Boy Dinner Diaries | Reading Reddit Stories

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Can someone get us what that is? Is that her? No. Can someone figure that out? Sounds like my ex-wife. What the hell was that? I'm sorry, it was close. Yeah, you're too close to do that. Anyways, if you haven't seen our girl dinner episode, these are subreddits that are fairly new on Reddit, and have become very popular. So there's a boy dinner subreddit. It's boy dinner diaries. And all the stories are is guys will post a photo of their boy dinner, whatever that may be, and they will then share a story. Might be a rant, might be a complaint about something in their life, might be a whole crazy saga. Might be a manifesto. Oh. Yeah. I'm just saying, if you're a boy, if you're writing in a diary, you're either an incel or you're like a romantic, awesome guy, Shane. Okay, thank you, thank you. There's no, it's black and white. All right, yeah. It's all black and white here on Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. That's true, that is true. I feel like there's going to be a lot of slop. You guys have eaten slop. I think there's going to be a lot of guys who have been broken up with. They're like, she broke up with me, she left me. Fuck my chungus life. Yeah, a lot of that. Type shit. There are some Ws in here. Oh. There's some wins, there's some, it's not all negative, it's positive. And that was the same with Girl Dinner Diaries. Sometimes a good thing happens, but. What was a good girl dinner? Good girl. Well, I don't know if the dinner, well, some of the girl dinners, I've seen some that, they post like some, like one girl had like a whole entire tray of brownies. And it was like, all right, badass. All right, so what we're going to do is I will show you a photo of the dinner that is being presented, because we have photos of all of them. And then I'll get into the story. Hell yeah, thank you. Here we go. First one was posted in Boy Dinner Diaries back in July. And it writes, I accidentally broke into a gas station. Oh. Now, their boy dinner also includes photos of the gas station. Okay. Do they break into the gas station and then eat? So. I think they got food. So, their boy dinner is a Slurpee. Oh, fun. I can't tell the flavor of the Slurpee. Oh, it looks like green apple or, oh. No, I. Oh, that's just. That's a, why did they take this picture of the Slurpee from that angle? I want to see what's in there. I want to see what's in the cup. Right. Yeah, yeah. Give us the. Can we see the residue? Give us the Slurpee. Okay, I'm seeing red. Do you have an ideal Slurpee flavor? Yeah, a mix. Okay, I can respect that. Get in there. I did the smirk. I did the smirk. Okay, yeah, he's in the gas station. It looks like it's really early in the morning. Okay. Are 7-Elevens 24 hours? I imagine so. Some have to be. Or are they like, open like 7 to 11 hours? There are. Oh, is it 7 a.m. to 11 p.m.? Oh, that makes sense. That's, that feels like a. They never close. They never close. They're open 24/7. Oh, so. They're open 24/7. Okay. See, I like to call it. Don't, yeah. Don't say. All right, so we've got a bunch of photos of a 7-Eleven. He's in the back of the 7-Eleven. He's got the, oh, at the back storage area with all the alcohol and everything. So you, and then he's got a photo of a SUV with a big flashlight. We're gonna find out what all these photos are. All will be revealed. Food is the Slurpee from the gas station. I decided to go for a walk tonight around 11 p.m. I got nothing else going on in my life on a Friday night and the weather was nice, so why not? I like walking and listening to music. On this fine night, I listened to "Ex-Military" by Death Grips and "Toxicity" by System of a Down. Whoa. Is this guy me? Yeah. Holy shit. This guy's awesome. That's the ideal Friday night. I like how he's listening. His food, what he's listening to. About three miles and an hour into my walk, I came across the gas station near my house. I checked on Google to see if it is open and it said it was open 24 hours. So I walked through the unlocked front door and fill up a Slurpee cup. I was really confused. There was no employee behind the counter. I waited for a bit, thinking maybe he was just on a smoke break or something. I stood for a few minutes with no sign of any workers. I started looking around for someone. I checked the bathrooms and then I see the door to the back room is open. The back rooms. Back rooms. I went looking around in there and looked through the big door in the back cooler and couldn't find anyone. I'm considering calling the non-emergency line so they can send someone down so I can pay for my Slurpee. No, that's too much. This guy's white as hell. Police, I'm stealing. Then I see a car with very bright headlights show up. A man with a flashlight walks up and opens the door. It was a cop and he said, "You're not supposed to be in here, buddy." I told him my tale of my walk and looking for the employee and then he took my info down. He told me the store was closed and they started closing and they were closed earlier now. Then a second cop shows up and comes in to talk to me. The first one leaves and me and the second officer chatted up about life. Started chopping it up. Started just having time. We cracked open some brewskis from the back. We started stealing together. We waited for the manager to show up. She came in and locked up the store and let me have the Slurpee for free. And then I went on my merry way and walked home. My walk concluded around 12:45 a.m. My final walk was about 4.5 miles and an hour and 45 minutes long. Including time at the gas station. - That's a damn good walk. - We have all this guy's information. - Oh yeah, let's find him. - We know how many miles he walked. The amount of time that he was there. We know what music he was listening to. What's in his body. - We know him. - We got everything. We have this guy down to a T. - Ex-Militaries, that's one of my favorite albums. - What is it like, oh no, oh no. - No, no, it's like, I don't know how you describe it. I'm surprised y'all don't listen to Death Grips. Shane, have you ever listened to Death Grips? - I'm sure I've heard some Death Grips songs. - Yeah. - But I'm not. - I don't listen to that kind of music too often. Like System of a Down and stuff, I'm not listening to. I was more of a, I'm more like the pop. - Oh. - Yeah. - Who's your pop princess? - Right now? - Yeah. - Does Marina count as pop princess? Or is that kind of, I'm more into like, I need like a beat. - I need like a beat. - Oh, Death Grips has a beat. - I mean, I'm sure. - It's like punk. It's like punk music. - Oh. - Yeah. - I listened to a lot of punk rock when I first was getting into music. - Yeah. - My brother was like a huge NoFX fan, so he would like buy me those albums. - It's kind of like a natural evolution of that. It's like punk, rap, rock. - I respect all music. - It's simple plan, punk. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Pop punk. - No, but that's, I listen to a lot of simple plan. - I just found out that they did the What's New Scooby Doo theme song, and that really changed my life. - That's a good, that actually makes a lot of sense. - So good. - What would you do in a situation like this? If you walk into a gas station, it's completely empty. - I'm walking out with the 10 cents Lurpee. - Yeah, 10 cents. Is that how much they cost? - The company, yeah. - True, for them. - That's how Chance is constantly operating is, you know, what's their overhead on this? - And yeah, and I'm like, when I'm grabbing-- - To hire a manager to come in and scan my 10 cents Lurpee, that's not worth it for the company or for me. - True, that's-- - And it's already in the cup. Let's go. - I'm thinking about them. - Yeah, I'm doing you a service. - I'm being considerate, yeah. - And you know what? I'll lock the door on my way out, too. - Yeah. - You're welcome. - Yeah, it's kind of on them for leaving the lights on and the door unlocked. - That's crazy, yeah. Like, if your house is unlocked, I'm walking in. - Right, absolutely. - I'm like, hey, what's going on in here? - I'm helping myself to some sugar, some milk. I'll borrow all the things that a neighbor borrows. - I look at your art. - Yeah, I'm appreciating your art. - I do love snooping around a gas station, 'cause you kind of never know what they're gonna have. - It's true. - That's true. Every gas station is different, especially when you're on a road trip. - Oh, yes, like you get the regionals. - Yeah, like some merch. - Oh, I almost got you a shirt, Shane. - Oh my God, I did get you a shirt. I'll bring it tomorrow. I just remembered I got you a shirt. - Okay. - That's crazy, it's sitting in my drawer. Okay, I'll go get it. - Okay, great. - You're gonna like it. Actually, you might not. - Which character is on it? - A wolf. - Oh, shit. - That's sick. - Okay. That was me in Canada, 'cause I was in Canada recently, and whenever I spot new candy bars, I'm just like, oh, I don't have that. I'm grabbing that. - No, any new soda, any new, I think we talked about this recently, but if there's a new fast food item, I'm like, well, I need to try it. - Of course. - Yeah. - I was just in Albuquerque, and they had a green, McDonald's, well, everything had green Hatch chilis, but McDonald's had a green Hatch chili burger. I was like, yeah! - Wow, okay. - And that burger, I'm trying it. It was so good. - I bet. - I love Hatch chilis. - Me too. - That also, when you're in London or Scotland, you gotta get Iron Brew. - What's that? - Oh, I-- - It's a drink that I don't know. I don't know what it is. - I picked up a couple at Heathrow, and they're sitting in my fridge right now. - I love them. - I could bring it in, we could crack one open. I'm a big fan of Iron Brew. - What is it? - I don't, I truly don't know. Yeah, I'm not gonna tell you you need to drink it and decide for yourself. Okay, but it's delicious Have you ever accidentally done crime like this guy? I'm trying to think of like, you know, we I've never accidentally done it But I've definitely purposely been in places that I'm not supposed to be that makes sense I get guilty if I'm walking in like five minutes before close. So yes a hundred percent. I would never yeah I can't do it. Yeah, but a gas station like and if like look I'm going in If it's retail and I know exactly what I'm going to get and I can get out of there If I have a mission I can do it if I'm like moseying no like oh you're at your job I have a job too right now and it's to go in here and get this I'm trying to think of how to explain this but like this is this happens to me even here in LA but like I'm such a guilty feeling person that I'll walk into a shop and it won't be near close but you ever walk into a shop that has like no customers and like the way that the the the cashier or the person The shop is treating you. It's like it's like oh, I'm sorry. I'm like I'm a hindrance to you that I'm giving you sort of like I am buying stuff here and I feel bad that I am Yeah buying stuff here. I texted you about this when because I went to That menswear store and it's like one of those kind of fancy where all the jeans like started like $200 Yeah, and you know, I was just kind of looking around and just no one like they like seemed mad I was in there. Yeah, and I was like, I'm sorry like Like no wonder no one's in here Cuz you guys are just so you're just putting out an aura of superiority and stuff I'm like, I'm curious about the like nothing's gonna get me to spend money faster and be like, oh like, you know Well, I guess they don't fucking care like what's in it for them. I think this is something That my southern heritage has taught me too is to go into a shop and like you greet the person that's in the shop Hi, how are you doing? Yeah, and then I always thank them when I leave and for some reason that exchange I'm like, thank you Even if I don't get only for some reason that exchange Makes me feel like I'm not wasting their time agree. I don't know why no, I fully I fully get it I feel that way too. I'll say thank you walking out of the gas station. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I do that too, but I sometimes feel like when I walk into a shop, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm here Oh, like I'm sorry. Are we I'm so I'm actually I'm sorry. What have you spend money? Even if I spend money I just feel like I'm kind of like if they're just I'm like I'm like, oh do you not want customers right now? Am I should I not like I don't want to work, you know where I feel? I feel real guilty is when they're like, oh do you want do you want me to bag this for you at the grocery store? I'm like I do I I'm cuz I'm gonna I'm gonna do a bad job. I do a horrible job I if there's not a bagger automatically there I try my best and I try to do it so fast cuz now I'm like, oh shit I'm holding up the line that is so funny and I try so hard I'm like I have so much respect for for baggers. Oh, I'm a bag cuz it is a science. Oh, yeah There's no they used to have competitions the legend of bagger Vance Yeah, what is that? Groceries is much like golf. Anyways Comments that's totally on the workers for not bothering to lock up the store properly or correctly update their times online I'm glad the cops were chill Someone said how can you tell a slurpee story and not give us the flavor? Thank God. He responded cherry I knew it was red. I'm not a cherry guy I'm not either cherry was the flavor of medicines that I had and cherry Was decimated in fruit battle brackets. Oh Didn't even see didn't even make it past the first. I had some fresh cherries the other day. Oh, yeah hits fresh cherries are different No, I'm I'm an authentic cherry defender. The only reason I wanted cherry is an old-fashioned see a maraschino cherry I Think cherries the actual fruits versus fruit flavors completely different. Yeah, but I like how bananas the fruit flavor is from the 90s but it's all-encompassing like it's it's We had a whole bracket about it. Shane. You can watch it online. There'll be a link in the description below I don't get to be in those unless it's daddy's All right, you're in the grown men episode wait, so they have had a Slurpee recently and it's Mountain Dew confetti flavor confetti and I know you love that weird. What do you think? I love that weird shit So it's a Mountain Duke and batter confetti. So where's the Mountain Dew come in? I don't know cuz I haven't had it yet because every time I walk into our 7-eleven or konbini As I like to call it It's a it's always kind of you know how you I get I do a read on the texture I do like an ocular pat-down on that like the textures Yeah, I scan the ocular pat-downing yeah never look at me again But yeah Like you know how like you can tell if a slurpee is gonna be good or not by looking at how it's spinning in the thing Whoa, I didn't Know that. Thank you. It's like if it's running people are nodding if it's running I'm like, I haven't had a slurpee in like 15 years. Oh, bro. Grow up I I would say like ice like flavored ice Anything of that of that nature is not like one of my favorite desserts. What about a frozen margarita? That's a little different I will say the one that the one that really transcends is a pina colada. Ah, holy god And that doesn't need to have Alcohol in it just the like yeah can of coconut stuff. It sounds like you like slurpees, right? That's just not what I go towards right like I would probably just soda instead soda or like a candy bar or something Alright moving on from that. Lastly. Someone said you have awesome taste in music dude, and that's a long-ass walk Your calves must be toned AF. Oh, well, how big is it? How big are your calves dude? Oh, he said one time I rode my bike like 50 miles. I crossed state lines And then I had work later So he got so jazzed about that comment. Yeah, you must have great cows. Yeah one time I fucking rode my bike forever. Yeah, I Rode my bike into a state. I wasn't even allowed in and the cops showed up and they're like you they were chilled This state's closed. Sorry. This state is closed my guy alright Moving on to our next boy dinner. Our next boy dinner was posted Roughly like a month ago. Oh op writes wife called me a good guy All right, and here's the dinner. I'm gonna show it to you before we get the explanation. I'm seeing like Oh Ketchup, I'm seeing a calzone with ketchup, but this calzone looks a little Burnt it looks kind of homemade. Is that is that a calzone? Is that an empanada? I could be a big empanada a big empanada a huge empanada or it could be a small plate Look at the napkin. Look at the cocktail napkin or is that a coaster either way? That's a big empanada. Okay, why would you eat an empanada? With ketchup, why would you eat a calzone with ketchup? Good question. Do you have a stromboli? No It's kind of like a calzone. Okay, is it is it sin? Is it cylinder? Yeah, is it a flat cylinder in you? All right wife and I have a little routine we've done for ages in the evening We tell each other all about the books. We are currently reading then we head to bed and read for an hour before we start Nodding off to sleep They said books like Multiple books like they're both reading five books at once Anyways, do you read it once? You one at a time. Okay, so I have an audiobook and then a physically reading a book. So I guess I'm like them Just let me scoot you in there. Yeah Hey, we really liked your vibe What books are you reading? Anyways, I'm asking her questions about the current book. She's reading and she's waxing lyrical about it some thriller romance novel She loves all the characters, especially the male protagonist. I asked her what she likes about him. What makes him a good character She says that the book is quite dark, but that this character is really nice and caring. Are you reading Harry Potter 4? Jeez like well, this one's pretty dark All the other characters are dark and cynical, but he always tries to help people and do the right thing Then she says the thing he's just a really good guy just like you oof hard hard as hell instantly My wife thinks I'm one of the good guys. The compliment was so unexpected It took me a few moments to absorb it made me feel mushy to know she genuinely sees me that way One of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me meal Cornish pasty So they're like English or something. So he's English So he found out his wife actually likes him Yeah, I'm like, what what did you think she thought of you? Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? My mom likes me. Wait, my mom. My wife thinks I'm gay. He thinks I'm good Get this his mom his mom. Um, uh, Okay, this is very funny to read I get it that this guy's just feeling really good So you just wanted to write and just be like dude, so what's the Cornish hen Cornish pasty? What the hell is that? It sounds English so it's like a meat pie meat pie. Okay with ketchup with ketchup the ketchup you lose me but meat pies They are very good. They're very good I'm sure this is actually they're like a flaky meat pie. He's got to break this thing open though I'm a little upset about a closed. Yeah, give me a cross-section Let me let me see what spices are going on in there like these guys I'm liking both these guys that have written in but I'm really disappointed in there They're like photo of their dinner game like they need to yeah, like plate that shit, bro Yeah, like open it up. Show us the inside of the slurpee show us the inside of the Cornish pasty. Don't give us this vague stuff sure like but I'm glad your wife thinks you're cool. - There is something about the plating of the second one It's very like. It's dystopian. It's a little Picasso. It's a little. It's a little. It's elevated. Like it's like. Yeah, it's elevated, but I still need it opened. Okay. Cut it open. There's nothing elevated about that. Or take a bite so we can see the inside of it. Are y'all talking about the use of Megan's face? If we were like at a Michelin star restaurant and they bring that out, then someone would cut it open for you at the table probably. And they'd be like. They roll it down their arm. They're like, open your mouth. Open your mouth. Quick, open your mouth. Open your mouth. All right. I kind of get that feeling of like, oh, you don't think I'm like someone you would have hooked up with or something like that. It's like, no, I only hooked up with bad guys. Like, well, that could be cool. Some guys really have a problem with that. Really? I used to. I've read some stories where guys are like, oh, you only married me because I'm like you're. Like I'm the good guy, right? But like I'm not like fun. I'm not. Like they take it as be like a good guy means you're not exciting. You're not like the story that people tell. Yeah. I get that. Sure. I think it's a bad. Like if you're walking into your marriage holding on to that, I think that's really bad. But I don't. I think it's like a human feeling to feel a little like, oh, I wasn't. Sure. Yeah. Well, a lot of guys put so much importance on like their sexual desire. Like, oh, all that matter. It doesn't matter if she like loves me. Yeah. And like is. I'm her best friend. It's like if I'm not the most sexually desirable person on the planet. I see a lot. There's a. That's like a lot of the basis of a lot of like incel posts on Reddit. Yeah. It's like. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so. All they care about is their sexual. Oh. Is sexuality. They don't care if it's like, oh, but she actually like likes hanging out with you. They're like, that's not as important. Ew. I want to be desired is what a lot of these guys write in. But I thought that's where it was going, but it's clearly not. He then goes, my wife thinks I'm one of the good guys. The compliment was so unexpected, it took me a few moments to absorb it. Made me feel mushy to know she genuinely sees me that way. Ugh. Reminds me of Sky High. Like the parents? No, like the kid. He's like a goofy good kid. Oh, oh. And the hot guys, like the fire guy and the jock. I think now. I feel like right now in media, I feel like the good guys are really like up right now. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah. I think like Tom Holland is like. Yeah. He's like the epitome of just like. A good guy. Sweet like. Yeah. Okay, I didn't realize that they at one point broke up and she was with Jacob Elordi for like a month. What? And then went back to him. And all the. So I saw this Twitter discourse. Wow. Likely thing for me to see. And everyone was like, is that not the ideal situation? What? Just like you have like your long time, you break up, you like hook up with the hottest guy ever for a little bit. And then you just go back to your old reliable. Oh yeah, sure, sure, sure. Definitely. Yeah. 100%. Old reliable Tom Holland. Yeah. No, definitely. That's like best case scenario. But Tom Holland's like your number one, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where do you stand on the Jacob Elordi of it all? He's really tall. Yeah. And that sucks. It, like, it's kind of like. I think for like, you know. It's a hundred and sometimes. Yeah. And like when you're cuddling and they're like punking Slenderman around you. So all the, the only comment that was left on this was a chain of hell yeah bros. That's awesome. Someone said hell yeah bro. Someone replied to that saying hell yeah bro. Should we leave one? We should comment. We need to comment just hell yeah bro. And it kind of went on forever. And I agree. Hell yeah. Hell yeah bro. You know what I'm addicted to right now? Sorry, this is a tangent. Go on. On my TikTok, on my feed. It's like, sticker dancing. Like, it'll be like, oh, some people know what I'm talking about. It'll be like Woody dancing. And she's ashamed. It'll be like, it'll be like Woody dancing and there's like a sick song. And they'll be like, drop your stickers. And people have different dancing stickers of different people dancing on the beat. And so like, you go in and drop your stickers. And then people will go in and be like, I'm shopping for stickers today bitch. And so you're like. I, I see the appeal of that. And they're all gifts of just. They're all just gifts of people dancing. It's kind of like when people do like. Like the smosh, like drop your smosh reaction gift. Yes. And it's like, oh, like, let me just go through and like collect some of these. It's so fun. That's pretty fun. Franklin the turtle. Oh man. He was throwing that shit back. He throws that shit back. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by Rocket Money. I used to always dread the end of the month. I knew I needed to sit down, get my spreadsheets out and look over my finances. It took forever. Combing through each transaction, categorizing them and figuring out how much money I could put into my savings. It was a lot. But then I started using Rocket Money. Rocket Money has been my go-to app for all of my finance needs. Rocket Money offers automatic transaction categorization across all my accounts. And the time I'm saving is incredible. Now I can just jump onto my dashboard and get a clear overview. Saving has become a breeze too. With automated savings, I can reach my goals faster. I just set the amount of money I wanted to pull from my income and then I don't have to think or worry about it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash pitreddit. That's rocketmoney.com slash pitreddit. rocketmoney.com slash pitreddit. Back to the show. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by ZocDoc. Can you believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner? I can't. But that's why I cherish the opportunity to spend extra time with my friends and family during the holidays. Travel, big dinners, making memories. The works. But before I travel home, I've got so much to do, such as making a plan for all those doctor's appointments I've been putting off. A flu shot, routine blood work, a checkup. Oof, the list is longer than I remember. It would be such a bummer to make all these holiday plans only to miss out, sick in bed, because I didn't plan ahead. But luckily, ZocDoc is free to use and always there for all my appointment needs. ZocDoc lets you compare local and network doctors and see actual appointment openings where you can click to instantly book a visit. You can knock out all of the appointments you've been meaning to book fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours, and you can even score same-day appointments if you're like me and have really been putting off that to-do list. I love ZocDoc. It has been a huge help for me. I was pushing off doctor's appointments for so long until I downloaded it, and then I had all my appointments set up within a week. Your health matters, and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc.com slash pitreddit. Now back to the show. Anyways, our next boy dinner. This was posted in July of 2026, and they write, Just found out I've been wasting my time on Marvel Rivals. Yeah. I saw some gameplay of it the other day, and I was like, what the hell is going on? How can you even see anything? Is it like pay-to-play? It's like Overwatch. I think it's free. It's busier and it's worse. It's free, and then you pay a lot of money for skins and stuff. It's Fortnite, yeah. Battle Pass. I don't know. I, I, I'm, yeah. Um, it looks like he's got, I believe this is Subway. Um, he's got, he's got a sub and Diet Coke, looks like. Um, looks like it's toasted. You think maybe that's Subway? That's not a Subway sandwich. I don't know. That's the most Subway thing I've ever seen. I don't, okay. It's the green and yellow paper. I'm keeping an open mind. Sorry. Italian herbs and cheese. Seven herb, whatever, yeah. I haven't had Subway in so long. I haven't either. I kind of like Subway. They, they used to be everywhere. I do not fuck with Subway anymore. Yeah, I used to eat it all the time. Just the bread. I love something, it's like, oof, but it's bad, yeah. It does hit, it's just, it's not, it's. Do you guys like the smell? No. Do you walk into a Subway? I do. Oh my God, I love it. I was a Sub, oh, I had a lot of Subway as a kid. I'm not big on, yeah, me too. A lot of Quiznos too. It was just everywhere. Yeah. And it was also like, remember? I remember in the day when it was like, this is the. Five dollars. This is the healthiest thing you could ever eat. Yeah. They were like, can you believe this is the healthiest food on the planet? I'm like, put more mayonnaise on that. Yeah. Fuck that, fuck that up. Like bacon, cheese. Apparently I'm late to this party, but I learned that Quick Play on Marvel Rivals is full of bots that are designed to be beaten, so you keep playing. I feel completely catfished. I genuinely thought I was doing good at this game, playing against other people. Now if I want to have a good time, I need to play ranked against all the other people. All the sweaty try-hards. I have two kids, so I don't have the time or the patience to learn the meta. Subway Spicy Italian with onions, pickles, and ranch. I do love their Spicy Italian. What makes it spicy? I think it's like an extra slice of salami. It's not spicy at all. Dude, Italian sandwiches, they hurt my stomach. Oh, you told me you don't have the process to eat. My tummy hurts. And it's delicious. It's delicious. But it hurts. I'm not a fan of cold cuts, but I'll fuck up a panini. Panini is good. I'm hungry right now. Yeah, I am too. We luckily have sandwiches after we finish this episode. Oh, what are we eating? Mendocino. Oh, baby, they're not so fried. Can anybody relate to this in any sort of way? No, because I love playing against bots. I love playing against bots too. I was going to say like. What is his ideal situation? He wants to win or he wants to lose? Like, I don't understand. Yeah. He wants to be good. He thought he was good at a game, and now he found out he's actually. Okay, you have to practice. Grow up. Go take care of your kids. But what he's saying is that he's not. Be able to beat all the other people. It's like, yeah, that's also true. You have to put in time. Like, you're not just going to be good at something just because you beat bots. And if you want to feel good, play against bots. Exactly. I do it all the time. Battlefield 6, or sorry, Battlefield 2042. I would only play against the bots because anytime I would go into an online game. You'd get my ass kicked. Oh, I'd just get my ass kicked. And I'm like, hey, I've got 30 minutes to squeeze in a game maybe. I want to go like 30 and 10. I get that the guy is frustrated at himself. for believing this delusion, but it's like there is nothing wrong with playing a video game in any way you want to play it there the reality is yeah people are fucking good at video games nowadays like on a level that you cannot compare to when like i was young but like okay that's the reality so there's nothing wrong with losing and there are so many video games like play just yeah play against bots man who cares it makes me think about overwatch like my favorite thing in overwatch was playing with people against like uh players versus environment was always my favorite pve pve is always my favorite because i'm like yeah we're working together so i want to be good yeah to support other people so i am for you i want to like to an element you want to be like judged by other people and seen by other people but i'm like i don't want to play against other people because they're so good that i don't even get a chance yeah to like see anything before i'm murdered it's like you want me to fucking practice a video game the thing i don't get like like this is for free like i'm not getting paid to oh i feel like we do kind of get paid to play video games sometimes yeah i think you actually quite literally yeah i think i think you most of all get like never mind hey never mind that's okay yeah but like a competitive video game like never like there's no incentive for me beyond we also get paid to we get paid to be bad at board games yeah so that's awesome too like i suck at board games but like it's hey no you don't you're sometimes you're fine adam you're not like bad or like i don't think anyone like try i'm not often trying to be like when i play flip seven i'm i'm going for the high oh yeah no but like i'm i'm there for the drug of it yeah yeah no i have a great time um i uh i relate though in that like what i when i play a new video game like multiplayer i love the first week when everyone's bad and then there's something about that second week that people get so good yeah the last time i recall it was um was fall guys back in like 2020 i remembered playing it and i was so good i was getting first place all the time and then people just figured it out and i was like oh i'm not good at it and then i sucked and i could not get past the first level it's like people who practice and it's a crazy people it's people's like favorite thing to do yeah and it's just not my absolute number one favorite thing to do so that's just the reality um comments just play ranked you versus sweats for about five to ten games then you'll be in the rank you deserve that's the point of ranked don't want to learn the meta that's fine you'll be matching people with a similar mindset and there's nothing wrong with that someone said stuff like this in games kind of killed my motivation i'm like i'm not good at it i'm not good at it i'm not good at it i'm not motivation to be good in online competitive situations been playing single-player games almost exclusively since 2023 life's been a lot more peaceful someone said there's nothing wrong with being just okay at a video game and enjoying it for what it is you're raising two children which is way cooler and more important than being good at a comic book video game you wouldn't play beer league baseball with the expectation of getting a minor league deal also true yeah our next boy dinner was posted in july of 2026 a very active month for boy dinners this is tough i turned 35 season and mercury and retrograde it was tough for tough for the boys this boy dinner this one's awesome having a crush nuked my friend group fuck yeah doesn't sound great but that dinner looks good as hell oh baby oh my god elote potato salad and look at those baked beans getting older means realizing potato salad so what do you think this meat is ribs that's ribs for sure you think so that's oh i'm so hungry ribs i can't handle this look it's still got the husk that potato salad looks mustardy and delicious smoked brisket i love a vinegary uh potato salad oh yeah god the paprika on that elote and the case do you guys like a vinegary barbecue sauce oh yeah i like a spicy i like a runny or spicier yes yeah i also i like a spicy i like a spicy i like a runny or spicier yes yeah i also gold baked beans sounds so good right now they sound so good like a big chunk of bacon or pork in there too oh my god all right dinner is smoked brisket oh baked beans elote corn on the cob and potato salad i had this friend from work that i hit it off with when i visited my office on a business trip let's call him john i was working remote and he told me i should move out here so we can hang out more often he brought me into the fold of his friend group and we would drink at his and his girlfriend's place every weekend when i met the larger group at a festival i ended up meeting this girl hannah and thought she was really cool and developed a pretty strong crush when i asked john about what her deal was he said i didn't have a chance because i was older and wasn't her type what the hell yeah that sucks to hear from john but also i need to know how much older he is okay fair i need to know some details because if a friend is responding like that yeah that quickly it's it i feel like it's that or he has interest in hannah and he's like you're old and not our type so stay away yeah because john but this is john's gonna go to bat so hard for this guy but as soon as she thought it was like you're so fucking right dude but john john has a girlfriend oh it's john john's girlfriend is in this group friend group as well so so if john is interested in hannah that's also messy that's that's the nuke all right nuke okay let's see shane i'm so excited we'd still hang out every weekend and i eventually got to know hannah more and felt like we really clicked even getting to a point where she'd ask me for favors and stuff the rest of the friend group yeah i'm in the rest of the friend group she asked me to wash her car the rest of the friend group seemed to really like me too and i was happy to finally have friends that were big on going out and partying since it's something i didn't get to do much in my 20s my close friends from college or 30s home bodies or 40s and my 50s hell no but my 60s were quite different yeah as time went on i eventually moved out to have more of a social life and was with this group every weekend i couldn't really contain my feelings for hannah and ended up telling john but he seemed a bit distant about it and not too receptive to listen to me vent he was going through relationship problems with his girlfriend alexa oh no the john theory comes back come on come on i can see that from a mile away the john theory with uh so he was going through relationship problems with his girlfriend alexa and i tried to be a good friend and give solid advice i also noticed that john and hannah were very close and that she might have a crush on him which was kind of a gut punch but i was the new guy to the group so i tried to just get over it later on in the summer me and john went to a concert and took some acid together oh he asked me if everything was okay between us and i vented that it felt like he wasn't receptive to my feelings and that it seemed like he too had a crush he told me i had it all wrong and that he'd even talked to hannah for me if i wanted and that i might have a shot okay john changes his tune i apologized up and down for making things seem bigger in my head than they were and was even a little embarrassed i was so smitten with hannah but he told me it was all good between us later on in the night though during the peak of the trip he ended up completely flipping the script and admitting that he too had feelings for hannah john theory the john theory has been confirmed that hannah and john had a crush on each other for the first time in a long time so john and hannah have a crush on each other for the first time in a long time so john and hannah have a crush on each other for the first time in a long time so john and hannah have a crush on each other for the first time in a long time so john and hannah have a crush on each other for the first time in a long time so john and hannah have a crush on each other for the first time in a long time so john and hannah have a crush on each other for the first time in a long time Alexa, but he's still with Alexa. I've never done acid. How does the acid factor in? It doesn't do that. It doesn't do that. I told him to do whatever he wanted, but to absolutely not tell Hannah about my feelings or to involve my crush in his breakup because I could already tell the feelings weren't mutual and I just wanted to move on with my life. After the concert, we didn't talk for a bit, but I came around and tried to be a good friend because he'd essentially be nuking the friend group slash hangouts, should he choose to break up with Alexa. He ended up telling Alexa everything about my crush, his crush, how he felt him and his girlfriend were drifting, and that he wanted to work on them. I was happy for him, albeit a bit shocked how he went about it, and thought we could all move past it. But afterwards, he awkwardly admitted that Alexa didn't want me coming around anymore, and I was confused why. After a couple weeks of sitting alone at my house, I confronted him at work, and he told me the reason was that I. I forgot they're co-workers. Yeah, they're co-workers, by the way. Oh, God. After a couple weeks of sitting alone at my house, I confronted him at work, and he told me the reason was that I gave him advice about how he should dump her, and it made her upset with me. On top of that, Alexa and Hannah seemed to be completely fine with each other, and the next and last time I saw them, they both seemed really uncomfortable around me. Now, about two months after everything went down, I've hung out with John alone maybe once or twice, yet they still all hang out and drink on the weekends without me, and I've even overheard John make plans with other people at our office. It's like I'm radioactive. John makes half-assed attempts to hang out with me, but never at his house. I know he feels some level of guilt in this because he'll text me in the middle of the night while they're drinking trying to make plans for day hangouts or remembering something funny that happened at this point out of respect for myself I want to tell John to go fuck himself and never talk to any of these people again I'll admit I let this crush get the better of me but I took it in stride when the feelings weren't mutual and even found a girl that I couldn't be happier with ironically if I had met her before Hannah I feel like this crush would have never happened besides her being in my life. I have literally nobody to hang out with in this new city. And it's been incredibly depressing to say the least. My family seems to think John posed me as this obstacle for him and Alexa to hurdle through, that I wanted him to end it all, painting me as this scapegoat to distract from the real elephant in the room. But he swears up and down it's not like that. The only reason I gave him the advice to break up is because he was literally telling me he didn't know if he was still in love with her. And out of respect for her, I thought that's not a good sign to be trying to force a relationship to work. After taking a look at the bigger picture, knowing what I know now, it became pretty clear that John and Hannah would flirt with each other in front of me without Alexa knowing. And I find it really fucking hard to believe a guy that admitted to his girlfriend he has a crush on another girl comes out of this situation unscathed and I get to take the brunt of the social blowback. I honestly had the best intentions at every moment, but because I have been ostracized from the group, it really makes me question myself on what I could have done better. Now I know, as a lurker of this sub, that anyone that reads this will just villainize John, since I didn't paint him in a very good light. But it's really more nuanced than that. Before this all happened, he felt like he'd become one of my lifelong friends. He's shown compassion to me at random points in the story that I didn't go into detail about, but life is funny like that and every rose has its thorns. Also, I should state that I'm almost 1,000% positive that nothing went on between Hannah and John physically, but in my book, I'd consider it emotional cheating, I guess. At the end of the day, though, that part is none of my business. Truthfully, I just kind of wish I could go back to having friends again and everything returned to normal, but I also have a strong feeling that the outcome I'm hoping for most of all is going to be a failure. I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. I don't think I'm most definitely won't happen. Genuinely looking for advice. Okay. I think this guy is giving, I know he said this, but he's absolutely giving John too much of the benefit of the doubt. Because he's sitting here going, I know I messed this up. It's like, all you did was tell your buddy that you have a crush on someone. Like you didn't. Like you don't, like it's not his girlfriend. It's not, it's. Yeah. Just a girl that they both know. Yeah. Very normal thing to do. I wonder how big this friend group is and what, like how long their history goes back. Because I think there is like a festering that can happen if there is a friend group that has existed for like over 10 years where so much builds up and changes and goes bad. And they become so protective of letting other people in and like date within the friend group. I think it can almost get worse the older you get. Yeah. Like in many. A hundred percent. Because, you know, also if they're all co-workers, well, I don't know if they're all co-workers. No, I think it definitely gets harder as you get older too, because the friend groups, they either like go off and start having families or the friends get like closer and closer. And then you have to meet people outside of that, outside of that group that you're in, I feel like. Yeah. What's just really weird to me is that John told him that he told his girlfriend that he had a crush on Hannah. I'm like, how do we know? And then I'm like, I don't buy that. I'm like, and then she, but she's not having a problem with him at all, but she has a problem with. I don't think he told her. I don't think he told. I think John, and if he did, he spun it in some goofy. Yeah. If, if we're taking these facts as presented by OP, I think John spun the shit out of this. A hundred percent. Yeah. I, I, and like, I understand people, right? They go like, no, John's really been there for me. He's like been really awesome. Like, I don't know, man, every, like so many shitty people can really paint themselves as being great. And also maybe he was really kind to you, but then when the time came, that it was, it was his skin or yours, he threw you under the bus. It's also like, oh yeah. What is his name? Benedict Arnold was so good to the country until he wasn't. Yeah. It's that one thing that's like, you did the thing that made you, it doesn't, it like it, all the good you did doesn't overwrite the bad that you're doing now. Yeah. It's like, it's like every single true crime doc where they're like, yeah, Ted Bundy, everybody thought he was the best guy on the planet. It's like, yeah, well he wasn't. He wasn't. I'm sorry to tell you, he wasn't. You know what these guys need? They need like a boys trip. What happens on the gaycation stays on the gaycation. But think of like, this is like the start of like a horror movie. Oh, 100%. They go camping in the woods and there's all that, that kind of builds up. It's a bit obsession. That's what I was going to say, Shane. Sorry, I just discovered this pillow and wow. Oh, people love that pillow. Comments. If it's any consolation, three of them will make each other miserable eventually if they haven't already. Probably true. Someone said this is nuts. He absolutely threw you under the bus in last year. Someone said, what makes you think he actually told his girlfriend about his crush? You're just trusting him on that. It really sounds like that isn't what was said at all. Sorry, I wasn't listening to you because I mean, chance at the end of any board AF instructions. That's so real. The meal looked amazing. The meal looked incredible by the way, but top, top meal so far. Yeah. But, uh, not even close. A bummer of a story. That and a slurpee. Yeah. No, this guy, this guy's got a, wake up. John is a piece of shit. I feel bad for him though. Like he just needs to stop blaming himself for this situation. He didn't do anything wrong. Moving to a new city sucks. Yeah. Hey, your fifties are for, for getting out there and having fun. Jesus Christ. All right. Our next boy dinner. This looks, this looks good too. This is like a proper boy dinner because I think that that previous one's too fancy. Like I think of a girl dinner. I think a boy dinner. I'm like, no, you're just, you put something together real quick. I don't know. There's something about barbecue grill and shit. That's like boy dinner. Okay. That's man. Okay. That's man. Ooh. I've had some man dental. He writes son noticed wife's hair. And there we got the classic. We got ourselves the classic right there. Is that like a potato bun? That looks good as hell. It looks so good. The crinkle cut fries, that tomato just in general. I see. I don't like that tomato. I would have gone a little deeper into the tomato. I would have gone a little deeper. That's a homemade burger and some crinkle cut fries. It looks like we got mustard, low calorie, low fat. So no ketchup with those fries? No ketchup. No ketchup for the fries. Go to the other guy. There's also only, there's only like 10 fries. There's like five fries. He's watching it. He's watching his weight right now. Okay. Fair. For his wife's hair. All right. For his wife's hair. He's watching his weight for his wife's hair. Son noticed wife's hair. Okay. American here. So we have a pan fried burger and frozen crinkle fries. Fries were cooked in an air fryer. They're not cooked in an air fryer. They're cooked in an air fryer. Tomato, pickles, lettuce, ketchup, mustard, no cheese. So there's ketchup somewhere in there. My wife has been. No cheese is crazy. The Unsolved Mysteries podcast is back. I'm Jordan Murphy. And each week I'll take you inside a new investigation. It could be an unsolved murder, an unexplained disappearance, the search for a wanted fugitive, any mystery that still needs answers. We'll follow every new lead, every break in the case, and the moments when a mystery is finally solved. Because after all these years, one thing hasn't changed. Someone, somewhere knows the truth. Listen to and follow Unsolved Mysteries. Available now wherever you get your podcasts. I do know cheese sometimes. I do know cheese. That's a hamburger. It's just like. I don't like a hamburger. But I'm just saying the cheese doesn't add that much for me a lot of the time. Yeah, it does. I can't even taste it. It can. It can. It can. Maybe if there's some smoked gouda on that. I don't need cheese. No, that does too much. Some Swiss. Swiss is good. Provolone. Some Swiss with some grilled onions. Give me that Kraft. Shit. All right. My wife has been telling me all week how she's getting her hair done. Yesterday, she did. Except, as usual, I didn't notice. What? She even had me help her with the back of her dress so the new hair color was literally in front of my face. Then she asked me if I liked it. The hair was great, but I knew that I had missed it. My son came upstairs. He immediately says, wow, mom, nice hair. They both proceeded to roast me all dinner about how it was not a subtle difference. I should have noticed, et cetera. The boy did give me a little bit of credit and said that I taught him to mention that kind of stuff. If only I could take my own advice. Just a dumb story about how my son is growing into a good man. He both screwed me and bailed me out. Burgers slapped. First time poster, long time lurker. Keep eating your dinner, boys. Edit, thanks for the awards. I will try to be more observant in the future. I really appreciate the comments, criticism, et cetera. Wait, that's so sweet. That is very sweet. That is very sweet. This guy got on here and be like, gosh, shucks, guys. Another L for me. Yeah. And a dub for my young son. Dub for the son. Yeah. Little dub ya. Little dub ya. Little dub ya. Oh, God. I, I, I'm. Dub son, L daughter. Yeah. Oh. Nice. It's like the. Lesbian daughter. Nice. Fuck yeah. And nothing wrong with that. And pretty cool. I didn't say there wasn't anything wrong with that. I was just clarifying. We think it's cool. Like, you can. Okay. You're allowed to think whatever. No, wait, what? No, you guys. Are we cool? We know what, how you feel about stuff. What do you mean? What do you mean? Um, are you guys good at noticing, like, when people get a haircut and those changes and stuff? No. No. Not really. Like, hair color. Like, yeah, I, I don't think. If it's a big change, I think so. It's always funny what happens to you when someone's like, oh, did you change your hair? It's like, no. I've had that happen. Yeah. A lot. No one notices my haircuts either. It's pretty long, though. Tough. Sometimes it's tough to know. I also, like, I, I think in our workspace, we have so many people here now that I'll see someone and they'll have changed their hair. And I'll be like, oh, was that, like, a while ago? And I just haven't seen you in, like, a week or so. And then I don't want to be like, oh, I changed your hair. And it's like, oh, yeah, like, two weeks ago. And I'm like, fuck. That's okay, though. Still. Yeah. It's different than how you remember it being. Sure. That's fair. Comments. Even if you didn't notice it, you're passing on the knowledge and ability to do so to someone else. In my book, I think that's all right. - That's such a dramatic way to put that. - Teach 'em how to fish. Teach a man to notice hair. You know what's annoying is when people are just like, haircut? It's like, what do you want me to fucking say to that? Like, yeah, you got me. I did. It's like, do you like it? Yeah, it's like compliment. Go on. Say something. Or just don't even have to say anything. Yeah. Yeah. Just acknowledging that you got it. I think for me, yeah, a lot of times when I get my haircut, I'm getting it like purely like, I need to get a haircut. It's gotten out of hand. I need to get it. So I get it done, and then I don't even think about it too much. I'm just like, yeah, I got that done. And then sometimes people will be like, oh, did you get a haircut? I'm like, oh, yeah, I did. But it's no big deal to a guy like me. But actually, it's maintenance. For someone with my twisted mind, like, it doesn't matter. Oh, did you brush your teeth? It's like, yeah. Yeah, man. See, that kind of sucks because it's like, oh, shit, are people noticing when I'm not like, are people thinking I'm not brushing my teeth? Or are people thinking you're not cutting your hair? Yeah. It's fuck. You're right. Everything's mean. Anyways. Actually, everything's mean. Oh, dude, you wear deodorant today? Shit. That means you don't wear, oh, fuck. Yeah, see? All right. Someone said exactly this, OP. The fact the boy learned it from you means you know how to do it and why it's important, and you would have done it if you noticed. But you didn't. But you know what? I can't remember what I had for breakfast some days, and when's the last time she complimented your haircut, King? Life is tough. Okay. Yeah, okay, yeah. Bring it back to her. Also, dude, fuck your fucking wife. But also your wife fucking sucks. We're here for you. Life is tough. Especially now, and misses happen. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it, and I'd further advise you to celebrate the fact that your son said he learned it from you and had your back when he realized the situation. That's exactly what a man should do, and he wasn't born that way. You're winning, bro. He wasn't born that, what? No, he wasn't born that way. Your son was born an asshole. Yeah. Nature versus nurture. Do you notice the hair or not, bro? Yeah. Lastly, someone said, I can forgive the hair thing. The lack of mayonnaise on that burger is a crime that deserves a good flogging. Whoa. Whoa, I'm not a. I don't need mayonnaise on a burger. I enjoy mayonnaise on a burger, but I don't think it needs it. I sometimes think that can mess it up. When they coat it in mayonnaise, I'm like, bro. I can handle like a Thousand Island dressing. Oh, yeah, baby. Mayonnaise by itself, no. I need some sort of variation. Sure. Yeah, Thousand Island I think is perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Big Mac sauce. Yeah, that's good, too. It just needs to be like. Same guy. There's got to be something different. Yeah. If it's not that, then it's ketchup mustard for me. So, sorry. Are you triggered? No, I'm just kidding. My woke burger. All right. Our next boy dinner was posted in June of this year. Grandmother told me that me and my cousin would make a great couple. No. This happened to me. No. Swear to God. Really? Yeah. Whoa. Are you. Yeah, go on. Go on. Okay. I guess like. Did you. I'm from Florida. Okay. Oh, yeah. Florida behavior right there. Looks like we got some hamburger helper here. Ooh, I fucking love hamburger helper. Oh, it looks so bad, though. Looks terrible. But it looks. No, hamburger helper is the epitome of like looks bad is good. Color temperature. What was happening? They white balanced for. The light? They have like this. It's like the back room's on a plate. It looks like something you'd come across in like a haunted maze. It looks like someone already ate that. This is the shit. This is the shit. This is the shit. They were eating in Texas chains. Yeah. But you know that shit's probably so good. Oh, dude. All right. Sloppy half-eaten hamburger helper for lunch. A couple days ago. On a paper plate. On a paper plate. A couple days ago, I was at my grandmother's house, and the topic started to drift towards relationships. I'm currently single, and she was wondering why. I'm gay. She doesn't need to know. Eventually, the topic switched to the family, and eventually my second cousin, whom she said I'd make a great couple with. Me and my second cousin are friends, so I told her almost immediately. Is it a boy or a girl? Second cousin. Probably girl. Me and my second cousin are friends, so I told her almost immediately after I left my grandmother's, and she was like, what the hell? Which is exactly the type of response I'd expect from her. What I didn't expect was my mother's response, who actually agreed with my grandma. Her argument was that because we are second cousins and there's no blood between us, there shouldn't be any issues with us dating each other, and she wouldn't mind seeing it happen. I don't know. I'm just creeped out over the entire situation. Second cousin, I feel like that's fair game. Don't. Don't, Spencer. Second cousin, what is that? I don't know. Exactly. Wait, okay, so your cousin is your. It's like your cousin's cousin, isn't it, or some shit? Wait. And it could also be cousins through marriage, so I get, because the mom is saying they're not blood related, so it's like, I'm sure there are people like. On the scale of like crime. Second cousin, a relative with whom you share great grandparents, but you do not share parents or grandparents. Oh, you're fine. Great grandparents. So the branch split a while ago. But the branch split a while ago. But that branch split a long time ago. And cousin's looking pretty good. That's a no. No, so here's my story. I'm also, sorry, I'm also Samuel McCreary IV, so that's still in the Samuel McCreary lineage, so that doesn't. No, but they wouldn't be. It doesn't. What if they're fine as fuck, dude? What if it's Tom Holland? He's like. Hello? Yeah. It's like, oh. Wait, do that again. It's like, here's your second cousin from London. Thomas. Tom McCreary IV. Okay, you guys are kind of getting me now. Yeah. Yeah, Tom Holland McCreary. Not so funny now. Yeah, sorry. So, yeah, we were on a, because I don't see my cousins very much. Yeah, but he grew up with them. Yeah, like they've known each other a long, like they're. Oh, no, and I, that was, yeah, so, but like me and my cousin were posing for a photo and my grandmom was like, you guys look so cute together. You guys would be such a cute couple. And we were like, so that's the funniest shit we've ever heard. Ew. I think I'm also like, I think I might be like 13 years older than her. So, I was like, this is like the optics of her. Awesome. Yeah, that adds a lot to it. I think, though, for like a lot, probably a lot of grandmas, like probably so much more normal when they were like young. Oh, you go back to like the 50s and 60s. It's like, well, who lives in your town? Yeah. Well, you're going to marry one of them. Yeah. It's like you got like a 10-mile radius. Yeah. You got hinged set. You got hinged set to however, the minimum distance. They're like, and if you're not married by the time you're 19, you become a witch. Yeah. I don't know what logic they were working with. We're taking you out back and fixing them. Jesus Christ. Comments. Want to hear something crazy? In 19 states, it's legal to marry your first cousin, not even second. It's legal in all 50 states for second cousins. So, enjoy the cousin kissing, I guess. Oh. Opie said, Opie says, she has a brother who's also gay, but he's so much of an ass, I wouldn't date him even if he wasn't her brother. Okay, this story writes itself. Little why, like, yeah. The fake out is that he's dating the cousin, but he's actually dating the gay cousin. Yeah. Oh, wow. Someone said, your mom is wild in a bit. Someone said, if there's no blood between. She wild in. Someone said, if there's no blood between you, then how are you second cousins? Is she adopted or something? Opie said, adoption. Oh, we're good. I, okay, can I say, though, regardless of, like, the blood relation, I think it's so ill-advised because, like, you think about, like, dating someone in your friend group, and then you break up and, like, oh, now it's awkward. Now it's like, oh, dating within the family. Did you ever hook up with, like, a childhood friend? Like, later in life? No. I don't know what to do about a girl. Oh, classic. Oh, this looks good to me. We got some chili. It's just a picture of the girl. Oh, I am so, this is the perfect thing for us to be doing right now while I'm so hungry because all of these dinners are looking better and better. I don't know, man. They could get shittier and shittier. It looks a little weird. The biscuit? The biscuit looks good. I'm a biscuit boy. The John Fury. Oh, Franklin has some fucking good biscuits. Yeah? Yeah. The turtle? Yeah. Have you seen his sticker? Throwing ass back on the McGriddle? The McGriddle? All right. Leftover homemade chili with peppers and a biscuit. So I've been talking slash hanging out with this girl for probably close to a month at this point, and I'm so confused whether she's into me or not. We met at a game night that I go to and have since gotten pretty close. I know she thinks I'm attractive. She told me after driving me home from a mutual friend's birthday party. But at the time, I was kind of interested in someone else, and it was only after the party that we started texting consistently and actually getting close. As we've gotten closer, I've started to catch some feelings for her. I've genuinely never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. She brings out a part of me I forgot existed. I feel so free to just be my stupid self around her. Like I don't need to hide anything or act any way other than exactly how I am. She acts kind of rough and tough, but is one of the kindest individuals I've ever met. She's incredibly smart, helps me with my math homework, and gets problems that take me half an hour done in two minutes. We have a similar sense of humor, and I don't know if I've ever met someone who makes me laugh half as much as she does. I have no idea if she feels the same way about me, though. Whenever we're together, I swear there's electricity, but I don't know if I'm too smitten and just making it up. Before we realized the guy I was into was seeing someone, she was trying to set me up with him. I talked to one of our mutual friends and was told that she only sees me as a friend, but that was a few weeks ago, and I feel like we've gotten a lot closer since then. Last night, I went to a little gaming tournament at the place she works. Afterwards, we just stood outside and talked and laughed for a while. There were a few times where we said bye, and she gave me a hug. He gave me a big hug and then immediately we kept talking. The last time we said bye, this time for real, after we hugged, she slid her hands down my arms and held my hands for a few seconds while we talked about making plans to do something Sunday. And then way later that night, she texted me and said that she was really happy to see me there and that I made her night. Regardless of how I feel, I don't want to lose her. I feel like, romantic or not, we have a genuine connection and I can't stand the thought of losing that by fucking things up and misreading actions. The thought of pursuing her, breaking up, and losing her makes me want to waste away. I also worry if we're just not super compatible as partners. She's a big fan of going out to bars and clubs, and while I enjoy going out with friends on occasion, I'm not a big dancer slash partier. I worry I'm too lame for her, I guess. I just don't know what the right move is, whether it's just to enjoy the fact I have her in my life and not say anything about how I feel, or tell her and see if she feels the same. So you need a one-wish willow, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you need. I think indecision is a plague on Gen Z and Gen Alpha and also millennials. It's like we're so scared of losing things that we won't try to do things, especially with relationships. We're like, well, we have such a good thing going, but what if I never find anyone? There are 8 billion people on the planet. You can find community and you can find people that will love you and appreciate you. There's probably, I'll say, at least seven people out there for you in this big, giant world. How many cousins do you have? Yeah, exactly. So do it. Kiss the girl. Hold the hand. And also, she's already holding your hand. That's like, you don't hug someone and hold their hand. She could think he's gay. You don't. That's not how it works. I also, like, regardless, it doesn't matter. Like, I agree with you that he should say this thing. It's going to be on his mind forever, so you might as well save his back, too. If that ruins what you have, it was not worth it. Like, if something's going on there and you saying how you feel ruins that relationship, that's not healthy. Yeah, usually how it's ruined is that they don't handle the response well and how you continue moving on after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is what will make or break it. You're a human and allowed to have feelings and emotions and care for something. Yeah, I think that was what was so ultimately frustrating about the movie, Obsession, to me was I never could get over that original, like, opening 30 minutes where it's just him failing to articulate his feelings to her. And, like, I think with that, I could never just really get over my frustration with that character. And there's nothing worse for me than watching a movie where I am so frustrated by every action of the protagonist. Such a good delusional character. Yeah, comments here. Someone said, brother, shoot your shot. The worst she can say is no. Someone said, I think she has the exact same thoughts as you, LOL. She's probably scared to say something. Someone just needs to break the ice. Lastly, someone said, tell her, as scary as it may be, the regret of not doing so would be so much worse if she doesn't feel the same way when you've already proven you make good friends. Best of luck, you got this. OP responded, man, I'll admit, in a classic moment of self-sabotage, I was hoping everyone would tell me that she's definitely not into me. You're right, though. I've always told myself the second I let fear control my life is the second I stop living. And this isn't an exception. If she really is my friend, then we can move past it, even if she says no. You know what? I agree with what you're saying about, and I do think it's just kind of across generations now of, like, being afraid to put ourselves out there. I think we're just more perceived than we've ever been. So people, they care so much about, like, am I being creepy? Am I being this? Am I being cringe? All this stuff. So we're, it's like, don't be vulnerable. Oh, shit, I'd be vulnerable. I can't do that. Have you guys seen people, like, leak, like, DMs where it's like, oh, this person, like, DMed me, like, you're cute. Then they, like, post that DM. It's like, can you believe this person? And it's like, if you are, like, shooting a shot, like, shooting your shot should not be, like, inherently embarrassing if it is done, like, appropriately. Yeah, absolutely. 100%. Absolutely. You have to be, like, respectful and appropriate. It's the shooting your shot is completely fine as if it's done respectfully. It is truly how you handle the no. Yes. There's also this sense of self-importance that comes with social media. It's like, everyone's going to see this, and everyone's going to care about this so much. No, they won't. Yeah. They're going to see it, and then they're going to scroll, and I bet in two videos, they're not going to remember anything that they just saw. It's true. At all. Except for this. Except for what they're watching right now. What we're doing right now. Except for this. Even this. Goodbye, like. No, it is true, but I understand that it's hard for people to move past, right? Because it is scary. Yeah. But it's like, hey, man, like. Zoom out. Your life, like, this is your life. This is your experience. Like, who cares? You can care so much about how it's viewed from a lens, but you're not going to be living your life. If you stay focused on that POV. So, we have an update on this one. Okay. Do we think he shoots a shot? He's got to. He better. He fucking better. We're going to find him. He's shooting his shot, and she's going to reciprocate. And then Hannah's going to come out. Say hello to Mrs. OP. That's good. That's really good. Update. I stopped pulling a Mordecai. What? So, that's a regular shot. Is that the bird? It's a bird and a raccoon. It's actually such a funny show. I've only seen a couple episodes. I've seen clips. Damien and I quote something from that show a lot. What is it? It's the raccoon, who's like this tiny little raccoon. His brother shows up. He's like, "Oh, my brother's, like, so cool." And all of a sudden, this car pulls up, and it looks like it's going to be a raccoon like him. Like, you see the raccoon face in the driver's side door. And then he opens it up, and he stands up, and he's huge and buff. It's this, like, truly, like, two-minute sequence where this buff raccoon walks up to every character on the show, like, all 10, and goes, "Here, give me some sugar. Here, give me some sugar." And it's, like, silent and just that for, like, you're—and you're watching, like, "Oh, my God. They're just letting this roll." It's actually a really funny show. All right. So, he stopped pulling a Mordecai. So, you say, "Here, give me some sugar." Damien and I, whenever—sometimes we give each other a hug, we go, "Give me some sugar." Oh, that's good. It's very funny. All right. Here is this guy's boy dinner. Check this out. That's awesome. So, we've got a Red Bull, two Kiwis, and two Tylenol. That's boy dinner. That is boy dinner. It feels like boy, like, breakfast. That could be a good breakfast. Yeah. Kiwis are delicious. I've never, like— I don't think I have either. Never had a Kiwi? I've, like, had sliced Kiwi. I have Kiwi. I have Kiwi in my fridge right now. But I've never, like, sliced a Kiwi. Oh, you don't have to slice—I'll eat a Kiwi whole, man. Can you eat the skin? The skin is really good for you. Okay. A lot of fruit skins are actually, like, the healthiest part. Banana? Me eating a pineapple. Probably not pineapple. No. But Kiwis are delicious all the way through. And Tylenol, so delicious—I'm just kidding. And it's good for you. All right. So, pre-workout Kiwis, Red Bull, and Tylenol. Okay. Valid. Posted here a couple weeks ago about a girl I like and how I wasn't sure about what to do about it. It took me a little longer than I'd like to admit to finally tell her, and her friend was definitely a massive help in getting us both to admit to each other that we like each other, but it finally happened. Finally admitted to her on the 4th. The night itself was not what I was expecting. Spent the whole fireworks show trying to find the group. Had work and couldn't get there until right before it started. Then we went back to one of her friend's house to take pictures, then went to a bar. There was a lot going on, and it was a little stressful for me, but I was just trying to enjoy being around her. End of the night, she drives me back to my car, and we then spend the next day at her house. The next hour talking around the very obvious "I'm into you" conversation. Eventually we kind of force ourselves into admitting it and have a really nice talk. Then yesterday we went to a game night, chilled with the group for a while, and then truly just talked for hours in her car outside my house after she drove me home. From about 8:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m., we talked about everything and nothing. I haven't laughed that hard in years. I think one day I'll marry this girl. I've never felt as safe and free to be me as I have with her. - Did they kiss? - We don't know if they kissed. - What about that, Spencer? - It's low-key about the kissing, dude. - Yeah, I mean, he's not telling us, but-- - 8:00 to 2:00? - 8:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. with no smooch. - So no smooch? - You guys, can't they just talk about their feelings and their emotions? - No goodbye kiss? - This is "Boy Dinner Diaries." You gotta include the details. - I'm like, bro. - For dinner, I had a smooch. - Sometimes that is boy dinner. - Sometimes. - Babe's like, "What do you want for dinner?" I'm like, "You." - Ew! I'm done with boy dinner. I'm over it. I don't like it here anymore. Jesus. What do you want for dinner? And you just go like this. - Honestly? - I'm surprised there's no, like, ground turkey. - Pre-workout? - Or just like-- - Oh, just in all the boy dinners? - Yeah. - Well, we have one more. - Oh. - Our final story. He writes, "Feeling fine." And then, "I actually don't know what I'm looking at here." - No. - Looks like a-- - I don't know. - It looks like an uncut picture. penis. I was going to say like some kind of English like blood sausage. Yeah, it looks a bit like that. I don't like that, Shane. It's either blood sausage or we're scrolling through a megal. Scrolling through a megal. That's good. All right. It kind of looks like. It's got to be a sausage, right? It kind of looks like the worm from Doom. That looks awful. Had a conversation with a dear friend last night and she closed out by saying, I sounded like I'm doing good. When she said it, I was like, you know what? I am good. I'm good. I relocated here two years ago and I'm finally feeling settled. I drive places without using maps and feeling the anxiety of making a wrong turn. I walk into local businesses where I'm a regular and I see familiar faces and I am seen. It feels good being recognized and greeted by name. It makes me feel like I'm not invisible. While shopping yesterday, I saw a brisket on sale, but I didn't buy it because I have a freezer full of stuff I can cook. I have everything I need. I have everything I need for jambalaya and black-eyed peas and catfish and tamales and more. And I'm a good enough cook where I will enjoy the process of making that stuff as much as I will enjoy eating it. Life has its challenges, but in this moment, I feel really fortunate. It may not last. Nothing ever does. I'm glad I have the ability to see this moment and be grateful for it. Lunch is a braised bratwurst wrapped in a paper towel and heated up in the microwave and eaten laying in bed. I'm simple. Sometimes this is all I need. Alright, so this guy, he relocated. He moved to a new town. Clearly, it wasn't like probably too easy for him, and now he's like, hey, I'm settled. I'm starting to figure my life out, and I am feeling good. I'm having a really hard time moving past the fact that he's eating a bratwurst wrapped in a paper towel in bed. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Sure. Within reason. You have free will, but should you? Yeah. Something about the wrapped in a paper towel, it's like he's eating a cursed banana at this point. No, the in bed, and this is dinner? The juice. Well, uh, let's see. Did he say lunch? He said, yeah, I think it's for lunch. Lunch is a braised bratwurst wrap. Why are you in bed and lunch? Like, is he work from home? Did he come home for a quick 15? I don't know. I'm not judging this guy. He's figuring out his way. I'm judging him. It is our job to judge here. Yes. And he talks about all this delicious stuff he has, but then he gives us this photo? Yeah. I bet like that ends some jambalaya. I would love to see the jambalaya or the catfish, but you made braised bratwurst for us? Yeah. He didn't even make it. Who am I to you? He microwaved it. Braised it? What does that mean? Like braised, I'm picturing like painted. In like a pot with a little bit of liquid. Oh, okay. 420 braise it? Okay. That's really good. And the home of the um, okay. That's good. And you can sing that. So, comments. I'm not concerned with the story. I'm concerned with the fact that this is how you show off your bratwurst. Someone said, it was at the top of my feed and I read the title, then refreshed without thinking. I did a mental double break and had to search the title to refine this post to confirm I wasn't just flashed poop on my feed. Oh. OP is diabolical. It does also look like poop in a towel. It does also look like poop. Someone said, thought this was a turd wearing a bathrobe. Bro posted this just to flex he eats poop. This guy, this guy wrote like an existential thing of like, you know what? I'm like, I'm happy with my life right in this moment. And all the comments are like, you're eating poop! Oh, gross, that poop! There is nothing more alarming to me than a guy where it's just like, I'm good. I'm fine. Yeah. I'm here to say I'm good, man. I've never been more okay in my life. And everyone's like, poop! Sausage in hand, I'm good. Nice. Thanks. Poop in hand. Poop in hand? Poop in hand, I'm good. Poop in hand if you must. Poop in the hand if you must. Edit. I am howling at the moment. I just got a notification from the Reddit care center. Apparently someone has viewed my breakfast as a cry for help. You said it was lunch! Yeah, it's really criminal if it's breakfast. Let me assure you. I feel like that's almost a better breakfast than a lunch, because that to me justifies being in bed for it. Just a leftover sausage that you reheat, mix because of sausage, yeah. Breakfast sausage. You got up out of bed to heat up that sausage, then got back into bed with that sausage. What if he had a lover who went, grabbed him the sausage, and brought him. It doesn't sound like he has a lover. She doesn't love him if she's doing that. Let me assure you all that the feelings expressed are genuine and I am fine, and my sausage is digesting nicely, so don't give it a second thought. It's going to come out looking exactly the same. That's what's really crazy about that. Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. That's really tough. But I'm happy for him. It comes out looking like real food. Oh! Whoa! It's like sashimi. Jesus Christ. It comes out uncooked. Alright. Well, that was our final boy dinner. What is your guys' ideal boy dinner? Like, right now, if you were, like, if you could have something. Picture yourself at home. What are you going to have? Chicken breast. Broccolini. End of list. Really? Okay. I love double dashing my ice cream and, like, a cheeseburger. Double dashing? Handles? Yeah. Yeah. What does that mean? So it's where you order your main dish, and then the double dash is like, oh, we'll get you this from another place. Oh, I've never heard that. I love that. Some not-your-average dough? Yeah. Yeah. Um. You son of a bitch. Uh. Yeah. It's like, that's, like, my ideal. That's where if I really want to treat myself. Yeah. Most of the time, it's like a HelloFresh kind of vibe. Oh, I love the Trader Joe's cauliflower gnocchi. Oh. I haven't had it. They have the cacio e pepe gnocchi. Oh. But it's so much less calories and so much less fat. Gnocchi sounds so good right now. Oh, yeah. I love it. Any Trader Joe's frozen meal. There's a summer lemon tomato sauce that I've been using. Mmm. Damn. I get it with the lemon. I could fuck up anything with a pink vodka sauce right now. The Trader Joe's vodka sauce goes hard. Do they have a vodka sauce? Oh, they have a vodka sauce. Alright. I need to go eat lunch. Um. Thank you both for being here. Thank you for having us. Joining me on this boy dinner journey. What fun stories. Thank you guys for curating me. I know. Yes. Thank you to our boys who curated these stories. For boys, bye, boys. A street dog sounds really good for a boy dinner. Oh. Bacon wrap. Just a hot dog. Caramelized onions. Hot dog. A Costco dog right now. Oh, my God. Someone go to Costco right now. Alright. Thank you for watching and listening. Um. I hope you're doing well. Hope you're having a good dinner. Or lunch or breakfast or whatever. And, uh, hey. We'll see you next Saturday. Goodbye. Hi. This is PJ Vogt from the Search Engine Podcast. So, you're a great small business owner, but math was never your thing. Totally get it? Enter Xero. That's X-E-R-O as in X marks the spot for the perfect platform that puts accounting, payments, payroll, and analytics in one connected platform. With visual dashboards, Xero makes it easy to understand your cash flow. You know exactly what's coming in and what's going out. Join 5 million customers worldwide who use Xero to manage their finances. Learn more at Xero.com. That's X-E-R-O.