Bonus Episode: The Biology of Winning and Losing…with a crazy twist!

(upbeat music) Welcome to a special bonus episode of the on coaching podcast. We've got something really cool. As you might know from listening to the last episode, my new book, "Win the Inside Game" is out now. It is available. You can order it, get it on your doorstep, Kindle, Audible, whatever have you. But we're gonna throw a special bonus out there because it blew our minds. And what blew our minds is I fed the book into Google's AI program. And it spit out a podcast. Now before you say, "Oh, I'm not gonna listen to AI podcasts." I just want you to give it a shot. Because what it has done, can't with no input for me, except giving it the file of my book. It has had a back and forth between a man and woman that AI that sounds crazy good. I mean, it's impressive. And in fact, it's kind of mind blowing. It gets even crazier in the fact that you can interact with this podcast in a live way in the program, but we just threw together the man and the woman interacting and not us. So it gives us the summary of some of the interesting parts of the book and some of the research. And I am spasiting, even as the writer of the book. I kind of walked away like this is impressive. So if you haven't grabbed a copy of the book, please do so. Again, if you order today, this week, launch week, you get all sorts of bonuses, including masterclass on performance and training, a video series I did, my ebook, 100 plus pages on coaching, elements of coaching, and all sorts of other good stuff. So with all that being said, let's listen to our AI overlords, take over podcasting, I guess. Maybe you'll hear John and I in AI soon, instead of us in real person. We'll see where the future's headed. Till then, enjoy and please let me know of what you think about this kind of mind blowing thing. All right, so today we're diving into something that's kind of lurking in the background of everyone's lives, like that survival mode feeling. It's like deadlines piling up, inbox exploding, even just like braving the grocery store on a Saturday. Our brains are just stuck on overdrive, constantly scanning for threats, even when there's no actual danger. Why are we wired this way? That's like our brains are, I guess you could say a little behind the times, like they haven't quite figured out that we're not dodging seabird tooth tigers anymore. So we're still reacting like every stressor is a life or death situation, even if it's just like a parking ticket. Exactly. It's like this constant state of low-key panic. And that's where this whole survival mode thing comes in, right? This idea that we're so busy just getting through the day that we're not really thriving. Right, it's like just surviving, not really living, right? Exactly. And the book we're looking at today breaks down the science behind all of this. Like, did you know there were literally two parts of your brain kind of battling it out when you're stressed? Oh, tell me more, because like knowing my luck, they're probably playing tug of war with my sanity. Well, there's the prefrontal cortex, the brainy one, the strategist, trying to make rational decisions. OK, so that's the one that remembers to pick up the dry cleaning. Right. And then there's the amygdala. Think of this as the alarm bell, the one sounding the alert with the slightest hint of trouble. And this is the part that tells me I absolutely need those designer shoes, right? Well, maybe. But when we're stressed, the amygdala goes into overdrive, deadlines, arguments, even just too much noise. It's like that smoke detector going off a burnt toast, you know? Been there, done that, bought the fire extinguisher. But wait, so while my amygdala is having a meltdown, what's that brainy prefrontal cortex doing? Exactly. And that's the problem. When the alarm bells are blaring, the prefrontal cortex, the voice of reason gets drowned out, like trying to meditate during a heavy metal concert. OK, that's a terrifyingly accurate analogy. No wonder I can't make a rational decision when I'm stressed. So this survival mode, it's not just like a czechy phrase. It's actually changing how our brains work. You got it. And it can have some pretty wild effects. They actually talk about this football player, Mantito. Oh, yeah. Wasn't he the one who got caught up in that whole catfishing thing, heartbreaking story? It was rough. But here's the thing. After it happened, his game fell apart. Developed a case of the Yips. Couldn't throw straight. Timing was off. Wait, seriously, from all that emotional fallout? That's what they're saying. Like his brain was so busy processing everything. It threw off his muscle memory, his instincts, everything. Man, and here I thought my stress streams were bad. But seriously, if survival mode can mess with someone at that level, what hope do the rest of us have? That's just it. It's not just athletes or people and crazy situations. It's all of us every day in ways we don't even realize. All right, so Spillity, what kind of everyday chaos is our survival mode cooking up? Well, think about how we're raising kids now. Playgrounds are like padded cells. Schedules are insane. The pressures on believe it's this whole safety is something, right? I'll tell me about it. I'm pretty sure kids today need a personal assistant just to manage their play dates. Right. And don't even get me started on college applications. But it's not just kids. Look at the workplace burnout everywhere you look. Longer hours, blurred lines, this constant pressure to be on. It's like we're all stuck on this hamster wheel of achievement, you know? But it never really gets you anywhere. And the crazy part is it all ties back to this idea of the American dream, you know? How it's kind of-- well, gone a little sideways. A little sideways. It's like the dream got hijacked by a motivational speaker on a caffeine vendor. It's all about hustle and grind and never enough. Exactly. It's like this unspoken rule that we always have to be striving, achieving, accumulating, which, ironically, leaves us feeling empty or more stressed than ever. So we're all caught in this collective survival mode, driven by this fear that if we're not constantly on the go, we're failing. No wonder everyone's exhausted. So how do we escape this madness? That is the million dollar question, right? Yeah. And thankfully, the book doesn't leave us hanging. They actually offer some pretty compelling solutions. So it's not about giving up on our goals or anything. It's more about shifting our perspective, like how we define success and all that. Right. Because that whole hustle, harder mentality clearly isn't working. So what's the alternative? Becoming a monk and meditating on a mountaintop. Well, I mean, a little piece and quiet never heard anyone. But the book actually talks about this idea of exploration over exploitation. Yeah. Basically, it's about bringing back the joy of trying new things just for the fun of it. Oh, like following your curiosity without needing a five-year plan, that's a novel concept. Right. And it's something we're naturally good at as kids, you know? Remember when just like building a fort out of blankets was the most exciting thing ever? Oh, yeah. Or like spending all day trying to perfect a cartwheel. Which speaking of, I'm pretty sure I threw out my back trying that last week. But you're right. Somewhere along the way, we lose that sense of playfulness. Exactly. We get so caught up in the end goal, the achievement, that we forget to enjoy the process. Actually, the book quotes Tiger Woods on this point. OK, now this I got to hear. Tiger Woods talking about the importance of what? Napping between rounds. Not quite. But he talks about how crucial it is to keep it fun, especially for kids in sports. That makes sense. When it's all about pressure and performance, it kind of sucks the joy out of it, doesn't it? Totally. And that's the thing about survival mode. It's like this constant state of tension that keeps us from tapping into that intrinsic motivation. That reminds me of this thing that happened back in elementary school, actually. I was obsessed with breaking the schools 100 meter dash record. OK, speedy. Did you do it? I mean, I trained like crazy, pushed myself to the limit. But somewhere along the way, it stopped being fun. It was all about the record, the recognition. And I kind of forgot why I loved running in the first place, you know? And did you end up breaking the record? Nope. I mean, not even close. But honestly, looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened. Really? How so? It forced me to reevaluate. I realized I was so fixated on the destination that I was missing the journey. So I branched out, tried other sports, other things. So yeah, you rediscovered that joy of exploration. That's exactly what the book is talking about. Isn't it funny how those detours often lead us to where we're supposed to be anyway? But it's not just about rediscovering old passions or whatever. There's this whole other layer of embracing our own, I don't know, messiness. Oh, absolutely. The book talks about how survival mode makes us crave this fixed, perfect identity, which is like the opposite of reality. Tell me about it. Social media is basically a masterclass in crafting a perfect but totally fake persona. Right. And it sets up this impossible standard. But the truth is, we're all these walking contradictions. We contain multitudes. Here, here, I'm a pretty ambitious person, but I also cry at dog food commercials. What can I say? I'm complex. Exactly. The book actually uses the example of Aaron Judge, the baseball player. Yeah, huge Yankee's fan, what about him? Well, they talk about how he's like this powerhouse on the field, but then off the field, he's super reserved, almost shy. Oh, yeah, I've heard that, like completely different sides of himself. Right. And the point is, it's all part of who he is. We don't have to be just one thing and pretending to be is exhausting anyway. It's like that saying, be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. But you know what's even more terrifying than embracing our flaws. Let me guess, public speaking. spiders. Close. Learning to lose. Talk about a concept that sends shivers down my spine. Yeah, that's a tough one for most of us. But the book really breaks down how our survival mode wiring makes leasing feel like a threat to our very existence. You know? Oh, I feel that in my soul. It's like that inner critic goes into overdrive, replaying every mistake on a loop. And there's a biological reason for that. They talk about how our brains are literally flooded with different hormones depending on whether we win or lose. Oh, please enlighten me because knowing my luck, my cortisol levels are probably off the charts. Well, when we win, we get this rush of testosterone, right? The confidence hormone. But when we lose, it's cortisol city. Cortisol is in the stress hormone that gives you wrinkles and makes you crave donuts. The one and only. And it's not pretty. So basically, our brains are wired to avoid losing at all costs, which keeps us stuck in that survival mode. So what's the solution? Do we all need to become like zen masters of chill, totally unfazed by any setback? Well, I wouldn't say unfazed. I mean, emotions are natural, right? It's more about finding that balance. You know? Okay, so less stressing over every little thing, more like go with the flow. In a way, yeah. The book talks about finding that Goldilocks zone of caring, like invested enough to be motivated, but not so attached to the outcome that it eats you up inside. Right. I got to find that sweet spot. Exactly. And it's not just some abstract concept either. They actually use the examples of Michael Jordan and, uh, what's her name? Katie Moon, the Olympic. Oh, yeah. The one who shared the gold medal. What a legend. Right. So you've got Jordan, the ultimate competitor using every loss as fuel, right? And then there's Katie Moon choosing to share the victory. Talk about two different approaches to competition. Totally. And it's not about saying one is better than the other. It's more about recognizing that there are different ways to win, even if it doesn't look like what we expect. So it's more about the bigger picture than just like crushing the competition. Exactly. And this is where our environment comes in. Right. We've been talking about how survival mode plays out in our own heads, but our surroundings have a huge impact too. Okay. So pure pressure isn't just a middle school problem. Not even close. The book actually talks about this really creepy example of the satanic panic back in the 80s. The what now? That sound like a Scooby-Doo episode gone wrong. Right. It was this whole thing where people became convinced there were these like secret satanic cults everywhere, like kidnapping kids and so. But seriously, that actually happened big time. And it was all based on like rumors and fear mongering. Wow. So it's like our collective anxieties can create these like alternate realities. That's exactly what happened. And they draw a parallel to what's going on today with all the misinformation and conspiracy theories online. Oh man. Don't even get me started on that rabbit hole. So how do we like protect ourselves from that kind of stuff? Well, for one thing, being aware of it is huge. Just knowing that our brains are wired to seek out threats, even when they're not really there. Right. Easier said than done when every news headline feels like an apocalypse movie trailer. Totally. But it's also about, you know, choosing who we surround ourselves with, building those communities that are grounded in like shared values and critical thinking. Finding your people as they're exactly because we're social creatures, right? Right. We crave belonging. But it's about finding that authentic belonging, not just fitting in for the sake of it. It's like finding those people who not only accept your weirdness but celebrate it, right? Exactly. And that brings us to the books like big takeaway. They offered this three part process for, you know, rewiring our survival mode brain. Okay. I'm listening. Hit me with your best shot. So it's all about dislodge, real line and revise. All right. Break that down for me. What does dislodge even mean in this context? It's about shaking things up. You know, like disrupting those automatic thought patterns that keep us stuck. They suggest things like trying new experiences, pushing your physical limits, spending time in nature. So basically get out of your comfort zone. Easier said than done for us creatures of habit. True. But even small changes can make a difference. And what about real line? That one's all about getting clear on your values and priorities. Who do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to create? So less autopilot, more intentionality. You got it. And that might mean setting boundaries, having tough conversations, maybe even changing careers. And then there's revise. Is this where we rewrite our life stories to make our self-sounding cooler? Well, I mean, a little self-promotion never hurt. But it's more about challenging those negative beliefs that hold us back. Oh, you mean the ones that tell us we're not good enough, smart enough or like Instagram worthy enough? Yeah, those are the worst. Exactly. And it takes practice, but we can learn to replace those limiting beliefs with more empowering ones. This has been like a crash course and rewiring our brains for the better. But seriously, it's amazing how this book connects the dots between like our inner world and the bigger picture. Right. It's empowering when you think about it. We're not just victims of circumstance. We have the power to choose a different path. We have the power to win that inside game, rightly. And on that note, for everyone listening, here's a little food for thought. What area of your life feels most dominated by that survival mode thinking? And what's one small step you can take today, even just a tiny one, to start shifting your perspective. It's amazing how those small steps can add up to big changes over time. Couldn't agree more. So until next time, keep exploring, keep growing, and remember you've got this.