Breaking Bread with Lil' Mo Mozzarella

what's up beautiful people another fun filled episode of the church or what's happening now new testament we got a guest tonight you might recognize them little fucking mo and we got my main man the Jewish hitman of love Lisa yet what's happening beautiful people I'm hope I hope you all enjoyed your father's day and whatever else you had going on but it's a whole new week we got a week left and then it's 4th of July breather so by this Friday people gonna be brain dead so don't bother because they're already gone everyone's already off what's up little mo how you doing you know chilling yeah talking to the Mike testing one two three you're looking good you got the smooth shorts on I'm sure I got the socks long socks you know I got this white shirt this is a good one unit club nice awesome the other day you're going back to work like a fucking best time yeah yeah it's what's all bullshit okay all right I don't know back to work once I fucking got a taste and I'm having to use tools okay am I going back to work what kind of work did you do before stand I owned the heat in the kitchen business with my father and then I went to I actually went to school for engineering believe in that I left school at 14 and I went back at 30 my dad when he passed away my father's my brother's a doctor and I was a fucking chem my father says you know I want you you know you could have been more so I went back to school for him and then I ended up getting a job working in engineering department in high-rise construction okay and then the pandemic hit and I went broke belly up and then I started doing this to keep myself seen but I started making a couple of little dollars you know what I'm saying like I could pay my car someone would give me 500 to go to his place and that's what happened that's how this started I bought a two-family house and got renovated it and the building apartment shut me down the same week COVID hit so have fun trying to get get permits of course I was in construction we fucking took the whole house down like you know what I mean so we went to we went to live in my grandmother's house with my son and I was just like buggin out so once they started saying all this shit about people going out of business I didn't go there's a hero I went there to see people you know that I that I like eating in their places and then the Fox 5 ran a story that I was helping everybody then I started trying to help but it really wasn't that's that's what happened and then I polished it and kept trying to find ways to pivot and you know I took a shot look at you know how you don't how you don't I got people screaming how you don't they told me Wendy Williams started it fuck I never watched her in my life Wendy Williams you don't seem like a Wendy Williams fan I'm just saying so we for friends he says it but you don't do it the same way everyone does everything who gives a fuck are you having a good time doing it yeah I'm having fun up you know what I'm what's weird for me you don't have to say like you report yourself I don't realize how much work I'm putting in and when I take a second to chill I'm like damn like I got all this shit going I got people coming up to me oh you're doing so great you know and I'm like just working working yeah I feel like I'm just working another day in a life we got like you were you doing were you doing this at all and working a day job after COVID or by the time COVID ended you were full time when I first when COVID stopped maybe I was making 2500 a month off it so my boss was cool he said um keep going I don't care but the employees started being scumbags what I saw what I used to do is let's see I had a booking I would tell the guys you know we had union workers I would say here's 500 boy you guys treat yourself I'm gonna run out and go do this and I come back then I saw feeling like I'm robbing my boss so I went and had conversation him he said look take a shot I think you're hilarious do we got to do worst case scenario you ain't gonna forget I wasn't a guy who got a job because I knew somebody I got a job because I knew where I was doing we said you're not gonna forget where you're doing go and see what happens so that was it and then I went back to work one time for a competitor that he said I could act like a little mole he don't give a fuck and I couldn't be on a construction site everybody had done it was just didn't work out so that's it now I got to make it work you know good for you the beside your boss you having a good people in your corner to tell you to stick with it no my friends are crazy my friends that wouldn't even be on a fucking camera they would call me a rat for being on a camera I wasn't even allowed to think a picture in the office I got office come up to you nobody wants nobody gets hurt they call me right these guys are and then once I saw doing good everybody's wants me to go to a restaurant this I want everybody I'm done I'm done now my phone rings I thought I got another number that I split it over to you can have two SIM cards I flip it over call my phone would be off but now now I do I got I got an interesting group of people like it's weird for me like I feel like you have an agent like an agent yeah I got an agent or manja who's the agent where you're Morris and the manager and bros Dean okay yeah like an agent manja um listen when I it's funny because when I when I first went out like whatever the people that looked out or give is always people like a guy like you like your seasoned guy say you cool I get people like that are cool I think and I'm like that too I think of you because some people if they're better they don't want that you don't try and say like anybody that you threaten right okay that's what comics through they feel threatened and you threaten yeah so they've been doing comedy 15 years yeah you're saying how you're doing you know I got a whole story but you know it was crazy I was watching Matt Rife right and I'm watching them and I'm saying this kids quick on his feet but he don't have the swagger like we have so in my head I'm like damn man I could fucking somebody who's a little a little fucking slick they could get away with talking and black spanish I could say shit to everybody I only have one person leave my show when I gave a hundred to tell you get the fuck out there so like when I'm saying as I said I said to myself you got a little flavor like I watched him because we grew up quick in our feet you know what I'm saying and he's quick on his feet but it's a different style and and that started embedding my head and then really what happened as I was hosting a wing eating contest and Buffalo was like 80,000 people and I'm in front and I'm like I get I get live and up from the crowd yeah you got that and I was just to myself I'm like you know I was looking to separate myself from the social media guys because I never felt like one I keep me as an adult they're all kids and I'm a type of person if I do something somebody on camera then I hate him I want to race it from the world so I they just don't grow up like us you know what I'm trying to say like I'm old school I grew up all the guys I was a younger guy you're older than me but I grew up with my father my uncle and truck like I've always been around all the guys like if you say something you're wrong I don't have to prove you're wrong I just show you respect yeah and he's he's not Uncle Joe I'm gonna start a fucking argument for right who gives a fuck like I way I grew up if if you're mad at me you don't gonna say sorry like you can say sorry you'll push your plate possibly and then if I say something I don't fucking want it there's a problem but you get what I'm saying like we grew up different these guys so I just want to separate myself from all these guys so I was like fuck it I'm gonna try to do comedy I had brokered so W didn't want to sign me at first with comedy they were just wanting the social media thing and then I broke it that I got a comedy agent my branding agent left and my comedy agent took the lead and he was a cool dude he was like yeah if I ate them he's like come on you gotta get out there you gotta do what you gotta do and really but I couldn't get time nobody wanted to give me time site to my own show I mean Rodney's you know Rodney's I saw four shows out I mean and then I was it you know I was with an effort manager at the time and I was it they saw a book and shit we did 14 shows sold them out 14 went to 42 we did 38 sold out then I got 70 shows nationwide and then it went start slowing down you know I sold out some good ones Hollywood improv I did on a Monday that was good but you know I had my shows I didn't sell I had a lot of shows I lost money you know I mean you know the business yeah I went to Petaluma California what the fuck is that I want to do some fucking there's a Masonic wholesome I mean that series it really was it was like live nation God it was like it's a Masonic wholesome they put me in these fucking places the woman who who like owned it like looked at me I'm so feel so bad you know Rouge we could have helped you sell tickets so why didn't you they never did calming the places before I was like a test dummy they were like I'm the king of I go some place and they're like every other show we sell out I don't know what it is this way yeah no right talk you should've been here last week yeah every show there were people on the feelings you know and then you there and they're always giving excuses a race and town yeah there's a family function there's a fucking yeah that's what they tell you I don't sweat it but last week fuck you appealing people off this motherfucker but this week you have 46 people about me I didn't know they robbed you with the count oh I'm doing it shit I'm pressing them I says give me the let me see the fucking count we're talking about I see because you know what I'll do I do the math backwards so it's got 300 people in the joint I'm gonna count them I count the empty seats and I do the math right I go up to and I catch them all the time it starts the way the businesses you I did a place that I they said they had 80 camps they told me to give away you gave 80 camps and those people will talk to them and they get that's crazy that's bullshit of course they gave 30 camps and I know they had a race with the cops yeah you move fast and you move quick take what they gave me you don't want let's be a problem. Yeah. If you know know for a fact, but on the side, in fact, don't even say nothing for your region on Monday. And then you'll know if he's on collute with them, right? A lot of them are in codes. That's just the way life is. You know, you steer somebody, it's like everybody talks about the medical profession. What do you do? You give them, if you come in for a fucking toenail hang, they'll give you the same shit. This will work. At the end of the year, they got a trip to Hawaii, you know? I know it's a new racket. They don't run in your socials. That's the biggest racket going, because you don't people get good money to run your socials, right? This people get five comedies paying five thousand for one, to run your social, to post your post. I don't we don't talk about that here. Oh, no, we're talking about life here. So, you know, people get to talk about your socials, right? No, I said, it's arrived. Yeah, no, no, no, that's that's the fucking mid idiots that never sold the nickel bag in their life. They don't know how to fucking sting, you know, they don't know. And then you have to post all the time to find out your best times. You're signing with some guy doesn't know your trends. He doesn't know anything about you. He said, oh, you got 20 new people, which are all computer Chinese people. Just the best computers, you know, those all that shit's a scam. Stay away from it. They're all you could buy people. I don't want to buy nobody. Then they do a video and there's no comments. But like, I ate million people. Come on, man. Come on. You had to wake up early in the morning and pull the fuck away. Come on. You got eight million people with three times. One of them was your grandma. Give me a fucking break. And that's the problem with this business. There's distractions. It's like your agent. I guarantee calls you Fridays to give you a booking. So does your land in the hotel. Hey, we got it up because you don't have your book with you. You don't have your book with you. You don't have time to know where Toledo and Cleveland is. So you booked Toledo. And it's an hour away. People are going to come and see and go, we just saw you three weeks ago. And they're going to be on top of things. Damn it. So these are all the things you got. They ain't going to tell you. And they ain't going to spoon feed you good. After these agents today, bro, I'm not the agents I started with. Okay, they're not. They don't give a fuck where you go. And they're on your side. Oh, yeah, you don't do that. They don't give a fuck. They don't spaghetti gets war. They got 11 guys on a Friday. They throw spaghetti out. And then some guys sell out. And some guys, the club owner said there was a lot of people there last week. And this week, there was a race who gets a fuck. He just didn't sell a ticket, you know, and not that's the problem that they have. Everything's a fucking smoke screen. And everything, a comic like you right now, you should be wearing them. I was writing jokes and getting on stage. Don't worry about the fucking socials. You do the best socials. Anyway, why are you going to pay someone like a kid that went to Syracuse? Never eating some shigs ass hole. You don't know nothing about life. Well, I'm telling you, you ain't going to have to do anything for me. I'm going to put if somebody she she like, you've been down this road, you know, or you're giving me knowledge. If someone hasn't done something before, we'd never take advice from anything. Yeah, you're going to tell me how to put a boyluring. Yeah, no, no, second hold a tie and sit on a bucket. They should come out. What was that? I'm a little something. That's a little stuff. You got a soft show. I love stuff. I love that. I love that money. Go money, go money. But that's like when you get to LA, what do you want to do? Want to add? Okay. We like you little mole. Now you got to get head shots. Well, I got a friend. No, we got a guy that's been in a life magazine. It's 800. Then they start with a little more. I see you as a pizza guy, as a gangster, as a delivery driver. We want you to take head shots for all those. So it's whatever, if you keep saying, yeah, it's like that chick that says, Oh, fuck, you have to buy me a diamond. You know, I thought about it. I want two diamonds. And they keep raising it. You don't do none. I ain't doing nothing. I'm giving you one eye shot. If you're real, because you're telling me, right? They're all telling you how good they are. You'll make it work with a head shot, how to manage you for three years, never even had a head shot. I got me into fucking so don't tell me your bullshit. You don't they don't want to sell. They just want to send the head shot. It's a miracle. Yo, listen, I don't know what you're doing for this movie, but you got to take a look at little more, a little harder. They don't do that no more. It says on the breakdowns, no inquiries, please, and they believe that. They buy into that. We're from fucking these coast. Well, I was working on what you don't. It doesn't matter. We don't buy into. No, I'm saying we could sell. I can sell. We don't get to get to get to do. We don't buy into none of that shit. Get what you got. But right now, but what about the thought you next time? Once you make me money, you're telling me about all this money I'm going to make. And now you, I don't have that money right now. Let's just get the ball gone. Get on the fucking phone call some people and they don't. Well, we didn't get no cup. Well, you're not supposed to. We think the bird of happiness, you open your door. He's right there with a check fee every fucking day. Oh, you got to get out of the house, got to move the car. I do a thousand things. It's the same way. I haven't fucking lifted a day of white and everything up. Well, if you want to be white, you need to go find a lot of be like, I just want you to know that I'm trying to make money. I'm not going in there being I don't know nobody. When you go into the audience, you don't know about, you know, people going, I'm a friend of George. I don't know about. I don't know. I don't want to know about it. I made a do a fucking job to rock your world. Everything else. It's just, you know what I'm saying? And that's your green. So they're going to say, oh, I'm fucking green. All that dumb shit, you know, they're going to sell you all that shit. And you're going to go, no, not interested. It's been working for me this way. Why would I go to your four year college day? Yeah, you've never done that. You've maybe played the tuba. That's great. That's all you've ever done. And that's the problem that we have today. You have too many pots in the fucking thing. And nobody at the end of the day, we don't know what's going on. Yes, you're doing with you do live nation shows. Right? Instead of going to look at your tickets and your tickets are eight hours now. And you sell for them. Do you get the balance for that? No, go so junior fees or shit. Yeah, nobody knows, no, I didn't know, nobody in the cases, we don't know what that money goes. In pedal moment, when I did it in the machine, it was a lot of nation since we don't know, okay. Okay, that's how they are. So you got to hold a little piece. You always have an ace in your pocket. I'm always thinking way ahead of them. I always got an ace in my pocket. Yeah. And once you start working with the same agent, you learn they're trying to fucking get you to work. I'll tell you whatever you need to hear. It's a great room. It's like when people say to me, come look at the theater. Listen, I want to look at your fucking ugly theater. I don't care. I'm arrayed to the show here. I don't care for Jimmy Hendrix played here. All I care about is that check. And it better be right. Everything else, I don't fall for all the smoke and mirrors they want you to fall for. No, nothing. It's tough business. Maybe tough business. That's a toughest. Stick into a modem and sticking by it. When I got clean from code, I was not doing any numbers. I was a sound no ticket, but everything changed. I went back to being me. Now, I did business when I was a kid. And that's what started working for me. I didn't fall for that bullshit because I know none of it worked. What they want you to do. When when I started, right, when I was selling all those shows, then I signed with a manager company and I ended up going to do my second half. I told you the nationwide thing. And I ended up using a company with the social media and what. My tickets won't lose this. You know, I felt I felt like I felt like they were almost like I told you so. You know, you're my team. Imagine like, oh, you could, because with me, it's, it's one of them things. She's out. It's so quick for me. It's like, either if I pull it off, they're going to be like, you smart. And if I fuck up, you'd be like, I know that's how I felt almost. So I ended up part ways. But what I'm trying to say is it's a tough business for someone who come from another business and I was making futiles. I didn't, like, in other words, I didn't get into the common go, this is my last shot. This is what I got to do. Because I'll go somewhere else if I can't make a dollar. That's the way I am. I got three kids, you know what I mean? So that's my mentality. People say, well, why are you doing a comedy if you sent your passion? And I say, could my father died with bone cancer? And he worked till he's dead. So my father's up dead, laughing. Imagine you got these fucking people paying to go see you and you act like me. That's what he's saying. So, you know, I have the opportunity to arise. I work hard though. Like I work fucking like an animal. Yeah. Yeah. It's seven in the morning you're up looking at breakdowns. Yeah. And then at nine, you're writing, then you got to put up with the kid for an hour. And you got into it. And you're saying something, you're talking about money a lot. Yeah. And stand up. You have to look at your face. There's no money. You've been blessed and you've been lucky that you're getting so outs and stuff like that. But I want you to focus on what the focus is. And you've been the funniest mother fucker. Nothing else matters because at the end of the week, they could take your money away. They could take your wife away. They could take your kids away. They can't take the funny from unless they slash your fucking throat and take your tongue out. So that's the most important fucking thing. I think we forget the social media forget all that shit comes and goes. All that shit comes and goes. Watch social media who gets on your nerve every day. Me? No, who gets on your fucking nerves on social media? It's 18 polls with nothing to say. Everything has to have a purpose, a purpose every time he does those are a million dollars to me those post. So they have I can't go on there. Look at what I'm eating. I just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Me and you do it to get a free meal and to get some cloud completely different. But to get a little weird, this is so healthy. I know I hate, I don't like any dress up with the grandma's people. Oh, I love reading what social media is like Facebook or where to connect. I don't connect with nobody. I don't want to connect with. Somebody even get along with an eighth grade or freshman year. Who do you want to connect with? That whole thing is business. And that's where people got it wrong when they go on there and post politics or our grandmother's sick. It gives them a lot of change in the world. Yeah, just that's business. Whatever you have, whatever you do for a living, there's a way to angle it with social media. Nobody's going to do it for you. You got to figure it out yourself. And after 14 months ago, oh shit, I got it. It's trial and error with that company did what they did with you, what they do with everybody. Yeah. And they get the same results. Nobody sells tickets with those. I told you, you got to be Bobby Fisher. Yeah. Nobody sells tickets with those people. When you started doing videos, was it planned or are you just recording yourself being? I did it talking shit about the important way. Yeah. Yeah, because I said, I don't use Irish. Okay. And I sure, this guy's Irish talking about pizza. That's the mentality I had in my neighborhood, you know, I just like to go do, I'm going to go do that. But I'm going to, why should I just do pizza? I should do everything. That leads in all the shit. But then it was fun to actually rain into him. Someone tells me he says, Hey, no, I was watching their videos with him. I was trying to talk. So I go, I'm in the Hamptons. My wife goes, they put nose in there. So I burn in there. I go up to him. I think he knows me. What do you want to do? I get done. He's like it at me like, I'm crazy, right? So then I text my friend. I said, you told me he's watching my fucking videos with me. He goes, now he knows you. I bow right into him. He's coming back in the store. His glasses go flying. My ship was over the floor. And he goes, who are you? And I said, I'm all, you know, I says, I kind of took what you did and I make a cup of ice. He's like, like, you know, almost like it's a back end. The compliment, you know, he says, you make a money. I said, yeah, he's all right. And that was it. That was my important stuff. But that's how I started. Because I was seeing him go to these reviews. And I was like, call let me go. Now everybody does that. I can't even look at somebody doing it for the day. I hate it. If someone reaches out and they want me to put on their business and pay me, I'll do it. Or if it's a fun, listen, there's people paying up for four grand. Yeah, you to come to their restaurant. Yeah. That's insane. That's more money than you make on a club. But, you know, man, I don't want to get into that business. Yeah. That's the problem. I don't want to get into that business. But when did you start a stand-up? That's 91. 91. How old were you? 28. 28. I didn't get it from being famous or none. I just got into it. It's like a style of gel, you know? Two big differences here. Yeah. Yeah. But your motivation and my motivation. I was away when I was a kid. I went to adolescence. And that's a motivation to stay out of here. Yeah. So, you know, it's a different motivation. Yeah. When I was a kid, I went away young and then I said, when I get old, I never want to go back. No. No, you learn. This is either going to be my life. Yeah. Why, but do some. I got to do something to stay out of this fucking dumb because they got no Chinese restaurant. They got no cable TV, you know, they got this second go to. No Chinese. What's your go-to food? Go to right now. You eat anything you want. Are you a Facebook guy? You don't look like a Facebook. No, you're this. You eat good food like it's Facebook. That's right, though. Right. What's your thing? You like stuff shows? Yeah, but stuff shows just came back into my life about a month ago. They have been going on for forty fucking years. Where's nobody get them? Nobody has them. My friend has them on the menu. It lost to me. Oh, yeah. I've seen you talking about this. It's sick. The way you made it sound was crazy. It's sick. In fact, when I talked about on Rogan, I didn't know this. They had sold out Friday. When I went in on Tuesday to get them like Joey, we got to make them scratch. Take your time. They sold out sold out sold out because I know the dish is sensation. And I know you're not going to come back at me with some stupid fucking guess what? Nobody else got them. No, it's good. No matter where I go, be short rib. It's just something about it. You can't fuck it up. I'm not when you get older. You'll see meat doesn't hang with you too much. When I get a 14-hour steak, it's got to be fucking clean. Like clean. Oh, you build, Jim. I went to get a steak there. One of my favorite places for lunch. Let me get a 14-hour. It looked like somebody's pussy and they smashed it with a mallet. It had fat fucking. It was unequal. It was fucking horrible, you know? You go to a nice place and I ate it. It's a nice place, but they just gave me a shitty piece of fucking meat. I went home, I was shit in blood. Listen, my asshole is a test. It's like in the old days, people were, "Oh, we're going to test cocaine, put it in the out. Listen, put it in my nose. I'll tell you what the minutes, how good this cocaine is." Okay, we've got to become back. Everybody's on coke. Yeah, but fucking crazy. But that's the same rap feel with meat that, you know, you want to buy a lizard meat? There's tons of it available. You want to save four bucks on meat, this funger meat available. You know, I don't even know the difference with all these different cows. Me neither. You don't need to know. Can you eat a bull? No. Wait a second. I think people eat bull. No, I know, but I don't know, but this people eat it right? I have no fucking idea. Beef too. I can't understand all this shit. Yeah, no. I don't know the difference, you know, lamb and a fucking go. You know, you go for shrimp. You go for shrimp. You can have those little Katrina shrimp. You don't want to say don't clean up, right? You get a nice prawns for yourself in your family. Crazy. Yeah. You got sleep apnea. Mm-hmm. You got the machine. You put them on your nose. Mm-hmm. I got the one for my man. I tried them on the nose. I felt like I was swallowing bullies. I got into the whole fucking thing. One a year's now. One a year's. No problem. You got to use it more, right? Got to use it every night. You got to fucking die. You're going to fucking die. What the fuck? That's the way you got to look at it. I know. I don't do it. That shit kills motherfuckers. It does. So you know, my tongue was dry. Makes you tongue dry, right? Makes everything dry. It makes you dig dry because you're not processing. So let's say you're on the diet. You're going to gain weight because you're not sleeping. You're going to be on the best diet, fucking Johnny Sweeney rubbing your feet. If you don't get eight hours, you ain't got the machine. I got to use it. I use it a couple of times. It's all used to weight. That's little by little. One night, two hours, the next night, two, 15, the next night, two, 30. I see you suffer. And then one day, you're going to get sick and tired of fall asleep by the car. You're going to get sick and tired of feeling like I can do anything. And I still feel like shit. And that's when you go, you know what? Let me pay attention to this because you'll get an older mouth. Yeah. If you were 23, I'd tell you snuck coke and not put the machine on like I did. I never put the machine on. But you start waking up. You start feeling at the daytime. And it's the truth. It's a slow. I had the same model and serial number something. I seen you. I don't want the nose. I seen you with it because everybody thought you were dying when they seen that. Oh, no, no. That's the hospital. That was the hospital. I can see that in the museum. No. When they get fucking surgery, you're in the surgery and give you that. Yeah. That's what they put your nose for oxygen, brother. That's what everybody puts in your nose. Even when I go to hyperburetic chamber, that's what my favorite place to go. I swear. This is shot. I think I learned this one. I was away. It was a kid. I go to city MD all the time. Firmary. You know where you go to infirmary? No. The nurse. You don't want to infirmary? Yeah. But like you don't you want to get sick? You go there. Yeah. I used to get neurotic. I would go there and fucking like for a tangent. So I don't know what it was. I swear to God. I did have a bit of it in. I go now to city MD. I go in there. He says, what are you in here for today? I sound fucking sick. You won't believe I'm only people coming here for attention. Yeah. I had one. I should live upstairs from them. Then what the fuck happened? You can't do many. It takes so long to get into those places. Give me a fucking. No, what happened to me now? I'm the boy who cried wolf. I hurt my knee, right? I hurt my knee. So my whole family, my kids 11, my wife, everybody makes fun of me that I'm sick all the time. My little daughter, she's got much that. Munch houses or whatever my wife said, I gave it to her. You know what munch houses is? No. That's what the faggot's have. Munch houses is like when you think when you think you're sick and you're not. It's like a disease. My kids, my daughter is four years old. She comes walking. I can't go to school today. So anyway, my wife, I tore my miniscus. They thought I was lying. They're like literally like I go waste my effort to do something. You do it. I got tore my miniscus. Yeah, all right. I went tore my miniscus. All right. Imagine. And he didn't keep me. I'm walking around find those by itself. You got one. I got like eight of them. They got yanked out, put back in. I got a herni this. What do you got? That's an older tank. They do. You got to be sicker. No, I don't. I'm not sicker. One sicker. You want to play that game? Call my wife. She'll play that game. She remembers the flu from 2011. All the flu that year was bad. What are you talking about? I was sicker. My wife went with that, but she gave birth. My wife took a Xanix and we were going to ask for she took true story. My wife was like this. You have kids? Yeah. You know, my wife's belly was this big. It was the crazy thing of it. She's my like, and I went to the doctor telling him she was going to be anxiety. So you give me Xanix. So I'm looking at her. She's like, come on, pop. And I said, I know what I'm going to think. This thing that she's going to something's going to happen. I take it as soon as I knock out. - Oh, fuck off my water, bro! - This is my first kid. I didn't know I'd think in my head, 23 hours, I'm gonna be in there, or just screaming in me like this. This is crazy. I went to sleep on a window, so I remember. - How many kids you got? - I got three. I got two little ones, too. - How old are you? - I got 11, a five, and a four. - I got a 13, I'm 63. - My, so not get the fuck off my friend. - I get that. - I got an automatic death sentence. That's why I put that sleep app in the machine. - Well, the door is in a bus, no? - Yeah, I get along great with it. - It's a bus, you know, but still. - My son's in pain, he's so lovely. - They're all the fucking painy ass at one point. I even know how much you love 'em. Doesn't matter. - Is that the picture you put up yesterday for like putting your feet on your face? - Oh yeah, for fathers. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's just crazy. - That's old pictures, man. That's what she used to climb all over me. When she was a kid, I was like a fucking. - Jungle gym? - No, the other thing, like a amusement park. I was like a fucking amusement park. - Do you guys worry about, you're talking about eating? Do you guys worry about gout? That's going around now, and that's like. It doesn't go around Italian men usually get it, because of the sauce, the aesthetic buildup. - Doesn't it really? - It's like satins, yeah. You get from the meat. - You tell me you got fucking gout over a phone. I'll be limpin' into work tomorrow. - Here's the thing, that it's so funny, because that's why I ask you a couple of questions. Italian men, real Italian men. It's a 90%, you know, 100% Italian. At some point they get two things. Here they get gout, or the body can't process sauce. It can't do it. I have dear friends that you know, can eat sauce no more. That's like killing an Italian. It's like killing an Italian. Can't eat sauce, you know? - You get the heartburn from the sauce. - The heartburn, they get really sick, and then the other half is the gout. The acid from the tomatoes, which I don't get. I went to a physical Friday. She sold me everything. The fucking COVID for the shingles. I passed on all of them. Fuck it. I walk around like Jesus with wounds. You pass it all, you're fucking, your immunizations? Like you just said, yeah, I pass on everything. Gout. Don't want to take this. - He gives me hope, I swear to God. I'm looking at him. I don't know, it's because I chewed that thing, and I'm going, you know what? I could fucking do it. - I should give you hope, bro. - You all. - Because it's the truth. I should have been dead at 36. - I know. I'm saying, you know, you went through a lot. I mean, you're here. Rock and roll. - You got a fucking relax. - Water. - I'm going to sleep. - Why don't you take shots? - Why aren't you taking the shots? - What shots? - I don't know whatever ones you turned down. You said you turned down like COVID and. - I don't want postings in my system, shingles and. - I think you find an ad that will show the friendship. - No, you take one, you're going to take 18 of them. Let's lock it up now. They haven't had their best reputation. I don't want to have a fucking vaccine. Next year I'm allergic to penis. Like, I really have a fact that my fuck is true. - You walk in a radio station changes. - Oh my God. - You don't know what the fuck they give me. - You don't know what they give me. - I don't know what they give me. So I was like, that's dummy. I don't know what they're giving these little babies, you know. - What babies? - You know, when they're born now, they give you a string of fucking vaccines and by the time the kid gets home, he can't sing. - What's that? What are you going over there? - He can't swing. - What are you going? - Nicotine go. - I got the. Forget it. - Relax. - I know. Fuck I know what you're saying. - Those things taste like ass. - That thing was good you gave me for now. Because I remember this time I took it. I felt mint. I'm walking around gene. And you're sister gene. I was pumped. And then I was it lights out. - This was nice. - This is nice. Is this about as old it's going to go? Oh, it's going to go next. - It could go any direction. You could put a thought in your mind. - Yes, like acid. - That's thing though. It's like eating a meatball. That sausage with the cheese. - Is it acid? - I got two hits left at the house. You ever want to come down and take it? - I took acid one with the kid, bro. - We got a mushroom. - Mushroom? We'll come back to acid. I was playing with a tin full bowl, right? And I molded it like a kid next to me goes, "It looks like Mickey Mouse." I said, "Why?" I looked down, I thought it was all right. I threw it out the window. The window was closed. It bounced off the window. Lend it my life. I said, "Fucking crazy." That's a good relationship story, you know? - What's happened, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here. Listen up. The cup has America by storm. And only Draft Kings has you fully covered. Now available in all 50 states. Ba, ba, ba, ba. The Draft Kings sports app includes all markets. That's right. All markets. Release the action all in one place with one app. New Draft King customers. 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You're going to get a third for free with promo code Joey. That's 90 days of swinging major league dick. They're going to send you up to Portland, Oregon, and cut trees down with that fucking bingo pole you got. Black people are going to look at you and go, what up? Because you also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping for your first order. That means if you're thinking about it right now, you can be giving mama one of those good stabs right now tomorrow, 24 hours away. Bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information as usual. I want to thank Blue Shoe for sponsoring the podcast and your bedroom. When was the first time you tried acid about 13, 12, you were young, I think I might have been young too. Like 15. I might look heavy. Do you see apocalypse now? No, it's 16. How crazy was it? tremendous. You ever see it? No, I don't. What's the thing? I never really watch it. No, you better get into it. That's your fucking mother fucking man, Marlon Brandt. He don't show up through the end. But I shown you. He showed you talking desire, remember what's that? True card name desire. Record name desire. That was the one when he fucks the chick. That dude destroyed his career and then brought it back once they didn't give fuck. Yeah. He banged anything till he didn't give a fuck. He banged man. He didn't care. Fucking women. Fags. Hey, Lizard. Yeah. He went with everything. Remember when they said that he sucked Richard Price dick. I could see every Italian man going through that DVD away that Godfather's a fag. You know. Did he really bomb? He said he did. He was like that guy Kineglia, the one for fucking ancient Rome. He banged everybody. Kineglia. Kineglia. Kineglia. Jimmy Kineglia. Let me take that back. I did it for my people. Illegula. It's fucking crazy how people have no idea when this grips you like comedy. It just takes you and there's no stopping it. Like I was. I always think about this. That came home just to eat lunch and I was married before when I was young when I first started comedy. When I got home when she goes and I talked to you, I think it's time for us to separate. I think in her mind she thought I was going to fall apart. But deep down inside I was like, thank God I got to do comedy. I got this fucking albatross off my neck. I mean, I missed my daughter and stuff. I had a three year old that time. Are you in a hat? That's what you thought right away, right? I didn't, you know, when somebody, oh, once you get hooked on comedy, it's very hard to unplug that, you know, and you start reading and you start, you know, when I came up and there was no internet, there was no internet for fucking comedy. You got to go to a video store or go to a library. Good luck finding a book on comedy in a library. One that really helps you. Good luck. When you, when you got into comedy, who was like the biggest names like at the time? Like who was real big at that time? Rosanne had just hit Rosanne had just blown up and I started in Denver. So I would hear about it a lot more Rosanne, Rosanne. That's why I lived for 13 years, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I started comedy works, 1991, good joy. And it was um, what was the question, like who was the big names at the time? It was Rosanne. The guys I knew that were big, well, I didn't know them, like Felicia Michaels. There was a San Francisco was big because MTV had a shot of San Francisco. The OMTV, whatever, so those San Francisco comics were showcased a lot, but I like Lenny Clark from Boston. That was one of my favorites. And the guy that I spoke to yesterday, one of my mentors, we got named Todd Jordan. I liked Todd a lot. We talked still. You know, 36 years later, he took me on the road to do a bunch of sororities, fraternities. We had like 18 one week and like 16 the other damn. And yeah, like he took me on two weeks or all in Colorado and Greeley. Nice. So, you know, that was, he schooled me in those weeks, that motherfucker, he's a school man, shit. And I had another guy Rick Burns, who, you know, he couldn't drive because he had 19 DUIs. So when you picked him up, I stopped in the liquor store, you know, and he went and he picked a big bottle of vodka, a little bottle of Gatorade, and he just mixed it. He was the whole bottle of vodka he put in there. You know, and these guys, like they guided you, you got an idea. I liked Rick because at the time, Rick took fifth place in the San Francisco comedy competition. And that's big in those times. That's when it was hard to even place in San Francisco. And he was like this dirty kid from Denver and went up there to take a fifth. That's fucking big and Todd, the guy who schooled me was the HBO comic of the year in 1985. And this guy wrote, like he just, his jokes were another level. And now he just writes for people, like he stopped doing stand up as I started, like, I think he's been on a stand up for like 25 years. He just writes for people on a personal level, like all these single shows that you see they have staff writers, they call Todd, and he writes for you. They don't know that you're paying them, but he writes for you. He's one of those guys, so I still took it. I want to ask you to, it's like, you know, I feel like when I was a kid, like I grew up like watching the honeymoon. It's like, that's me too. That's me too. It was funny. I remember I was in my ages, with all bunch of ages, and I was told about the honeymoon. It's happened to me twice. It happened in my office. I didn't know what he was talking about. They didn't know what he was talking about, right, because I'm saying I like, they didn't know what I'm talking about. And then when I was in LA for that Netflix crap, I was talking to Tony Inchcliffe, he didn't, he goes, I don't know the honeymoon is off. I said, why? He goes, I like the Golden Girls. I said, I like the Golden Girls too, but you don't know what the honeymoon is this? I couldn't believe that nobody knew what the honeymoon is was. I don't know if any of you guys seen a clip as a clip where Tom Sugur was on one of these Tom LaBasta shows that jerk off, and he got into like a mild argument, not really an argument. But he was saying to him, how can you be involved in this? You never watch the office, something else or something else. And I looked at the three shows, he said, and I go, I could answer that question, because to me, they were in big things in comedy. I think the office and Brexon Park, whatever that, those two shows were like, they had all the potential to be in huge. Everybody in there, there were three art shows, you know? But they're not shows that they're going to stick with you for the rest of your life. You're going to watch an episode where the sopranos still stick with you today. There's every three days something happened, you're like, oh shit, that's what Tony killed, this one or something. You know, I don't think these other shows had that, like the honeymooners was my, what do you call that foundation? How old were you when the honeymooners was out? Eight? They got shot in 1951. Yeah. I think, and they were black and white. I'm not saying the honeymooners is like the office is better than that. I'm not saying that at all. But I was watching the office and like that stuff around like high school. So I think I think it just, you know, what were you connecting with that guy with the mustache? Yeah, but no, those guys were funny because it's a director and the director calls cut and they get to say that one again. They're not funny. That's funny characters on a safety card. The honeymooners was fucking improv in part and it was something from a different level. Just all the levels of it. The way he did it, you know, when you watch the art couple, somebody was talking about the art couple the other night, but it's on every night at midnight, two episodes. I'm like, I didn't know that shit. That's a my episode of the art couple that I rock your world. I was watching Samson son, me and my wife, I just thought why I was watching, my wife watching happens. I only watch black and white. Those are the show, those are the blueprints that other shows stole from him. Other shows stole from them. There are three episodes of the honeymooners that are written so fucking brilliantly that even after watching the episode 100 times, you're like, God damn it. I watch them over and over. The one with the 56,000 dollar question, the one with the fucking money when he inherits the fucking money. That's one of the funniest episodes of all time. The money on the bus. No, when he inherited the money and he made Norton, 30% of his corporation. So Norton comes down with a suitcase next to him. He's like, what's that? He goes, how are you going to fill all the money? How are we going to bring back 11 million? He's like, Norton, are you an idiot? Well, why don't you go upstairs and cut money up and see if it even fits. I'm way ahead of you. He had already cut 11 million dollars. How about when he dressed up like the robot? Remember he made that outfit? So this is what I was getting at because that was like, I'm going to segue from there. There's a lot of mass use. When you come into the comedy to wait that I came in, I think that I'm coming into a time and comedy and this could be wrong. It's my opinion where it's like, for some reason, people think like the only way comedy's done is a particular way. And my question to you is, years ago when you had these guys, there was guys with different kind of acts, almost like volatile type of shit, right? In his 70s, the 80s, I seen people, Sanford, he had his own show. Remember? Who's this show? You know what I'm talking about? Sanford's son. Red fox. You had a red fox show. When you go, there was a comic. You probably, I don't know where he is. He was born on the top of his long hair. It was a real popular. I don't fucking know. Anyway, he was pulling. He was doing fucking things, bringing out of a good talk box. He's bringing it out shit. When I'm saying he was now in comedy, they feel like I feel like when I talk to people they make like, there's none of that type of stuff. Like I heard someone talking, Sanford was talking with Sam and, you know, what's, and Sam Morelle and what's the name? And they go, they were talking about people using a mic stand and saying, that's a prop. Like that's not common if you're using the prop. And when I'm trying to see, for me, I do all crazy shit. But what I'm saying is, back in the day, that's how comics were. When did he get like where you don't do that? I don't see nobody doing shit like that anymore. I've used the mic, but it doesn't move because that lets my hands be free to talk. But if you, but do you get what I'm trying to say, you know, no, I don't think it applies to what the fuck you're thinking, no, because all I want you to do is do comedy. I'm going to listen to those jerkholes. Yeah. Sanford's on a different level and he ain't going to give me no point in this anyway. Yeah, yeah. If they do, they talk up to you in front of you. Yeah. It's not. We're street guys. We talk to you how it is. Yeah. Put the fuck a microphone down your Italian. Move your hands. Get it, or put a one piece like Janet Jackson. You could do that and look like a real fucking jack ball. I want you to consider this. All those episodes, $99,000 question, that one is another one. But when he had that thing, it could core an apple. They were written by two people and he said that he goes on. My shows were written by two pale Jews that did not get sunlight because they were such good writers. He goes, I would have to check on them and bring them like Jewish food and whiskey. And shit. They would not leave that fucking apartment. Damn, for his writing office like a fucking, it wasn't into studio. It was at a building. He had them at a high rise and nice building. Look at the end of the silent live, I got 25 writers and it sucks. Not one time where you watch the silent live and even giggle along my God, that's a brilliant joke. I've caught them do stock jokes before silent live. So that's what I'm talking about. We just live in a, they're all very white. Oh my God, I have this idea. Your idea sucks. Okay. The most exciting thing you ever did was go to a Macy's parade. I robbed the Macy's parade. That's a difference between me and you. You have no sense of humor. If, you know, like the Nero says, oh, the other page, he says, if you would have a heart, you'd be out stealing for a living, making a real living. But you don't, you're fucking playing something, making believe you're a genius. The good thing about us that we get on stage two nights, two times a night, six, seven times a week and by six months will improve and 10 years is nothing. You'll be thinking, oh, 10 years, 20 years is nothing because if you talk to most of these guys, they've been around 20 fucking years, 25 years, 30 years of different level. You could just look at a room, see how you want to split in half. You're like fucking a famous quarterback, you know? But it's all experienced. All other noise that they put in your head or try to put in your head, that's noise. When you get good enough, those agents come out of the woodwork. You don't have to send them shit. When you start, what I'm trying to say is when you start selling real tickets, they come out of the woodwork. They come out. The same people told you, no, you're too fat, no, you're too Italian, no, you're too sure, all those people. They're like, they laugh at your jokes, when are you coming to our club and you can tell me you're a miserable fucker, you can take that money. That's what I did because in the beginning. everybody was turning me down, you know, he's too dirty, he's too this. You got had a lot of this little pussies that don't want to follow nothing. I'm surprised when you're on the road, somebody go, well, you shouldn't talk to the audience. A lot of guys don't like you talking to the audience. I was watching somebody, Steve Martin was talking about stand up because he did. And he was saying that he, he, he, he never looked at nobody's face in the audience. He looks above that. That's it. I don't look at him either. Really? Well, I can dark. That's why I love the comedy store. I don't know who's out there. I don't want to see nobody ever crack out of joking. You look up and your mother's looking around at it. Yeah. That's the last thing you want to see. You don't want to see. I don't want to see anybody's. I did a show. My mother grabbed the tickets in the city winery. So then she quoted the rules and she realized I don't want it in the front row. She gave it to these kids that were young kids. So me, I use a clock. I have a clock that counts down. I, you know, I, I know where I'm in my set. So it's funny. So they forgot to put the clock. So the kid, the feature gave it to the kid to give it to me. It playing hot potato with the clock. A month stage was like a fuck is this the, then I hit the kid with a sister joke. I made from his sister and the kid couldn't get over it. The whole shot. It was like factor. Because I said it's just a, where much was a wall? I said, she walks around and he would have mouth open like a nutcracker. And the kid was like 16, you know, he was pissed. But that kind of sort of show off. I didn't love that place. You know, you don't like it, right? Too big. It's weird. They have a curtain or something. They put it down on me. Like I felt like I was in a bottle. Like would I do something bit? They shut me down with the fuck occurred. I've been, I've been played off stage real. Yeah, you what? I did a show at a casino in a bar. And they had you on top of the bar behind like 10 feet back. They were doing like Charles Barclay impressions up front and then like weird like 80s jokes. And they told me I just heard him out of time and they cut it early and they just, the DJs just started playing music and the guy doing the Charles Barclay impressions came back on stage. Oh, yeah, it was, but it was, you know, what's interesting is I did a show this weekend. They're like, I was kind of bummed about. It was one of the ones with like, oh, last week we had an even when I got there. Like, oh, we've had a lot of tickets hold and then it just not. But I had like 45 minutes and I did, I did about maybe 10 minutes of jokes. Like I just, it was the first time where I wasn't like, like a couple of years ago. I'd be like, rehearsing my, the, my set list over and over so I, cause I didn't want to forget. And this was one of the first times where I just was myself. And it's, I think you're talking about like what people aren't doing now. I think that's what people want to see is they want to see people just being themselves and not like doing a memorized set. I think for me, for me, like, I try not to talk to the crowd because that's all they want for me. So once I do it, it gets derailed. So I'm learning how to like, you know, like a, like, I'm learning how to like, and I don't answer them back. You don't answer me. I don't answer them. I steam right right over that was speaking. You didn't once you, once you allow that first guy, you lost. I steamroll. Nobody asked questions. I asked the questions. You got the mic. If they talk, I don't even pay attention. I don't give a fuck about it. I don't, I don't. I'm, because there's 800 other people in that fucking room. I'm not worried about these two fucking homes. It is, it was weird. And then if you turn around and throw them out on your own argument, now you're the bad guy. It's tough to recover from that. Yeah. So I'd rather you steamroll them and at the end of the show, 10 minutes in. That's you could say, yeah, we shut the fuck up one time. You cock structure and you'll see the people around and start clapping. But if you do that in the 20 minute mark, now you got to do 40 minutes with that vibe that you just put out there. So it's very tricky. Steamroll them. I don't know. I don't care. I don't want to know what you got to say, guy, you paid money to see me, not to talk. You want to talk? You should have gone to your grandmother's house. Then I have to wait. You got them in your clock. Um, you know, it's interesting. How like a seeker got in your head. Like I've had that happen. Like where like I, I remember I did a Albany, the funny bone. And then you can only hear the mic audio, but not the crowd. You know what I mean? Like a room like that. So the kid before me, I says, oh my god, this kid's fucking bombing. I didn't hit one left. I said, I gotta go out if this. And then you got to walk through like a mall to get to the fucking place. I walked through the crowds going fucking crazy. I was so mad, though, because I'm listening to the kid who had to be and he's doing a lot of politics. Shit, you know, I don't really love the politics shit. And then besides that, I don't want. He was blessed in the crowd. So now when I go out, you know, they want to, like they're a little, if I say some silly, it's more. But I have to use fucking ton of guy. He looks like a molester and this and that, you know what I mean? So he's calling a molester. I'm ton of guys. Glist of fog and get winter wipers. It's different, you know? So I went out to this fucking thing. And when I'm trying to say, is it playing the deceit of my head? And I was like, oh, fucked up. I had to like tell the crowd. I got to sit down for a minute. I'm all and it got even worse. There's fucking one girl. She's a good looking girl. She's with these guys. This happens to me all the time. A guy is a fan and he brings a girl like on a date. Like you don't bring a date to a little more show. That's not what you do because she ain't going to like me and I got a little bit of face. That's why you have a female opener to give some travel with a female opener. Huh? It's hard to travel. If you don't want to get a partner for this and you put them to respect. That you know, but it's a lot of these shows I'm doing. They're little, you know, what do you mean they're a little thing? Somebody shows me making cock. You know what I'm trying to say? I got, I got to learn and navigate. But listen, I learned from that, but what I'm saying is it got to go. That's one of these fucking people that come to my show after the show. They're all girls that buy my boyfriend really was a fan. So I bought him a ticket. So that's why you put a woman there. You want dates? You're just saying this online open. Now bitches are going to go a little more don't want us at the show. I want everybody at the show. I mean, when a girl, but your shoes, then no chicks going to like you. You think a woman likes me when I'm talking about this. Should I talk about what you do with a smile on your face to the best that you can? But you have a female to give the women. Oh my god. It's such a treat. And that's it. Don't shut the fuck up. The rest of the night you can mature with Martini. And they're done. It's personal. Martini's nice. Yeah. Whatever the fuck off you. Bet you fucking serves them in here. But now what I'm saying to you is that there's a strategy for everything. Like this is you learn this throughout the years. There's a strategy for everything. And this it's like betting. I don't know. I just actually stopped. Okay, so recently, the problem is regambling is that you're always going to lose. But if you know certain little things or, you know, listen, P. Rose lost. Michael Jordan lost. Bet themself. You can't pick them. Nobody could pick them. You're going to end up getting your dick sucked. No. I always fucking send money just to do to enhance you. That's the same thing with stand up. There's pure talent. And then there's the 10% talent. That you've got to pull out of the end. That's what makes it special. That's what make people buy those tickets. Okay, you've got to have that formula going. You're getting them in there. A lot of people have to do comedy 20 years before they learn how to get somebody in there. You've already covered that. Now you got to realize how you're going to keep them. Now you got to build off. I never been to I, this is my first time going to the same clubs. I'm talking about that I had lined. You know, I don't know. The last time you were at these clubs. I don't want you to only want 18 months. Ah, yeah, it's been a year. 18 months. 18 months. You want to give yourself time to grow. Yeah. The agent will put you there. He sold a lot of tickets. When do you want to go back? Then they push you back and they give you new years. Go back to fort time. They're saying your material. You lost. Yeah. I'm 18 months. When I used to live in California, I'd do New York one year and Jersey the other. Never both of them. I don't give a fuck. What do you offer? I'm sticking to these guns. Because then like that, you never, you don't want to want people going to you. That joke you did. I loved it when you did it last time. You just lost. Why 18 months? Nothing interesting happened to you. When 18 months, you couldn't change your fucking material. I'm very surprised for me like how many people do the same 10 minutes all the time. Never change it. Well, then they you see why I have to foreshows. Nobody comes to them. Something happens in your life every day. My favorite jokes that I like that I use all the time. My whole set is created from something on the way to a club that like I think of like I could sit with a pen and do a bullshit. But if I think of something on the way like, I was in what's it called? What the fuck is that city? Phoenix. I was in Phoenix, right? Arizona, the imparble whatever. And I went there and I was just talking about tumbleweed and coyotes and all those bullshit. And I went out there, you know, and that's what I talked about, right? But then I applied it in Texas. Same joke. Did you think the first time you did stand up? Were you doing like a headliner like 30, 45 minutes now? No, the first time I did stand up this guy. You know, Modi, the Jewish guy. Modi, Modi, Modi put me on stage a horse for him. Thanks. So I did a bunch of holes then before. And then when I did my, and then I did spots, but I was off me to get spots because I already had a following. So every, the deal was you will give your spot, but you had to promote it. So I was like, well, how am I going to practice comedy? I'm going to make myself look at it. So I can't have my hands. I ask because it's like, I don't think the comics who are watching understand. But to the other people who are listening, like the first time you go up like to do three minutes is hard, like to, like to go. To go from zero to doing 30 whatever your 45 whatever you're doing. I was doing an hour and tens of times I was trying to get practice. It says I was in these places with with 10 people I says if they get a kick me off the mic, I'm gonna keep going, you know, so that that's what I was doing You know And take yeah, I mean I stopped drinking though on on shows. I can't do it. I can't do it I didn't do it a lot, but I did do it where it got so good I'm not even confused. Hmm look at comics that drink on stage to be cute and look at the alcoholics Not just alcoholics don't drink on stage. The comics that want to be cute. Who's drinking tonight. Ooh Hmm nice, Tom. It's still there cuz who's drinking tequila tonight You know, and a bunch of girls. Oh After You're just cheering who's drinking tequila tonight. Oh Wizard it's Friday night How about the guys that eat like they go on a lecture chair in the room When you order when you order in the back in the in a green room This guy's eating like they go on a lecture. Yeah, fucking die. I haven't eaten three days. That's where it is You know a young comics man. This is them You're looking to take something to go too. You don't say yeah. No, you don't like to take those games You see those motherfuckers and shit You know what it's nice in Kirkland and some of these towns you go to hey, nothing at the time of the clock Well, you guys talk about bro. Nothing at the time of the clock talking boys and pizza For fucking idiot people. What's that? That's Domino. So I'm gonna check you Jesus. Yeah, that's all you got. So if you could steal a cheeseburger or bag of chicken I'm not gonna lie. I had a fucking blast on tour. I had a blast. I had a great towards the world. It was fucking great That's what towards it. It never be like that again. Yes, it will They get better. They're better right they get better. They get better. You find your click. Yeah That's what it is. This is a journey brother. Yeah. This is a journey There's a fucking journey. You ever do something just for the journey. I do it every day I remember the first time I got in trouble when I was a kid. I did it for the journey I had two of my friends going told I was there and then he says oh, well, he's all there whatever I went to the system to hang with them. Is that sick in the head? Yeah, I did it. Yeah good story What's not really not happening to me. No, I'm just they true. Look at me I'm just trying to say like I'm one of them guys like I'm into the adventure. See right now Like whatever I says I want the gummy give me the gummy. I want to go on an adventure. Why not? Why not When I was with you that day now you know so funny. Don't even hesitate. I told everybody I gave you props Because most people look at it and take fuck. I'll do this next time Shut the fucking thing. Yeah, you don't give me a bag of tea. That's right. I listen was a little bitch at the other night. Yeah You didn't know where you were brother. You know when I you know when I found out what I did Watch your part and you go you never gonna believe this story. I won't pocket the other down Trump But listen, I think you checked my fucking neck. He might have there was so many people in Sweden. We don't know who was I think ice and chess man somebody see if I was alive and they and I remember going they go you good. I said no And then I've had balls of water. You want here for this? No, I wasn't got to worry. I'm watching listen I was born balls of water on my head reaching for the sky. I swear to God go this is what was working for me. Ready I don't know tap on my leg was making the anxiety go away. It was crazy. You ever seen people have anxiety and do that? It works I didn't fucking see you. I gave you. I never went out. I ate and I sat in my fucking chair And at the end of the night the guy goes we're gonna be ready of five minutes And I go let me get some deed on the way home so I don't get hungry and pull a water I walk in and people like little moles looking for you and I go where is he? I didn't see him at the fight now. He's on the couch. I didn't watch one for the kids that brought me there It was so mortified that the way I was like that like embarrassing you know how to say I was sorry it was crazy, but I said where is someone goes you should tell I story in a podcast one day you're gonna tell Joey and look at us And he's fucking laying on the thing They go Joey Diaz and he went to get up bro turned around. I have their own video. He was pale like that shirt And he goes what was in that and I don't know what I saw and also slowly He just went back into his position. I finished my little steak whatever the fuck I was eating I got on the thing the next way you sat in the room and ate a steak with him when he was on the couch passed out I don't know. I was eating the standing up I didn't know he was eating those calories You know what I can see him from here I haven't been bad that night. You feel bad? Yeah, I felt really bad because I I thought you were professional You just ate one for the sake of eating. I don't want that to happen. Tell me tell you what happened I seen you you say whatever you you gave me compliments or whatever and you're Joey Diaz you don't know who you are You're a legend. I don't mean shit. You know you're a legend man. No. Well, you were a legend that night to me And then you said I said oh shit. I'm gonna go watch your fight with Joey. We're gonna break balls I had this old adventure my head. I take the thing you disappear to even see you And it was sort of I'm fucking I got my my souls come out of my body, you know It was crazy Then I had these kids take a picture of me. I'm fucking out. I didn't know what to do The happy died kids that would take a picture of me She's motherfuckers and then we had who else was there The football plays all the Eagles would remember. Yeah, bunch of guys. I was they were well I was like the life. It's stuck in a fucking way. They will infinitely. I shut the fuck up. I enticed it might have been there Everybody was there. I didn't make it out. I have the video All good y'all you don't want to listen. It was a look at full circle I'm here. It was ABX Those are the titles. That's like that's like asking you to headline Madison swear guard in the first time in two animals. Nothing. What was that? That's a vampire What's the fuck? No, that's cousins to the vampire the werewolf. Is that what you call? Yeah, that this one But you think maybe you can get me yet. How big of an ABF? I gave him like a little piece of yours I love the ABX. What at the UFC? I told you I had 50s and I had hundreds all right put them in this pocket I go. Oh shit. I'm mixing these motherfuckers. I was a club dude starting with an AB. Was that your first edible ever? And I just gave him what was in my pocket First man, I took like Adam and myself. I know you didn't see that name I eat those motherfuckers all day long. He doesn't do it with malintent in his heart. Come on night tomorrow. I'll go deeper. I don't give a fuck. You did that was cool But he does you do love it. One of the new person that does oh when you went to do somebody through the world. Yeah, when there's a new person to send to the devil I'm always on a million So this is just like, you know, it kind of like yeah, even though I'm still hiding you were wired when you walked in I gotta slow this motherfucker down. I don't know if you drink booze, but I know that'll get you I had no weeds, so I'm just happy you showed up. No, come on. What are you crazy? I'm happy you invite me. No, I don't know podcast. No, I don't go to any No, but I'm happy you came. I came from Brooklyn. No, Queens. I love Queens. Yeah. Yeah, it's just something about starting out. He got mad at me the other day Yeah, for you because you know, we're from living Queens the other side of book and Queens You know, and it's like a lot of people can't tell the difference, you know, like they'll be like oh you're from you know They think you're from Benzenhurst or Bay, Rachel. We're by Nickabaka. We're on the other side. They just called Nickabaka Terrians We're on the other side of Brooklyn. So you go Green Point Williamsburg and then you go to Queens and go to Cascar School Birch No Cascar School Birch, yeah, yeah Oh fucking no shit. The green fuck. I just moved back here after 30 years. I don't know nothing. Oh, you know shit Nothing. You got a website tarzan. Yeah, little more mozzarella.com and that's where your dates are and every time Yeah, I'm gonna be going on October 2nd. We're back in a road Major problems in the name of the tour. I got sure you to fly just where you starting the tour. I'm gonna start I think of Pittsburgh. All right, that's a good place to start. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. You see fields went there WC fields went to Pittsburgh and he said it was closed Pittsburgh there's like beast of girls done. All right. They're like they're like bears Big people listen. They got beautiful people. No, they're big people, but there's a steel. They're beautiful. They come to your shows. They yell and scream They're good people up. What's your favorite top three? Just top three off your head top three cities It changes Throw something out there. Sound good. I like Houston as a comedy scene y'all Fuck the best. I know Texas. The best. I in Texas. The best coming. Houston's got some of the best food in the country. You know that right Food. I love it. They got the best sleep. I'm gonna give you a sleep bed. You're gonna know about it I went to a sleep and it was it Virginia. So maybe Richmond, Virginia. I did a comedy show there and then I was in this like panic. It was nice It was like little like almost like I don't know. It's like a nice dayboard. It was fucking great. I had a B&B I love it. Richard. I gotta find out Richmond, Virginia. Hold on. How do we go from Texas to Richmond, Virginia? I've talked about another place I like. I don't know And Richmond is a very I know my three places that would have worse. What's not Portland? Colorado had some dingy spots But I like the club or where I was and Seattle was weird Seattle got weird with a devil worship is this shit? You know about this? Oh my god I got into it for a sec. I saw talking to people's girls tell me she's an artist. I'm looking at her shit What's the nice? This is fucking hot stock Show me shit people's hearts get ripped out. I said what the fuck with the fuck is this shit, you know And then you know what she says? She goes oh how long you guys out here for her. I mean she goes you think this is weird Wait, so we want wait She want to tell me I got petrified. I'm weird like that. I'll run right to the wall Listen there's some parts of the country gonna agree with you In some parts they're gonna go there and the club owners are gonna earn her something You know, I've liked everywhere. I got a thousand dollars is nice too now. This is very nice to a lot big See kind of lose control, you know, but you're sure was fun. I love things. I was telling my wife they served beer after two It's about you thought it's got to be weird Utah's great. I was funny because I you know you thought you can marry Right, no, but I was going I was in the I was in the book you for this tour. No, that's a good club I don't know these like I'm going Buffalo Albany Syracuse boss and Philly. I'm doing that's my thing Toronto I'll do Toronto. I like Canada Canada is good You like Canada? You can't go. No Guess what? Guess who else couldn't go who me good, and I got there I hold a hang you don't even call a shaking bake. They don't bother me I think if the certain amount of time you could go because I got in trouble 20 over 20 years ago. I go no find my record your records But there's a lot of clubs and like I like Utah That's a great club wise guys is great. Great job. Why is guys is great. Where is guys is great? That's a great ever one in Vegas I just talked to the girl last two days ago. I just checked. I went to Caitlin. I go how you doing when he coming back So in case you need something. Oh, no, she's in Utah. You go on a Portland forget about Portland What's it? I'm excited. I haven't I haven't done it yet. I've heard only good thing inside it. Yeah I can't walk for for a headline drug saw drugs perfect And if you're getting in here being be it throws you off because you look how nice it looks and you don't realize that They're building a nice place and it should all I got a fucking place that was sick. I get over there You don't go outside. They'll rob you. They make method man. Yeah I you know, so let me tell you something one thing. I know we want to rip it up and I don't shut the fuck up But I'm gonna tell you this much Matt right if you're gonna go do math you got to have a punch list No, like this shit. I got to do on met no to do method and there's other things weird to make him in Portland, right? Where we come from the bombs they they dance for money. They'll wash your windows. They would just go like the uh Oh, yeah, I don't want anything you just zombies. I'm using it. I'm a man. I'm a man like uh That's you ever see Michael Jackson. Yeah, they move it. Yeah, that's what it looks like in my right wrong. We that's the out of both I'll stay in whatever hotel is closest to the club. I don't care Whatever, whatever they're putting me in all right, so what's the website? Littlemoremucheral.com L.i.l. Not L.i.t.t. L.i.w.w.w.w.w.w.w.w Littlemoremucheral.com. Where are you at this weekend? I'm out of nowhere. Oh, yeah, going to Hampton's I'm gonna be in Hampton's June 24th The clubhouse in East Hampton. Where you at this week project the 27th I'm a laugh Patriot plays in Foxboro, Mass Very excited. You're gonna watch this weekend. Just for Saturday me. I'm at Brooklyn Wednesday and then the 8th and the 15th and then we're headed to fucking AC the oceans Casino motherfucker, but you know what guys have a great week Thank you for coming back again, and I will see you next Monday for the Fourth of July [Music]