Bonus #204 - Caleb Pitts and Patrick Doran [PATREON PREVIEW]

what's up stav i've been a fan a long time met you after a show about five years ago you were very friendly nice um my question is about a halloween costume idea okay hoping you can help out i am planning to go as a football player from the south park episode sarcastic ball like where tom brady has oh wow bra over top of his jersey this is an insane wearing a tinfoil hat and drinking butter's creamy goo which of course has just come uh hold on no the worst costumes in the world are the ones where there's a 45 second yeah okay he just okay okay he's gonna be doing this exact spiel minus the part where he called you nice right every person that well maybe he'll do that too yeah nice and i'm from south well anyway let's let him finish his question yeah you trying to come up with a alcoholic drink that i can make and carry around in a jug that looks like gum and looking for ideas for how i make this drink i'm thinking i would start with like the white gatorade but i'm not sure how i make the drink thicker and i'm also looking for ideas of what kind of gatorade alcohol you use or maybe you have a better idea so i like that's it just looking to make some fake cum that's uh edible and alcoholic okay well sorry for trashing the costume that you're completely completely committed to should i do this terrible entirely jumping on it immediately just say how do i make my drink look like cum yeah now easy it's ever clear white gatorade uh no you're missing the consistency there i've made a lot of fake cum okay and you you can use uh almond yogurt like a like a non-dairy yogurt i like and mix it with water so he could mix that with something else he could mix it with the thickener the thickener that you put in the end the agar agar powder like the xantham gum yeah something like that if you put a real small amount of that yeah it might have little clumps that's kind of jizz like you know what i mean like clumps if occasionally you get a small clump yeah you don't have a you've never clumped a clump you have no clumps of jizz when you say a clump i'm a man i mean it's like what are you talking about funny family how liquid yeah yeah how liquid is your jizz completely liquid really strained through a strain or fine mesh strain really nothing gets it's clear you know when you're cracking egg and there's like that little piece on the yellow yolk you know what i mean that i know about that okay you're saying clump sometimes you have like a like a couple of big sperms yeah i want i see the sperm tail shooting one big sperm yeah yeah clumps i'm just i don't know so you think you think i'm thinking like a nerds your jizz would go through a strainer no if my jizz would go i don't mean to be gay yeah my jizz would go through your mask right now no way it's on your face prove it prove it right now hold on patrick have you what is your jizz like yellow like an egg yolk yeah the egg yolk is oh i've definitely used some tough some off-white loads oh yeah i guess that's also important to know is for this guy like what what his what's his yeah what's his yeah yeah elders hold on back me up on the clumps here yeah it gets it's like yes when it comes man do you want to weigh in when it comes out hold on hold on the wolfman wants to weigh in elders wolfman corner i feel like some of you need to go to the doctor the wolfman comes through to regulate he's got he's got thin jizz like like this like these fucking guys i would just say that that is maybe not the best word to describe yeah it comes out it does it's sticky jizz is it comes out warm it's liquidy it's warm it's liquidy but like even just a little exposure to room temperature air as it gets colder especially like you'll see it clumpier and clumpier pretty fast actually how long are you keeping it out like yeah that's true you've done experiments yeah sometimes when you know when you don't get to the cleanup as quick as you'd like like when you don't get to the toilet what's happening you're seeing what's happening you're seeing what's happening you're seeing what's happening on your right hand or dick or balls whatever yeah your belly button reservoir oh this is just letting jizz chill there while he's watching reels elders nuts in his own belly button just goes back to tiktok it's easier you can just scoop it out like yeah yeah he lets it gelatine yeah yeah yeah it's like that uh the the thing that they like sell now that you can throw in like fry oil right yeah yeah yeah nutting on that just so you can like clean it up puts a little of that powder in his fucking belly button and lets the jizz coagulate there you go put that in some ever clear and white oh right yeah what is there what about like a creamy schnapps type of thing i mean a white russian sort of thing is yeah i mean eggnog really oh pretty common but you can't be drinking eggnog all night but diluted eggnog diluted eggnog you're saying because eggnog is christmas you can't calories of it it's a little rich it's just it's a little bit of a thing but it's a little bit of a it's just a little rich to be chugging on all night when you're like raging on halloween i would say do one drink that looks like come don't don't have like you have to keep drinking you got a two liter of eggnog yeah don't drink too much of this shit okay that's a good point if we're gonna go for pure verisimilitude white russian eggnog that's kind of eggnog is kind of exactly it right yeah so you could do a diluted eggnog you could do a take on a white russian something that has dairy but you don't exactly you don't want to drink a two liters worth of fucking white russian or it depends on how getting how fucked up you're getting on house so if you want so if you want to get one very realistic jizz looking drink go white russian go eggnog if you want something to get you through all the whole night yeah i would say white gatorade with is is there like a creamy schnapps is there something is there am i thinking of i don't know is there something that looks you think like bailey's yeah yeah even that would be terrible white white no no no i was thinking peach schnapps but that's not that's not milky at all how do you guys feel about like a diluted like watered down jello shot sort of yeah yeah i think a little jello that would work for these fucking clumpy so you're how much different is your jizz from your piss uh one to one yeah i'd say one to one i mean no you have purely liquid this isn't you're the one that's wrong you have to be a little thick yeah and you too wolfman if you have if you have no clumpy but it's not the word i have i have some white the word is some of it's white the word the word clump is the hurdle right now like we all know what we're saying we all know what we're saying it's just i do know what you're talking about what about tapioca it's like tapioca tapioca has pearls in it it's i would i would say sometimes there's a pearl or two no no no it's not kind of cheesy it's i would say like a yeah clump clump makes me think cottage cheese okay all right well i think you know i curdle hurdles curdles worse globules these are worse than clump i'm trying yeah globule and fucking what did you just say curdle globule and curd both worse curds is bad so concentrated in certain areas right yeah that i could big like thank you cheese curd yeah yeah it's you can see coming on my day oh that was great that was great babe like i'm giving birth to my dick one giant sperm wow did you come yeah yeah there you go eldest yeah i think yeah i guess you're yeah it's not a clump but i know the jizz is bigger than my dick i nut inside her she finally feels good she's like oh yeah oh you finally put it in uh yeah the tail's just flapping around and that's how they get pregnant yeah that's how it works um yeah i feel like there's creep isn't there like like going back to the candy situation right i feel like i've seen milky-ish gummies right you know what i'm saying yeah yeah like you know like you know they got that fish that half of it is yeah like milky cum that's what i'm saying the other half is red can we can we can we get that technology involved yeah yeah i think that might just be agar agar powder though i think that might just be it's some kind of thickener in like a gummy yeah so i think you just need to do white gatorade jello shots yeah oh that's good white gatorade in a big ass cup yeah a giant jello shot yeah and because it's white uh because the like the white gatorade you could go a little you could just make it a a fruity delicious drink yeah you could get a little we don't get milk get fucking dude go go back in the day coconut's a good coconut coconut milk coconut coconut milk malibu oh my god all right we saw we were right there we were right there the whole time we got the clumps thing really the language derailed us yeah even though i maintain it's the best word that anyone has so far come up with to describe it it's better than both globule and curd i like curd yeah a curd of jizz that sounds british yeah it does so they might just sounds like something mr bean would say yeah yeah he doesn't well Mr. Bean doesn't talk famously we watch episode one we watch episode one sir he'll say oh he says like four words he goes like what does he say he's like what did you study right right right like yeah his voice is I could've come yeah I could've come yeah it's so funny that there's like four and a half episodes of Mr. Bean yeah but everybody loves it this is like 36 seasons yeah yeah yeah but the guy he did like six episodes like it's insane yeah Rowan Atkinson he did more Black Adder yeah that guy is one of the great quote quotes behind a picture of him guys oh yeah Rowan Atkinson does he have a lot of quotes you go on like Facebook there's just a million like him with an Aston Martin of Rowan Atkinson and it's like don't pay attention to what the haters say wait wait they're just trying to catch up ironically no he's an alpha dog to a lot of people they love to push this narrative around Mr. Bean Indian guys yeah it is it's like they really like him to be successful you don't need a beautiful face and heroic body what you need is a skillful mind and ability to perform they post a picture of him in front of the Aston Martin and they say like he used to be called the ugliest kid in his school yeah and then he used his funny looks to buy a big car oh man just like shit like that yeah that's all foreign guys wouldn't that suck though if like they didn't make fun of him and also he's probably fucking funny as fuck he's not that weird it's just like he overdoes it for his character yeah exactly like in some movies he's almost kind of in Johnny English he's a little bit handsome just a little bit I mean he's not hot but he's not that fucked in England you don't think there's more fucked up looking guys in school in England than Mr. Bean look up Mr. Bean as a baby let's see what he looked like Mr. Bean that's just gonna be a picture of Mr. Bean's face on a baby though you're right it's gonna be AI we won't find anybody's fucking baby pictures anymore that was like the oldest Photoshop stuff was putting Mr. Bean's face oh yeah yeah I'm seeing a cartoon called Young Bean no I didn't ask for a fucking cartoon I'd like to watch that let's get a couple Rowan Atkinson as a baby he stole that dude James Acaster's wife he did? yeah he has a whole bit about that Mr. Bean fucked James Acaster's wife? his wife and Mr. Bean did a play together Rowan Atkinson never let your wife wait while they were together while they were married while they were together and then she came home one day and was like I have fallen in love with somebody on set and it was Rowan Atkinson that's getting cucked by Mr. Bean as well he's got a really great bit about it yeah yeah yeah not worth it that's where I'm like stand up there are limits to how good stand up is you don't gotta tell everyone that yeah the love of my life left me but I have seven minutes dude this kid is that's a cute kid that's a cute kid that's a guy who fucks James Acaster's wife right there James come on the pod let's discuss you