Brendan Sagalow

what up with you ginger fans. Welcome back to the show. Your first time joining the show. Welcome to show. Leave a comment down below for the out. Go rhythm. Hey, I'm out there running around. I'm doing some shows in the new year. Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Hannover, Maryland, Borgada, Atlantic City, baby. Then I'm down in San Diego. It's Valley Center, but it's right down there. It's just inland, baby. Then Canyonville, Oregon. And of course, the wind casino and beautiful Las Vegas on March 21st. Go to Andrewsantino.com for those tickets, Andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy. Ginger. Like that, has the ginger gene intricate. Ginger is a fugitive. You only $5 for the whiskey. $75 for the whole. Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey gives excellent. Ginger. I like ginger. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to whisky dinner. My guest today is one of my favorite people on other side of the front. I guess but I mean, once again, today it's Brendan Sagalot. Thanks for having me. Yeah, I'm a little bit of a lyricist. I mean, I was picturing you going through my Instagram to like bring up stuff to talk about. No, I'm just going like, no, I'm not doing that. Good. Good. Good. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah, I don't. We just know we have a lot of people in common. We know a lot of people in the same space of New York comedy. New York City comedy. You're not from New York, though. Where are you from? I'm from the Long Island originally. Yuck. I know. I've been there. But you know what? As you get older, you're kind of like, I totally get it. No, Long Island is the shit. I'm very kidding. I'm kidding because in the same way that people talk about Jersey, you're like, oh, Jersey, you're like, Jersey's great. Jersey's great. End of sales tax in Jersey. So what are we talking about? What are we talking about? Do that's really good. That's the only impression I do. Do more Tony. I sent in a, every time I send in an SNL thing, it always has one audition and then it's fucking Tony Soprano. And I just picture them being like, what is this from like 20 years ago? I'm going, you know, what's about? I do this joke where I go. If I had a baby, it would be like a baby. I sent the impression was baby Tony Soprano where I go, yeah, go, go, go. The class hamster, she's dead. I hate this baby shit. You have the nasal plug too. Like how do you do that? That's really like, I just kind of like shut off my nose. That's really good. Yeah. And then you go like, the, yeah, this, Christopher, but it's also not that good. Like there are some pretty fucking good that are, yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me. I think that's good. Why can't I just, how old you? 18. No, I'm, I'm 34. Yeah, start liking yourself, dude. You're good. Yeah. What do you, how do you do that? Do you do that? No, no, I hate myself, but, but, um, it's over for me. I'm done. No. Oh, dude, I'm jumping. No, no, I'm going to go and get bridge this weekend. Oh, just to fake it. Honestly, if I were to kill myself, not to get this episode demonetized instantly, but if I were to, I think I would do it bridge style. Bridges, chill. Yeah, because then you feel like the, the wind, the wind in your hair. And the one thing is if you survive, there's so many ways that you can attempt to kill yourself, where if you survive, you're like more fucked than when you tried. Oh, totally. Like if you shoot yourself in the wrong place and then you're like, you know, a veg. Yeah, you're like, fuck. Seinfeld, Seinfeld, one time in his career had it like a really dark joke. And I was like, that was the Seinfeld I wish he was. Yeah. Because like what he does now is like not, that's not what I like. It's like, it's very like pristine and calculated. Yeah. I like more loose and dirty. And, but he had a dirty joke. I don't know, I'm going to misquote it, but it was something to the effect of, what's up with these people that trying to kill themselves and it doesn't work? Like that's hilarious. And he goes, that would send me, but it was perfect. And then he said, he goes, what, there's no tall buildings were these people? It's a, it's a perfect sign, but it would sign felt dark. Dark sign felt would have been, well, that's what I, not to tell him what to do. Shit. No, go ahead. He tells everybody else what the, but if I were him, that's how I would evolve as an artist, I'd be like, I'm, I'm going to get a little bit more dirty or I'd be so calculated at his age when he made it. Right. Or whatever the fuck, because I'd be like, okay, now I can, I can be this guy for a little bit. And then when I'm beloved, that's when I start turning the evolution on. I turn to a heel, like start smoking cigarettes on stage or something like, yeah, turn totally heel. Seinfeld on Killtony. Yeah. What's up with these trans people? Get all these disabled weirdos out of here. I honestly would love to hear what Jerry has to say about Killtony. He's like, so they just bring up retarded people. And then they make fun of it. Side felt on Killtony is such a good sketch. This next comedian is an assassin. From his 90s hit television show Jerry Seinfeld put some fucking respect on his name. Cramer would also kill on Killtony. Cramer was ahead of his time. Cramer put him in Cam Patterson on the same line. He's words. These words, dude, when he tried to do that, it's the best. What did he say after that? He also said something where he was like, you don't like the words you see? You see? You motherfuckers. You motherfuckers? It's the most uncomfortable clip, dude. We watch it every year. It's so good. Yeah, dude, it's so good. Christmas. It's so good. That's so funny. And then when he just drops the mic and walks off stage, he knows it's over. It's like a perfect collapse of a man. Then when he went on Letterman, it was Seinfeld. And he was like, why are you laughing? You're like, well, it's a comedy show. They think your jokes don't laugh. That was so cocky to be like, you go, but surely Jerry, you understand. You're a comedian. This is insane. You do understand why this is funny. God, can you imagine that happened today? It wouldn't be. Wait, let's say someone on Abbott Elementary says the N word, like during a take and then quit to Brunson has to go on a thing and be like, listen, dude, they were just kidding. Dude, it's so funny, too, because now, well, I don't know how it is out here, but like at the seller, they have all those like yonder bags and shit. Yeah, we're like, they put shit in bags to like keep your phones away. We do that at the store now. Oh, really? Yeah, they yonder back. Do they yonder the OR just the main room in both of them now? They do now. Yeah, how used to be manned? I think in the belly, too. Do they upstairs? Oh, I didn't know. Wow, good. How fucking pissed is Kramer that yonder wasn't there because he does that whole thing. And then like the one of the owners of the laugh factory is like, we're going to put these fucking phones on. Dude, it really does make for a good show, though. It's so much better without fucking phones. They're paying attention. Yes. And then the drunk girl who wants to be on her phone on a shitty date with a guy she is not going to sleep with. Yeah. They don't even stay. They leave. It's great. Yeah. So they're not going to get through the show by being like, when it's just over, like you don't have that thing happen to the fourth comic who's like, you guys please shut the fuck up. Although there is something that I notice when you're doing the shows that don't have the phones and stuff, anytime a comic mentions the phones, there are people like, like don't even mention that my phone. They start taking out. They don't even mention that I can't look at my phone because when I see that, I go, oh, don't mention the phones. Because then they're thinking about their phone. Yeah, it's like, it's like saying heroin to a heroin addict and then being like, and then trying to make them not think about it. Just kidding, heroin. Just kidding. You go heroin. It's wrong. You go, by the way, heroin. You know that old quote, or that old thing that's like, if you could go, if you could have a time issue, you go back to anytime. What would you do? But imagine, and Kramer's like, well, I would have gone back to the left factory. And I would have really given it to him this time. I wonder if he would have changed that. No, you think he wouldn't have. I think that's, you know, I like that they try to project that. He's like, not that guy. It's like, well, that's how we really felt. That was the most raw moment. Oh, that was it, dude. That was him. That's really him. If that's like, you know what, that's like, that's like when, that's like when your uncle is drunk and like wasted and you get into an argument with him and he says something like, yeah, well, if they could just go back to Africa, then if they don't like it here that much and you're like, Oh, dude. And then he goes, our relationship for everybody's like, I was drunk, dude. Yeah. Yeah. There are times not to be this guy, but there, because whatever, but there are times that I know that when people say shit, that's like so fucking outlandish or flagrant, you know, they're, you know, they don't really feel that way. And you know, they're doing it to say the worst thing. Like when you're in a car and that stuff comes up, you know, that's way, I fully, well, yeah, you're right. Some people, but there are some people that I'm like, you don't think I'm going to say the worst thing in the world to you? Like you think I'm going to be like, well, surely, I won't. You're feeling. I mean, it's like if you, I would never, of course, but if you're getting into an argument with, like, say, I don't know, like a black guy and say it with pride next time. They don't do that. That is my problem. I say it to you. When you go down, it makes it worse. Yeah, you go. That was actually the first ventriloquism was going blocker. You go, wait a minute. What's going on with all these blockers? But if you're, you know, I wouldn't, you know, if you're going to go like, if you're getting face-to-face with a guy and you know that there's a nuclear button that you can just set, you go like, okay, you're going to, you're going to, you're going to say all this shit to me? Well, there is a part I mean, that's like, I know you don't really believe. - Sure, but when it's in that other context, when someone's like, let me tell you something, you're like, uh-oh. - Yeah, what are you gonna tell me? - In the Kramer context. - Yeah, exactly, like, 100 years ago, you would've been hanging from a tree. - No, the fork up your asses. - You were like, "Kramer, you thought about it." - Yeah, you go, yeah. - These words, you're trying to become Lenny Bruce at the end, you go to the scene. - These words, even with Lenny Bruce, when you listen to that, like, when you watch the movie or whatever, I don't even know if they had audio from it, like, when he did that. - No, I don't think they did. I mean, I actually don't know. - I've never seen it. I've only read it transcribed, you know? - I'm sure it wasn't doing well at first. - Oh, he's bombing. And his friends at the coffee shop afterwards, like, "What was that, bro? Why are you doing that?" - He goes after, he's at the bar. He's like, "I think that's funny." Is there anything in any of that? I was trying something out, man. - I don't know. - I don't know, Len, I just feel like it's not necessary. You don't need to, you keep going off. - Yeah, I think people are gonna be like upset. (laughing) - There's no audio with that, no way. No chance. - Some of his performance is yes. - But not of that. - Not of the word, not of the word. - Not of the word. - He's doing these words. - Words you can't say. - Let's get arrested for profanity. - San Francisco, is that where it was? Where'd he get arrested? - All places. - All places. - Yeah, but like, there was one that was like, really, like, you know, and the picture is notorious 'cause the photograph of him in the newspaper the next morning, he looks swabbed. Dude, that's when they would arrest people for stuff like that, and they were like, it's a good photo app. And the cops were even like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, they go, okay, this is gonna be on so many dorm room posters. I would get that tattooed on me if I was a younger man." - You got a lot of tattooed. - I do got a lot of tattooed. - But I've noticed that when I've seen you online, I like your tats. You've got, they look fun. - Their cars say our fun, the car is sick. This one I got at Skankfest on, this one's my, I hate this one because of Skankfest. - Yeah, because it reminds me of Skankfest. - No, I just don't think it was done very well and it's big and whatever. But it's like-- - The artist that did it didn't do what you want. - But you know what these are? They're just like, they're what people do when they wanna cut themselves. But they're not, they wanna like, it's like fancy cutting yourself. - Yeah, it's cool cuts. - Yeah. - Welcome to Cool Cuts. - That's why anyone with like a bunch of tattoos, whenever they try to tell me how to like live my life, I'm like, shut up. - Shut up dude. - You're covered in tattoos. - Yeah. - Like you have no idea. - What is this one on the wrist? - This is the Blink 182 album cover. - With like an Italian flag? - Yeah, I mean, it's-- - Why is it-- - What the album cover is? - Oh, it was. - And white and red. Yeah, but somebody looked and they're like, oh, French. And I also have eczema, so it's like-- - Me too. - Really? - Well, are you Irish? - Yeah. - Hey, I'm an American. - Yeah. - Okay. - I mean, I have the Irish and the British and the Scottish, I got all that stuff in it. - Yeah, but we are, anybody who has Irish blood, we have, where do you have it? - Yeah, you got it. - Hands are really bad. Dude, I'm constantly going like this. - Yeah, look, look at my fingers. - You can see it on my fingers. - Yeah, it's awful. - Look at that. - You ever have it in a bad area, like you're fucking Tush or your balls? - Or my balls? - Yeah. - Dude. - I mean, we just met today, but it is, my balls are covered in eczema, bro. I'm like, I mean, not eczema, but I'm always like, I'm scratching like a motherfucker. - Dude, I had a thing, I've never even talked about this. I had a thing, I think I told you, but I had a thing on the underside of my sack. And I had like a panic attack. And I was like, what could this be? And my instinct is like, cancer, cancer, cancer, it's a fucking, I'm gonna die. That's it, I'm dead. And I'm panicking, I go to a doctor. He's like, we'll test it for everything, but it doesn't look like anything, like, transmitted. I said, no, okay, well, but it's just cancer. He's like, I doubt that, dude. And which means, yeah, probably cancer. They test the skin, all this stuff, 'cause it was so uncomfortable. Then he comes back, he's like, no, nothing. He's like, go to a derm. I go to this dermatologist, can't figure it out. He's like, I don't know, I couldn't even, then I go to another guy. And this dude, like, without even, it took him seconds. He like, lifted up my balls and was like, yeah, that's genitalized, my man. I was like, wait, really? 'Cause it was only on the underside of my nuts. And he was like, oh yeah, yeah, it's not a big deal. He hands me this thing within 12 hours it was gone. And I was like-- - Like this type of medicine kind of shit? - Yeah, it was like a cream tube thing. And it was under my nuts, like right on the underside. And within 12 hours gone. And I was like-- - Does it come back, though? - I haven't had it back 'cause I put that shit on all the time. - You put it on every day. - Not every day, but I put it on, like, if I'm like, gonna be shwetti, if I'm gonna be shwetti, like play sport, or go far long run, or long hike. - No, I do put it on, yeah. And I was like-- - It's so good at accents, dude. - He said, is it a steroid? He goes, no, so you can use it. - Yeah. - If it was a steroid cream, which they give to people for shit, he's like, do not keep putting that on. He's like, no, there's no steroids in there. You're fine, you can use it. It doesn't matter, just throw it on if you feel something uncomfortable. And then like a whole tube of cortisone cream, just rub, 'cause I'll wake up in the middle of the night being like, fuck shit. - All over your nuts. - Yeah, but I think it's never on the pole. It's only on the nuts. - Yeah, it's never on the pole. - Well, thank, to me, it's almost like, I got over it at some point. I was like, if it's not on the pole, I don't really care. - Yeah, but then it just so much. And even my chick is like, you know, it's kind of gross that you're always itching your balls. - You know, what's gross? You have an open gash in your body. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I'm gross? - Yeah. - You're open, dude. - Close up. - Yeah, but you know women, if I said that, it would be a whole fucking thing where she has to say that. And I go, I know, it's crazy, yeah. Or I have to be like, that kind of hurt my feelings. And then if it's like, well, you hurt my feelings all the time. - Oh, yeah, don't let them load up. - Because they've been tacking it in their head of like all the times you said something rude. So they're like, oh, does that hurt your feelings? - Yeah, yeah, you know, it hurt my feelings, yeah, dude. - Yeah. - How was your lady in comedy? - She's in comedy. Yeah, she's the reason I'm out here. Like, she's doing this funny or die thing. Like, you know how everybody's getting into the sketch? - Now it's like the filming of sets. - Oh, what is that one called? - Yeah, everybody's getting into-- - Funny or not funny? - Don't tell, that's what I'm talking about. - I think don't tell, like, started that kind of thing. And then, so she's doing the funnier diversion of it. And I was like, you know, I haven't been in LA for a while. - What was the last time you came here? - A year ago. - Yeah, you don't like it. - I love it. - Oh, you do? I do love it. - There's two kinds of New Yorkers. Either they fucking absolutely love this place. So they're like, there's a hellhole. - I love it. Because I love, you know, Hollywood. I love it all. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I love the vibe of LA. I'm jealous of these, like, young Hollywood skanks. You know what I mean? Like, you know, young Hollywood where they're always like, like the Charlie X people kind of, like, you know, where they always have dead eyes. - I love that. - I always wanted to be a part of that group, but they never have a fat guy in the group. There's never, there's never so much to be like. - We are being like-- - Come on over, man. We'll embrace you. We take that in. - I don't think I could live here. - Yeah. - I mean, you know. - I can't, but we do. - Yeah. - It just doesn't matter. - I just don't care anymore. When I left Chicago, I wanted nice fucking weather for the rest of my life. - Yeah. - And I keep saying, oh, maybe I'll leave. And then I walk my dog in February with a coffee in the morning and it's 62. And I'm like, what the fuck, where am I going? - Do you like, like, would you live in New York? - I love New York. I've spent chunks of time in New York. I love New York. And some of my closest friends in my comedy world, 'cause my comedy class was weird. Like, most of the guys I taped my half hour with with comedy central were all New York guys. Like, the West Coast guys. - Who'd you record that with? - My year was, I think, it's crazy. You could look this up. Look up my year exactly, but I know it was, within, like, a year or two. That's when they first started doing it for my class. It was like, Sodor and Samarrel, Norman. Brooks Wheeling was my West Coast guy on my showcase. - That's a whole group of really great guys. - Yeah, but it was just like, a lot of my guys, it was a lot of East Coast guys on my thing. And I had met them doing shows. And so it just kind of, a lot of my friends became, were New York comics. And West Coast guys, they come and they go. Like, a lot of guys here, they move for a little bit and then they move somewhere else. So that, you know what I mean? Like, New York guys, why do you think that is? - That's strange to me. - The place is a hard place to fucking live. If you're not from, this reminds you why this is such a tough place to stay. Whenever you get past Colorado on a flight and you're like, how much longer? They're like, two more hours. You're like, that's not even real. That's how much more fucking space I've got to go before I get here. So when you're back East, everything is bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. It doesn't matter. You can go walk, you can train and all that stuff. I mean, here it is kind of like annoying that you have to take a car. But what's cool about this place is like, if you're driving around down a road and you're like, I fucking hate this city. And then you can turn around and you go, oh, look how beautiful this is. Like, everything is so different. - Well, I do like, we walk at night. My wife and I walk at night. And I will say the one thing I appreciate about the valley where we are now. None of these houses are alike. They all just built them the way they want. From the '40s to the '70s, every architect was like, yeah, fuck, I put a door on that side. And they just did it out here. Long Island kind of has that, right? - Yeah, Long Island. I mean, it's so much space and all that stuff. But it's so fucking boring and there's no real culture. I mean, the culture there is like eating babies blood and lizard people and stuff like that. - Oh, yeah, that is this. But at least there here, there's like lights. And it says girls, girls, girls. And there's liquor places everywhere and all this stuff. And it's really cool. Like the culture here, I really enjoy. Although it's like, it's so eye-rolly sometimes. Like you get on a plane. 'Cause we're always on, well, we're always traveling to these like cities where it's not LA. So you get on a plane to LA. Everybody's like working on their script. They're all writing. Everybody's like doing something. And then it's like most planes that I get on. It's just a bunch of fat older people sleeping with the fox news on the chair. It's like, so it's like, it isn't that. - And that's just your seat. And then next year. Dude, I don't, the people that work on planes, I wish I had the patience. I'm either sleeping or I'm watching a movie. I don't think I've, you don't work on planes. - Bro, I've tried. It's a nightmare. I hate it. - I wrote one joke, I don't like this sucks. - It's just too much, I don't know, something happens with when I get on planes, there's too much of people near for me to feel. Like when I work at a, when I go to write somewhere, like my favorite is hotel, hotel restaurants, where I can tuck away in a corner. Oh, dude, I fucking, there's like a romance to that. - Well, 'cause people kind of come in, they go, but they don't stay long 'cause they're in a hotel, they gotta go somewhere, where like a plane is like, everyone, and they're there, and you're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't need a nearby." - Oh God, and then, you know what I hate about planes too, is when you're, they give you the little snacks, I'm done with snacks on a plane. - Yeah, I don't see you anymore, I'm like, I'm like this, and I'm jittery, and I'm a jumpy guy. Like so, if I think I'm about to spill, I'll go like this to overcompensate, and then it'll spill everything, so I'm like, I'm waiting for the moment that I spill it on the person next to me or something. - Oh, that's common. - Yeah, those days are common. - I know, so I'm done, I'm not, I'm not happy with it. - Give me the class, did you get it? Give me my class. - Tone bell, fill in. - Yeah, tone bell, fill in. - Fill Hanley. - Fill Hanley. - Sean Donnelly. - Donnelly. - Jarlis Samarrell. - Yeah, Sam Little, C-C, New York, New York. That's why. - Wow. - Who else was my class? - Stallling. - Stallling was my girl, I love her. - Randy Litke. - Yeah, Litke. - I used to love the Comedy Central Presents and stuff. - When we got that, dude, I remember feeling like, - Well, that wasn't presents, that was called, the half hours that they shifted. - Yeah, when they stopped giving a fuck about making your own background and stuff. - Just put it up with the same, just put his name up. - I would say that is the beginning of the end. - The beginning of the end of Comedy Central. - I'm glad I was there for it. - Yeah. - Where they just go like, I'll just put their names in the background, you go, what? - Well, they were making so much fucking money, plug in, playing these things, and they realized that was truly when the profiteering for Comedy Central became significantly more important than making a show. Because when they were still doing presents, you got to set design. I remember talking to Swartz and about that. Like, that's his was cool though. - Fucking awesome. I mean, he just put a picture of like himself in the background we want. Bill Burz was really cool too. - They just had some creative, they let you like have fun, and I'm sure they had a budget. But then when we went out there, they're like, dude, we're shooting six of these a fucking day, get up and get out. - It's just a screen. - It's soft, dude, and also your order meant a lot. Like, I remember talking to Tony Bell about that. We were, when we, when we got the order, it was like, who made the basketball team? 'Cause you were like, fuck, I'm first. Like, and I felt, I think Marelle, I believe, Sam was, can correct me. But I think he went first on their show, which is good, it could be good. But this is a street walked audience. So they're, they're a papered audience for these tapings. They sit there for hours. They give, they give them breaks, which is even weirder. They're like, alright guys, go get coffee and come back. - No breaks, don't do breaks, don't do. - It was so bad. - It's all about momentum, you gotta keep it going. - They didn't do that. They would pause for camera, people reset, like, but you know, you don't even really notice it when you're watching it. Like, when you're young, we do, because we, we see it, but like, when you're, I remember being younger and just watching and being like, just paying attention to the jokes. And now, you can go back and watch all of them. And I'm like, oh, this is kind of fucking sucks. - Yeah, this is kind of blow. - But the internet ruined that for us. I believe, I truly believe the internet did a huge disservice to comedy, taped, filmed comedy. Because, Soda, I quote him all the time. My Soda said it best. He goes, you know what someone's like? I like them, I like, I like Brandon Bitter on a podcast. Where I like him better on it, it's like, yeah dude, because you're getting it straight from the tap right here. Where that has to be packaged and prepared and manipulated and dictated, it's a thing. Where this, they're like, it's right from the host. This is right from the fucking host. And they can drink it up and be like, it's quick and easy. And it goes away. And then tomorrow, a new thing. - Yeah. - And a new thing. So you have to keep fucking, like, I don't know about, like, my generation needs to keep putting shit out. We do too. Otherwise, we become more and more. Well, that's why you see the older guys. Like, the guys that I grew up like adoring, like Colin Quinn is a good example of a guy who I was like, one of the coolest guys of all time. Still is. I'm saying, he starts to get into internet stuff now 'cause they know that's a piece of the fucking world. - I know. - Just to stay in it 'cause they need to do a lot too. I don't think a tell wants to do podcasts. - No. - I mean, I know he doesn't. When he came on bad, I could tell. He was like, I'm gonna eat some dates if that's okay. And he had a bag of dates, remember that? - He's hilarious, dude. I was watching him at the cellar the other night. And he's doing this thing. He's like, let's talk about pizza. Pizza blah, blah, blah. And he goes, somebody from Australia's in the audience. And he goes, Australia. I'm sure you guys don't have good pizza, do you? And then the Australian guy who's trying to like, one up him goes, no, no, but we got free healthcare. And everyone's like, oh, yeah, yeah. Which to me would have been like, yeah, well, fuck you, but, and it tells us goes, must be delicious. So I'm talking about pizza. And I'm like, oh my god, he's just such a pro. He is the best. Nobody's better at like the unfortunate truth about crowd work clips that have kind of like encompassed our world is that the guys who should have the most of them don't do them. Like his would be monumental. The, I mean, he, his, his crowd work stuff is so good. And he kind of throws it away so often that you're like, get gaps like that. - I know. - Show people that that's the fucking. - I know, and he'll, he never will. He'll be like, no. - Well, but honestly, he's still adaptable. So when you talk to him about it, he's like, I just don't know how. And you're like, no, you just get a guy. He's like, I don't want to do it. - Yeah, I feel like Collins, kind of the same way. He's like, I just don't want to do that. - Yeah, they shouldn't have to for fuck sake. Like their veterans, it's almost like. - No. - It's like, give him the chair, stand up. He's fucking, he's been like, the idea of like that they all have to do the thing that we're fucking constantly doing? - I mean, I don't, I don't want to do this. - This sucks. - I mean, I don't think any, I think, I don't think musicians want to fucking do it. Nobody wants to be a fucking streamer, online presence kind of person. We just want to like. - Have fun. - Have fun. - That was another character I did for my many SNL tapes that they just threw in the trash. - How many times have you auditioned for SNL? - Like, I didn't even audition. I'm just sending in tapes. - Oh, sending in tapes. - They're just going, they're putting their drinks on 'em. And like, or like, fixing wobbly tables. (laughing) And they go, ah, the new Saagalo came in, but then on, hey, another one was a female Colin Quinn called Colleen Quinn. So it'd be like him being like, you know, I was at the mall the other day, like, brush up, I mean. They never make bras that are good. I don't have my tits the same size as me. I couldn't even come up with the material for it. (laughing) - I like that, dude. - Colleen Quinn is so good. - Colleen Quinn, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But you dressed up as a Colleen Quinn, is, did you put out a wig? - I wore a wig and I was just going like, you know, I went to get my nails done the other day. Can you believe this? (laughing) Did you call it ever see that? Have you ever showed it to them? - Yeah, I feel it. - Did he like it? - I don't know. - No, he hated it. - I have a feeling every single person that ever sees an impression of them hates it. - Yeah, unless they're so, unless they are a caricature. Like, if it's like Gilbert Godfrey, it's like, well, yeah, dude, you're so much like, the problem is when you're doing an impression of someone who, that's just kind of who they are, that's when it hits them. 'Cause they're like, I don't fucking sound like that. - Yes, yes, yes. - Like, I know secretly, Burr hates when I do Burr, because they showed it to him one time or one of those like clips. - Yeah, I sound like that. - And he was like, yeah, Sentinel, yeah, he does it. (laughing) - Or whatever the fuck, if I could feel him being like, that's hilarious. He goes, yeah, yeah, I guess so. I guess I do that. - Do I guess I do for that? - Do I say brutal that much? (laughing) - I don't think I do, but whatever. - Dude. - Dude, no, but I'm not, the best guy at it is like, we're talking soda. Like, soda is the best impressions guy that you wouldn't even think is an impressions guy. - Yeah, he didn't look, I mean, you wouldn't know. - You wouldn't call him. You wouldn't be like, he's not like, what's his name that was doing mad in or anything? Like, he's not in a prank guy. - Oh, what is his name? - Frank Callianda. - Frank Callianda. - That guy was fucking unreal. At one point I was so good. - When his grudin was so good, he sounded exact. Come on, you guys. Dude, dude, he was, there's only one comic I can do flawlessly. - Okay. - And I'm sure you've heard me, or maybe you've heard of seeing me do it, but my normand is undefeated. - Oh, I think I had seen you do normand, hey, hey. But give me anything that he says, give me something to say. - Yeah. - Well, he does say, he says stuff like, well, that's not fair a lot. - Yeah, well, that's not fair. - Whoa, that is really good. - People get creeped out. - Holy shit. - And I think he hates it. I think normand doesn't like, 'cause I think I did it to him on, we might be drunk when they were in L.A. - And he would just go like this. - Of course, yeah. - He goes, oh yeah, it's creepy. - I don't like that. - Dude, that is creepy. - I know. - I mean, you're reaching a register that, like I have a normand, obviously. Everybody in New York has a norm. I mean, there's somebody that I know that does it really funny in normand impression that isn't quite complimentary to Mark. Although we love, we love, hey, we love Mark. - We love Mark. - We love Mark. Everybody loves Mark. - One of the best marks. - We love Mark. But Mark came out. - Someone has an impression to Mark where they go, why can't a man say the N word? Well, that's not fair. - That's like his old, it's not fair. - Why can't a man say the N word? That's not fair. - That's so good, dude. - What the fuck? That's better than any impression I could do. - I don't even know how I started it, again, 'cause Mark and I and those guys have known each other. That was what? What was that comedy center? It had been seven, 16 years or 15 years ago? - Yeah, 2015 and Mark did the season prior. - Oh, he did it one before. Yeah, dude, I remember meeting him and hearing his voice, and be like, "That is the most dynamic." - I know. - And it was not like a put on, 'cause when you sit and you just chat with Mark, you know what I mean? - Yeah, I know. - I know. - It's not like a put on, 'cause when you sit and you just chat with Mark, it's that, it's just a little bit quieter. - Yeah. - But not like when you meet a guy and then you see them on stage, and you're like, "That's not how he sounds." - Oh, yeah, especially with a lot of people are doing like blacks and so on. Do you know any comedians? - Hey. - Hey. - Let's get into it. - Dude, honestly, we talk about it all the time. It drives me nuts. - It didn't see it. - What is that? - I was talking to this guy. I was at New York comedy club in New York. and I don't even know why I have to say that. I was in New York, I'm called Cincinnati. And I'm talking to this guy who I came up with in the scene and he had moved to LA and he was back and we're catching up. How are you man? Good, good, good. And then someone he came into the green room, "Hey man, you're up and two." And he goes, "Oh, okay, I'm gonna go, like, feel the vibe." And then he walks in and then I hear him get on stage and he's like, "What's up, motherfuckers? How are you doing?" He goes, "I'm like, I'm like, this isn't you." It really upsets me as somebody who wraps. I hate seeing the black scent. - The black scent thing is pervasive, but also it's two white comics who it's so ill-fitting for their personality. That's what weirds me out. Like when it's like, by the way, Gary Owen doesn't even do it as bad as some of the young, and Gary Owen is an only black audience. And even Gary, you can tell it's still refrains from getting too much. But then you see these white guys that are from like-- - Oh yeah. - Like fucking Western PA and they're like, "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this motherfucker is crazy." - Oh, I hate it, dude. Even hearing you doing that, I hate it. - It feels like somebody's like stomping on my brain. - I think I know the guy that you were referencing that you started with that move to your move back. - In here, we pull, whizz, whizz. - This episode of Whiskey Jr. is brought to you by Squarespace. I've talked about Squarespace so much, man. I don't know why you haven't tried them. If you're looking to launch, if you're looking to launch on the internet, you must use it. Okay, you really must use Squarespace. They are incredible. Probably the best way to build your site. Because they have probably the most meticulous way to get your product, design, your feature, whatever you've got on there out to the world by using cutting edge design. And they offer all sorts of services. 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Okay, thousands of guys are feeling incredible results. Just check out the reviews on the website. To see for yourself, you need it. You want it. You gotta get it. It's Marsmen. For a limited time, our listeners get 60% off for life. And two free gifts when you use Code Whiskey at mengo-tomars.com. That's mengo-tomars.com. And use the Code Whiskey at checkout after you're purchased. They'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them that we sent you. Thank you. I like to enter. Well, Gary, oh, and is great at it because he, like, when you come up in that scene, you know, if I put this on too much, they're going to see right through 100%. So I can't do that. No, you get-- by the way, whenever I did phenomenal in black rooms or non-full white rooms when it was like, you know, if it was a black room or even an East Side Room, like if it was a lot of Mexicans in LA, the more white I was, the more they liked me. Well, yeah. So I always found it counterintuitive when someone would get up there and be like, you know what the fuck I'm talking about. And I was like, why are you saying that? So the opposite of what you should be doing because, like, not to be like, this is how it should go. But you see that a lot with when people follow someone who's really dirty. They're like, oh, fuck, I gotta be dirty. And you go, no, no, no. This crowd just saw someone who's dirty. They don't want to see the same thing all the time. So it's almost the same thing in a black scent world. Yeah, in the black scent world. And also, like, you know, crowds like authenticity. So if you're going up and you're being like, yo, yo, they can-- you can always tell when someone's using a word that you're like, you're forcing yourself to say, "Chrippin." You know what I mean? You go, and I'm trippin right now. But you go, I don't think so. What's the other thing I hate that you say? What do you say that you say it? Oh, I say fire. Fire. I fucking hate that. So fire. But that's just 'cause he's young. He's 26. But he would go, we'd be on the tour, and he'd go off the bus. He'd be like, yo, that food was fire, and I would stop it. You were making it sound like I was doing more of a black scent. I just go, oh, that was fire. No, no. You would say-- That sucks, though, dude. That sucks. That sucks. I'm trying to be on your side, man. No, but sometimes you would go-- I'm trying to be on your side, man. You would go, that shit's fire. You would say that shit's fire. Don't fucking lie. We both got-- we all got annoyed with it, and then we made you change fire to what? Good. No, I said you have to-- No, I said you have to-- I said you have to-- every time you were going to say fire-- His name wasn't-- Gary Bucey. No, it wasn't Gary Bucey. It was like-- You had to say it like Gary Bucey. Something like that. That's fire. But it wasn't Matt Lauer. Matt Lauer might be right. It was a different television show host. It was a television show host, and I said every time you're going to say fire in your mind, replace it with this guy's name. It was a flower dog, which actually made it cooler. I can't stand the black sense shit, dude. It really upsets me. Well, you-- as a rapper-- You're right. You do rap, though. I do rap, but it's almost like-- Because people want-- I don't know, people want-- But they're like, why don't you do more stuff with that? You should, though. I go-- But my dream is what I'm doing now. Comedy. Comedy, you know, just try to get the best at this, right? And when I'm rapping, it just sounds corny to me, to me. When I'm rapping-- When you're spitting bars. When I'm spitting my lit bars. It's almost like I'm making a macaroni frame for my parents. I'm going, you're not going to sell this. This is unsellable. But this is just something that I want to do. But they'll enjoy it. It's like Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy raps. Did you know that? Shout off. He raps. Does he? I think he has some stuff out. But I don't know if anything recently, because-- Tom Hardy raps. Yeah, dude. I'm going to tell my wife. I don't know. I might be-- No, yeah. His rap aliases are face puller and Frankie Pulitzer. Oh, I like it. Well, Frankie Pulitzer. Frankie Pulitzer's, but face puller's whack. Face puller is whack. But I will say it's whack as fuck. But I will say, Tom Hardy, that turns me off a little bit about him. Because I think he's my wife's like number one. Like, that's the one that my wife is like-- Right. I want to pipe that, dude. Right. But he does a few things recently where I go, ooh. That makes you-- me a little-- That makes-- I'm turned off. I'm turned off. Like, I'm turned off. But like, that Tom Hardy should not rap. No. No, that doesn't fucking fit. Also, UK rap. Cut it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, damn, in the streets. We're going to party. Yeah, it doesn't sound good. He was featured on a Zarfe song. Shout out. Like the aspect of that. No fucking thing. No way. But how was it one verse? Yeah. Do you want to hear some of it? Yeah, can we hear it for real? Yeah, I would love to hear this. I'm getting pissed off. I'm never even listening to him. He's going to piss me off. I mean, he could be bad. He could be bad. Come on. I don't know, dude. I don't know. It's a little bit hard to rap. It starts with L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O. Let me hear. Oh god. [MUSIC PLAYING] I like it. I think this. Fuck you, dude. Get out of here. He sounds like nims. You know nims? Yeah. Fuck your life. Fuck you, yo. Fuck your life. Yeah. You kind of sound like, "Look, I'm into it. I can't shit on stuff like that because I am doing stuff like that." I know, dude. But you're. Now, it's different. There's something that is very cringy about actors who want to do too much. Yeah. We let you get away with this. You're playing other people. Cut it out. I think it's so hard to do both with. Unless you're completely authentic. But that's the thing. It has to be you. So when people do it, that's not them. When you do it, by the way, I think I told you. I think when you rap, it's funny, and clever, and good, and I'm in on it. I'm in with you. Thanks. When I hear that kind of stuff, it just. It bums me out because as a kid of 90s hip-hop that I fell in love with. Yeah. Anytime people try to sneak into it from the other world, I was like, "Get the fuck out of here." Yeah, yeah. There's something. You don't get to fucking do that. Especially if you're doing it so. You know how bad I want to talk about having weapons. What I'm rapping. You can't. No one would ever buy that. No one would ever. If I'm putting this out, no one's ever going to buy it. Did you hear Brennan got a gun? Everyone's like, "Why did he fucking do that?" That's not cool at all. Yeah. No one's a part of his persona. You know, or whatever. That's very English rap. Don't bug me. Don't bug me. We've got nothing on me. Right there, mate. I've got a boss in a ball of clover. Why not? It drives me nuts. It drives me fucking nuts. Hello, hello. Sticks with the raisins. - You're just like, what are you saying? (laughing) - But it is so fun, man. - But that's funnier to me than I'm trying to be, like, is there a comedy UK rapper? Because then I'd be into it. Like if it was someone doing, you know how like Little Dickey does it in his world here, right? If there was a comedy that, I'd be like, this is kind of fucking cool if it's done with. - I'm serious, I mean. - No, 'cause they take themselves crazy serious about it over there. - I know, there was that one guy who was like, I think he was doing it as like a posh rapper and he's going like, I'm doing up tennis. - You ever said that? - No, that's random. - I actually like that. - I'm tennis the menace, doing up tennis. It's like shit like that. But yeah, I mean, it's all about authenticity. Like Dave's good at the, you're like, that's who that guy is. - But that's why I always appreciated Dave. Like when we first worked together, I even said to him, I go, you know, I comically, publicly I've been like, fuck, white, rap. I always hated it. - What? - When I was a kid, I was always like, fuck, white, rap. And I said, but your rap is you. It's not him pretending to be like, no. - No, he's like, no, I'm from Cheltenham, outside of Philly, I'm from a nice suburb. And when he does that, I go, right, this disarms the idea that you're like putting on a front for someone to go, because even in the, I watch those battles sometimes online. - Oh yeah, dude. - And the funniest battles are the ones where they like call out a dude hard core for pretending to be something. And it's like, my sisters went to school with yours. Like we went to soccer practice together. I love when they do that. I'm like, get 'em, get 'em, get 'em, get 'em, yes. - I love that. That's what the most farts has both parents, kind of shit. But my buddy, Ron, who's in New York, do you know him? He's our basketball guy. - Our H-O-N-E? - Yeah, Adam, he's a, he's a, he's a battle rapper. And he does, he's the kid that's, that, they, they, - For Philly. - He does a lot of acapella shit. Is that him? - I don't know. - Now I gotta look, his R-O-N-E, look him up. But he, um, he does these things in New York right now called compliment battles. - Oh, I've seen that. - And it's so fucking funny and so great, 'cause these guys are being like, - Ron. - These guys are being like, "I'd love for you to give me a massage." (laughing) - What's his name, Adam Faron? - Adam Faron, yeah. - I've seen this kid a lot. I've seen him a lot online. Like he is, very good. - He is so fucking good. - Yeah. - And he does these compliment battles. And I've been trying to get to him, but I, - Why don't you do go do one? - Oh, I can't. - These guys are too good. - You could do it. - Oh, me. (laughing) - Don't make me sing. - But it's all, it's all written. - So it's like, who could get a battle rap once? - You did. - One time for the New York comedy festival. This guy, - Who did you kill? - I didn't kill any. - Who did you fuck up? - Dude, it was, it was, we were at Caroline's before it closed down RIP. - Oh yeah, let's forget. - Every time I can go, - Caroline's closed down. - That's insane. - I heard rumors that they're starting up again, but just rumors. - I'm just gonna open this, 'cause then they sell that to a ping pong place now. - Is it really? - It's a ping pong place, people play ping pong, and you go, you don't have any fucking meltdowns I've had in this room. (laughing) Same thing, go talk to some words. - These words. - These words. - These words. - You're on the wall of shame. They're like, yeah, he had a breakdown here, yeah. - But they did a, because there's a few comedians who fancy themselves as rappers. - Whom? - The guy I went up against was a student named Alex Assifo, I don't think he know, but he does music and stuff, and he, to his credit, he was very good, but there was just something that my buddy, Mike Cannon said to me. - I love Mike Cannon. - Yeah, Mike's the best dude. He's like one of my best friends, and I was, I was tripping about it, and I'm going, dude, I don't know if this is good, I don't know if this is good, and he's like, you're a comedian. He's like, you're not a rapper, this is your comedian. - Yeah. - Okay, this is for the New York Comedy Festival, just be funny. And I was like, oh man, and it completely drained all that nervousness out of me, and I was funny. I thought I was, I was killing. I was, you know, and I had a couple of bars here, there, a couple of bars. - You could look it up. - Did you find it? - Brendan Sagalo. - Got it. - Yeah, you can hear it. - I want to hear it. - Okay, so don't play the whole thing because it does go like, it's long, and it does suck after a while, but, and also, not for nothing, I was supposed to do this show, and then go to Mike, Mike does this show for the New York Comedy Festival, where you take like 200 milligrams of weed, and you do 100? - Yeah, and you do like-- - That's an awful lot of fucking weed, dude. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like I, like 100 is a lot. - I know, I'm like, I can't fucking do that, dude. And you're, you do basically stand up on the spot. - You have a panic attack in front of a crowd. - Exactly, yeah. - Exactly. So, I was supposed to do that show second, for obvious reasons, like go to the rap battle, then do this show. But when I went to Caroline's, you know, surprise, surprise, the rap battle was running a bit behind. (laughing) - And who's organizing this thing? (laughing) - I was supposed to be on stage right now. (laughing) Oh, God damn it. - And so, then I had to rearrange the night, and I went to New York Comedy Club where Mike was doing his show, and I did the, so I'm like, high as fuck in this, and I'm like, desperately holding, like, holding on. And I got to Caroline's, and it was a rap battle. Like, it was like people being like, yeah, and I'm like, dude, I don't think I can fucking do this. - Yeah. - I'm like, they're gonna be yelling at me, and it's like, it felt like the walls were sweating. - Ooh, I forgot it. - Oh, dude, you're giving me panic. - Yeah, and the guy who went against me, he was hitting me, like, he wasn't like funny. He was, he was just hitting me, called my girlfriend like a skank or some shit, and he was just like, after, called me fat. He was like, blah, blah, blah, blah. He was like, he was okay, and then I was just like, all right, here I go. - Here I go. - So yeah. - You loaded up, let me hear some of it. - The first couple of minutes are fine. - Come on, let me hear just a minute. We can cut it out, Joe, if we don't, if we don't, I don't know if we get copyrights, or who owns it? - Reggie Kush. - Reggie Kush. He runs the thing. - Okay. - So I think, let me hear it. I think it'll be okay. - Okay, let's hear it. - Picture this. Picture this. (laughter) - I'm starving. - I'm so hungry. - I'm hanging on a C-fo, C-bo, with hoes doing coke with a low back C-no. - One of my hoes is hungry, and she's looking for some freedom, so I call my waiter over and it's balanced as C-bo. (laughter) - That's great, that's great, okay. - When you crack the first laugh, yeah, you go. - But I'm like, even now I'm like gripping onto this. - This was terrifying. - No, that was so good. This is funny that you say this, by the way. I see kind of a little bit of going through it, but then it's sometimes when I get really stoned on stage, and I don't do it as much as I used to, but it was when I was working out stuff. There was a moment of like, come on, dude, please crack, please crack, please crack. And then when it cracks you up. - Yes. - Oh, big breaths. - Well, there are things. - Everything then flows. - Yes, and there's this, there is this, I don't really smooth. I'm trying not to smoke weed until like late, late, late, like right before I go to sleep now, or like when I'm done with everything. But when you're high and you're in a good part with an edible, like there is a sweet spot with an edible where you're like, you just get into this like flow state on stage where everything you say is fucking hilarious. But it's such a small little, - A tiny window. - It's a tiny window. - And if you have one little cocktail, someone's like, do you have a drink? And then you're like, go nut out. - Yeah, and then you're like, fucking gone. - You're like, what's the difference between, you start doing Chris Rock jokes. Something you're like, they shouldn't, if they wouldn't even buy a gun, and if bullets were $5,000. (laughing) - Did you wait, did you take the 200 for that? - I'm on 200 milligrams. - How do you, I dude. And by the way, Mike Cannon shout out to Mike Cannon. We love Mike Cannon. - We love Mike Cannon. This motherfucker do, me, him and the Stefano went to a St. John's game at the guard in one time. And Mike doesn't drink. - Yeah. - And I was like, I think Chrissy and I were both not, I was like, I don't think I'm gonna have a cocktail whatever Mike was like, oh, do you want some weed? And I was like, yeah, I don't really, like I like to smoke, I don't really like to eat anymore. And he was like, oh, okay. And then Stefano was like, oh, he's on like, 500 milligrams right now. And I was like, right now, you're at a public event. He goes crazy, I think he's stopped too. But his, no more weed from Mike anymore? - Yeah, he kind of, I mean, he's taking, he wants to get back to being able to take like 10 milligrams and just chill. But he was like, his anxiety is through the roof. Like, we both kind of decided like, we're like, I'm gonna stop doing this. - Well, Edibles, I think Edibles, my generation I think still is half in, half out on Edibles. Like, well, do them once in a great while. I'd rather smoke a joint. And my friends at my house, like guys my age I come over, everyone that we grew up with, everyone's like, I'll smoke a joint. - Yeah. - Love 'cause it's communal, it's a thing. When I wanna do Edibles with people, I'm always like, this is gonna hit us differently. - Yeah. - I'd rather us all get high at the same time. - Right, we're all gonna be like, it's gonna hit us differently. We're all gonna be like, I always said like, you know how high you are by how long, how many times you're going into the bathroom to look at yourself and do it. My God. - Oh my God. - Or this guy. - Yeah, when you're like fucking beaten hard, what's that man? - Yes, and you feel like, I even said that one time in my wife, I was like, can you see my heart in my neck? And she's like, go sit down, dude. You're fucking embarrassing. Go sit down. - And Mike's Edibles are like, I don't know where he gets them, but they're like, they're just panic inducing. - I took up one time off, dude. The year or two after I did JFL for the first time, and I did new faces, they asked me for the next year class, or maybe it was two years later, to host the auditions. So the Hollywood Improv Lab. And I don't know, forget I was living up the street in West Hollywood, and I would walk to the Improv all the time, 'cause it was really close, but I would usually like smoke a joint. And someone had given me like a hash lace to whatever, not late, Lid's bad word, a hashed strewn joint. - Right, right. - Whatever, but I knew that going into it. But I had met up with a buddy, had a cocktail and then I was like, all right, I'm gonna walk down to the Improv rip this I'll come see you guys after words. I smoked this joint and I got I felt great and then I got there and thank God they don't maybe they do have this recorded. I panicked like I was like, oh fuck I'm so fucking I was way too high and I had to host an audition for these kids. They were trying to go to JFL and I get up there and I'm eating just like gallons of dick and it's never stopping. Dude it feels like everything out of my mouth is better and you're also doing it in front of industry and you're freaking out cuz I went up there I went there kind of confident but also like uncomfortable and so they could feel they were like what's going on with yeah and I ate shit and then I was like let's bring up the first comic and I was like oh my god and then I had to go back on to keep bringing people up and even then they were like can you like entertain like get the room to oh fuck that and after that I was like I'm never gonna get roofed before I have to do something that I know those auditions always suck anyway why I feel bad for everyone that does them because that's why I fell back because I was like sorry I didn't like bring the energy up and the thing yeah but they do suck because every idiot's in this you know sitting there staring all yell at the industry in the back like during like the opening set like before I start start the show and it really only worked once and then I kept trying to do it and it was just like just keep popping cuz you trying to me trying to recreate the magic right cuz they'll ask me to host it every once in a while and I'm one time I was like you know I was like okay you guys you're great industry we all know you fucking suck it being audience members you better laugh have fun act like you're not controlling the fucking gates of all of this blah blah blah and it worked and it was a great show and then I the next year they're like that was so good can you host the auditions again I was like yeah and I was like an industry fuck you and you fucking I hate you guys like I'm trying to recreate it they're like Jesus the man can we talk to you about how you introduce yeah first we don't really like the rhythm okay this next guys from fucking Seattle well you're due to JFL yeah 2022 2022 yeah my class was new faces unwrapped what was it faces unwrapped hell yeah which was you rep now dog oh I'm rep baby rep dog in UTA hell yeah yeah throw it up actually I think we may have the same agent who Chris holo no no are you with him at any point no but these guys like to say that we were like a lot of times I'll hear a guy be like that guy said he was your agent I was like that guy wasn't my fucking he don't I could be no it wasn't I could be I but I've been at UTA for a long time Chris holo's touring right yeah no Nick new Sephora oh yeah Nick new Sephora I like him but I honestly dude they're fine it doesn't even know like I if I like the guy that's what all girl but if I like the person I'm always like they're robbing me it doesn't what's the difference yeah you know the old quote is this has got to be like some carry grand bullshit you know something around smoking but it was agent sit around sorry actor sit around in a circle and they go can you believe we got a fucking give these guys 10% and then agent sit around a circle can you believe we give these fucking guys 90% like that that's how we think of each other as like yeah well you're lucky I'm giving you anything and they're like you're lucky you fucking get anything right they are yeah they're really kind of not doing much but nobody they don't well that's there's a good to have somebody it is but I've just take care of this I've said this on the show everybody should look up the clip of at the at a commencement ceremony the speech over the Calvary is not the Calvary is not coming is that what it is yeah who's that it's duplass mark duplass oh right love that and commencement speech what I don't know what the school is but he did a speech and it's called the Calvary is not coming right it was at South by Southwest oh that's what it was okay I feel like he did it at school too but he did this whole thing and basically trying to emote to young creators performers being like don't think they're sending in the fucking like yeah I've been in the business for 20 years no one sent in shit like whenever someone's like hey you got that thing and you're like dude you had like break next to get near it yeah and then even when you got near it they were like we still don't know if it's real yet yeah yeah and yeah well when is it real they're like it's not you fucking idiot yeah but he was trying to say no matter what he's created no matter what he's built everyone assumes okay this got nominated for something the Calvary's coming yeah like they're gonna come calling no but they just don't know unless you're Margot Robbie and then they show up at your restaurant there's only a few industry babies that they're like let's but you also see it with these people especially now because there is like the industry's crumbling I guess yeah everybody kind of has to make their own way you see these guys that when I started out they were just like let's give them everything kind of thing oh yeah whatever you know it is what it is I kind of feel bad for those people now because now they don't know how to make their own way they're like oh god like you see people like going on podcasts and not knowing how to talk yeah and it's like buddy I've been podcasting for as long as I started right and that's I got you guys didn't because you were oh well I don't want to say anything because comedy central might know you know cancel my blah blah blah blah so then they're on podcasts being like yeah what it was fun I give a lot of credit to fucking Marin for that genuinely because Marin was like the first shit talker on pods yeah who like adamantly was like like when Rogan started his it was like it was very much like inquisitive and stony he was very stony on his and like it was kind of like dudes having fun but Marin was the first guy to be like fuck that that stinks and everyone was like whoa you can just say that that shit sucks yeah and it gave us a little bit of resonance to be like yeah dude fuck those guys that network stinks they treated me like shit yeah it kind of opened a bug gap of what now is like free rain comedian speaking their mind which is a piece of the reason I think the business is like oh shit yeah because well well like I said it finally yeah I mean I'm I'm not quite I'd love to get like that like like two a hundred percent being like go fuck yourself like what well you don't need to do it unless they fuck you over I don't I don't think it's like vitriol for vitriol say but there's pop moments where you're like you know who fuck me over my first album deal with this company and they shit the bed and fuck me over and yeah and you they should people should hear it because for years they were like shot up take the money and go home and be quiet you're like you didn't even pay me that much well like the guys that I exactly it's like yeah yeah viacombs like we said you were hat you don't like the sweater you don't like the sweater come on all right all right your girlfriend doesn't like sleeping in that it's a torch point oh sweater we said you three of them yeah but like I I was watching that stands documentary the M&M documentary recently and there's a guy who was pretty good I mean as an M&M fan you go like oh good some of these guys are really like I thought I was a big M&M fan like this is like this is out of this world and then there's also a part of me that's like I guess I wasn't a special one I thought you know I know I'm a psychopath but anyway so M&M was your number one buddy still is I mean I wanted to be him so bad I was like in fifth grade writing songs about how I'm gonna kill my wife the teacher's fighting that wasn't like Jesus man you know but he in the in the documentary one of these Rolling Stone A&R guys taught he taught he's talking about I mean it is his fault he did like he followed Marshall into the into a bathroom when they were like really young or whatever and he was like he comes out of the stuff he hears him puking in the stall and he comes out of the stall and the guys like hey man I'm an A&R with Rolling Stone like that and M&M just burps in his face and then leaves cool and I'm like that's so cool man I thought you were gonna tell the twisted story of the guy in our guys like that looks like mom spaghetti and he says whoa wait a minute one second dog don't you be writing a song right now but yeah like if that were me and the guys like hi I'm an A&R Rolling Stone I think oh hello I I'm very nice to meet you what's your name again you know I'd be like such a we all have that yeah we all have that bitch shit be I mean maybe it stems from a little bit of well that I don't know you well enough to say this but like a little imposter syndrome like I think it's inescapable at some point now yeah do you hear that yeah what was that it's not it's an earth mover I don't hear no fucking earth mover because they're doing construction right there it's an earth mover that happened at the at the other pot and I was like we thought it was someone turning up base in the studio and I was like who the fuck is doing that it's you go fuck skid row just moved no stairway chill no stairwell speaking of Mark Marin what what do you think about the calm I love that every every couple of years there's these comedy civil wars oh with him and the beef at everyone we talked about it pretty heavily like I you know no well you know what it is to me it's like this is kind of what happens when there becomes this divisive moment in any business where people are like and by the way I think this is rooted all in politics so they're like choose a side and you're like shut the fuck up we don't need no one needs to shoot work comedians yeah people can go you can float as freely as you want it I always bring it back to like when I was a young comic I only played East Siderooms I couldn't get into the store I mean I just wasn't I didn't get passed and so I played East Sideroom so a lot of the guys I started with like a lot of dudes in my world were like we had Johnny on you know yesterday like Johnny Pemberton and Jake Wiseman and and and Hampton yet like a lot of these dudes and Whitmer Thomas a lot of East Side guys who were all guys or whatever the fuck you want to call it yeah I don't know what they call it today but like I did a lot of those rooms and I was able to kind of like touch there and then go to the corporate fucking do an improv booked out show yeah you know a bringer show and a lot of them were like don't fucking go over there but I wanted to to touch all the bases. That's what I think comedy always should have been, which I like to see now more than ever, 'cause you see great comics can do all of it. And I feel like that's a lot of the sub root of the beef of comics is like, well, you're on that side, you're on niche side. It's like, no, you're not dude. You're wherever you fucking feel like being. I can be friends with everyone in every circle. I don't care if it's super performative, alty shit, subversive comedy, or it's fucking corporate standup. I'm friends with a lot of guys. So, I think the beef comes from this old insecurity of like, you should pick a side, man. - Right. - And that's old school shit. I don't know what's like coming back 'cause we did kinda get rid of it. But I think because of politics embedding itself in comedy, everyone feels like you're supposed to choose, man. - It's just like a pendulum and it always swings, which is both heartbreaking and hopeful, I guess. You're kinda like, anytime it's like, oh God, we're arguing again about the sides and that you go, that'll be gone in like five years, and then it's heartbreaking 'cause I'm like, but then it's gonna come back. - Yeah, we'll come back, but I mean, but this shit's gotta go, I'm friends enough over the years with so many different kinds of comics from different walks. I feel like we're letting the outside world dictate how we're supposed to feel about each other, which I think is, like, we've never met. We met at one time. No, I think I met you one time. - Where? - At that strip club. (laughing) - I feel like I thought I met you once at the seller. - Yeah, I think I met you one time. But I knew I was gonna get along with you. I knew I liked you from afar and I can get along with comics 'cause I like comics, me too. - So there's this weird sub thing of like, but what if he doesn't think of the way you think about stuff? It's like, I don't give a fuck, dude. - Yeah, I mean, it's like, it's comedians. Nobody, we don't know, we're not smart. - Almost none of us are smart. - There's two of them that are smart. And are they even really smart? - Like who are you? - I think the smartest comedians alive are probably, is Gallagher still alive? - No, he died. - All right, he died. Yeah, dude, he was a rocket scientist. - Really? - No, I have no, I'm just fucking-- (laughing) - I have no idea. - I would say who's the highest intellect comedian alive? Truly is probably like, probably some, oh, actually, you know who I think is, this sounds like a kiss ass thing. I think Nick Mullens is probably an actual genius. I think he's actually probably a fucking genius. - Yeah, he's so quick, so smart. - I just hit the way that he thinks is very brilliant. - Yeah. - So I'm like, well, that's actually a smart guy. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Guy that professed to be smart? - Right. - Yeah, and they're fucking idiots, right. But I think someone like Nick is who, I think he's actually brilliant. - Right, and he never talks about being smart. - No, because he actually is very smart. And you can tell by the way he dictates things, you go, that's just what a smart guy sounds like. - I was like, cool with being a dummy. - Oh, we're dumb, yeah. - I like being dumb, I'm cool with that. No one's asking for anything. I just make faces, I do sounds. You know, I have bits that's like, what if Batman, you know, was gay? - What if he was, by the way? - Yeah, he goes, where's the Joker's penis? (laughing) Robin, get in here. - Robin. - Yeah, he goes, cause, you know, I'm turning 30. Can I, like, wear long pants? - No, no, no, no. - Oh, okay, wow. So we're just gonna change everything. And I'll be, I'll be a dog. I'll be a dog man. No, tradition. That means something here in the bad cave. (laughing) - So your bed is prepared and Robin is waiting. (laughing) - Thank you, Alfred. - That's your Alfred. - What is Alfred in your head? Cause I always go to Michael Cain. - It's not okay. - You know what I'm saying. Well, the old Batman, the oldest Alfred was, what was that actor's name? He was actually pretty cool, cause he looked like he was on a brink of dying, and I really enjoyed that it was like, he was keeping around this guy. He could've just let retire. - Yeah. - Like, just let that guy fucking retire. - Alfred would not want to retire. He's got to, he's got to see Bruce. - You say that, dude, but he's got to lake house somewhere. - I was so tired. (laughing) - So sick of building, what was his name? - Michael Goe. - Michael Goe, yeah, that was like, he was the rich out grappling hooks, and he's like, oh my God. - From Burton's Batman. - Burton's Batman, yeah, but he looked 1000 years old, and I was like, that's Alfred in my mind a little bit. The Michael Cain is, the only reason I've shy away from him is because he was so famous and recognizable, right? - I like that, that guy, I didn't know who that was when I was a kid. - Almost that whole Batman series, the Nolan Batman series, is kind of like, what if these famous people were Batman? - And that began this run of like, - Yeah, well, they picked up a baton from like, the Clooney era and the Val Kilmer era, which was just so strange, dude. - Yeah, with the nipples and all that stuff. - But you might disagree with me, because it could be an age thing. - Different classes, yeah. - I think, truly, the best Batman is. - Robert Pattinson. (laughing) 100% undoubtable. - I actually do like that, Batman. I like that it's like this, no R detective kind of dark. - Yeah, because that is kind of what it is supposed to be. And then like, it somehow got this seven up kind of like, through the, you know, whatever happened. Now he's just like goofy, well, I guess it was always kind of goofy, wasn't it? - A little bit, but I think, yeah, I guess a little bit, but I mean, the original-- - I think a lot of the camp came from the television series. - Well, that's because he Adam West was a campy. That was like, what's going on? - He was hanging on to like a boo in the ocean. - And those fake sharks that they had jump up, like I remember the first thing I ever saw of you, I think I was like in, not to, you know, I think I was in high school. - But, a doll is a. - There was a laugh factory video of you doing this Indian accent. - Oh yeah, dude. - That was, I thought you were Indian for like a year. - I did a fake, they must have ripped it for you. - Well, actually, the original story was, there's a comic, Raj Sharma, and the night was so bad, like people were tanking shit. And I remember Raj in the back, 'cause I would do it to him all the time. I was like, how are you doing, man? You alright, man? - I'm legit. - And we'd go back and forth. - I'm so jealous I can't do that voice. - We would do it all the time. And we'd be sitting in the back, oh, it's right there it is. - Wow. - And we'd be sitting in the back. - I'm a thousand of those likes, by the way. - And we'd be sitting in the back, like just fucking around. And Raj, the crowd was bad. And I can't remember, oh, God, it was Brent. But then somebody got off stage and was like, fuck, man. Like it was so bad. And you could tell the vibe. I was like, well, I don't want to fucking go on. And Raj was like, just do fucking in that Indian accent that we do. Do that character where you're not even from here. 'Cause I would do it to him all the time. - That rule. - And if he was like with a girl, he'd be like, this is my buddy from home. And I was like, yeah, are you coming back this year? 'Cause you're not gonna go home. And we would sell it as a bit. And she'd be like, is he really a white guy from India? - And he'd be like, no, he is real. By the way, Raj, Raj was from Dallas. He doesn't have an accent. It's my favorite. - So funny. - But we would sell it. And he was like, get on stage and do it. And I did it, unknowing, like thinking like, this is a throwaway set. But it actually was kind of fun and worked. And I had no idea they ever filmed that. And then they kind of threw it up. - It was literally worried when they, when like, I mean, this was I think before any. - Anybody got like in trouble? - I was a little, or even worried that you were like, shit, am I gonna get like, booked as this like. - This act? - No, because honestly, this was kind of long enough ago where it was just like viral clips were starting to ruminate in from the laugh factory thing. And then it went to a dead stop because Burr got filmed one time. And I remember he got into a huge fight about it. 'Cause they had started filming comics kind of without discretion, without your permission. - Putting them up with that. - Oh yeah, dude. Oh yeah. And then finally, like Burr was one of the first, he's done this a lot. And a lot of these older guys have been like the hero for the, he's like, you're not even fucking paying these guys. They're like, well, they get paid for their spot. It's like, well, then you're making money on YouTube, aren't you? - He's the best. - Well, that was also when we didn't really know you were making money on YouTube. Like, no one figured it out yet. And then so him and a few other comics were like, fuck that. And then finally they started paying comics and it became a war and then they ripped it down and then blah, blah, blah. But I didn't know any better. I didn't even know they did it. I was told they put it up and then I saw it. So I was stoked about it. But then I thought, are people gonna be mad? Do you privately between Raj and I? - Yeah. - It's a pre-self-own. I mean, people had someone, but it was like pre-filming a comic. - Yeah, but it's almost like, I think we're at an age right now where you have that thought of like, are people gonna be mad at this? And you go, oh wait, there's no consequences for anything, any of us do. (laughing) - Literally, you can do it. Like you get the, you know, the rage shit all the time on, like in your comments. I mean, not you, me. I'll like look at stuff and I'm like it. So I had a video where I was like, I said sorry after something offensive and one of the comments was, that white chubby boy ain't sorry. He's always flagrant. And I was like, that's fucking hilarious. - It's so fun. - That's so great. - Is it just Andrew Schultz wrote that to plug his own show? - Mean. That's flagrant. That dog ain't flagrant. (laughing) Plugging his show on your comment section. Watch flagrant too. - Yeah. - Every Tuesday at three. - Yeah. - Yeah, Mark Agnon. (laughing) - Yeah, so like, there's no, nobody cares anymore really. - Well, because I think, although context is lost now in comedy it truly is, there's so much noise that it almost, even if someone's like, well that was wild, they said that. - Yeah. - But there's like guys, there's people online that I see on TikTok. I don't remember the guy's name, but he says the most racist wild shit at a computer. - Yeah. - Just him at a computer. - I think I have a mustache. - Yeah. - He says the most wild out of pocket D N word. - What really? - All the time. - It's on his ragebait. It's the same rage that he's trying to upset people. - But it's working 'cause he's got millions of views, dude. - Dude. - But they know it's, people, everybody knows that he's doing this deliberately and it's making money. And so anything a comic says controversial. It's bullshit. - All right, right. - It doesn't land in that, we're so, we used to be the guys that set a thing that people were like, whoa, no one kind of says that. And now people have phones, so they're all like, I'll say it. - Right, so now we have to find ways to like say things that people don't already think in here. - I'm literally on stage. Like my closer is like, I'm gonna kill myself. And everyone's like, Jesus, and I'm like, I can't think of another way to make you people like react. - Right, you're not gonna shock. It has to just be something that, which does level comedy into a better place. It just makes you have to write something better and more clever because I'm not trying to compete with shock. Like shock comedy has never been my thing, but it was fun when you got to drop in a shocky thing. But now people are like, heard that today on TikTok. Nothing you say is a thing they haven't heard before. So it doesn't even matter. And you know, it is getting to a place when I do think the wave of super clean comedy is about to make a big comeback. - You think so? - 100%. Because now they've had everything and the phone is delivering them the filthiest of anything they've ever dreamed of. - Right. So I think like clever, very clean comedy will start to seep back into society. - Well, I guess it's harder now. It's a harder to do than so. Anything that's really hard will I guess be rewarded by the people? - Who's the best clean comic in your opinion? - Sides Jerry? Sides our board, Jerry? - Yeah. - Barcazzi is really good. - Yeah. - Like Barcazzi is really funny. I don't know, who do you think? - I think Gaffigan might be, I think Gaffigan might be the number one to me of like, he's able to do it in a way where it doesn't even feel like he's a clean comic. It's so cleverly written that I'm like, that I don't, you wouldn't even know that that's the difference. 'Cause Gaffin could be on a lineup with guys who say foul shit and just cruise and cruise. And you wouldn't even know the difference. - The best clean comics have like an edge to them where you're like, they're kind of not, well Jim's got that for sure. - Yeah, he's got something, you're like, this guy's angry or something. Same with Jerry, you're like, there's an anger behind these guys. - His resentful, I mean, we've talked about this story, the greatest Jerry story is, he came back to the comedy store after Mitzi died and he went up in the OR and he's like, I haven't been here in, how many years it was, 'cause she never passed him. She was like, you're a hack, she didn't like him. Which I think was so rock 'n' roll. - So cool. - And Mitzi was like, get fucked, you stink. And he got fucked off. And he didn't perform there and then when the sitcom got picked up. He, this is his story, not mine. He bought a house on, he was on the Queens or Kings right above the comedy store and it was above the shore family house. And he goes, I did that because when I would go to work at CBS Radford, I would drive down past the shore's house and say hello to them sometimes to let them know. I'm up there. - Whoa dude. - Did he bought the house above them? Just to be like rules. - Yeah, just to throw a garbage at 'em. - That's very gerry. Like you wanna talk about the darkness in the boy? It's resentful. That is some fucking pent up shit. - I know, I actually had that darkness. - I'm about to fucking house above you, dude. - That's so crazy. - That is so cool. - I could never. All right, look, I wanna wrap this up but I could talk to you for hours and hours too. By the way, love, love the kicks. - Oh, you like 'em? - I love you. - Yeah, I was looking at yours too. - I can't, you know, I don't wear J's, I don't tell me who's that rapper. - Come on, do you're a rapper? - God, he killed a bunch of people. (laughing) - Accidentally? - Yeah, these are the murder ones. - These are the trample, too. - Oh, Travis Scott. - Yeah, Travis Scott. - Those are great, dude. - They're comfy shoes. I just like Jordan Wands are my favorite shoe that was ever made, so I have a massive collection of Jordan Wands. - I go Jordan Wands and then the airs a couple, like, and then I get out of that and I'm like, let me do some other stuff. - I have so many. - I come back into it. - I just can't wear anything anymore. But also 'cause I have big, clobby feet and so big shoe, big high tops look even more, like when you're at a house with a size of you. - So there is a clobby. - Yeah, they're just like clunky. What size are those? - 10 and a half. - 10 and a half, a regular size shoe. Me tall with a 12 with high tops. It's like, it looks like a child again. So I have like, I have a lot of different shoes but I just don't wear the high top Jordans as much anymore because they just feel like, they also make, I'm a short guy, so it makes you look shorter when you have high tops. Like these, I was like, maybe I shouldn't get 'em because they're just there. They go up and then you look. - It just looks like your shoe hits your knee. - I know. (laughing) I'm like, we're little roprosons. (laughing) - All right, look, I love having you on. You're the fucking best. Do you have dates? Do you wanna plug any dates or anything? Do you have shows? - No, I mean, I'll plug some featuring. I'm, give it to me. - I'm doing Soda's tour with him. The theater tour. - Are you really? - Yeah, I'm doing most of those dates. He's my fucking, he's my, he's both my daddy, my brother, and my loved one the same time. - Couldn't have, like one of my oldest buddies in comedy who get, and still gives me shit, which I love, like still gives it to me. And then, is one of the only comics, I shouldn't say that. I was gonna say, one of the only comics who spouses, I like, I very much love and respect. - There's other comics, wives, girlfriends that I like. - Of course, of course, but Katie's awesome. - But Katie's the best, so it's like, I was like, perfect pair. - Yeah, they're the best. He's like, you know, there's so few good ones left. And we, you know what I'm talking about. - It's good. - He's got, he's the real deal. - He's a good egg, yeah. - He's fucking kills. His new hour is incredible. And he's like, just a good dude. - You're wrong, but you're touring with him. - I'm going, yeah, and I'll be at the DC comedy loft, January 30th through the first, so fuck off. You know, whatever. Who cares? - And I love comics. They can't even earnestly, like, if the thing we love the most. - Oh, yeah, I'll be at the fucking bowl sh*t, it is DC. Bleach sh*t, bring Trump, bring his cabinet. - He's Trump. - Yeah. - Come on. - Yeah, great fucking Obama. - Right, another one. I also have Baby Obama, if you want to close on that. - Wait, okay, so we end the show with one word or one phrase into that camera, so do Baby Obama. - Okay, there's Baby Obama. - Goop. - Yeah, let me be goop. - So, okay, that's my picture, fuck. - In here. - That's so good. - We poor. - Whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. - Oh, that creature in the ginger fields. - Sturdy, ginger. - Like that has the ginger genius cut. - Ginger's a fugitive. - You only $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the whole. - Ginger's our hell now. - This whiskey is excellent. - Ginger, I like ginger.