The person you are talking to decides everything about in the first six seconds. Now, in the age of Botox, this is gone. But if theoretically, we could eyebrow rays, then those micro expressions are really important for your social relationships. The NASA van Edwards, I could literally talk to you for hours. I help really smart, talented people who are a little bit awkward, get better at communication for a lot of women. We are taught to look for all the things that are wrong with us. But for men, they are taught this confidence. And they do this, how opposed for the hands. When I do it, I feel like I'm like talking to the moon, highly successful people, invest in their communication. Like I listen to you, and I'm like, "Dang yeah!" Because you never know when someone could be your next client, your next hire, your next partner. One thing that is important to know is if someone asks you, "This is the biggest opportunity we have in our career." And if you are not merely answering that question, you are missing opportunities. So I have a formula for how I want you to answer that question. We have to, how do you read rooms better? One is you have to remove these questions. How are you? What's up? What do you do? Second approach is the distance from your ear and your shoulder. And the last thing is a rookie mistake that people may, which is. Hi angels, did you know that subscribing to our channel is free? It doesn't cost you anything, and it is the simplest way for you to support Hotsmart Rich and help us grow, so that we can bring you more of the conversations you love. Just hit the subscribe button below and thank you. In case you missed it, you're allowed to be hot, smart, and rich, so let's get into it. Vanessa van Edwards, are you ready to get Hotsmart Rich? I'm so ready. I am so excited that you're here. You're in some bare feet, which is a big deal for people that don't know who you are. So for someone that is just clicked into this conversation, they're not familiar with you. What would you say to them to get them to stay? I'm a recovering awkward person, and I help really smart, talented, brilliant people who are a little bit awkward. Get that missing memo on communication. It's how to own the room by reading it, how to walk into a room as yourself. Introverts are not fundamentally broken. They don't have to just pretend to be more outgoing, and so my mission, if you're willing to stay, is to give you some tips to be yourself and be heard. You just said something on the room, which is this whole season's thesis. And it came across really organically as I was sitting across from all of these incredibly successful women, mostly and men, that just have this ability to own the room in such a unique, distinct way. And I wanted to share all of those secrets. But a lot of people struggle with this. Why do you think that that is? I think that if you don't like yourself, it's very hard to feel like you can own a room. And what I mean by that is, I think at least for for me, for a lot of women, is we are taught all to look for all the things that are wrong with us. Like, I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. My skin isn't young enough. I'm not cool enough. And so how could we walk into a room and feel like we own it? If in our head, all we're doing is thinking of all the things that we're missing and doing wrong. And so my mission is, you don't have to be perfect. There is no such thing. But also, what are your micro superpowers? What are your micro strengths that are what people actually remember you for? That overshadow and overpower all those little things that you think are wrong with you are not right. And I think that's the only way. You're never going to think that you have nothing wrong with you. But if you are able to figure out, okay, I have a couple of things that could make me stand out. That's I think how you can own the room. Can I be honest with you about something? Yes, yes. So I think people think I'm a very confident person, which in certain situations I am. And then there are other rooms that I walk into. And I feel so insecure. I can feel that heartbeat just going crazy. My voice is starting to shake. If I was holding papers, I could tell that it's like shaking. And I think talking about that is so important because even that dinner that we hosted, most of those women, all of those women in those room are people that anyone watching this looks up to. They have this persona of like being like they have it all together. They're so confident. But there are rooms I'm sure of that those women also feel the same way that everyone listening to this probably feels. So when you came to the dinner, how did you read that room in terms of who was there? I think every single person there and I tried to have a one-on-one conversation with every single person. That was my goal. My secret goal that night was to try to have a one-on-one conversation with every person. I don't know if you felt this way. I felt like every single person felt they didn't belong. They were very welcomed. But every single person was like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe that I'm here. I'm so awkward. I don't know if I belong." What I'm going to say. And we introduced a conversation charter and I was so happy you did because I begged you, "Please, can we do one?" Did you notice that not one single person was like, "Yeah, I can't wait to answer." Not one. And these are women who make their living online, talking online, answering questions online. And I was floored because not a single woman was like, "I'll go first. Not a single one." And that shows us that this is an internal struggle, not an external struggle. It had nothing to do with vacatering or you or who else was there. Everyone at that table was having an internal battle of, "I don't want to sound stupid." I think a lot of women said this out loud. I don't know if this is good or not. I don't know if this is interesting or not. Everyone thought they were not interesting. These are women who literally have millions of followers and every single woman thought that their answer was not interesting enough. And so this is an internal battle. It doesn't matter how many followers you have. It does not matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter what you're wearing. We are still going to have an internal battle of, "Am I worth it? Am I worth listening to? Am I interesting enough?" So my read of the room was actually groundbreaking for me in that, "Ah, this is something I have to work out internally. It has nothing to do with my external vanity metrics or numbers because everyone felt like they didn't belong." Now, by the end of the night, I think everyone felt like they did. And that's the power of a room full of women, right? Everyone was held, right? Like everyone answered and some people answered more verbally than others, but we held each other, right? Like someone cried. And the table was like rallying for her. And she did not have the perfect answer. She had an answer where she was sharing something she didn't know what to do. She was worried and upset and broken. And the table was like, "We got you. You can do this." And so that showed me like, "One, this has nothing to do with anything but yourself and your own mental game." And it is a mental game to get yourself to the place to be like, "I'm interesting enough." But second, if you're in the room of the right people and the right women that catch you, it doesn't matter about me. Interesting anymore. You can just answer. You can just be. Something that you said really intrigues me because I a thousand percent agree with you. And I feel that way. There are rooms where I feel super confident, super ready, super just like I deserve to be here. And then there are a lot of rooms that I feel the same way. And I'm wondering if that's unique to me or if that's unique to specific situations. And how do you know which rooms you're gonna feel like that? And how do you prep for that? And how do you figure out what are the rooms that you need to push yourself in to actually be able to grow as a person and use that as a learning experience? So I think it's not just a you thing. By the way, I was going to ask, did you feel comfortable in the room? Yeah. Okay. So that was the good thing is I think that was contagious. So I do think that there is emotional contagion happening in every room. And we should be talking about it more. So we typically as humans catch emotions from the most alpha person in the room. So you are the alpha you were hosting, right? It was your event. You had curated this beautiful group of women. You came in calm, confident, and excited. I literally like felt your excitement like you stood up and kind of introduced me and you were like, yes, like I'm so I could see it. Do you see the table like take a breath? They were like, oh yeah, oh yeah, excited. It does never happen to you when you go somewhere and then you're like, oh, oh, this is good. I forgot. Like I forgot, this is supposed to be exciting. So the first thing is I think we have to think about what contagion do we want to bring? Like do we want to be the alpha contagious person? Right? Do we want to go and be like, you know what, I'm going to make sure that every single person I interact with feels good and calm. My goal that night was to have one-on-one interaction with every single person and make them feel like they belonged. That was my goal because I knew I was meeting people that I didn't, didn't know, but I was like, I have a feeling everyone's going to feel scared. Like that scared doesn't do anything for us. So are you going to be the contagion? Like are you the other one that's like, I'm going to spark excitement or I'm going to spike confidence? Or do you need to catch someone's calm? Do you need to look for a mentor? Do you need to look for a wing woman? Do you need to look for a partner? That I think is a way that we can be, it's an interesting backdoor into confidence. You said at the dinner that you own the room by reading it. How do you personally do that? How can I listening to this be like, I need to read rooms better? What am I looking for? Yeah. Okay. So very tactically, I think of this, you know, like sports. I think that we have to think of socializing like an endurance sport, right? If you are going to go into a room and make a first impression over and over again, maybe even pitch your business idea or pitch yourself, you have to, that's shooting your shot, right? Like that's like taking a kick at the goal. Like we're gonna make in sports analogies here's guys, and I'm gonna be out of my depth in like one more analogy, right? But we're we're we're kicking the balls of the goal. I know that's a sports analogy. And then we have to last, right? We have to like, we can't just be like, well, I'm too tired. I'm gonna go out and I know you have to like make it to the end of the night. Okay. So first is a big mistake that people make. I like to map out rooms is staying in the start zone. The start zone is wherever you are, wherever room you're in, is right when people enter and they're either taking off their shoes or signing in their name tags or just getting started, that is the worst place to stand. And it's the worst place to read the room. And it's a rookie mistake that people make. So when you go into a room, have a target. Like just like a sport, have a target. Either it's the host,
or it's a refreshment like something that you want in your hand or it's looking for the most nervous person. I think that's because the best thing that you can do, the gift that we can give, is helping someone else who's more nervous than us and bring them up with you. So I always look for the person who looks the most uncomfortable and I'm like, "That's my person." And then I'm like, "Hey, I'm so excited you're here. Tell me all about you." Like, I want to give them excitement because I know that that's going to also come back to me and we're going to both be in this vulnerable, shared, open, honest space together. So avoid the start zone. That's number one. Number two is I like to look for the most, the person who needs you the most. I think that going into help and be helpful. My mantra in life is aggressively helpful. Like, I will bully you into helping. I will bully you into changing. I will do it. And so that energy I feel like is my backdrop and confidence. The next way that you read the room is you look for open feet. And this sounds like a really crazy thing. But when someone's in a really good one-on-one conversation, you actually don't want to be the awkward person breaking it up. Has ever happened where you're like talking to someone, you're really into it. And usually your feet are on parallel lines, your hips and body are on parallel lines. This is a very closed emotional space. You don't want to break that emotional space. It will be awkward for you. If someone comes in, they're going to be like, "Oh, oh, you're looking for people with open body and open feet. I call it croissant feet." And their feet look a little bit like a croissant, you know? So a foot is pointed out. It means they're open to the room and they're like, "Please come help. Please come save us." So if I don't see someone who's nervous who needs help, I will then look for open croissant feet. Also, like, why not look for croissants? Like, that's a fun way. Easy to remember. He's a way to remember it. I'm not not that I am just reading gluten, but if we did, gluten-free croissant. I'm not brown one of those, by the way. Have you ever found a gluten-free croissant? The best. Chopin and Paris. Yeah. Yeah, you need to know that. You needed to know that. Okay, so you're looking for croissant feet. That's the person who is open-minded to meeting someone. So when I walked into your party, there was already little clusters. I saw people who clearly knew each other that were catching up. No. I'm not going to disrupt their flow. They're having a great moment. But I am looking for people who are kind of overhead gazing and they're like, help or we don't know what to talk about, right? And then I'm going to come in and if you're going to break into a group, you can always say, you guys are like, you're having so much fun. Can I join? You also can say, oh my gosh, what brings you all here? How do you know the host? You go in with a very open positive line. And the last way to read the room, which is what I was really working on that night, is micro expressions, is reading facial expressions. So people, when we're afraid, we tend to be very wide-eyed like that deer in the headlights look where the whites of our eyes show. When someone flashes the whites of their eyes at you, it means that they're amygdala is firing, that they're feeling very nervous. Now, the more I do that, the more nervous it probably makes you. Right. So I calm my lids down and then I'm back into relaxation. If I am seeing someone during the headlights, I know that they're in some sort of fight or flight and I want to try to calm them down or at least see what made them nervous. When you asked your conversation, I was so happy you were the host and I got to sit right next to you because I was watching faces to see who looked the most scared. And then I said, you don't ask them first. Like give them a minute to think it through. My lovely introverts, like most of my students, are introverts and ambivots. So they are, they can swing into extroversion when they need to, but they really lean towards smaller groups. They internally process more alone time. They need more time to process big questions. So we share the question. And then I said, let's, I read the room. I was like, we got to give our introverts time to think it through and think that they're answer and then we'll go around the circle. And that's, I think, being respectfully reading the room. You said something that I can't stop thinking about, which is how do you spot the most nervous person? What are giveaway signs that someone is incredibly nervous? Yeah, okay. So there's nonverbal signs, vocal signs and verbal signs. So nonverbally first is when we get nervous, we tend to take up as little space as possible. This is a evolutionary response. So we shrink our head down. We also, the space between our shoulders and our ears shrinks because we're trying to protect our jugular. We also tightly pin our arms to our side. We might even cross our arms in front of us. So you'll see someone who is doing a lot of this or they have an object that they're blocking with. So they'll take a purse and they'll hold it in front of their body or they'll tightly hold their clutch their side. This is a biological response of trying to take up as little space as possible. Research, the British researchers from the University of British Columbia found that athletes across races, when they lose a competition, they crumble, they crumple in. They tilt their head toward their chest. They usually have a fist script. They have a pained expression. This is exactly what very nervous people look like in social situations. They literally look like they're trying to be not noticed. So less space. Tonally, we hear a tightness in the vocal cords. So right now I'm, I'm relaxed, you know, we're chatting, we're having good time. If I was nervous, my vocal cords would tense a little bit and I would go up in my vocal power. I would also get a little bit of vocal fry so you would have less volume and intonation. And then if I was really, really nervous, I would go up at the end of my sentences like I was asking. So when you say, hey, it's nice to meet you. Oh, hi. So really high, lots of less vocal power. That is because without breath and without volume, our vocal cords tighten. And that is a signal of anxiety. And it shows that someone is feeling very anxious and nervous. They literally lost their voice. Again, my goal in social situations, and I think that this is really empowering for introverts is you can actually help other introverts by helping them find their voice. So there's two ways you can do that is one is you can ask them questions about things they love to talk about. So you can, you know, ask them, you know, what are you working on? It's exciting these days or any fun and big projects, or you can take the ball in conversation and you can entertain. Introverts love to be entertained, right? I think you're probably really good at this too. It's like I have stories in my back pocket always, but I know it's going to delight an introvert. And so sometimes I'll come into a party just like ready to give them time to just take a deep breath. You're cool. I accept you. I love you. And so either way, you can, you can go out either way to calm them down. One of the things that's so fascinating to me about that because I am exactly like you. My goal that night was to introduce people that I know could have a phenomenal connection. And like the way I own the room is by introducing others, always finding rapport between people, making sure that people feel comfortable. But something that I think maybe other people can relate to listening to this is sometimes as extroverts, you feel like you have to fill the silence. And one of the best pieces advice that my mom gave me when I was growing up was don't fill the silence just because you feel like you have to be the one talking. And especially having the podcast has actually been really helpful for me to learn that skill of like there's power and a pause. There is power in giving other people the floor. You actually don't need to jump in right away Maggie and like let people sit in silence for a bit. And so I'm wondering how you balance that that reality of like making other people feel comfortable having those stories that you can share. I think that like people won't remember what you said, but they'll remember how the way that you made them feel. And for me, that has always been filling the silence. So when you're coaching someone, one of your students on like what is that equation of how often you're jumping in and then how often you're actually just like letting things unfold the way that they should. So there's actually a research on this. We need turn taking and conversation. We actually need this. If there's not a back and forth, even if the person is telling an amazing story, if there's not a back and forth, there is an inequality that is felt and that lack of reciprocity, you cannot have connection from it. So the good news is is for extroverts, you could take the pressure off in that we actually need the turn taking to be able to spark connection and you need to give the ball back in a good way. This doesn't have to be necessarily, you know, pelting them with questions. I like very, very small like confetti phrases that you can drop in that gently toss the ball back in an easy way. So if someone mentions something even a little bit exciting or intriguing, oh my gosh, tell me more. Tell me everything. What that gluten free croissant? Where? When? How? Right. So like it doesn't, you don't have to hold the floor. We can be tossing the ball back very, very casually. So that's one thing is we do want turn taking. Second, you want to listen for sparks and look for sparks. So when you're in a really good conversation, the other person is doing probably three things. One, it's exactly what you're doing, nodding. Apparently, I nod too much. Oh, bobbleheading. My team said stop doing this all the time. You know, you can do if you'd bobblehead. So I'm also a recovering bobbleheader. So if you feel yourself bobble
heading too much, just head tilt. You can't do both at the same time. Okay. Right. So if you're like because it's also a warmth cue. So right, we're actually interchanging listening warmth cues. When human behavior is split up into two main frameworks, warmth and competence. So when we're interacting, I'm trying to gauge can I trust you? Can I rely on you? The faster you can signal those two things, the more charismatic you are. So your warmth cues are telling me open up to me. Trust me. Your competence cues are saying you can rely on me. I'm going to get this done. So nodding is a warmth cue. If you're nodding too much, we can replace it with another warmth cue, which is a head tilt. So that's exposing one ear. So for example, if I were to give you bad news, it looks better if I give a head tilt. So let me give you bad news. I'm sorry. Wait, I can't do this versus I'm sorry. I can't do this. Like even that head tilt. It's shocking. It's shocking, like different. I know. Micro cues. Right. So very small signals have big impact. So what happens is if I'm delivered to you straight on, like no, I had to move on. I'm sorry. I can't do this.
You see no warmth, so your body's like can't trust, can't trust, can't trust. Right, like warmth is a fundamental aspect of human behavior, but the moment I tilt my head to the side, I'm actually exposing my ear, which means I'm trying to hear you better. It all of a sudden opens up connection to, "This is a discussion. I'm here for you. I want you to be able to trust me with this." So when I say, "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." You feel like, "Oh, but the connection is still open and we can talk it through." Very subtle, but very powerful. So your head nodding is great. Your head movement is very warm. That's the first thing that we do when we're listening well. The second thing is an eyebrow raise. Now in the age of Botox, this is gone. But if theoretically we could eyebrow raise, that is a very high warmth cue. We raise our eyebrows up, we get our eyebrows out of the way so we can see more. So if someone raises their eyebrows up, we go, "Oh, they're really interested." That's another way to be like, "Oh, they said something great." If they're leaning in, so leaning in is a pre-activation cue. When I lean, we activate the five senses. I could smell you better. I could taste you better. I could touch you better. I could hear you better. I could smell you. I forgot the last one. The last one of the last five senses. So it's pre-activation. If I'm talking and someone goes, "What? No way." Right? Like, you just know that I got activated in a way. That's a topic you want to double down on. So for extroverts, if you see head nodding, tilting, eyebrow raise, or leaning in, that's something that they want to hear about or talk about more, and that's where you want to double down. Can I ask you something very tactical about men versus women? Yes. Because I think you even said it the Botox conversation. Although I think 25% of Botox is now being done by men. So that's growing. But specifically with hair and earrings and like little things that women can be doing. What is distracting for people and what is actually elevating your warmth and competence cues for a woman listening to this? Thank you so much for asking. Our ornaments. So when we talk about all these signals. So we're turning warmth and competence. That happens in four main channels. First, the words we use. The types of words you use to know your warmth and competence. If warm people use words like yay, fab, whoop, wow. We love emojis and exclamation points. Highly warm, but competency people use totally different types of words. They love get it done words, graphs, charts, bullet points. They literally speak differently. The second channel is our body language. So our facial expressions, my gestures, how I'm moving my body through space. I actually took off my shoes today on purpose. I did. Because I wanted more warmth. So I'm always in heels or boots, always, always. But I was like, no, like Maggie is up here. You know, like the ladies listening, we could be friends. We could be friends. So I'm like a warmth cue is literally taking off my shoes. Thank goodness my toes are done. Right? So that's a warmth cue. That's body language, body language and ornaments. The third one is vocal. So how I say my words, that also changes things like, for example, if I were to be getting my interview in this tone of voice. Now, when I speak to my daughters, I'm usually much more up here. And this feels very natural to me. But you would treat me very differently if I was answering questions like this. Right? You would think of me differently. You would approach me differently. You'd probably hug me longer. You would nod differently. But I, when I'm seeking my daughters, this is how I speak. So your tone also affects a lot of that. And the last one is ornaments. So our jewelry are hair. Here's what you have to remember. Self touch can be perceived two ways. It can be perceived as nervousness. Or it can be perceived as flirtation. So if you don't want to do either of those things, you should not self touch in any way. And what does that mean? Self touch is fixing our hair, fixing our earrings, tucking our hair, tucking our clothes even, ringing our hands, playing with our bracelets. Like, you know, I wore silent bracelets today. I did not wear bangles because I knew that they can't clank clank clank clank clank clank. And that, especially for men, is very distracting. And it takes away from your competence. You know, it has nothing to do with competence. In fact, having an expensive bangle could be perceived as more competent. That distraction is almost like a audible self touch. Right? It's like you're hearing it. So anytime you are self touching, it's going to read as you are nervous. Or do you like me? So in a business context, I do not want you self touching at all. Your hair, your jewelry, your clothing should be able to live as they are, especially if all eyes are on you. Presentations, podcasts, interviews, pitches. If you run a business, you know there are moments where you need capital quickly. Maybe there's an opportunity you want to move on or inventory needs to be purchased. Or maybe cash flow is a little tighter than you'd like it to be. The annoying thing is financing often feels slow, confusing, and full of things you don't find out until way too late. But our sponsor, Sofie and their small business loans are designed to be not only fast, but straightforward too. With a quick digital application, you can check your eligibility in minutes. Receive a decision quickly. And if approved, get funding as soon as 24 hours later. One thing I really like is how transparent they are. You see your terms clearly before you accept so you know exactly what you're signing up for. There's also no penalties for paying off your loan early. 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It's perfect for that lower impact movement. It's made with their Nulu fabric and has a super soft, barely there feeling. I only just learned that when Lululemon does colors, they do it with limited drops. And they sell out so much faster than I realized. Lululemon offers free returns too, so there's never a risk if you decide to change your mind. So had to Lululemon.com to get your hands on their groove relaxed cinch pant. For women specifically, I think as I've gone older and you realize just the amount that we are doing to keep it together all day every day, we need to simplify this for the women that are listening of what are the cues that are the most important when they're showing up in a business setting? Let's start with that first. What are the things that are not as important for them? But it's like if you can't work on decision making for these today, it is okay. That can be in the future. And then we can go into the other areas of our life. But let's really start with that business. Okay, so first, there are 97 cues to choose from. So you have a lot of choice here. You want to start with the cues that feel most natural to you. The last thing I want you to do is be an authentic, right? And if there are cues like, for example, one of the cues I teach is a steeple cue, which is when you tip the, you touch the tips of your fingers together. This is a very, it was rated as the most charismatic hand gesture. It's like a power pose for the hands. I feel a little silly doing it. To be honest, it's actually on my book cover, which is so funny. I did that fricking photo shoot, and I took one picture with the steeple. My publisher was like, that's the one. And I was like, what? Which is so funny. Cause it's like, I actually, I'm like, when I do it, I feel like I'm like, talking to the moon, like a little bit, but some people love it. So that for me is not a cue that I want to do, right? So you have 97 cues to choose from. And luckily women, especially are already super good at this, like you are, we are so dynamic. We are so like chameleons. For example, you know, we have a my cousin and your mutual friend, Sam, Sam Cox, we love you. Okay. So my cousin, we didn't even know we had this connection until like today. So Sam went on Shark Tank, right? Sam on Shark Tank is very different than Sam hanging out by the pool on purpose. Women know this. We know that if we have to go on Shark Tank and pitch our business, we're going to dial up the competence and the warmth at first, right? So we are already doing this. I want us to be purposeful with it. So first, you're for six seconds. This is the most important aspect of any interaction, especially high stakes. All my, my women who are leading businesses, hiring, negotiating, raising VC funds, the first six seconds are everything. In fact, I would even go as far to say, your, the person you are pitching to decides everything about you in the first six seconds and the rest of the meeting is them just just just to find that opinion. So your first six seconds need to be very purposeful. The moment someone first sees you is when your first impression starts. It's not the moment you start talking. Let's look at Shark Tank, for example. I like to watch just the entrance on Shark Tank and I can almost always predict if that entrepreneur is going to get a pitch because as they walked down the hallway and they have their first word, high sharks, warning sharks, that tells them everything. One, did they take up space while they walked, right? It's like when they hunched over, take up as little space as possible, did they show their palm? We love a palm, especially in the first six seconds. So whenever I hop on video, hop on camera, walk into a room when I'm doing any kind of high stakes, warning, good to see everyone. Thank you so much for having me. It's actually biological. We like to see an open palm because it shows we're not hiding anything. Is this why Taylor Swift always does performances like this? Constant. I think she actually is so naturally charismatic that she doesn't even realize why it works, she just knows it works. But that is why you're constantly very highly charismatic. People, they're always constantly palm up.
And that is because you know think about you know caveman days if you can't see someone's hands like if I were to do the entire interview with my hands, but no My trust immediately goes down. So if I have my hands and women do this They tuck their hands into their legs. I'm like, no It was in the first six seconds or they use chairs without arm rest I'm like, no because an arm rest makes me take it more space, right? Like even having the pillow here helps. So your arm looks kind of here if your arms out. Obviously Exactly. We've got to have that out like pop it out. Yes for many reasons we should use arm rest. So Palm Taking up space especially the distance my favorite distance is the distance when you're ear and your shoulder We want to maximize this as much as possible. It actually makes you look more competent and confident Then you're very first word. I don't care what the rest of your intuition to intonation is I want it to be the lowest end of your natural range. Listen to the difference. Morning Morning Who do you want to listen to second one? Absolutely. We get to be purposeful with this right? So if I don't want to speak up at much in a meeting my high might be morning Right like my favorite flavor that day is like haven't had my coffee Don't want to talk first. So if I come in with like morning Right, I don't want so we can be intentional with this right. We're already very good with this the the so hands Space you take up intuition do not hold your breath on your first word This is the biggest mistake. I see what I make they go hi Good to see you or they answer the phone. Hello Do not hold your breath and speak at the top of your breath It makes you sound little it makes you sound naive and it gives away all your competence I don't care what you say next, but speak on the out breath. So morning Hello. Good to see you. So don't hold your breath and go really high if you nail those first six seconds Everything else is easier. Those are the cues about the most So you said the first six seconds, but people are making this impression about you before you even say anything What are people judging before you even speak in that first six seconds? They are trying to decide can I trust you and can I rely on you? Right? Like Warmth and competence makes up 82% of our impressions of people 82% so you can practice the most impressive stories the funniest stories the best numbers And I have a lot of women who go into pitches and they're like I have the perfect presentation. I'm like great show me your stage entrance They're like what and they come on and they're holding them up to things or they're they're not sure what to do They don't want to plant or they're pacing and I'm like it doesn't even matter what's in your pitch and presentation I've already decided if I can trust you and I can rely on you So we're trying to answer those two questions. Can I trust you? Can I rely on you and then everything else backs that up That's what we're trying to decide in those first six seconds and is that being decided by by what you're wearing the way that you carry yourself um If you have multiple bags What are people actually looking at to decide if they can trust you if they can rely on you all of those things Unfortunately all of the things but fortunately all those things right so Everyone can't have the same cues. Otherwise we'd look robotic So there is some research that shows that one bag is ideal So we don't like multiple bags, which is like sort of a silly thing, but that sort of shows that you're put together Comfortable in your clothes is another thing that's hard to measure But I think people know what I mean if you're in shoes that are uncomfortable That actually ricochets through your entire body ricochets through your face actually didn't interview one time with um a woman who was so Compotent it was going so well, but occasionally she would make these very weird micro expressions And I was like, you know, I'm just gonna ignore it. I'm gonna bring her back this second interview I was like she was so relaxed and great and I was like hey your first interview were you nervous to meet me? And she was like oh my gosh, I was wearing my roommates heels and I hurt so bad and every time I like moved my feet They would like pinch and I had blisters So ever since then I'm like you have to be comfortable in your clothes one of the reasons why even like I changed today is I was like I think I'm gonna want to sit like Maggie. Also, I like to mirror you like mirroring is next level So um we talk about cues mirroring is a way to show nonverbal respect So when we are sitting casually whenever I watch your interviews You're sitting casually. I was in a beautiful, but very formal silk pink dress earlier and I was like I'm not going to be able to relax like Maggie and I want to be on the same page as her I want you to feel comfortable I want the listeners to feel comfortable and so mirroring and matching Ornaments and clothes mirroring and matching nonverbaly like I'm nodding more with you than I would would like see Steven Bartlett like I nod way less with him, right? I have more body movement with you because I you're also moving and also that feels natural to me I also think that I'm matching your tone of voice Like I think our tone is actually the same right now by accident. That's an accidental cue so the more we can mirror match also the better Let's say you don't nail the first six seconds Can you recover? Yes, you can recover in the in the moment in the same interaction or second interaction same interaction Okay, so first forget it move on like don't let that be baggage for you like social overthinking it reads If you are socially overthinking. Oh my gosh. I messed with that first impression It is going to read on your face your body and your voice So forget it like literally delete it right it cannot affect you anymore do not let it be make you negatively contagious what's going to give in someone next? high credible competence amazing data amazing metrics Amazing numbers amazing credentials right like we can be blown away We in our brain we have rules for this right like in our brain We might see someone who is really awkward but smart and go well make sense Like we recognize that so find blown blown away with your insane competence or insane warmth vulnerability A share an emotional story that's surprising we also have a rule for this if someone made a bad first impression But then they share an incredibly vulnerable story about themselves. We're like oh, okay make sense So be the exception to the rule we do have exceptions to the rule they're more rare But you have to make sure that okay if you did not nail that first six seconds or worst you had a bad interaction on a video call or a phone call first Be the exception to the rule with blow them out with competence show up and know your stuff and blow them away with your cred Or blow them with warmth raw honest vulnerability emotional stories that shock and delight and surprise them How important is it for you to be likable versus being yourself to get what you want I think you always have to be yourself. I think it's impossible to be likable Inauthentically for a very long time you can do it for a little like you may be able to trick someone in a real Maybe to trick someone in like a very short meeting But there's no way that you cannot be yourself and be liked for the long term first of all it's exhausting Right, have you ever tried to not be yourself to be something that someone wants out of you like it's it's exhaust It's exhausting especially if you're an ambiver like I can't fake it like if I'm gonna fake it You're gonna I'm gonna be found out. I'm gonna be like I can't this it won't last So I think it's always more important to be yourself And if that means people don't like you for it. They're not your people Right like they're not your people What will get someone to like you more is it body language or is it being a great conversationalist being a great conversationalist So how do you do that? Being a great conversationalist the mistake that we make is trying to be impressive Right, so we think I have to ask really hard-hitting questions I have to have really impressive funny stories and actually that tends to create distance in conversation Have you ever had this where you're with someone and they're like Performing for you and you're like this is hilarious, but like I don't feel a connection And so I think that being a great conversationalist is actually finding I call them like me two moments Like the more we can be like gluten-free croissants girl Right, like that's like a moment of connection or like we can be like oh bare feet thank goodness Or we can be like oh my gosh, it's not so hard to try to adjust yourself to be likeable So I think that it's actually trying to find with someone What are all the things that we can celebrate together or be vulnerable together or even shared pain points together Me two moments are where connection happens And I think that that is the most likeable thing you can do whether it's good or bad. You're sharing that that builds bridges One of my least favorite things that people ask me when I walk in anywhere is and what do you do? What are those common phrases that people can pull out and be like I'm gonna ask these two or three things instead of what do you do? So we want to pick questions that are still casual still approachable but not too deep. So I like a swap Not how are you? Not what do you do? What do you like to do? Just adding the word like what do you like to do or not what do you do working on anything exciting these days? Like even if I didn't know you and didn't know what you did if I said to you working on anything exciting these days You could tell me what you're working on or you could choose something totally different I also like a question that I heard that I use all the time is how's the empire? Because no matter what someone does they their world is their empire and they will answer that and all kinds of unique and interesting ways So how's the empire? What do you like to do working on anything exciting and then what about the answer side swaps? Okay, so this takes a little bit of planning. I like to break scripts with how are you? So when somebody asks me how are you? I like to like wake up the conversation a little bit with like a little bit of surprise So I like to give someone a number so I might be like Hmm three out of 10 on the scale. It's only my coffee And they're like three out three what three out of 10 like you're just like wait and I'm like, what's your number? And like that it totally changes the game. That was so flirting. Yeah No flirting would have been like I'm an eight girl That would have been flirty if three is not flirty No, the way you said what's your number? Okay, well, I good good. I flirt with everyone. That's good I like it Okay, so you can answer with the number. I also think um you can answer honestly here like yes honesty I think we forget that we don't
have to be on social scripts. If someone asks you how are you and you're like good but busy, but actually you're losing your mind and you're having a really hard day, like be honest. I think it's okay to be like it's been a doozy of a week. Ask me later today or you know what? It's been a rough one this morning. My seven-year-old decided not to go to school, right? Like I think we can answer honestly, so comfortably, but if you're having a bad day, share you share your having a bad day, you could take less than ten words. If you're having the best day ever, say you know what? It's a fantastic day. Thanks for asking. Right? I think we forget that we can be honest with these answers. What do you do is another one. I also don't like this one. I um, developing this from my next book, so I have a formula for how I want you to answer that question. I actually think it's the biggest opportunity we have in our career. Every single time, you're going to be asked this question thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of times in your lifetime, you should be nailing the answer to this question every time. If you are not nailing the answer to that question, you are missing opportunities because you never know when someone asking could be your next client, your next hire, your next partner, your next referral, you don't know who you're speaking to. So you want to make sure that you're nailing it and it's really important to have a very specific way to answer it in a way that hooks people in, but also is truthful, so don't work it on it. You can't reveal what the equation would be. Not yet. Can you give us one thing that we can say when someone asks us, what do we do to nail that opportunity and don't let it go to waste? What can people do that feel like they're in that building phase? They don't have their empire yet. Right. What are they saying to communicate something bigger than what it feels like they're doing right now? Okay, so here is, I hope that you'll workshop this logline. I want you to workshop it. And it does take some like trial and error, right? This is a very important opportunity that you have. What is the question that you want someone to ask you next? That is actually how you're going to build your elevator pitch. Meaning, when you said, I just have a podcast, or I have a podcast, what was the question people usually asked you? What's it called? Right. So that doesn't get you anywhere. It's a dead end. You then you can say, oh, it's called Hot Smart Ridge. Well, what is that? It creates like a very negative no ladder, right? Like a very like, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't like conversations that sound like that. Right. Like that, that's a bad interaction. It's called a no ladder, right? What you want to think is what do I want to talk about next? What is the question that I want to give their brain to ask? So for example, I like to say, I'm a best-selling author because I want them to ask me, what are your books about? Because that's my favorite topic, right? So what is the question that you want them to ask? And then reverse engineer your answer to that. And by the way, if you're in transition or pivoting, we love this. This is the ultimate hero story. If you are transitioning, say, you know, by day, I'm a blank, but I'm moonlining as a blank. You know, I'm in transition. I've been doing this for 10 years, but I have big dreams too. Right. Like you can give someone the hero's journey. My favorite kind of elevator pitch answer. My favorite kind of answer is when you tell someone your hero's journey. A hero's journey is I had a challenge or a problem, or I was started somewhere. I learned something. I did something. I tried something and I'm either going here or I already am here. Right. Like my logline, I'm a recovering awkward person. I write books. People see right there my hero's journey or I'm a recovering awkward person and I write books for smart awkward people. People can literally see the journey that I took. Right. Like I started not knowing how to connect and communicate with people. I had to learn how to do it now. I communicate with it. So what is the hero's journey that you can give someone else? So they want to buy into it. We create raving fans or amazing friends when they are on their journey with you. And so I think the mistake that we make is we feel like it has to be perfectly polished. Like I don't like the loglines that create no questions. Right. Like the answer to create no questions is like, um, I'm a fifth grade teacher. What is the other person going to do with that? Right. Or um, oh, I'm just in marketing. What is someone going to do with that? Oh, I'm, I'm starting a, um, a nonprofit. 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What are the other things that separates highly successful people from a communication, leadership, body language perspective than people that will just never get there? I've seen the last two decades studying highly charismatic people and highly charismatic people are typically very successful people. So what's the first thing to realize is that highly successful people invest in their communication. Highly successful people know that whatever their technical skill is without building a business or selling a product, if they are very, very good with people, that's going to help whatever their project is. Being a very effective communicator is already a baseline for success. The second thing is I think that highly successful people are ruthless about what they are good at and what they are bad at. And I've noticed that highly effective people are constantly labeling themselves out loud and saying what they are very good at. And this sort of weirdly comes back to them, it serves them. So they'll say things like even in the boardroom, like I'll hear people say, "I'm a wizard with spreadsheets, so I figured out or I am so analytical, that is my superpower." Or I am super organized, I'm your girl for. Like self labeling is actually a very powerful thing that I don't think enough people do. And highly successful people are very good at this. They're almost giving other people the language they want people to use for them. So I would ask yourself, "What do you wish people were saying about you?" And I kind of asked you that earlier, I think everyone should know their answer to this question and you should be using it in your own language. What do you want people, your boss, your colleague, and an investor to say about you behind your back? Like what's the best thing they could say about you? Are you saying that about yourself in your bio, in your elevator pitch, when you're talking about yourself? The kind of problems and solutions that we publicly claim, like saying like, "I love to solve this problem." Or I want to take on this project, shapes how people think and feel about you. And I think successful people are very good at naming their power and naming the problem and then claiming it. One of the questions I actually get asked the most from this community is women that have relocated themselves to a new city. They're in their 20s. They're in their 30s. They don't have the family commitments yet. They don't have their kids. They're actually trying to make friends. And they're met with women like me who have a social network, who can barely keep it together. I can barely respond to my friends. I actually don't have time for new friends. And so a lot of the questions that I'm getting is, well, how do I make friends when I'm going into an environment and people already have their circles? They already have their connections. How are those women getting a community together, finding their people? Okay, I can talk about this all day because I love it. I think it's so important. So first, just mechanically, I just want to talk about a logistics thing. Psychologically, you're better off front loading hours. What I mean by this is a coffee every three weeks for one hour. It will not build a long friendship. Even if you put in 200 hours of that, it's the same thing and it's too spread out. If you think someone could be a potential friend, you're actually better off hanging out a lot in the first two weeks and front loading as many hours as possible. What I mean is, this is very counter. And you're welcome to send in this episode and be like, look, Vanessa said, I really like you. We got to front load our hours. If you like someone at like you meet the video class and you're like, hey, do you want to grab lunch later? And that goes well. Do you want to go on a hike tomorrow morning? If that goes well, you know, I was thinking of like driving up to LA this weekend to do this vintage shop. Do you want to come with me? Like get the reps in quick because one, you will learn if they're your person faster. I don't know about you, but I've had sometimes very slow burn starts or friendships where it takes me months to figure out like we're We're not actually not that similar, or we're not that aligned.
I would much rather front stack to figure out are we are we doing this thing like do we have a good match It's just like dating right like the more you do in varied context the more you're gonna figure out Do you have the same core values do you have fun together can they ride with you like I in Austin I would sometimes take women to this really really hippie-dippy like cafeteria just to see how they would do with me with it Because it was like really weird and like the women who could laugh out with me I was like we're gonna get along really well So like what are the context that you could take them to to be like hey are we on the same vibe like are we on the same page and Frontload front stack don't spread it out over two or three weeks try to do as many as possible early That's just logistically speaking that actually works better to build friendships quickly Next I think the only way to fit into people's busy schedule So if you're coming to a new place, which is literally just happened to me. So I'm in this with you It's very hard to create new time blocks. It's hard to look at a busy person and be like we should hang out because you're like I don't got time to hang out like when would we even do it? No, you want to ask where are you already hanging out? When do you always go to that yoga class? When are you always doing that thing? Do you have any weekly or monthly traditions that you do? Hey, like do you do a big grocery shop and food prep on Sunday? Great. Let's do it together What are people already doing in their schedule and how can you lock into that? So I love women who are on the same workout routine as me. I do walk-in talks So walk-in talks are like you know whenever I'm walking. I do I walk at almost the same time every day And I have friends that also walk at that same time super easy either I call them or they're with me So are there ways you can fit into their schedule that already exists? And then lastly, this is weird, but I think you want to look for other new people too Wherever you moved there are other people who just moved to now they might not be your exact same age And it might not be your exact same interest, but they're also open social schedule So go where new people go when they get to a city ask other people you know who are really busy Do you know anyone else who's recently moved here like in the last few months or a year? You are going to be a social savior for them, right? Like you also can be the greeter of new people coming into the city if you make it known that that's what you're really good at I got that same advice when I was the only friend in my friend group that was going to be single after calling off an engagement And my friend said to me, I'm going to give you some really tough love You need to meet single friends because all of your friends are in relationships. They're all taken and you're gonna Constantly be left out of double dates. You're gonna constantly feel bad about yourself first is enjoying being single Because you're around people that love to be single. Yeah One of the things that I had to ask because it really did come up for me because I often in dating relationships would find myself being Love bombed by this what you're talking about very very fast Yeah, very Front-loaded relationships where it was like, oh my god I'm spending every single day with you. None of those ended up working out So is there different data and science between friendship front-loading and dating front-loading very much Very much because the connection that you have romantically is physically based and physical lust has a very different chemical feeling than the slow Build of a non-sexual relationship, right? So if you're front-loading with a physical relationship You're overwhelmed with all the chemicals that come with the kisses and the touching and the oxytocin and the hand holding That physicality is going to completely change your body where you're ignoring the red flags Right like front-loading and love bombing in a relationship. You're like, oh my gosh This feels so good or doesn't and so you get distracted by it with a friendship. You're front-loading quality time There's no kissing. There's no hand holding not usually right on a friendship So you're front-loading depth of conversation if you're going on a three-hour hike with someone or it's the week after you met You decided to do a little road trip. You have hours of do we have the same taste in music? What do we talk about when it's silent? Do we both fill the silence in the same way? We have to stop on the side of the road. Where do you pick? Where's your go-to? Do we snack the same? Like you are Very quickly knocking down all those hurdles that can just be kind of weird things in a relationship They're not friendship killers, but they very quickly allow you to have me to moments. Oh, you love that place I love that place - this playlist is incredible. Oh my gosh Can we actually stop at this winery? I've been dying to try yes I've been trying to like it gives you more opportunities for those me two moments, which are it's very different in Beneficial relationship. I think we also learn a lot about friendships from these pair social relationships of friendships that we've seen So what I've I don't really watch reality TV But what I've identified is there's shows built on friendship, right summer house Even someone like real housewives friendships There have you heard of this new group on social media called the four and the five mm-hmm They have blown up. It's these four girls that live in the five burrows of New York City Okay, and people are obsessed with the dynamic of these female friendships and it reminds me not because the characters are Replicating sex in the city, but it reminds me of that infacuation of like watching friendships on screen and Almost vicariously living through these types of dynamics Obviously, you haven't heard of the four and the five, but I guess like the making of a cake of an amazing friendship group Yeah, what does that look like? I've had in my life a couple of amazing friendship groups, but then someone moves or I move I've moved a lot Okay, so what I think makes an exceptional friendship group is actually diversity of personality I think this is the same thing with like sex in the city It's the same thing with any of those of friends What do you like about watching those friendships? What make those friendships work? Is that everyone has their own like stick? If they have their own thing I think I'm a state that we can make as we try to make friends exactly like us We can have similar interests, but if everyone's an extrovert no one gets a word in Right if everyone is hyper organized then you're everyone's gonna compete with their agendas and their plans I actually think it's great in a personality group to have like everyone's unique and diverse personality So like you have the extrovert of the group. They're always the one who are rainmaking for you You have the introvert of the group. They're the deep listener who you call when you just need to like vent You have the person who's the planner. That's always me right like you have like the planner who's hyper organized and loves to take charge You have the person who's the spontaneous one. We don't need a plan, but let's be spontaneous and they keep you fun Right like diversity of personality in a friend group is so under-talked about and such a great thing and we actually want to honor different personality types because we need all types of personality types to succeed Is there something that we have not talked about today that you would be sad to leave your first appearance of hot smart rich on because you'll be back without talking about yes, I want to talk about dream jobs So the question that I get the most of it. I'm so interesting to hear the questions you get the question I get the most often is you have a really cool job Did you create it how do I create my dream job and I think that people do the wrong thing where they follow their passion? Stop following your passion. It will not lead to your dream job In fact, if you try to monetize your passion, the passion will go away Money and passion. They just do not stick any time someone monetizes something they love I'm like all sad death for that passion because after a while it's really hard to separate that Also, we tend to burn out on our passion passion comes in a burst It comes all at once and then over time when you're stuck doing it for 10 20 years it can get really old So for example, I've been doing this job for 20 years I've been posting on YouTube since 2007 a video a week since 2007 if I followed my passion I would be burnt out Right, I am very interested in what I do and I didn't there's a matrix here So I just created this framework for literally my friend who is trying to recreate her dream job She's been in the same job for a long time and she's like I'm successful, but unhappy I'm successful, but I'm exhausted I'm successful, but like something is missing and so I wanted to break this down for your audience I'm super excited. Okay, so the very first ingredient the very first circle that I want you to think about is actually mastery Or capability, so sorry my handwriting is like terrible I also type all the time now, so I forget so the very first thing you have to think about is what are you exceptionally good at? This is not what you love This is not your passion. This is not what you love doing. These are the tasks that when you do them time disappears These are the tasks that you just do better than other people These are the tasks that when you do them you hit flow I want you to try to make a list of all of the tasks like down to the smallest that make you feel capable Super capable that you are better at than most people that is actually the first ingredient of a dream job The second ingredient is the one that we think about the most next is salary Yes, we have to make enough money to pair bills um the question that I always ask with salary is What is the amount of money that will make you feel like you've made it? So like what is the track that will make you feel like I I've earned it. I'm where I'm supposed to be Could the salary hit that track? So you want to feel extremely good at what you do But you also want to make sure that you make enough money to cover your bills and there's a track to feeling it You've made it like some of my friends who have jobs. They don't have a track I ask them would you ever feel like you've made it in this job? And they're like I'm never going to be able to afford the vacation that I want and I know that it's going to be I'm almost impossible for them like for example some of my friends are teachers And I'm like I love it. You have super mastery. They have a couple of other circles But they're like I know I will never make enough money to be able to have the life I want I'm like something is missing there. We have to add something to that. Okay, so mastery salary The next one is social I'm sure you're not surprised You can feel incredible at your job. You can make the most amount of money if you hate your boss
you're not happy. You can be very masterful. You can have the most money. If you hate your co-workers, you're not happy. Investing in work relationships that help you be your best self. They do not have to be your best friends. You don't have to have a work bestie. But for the people you interact with on a daily basis, specifically the five. The five people you interact with on a daily basis, do they help you be your best self? If the answer is yes, you've mastered social. You can be at ease around them. And that's the most important measure. And the last one, the most important one is meaning. This is the one that we often forget. These are the jobs that I think I see the most burn out in. You feel really capable. You're fricking great at your job. You make a great amount of money. Your team is awesome, but it's meaningless. You're not helping anyone. You don't feel like you have a purpose. You feel like all those things you're masterful at, what is it even for? Finding meaning in your task? And by the way, that could be in service of the team. I think that a lot of people, it's great if you can help people, but even having meaning around supporting your team or making enough money, so you're creating payroll. Like for example, at my company, it is really important to me that we have an incredible team that's paid well, that I can really helpfully support my payroll. That's an important part of my meaning. Yes, I want to help people publicly, but having a team that feels that they can pay their bills and have a living wage is very important. So what is your meaning? These I think are the four circles that I wish we talked about more. I think they create this sort of like middle thing if I can be really corny and like I think that is actually where like our heart comes and our dream jobs. It's interesting too, because I'm a lot of really successful people that they have the mastery, the salary, the social, but because they lack meaning, it's that saying of like some of the richest people that you know are the most unhappy people. Yes. Yes. Do you see that? Yes. So one of my dear friends sold a business for an ungodly amount of money, like so much money, super good at his job, made a huge sell out, you know, huge sold his business, loves his team, has a great group of friends, and he said, I have chart over. I said, why he's like, I feel like I have no legacy. I was like, but you sold this incredible business. He's like, yeah, it's a software company. Like, it's not helping anyone. He feels like he hasn't made it even after all that because he feels like he has no legacy. He has not contributed to the world. He has no meaning. So he's starting from scrapped with the new business with this first because he went too long without adding the meaning back into his job without adding the meaning back into his day today. We didn't really get the chance to talk about money a ton today, but I am interested just on that point as like people are thinking about their dream job and we are so surrounded and culture now of money. And I'm interested in your thought on does money buy happiness? I think a certain amount of money buys happiness because we are comfort creatures. We have to have a certain amount of comfort. And especially now, our bar for comfort is very high. And this is the problem that I don't know how to solve and I worry for all of us, which is to have a good night's sleep. We need to have a perfect mattress and a thing that measures our sleep and our melatonin and our magnesium. Oh yeah, we should sauna beforehand. We should have great ear plugs and we should have the great eye mass. Like even just the things that are required for a free thing we do, which is sleep. Now the cost to make that optimize is incredibly high. And that's in every area from our skin to our sleep to our nails to our vitamins. And so I worry that we feel that money has to buy happiness because to be able to do the basic things, now the cost to entry for that is so high. And I don't know what we're going to do about that. We'll have to have you come back on to talk about it. Yeah, Vanessa Van Edwards, let's do some fun rapid fire. Okay. What is the last thing you put on your credit card? Last thing was I did a splurge at Nordstrom Rack. It really makes more than Nordstrom Rack. Yeah. This was today, or yesterday, with my sister. Okay. What is a dream purchase you want? I really want a really expensive massage chair. I just like love massages. I feel like if I got a really like those like 10 grand one. Yes. I want one of those so bad. This pops for me. I like to do all my videos in a massage chair from someone. You can only pick one to meet a friend in real life for the rest of your life. Are you going to a workout class or a coffee shop? Workout class. Oh my gosh, I don't believe in coffees of friends. Hot take. Coffee's of friends are so much conversational work. If you're doing something, it's so much easier to talk and fit in. Hmm. Workout class for sure. Okay. What tells you more about a person? Eye contact or a body language? Body language. Anyone can make eye contact like liars or top this too. Eye contact tells it doesn't tell you much, but body language tells you a lot. You can only work for one person for the rest of your life. Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg? Elon Musk. For sure. For sure. I feel like I would like vibe with him actually. I love like, like, awkward smart. Yes, we would vibe. What is the reality TV show that has the best body language between the cast? Real House of Beverly Hills. Or it to me is so good. Real House of Beverly Hills, they have so many stakes like they care so much. And so the body language is just like divine. Who's your favorite character? I mean Kyle Richards. She's so epic. Oh my god. You could only communicate using body language or hand gestures for the rest of your life. Hand gestures. I love a hand gesture. I mean, I could tell you everything with my hands. Yeah, for sure. If an estimate Edwards, what is one HSR love note that you would tell yourself for the rest of your life only one? Does it count if I can say you're exactly where you're meant to be? Like we're exactly where we're meant to be. You're exactly where you're meant to be. And if you had to title this season of your life, where would it be? What would it be called? It's not aggressively helpful because that's my mantra for life. So the season of life. Hustle girl. Hustle. Love that. If an estimate Edwards, where can people find you and how can HSR help you? Oh, I'm a vestivan Edwards on all the networks to be fan Edwards. And then I write a newsletter. I write it. Me. I hand create this newsletter. It's one social tip every week at
[email protected]. It's like my favorite social hack of the week and I do a conversation starter every week. Thank you so much for coming on. We're going to have to have you back.
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