Bonus Episode - Advice with Karen and Georgia

This is exactly right. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guild Season 3 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous situation that destroyed two families. It's a scorched earth war that shows just how far someone will go to get what they want. Cindy said I had to choose between the truth and my family, and I had to choose the truth. According to Season 3, a burden of guilt on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder. That's Georgia Hardstock. That's Karen Killgareff, and today we thought it would be fun to give you a little bonus advice episode where we solve all of your life's problems by answering the questions that you've submitted to us. This is a special three-part series brought to you by Cars.com, because whether you're trying to find the right car or you need life advice, having a trusted source makes it a whole lot easier. And we are the trusted source in this situation. Yes, trust us for the advice. Okay. We go, this is, we're not responsible for the results of what we tell you. We are not doctors, lawyers, journalists, college graduates, responsible with our words or actions, good drivers, good citizens, listen with caution. Okay. Listen without prejudice, may I quote George Michael? Thank you. You're welcome. This is from Bell who wrote into our Gmail and said, "Hi, Karen in Georgia, I would really appreciate your feedback and perspective on my current life situation. My fiancee and I are getting married this fall, immediately. This is great. We're going to ruin someone's relationship." This takes her as high as they can they are. We're planning a small intimate wedding and reception with about 30 guests. We intentionally wanted to keep it simple because weddings are incredibly expensive and we wanted the data focus on celebrating the couple who are starting their lives together. That said, many of our friends and family have shared strong opinions about what they would like for our wedding. Who fucking does that? What? Oh. Well, I genuinely appreciate their enthusiasm. It seems they're much more excited about things like bachelor et trips, wedding colors, bridesmaids, dresses, floral arrangements and all the other details than I am. They're excitement for wanting to know every aspect of the wedding far outweighs my own interest in enthusiasm and making these decisions. What has me wondering, is there something wrong with me? Is it bad that I don't feel excited about all the aesthetics and the expectations that are associated with weddings? I'd love to hear your thoughts all the best, Bell. Remember just 10 years ago, my wedding? A mere 10 years ago. I know. We had no wedding party. I had no one walk me down the aisle because I'm a grown-ass fucking woman. Vince went to the front. I walked into a cool song at the front. I bought the fucking flowers for the whole thing that morning at the local florist. Yep. We decorated the room. Oh my girlfriend's decorated the room, lots of babies' breath because it's cheap. I bought a dress for like $130 online. You don't need, it's not for them. And your wedding, I think anybody that was there would argue it was one of the best, because the plan was essentially we're all sitting in the room where we're going to eat, drink, dance, everything. Totally. And you guys came in and got married as like the, yeah, the obviously main event. It was self-contained. It was an amazing huge party. Yeah. Like, people want to do that with their weddings and spend all the money and have all the things. That's great. I'm happy for them. I really want to be invited. I like those parties. Yes. But it's such a huge amount of money. Well, and I think you and I may have talked about this because when I was getting married so long, long ago, I got into this thing of what this needed to be for other people. Totally. I can't really explore you. I was buying bridal magazines and then being like, there'd be advertisements for like, have you ever seen those things with the lighting kits where there's like, shine your name down onto the dance floor? Oh my god. Like, they're extras. Yes. Like a bar mitzvah. You're competing with other weddings in your mind or your friends' way. Like, it turns into this thing where everyone's getting played because all those vendors make bank on that pressure to be better than the last wedding or whatever. Suddenly, you need a fucking mashed potato bar. And you had like 300 people at your wedding, right? Yeah. It's that I had family members who were like, we sent them the invitation that had send it back, crossed things out and at plus eight. Right. Like, it was nuts. And I have to say, one of the greatest parties of all time, it worked. But same thing where I think we just focused on what, like, what was important. I was like, open bar from when you get there, right, not after the ceremony. Right. And each one of them came to me of like, dude, amazing move. I think you have to do that at least have like some champagne out before the actual ceremony. Yes. Or like a signature cocktail, whatever the fuck people do nowadays. Yeah. Which would actually don't need either. We just had an open bar. Yeah, you don't need that. You're just signature fucking cocktail. Send an email that says your uncles can bring in their flask or a six pack under their arm. Absolutely. But bring enough to share. That's right. Let everybody get a little buzzed up so they can like feel free to enjoy your love because where society has a real problem with stuff like that. Uncle Eugene can bring his six pack or 12 pack, carry it with him all night so no one doesn't get any. Yes. And that's fine. But I would also say this to Bill also, the, it's a familiar thing when you get excited about a thing you're going to do and you start telling people are asking people like, what do you think and what color? And then pretty soon you're like, why the fuck did I ask anybody? Yeah. So that's fine. You can take the feedback and then ignore it and do whatever you want. Yes. And sometimes that family pressure of like, well, you're not doing it, right? Yeah. Is how other people kind of get, it's their get back for like, was there a day not exactly what they wanted? So now suddenly it's so important that you're wearing a veil or some weird shit that it doesn't actually really matter. Totally. Yeah. And they say always, right? Like you always hear the things. Of course, like the more you spend on a wedding, the less likely it's going to last or some crazy shit like that. It was just like so depressing and scary. Okay. Okay. Our next question came from Laura B on the Discord. How do I tell one of my besties that I don't want to go to her birthday party that is an out of town weekend get together? I've done that. Yeah. I'm an introvert that doesn't drink anymore and the crowd is a mostly heavy drinking crowd. Yeah. You don't have to go. No way. Get her a nice, have a nice dinner. Yeah. Take her out for a nice dinner. Get her a thoughtful, you know, something thoughtful, write a nice card. Yeah. You are not obligated. And you can say, that's not my scene. Yeah. I hope you have the most amazing time and we'll do something special when you get back. Absolutely. God bless. Also, if it's a person that's like, you know, obviously you're a good friend, then it's like, that's just one more fun birthday event for them. That's not a minus. And if it's a good friend, they'll understand. This idea that people are like, it's my birthday fucking week and we all have to go places together, it just, I think it's a setup for unhappiness. Yeah. People keep on doing stuff like that to be like, and then we'll all have a good time this way. And it's just that weird, like, it's have one party and get it told over with. Absolutely. You know what? Vince did one time for my birthday for like, is he rented, they have like Airbnb's for pools. People with backyards with pools. Oh, yeah. Just fucking rent. You know, like, just the pool for the day in the neighborhood. It doesn't have to be a fucking weekend trip. Yes. One day. Yeah. The trips are like, everything is so expensive. Yeah. And I'm the same. I'm an introvert, like, you know, the first night's always amazing and so much fun. And yes, everyone is shit-faced. Yeah. The next day, everyone's hungover and no one wants to do the fucking soundbath that everyone paid for already, like, or whatever. Then here come the tears because you've ruined my soundbath dream of my birthday. Exactly. Yeah. Don't go. Don't do it. And if they get mad at you, then that's not your friend. If they get mad at you, Georgia's number is 3, 2, 3. It started more than seven years ago when Cindy and Kenny were two 40-somethings who had just gotten engaged. Days later, they walked into a scorched-earth war they never saw coming. Turn around and let your hands find your back. The cops give it to my house and threw me in jail. And to Cindy's surprise, her fiance Kenny was charged with abusing one of her children. I'd never once doubted Kenny, and I always doubted the accusation. On Season 3 of Burden of Guild, you'll hear a story about the lengths someone will go to in order to get what they want. This case has got to be one of the most despicable. Listen to Season 3 of Burden of Guild on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, a few more. Let's go. Okay, this one's from @LiamLair on Instagram, and Liam Lair says, "Visiting my mom in April, and I haven't told her I'm getting a hotel yet." Ooh. What? When do I tell her? That's big. It is big. I'm going to have to do that soon. So tell us. Well, I would say don't put it off until the last minute. Let her prepare to have you at her home by groceries and get excited. Yeah. Just kind of clean and clear about it's like because AB&C I'm going to stay at this hotel. Period. But I will be at your house for dinner, lunch, breakfast, whatever. Like get clear about that you're not trying to avoid her. You just need the things you need. Blame, I mean, this is true for me, actually. Blame your back. You can't sleep on a pull-out fucking bed. Yes. I wouldn't want to do that or blame the pets, you're allergic to the cats and you don't want to be there all night or what. I hate you. You were in my childhood. Why did you withhold from me and forced me to now withhold from you? Yeah. Visa via a hotel room. I mean, there's the other thing too of like if it's a, obviously, it's going back home situation. Right. So maybe it's like I get points at the hotel, it'll be I get to relax you and I don't have to be like on top of each other all the time. Yeah. Say you're using points to get that, I say that whenever I get my friend a flight somewhere or a hotel, I say, I have points. I've not even paying anything, which is not true, but like they just do their face. I am. But it just makes everyone feel better about it. Yes. And if you think you have a mom who's going to take it really personally or be really heartbroken, just be like, I need, you know, I have to sleep. I don't like blank and I set up like, we're getting massages at this hotel on this one day. Right. Do some her to, she gets a massage too. Oh, I love that. And we'll go to dinner at their restaurant on that. Exactly. Yeah. And I want you to be in my world. I want to be in your world. I just need to sleep and not have it, you know, and not have your weird dolls looking at me or whatever. Or what about your weird pomeranian? You're like 18 year old pomeranian. That you clearly like way better than you ever liked any of your children. If there's a pool, we can hang up by the pool all day. That's right. Oh, yeah. The perks. And usually there's drinks at the pool. I love it. You get your mom drunk. That's right. Okay. She wants to be drunk and she doesn't want you up her ass either. No. So just think of it that way. Yeah, you're doing everyone a favor. You end saying you don't have to clean up after me, cook for me, blanket-y-blank. Right. Right. So this is the one that actually is, is, uh, we got to be careful about how we were warming up. Yes. That's right. And now we're going to be real reasonable and really logical. So this question was sent to our Gmail anonymously. Wow. That's how important it is. It says, "My husband and I recently had a baby girl after she was born. My brother-in-law and his wife accused us of stealing the baby name that they had wanted in parentheses. Even though we had no idea they liked or planned to use that name and they weren't expecting a child at the time." And do they admit they never told you? That's the biggest question I think. We don't know. Let's see. Okay. Everyone we've told about this says that they are crazy for cutting us out of their lives over the name of their niece. Holy shit. Yeah. But all caps, "My husband's parents disagree and did not take our side. Family gatherings are super awkward now." Oh my God. I need help from my unofficial big sisters. Am I in the wrong? Sincerely no name because apparently names can destroy families. Wow. I mean, do you want to be right or happy? Yeah. Right. But you can't change your child's name. Well, also, if they for, like, say all of the woman's life has been telling everyone she knows, like, "When I get up, I'm going to name my baby Joan." Whatever. Sure. It's got to be Joan. It's got to be a baby named Joan. But it's like, and then you just didn't know and did it. That's unreasonable to cut you out of their life for that. Absolutely. And you have to, there is that thing of, like, it is the weird part of when people get married and now there's just these new people and the family that do things real different. Totally. So, I would say the people who are related to each other, so maybe it's your husband and his brother. Yeah. You need to talk to each other. They need to work it out. The family members have to fix it. 100 percent. And then the exterior married-ins, who maybe are the ones, but, you know, sister, they don't need to get along. They don't need to be friends. No. But also, I think that accusation is so strong of, like, you stole our baby. Totally. That's just weird. Totally. Unless, because this is person is the one that wrote in, they're kind of leaving out a detail out of being responsible. But it sounds like they didn't know. Yes. Right? And either way, you can't change the name. So you can either apologize if you feel that it'll help or that you're okay with that, or explain and expect them not to care and be mad still. And that's on them. I mean, it is the kind of thing where it's like, okay, so now we just don't have holidays together and all the stuff that we used to do. Right. Right. So maybe it's some sort of thing of, like, anxiety about not being able to have kids. That's right. Or it's such a personal, emotional, specific thing. Yeah. Maybe in that case, then, the people who aren't related, the woman and the society, they're not able to have kids. That's right. That's right. Yeah. Or it's such a personal, emotional, specific thing of not being able to have kids. It isn't as hard as everybody built it up to be. Cutting someone out of your life is way harder than having a, like a harder conversation. It just sits on you. And then it's, you've built a story. Right. Like, you kind of, if you're that person, you have to go like, is this something my mom used to do? And I'm just doing what I used to see. Right. That kind of thing of cutting people as so Irish Catholic, like, cutting people off silent treatment. Yeah. All that kind of stuff is just unprocessed. Like, you're not using any tools. Yeah. Got it. And then you figure out who the adults are and the adults have to talk and fix it. Yeah. Also because it's not fair to that little girl. No. That's, she somehow is going to get the back end of that from grandma and grandpa, even. Yeah. Or fucking, citing with them. I mean, why are grandma and grandpa citing, if it's a true and pure mistake? Right. Good. You might have to airlift you out of that family. Yeah. We're your baby now. Um. Oh, that was super fun. You named it advice with Karen and Georgia, because although it is from us, we are not responsible again for what we have just advised you with. Maybe it should be advice near Karen and Georgia. Karen and Georgia say stuff. You are the one interpreting it as advice. Yeah. That would be legal. Like a whole graphic. DM. Okay. So this episode was brought to you by cars.com, the trusted site for finding the right car with confidence. That's right. So whether you're researching, comparing or finally ready to make a big purchase, cars.com helps you get the information you need before you decide. Visit cars.com to start your car buying journey today. And also stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie? Ah. This has been an exactly right production. Our managing producer is Molly Smith. Our consulting producer is Kate Shelmbach. Our creative lead is Alice in the Gosty. Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes, and our editor is Aristotle Acevedo. This episode was mixed by Leona Squalachi. Email your hometowns to my favorite murder at gmail.com and follow the show on Instagram at my favorite murder. Listen to my favorite murder on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for my favorite murder, add us to your list, and hit the double thumbs up button. Goodbye. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the "Burden of Guild" season three podcast. Listen to season three of "Burden of Guild" on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.