Bonus Belly: Frank Caliendo, Tremendous, Tremendous

♪ Helix, helix, helix for your sleep ♪ ♪ Better watch your sleep, baby ♪ ♪ Helix, helix for your sleep ♪ - Helix. - Anyway, Helix, man, my sleep has improved dramatically since I've been sleeping on a Helix mattress. Improvements, A, okay, number one. Has your Helix mattress upgraded your bedroom home? Yes, it has. Every room in my house is elevated to a beautiful, comfortable sleeping place. - Wow. - For one, human beings and other living beings can sleep on, you know. You can personalize it, can you not? - You can. So for instance, me, like I'm a hot sleeper, but I also like to sleep on my side. So I got matched with a Helix midnight mattress, and then I'm like, you know what? I want to upgrade a little bit, and I got the luxe version of that. So I sleep like a bib. - I'm happy with Helix guarantee rest easy with seamless returns in exchange and 120 night sleep trial. - Is it award-winning? - It is award-winning. Helix is the most awarded mattress brand. Tested and reviewed by experts like Forbes and Wyard. - Guys, go to helixleap.com/tigerbelly4. 20% off-site wide. That's helixleap.com/tigerbelly. (upbeat music) ♪ So put your count to move ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ So put your count to the pack ♪ ♪ And tell you to see ♪ ♪ You know I'm a guy ♪ ♪ A couple of days ♪ ♪ Don't look ♪ ♪ I'm a ♪ ♪ So put your count to move ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ So put your count to move ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ So put your count to move ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ So put your count to move ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ ♪ Pack our key ♪ (laughing) - We're making it up. ♪ Frank, Caliando is my friend ♪ ♪ Kind of ♪ - Yeah. ♪ Haven't seen him in 10 years ♪ - That's not true. (laughing) - When the last time I saw you. ♪ Nine years ago, my 11 month, yes ♪ ♪ We were together at your house ♪ ♪ At my home in Phoenix, Arizona ♪ ♪ And we went by a place called Oregano's ♪ ♪ And you pronounced it for Regano ♪ (laughing) ♪ And said this one's like a good place ♪ ♪ And I said it's a Regano's ♪ ♪ And you said ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ - Do you want to lie? - No. (laughing) - Why? - I'm not a great line or on key, really great. (laughing) - Yeah. - Hello. - Hello. - Hello. - Oh my God. As a Filipino, you didn't get the, you didn't get the pipe, you didn't get the gift. - I didn't get the jeep. - The boxing gift or the singing gift, you didn't get it. What gift did you get from the Philippines? - Being a monkey? - Oh yeah. - Oh. - Oh, it went dark fast. - That was crazy. - Frank. - It went dark fast. - No, I'm not involved. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Today's guest is a guy, so I got mad TV in the year 2000. - Did we get the same time? - Yeah, same time. - Yeah, we were there, 'cause we were doing auditions together. - I remember that year, yeah. We did a lot of auditions together, I remember. Seeing you in the lobby. - Us, Sam Pancake. - Yes, Sam, who's Sam Pancake? - I don't know. - Yeah, yeah. Sam Pancake, it was just, I remember sitting in there, and we were friends and we were auditioning. I just go, what's up, kind of a thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think I remember running into mad TV, and did you have to go after me? Was that this? - You get an offer, right? - I did. - You didn't read. - No, I had to, well, I'd done it before. I'd gone through it once. - Yeah. - Early when I first went to LA, and they wanted me on the show, and, or it seemed like they did, but then I got that WB deal. I took the WB deal. - Oh, yeah. - Are you out of brothers, dude? - The hype. - On the WB. - So, shame on my roommate. Shame on my roommate. - Shame on my partner's. - Tosh. - Tash. - No, it's Tosh. - Yeah, it was on a sketch call called hype. I had no money. And I remember going to the Warner Brothers party. Room of the B-52s played, were you there? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I said, yeah, at first, not remembering. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I actually remember it now that you're, once it processed. - Yeah. - I remember going to a thrift store getting an outfit, then going with shame. I had no money. I had no future. And I went, oh, this is gonna be a hit, but it wasn't a hit. - No, not even close. It was a show. They were totally into the show. - That type. - And it was, there you are through the left. - Yeah. - Look at that. - Even thicker. - Danielle Gather. - This is pre-mat TV. - Pre-mat TV. - Pre-mat TV. - Yeah, yeah. - Where's shame other? - She's down next to Danielle. - Danielle, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Kristen Nelson, Nadia Ginsburg. - Yeah, Nadia Ginsburg, yeah. - Chris Williams, who's Nessa Williams' brother. - Yeah, one black person. - No, is there a black, second black? - I don't know. - There's a second black. - I am. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Here's a better photo. - Well, yeah. - Oh, there we go, hype. There you are, dude. - Yeah. - They dressed me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I haven't dressed that well. My son got me this kith jacket. - Yeah. - So, yeah. - No, he's given me, my son buys and sells stuff and all kinds of things. But he buys, always gets kith stuff. - Yeah. - So, Jules, you don't know about this guy's talent. - So, hold on, but hold on. - Okay. - Hold on, let me. - So, the WB hype, the show was, they were all in on it. And they turned the whole night into hype night on the WB three weeks later, it was the WB someday. So, they can't, they were, we knew we were done. Because they took us away from being the important show of the night and it went back to being like Steve Harvey and other stuff. - And we were chicken, we're chicken at. - Ah, chickens. - Yeah, they're those chickens. - Chickens far right. - Yeah, so chicken. - Is that a white person? - That guy right there with the arrow. - But he came up on the black comedy circuit. - Yeah, his name was chicken. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And chicken went to the Montreal Comedy Festival, did this chicken act and then got the show, like the show was revolved around him, right, hype? - Him and me, but it was me first and then him and then it was more him because they spent so much money on him. - Yeah. - There was a brilliant move because they gave him a development deal. I had a development deal and he had a bigger development deal. And what happened, do you know what a development deal is where they- - Don't talk down to my staff. - For a guest, they know what a fucking development deal is. - I was talking to the other, it was given context. - Robert, okay, sorry. - So, what's a development deal? - Yeah. - They give you a bunch of money to hold you and maybe apply it toward the show. - Yeah. - So- - They don't give them out anymore. - Not really, and I think it's because of chicken. Because- - Yeah, chicken. - No, it's really because he had, he was, he got so much hype, but they put him in a small room where very few people could see him. He put, they put him in the 150 seat room or something. - Yeah. - Instead of something really big. Well, everybody heard this guy was doing amazing. And he was full of energy and a lot of fun and great. - Why did they call him chicken? - I think he did a chicken. - A chicken tank of hope. - I think he humped a chicken. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, I ran around like a chicken with his head cut off now. - And then, you know what happened to him? They found his dead body in an apartment somewhere in North Carolina. - I had nothing to do with it. - Oh, for real? - Yes. It's very unfortunate. - He struggled, but it was a genius marketing move because nobody, I just go past death. (laughing) - I'm not gonna, I mean, I sit in a comedic way and that's fucking dark. - Well, I just said was dark. - Kind of what we expect. - No, no, no, no, we have empathy for chicken. We don't know what happened. - Why does the staff love it so much when I dig into you? - They're like, finally, someone gets it. - They love it. - They love it. - But he, what they did was they built this hype around him so much, but network executives started bidding on him and didn't know what they were bidding on. Nobody just wanted to be left out. The year before I believe Mitch Hedberg had gotten a huge deal. - Yeah. - And he had us, you know, I don't wanna say a town 'cause they don't pull the head down, but Mitch was this incredible, different style with just, with writing, you know, his style, right. Chicken was a ton of energy, very interesting. He was in Triple X, the movie. He got some stuff. - Yeah, he did get some stuff. - So, with Vin Diesel. - But then things kind of fell off and he-- - I don't know what was going on mental, mental health wise, but-- - Well, he called me to be a PA on my show. And my show was on the air for a few months. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, no. - And I was like, what's going on? - Oh, your chicken. - It seems fake. - What? - What you're doing. (laughing) - What is that? - That's your sad? - Yeah. - That looks like I'd get canceled if I did. - Yeah. - Why are you pulling your eyes? - Oh, chicken. (laughing) - You don't let me finish. So Frank's, what the, so, - What's your plan? - What if so, Frank? - I'm glad I'm doing this. - Yeah. (laughing) - You asked. - I did. - I did. - I did. - You reached out. - Absolutely. - You fucked up. - 100%. (laughing) - More ways than one. - One I asked, second I showed up. - Yeah, so Jules, his talent, right? He's one of the best impressionists on planet earth. Impressionists, impressionists. - Best talkers. - Yeah. - What did he say? Impressionists. Impressionists on planet earth. He does so many good impressions. - What's your best one? (laughing) - I do a great Bobby Lee. - Oh. - Yeah. - And my name's Bobby Lee. How are ya? (laughing) - Oh shit. - Yeah. - Oh shit. - This is how I do it, so I don't get canceled. You know what you're talking about here? - Yeah, yeah. - Ah, you want me to play the piano? I'll do it for a second. - Yeah. - Kendra Santino. - You know, who cares? - I don't think he can do in person that you know who the people are on. - Sure, Morgan Freeman. - And that's when she realized he had some idea what was going on. - Morgan Freeman from Shawshank. - Shawshanker? - Well, I see you. - Wow. - Genzy man. - How old are you? - 23. - 23, that's too young to be on this show. - So, what else could you do that he wouldn't know? - Uh. - De Nero? - Uh, you know Robert De Nero? Do you know who he is? - Oh. (laughs) - Hey. - Who is that? - How about Donald Trump? Do you know Donald Trump? Have you ever heard of him? - Yeah. - I love the Filipinos. I love the Filipinos. I do quite a Trump. Library Trump, it's very quiet. (laughs) A lot of people do the loud, Donald Trump, and they said, "Hey, I don't want to do that." I don't want to sit here. - With Bobby Lee, the 23-year-old girl. She's a very nice girl. But I'm not sure if she's going to get any of the references. And it's fine. Joe Biden didn't either. Joe Biden didn't get the reference. - Can you do Biden? - Folks, my name's young man. I grew up in Scram, Pennsylvania. (laughs) - 35, what are you doing here? - Come on. What are you doing here? - Folks, my joke with him is, I've never seen a guy listen with his eyes. - Yeah, yeah. - They're like, "President Biden." - What? (laughs) - What happened? Come on. - Yeah. - Oh, we got it. - Hey, how was it? - It's so good. - Sometime. So nice of you, man. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Well, this man grew up in Scram, Pennsylvania. Kids. You know what? It's true. I'm not joking around. - Amazing, right? - It's so good. - You go from voice to voice. It's kind of a Robin Williams thing. Who knew? Okay, your turn. - No, not me. - Yeah. - I don't do impressions. - No, I was saying were you us going to come? I thought you were still in school? Is it then? - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, she's in college. - Yeah, yeah. - That's why I thought you did. So why did you raise your hand? - 'Cause I have a question. - Well, I said. (laughs) Where do we have the disconnects? I love this shit. - Yeah, it's the best. - It's the best. - Why are you on TikTok? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, him. And then you posted something about you loving Harry Styles. Can you do an impression of him? - No, if I could, I would never stop. My daughter loves Harry. We've been to some Harry Styles. - What do you love Harry? - I liked the concert. Yeah, it was fantastic. I mean, it's not for me. - Why not? - Um. (laughs) - It's great. - Harry's just so much. - No, he's fantastic. He's an incredible. - Did you meet him? - No, good work that out. But he's with CAA, our agency. So, I've never done that before. I call CAA. - I always do. For my kids. Not really for myself. - And they do it? - Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. - Wow. - Good for us. - Oh, yeah. - I know. - I want to see Harry. - Yeah, you make him more money than I do. - He does. - What do you think? - Bobby could have gotten you to see Harry Styles. - Yeah. - And they sat near like his friends. Like, so they got a good spot. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. And I was there. My daughter's been to like three or four, so. - Yeah. - I am a orphan. I've been to one. - Wow. - But I think one or two. But in Chicago, son, it was fantastic. I mean, he's incredible. - Yeah. - But my son, we went to see, it's so dumbly, he's one of the biggest. He does a great Trump. It's a different Trump than mine. - Shane Gillis? - Shane. - Oh. - And Shane, I'd never talked to Shane Gillis before. - Yeah. - And I followed him. But he followed me back like a week or so ago and my son went to go see you. He thinks you're way better than me at everything. And it was, no, my son loves, my son, Shane's fantastic. Very funny. I wish I, yeah. - Yeah. I mean. - He has doubts in her mind, but. - Yeah. That's three of us. - Yeah, you have a two. - She included me. - You included me. - Yeah. - When I'm Joe Biden, that's what it is. - Yeah. - But it was funny because he replied, Shane replied right away and it was, he's just, you're the man or something. And I could see him laughing through it. - Yeah. - Like, it was just, it was like when I-- - He did it good, dude. - Yeah. - But my son went to go see him in Phoenix and I went through and got tickets, I mean, I pay for the tickets. - You did? - Yeah, yeah. I'll pay for it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do you get backstage and meet him? - I didn't set that up. - Here's the thing. - Sometimes I try. - Frank, Frank, Frank. - Wow. - Okay. - I don't make them-- - You've been out of LA for so long. I think you, here's what happened. - Yeah. - You've lost the perception of yourself is a little scared. - You're so talented and you're a part of the business. You should be backstage. - Yeah, fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. I know, you don't listen to me, bro. - What? - Oh, he's trying to do impressions. - Yeah, I'm doing impressions, dude. I'm doing fucking Issa Morales, bro. - Yeah. - Oh, he's saying, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? I have a dream too, Richie. - What is that? Mr. Miyagi. - Hello, dude. - I was like, this-- - I'm Issa Morales, dude. - Mr. Miyagi. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I have a dream too, Richie. - From LaBamba. - Oh, it's fantastic. - Thank you so much. - You're a part of it. - Harabaylar, LaBamba. - I was like, I'm doing Trump. - I'm doing Trump. - You're doing-- - I can do what's to. - What are you doing? - I'm doing-- - Billions and Billions and Billions and Billions. - I could teach you to do Donald Trump. - Oh, I teach me now. - I got Shaq Daniel. - I teach you to do Donald Trump. - I teach me now. - And Shaq Daniel. - Shaq doing Trump. - Yeah. - Was the one of the funny-- Shaquille O'Neal, he's like, "That's luxurious. That's too bad." That's amazing. - Yeah. - So what you're doing is you have too much voice in it, first of all. - Okay, got it. - You're in here. You're in here. You got this. - I'm in here. - You don't want to be in there. - Okay, where do I want it? You want it? Now make a face. This is the joke from my act. Make a face like you're looking into an aquarium and mimicking the fish. - And now, and now. - Now. - Now. No, no, no, you get too much voice. No, no, no, no, no. You're getting better. Look at that. None of us thought you could. No. You look like a Filipino immigrant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As this English says, you're circling language. What's that? That's good. Great. That's tremendous. No. Brab, tremendous. You're going to get it. Yeah, you're doing well. You're very good. Well, it's see how the tongue comes up. Well, well, well, well, what do you do? Well, because you're, you're you're bullying a string. You're bullying a string. It's you're bullying. You're bullying. I always got you're pulling a string. You're doing something back like you ate a lemon. Put it. Okay, let's see how we can do it. Put it toward the front. You put it toward the front. Oh, that's better. That's it. That's you're getting it. Not really, but yeah. As a teacher, you should be more supportive. Not really. It's not good. Well, I didn't know you could hear that. I thought I talked to the guys and tell them, hey, turn off my mic tonight. Give me a dig. Give me a line. So turn your head slightly. Not really, but your lips are going down that out. There you go. There you go. Really. That's better. Not really. Not, not, not really, not really tremendous, not really tremendous. So work on just one word. It's tremendous, tremendous, tremendous, tremendous better. That's better. That's getting better. It's getting better. That was Asian. The Asian coming out. It's good. I'm going into Kim Jong Un now. Yeah. I wish that was something we never did it. But we would play ping pong. We played table tennis. So we're at that TV. So we both got it. Let me see. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk for your health. Zock, talk is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Like, why wouldn't you do that? We, I mean, we do that with like restaurants and stuff, right? Why? Why? We should do that with our health. Read reviews. So we talk about the time when you were coughing up. Yeah. And you needed a doctor. Yeah. You go to Zockdog. And you needed a great pulmonologist. Pulmonoro. And you find one on Zockdog. That's peer reviewed. Yeah. And you pooped yourself. Anyway, with Zockdog, you can book in network doctors with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health. I may care to urchin care and more. And if you're worried about your insurance, what I love about Zockdog is that you can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance who are located nearby and who are a good fit for any medical need. You may have and are highly rated by verified patients like gynecologists. Yeah. Guys, stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zockdog.com/belly to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today that's zero cdoc.com/belly. Zockdog.com/belly. [Music] Finances are a tricky thing. It's very the trickiest of all tricks. Especially if you don't have a lot of them. And even if you do have a lot, you can be really, really ineffective at handling it. And I know that for me in the past, when I haven't used monarch, I've left money on the table. I feel organized and confident in your finances with monarch. And all in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. Right now, just for our listeners, monarch is offering 50% of your first year with code TigerBelly at monarch.com. Monarch gives your partner full access to your shared dashboard, including linked accounts, budgets, goals, and spending activity, all in one place, and at no extra cost. So basically monarch links all of your accounts in minutes and you get clear data visuals. smart categorization of your spending, real control over your money. And what Bobby was saying is like, one of the biggest reasons people fight or break up is money issues, right? And that's something that's a very sensitive topic for a lot of people, but I think Monarch Money makes it so that no one's in the dark. All the information is available for you and your partner. - That's so good. It might be saved a lot of marriages. - Yeah. - No more guessing guys, no more hiding. No more, I didn't realize we spent that much. And one of the things I love too is that I can give access to Roger, my stepdad, who is my financial advisor. So when I just, I'm not paying attention to things, he can be like, hey, Kaleila, like this is what's going on. I'm like, okay, thanks, Roger. - Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks, use code [email protected] and your browser for half of, for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at monarch.com with code tigerbelly. (upbeat music) - We played table top. - So we were at that TV. - So we both got it. - Let me see, there we are. - Is that me? - That's you. - You lost a lot of weight. - What the heck is that? - That's you, dude. - Wow. - Is that you? - That is you. - How old were you guys there? - 70. - No, I was probably 30. - How old are you? - 154, almost. - 51. - Wow. - So you're in your late 20s, probably, there. - Uh, yeah. - Yeah. - I was probably around 2001, 2002. Somewhere in there. So, uh, yeah. - Yeah. - Oh, that's you and I. - Yeah. - Wow. - I don't remember what that is. - I don't either. - That's you and I. (laughing) - That was you. - That was Bobby Trendy. - Oh, that's me. - That's you. - Oh, yeah. That was the, uh, Pat, what's her name? Uh, uh, I don't know. - Yeah. What's she married to your old guy? - She was just in there, I think. - And on a cold Smith, I was Kimmy. - Oh, yeah. - That's the one every time. - Okay, that sketch is probably the best sketch you and I did together, I thought. - Well, maybe the only real one. - That's the real, real sketch you and I. - And everybody asked me if you were Fred or friend. - Yeah. - It's simple Fred and it was Fred. - We should watch it. - Oh, I'll look for it. - Yeah, yeah. - But, um, so that's your main impression, right, John Madden? - That was. - So, I wanna learn how to do John Madden. I know it's more difficult. I nailed Trump. - You crushed it. - Yeah, so, so that's-- - A lot of people are talking about how good it is. - It's cleaning tools with John. - Yeah, so John Madden was a football commentator for the NFL. - An announcer. - It was an NFL coach. - Yeah. - And then became one of the most known broadcasters ever. And he has a video game. If you ever hear people talk about Madden, the video game. - Yeah, Madden. - That's football. - It's a football video. - What's going on with you right now? Shut down. - I'm just confused. - Okay. - Do we need to do something? - Yeah. - We need to go back. Is there somebody, you know what I mean to do? Some Robert Danny Jr., which is basically just burping through the punch lines. (laughing) - Yeah. - He's so good. I guess we're gonna do some different improvisation here. (laughing) - That's great. - Yeah, it's great. - You can count. It's one, two, burp, three, four, five, six, seven. I do that with-- - Matthew McConaugher. - Matthew McConaugher. - I believe that's a short thing. Let me get, let me get, I've been talking all day. I believe that's what you're looking for. That's somewhere in there. - Of the AA, yeah. - But Matthew McConaugher, I'm trying to think of some people you'd know. Spongebob? - No. (laughing) - So let's start with John Madden. Do John Madden, I'm gonna see if I can do it. - Hey, okay. So it's, you have to, the thing is you have to talk like you're, you've got like almost a ball in your mouth. That's, oh. I didn't think that was gonna be close, but there is something in there. - Okay. - Yeah. - Yeah. - See, yeah. - Do the whole thing. - Hey, do it, John Madden. - Yeah, do 36 of John Madden and then, so I can get the tone here. - Yeah, and then you're talking, you say the things that a person's gonna say and you do the things that that person's gonna do, and I mean, you know, I mean, and boom, there you go. - Yeah, that's him. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - That's incredible. - You say the things that you're trying to want to do. - Boom. Boom, fuck off. - You actually, you have, you actually had something in there that's right, and I don't want you to do it when you're doing this. - The way I do it. - Yeah, but it's, all right. So this is the thing I always do. I was breaking up. I was just like a phantasy, I have, you know what I mean? - Oh, phantasy. - Get a Trump tournament, you know, but anyway. - Go ahead Frank. - I'm sorry, Frank. - Say that same line. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - As Liam Neeson. I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want, ooh. - Do you know that one? - She does. - You wow. - Apparently, this impression has been taken. Look at that bit. - Um. - But so they, I, uh, this is, I don't know what you're saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But so they, I, this is something I do with a lot of people. I just, it's in terms of the impressions. If you want to work on them, which I know you don't really want to, but you think it's interesting to the audience enough to do right now. There's Kermit the Frog. - Hi, whole Kermit the Frog here. So that's up in here, okay? That's up on this. - Hey, hello. - Hey, kind of. - Yeah. - Kermit the Frog here. - Yeah. - What happens to your renunciation? - All right. - For they go so Asian. - No, I think what's happening now is you're looking at my Asian face and the thing that's coming in my mouth and that's influencing. - I honestly, yes. It's influencing the how you perceive it. - I honestly did. - And I don't like it. - All right, I didn't even know you were Asian. - Hey, Frogs. - Hey, Frogs. - That's up in. - That's actually, Kermit, what is his name? - You were supposed to be doing Madden. - Yeah. - You were two and you thought you were doing Kermit the Frog. You're doing a decent Madden. So, okay, so let me explain this. I do this. Everybody's, a lot of people have seen it, maybe not your audience. So there's, there's Kermit the Frog and Fuzzy Bear. Oh, walka, walka, walka, walka, which is Bert, oh, Bert, Ernie, okay. So if you take Kermit the Frog, high-hole Kermit the Frog and you bring it down a little bit, becomes John C. Riley. Did you touch my drum set? - Now you add some air and it's Mark Ruffalo. - Yeah. - You go from here to Mark Ruffalo. I see this as an absolute win. - Damn. - Wow. - Now, now what you do is you bring it down even more and it becomes Paul Giamani. I believe that is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard in my entire life. Now if you bring it back up, it's Seth Rogen. I don't know. And that's, remember Bert and Ernie, Bert had that laugh. If you slow it down, it's, which is Seth Rogen. Now if you tighten it up, it's Joe Rogen. Wow, Jamie, pull that up. Oh my God. So those are all in the same family. - So now look, now you see the talent that he has, right? And then you look at my talent and we got cast on the same show. (laughing) How is that even fucking possible? - What's amazing is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're on this, we got hired at the same time. - The funny thing is they didn't know what to do with either one of us. - Yeah. - They weren't exactly like they kind of thought they did. You. - All right. Let's watch this first. - Hey folks, John Mann here for the quick pop, pop, popcorn, pop. - Hey John, how's it work? - It's simple, Fred. You just plug it in. - Get you. - Nice line. - Open up the water packet. (laughing) I screwed up guys, I mean, I'm sorry, but the packet won't open. - That's this guy, solid sketch. - Yeah. So I want to talk about how fat, so Frank was there the first year. Remember I told you how terrible I was at table reads. - He was super nervous. - Every spirit hated him. - No matter what he says, he was worse than that. (laughing) - Now I told you. - I'm going to be honest with you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was not great myself. You get to mad TV and you don't realize how good of actors and actresses everybody is. - Yeah. - If you're seeing the highest of level, pop. - Mo Collins, Michael McDonnell, Will Sass. They've been there for a couple of years and they're better trained and they're just really incredibly good. - Good. - And we came from stand-up. - Yes. - One of us had an act. (laughing) - No, we came from stand-up. So we knew kind of funny and we knew how to be funny with an audience and play out to an audience and talk at people. - That season when we first got hired. - And Debra Wilson. - Erie Spears is one of the funniest, most talented people I've ever met. And here's an amazing thing about Erie's. Erie's would always call me before he was selling as many tickets as he is now. He's like, yo, Frank, how can, how you sell so many tickets, man? I was like, I get up at six in the morning and go do radio. Is there any other way? - No, that's just how you have to do it. And now, but one of the most, one of the most talented mimics, a great character guy, Erie's is a genius. But everybody who was on the show and had been there. Whenever the new people come in, Erie's kind of like, I don't know. Now they weren't doing it out of spite or anything like that. But they just kind of be like, we've been through this. And when you don't have the acting chops, it shows. And neither of us had that. I could, I had the ability, though, to read. And. - I could, okay. - You really struck. But I remember everybody would look around. And this is honest, you know this because I think of her. But you, I'm not telling you anything new, so I'm not hurting your feelings. - I'm hurt, I'm hurt. - But you would, it would be your turn to talk. You'd miss the timing of it. You might not be on the right page. Or have the script open at all. If you even showed up. - Yeah, yeah. - And everybody would just kind of like, oh my god. - And nobody knew what to do. - On. I mean, you couldn't understand a word I was saying. - No. - I was rushing it. I was super nervous. - Everybody cringed. Like the entire, the writers who wrote for you. - Oh my god, trauma. - Listen, but here's the thing. I mean, you're, I've seen you and stuff and you're good now. So they believed, they believed. In you, they saw the town. If there's one thing I'm gonna say about that is, a lot of times, like you hear when they did Seinfeld, when the beginning of Seinfeld. The first season was not Seinfeld as a sitcom. (laughing) So you signed it. But when, you know, a lot of shows don't get the season, a lot of actors don't get the chance. But they can, I mean, they couldn't give you lines, but what they could do was cut away from somebody who delivered a good line, and you would just look either clueless or make a face or smile, and it would get a huge laugh. I mean, it was unbelievable. The laughs you would get just on a cutaway, and they're like, let's not write anything for 'em. Let's just use 'em as a visual punchline. (laughing) And I remember the chat rooms. They're like, oh my God. Oh my God. People said, and you never should have looked at that. 'Cause it was just, I'd never seen. I would cry. So there was this thing called Planet Mad TV. This is the first years of the internet. Yeah. And there's these forums. And there was these gigantic chunks of how bad I am. Not and just terrible, but there was terrible Asian hate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it was really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Angry Asian hate. Like, I'm not even one that, listen, that was real, and 'cause everybody was so anonymous on it, I think, and it was, I don't even know what it was. It was just horrific. Horrific. I mean, you know, I don't know about this, but it was you writing that stuff? Self hate. This broke my heart the worst. Okay, is the end of the year, that first year, I found out that they had been recording my table reads. And they made a compilation tape of how bad I was, and they would pass her on the office, and they would laugh behind my back. And I found the tape, and I mean, I relapsed. You know, remember, I relapsed. But you had to go through that to get to where you are today. And it worked. Shut up! Shut up! I had to go through all the stuff. Tough love, tough love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tough love, it's important. How did I survive? How did you think? What? How did I survive eight years? I don't know. Well, I don't know yet. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't even know. I remember they had, they wrote other characters. The, what was the stereotypical Asian? Yeah, average Asian. That was pretty good. It was a good sketch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody else's sketch from like, they imported sketches from the groundlings to try and find something for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They really tried. It worked pretty well. Yeah. But it was, they didn't know what to do with you at first. Yeah. And listen, we didn't, me too. All they wanted me to do was that one John Madden. So I'd got pigeonholed into that kind of. I did a sketch that Rich Taloriko wrote for me. Great right. Fantastic, guy. Fantastic. Incredibly talented. But he wrote this physical trainer sketch. You saw how fat I was there. It was, it was, it was a, I was a fat physical trainer who just didn't understand that I was fat. Like I drop a towel and I wouldn't even bend to pick it up. I would just try and pick it up with my feet. Yeah. I wouldn't, the elevator was broken so I couldn't train somebody that day because the, the gym was on the second floor. So it was like a really well funny written sketch. It got laughs at the table read. Never got a chance to get to air because all they wanted me to do was John Madden and then later George Bush. But I got the bush stuff and they didn't want me to be George Bush because I was too fat to be George Bush. It was like a sketch show. Yeah. Yeah, man. I just, but I made my way through it. Yeah, yeah. You know, Hacuna Potato. So I eventually got that job because there was nobody. Will Ferrell did, you know, Bush and Sarah Leibon. Nobody had nailed the George W. Bush impression at that point. And they went through Ike Barrenholz. They tried Will. Yeah. Sasso. They tried. Everybody ex, I think they knew. They went to everybody except for me. At the Jamaican. You did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would do, we would play ping-pong table tennis to go back. We had some brutal. Yeah. Sasso. I'm way better now, which is the thing. I've trained in China. You're a good dancer. I'm way better than. You are? Oh, yeah. Was your dad a grandmaster? No. Oh. That sounds really. I think I made it up. I've said it on many podcasts. No, he was a dad and grand. Grand Caliandos' father was a grandmaster. No, he was a. I could crush him now. But your dad was good, right? Yeah, but I used to think so until I got trained by an Olympian. Wow. Yeah. He just spins, dude. 'Cause he lives in Phoenix. I remember the last time I was 10 years ago, I went to your house. We played in the garage. Yeah. And I knew at that point that you had elevated to a point where I could not play you. That's why Bobby knew that the white guy was going to beat the Asian guy. Yeah. His spins. Your serves were un-un- retrievable. Yeah. I knew what to do. And I was using, like, more expensive paddle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I need a flat paddle. Yeah, you would still get crushed, but. Stop, stop. At Matt's TV, though, we were. He's very close. Yeah, yeah. We had some brutal. You beat me quite a bit. Yeah, there we go. Can we just throw that out there? He evolved. I don't have a table. If I train, maybe, maybe, who knows? Yeah, I kept playing. You get a giant podcast. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, you know, maybe I'm going to get a table. Okay, anyway. Listen, you get too good. You never get on Magnum PI. [laughter] So, yeah, that's my fun. I mean, that's the thing where I just like to get away and play table tennis. Yeah, but you. Can I work this. Let's get real for a second. Yeah. Can we get real for a second? You moved too soon. Oh, out of LA? Yeah. You moved out of LA too soon. I don't know why you did that. Because I didn't want to have any interest. I mean, you don't want to be in film and television? Yeah, but I mean, yes, but at the same time, I just didn't want to be in this mix with my kids and stuff. Oh, right. You made a choice. Yeah, I had the. I had the children with my wife. Yeah, I loved her then. I mean, Bobby, the first time he came to my house in Bronson Canyon. Yeah. This is. I mean, this is you saying it, not me. We had two little dogs. He was. Mmm, lunch. [laughter] Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so. I think Bobby's done that for everybody, apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was like, you can't say that. He's like, I just did. All right. I just did. Yeah, yeah. Frankie. So, but my wife is so funny because. Michelle, I love her. Yeah. And she's very honest. Like, she told me. This is what she said to me about here. She goes, "Tell him he looks clean." Like, what is that? I should be really dirty. Yeah. I thought you mean like, he's not a drug. No, no, no. Looks like he's bathed. [laughter] Right by. If I had her honesty. Yeah, yeah. I might have a chance at being ashamed of it. Yeah. But it's just that. I mean, her honesty. Yeah. She doesn't give a rip because she doesn't have corporate dates. Yeah. And that she has to stay in the mainstream for so. Her honesty is just. She's always been nice to her. And very, very. She's very funny in that way where she'll just say. Stuff she believes. Yeah. But I want everyone in the room to know that Bobby leaves. You think. The Bambi Lee bat from 25 years ago. That was a dirty, fucker. You mean? You know, I was dirty, didn't know how to read. I was super nervous. You know, I was like in. The first two, three years of mad were the worst years of my life. I can see that. [laughter] Yeah. Until the day I filmed something on my own. Which is, I got a video camera and I filmed that 24 with Bobby Lee. Oh, right, right, right. And I didn't, in my own, I filmed it on my own. I remember that. I presented it at the table read and they picked it up. They go, "We're gonna do this." But it's like. And then I found kind of my own lane. To play myself mainly. Patrick Keen, right here, dude, is one of the. I started with him. Right, what's your year to start? I started 2000. Yeah, so I started a little young. That was 95. But when I was at the store, I remember you were around. Yeah. And those were. Are you in the serial killer now? What happened? Do you want your face? No, I just. It's just the lightening. Yeah, your eyes aged or something. Yeah, away. It's been 20 years since you 20. You're the biggest teeth I've ever seen in my life. What's going on? Yeah, no. Hold on, open them up. It's Stonehenge. Look. Yeah, it's Stonehenge. Look at that. Holy shit. Funny guy, though. I'll tell you. You brought up my camera. It just burned. Yeah, is he on camera or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. Kind of mean, though, Bob. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're handsome, but in a weird way. It's a poor man's, I don't know what, Mark Ruffel. I don't know. I don't know what people say. But you're a funny guy. Thanks, man. No, I'll take that. I had one for you once. We did San Jose together. Oh, yeah. How did that go? It was great. It was great. I can't say some of the stuff, but. Well, no, it's funny because you're like, "Hey, man. I know your dad just died. We'll talk about it on the way up." And we never talked about it. You want a drive? Yeah, we drove. We drove all back. And then it was back when I had to drive. And there is something. You don't remember anything anywhere. No, I don't. I don't think about it. You had a mohawk at the time. Oh, that was long. I'm a gohawk. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I don't know. I used to do the mohawk. The room was packed. I don't remember it being. The room was packed. Chang Wang, you and me. Oh, Chang Wang, you and me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think Kevin Christy, maybe? When you ever been with us? Yeah, yeah. Maybe Kevin was there. Why were there that many people that you only have 30 minutes? I can only do 30 minutes now. Oh, yeah. It's good 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just said, "Carno by the road." You remember that bit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never understood the accent, though. I've never heard that accent from. Is that a Korean accent? I wish accent you were doing now? No, no, one you did that I'm not getting canceled with. You did to what? No, it was a. It was like, "Carno by the road." Yeah. That's funny. Is that. Well, back. Here's the thing. Back then, I really didn't know how to do it. So he. Wait, wait, wait. Let me ask you something. dead accent now more authentic or no. I mean to your father. - But does it sound Asian? - Sounds more Korean. - Okay, good. - Sounds almost Theo Vonish. (laughing) - So I'm trying it, yeah, I mean, I think it's pretty awesome. - Theo nail it better than you? - No. - Blubbi. - Yeah, he does a good one. - Oh, good one. - So Patrick, you're still doing stand-up? - Yeah, still doing stand-up, but working with Frank a little bit, a little bit Steve Byrne, a little bit of, yeah, a little bit of Bade, a little bit of Swartz, and Nick Swartz has been taking me again. - Good, good. - Yeah, it's been great. - David Spade, you may have heard of him? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were great on theirs. I heard that one with you and Carby and Spade. That was really good. - Very good, thank you. But thank you for that compliment. - That's insane. (laughing) - Yeah, I've done a lot, you know what I mean? - Yeah, no, that's the thing. - Well, you're great, you're great, everyone. - That's the thing. - You're great and everything. That's just most recent. - Yeah, no, thank you so much. - But you know, in that San Jose trip was funny 'cause you had done room service and you shoved the cart, I was telling Frank earlier, you shoved the cart out in the hall, and you locked yourself out of your room, and you were in tidy white. - Oh, that's right. And I didn't want that in the lobby. - You were in tidy white. - You were the Mohawk, the tidy white used to. - Yeah, yeah. - Running down the hall. - That was a distress. I remember that night. - You were Mr. T-Bag. - Yeah. - Because when you lock it and you're in your tidy whiteies, you know what I mean? There's no phone, you have to go down to the lobby in your underwear and go, yeah, lock myself out. It's really weird. - Yeah, I mean, boxers would be one thing, but like, tidy white. - I still do tidy white. - You know what? - Wait a second, you do that on stage. I mean, what are you talking about in the hotel? - I mean, that's half your act, that's 15 of the 30 minutes. - I do. - And you could, but in the hotel hallway, you felt awkward in front of everybody staring at you. - It's different because in the context of a show, it's sort of like, it's a Bobby Lee show. When you have randos going, you know what I mean? Oh, we're here for a wedding. It's weird. - There are some people that are just showing up to the club. They don't know who's going at that time. Now they come to see you, but at that time. - At the time, Nate, you're right. I think you're right. - I think you're right. - Yeah, now they're coming. Yeah, that was tough because when you're doing the road and people are like, "Let's just watch comedy." Who's there this weekend? Those fans, I would get refunds. Like groups of people like, I don't know why we paid. - I don't know, we went to see, I'm very rarely go to see comedy. And Michelle and I went to see you in Cleveland at LARITIES. And it was fairly good. It was like, oh, no, you're great. You're good. - Can you give compliments? - I just did. - You said fairly good and then I went and then I go, why are you like that stuff? - I wanted the laugh. - Yeah. - You've been like that from the beginning. Why are you like that now? - What? - Things have changed. - I'm sorry, you're right. - You don't do this, you know, this is anybody else. - I know because I've known you the longest. - Okay. - I've probably known you the longest. - Sure. - Then in terms of guests, except from like air, because we just had the yearly, what, the 500th, we had Deborah, Moe, and Mary's on. But that was like my first comedy family pretty much. - Yeah, you know what I mean? - Were you guys best friends or were you-- - No, we were friends, oh. - What's wrong? - I'm gonna yell at you. - I'm done. - No, you're not done. - Throw the fuck up. - Yo, it was got there. Let him get there. - I was getting so close. - I was trying to get, I was trying to get to the cry. Can you get, can you? - Uh, yeah, yeah. - Let me just think back to band TV more. (laughing) - So you wanna do, you wanna get back into maybe doing bit parts and movies and stuff. - Yeah, I'd like to do it. I mean, I think that's what I'd like to do. I do what I, I'm happy about doing most of the time. But in terms of acting, I watch it and I go, - You're a good actor though, do I see you in a movie? It was a movie or something I saw you in. - I don't know. - Or TV show or something. - No, you did, no, you did a real legit acting part. - People come and say, I love it when you swallow the lemons. That's what we'll say. - Okay, then I love it when you do Kenny Rogers. We'll say that, so. - Yeah. - You're a good actor. - What about the average Asian? - Bobbie Lee. - Yeah, yeah. - So I'm okay. Again, I'm gotten better. I took acting lessons and learned what to do. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah, Barclay, I'm there. - I love that one. - Is that you? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Don't be a knuckle here. - What was that, what was that in? - That was probably on Frank TV. - All right. - Oh, Frank TV, yeah. - So you wanna go do it more, 'cause you could do some serious shit, maybe, town cop. - I try to do that. - Yeah, that's what I'd rather like to do. - What could Frank be in? Just based on what he looks like. - Town cop, it's more sheriff. - Sheriff, you're the sheriff. How sheriff? - Yeah, what else could you do? You could be the barber. - I mean, they would always send me like terrible, like red necky stuff to read or the racist guy. I'm like, I don't wanna do all of that. - Really? - Yeah. - You could do it though. - Hey, man, what you're doing around this town? - Oh, yeah. - Get in the trunk, Chinaman. - Is that your only goat to slur? - Is that Chinaman? - It's my day, yeah. - I can switch it up. Get in the trunk, Nip. - Yeah, Nip is not bad. - What's Nip? - Oh, well, let's go. - What's that, Frank? - Yeah. - I don't know, I honestly don't know what it is. - Nip is a usually toward Japanese. It was more toward World War II, I believe. - Oh, that's a real, that's a real. - Nip, yeah, there was, there was another one in Vietnam, Zipperhead, which I never, I don't, I never really know what. You go, oh yeah, what, why do you think it's Zipperhead? - I didn't know why for the longest time. - Well, no, I'm just, I just made it up. Maybe no, I think that's it. - You can't cheapy tee it. I think it's your right. - Yeah. - What? - That's true. - Yeah, Gook, it was obviously, that's the, you know what I mean? The goat too, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, the old, you know. - What about for Koreans? (laughing) - Frank's just saying, what do you mean what's for Koreans? - It's like I'm watching tennis. (laughing) - What do you mean? - Slur. - Slur. - Gook is probably what they used for, don't Patrick, why you, they know how to do that. - I live in Korea for your, gook, like me, gook, Saddam, Imnida, like, yeah, I'm, that's my country nation. - My country, yeah, I'm a country, my country. - Yeah, exactly dude. - And then Nip, Nip is short for Nipone, - Oh, that's what it is. - Which is Japan and Japan. - Oh, wow, so you know. - He knows how, they're origin of all the slurs. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Were you in Korea? (laughing) I mean, were you in Korea because of, you have an Asian fetish? - No, no, I have, Kim's a comedy fetish, and I was just like, I'll go there and get, no, no, I taught there for a year, and then I lived in Japan for two years as a student. - Wow. - Yeah, hook up with an Asian lady? - You know, there were some, you know, there were some crossings. - Oh, okay, good, okay. - Crossings. - Crossings, I don't know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, weird term. - Yeah. - I mean, you've been married for how long, 30 years? Feels like it. - How long has it been? - Joey is 21, so 22 years. - My God. - Yeah, I remember when you were nothing. - You were unfuckable, I remember when you were no fuckable. - I still, I remember, yeah, and I am unfuckable. - I mean, how is marriage after 22 years? - Great, I mean, everything is perfect all the time. No, it's up and down, I mean, being married is tough. The Joey, my son, daughter, that's Joey's graduation. He looks very different now. Julian actually looks quite a bit different. Michelle, Michelle's line. - Was she doing comedy or a sketch or something? - No, God, no, she was doing impressions with you online or something. - Oh, Juliet? - Your daughter, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh. - Yeah, look on the Instagram, there's a thing at that Harry Styles, there's a better with Juliet. Juliet can do like John Grood, tell you what, man. - Did she want to do comedy or no? - She wants to be in PR. I took her to CAA to meet agents and stuff like that. She loves behind the scenes. - Oh, I see, okay. She really likes what's going on behind the scenes that wants to be involved. Oh, there's me playing some ping pong. I think that's a Morgan Freeman ping pong right there. - What is that mean? - Wait, wait, oh, you do like the Beijing. - Dude, he's so good. - Look at this guy. - Wait, is this real? - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Kelly Endo is that good, dude. - In my day, no, that was pretty good, dude. - Not that good. Holy shit, that's fucking force gump shit. - Yeah, and that's the same play over and over. - Yeah, is that your garage? - Yeah. - Oh my God. - Damn, you like play play. - He lives in a mansion. (laughing) - You know, you have a nice house. - You have two houses, but the. (laughing) I sold, I had three, and John Lovitz came over and he goes, how much is this? (laughing) How much frith is this? You own all this? - Yeah. Love Johnny. - How much money do you make? - Yeah. - I make more than I have less. (laughing) So when I'm in Phoenix and I visit my mom and stuff, I'm afraid to call you. Would you have dinner with me? - Yeah. - I really eat in the afternoon, but we could have lunch or something. - Would you eat it after? - I don't eat, I stop eating at like three o'clock. - Intermittent fasting? - Yeah. - Wow. - So you don't eat from three to nothing after that? - Well, eventually. - The next morning? - Nine in the morning, the next morning, sometimes it's time to. - Wow. - Here's the thing, Frank, let me ask you this. Hunger pains. - Okay, so I have a theory on hunger pains. - That's what fucks me up. - You just can't believe 'em. Like you just have to fight through it a few times and then you understand that it's just habit. People, yeah, people originally didn't eat all the time. They would eat when they could find food. - Yeah, I know man. - They're no man. - That's right. - Yeah, yeah. But we don't not like that no more. - We have, you know what I mean? - Just when you're late. - Mad TV character. - No, no, what I'm saying is that. So you're saying that humans are genetically conditioned to only eat sporadically. - Yeah, and that's why if you eat less, if you, I mean, I've watched a lot of stuff, whether it's Instagram or Rogan or something like that, where your body, if you don't eat, fights off infections and everything more. - Diseases. - If you're fighting, if you're always feeding your body, it doesn't, well, it helps with memory if you eat, apparently, but. (laughing) But it's, it, it's, it's, it's. Your immune system is stronger if you don't eat all the time. Okay. So Intermittent fasting. Mm-hmm. So just get one big meal before five and then I'm good. Or you know, I can't do it though to Wabi But I'm see he says I'm cheating because of the shot. Yeah, he's doing no shot. I'm doing I'm cheating. I really don't care I think I was just I'm going blind. I think that I should care You're going blind my bones are weak. Well my bones are weak. Why because of the fucking shot? Side effects. Oh, their side effects. Yeah, my bones crack. I was gonna say you get look like you got cracky bones I don't crack people have been saying that to Mr. Cole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm cracked out man right now. Yeah, you're cracked out Yeah, I sure often even when I'm hiking I can feel my knees go Like that and my bones shaking, but I don't know. I said your butt got darker because of a Zen thing Inside or not dark or what? No, inside no, what happens is because I would never show you but I don't don't don't don't don't know because a friend Doesn't like it. Yeah, yeah, don't I don't like what you don't like photos like that. Well, can you show him? I want to ask his permission Yeah, do you have a blood hole? No, no, it's not a bottle. It's just the darkness around the region. Yeah, okay Go, let me zoom up. No, no, but not the Alex one not the Alex not the one that you took not the one that you took all right I just say I might have one of these on my phone. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think so. Yeah, but yeah, I'll get it. Yeah, so I yeah, something happened. You've ever seen it something It's so dark. It's like I'm two different races. So what happened what? Sorry, what he's got. I don't know what happens Was like something happened could you show it because I'm excited How close you are via just close. You don't see the outside. Let's do Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go really close. Yeah, you ask me to zoom out if you want to see the full. Oh shit, sorry, okay Sorry So why is it so dark in that region, dude? What's your? Poop. Yeah, what do you think it's gonna? I know, but zoom out Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's in there a maggots? It's toilet paper is toilet put a residue. Yeah, zoom out though completely out now. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh no, so Why do you have this picture? Yeah, I think it yesterday. Yes, so hey folks. John Mac Look right there. You don't want the dark circles. You get the dark circles on your eyes. This one's in your English And that's what Frank realized the Bobby Lee's but hole was the dirtiest thing So we punched me in the but I got a black bottle. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what's going on Yeah, yeah, I don't know if that's from the Zimpic or not, but I think it's a bleaching. What is it going on? No? Bleaching would do opposite. Yeah, you don't know what bleaching is. Yeah, I don't bleach. No, what I'm saying is it died from the poo is what I'm saying Well, how do you know it's darker than what like I was dating for 10 years has seen my asshole every year progression The progression of my asshole and it used to be one solid color. What what she someone I was dating, you know, I mean Wait, wait You probably still do only do Christian love, but you know When I where I come from we do it all okay, so her observation was it was one solid color and then over the What color was that yellow or whatever It was just one yellow skin used to be your butthole with skin color skin color. I don't believe anybody's butthole skin color I think maybe pinkish okay, not mine. You saw that right. No, that was that was the black hole. That was a black hole Yeah, what Trump said, so I don't know I don't know that a people saying that that is a dirty butt Wasn't a dirty butt. It's a anozimpic butt. Yeah, I don't Because all of the fat leaves your buttocks area and your anus and The anal area gets very dark very dark so far that we're going to build a wall Yeah, so the darkness can't get out. Yeah, I don't know. Should I see a dermatologist you think I Don't think they'd want to get in there. Yeah, yeah, I think that's more of a proctology kind of yeah Maybe I should get a cream where I'm cuz I just want it one solid color I'm tired of the depth. Look that there's a border. I don't I don't think that needs to be you know Reagan about to bring it on the wall folks. How'd I get in this hole? Biden and Bobby Lee's butt hoax. Come on Darker in here than normal Guys young man grow up with screen Pennsylvania There were dirty areas or dirty alleys. I got stuck It reminds me of the place I got stuck Scrap Pennsylvania. Yeah, wow So anyway, I'll do something about that, but Oh, it's great. I think that is I mean it could be your signature thing. No, it's not my signature thing I want you know why you know it could be old age - I'm you know you're 50 what how do you want 51? I'm about to turn 54 What's your birthday in a couple of weeks of September 17th happy birthday. Thank you bud. Yeah, and I'm I'm you know I'm going into my elderly years and it's so sad It's like I look in the mirror now and sometimes I don't even recognize at certain angles. It makes me so sad It might be the fat shot. You think so? No, yeah. Do I have oz a big face? No Yes, yeah, I don't know people yeah, I don't think I do I thought when I first saw you I thought your upper body looked Trim there was something. I don't know how to say it, but it just didn't look healthy. Oh you so if you saw me in the street You're like he's sick. No, I'm okay. Okay. Yeah, but you definitely did I could tell something was up. Yeah, something I lost Of almost 30 oh 30. Oh, yeah, yeah for being my son. It's pretty good. Yeah, but um it doesn't I'll train this It doesn't do what I thought was gonna do I thought if I lose 30. Oh my god women are gonna be you know I mean and it's all pretty much the same. I think it's my face is that's fucked Or the butthole. Yeah, no, I don't open with my butthole You know go hi. Can I get your number look at my butt? No, that's later. That's a gift. I'm working on my bobby pressure You do that a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah, arms crossed and then down. I do. Yeah, I think I'm hard to do an impression of I think I'm hard to do an impression Yeah, yeah, can you come up with one or no? No, I'll take time there. I think there's yeah, there's some stuff to do Yeah, Johnny Sanchez does my lab, which is drives me crazy You know like almost the Harlan Williams dolphin. Yeah, yeah, I have like a weird laugh. I guess, but you know when you do you have bursts of And then it winds down That's me. Yeah, that's my that's my last. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's your laugh? Sure lap My laugh is more like all right. Yeah, I have a thing that I Don't really I if I laugh it's just a burst of Recognition I think I laugh more at timing than I do at Great line. If I if I hear a great line. I'm like, oh, that's good. Yeah, I wish I'd a thought of that Yeah, like when you're watching a comic on stage. I don't do the left. I just did I do that lab. Ha, yeah Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I don't know why comics laugh for other comics in that way You mean, it's never like gut wrenching. It's like that was good now I laugh when a comic who I know is good something doesn't work. I start cracking. Oh, I love that It's like I love feeling like oh my god that this person I admire and think they're fantastic Yeah, and this bit is great and they're getting nothing. Yeah, Larry because it's almost like oh I feel bad for the audience that they don't get this. Yeah, have you ever seen like a guy that's good bomb still? Yeah, I think it happens. Yeah, I mean, I don't watch enough comedy. I tend to not watch like you do openers But like this Patrick mom I think I'm going sometimes. Yeah, all you do are you're the cold open sometimes. Yeah, well, I have him go up I have him do like a host and just do five minutes sometimes and take the bullet and then he sits in the back of the room and Watches what I do later It's kind of like so I'll improv and then we'll get together and write, you know, he'll add on or have different You know offshoots of what I said or or different ways of writing the bit, you know We'll come up with stuff after the fact, but he's he's on the road not to he does some comedy But he's actually there more for helping me out. Yeah, you're a good writer. Yeah, you've always had that reputation too Oh, good. Thanks. That's good. Good. Good. Good. Well, no, I'll take the compliment and giving you one It's oh, I'm sorry. That was aggressive. I love you. Good to see you. It was a surprise to see you in that Turn this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, would you would you ever do a stand-up? No? Would you ever do a podcast? She does so much. I'm just joking. Yeah, she's killing it. Yeah, you don't like this world, huh? I just I don't care a lot. You don't care a lot. Yeah. Yeah So Frank you have a date, right that you want to promote? Yeah, October 25th Paramount theater and Yeah, Wayne's were Check that date out Frank is the greatest impressionist. That's Chicago. That's Chicago area. Chicago. Illinois Aurora Where Wayne's will you know that friend? Yeah, yeah, very good. Very good to yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw Jay Moore earlier and I was talking about he is the type of guy who he could be antagonistic with his comedy. - Yeah. - And he's changed quite a bit, but he's still-- - He's so nice. - He's got that ability. - Nice now. - So crazy nice that it's almost-- I remember, I told him-- - He changed. - I remember talking to him on the phone one time, and he just hung up in the middle of it. - Yeah. - He goes, "I was kind of a dick." And I was like, "Well, I didn't want to say-- "He goes, "No, it's well-noded." - Yeah. - But he's a different guy now. He does like daily affirmations and stuff like that. - He's great, didn't he? - So, but it was one of those things-- - Oh, I don't even remember. - Wow. - Bro, intermittent fasting for you, dude. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm way different. - You look great, yeah. - Um, and Jay doesn't look that good anymore, so. (laughing) - The fun, here's the thing. I'm even thinner than my face lets on. Like, I'm still not skinny, but I'm getting-- - Honestly, you built my face. - When I saw you in the fucking lobby, we're just now at my house, right? I went, "Oh, you look right." - Yeah, I wanna say-- - Before as fat as I was. - You were a fat buck. - Yeah, oh yeah. - Look, Google Frank Caliando Fat. - Google Frank Caliando Tom Cruise. - No, Google Frank Caliando Tom Cruise. - Damn. - Did you do Tom Cruise in front of Tom Cruise? - No, I was doing Bush there, George W. Bush. - Yeah. - Was he nice? - Tom? - Super nice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I just tell the story, I was in the-- - What an amazing experience. - I was in the green room, and I said Scientology or his name three times, and he appeared. The aliens put him down behind him, and he goes, "You are a very funny man." And my joke was, and you complete me, right? - I just, like, that moment. And I was like, "What, where did you see?" He's like, "You hosted the NASCAR Awards "and because he did Days of Thunder." - Yeah, yeah. - He would watch that kind of stuff. So it was, like, "Look, that's a fat, "like, that's Lewy Anderson top five answers "you're on the board." (laughing) - Show me, awkward. - Yeah, yeah. - Wow. - Like, my head is so fat there, my head is so fat. My head's so fat, my hair doesn't cover all of it. - Yeah. - Like, there's, and I have a giant head. - Yeah. - So, yeah, but-- - Did you feel good about yourself that or no? - I didn't know, nobody would tell me 'cause I was making too much money. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When you're making a lot of people money, nobody says anything. I was so delusional, people, I was talking to Jay Moore about this with, like, when you're on drugs, and you would probably know this, you think there, or alcohol or whatever, you think you're doing great and it turns out you sucked. That's what it was like for me for me. I'm losing weight. No, I'm eating four bags of cookies at night. - Wow. - And I think I only ate two bags of cookies tonight. I must have been 250-ish there. - Oh my God. - And I'm only five-six. - How old are you there? - Probably in mid-30s. - Oh, wow. - And Lennon was like, "Hey, when do you want to treat that?" - Yeah. - That's pretty good. But yeah, and I thought I was in the same shame. That's for my idea. I thought I was in the same shape as Tom Cruise right there. And it looks like I'm going to eat him. It looks like I'm Pac-Man, and he is a power pellet. - He could lead inside you on that. - There could be two of him. - There were two Tom Cruise's. - He could, top gun. He would get inside of me and fly off. - Yeah. - Wow. - Take my breath, though. - Well, you look great, dude. - Thanks. - So October, take this overcoat, I mean, you could see it. - Yeah. - You're buff now. - It looks like my butthole? - Easy, easy. - Oh, you got it. - I don't want everyone to see it. - I don't have the shot, so it's here to clean here. - It's a pub, but it's a shiny, a little white rabbit. It's a tiny bunny. - Yeah. Miniapolis, November. So you sound sold out. - But do you do clubs or just theaters? - Well, the Aurora is a theater. Miniapolis is a week night show, and that's sold out. I'm going to add another night there with for Lewis Lee. You've worked for Lewis Lee. - Never have. - No, I thought you've worked for Lewis Lee. - No. - You've never worked at me? - I have. - You have. He is, and I hope this isn't, unless he is, he's Chinese, so he's not Pat Marita, but he acts exactly like Pat Marita's from Okinawa. - Yeah. - So. - Thank God some of my research is paying. (laughing) - Okinawa. - Okinawa. - Okinawa. - Tell him I said hi. - But he does, I will, he, but he does, he will do the thing that Pat Marita did where he'll tell the joke, and then he'll be like, he'll be like, you're very good. (laughing) He just walks off and like, did you really mean it? Or what was the, I call him, I call him my Asian dad. - Look at him. - He calls me his Italian son. - There's not more, any more Chinese looking person than that. Look at that. (laughing) - He'll be gone for a while, he goes, I go to Hong Kong. - Yeah. - He's everything, he's Kung Pao. - Can I do an Asian accent without good in trouble? - Yeah. - On the show, yes. - I've seen a different show, it's an Indian accent. - Santino does it. - Oh, and that's terrible. - And just a fun of that. - That is funny, he went to ASU. - Just a fun of a walk out and go, oh, like that. - Yeah, but I wouldn't do that. - I know you won't. - Not on the show. (laughing) But I, I, um, I said, I think it's great, you know. - To do the Asian accent. - I'm trying to, if you do an Indian accent, you do it on that is much more real. You don't do the one that everyone does. Do you know KC Aurora? - Yeah. - Do it in an exaggerated Indian. - No, thank you. (laughing) - So I played Table tennis with a bunch of Asian guys. - Yeah. - Hemant, Rajiv, Shumit, and Frank. - Yeah. - And the guys, and they're like, yeah, they live in Phoenix, and I used to play with them all the time. And Hemant said, how come you never do the Indian accent? And I'm like, I do it all the time. I've been harboring it for many years. - Barbara, yeah. - And it's, he was like, oh, that's good. Why don't you do that? I'm like, 'cause I like my life. I think we're at a point in life, you can do those. - I think if you do it, I think the only way to do it is not make it a cartoon and make it the joke. I think if it is-- - Okay, I see what's that. - You know what I'm saying? If it's real and honest and pure, not if you make the joke about yourself, like everybody would do the ordering Chinese food, and they make it about the person on the other end of the call, the owner of the establishment. But if you were to make it about yourself, how you don't, I feel it's my own problem. I wish I could understand. I think it would be, people would cut it up into little pieces and then you'd still get in trouble with some people, but that's not really what it is. - But you're scared of getting in trouble. - I worry about that. I'm worried about it more, 'cause I was, - You're never gonna get in trouble. - I, you are now that I have you on my side? - Yeah, I mean, I don't, I can't even-- - Would you like a number five? - Yeah, yeah. - It's never us! - Good faith in me, Gary, is that a, is that a? - So you'll never, like, you're that safe that you won't say-- - I'm getting less safe 'cause I really don't give a rip at this, but you know, it's one of those things. - We're getting older, little, little. - Yeah, I mean, you, I can tell you really care about it. - I don't really. - Are you really with it? I mean, you guys, you and Santino, and you mentioned, who's the other New York, the-- - Just a fauna. - Just a fauna with the fantastic. - Yeah. - Everybody, I mean, listen to it. - Because we, it's, you know, it's odd, we love each other so much. It's tit for tat, you know what I mean? And it's stuff that we laugh at. And if you don't like it, don't listen. I mean, it's like, I don't know what the fuck in problem is. That's all. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I think, but then what happens in this day and age, people take it out of context and-- - I try and hurt you with it. - Yeah, I think, well, what they do is they try and take away, they don't ever go at you directly, they try and take away the money you could have made. - And we, and things have been taken away. And so be it. They take it away because it's like, for me, it's like, I'd rather be free and also on top of it. It's like, what keeps me rounded is that, if I get out, I get out. Yeah, you know, I-- - I got kids though. - Look, sorry. (laughing) - Why do you keep fucking bringing up that funnel? - I was pretty close to appreciating it. - And if we could fly, what we're doing is we will fly. One of our best, we'll fly space force. - Yeah, so you'll take space force and we'll fly it into it. - Frank, anything you want to plug, that was so fun. Do you have fun? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, anything else you want to plug? - He is at Frank Caliando on all social media. If you can't spell Caliando, it's a letter C, the word alien in the word do, at Frank C, alien do. - Yep. - Website is frankonstage.com. - So talented. - So talented. - My old friend. - And I'm gonna be playing Hong Kong in a while. - Yeah, you'll be in Hong Kong. - What's it? - No, I'm not. - You're gonna do it all in met Andrin. - That'd be crazy. - That's gonna be crazy. All right, give Frank a round of applause. - Woo! - Woo! (upbeat music)