Bonus #179 - Usama Siddiquee [PATREON PREVIEW]

I like your thoughts on a moral dilemma involving a family secret that's been in the family for a couple decades now. I'm in my 30s for context, but when I was around 18, I was drinking with my mom, and she decided to let me in on a fucked up secret about my little cousin. My mom told me that my cousin's biological dad died in an accident when he was an infant, I think like three. And apparently, this dude had quite a bit of money and had left a trust fund to my cousin. Well, my aunt, she made the decision not to tell my cousin that the dad he's known his whole life isn't his real dad, and that his bio dad died and left him this huge sum of money. And according to my mom, almost everyone in the family knows the secret, and my aunt's been known to threaten anyone with disowning them if they decide to tell. Whoa. At the time, I was livid for, A, my mom telling me the fucking secret. Yeah, that's fucked up on your mom's part. And, B, telling me that I can't tell my cousin the truth. But also, wait a second. A mom that gets drunk with her 18-year-old had a problem with boundaries? That's shocking. I'm blown away that the secret was revealed that late. You know, if this was like a drinking vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd that not come up earlier? You know what I'm saying? I mean, why you decide to tell your kid this is crazy, but let's let her finish, Elders. And I don't know. I was young, and my mom begged me not to tell him, so I didn't. And now all of this time has passed, and I'm getting the urge to tell him again. I personally feel that he deserves to know. I would want to know. He's got, like, a medical condition. It's important to know your family history. um i don't know uh if i tell him i'd have to tell him that his real dad is dead that his whole family has known for years and tell him and on top of all that my aunt decided to use the trust fund for the whole family and the money is gone oh the final the final bitch thank you love you sorry sorry what what no that's crazy dude oh what whoa that's actually fucking insane use the money for what though like she said use the trust fund for the whole family i don't know exactly what that means like did she get a house maybe the kid get anything so she so she i think the money from the guy how'd she even access it though if it wasn't hers i guess if the kid was young probably just guardianship that's illegal isn't it who also knows what this guy I mean who even knows how this set was set up I mean the guy died in an accident so it's not like he was planning to fucking die but this is fucking insane that's wild dude she's bad how old is the kid she's in her thirties she's in her you alright buddy she didn't specify This is the funniest podcast producer of all time He's like Amelia Bedelia But for podcast producers I've never seen a man Here's the crazy thing Every episode he fucks up in a new way It's like there's only so many ways To fuck up I've never seen that 8 button press in my life I've never seen a guy less in tune with his instruments It's like what is this It's actually fascinating How he's able to do this It is this device okay all right that's the device there's lag in the in the feedback do you want something new what do we got to do to up do we need to upgrade i gotta do some we need to upgrade it than you at the new place yeah for sure okay all right anyway so i'm sorry i'm i'm very confused here because i was thinking originally that this is a trust fund thing when the kid's 18 they find out hey you're we didn't want this to get in the way with your dad because this is your dad this guy loves you he raised you like a son uh and he loves you like a son and you should think of him as your dad but things are you know it was a little complicated we never didn't know how to bring it up we also didn't want you for this money to fuck you up we don't want you to be like a weird kid who always knew at the end of the day when he turned 18 he had three million bucks waiting for uh i can see that too to me that is a little like hey it's fucked up your mom let you in on this but just mind your business until the kid's 18 right but now it seems like this money's gone and no one's planning to tell this person yeah that has not here's the thing it's one thing for your dad to not be who your dad is i'm on the record as thinking like a lot of this is nurture more than nature like i've had we've had arguments on this podcast i think a lot of times it's like look i think who raised you as your dad more than anything absolutely yeah and obviously biology plays a part but to me that's actually that's weird but i also could see it what you're bearing the lead this is not your aunt is hiding your kid they're your cousin's parentage this is your aunt stole from her fucking son yeah yeah and this is a fucking crime and in my opinion unless look if there's something where she's like i'm gonna tell him when he turns x like if this kid if whatever the ages are different and this is her little cousin and her mom told her when she was 18 but i don't know that but if this person is an adult who no one is planning on telling right i think you got to tell him i think yeah i think i think you got to tell him and i think and then the aunt is is threatening to disown you it's like who cares yeah the aunt is definitely the villain of the story she stole from her kids she's straight yeah listen if you want like i don't know maybe i'm i don't. I think it's insanely fucked up It's also a point of a return right Like there's too many infractions now For her yes To be like hey bring it up For her yes she would love for this to stay buried forever But I think And look I'm normally a key Like I am normally a mind your own business guy In a lot of ways Especially if you love Which I assume you're pretty close to your cousin you care about him whatever especially if there's somebody who matters to you this is a huge injustice yeah and i think that he deserves to know and i think you should tell and i think you need to blow this shit the fuck up now you need to understand that you would many people in your family will see you as the villain sure even though it's not your fault right many you know what i mean like like many people will see that and you have to be ready for that you have to be ready to deal with the fallout yeah but i also think you kind of in my i i would say in my in your position i think i could not live with that secret if no one is planning to ever tell him and especially the money being gone i i think you owe it to your cousin yeah to tell him actually it's actually like a directive this is fucking insane like i think you got to tell him i mean and then buy him some lunch too i feel like yeah give him a little cash something something this guy didn't even know this guy lost how many i mean i wanted to i want to know the number two yeah i mean look who knows but i and look to play devil's advocate to to argue against this is there a let sleeping dogs lie like this person has no idea what he lost right and you would be potentially letting him know some you actually you'd be really fucking up his whole world because you'd be letting him know for the dad thing the dad thinks a whole huge thing we're like glazing over that but now you're letting him know that his mom stole from him yeah what if somebody told you right now yeah your mom took two even if it's like even it's like 25 grand sure but let's say it's like that's funny because she already has taken that yeah yeah yeah yeah brown mom yeah that's the entry level for the house but i'm just saying like like if somebody right now told you like hey um your mom stole a million dollars i honestly think it would fuck me up so much also your dad's not your dad it would fuck me up so much more to hear my mom stole from me yeah that amount of money and then she crafted a lie that included hiding my dad yes because it's not just your dad's not your dad it's your mom didn't tell you your dad was dead to steal from you no no for sure also another point of this is that you you if your mom is a hoe right low key and you don't think your mom's a hoe that is a deep core tenet of your philosophy when you're growing up my mom's a good mom yeah it's not a hoe a lot of moms had home moms and they started there so they can deal with the home mom right if you had not a home mom and then you have to find out at 35 you had a home mom that's tough that breaks up a lot of shit that fucks up your whole life whole concept like women calibration what because a lot of times you compare women to your mom like she's a hoe that's not much but your mom is the center now your mom's the hoe where's your where's your compass now yeah your compass is all fucked up so that's what I'm thinking about too and so I think in situations like this I tend to go don't stir the pot until something becomes really egregious yeah and to me the fact that there's no plan to ever tell them that's egregious no letter that's egregious yeah but this the combination because it takes what could again it could have been an innocent if misguided attempt because people now say the literature is you want to tell kids as early as possible if they're adopted or or whatever, you could argue that if they didn't steal the money, this is a misguided attempt to make sure this kid grows up normal, right? Before letting him know about the money. But once you've put money is stolen, this becomes a really crazy infraction against your child. Sure. And I think it rises to the level where I would have a moral problem keeping this secret. Sure. I really would. This is just two-fold too hard. I agree. Also, are you reading a lot of literature about this? I just mean like I've talked. I know. It's funny to say that. Well, you know the prevailing voices that might be the sovereigns? I weirdly have been dealing with something about adopt, like a project that deals with adoption. And so I weirdly have learned a little. You draw that like it was like, of course, as a man who is engaged in this kind of thing. Well, you know, this program, we give advice. I'm sort of an expert. I'm not an expert. Do not listen to anything I say. Legally, you cannot fucking sue me for anything. Fuck you. Fuck you. Suck my dick. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Anyway, that's what I think. Elders, you seem like you have thoughts bubbling up over there. I honestly don't really. You don't? No. Okay. Great. Besides that, yeah, it's pretty fucked up. It's very fucked up. They're lying to this kid. I don't even know what I would do. That is like such a big responsibility to know that, especially to like unload that on an 18-year-old. And that can be like so traumatic for an 18-year-old too where it's like. Do we know how old he is though? I mean her, like her finding this out at 18 and her mom telling her. Like if someone told me that shit at 18, I'd be like, whoa, that's pretty juicy. No, at 18, it's not, I'm not faulting her for not acting. Right, right, right. I'm saying I get why this is eating her alive. Yeah. Yeah. And I think even though the time has passed, or not passed, but it's like it's been a while, I think it's like. Tell him. I would like to know that if this were me, I would want to know this information. Yeah. I think this is just such a crazy betrayal. It's very sad, Loki. It's really sad. At the core of it, it's very sad. And listen, also like, let's give some grace to this woman who like, the person she was having a kid with died. Yeah. The kid's a month old, right? Yeah. She doesn't know what the fuck. And I get making, again. That's the other thing. She said he was three when the dad died, which is kind of crazy. He wasn't three. She said an infant and then she said three, which is wrong in two ways. An infant's not three, it's a toddler. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. She might be. Either way. She said I think like three, whatever. The kid was young enough that the lie worked on him. Yeah. I get. Again, to put some grace to this woman, she went through something insanely traumatic. Yeah. Right? Who she was with died. She's scrambling. Also, you know, raising a kid, to talk high and mighty while someone's raising a kid alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she wasn't alone. It was with somebody else. Right, but there was a period between. Sure. Right? And listen, maybe if it was like pure emergency that the trust fund. But something tells me the way she says, used it for the family. I don't. I think it feels like she stole her child's money. It could have been just for catering and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. Like vacations. Vacations and. So, I don't know. That's. I need more information. Also, how close is the family? If the family sucks in general, then you don't owe them anything. If y'all are meeting together every week, it's a different thing. Maybe y'all are tight-knit. Even then, that's. Is that even worse? I mean. Like. It wouldn't change how I see what you do. Yeah, yeah. It will be different how your life changes once you do do it, which I hope you do tell this man about this. Oh, my God. And I think you need to do, like, a. I would also do, like, a kind of rallying the troops thing first and be like, talk to your mom about it. Be like, this is insanely fucked up. Yeah. We should do something about this. Or I don't know. I wonder how the finances of the guy is, you know? If he's poor, it's gonna hurt way more. That's interesting. And also, it's like, when she says for the family, did she use it to pay the kids' college? Yeah. Did she put. Did she do it for the kids? Yeah, what a godfather terminology, you know? We kind of need to know. Yeah. For the family is such a weird way to describe it. I know. And to me, that what that means is that it started for, like, emergencies. Yes. Once you get. Yeah, come on. Once you get addicted to that little extra money, it's like, we've all. In college, I remember my roommate got in a car accident and had Percocet. Oh, yeah. And, you know. He did that. It took him six months. He didn't have any. I took one. And then I looked around. He didn't notice. And then we're fucking leaving, and I'm cleaning out the fucking. I'm cleaning out the, like, medicine cabinet, and I'm like, oh, he won't notice. There was one pill left. Literally. And so I know what it's like to steal a little for a word. My dad. And the first time I did it was because I actually got hurt. Yeah. I had, like, tooth surgery, and I asked them for pain pills and they wouldn't get it. And it starts for real reasons. And I'm like, wouldn't it be awesome to take three of these and use my meal plan for Chinese food? And that's what I. You know what I mean? It starts good, and then it becomes crazy. Literally, my dad coming home from the hospital, you know, heavy drugs, Oxycontin, you know, all the shit. And I'm just like, I'm not even an addict by any means. Of any kind. But I'm like, okay, it's here. Let's take some. Yeah. I had a train ride back from D.C. Take a little. Don't sleep. Sounds awesome. Ride it out. Woo! I was a molly kid for a long time, so get back to those days for a little bit. Yeah. So anyway, I think you gotta tell me personally. I think we really did dive into this because it was very meaty, but that's our examination. And I'm just so sorry. I'm so sorry that's going through your. Yeah, that's crazy. That's really sorry. Heart goes out. For real, that's crazy. And your mom is a dumb ass for telling you. Yes. Yes. That's on her, in a major way. Her voice and what the story she told was so great. Like, came in so cute, first time listener. Anyway, here's a fucking bombshell. Yeah, you dropped a bomb on us. And I respect that. That's something meaty. That's a good fan right there.