Breaking & Entering! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Gang toady's got a limited fourth of July drop coming at you. Mm-hmm. We got some nice t-shirts Short to the barbecue looking fresh clean and patriotic. Yeah, it don't be a bozo available at are you garbage dot com while supplies last? Happy fourth of July Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Hey, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that the group to be glazing Or to just a big old piece of trash trash trash I'm your host Hey trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here. We're totes in a new edition She's upstairs making sweet sweet love to the mailman. Okay, classic Mike goes coming here for across the tables we call family episode Mm-hmm. Just the boys the bozos in the homies just the way we like it He has my best pal in the whole wide world. You know him. You love him. He's the King of the Burbs the King of the Boards The King of the one liners. Ah Henny Ryan What up gang chat up to you as always please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes full video available in YouTube full video Available over there on Spotify and the boys are climbing a friggin charts. I eat that Then obviously the greatest website of all time WW that patreon.com slash or you garbage you go over there You get all that friggin bonus content. You got years upon years of stuff on here They're just pay five bucks. You get the tempo. Listen you go over there. You get a ten dollar level That's got a YG the high school years over Young good young kids big. I got a big full fucking quartet of hair in Miss Bliss's class Miss Bliss. That was her name who that's from say by the bell. Oh, you weren't a say by the bell kid. Where are you now? Actually a little bit. Okay. I was about a teenager when I started Yeah, that would have been you know, I think right in your wheelhouse. Yeah, I mean I see dude I think I might even been like I thought it was cheesy Shh how to fuck those two up Mm-hmm to call them broads. Yeah, so you wouldn't know Uh, I think it was I think it was like 80 Mario Lopez. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about you'd fuck you up Dude, there were there. I don't think there was a day in the in the in the history where you could have beat him up What would the blonde had it? Can I could have took him? Zach Morris the coolest kids school. Yeah, I would want to you're nuts He could freeze time. Yeah, no way you're getting invited to the toga party after that. Hey, no, that's right He could freeze time couldn't me. That's pretty good. Mm-hmm You don't think I'll be hanging out with them I beat up screech. He beats my ass Now I was like that Mario Lopez. Mm-hmm. Of course. How great shooter. Yeah, they're working all time, too Fucking 40 year career son that access Hollywood ever. It's called Working to carpet. Yeah, anchoring News magazines they call it uh-huh broadcast. Well, you just been saying one word Anchor and hosted great carpet News, bro. He was a wrestler on that show, wasn't he? Yeah, he was also a pretty good chef Learned that in home economics. He was a dancer. He played the drums California wrestling now me a break You're the only guy jealous of a fictional wrestler from fucking 1980 1989 fictional 15 year old. Yeah, dude. You're crazy. Oh, yeah, California wrestler now That's not even real wrestling. I am crazy. Yeah To my cousin my cousin. You guys just put me in a homer. I vote where we've discussed it And we'll just we'll make well. I'll have to I'll have to get two rooms You a room you live in and then a room that we'll build the set in to make it look like this and we'll take you It's like I forget. It's like a beautiful mind. You'll be sending letters to yourself and shit Um, you're real, right? What? I don't know sometimes. I'm also I'm also dabbling with with the fact that uh, excuse me Effective watch could all I get just lose loose grip of reality. Maybe this is on fake. I don't know The simulation my cousin texted me and I forgot about it But he's like dude. I was running and I had to stop that was dying laughing at fully making fun of people wearing their spot their high school jersey all while his is on display right behind them Old number 62 Sixty-toe and you think you'd take AC Slater You're nuts. Oh, it did it all what he was running back, right? I think so his dad was in a military moved around a lot tough up bringing guy probably slapped him around the world You know what I mean. I'll probably drink. I think he was looking. I was waiting for fun. God. He was fighting the fucking demon. He was quarterback Yeah, Zach didn't play to mean him would have been boys. I would have been his center second string Practice He's leader Yeah, I don't know where you would have fit in there what you weren't you didn't really have uh You didn't really have a home in uh In Bayside high you don't think I Not really I'd have been a fun big guy. Hey, you would have been a sad b-plot of like you going home and like having a really sad family life Hey, man, you don't know you're you're the guy that we learn what a struggle really is Holy little sister hits him. Yeah, you don't know what somebody else is you know What's he you don't know what he says his home life's like or you'd be the guy selling fucking Jesse the methane fedamines I'm so excited You know he'd be the guy from the wrong side of the tracks dude. Is that who they had boost in car? Where did she get that shit from they were prescribed they were person like over the count like there were like caffeine pills or something She got off she was studying she was burning a candle both and that was a big one for for drugs For people our age Also to like next thing. I know it's but the butt What the fucking for a dream? Which I just watched you never saw that oh my dude. That's a movie only see once. Oh, I'll never go back too dark That like 9 a.m. Too dark. That's crazy. Are you guys doing a pitch black? Yeah, I'm gonna be on television Yeah, I remember doing that like hung over one day Or you got it was like in college when you're like finding yourself a little bit. You got to watch it Like, you know, you little hard house. He's the kind of things and I'll so I'll stick to the rookie. Thanks a lot Um, how to watch major pain six times it get open and I think I've got damn classic Um, I got a little something I wanted to start off with obviously we're in the fucking dog days of summer in here in New York City Sure dog days hot Schvitzi. I like it a summer in the city now. This is a little. I got to pick this a little bit of a Not a great picture. I was drunk. I was coming home. I was drunk. Uh, this is late at night And this is more of like, I don't know what this is you're coming home late at night later at night You know got your heels in your hands. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna scare us running from Yeah, whatever I can That's a joke I was gonna make um, I uh Yeah, and then I get to my neighbor. I get to my door and my neighbor's door Is propped open all night long with yeah, that's how they sleep in there With a wedge they wet like they have a door stop so the door's open like four inches maybe What and at first I So this is so I I left the house are these people. I don't know Psychopaths obviously my this is my take They don't have air conditioning. I don't know. I'm assuming they they might not have air conditioning units So this is how they get their cross breeze like they open the windows and the door to I don't know that's insane. I mean we live in like a safe enough building not a dormant or nothing But that dude. I left the house at like nine o'clock and they had it. I went. Oh, they're either man I was like, maybe they painted or I don't know this is like This is what they're just doing It's open at all times I mean you need someone on shift. I've never I don't know what it would take For me to just someone the fact of someone that could just walk in there. I could walk in there stand over you while you're sleeping Oh, I don't even think of that. I thought about robbing it and not even robbing it That's crazy. I'm more scared of that. Oh, yeah someone just standing over watching me sleep and then leave That's what I that's what a real psycho does that's what we were told That's what I learned cat burglars do they come in and watch you sleep, which Forrete me out at a young lady like a buddy take the stereo or something They don't do that. They don't play stage. I'll need you fucking. They don't stand to watch you sleep Some people do no not a cat cat book. There's just a regular Whatever there's meetings meet. I don't know what the name is, but there are people Fucking break it into watches cat burglar sneaks into the window Get still some jewels some baseball cards stuff like that and then he goes back He's a guy with a good heart. He's got a kid that's you know got a broken leg The white busses balls and he's trying to make ends meet. What's the broken leg have anything to do it He's got to pay for a medical bills pay for the kids. Yeah. Um, he's a regular guy doesn't mean to do it I bet a man still beats his ass, but you know what fully is actually more accurate. Yeah, and that they don't watch you sleep No, I didn't why didn't think they were gonna put some I that's what I was told a cat burglar was or that was my understanding I did not believe it because they're not burglar. I told you to get your fantasy go to bed Well, that's not gonna help he talking about I haven't slept in fucking 28 years motherfucker drinking coffee. Yeah, what is the definition of a cat bird? A thief who breaks into buildings using stealth agility and climbing skills That's like the cat. That's the cat to avoid ground level security Wow, um Yeah, any Hill psychopaths. That's crazy to me. I mean you got to think so that's my lawyers Watch have sex with your wife and stand there, and they leave it sounds like you're about to confess to a lot of stuff No, he's just a guy. I'll sit down on his luck breaks into your house Bubny I'm not a watcher. Okay Okay, I don't know what you won from that. You wanted me to pry more into that. No, I'm not a watcher Anymore follow-up questions But my thing is so anybody in my building Forget about people who can get into like that break in or not break in but whatever A delivery driver Uber Eats guy There's got to be I mean there's got to be one two three four Five There's 50 units in my in my one building that building's connected to the building next to probably 70 you know, I mean Look that fucking 500 people live in this building. That's crazy. They're all kid that all have access to that door Yeah, isn't that nuts? Uh-uh just come down some freak that lives in the building Oh guy on fuck guy from 2b. You never seen him. I don't think so. Is that a guy girl? I don't know there was they had It's got to be more than one person because if you're doing that one person you're a psychopath. They they moved out before I moved They hear a bro doing that you read They moved out they moved out right after we moved in They moved out the people that were there moved out two to three months after we moved in who I never really about you Uh, I don't know do your real estate's a bitch. I don't know what to tell you uh They uh, yeah, so I don't I've never really met I don't know who's who but unit how many units are on the that floor Nine and my old building decision family lived up by the elevator and they would do that shit, but they would usually do it when they were cooking And they have the door cracked but I come home fucking at night one o'clock in the morning still cracked or no And a fucking door still cracked if they're all if then I gotta walk down the hallway with my back to it. I'd be turning around. Yeah Hey, yeah, I don't fucking cuz that kid there's no click at a thing to sneak out and slice my throat leave me laying there Mm-hmm. So are you ready to go a little bit? Okay Uh, yeah, that makes sense too. I never thought about they could be fucking waiting to get me. Yeah I don't know. That's all a setup. It gives me the heebie Gb. You're standing there and locking your door all sudden That door just opens and it's something to do. I got one too many fucking Spritzers in me. Yeah, I mean, I'm not paying the time. You gotta try a side. Yeah, I got a big plate of fucking Zaga But he can jump into this vodka Sicilian slice, which just plays next to me. He's doing it's kick your dick in good Vodka Sicilian It's too much for me Also, that was one of the times I found that was one of the first world blue cheat does that Vodka's the same. Oh all right, Pete. It was Andrew Boulucci Pete's a guy Queens. Yeah, that's the piece. Um I was one of the first things that I didn't realize I pronounced trashy till early on in Vaca Vaca someone's like if you spell it V-A-H-K-A Vaca That's a Denzel says it in flight Vaca, yeah, two Vaca sodas. I'll do two Vaca sodas Captain in case the only found two bottles because I drank three All he had to do was shot the fuck up and he was screwed. That's gross. Fuck growth. I think that I've got enough for that a fucking Okay guy wants to fight ACs later the fuck you talking about growth I get another that a therapy fucking gross Um, tell me I'm doing good fucking show you We want all that being said we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands gang as you know when you join the old patreon a We want to your garbage question on a year and I gotta be honest with you the fucking boys over there on patreon come up with some hum Dingers get some writers over they get the show just as much as we do they they they the patreon helps evolve the show The homies they fucking and the bozos obviously but like they they really just freaking get it where you go I would have never fucking thought it is the boys are cooking um Let's see here This one's from Fully socks 10 dollar homie never had one red you's ever been jammed up for snacks late night and ate someone's packed the lunch Oh, dude, that's a yes I have as a fact child my mom knew to gatekeep the lunch snacks for me and a high cabinet man That's like putting stuff in a bare bag for a fat kid Late night when the pantry got dry I would just eat my sisters lunch from the fridge several times she got to school with just a yogurt cup Also love how he leaves the yogurt cup ain't touching that shit. I don't need no probiotics. Poor girl. Uh-huh That's dude, but also imagine as you know, that's not a good feeling. Can I tell you that what when you're eating that you don't really enjoy It's more shame driven, but there is a for me it's scratch you need it's Jason peeping when you get okay with the shame and you just go. Oh, I'm fucking there is a there's a there's a there's a You never get okay with the shame a shot of endorphins do go through where you're like I'm even if it's for a I'm happiness is just a moment. It is there you go. I'm crushing this fucking this peanut butter sandwich right now I know I give it out deal with tomorrow. Well, I'll deal with that when it comes to my Shit, he must have took I did it like once or twice, but it was my own lunch. Oh, I mean that's like fuck while you're not getting another sandwich That's like eight in the middle of the night. I'd pack you two Is that your dad? Oh, man. I don't know. I don't know what phase of therapy you're in, but you're you're currently going through some mother stuff I think I think that's pretty Patti. Do you love me now back to your ring? That bastard um damn stairs. Yeah, well, I never we never I never was like a big packed lunge. Oh, also I had free reign Denise come on. Heater's in a coffee and learn about your day Bear call figure something out Bear call I had freed Denise was so tired from working. I'm pretty sure you're eating a sandwich delay like deniro and coplan They did a sandwich like a little shitty fucking ham and cheese there I gave you a chance to be a cop and you blew it. I got a cup of tea Uh Yeah, no, I didn't uh, I had free reign obviously Why I became such a fat Well, dude, there's somebody either bring a whole chicken to school Somebody sent me a picture of myself that I'm like I was like oh, that'll be good to show on air And I'm I'm like it dude. It's too embarrassing. Why what are you doing? It's what what are you doing? Uh I was just at my buddy's house and it was like not a pull it was a picture and I was just such a fat Like tell me like I look at it and it makes me sad and I'm like I'm not ready to get made fun of it this day Bring it in I could use this I could use a winnie's like a lead horse Yeah, it was just like I literally like just pictured I because I remember the moment it was taken And I was just like I can't it was just like I closed that box and was like we'll put that under the bed Well, fucking address that when I got some when I got some time on my hands That's gonna that's gonna need a little fucking Emotional CPUs, you know, and I need to I need to clear up some some disc space for that Can't be let's talk about GLD baby Fellas summers here festival season be trips pull parties weddings you want to look You know, yeah, no, no looking good matters guys trust you for my big boys out there And when you're hiding underneath hoodies and jackets and all that kind of stuff a clean chain or bracelet or a pendant Could take a basic outfit make it pop. 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I just used it last week, support the show, and tell them that we sent you, don't blend in with the crowd, stand out with Chubby. Whoa, yeah. But that being said, I had free reign of the, sounds like I never, yeah. I never had to eat someone else's lunch. We were never a big lunch in the, in the, I think maybe my mom would do it in the morning. I don't know. I never remember the, the stuff being packed in there. - I'll have sandwiches. - Oh. - Let's see. - Matchbook from the club, like this. - She was at the baseball board. - What was the name of the place? There was a book. - Would she go out when she was young before she met Joe? - Yeah, that's how she met Joe. - She was, she was stepping out. - That's what you said, guy. - She go out and do happy hour and stuff. - Yeah. - That's how she met Joe. - She was dating. - I don't know, I mean. - How did you feel about that? - I was, what do you mean? How did I feel about vice? - I don't know. - She'd be all, she'd come home. She'd be, she'd get all dolled up. Put the perfume on, the pumps on that stuff. - It was never in front of us. - You would see her leave. - No, she would do when I'd be at my dad. - Oh yeah, kids are going this way. - Well, I mean, she can't be like, hey, the kids are going on fucking Thursday. It's Tuesday, I'm going to go get, I'm going to leave them home alone and go get fucking a shit house at Vaters. - Is there a shoe in Vaters? - I don't know, that was a place. See if you can find Vaters in South Kansas. - She can't fucked up in Obi-Wan. - Come on down to Yodas. - I think it was called Vater. And I remember we stopped, I don't know. - Vaters bar and grill, baby. - Avalon Vaters. - It's not still open. - Nah, it's closed. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - It was like, I remember they didn't open till late, which I never got. I remember being like, what are you, you're fucking. - Vaters bar and grill. - Oh, they are. - Vaters in the grill. - That's the girls. Ladies, hello. - Oh, they and they got a 2.8, dude. - Man. - Yes, 2nd Street Pike in Southeastern. - Wow, a couple of 30s. - Go down. What else do you know? - 40-year-old ladies getting back out there. Let's go, girls. - I don't know, I remember it. - Denise, the pickings are pretty slim. - But you can round somebody up there. - Oh, they're back. They left and came, Vaters is back. And this time they have up their game in a very big way. After opening and closing the 2nd generation who reopened Vaters as a dark and gloomy night, that's what I kind of remember. The dark and gloomy nightlife type atmosphere. I don't even know if that's where she went. I remember stopping there with my stepdad one time. - Did you drag her out of there? (laughs) - Get the shit in there, get the shit in there. - I'm at home watching you fucking fat ass kid. And this is what you do. - Hey, everybody's lunch, by the way. - I'm gonna need a new balloon. He's sandwich. - We gotta stop and shop. I'm gonna get a half a bun to take. - This kid goes to jeez like a chipmunk. He could eat a half a pound of cheddar already today. (laughs) - Mom, I don't feel good. (laughs) - I didn't what I had to sound like that. I had to sound like that. You know what I mean? - You sounded like that what I meant. 'Cause you had the nasal, you had the chubby cheeks. - And what do you do? What? - Huh? - I project like an artist. God damn dramatic actor. God damn something. I'll pay that much. You think I can't say publicly. - Say anything you want publicly. (laughs) - Ah, yeah, I. - Let's go down to Vader's. - No, I don't. There was another one. - It's gonna come to me. - Oh, she's a way, I call her right now. There was a couple where I remember being like, there was one. She'd go to Michael, we could go down to Michael's every now and then on street road, the wrinkle ranch. Yeah, there's one that was in South Hampton that'll pop in my head, I just can't think of it. 'Cause that's where he was. - The kitty cat club? - He was down there. He was in more, and her friend lived in South Hampton. - Uh-huh. - And she'd go out, "Wow, I'm going out, we're going out." - Where's North Hampton? - I'm from, yeah, it's like right next to each other. They're all within like, it was like seven minutes away. - North Hampton's in Bucks County? - No, there's like a North Hampton-- - High school. - Yeah, that's like Bethlehem. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Gotcha. - Ready, or Bethlehem, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's North Hampton, North Hampton township. I used to work in North Hampton Country Club. - How do you do? - But-- - It's fire too. - Are you eating all my hot dogs? - But yeah, I'm gonna have to think of the name but yeah, she'd go out. - Hey, we're going out. I'm going out, we're going out. - Patty, click it. - Cindy. - Yeah, Patty and Oli. - Nah, her-- - They weren't friends then? - They grew up Patty and she-- - Patty and Oli? - Who? - She grew up Patty. That's how she knows her. - She would step out with Patty. They wouldn't drag Oli around, would they? - Oh, I don't know. - Girls ain't out, Oli's getting drug around. - I think she got close again with Pat, 'cause she was close with, I believe, Patty and Oli with my dad, they were, and then I think like-- - Yeah. - Then once she got with, once she got with Joe, they all started spending time again together as couples. Yeah, there's some picks where, hey, she would smoke her more blood, she'd pop away. I mean, drink her a little, you know, whatever. - Zambuca. - Zambuca. - Zambuca. - Oh, she fucking. Jelly from mentalizer? - She's got a pinky ring on. All right, let's all know enough about my wonderful mother. - I don't want to talk about it. - Yeah, right, respect. Like pop it up, Bluetooth over there. - Come see me, invaders. - I just remember, I didn't understand it being a night, I remember, I'm like, it's a nightclub here. - You didn't get it. - I'm like, why aren't you open for today? So, I'll sell some lunch or something. Make this a family, it's the-- - I'm just tankin' over there. - You didn't know what was going on. - It did feel like a place that you would see on like the first 48, if that makes sense. - More like forensic files. - It was like the door cracked open. - Local. - Yeah, murder after hours. DJ get shot. - Yeah, there was a DJ, you're like, what the hell's going on here? It just felt, that was my-- - No, no, no. - My girl didn't take. - Next to a gas station. - No, you know. - No, you know. - I don't think she was ever at Vaders though. I mean, I'm sure maybe once, but I don't, that wasn't her speed, I don't think. She was a thing, she wasn't backing it up and dumping it. - No, of course not. - They got there, you see. - They had their mother of three. She was so young, crazy. Younger than I am now. - Wild. - Makes you think, huh? - Young. - Time, flat circle. - Come high. This is from Rex, $10 homie never had one red. Is it garbage if when your cousin got arrested, his mom spit out one of the offers and said, why don't you go down to Wall Street and arrest some real criminals? That's how you do it. - They love that. - That's how you do it. - They love that. - Get it down there and arrest some real criminals. - You believe this, you're hassling me? - My son's not allowed to drive through the front of his seven or eleven. Why you go down there and arrest the people who are spending our pension? - People need this meth. - Uh-huh. That's, that's a big one. - Mm-hmm. - Justifying your transgressions. - I mean, you gotta get into the whole thing of like, you know, an investigation and you gotta get into a fucking, what do they call the warrants and all that stuff. It's really tough taking that white collar. - It's a crime. - It's much easier to pick up her dirt bag kid for doing whatever he did, you know. - Plus the patrolman's not really responsible for that kind of investigation or the FBI. Right? - Like all I had. - Detective. - Security's exchange commission and all that kind of stuff. That's what I would have told this broad. - I know what it took to spit wood. - Um. - Licked it. - We used to, I used to get a lot. whatever would be downtown I mean you get a parking ticket you see that you see that now too cuz like that's a bit that's big for workers like if you're like a construction workers then you got to park your van you got a fine party especially you got a park you got a fine park you got a park and then you got to go feed the meter every two hour you get a ticket something out here trying earn a living believe that you're fucking breaking me off the hospital park 120 bucks maybe he can't win in this city that we'd hear that a lot really breaking the balls that'll work in me that PBA show me the worst to the what PBA show PBA oh and Philly was it called parking wars or something which I had that was so funny cuz that got big you read for that didn't you I was I mean I've lived it a couple of times they uh it was so bad and so corrupt that they were like let's make a show on it and Philly that's like cuz it was like owned by a third it was a private company the PPA is like a private company with public funding or something like that it's all fucking white colleague go rest them down there at the fucking PPA you want to get me a ticket talk kickbacks yeah it's all kickbacks kickbacks from the token trunk the tow truck companies the mechanics everybody's in on it they would take everything for us that show do people would go you the way they got you and the way it was great for fucking reality TV is you had to pay the fines first say there was two two or three two windows you go to the first payment when they go they go oh you owe $1800 now you got these people scrounging to get the $1800 as someone who did it I had to do it you fucking I didn't I didn't pay I fucking call and get this money and you figure once I and then you get down they go all right the next window you got to show all your paperwork and then they go your paperwork's bunk this you know this is a four days overdue you know you're not in spec we can't give you the car and they go well I just gave it a fucking 18 hundred and you got yeah I can't can't do none that's when people would lose it it's the reason for a bulletproof glass yeah I mean it's fucked up fucked up doing that to people out there but working why don't you go rest of real criminal why don't you rest yourself yeah say rest your look look probably look family probably made money off the fucking PPA dickheads my buddy's had a good laugh good laugh you're like in your fucking bomb with $100 bills a lot of stocking Purell and mass running early 2020 that's funny uh this one's just good this is uh fixing the bond $10 undercover brother never had one red ever fall out of a tree as an adult that's a tough look you're fucking up any fall as an adult any step I almost fucking broke my ankle yeah didn't you witness this where was I at Pittsburgh they have that little drop down oh my god I must killed myself in that fucking bathroom this is the three of us my head would went right into that fucking sink I want to close the door and walked out the back entrance I was never here I want to say do you push me that's like as you in a Chinese accent as you get older that's when you do realize like it's not there no more a fall like dude you would have fallen down that step the toilet was right there you could have smashed your head and you'd be I just said I would hit my head on the sink yeah you would have bled out I'm just saying that's not gonna send help for me you're sitting two feet away a traffic was a popular show was sold out show what the hell the ambulance gonna get through the crowd just fucking right in front you son of a bitch no I'm just saying night you put your hands on my nose like Chrissy I've seen it too like I almost fell in the shower a couple times when I was hit there's no bouncing back from that you're least gonna break your arm fucking some and adult in the cast too yeah cuz it's in the air it's tough tough look you don't you don't bounce back you don't fall like you used to like you could as a kid no sadder it's so much sadder uh-huh I get it that kind of shit I'll never like what nothing to step it off a curb and twist to my ankle the searing pain that's you're a real big then yeah I just don't manifest yes I'm not why did you say that as a personal attack it was a personal attack you call me fat and disgusting nobody loved me I might add it though there's stuff on but I'm still true all the same I'm saying even we're talking about being older and out of shape and falling uh-huh and I'm saying that specifically time that you hurt your ankle stepping four and a half inches you were that one was intentional I didn't mean the other one I swear to god I was painting a picture of you I was there asshole all right you know what you try yeah I was a big fat pig I'm still big fat pig now you're not you're looking good everybody's complimenting you who's down that's a 4x isn't it you how you dead it's a 2x 2x out nobody's more proud and bigger supporter of you than I am big dog is that true yeah tell you yeah yeah yeah just spin it me a hundred bucks okay you want it give me 200 there you go now I want 50s such a big loser good they're fake you don't get a hundred fake anyway what do you get no I don't I gave you all the hundreds when I get hundreds when we got paid in cash at one time I was like four years ago yeah I didn't spend I don't I don't spend my money on you're sitting on them 50 some not long ago yeah no you're not where the fuck else when I get 50s that's from that payment which they just asked if we want to do another one of them yeah we do I'm bad you're gonna say yes we do I'm doing weekly if you need me a corporate gig up there in the island uh-huh hey dang yeah I still got say that still floating around really man oh how quick was yours going that night that's great that's why I didn't give it to you that night aha no that that night that was recent that's clean then yeah dickhead okay what was that last week yeah yesterday um yeah no yeah I still have that some of it no none of it whatever we talk about me being a fat pig phone I was I was saying Jesus Christ it's like fucking it's just like I feel it's like Leo and uh I wasn't going to recover I was saying you worked the deer board okay what the fuck who said you had a problem I just said you got a fucking man you get that fat guy sweat when you do something like that like that you get into the plumber like is the blood pumping the right way is there a clot going to form what's my cholesterol doing it at any you know what I mean that's an every the whole system get put on the whole system everything I stub my days it is to the hangnelline helping everything fucking it's like death of a thousand cuts that's tough I also I was thinking about yes I want to compliment yeah I was next to a uh specifically larger gentleman had the fat guy smell and it made me really appreciate all your previous years of being fat you're doing great never we'll said this never had the fat guy smell which takes a lot of work this guy had like the musty old like shirt that was like wet for too long kind of in the deep days of the depression last summer when I would go like four or five days without shower and I would get it would be all sweaty and stuff anybody get that yeah no I've I've always been very uh funny I liked it being in that you know sick so this is from the water boy over there on was from the water boy $10 TB watcher to oh to be watcher to be $10 to be watching their fucking to be up as we speak by the way why they're doing a lot of shady shit why the fuck you might go down there and arrest them what no the real the real the people who are fun doing shady shit yeah don't arrest to be let's can we just leave to be alone not us right but just let to be be to be what are they doing what they're great they have great movies but I get that what are they doing they're starting to fucking creep in with the ads and this and that they were primarily based on ads no that's why it's free yeah but not upfront they they start the movie for you uh now you're getting three rolls uh Luke smoking a couple of pre rolls hey that makes a little moon racks then they get Tommy all jacked up Cleveland do you hear that yeah on the side huh well somebody blowing a fat whistle man that freaked me out I heard I pitch squeal I heard thunder last night that went on too long they're telling like yeah whoa I heard it was like maybe like midnight yeah around that time was rolling and I was like oh fuck those are those are bombs we're locked in yeah I assume they're blowing up fucking the gas refineries out in Queens or something like that here we go don't get my suit don't get the rifle just shoot myself right away you're in the bathtub all right let's see here this one's from Fortner $10 is it garbage to bury your dad in the front yard he had he had over 500 plus acres and we buried him 30 yards from the front of the house well you got 500 acres you're on in that land I respect it that's a let's read Yellowstone that's some john dutch yeah but why not give him a little bit a little bit of separation will breathe the room yeah something in the back so we Nice a little garden. Yeah, it's a something you gotta like bang a left around you know I mean like around the corner 30 yards from the front. That's a little T close for comfort for me Yeah, it's like where you put in the Christmas decorations if he was cremated. I get that's okay cremated in burial. I've never seen that done. Yeah, my dad's bear. Yeah, so is my stepdad a little piece of him first I ever heard I got I got a I got a jar of them my mom's got a jar. Mm-hmm. I had a jar of them at the old house Oh fuck I love my dad over here. I'm coming I feel like he got to be a 15 minute walk away. Yeah, like 15 minutes. Yeah, like I've never seen I'll be a contemplated walk 15 minutes I'll never see you. Luke, come on 15 minutes you want to be able to contemplate in five minutes is all you need Around the corner put a bushing 15 minutes. This is how we get this is how they get buried 30 yards from now. Yeah You you probably put them in a basement if you could I keep right next to the fucking TV Lexus fucking Archie bunker. I don't know if we could do I don't know if I could I get the cremation then burial. I don't know if I could put them bones and all in the 30 yards away from the house They're doing some drill in or something. Yeah, something hurts that have vanished shit Hey, this was a sound weapon. Yeah, well, you don't think I'm trying to take this out first who I don't know who's ever coming after We're broadcast we could unify the country after everything falls apart for all they know. Mm-hmm. I take us out first Sure, I'm okay with it All right Luke, I'm gonna protect you I just need your father's sexual favor. I need you. I need your father's checkbook and a car And about license Yeah, I couldn't know I couldn't do the bones Knowingly like he's just your dad's bones are out there. Oh, yeah, maybe my dad's bone. I'd be okay with now But anybody's I don't want to be that close to fucking bone. I don't like it those caskets are too like luxurious They're like steel. I don't want to take for the body to go in there like a hundred years. I want to go right in the dirt I think they go very quick. I think that's the whole idea. No, those caskets don't don't break down. That's all metal. I think they do I was under the impression that they do break down like they have like like the bottom of it. I think breaks down. I don't know Coffin's decomposition can take anywhere from one to a hundred years depends on one. Yeah, well, it's like you you have like the the debtors One's like a cardboard. I also think there's some religion. I think that's what I want I want to go I want to get in there within the soil. Go quick. I think I think religious some there's some religions that go like Thin piece of mason. I mean, so I was mason. I'm real thanks to the Amish. Isn't that what it's called real thin Linoleum. Luan. No, what? Luan is wood. Okay. That's not what I'm thinking of. I know I'm correct. Fucking dickheads. What the fuck? Said Linoleum. Like I'm redoing like I'm redoing a kitchen in the 70s. Linoleum fucking jerk off Yeah, no, it's like it's just like a fucking like a big shoebox So you're, you know, miss it. I like your half way comb by the time the fucking by the time they're out of the funeral baller You know what I mean? I got soup last thing from a joint. It fell out of the bottom of the container I'm like like heated through it. Yeah, it's so hot. So something similar like that. Sure That's if you need a soup analogy to get it's tomato bisque Taken tacos. You're rid of it. Pretty good. You're getting tomato bisque from a taco joint. It's like a fusion taco place They had they had a tomato bisque ramen It was pretty good. I get that. I want to go to that taco mall. No. Oh yeah, you're real fucking Taken tacos. Okay. That's where we're going. All right, I'm talking tacos. Down the good talking tacos. I had to say it four times All for all for one cup of soup that falls out of the bag. That wasn't their fault. That was mine. I Presumed no But it leaked through I don't want to leak through plus like that silk inside the coffin. Actually, it's weird Why does it look like that Some Notre Dame shit some Eagles gear Naked in a box in the soil Okay, whatever you want is this written down anywhere. So I don't have to fight your family about it Right this shit down They'll probably be to charge a meat and greets Fucking have you posed up on a sit behind a fucking kitchen the kitchen table you walk out you get you spend 20 bucks You get to take your final picture with it with foley. He gave you five times you'd be milking me for everything I got That's why I'm purposely not writing anything down So I can enjoy that from hell. It's just screw me one last time Like Jacob Marley. Oh, Jacob Marley was I don't Who Jenny Craig is I'd them never saw her you ever we ever gonna look at her I have she had to be a more voluptuous lady. I don't want to be it probably after all that's real peace. Yeah, she's real She has to be probably tight peace ass. Isn't it the red head girl I think that's Wendy Fuck is Wendy Dave Thomas's daughter. Yes, she is I Seen her is that Ernest Hemingway? I'm looking Latifa. No, it looks like Ernest Hemingway There she is weight loss guru Jenny Craig I've tied you a Thai body. I love that 90s mom look with the gold the hair done up those dresses What one the second one. Yeah, that's still like leftover that's still influence from the 80s But like they're getting a little more refined. You know what I mean love that Hey, the All right, let's see here. This one's from all the toes $10 glass case of emotion ever been stuck in a revolving door Stop can he get stuck in there? They stop the big ones at the airports will stop if you get too close they stop I'm assuming that's what he's if you get too close So there's there's you're thinking of like the manual one that you get in and you push There's the automatic ones that there you can fit like two families and they turn real slowly Those if you get too close to the Front of the door or the back of the door as a safety feature they stop so it doesn't sweep you on so it doesn't yeah Whatever it is but you also you got a time it and so there's a there could be seven other people go in the other way And it's just always fucking gets fucked. I'm assuming that's what you start with unless his bozo gets stuck in a fucking Three-piece revolving door, you know, I mean But no, I've never been stuck in a revolving door I don't I avoid those big ones at all cost for that reason though. I don't like the ones in the subway. I don't really fit That's not so many stop you stick that was always the thing. Yeah, they stop you and they stick you Yeah, I mean they still I feel like they were robbing people like you really just have to have someone put their foot against it You're stuck in there and then I think they go give me your cell phone or whatever And they're on the a train out Fuck that Yeah, I'm sticking back with my ship keeping my shoe Hey, how you gonna bend down to your shoe and that thing that thinks I did a telephone. I was spring on it It's like I'm sorry. I forgot who I was talking about yeah, totally All right, let's see here. This one's from Adam a NLA great name $10 investor never had one red is a garbage of growing up Your father bragged about his bartering skills after 08 a lot of vendors couldn't pay him for his contracting work Instead of coming home with cash my dad would brag to us how he made more via bartering Previous examples include 300 dot three hundred dollars worth of shallots for a two hundred dollar cash job shallots $700 of nearly expired toothpaste for a four hundred dollar cash job and His all-time best a shopping bag full of whatever he wanted from a small-time convenience store owner who owed him a couple hundred We still have some of the cigarettes and tic-tacs from the score damn Shallots go quick though. I guess you got to then pedal them. I guess you moved the shallots I mean what's I mean what's the fucking pound the shallots go for 300 pounds with the shallots? That's a lot of shit load. Yeah Charlie You can get him you can keep him for a year in the freezer if you try Frozen shallots. Yeah, no, it's a great way to preserve that shit out of here. How are you gonna keep on them shallots in a fridge? You're all your ice against smelling onions guys kind of got a deep freeze for sure All right, I'll do it. I don't know why you're so miffed by the fucking can also pickle I like that I like pickled onions pickle shallots pickled onions pickled cabbage pickled onions are great Big fan yeah, it's very Beat in the means does a lot of the pickled stuff right? I don't think I know I wouldn't know Okay, you took offense to that somehow not sure, but we will move on this one's from the water boy We never got to the water boy the $10 to be watcher talk to me never have one red you ever meet any One with a pet ferret my fourth-grade teacher would bring two every day in the pouch of her hoodie I listen, I don't know much about much that's a dance was sing that's a bad school that is not a great school is it okay if I bring my ferret to school I was she probably wasn't asking and that goes to show that the school had bigger problems than the teacher bringing to fucking two rodents with it you got a ferret in the classroom alright I seen kindergarten cop that was pretty cool yeah I didn't like it but a teacher with a two ferrets in her house get a dog that place must have reaked I don't yeah they're too like Rodini for me to like want a cuddle you know what I mean the hands are too small that musk are human hands too yeah don't like all fingernails I don't like that uh-uh freak me out not my cup of tea all right let's see this one's from Jim K 10 dollar retry 10 dollar retired tweaker here yeah nice did you ever try to learn how to count cards that's a I don't understand it that's a big one I don't understand I have not have but like so obviously poker was really big and then that that movie 21 came out and that was everybody's they gave you the they gave you the rundown hold on let's say it's one deck yeah okay just because you know there might be two aces left in the deck you don't know when they're coming doesn't matter your your but the edge goes to you you now know so that the debt there's like a and I'm making either these are the loose rules how many decks that I use now I think there can be like it's I think it's like three five seven nine or so it's like a bunch a shoes a bunch of fucking a bunch of decks I don't know how many because the lower the deck that's like more salt after hey what's a shoe is the thing that they're in what you know that we've played I've never heard it called a shoe that's crazy I've played blackjack with you like 10,000 times I never heard anybody call the shoe I'm not saying it's not I'm just saying you're kind of a dork for knowing that okay no offense okay to you personally okay no non-taken okay I understand where you're coming from if I said something like that you'd make fun of me hit the shoe to on the river yeah okay maybe for sure I get where you're coming from definitely yeah I was I was flexing I wasn't that's just what they're called I don't know there's like three things you need to that you learn at a poker or a blackjack table whatever what are they shoes socks pants underwear in that order me them all listen it's like you value the deck so like I don't I don't know the rules but it's like anything a non-face card is minus one a face cards plus one so as they come out you keep score so for every face card that comes out you go okay plus one plus two minus one minus two and you keep this score and I think when it gets to like 16 or something like that if it's ever plus 16 it's like a heavy deck which means the chances of you getting face cards is a lot which you want face cards they you know your odds go up it just reminds me I saw I never tried it I don't know that I just know that I they explain it to the movie a friend of mine's name was gonna play cards and say him as buddies you want to go play cards and I was like no I appreciate that when I look down and I saw the briefcase the silver you hate it I mean we've gone into you hate it I'd rather blow my fucking brains out but the inverse of like what if this is just a now a guy carrying like hundreds of chips in his hands or in plastic bags won't look stupider fair enough that's a good point I never thought the briefcase if you're not if you don't enjoy cards also I don't know anybody rolling with those briefcases anymore that was a very of the guys were of the time in place yeah yeah for sure it is a tough law I mean anything stainless steel it's like show it's like look and it's got that I got the chips I got yeah I get if you're not a fan I get how that's a the visuals visualization of a tough hang for sure but I think it is a dirtpack thing to for sure dirtpack thing to try and learn how to count cards and like myself have a loose understanding from a movie you saw 15 years ago you know what I mean that's very so I need yeah that's all I'm like I got I think if anybody brings up I go I get it plus plus to you know I know I haven't been sharpened my skills recently some a little rusty but I know the basics the same way with the app like text with like poker I'm like playable but I don't know what the good black check play I like playing black check with the only guy like playing black check with this guy ever and you know what they go where they keep the cards in the shoe here you go yeah here's a be called the smelly shoe who came assuming right that one so we get this guy shot a beach well also put the fucking toy down you don't get to make jokes like that and play with a toy at the same time okay listen everybody everybody takes a couple of misses but you got to keep your fucking head in the game sit over here playing with an action figure I'm not playing with an action figure I just keep it in my hand okay who got it for me must be kryptonite the way you bomb it not great either what that was okay it was a little too cool like I made it try to say yeah you did say we're in a cookout you code switching an arm on okay okay okay guy all right let's see here this one's from I guess this is a Pokemon reference bug man blast toys blast toys is that I was out of the story blast toy this is blast toys is blast toys yeah SE yeah I oh I said a good Pokemon to be yeah nice one of the OGs really yeah sweet I'd be in a little ball yeah I come out fucking somebody else who is huge he's a third evolution what can I do you got two tank water cannons on your back water cannons pussy what am I doing with that it's showering people hey that okay I'm in water cannons you got hydro pump you got a bunch of moves I got moves all right anyway I want lasers phasers bombs your mega evolution kind of does that but that's a later thing that I didn't really get it oh my god let's discuss this more what do you want shoebox yeah sorry sorry the guy trying to fucking run the show I'm sorry my bother and you go Tobie McGuire uh toe for grace you sit in a cards you sit on a poker table with your headphones on getting a massage I love that getting a massage I feel like you're really you really think you're talking to me no I need you don't not think that you really just pictured me mr. McGuire might hood up sunglasses on getting a massage all the loof yeah some chick to think she's gross he definitely does he'd be great if I had a girl walk out start massage to me right now just give me a man I can eat in a sandwich or something there's always a very performative that kind of stuff like yeah I used to play like real shitty games like the fucking Taj and stuff like that and there would be people you didn't like that it's crazy it's crazy what you take offense to it's yeah I say that and you think I think I'm saying I'm better than you there's something in it no there's something there's something Taj who dragged out of the Taj dude let's say what we did listen to the nickel back are you in a band right now no and you're breaking my balls for trying to be cool what are you talking about you're insane shout out to mr. rooster oh not in the band they wouldn't let you in huh only only using you for cloud no yeah what do you pay in them to be friends with them you're the other rowdy um I move some gear um there would be you'd be playing a game you have like a hundred bucks and 50 like you have this the small potatoes small this game that you know what I mean oh I knew that I want to say the name of the game to make it even more man please shuffle butter whatever it's called I'm a fucking trapezoid what's it called a fatty bodyzoid nothing on there I got water cannons I got cannons on my whole table you pay a double d's if he is me no uh okay he's got really yes I don't grill it to these though I like old man grill it to these is their sagging my nips are fucking like razor sharp too I look like a silver back more of a store lacks this conversation's a bore lacks they that much whatever so they are I'm playing two four oh my huh you want to be like an operator too I two four oh my own pot committed well I hurry up we're almost at a pretzel rod at least this color from Vader's to pick me up hopefully she's how old am I and this is she's going to pick me up hopefully a guy who's got a truck he wants that's it that was never fed to Mom's got to get home and get a good night's sleep. He's yelling that. We're back, baby. I'm in a 58 bye. Don't forget I want to be buried in your friend, you're 20 feet, uh, $10 homie never have one red and what is the most garbage snack to have in a hospital? I saw a patient at work have a big box of club crackers and a can of cheese spray. I'd say we got to wrap it up. That is certified dirt bag. Shit, dude. Did you do to imagine? Dude, this a can of spree. She's at a hospital is wild over by the flowers and ginger. Dr. So doctors looking over the X reason for any. You're doing it through the cracker. Oh, once I figured you could do that, get out of town, but you did. All right, two on the Omaha, three on the club crackers. Game, we love you, see you next week, peace.