Bonus #201 - Live Call Show Vol. 45 [PATREON PREVIEW]

I don't know what's out here. What's up? What's going on? Bolswah madame wa zheil Thank you for taking my call you guys. Of course. All right. This is this is the reason why I'm here So it took a year for me to finally like let this loose and want to be public with it I'm listening and not being upset and emotional when I talk about it, but here it is. Okay. Okay, so girl talk It's a sacred thing and mean my boyfriend's cousin had this girl talk. She'd been having problems in her marriage She had now. I was kind of like yeah Now I was like, well, why'd you patch things up because she was living at her mom's house for a while Then suddenly moved back in with her husband Star's curious because I've been in a relationship for 13 years like So when other people are having rough patches. I'm always like hey, what'd you do to get through your rough patch? Uh-huh as like one woman to another sure She tells me she's basically been on these sites That are like third party sites for hooking up. Oh shit And I've been in a relationship for so long that I didn't know what those kinds of things were So I'm just so such a curious human, so I'm like don't me more And so she told me like all these sites she was going on It just upset in me because I'm like dude, you're clearly fucking married men like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah This is sad when you say you say third part. You're just like dating's like apps or like specific hookup sites Like specific hookup sites like she named dropped like one of them like field or something like that. Okay. Okay. Okay. I got you I got you. Okay, so so I'm like You didn't patch things up. You just started cheating on your partner. Yeah Oh This is the advice I want or that's crazy also you're dating you're dating her cousin Yes, but for 13 years So I'm just going to just like Is this how this family operates? What the fuck's going on here? But it's also crazy to give the advice to someone who's dating one of your family members the advice is cheat Yes, and I just kind of was disturbed by it because I was just like Wait, is this like how people just cope? They just cheat and then like am I the idiot? So anyways, I'm just kind of like oh wow This is weird. So I tell my partner. Hey, um, you know how your cousin always wants a dog sit for us Well, I don't want her to dog sit for anymore. Oh shit. You're so right Because like at that point, I was like well, maybe she's telling me this so I co-sign on it Because she's been our dog sitter for a few years now and maybe she's telling me this so she finally feels You're free committing this act in my home. Yes, she's defying her husband in your house Fucking other people in my house. I don't know. I hope it's just your husband I said I said cucking definitely other people I was so upset that she gets paid to do this job and um, you know I try to be like what you get money? Why don't you use hotel? Why you use my home? Also my landlord lives on the premises of this home So one of the days that I felt like weird about her dog sitting was because after she hit dogs at for us I went out to my car and the landscaper stared at me like I was a succubus bit like he looked at me like I was a dirty dog And I was like why is it landscaper looking at me like I'm the dirtiest dog ever and then finally when this chick admitted That she's been cheating on her husband all the boxes clicked like maybe that landscaper thought I was the cheating slut in this house In this landscaper who knows I'm not co-signing your landscaper fantasy who knows that's and now we're putting too much on this woman who's already committed enough sins That we don't have to say Maybe she was fucking in my house because why the fuck would this guy give me weird entered like he always waves and smiles at me And then that one day and she looked at me like I was a horrible human being and I was like Jesus like what's going on like I don't even feel comfortable smiling waving at this guy right now because he's looking at me like I'm discussed He's mad dog and we've always had good room for so I'm like what the fuck so when she's admitted this story to me I was like all right. I can't live like this. I can't have someone watch my house that I don't trust and I spoke my partner's point like hey, I don't want this person in my home not trying to sell out this woman And her devious acts because I don't want to like blow my my boyfriend's mind about his cousin like your cousin's a dirt bag So I just try to like cushion him from the truth and try to tell him like I don't want this person watching my home He tells me well I only like people watching her home and our dog that we know and trust And it's always been my family so I'm gonna stick with my family and I was like well Here's what's going on with your cousin I'm sorry I have to sell her out, but I can't handle this and I can't have someone in my home that does this that I think might be doing this and he's like well That's terrible my cousin would never do that to us And I think it's awful that you would accuse my cousin of doing that and I'm thinking So she's on her husband. What the fuck why would she not do this? Wait, wait, wait, wait. He said accused. He thinks you're lying about it No, he thinks that um His cousin would never fuck another person in our home. Oh, he's like listen. She's cheating Fucking ridiculous with that. Yeah, like oh, no, she if he's she's cheating. She's cheating outside of this house She's not doing it in our house. All right, no, babe. She told me this story. I think she wants me to co-sign on it I was like he shared the story. I agree because I was like you're so right that you're like that He's like she would never do that. It's like she's cheating on her husband You don't think she would betray your couch. She's betraying her husband And I mean the list woman kind of has back issues. So I've been always kind enough to invite her into staying in our bed And like I change the sheets. So yeah, not even I was like all right I literally make this person feel so welcome in my home. What if she's desecrating my own bed? Right. So I got a ring camera Because I was like this is how we solve this I get a fucking camera You put a camera out if you don't want a thief to steal well, you put a camera out in your house So no fucking funny business happens. Yeah. Yeah. Why? And it's visible Like I tell this story to people and everyone always assumes the camera was not visible. Fuck you guys Camera was visible. Oh, there's more the story Yes, I had to witness them fucking in my home and multiple strange men Over the weekend when I was at his house For his family's birthday party and I like had to like keep it inside of me for the first night Even though I knew like she was having a sex party at our house and then um finally she faced time to my oil He called my Partner of 13 years and was like hey, um, I don't know how to shut the blinds on this window In my partner. He's like, oh, let me FaceTime you real quick Because he's just that kind of person. He's like let me FaceTime you and then I'll see it and I can do it As soon as he FaceTime's are he gets off the FaceTime and his voice is shaking He's like, oh my god, I just FaceTime my cousin. I saw another car in the parking lot I think he has a visitor over And I was like oh, I'm so happy I get to share this with you and you're you're sitting back just keep inside You're sitting back there like fucking Jeffrey Epstein with tapes of every every politician fucking a child But you're not making it known yet. You're just like I have the video bro I I was too cheap to pay for that like service where you get to keep the recordings because I'm not a purve Also, it's like his cousin. I'm like, hey watch your cousin get fucking I full powered right here. I was so pissed. I was just like, oh, I have to watch this of your cousin and So you didn't tell him you didn't tell me you have video Oh, no, I showed him the video immediately like hey, okay, now that you see this other car You now you can see what's really going down and I'm cracking jokes and he's kind of like Getting a fight with me about it and I'm like, yo, I'm trying not to fight and ruin this family trip I'm completely right. I've been completely Yeah, yeah, so what did I do like the next time I run into this woman, I I feel like the girl who never complains What do you do? What the fuck are you talking about? It's wrong. What are you talking about? What do you do? Stop madam was what the fuck are you talking about what you do is say hey Stop fucking people in my fucking house. You're cheating on your fucking husband. You dumb bitch I'm keeping your secret because you know, I'm not going to sell you out But it's incredibly fucking disrespectful that you're using my home to cheat on your fucking husband That's what you do. There's no question here. It's it's crazy that she's doing this crazy Especially and then and I hope you glowed it to your boyfriend because you were 100% right and he was a fucking asshole about it What do you mean? What do you do you got to stand up for yourself here and in general life? I know Well that's a yes, I I felt like I was really getting walked on that weekend because I paid for this person's services We confronted her She didn't even return the money had like a very half-ass apology and I let my partner take it over and manage it I felt like it wasn't enough and letting him do it. I was like no, I didn't get the satisfaction. I need to know that This is what I should have called this person and shoot her out, but I also like should I just wait until I run into the next Run into her at the next family function and just give her an earful because that's the kind of human I am when I see you in public. Yeah, it's on site. I get in person. I fucking socially shame you. That's good I was raised. Yeah, I mean listen. Yeah, that's great. First of all, it's insane This woman is fucking hilarious because You have information that could ruin her life. Yes, and people have brought that up to me. And I'm like, I'm not that kind of, and I don't want to ruin anyone's life. No, of course. I just don't want anyone to think that I think that's okay, and that can be happening in my life. Of course, but what I'm saying is it's crazy. I will say this, and this is my fire you up. She doesn't think you're a threat so much that she'll just fuck in your house, not give the money back, and not even fully apologize. Even if she didn't respect you, she should understand the danger she's in that you could blow up her entire fucking life. But even that doesn't make her respect you, that would piss me off more. And if I were you, I would constantly pretend and threaten to fucking out her. I would have a drive and be like, you want this to go to your husband? Even though it's empty, I would do shit like that. I would be like, shut the fuck up if you know it's good for you. I would just hold up a fucking USB drive that has nothing on it. But just to make her sweat, like I would be doing shit like that personally. And I would be like, hey, Mike, what are you up to? Hey, why don't one of these days, why don't you dogs sit with your fucking wife in our house? You know what I mean? I would just be kind of stoking the flames unless her husband's a cock and she's gotten away with all this, I don't know. But you know. - I'm just suspect that might be their arrangement as well, which is like, I don't want to like, blow that up if that's what they got going on. But wouldn't you tell me that in your scenario? - Probably, yeah. - I just felt like she was forcing him into a cucking situation. - Probably, yeah, probably. So, okay, so then, yes. Obviously she's never dog sitting again, right? - Yeah, and my partner respects that if we ever do decide that marriage is something we want to do, that person is never invited to that wedding. - That's awesome. - I've also emphasized when we find a new home together that this person will never know where we live again. (laughs) And he's respected both of those boundaries. However, the one boundary he will not respect or ask me to simmer down on is me wanting to confront this person and let them know like what they did was absolutely horrid and it violated us on such a level where it really created mistrust in our own relationship. - Yeah. Why does he feel he just wants to keep it? He just like, I think he just wants to protect his cousin because that could financially fuck her. You know, like she could lose her home. - Oh, yeah, you don't want to blow up. - Yeah, yeah, you don't need to blow up her marriage, I guess. But the fact that he says you can't even confront her is kind of crazy. That's kind of fucked up. - Yes. - Is it the kind of thing? - 'Cause it's like, who are you protecting? - But is he saying it like, look, I know you deserve to, but please don't, or is he saying it like, it's ridiculous for you to want to do that? - No, he says, please don't, I understand it, but it doesn't make you look good. - Yeah. Well, look, you gotta be like, I mean, you just have to be like, all right, if you really don't want me to, that's okay. But I have to be honest to you, this is a big ask. You're asking a lot of me. Like you need to make it very clear what the stakes are because like you do feel violated. You feel like you should, you know, blow it up and you should also be like, I don't really appreciate you telling me when and when I can and can't be upset at someone. Because what this person did to me is fucked up. And what you're asking me to do is something that I will do if it's that important to you, but I feel like you're stifling me for just to keep your cousin from being upset and I don't appreciate that. And I want you to know I'm willing to do it, but that is what you're asking me to do. This isn't an easy question for me. That's what I would say in my relationship because I would want it to be very clear how I feel about it. Like, okay, if that's what you want, no problem, honey. Like really, you want me to do that? I think that's how I, and then ultimately you can do it, but make it clear it's a huge ask. - Okay. - And the kind of thing you're not gonna do every time you ask, by the way. Like you can, you only have a couple of these where I have to stifle myself. Because I don't, I don't want, you know, I need to be able to, when someone wrongs me, I need to be able to set it right. If it's very important to you with this family member, I will make an exception, but don't ask me to behave like this all, you know, again, like just know what you're asking me for. I think that's, 'cause that's, that's what it feels like talking to you. - It does feel like I have to swallow my pride in order to like move forward with this, and I don't want to, yeah, I don't want to be walked all over on this family. - Exactly. - I feel like the family doesn't respect me because I did what this man for 13 years and having gotten him to get me a ring. And then they've talked to me. - Oh, here's the real one, hold on, I'm just saying about a fucking cousin. This guy won't even confront his cousin. What hope do you have a little fucking proposed? That's interesting. That's what, that's the subtext here, isn't it? - I think it's just like the text. - I thought she was kind of like fishing. Like, oh, is that what you guys are doing here? I told him that too. Like I pointed out like, I don't know. Was she trying to get me to co-sign? So then she could do this in her home, or is he just fishing in our relationship, trying to figure out why we're so happy and unmarried for 13 years. - Are you happy? - Are you happy? - Are you happy? - Oh yeah, no, for sure. And like, I don't need the marriage, but it is protection, you know? I've always been taught that as an immigrant girl. So it is, it is like, you know, I just broke it down to you. Like, yeah, she could lose her house so she could get some horse, like, hard. You know, like you want for the- - Well, listen, I think what's important- - I think what ultimately is important is your own relationship here, right? And you're right. You don't wanna feel walked all over and I think you need to express this. And not just your, not with this family, but in your relationship. I think you're probably the kind of person who lets shit slide that festers, because just your, just your, the way you're communicating here, it's like we let off a fucking champagne cork and it's all flooding out of you. And I'm feeling like you don't have very many people to talk to about this kind of shit. And so I think you're clearly upset about this. I think clearly, not only have you been wronged, but you don't appreciate the way your partner has responded to it. And I think like, I think there's very reasonable, not to make this a big deal because your partner asked you and what do you ultimately have to gain from it. But I also think you have to make it clear how you feel about these sacrifices you're being asked to make. It's okay to sacrifice things in your relationship. It's not okay to pretend there was no sacrifice that you're totally happy behaving this way and all of a sudden your entire life becomes something you're not that comfortable. You're 85% comfortable with, which is better than, you know, 40%, but you want to be striving for 100, particularly in your relationship. That would be my sort of big picture advice to you, just from, that's vibes based advice. And I think, am I kind of right? - No, yeah, good vibrate for sure. You're, you're good at this. - Thank you. - That's why you're doing it. - Thank you. But yes, ultimately, I don't think this is bad. This is like, there's no like, you know, we've talked to people who were like, this is never gonna work. I don't feel that here, but I think you need to be more realistic about what you actually want, long term. And, you know, be realistic about this relationship and I don't think any of this stuff is not fixable, but I think clearly there are some communication problems here that you need to get, you need to figure out. But again, it doesn't sound like, this is not critical problems, but it's the kind of thing where it's like, this is an opportunity for you to start being heard a little more in the context of this family, but also in the context of your relationship. 'Cause like, what if, 'cause here's like what I'm, here's the worst case scenario for me. He's like, look, I'm asking you to do this, but don't worry. This woman's never coming to our house. She's never coming to our wedding. Fast forward 10 years, whatever the fuck, she's there, right? And you're like, hey, what the fuck? I stifled myself a decade ago and this was the promise. He's like, and he's like, hey, come on, don't be like this. We're getting, it's a wedding. And so like, my worry is that promises that are made to you don't get kept because you're easygoing. That's my worry. And I don't know if that's happened in the past or not, but that's what I would want to make sure it doesn't happen. 'Cause I think that's the fundamental and critical thing that could be an Achilles heel to an otherwise happy relationship. If you feel like you're not being heard and you feel like you're just being sort of like, you know, bureaucracy, it's like anytime you have a concern, it's like, oh, we'll talk about this later and it never gets, you know. - Well, yeah, it just frustrates me. I have to buy a ring camera to prove my point. - Right. - It can't be validated. - See, that's what it is. It's that you each needn't believe you at the very beginning. That's the, the, the, the. - And I had to sell someone out to be able to feel the belief. And then still didn't get the belief. - Right. - And I was like, wow, okay, I guess I need video evidence to feel like this partner can hear me. - And then when it's proven, he doesn't want you to behave in a way that's acceptable to, that he wants you to behave in a way that's easier for him but not acceptable to you emotionally. I hate the break it to you, those are real problems and you need to figure those out. - I heard. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry this wasn't as fun as you thought it was gonna be. (laughing) - Now you have to reflect on your relationship. - Yes, sorry. - You thought I was just gonna call this girl off. - Slut and we're all gonna have a good laugh. But no, now you got to fucking, now you got stuff to talk about the next couple of months in therapy. - That isn't a good point because I listen to this and I'm like, God, if, if this was like, if this was like my, one of my wife's cousins or something, just hilarious to think about. - I know. - That's kind of the scenario. - Putting it in context is so funny. - Yeah, but I'd be like, they did what? And it would be like, It would be fucking weird if it was our house, but it's like, okay, here's the deal. I don't want to talk to this person or they're definitely not dogs sitting at the horse. Yes, you know, the 75, I don't know what you pay the 75 bucks. The money's gonna be real at this point. Whatever, that is just so fucking weird. Yeah, I can not even like be out of function with this person and we just imagine a lot of lighting you want. Exactly. That is great. So that is that is a weird part. Yeah. Yeah. If she like doubted me or said I was like, lying or something. You're being crazy, eldest. And then you're fully right. And she's like, well, don't make a big deal about it. That would be fucking insane. You kind of got gasoline on both sides of it. And so hopefully this is not a trend in your relationship. But if it is, you know, let's let's make it so that it isn't, you know, I mean, even the fact that he throws out the wedding. Oh, if some wedding that doesn't seem to be in his fucking plans feels manipulative to me where it's like, don't worry, she's never coming to this wedding. Is it ever is the fucking wedding going to happen? Yes, she's not coming. Our parents aren't either. You fucking piece of shit because it's not real. That's interesting. So the more we should get off the line because the more we talk about it, the closer I get to telling you to move out. But go talk about this stuff with therapy. I'm not a licensed professional. Don't ruin your entire life because of a whim, a little riff at the end that Elders had on the call. No, for sure. Thank you guys. It was good reflections. You can cut out the last part of it. Not I'm kidding. No, no, don't. Yeah, thank you. Thanks for calling in. We're ending my call, but thanks for making a joke out of this situation because that's all I needed. Of course, be able to laugh about it. I hope you're having a, I hope you had a couple laughs. No, for sure. You guys got me good. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, cousin fuckers. I don't want to see him for a while. Yeah, just keep your distance from our relative. That's fucking crazy. You're right, man. Bring it down. It was a female cousin. Yeah, 40 years old, way too old to be doing that shit. Anyways, okay. Thank you guys. Yeah, yeah, like madmazzal.