. So please reach out to Brin or me or other people to support you in that because, yeah, we are basically who we are because of the relational experiences that we have. So if you're able to reach out and create more positive relational experiences erotically or not, it's only going to benefit you in the long run and how you show up in the world. And the impact you're going to make on the world. So good. Kami, I love you. I love you. That should give to this world. Such a gift to my life. Such a gift to our audience. You said this at the beginning of the episode that your clients can only go as deep as you've been willing to go. And so I absolutely contribute the way that I was able to heal and open and trust was a direct impact of the work that you've done and the way that you set up your containers. So thank you for being such a gift to me and I adore you. And until next time, yes, thank you. Thanks so much for listening to today's show. If you loved it, be sure to subscribe so you never miss a new episode. And if you extra extra loved it, make sure to leave a five-star review. I'll see y'all next week.