Bonus #206 - Max Wittert [PATREON PREVIEW]

What's up, Stav? Elvis. Guest. So for context, I'm about – I'm 31. I live in San Francisco. I am gay. Nice. Turn it off. I've been dating this guy, and we're pretty different. I'm a social worker. I work with homeless youth. I live in the Tenderloin. He is a venture capitalist. He makes a lot of money. He went to an elite college. Our worlds are very different. I really like him, though. I enjoy spending time with him. Blah, blah, blah. You've heard it all. However, I'm pretty sure that he thinks I'm beneath him, and I've tried to talk to him about it a few times, but it never really goes anywhere. He's a fucking piece of shit. Last week, we had a disagreement, and during the discussion where we were talking about our feelings, I mentioned that I don't always feel comfortable bringing up issues that I have with him because he's very, like, debate me, debate bro. He's an award-winning debater from high school. He was an award-winning – Anyone who is one of the award for debating in high school is a piece of shit. There's no one who's cool – I mean, maybe that's a blanket statement, but anyone who does that, then goes to fucking Harvard, then becomes a venture capitalist, you are talking about maybe the worst guy I can possibly imagine. A guy in fucking Silicon Valley right now, he's probably working on fucking AI, who grew up rich. This guy sounds like the worst person. I mean, if I were to imagine the worst – If I were to imagine the worst person, it would be this guy. Well, I'm waiting for the question. I need some details because – Yeah, yeah, no, I'm sorry. Because, by the way, it's like – I mean, yeah, he's painting a portrait of Maleficent. Right, right, right, right, right, right. This is like a Disney villain right now. Yes, yes, yes. But, no, keep going. Keep going on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. High school, he did some debate in college. This man can jam you up by – if you say the sky is blue, he can debate you into believing it's not. That's horrible. It's not a sauce. I'm not a very good debater, and I don't enjoy it, so it's difficult for me. I mentioned to him how he has these skills, and they make me uncomfortable because sometimes I just feel shut down. And he tells me that he's been – I've been doing a lot better about this recently. If I wanted to, I could throw shit in your face constantly. I could trip you up and make you feel so stupid, but I don't. So this is where the question comes in. I just kind of can't stop thinking about this, even though we did eventually. We ended the fight. We talked it out. We fucked. But, like – I'm pretty sure this guy just openly admitted that, yes, he does think I'm a complete dumbass, and I'm not sure, like, is this the moment where I should bounce out? I do struggle to leave relationships because of complicated issues I'm working through. I've always kind of thought the whole venture capitalist social worker thing was an issue. I've always felt like I'm not sure how you get ever fully understand me because I don't think he respects people like me. You shouldn't respect people like him. He's the reason you have to have a fucking job. If guys like that don't exist, there's no fucking homeless youth, you motherfucker. He's the fucking enemy, dude. And, like, look, there's a – I'm not – is he done? No. Wait, there's no – here, here. This is as bad as I think it is. What should I do? Should I dump this guy? Is he a loser or am I overreacting? It's a piece of shit. Thanks, guys. Appreciate your time. Really enjoy the show. Thanks, buddy. Thanks, buddy. It's funny that the question is, like, is, like, is this as bad as I'm making it out to be? And it's, like, well, you haven't said anything positive, so hard for me to say. Right. I mean, okay. He's rich. Maybe he picks – I mean, he's – I'll say this. He sounds really hot. It sounds like he's really hot. He's probably, like – he has to – I mean, yeah. If this guy's not a piece of ass, what are we doing here? Yeah, true. Right? Like, if he's not Patrick – he's basically gay Patrick Bateman. Yeah. So he's Patrick Bateman. I mean, I – it's interesting. It's interesting, the details that are present in this question. I mean, it's very clear from how this listener describes himself that he takes on other people's problems a lot. It's his job, right? Yeah. And so I think that, like, he probably has a lot of experience with being around very emotionally. Troubled, intense people. And he feels like he can, like, quell this beast. And this is not someone who wants to be quelled. Right. The people that you're working with at your job are, like, there to get help. And you are there to help them. You are not in this romantic relationship to help this guy. Yeah. That's kind of my – Yeah. Absolutely. And then furthermore than that, it's like, what are you in this for? For you to have a good time, you haven't said anything that good about it. Other than I like him. They had sex. They had good sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was the moment. He, like, quelled the beast. They, like, talked it out. They hashed it out. They fucked. They, like, exhausted. And now it's like, oh, yeah. You know, they're having that – when he has that cigarette, he's like, I fucking did it. I mean, look, I hate to fucking say this, but, like, this guy clearly doesn't – I respect you. In fact, you are sort of a – to him, you're like an experiment. He's going to tell people, oh, you'll never believe this. I was dating a social worker once. And they're going to be like, oh! Like, you know, there's like – like, somebody's like, there's a rat in the house or something. Like – like, and I think there's probably a little bit of that for you, too. It's like the – you know, it is – I said it earlier, but it's like a Lifetime movie trope of, like, opposites attract. The evil fucking big businessman is like – Saved by the guy with the good heart. And it's like, that's not what's going to happen. This guy's going to completely fucking dummy you out as long as he wants to. You're going to get too attached. He's probably already – he's so evil, he's found a way to cheat even while gay. And he'll do that to you. And to me, it's like – now, look, I'm obviously being harsh on venture capital or whatever. And I do think – I mean, we – you know, all that stuff is ruining the world without question. Without question, private equity is the worst fucking force in our society. But I'm not saying a person working in an evil field can't be a good person. It does that people get caught up in that shit, whatever. Yeah, thank you. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, we're not all bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But – Yeah, yeah. But they can't be the kind of person that when you bring something like that up goes, I have so much shit on you, you fucking broke piece of shit. You're lucky I don't unload on it. Right? They have to be a person who's showing, like, you know, they have to have at least a complicated view of what they do. No, and I mean – Let alone someone who's – Who's just a piece of shit holding back what he actually thinks of you. When I tell people that I'm vegan, because they ask about my eating situation, when I tell people that I'm vegan, to this day, people still get mad at me. And they make fun of me. And they have all kinds of shit they want to say. And it's because they know that underlying it, I have some sort of, like, moral high ground that is not justifiable for them to, like, back. That's a good point. You know? And it's like – I'm not imposing it. I'm not – I didn't even want to talk about it for you that asked about it. He – When he goes off on you, it's because he knows he's in the wrong. And he's, like, trying – I like that. And he's trying to, like, distance himself from you. The reason he was attracted to you to begin with is because you are so clearly, like, a moral arbiter. And – Or, like, you have the moral high ground where he has – You guys sort of, like, have exactly, like, what each other lacks. Right. Now, I – The difference is he lacks it because of a – He has a corrupt soul. Right. And you lack it because of the fucked up way our society is engineered. Yeah. Correct. I will say if there's, like, a challenge I can offer you, dear listener, I would say that you're very used to solving problems. I think you may want to explore starting them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and I'm not kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, because this guy starts problems. He doesn't – Like, the guy you're dating, he starts problems. He doesn't – He doesn't end them. You don't start problems. You end problems. You try to fix them. So what does it look like when you finally start causing some problems yourself? And that means understanding that, like, you causing conflict doesn't make you a bad person. No. And it means that, like – I'm sorry. I'm, like, getting so – I'm getting so, like, Oprah about this. This is exactly right. This is the tone of the show. But, like – We schizophrenically go back and forth. Oh, thank God. Yeah, yeah. Wait. You know what I'm saying? That wasn't me trying to be schizophrenic. That was me trying to be schizophrenic. That was me just embodying – Anyway, whatever. Okay. By the way, it's, like – And I love all of our schizophrenic listeners. Don't worry, man. They're not going to catch you. They got bigger shit going on. Yeah. No, literally. He's, like, I'm not even listening to you. I'm listening to the guy standing right behind you. The tall, tall, tall guy, nine feet tall. If there's one community to offend, I think – Which you shouldn't, but I think that, you know, they got other shit going on. Yeah, I think they – Totally. They have bigger fish to fry. But, anyway, all of that is to say, like, I think that it doesn't make you a bad person to cause conflict. It doesn't make you a bad person to stand up for yourself. It does not make you a bad person to tell him that you feel disrespected. Because even if he's doing that – Even if he is doing it unintentionally – And, by the way, I don't think he is. I think he is doing it very intentionally. Even if he won't – I don't think he'll admit it. Right. But I think that he does – I do think he does not respect you. Um, Yeah, this is the type of guy that does, I mean, this is the type of guy that the word microaggression was created for, where they just kind of push your buttons a little bit, just like the little pinching, you know what I mean? And look, we're generalizing, maybe not, but sounds like it. Sounds like we got this guy's number fucking dead to rest. You're going to cause some pain, and that's a healthy thing in this situation. Yeah, and look, that's the thing. Because this whole thing started, because not only was he, his version of causing problems now is just saying how he felt. That he feels hurt. And if you're in a relationship where when you say how you feel, and you're looking to get that out, deal with it as a couple, if you're in some way where every time you say how you feel, you're penalized for it, that's a big problem. That's a fucking huge problem. That's maybe the number one indicator that shit's not going to work. So yeah. And also, for what it's worth, it's like, there are guys out there with money who are nice. So if your thing is that you're like, I come from a place without much money, and I'm really looking for some economic security, there are some other rich guys, especially in San Francisco. Yeah, I know that is true. You're at the place they fucking manufacture rich gay guys. Literally. Literally. And you got a dud, bro. Go get a different one, man. You sound cute. Yeah, before you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before you have to sue the company that made them. Totally. I mean, if you think about, if you find particularly a rich guy who is guilty about getting rich, a social worker would be the fucking. Like, if I married a social worker, I'd be like, whew, even. Yeah. No, totally. All the damage I've done to the world, she's evened it out. You know what I mean? Totally. So you might find someone who has his own class issues that he's working through, but this guy's a fucking piece of shit. You're a nice guy, and yeah, fuck him. You're a nice guy, and yeah, fuck him.