Brad Williams got Beef with Dink! | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series presented by Fan Duel. Hello out there. Do you want to come see me and Bobby Lee do bad friends live? Well, we're doing it bad friends Los Angeles YouTube theater May 8th right here in Los Angeles, California. Then I'm going to be doing an hour down in Del Mar San Diego did North County San Diego bring out Tanner bring out Tanner did June 28th at the sound I'm doing two shows in Del Mar North County San Diego June 28th, then July 24th, I'm in St. Charles, Missouri or St. Louis right next door. Come on see me. You guys go to Andrew Santino not come for those tickets Andrew Santino dot com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey with that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy. Ginger. Like that has the ginger gene. Ginger is a fugitive. Ginger, I like Ginger. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, my guest today is one of my favorite people in earth. I said it for all my guests, but I mean once again today it is Brad Williams, Brad Williams cheers me lad. Cheers. Cheers. We're having a little bit of Weller today Brad was scared of the high proof. He got a little scared. He got a scared. I'm tiny. He's a tiny man. That stuff. I know is this glass too big for you? Yeah. So you don't spell all over the place. Hold on. You know it's funny. You know I have a little people joke in my show right now and you've seen it and it's working out like a story. And I was like, and I say on stage and I'm like Brad likes that joke for those of you that are getting upset about it. It's like Brad's my friend, we like we like to joke around. Yes. If you can't shit on me for being a pale orange freak. Yes. What are we talking about? Like that's my that's my love language is to shit on people. Yeah. I had one go horribly wrong two days ago. Whom? Whom? So, oh, it might be someone you're aware of because you go on the Lebitar show sometimes. I love Dan. Yeah. He's mad at me right now though. I mean, he's always mad at me. He's always mad for some reason. He has a guy on the show named David Samson who used to run the Marlins and David's been very kind to me. And I'm on the show. I'm doing a thing and I shit on his shirt. He's got a shirt that's got cherries on it and I'm like, I'm going to I'm going to shit on your shirt because you got a shirt with cherries on it. And then we get down the segment and he goes, you know, I'm wearing the shirt because my daughter who is going through who is going through cancer. What does that do with cherries? Her nickname is cherry. Oh God. Chloe Cherry. The adult film star is his daughter, Chloe Cherry. I have never felt worse. Yeah. But dude, come on. How do you know? He should be wearing another shirt and an ask out that says this shirt is for cancer. You should have to flag that. You know what I mean? People need to know. Right. They're not stepping into the fire. Yeah. But that's our love. You and I have known each other for a long time. We always goof with each other. That's part of the fun. But if you didn't know that we knew each other, and you saw us walk into the comedy store at Grinium together, you would be like, oh shit, this is Hatfield and McCoy's. He's guys fucking hate each other. Yeah. Is this a comedy duo that's going up? Yeah. Like if statler and Ward, statler and Wardorf were really different sizes. But then also fought each other physically. Yeah, that'd be great. That is our relationship. That's great. That's this is what we want. And I love that. And that is one of the main difference I have known us between. And I hate using this word, but I'm going to between comedians and civilians, like noncomedians, is that comedians look at the joke as just the joke. Yeah. Is the joke good? Is that a phonetically good joke? Was there a turn? Was there a surprise? Is it a good joke? Civilians will go, well, how do I feel about the joke? What did you mean? What did you mean by that? Well, it's like, no, I don't, we just, it's at surface level. Yes. I think if you dig too deep into things, you start to get really bothered. You can do that about literally anything. Yeah. Just let it go, man. Just look at the joke and be like, ah, fuck. That was a good joke. Yeah. Like every time I do a roast battle and someone has to roast me, they always, of course, they do dwarf stuff. But sometimes they do like, he only has one note. Like he only talks about being a dwarf. And something like, so does that like really hurt? You go, no, it's good. That's me. It's funny. What the fuck? That's you. Yes. It's also not only is it your calling card, it's kind of become, um, I don't, they're, okay, is there another dwarf comic? There is. There's, there's a couple. Do I know? Do I know them? Nick Novicki? Oh, I know Nick. What am I saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, Nick's a billionaire now. A billionaire. Yeah. He's a billionaire because he opens up for Nate. He's got one of those Scrooge McDuck money vaults. He's got, I've heard he swims in him, but he's drowned almost three or four times. He has a hook. It's hard for him to get back up. Really is. Tiny arms, smaller than mine. That's not, see, I'm fucking with the dwarf for having smaller arms. They are smaller than yours. They are. Although you don't have small arms when it comes to paying the check, I will say Brad doesn't have T-Rex arms when it comes to, he'll pick up a check, which I do appreciate because it is right there in my pocket. Whenever we, a check comes to our table and you and I are out together and always like, don't have little T-Rex arms now, pal. You be fair, short distance between my hand and my pocket, and your arm and your pocket. That's true. This is a lot harder to get there. I don't even know how you walk around with those things. It's annoying. I'm like, I'm right there. You're right there, dude. I almost, I almost went into Sebastian right there and I just get it in there. I get in there. How do you feel about credit card roulette? Do you ever play this game with friends where everyone's at the table and you go, okay, we'll throw in, and whoever credit card gets pulled by the server, they have to pay. I've never done it, not because I'm not scared to get it, I'm scared, I'm literally scared for other people to get it. Yes, yeah, I hate it. I've had it. Some friends, like I have buddies from college, my buddy Colin loves it. And every time I'm like, Colin, this is not fair, because some people at the table are making more money than other people, and that, and he bullies people into doing it. I love it, because it's funny that he's like, we got, come on, dude, we got to do, well, and if it's around a drink or whatever, if we're just having like a cocktail, fine. But if it's like a full meal, it's a full meal, dude, I get so nervous. That's gonna be over like $1,500, it's insane, it's an insane, it's like, please don't do this to somebody. Don't do it. But I will say, every time I've done it with him, never been picked, knock on wood, I've never been picked, my card's never been pulled. My time is due, it's, it's gonna come, I'm gonna get pulled for the highest meal ever. Okay, so I'm gonna say something, because my, don't jinx me, I know you people jinx people all the time, don't do that. He'll curse me. He'll curse me. He'll curse me. I just turn into a creature. I will say this is, my wife and I both love to treat people, we like, we like to pay for meals. You're a generous cat. Here is my only problem. Is sometimes I've been out with the large group and the wife will go to the waitress and slip the credit card in before the check comes. Your wife does that. Yes, which is totally fine. But then when it gets announced that we've covered the bill, the people thank my wife. I have a pet peeve with that. I think they're probably thanking her for putting up with your bullshit. They're probably like, thank you for fucking Brad. Someone's gotta do it. Someone. So thank you. And because you're fucking him, we got a free dinner. Exactly. Yeah. So this is the balance of the world. Yeah. She puts up with your bullshit. You know what's so funny though, to pay the check thing, I've done that, especially with my parents, I like to try to take care of my parents because they took care of us our whole life. That feels really great to do that. And sometimes he fights me on it. My dad will be like, you already got enough. Stop doing it. But they're retired and they're not making money anymore. So I'm like, no, just let me, we were on Arizona, we went out to dinner and my sister gave me an edible and we had already had a full day. Yeah. So I took the edible and I got to dinner and I was like sneaking away to go pay the check. You know, I was like, to do the thing, to drop the card. It's good move. And I can't get it out. Like I'm like, I'm so dumb that I was like, hey, can I do the, I want to give you the, so I could, if you don't be quiet about it. Yeah. And I couldn't like formulate a sentence because I was ripped out of my mind. Like it just kicked in. And the server was like, are you all right? What's going, what do you mean? And I was like, just the bill so I can put on the bill. I could give you my card. And he was like, oh, you want to, oh, yeah, yeah, and I handed my credit card. As I walk back to the table, I was like, I'm too high for dinner, like I'm too high, even for a dinner. I was like, my God, the waves of edibles now, dude, they're way too strong. You gotta be careful. They're way too strong. And this wasn't even a heavy one. Maybe it was like 15 or something like that. It wasn't that crazy. I've taken the edibles like back when I was doing clubs, I would take edibles from an audience member. Oh yeah, I do that all the time. The server would be nice enough to bake me a brownie, a cookie, something. What's in it? Well done. How deep am I going to go? Well done. But now, no. I can't. I've done those nights. I remember one night, I took, I took a joint from a guy that was in Edmonton and it was snowing and I sat in my hotel in Edmonton having a panic attack because I was way too high. As I shouldn't have done it, dude, should not have done that. It happened to me in Miami and I was up, it was a very high hotel room and so much so like the wind was like whistling. Oh, you hear it? To the bro. Oh bro, freak it out. I was terrified. But a lot of people don't know this. if Brad jumps off that balcony, he will float a little bit lighter than we do. Yeah, yeah, he's able to spread out and kind of like those squirrel suits, you can kind of float. Galileo was wrong. Oh, dude. Oh, that feather bowling ball shit. Been saying it for years. That's a match. Oh, god. I can't do some. It's so much fun. I almost hate that the brilliant comment on SNL that's now doing Sebastian. Marcelo. Yeah. Yeah. He's so good at it. Hey, he's the man. We hate the fact that the Sebastian impression is becoming more popular. Well, because we did it first, we've all been doing it for years. I know. Because it's so fun. It's so good. It's so easy. Yeah. You could do, like, Sebastian's character is so defined. Yeah. That it's just like, you can come like, you put the whiskey right away with ice. With ice. With ice. Ice. Well, I would do that. Don't you want that? Don't you want that? That's so much fun. To give him a little shout out, by the way, just saw him running a half hour at the store. I think he's doing chunks to work out a new hour. Mm-hmm. Bueno. Oh, it's so good. He's back out of the game. And also, easy parlay before we get distracted because you and I are bad boys. We'll just talk for hours about nothing. Right. Please go watch right now. Take it. Take a time to open up a new tab. Yeah. Apple T. Put the tab up on YouTube and go watch Brad's brand new special that's available right now on his channel. Yep. The channel is called live on short street. Why did we title it that? Why? Do you want to know? It was actually shot on short street at the theater on short street. It was. Yeah. Lexington, Kentucky. Yeah. And shot on short street. I'm like, I had another title. And then once I found out the theater was on short street, I'm like, what are we supposed to do? How do we come on? How do we come on? The comedy guys are like, Brad, don't miss this one, pal. If you ever shot a special on Little Dick Ginger Avenue. How can you not title it that? Would it be Avenue or Court? Yeah. The Colt of Ginger. Yeah. The Little Dick Colt of Ginger. Oh, he's over there on Little Dick Court. Like you'd have to title it. I have to. Well, actually, my dad for years, my dad would mock me. He's my stepdad who raised me and he would always be like, I'll beat you like a red-headed stepchild, which is a common phrase. And I am a red-headed stepchild. And my dad was like, you should call one of your comedy specials red-headed stepchild. I should. It's not me. It works. Red-headed stepchild. It's real. It's a good idea. By the way, that's a common phrase. You know that. Yeah. Beat you like a red-headed stepchild is like a thing where societally everybody's like, that's funny. If I said kick you like a little person, I'd be frightened. You'd be scared. Yeah. But people say beat me like a red-headed stepchild. I'm like, that's layers of paint. Like, I have two opening acts, JB Ball, Quincy Weekly, they're bulldozing. They're in their bulldozing. Because it's with anti-airish. Well, here's the idea. Here's the idea. Here's the idea. The idea. And an anti-step child. It's because most people would assume, look at that red head. I bet you his family abandoned him. Someone had to adopt him. Take him in. Protect him. Some nice couple that's really trying to get good with God was like, you want to know how we get to heaven? We adopt a ginger. It's either Asian kids, Down syndrome or red head. You adopt those and you get a free pass to heaven. Thousand percent. That's a TSA pre-check into heaven is an Asian and Down syndrome or red head. The line to get into heaven. They just have the other line. Did you adopt a ginger, Down syndrome Asian? This line. In here, we pull. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or you're scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need. To claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website. Grow your brand. Get paid. All in one place. All right, I've talked about Squarespace so much, you got to do it by now. 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These built-in analytics tools to show you who your audience is, where they're coming from, and how you can continue to retain them. Go to squarespace.com/wiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using the Code Whiskey. Okay? Squarespace.com. Check it out. Toy around a little bit. You're going to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using the Code Whiskey. Squarespace.com/wiskey. I like to interest you. By the way, your daughter, who is also dwarf, the best thing people don't know about bread at night, they don't sleep in beds like matrushka dolls. They stack with any other. So if you open up bread, his daughter's inside of him right now. Yeah, I'm keeping her warm. It's fine. You know, it's like a little marsupial. Yeah, like a little pupus. Yeah, yeah, it's there. The first time I saw that in Australia, when I saw the kangaroo hole in a pouch, was the coolest thing I've ever seen. It's amazing. I was like, how is not other, how are other species not also developed that way? Can you imagine if we just had rhinos holding rhinos. Amazing. It would just be like, little baby rhinos. Little baby rhinos pops up. And then of course, I think of the scene in Ace Ventura when he comes out of the rhinos ass. They just sold that rhino. Jim Hersey aren't owned it, right? Or no, who owned it? Somebody talked about this. Somebody owned it. Somebody owned that. Yes. And now it was first sale. How much do you think it sold for? Oh my god. Let's guess. Because I did remember seeing this. I don't know how much it sold for. I think like, yeah. Got my allergies or kill my, I would say, I would say someone paid at least, let's say 125,000 for that. Yeah, it's a real movie prop. It's big. It's a real thing. I would say, I'm going to go, I'm going to go $1, Bob. I'm going to go under that. Just for fun. What is the total number that that was sold for? We'll find out from the, from the archives. Yeah. Side note, speaking of which, similar article line I was reading when I saw that, Banksy got revealed apparently. I don't, fucking annoyed. I don't want to know. I don't want Banksy to, I don't want him to have a mortgage. Yeah, why did they do that? A person. Why did they fucking do that? No. That really like bothered me. And they put up photos of him and I was like, yeah. The whole, this is the problem with, this is the problem with America today. I'll tell you what, let's get into it. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. But it used to be the fantasy was beautiful. Yeah. And like, just let that live and die on its own. It's the whole Batman monologue where he's like, but as a symbol, I could mean something so much more. That's right, dude. Yeah. Banksy got to become this thing, then they oversold his art. They sold him out. And then the hunt to find who Banksy was killed me, like the, Mr., what's it called? Mr. Brainwash or whatever? Remember that documentary about, Mr. Brainwash? Do you not know who this is? No. Who they masqueraded for a while as maybe perhaps being a Banksy because he worked with him. Oh, I see. Maybe this is the guy. Yeah. He got very famous. There was a documentary about him. Oh, I want him to be an idea now. Oh, exit through the gift shop. Exit through the gift shop. That one. Yeah. But I mean, this became this great prank. Banksy also played on America was like teasing people. The idea that Brainwash could have been him perhaps. Yeah. But it was great because he was a, he was a, a figment of our imagination. He was an idea. Then when I saw a photo of him, I go, fuck, that's Banksy. He's just an accountant. I don't like it. He looks like an accountant. Yeah. He looks like he pays parking meters. You know, like with coins where you're like, that, I don't want that guy to be Banksy. Like that, that, I don't like that. I don't like that. I want Banksy to be an illusion. I want Banksy to be the V for Vendetta guy. Yes. He's a mask and just be like, we'll never remember. But like, that's all I wanted to know. Now, I don't want to, because now Banksy looks like a guy where you're driving on a Sunday. He's like, yeah, that's Banksy moan his front yard. Oh, that's Banksy. Yeah. He comes into the Ralph's by my house. You're fucking nightmare. All right. Tell me what it is. What, how much did that Ryan himself for? So it's still on. Oh, it's on the auction still. Yeah. Oh, we have a shot for a couple more weeks. How much is it bidding for at this point? Yeah. It says it's estimated value is four to eight thousand started two thousand four thousand dollars. Can we buy that? Can we buy this? It was at the play was that planted Hollywood before it now. That was the previous owner. Dude, why do I think this was worth so much more money? It was like such an iconic moment in maybe just because of our age that we're like that. It's right there. That remembering him coming out of that ass was so powerful. So funny. That's so good. It's currently a twenty thousand dollar. Twenty grand. It will go up to probably fifty or sixty. So the under will win. We could throw in. We could throw in a couple of years. Buy a rhino. Buy a rhino. Because Jim Kerry came out of it. That's it. Yes, I do. I do, actually. Do you have any you like collectible stuff? Do you have some now your house that you have a lot of pride in like that? Yeah. I have a I have a all USC Heisman trophy winners have signed including OJ. Holy shit. I have an OJ. Is it a ball or a poster? It's a poster. Wow. But I got I got to get your boy Caleb. Oh, yeah. You do Caleb one and now I don't have his yet. So I got to get Caleb to ask you. He's your next. He's the next to Phil. Yes. Dude, that's really cool. Did you and you framed it, right? - But it's framed on the house. - Yeah, it's framed. It has photos of all of them by the signatures. That's my like, piece that it was a stance. - Yeah, well you're a 'cause you're a diehard trojan. - Yeah. - Something about people that go USC, they really, really love that. They really are in doing this. - We like doing this. - UCLA isn't really as much into it. - No, there's a reason. - Oh good, I'm gonna take a shot, too. - No, but for some reason UCLA feels like they were busy developing rockets. - Yeah, and you guys were like advancing medical in like-- - They're doing all the things we need. - Yeah, and we're like, "We have Will Ferrell and John Wayne. Do you guys have John Wayne? Do you guys have a guy who's the widest guy ever who played Genghis Khan in a movie?" - Pilgrim did, Greg Pilgrim. - We got that. - He was so funny. - Oh, we got it, go. - We got it, go. - Like Mongols. - Like everyone on that movie got cancer. - Everybody on what movie got cancer? Ace Ventura? - No, on the conqueror. - Oh, oh, oh, got cancer when he played Genghis Khan. - Because they, the Genghis Khan. - Yeah, Genghis Khan, my favorite Chinese restaurant, the Fairfax. Because they were shooting in Nevada where they were doing nuclear testing. - Oh right. - It's like one of the most controversial cases of a bunch of people dying. Like they try to destroy Prince of the movie and it almost didn't exist. Like more than the San Francisco 49ers next to that power plant, all going down. Have you heard this theory? - Have I heard this theory? (laughing) - I know all about it. It's been, this has been the topic of conversation for quite a long time. What do they call them? EMF waves or whatever? - Yeah, whatever it's called. It's some power plant. - No, no, it's right next door to their practice facility. - Yeah, and then they're busing all the ACLs. - Not just that, it's a lot of weird injuries too. - Yeah. - And they're doing cancer tracing now to say, do the coaches, are coaches, you know, like are the coaches getting weird illnesses? Like there's a lot of internet fodder to support this. - Now I don't know if anything is true. - Well, look, how about this thing is true? - How could you validate that the Rams play here in LA? This is Cancer Heaven. I mean, like, you sign into LA, you're like, this is a cancer city. Like it's a layer of smog. There are nothing but foam wire. The amount of electrical wiring that runs through this town above us, it's comical. You can't go out anywhere without seeing huge, you know, electrical wires running through LA. - I live right next to a chevron plant. - You do? That's right. - Right next to a chevron plant. - Well maybe to help you grow. - Yeah, I mean, if I ever show up just six foot two. - Like Brad? - Yeah, son. - What happened? - Why are you looking at me weird? Well, you're like six feet? Now, you know, it took to multivitamins, went to GNC. - Your wife is as tall as Wendy. (laughing) Like, oh my God, dude. - I'm walking around like that. - It's insane. I'm sure there's validity to it, but there's a lot of internet conspiratorial rumors over like whether or not this is real. - This one's a lot more specific. The conquer came out in '56 and they were doing nuclear tests right nearby in 1953. - Oh my God. - Three years after they started filming. - A lot of the 220 crew members 91 developed cancer by 1980 with a race of denying of it. - Oh okay. - By the way, this is when the studio's own doctor so you couldn't sue anyway. Nobody could say anything. - You had a, you were like under contract. - I gotta tell you what, sweetheart. So you got cancer, big deal. Everyone's getting cancer. - Everyone's getting cancer, it's a new trendy thing. You wanna know a kill as cancer, those? These are lucky strike cigarettes. - You got a smoke on them. (laughing) Get 'em now to local 76. - It was a Howard Hughes he produced it. He tried, he paid $12 million to destroy almost every print of the movie in existence. So it almost ceased to exist. But they still got to put it out. But they got to make their money, baby. - We found it just here, John Wayne talking like this. You know, we got to go across A.D. Asian land. (laughing) What a great accent that guy had. - Well that was when Hollywood was interesting and weird and now it's just weird and not interesting. - Yeah, it's just weird. - Now it's just not even fun. - It was too much. - It's just long after the Oscars have come out because we're filming this early but never been so uninterested in stuff as I am now to the business stuff like that. Like I just don't care as much as I thought I used to like it a little bit. - And the good part for guys like you and me is that - We'll never go. - Yeah. (laughing) - Well then we don't belong. - We don't belong. - But we're doing just fine. - Yeah life is good. - Outside of all of that. - Yeah we don't like it. - Like you know, it used to be a to go down a certain path to get to have your, to get on the tonight show or to get a special on either HBO or Comedy Central those where you're only homes that you can go. Now, you know, you could go on various streaming platforms if a platform like Hulu pays, let's just say a random comic not saying anyone's specific but if they pay him like 10, $12 million like they did their special go up there saw your car out there very nice car. (laughing) First of all, they paid me $100 million. - Oh she's fine. - Okay, you know, but like and-- - No they didn't. - And you know, you could put it up on your own YouTube channel like I'm doing with my special. - Yeah it's great. - And if people like it, they'll find it. - Yeah. - It's not like people can just say no, it has to be on this platform or this platform. - Right, it used to be Coca Pepsi. - No, no, no, she Cola has entered the conversation. - God bless her. - Jolton there a little bit, you know what I mean? Dr. Pepper, I would say, I would say if Netflix's Coke and HBO is Pepsi, I would say Hulu Amazon, Hulu and Amazon are like, Cola, you know what I'm just saying? When it's just titled Cola, orange soda, yeah. And YouTube on the other hand, YouTube is Dr. Pepper because it is phenomenal and it's kind of like a nice little secret. - It's all the flavors. - It's so good. - It's so much fun and there's so many comics that have other specials on there and so there's no right way to do it. - No, not anymore. - Yeah. - There's no one. - There's no one. - Path where it's like, what, you're not gonna wait until this streaming platform gives you money? No, just put it up yourself. - Put it up yourself, that's what I mean. I love that you're doing that and you've touched all the bases already, you put specials out all over the place so why not do YouTube now? - Why not then have my own little channel? - So vast, and it's so much fun to do. - By the way, it should be called my own little channel. (laughing) - Brad's little channel. - It's a little channel. - Yeah, put my special on there, put my podcast. I got a podcast called "Height and Babble" where it's me and JB Ball, and we just find weird stories on the internet, and we freaking talk about 'em. It's like hanging out with us at a waffle house at 2 AM. - Why'd you say waffle house? - 'Cause I love waffle house. - Do you really? - I love waffle house. - Last time I went, I got to me and JR Smith went to a waffle house and got, I got sick as a dog. - Wait, the JR Smith? - Yeah. - The frickin' go in the wrong way, JR Smith? - Watch your mouth, man. I'll try to talk about my boy, dude. He's never gone the wrong way. He goes his way, and that's the right way. - His way becomes the right way. - He's the man, dude. - Hey, we were together at Augusta. We were going to watch Augusta together, and we went out the night before and got food after it. There was like a little party, and the food was, you know when you go to one of these fucking huge parties, and there's no food, and there was like, oh, do you want, it was like little tiny bullshit, and he's an adult male. - He's a six-foot-aider, whatever he is. - Yeah, he's a big boy, and he was like, yo, we gotta eat. I was like, let's go anywhere else, and the only thing open was waffle house. So we went to waffle house, but I got a little, I got a little rumbly, tumbling, gumbly. - You know, 'cause the redhead is step children. - Weak people. - Weak people, weak people. - Weak people. - The sun, which nourishes everyone else, takes your people. - It's killing me every day. - It's just sunscreen inside, I say that all the time. I'm wearing it right now, I have to. This hat is not for fashion, it's for function. These lights are brighter than people think. I'm getting a little bit of UV right now. - And I love waffle house. - 'Cause every time we go to waffle house, you get a meal, and you will have a story. - And you're paying six bucks. - Yeah. - Yeah, you get waffles, eggs, sausage, a coffee, an orange juice, you get six bucks. - 5.50, something like that. - My favorite part about the waffle house menu is that they hand it to you. And their main thing that you get is called the All Star Special. - That's right. - I'll tell you exactly what's on it. It's a waffle, it's eggs, it's bacon or sausage, it's grits or hash browns. All star special. - All star special. - It has the price, but then the price is crossed off. And they're like, we're giving it to you for two bucks less. It's like $14 regular, 14's crossed off. Now it's $12. - That's great. - But the menu's laminated. - Right. - Don't tell anybody the secret to waffle house, man. - All sports panicking right now. - What? - How did they know? - How did they find out? - Wait, blow dart the dwarf, someone blow dart the dwarf. - You're next special, by the way, blow dart the dwarf. Somebody blow dart the dwarf. - Yeah, don't, McCone. He's got a blow dart here on the studio. Nobody can see it. - That's the blow dart. - He loves the blow part more than the dart part. - Oh, but yeah, have you ever seen a conflict at a waffle house? - Go down in a waffle house. - The secret YouTube hunts is when I start to find fights at a waffle house, I do love that. I haven't seen it live. - All right, so I haven't seen an actual fight. I saw a cook moving very slow and right out in front of everybody, take out a substance. I'm not sure what it was. - A little fenty cook, a little fenty cook. - You know, and let's just say, everyone got their shit real quick after that. - Yeah, well, McCone, he started moving. - Yeah, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. - Thanks to X4, I took. - By the way, cocaine is very pervasive in kitchens because they need to be up and moving all the time. - All the time. - Yeah, like that in a waffle house, you gotta be making eggs with the same fervor at three o'clock in the morning that you were at eight AM. - Yeah, that's true. - You were at 24 hours, if-- - That is true. - So yeah, that was a good time. But my favorite time ever at waffle house is, it was me. J.B. Quincy, a few other guys from our crew. And then there's a lot of people in the waffle house. And there's a, there's a, there's a touch tunes. - Love a touch tunes. - I got money on it right now. - I got money, I got 30 bucks on the app right now. - And I don't know how it happened. - But everyone kind of got plugged in and it was a challenge where you had to, all right, you've got the touch tunes. - Mm-hmm. - What do you got? - Ooh. - And then the whole waffle house would judge you based on the song. - What'd you pick? - Not what your number one go to on a touch tunes. - Candy girl. - Candy girl. - That's your number one, dude. - Wow. - Gotta go Candy girl. I looked around at the clientele. - And you thought. - And I thought, you know what? This is not a Kings of Leon crowd. - No, probably not a waffles at three in the morning. - No. - So I went with Candy girl and the place went nuts, but there was other people that chose different songs. - And the waffles. - Like, who? - J.B. - Great, but everyone, like, there was one table. What the fuck did they choose? Oh, they chose a three dog night. - Three dog night. - Three dog night, a little Jeremiah was a bullfrog. - Yeah. - I heard he's a good friend of mine, but the waffle house did not approve. - It's not like that. - It's not a song I would want to get down to. It's not really like a waffle in eggs on. - It's not a 3 a.m. - No. - No. - So yeah. - By the way, I need to check right now, 'cause you would think I want to see how much touch seems money I do have, 'cause last time, 'cause last time, 'cause you know you refill. - Yeah. - And sometimes, especially if you're hammered, you'll just refill and be like, 20 bucks, and then you'll go, someone'll grab your phone, pick a bunch of shit, and then you're like, "Well, I got to refill again." - Yeah. - So this, you can pop in them. - Yeah, they'll do like-- - The snug here. - They'll do like eight songs, and-- - How much you have on there? Are you looking right now? How much do you have? - I have 55 credits. - 55 dollars? - No. - Or credits, yeah. - 55 credits. - How much is that? - How much is-- - 65 credits for 30 dollars. - 65 credits for 30 dollars, yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, 'cause you got 24 credits left. - You got like 25 bucks on there. - Yeah. - Okay. - That's reasonable. - That's reasonable. - Because I got the deal. - Oh, there's the 65 for 30. - Well, 'cause they give you the discount deal. - Yeah. - They give you the discount deal. - You give 15 free credits. - That's right. - So, I-- - I'm shocked you didn't play the lollipop guild, 'cause that's 20 hours favorite. - Oh, I was tempted. - I was tempted. - You got up on the counter. - You don't think-- - And what we represent, I wouldn't lose my shit, dude. - The place would go nuts. - Eggs for everybody. - Ah, play a little bushwick bill. - Yeah. - One of my people. - Love bushwick. - I was playing tricks on me. - Oh, I'm joking. - Get shot in the head. - Shot in the head. - Lift. - A dwarf. - Shot in the head. - Shot in the eye. - Lift. - Yeah. - Then end up taking his own life anyway. - Yeah. - That's insane. - Yeah. - If you get shot in the head and you live, dude, you gotta see the whole thing through. - Yeah, God just looked at you and went, not yet. - Yeah, dude was right before him to see the whole thing through. - Hard for him to see the whole thing through. He only saw half of his life. - Mmm. - So weak. - His life flashed in front of his eye. (laughing) - Anyway, we talked about our heaven thing. Bushwick Bill got up to the heaven line and they were like, brother, let this guy in a meeting. - Yeah. - So as a dwarf, and he's blind. - Dwarf, one I'm missing, holy crap, bro. - Holy crap. - You had a life. - Yeah, you're still in line. He's like, Brad, you have to wait. - You got to wait. - Lot of little people in line, dude. - Bushwick going right to the front. (laughing) Bertroyer's still in that line. - He's still waiting. - All those years. - I've heard he was a big powerhouse drinker, dude. I heard he could drink. 'Cause you could drink. You and I have spent many a nights getting ham-bound, and you can keep up. But I've heard that Vernon was like, hey, you could Google this. I've heard he's had tales of Hollywood where he was like out drinking everybody at the table. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vernon was a drinker. We discussed this at several meetings. - Yeah. - Yeah. - This is like the red headed meetings. We talk about Jared Topp and Kathy Griffin all the time. - Of course, we all get together. But by the way, shout out to the guy that no longer attends the meetings, Dinklitch. - Oh, he's better than you guys now. - Way better. That's why he stopped the dwarves from appearing in the Disney Snow White movie. - That was him. He shut that down, huh? - Yeah, shut that down in the Mark Maren podcast. - Some guys want to take all the shine. - All of it. And then here is poetic justice. I don't know if you saw the Razzy Awards. - I did not. - I usually try to catch them every year. This year, I believe worst special effects was the CGI dwarves from that Disney movie. Worst acting by an ensemble. - Wow. - The dwarves. - In your face, Dinklitch. - In your fucking face. - Made Dinklitch. So you have beef with Dinklitch. - Oh yeah, I got strong beef with Dinklitch. - Did you imagine in a street fight with Dink? - Oh, I'm taking them out. - You think you'd take them down? - I'm taking out Dinklitch. I wrestled in high school, buddy. - Yeah, you did. Would you wrestled at 45? (laughing) - They dropped the one. - Kilos. I don't know. What is that? - What did you wrestled in high school? - 103's. - 103's. - Light as a feather, dude. It was great. 'Cause I built pretty much how I'm built now, a little thinner. And then would never a kid would be in the 103's. He'd be in like, he'd be a noodle. - Right. - He'd be coming in. He would see me like, "Oh, he's gonna go in." - What was your record? You were nasty. - That was nasty. - You know Bobby was nasty. You know, I don't know. We talk about this sometimes. People joke around. People like, "Bob, he's done athletic." Bobby was nasty in high school wrestling. - Was Bobby a wrestler? - Bobby was brother. Well, his brother actually was, I think his brother was even better. - Wow, okay. - You should wrestling, dude. - Because I know he talked, that's about me on one of his podcasts. Not bad friends. - Not bad, on Tiger. - Yeah, on Tiger, where he said that he could beat me in a wrestling match. And I instinctively just said, "Of course you cannot." But then, you tell me in wrestling in high school, so he's going to go. - He does have it in there. But again, he's also 54 years old. - He is. - But he's an Asian 54. - Yeah, well, Asian 54 can mean one of two things. He's a hundred and six on the inside and looks 54. Like, that's a loose. - Or you got that, like, "Oh, oh, he's jet-leaf 54." He was like, "Oh, no, he's 27." - Right. - Like, so it just depends. - Really never know. - You know what? I think me and Bobby should open up for one of those Jake Paul fights. - Yeah, you could. He knows Jake Paul, right? He did his podcast or whatever. He would be actually, yeah, he did. I think he went down to like Dominican Republic or wherever they lived. - Oh, it's Florida. - Florida? I thought they lived somewhere else. Don't they live like in Cuba or the DR or something? - No, well, they went down for the Super Bowl party. - Oh, that's right. It was for the Super Bowl, that's right. - Okay, so there we go. Inside Lane, we can make this happen. Brad versus Bobby. We'll call it the fight of the Killer Bs. - Love it. - And then, yeah. - It'll be only Wu-Tang playing the whole time. (laughing) The whole time. (humming) Dude, I would love that, dude. - That would be nice. - That would be so much fun. - This is the kind of stuff that people really want to see. - Yes! - Nobody needs, nobody needs another season of whatever TV show they're pumping out now. - No, whatever weird reality shows. - I'm just trying to think of what he, you know what, I literally couldn't think of a TV show they're pumping out now. - I don't even know TV anymore. - Yeah, so the name of TV show, you're like, why don't they bring it back scrubs? They'll bring it back and now come in the middle. They'll bring it back all these old school shows. - Oh, you mean good, well-written shows. - But they're bringing them back, though. It's like, let that lay at rest. Let it rest. Malcolm in the middle is weird for me, though. Like, Cranston, you don't need that. - You got, oh, yeah. - You don't need that, can't see. - Yeah, they also didn't have the balls to make Malcolm the president. Like they said, they wouldn't the finale. - Didn't do it, huh? (laughing) - Post out. - Post out. - Yeah, that was so great. - Wow, it's a great finale, yeah. But yeah, they're bringing that back. - Yeah, I just think they'll bring it back all the things that I'm like, come on, it makes something funny and weird and new. Although other people are, there's other, there are these shows that are getting sort of some traction, but none of them are traditional comedy or sitcom. - Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's live in the air. - And it's right here and it's on YouTube right now. Please go watch live from Short Street, right now on YouTube. - What if Brad and Bobby wrestled on our YouTube theater show? - I actually think that could be a good thing. What do you mean for the Netflix is a joke, fast? - This is a joke, bad friend's life. - Maybe that's a little hint, maybe we're dropping a little baby hints. - I, I like it. All right now, are we doing those comkey, large gloves? Are we doing those little dome balls where we can get like planted into the audience? - No, it's gonna be a, and survive. - Yes, all right. - It'll be like McDonald's play place. It'll be those, those multicolored softwares. - Three, I'm around like a balloon. - Yeah. - Are you doing Netflix is a joke anything or are you doing anything for the fest? - I am not because I'm doing a, my own show in November, I think in Los Angeles, I'm doing, I'm doing the wheel turn. - You're playing the wheel turn? - Yeah. - What a venue to do. - So I'm really excited about that. - Have you played the wheel turn before? - I've only gone there. I saw Tenacious D there. - It's crazy. - And now I'm playing the wheel turn. - It's crazy, kind of had some of your like youthful formative years come up in Los Angeles and then like that, be the, it's cool. - Yeah, well, 'cause I know you at that moment, we talked about it where you played the Chicago theater. - Chicago theater, yeah. - It's like we've both played that. You have sold more tickets than me. But yeah, it's, it's, it's amazing. - You just walk in there and you're like, I shouldn't be here. - I saw Phantom of the Opera there. - Yeah. - And then I'm up there telling Poop fart crap jokes. And I'm like, this is crazy that this is our reality. - I thought about that when I played the Rhyman Anatarium. - So stunning. - Nashville where you're like Johnny Cash has been on this stage. - He's got a room upstairs. The room, the room, we sat in that room. It was so powerful. When you do see some of the lists of the names, like it does do something to you mentally. You're like, man, this is kind of cool to think like, I'm, I'm, I'm gracing the stage of other people that I respected. - Yeah. - And they don't respect me. - No. - That's fine. That's fine, dude. - 'Cause they, if you play the Chicago theater, everyone signs the backstage and they have, like laminated sectioned off, like no one could fuck this up. They have Frank Sinatra's. - McCartney's up there. - Yeah. - And they've got a couple that are nobody can touch. - And you're just sitting there like, "I'm playing the song, I'm playing the song." - And you would just imagine Frank looking at our stuff and going, "The fuck are they doing down there?" - Who's that little guy? Who the fuck is that? The red headed guy. Sick. Gross. - Hang him out. - They let them tell jokes now. What's up with the magic? They let him out of the zoo. (laughing) Who says this? Somebody take this home with him. Dude, someone put a beard on a kid. (laughing) - Sinatra would hate me. - Sinatra would hate all of us. - Yes. - Well, he actually did have an affinity for standups. You know that Tom Drieson, a buddy, family friend. - Drieson. - We loved Drieson open for him for years and years, dude. - Riggles. - Yeah. I mean, he loved standups. They loved standups. So, I think they would have enjoyed us, but we weren't their style of humor. - In here, we pour whistle, whistle. (singing) NBA playoffs. Hey, NBA playoffs are here. You can predict the playoff action all the way to the finals with fan duel predicts. You've heard of it, you know it. And all you have to do is sign up to get your $25 bonus. $25. Follow all the playoff dishes, swishes, wishes, and misses. Every move is a potential plot twist. Predict the spread, the total points, and even the game-winning moments that make the playoffs the best. Where one run, one rebound, one shot changes literally everything. This is my favorite time of year in the NBA. 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They're like, "You're not gonna meet Don Rickles." He comes in, he does the thing, he leaves. And I go, "Well, where does he leave?" He goes out the tunnel and I'm like, "I'm gonna go to that tunnel." That's why I do the sketch, haul ass down to the tunnel. I'm still in my costume, which I played a basketball player 'cause the clippers were bad, and they're like-- - Naturally, you'd play a basketball player. - Yeah, and the whole gag was like, "And the clippers are signing some new people." And then I come out, "Hey, you know." - That's good. - Good bit. - Good gag. So I'm there, and I'm just waiting in that tunnel. And here, and here comes Rickles. He's coming down that tunnel, and I see Don Rickles, and he's a legend. I freeze, I don't know what to say. And he stops, and he just looks at me, looks me up and down and goes, "Stop smoking." (laughing) - That's so good. - And I got to get a photo with him, and it was great, it's one of my most prized possessions. That's the thing you jump in and grab in a fire. - Stop smoking. - Yeah, stop smoking, okay? And guys like that, I love because Rickles was always like, I'm Don fucking Rickles. If someone meets me just on the street, they're gonna get a moment. - For sure. - They're gonna get a story, and he always had the joke, always had a line. So yeah, Don, that's one of my all-time comedy memories. - That was like a legend moment for you. - Yeah, like did you love him when you were a kid? - Yeah, I loved him, and I loved Robin, and I got to meet Robin. Robin, I was on stage at this little theater just north of San Francisco in Mill Valley. - You're talking about Robin Wright pen for people that I'm curious. - Yes, love Robin Wright pen. - Yeah. - Princess Pride. - Well, Wesley, as you wish. - And I'm doing the Throck Morton theater, and I didn't know this, but Robin was there. He was in, he was-- - He was in the audience? - Not like sitting, but like-- - Just hanging out. - In the back, and he saw my set. I'm really glad I didn't know that he was there, 'cause I was a fucking-- - He just fucked you up. - He would have freaked out. And I go back to the green room, and I've never met him before. He burst in the green room, and I'm like, "Oh, what the fuck, it's the fucking, it's missed out fire." - Hello! - Like you're just coming at me, and he walks right up to me, and goes, "Oh my God, Mr. Williams, "you're like Prozac with a head." - Oh my God, what a line. Prozac with a head. - Prozac with a head. - That's so good. - That'll be another special. We're tolling my next three specials. - Yeah, we got 'em all lined up. - But yeah, that-- - He was the man. - Yeah, and then we talked for a bit, and then he invited me to his show the next day. - 10 theater, isn't he? - 10 theater, that was his workout room. So he's doing a show there, and he's like, "Yeah, I'll leave a couple tickets for you." And we walk into the theater, me and my opening act, comic named Jeff Keith. And we see two reserve signs in the very front row. And this theater holds like 150 people. It's a small theater. And we're walking in, this is Mill Valley, California. There's a lot of money in this room to see Robin and a small theater. And we know that when people see reserved front row, they're like, "Is Spielberg showing up?" - Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck it. - I just walked out-- - Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. They see me, they're like, "Ah, you gave it to a make-a-wish kid." That's nice. - When are you dying, young man? (laughing) - No, no, I'm an adult male, sure. Yes, you, in your head, you can be anything you want to be. - You betcha, and I definitely looked the part 'cause that was before I had the beard too. - Oh, when you're clean shaving to different world. - Oh, I'm, I look like-- - I hate it. - So is my wife, that's why I have the beard. - Dude, me too, look, if I don't have this, it's a face that people are like, "Good Christ." - Well, what are you doing? - Put a bag over it. - Yeah, no, I gotta keep this beard on. - This is God's camouflage. - Yeah, it really confuses the other kids at the school when I drop my daughter off, 'cause I'm like walking up and then I say-- - That guy's always skipping school. (laughing) He's such a cool kid. (laughing) How do he get a car? He's not a car. (laughing) I'm just dropping my daughter off. It's sometimes-- (laughing) - Holy shit. - My daughter has this, like, really, you know, she's sick, she has a girly backpack. She has a hard time getting it upstairs, 'cause it's one of those rolly backpacks. - The rolly ones, yeah. - So I pick it up. But then sometimes I just, you know, I keep carrying it up to the front of the school and until she goes in. Every time I walk with that backpack, there's always a kid that's like looking at me like, "Wait, it's up with a new guy." - What? (laughing) - In that backpack. (laughing) - It is 2026, dude. - Hey, you know, don't ask me my pronouns. - Don't ask me my pronouns. - Oh, I gotta, it's very, it's very, the pronouns are down here. (laughing) - Hello. - Hello. - That's gotta be amazing, though. Six is rad. Six is like a-- - That's cool. - Six is an age where you're like, still fantasy. She still probably has all that whimsy of the world. Like, she's not diluted with negativity and bullshit. - And we live in a, you know, a nice neighborhood where the kids are all good. She's not, you know, she's not being bullied. She's got a bunch of friends. - Have you approached this yet? Has this happened? This like, she comes you and says somebody's bullying me? - Uh, oh, there was one kid. - We want people to cry at some point in the pod. - There was one kid. - One son of a bitch. - Let me tell you about this kid. - Call him up by full name, we'll put a social up. (laughing) - Dude, she got home from school and we're like, how was school today? And she goes, it was good until the kid's name pushed me down. And I'm like, pushed you down. - Put like, through her down. - Pushed you down, huh? - Hold on. -Yeah. -Wahapa. -Wahapa. -And then, you know, 'cause you know this, but for the listeners, my wife is a martial arts instructor. -Yeah, she-- -Yeah. -So she's-- -She would kill most people we know. -She is a weapon. -Yeah. -Yeah. -And she's like, "All right." And she immediately gets on the phone. And she's like, "Who's going to die in the next 24 hours?" And-- -Tarotino's like, "I have to make this move." [ Laughter ] -But yeah, we had to have a meeting with the kid and the parents, thankfully the parents were really cool. Like, they were horrified and they're like, "We're sorry." -What was the kid's reasoning? Was he just-- was he being a dick? -Just flirting? -What? -It might have been-- -A lot of times it's like, "Push you down, punch you, hurt you little kids, 'cause they like each other. -Yeah, it's weird. -It's a weird thing, you know, 'cause yeah, it's a kid. Yeah, it's a five-year-old. Why'd you do that? They just kind of go, "I don't know." -I don't know. -Yeah. -They don't know. They're like, "I saw something I could push over." [ Laughter ] -Valent reasoning. -I can't push over that kid. -No. -Push over the big kid. -But the kid was the kid at least remorseful of the-- -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -So it's fine. That's the only event that happened, but for the most part, yeah, it's great. In six, she's like, "Dude, you take her to a zoo, and a queer hero." -You take her to a zoo. -I'm not taking her to a zoo. -No, you take her. -No, you take her to a zoo. -Give me an afternoon off. -All right, fine. -I'm trying to have sex with my wife for once, without having to be silent. She's like, "Shh." -Why it? -Why it? -God, you know, the-- -Mom, dad. -Nothing. -Nothing. -Well, what is it, you take her to a zoo? You take her to a queer person? -Yeah. -She just sees something, and she's just like-- -An hammer. -Under all of it. -Yeah. -And it's just-- it's so cool. -Don't you wish you still felt that? -Yeah. -When you saw something in Spectacular, we run out of-- I think we run out of, like, fantasy points as an adult. We lose the-- the wildfactor should be bigger still for us. -Right. -But we lose it. -The wildfactor, for me, now comes watching her-- -Oh, watch something. -Yeah, that's cool. -That's the wildfactor. -That is very cool. -So, like, I was doing a gig in Vegas and brought the family out. I played a lovely Venetian. -Oh, good for you, huh? -At the Palazzo Theater. -A lot of songs. -It's very nice. They give me tickets to the speed. -You know, a little guy's got the Palazzo. -The Palazzo? -The Palazzo? - The Sebastian's gonna be like, dude, shut the fuck up. Stop doing that, Brian. - Why are you doing it? - Yeah, you're gonna be so annoyed. I gave him a good compliment at the beginning of this, then he's be like, "I heard you then, "you wouldn't shut up about me." We all do it the best. - He's the best. - But, you know, brought the family up to Vegas. We had a nice lunch out front. There's a restaurant where you could look at the Bellagio Fountains. - Yes. - And we're just sitting there. And the Bellagio Fountains start going, and my daughter is just, "Whoa!" - And she's just, and I started crying. - That's nice. - I started literally crying 'cause my kids, like, and I'm here at the fancy restaurant, like, "I brought you here, you're here, "'cause I was able to bring you here." And she's having this moment of discovery. I'm like, "This is the greatest." And then I immediately had to bottle those tears, 'cause dwarf tears cure cancer. - They do, and we do not, RFK has said that before. - If we can just route up the dwarf, we can be in like, "If we can just make dwarf cry." And then we all have, "Oh, cancer, it is." What, don't look, can you laugh 'til you cry? We don't know what ginger tears cure. I don't know, that might be-- - We cause cancer, you kill it. (laughing) Ginger tears just make people like-- - Oh, there's a ginger water balloon. I'm gonna dwarf water balloon. Hold on, experiment. - Splash, splash, yeah. - They're totally cured. They're auto-licured. - But it's a beautiful moment. They get, you get to see that through her eyes. - Yeah, those are the kind of things now. Like, I'm getting her into hockey. - Oh, oh really, yeah, she likes hockey. - Really? - Yeah, 'cause you like hockey, but you're a big baseball football guy. - Yeah, I like a lot of sports. I like baseball, like football, but I like hockey. And I love the fact that I'm a ducks fan, 'cause if I was a Kings fan, now there's all these celebrities in front of me that are way more famous, way more powerful. Like, alright, we can't give you anything, 'cause Will Ferrell's gonna play the referee tonight. You know, Justin Bieber or whatever the hell. So it's like, but then you become a ducks fan. There's no celebrity ducks. - So you show up like, you know, a D-lister like myself. They're like, right, this way, Mr. Williams. - Whatever you need, Mr. Williams. - Would you like to play tonight, Mr. Williams? We need to back up. - We need to write Winger, Mr. Williams. Coach the team, call a play. - So yeah, the ducks treat me really good. - It's good to be a mascot of a team that there hasn't been, you know, what does that call it? Hasn't been like, already consumed by the fame media. You know, like they're still open. Like they haven't been, it hasn't been, like, accosted by fame. - Exactly, like that's why, like, I'm also a Broncos fan. Broncos treat me really great. Now, if I was a Chiefs fan, like you are, that, I'm in line. - See, he's doing there. He's just starting. - Startin' shit. - Like, wriggles, stone street, obviously all the swifties. - He knows I'm a Bears fan. He's doing this just to poke me. - 'Cause your best fan, your best fan, Travis. - He's a friend of, he's a friend of the family. - He's a good guy that Travis. - You know what? And he is a good guy. - He's a great dude. - I'm not gonna talk shit about that. - I do, you know what? I am a diehard Chicago Bears fan. I do love the Chiefs because I have a couple of friends that play football for him. So, sue me, sue me. - Yeah, I-- - Don't sue me, by the way, please don't sue me. - No, such a insane thing. - It's really great Chicago Chiefs, both start with C. You don't even have to change out those ones. - Oh, and Chicago's big on native stuff, dude, the Black Ocks, fighting a line eye. We're all in on native, dude. - So, it just fits. Bro, I was at the comic store one time. - Yeah. - And in the chairs and the back of the original room, you know, for those, don't know. It's reserved for comics. - There's a row of chairs that are in the, in the original room there. And Mitsy used to sit in one of them and watch and criticize heavily. And then other comics would sit there and hope that she liked some of their shit. - Yep. And I'm sitting there one night and then, all of a sudden, the security comes over and says, "Hey, we gotta clear out these chairs." And I start to get up and they went, "Oh, no, no, Brad, you can stay." - You're a comic. - Yeah, you're a comic. It was some other people that were like friends of people, but they cleared them out. I'm like, "Oh, okay, so I sit there and I'm still watching." And then this behemoth of a monstrosity of an individual. - You're just a guy that was 5'10." - This giant of a man sits down. And he blocked out all the lights as he walked across. It got dark. - It wasn't a clip. And he sits down and he just looks right at me, puts out his hand and goes, "Hey, I'm Travis." - And it was. - Travis, yeah. - It was Travis Kels. - Travis Kels, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, Travis Kels. I call, oh, you got him, yeah. - Yeah, good for you. - I use the original pronunciation. - That's right. - That's right. - And he goes, "Hey, I'm Travis Kels." And he goes, "Hey, I'm Braddy." He goes, "Yeah, you're your friends with Cheeto." - Yeah. - And I'm like, "Yeah, he goes, "Well, I got to tell you, "I'm a Broncos fan, so I'm sorry." And he looks me, goes, "Nobody's perfect." (laughing) And I'm like, "Damn, and he's got lines." - He's good, he's got the bars, dude. He's got the ammunition, no, he's a great dude. Hall of Famer, a great man, a great ball player. - Yeah, so ever since that, I'm like, - Now I can't hate you. - No, I can't. - Now I can't cheer if you get fucking-- - Oh, come on. - You know, there's some people you meet over, of course, time, you're like, good luck to hate them, 'cause they're pretty, pretty cool and nice. - Dude, I went, have you ever had that moment where you met someone that you thought you were gonna hate? - You. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then I just turned out to be a doormat. - I have multiple times thought I was gonna dislike some, not hate them, but I thought I'd be like, "I don't really like that person." And then I had them and I go, "I was wrong." - Yeah, that was a-- - And I've had the opposite more, where I'm like, "I like that person," and you mean to me like, "Fuck, that guy dude, oh my god, that guy stinks." - I ran into years ago, ran into Ryan Cabrera at-- - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, the singer, at the laugh factory. And he had like huge, spiky hair and he had a head all the way down, and it was like, it was popular. - Not my cup of tea. - No, I don't drink tea. - Sat there and talked to him after the show. I'm like, "Only shit, you're a cool dude." - Yeah, it's probably very nice. - He's very nice. We're still friends to this day. - Yeah. - And he's just a great guy. - Yeah, it happens more often than not. You would think that the public presentation of someone oftentimes dilutes the truth of what actually they are because you are who people make you out to be. Whether or not that's, sometimes that's out of people's control. Some people, that's who they want to be perceived as. So that's who they are. - Some people, it's like, it's like, no, no, no, I'm doing this as an image thing to be like. - Correct, you can kind of feel it when you meet someone you go, "Oh, they're in the thing." I get that. - Yeah, they're doing a bit. - Yeah, you know who exactly who he is? Whether you like it or not is Johnny Manzell. I met that kid, he's exactly who he is, man. He's fun, he's loud, he's brash. He'll tell you straight up shit. Like, he's no fake and no funny. That's who he is. - I respect it. - I like that, that he's just like, "Yeah, fuck it, you don't like me big deal." I'm like, "That's great, dude." He's got that heart. So some people are who they are and some people are who they think they should be. And then the real gems are people who are kind of quiet, move seamlessly. And then you meet them, you're like, "That guy was great." - Dude, I was doing a show in Nashville one time and Chris Kirkpatrick from NSYNC came out to the show and he wanted to like, - He goes, "Dude, we gotta hang out." - He ran a boy band together. - And I'm like, "All right." And he goes, "No, like tonight." - Oh shit. - And I'm like, "All right." - Sure. - He goes, "There's this bar." Like, "Come on." So we go, me and Chris, and we go to this dive bar in Nashville And there's a karaoke machine, and I go, I can't. Pass this up. Yeah, you know, so I go I put my name in and then the announcer goes all right next is a Brad and Chris Brad and Chris and you do this thing where like What it's uh, yeah, it's the Will Ferrell scene from from anchor man where he's like oh I would never play jazz flute hold on. Yeah, so I was like oh Chris I guess we're singing okay, and then we go up and he goes what song what what song are we singing? And then the opening notes from I want it that way by the backstreet boys come on sure, dude, cuz I'm an ask Yeah, heavy troll heavy troll heavy troll and Chris goes do you think I'm upset and he sings the shit out. He probably killed it. He killed of course dude can sing I mean that but this is the thing is like if he's fun if that if he has fun with it awesome if he's bothered by it loser Exactly now now I know I can't be friends with you. Right. You're not cool. You're not fun exactly like if you If we were doing something and then you announced to a crowd like hey, here's we man from jackass. I'll kick himself in the head That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. How I said that before it sounds like I've said that before you may have said that before It sounds like sounds like we're hanging out one night. You may have thrown a stapler at me being like he will staple his nuts to his leg He will do it watching to you and me at a bar and some girl is like who is that I'm like that's we man. Go say hi 100% dude. I'm like go say how do we man. He's the best. He's the best. I love when people think I'm we man because I'm like Oh, I could say anything I want now We man has a horrible reputation. They're like we man. You're like you know I hate blacks and Haitians and you just go off on the red I just go off. We man's race is racist. That was crazy dude. Hey, and it's last it's real last name's Acunia I think he's Latina. Hey, don't get them all out. Build that wall build it three times higher. He is actually good dude dude dude too turns out I did a movie with him did a spinal tap too. Oh, oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, and it's because you also did Mm-hmm Christopher guest the other movie. Yeah, mascot. Yeah, mascot's on Netflix. So Christopher guest got me into mass and do a spot in a spinal tap too and Me and me and we man play the Druids for Stonehenge. Yeah, no lines. Don't need it. Don't need it. It's funny a shit. You need funny dwarves We got it Christopher guest has Still has a comedy touch a gold. Yeah, like he still gets it whether you like subversive comedy is a whole that's a subjective thing Some people don't like these kind of insidey things. It's okay, but I think that kind of stuff just always tickles me It's so much fun like yeah, small comedy. Yeah, and that's the name of your next special as they my next show Yeah, that's another one right after pro-zac with the head I just like I like small stuff that he's always done it really makes me laugh that he does like the little tiny layered jokes They're kind of hidden sometimes or they're like hey, you really gotta be in it great if not if you don't that's okay Nobody cares. There's other jokes for you. Correct. But yeah, so I got to do yeah, I got to do a movie with We man, which I'm really stoked because people will finally realize we're not the same. Not the same guy There's Sebastian we man Little Sebastian we Sebastian. That's my character on that. We Sebastian. We Sebastian. That's so funny. I can't get a step ladder Sebastian man a small coat Right there. There if fucking was I can't ride a rollercoaster Then you literally can't I can't go up and down and up and down Are you I was waiting for it to break. I thought it was gonna crack I thought it was gonna crack. I got a big I got a big ace. You do have a big shitter I people don't know that brad's got a badon could don't it is when we would go we went bowling at the Roosevelt and This all his power he's got the guys got great ball speed all the powers derived from that shitter. This guy's turdcutter is unbelievable I mean he did he's sitting on a bomb. It is it's got it's got a lot of power that that's where all the power comes from my golf swing When we feel like Brad, you know, what do you hit it like 50 60? No, he can hit the golf ball, dude. I could fucking hit it You can stripe it dude. It comes all in the fucking Yes, you know, oh, it's great man. I love it. Your old man big golfer - he was a big golfer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He got me into it Played a lot he you you you make the same two jokes every time we play golf I bet you could guess one of them. I bet you can guess one of them What's a joke you'd make about me playing golf I don't mean too so many things are coming to my mind So many things he would say like it like we'd be walking and he was a member of this course in Long Beach and He would know all the other members whatever he'd be like Hey, you know my kids playing golf. Hey, hey, hey ask my kid what his handicap is. Yeah, there it is There we go. What's your handicap? I go tour for some you son of a bitch, you know, it was all always great Always great. He would do that and then and then People would see him and be like, hey, you know, his name's Pete and he goes hey Pete your kids playing golf He's like, yeah, drives the bell good, but hell of a short game on that game. Yeah, of course Hell of a short game same two jokes, same two jokes and they cross every time every time they never missed they never miss Yeah, why would you not say the 50 VA that that's gonna bring joy to people right? That's why whenever like a comic gets known for like a catchphrase or something and then doesn't want to do it Yeah, I'm like why You say you say the phrase, you know, you get to walk out on stage and be like what's in the whiskey and then everyone fucking explodes My streamers go on That's all I want that's worth the money right there. My life is peaked. Oh my god. Give me a catchphrase. What's your catchphrase? Not not in the ass. Not in the ass Brad Williams not in the ass. That's by next special after that one. This next special That's coming out or this special that's out right now. I should say you're next special Uh, I want everyone to do me a favor and go watch it. Uh, Brad is an old buddy of ours. He's a friend of family friend of the show And we love him very much And so please go watch the special right now on YouTube Like it and then share it do the things you send to other people and the more you comment and all that stuff the more gets pushed around by the way You want to get into that TSA pre-check line in heaven? Yeah, I shared a dwarfs comedy special god should give you a pass pretty much that gets you in Got you in yeah, cuz you're like oh you've done some horrible things in your life But you also shared a dwarfs comedy special which is like visiting kids in a hospital It's close. It's it's as close as you're gonna get it's right up there help out the dwarf Do me a favor go watch your right now. He's got a child before my child's child Go see him live as well as website of courses Bradway it's comedy.com and none of it is in caps. It's all lowercase. All lowercase. Oh Bradway it's comedy.com if you do caps it goes to dinklage's site Big ego on that guy. We end the show the same way Brad looking at that camera say one word or one phrase to take us home Hunts in here we pull whisk whisk whisk whisk whisk Oh that creature in the ginger field Sturdy, ginger like that has the ginger gene is good Ginger is a fugitive you only five dollars for the whiskey seventy five dollars for the whole Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey means excellent Ginger I like ginger