Booty Call

♪ Let me join the thing I know ♪ ♪ I'm only out of town for a podcast show. ♪ Are you guys recording? 'Cause I wanna say something. - Oh, well, I'm recording. - I'm recording. - Okay. - We can hear you through the computer. You're still part of it. - We had a really funny comedian Caleb Heron on our show. I don't know if you guys know Caleb Heron. But he has a podcast and he's also a consummate podcast guest. And then he was on my show and said, "You know, but the thing is, I would never listen to a podcast." And I was like, "Oh, I got somebody." - That sounds like my kind of person, yeah. - But he's constantly on podcast? - I go, "I do a podcast with Andy Sandberg." Every episode he talks about how he hates podcasts. And he goes, "Oh my God, I would love to hear him, but I can't." 'Cause I'm not gonna listen to your podcast. - If he wants to hear about it, it can be either from you or firsthand for me. - Yeah, he was very funny. He said, "It's like when I go to a concert, I'm like, I should be up there." He's like, "I don't hate the format." I just like, "Why don't I listen to somebody else do it?" - Why am I watching them? - Yeah. Lauren was very funny this week. I don't know why he was talking to me about podcasts, but he did say, "I don't listen to them because you know New York." And I was like, "What?" And then he was like, "Cause you can't listen to anything in New York." 'Cause you know, don't kill you. - Is he thinking like, if he puts in headphones on his walk to 30 Rock? - Yeah. - He'll lose, he won't be aware of his surroundings. - Or like he walks. - He does walk to 30 Rock every day. - He does. - You're kidding. - Yeah, I had no idea that that was accurate. - Lauren? - Again. - Lauren Wock. - We've all been on Wock's home. You think when he gets to New York, he's stopped. - I'm not saying she's not someone who is capable of going on Wock's home. - I've been on Wock's home. I thought he only did that in LA. - Or like Vancouver, hot raw draft. - Here's a Lauren story that is not for the pot, but hopefully we can come back to it right at the end just to hear your reaction. - Okay. - Okay. - All guest. (laughing) - Thanks for the call. - It worked. - Yeah. - It was a real like, oh, it's cool. Thanks for you. - This was great to hear it from you. - How quickly after that did he hang up? - Pretty soon, pretty soon. All right, bye. - Man, if we do what you suggested, that's gonna be a frustrating listen. - Oh man. I think it'll be fun. - You're gonna be like, what was it? I want to know. Give me the dirt. - Congrats on your big show, Seth. - Thanks. - I know you were anticipating, you know, the way you were acting on it was like, hey, and tall the new viewers who are just here for this episode. - Yeah. - And did that? Was that true? - In hindsight. - We haven't seen the full numbers yet, but I will say the audience was the most there for a guest by design. - Of course. - We tried to do vetting to make sure that it was only true Swifties who are there to enjoy it. - Oh, I thought you were talking about introducing the interns bit. (laughter) - We do feel like there's a Swiftie level fan of now for introducing the interns. (laughter) - That's much. - Yeah, it turns. - The interns are playing four nights at the forum. That's crazy. - I will say we don't do, she was a guest for three segments, which meant she was sitting for two commercial breaks. - Yeah. - Super rare. And during those commercial breaks, we were pumping in Taylor Swift songs and the entire audience was singing them. - Yeah. - While she sat on the chair, singing along with the audience. - Oh. - And it's weird to have Taylor Swift on your show and not have her do a song, but I actually thought if you were a Swift fan, that is maybe cooler, just to be doing a sing along with Taylor Swift. - Just with her. - Yeah. - Oh, man, Seth, I thought you were just saying that during the commercial break, she just powered down, head down, not looking at me. (laughter) - Stay saying, well, they started music. (laughter) - She just stared at her feet. - Well, that's how I am when I'm on your show, Seth. - We go to commercial and it's like I power down. - I go on my phone as they say on, I think she'll leave. - Yeah. - It's a catatonic. - Yeah. - Like a robot shut down. - We have to hold out a little, a little drool cup for you. (laughter) - And he's back. - Sorry, I go so hard on the bits. I got to recuperate in between. - Seth, I like your outfit. - Thank you. - I just noticed it was similar to Doug or Steve Boutabi. I'm not sure which guy was which one. - Which was which guy and the Roxbury guys. I wanted to dress up a little bit, so I didn't look like a Shlub next to Taylor. I didn't know what you was going to wear. - You also a bunch of new people showing up watching. - But I assumed she was going to dress to the 9s, which of course she did. And at the same time, I didn't want to go full suit. And so I wore an outfit that I was really happy with, and then afterwards a bunch of people were like, you looked like one in the night of the Roxbury guys, and that is entirely true. - I think that's true. - You just permiss in the chain. The chain, they only have, there's only three elements to their things. So you were two out of three. So that's in some ways not even close. - Yeah. (laughs) - It's hard. That tween around fit between full Shlub and full suit. Not a lot of options. - Every time I get invited to like a daytime wedding, I can't figure it out. It just has to be full suit. Or else I look like an agent. - You need a summer suit or like a linen suit. - Yeah. - Okay, this is a forced tangent. But because we're talking about exactly this, I looked like a real Shlub recently. I couldn't figure out. Granted, I'm in a wheelchair. So that helps me in a way. Because if I'm full of Shlub, it's like, if you judge me, it's your fucking fault. But I went to my brother's record listening party that happened in New York. There was also one in LA. Maybe somebody goes went to that, not sure. But it just came out today. Electric gas. This is my plug. Start off the show with the plug. That's what they say in podcasting. - You should. Let's promote the heck out of it. - Electric gas, 10K. The album is fucking great. So I just want to say that. Jump. - Chester sent us some nice videos from it. We did not make it, but Chester was there with Aisa. - I do want to say one thing though. Eric Andre was there. And that guy is a fucking piece of shit. I don't want to just put him on blasts here. - Oh, bro. - But was really rude, was constantly saying that I was doing this whole thing for attention. - Oh, that wheelchair. - And I'm not. Okay, I was in a fucking wheelchair. And if Eric, you're listening, then fuck you, bro. - I had a moment where. - And I'm sorry, because obviously you know the outcome, which is I didn't make it out to Brooklyn for the listening part of Yorm. But Yorm said, "What are you doing on Tuesday night?" And I actually got a little excited. Because I was like, "Oh, maybe Yorm wants to get dinner." You know what I mean? Like maybe Yorm wants to get dinner at like six o'clock at night. - Yes. - And I'll get you, ma'am. - Definitely. - And we'll sit with Yorm. I'll get to catch up with him. - You and Keith both just got a little excited. - I still would like to do that. And there's another guy. - Hey, hey, you make that 5 p.m. And a whole boner over here. - I just wanted to be late enough that people see I hang out with my wheelchair friend. - I don't want to waste it. At a time when nobody's eating. - Oh, so you're on the other end of the fucking. - Yeah, I'm afraid I said it. - I'm afraid I said it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But instead, I was like, "Oh, let me check "why what do you got to Yorm?" Because again, I didn't want to say I'm fully open. - Yeah. - Because with Yorm, there's always a chance he's going to be like. - Well, I go fishing. - I go fishing. - Brother's doing a listening party for his new album. - Brooklyn. - And then Yorm goes, "It starts at nine, "but I'm going to get there late." - He's like, "Oh." - First of all, it started at seven, but it started at nine. - And I'm like, "Man, I'm not going to see you, man." - Oh, yeah. - You know what? - In retrospect, that was a hard-ass process in particular. - Also, Yorm is wearing a Yale sweatshirt. What did you read it though? - No, what does it say? - I got my pelvis fixed at. - Oh, Yale. That was the name of the hospital. Because he was in New Haven at that point. - Yeah, it's Emily Heller. Shout out to Emily Heller, who sowed this on there. - She added it on that. - I got my pelvis fixed, yeah. - Yeah, that's pretty bad. - That's awesome. - I got my pelvis fixed. Quick cleanup from some comments that were left. And they were all comments about Yorm. - Okay. - I love it. - You had to say, in the ad reads, people feel as though the ad reads are a lot of triggering things to the experience you just went through. One of the ads had the line, "Fall is a reset." Someone said, "I can't believe they made him say that." Since a fall was a reset of his pelvis. - Somebody else said, "I felt bad for Yorm having to read that rag and bone ad since his bones were recently turned to rags." - That's just crazy. - The other one is that when someone's not on the podcast on the YouTube, it just puts a red X over the person who's not there. And after Yorm's recent thing, maybe we don't pour red X over Yorm. - I think that's a wrap. - I like that we make a new graphic. - I like that when you said cleanup things. And you said it was about me. I thought they were going to be questions. I was so excited to answer it. But those were just great comments. - Yeah. Also, looping back to the next page. During the next page, Andy, you screamed, "Press the shard into the engraving." Multiple people thought that was Optimus Prime coded. - Oh, oh. - Probably is. The timeline was. - I mean, yes, but also very national treasure coded. - Yeah, if we're using coded speak. - Yeah. - Oh my god, I love that one so much, by the way. We talked about a cube job is when somebody draws a picture of you and you look like Mark Cuban. - Yeah. - But also people say a cube job is also when somebody pushes a cube into your chest. - Oh my god. - Of course. - Yeah, that means Optimus Prime is always asking for a cube job. - He wants a cube job. He's always asking for a cube job. - He's juke-tapper. - Hey, in the chat, I'll go ahead. - Make me look like cube in my chest. Nah, that's a dud. Let's keep it in though. No matter what, keep it in. - Oh yeah, I would leave it in there. - All right, tap or took another run at it. It's in the chat. - Oh. - 'Cause he tried to do better. I still think he maybe fat-faced you or him a little. - Oh, but it's so great though. - Oh, it's color. - I look. - You gotta be happier. - Oh, I look a little bit like. Do I look like Higgins a little bit? - I want to speak on this. - You look like John Higgins. - You look like Higgins. Keve looks like Kenward. - Yeah. - And I look more like me. But also still, decidedly like Mark Cuban. Like it's fucking, I think that maybe. Maybe Tapper just thinks I look like Mark Cuban. And then Seth, he made your hair, your hair now. He took that way a lot. But it's also my, it's like my bygone hair. It's like my hair from like, I don't know, eight years. His reference might be older. If I find out he's been doing this in like mid-journey or something, I'm going to be so ticked. I think he's a really good artist. Yeah. I mean, color didn't it. It's really good. He kind of looks like a sin comic book guy from The Simpsons. Yeah. Oh, and one last thing, because you're him, you said that the Nick Cage should have aired. Yeah. I got a voice note unsolicited from Nick Cage. And this is not a person who loves the spotlight, but Alex Bay sent me a voice note and he said, feel free to play it on the podcast or not, because he wanted to defend himself against the allegations that he was the person cutting stuff. So that was going to be about him being a celebrity whore. I want to hear more than anything to hear how his voice sounds based on both your impressions last week. And that's part of it too. I mean, you know him. Yeah, but I can't remember now. Oh, okay. I hope he, I hope he defends himself about loving celebrities in words. By the way, I think we're all about to be so molded because I looked at the rundown from the Barclay episode and I think it aired. Oh, the Cage? Yeah. I think you guys did it the week after. Oh my God. Wait. Is that right? That's what it sure looks like. Yeah. Let's pull up the episode. That kind of makes sense because I thought it did, but maybe I was thinking in different weeks. Hey, quads. This is Bays. Woo. Long time quaid army. First time smitten or what the fuck ever. I just wanted to drop the voice note so that Seth and Andy can work on their fucking impressions. This is what I sound like. Mine was good. Yeah, it's pretty good. And also to disabuse Andy of the notion that somehow I cut his Nick Cage feature. I don't know if you quite believes that, but for clarity's sake, what we always did was update was super long at dress. And then I would have a meeting with Lauren afterwards where he would say, how long was update? I'd say, oh, it ran like 19 minutes. And then he would say, well, I need it to be 1120 and I go, okay. And then I go to Seth and shoemaker and say, you know, Lauren wants update to be 1120. What should be cut? And then they would tell me. There's no world in which the two of them looked at me and said, I don't know Bays, what should we do? I do it. So, so Andy. If somehow I was responsible for cutting your feature, let's look at the world since then. You know, you've gone on to have an illustrious career in television and movies and music. And I'm here in a little freezing cold office, still writing jokes for Seth. So, who won, bud? So a bunch of fair points. Super fair. Sorry, Bays. I love you. Especially now that it's dawning on us that it may be aired a week later. We could actually sit there. Also, Seth, you piece of shit. You cut my head. Watch your head, jerk. I did. You can put it on me now. Bays. It's a great Bays. I thought he was, I thought he was going to say that Lauren made all the decisions and threw a Lauren on the bus. No. Lauren didn't want that weight on him. He's just like, hey, hey. Cut it down. X amount. Lauren decides to go from like 19 to 1120. That's his decision. Yeah. And I think that's fair. I think so too. He's like, you know, ultimately, like I appreciate that Lauren gave us the choice. This is an apropos of nothing. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. It's a big crash and we thought I was going to be a big crash, you shut motherfuckles. Something. Yeah. Oh, what are you wearing? Not on a crash. I'm in the middle of a bike ride. I don't know. Like a crash. Guys, a multitasker. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Black has entered into the Zoom and he's on a bike. I'm sick. I'm fucking sick. I get crashed right through the streets of Los Galee. What's going to you, first? I just wanted to crash into your shit and tell you I miss you. I love you. And I hope you're having a tremendous zoom and that you promote this shit out of your genius movie. Love you, guys. Love you, man. Maybe, Jack. Love you. Do it. Wow. How do I hang up? No, no, no, no, no. I can't hang up. If I hang up right now, I'll be crashing. I can actually crash. We've already had enough accidents on this bike. We're going to see that sky behind him flipping in 360. Yes, seriously. No more action. Mark amongst yourself. So I'm going to hang up. Indue course. That's all we do. This is a disaster. No. What shit do you want? It's not safe to bike ride in LA. LA is like the least bike-friendly town. Yeah. I'm in Brooklyn. No, he's doing a tight fight. I go on the sidewalks. Yeah. There's no one's walking on the sidewalk anyways. He pulled over. He stopped. Love you, guys. Love you, buddy. There you are. Wait, is it through him? Who threw him the fuck in? I think I did. I'm going to tell you. What's so surreal about that is I was just on a train with my boys. And they were watching the second Jumanji movie and laughing harder than I've ever heard them laugh before. Those are both very good. They're great. I have a bone to pick though. Got it. What's he? Didn't want to call it two-monji? Yeah. That's fair. Just like. Yeah. Just left that there. Every time I see the poster, I'm like, fuck that. How often is that? I move that to in front of me. You fucked it up. I spilled gold. You told Jack. I got this point. I don't even care what the movie's about. Oh my God. Do you want the third one to be Juman Tray? I do not. Okay. But it would be super funny if they skipped the second one and then went straight to that. Fred left me a voice note that was complimentary about some a closer look I did. But I just want to play it for you because it's when you see you've got a 30-second voice known from Fred, it was like beyond my wildest dreams of how much I enjoyed listening to it. Shit. My ears. Oh. This is Donuts. I want donuts. Oh my. It's sad that a closer look about Portland was great. I miss you, buddy. I really do. Hopefully I'll get to see you soon. Oh, wait. Here's Homer again. I wanted to say I do. I hope there's donuts. Wow. That's a great human being. Not a bad Homer at all. Not a bad Homer. Great Homer either though. I got to say. Oh, it's my friend. Fred used to do that bit where he'd come to the read through table and say he had just been cast as all the voices on the Simpsons. That's it. And he would be like in shock because he was so happy. But then he would do the Simpsons voices and they were all a little off. Like he would go, "Oh, no." Yeah, he wouldn't say donuts. "Oh, no." Yeah. Fred also after table reeds would go, "You guys, what are you worried about? Nothing gets cut. He's picked." Yeah. Everything always works out. Everything. Always errors. That's my favorite phrase of his. I say it a lot. It's also like a fundamental principle of Fred's comedy. True. It's the complete absence of conflicts. Did it air? While you were talking, yeah, I just, sorry, I can't quite get my thing around. I went on peacock, found the Charles Barkley episode. So here's mud in my eye. Yeah. The cage that I was so bent at a shape about and frankly disparaged my dear friend, Seth. And also, Bays. Yeah. unjustly we now know did in fact air the following week. However, check the tapes, Seth set us up for this. I believe last week Seth did the whole preamble being like, "Look at what was here. It didn't air." And then we were like, "Whoa, really? Yeah. Man, that should have aired. I think we were misled." So I maybe fucked you twice, like once from cutting it and then again from making a pitch about it. It's like a mean girl in high school, like, "Hey, you know what you said about me? Aren't you fucking pissed about that? Wait, we should go punch him." Oh my god. Why don't the Mays do that? This is good. Why don't we do that? Why don't you do that? Just pass. You're stirring the pot. Well, then I don't apologize to you guys, I'm confused and scared. No, yeah, it's Seth's problem. There's a massive amount of great things in this Charles Barkley show. I was looking at that rundown thinking the same that it was a really fun show. That's my all-time favorite McGruber. Oh, I agree with you. Which one was it? I like this one in financial ruin. Racial sensitivity, McGruber. Oh, the one with Barkley. Yeah. Yeah, he's so good in it. So good. It's perfect. It's a perfect McGruber. Thank you. Each beat is better than the rest and it's completely self-contained and wonderful. Yeah. Barkley is so fucking funny. He's amazing and will is so perfectly horrible. I mean, Charles Barkley, no one would be surprised to hear, but is in fact so fucking funny, just in general, an absolute anomalous person. But more I look at this tapered drawing and the check, guys, the more I'm impressed with his skills. It's very good. I don't want to poop on it. It's very good. It's true. It's still a cube job. And some people really want it. I never thought I was going to get cubed again. I feel like we should just watch. I had I watched it with shoemaker, no memory of booty call from my end. Really? Yeah. Well, this is a unique one because I'm gone. Yeah. Really? The very brief version of it is I got offered a movie and I thought it was exciting and I thought I could maybe kind of do both a little bit, but I had to bail early and I went and got permission from Lauren. And I said any shows I miss, I'll tag on the end of my contract and he was really gracious about it. It was all right. And it was in LA and in short, it had Jason Seagull and Jonah Hill and Jason Chorzman and would have had somebody else as well. And it was, it could have been cool. And I came out to LA for two months and re-wrote with them and then it ended up not happening. And so I only missed four shorts. Do we decide Andy for? - I can't remember. - But I basically missed this and then the next four shows. And part of the deal with Lauren was he was like, "You gotta, 'cause your mom was so busy with McGrubber too." He's like, "You have to find somebody else "to replace you while you're gone." And the three of us had met a fellow named Jonathan Chrysel, multiple times, who was doing Tim and Eric awesome show. - Yeah. He was also doing, I mean, that's how we met him, right? - Yeah. - And then, but I don't think we poached him necessarily. I think they were on hiatus. I don't think we took him from a job. - Yes. - And we always liked him and he was cool. And like, for instance, that thing we talked about where they had come to our house and played tennis with the flight of the Concord. It's like, he was the one directing that and stuff. And so we had hung out with him. And we thought he was up to it. And so we called him and-- - And he was down. - Yeah, so he came and so we had, we actually had a bunch of overlap episodes after. 'Cause when I came back early, it was like, "Bah, you're fired now, even though we told you you'd be here for a while." So we even coded some later. And he's shadowed on some of the previous ones. He was there a week before this for a few weeks as I like showed him the ropes. - I forgot that. - And I think he actually did one, one of those weeks that we haven't talked about, some side thing. I can't remember what it was. But anyways, he was so well liked. That's why he ended up making Portlandia. - Yeah. - He is the third person of Portlandia with Carrie and Fred obviously. I mean, we love Crystal, he's the best. - Yeah. - The part of the story that I did not know, Kee, is that you offered to tack episodes on to the end of your contract. That's very savvy. - Yeah. - I think that might have been a lorn thing. - Oh, okay. - If you're missing these, then do 'em later. - Yeah. - I don't think I came up with that. (laughing) - Who came up with the punitive part of the deal? (laughing) - And then just the same Crystal's praises a little bit more. He went on to create baskets with Galvanakis. - Yeah. - He's a prolific dude. - He's always doing stuff. If we went to his IMDB, there'd be a ton of more stuff. He's always working on something. - Yeah. - And he has one of the best and most unique vibes. - Yes. - In a place full of people with great unique vibes. Like Crystal kind of stood out. - That's very true. - Yes. - It is his own. But it is like the way that when you see like a Tim Burton, you're like, whoa, that's a unique person. There's a little Tim Burton-y wild hair. But it's his own thing. - Yeah, very like grounded, easy to talk to and sweet. Like I think when you, if you saw a head shot only, you'd be like, I feel like this guy's gonna be inscrutable. - Yes. - And then he was just a dude who loves family. - A wild artist. - Yeah, he's great. - Yeah. - He kind of goes against your hair theory. It wasn't a earthy hair theory. - Yeah. - The fact that your hair shows what's inside your brain. - Yeah, it only really works for people in their 20s who have control of what their hair looks like. But like Andy's hair was big and fras, and he was like a big muppet. And then other people were like thin. And then I loved that there. - Yeah. - It was a surprise little no exception to the rule. - Okay, so then Andy, so I wasn't even there this week. Yourm you were, but you were clearly doing the grubber. - Yeah, distracted. - So this is that Andy Chrysel joined through and through. - And the musical guest was Alicia Keys, which we were clearly gassed about 'cause we were big fans. But we didn't have the infrastructure or pre-written thing to do a song, which I still wish we had, but sometimes it just doesn't pan out. And so, so I came up with this. - Yeah, when your other partner fucks you on the music front, I guess this is what happens. - She's as good in this non-singing role as she would have been in a singing role. She's fantastic. She gets the assignment a hundred percent. - I do recall being like, "Whoa, she's really good." And it's making it way funnier. - Yeah. I don't know what where it came from. I know it was my idea and I was just kind of doing it. - It's the most handy thing. I was shocked, it climbed in, right with you. But I have a question as well. - He pitched in a few jokes, but according to him, he and Chrysler wrote it. - Did she know what your lines were or did you just have her record? - She knew. We showed her and her team the script, but then also I was on set reading the off camera. - Oh, that's even better. 'Cause she plays it like she has no idea what the other person's saying. - Correct, but she was hearing me do it in the voice, really stupid, and to her credit was just locked in. And then when we would yell, "Cut," she would laugh. So she was definitely just a hundred percent of control on it all. - She should be in four movies a year, based on this performance. - All right, I'm headin' in. (upbeat music) - The music already great. - Whew, that was a crazy night. Man, I'm a little tipsy. Should I call him? No, I gotta stay strong. Well, maybe just this one. (laughing) - God. - Yellow. (laughing) - It's me. - Oh crap, hey girl, what is up? - Just got in. (laughing) What you doing? - That's a bunch. Just back it on this cookie dough and watching Boston legal. - That's cool. - I was thinking maybe if you wanted to, you could come over. - Hold up, is that the friggin' booty call? - Yeah, I guess it is. - That is so scandosis. - But it fully works out 'cause I'm super horny. - Oh, right. - Heck yeah, word. It's like I'm ovulating, but the dude version. - You don't wear it. - You tell me first. - Oh, you beat over the diaper? - Well, I've really got this sweet, roughly sure. - Get that one. - Pretty loot spit 'cause my nipples are just shredded from breading. - That's flat. So I know it's a little crazy, but um, do you wanna eat it? - Do I pause that? - Yeah, girl. - Oh yeah, please. Oh, this is my favorite shit ever. Holy fuck. - This is my favorite version of Andy. Really enjoy how you eat the cookie dough off the spoon. - I get no male comic or female comic has done more jokes about the current state of your nipples. - This is macking on the cookie. - A lot of that didn't air though, Seth. You gotta keep that in mind. - Right. - I'm just saying like, it was a constant, like font of inspiration for you. I was just so happy I got the word "scandosis" on national television. - I know. - Yeah, this is a real accomplishment. Every backstory of your character is like, where, what's, where's the nipples? What are his nipples? Okay, so he's a bummer, right? - But in one way, I didn't affect his nipples, or like, he's aware of them in his shirt. I know these characters. - Oh, are they softer wet or are they trying scratchy? - I gotta know how to play it. - From running, too. - He exercises. - He's got a body, but he also wears a diaper. - Over the diaper. - There's a lot of information. - In a bright yellow blouse, three musketeers shirt, you say over the diaper, like people have asked you in the past and you've started with diaper and they've been like, no, no, over the diaper. - That's right. - Also, also in that same way of things being just like swept past you, like way quicker than you can laugh at them. - Her saying, that's fly. - Yeah, that's fly, that's my favorite part. - Yeah, that's fly. But again, it is not, at least you keys it is not fly. - Not fly at all. - Also, the old-ass cell phone for some reason, just Boston legal. - Yeah, that was a climb. - That's a climb. - Because you guys wrote this as a phone call fully and you have such different lighting, it really also feels like the best MTV Movie Awards thing, like as if you-- - Yes, yes. - And because it's got that you don't know my name, music, it sounds like, it feels like she had a really long, like a 10-minute music video with a lot of her being sexy on the phone and you went, what if it was me she was talking to? - Yes, it's when they repeat dialogue or things that you're like, oh, I guess they were really dying to me. - Yeah. - Like, is he this surprised? - It feels like maybe you stole the footage of her. - I was gonna say, it's an achievement unto itself to make it seem like we're just cutting me and something that was already there. - Yeah, but she had to listen to this in real life. - God, I honestly, in a little, I mean, it's not too late. We need to get Alicia Keys in something to Seth's point of how good she is. Oh my gosh, murdering her. Here we go. - Heck yeah, girl. Hey, you want to do a three-way? - I guess I'll try anything once. - Okay, sounds good. Okay, Banna, we're on three-way. - What? - It's me, you're great. - I'm so thrilled. - And then also Alicia Keys. - Cheryl T. - Alicia Keys. - Alicia Keys. - It's your grandson. You got a booty call from Gary Sinese. - Bye honey. - That's cool. - I know. Also, I drew you a maze on graph paper. I'll show it to you when I come over. It's got hank of booby traps. - That's sexy. - No dirt. Side note. My penis is super dinky. - You'll see. - I had my honesty. - Ooh, you know what? I actually don't think I'm gonna come over, actually. - Why? - Well, I'm kind of at this intervention for my friend. Yeah, we're trying to get him to stop doing smack. - I'll be off in a second. (laughing) - But do me a favor, save yourself for me. - Okay, bye. - Oh my God. - Oh wow. That has so many wonderful Andy, just you got dinky in there. So the Boston legal. - The boss, don't bring up Boston legal logic problems. - The Boston legal, the main problem I have is that. - No, I can't be the take away. - He could have been doing bulls. - I feel like that guy. - Of all your characters that you ever played. - Yeah. - Who has the least dinky wang? (laughing) - You know what I'll say, Seth? Of all the jokes, all these years later, that's the one I would have lost. Didn't need the dinky weir. - Well, that 'cause you said like the nipple stuff didn't make it into a bunch of them. I think dinky wang hit it at that point. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, that's been. So, save yourself for me is funny to me. Save yourself for me. - Yeah, I also like just that it's like a frequency shift in the performance, which is very nice. - Thanks, Keith. - Also, you brought, we find out retroactively that you brought Cookie Doe to intervention. - Yeah, that's right. And answer the phone call loudly. And also, I'm watching Boston Legal at the intervention in your face, Keith. Makes perfect sense. - Yeah. - There's a couple nice moments when it's in the split screen with the grandma where it goes into a close up of your mouth saying one of the lines. And I want a brand nice crystal touch. - Yeah, it's a nice crystal touch. I wonder if there was any music videoe thing that you guys were referencing at all that did those sorts of things. - It could be. - But it's nice regardless. - Yeah, it's just a nice little build. - I didn't love seeing my teeth that close, but that's a whole new thing. - It fits with what you're saying in the moment and stuff. - You're right. - You're saying, I have big teeth, right? That's what I heard. - I don't mean big necessarily, so it's like, you know. - Oh yeah. - Actually, guys, I got a voice note from Jonathan Chrysler, director and co-writer of The Short. Let's listen to that. - Okay, so the story of the booty call Digital Short with Alicia Keys for me starts like on the Tuesday of that week. I'm in Los Angeles. I gotta call Hi, this is Steve Higgins from Saturday Night Live. We would like you to come work on the show. I'm like, wow, this is amazing. I'm very excited. I'm like, yeah, maybe I could start in like two weeks or like a month and he goes, no, no, no. You have to get on a plane tonight. I'm like, oh, okay. And he's saying, did you ever think that there would be a moment in your life when your life actually begins? And I'm like, what? He goes, this is that moment. I'm like, oh, okay. So, fine, that's happening. I get on the plane and come out. So Andy's showing me around the 17th floor. Like, it's just a whirlwind for me. I'm just like half lost. Like, so many people, so many places. And I remember he showed me like, oh, you can cut through the 17th floor if you just swipe into this hallway. And I'm like, oh, this is cool. And then later I was kind of wandering by myself. I'm like, oh, let me cut through this hallway. Of course, you need a key card, which I didn't have yet. So I got trapped in this very strange pass-through hallway sort of like emergency exit place. And I had to text him or Rachel who are the producers of digital shorts and say, hi, I'm trapped in like a hallway. And I can't get out because if you don't have a key card, you can get in, but you can't get out. So I had to be rescued. So then we're sitting around Charles Barkley. I'm pretty sure was the host. But Alicia Keys was the singer. And for some reason, we just kept talking about Alicia Keys. And she had a song. You don't know my name. That I think maybe was out in the few months before. And there was this part in the middle. It's a kind of breakdown where she talks. And so her character in the song is a waitress. She works at this diner. And this guy comes in every day. And she notices him. But he doesn't notice her. And then in the music video, it's most deaf plays the guy. And like you get to see this awesome part where she does this call. She calls him somehow. She's like, you don't know who I am. But I work at the diner. But she does it in the coolest way possible. But because it's only her side of the conversation, it's just a little bit funny. So then we were talking about that. And just going like, well, that seems like a good start of something funny. And then I think it was, well, what if Andy would be on the other side of that call. Being the antithesis of the sultry smooth Alicia Keys would be just a good conceit. So Scrip kind of came together and then kind of got into the production pipeline. And they're like, Alicia's available Friday night at midnight, which to me, coming from a completely other world of production of like, we'll play on this for a couple of weeks, whatever. And so this is like shooting something at midnight on a Friday. And you've got to air it the next day. Her boyfriend, some new boyfriend, is going to be there. And that was Swiss beats, which I don't even know if it was like public knowledge at the time or whatever. But it was kind of making it all more exciting. And so then immediately, it's like start editing. And I'm just like, oh my god, just being shot out of a can and start editing, like, you want to take your time and like organize your bins and all this stuff. We start to edit, but I was so scrambled. I'm like, OK, where do I start? So I just start in the middle. I couldn't figure it out. So it was just my heart was pumping. And this is actually the point of my life for me. I was 30 years old or something. I had not drank. I was not a coffee drinker. This-- you just have to start drinking coffee. And now I'm a coffee drinker for life. But anyway, this is the moment when it started. OK, so then edit was happening. It was kind of chaotic. Andy is just the best. Just a true visionary filmmaker partner to have. So it was just really fun. And I remember that week there was an NFL game on a Saturday because it was January. So I think like college is over. So they have games on Saturday. It was on NBC. And it was running late. And they're like, the show is going to start not at 11.30, but 12. Well, that was like God coming down and going, I'm stopping time to give you extra 30 minutes to finish this video, which was like amazing. And I made all the difference. Because of course, I learned like you're editing the piece throughout the show while the show is airing. That's just common. A lot of moving parts got it done for dress. Obviously, I remember definitely making cutting it down, cutting it down, cutting it down, which was Andy's mantra. It's got to be shorter. It's got to be shorter, which is so smart. Anyway, so got it in the show. And I just remember for me like being sort of like where the hell am I? What is this place? It's so chaotic that in the writer's room where you kind of once you're like, OK, I'm done. I can just watch the show. And Yorma's wife, Mari, was there. I didn't know her, but she really looked out for me. And I'm like, hey, you know, and so it was this really family environment that everything's made in, especially the lonely island little corner of the world. So that made it a lot less like corporate giant thing, 1 million people you can't remember. And like, oh, there's like nice people all around every corner who are just like have been there and like take care of you. So it's a great place. So it's great memories. And that's it. Thanks, Chrysler. Thank you, buddy. Love you. Love that guy. I miss you, Chrysler. More to come from him. Can we go into Seth's corner for a second? How's it going? Oh, wow. There's a Seth corner. It's been a man of hope. You remember what he's talking about himself. Take it away, Seth. Real quotes game show is my favorite game show sketch. I ever wrote. I don't know if you guys remember real quotes. Tell me the promise. It was, you had to complete famous lines for movies. And it was Barclay and Wig were the contestants. And Barclay started by saying he worked at a blockbuster. And I will say it has the rhythm of booty call. Because it is like the clippiest thing I think I ever wrote live. Because everybody's really bad at obviously guessing the quotes. And there's a part Bill is like. It's famous line from Jaws. Upon seeing the shark for the first time Roy Scheider utters the unforgettable line, we're going to need a bigger shark. No. See, they saw this shark. He was so big, they thought they were going to need a bigger shark bag. Think water. Ocean. We're going to need a bigger ocean. Yeah, if you get a bigger ocean, it's going to make the shark seem smaller. Then a joke would be on the shark. And then he's like, I've never seen it. He's like, you work a blockbuster, you've never seen it. It turns out he works at a place called blockbusters that is a demolition thing that brings down city blocks. And then the next line is from Field of Dreams. And if you build it, and he goes, we will not get down. And it turns out that's actually the slogan for blockbusters. I white knuckle, watch this one live, because it played so hard address. Yeah. And it was so cutty and so timing-based. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That it was just like, please, because it sort of had-- it's so hard to do that thing live. And looking back, I'm really happy with how it went. Nice. Yeah. It's also just such a pleasure with the guy like Charles, because he's like a real Christopher Walkan. He's like, has a way of talking. But it's completely perfect. His line for a few good men was you can't handle. You can't handle. My privates. Incorrect. Be that as it may. You cannot handle them. So keep your hands on yourself. No one was asking. You can never be too safe, Rich. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, it's good. So that was Seth Corner. Then, like I said, killer, McGruber. And then this was the famous-- I mean, I think we talked about when we talked about the first one. This was the second that'll move the chains. That's right. Yeah. The second of two. Yes. Which was, I believe, from downtown? I think it was nothing but the bottom of the net. That's what it was. Yeah. I don't actually mention it less. Just keep it simple. Stuff like great defensive play a nice pass. Got it. OK, great. And we're back. Lakers with the ball. Great defensive play a nice pass. Not yet there. Not yet. Sorry. Nothing but the bottom of the net. And I, again, probably told this. story, you came in to my office. And I said, what are you working on this week? And you said, I think we're going to do another, that'll move the chains. And I said, another and you said, not everybody has update. Who's that? That was the week. And you know what? I'm glad we did because it worked and it aired. It did. Wait, when Andy said that to yourself, did he mean it? Like was he like, he was really, it was a real like reminder that like when you know you have 10 minutes of update every week, it's not cool to be like, wait, what are you doing? What are you floundering at? What are you trying to get on? This was the three of you I liked. Of a chair. You were so small. The making me lower works decently. How it's really funny. I mean, it helps to have a couple of big, big dude. I mean, you could always kid down pretty good. Thank you so much for saying that. Yeah. And you could old up pretty good as more, more fine gold taught us. Oh, man. Yeah. We'll get to it. It's called range. I will say that the funniest sketch of very funny man, Hannibal Burris wrote when he was at the show was called Barclay golf, about Barclay's terrible golf swing. That was in this show. Oh, yeah. And there was a great David Patterson. This is a real and golden era update where you've got Andy is Nicholas Cage, Fred is David Patterson and Bill is James Carville. Fuck. Bill closing it out. I'm assuming. I bet it was Patterson. Oh, Patterson. Yeah. Patterson in the end. Carville doesn't both crush. Also a scared straight. It's a nuts show. Now what are you in here for? You know what let me guess? Cannibalism. Good guess. That's a horrible guess. No, we got these kids hanging around the abandoned rail yard. Trespass it, huh? That's where it starts. Let's take you know it's Rabies. Show it, fast rabies. What, how is that related? And then grief counselors is one of my favorite, is my grief counselors is my dream second chance theater sketch that we've talked about right? Yeah, it's almost feel like we should. Yeah, come on. Yeah. Also, the short had that Alicia Keysong all over it and it's on YouTube, which means they cleared it for all uses. So hey, that's nice. I don't think that's, I think there's a chance that, um, it's a sound alike. Yeah, it might have been Catrice. It's soundly Catrice to me, but it would still be, it would still have to pay the publishing because that's definitely the song. Can we grief counselors real quick? All right, everyone. I know this has been a rough couple of days. We did not bring in the new year well. As you know, over the weekend, we lost 10 colleagues due to Salmonella poisoning from the company holiday party. You guys were right. I should not have had our party catered by a place called discount meets. Trying to save a buck. I admit it. As per company policy, I hired a couple of professional grief counselors to come in and help us deal with our loss. God, I know this is a difficult time for all of us. And I thought we could use a little something to make us smile again. Everybody, welcome, uh, Janica and pistachio. He bored sleeves. Oh my god, Charles, look great. Oh, wow. Oh, backpack is a nice touch too. No clapping from anyone. Great. Come on. All right. Well, if you haven't guessed already, we are here to lift your spirits. I'm speaking of lifted spirits. I heard a lot of y'all friends what they have on over the weekend. And they're not coming back. They're dead people. So many people died here, you guys. Do you like my piano jacket? Because pistachio and I would like to show you something that we think is pretty rocking. For anybody listening, you thought our laughs were drowning out the audience laughs. That was not okay. I think it played okay. It played fine. It you guys you and Fred breaking made me really happy just like softly. I mean, we were not breakers. Not not classic breakers. The either of you. Yeah. All right. That was booty call. We did it guys. Booty call. Is there anything else? I make it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Seth. Oh, right. What was the fucking thing, Seth? I got quibi. And not just that. I've gotten it the last four days. Yeah. You've been on. Clean for four days straight. Clean for four. Wow. A sober quibi. Yeah. Four days. You get your four days today. You get your four day chip. That's what that means. And it just feels so good every single time I text you and let you know because I know you didn't. Yeah. I've got it today with a lot of help and I feel real nice when I send it off. Ask me what my last word was. What was your last word was? You got lately. Well, it's a toughy. Yeah. I got ukulele early. The fuck? But the reason is because my mother-in-law is in a band called the ukuleles. And that's not a big guy. Yeah. Yeah. I tried spelling it with a Y first a few times. One, two, three. Say your favorite ukulele song. One, two, three. It's a I would say one of their only songs is you are my sunshine. I would say if you're going to ukulele, it's concert. Just know you're going to be in and out in like 15 minutes. Sorry, Keeve, do you want to do the exercise again? Because I know we're going to say the same thing. All right, ready? Yeah. Favorite ukulele song. One, two, three. Somewhere over the railway rainbow cover. Hawaiian version. Yeah, quote unquote Hawaiian version. Somewhere over the rainbow. Yeah, we were seeing eye to eye, my dude. You guys are in fans, huh? I apologize, Keeve. I thought you said favorite ukulele song. This is the problem with the name of their band. I just mentioned that. That is what I thought too. Yeah. That was clear to us, Seth. I may not plan it earth. What's the best one? Yeah. There's one smash hit, one platinum hit. I thought you guys were going to say tonight you belong to me by Steve Martin. It's not really because I do love that. From the jerk guys speaking of I got a second present of a solid shirt. Yeah, that's good. Thank you so much. Got the little honeycomb. Yeah. What are you at? I mean, are you at 20 gifts, 25 gifts? People give a lot of really nice gifts and people have written a lot of really nice cards and thank you so much to everyone. Any cash? No, no fucking cash. Yeah. Thank you, Keeve. So if you guys could, yeah, you know, step it up a little bit. Any gift cards? But being in a wheelchair costs money, guys. Give them like a bed bath in beyond gift card. Before we go, I just want to say Seth, I think it's so fucked up that we never hooked up. I just wanted to say that before we go. Before the end of the fight. Be honest, Andy, I feel like you started that sentence without knowing where you were going. I will never admit to that. No, man. It was a nice landing for a guy who had no idea where you're going. Sometimes you just got to take the leap. Unless you're your, unless you're your. The reason why Jack Black joined, and I was holding my tongue in case the other half joined, but I'm for about to bail. He didn't make it is because I randomly didn't interview earlier today on Zoom. And when we got to the end, he's like, oh, man, I got to get off. And I was like, oh, you, you got another one coming. He's like, yeah, I got to jump right on. I'm going to get on with Jack Black and Paul Rudd for Anaconda. And I was like, well, give me the link. The guy was like, all right, I don't know if Sony will let you on or not, but here you go. And gave me the link to their separate press junket. And did you crash it? And I crashed there. And it was delightful for like five minutes. I wasted this poor journalist time. And then I was like, oh, wait, you guys could because they were excited about that. Just Jack kept saying, crash and people's Zoom's. This is the best. And I was like, oh, well, you can get me back later today. I'll text you guys right before we get on. And then I, so I texted both of them and Jack delivered. I was talking Paul. No, no, Paul right now. Well, I'm sure he's got stuff to do. You know what? You know what? He's probably doing. He's probably hanging up that picture from everyone's a credit in his home. So let's just assume that that's what he's doing. Did you guys get that picture of that Lynn, Lynn went to his house to see it in person and send a picture of Paul like proudly holding up the real one. Oh, we have like proof of life that he has it from the digital short. Yeah, from the short. That red does have it. I mean, I know he said it on the voice note, but he's got it at his house. Did you see this idea that Kevin Miller just had Andy? It's a really good idea. Yeah. Do we not and we're just going to do it? We're not going to tell the audience what it is. I feel like maybe we should explain what it is. So next week before Andy gives his B results, we'll just play a clip of Jack Black singing spelling B from the from the four times. Yes, yeah. Spelling me. I love it. All right. I love you guys. Love you. Nice to see you guys again. Love you guys. Love you later. Later Arnold. Later quates.