Brian Simpson Almost Died | Your Mom's House Ep. 852

- Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. (upbeat music) - What's up, mommies? Thank you for joining us today. Tim is out on official show business, but I've got a pretty fucking great co-host today. Please put your hands together for Brian Simpson, everybody. (clapping) - I love you so much. - I'm alive. - Yeah, thank you for coming here. - Of course. - You've had quite a harrowing time. - Yeah. - You're here. - Yeah, almost died last month. (laughing) - Hold on, let's start the show. (laughing) And I'll do this. - 24-hour emergency medical response service. Watch, just test this button and speak into the air. - I'm having just pain. (laughing) (phone ringing) (laughing) - Oh, shit, hold on. (laughing) - Oh, shit. - I'll bring it, I'll bring it, I'll bring it, I'll bring it. (laughing) - Well, welcome, welcome. - Welcome. - To your mom's house. - Thank you, man. - We're talking to you. - Oh, that was perfect. (laughing) - I'm Christina the Zitzi. (laughing) - Welcome to your mom's house. - Oh, go. Mm, we'll have to put that together in either ways. (laughing) (upbeat music) - No, no, no. (upbeat music) - Oh. - Listen, before we get into it, I want to plug some dates. Believe it or not, mommy is doing very, very, very limited runs. I'm doing Irving, Texas, Punchline, April 24th and 25th. And then Denver at the Comedy Vex, Comedy Works. Yes, it does, Comedy and Prayer. May 14th through May 16th. And then Chicago at the Den Theater, tickets at ChristinaP.com. - Oh, also, bros, I'm doing April 10th and 11th Mother Ship, here in Tejas. So if you're a local, get that shit now. Brian, do you have any shit you want to plug in? - Yeah, yeah, I'm doing a Eugene, Oregon, April 10th and 11th. Yeah, Eugene, Oregon at Olsen's Run Comedy Club. And then the port in Baltimore, Maryland, April 16th and 17th and 18th. And then San Jose on the 23rd of California, tickets at Bransonton Comedy.com. - That's the San Jose improv? - Yeah. - That's the best. Oh, also, buy my lipstick, I'm wearing, cuts you up. The liquid lipstick, ChristinaP.com for all your lipstick needs. Get the perfect red, the perfect four, my liquid stuff, my cheeks, everything, everything, everything. Okay, but most important. - I'm having chest presses. (laughing) - That's never, that's etched into your mom's house lore right now. - Yeah, that one's an oldie but goodie. - Touch me through the fence, that's right up there. But touch me through the fence. (laughing) - So what the fuck, man, you've had a near death experience. Like this happened like a month ago. - Yeah, like I had a blood clot and it clogged my artery. I had a heart attack in Atlanta. I was on the road. - Bro. - In my hotel by myself. - Bro, okay, walk me, I haven't asked you the details because I wanted to exploit them on the show. - Oh yeah, yeah. - I'd rather make money talking about it in public and same with you. - Yeah, I'm right there with you. (laughing) - But I did see you in the green room and I'm glad you're back. Okay, so fucking, okay, so walk me through like every minute of this. - Yeah, well, in actuality, it's something that it had been happening before this. So it's like, like maybe five days before, I thought I just had real bad, a heartburn or whatever. - Heartburn? - Or in digestion or something. And it just hurt real bad, but then it went away. It lasted like a minute and a half and it went away so that I went to bed. So I went to sleep. And then that was like a Saturday. And then it happened again on Monday. And then Tuesday, I flew to Atlanta. And then I did a podcast, I did the 85 South Parkers. And right before I walked in there to do the part, like it happened again. - Mm. - And I was like, please no, no, no, no, no. But then it was fine. But the first sign that it was something was off was like 'cause during that whole thing, I was like slow. I was like missing jokes. You know what I mean? - Your brain was foggy? - Yeah, yeah, I was just foggy, and I slept all day. So I was like, and the same thing, I slept all day the next day and I slept all day the next day and I still was just exhausted. - Which is kind of normal when you're on the road to sleep all day 'cause you're up all night. - And also you're trying to get, you know, 'cause everybody has different travel habits or whatever. But I like to stay up all night and catch the early flight and then sleep on the plane or sleep when I get there. So I'm refreshed for the show, right? - Yeah. - Anyway, so it isn't abnormal to be tired and not be able to not know why? - Yeah, yes, exactly. - But then I did the show and everything was fine. I did a Thursday show and everything was fine and then I get back to my hotel and I go to laying out and boom, it happened again. And it was, it was, it was, it was. - How fast is that boom? Is it like, blah, blah, just like a bloop? A bloop for the last four minutes? - No, it's like an inner ache, like a deep ache. - Like your heart is aching. - Yeah, and I gave it a minute 'cause it was exactly what had happened a few days before. And for me, every single time I had just eaten and went to go lay down. So I was like, I have to stop. So that's why I thought it was digestion. - Yeah. - And I started being like, ah, come on, but then it didn't go away. And then it started getting worse and worse and worse. And then I started feeling nauseous and that's the thing. It's like chest pain is one thing, but chest pain with anything else is an emergency. - What do you mean? - I'm having chest pain. (laughing) - So where was it? - It's an actor. It is the best thing that is, that's that guy's job. - Oh. - Of a trust. Did you say that? Did you feel like that? - No, that's what I did. I said that at the front desk. So my dumbass, I was like, okay, I'm going to the house. 'Cause here's the thing, I gotta give you some backstory. - Yeah. - Years before, like, I might have been doing them pandemic. I went to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. And I was, because I was so young, like the nurse literally laughed at me. It was a male nurse. He laughed at me. - And they fucked them. - Because they're a male nurse. No, no. - No, they are the weirdest shit. - No, he laughed because he was like, you're not having a heart attack. And they took, they took the readings and stuff and they were like, you're not having a heart attack, it just ended up, and they gave me something for like acid reflux or something. And he was laughing. But they did an EKG. - Yeah, they did whatever tests they do. - Yeah. - And he laughed. And that made me-- - What an asshole. - That's why I didn't, that's the only reason I didn't go to the hospital when it happened, when it initially happened, right? - Use this fucking asshole to laugh. - I don't know, but like, anyway. - David. - So this is probably the first time I've had to go to the emergency room, not poor. So I'm used to the poor person treatment. So I'm like, so I'm like, let me make sure I take my hair phones 'cause I'm gonna be sitting there for hours and hours and hours, and then I walk out of my room and I forgot my headphones, but I get my little statue and I got all my essentials and all that. I forgot my headphones and I go to go back in the room and I forgot my key. - Oh, fuck, dude. - So I'm like, you know what? I'm just gonna go down to the front desk, get a key, come back up, get in my shirt. But I get down. - Wait, hold on. What you're thinking was, I'm gonna go to the hospital myself, I'm gonna drive myself to the ER right now. - No, no, I'm not gonna drive myself but I'm like, - We're gonna get. - However, I'm gonna get there, I'm gonna be waiting a lot. - Yeah. - So I go, so I go on to the front desk to get a key, but as soon as I walk in front of these people, I just drop to the floor, like the pain gets so bad that I can't even stop. - Yeah, I'm like, and they're like, are you okay? I'm like, no, I'm not okay. - Did you get to say that really? - Yeah. - Did you say no anywhere? - Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. - Because at that point, decorum goes out the window when you in enough pain. - Of course. - Yeah, that's why you could really tell, I'll raise, like if I catch you in the middle of a heart attack, I know how you really feel about everything. - That is so, boy, that's called the social, whatever, the social self drops. Like when you're in labor, when you're about to fucking die, when you see the angels coming through. - You know this is exactly like if you're wearing like an elaborate costume, and you in a lot of pain, you start taking pieces of it off, it's the same thing. You take off all the mask. - I can't breathe. - Yeah, I'm terrible. - And you've been in the military, like you've already, you're a tough guy. - I mean, I guess, I guess, but the guy, the front desk guy, he calls me, it's two of them actually, and he calls the ambulance, and the funny shit is, it was like three students type of shit 'cause they were telling him to tell me stuff, which I probably should just call him out one by myself, but they were telling him to tell me stuff. And it was like, but he was also panicking, you know? - Oh, 'cause he was freaked out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Think about this guy, think about this guy, this guy was like on the night shift at like a holiday in the express. (laughing) - He ain't, you know what I'm saying, he ain't built for emergencies. - Can I tell you something now, and I know you know this as a military man. Most people are not built for emergencies because they're fucking crazy. baby pussy's now if I were there I would have handled your shit lickety split because us eastern European bitches are built for trauma. You know it's so funny. What I would love to see it I think the funniest thing would be of the next time I have a medical mercy you're around and you just freaked the fuck out. Never. Never. And they show footage of you freaking out and then cut the you're going. I'm a piece of you to pee and beach. I'm a movable object. Welcome to the end everybody it's a story telling show of me and my comedian friends we're all telling true it's really terrible story. Into a top where it's face. While face some time. Recreate full every STD horrible. I'm gonna fuck you up. An amazing story. We just got started. I'm gonna stop the terrorists. It's gonna kill us all. You should be in jail. Hey there are you okay? I actually do well. You don't fucking talk to me okay. I have a disciple of the law. How did I get here? I always did this happen. That's a good question. So this this crybaby pussy calls the ambulance and he's like, he calls 911 and then the funny thing is they tell him to give me some aspirin. Okay. Right. And then and then he hands me the aspirin and goes take this and I put it in my mouth and then and then I hear him go, oh he was supposed to chew it. Did you chew it? No, you didn't say to chew it. It's like that. It's like was that a key step? Yes it dissolves in your mouth. Right. Because it was just one of those it was one of those weird like ADHD things where it's like, you know, you know, whatever you do don't cut the blue wire but why you're cutting it, you know, and like, oh, but if you cut it, don't cut the don't put it about together, but why you're putting it about together, it was that kind of thing. That's the worst. And she in no, but then was so dope is the guy that the guy that the ambulance got a showed up on the ambulance. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing. Good. You know, he was like on top. It made me feel so much better. But he was also training the motherfucker. Yeah, it was one of the type of situations and the thing is they're not allowed to tell you that you're having a heart attack. Why? I think it's like a legal thing because they can't diagnose it exactly like he's not a doctor. So he can't officially diagnose you. So they know they got it. Oh, he knew. He knew he had to talk around and he put some nitroglycerin on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he did all the right things. And then with irritating the fuck out of me and this is fucked up to be because I don't think these hospitals are really set up. They're set up to irritate you. Yes. And so I get to the hospital. There's probably nine, 10 people all around me, right? Oh, so they really they ushered you in. Oh yeah, you're a code red. Yeah, you're in. Well, that's good. I think the secret to the ER is always get in the ambulance. Don't fucking drive yourself. Don't go to the ambulance. It's not as expensive as you think. Actually, it's your stay in the ER and any machines they hook you up to when they fix you. Oh, I wasn't worried. I wasn't worried about the expense, right? Because because of the VA. So that's the thing. I told him I told the ambulance. I want to go to the VA hospital. Smart. Oh, good. Because it's free. Yeah, right? And he was like, no, you don't. Oh, I was because this was this was this was co-incidence, right? I literally I had my heart attack right up the street from like one of the top cardiac places in the country, right? Praise Allah. He was watching out for you. Oh, yeah, he was like, you do not want to go to the VA fucking son. No, God is watching out for you, brother. So I go. So I get to the hospital. But here's the thing. The ambulance guy, he was like, I wish I could cause like, they're not allowed to like be like his my card or whatever, but I wish I could contact this motherfucker because he literally, he got it. He was the only person they got it. I know, there's like 10, 11 people in there. He's waiting for all the people to get into the room. So he can just so he can go, okay, he goes, everybody's here. Okay, boom. And he goes, you know, we got a 43 year old male. He blew a bar. This was a situation. This is where he was present mass. This was the readings. This was why all these things. He's from this place. He's from that place. All all the questions you might have. He said he went to everybody got there and said all the information, right? And then he left. And then five different people asked me all the same question. The people that were standing there when he said all the shit. And I'm sitting there like, I'm so frustrated about how many times do I got to say this shit? Yeah. Yeah. No, it was like, it was very, it was like this mix of corporate and care. It was like three or four people cared and everybody else was just like doing their job. Yes, because you have to fucking answer the same questions every time you go to a doctor, when I had breast cancer, the same fucking thing. Like that you fill out the same information every time. And then you get into the room and they're going to ask you the same fucking 20 questions again. I don't know what that redundancy is. What the fuck was that a hip-a-thing that they can? I don't know. Also, I'm like, motherfucker, can't we, can't we connect all that shit to this bar code to say my words? That's what I was saying. Why don't you walk in and scan bitch and then ask me what's missing? Literally what I said, I go, can I just carry around a thumb drive, whatever that is? And I hand it to you and all the shit you need is fucking there. Right. I'm like, can't we just pretend like I'm out, like I'm out? What would you do if whatever was wrong made me unconscious? Yeah. I'll tell you some of these people would just walk in and ask your lifeless body the same question. So how do you get where you from? What happened? Yeah, I know. I'm like, it's still happening. Can you work on what's happening instead of asking me what happened? Did they hook you up to machines at least like were you getting? So that's the other part. So they did they had to do like the emergency thing when they put a stand in, but they go through your door. So it's not like a surgery surgery, but it's it's very serious. What they go, how do they go through your groin? I don't know. I don't because I was kind of out of it. And I just the last thing I remember is the doctor being very frustrated with me because I kept moving my hands. Oh, because you're yeah, you want to protect your body. Because I'm like, give me like because it hurts so bad. And they had already given me three doses of morphine and it wasn't doing nothing. And all I remember is the doctor being like, sir, keep your hands down. And I and I remember the last my last thought was bitch, why don't you tie my hands down? Yeah. I'm clearly involuntarily or reflexively moving my hands. Why don't you do something about it? Yeah. Yeah. Because I was like in and out of consciousness and every time I came to consciousness, she was asking me to keep my hands down. Like it was something I was doing. Like I'm like if me moving my hands is going to kill me bitch. I'm dead strength. Yeah, I know. Anyway, that's all I was thinking. And of course, I don't know what was going on. You know, I saw that lady very briefly and I also remember I also remember one of the doctors going. He was like, yeah, my name's Paul and I'm going to be with you. Don't worry. I'm going to with you the whole time. And then then I remember I remember coming to him and I'm like, where the fuck is Paul? He said he saved him. Yeah. Yeah. And so yeah. So then after that, it was just it was like torture. Like the ICU part was just yes, it was literally I was hooked up to these. I was hooked up to a blood pressure machine that like every 15 minutes would squeeze the fuck out of my arm like squeak to the point where like I couldn't sleep every every time I got comfortable. And if I didn't relax my arms so I could get a good reading the alarm. I was hooked up. I was hooked up to 15 machines that all alarmed unnecessarily at the slightest thing. And you're so that's what I mean. It's like the down side to it was that if you if you think you're if you think you're doing something to save someone's life, you can justify any behavior. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I had to I had to negotiate the bit to turn the machine down to every half hour instead of every 15 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. I know they're constantly well, I see you. They're monitoring you to make sure you don't just die on the spot. But what I find ironic because I had to spend four days there when they did my breast reconstruction is that they're putting you like you're the most vulnerable you are. I guess what that one fucking nurse that's dealing with you is also dealing with the most sick mother-fucker next door. Some contagious shit. So and this guy is dying to have some other disease. So like they put the most vulnerable people next to the other sick people that have shit that if you get that, you're dying. Like I remember when Thomas in the hospital when he broke his arms and legs, they put him next to his a covid unit at Cedars. I'm like, oh cool. So I get to walk through covid to see my face. The person next to me had covid. Yeah. And that's the you're the most vulnerable one there. And I'm pretty sure one of my nurses had covid. Of course. Yeah. And it's not their fault. This system is stupid. But she comes in and she sanitizes her hands so we know we're good, right? Yeah. Or something. No, I remember one of the one of the nurses. He fucked up. He fucked up like trying to get something out of my eye. And it came out a little. And he's not a phlebotomist. So but he tried to fix it. Such a big word phlebotomist. Those are just people that take your blood. But that you knew that like nobody knows that nobody knows what a phlebotomist is you guys know what that is? You say I told everybody's I mean, if you know what a Filipino is, you know what a phlebotomist is because they're they're pretty much synonymous. Oh my god. That's so true. I never put that together. Yeah. So so that. So this is what happened. Let's do fucked him out. And it got to the point where he went over to the sink and grabbed a paper towel. Yeah. And I got to wear with all to be like, that's not sanitary. Not as fuck. Can you go get somebody, please? And in this Filipino lady who I've never saw before or since came in You know, like it was part like fixed the whole situation. - Yeah. - Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and pop that one. - That's the thing, you get a good one. A good nurse is worth gold. You find that one bitch that's been on that unit for like 20 years, and she's like, "I got you, you're fine. Let me help you." That one is worth gold. And then the fuck one retires. - Here's what really sucks. Here's what really sucks. It's all these nurses was fine. All of them was fine. - Really? - Nonsense, dimes. - Really? - Yeah. And I'm in my most vulnerable, my feet crusty, my dick in the bag. (laughing) And it's just the hottest woman you've ever seen is walking in there. Like, "All right, let me see what your balls, okay, take your pulse." And it just felt extra vulnerable. - Yeah. - Man. And here's what's so crazy. The food they were giving me in the cardiac unit didn't seem very heart-friendly. - Bro. - I had fried chicken one. - That's right. - As the meal. - I was gonna say that. - I'm like, not even baked or rotisserie. - Yeah. - In the heart, you know. I know, bro, when I was in Texas here for all the hospital stays, they're like, "Do you want to order?" I heard a fucking, yeah, enchilada with cheese on a whole plate. - Yeah. - This is heart-healthy brisket. - But not only that, you can't get up to take a shit. So you're gonna pack me full of these calories. - Oh, yeah. - How am I gonna shit? I'm on opioids, days. - I heard the hardest time. - And here's the other thing. - Oh, yeah. - This was a very high-tech place. - Yeah. - So, instead of a bed pan or whatever, my dick wasn't a bag. - Oh, that's so cool. - And when you piss in the bag, it sucks it into the wall, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, they call that the cuder, the cuder vacuum or the cuder cover. - Yeah. - I forget what they call it. - Yeah, and it's like, "But I had a hard time pissing land down." - Yeah. - I was just like, "When can I stand up?" 'Cause they don't want you to stand up 'cause you're on blood thinners, and you have a wound from the procedure, and they don't want it to bleed. So you can't stand up. So even though I was capable of standing, it's like they won't let you. But it was just hard for me to go like that. And they were like, "Do you want the catheter?" And I was like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." - The catheter's the worst. - No, I don't want none of that shit. But I was only in there for a few days. I got out on Super Bowl Sunday. - Right, so how many, oh, so you were there Thursday night you checked in, you were out by Sunday. - It was out by Sunday. - And they're also kind of like, they don't really tell you what to do after I find. - No. - They're just like, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, exactly." - No, this, so that's when the nightmare started. - Yeah. - So before I leave the hospital, the doctor goes, they find another clot forming. - No. - It's something they hope it doesn't happen, but it's normal. Because they just, they basically just, you know, they just put something in your artery. - To keep it open. - Right. - So right now you have a stint in there that just keeps the blood flowing. - Yeah, and it stays in there forever. - Yes. - Like it blends into your walls or whatever, I don't know. But while it's healing, it's the possibility of a clot forming is pretty high. So she puts me on this extra medication. And the doctor walks in my room. So this is something, you're almost never talking to the actual doctor that knows what you're doing. There's a, there's a head doctor and there's a bunch of like, I don't know if these motherfuckers are getting their hours or whatever. But, but the head doctor walks into my room. And she's like, she's like, I'm going to put you on this new medication. And you need, if you don't take, do you want to, she said these where she goes, do you want to, do you want to shit yourself? Do you want to wipe your own ass? Do you want to be able to wipe your own ass? Like she's very serious. She's like, normally I don't do this, but I come across the hospital to be, how fucking serious this is, you have to take this medication. I was like, okay, okay, no, and she hands me the first dose of that medication. You have to, you have to take this, yeah. Okay, okay, I got you a doctor, don't trip. Was she Indian? No, she was, she was either African or Jamaican. No, that's good too. I trust that because those bitches study harder than anyone. Well, Nigerian woman, oh my God. I don't know if she was Nigerian. But one of my doctors was African woman and I was like, yeah, you better find out. Yeah, but they got zero bad side manner. Yeah, it's fine. You need to be, you need to stay in Africa and be a doctor over there with like, people don't care if you mean to them. I would, I would rather have a nice doctor. No. No, no. Because they're like, they're going to lie to you, the nice doctor, they bullshit you. I've had nice doctors who don't tell you straight out. Like, hey, do you give cancer? Like, I had a nice doctor not tell me I had cancer. And I was like, bitch, I can fucking read nonverbal cues. I know you're lying to me and I said, don't you fucking lie to me? I said, don't you fucking lie to me again? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you lie to me. Like, I don't want a doctor to go. Yeah. Yeah. You tell me, asshole, you've got the degree. 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Lastly, I've been all about their lemon, herb, chicken, and broccoli bowl, especially after I finish my workouts. So delicious and so easy. Really, there's no excuse not to try factor meals. Head to factor meals dot com slash YMH50 off, and use code YMH50 off to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year. Offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor. Okay, so she gives you these pills, but you know you got to go to a regular cardiologist now. The ERA trip is not in. Oh, right, right, right. So she puts, she adds these pills to the citramar I was already on. And she goes, she goes. Okay, so you're going to get released this evening. You know, and it's Super Bowl Sunday. And because of the weekend, the pharmacy and the hospital's closed. Of course. Of course. So they give me, they send my prescription to the CVS that's across the street. I get released at 445 or something like that. CVS closes at 5. So. Of course, it's the one place that's the most stressful. Is that fucking like you just had a heart attack? It's the last place she wanted. CVS? Oh my god. Yeah, for sure. Especially when they, so I can, I get over there. And keep in mind, we call the CVS to make sure, because they have like an automated thing. And they're like, yeah, it's in progress or whatever. Right? I'm like, perfect. So I get over there. And they don't have my fucking meds. And I'm like, and so the, the guy goes, yeah, we don't, we don't, we don't take your insurance. Cool. And I go, well, I don't have insurance. I'm, I'm self-paying. You know, I didn't put down an insurance. So basically what happened is this guy assumed that because I didn't have insurance. Yes. Then I couldn't afford the meds. Of course. So he just didn't make them. Yes. And I was like, sir, do you have them or not? And then he started telling me how much the most expensive ones cost. He was like, this one, this one's $500. Great. This one's $700. I was like, yeah, sir. Yeah. I don't, I still need them. Yeah, I'm going to die if I don't take it. And he goes, come back tomorrow. He's like that. I was like, well, now keep in mind, you're a pharmacist. So you know what that made this for? And you know, I can't fucking come back tomorrow. You know, I need it right now. Yeah. Right? Also, keep in mind, I'm trying to fly. I got to fly back to Texas. Fuck. So lucky for me, someone, someone bent the rules, someone at the hospital bent the rules, threw me a little dose. Yeah. Right. And I want to tell that story, but I don't want to get into trouble. So I make it back to Texas. And the whole next day, it's just me trying to get this prescription down through the, through the VA, which is a fucking pain in the ass, the VA, like it's always said the VA is a vagina with teeth. It's like all the good stuff's in there somewhere, but you really got to navigate. You know, it's like in the end of Jones, you got to like pick up the, you got to pick up the bag and put down another, you know, it's, so it's a whole pain in the ass trying to get it through the government. I'm like, fuck it. I use the CVS automated thing. I moved the prescription from Georgia to the text to the CVS up the street from me. I go up there to go get it. I stand on line all this time. They hook it all up. They, they give me all the discounts and stuff like that. I get all the meds. It's like $200 for all the meds. Like, yeah, give me that. Get that. I get back. And I have the little list of things I'm supposed to be taking. I'm going through the list. I'm missing two of the meds. No. Right. I'll go back to the CVS and I'm gonna go back to the CVS. And this is funny, too, 'cause I get their writers, they're going to lunch. So they close the pharmacy. So I'm just sitting in there for our room and eating. And I still have not taken this meds, and all I'm hearing in my head is the doctor going, do you want to wipe your own ass? - Of course, the panic is inside. You're going to give yourself another heart attack, just getting them in. - So finally, so they come back from lunch. And I tell the lady, I bring the list, 'cause when I first went, I didn't have the list. I bring the list of meds. I'm like, I'm missing these two right here. And she goes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it comes back, comes to the front. And keep in mind, there's like nine people working with this pharmacy for some reason. They also have a drive through, so maybe it's a whole thing. - The drive, forget the drive through. - See, I don't go through the drive-match. - So, but then she goes, well, she tries to apply the discount to these, and it doesn't apply. And these are the most expensive drugs. And she goes, well, you know, she tells me how much they cost, okay? She goes, well, you know, together, these are like $1,200. I'm like, okay, yeah, she's like, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, and she goes, okay. And she puts it in the system and it goes back to somewhere 'cause like, she's not a pharmacist, right? So it goes back to the pharmacist. And then the head pharmacist walks up to me like the guy that consults with you and he goes, he goes, you know, these are $1,200. And I'm like, yeah, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do. And so it goes back to the back where whoever's actually separating the pills, and it goes $1,200, like I hear from the back. $1,200, and it's like proliferating through the pharmacy. And I'm like, well, guys, I don't want to spend $1,200, but I also don't want to have another heart attack. And I got $1,200. Yeah, do it. Just get it out of the way, yeah. - It's almost like they were talking like, they were used to people coming up in midnight. - Yeah. - What? $12,000, they just killed me. - Yeah, that's how, for sure. And that is how some people talk. I've heard stories of women who they're like, well, you've got cancer and in this breast, do you want to remove one or both of them? And in my mind, I'm like, take 'em all, take my neighbor's tits, take everybody's fucking tits. I don't want this again. But there's people that go, well, it is a little expensive. But how much for just half a titty? - Yeah, like, what the fuck are you insane? You don't have a choice, do it. - Yeah, you really don't have a choice. 'Cause I'm like, 'cause also, here's the thing. Even if I gotta go into crippling debt. - Are you gonna fucking, yeah. - I'm just not gonna pay it. - Yeah, that's so true. Like, you think I haven't been poor before and in debt before? - So true. - I'll just, yeah, you just gotta do whatever, whatever those people have to do. - That's so true. - It just means you're gonna have roommates and they go to co-sign us or whatever, but you won't have cancer. That's the point. - So true. - Yeah, 'cause my criminal Indian stepdad, he became a millionaire and he filed bankruptcy three times in America because you can. You can just start over again. And like, people are so afraid of the shame of bankruptcy. It's like, no, you can just do that again. - Yeah, for real, I would change my last name to bankruptcy if it meant I don't have cancer. - Oh shit, dude. No, you cannot be poor in America when you get sick. You cannot do that. - Bro, it's the worst. 'Cause here's the other thing. - It's so fucked up. - Even if you got money, it ain't sweet. - No. - If you ain't got no money, it's a real struggle. It's really like, just die. - Just die. - Just die. - I mean. - Fuck. - But you know, it's all working out fine. And the truth is, I feel better than ever. Like, my mind is more clear than it's been in a long time. - Really? - Yeah. - I know, 'cause like, I think, I mean, look, I haven't really talked about this openly, but since I had cancer, like, I have had a complete reawakening, like a complete reset spiritually. I fucking like, I don't know, dude, when you, oh god, I'm gonna cry. - Is that what you wearing a stick on your nose? - Well, this is a new thing I'm into. No. (laughing) This is from a surfing accident. I went surfing in the board, hit me, and I-- - You went surfing like recently? - Yeah, last week. - Oh, okay. - I surfed in Florida and I got a fucking the board hit me. But that's why I'm saying now. So now I'm 50 and I'm surfing, 'cause I don't give a fuck. 'Cause late is short. And not only that, it forces you to look at your shadow, your dark self, the self inside of you that you're so afraid of looking at because it's so fucking painful that it will kill you if you do. And you will. And if you really go deep down this rabbit hole, Brian Simpson, which I really hope you do, it's very rewarding, but it's very fucked up. And I know you and I have a lot of fucking trauma. - Yeah. (laughing) - You know, honestly, the piff in my head was that I realized that I wasn't, I'm not actually afraid to die. - No, I mean either. - What scared me the most was just, was living fucked up. Like, all I really wanted was for the pain to go away. And I was like, oh, but then it occurred to me where it's like, oh, because I said this to you in agreement, I was like, the question I was faced with was, you know, 'cause up to that point, I was doing a lot of like chain smoking. And like I was literally smoking almost two packs a day and just sedentary lifestyle and just all these things. And then what I really had to come to terms with was like, why don't you love yourself enough to not do this? - This is what I'm, this is the shadow work. This is what I'm talking about. - Yeah, where it's like, where it's like you want, like you're laying here dying and you're not afraid to go, like you've come to terms with that, that might be what's happening. But if you come back, what are you gonna keep on? - Yeah. - Right? - What are you gonna do differently, asshole? Not you asshole, me asshole. Like when I came back from surgeries and I mean, like my last surgery was just in August, right? Like I finally have tits again. I've got this new lease on life. And I was like, what am I, what are you gonna do, Pajitski? Are you gonna go back to the same existence? - So wait a minute, are you saying, so the cancer free didn't feel like the end of it? You didn't feel like you were in the end of it? - No, of course. - The end of it, so you had the titties back. - Well, because they mutilate your body. So in order for me to get rid of this thing, I had to have multiple surgeries that they give you double mastectomy of radiation. You go through all this, the treatment breaks you down. And then that's done. And then now it's the rebuilding of your body, which has been, I mean, yeah. And now is the other part of like, who am I now? I'm a Frankenstein, I'm a, and as a woman, it's tough too, 'cause you're like, what am I if I'm not my breast that I've fed my babies with? And who am I and, you know. - The thing that it wasn't my clip cancer. - I'll tell you what, when I was in radiation, the scariest thing was asshole cancer. There are people that have fucking asshole cancer and you have to put your ass up on a table. - Oh my God. - And they radiate your asshole. That's the worst. Oh, anyway, you got a new lease on life. Think about why you poisoned yourself. This is a big thing, 'cause we all do it. We all fucking do it. And what are we gonna do differently from moving forward? Who are you gonna be? If God gave you this lease on life, you got the next, what, 30, 40 years? What are you gonna do? - No, you know, the real shame of it is, 'cause I earlier before the show, you were talking about being a party yesterday, and it's like, I don't party. And that's what really upset me, 'cause this is what people don't understand. It's like, I got friends that, you know, they're my age, they ain't ain't 40s, and they out here smoking, just drinking, fucking, you know, up all night, like they ain't in their 20s. And I just be at home, reading, gaming, smoking. And I'm like, but I'm paying the same price. - Yeah, you're not even having fun. - Yeah, you pay the same price for not having fun, 'cause this is all here having too much fun. - I know, it's not fair. Okay, then I'll tell you what, Bren, you're on a new path. Are you gonna do some of this stuff? And I've got a lease on life. - She was a fairy. Yeah, yeah, she was a fairy. (laughing) - Yeah, she was a fairy. - Yeah, yeah, she was a fairy. - Yeah, I'm the guy in the middle. - Oh my God. - What is this? - What do you mean? What is this stuff I'm into? Do you know that I'm in the gay Black Pornio? - Now this is my favorite team. - I know you don't wanna speak to me after what I said, but you know, I've been doing some faking and we can work things out. I guess we don't try and just rest there. - I love this apology. - I'm sorry. - Aww. - This way it. - Love it. - I've been doing some faking, too. You're the best thing in my world. - Aww. - I don't wanna keep it that way. - Let's suck it, yeah. - I love you. - Aww. - That's a reference. - Why is this so uncomfortable? - What do you mean? - But what's uncomfortable? - I think it's a bad acting. I don't believe, I'm not there with you. I don't believe it. - You don't believe that they really worked things through? - No. - But they look like twinsies. They've got matching nipple rings, matching earrings, matching bods. But it's basically the same dude. Look how narcissistic that relationship is. It's the guy fucking himself, basically. Would you wanna fuck yourself? - Wait a minute. Why do you think they fucking? - I didn't see no fucking. I think you're projecting. - Oh. - Okay. - Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, maybe this will change your mind. - Yeah, how much I charge? - $2.20 will do anything you want. - Anything? - Anything. - Y'all kids. - Is that gay enough for you, Brad? - You know what I think. - Is that gay enough? Watch. Oh, that's sweet. - Oh, buddy, that's a good way to get mono right there. - Look at his little tiny tee. - You know what I've realized right now is that I don't think I should do this podcast without Tom here. (laughing) This is a huge mistake. This is a huge mistake. - You think he wouldn't show you that stuff? - I mean, I've done, I've done why I made it like seven times. I've never seen no gay shit. - Okay, all right. - I've never seen muscle bound black gay shit. - Are any, any, we've been playing it for any. He's always collecting these clips. Yeah, no, I see you haven't been here in a while. It's just like imagine you met a new girl friend in this folder on your computer. It's like any what the fuck is this for my work? I know I love it. Okay. Well, okay, you want something hetero. I got it. I got it. Hold on Tom. You deserve a spanking. What what do you think smash your past smash for sure? Yo, do we can we bring up some more of her? Yeah, this is like this is this is Betty the great like Gandalf before he went to hell This is Betty white before she before she defeated the ball rug. Oh, yeah, I do listen This chick is so fired up. I think she has an only fans to really yeah, she's really cool I actually really admire her. She's good-looking. She's got her shit together. Did you find her Neonah? Is that a spoon or a spatula? Um, I think it's a spatula. Have you been would you so you would do an old person? I think so, yeah Okay, there she is Linda Hope hope insta. There she is. Let's play another one. Let's get it. I'm gonna undo that diaper with one hand Look at that. Do the leash. We'll go back up. Oh do the tongue one down. Why is that man on a leash? I hit my back Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. My neck. My back Okay, go down to the mouth that this one's my favorite. No, no, just watch. Look Yes, I'm on that website That's not appealing Yes What do you mean this doesn't turn you like you lost me just Linda? Oh That could be you bro Brian She's telling you what she likes You're her type, bro Also, see the thing is that's not even that impressive. No, that's what I was gonna say that's half a banana, right? Like what that's not you ain't breaking a world records. No, she's not the throat go she put no She put like a bird's bees to In her throat spliced like that's appealing. I know. No, she's posary. Yeah Okay, I guess you're not gonna go there. Have you seen Justin Timberlake's arrest? I have not okay So I don't pay enough attention to some celebrities issue. I know. It's usually I'm not very interested But I did I was very taken with this so first of all this was taken from a body cam of his DUI or to call him DWI Arrest and it's so fucking humiliating so I'm just paying Okay, are you ready? I say that cuz I mean you're interested. So for mr. DWI. He's so red. I appreciate you understand that we got to do it I appreciate you boys for doing your job. I have one more team. I follow one Okay, here's the best part, right? White see So you're being helped and then and then the morning is the rain so in the morning usually around 9.30 Yeah, it might not be this one you might be over the other one. They actually have blankets for him Well Yeah, he was very sharp the white was very shocking White Because here's the I can't I can't decide if I if I love him or hate him because you can tell he's doing the celebrity thing I'm like, oh my god. I have to be in the thalas is not a flag gross. I can't play like yeah, but you almost fucking killed people Have in a DWI you drove drunk clearly. Okay. I'll say this. I already hated him so much. Why then I like now I just hate him less. Why do you hate him so much? I don't know Because it's a cutie Petudi. Oh, that might that might be part of it. Yeah, it's a cutie Petudi probably he He didn't have a hard time. He didn't have a hard time. You feel like he didn't suffer enough But he was in show business from the time he was little you're right You're right cuz cuz you know this is cuz I give Justin Bieber a lot of leeway because I was a little kid and he was yeah Yeah, but but I think I feel like allegedly Timberlake always irritated me because I feel like he didn't suffer enough for the Janet Jackson thing You think Jan I think Janet got all the heat on that. I know I agree he didn't get one titty Yeah, in her career and Kind of paulted his and then when he came back and did the super bohemian though or no can he go or nothing, you know me? Well, no, I hate him so I always felt some kind of way and maybe he couldn't have but I always felt some kind of way about that Where was like he could have you think he could have you can do whatever the fucking one in this life when you're that famous? You can make shit happen. Yeah, so I just I don't know I just and that shit was trash It was like he was like he had tried to pivot to like man a kind of a country man in the woods country shit Oh, yeah, they all do country albums now everybody like the dabble in black shit And then when they get popular they like the cold country. It's so true. I don't like this shit But this irritate this but this this made him a little more endearing because there's a thing they they still people so I So my hatred is it's it's in my spirit like I never met this mouth of him. You know what's so funny. I was listening to Reggae music in a restaurant and it was a day Strip yeah, and um I was listening to like sister Nancy came on What the bomb bomb bomb bomb you know and you're like wow that's that's like pure energy man like she's so talented And then I heard a reggae version of Dave Brubeck's take five. Do you know what that is? It's a jazz song Okay, the point of the story is the black version was so much better and you're like wait a minute It might have been the original. That's what I'm saying Yeah, that's what I'm saying Brian is that You guys do it first and you do it cooler and then we just ruin I just imagine you having it having this epiphany and then and then your surfboards smack you in the fucking face That's exactly what happened. Yeah, that's good. Do you do you get mad that we steal all your stuff and suckify it? No I'm just used to it. Yeah, I'm like it's only if yeah, if we do something dope It's just a countdown to like when somebody take it. It's so true. Yeah, like it was just the king of rock and roll I'm like okay. Oh, I guess yeah, I know fucker. Yeah, except you know like I look That's why I fuck with Dolly pardon Dolly point. I fuck with Dolly. Yeah, Dolly gave a lot of shit You know, yeah, she might be the only person where it's like a lot of stuff. It just got took in her Yeah, she she wrote yes, because then she writes songs other people covered and and she's but she's real country I mean she came from Yeah, which I think is essential you need to come from trying on poverty. Yes. Oh, yeah, Dolly still kick And I saw it Atlanta airport actually a few years ago walking through she's still performing. I don't know look her up God bless Dolly. She's the best. She makes good cake mix too. If you ever had her frosting and you should be eating that stuff There she is. She's still around. She's still doing shows. She's doing the casinos. Oh wow Damn, I remember she was famous for her titties Fame and those are big naturals. So this is back in the 60s the 70s. Those are her real fucking tits. Oh really? Oh, yeah, go back to early dolly. I'm telling you She's a country girl. She's got she's got big milkers She's got a breeding body. I'm telling you we all do us trash people like when you come from a poor Trash culture you're made to breed. That's her body Look at those tits. Those are real Go Google is Dolly part our Dolly part and tits real they were at one point maybe the first iteration Yeah, of course, too. You don't have big milkers like that implants What She got them in 1967 they were doing implants in 67 damn you never thought you would come to your mom's house to give me this information Fuck here we go You don't join you don't join I'm shut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, laughs at the people And how did they even what did they put in in your body in 1967? Oh, what would they put in there? They probably just put like black children black kids. No It's probably like silicone steel or like experimental so dangerous augmentation was performed in 19 or 1895 oh the first no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what was it made of 1895 was the first to the implants? That's why see that's how important it says silicone's in the 40s Yeah, but what did they use in 1895? Oh using a patient's own fatty tumor. That's what they used my belly fat to make my tits What's called the deep flap DIP flap and I highly recommend if anybody has a double mastectomy you want to do it It's really good. So your it's no silicone in your titties. No, I did not want that to fat from your belly Yes, and thankfully there is plenty so they made they built some good tits You know, it's crazy though It says 1895 they did the fucking whatever the back fat the tumor shit and then in the early of 20th century They've used glass balls. Yeah, I've read you know something would they go back ground rubber. They'll just shit they'll put anything in your body to look hot. It's really fucked up. - Yeah, well that's why, that's what's so crazy about. You heard of this, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a - I've heard of retard maxing. - No, no, no. Looks maxing is like these, these, these dudes are now like, you know, breaking their bones in their face and like, don't all these things to like look the best. - Oh Jesus. - And, and, and it's basically just what women have been doing. - Yeah. - Whatever. Like just, just doing all this crazy torture. - I've heard of yourself. - Tortured to their bodies so they can look the best. - Yeah. - And, and, and it's called looks maxing. And they're like, they're talking about it like some kind of, like some kind of, urgent. - I know. - Things to stop. It's like, I think that's just what, this is what chicks have been doing. I saw this clip of, of these two podcasting girl, I don't even know who they are. And they're like, oh my god, it's just so brave. Like, I forget what celebrity, like a Kylie Jenner, she's like, oh my god, she said that she stopped getting her nails done. And she's like, going not strong. I'm gonna sell brave. And I'm like, you know how fucking brainwashed you have to be in the matrix to be like, I got to go put fake nails on my real nails. I gotta keep doing this horse shit. Like for, for who? Guys will still fuck you. Don't worry about it. They're not worried about this. - Yeah, but you know what? But the line is different for everybody. - That's true. But the guy that I'd be interested in is this is not the deal breaker. - Boyle your pussy. - Boyle your pussy. - That's the new, uh, that's the new trend. - But rubber in your breasts. Do whatever you must. - Steam your snatch. - Steam your snatch. Um, as you know, Brian Simpson, I like to, uh, I like to highlight the marginalized communities of TikTok. Are you ready? - That is what you're known for. - Dude, I found some fucking straight-up bangers for you. - Please. - I can't wait, raw. - Hit 'em. - If you've been here, call me one more time, dude. All for another number. I'm WhatsApp and show me your weenie. I don't want to see your shit. - Yeah. - Put it away. - Yeah, dummy. - Damn, she must've just been being bombarded with dick picks. - I know. Neonah, are you bombarded with dick picks? - No. - Oh, is this you? - No, no. - Oh. - Oh. - Well, I say, damn, she'll be doing a shit out of her makeup. She uses this shit. - That's right, Christina P. Cosmetics. - Looks like a completely different person. - Looks like a different lady. Attract the life of your dreams. Confidence. You can have it with makeup. - It used to be one more. Like, she was so upset about the dick picks, she didn't put her teeth in before she could do anything. - I know. - If I could do one more, jeez, jeez. - And also, don't you find that what you push away persists? - Her tattoos move, though. - Yeah, I know. I like those rows of it. - You know she didn't do that. - No. - Like, nobody from her community did that. - No, that's what I thought. - No, that's somebody with a steady hand. Did that join it? - Do you have tattoos? - A couple. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I probably shouldn't have any, but. - Yeah. Guess it's a shit. You're not going to die anyway. - Exactly. - And get the fucking tattoos who cares. All right, here's this. - Imagine spending a weekend in a mansion full of joy-makers. People who practice joy instead of escaping from their lives. - Fucking losers! - No small talk. No pretending you're happy. Here's how you'll live differently at the only sober adult summer camp. You'll mess up publicly and get cheered instead of judged. You'll play and laugh like no one is watching. You'll try laughter yoga even though your ego hates it. You'll remember how to connect without a scream or drink. You'll make eye contact, hug, and listen in ways that actually give you energy. Comment joy maker if you want to take back the reins and ignite joy everywhere you go. - What is wrong with white people? - You know the first thing I noticed about this. - They're all white. - It was no black people. Yeah, I was waiting. I was like, "At least because you see there's a token somewhere in the back of it." - No black people. - No, because you, and I bet you black people have showed up. Right, and you walking in and go, "Hmm, this is a lot going on in here." You know what I mean? - What part? - It's a black going on in here. - What do you hate the most? This gives me the same vibes as you know those videos, or this is another white only thing, of people like, they go into the woods and scream at the tree. - Yeah, they get their primal rage out. - Yeah, this is that. She like, "We practice in joy." We practice in joy. Don't y'all have jobs? - No, our kids. - This is why regular people can't do this, because we got to be at work. Who the fuck got time for adult summer camp? - Fuck off, fuck right off. - Adult don't get the summer off. All of these people, your husband's a pain for this. - Yeah. - Yeah, you don't have to, who has a summer off to go to camp? Think about how crazy that is. - Stupid. - PVA, if people got to work, adult summer camp. - Get fucked. Also, if you have kids, you are forced to play all the time, and it is torture. So when you're a real fucking adult, and you have an adult life with children, that you are forced to be joyful with, you know what I like doing the most? Nothing. Sitting, staring, quiet. - And that one grown man that was in there, shame on you, sir. Yeah, that was the Asian man with a ball hit. - Asian. - Yeah, run that shit back. - He should be working. - Go to the part where they doing jazz hands. - Oh, jazz hands. - Yeah, he's the one that did the front flip, when they were like, "No one. " - Oh, you're asking me to do that. - Yeah. - I'm such a freaking retard. I was like, "Yeah, do it, guys." - She's like, "No one's judging you." - Fucking idiot. - You're not gonna be able to begin in a mansion full of joy-makers. - Joy-makers. - People who practice joy-chicks. - Instead of escaping from their room. - No dudes. - Look, there you go right there. - I don't. - It's two of 'em. - Wait, there's two. - Yeah, it's two Asian dudes. - I'm stupid. I don't know how to do it. - Actually, I can't tell if I'm supposed to do it. - Imagine spending a weekend in the Asian full of joy-makers. - A mansion. - Practice joy, instead of escaping from their lives. - It's right here. See that man with it. Yeah, and then keep going. They get to the point where they talk about how you're not being judged. He does a little, he does a little, a little summer salt. - Oh, there's another dude right there. The white dude in the bag. - Well, that's par for the course. - It's right, exactly. - White guys with long hair do these things to get laid. The Asian guy is the anomaly, because he just should have money and success to get laid out. - Well, not me, the white dude is like, he's like, making canned booch in the house and shit. I'm like, you already do. - Of course. - It's gonna come out. It's a matter of time. - Oh, yes. - Yeah. - I don't trust the male feminist, at all. They're scumbags. - Anybody that's like, if you like making, if you like maintaining mead recipes and shit like that, you're not, you're not on the up and up. - Of course. You're pretending to be sensitive and feminine and all this shit just to get into girls pants. It's a racket. - Don't, don't. - The only dudes you could trust that make me are the dudes that also make swords. - Like biking. - Yeah, they're like blacksmiths. - Like yeah. - And they, they all in on the medieval shit. - Yeah. - But these dudes, nah, I'm not with it. - I'm not with it, sir. - These, these wallnut acorn, my fuckers. - Yeah, I get fucked. - No, but this Asian guy, what are you doing in there, sir? Come on, keep, keep going. He does, he does a summer salt. - Shut the fuck up. - Imagine spending a weekend in a mansion. - With a whole nightmare. - Okay. - And keep my self. - Joy makers. - Joy makers. - You should have escaping from their lives. No doom scrolling. No small talk. - God. - No pretending you're happy. Here's how you live. - Look at that. Look at him. - Only sober. - Doing the blue shirt. - This guy. - What are you doing, sir? - Oh, no. And he's got the black socks on too. Take your socks off at least if you're going to get on the kids mat. You fucking idiot. - Oh, that's not an amazing guy. - You just heard his back too. - Play and laugh. - You'll play. You'll play and laugh like you have children, because you're supposed to be an adult and have children. - Here, bro, that's just-- - You don't get to stay the kid forever, you dummy. - That's a room full of unwieldy bushes right there. - Oh, for sure. It smells like shit. Like chewy and pussy juice and ball sweat. - You'll try laughter yoga even though your ego hates it. - You even know yet you don't remember how to connect with ice cream. - Yeah, that room smell like a you super room. - Oh my god. - Hug and listen in ways that actually give you energy. - Oh my god, that gave me so much anxiety. Could you imagine having to make eye contact and hug and actively listen to a fucking stranger one of the trees? - I mean, the stranger's the hard part. I can make eye contact with people, but not if I don't mean it. - And I don't fucking know you, bro. And we're doing cartwheels together without any alcohol. On a retreat. It sounds like a nightmare. All right, fuck this. Let's go to the next thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be 50 this year. I'm gonna go for my face lift. What do you think? - Oh, wow. Okay, wait, is this-- - Looks great. - Can we, do we get to see, do we get to see like two weeks later? - I was just a before. - Oh, that's before. - That's all you get, that's the before. And that's just right after. - Oh my god. - It's nice and tight. It's real tight. - Oh my god. - Yeah, it's just-- - No. - See? - All gone. - I'm gone. What do you think, Brian? - This is why, every time. - Ah! - Every time I'm in a room with, with, with. - All right. - She looks like she's trying to cry. - Of course. Could you imagine you'd go to Russia or Turkey or wherever this is? You sign up for the face lift and you come out of surgery and you've got-- - And you look exactly the same? - Well, all your face is just plastered on and restitched. This is a nightmare. This is not happening. - Yeah, this is crazy. - She's got drains, everything. - I was gonna say this is why every time, And every time whenever a doctor comes in the room, he goes just so you know. I got a student with me is okay if they watch I saw hell no get them the fuck out of here Yeah, anybody practicing them as soon as I put us leave you gonna let this big practice of course No, no, no, can I tell you one time? I let my gynecologist bring in a student to watch my pap's man Bro, and I was like yeah sure why not and this is post two baby So my shit's just blasted already you should have seen the look on this girl's face when she saw my fucking coach get Opened up, she was like I always say I always say no, I always say no no the VA the VA I had appointment with the VA pharmacist Yeah, because they got to explain all the medicines, but she's like oh just so you but it was a zoom thing She was like just so you know, there's a student on the call is that okay no bitch No, bitch, and it's not even affecting me like she really probably need to learn these medicines. Yeah, I don't give a fuck Yeah, let them practice on somebody else some other port. Yeah, no get them out the room get them out of here All right, here we go. What about this? This guy's mad because this guy is Hitler tattoos. Hitler tattoos? Oh, wow This guy's a Jew looks like he's really angry. Well, yeah What I mean Look at that Jewel ready to dance. Oh, yeah I was like why you got your shoes on sir that's they had a pool. Yeah, I mean at first I was like all right, it's one thing to have the swastika back tattoos, but do you got to flaunt them at the airport? No, they're not at the airport. They had the pool so then it's kind of a gray area like I can have swastika I understand him being offended by the swastika tattoos, but also sir is like why do you have your shirt on at the pool? Are you cuz I feel like he's gonna get in the pool with his shirt on? Oh? This guy and I feel like that's just as offensive. Yeah, you're at the pool. That's a fact I'm the police and people's bodies. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's like yeah, I get it like why are you out here? I mean how you know what he wants? He might be ready to get those removed He took poor for the laser stuff, but you're you have your you are violating you made a choice to tour that shirt But that's a fact I move they think that we can't see you know what I learned in my older years is that you're gonna be fat No matter what you wear at the beach. So you may as well wear like the bikini Yeah, and the thing is I hide a lot of fat people from our generation They did we depend on optical illusions. Yeah, and the thing is that shit Don't them shit's only work from certain angles. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Cuz it's like it's like no, it's like that girl's not gonna fuck you cuz of which way your stripes are She's either into your shit like so we have all these optical illusion If you stand this way, if you hold on your stomach, if you move your hips, it's like but you're still fat and eventually it's gonna come out to whoever you're Well, you're gonna get naked with them. Exactly. It's a little lead with it. I don't know It's like the whole the ambush. That's over with the body ambush. Yeah. Yeah, yeah I remember that one chicks regaining like Victoria's secret bras with the padding in it the padding now. They got shit They got shit. I don't know it is be even is it because of the I don't know because of the carbon fiber But now they got shit that they got pants for girls. You seen oh that makes them have butts and stuff Yeah, if you seen these ads with the Asian ladies and they pull up these pants and it and it will be like a obese woman And she pulls up these pants and she has a completely flat stomach and ass. Yeah, that was me that was me before my my Yeah, it's called spanks dude like they crush and they'll flatten you out, but you're still fat It's just like putting you in a sausage casing It just redistributes the fat. Don't that do something to your organs? Of course it does It's so painful. I used to take them. I wear them to wetting spanks under my dress And then I take the spanks off and throw them under the table by the end of the night because I wanted to eat Do you have to get cut out of one of them things? Yes Of course every woman has Yeah, especially in showbiz when you're filming stuff like they put you in that sausage casing and then you put your clothes on over and you look So good. It just makes you look smoother, but it's painful is terrible everything you've received of me on any TV thing or whenever I'm wearing that sausage shit Yeah, there's this new information. Yeah, you got to get on this In this whole time you could have had that in your titties. You could have took a fat. I know I could took six months. I don't know what a shut up Okay, did you fucking hear? Where's the original clip of the fart lady what I can play it on my computer? Please, oh my god. Have you seen this lady? I'm so I'd be so out of the loop. Okay. Well, that's why you're here I'm bringing you up to date on current. All right the fart lady though Hi, oh, I noticed like You got it can you kill that Hold on what do you say to her? He's like no, we can't Why can't they kill the clip of course they can kill the clip Because they thought they wanted attention Of course no, I've no I did I did see this clip I didn't see that part of her been like can we cut that out. It's like no He whoever the editor is hates her Nick fuck with you. No, I think they all wanted to post that shit Because they know where I would have let that it's no way I would have let that lead the house No, I would have I would have left his ass in that wall. We was putting up. Hell yeah, I did Because but I saw her she went on I Think she went on the breakfast club to like yes she did. Oh, you have that I don't have a rhyme or reason of the words that I make up like I say I say nonsense stuff all the time I mean and again like even like I edit my shows, right and I'll be editing my shows and I'll be like Just finish what the fuck you're saying because I go off I'm like this and that and I'm off the cuff I'm not scripted. So when you try to say something else in that Absolutely, you say fart digger and fart knocker. I say all it. I do I did and I do I apologize Everyone out there just Charlemagne's you're aware that is a word that I do not condone so the people out there that Do not use me as an example, right? That's that's where I've been coming out against people saying hey just because I said it I made a mistake. I know I'm in it mistake. You watch that footage even the edited bullshit You know that I am like oh, so no don't use me as your poster child for that And I don't want you to think of coming on the breakfast club is just going to rehabilitate your Man, she might have been better off just saying it again right now like on the show double down Pivot to the right to a right wing podcast Talk to someone else. I know it's so it's so tricky cuz like yes, you've made the mistake Do you apologize? I mean you just listen you apologize if it's sincere But going on a breakfast club. Oh that that is the modern equivalent of like Of like bringing in our shopping and apologizing to all like a apologizing to Oprah or something You know what I mean? It's like this isn't the it's exactly what he explained to her It's like you coming on the breakfast club. He isn't like it's not like you came to the nigga council And now they've all now now they've all voted that you good you know, it's like people gonna feel how they want to feel You know what I mean? I feel like this was a bad move. I don't know who our PR team is It's probably the same dude that told her he couldn't delete the footage Was like you know what you should do. You should go on breakfast club. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's ironic is she says I edit all my Shows so if you're editing them how the fuck did that get it? Do you know what I'm saying? Like right? Why did you put that out? Yeah? Did she explain? I know I can now feel like I got to go wash the whole I know does she explain why that why did it come out? I think I got leaked someone done like it got leaked by the dude That told her he couldn't delete it probably that dude got to be off I want I want to see an interview with him. Well so bad. Do you think he's black? He's definitely no, he's not black No, no, I don't think so let's hear let's can you play her clip again? What if she says it all the time and he's like that's it bitch. I'm releasing this clip I mean see the thing is what irritates me about about people like this is like You said it as a reflex bitch. That mean you be having you have it in the chamber That's what any Yeah, you can you can't because this this this is this is happened recently in my personal like unconscious where I was in a I was in a discord with a long time friend of mine and his like brother in law or something like that was in there And he didn't know I was in there I had just popped in to say what's up to my friends like these are my old military buddies We we game sometimes together in this court and and something they're in a game They're playing some game together and something happens and he he just go fuck nigger and he just says it like Like as a reflex I'm like what the fuck it like it's like if you got it loaded in the chamber. Yeah, that's that's you I tend to agree because if that's your reflex like you're unconscious reflex word Then that's on deck, okay, but you know what so but I don't know maybe she genuinely here's the only exception I will give right because this This is also true, sometimes your negative self-talk, it is, it's you repeating what your most like abusive parent would say to you, like when you made mistakes, like when you make a mistake and you go, you fucking dumb at, that's what your mom or your dad or whoever was abusive to you would have said, and so if your parent, if your mama used to call you a fart nigger, whenever you made a mistake, and now it's just built into your psyche that when you get frustrated you go, fart nigger, that would, I would've let it slide if she could, that was her explanation. And you know what, Brian, I hope that that is the story. I hope that's the story. I think you just did it. Thank you so much for explaining. Because we don't, we saw the problems out here, why I made it, guys. Here's some more white people shit. I can't do this, people of color, I want to be good to everybody loves it, can you imagine? This is going to be me and ten years. This is a, I'm already there. This is just, this is everybody that was ever in an Edward Sharper to make net exeros. This is what happens when they kick you out the band. I think these are just people that were into like theater in high school, like, you know, those dorks back then, and now they're like, no, I go to these dance circles. You know that, you know the era of music during the 2000s, where it was just, where it was white people going, hey, stomping and clapping. Well, Jameer, why? Yeah. These are all the people that used to go, hey, I don't know what you're saying. This is like Paul Simon's Grace Landown. Yeah. What does this supposed to be? Black people being stomping and clapping for years. Is this, is this not the, is this the joy capstone? Yeah, it's like another so bad, I kill me, I can't. I don't want it. Okay, I want to leave you on something. Is it, this is like rhythm training? I know. It's terrible. I'm going to leave you with something really positive. I want you to take care of yourself from now on. Okay. Here we go. I'm going to start doing this. Double smoothing up urine through the nose, unblocking panellabland, psychic vision and so on and so forth. The sole area here, oh, sir, sir, oh my god, yeah, like two times like two times of three times. Three times. Double smoothing up the quick, double, triple one, double watts, triple, you gotta do it like that. Like cocaine a little bit. Yes. Yes, I know. Fuck, dude, that doesn't burn. See, this is why we need a higher inheritance tax. You do this type of shit when you got a trust phone, but you don't got to worry about stuff. But organic organic natural urine, what do you want to do in my ear, organic stuff, the organic MDMA, the organic cocaine. How do people get obsessed with their piss? Like, when does this, you're like, you know what? This is medicinal. Yeah. You know, it's funny. And I've had friends like when I lived in Hollywood, I've had a couple of friends. You know, they get under the grips of some guru. Yeah. And it's just a matter of time for they start drinking piss. I know. And that's when you know they go, you lost at that point, they don't sign over everything. They don't have a car. They don't have a house. They gave up their court. They gave it their rent control department so they could go drink piss in the woods and open their pineal gland. Yeah. Yeah. This is when, this is right before a motherfucker start living in a tree house. Yeah. I know. I could see myself going here. This dude, I guarantee you this dude is living in a tree. Dude, I'll live in a tree. Yeah. Like, I could go here so fucking quickly. For real? I'm insane. Even if you had to sniff your piss to stay there. Yeah. I could see myself. Cause I like meditate a lot, Brian, like, I'm telling you, I'm into the alien, so I can't only. I'm used to European. I mean, I'm crazy. Like, I love this kind of weird shit now. And I could go. You know, see, I can go, I can do weird. I can do weird. I can be strange. Oh, yeah. You know me. I have my PhD in dealing with white people. Yeah. I can, I can do weird, but you lose me at bodily fluids. Yeah. Cause I could be the guy, I could be the security guy at that joy camp. Oh, my God. It's so great if you were to your heart's degree. I might even join you for a meal if I could bring my own sauces and stuff like that. But this, when you start doing fluids, I can't fuck with you. I cannot. No. No. I don't know. I wonder if there's any black people drinking right now? If you will snort your own piss, that mean, you also don't wash your hands. You know that, right? Because anybody that think they piss is good enough to go back in their head, they think they clean. They think everything about them is salatory. You just blew my mind, bro, because you're right. That should go, it does go close to your brain, right, cause you're snorting it. This is very dangerous. If this nigga make you a sandwich, it's piss on that sandwich. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, like his top piece of bread is piss, piss, it's all piss. This is like when people were putting alcohol in their shfinkters so that the body absorbs it quickly. You can die so fast, shooting alcohol in your butthole, you're not supposed to do that. But you put in your acid up your nose, bro. That's crazy. Anyway, I just, I hope you get into this because I do think you need to start- You hope I get into this? Yeah. You got to be healthy now, Brian. Just kill me. Let me die. Whatever. I guess you don't want to live forever. Let me die. And his piss is a little too clear, honestly, are we doing some health assessments? I don't know. I think he's hydrated. I think it's, it's okay. Listen, I'm glad you came here. I'm glad you're alive. I'm glad you've decided to snort your own piss. I'm glad you're on this journey, whatever it takes. I don't want you to die, so just keep doing what you're doing. No. You guys know what I do to stay hard, healthy? My buddy. Christina P. Cosmetics. You got it. Christina P. Cosmetics. You got it. You got to do your, your liquid lipstick stays on forever. I'm wearing it right now. My velvet crush blush? There you go, buddy. My velvet crush blush is how I stay hard, healthy. That's right, buddy. I love you. Thank you so much for being here. Come see Brian Simpson. Just stay on it. Come see me. Do you see on it? And I love you. And stay golden. Shower is pony boy. I love you. I love you too. Recently, when I became Deathly ill, I used this remote control to control your food. I'm having just pain. I'm calling paramedics and your family, Mr. Miller. I'm falling and I can't get up. We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Pleasant. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.