Breakups, Bankruptcy, and Becoming a Mother - with the Abbys

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Dressed as Thomas Jefferson. I said, I'm going to break up with my boyfriend for that guy. You cut to the chase first and broke up with me. But I was like, I wasn't even mad. I was like, sweet. I'm going to go after Caleb Howard. I was like the least boy crazy girl. But I feel like when you tell me stories from high school, you always had to. Like a guy. I'm just like struggling a lot with fear all the time. I thought this was going to be light. Hard as. Gosh. 60,000 dollars. Depreshing. Can't wait to see what 2026. It's not a snort. Always here to share the hope and the heart with heart and humor. Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host, Abbey Howard. And Abbey Howard. And we're here to share the hope and the heart with heart and humor. Yes. Woohoo! Yes. I feel like we're already starting to get into a flow here. I do too. That felt way more natural than the first time. It's getting better every week. What's it going to be three years from now? We're going to fall asleep on camera. Yeah. I'm like, oh, the words just fell out of my mouth. So boring. Okay. What is your hope? Let's start with the hope. My hope. I. Actually, this is really exciting. So we moved into our house almost a year and a half ago. And we've been slowly doing some house renovations. And there's one in particular I really wanted to do. And Caleb does all of them. It's kind of like a little picky choosy of when he wants to do them and not. We are building out a fireplace. Yay! Yeah. I remember you said at Christmas time, you were like, can you just get this up here by Christmas? It was like the day before. We need a mantel for Christmas. I'm like, hello, we need some stockings. He wasn't too keen on that timeline. Yeah. He's been watching videos. I finally convinced him. And it's happening. It's electric. Yeah. We found. It was kind of hard to decide what shape we wanted to do. I feel like the long, skinny. We had to do electric because we don't have gas to our house and we don't have a chimney. The long. The long, skinnier ones felt more modern. So we're going with the square because our house is not that modern. And yeah, we found one for like 50 bucks off Facebook Marketplace. We will see if that is the one that we stick with. Well, it doesn't even need to produce heat really here in Arizona. It just needs to turn on. Yeah, it just needs to turn on. And it has like a nice looking log. I was like, there are really nice ones at Home Depot that if this doesn't work, we'll go pick one out. But it's kind of a steal. But it does whistle. Like it's just plugged in and it whistles all the time. So if Caleb can't fix that. we will be going to the department store whistles yeah almost sounds like a cricket almost like the electric is going into it or something even when it's turned off off and plugged in it's that's when it crickets okay so um i'm excited to see how this turns out it's it's a hope you know we're hopeful it's a hope but i think it's gonna look really good i'm excited that's exciting yeah it's fun getting to do like house projects that's well it's fun getting to tell caleb to do the house right and you get to experience them when they're yeah exactly that's awesome that's my hope it's been fun i love that he's handy like that oh i have the best husband ever caleb i love you keep doing it keep doing it really quick i wanted to hop in here to just say we produce this podcast for free to you guys so i think it would just be a very kind gesture if you took the time right now five seconds to just hit follow subscribe heart like it basically just show whatever platform you're on you're on the right track and i'll see you in the next one on that you enjoy our show and yet you intend to come back um we would really really appreciate that and yeah here's your five seconds one two three four five okay that's all thank you so so much we really really appreciate it and thank you in advance let's get back to the show well my hope is because um okay so matt's christmas gift to both of his brothers and his dad was to go to epic universe yeah that's so fun which was funny because when matt told caleb you told me later you're like i know caleb is giving him not a reaction right now but i know he's just only going to watch youtube videos about epic universe for the next few weeks for sure and like talk about it the whole time he gets i was like that's sweet but you know him so well and no i think he was excited and so they're all going and and i was like well now i feel like i kind of want to do something fun while you're gone and so i think i'm gonna take the kids to disneyland oh my gosh i don't know why i was literally driving i was like that's making me so excited right now just like planning it and it's we're just gonna go for two days we got passes and so i'm like gotta use them gotta make them worth it and so we're gonna go i think my parents are gonna come with me too and i'm really excited they can't go to universal and you not go the competitor like you gotta let disney know you're still loyal i told griffin and because griffin was like i want to go with daddy to epic universe and i was like i understand i was like but it's for really big kids and grown-ups because the rides are crazy and he's like and kind of scary i was like yeah he's like let's go to the kids right oh that's sweet yeah but he does go on the big rides so anyway i feel like i'm always talking about disney but i really am looking forward to it and my heart is kind of serious so i'm switching gears okay i knew that i was gonna laugh when i said my heart this week because it is just really intense but so just know that it is hard i just dissociated oh my gosh i'm just struggling with fear recently so like that's i'm just like struggling a lot with fear all the time and like i feel like i can't really quite get a break from it like i feel like i have it during the day and then i have it at night time like when i'm sleeping and so just trying to get through this season and like try to like address it like i feel like when i was like not acknowledging the fear is when it was like popping up a lot at night and so then i'm like i gotta just like acknowledge it and then move on and find a way to do that but like that's way easier so than them so that's my heart i feel like you've been so i've been very impressed with the way that you've processed your emotions your feelings the residual feelings of everything after the loss like i feel like you've done so many things and i feel like you've done so such a really good job and you're so wise when you share things like i don't know i'm just like wow you have it you've i feel like you've done a really good job of processing and sorting it in your mind and then when you share it i'm like wow that i wouldn't have expected that but that makes sense you know like the way that you talk about it like dang that's really nice yeah you're very clear headed on these yeah the reality of this that's nice yeah that's really nice i'm sorry you've been struggling kind of unexpected you know but it's not one of those things it's like And I knew that. And then here we are. Like, you're like, oh, it's a few months later. Still here, like, just in different ways experiencing it. I did think of another hope, though, too. One more thing. That this has also been healing for some of this fear is we're celebrating one of our close friends, Val. She's probably listening to this. So, shout out, Val. Her baby shower this weekend. And that has been so genuinely fun to plan. And I'm, like, so excited for it. You're going all out. I am. I'm really excited about it. I was, like, telling Matt, too. I was like, I know this is, like, a little excessive. But why is it so fun and so healing to do this, too? Because we said we were pregnant at the same time. And, like, we had due dates a week apart. And I don't know. Something about this whole, like, planning it has been, it's just been great. So, like, that is, like, a hope for me, too. It's Saturday. That's sweet. Yeah, I know. And you told us that you were pregnant when we were, I was there when you guys, we all found out together. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's fun. Yeah. I didn't even think about that with you at this party. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't think about it until I was, like, why am I really giving this my all? And I was, like, oh, this feels like it might not be a coincidence. But, no, it's been great. It's actually been, like, so incredibly fun to plan. Yeah. Well, I know you said you're making a million lava cakes. 30 lava cakes. In the moment. In the moment. There has to be someone with lava. I, like, told my mom the plan. I was, like, okay, so when I give you the signal, we're going to go get the ramekins and fill them up. And she's, like, okay. You're giving me the signal, too? I would love to be there. I'm 5X-ing this recipe, like, 5X. I almost wasn't able to come, and I'm, like, I'll be there. Do you want to bring my KitchenAids? Do you have more KitchenAids to just rerun? I can bring mine. No, I'm going to make it all in advance and then stick it in the fridge. And, apparently, if you just cook it for two extra minutes from refrigerated, it should be the right. We'll see. 5X-ing a recipe in one KitchenAid seems like a lot of work. Oh, I'm going to do it in different batches. Oh, okay. Because sometimes when you try to do anything past double, it gets funky. Yeah, the flavor's not right. Yeah. Totally. Okay, I can't wait. I know. What was your hard you've been having? I feel so dumb to say. Well, I didn't mean, I just dropped a bomb. Like, you can have one that's. My muscles have been pretty sore. I forgot that's what it was. I agree, though. Honestly. I have a little, walking is a little hard these days. It's my upper back for me. It's the whole vicinity of every limb. It's sore. It's such a good feeling, though. It's so crazy. Like, okay, you work out. I worked out my whole pregnancy, but. the difference of modifying moves to now being able to go full out uh it's humbling i'm like i know i moved like i don't think i lost that much strength or that much cardiovascular stamina it's gone it is gone and we're rebuilding from the ground up i feel the exact same way it's kind of motivating though like it's really fun feeling soreness again because once you get to a certain point you're going consistently you don't always feel sore unless it's a very unique exercise so that feeling has been kind of fun i'm like oh yeah like things are working and i'm getting stronger um but yeah like fresh after the baby and i forget fresh getting back to the gym my limbs felt so discombobulated like i would try to do a lunge i'm like my kneecaps will fall off sideways like everything just felt not coordinated or connected at all dang it but here's a hope in my heart it's getting better i showed up to the gym this morning and both of our moms were outside burned they just looked like they were just spilling some tea i worked out with both of your moms this morning you were in the group you're like i was with the group i was with them we worked out together i was like what are they talking about and then your mom comes over and she was like it's a it's terrible and i was like i hate leg day i wasn't fun but that was that was cute that they were whole fam is that the gym your mom got to hold real she told me she came over and she's like i got to hold for you that was sweet she's like can i hold her like of course oh she's a good grandma she loves babies that's sweet we have some fun switch ups today switch ups yeah we're not doing well that's crazy necessarily this is what's crazy okay the house made first of all oh my god i said this is a wow that's crazy for me we invited abigail actually my mom my mom invited me abby and ab me okay yeah i'm even you can get it come on all three of us and her to go see the house made together abby was out because she got too scared i looked at the trailer and i said this ain't for me i said it looks scary and spicy i never saw the trailer i didn't watch it because i read the book so i did it i said that it looked scary and spicy and you made a face like and you go we have such different tastes look at you i was like okay we'll see who's right she said earlier that i said justin i was like the album she liked that means that i that you have bad taste i was like did i say that i'm sorry i didn't say i'm like well that's what she meant i did that the other day and abby goes that's not what she said to me i was repeating something that someone said and she goes that's what she said i was like well that's what i heard yeah yeah two different things there yeah exactly so anyway we saw the house made and um i had read the book a few years ago but i remembered it pretty vividly it's a very memorable story because it's a freedom mcfadden that's the author she's like the ultimate murder twisty quick type of murder book honestly it might be the first one that i read yeah like when i started reading again i think you recommended it oh really yeah and the movie was um i think it was very well done the okay that's what i want to say the standout actress was amanda seafield seaford yeah however you say your last name amanda who plays the the wife of the husband c for s-e-y-f-r-i-e the wife who hired the housemaid she is an amazing actress like the whole time i was just like she blows me away and then come to find out obviously she's cosette and lame is now think about the difference in in characters there between the crazy woman in the house made to cosette with an incredible vocal range too then she's in legally blonde being hilarious she's a mamamia she's in legally blonde mean girls mean girls oh that's what i was thinking i was thinking mean girls and picturing mean girls because she's karen right yeah like the she is so talented she's so she was the standout in my mind like so far she was amazing um the movie was a lot more what would you say graphic rated r rated r and graphic than i would have expected is it rated r i said the f word so it's probably rated r abby came out and goes there were so many customers i was like didn't even hear it that's a weird i have a i'm not hearing this it's rated r well probably because sydney sweeney's boobs are just out kind of kind of out full boob not full boob just because it was from the side doesn't mean it's not a full but i didn't see your full boobs um but there was a lot i'm gonna trust addison there was a lot i felt like i closed my eyes so maybe i didn't see it once it started i said no no no no it was long and we were sitting next to my mom her mother-in-law oh my gosh i put my hood up i said i can't watch this next to you and i was like what is the line with these movies like when is it just a movie and when is it porn like that well you didn't see anything of him i actually didn't see his booty yeah you didn't see them man booty is funny yeah it's not doing nothing it's just like oh but i was like that's funny i was i always wonder i'm like are those their real cheeks for sure okay oh my gosh it'd be weird or was it a stunt double some stunt doubles cheeks actually maybe maybe he's like i don't want to show up to christmas and everyone in my family know what my cheeks okay that's another thing i don't want to get too graphic are the is that sydney sweeney's boobs or is that someone else's boobs no that's got to be hers okay i feel like i've always wanted like impressive they're impressive i like course she's beautiful and amazing she i've always when i was a kid i used to think that um in the movies that there are sex scenes like oh they have like full leotards on it's not real nudity i did think about that in this because i mean they're both clearly not wearing clothes and they're like pressed against each other i'm like that is crazy it's a lot to ask of somebody that is i think they have like barrier things for the private parts in scenes like that which is interesting i don't know where i heard that could be lying i i just also can't stop thinking about like at the end of that when they're like okay cut and you're like there's an intimacy good job yeah for like boundaries and stuff but yeah okay honestly i think the movie was really good i really liked it i really liked it i will not be watching it with matt i want to watch it again i'll watch it with blake just because the story was so good i really like i thought it was really well produced like the whole story was good and it felt really similar to the book too they they nailed it it kept my attention the whole time i was never like oh what time is it do i need to go home yet like i was it was very well done i was it was very well done it was very well done amanda i want to see more of her i feel like i wonder what it would feel like from someone who doesn't know the story watching it because the whole time i'm like oh i know this is going to happen so i know this is the feeling i feel about this person the only scene i was confused about i don't know how in the weeds we want to go with this but the scene probably not too in the weeds yeah okay she's done she comes in their room she hears him screaming at night and then she has a knife and she's like no how do you they never explained that part away in the movie you're right i missed it so that movie was crazy crazy um i recommend it but also just know what you're getting into before you i mean maybe if you're it's not your thing like it's not abby's thing i like it it's a good story yeah good story good story good acting well done yeah but if there are certain things you just don't want to see then you should know ahead of time you should know ahead of time and you can get on streaming and skip that's what i'll do i'll watch it it's really easy it's really easy to skip that you know exactly where it's going to be and then it's over yeah that's what we like to do in our house we still watch things we just skip it one of you the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iphone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iphone i think that's kind of a fun segue i thought you were a very passionate book early and you changed my year of 2025 by inviting me to be in a book club and i read 12 no i'm sorry i read about 11 books until the club disbanded that's awesome group chat is still labeled book club i'm gonna turn it into a cookbook club that's fun we just lost focus yeah but i i enjoyed the books well people stopped reading the books and so then i was like well i don't think we want to do this anymore i kept reading them good you did honestly now there's no club i'm not reading so yeah tell us what your recent favorite reads are abby's cozy book corner i'm just gonna do my four most recent books i read okay yeah give us a review one is on kindle i brought them here for everybody i was really prepared honestly they they mentioned us talking about this on the podcast i was like put me in coach because i feel like on plan they always cut me always cut out can you put it back i enjoyed it every time i'm like i talked about in the podcast they're like i wasn't on there i was like they cut it again anyway so the book i read last was another freda mcfadden i read the locked door i feel like i like to start the year off with a thriller mystery just to get the ball rolling because i read it really fast because i want to know what's going to happen you just want the adrenaline boost at the beginning of the year i'm sticking ahead okay like i just like these types of stories so i read the locked door i read it because i thought they were going to make a movie of it there's no plans to make a movie of this one but you know i have it read and uh that one i gave five stars whoa yeah and here's the thing it's five stars because it's my exact taste in book and i don't think it's for everybody but it is just like a good suspenseful thriller i won't give a whole synopsis of it but it's a thriller mystery there is it's the daughter of a serial killer there's repeat crimes he had like a trademark that he did like some serial killers have like a trademark he had a trademark and now she's like the main suspect. Wow. because it has the same trademark as her dad's crimes but she has moved to a different city has a new name and she's like a doctor now she's a surgeon and she's like trying to just like go and live a normal life but yeah that's interesting i got about 50 of the way through it and then i started another book but i need to go back and finish it i feel like serial killer stories are so interesting because it is almost psychological where you it's like what is going on in their mind that makes them want to do these horrific things but i think as women too is like we want to understand their emotions there are not a lot of female serial killers either so i feel like it's the feminine desire to like protect yourself yeah protect yourself and i would say that's it it's just fascinating to add to that it's fascinating it is fascinating so that one if you like love a good quick thriller mystery that one i mean if you know freedom mcfadden you know that it's exactly like all of her other ones like there's always a cliffhanger so you just tear through it fun the next one is turtles all the way down by john green john green is the one who did like uh the faulkner stars uh i read that looking for alaska yeah yeah so this is like a high school book yeah oh i love those i haven't read like a young adult book in a long time and so at first i was like what am i doing like this feels like this feels like i'm a little bit old for reading it but honestly what uh drew drew me to it is that the main character has ocd and so you it's like written really cool because it's like her like i don't know i don't know the proper way of saying it but like her rational thoughts and then her like ocd thoughts are in italics and it's like her internal battle but i also was really interested because apparently i don't i'm not going to give too much context because i'm not sure about all the details but john green himself maybe has some like ocd tendencies and so he said it was like really difficult for him to write actually because it was like he was trying to like give an authentic experience like to what it's like having this condition and so i was just really curious like about with that like element of ocd but the premise of this book is that a billionaire has gone missing and there's a reward if anyone can give information to find him and her and her friend are like we're poor because her friend works at chucky cheese and they're like we need money and so like there's just this like this mystery element that's not it's not a mystery but like and then her ocd element it's really interesting and it was good to read i liked it cute and apparently there's a show on max about it i feel like a lot of the young adult books have shows would you agree now i want to read that book is that there's a show i'm like excited i'm like i want to read it it's a quick read yeah there's a show so someone watch the show and let me know this one is huge right now it's a thick book well yeah it's quick read though it really well okay not like quick but like it moves quick okay everyone is gonna know this one i feel like because this one got huge because it's called the god of the woods apparently on taylor swift's recent something or other that was released she's listening to an audiobook and people like did because people are really obsessed with taylor swift they were like we have to find him and she's listening to an audiobook and people find out what she's listening to and it was this book and so now this book is like a million dollars everywhere like it has become it has blown up and i didn't know why it had blown up so much but apparently that might be the reason why it's because everyone found out that taylor swift was reading it that would make sense yeah so this one is about there's a girl's summer camp and it's taking it's jumping between timelines it's like middle school age girls junior high and a camper goes missing everyone's trying to figure out this mystery there's a lot of history to this camp because the family that owns it has like just a suspicious past there's also another child that had gone missing back in the in the past and there's just a lot this book i will tell you there is a million characters oh boy so you got to keep track of them all it's not one that you could step away from and then come back to you'd forget probably yeah maybe just go through it just one time and also maybe don't do it on audio because there are so many characters that it would be kind of confusing it is thick but i will tell you it reads quickly like this is a book that's there's it's not like you're not going to get stuck on it i don't think i thought it was really entertaining people on goodreads said they thought it was really slow but i thought it was really good okay what do you rate what do you rate it i gave this one um like i think three or four stars four stars i gave turtles all the way down four stars too okay this one i didn't like romantic comedy no who is it curtis sittenfeld sittenfeld okay so i read it because it's one of reese's book clubs okay and i honestly think it's a me thing but i don't know i don't know i don't like books that have themes that are related to the recent pandemic yeah i think we're so annoyed of the i don't want to read about it we lived it yeah it's too early to reminisce it's kind of a big part of this book okay so it's called romantic comedy i love the idea of it i honestly love the first half of it i will tell you that because it's this lady who's like a writer on snl but they don't call it snl but she's a comedy sketch writer in new york city it's so fun because like one of the first parts at the beginning they literally just give you the rundown of like what their schedule is like working at snl where it's like okay they start their sketches on monday they stay up all night on wednesday they have the guest anyway so the romance is between this comedy sketch writer and the guest musical like the host of that week's episode yeah it's fun anyway but they talk about cobid and i don't really enjoy reading about that personally and they also talk about um politics a lot oh i also want my books to be a relief from politics sure it's an escape not not too real like reese just c-o-v-i-d in politics no c-o-v-i-d in politics this isn't an escape i'm living this life i was like oh my gosh so um yeah i think reese led me straight on that one oh but you know what everyone has different tastes that's my book corner thanks for giving me that time yes i'll wrap it up quick i was telling abby as a kid i would i loved reading as a kid i've always loved reading and i would just remember sitting in the car my mom would be like okay see if you can do it quicker like me telling a synopsis of books i have a brief question about books and your taste in books do you like short chapters and lots of chapters or like a normal size chapter like frida does short chapters like really short or does it affect you at all actually i don't really know if it affects me really i do when i see on a kindle and it says 15 minutes versus like a six minute chapter i'm like oh see i can read another chapter i don't stop on chapters i just stop wherever i'm at really yeah what do we what do you guys feel about audiobooks you never have yeah i feel like i would just tune it out no i feel like it has to be the right book for an audio book but yeah i would maybe tune it out i could do audio book if i was like driving but i'd listen to a podcast probably yeah i like podcasts better than books abby's mom does audio books yeah it's for the right person yeah totally yeah i could also see myself going on walks and listening to audiobooks but i can't like i don't think i could do a task and listen to it and like focus well that was a great speed i didn't fall i didn't feel sleepy during that are you gonna rate it if you tell me i must then i must which one would you pick i'm still reading that one about the disco girl that you gave me oh the one about daisy jones and the six that is like one of the best of all time i know and i really like it but i started it right before i had vivian and then i didn't pick it up for three months i feel like i need to start it over man maybe because i was into it the first 15 pages and then well i was trying to give it to addy and then i was like she's honestly you're expired so you can yeah she said she i said i could have it now my library cards i said she's had it for too long she's trying to return it to abby's library so that i can i'll read turtles down is that what turtles all the way down turtles all the way down i mean okay fun i told matt i was like something about me is like i could literally sit and read a book cover to cover and i'm so happy like i'm not gonna be like i need to i'm getting bored like my attention span is really long for reading but with kids it's interrupted so i'm not able to get through as many books sure i mean i got through those probably in like a month well that's awesome that's a lot of books in one month want to be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iphone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iphone i feel like this is a good segue because you had your you've always been a book kid and you had your era when like your long long story she didn't care about i thought it'd be funny the taylor swift docu-series just came out where she goes about like behind the scenes of the era's tour so i thought we should do our eras and give the audience a little sneak peek behind the scenes of the abby's lives throughout their life yeah okay and that also might be the exact documentary that they talked about that book or she was listening to it oh really maybe i didn't finish it i only saw the first two episodes of it i thought it was really good i think you should start with your eras okay i said i've listed out like the big times of my life and i'm like well i probably don't need to start at like age eight so let's move it up a little bit i thought i would start with my volleyball era and we thought it'd be kind of cheeky if we put these in the chat gbt and how to create titles for our eras that sound like taylor swift titles so this era is called bleachers at sunset i feel like i need a snap oh yes bleachers at sunset what do we give a little song bleachers at sunset i feel like i need a snap oh yes bleachers at sunset what if we give a little song bleachers at sunset what if we give a little song bleachers at sunset about everything we give each each era of course um okay volleyball era when i was in high school i was very much into my sport that was my identity was being a volleyball girl and i loved it i loved being athletic i i've talked before like you always thought it was super cool like i had a really small group of friends and we were all very dedicated to our sport yeah so that was my life for a long time and i remember i would practice three days a week go outside and have alone time and just hit the volleyball against my garage and like all my off days and just practice I'd have private lessons tournaments on weekends like that was very much what I lived and I was pretty good I'm not to toot my own horn no I feel like you were you played in college yeah yeah that was my whole goal was like I want to get to the collegiate level and I did I ended up going to a division two school um a small school in the midwest and it just was not what I expected it to be I feel like my whole life I had built up what college was going to be and I thought oh my team will be like my sorority and these girls are gonna be my best friends and we've worked so hard for this common goal and then I got to the college level and uh the experience was not at all what I expected it to be I actually had a pretty bad that was probably one of the most toxic environments I've ever been a part of and I don't use the word toxic often but it really was I remember I mean you're a freshman in college I was four and a half hours away from home I didn't know anybody that went to this school which I was kind of excited about and I was dating Caleb so he was at home we were doing long distance and I just remember crying almost every day like I would go in the showers and just cry and the whole time I was at that school I was actively transferring to leave that school at semester yeah the whole semester the whole semester was like I gotta get out of here what about it was like toxic it really was the relationship amongst the team it was a different level of competitiveness like I feel like your team can go one of two ways it can either be the tightest group of girlfriends that you ever have and it's this really exciting uh like you're all achieving a goal motivation feeling and then or it's the opposite where everyone is in competition with each other and college is a different level where the freshmen come in and your your spot is never safe and that's for any sport and then there's just like a level of cattiness um I think any time you're in girls sports to be honest which is just sometimes how it is um so that was very overwhelming and very it's just I was like why am I doing this you know and I felt like I hit my goal I got to the college level and after that I was I was okay with not pursuing it any farther so that was when I transferred and ended my volleyball girl era but that was hard I felt like the identity that I had wrapped up in my sport then I was like now what so I'll cap my era there well I feel like that first of all when you talk about your volleyball era I don't know why I always think about what you would pack to your games because you're like I would always have like a job and I would always pack like a job and I would always pack like a job Nutella what was it we always giggle because I never ate healthy foods I would start every tournament morning my mom would take me to the gas station I'd get a long john donut okay that's what I would eat for breakfast I'd get through a couple games and then I'd pull out the double jar of Nutella in a in a bag of spoons and I would just I had multiple plastic spoons I would just eat the Nutella and then I was obsessed and still am obsessed with fruit snacks and I would have the big bags of the Kellogg fruit snacks and I would have like five or six in there for a day and then somewhere I would just eat the Nutella and then I would just eat the Nutella and then I would just eat the Nutella and then I would just eat the Nutella and then I would just eat the Nutella and then I would sneak in a turkey sandwich no fruit no vegetables just sugar just turkey on the sandwich and a slice of cheese and some bread see I love you you're fueling up I was I was fueled with my sugars well I actually started my eras at about the same time so do you want to kind of just like ping pong back and forth I started in high school my eras oh gotta get the name gosh dang it I despise the name I despise that we had to use chat gbt for this we had to use chat gbt for this we had to use chat gbt for this I was like arguing with it I was like that's a I was like arguing with it I was like that's a I was like arguing with it I was like that's a little too poetic can we get some little too poetic can we get some little too poetic can we get some like poppy new roots bright skies wait a like poppy new roots bright skies wait a like poppy new roots bright skies wait a minute that's the wrong one I'm sorry minute that's the wrong one I'm sorry minute that's the wrong one I'm sorry this doesn't make any sense yeah I was this doesn't make any sense yeah I was this doesn't make any sense yeah I was also in paths and friendships passion also in paths and friendships passion also in paths and friendships passion paths and friendships it's not good it paths and friendships it's not good it paths and friendships it's not good it I actually loved high school yeah I I actually loved high school yeah I I actually loved high school yeah I probably peaked in high school I had so probably peaked in high school I had so probably peaked in high school I had so much fun I feel like that was the time much fun I feel like that was the time much fun I feel like that was the time that I really just like I always say that I really just like I always say that I really just like I always say it's like you're throwing spaghetti at it's like you're throwing spaghetti at it's like you're throwing spaghetti at the wall you just see what sticks like I the wall you just see what sticks like I the wall you just see what sticks like I would tried everything I did every would tried everything I did every would tried everything I did every activity I was involved in every group and club that I was like interested in at all I remember like going from after school like going to school I had to pack like eight bags because I knew I wasn't going to be home until 10 p.m like every night had so many things going on and I loved that I like loved going from thing to thing to thing I feel like I barely slept and if I slept that much now I would be a horrible version of myself but I was just loving I was so excited and I feel like I truly was just energized by everyone I was around so it kept me going but anyway I loved that season and also I had really good friends like I had some like really solid friends so that made it awesome like I feel like sometimes girls groups of girls get a bad rap but I've always had such good experiences I like I'm like no I feel like girls can be awesome together and like there's such a special sisterhood and I'm still friends with like a lot of my friends from high school and it's really special so I think about that time. It's just like a whirlwind and that's why I also I'm like I don't I love that I was able to just like how unique is it when you're in high school that you get to just like do everything and the stakes are low it's safe to try everything and I didn't have to worry about a lot of things that like you have to worry about when you're an adult like paying for things like I got to it's not like I got to do like all these expensive activities but I didn't have to worry about holding a job so I worked in the summers but then the fact that I had the freedom during the school year to just like focus on anything that I wanted to like pursue as a passion was really cool that is cool that I look back at that time so fondly and I also was raised in a small town so everything also just felt so safe to just like try anything and I think other people that live in smaller towns maybe experience that differently but I felt like I had just like such a good experience and so many people around in my corner that were so fun and uplifting and also I was really close with my family so this was like such a good time and also I was dating Matt and so like the last between my junior and senior year is when we started dating that also just like added so much fun and excitement to my high school years I never thought I was going to date in high school because Abby if you knew me I was like the least boy crazy girl but I feel like when you tell me stories from high school you always had a like a guy I will say that is something you're like you've never really had a boyfriend before Matt you've only kissed Matt but you boys I had like yeah I don't really know how to explain that but I never like took it seriously or like was like I wasn't like excited about it if that makes sense totally like I had dates to dances and like I I went on dates but it wasn't like it wasn't a focus of mine really like I was just like having fun with my friends and so then it was so weird when I was like dating Matt because I was like then so boy crazy like so off the deep end in love but it was really fun like and also we were really serious really like even in high school yeah so I do say like it sounds crazy people in high school like I feel like people like I was like no but we will get married like I like really believed that and they're like oh yeah you're in high school like you're 17 but I like I knew it even then yeah because he was the only guy I ever gave attention to like real deep attention yeah yeah totally it just felt so different and like I actually was like I cared about it and I was excited about it so that was my what was it passion paths and friendships gosh isn't it crazy did you feel like when you started or like saw Matt or started dating him that you knew immediately I had a moment with Caleb I walked into math class and I had another boyfriend and I was like I don't know what to do with him at the time and I laid eyes on Caleb for the first time and I thought I'm gonna date that man yeah and I'm gonna date that man for a long time I literally thought that in my head and I said I'm gonna break up with my boyfriend for that guy I'm gonna get him cut to the chase first broke up with me I was even mad I was like sweet I'm gonna go after Caleb Howard you're like he broke up with me first but but I was even mad that's funny so good times what a great era that was a great era that was great I was so sad when it ended yeah I loved I mean I had I saw friends in my house if you have good friends in high school I feel like it makes your experience so great and I still have I'm so close to my girls so I look back on that fondly too my next era is I put strat to saved and then Chad GPT changed it red cubs to redemption I love that that's our country country era someone's gotta write that I think I probably should maybe your memoir so I transferred my resume from this small school played volleyball at and immediately I was like I don't have an identity in my sport anymore I want to be the party girl that I was never allowed to be not allowed but I just wasn't included to be in high school and I think I always looked at girls that like got invited to things and the party and was like oh my gosh that's so cool I want to be like that so when I went to college I was like I'm going to join a sorority and that's going to be my goal is to just go to everything be invited to everything and I'm going to be wild and I was still dating Caleb at this time so it's so funny because he's never been like a wild guy but I found a lot of identity and like being the life of the party or like trying to be in some ways and it got to a point where you know you're going out at this point it was such culture but I would go out like Tuesday Thursday Friday Saturday so when you say oh I thought you were edgy it's because this is what I was talking about this is what I was talking about this is when I like first met me really kind of met you totally yeah it was you're a party girl I was a girl yeah and just such a I look back on that time and I'm like I don't think I had a drinking problem but it's definitely the start of probably what was but college was such a unique time I feel like I grew a ton and I was experiencing this whole like entertainment scene but then at the same time in my sorority I joined a bible study and that was the first time I had ever read the Bible and I don't know what like drew me to wanting to join this Bible study I think I just kind of was like I've I have a lot of opinions about it but I've never read it and so I had this like totally two different worlds of like pursuing faith and also pursuing the party and after a couple years of like reading the Bible I was like okay this is actually I do believe that this is true and I gave up the party girl life and so that's where like the redeemed saved part of the the story comes from but that was like a full 180 of like being a little wild to then wanting to live my life in a way that glorifies God experiencing you go through that change in the periphery because we were not close at this time it was like night and day different yeah like you were night and day different yeah and I just remember I was like I'm so confused because you and Caleb were both very different like after all of this and so like I it's I don't know it was just really cool just like watching this like big change but like since we had gone gaps without seeing it felt like it happened overnight but yeah I mean it was a long process I mean three years I'm sure yeah but then yeah once I like decided that I do believe I was like okay I do believe that Jesus is real so I'm okay here we go and then I felt like my heart literally changed overnight in a moment like the shame was lifted I didn't feel I didn't even realize I felt shame but there are a lot of things that I did in those couple years of college that I did that were shameful like beating and fights and being violent like I have deep regrets about that time of my life we've talked about that because I said on my bucket list is to punch someone in the face and I said don't do it you don't have to do it it's not as empowering as you think it would feel and what about punching a guy in the face would that feel more empowering I don't yeah I don't know I don't know if violence is ever the answer sorry sorry sorry I look back and I'm like I feel so grateful for the life change and the trajectory that my life turned in college it was a very pivotal time of my life and I got to do it alongside Caleb because we were kind of on the same timeline with our faith journey and it set us up for a really great next era that was like a big transformative area for you yeah I think that's when we became friends honestly um you're like we got we don't get along with this we don't have anything in common I I just was like I don't think she's gonna be any interested in anything that I mentioned like she's doing some really cool like big and then I'm like but see that's so fun like when you're going in the party scene I felt like my my nights were the same they were the same but different you know you're going to the same bars you're just getting drunk like it's just the same thing over and over again I didn't have memories of being super goofy and like these pranks and just having this really fun easy girl time like it was always like oh let's talk about what we did last night that was so crazy you know what I mean it wasn't ever just this simple yeah fun here's what my version of that era looks like and it's actually called first steps and heartbeats oh I don't even know if that was actually what I landed on or if that got auto corrected to heartbeats because first steps to heartbeats first steps and heartbeats I don't like that I don't know what that even means exactly but this was my era in which I was transitioning to college and I did it I went to school that was four and a half hours from my hometown but I also took with me my boyfriend that we were very serious Matt my husband and my random boyfriend and uh my best friend like all like in a few close friends from my hometown so I feel like I kind of cheated a little bit like I had my like bubble of comfort with me and I wasn't too far right like four and a half hours is like enough but it wasn't like I was you had to fly to get back back and forth from home so this felt like a really good transition for me like it would have been shocking we considered schools on the East Coast that would have probably shocked me into coming back home immediately this was a really good safe transition for me because I was like oh my god I'm going to go on a safe transition for me in which I was like experiencing Independence for the first time and like learning and this was the time where I was just like goofing off with my girlfriends this was the first time I had free time because in high school I did not have free time I still tried a lot of new things in college but I wasn't like super involved in my school um so we just had extra free time we were pranking people like we were like we just had fun yeah and so um I was not a part of a sorority but I did go to a frat party one one who dressed as Thomas Jefferson I was gonna say it I was like wait maybe she talks about her college era so we went really all out for Halloween every year and this was like this was my peak night I was totally sober and we're like we're dressed up for like our church Halloween party full there were the five founding fathers and I mean we went all out had the wrinkles the big white wigs and we had American flags we had a declaration of Independence and the party the church party ended and we're like we're not done yet we're like what's a fraternity we don't know and so someone was like go to Fiji and so we went and they wouldn't let our guy friends in because boys aren't allowed in I think they're gonna let you in because you're a boy they they considered not allowing it they're like oh they're like we allow girls but what are you and everyone was like this was a two-story frat house party and we went upstairs and literally my friend that was Ben Franklin her glasses fogged up immediately Ben Franklin was fogged up and Franklin we were like she was also stuffed with a pillow like it was so funny and everyone was so drunk that they when they saw us they had like hilarious reactions they're like this is the best thing ever so there's like a lot of pictures from that night of like the five founding fathers and like a sexy angel and a sexy devil and we're just like I mean it was literally so hilarious I we thought we were the funniest people in the world I love and so that just kind of explains my college experience um for the first half just my classes in college were easier than high school just probably depending on like what major you choose what school and stuff so I had a lot of time on my hands yeah I had a great time also we were working yeah I just learned a lot in this time but it felt really still safe and like really fun and light-hearted isn't it fun when you discover free will you're like I will I will be a founding father for Halloween so many fun things I feel like you guys set the standard for like a funny Halloween composite costumes you guys did impalumpas and then the next year so I ended up living in the same house that Abby oh yeah we should have called this the goop coop era because I'm in that era too afterwards Abby moved out I moved in and then we dressed up as the blue man group oh my gosh you guys it's so brilliant fully painted blue that and at the church talent show we were uh Backstreet Boys we learned the whole dance we had a fun church I remember when I became a Christian I was like what do you guys do for fun if you don't drink I'm sorry and then I was like I actually love it we eat a lot of chocolate chip cookies a lot of cookie skillet so many cookies I'm like I've been missing out this is life-changing we love the goop coop era the goop coop era that's the name of our house that we just call ourselves the goop coop is that when you met Blake through being in the goop coop um I met them before I moved in so we lived across the street and Blake and I were already dating and then I moved in because I was friends with that friend you met through Hill City yeah oh sorry you met through church you can call it Hill City okay yeah we went through there and then it was funny moving in because I moved in I lived with Abby's best friend too because I was friends with her at that point and so it was fun living there and all the memories oh epic it's a good goop coop era oh yeah and then the boys moved in afterwards like my boys friend groups moved in once we moved out that's crazy it turned into a boy house oh no want to be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the Apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iPhone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download Apple sports for free on the App Store or find it on your new iPhone okay my next era was my girl boss my girl boss era I love that yes it's so fun and uh chat called it stitched from a daydream which stitched because I had a clothing store I love that yeah I had always had the dream from like 17 years old I said I'm gonna start an online clothing boutique at that time there were not a lot of clothing online clothing boutiques like online shopping just kind of was getting started so I was like this is gonna be my thing and that I graduated high school in 2014 so that's when I was I had that idea all of college I just tailored my schooling to starting this business and then my senior year when I was 21 during spring break was when I launched I remember in January I went to market for the first time with my parents March was when I did it really fast and that just kind of set off this journey of trying to figure out how to run a business out of my house and it was so challenging so rewarding so fun I we did it for five years super fondly um in 2020 kill came on the team with me full-time uh which was really really cool too and I just like working with him in that capacity was really fun seeing how his brain worked also learning our working styles together was uh hard and fun uh but it was just it was like this young 20s I'm like pursuing my dream and it was really great for a couple years and then we lived in Kansas City at the time we ended up deciding to move to Phoenix that was um after like three or four years of the business no yeah four years of the business and once we moved year I don't know what happened it just I do know what happened but the business took a huge turn a huge downfall and I just was not equipped and could not I couldn't figure out how to fix the business and financially we started to fall into a huge hole and I didn't realize at the time when I was 21 and signed up for a credit card that that debt would become my personal debt I'm like no I'm an LLC it's on you know I'm not responsible for the debt you are so we started racking up Caleb's like what are we doing and then led a series of just like pretty hard a really hard year this was in 2023 and ended up making a really hard decision to close the business then I feel like we got a miracle from the Lord we were able to sell the business and within the next year we were able to pay off all the debt it was really hard we probably were scraping by we had to move out of our rental house because we couldn't afford it anymore we ended up having a baby and this time we had CJ the whole year I felt like again I had just kind of been like punched and I was like I don't know what my next move is and there was a lot of feeling lost in this season a lot of grief over my dreams dying and just going from this like high fast paced life of trying to run a company to then like I have a baby and I'm a mom and I don't know what my life looks like honestly so there were some really high parts and then some hard parts in that era but it was a very special five years of my life all of it I look at it very fondly yeah yeah I'm really proud of what you did with Bolt and it was really cool to watch you do that and it's going to be cool to see how you take those skills and launch it into the next thing I'll never forget like I could I don't think you like really we didn't have a lot of conversations about how it was like getting hard until like one time you came over and you were like oh my god we're for dinner at our house and you were like we're gonna file for bankruptcy yeah and I was like no yeah yeah you gave us good advice I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't think I was like good at giving advice but I was just like there's got to be something else yeah and it just got to a point where we looked at the the you know okay when you have a business we had sixty thousand dollars of debt at that point on the business and on credit card on a credit card yeah and it's like okay you could do thirty thousand dollars in sales one month like so you think oh we can pay this off in a couple months but then our sales dipped but our expenses stayed the same and it just racked up so fast and it literally I've never felt like I was drowning so deeply like Caleb and I both would wake up in the middle of the night just in sweats and panic like I don't know how we're gonna do this and you think about the effects of bankruptcy like you can't buy a house you your credit is ruined you know they're all these big things and I had sought counsel from some of my friends and they were someone else that I had known that had closed the business and she did that and it was really great for her so I was like that's our only answer I don't know how we're gonna come up with sixty thousand dollars we don't have jobs like this is our job and we're just not making any money but it was good for us just like slow the brakes ended up being able to it doesn't mean how to get into that but we were able to pay it off really quickly which was just such a miracle and yeah it was such a hard like being in financial debt like that is is so crippling it's really scary so I feel for people when they like talk about that and but there's hope there's light at the end of the tunnel you can get through it I feel like a lot of business owners can relate to that because like what's the statistics like it's great to you know have that drive and passion to start something but it's hard it's a hard road and the fact that you did it for five years is amazing thanks yeah I remember when we closed you came over and you would help me pack orders like on the closing sale and I'm someone that I don't always share my emotions outwardly but that was one of the most like meaningful things ever you just come in because I I couldn't really talk to you and talk about it I was so internally so sad and such a puzzle I couldn't like put to words what it was and you would just come over and help me pack orders and you'd bring Griff and you guys it was just it was it meant so much to me yeah that was a really good way to show up in a time where I enjoyed it I did yeah that was a big chapter for you that was yeah super formative yeah yeah my next one was called newlywed dreams and humble beginnings my first two years of college I wasn't married I got married after my sophomore year of college so then I was a married college student I found myself in a weird season super joyful like I mean the newlywed bliss was I mean imagine what like what you imagine newlywed blessed to be but then also you're 20 years old and you've also never lived with a man before like never like it was jacked up to like a hundred and fifty percent it was amazing like I was literally like I remember just like going to pee in the middle of the night and coming back to my bed and I was like we're married like he's in my bed still like I was just like literally just like so on cloud 11 so happy and like it also feels so fake too because we were in college like we would go to class together like I don't know it was such a unique season to be in but it also did pose a couple weird challenges as far as like I had always been like so close with friends and it did put a little bit of a weight on me and I was like oh my god I'm so happy I'm so happy I'm so happy I'm so happy me on a weird playing field with my peers because I'm not living on campus I'm living in an apartment off campus and I'm married so like my first person to go to is my husband now whereas like it had been my girlfriends and so I found myself in a weird transition part where I was like what's my role with my friends now what they're not thinking to invite me to things and I have to be more vocal about like getting being a part of that still because I still wanted to like have the college thing but just like try to figure out how it fit in this new lens so there were some like growing pains with that for sure humble beginnings is because we were looking for apartments when we were engaged and I remember we were like man it's gonna be kind of hard to find a place that like fits comfortably within our budget because we can only work part-time because we're in school full-time so like we're in school full-time and then also trying to like make our income which a lot of people find themselves in that position but we're like wow we gotta be tight with it and then we found this apartment we're like rent is so cheap but we're like dang it it is government-subsidized it's for low-income we're like it's not gonna work and we're like wait a minute we're low-income and so because we were filing taxes differently being married we were certainly eligible for the low-income housing and so living in this government-subsidized housing for the year and a half that we lived there was honestly I needed it I really needed this because I had grown up in such a bubble and like I had it's not like we were wealthy by any means but I had all of my needs met I was more than comfortable with my family and then in college like we scraped by but like it's so different like you're in college like you have the amenities of the university like and if anything really happened I know I could call my parents and they would have my back but we became in close community with a lot of people that like were finding themselves in a really tough season of their life like and there was people of all ages there was like people that were senior citizens there was families with like little kids and they were like you know they were like you know they were like you know they were kids there were I mean there was all types of people in this apartment building and we got to know a lot of them closely like we would have dinner with them a lot there's days that like really broke my heart with living there and like I can still cry thinking about especially some of the kids like I just I yeah it was good for me to see this and to like learn and experience it some of these kids like literally didn't ever leave their apartment building and I had never had a frame of reference for any life like that any childhood like that my childhood had been so idyllic and so like this fact that the there was no amenities in this building for kids and that this there was like kids that actually never left because they didn't have a vehicle like their playground was the parking lot and like they that was all they knew was their own unit that was small like one bedroom and then the parking lot a lot of people struggling with addiction struggling with unemployment and I feel like I just I needed that so badly to like humble myself and like yeah I think I just it was it really changed my perspective on people and especially people that are finding themselves in a rough patch and also in the juxtaposition of us just like being newlyweds and like we're like the happy-go-lucky like goofballs like nothing could go wrong and then we're like oh my gosh like learning people's stories was it was a really cool season you guys are so extroverted you did such a good job I feel like in an apartment complex it can be so easy to just close your door and never know your neighbors and I feel like you guys knew all your neighbors you knew all of them I was so impressed when we visited and just seeing how you guys interact with them all and they all loved you guys like thank you you're like oh yeah we had lunch with them and they brought us meals and I took their kids to the store and like I don't know you just were you were like very intertwined with these people's lives in a really cool way thank you that's really nice it was impressive I do realize I made a boo-boo I did combine my boss babe era stitch from a daydream with my prince and the popper era the prince big cj and the popper being me he was the king but my last era is the comeback era and my my title is the return was quiet or not quiet because I'm literally on social media but I feel like I came out of that season my dreams were dead I'm in this new this new season of being a mom for the first time had a really hard labor which we've talked about a ton before and like financially we're building ourselves back up and it really felt Caleb starting a new job it just really felt like we were rebuilding ourselves from the ground up with not a ton of direction but we were building ourselves back up and it really felt like we were building ourselves back up and it really felt like we were building ourselves back up and it was really just like our palms are open lord wherever you lead us we will go please just bring the opportunities to us because I also felt internally so uh, exhausted, like just coming off the emotionally drained. So I was like, whatever, just, we'll just, I'm just here for a long, further ride at this point. And slowly I was able to build my confidence back up. I feel like just day by day, when you just continue to show up for yourself, for your kids, for your family, for your spouse, and you just, you just slowly start to feel like, okay, we're fighting our way. And I feel like you guys had kind of put me on like a nice little platform with putting me on unplanned and sharing my hard labor and some of the hard things with the business that I was able to grow a little bit of a following. And that helped kind of this career into social media, which was really cool. So yeah, I feel like that was kind of like here to now. And obviously just like, I feel like Caleb and I have reached this sweet spot where his job is hard still, and he's doing hard things, but like he's trying to build businesses. And I just feel like we have direction as a family again, and it's been a really sweet season. And I feel like I'm ready to take on, I'm ready to take on opportunities. Again, like this podcast, like it was a lot to like, think about committing to something after closing the business. I was like, I don't, I lost a little confidence in myself. And so now I'm like, we're doing it. It's the comeback era. I love that. Yeah. That's the, you're coming back. Coming back, baby. No, I just, I think it's funny that you call it a comeback era because I feel like being closely like around you during this tough season to now, like you still never lost, like you're in my eyes, like you're, ability to show up for others, your joy, your like service towards it. Like you never lost it through all of it. And I feel like you steward that hardship so well. I knew it was so tough on you, but you just, you never lost your integrity. You never lost like your faith, like all of it. And you just, I see why you call it the comeback era, but I feel like we never lost you. Like, and you kept like, you were so selfless too with others in that time too, even though it was such a hard season for you. So. Well, thanks. I appreciate that. I do feel like. When you have a faith, like my identity, I did have a lot of identity wrapped up in, in bolt, but that's not my overall identity. And so I felt like, even though I had lost a part of me, I didn't feel like I lost myself. Do you know what I mean? I totally agree. Yeah. And so there were aspects of me, like, I felt like I lost a lot of, um, confidence in my decision-making skills and things like that, that were really hard that I feel like I feel better about. Um, but I really appreciate you saying that. That's sweet. Thanks. Yeah. You never know, like what you're presenting yourself as externally. Well, I also feel like that's when you, you show up as you truly are is when you're put to it. That's so cheesy and cliche, but like, that's the truth. Like when your character shines the truest form of itself when you're put through extremely difficult circumstances. Yeah. And it's like, I always think, and it's biblical, but like the trials in our lives shape us and make us better people. And we shouldn't fear hard things in our life because we come out of them. Stronger and more refined and more resilient and overall better. And like, obviously going through hard things is, it sucks. It's like literally the worst thing ever, but there is purpose at the end of coming through these seasons that in the middle of it, we do not see it. And I don't think we should be expected to see it. But then once you're on the other side, you're like, okay, I see the purpose of that. And I, I feel that thankfully with those hard seasons with Caleb and I. That's really reflective. Yeah. Thank you. Did that sound disingenuine? What you just said? Yeah. No, I didn't think that. Oh, I thought that's why you laughed. I was like, no, I mean that. I just laugh because I'm not normally reflective. Oh, okay. Like, thanks. I've been thinking about it a lot. I've been working on that. Okay. Well, yours just ended on a nice bow. This is where we've actually found myself in my hardest era yet. And I actually mean this, like, truthfully, this was my hardest season by far. This one's called waves of change. Lost our jobs during the pandemic, which, C-O-V-I-D. Lost our jobs. We were like, no big deal. Like, we'll just figure it out. And so at this point I had started nannying a lot. Matt had started, he's like, you know what? I know how to edit videos. We had our camera from our wedding. He's like, I noticed Abby watching YouTube videos. Like, I feel like we could do this. And so six months into him, no, no, no. A year almost into him making nine months into Matt posting on social media is when the pandemic happened. Six months into the pandemic. Then is when we were like, this could, this could actually be like a career option for us, which was really unexpected out of the blue and never something I had truly considered before. So I didn't really take it seriously for a while, but like Matt really saw the vision for it. He was like very passionate for it. He's a dreamer and he's a doer. So he was like making it happen. Me, I was still going to class and like nannying. And then by the end of me grad, I graduated a semester early. And at that point, we were kind of like, okay, we could either dive in headfirst for this and, see what comes of it. We'll never have another time in our life where our life feels so like flexible, or we could just completely abandon this. And I was like, it would be a shame to just not ride this out and see where it will take us. And so we commit to doing that. And then we're like, okay, well, heck we can really live anywhere to do this. So we're like, well, let's do the craziest place ever. Like let's move to Hawaii. We'd always dreamed of like, you know, who doesn't have like Island dreams going somewhere really far when you've been grown up in the small town in the Midwest, you're like go far. And so find ourselves in Hawaii. Don't know anybody upon moving there. And, um, this was also my first time where I had never had community. Like I had all growing up, had so much community, go college, took my community with me and then built some more there. And it was like amazing. And then all of a sudden it was just me and my husband and it kind of burst this bubble in my mind. Like I was like, okay, well, no matter what I'll have him and he can be everything for me. And then I was like, this was actually never how it was designed to be. He was never supposed to be everything for me. And then I was like, okay, well, for the first time in my life, I found it really, really difficult to make friends and keep friends and to like, have a community that I could lean on and then I could be a part of and contribute to. So I would not say I was clinically depressed, but if I had talked to a doctor and maybe I would have been like, I was really struggling by like six months into this season. Like I think the transition of like doing, having a career on social media mixed with like, just like the new pressures and everything that that came with, plus feeling so isolated, plus feeling like the juxtaposition of like my life online versus like what my reality was. Like Matt and I were still like having an amazing time, but then like at the end of the day, there was just this like low lying, like sinking, feeling in me. Like I was just like so lost at this point in my life and it was really a hard time. It's hard for me to even say that because it's like, I still recognize like had it so good and things were good, but like, just like in my spirit, my soul, I was like so lost, so questioning everything, just feeling like, like my purpose was so confused. Like I was like, where, what is the purpose? What is, what am I doing? Like just felt really, really, really lost. I like told Matt, I was like, I just think I can't live here anymore. And it's not about the place that we were in. It was just had everything to do with like so many things going on with my personal life at that point. That was the waves of change. We were in Hawaii for a year and that was just a really, really hard year. And it was also mixed with the fact that like my husband was like living his best life. Like he was so thrilled to be there and like loved everything about it and like had such an, he was on a high of life at this point. And so it felt like for a while, I was like, I got to just like keep doing it because I can't like bring him down. And then I also don't want to be selfish. Like we got married to like make decisions together and like, I got to see this through. And then by the year, like when our lease was up, I was like, we can't, I can't anymore. Like we're going back, we're going back. And I felt so selfish. And I honestly, to this day still feel like a little bit of guilt because it's like, I knew like he loved it so much, but he was so selfless and was like, yeah, like you're not thriving here. Like we all go somewhere else. So that's the waves of change era. Like that, just the juxtaposition of like living in paradise and feeling like terrible. Yeah. So, and just like so lost. I literally was like, I'm just in the middle of the ocean. Like I was just confused. Yeah. It's also too, like you guys were, I mean what, two years married at that point? Yeah. And feeling so not on the same page with your spouse at that point too is so hard. You don't know how to navigate those feelings of not being on the same page and then you feeling so down and him being like living the best life. I just imagine that being really, really. We'd never experienced that before in our relationship ever. No, totally. Like everything had just been so on par. Yeah. Like we had felt like aligned and everything. And then the first time we were like on totally different pages. So you're right. That was just another thing adding to like everything feeling so off and confusing. Next one is called new roots and bright skies. So we moved to sunny Arizona. Um, which was honestly, everyone's like, what brought you to Arizona? It was pretty random. Like it was really pretty random, but we had visited a couple of times to see friends. And I was like, I always loved the sunshine there. Um, we knew we didn't want to go back to the Midwest. It's not like it'll never happen, but it was just like, we were still like really enjoying, like being in a different part, like setting up our own life. And so then family started to move out here. And so that also just made it feel more real, like more roots being established. And then also growing our own family, like we're really like settling down roots here in Arizona and like in, just now this season of like growing our family and like so grateful we have community here and like amazing community so like so grateful and it just really feels like we're getting settled and I feel like I have navigated enough things like where I can say like now I'm like okay I feel like an adult now I feel like I've like entered my seat like welcoming adulthood like that's where I feel like I have a different type of confidence uh since having kids and just like honestly just things I've been through like I feel like a different type of confidence and sense of identity I feel like we're getting to like a more comfortable place and um just really grateful for where we're at and I also just feel like more than ever like I'm in a place where like kind of like what you said like when like challenges like also make us stronger and I know that's like so cliche but I really feel like I would have thought like a lot of things that have like been hard to do and I feel like I'm in a place where I'm like I'm in a place where I'm in my life would have made me feel so fragile but and so sometimes people treat me like I'm fragile which is just honestly them being sensitive to me and considerate and I'm not upset about it at all but I'm like what you don't know is that I'm very strong like I'm like no one has to like necessarily protect me and so basically I feel like I am like rooted and I feel like I have like confidence and that's different than what I had as like a young adult and a teenager and I'm also just like I said bright skies because I'm also like just looking forward to like the future I feel like I could not tell you what my life would look like in five years from now and that's like so good like I like love that and um yeah I just feel really grateful for the season I'm in and really excited for what's to come yes bright skies bright skies you definitely you radiate confidence yeah that's so nice yeah and you're very resilient thank you and it's like you go through these hard things and you you come out you have come out so confident and strong thank you I have um amazed at the woman that you are you're so nice I feel the same way well that was a long segment but I also feel like like when Abby had this idea for this episode I was like I love that for so many reasons because I also feel like it's a good first like this is our third episode but one of the first like episodes just like have a good foundation of like where we're coming from so if you say something that you're like what the you're like oh well that's their viewpoint that's where they came from just a little bit that's some of their history and totally yeah I agree I thought this was gonna be light hearted gosh something about the lights wearing my soul your testimony like your everything is I'm sweating I'm literally dripping it's like we're gonna be talking about our eras 60,000 we get knocked down that was my song a great one oh my god I got knocked down I get up again I just think about honestly like 2025 wrapped up in a little box would be or like wrapped up in one snapshot was me and Ashley and Mike in the rage room listening to that song smashing stuff I was like yeah that's accurate this is like this is this year I was like can't wait to see what 2026 the snort the snort the snort okay I don't want to we could laugh I was up to three gosh dang it I was up to two the heart and the humor heart wait what is it the heart and the heart humor I know it wanna be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iPhone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iPhone ask ask ask Abby's hi I love listening to you guys and I'm so excited you're starting a new podcast I'm a mom of a new baby girl and my question is what is the best way to find community in this new stage and how can I find friends in the best way thanks so much that's a good question that's a really good question I feel like we're still I feel like we've found a sweet spot at our gym like our gym has free child care so naturally just be a lot of moms that gravitate towards that have little kids little kids I feel like we've met a lot of friends through that and they're local locally yeah on a good same schedule like that's totally but I understand like gyms are expensive so that's not always I feel like you talked about the library a lot and just going like I feel like you've done a good job of finding a lot of child center activities to where you can find people where there are a lot of other moms and kids I feel like there's a lot of like example advice I could grab towards like obviously yeah like find activities in your community but I think the baseline advice for making friends as adults John Deloney says this is go first and be weird which is like it's it's really just true like you gotta just like throw it out there and I don't think like not everyone has to be your best friend you can hang out with people and be like yeah that's it's no one's in the fault if you just like get dinner and you're like okay that might be the only time that we do that no one's at fault for that like it's just like a clicking thing but like I think a great way like especially when you have kids is like why don't you just come over for dinner some night because also it's like it's personal because they're seeing where you live and your kids can play together and then you're it's not that expensive because you're probably gonna make enough for every I don't know like you can make a little extra food but yeah the baseline advice there is just like go first and be weird just throw it out there like hey we could take our kids we could go to the park or we could go on a walk and you know and I feel like honestly 99% of the time that person too is also longing for a friendship and would love to do something too so you're not gonna really get that many misses but hey if you do you've shot your shot it's totally fine like so yeah I think like wherever you find yourself just don't be afraid to just set something on the calendar that reminded me of in my neighborhood one day this was a couple months ago I was walking around and across the street I saw a mom with a baby in a stroller walking and I saw she was wearing a Chiefs shirt and I yelled across the street you're a Chiefs fan and I go I'm gonna come over and talk to you I just didn't even give her an opportunity got her number we went on a couple playdates and I loved her yeah she was great you gotta be weird yeah you gotta be weird gotta be weird it's totally fine hi Abbey's my name is Jordan and I'm a mom to a two-year-old girl and a one-year-old boy and so I've recently started experiencing the toddler tantrums what is one tantrum strategy that actually works for you guys and one that totally did it any help is greatly appreciated thanks bye does CJ throw tantrums? he does yeah yeah every kid does also we were on the parenting category so that's crazy parent experts we have toddlers been parents for like a whole total of two years literally literally so I'm gonna tell you it's a good question I feel like I'm still trying to navigate that too I feel like every kid's gonna be different yeah that's what I was gonna say so what works for one of my kids does not work for one of my other kids so or for my other kid so one I always recommend honestly when they're really young two and one is so young the art of distraction I feel like I can distract away a lot of problems like I'm like this isn't actually like them a behavior I need to like punish they're just having really big feelings and they're confused and they don't fully understand me understand the details of everything in life so when we're taking them away from something they don't understand why they can't be there so I'm like let's just distract them get them something else to look forward to and I feel like that solves a lot of them like honestly I'd say 80% is just distracting away the problem another whatever what works better for an older kid we just call it taking a break and he this is something that he doesn't view as like necessarily a consequence it's really just more like okay I'm gonna take him out of the situation that's causing the problem and help him calm down and then we can talk about it because I can reason with him once he's calm and so we just take a break it's literally like two three minutes and take a deep breath I'll sit with him a lot of the times during the break because I don't want it to be like the consequences like you're removed from mom and dad I don't know it's it's really just to help him de-escalate and I can he can still de-escalate with us next to him and sometimes he wants to stare and sometimes he doesn't but yeah we call that take a break and that helps also just like lower the heightened emotions what do you do with CJ I feel like he's never been distractible really yeah the distraction never worked like he was oh he would get fixated and that would usually be what the tantrum was about and so he's actually a kid that I can if I explain it like hey this is why we can't have this right now it usually kind of de-escalates him but when he does get overly upset and he's like have these big feelings I at first would just like put him in his room and not like I would just like hey you need to come in here and just like take some deep breaths you can read your books you can play with your toys I'll open the door I'll open the window like I would do all the things like just calm down and then he started telling me when he was not upset he'd be like mom he locks me in my room when I'm sad and I was like that's not what's happening and so I was like maybe that's not benefiting him so I had to redirect my strategy with that and I do tell him I'm like hey let's get your books let's read like I kind of a little bit of ignoring him because he just can't be reasoned with but also offering him like hey I'm going to read your books here's your books here are your things but I just kind of let him out in the open and I kind of just ignore him until he calms down and if he comes to me I give him a hug hug it's like this fine line of like comfort but also not letting him know that that behavior is okay like he's not gonna get what he wants in the tantrum but also like giving him space to calm down and like deep breathe I don't know I'm still figuring it out same it's getting kind of long-winded but I also think that the important thing with tantrums for me like I did not want them to think that they can't there's certain emotions that are not safe to come to me with and so like I always try to name it in that moment and it seems so like gentle parenting I don't know like but if I feel like it's really important because I want them to know I'm like are you angry like are you I are you frustrated are you sad and I feel like I want him to know I'm like it's okay to be angry like we can't be mean but it's okay to be angry and so I really want to teach them like and I think that in doing this it's really not that they say it out loud but it's that they recognize in themselves like my heart is racing I feel like this type of like fight or flight response but I want them to be able to know that they can't be angry and I want them to be able to know that they can't be angry and I want them to be able to know that they can't be angry in themselves I recognize when they're feeling these like what it is that's happening in their body and so then they can also start to direct themselves better like in a direction like I think this will take their entire childhood to probably arrive at but I think at this age it looks like are you feel it's you look like you might be angry yeah like are you feeling angry or you look like you might be frustrated or usually it's frustrated angry sometimes it's upset sad but anyway all that to say I think it helps to like kind of get in the habit of naming it I don't know if that sounds like too much but I think it helps to like kind of get in the habit of naming it I don't know if that sounds like too much but I think it helps to like kind of get in the habit of naming it I don't know if that sounds like too much but I think it helps to like kind of get in the habit of naming it yeah I mean he said mommy loves me close the door when I'm sad I was like me and my parents and Caleb everyone I was like buddy you don't ever get in trouble for being sad like it's okay to be sad yeah I was like ooh keep the door open keep the door open I wanted to ask a question about what are your biggest tips for college and going into college next year and I love your podcast thank you so much college wow that's so big because there's so many firsts in that sense you have so many opportunities at your fingertips and this is your time to try everything like even the smallest of things to the biggest of things like get involved in college because that's when you form connections that's when you figure out if it's if what careers you're actually interested in I feel like I figured out a lot of my strengths and weaknesses in college just by like getting involved in trying different things and that can be as simple as in my sorority I was on I like did the secret handshake at the door but just being more involved in my sorority and having like a role I felt like I got to know people better I was on you know you just you get more things presented to you when you're deeper in involved in things join clubs get involved take risks try everything my advice is don't go into debt yeah you can take out student loans but try your best this will be the first time in your life where a company will literally be like I'll give you a little plastic card and you can just swipe it and people will give you what you want and that's the first time that that'll happen and that will feel like magic and it's gonna come with real consequences when honestly just very shortly down the road that will actually impact the rest of your life and I think I say this because I know so many people in college that went into so much debt I know and it's really it's hard to have that discipline when there's so many shiny things that you want you see other people getting big like fancy coffees every day or you know have the newest tech or you know the best clothes like it's so tempting but remain disciplined in your finances from the very beginning because it is just the first time in life that you can make this pitfall that will it's a it's a trap oh Abby that's really good advice I remember when I was 18 you hear the number you're like $20,000 and you're like well if you make $100,000 a year what's 20k but like that's a ton of money and it'll grow and when you come out of college like oh my gosh starting in a big pool of debt is really overwhelming it's just like a really hard way to enter adult adulthood so yeah if you can minimize that the best you can do the best you can and that's a wrap sorry we were really long-winded this week some of that might get edited out and that's okay but um thanks for being here guys wow I feel like they're really getting to know us really quick you actually know everything that's I got nothing else to say and remember we're always here for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk-takers for the optimists pessimists for long-distance love for introverts and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new coca-cola for everyone pick up some coca-cola at a store near you mr monopoly here miss me monopoly is back at mcdonald's with millions of prizes a 2027 cheap charity a carnival cruise vacation gift cards from doordash and best buy peel then play in the mcdonald's app get your bag no purchase necessary 50 us and dc age 18 plus see play at mcd.com for rules and play at mcd.com slash amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by november 2nd chance card game ends november 8th game ends november 22nd 2026 see rules for prize details monopoly is a registered trademark of hasbro