Bonus - Processing Pain to get to the Promise

Welcome to the whole hearted disciple podcast with Wendy Mann, the space dedicated to helping you become a whole hearted disciple of Jesus. Together we'll explore how inviting God to bring healing and transformation within us allows His power and presence to flow through us. As Proverbs 423 reminds us, above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. Let's dive in. [Music] [Applause] [Applause] Thank you very much. [Applause] Thank you guys. [Laughter] Oh dear. Well. All right, settle down. Cheeky lot. Well, it's um, it's good to be here. Uh, good to be back. Um, as those of you who don't know me, I am part of the staff team here at King's Arms and I've just been on a jolly for two and a half months to Oklahoma City. All right, I've been working really hard. But went over to Oklahoma City for two and a half months. It was released by the guys here to go and serve a church over there. And we had a great time. We basically ran an eight week TSM school. Obviously the TSM school we run here is nine months. We hadn't done it in eight weeks before, didn't know whether it would work. Turns out God's still the same. [Laughter] And he doesn't need loads of time. And we saw people's lives change. We had it over about 50 students come. Which was, um, was really encouraging. And, uh, the testimonies are, well, God just really spoke to people. Revealed himself as father, showed them who they were. And, uh, they were empowered and released. And just the same stuff that happens here happened there. Which was so encouraging. I asked some of the students to send through some testimonies. I've just picked one to share with you. It's just encouraging. Because the fruit that I've seen over there is our fruit. You guys understand that, don't you? This is family together. So we get to inherit this stuff. So she says, "For the past few years, I've had this deep desire to truly know the father's love for me. It felt like a simple truth that I just wasn't grasping and I was getting frustrated and disappointed." During this time, I was also believing lies regarding my identity. Lies that started in my childhood and continued to feed a feeling of inadequacy into my adulthood. Through TSM, I was given the tools to battle these lies with the truth how God sees me. For the first time in my life, I started to understand the father's love. And I began to believe that I am precious and treasured. I have never felt the love of the father so radically. I finally feel like I'm beginning to walk in freedom. And it's exhilarating. Isn't that amazing? We can celebrate that. So good. It's just one example of many. One of my favorite stories is probably to do with a lady who became a good friend of mine called Kelly, who I ended up staying with. And Claire Coggan was there with me one time. We were driving with Kelly in her car. We just thought we'd tell Kelly really quickly how you can get words of knowledge for healing. So we just literally, in five minutes, reeled off. Well, you might get a dream, or you might see a picture, or you might get a pain in your body. You might remember a story. We just literally reeled it off. And they said, hey, why don't we ask God for word and knowledge at church tomorrow? And she was like, okay, that sounds good. So we all went to church on Sunday. And to be honest, I forgot about it. So when she came up to me at the end of the meeting, I said, have you got anything? I was like, oh, no, I haven't. She said, oh, I had a dream last night. I was like, great. What happened in the dream? She said, she saw someone have a car accident. And they really badly injured their back. So I was like, great. Let's share it. Let's go up to the pastor who was in charge. And he got her to share it down the microphone, which is the first time she'd ever done that. And so she was really courageous, shared the dream. And a guy responded. He put his hand up. He said, I was in a car accident when I was a teenager. I was actually messing around on top of a car. And it all went wrong. And I fell off. And I injured my back. And I've had pain in my back for 40 years. So me and Kelly and the guys wife prayed for him. I think around three times each time he was moving a bit more freely. And so we said, just tell us how you go. Maybe just fill us in next week. So the following week we find out that he'd been doing manual labor all week and had absolutely no pain in his back. [APPLAUSE] So it was just so exciting. First ever word of knowledge and 40 year back pain was healed. And it just kickstarted something in her and also in others in the church, which is so exciting. But it is so good to be back home. There's no place like home. It has felt a little bit of a challenging transition to come into what has felt like a raging battle to be honest. Many things going on, not least of the fact that Zoe Joy got very quickly sick and went to be with Jesus just over a week ago now. And it's been a bit of a, I've been back two and a half weeks. And it's been a bit of a reeling time. But that whole thing of we're seeing incredible kingdom breakthrough like we've never seen before and in the same breath we're seeing massive loss and grief and mystery and pain. And so as I was praying about what to bring into that scenario and the current situation we find ourselves in, I felt God said to start off by reminding us the prophetic promises that He's spoken over us as a church family. And the reality is we have got incredible prophetic promises over us as a church family. And the promises that have been given to us by God that are shaping the decisions we're making and the direction that we're going in. I just want to remind us of a few. The first thing is we've got a promise to see the poor and the most marginalised in society raised up with dignity and honour to be hopes of righteousness in the kingdom. That's one of the promises we carry as a church. And many people are working among the poor. But the King's Arms projects are doing an amazing job at seeing that promise realised. And I'm so excited and so proud of the fact that at the moment it just feels like God's spotlight is on the King's Arms project. There's just so much favour for them at the moment and it's just exciting to see God revealing them more and more as an example in societies to how to see the poor are stored and built up. And I know for you guys who are working on a project, the part of the project this time is a particularly hard time with the loss of Zoe Joy who is a massively key member of your family of the King's Arms project family. But I also know that one of your mantras is there's no such thing as a hopeless case. And I just felt the father wanting me to say to you guys that's still true. I just felt like the father just wanted to underline that and say that is still true and for him he is wanting to encourage you to keep going for it and keep going after that. There is no such thing as a hopeless case. Other promises we're living with, we're living with promises about being a place where people can come and get trained and equipped to be all that God's called them to be, to understand who the father is, to understand who they are, and then to get deployed all over this nation and the nations of the world to replicate what they've picked up here wherever they go. That's what we're living with, to see people come and understand I carry the kingdom, I get to release the kingdom of God wherever I go, and then see people go all over this nation and nations of the world to see God's kingdom broken out of this place, to see God's kingdom break out and bring breakthrough and salvation and healing and restoration. That's a promise of God over our life and we're seeing it happen. We have people serving God in multiple nations and we're seeing that happen. It's very exciting. Another of the promises we live with is this, that we would know miraculous power and supernatural ministry. I just want to read an excer of this prophetic word. It says God is going to infuse in the work of your church and anointing for the miraculous and anointing for the miraculous. National deliverance will come from an infusion of supernatural power. It's one of the promises we're living with as a church family. And I feel like there are many others. Personal promises we're living with, corporate promises we're living with. But I feel like what God wants to say this morning is that those promises are still true. The promises you are living with personally and the promises we are living as a family, living with as a family together are still true. And in a season where the battle seems to be raging more fiercely and we've got loads of mystery and pain and loss. The reality is that God's promises over us don't change because the one who gave us the promises in the first place never changes. The promises over us never change because the God who has given them to us is unchanging. He never changes. And I feel like the enemy's plan and scheme in this season is to cause us to take our foot off of our spiritual accelerator. I feel like his plan for us in this season is to cause us to be discouraged and to cause us to withdraw and turn back and retreat. But I'd like to suggest to you this morning that what we're actually going to do as a church family is resolutely fix our eyes on the one who never changes. I would like to suggest to you that actually our response is going to be a response of focusing on Jesus, of focusing on His unchanging nature and irrespective of what's going on around us, take hold of the promises He's spoken over us and move forward into them, expecting that we are going to step into this stuff and we are going to see it in all of its fullness. The story of Moses when he led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, if you know the story, when he brought them out of slavery, they were living with the promise from God. The promise was that God was going to lead them into a land flowing with milk and honey, that they were going to step into a land that was going to be fruitful and really good for them and this was a promise that they were living with together. And when Moses got near to the land, he sent out 12 spies to check it out basically and he asked them to go and check out the land and come back with a report about the land. And he sent 12 spies out, but the reality is if you know the story, they actually came back with very different reports about what the land was like. Ten of the spies came back with a report that was focused on what they saw around them and the enemy. This is what they said in numbers 13. But the people living there are powerful and their towns are large and fortified. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Annak. We can't go up against them. They are stronger than we are. So although they saw that the land was indeed a land flowing with milk and honey, their focus and their attention was on what was around them and their enemy. Two spies came back with a different report. Joshua and Caleb came back with a different report from the land. And their focus had been firmly fixed on who God was and what he was able to do. This is what they said. The land we traveled through and explored is a wonderful land. And if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. Do not rebel against the Lord and don't be afraid of the people of the land. They are only helped us pray to us. They have no protection. But the Lord is with us. Don't be afraid of them. Ten spies came back with their focus on their circumstance and the enemy. Two spies came back with their focus firmly fixed on the truth about who God was. Irrespective of the battles that were going to face them. And if you know the end of the story or know that only those two guys ultimately ended up inheriting the promised land 40 years later. Those two men, God, picked out and said, you guys because of your report, because of where you've been focused, you are going to step into the promise that I have put over your life. And the reality is we've got incredible promises over us as a church family. And I just want to give us a few tools this morning to help us to be a community together who keep our eyes fixed on the reality of who God is and his unchanging nature. Irrespective of what's going on around us in the battle we're walking through. And the first thing I want to focus in on is this whole thing of how to deal with disappointment well. How to deal with disappointment well. I don't know when the last time was we talked about this as a church family. But whenever I go traveling, this is usually the talk I start with. And what I never want to happen though is what we're taking to other churches and other nations isn't something that is really well grounded here. And there's a danger that we take all this stuff elsewhere but we forget about actually we need to understand how to do this well. And I'm just anticipating that as I talk through this tool with us this morning, not only is it going to help you personally as you face disappointment have to walk it through, but it also is going to give us tools to help others, to help those around us, to really be able to work through pain so that they can get to the promises that God has spoken over their lives. And I know having chatted to Philby who has been super involved in being like the point person and caring for Zoe Joy right up to the end. One of the last things that Zoe said to Philby that she wanted to say to us as a church is that she wanted us to work through our pain and disappointment really well so that her death would not be a stumbling block to what God wants to do in us and through us. And when I heard Philby share that, I was overwhelmed at her courage. Zoe Joy's courage and her selflessness to be thinking about all of us in her moment of real need. And I personally feel very like a very responsibility to take her desire very seriously. And I know for all of us in the room, not all of us, not all of us, knew Zoe Joy in the same way as others. For some of us, we perhaps don't know who she was. And they were going to be impacted by this in different ways. But I will tell you this irrespective of what you're working through now is to do the Zoe Joy or not. There are going to be things. There are going to be situations that you are facing or that you will face, where you are going to need this tool to be able to process disappointment well. Situations with your marriages, situation with your kids, situations with jobs, situations with churches, areas where you are sick or people you love are sick. There are going to be things that you are going to face or are facing where you're going to need these tools. And I just want you to be thinking, what is it for you at the moment? What is the area of disappointment at the Holy Spirit wants to put his finger on this morning? And we are going to have time at the end of this meeting to start the process of working it through well so that we can get to the promise, because the promise doesn't change, because our God never changes. And the thing about disappointment is that it comes into our hearts when we have certain expectations of what God is going to do in a particular situation, because we know His nature, we know what He's like. And we pray for that thing to happen, and we cry out to God for that thing to happen. But our expectation isn't met. Things don't work out the way that we've been praying or expecting God to move. Our circumstances don't seem to match up with what we understand of God's nature. So for example, you know, we know the truth is that God is healer. That's who He is. It's what He calls Himself. So when we pray for people and they're not healed, or if we ourselves are struggling with long-term sickness, it's very easy then for disappointment to come into our hearts. Or the other thing, we know that God is provider. We know that He is Jehovah Jairer, the Lord who provides. So if you find yourself in a situation where you are struggling financially, or you're looking for a job and you've been praying for breakthrough and you haven't seen any breakthrough, your circumstances doesn't seem to match up with what God says about Himself. It's very easy for disappointment to come into your heart. One other thing, we know that God is good. God is good. He can't be anything but good. But if your marriage is an MS, and you're struggling in your marriage, or your kids are having a hard time, or you're working through anxiety, or whatever it is for you, you can fill in the blanks. If your situation and circumstance doesn't seem to match up with what you understand about who God is, it's very easy for disappointment to come into our hearts. And what happens is, when we experience disappointment, if we don't process it and get out of our system and do a good job at expressing it, it just stays where it is. And the next time you're disappointed, it just adds on to the previous disappointment. And the next time you're disappointed, it just adds on to your previous disappointment. Until before long, you're just full of disappointment and pain. And what happens is, if we don't get our disappointment out and express it to God, over time, what we end up doing is we just begin to lower our expectation. We still believe in our head that God is healer, for example, but we begin to lower our expectation of breakthrough because we don't want to feel disappointed again. It's easier not to expect it. We stop expecting breakthrough because we don't want to be disappointed again. And we lower our expectation of what God wants to do. And then what happens is, the enemy uses our pain and disappointment to lie to us about God's nature. Is he really healer? Is he really good? Is he really your provider? Look at your situation. And the enemy will use our pain and disappointment to cause us to believe lies about who God is. And if you've got the pain and disappointment still in you, it will be much easier to listen to those lies. On the flip side, if we can get good as a church family at healthily processing our pain and not leaving it too long, but doing it when we need to do it, if we can get all of that stuff out, what you're able to do is you're able then to keep holding on to the truth about who God is and really believe it. You're no longer just declaring, well, God's your good because it's good to do that even though you don't believe it. And it is good to do that even when you're struggling to believe it because he is always good. But when you get the junk out, you can say God your good and really believe it. And it comes from a different place in your gut and it changes your behaviour. It changes your behaviour and expectation. And so I just want to give you a tool really of how to process disappointment. It's much like writing a Psalm. Some of you will have heard this before if you have just let it be refreshed in your heart. And it's much like writing a Psalm. If you read through the Psalms, David would, he expressed his heart to God very freely, which I love. It's such a great example to us. And processing disappointment is much like you writing your own Psalm to the Lord. And the first step is this, express your pain out loud to God. Express your pain out loud to God. And a couple of things to say on this. First thing would be to encourage you not to short circuit this process. What we tend to do, and I know this because I do it and I've prayed with lots of other people who also do this, is we quickly want to get through the pain bit to get to the truth because we think it's actually a bit dishonoring to God to stay in the pain bit. We just need to say, well, he is good all the time. So we kind of, we end up bypassing the pain we actually need to process. Or what happens is we look at the favorable outcome, or we focus on the stuff that we have to be thankful for, and we forget to process the pain of the journey. So, for example, if I'm thinking about the situation with Zoe Joy, obviously the thing to be thankful for is that she is no longer suffering and she's in heaven with Jesus, and she's having a great old time. And she's perfectly whole and fully alive. And that's amazing, and we should celebrate that. But we mustn't bypass the pain of the process. That a friend of ours has died at a young age, and the cancer that we were commanding to be driven out of her body didn't get driven out in the way that we were hoping. Does that make sense? And so often we can bypass the processing to get to the, well, this is the truth, this is the truth. But here's the deal, if you don't get your pain out first, the truth can't get deep. It kind of stops here. Once you get all the pain out, if you're then speaking out, this is what the truth is. You can get to a deeper place, and it impacts your behaviour, and how you live. And the second thing I would say on this is it's important to express your pain out loud, and to not filter what you're saying to make it more acceptable to God. This is such a biggie. I realised this a while ago, I was walking up and down outside my house, processing some disappointment. I can't even remember what it was about now. But I just remember walking up and down on the grass outside my house, and just talking out loud to God about how I was feeling about something. And as I was doing that, I became aware of the fact that I was thinking things that I then wasn't saying, and if you can relate to this, but I was thinking things. But the way I would say it would be in a more Christian way. Does that make any sense? And for me, it's even worse, because it's a Christian leader way. And Christian leaders have another way of saying things, you know, because you have to live a certain way, I'm joking. But I was filtering what I was saying to make it more acceptable to the God who knows everything. And I was kind of caveatting what I was saying, or I would say something like, "God, I just don't want to pray for the sick anymore." I just felt like I don't want to pray for the sick anymore. And then I would quickly say, "But obviously that's not really the right response, so I will keep praying for the sick." Because I know in my head that that's not the good place to end. But what I didn't allow myself to do was just feel what I was feeling, full stop. And then move on to, "That's actually not what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep praying for the sick." Does that make sense? And I think what we can often do is not fully let rip because we think it's not appropriate. I think actually what happens is, in my experience, if you don't fully get out what you're feeling, you'll have to go back there at some point. "God will want to take it deeper." And in his grace, he will do that. But the way I picture it is this, of a mum or dad holding their little kid and the kid just letting rip on the chest. And you know what I mean? Like, "Rah!" And the moment I just hold in them and hold in them and they're just, "Rah!" And they're just getting it all out of the system. Most important thing to the parent is, "I want you to express what you're feeling." "I want you to express what you're feeling." And then the kid gets to a point where they can't do anyone. And the mum just, mum and dad just keep holding them. That's what we need to do with our father. Our Heavenly Father knows what we're feeling. But he wants to hear it. He wants to hear what's in your heart because he wants to bring breakthrough and freedom to you. So express your pain out loud and just be aware if you're filtering it to make it more acceptable. And I've had to personally train myself and learn how to express unfiltered and I'm still learning. And that's okay. Second thing, spend time in the Psalms until you hear your own voice speaking. In other words, the Psalms are just a great resource to help you connect with what you're actually feeling. Sometimes I don't know what I'm feeling, but I start to read some of the Psalms out loud and suddenly my heart just begins to connect. And I'm reading truth and I'm reading how David expressed himself. And as I'm reading out loud, my heart begins to connect with what I'm feeling. It's just a great resource to help you work out what I'm actually feeling and, again, speaking out loud to God. And then the third thing is speaking out loud the truth about who God is. But you don't want to get here too quickly. This is what I'm talking about short circuiting. This is a good place to get to. You will get to this place. But a good question to ask yourself on the processing of pain is, have I said everything I need to say? Have I said everything I need to say? Is there something else that's popped into my head that I just need to speak out before I then speak out the truth about who God is? And the truth is that death and life are in the power of the tongue. So the words that we speak with our mouth are powerful. And so you can think your way into the truth about who God is that the minute you start declaring, God, you are good, you are healer, you never left me, you are kind. There is a spiritual dynamic that takes place. Death and life is in the power of the tongue. As you speak truth out, you're literally speaking life over yourself and your situation. And so when you've processed all your pain, what you need to do is come back to place it, but God, this is the truth. And usually you're in a raw and vulnerable place. And I think it's sweet to God. When you're in your most raw and vulnerable place that you then begin to say, "But God, this is the truth. You are kind, you are good, you never change, you love me, you're proud of me." And you begin to speak out the truth out loud. And because you've removed the pain from your heart, it can go to a deep place. And impact your choices, your behaviour and your expectation. And the final part of the process, and this is really where the rubber hits the road, is the point at which you need to lay down your right to understand why this has happened or why something hasn't happened. Now, often as believers we think, if I could just understand what God is doing, God, if you could just tell me how this is going to work out or what's going to be the outcome of this, then I would know peace. But actually, the peace that the Bible promises us is a peace that goes beyond our understanding. Says in Philippians 4, "Horses this, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." In other words, the way we as believers access the peace God's got available to us is we lay down our right to understand. And as I said, this is where the rubber hits the road. I mean, I remember just over a year ago, my mum was diagnosed with cancer of the bowel. And I remember her calling me to say that they needed to do a biopsy, but there was a risk of it being cancer, so I decided, well, I'm going to start praying because I know that God is healer, I'm going to start praying that it's not cancer. So the biopsy results are going to come back, no cancer, and I'll walk up and down outside my house, I'll be declaring and speaking out, God, I'd rebuke that cancer. Anyway, the results came through, and it was, it was, unfortunately, cancer. And then she had to have surgery and work out whereabouts it was in the cells, and if she would need chemotherapy. So I changed my prayers, okay, now I'm going to pray, either that they open her up and there's nothing there, or if there is something there, it's confined so that she doesn't have to have chemotherapy. So again, I started to do some battle on my mum's behalf, and the operation took place, and it was all successful and good, but then they found out that it had gone out of the area that it should have, and she was going to have to have chemotherapy. And then they said they found a spot on her liver, so then my prayers started to change, so I'm just going to pray that that isn't anything, that's just a blip, and so I went after that, and then they found out it was actually cancer, she would need further surgery. Cutting along the story short, there was a lot of unmanned expectations in terms of what I was asking God for, so that makes sense, so I had a lot of pain to process. God hadn't changed, he's still healer, he still loves to heal, but my expectations hadn't been met. So I remember one day, taking myself off to my room to process the pain, and just to say on this, your pain and disappointment won't get processed unless you book it into process it. It doesn't happen by accident, and there's always more fun things to do. Box sets are always more fun. I'm telling you, but I knew I needed to go and process, so I took myself up into my room, and I was really proud of myself, because I probably processed my anger in the most free way I ever have without filtering it. There's a big deal for me, and my housemates will tell you, because they heard me. Even though I was covering my face in a pillow, I just let rip, I just said I just went for it, I was angry about the cancer, I really got angry at cancer, I just went for it. I got angry about the situation, expressed my pain about this not working out as I want, I can't believe it's another situation for our family to go through and just vented, I just got it, I was loud, and the music was loud, I just went for it. All of this junk just came out of me, which was so good, and then I got to the point of speaking out the truth, and I just said, "God, the truth is you are good, and you love my mum all that I do, and you're kind, and you are healer, and you're with her, and just spoke all this truth out." And then I knew that I needed to get to the point of laying down my right to understand, and I didn't want to. You know why? Because when you lay down your right to understand, you've got nothing to hold God to anymore. Laying down your right to understand is about opening your hand, and choosing to trust God, even though you don't know what the outcome is going to be. It's costly, it's costly, because you can't bring it up at him again. You're laying down your right to understand, and saying, "God, I don't get this, I don't like it, I really wish it had been different, but I lay down my right to understand, because you are God, and I trust you, and you know what's going on, and you're in charge, and I am not, and I trust you." I tell you what, when I did that, the peace of God rushed in. There's nothing like receiving the supernatural peace of God. Irrespective of whether your circumstance changes or not, his peace changes everything. Irrespective of your circumstance changes or not. So this is the process that I went through. I want us to stand and pray in just a minute, but I just want to mention this, we're out of time, but it's key for us to realize that if we do well at processing our disappointment and pain, we will guard our hearts from getting offended with God. If you don't process your pain and disappointment well, you are in danger of becoming offended with God, and offense is like a poison in the heart of believers that makes it hard and bitter and withdrawn. And if we don't deal with our disappointment and stop our offense, we won't step into the promises God has for us. I mean, just a few things to help you see if there might be a fence in your heart. This isn't a definite, this is definitely a fence, but I'm just saying from my experience, this is some of the stuff that comes up when I get offended. When people share stories of God breaking in, you struggle to celebrate. Even if you are celebrating on the outside, you're actually annoyed on the inside. You've stopped praying for and believing God for things. You used to pray for and believe God for. You struggle to dream with God about your future. When people talk about God's goodness, you find yourself feeling cynical, switching off and withdrawing on the inside. When we pray for miracles and more of God's kingdom to break out on a Sunday, you disengage and you might even feel angry on the inside. Just some examples that might show that there's a fence in your heart. We've got to deal with it, because here's the truth. Our area of biggest battle can become our area of biggest breakthrough if we refuse to get offended with God. It really can. We can take the weapon that your enemy is trying to use against us and turn it back on him. What I didn't tell you about my friend Kelly, the lady who saw the 40-year back condition healed, is that her own dad suffers with chronic back pain and has done for years. I remember saying to her early in the trip, you should go after backs. You should go after backs. So we're sticking two Christian fingers up at the enemy. If you've got back pain, if you've got back pain, go after backs. If your marriage is struggling, listen out for other marriages that are struggling and pray for breakthrough for them. If you lose a loved one to cancer, make an intentional decision to go after cancer. Guys, this is not a time for us to withdraw or back off. This is a time for us to refuse to get offended with God, process our disappointment and pain really well so that we can take hold of the promises over us as a church family. Why don't we stand together? Father, I just want to encourage us to focus on Jesus. We've got a chunk of time left and I just want to help us begin to process some pain. So here's what I want to do. If you know that God has put His finger on some disappointment that's in your heart that you've not processed, I just want you to put your hands out in front of you like I am just as a sign of being open to Him working in your heart. Just put your hands out in front of you and if nothing immediately comes to mind, don't worry, don't go looking for anything. It's okay, but if there is someone near you with their hands out, I just wonder if we can be family together. If you're not particularly responding, maybe just put your hand on someone near you who is. But those of you who are responding, I just want you to begin to focus on Jesus and I want you to begin to tell Him how you feel from the heart. Father, when this happened, I can't believe it, I'm gutted. I don't understand it. I feel angry about this. I want to encourage you to go for it. This is a safe place for you to express pain. This is part of us being emotionally healthy as a church family and I know some of you have never had this modelled in your families so you're going to have to learn and that's okay. But I want to see your lips moving. It's really important that you speak it out loud, get it out of your system. And some of you will feel emotion and straight away and that's great, you just go for it. Some of you, you won't really feel anything but it will feel like you're going through the motions but that's okay. You can trust God that the fact that you're speaking stuff out, He is doing stuff, He is working. So just begin to tell Him you're doing so well. Just tell Him how you feel. This sickness in my body is just doing me in God. I can't cope anymore. Whatever it might be, my marriage, God, I gosh, this wasn't my dream for my marriage. Or maybe for you it's because you're single and your dream is to be marriage. Just tell Him, just tell Him from your gut as raw as you can without filtering, this is how I feel. This is how I feel. He's got his arms around you so you can punch his chest if you need to. This is how I feel. I don't get this. God, I just wish it had been different. I just wish this had been different. Just keep telling Him you're doing so well. Make sure you're speaking out loud what you're feeling. God, I'm just so disappointed that this has happened. You're doing so well. Just keep telling Him how you feel. He knows what's in your heart but he wants to hear it through your voice. He wants to hear it. He's a good, good father. Just keep telling Him what you feel. We get the sense that for some of us that disappointment actually goes back to choices that we've made. So if we're truly honest with ourselves, we're disappointed with us. We're disappointed with ourselves. Maybe we really wish that we could rewind the clock and redo things. Maybe be better husband or wife or maybe particularly a better parent. We're saying to God, how come you let me make those choices? How come the past led this direction? You just need to bring to God the disappointment you feel over what you've done and the choices and decisions you've made. Thank you. I'd just be gut level honest with the Lord about that. So good. I just feel like God would want you guys to know that if you're processing about your marriage or your kids particularly the life of the enemy would be it's dishonoring to be this gut level honest. So I shouldn't say XYZ. That's the scheme of the enemy to keep you trapped because actually the reality is you're going to be able to better love your spouse and better love your kids once you process the pain. The pain is actually getting in the way of that. So I just want to give you permission. So it's not dishonoring. It's part of the healing process actually. It's part of you keeping on believing this is what God said about my kids, my marriage. So Father, thank you for what you're doing. God is doing a deep work around the room and I don't want to short circuit the processing bit. So I'm going to lead you through if you're ready, but if you're not, if you're still processing pain, you just stay there. Just carry on telling God it might be that you need to go away after today and get in a room and really let rip because it doesn't feel so safe here. That's fine. But if you do feel like you've said everything you need to say, then I want to encourage you now to begin to speak out from your place of vulnerability and rawness the truth about God. Just begin to speak out loud God. The truth is you are good. The truth is you never left me. You know what's going on. You're trustworthy. You're kind, you're powerful on your healer and begin to speak out loud the truth of who your Heavenly Father is, his unchanging nature, his unchanging nature. Thank you, Father. For some of you, there's actually a grieving that needs to go on and it's going to take longer than ten minutes at the end of a meeting. And God just would want to say, just take your time. Just take your time. The last thing I want to do, I know we need to release parents in just a minute, but if you feel ready, those of you who feel ready to lay down your right to understand, I want to lead you through doing that, you might not be ready. And that's fine. The only thing you need to make sure you do is that you get into a room at some point and get yourself ready. But if you do feel ready, I want you just to say to the Lord, God, I don't get this, I don't like it. I wish it had been different, but I choose to lay down my right to understand, because you are God, and I am not, and I choose to trust you. And as you do that, I just want to pray for the peace of God to come and flood your heart, so just receive His peace, His perfect peace, receive His peace. God would you release your peace, that goes beyond our understanding, irrespective of whether our circumstances change or not, your peace would flood into our hearts right now, Father. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father, for your presence. There's just an incredible sense of God's peace around the room. I know that some of you are still processing, I don't want you to rush away. I will just say this, guys, for us as a church family, I want to encourage us to use this tool, not just for ourselves, but to help each other, process the pain so that we can get to the promises, because we've got incredible promises over us as a church family. Thanks, Father. So, Father, thank you for all you've done this morning. Thank you, Father, that we are cool to be bringers of hope, and that means traveling light through this life, unburdened by unprocessed disappointment. And Father, thank you, it's not self-indulgent. Actually, this equips us to bring hope to other situations, because we've processed and dealt with things well. Thanks to Father, I pray for everybody here that we would, from now on, Father, deal with disappointment in a really healthy, godly way that we then might be bringers of hope to the needy world around us. We pray. In Jesus' name, I may. Thanks for joining us on the wholehearted disciple. We pray this episode has encouraged you to pursue deeper transformation with Jesus. If you'd like to connect, you can find us on Instagram at rooted.disapp or visit the website linked in podcast bio. Until next time, stay rooted, stay hungry, and keep following him with your whole heart.