Bobby's Flu Game w/ Tom Segura

- You two are bad friends. - You are these two idiots. - Ooh, I did an Asian deal. - You two are disgusting. - Ooh, I'll you two or something. - We're bad friends. - We'll have to make an announcement. Good to see you, Tommy Boy. - Hey buddy, good to see you too. - So I'm doing my first special this Friday. (clapping) - We've talked about this for years. - Yeah, I mean, how exciting is this? - Talk about it for years. - No, for, but like we've really talked about this for years. - 30 years. - Yeah, pink face. - Pink face. - I mean, your face is so pink. What do you try to prove, bud? - Is my face pink? - Yeah, but yours is naturally pink. - Thank you. - That's unnatural. - I'm flushed from the whiskey. - Yeah. - Okay, my turn. - He's Asian. He breaks out like you guys do when he has whiskey. (laughing) - Why did you come at me so aggressive? - You know what he also has? - Huh. - The Emperor Eyes from Star Wars. (laughing) - Oh, he's gonna look at it. - He's an Emperor, you think? - Yeah, like the Emperor, dude, he has it. Right now dude, Tom's cigarette has Emperor Eyes. Look at that. He's calling you Sheave Palpatine. - Yeah. - Why did you come at me so hard? - Yeah, what is that about? - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry. - This happens every time I see you. (laughing) - No, it doesn't. - Every time I see you. - No, it doesn't. - Come at me with some insult, and then you go, "My bad, dude." (laughing) - It is my bad, dude. - But wait, what? - Will you insult me all the time? - When is the last time you insulted you? - Either public attitude. - Oh, oh. - It's an energy insult, dude. - It's energy insults, yeah. - Yeah, I mean, you don't have to say words, dude, I can feel it. I'm tired of it. - So you know what happens? - That didn't happen at all. (laughing) - I know. - Self-sabotage. - Yeah. - 'Cause he has a special coming up and he goes, "I don't feel well." - No, so what happened? - Mad at you. - No, no, no, no. - Here's what happened. - Okay. - All right. So all my reps are like, "You gotta put your reps in." I said reps twice. - Oh, your reps. - Oh, the reps do it your stand-up reps. - Yeah, my representation says I have to do a lot of reps. - Repetitions. - Let me just help him be clarifying for the audience. (laughing) - Anyway, so I did Bakerfield and Fresno over the weekend. I just was around too many people. And then I wake up. - Humble brag about the tickets he was selling. - Really 750 people. That's not a lot. - That is a lot. - Anyway, I wake up Monday morning with a sore throat and body aches. - Do you see the shows? - Yeah. - Things from the shows. - What do you think, Tommy Boy? - He thinks he got me with Tommy Boy. (laughing) - Oh, you got COVID. - No, no, I took a test. I don't have COVID over the flow. - Do you think, did you perhaps, did you see a female friend over the last couple of days? - I did not, no. - Look at me. - I've been celibate. - Look at me when you do that. - Did you not? - I was celibate. - Did you not see a female friend? - No, I did not. - Yeah, because I'm saving up my comfort. - For the special? - For the special? - That's the closer. - They said they have the savior come. - You know what? - What? - That is, can I tell you something? I mean, this involves me. - Fighters do it, I heard. (laughing) - That's the best advice. You should save your cheek. - I'm sure. - I did. - And I am. - Yeah, but keep it saved for the day. - For how long? - At least through the spectrum. - Yeah, I am. - Of course I am. - Don't make kissy faces with anybody. - I'm not doing any kissy faces, dude. Like Rocky did. - Yeah. - Is that how he, but he ended up losing in that movie. - I know, he didn't save enough. (laughing) - I don't have a choice. - Yeah, so he did that tap. I ate it in a couple of times. - Right, he did, yeah. - That's true. - Can we start over? - Yeah. - Yeah, you guys need to do a start over, man. - Can we start over? - No, we're not starting over. - We're gonna put that in. But you need to start over this relationship 'cause the personal friend of ours, it feels strange to do that. - He trusts like a CIA agent now, lately. - Almost as the same. - I know, all right, you're right. All right, let's start over. Okay, what I was saying. - Welcome to the show. - Yeah. - Before. - You look real good. - Thanks, buddy, so do you. - You were stuck in the Caribbean? - Yeah. - How'd you know? - 'Cause that's, you know, people, I've never been there. And some people get to go. - He said the Caribbean is at the Caribbean. - Yeah, I can't believe that. - And I'm being honest, is it? - I'm a fan of Caribbean. - It's the Caribbean, 'cause it sounds cooler. - Yeah, I don't. - Communion's Tom Skur and Christina Posisky stuck in the Caribbean due to Venezuela-related light. - My favorite thing is that. - That angle, by the way, that's insane. It looks like you guys are in an interrogation. - All we did was like, we got a call from our podcast producer who was like, hey, you're not back so we can't record an episode. Can you just put a video together for the podcast audience? - Yeah. - And then people sent me, they're like, oh, you're on TMZ. I was like, for what? They're like, for that video. - Oh, that's who picked this whole story up? - How did they get it? - Because it was, we just posted it on Instagram. - They posted it on Instagram. - Yeah, just like, hey, we're not doing a podcast this week. We're in the, we're stuck. And then TMZ was like, they're stuck. And then the only thing I heard from people was, I hope you fucking stay there. - Who would say that? - Oh, they're like-- - You wrote that a few times. - I know, but that's not from me. - That's not from me. - Wait, go back up to the, just the way that TMZ title sings, go back to the title is stranded in paradise. - Maduro's capture. - Shut down, fly its home. - It's so ridiculous. - Okay, so we got Tom Skur and Christina Posisky and they're stuck. - They're stuck. - Stuck, stuck, stuck. - Stuck in paradise. - Don't feel bad for them. What I was trying to say, and you came at me. - You came at him again. - About my pink skin and all that shit. - Yeah. - Was just that for years, we've been talking about you doing a special. And I was just saying that I'm so excited and so happy that you're actually doing it and that fans get to see you do your standup now in a special. I think it's amazing. - Yeah, I'm so happy. We're so happy. - We're excited. - Not my full potential because I'm not feeling well. - You're fine. - You're gonna be so fine. - Let's get you an IV. - I did an IV yesterday. It didn't work shit. - No, do it again. And have you done any D yet? - I have ADD. - No, NA. - Okay. - Yeah, Michael Jordan's flu game. Probably one of the greatest he scored 38 points while battling the flu. Or it was going out the night before imparting. But even still, the Irish flu does get me. So this could be your flu game. - Wait, would you explain it to me? 1997 game five in the finals. Jordan had the flu. - Basketball. - Oh, yeah. Michael Jordan. - Oh, there it is. - He was the Michael B. Jordan. - Oh, okay. - No, Michael. - Not sinners. This is a fucking-- - Michael B. Jordan. - No. - Okay. - This is the flu game. And he had the flu and he performed unbelievable. It's as if the gods were like, you're gonna be okay. - Because it's what happened. It's that he is God's choice. - He's God's choice. And you're God's choice as well. And you're special. - You're gonna be amazing in this, dude. - Yep. - You're gonna be amazing in this. - Okay. - Flu game. - Believe it, this is your flu game. - You never heard the flu game. - No, no, no. - Tell me more about it. - It's legendary. It's legendary if you-- - Is there diarrhea game? - There is the diarrhea. - There was. - Yeah, yeah. - The flu game is talked about more. - Yeah. - All peers had diarrhea. - That's right. - But this one's a little bit more prominent. - Yes. - Then there was an AIDS game. So magic had an AIDS game. - Oh, yeah. I heard about that. - That one, you know. - That's a scary game. - Wait a minute. - Is there a name yet for the special? - Yes. - What is it? - It's so good. - Finally. - It's perfect. - Why not? - Why not? - You don't like it? - I love it. And you're shooting in San Diego? - In 3D, yeah. (laughing) 3D4HD, the whole thing. The whole B. - They're doing it in IMAC. - You want Dolby? - I got Dolby. - I got Dolby, dude. - Laser. - Laser technology. - Was it tearing? - Hulu. - Hulu. - Fuck yeah. - Hulu. - Hulu. - Right on Hulu. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's amazing, dude. - You don't think I deserve it? - I didn't. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was so kind of sending what he just did. - He's successful. He's successful. He's conquered the game, dude. - So happy. - He's on top. Just shut the fuck up, dude. - Whoa, see what he's doing. - Wow. - Yeah, yeah. Well, you came here what? - To say thank you for doing season one of "Bathos" for starting season two. - There you go. - It was a fun experience. Thank you so much for having me. (laughing) - How long have you been awake? - I've been in bed for 24 hours. - Can I tell you all you need to do? - I've seen this on TikTok. I've seen this on TikTok. - This bit right here? - No, no, not this bit. It's the white man's. I know you have Peruvian. Whatever it is. - I appreciate that. - It's your hand domination. - Oh, hand domination. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing that a little bit. - Yeah, he makes a whole thing. - You're trying to control the conversation. I understand what you're doing with your hands. And I'm doing it back. - And you're seeing it through it. - I'm seeing right through it, dude. Okay, go ahead. What are you gonna say? - That this weekend is gonna be fantastic for you. And these next few days, all I hope is that you actually listen to your body when it says it's time to rest. Get your rest. Get your fluids. Eat your food. Feel good. And on Friday and Saturday. And how many shows you're gonna tape. You're gonna feel great, man. It's gonna be fantastic. - You know, Tom, I have to be honest with you. Let me be real with you, dude. - Yeah. - You've been a friend. A real comrade. And I apologize for being so negative. - I appreciate that. - Yeah. When I was talking about your pink face and your emperor eyes. - Yeah. - Right? It's just an observation. - Oh. Or is it because of the lights? - No, it just looked weird. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, I mean, it's so, um. (laughing) Fuck you, dude. (laughing) - You, dude. - All right, yeah. - What do I have to do? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're with him, dude. You're in that room with him. I've been sitting here. How long have I been sitting here? - Ten minutes. - Yeah, yeah. You're cackling. You know that over the last few years, a few times he has graced me with his presence to come on shows with me. - Yeah. - Invited him. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do you know that every time he gets introduced, it is just like thunderous. - Thunderous. - It's crazy. - Thunderous. - The receptionist I get. - Yeah, it's unbelievable. And that's going to be like when the special comes out. - That's going to be the exact same thing. - People are going to lose their mind. - They are going to lose their mind. - I know that. - I can agree. - I know that as a fact. - You know what I take? - Hold on. - The whites are talking. - Okay. - We're proud of him. - Yeah. - We're very proud of him. - To get a little guy like this up there and doing his thing, it's going to be fucking amazing. - Now do you feel a little bit better? - Yeah. - You're getting hyped up. - I sure do. I feel jazzed. - This is a-- - No, this is a look. - Let me tell you something. - Whatever you're doing, dude. - Yeah. - Fuck off. - Go back to Austin. - Go back. - Come on. - Yeah, yeah. I'm tired of it, dude. - Why are you tired of it? - I love you. - I love you too. - What is it come out? Do you know when it comes out? - In November. - Oh, so you got to-- You got some time. - To do what? - We need-- - Yeah, we need-- - It's going to be some research. - Uh-oh. Okay. Here we go. Mr. Director. - Well, first of all-- - It says Mr. Director. - Andreas is back. And we want to welcome back our old friend, Andreas. Who hasn't been around. Andreas, and you guys can speak in tongues like you guys do. - Yeah. - You asked for the bathroom key. - Yes. - And how did he say it to you? What did he say? Take a gay mayor. - A male. - Take a gay mayor. - Take a gay mayor. - Take a gay mayor. - Yeah, where's the male? - Yeah, with Jorge. - We're not here. - Nice. - You feel a little bit better now? - Is he directing it? - No. - No, no, no. - Louis Katch. Louis Katch. The legendary Louis Katch. - No, Louis. - I do know Louis Katch is going to do it. - Fantastic. - Did you consider it? - For no. - I can say it. I'm happy. - Not even. - By the way, I've seen that movie. It's a great movie. - It's great. - Yeah. - I did consider it. - You did. - Yeah. He just doesn't know my act as well as Louis does. - That's not why. - Yeah. I need performance notes. - You wanted a comedian. - Can I just throw something in here, though? Was there no thought of reaching out to me? - Yeah. - Interesting. - You would never direct my special? - Why would I not direct your special? - You would never do it. - Why? - Why would I ask and get rejected by you? - I would never reject you. - Oh, so what would you say? I call Ding Ding. Hello. - Is it your mom's house? - Yes. - Yeah, yeah. Is this the corporate center of your mom's house? - Yes. - Can I get linked into the Thompson Girl, the president, please? - Sure. Yes. Hold on a second. Hello. This is the second assistant. You talked to the first assistant? - Yeah. I'm Bobby Lee. Have you heard of me? Yeah. I know. I'm friends with Tom. - Okay. I'll send you over to the first assistant. - I was already at the first assistant and he sent me to the second assistant. I need to talk to Tom. - Okay. - He's not picking up my phone calls. - Which Asian is this? - I'm Korean. - Hold on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see Asian or agency? - Asian's funny. - I know. Can I talk to Sugara? Is there somebody closest to Sugara I could talk to? - He loves Grandma Kim's. Hold on a second. And then they pass you through. Hey, Bobby. - Hello, Tom. - Yeah. - Hey. - What's up, man? - What's up, man? - What are you doing? - Groovy. - What are you calling for? - What's up? - What's the call for? - I just want to see how you were. - Oh, I'm good, man. How are you? - Yeah. - We don't have dogs. (laughing) - I'm sure you will. - I'm sure you will, dude. - My son's allergic. I thought you did that. - Yeah, yeah. How are the kids? - They're good. They're allergic to dogs. - Right. - Justina. - Alive and well. - That's fantastic. Wow. What a show you're running. - Thanks, man. - Yeah, thanks. Ty, are you talking to me? - Not at all. Not at all. - Could hear something, your voice. - No, bro. What's going on? How's Andrew? - Oh, he's fine and daddy. Dandy. Look, Barack Obama. - Shit. - Is he friends with them? - Yeah, yeah. - Is he there? - He's not around, no. - Hey, Tom. I'm here. - Andrew. - Hey, buddy. - He might have nowhere bud. - Hey. - I picked up the line upstairs. - Oh, I see. - No, what's going on? - Dude, Bobby's gonna hang up. - So good to hear from him. - What's up, dude? - What's up, bro? - Nothing. Bobby was gonna ask you if you'd direct a special. - What? - He was gonna ask you to direct a special. - Why the fuck would I. He's not on the phone anymore. - No, he's still here. - Hey! - Shit. - Hey, so can you? - When is it? - Oh, it's gonna be January 16th and 17th. - That's right. - Oh, I have a stool sample thing I gotta do for my kids. - Oh, yeah, you told me about that. - I don't know, can you move that? - I don't think you can. - I don't think you can move that. You know what I could do though? I could ask. - Yeah, ask who? - I'll ask the doctor. - Okay. - And if the doctor says no, the doctor comes first. - Okay. You have any suggestions of somebody that could direct it, you think? - Have fun and do your best. (laughing) - Will you consider it, Tom? - Bob? (laughing) - See, that's what's gonna happen. That's what's gonna happen. - That would have never happened. - That's why I don't call. - You know this. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You would have done it. - In a heartbeat. - Wow. - That's nice to know. - But I will say this. - I think Louis Cass is super talented. - He's the man. - I do think he's talented. - And he's gonna make something glorious. - Well because, you know, he's so like hands on. - Rookie quarterback. - 24/7. - It's a big risk. - You know what I mean? - But I like it. It's smart. - He's great. - At him out there on the field. He's gonna play. - He's gonna play. - Yeah. - He's gonna play well. - Although the other day I go, do you have any audience shots? He goes, we're not doing that. - I'm on his team. I don't like it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You don't need him. Why does the audience-- - We have one locked off just for edits, right? Just because of your like, I wanted to show him this. - Yeah. - I never liked it. I know why your audience need to see the audience. - I did not know. - Who do you drugstores? - I don't remember. - No, but you have different people doing it in different shows. - The glorious Brandon Durmer did it. Our good friend Brandon Durmer. - Oh, Durmer did one. - He did white noise. - Oh, he did. - Yeah. - Amazing. - And home field event. - Who drugstores you? Different people? - I've had, for the last two, I had Ryan Palito. I had Jay Carista one. I had Ramy Hashash one. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - How many have you done? Four? - Six. You've done six specials already? - Yeah. - All Netflix? - All were on Netflix, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow. - Yeah, there's one out right now, man. There's one out right now. - What's it called? - Teacher. - Yeah. - Check it out on YouTube. - It's on Netflix. (laughing) - Bobby, you got it. - Netflix. - Netflix, YouTube, whatever. - We're on YouTube. - Not on YouTube. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, I'm sorry. I can't make a joke to the king. - Premier League, you know? - Oh. - Oh, Premier League. - He's then the Premier League. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm in the third division. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. - What are some of the teams that we're aligned with? - I'm Port Smith. - Exactly. - Yeah, yeah. - Very good. - I'm Coventry City. - You know teams. - Yeah, I do. - I do. - He's a big soccer fan. - Are you really? - Yeah. - Arsenal. - I'm Cardiff. - You have an all-time favorite team? - Arsenal FC. - That's your squad? - Bleed Red. - Do you don't have a tattoo of them? - I don't, I'm gonna get one though. - I bleed red though. - Do it tomorrow, dude. - Do it for the special. - Should you do it for the special, actually? - Get an Arsenal tattoo for the special card. - And then under it. - And under it, right finally. - Yeah, and what do I do it? - Under the Gooner Cannon. - Under my eye. - Oh my God. - That'd be cool, right? - That'd be fantastic. - Yeah, like a cannon. - Yes. - Who's your favorite player of all time? - Publicteria, Henry. - Get that on the other eye. (laughing) - But Henry's face here. Arsenal here. - And then you lock in on Friday Saturday. - Yeah, yeah. - I feel like-- - I feel like the focal point, there needs to be something here too. - Maybe a soccer ball. (laughing) - Maybe, maybe something different though. Like something I'm in do. - Video games? - That's right. - A bed. - Put a bed up there. - No. - Oh yeah? - No. - What did you just say? - What did you say, fuck? - Take onto Watermelon, you like too. - I didn't understand. We're just like-- - I can't take Watermelon. - Yeah, it's gonna be nice to harvest. - What? (laughing) - Oh! (laughing) - From Stardew Valley. (laughing) - Now I can-- - Oh, fuck. - Very funny. - Good slam. - That's a good slam, dude. - Very good. - Why, 'cause I like farming simulation games, you fuck face? Right, I love to plant. All right, it's not okay. - Isn't it funny that he'll plant on a video game but never in real life? - Yeah. - It's kind of fascinating. - What about Boo-Goo-Gee? Right here. - Oh, I love the meat. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - That's you. - Yeah. - Watermelon farm. (laughing) - Oh. - It's not just bread guys that they're like it is. (laughing) - I do, too. (laughing) - You don't have watermelons and they have-- - Kimchi, kimchi, kimchi. - There's summer melons. - Kimchi? Okay, if you were gonna do-- - Oh, my god. - Reheat food on your face. - Tattooed for the rest of your life. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm gonna say kimchi. - A bowl of bibimbap. - Oh. - That would be the foundation of it all? - Yeah. - I would do a bowl of bibimbap. - Not kimchi. - Wow. - Bibimbap is an interesting dish because it does symbolize my life. - Yeah. - I'm sure of things. - Go on. - Layers. - What? - There's a lot of layers. - I just said it. - Do you have a top one or two LA spots? - Oh yeah. - Korean spots? - Yeah, yeah. - Parks. - Well, I went to Parks Sunday and yesterday, by the way. - Both days. - Yeah. - Chosun goby. - Yeah. So I go to Chosun, even though we saw-- The last time I was there, I saw a dead body in the front so I kind of-- - In the front. - Meaning the lobby? Like the host stand? - Or-- - Just sitting there in the front of the entrance area. - Dead? - Yeah, she was dead. - They died all the time. - Yeah, they had the idea. - Yeah, yeah. - And they had the one thing over her. Right? And I was smoking a cigarette pipe. - And she's dead in the restaurant. - Right off front. - Right off front. - Right off front of the restaurant. - And I was kind of like, look at these old people gathered around in front of the thing. I was making fun of them. And then somebody goes, I think that's the family. I'll go fuck them. - But did they go there to bring-- - It was like an old Korean group that went in. - Right. - One of them died. And it was outside that-- - That's crazy. - But a great place to die. - Yeah. - You would love to die there. - I have a photo of it somewhere in my phone. - Good. - I think a photo of it. - Are you a big garlic fan? - Yeah, I'm a big garlic fan. Why do you want to know? Why would you ask that, friend? I'm going to give you my best spots, right? That's what you asked. - Yeah. - May? - What are they? - What? - What are they? - I'm going to tell you. - Okay. - So I like Choson, Parks. I like this place called Gavin. - Yeah. - Right? - It's a place that we went to in the alley. - Or I mean, in the parking lots in the back. Parking the back. - Oh, that's, uh, Augusty Gopchang. - Yeah, Augusty was good. - But that's a late night spot, really. - Yeah, Augusty what? - Gopchang. - It's more of a late night spot, you know what I mean? - Okay. - Yeah, so those are, I like Super Jeep. - Super Jeep? - Yeah, so. 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Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. - So funny. - So I fucking pissed me off. So I had one of the best meals of my life with you. In Vegas. - We're at the fucking. - Jose Andres. - Yeah, right? - Yeah, his bizarre meets was there. - Right. - Was. But I booked a hotel room because I knew that that was there. - You did not. - I did. - There? - Oh my god. - I checked in. I went, I was going straight to bizarre meets. It's not here anymore. - It's not there yet. - Why? - What hotel was it? - So he used to have bizarre meets at the Sahara. And then. - The Sahara's closed. Right? - No, I was just there. He was just there. But it seemed closed. - It's no longer there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I thought they closed that fucking thing down. - No, it's still there. - Yeah, the rooms are like 16 bucks a night. - But that was one of the best meals it's incredible. - I've ever had. - Dude, I have to say this. Last time I went there. I went there a few weeks ago. Like a month ago or so for F1. Now two months ago, I guess, for F1. And I texted him that I was there. - Koshai on the day. - Koshai on the day. - Koshai on the day. And he was like, Oh, I'm here. Come by. One of my restaurants. We went by. And this guy. By the way, you know that he is just the most, not just amazing chef, but amazing person. This guy does World Central Kitchen. - Yeah. - They feed people. - Philo-thropic. - Philo-thropic. - Philo-thropic. - Yeah. - He took us, gave us everything that the restaurant makes. Like every dish. And then goes, let's go to my other restaurant. We were like, we're like keeled over. He's like, let's go to my other restaurant. We go to the second restaurant with him. - He's just. - And he feeds us absolutely everything on that menu. And to the point where we're like, I think we're all going to throw up right now. - Yeah. - Come on. - And then he's just the greatest guy. I cannot say enough good things about this guy. Like he's an incredible dude. Like as a restaurant tour, as a chef, and as a human being. Jose Andres is top, top of the fucking menu. - And as a philanthropist. - As a philanthropist, yes. Which you're almost there. - Ibiroco-ham. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You like that stuff. You guys love that stuff. - Where are you from in there? - I'm from Gallifia. - You're in Gallifia. - I have a similar story to that. My friend Frank can be doing McDonald's. - What did they give you? - He's a manager. I got a double pounder cheese. - Did you tell him? - Then we went with the armies. - The fries. - And, if wow. - This is too much, Frank. - Yeah, Frank. - If fries aren't hot, do you ever go back and go? - 100%. - 100%. - Yeah. - I need these hot. - I need fresh fries. - I say that in the window. Can I get fresh fries, if you don't mind? - Yeah. - I'll pay for it. - They need to be, yeah. I want the fresh fries. - You can heat them up with your eggs the next morning and they're really good. - No. - In a pan. - In a pan, okay. Not in the microwave. - Not in the microwave. - Everybody learns that. The time you go home and you take out your fries and you put them in the microwave and you're like, these are fucking worse now. Yeah. And the pan's the way to go. - With your eggs? - Just like a breakfast. A little breakfast potatoes. - I took you to fucking bizarre meats, you asked. - I know. I just set out loud. It was the most amazing experience. It was me, you. I forgot who it was there, but a bunch of people. - Yeah. The bill must have been a lot of money. We just ordered it. - Well, Jose Andres took care of it. - Yeah, whatever. - Actually, no. - No, he did. I'm paying for it. - Why did you do the restaurant then made you-- - No, no. When I went this time, he took care of everything. - Oh, back then. - Also, that weekend was probably one of the best weekends of my life, maybe, even. Yeah. Because we did that big show. - Yeah. - It was me, you, Shane, Bert. - Yeah, at the MGM Grand. - At the MGM Grand. And that was really fun. That was powerful. - Powerful. - Yeah, yeah. Powerful show. - It's a strong night. - Yeah. So I need to thank you for that. Yeah. And thank you for TV show. - That was fun. - Thank you for a lot of things. And I appreciate it. - I love you, Bob. - Huh? - I love you too, man. - What's up? - Does your aggression stop? - You know, I have to go to therapy to see where my hostility is. - I'm going tomorrow. - Yeah, yeah. - Are you? I'm going tomorrow. - Really? You have therapists here? - Yeah. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. - Can I just get them all over the place? - You have what in the Austin and just you have two or-- - Yeah, I just tell you. - Yeah, yeah. And you've been with-- - This is where they are. They're here. - Have you been with this person for a long time? - Long time. - Yeah. I've been with mine for six, seven years now. - Oh, I've been longer. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's so funny because they won't hang out with you outside of the thing. - That's not a thing that you should-- - I've asked. - You want to go get a bite to eat? - No, we're not doing-- - We don't do that. - I found myself-- - Have you ever asked your therapist to watch something you've done? - Yeah, would they say no? - No, no. He did. And then I was like-- - Oh, no. I don't like the idea of-- - Yeah, I don't like-- - Knowing me at all. - Yeah. - I don't know how to not be familiar with me in any way, shape or form. - I talked about this thing in the-- I don't know if you should watch it. And then I-- I guess I was like implying, but I didn't directly-- - Yeah. - And then he came back. He's like, "Yeah, I watched it." And I go, "Well, he's like, "I'm so-- that's so good." I was like, "Oh, shit. "It's like my mom." (laughing) - He did a good job, buddy. - Good job. - I don't want them to know anything. I want that to be kind of like a complete disconnect. I want it to be like-- - Yeah, but he's checked out your shit. - Uh, no. You don't think so? He's-- - Easy to find, man. - Really gives that list a little bit. - No, no, but I think it's more like we-- two different cultural circles. - Oh. - Is it minority? (laughing) - He's gay. He's gay, so-- - Is he gay? - I don't think I'm his flavor of lifestyle. You know what I mean? He likes art, high art. - We all like high art. You like a high art, right? I'm a hard guy. - Uh. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't know. - He's been a moma. - He's been a moma? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - He's been a moma. - No, I think he probably has a more intellectual consumption of his-- I don't think he likes fart-- - Sounds like you're his therapist. - I am. (laughing) - Yeah. Oh, you don't think your therapist like fart humor. - I don't think he likes what we do. - Mmm. - I think this would be something he does. - He's like, this is some low-brows. - Yeah. You know, this is nice for you. That's good. - That's good for you. - That's good for you, dude. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I'm always like-- - You say it, I don't even say it. - I don't even say it. - I say, well, my name is Jason Bateman and it's called Smart Lives. - Yeah, my name is Zach Shepard and it's not like, yeah. - And it's a great show. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And we talked about that before. None of those guys all-- - Congratulations for Amy Poler for winning the Golden Globe. - Unbelievable. - But podcast, that's good. - Unbelievable. - Unbelievable. - I mean, unbelievable. - Yeah. - It's so good. - Congratulations. - What would your speech have been if you want a podcast? - They'll never not nominate us. - No, no, no. - They'll never nominate us. - No, I know, but in the hypothetical fun world, - I would nominate you guys. - Thank you. - What? - I would nominate you. - What would your speech be? - Okay. - Bobby and the winner for the best podcaster of the year. - Bobby Lee. (applause) - This is the bad I would do. - Me? - Oh, that's good. - I would take my time. - Take your time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I would walk the opposite direction of the day. - Funny. - Yeah, it's funny. - Funny. - And I would go as far as I could. He'd tell somebody to turn me back around. - Funny. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Say something. - Yeah, yeah. - And then I'll just be confused. I'll go toward the stage. And then I'll probably give. - The music starts playing. You're off. - Yeah, be great if that took up your whole time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what I would do. - Yeah. - I'd take up all my whole time just getting up there. - That's very funny. - Yeah, yeah. - That's the funniest way to do it. But if you had like the mic. - See, that's what I'm saying. I'm trying to avoid it. So like, go ahead. - No, but sorry. - I mean, you're gonna talk about the situation in Iran, obviously. - Yeah, you have to. - No, I'm gonna have a be good pin. (laughter) Check this out. I'll rage this. - Are you gonna thank you? - Anyway, thanks for my thanks to the award. - Yeah, yeah. Thank your crew for like all the support. - No way. - Yeah, I wanna, yeah, I wanna thank. Hey, well, first of all, I don't even know. Well, why is this even a category? - Smart. - Yeah, it's the Golden Globes. I thought it was higher end shit here, but. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - But Nikki, what's up? - I'll call her out. - Yeah. - And if she pretended. (laughter) - And if she pretend-- - It's nice to meet you, Bobby. - Yeah, if you pretend that you didn't know me. - I never met that man. - Yeah, yeah, it would be war. - Yeah. - And I'd be like, I just don't even know this. But anyway, yeah, well, you would have to get there. 'Cause I wouldn't get it alone. It would be with you. - No, it would be podcast or the year for sure. - You would get it. - It would be you and I. - No, you'd get it. - No, they don't do that. They nominate shows. - Would you want Andrew to speak? - Yeah, you do the speaking. - Thank you, Jews. - Yeah. - And then you leave. - And that's a win-win. - That's, yeah, yeah. - Touching all the bases there, man. - Be good. And we win. (laughing) - Carry both, you know. - Yeah, give her a message. - Give her a call. - But then there's a secondary interview. Now you're off the stage. And now you're on like the backstage red carpet thing with the backdrop and they go, Bobby, how do you feel? You just won the Golden Globe. - I go, I have to pinch myself every day because I'm just living in gratitude. - Oh, you do one of those. Those are good. - Do you don't like those? - Yeah, yeah, those go a lot. - I'm afraid I would probably edit myself because I don't want to say anything, you know what I mean? Too crazy. - Yeah. - I'd have been like, I'm just happy that we beat two bears. - Yeah, yeah. - This is just a big win for us. - They weren't even nominated. - They weren't? - No, okay. - You would do that in the moment? (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did that in the moment. - They weren't just a little play. - They weren't even, you know what I mean? - Yeah, remember when they made fun of you on your own show when they came in to do a slap? - We remember those guys. - Yeah, remember, remember. - Wow. - This is what you would lead with. - Yeah. (laughing) - You'd have to. - You have a golden globe right now. - You gotta give our fans what they really want. It's not about the globes. It's about our dogs, our fans. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - People that love us. And that's why we love them. - Yeah. - We make, we fuck up your names. - Benny, that's good. - Benny Creeker, you know. - Yeah, small, small good one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, Benny Creek is really good. - And Benny Creeker. (laughing) - And Larry Sagara. Larry Sagara is very talented. Have you seen that show? What's called? - What show? - Darkness. (laughing) - Dark sketch. - Not even a play on words. - Dark sketch. - Dark sketch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Really good. - Yeah, really good stuff. - Really good stuff. - Yeah, yeah. - What's your speech? - I, I, first of all, I can't even imagine. - You gotta do it now. I can't imagine being nominated. - Me either. - I would never consider that. - Wow. - Because you have to fill out, and you have to pay them. - You have to pay, yeah. - Yeah. - You have to pay to be nominated. - And I'd be like, I'm not paying that. - Well, those companies, they get paid by, like, Spotify and One Tree and these podcast companies. They pay for the nomination. - Yeah. How much is it? - I don't know. No idea. - Yeah, yeah. But they're never gonna nominate us because it's, they're gonna nominate the people in their ecosystem. - I think it's the same. - I would have said something like, honestly, and I mean this. I would have been like, Bobby Lee should have won this award. (laughing) - You know? - No, you wouldn't. - Yeah, like when Ving Rames did that for Jack Lemon, it was like, this is for you and I cry. - Yeah. - I would just, but it said, I would have talked about you probably. - Yeah. - It's amazing that Joe hasn't, it wasn't nominated though. - He actually, from what I saw, I didn't ask him this, I didn't talk to him. I saw that he wasn't, he with, like, with held himself from being even nominated. - Yeah, he doesn't want to go. - He doesn't do that. - That is the last place on Earth. - Yeah, he doesn't want to do that, man. That's, that's, he's not interested. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, I mean, yeah, it's just not fitting for our kind of comedy podcast. - I think that's what it is, yeah. - They wouldn't put us over there. - We should make our own award show. Do we need one? - Do we need one? - For it's our people. - For what? - I mean, here's, we need a gathering. - Mm-hmm. - Here's what I'm saying. - This is, - No, no, no, no. It's a different, that's different. We want a gathering of this all of our, you know, we're dressed up. We're in a Tuxedo mini red carpet, right? And just to be around our friends and, you know, for family. - Yeah. - And to go pat his shirts on the pat and go, "You did a good job on a two-bearers" that episode, whatever. - Yeah, is that what you want? - Not really. - That's a birthday party. - That was my birthday party. Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I dressed up. - You had a birthday party? - Yeah, bowling party. - Bowling party. - Who's amazing. - You were invited. - You know, you know, that's good. - What's good? - That's good. - That's good. That's good. - I don't know. - What you're doing. You don't fucking live here. - I would have flown here for that. - You would not. - I would have flown here. - Can I say another thing? - I ran into you. - I ran into you. - I ran into you, right? - I was with a girl. - Opened up. - Yes. - Yeah, yes. And it was like, interesting. - What was interesting? - What? - It just you and Kirk, you know, coming out of, you know, I mean, an SUV, beautiful one. You guys are just like kind of buzzed. - Yeah. - And just, you know, full of life. - Sure. - You guys were giggling too. You guys giggled out of the fuck at your feet. - But we probably took something. - Yeah, whatever. But you guys. - There were some other people. - I think he bombed, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - I'm like, you know, be panhandling out there. - You're with a girl. - Oh, yeah, with a girl. - Yeah, you're the beautiful girl. - Yeah, with a beautiful girl. - You're with a beautiful girl. And he was kind of like, "Hey, fucking, you know." - Be cool. - Be cool. - I said that to her. - You said. - You do say that to her a lot. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You looked at us and you were like, "Oh, be cool, be cool." - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Because you just say outrageous things. - When I'm with a girl, people say, "Not you, but like, comical," say outrageous things. - Not me, I'm always good around your girl. - I'm really good, don't you? - I know you're the best. - Yeah. - No, you know what Tom? You're the best. I love it. And thanks for doing this, dude. I mean, thanks for doing this. I don't know why whenever I see you, we had a Native American sciences before. - Yeah. - You know what I mean in Canada? - That's right, we've experienced that. - Mm-hmm. - Have you experienced that with Tom? - I have not. - Yeah. - No, our relationship doesn't really go to the depths of Native American science. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But we did shows together. We've done a television show together. We've done Native American sciences. We've done sponge baths. We've done all this shit. - Oh, we've done a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - What else do you need? - Yeah, not much. - So where's the negativity coming from? - I know what it is. - What is it? - Is I love him so much. - Oh. - He always gives it to me, man. - Yeah. - I love him so much. But then there's a part of me that just can't give my love. - Mm-hmm. - And so I attack. - Yeah, what is that? - Yeah, I don't know what it is. - Do you bring that up in therapy? - Yeah, anything I can bring it up. Like, I'll just run into somebody and I will attack them. - Huh. - Yeah, yeah. I mean, you must have seen this before. - He's never done this before. - But you've, no, but nobody? - No, no. - I've never done it with him. You don't do it with him. - No. - Why do you feel comfortable enough with him? - No, I'm scared of him. - Oh, you're scared of him. - Yeah, I mean, you know. - Yeah. - He has a temperament. - What does this say? Is this a personality disorder? - Oh, I just think he's self-sabotaging his relationship with you. - Ah. - Interesting. - He's terrifying, but I do, but that could be part of it. - Like, do you fight with, fight with Bird at all? - I wouldn't say we fight. No, we don't fight. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No. - Disagreements. - Sometimes, you know, but we have a pretty good style of communication, yeah. - They don't even speak anymore. You know this, right? They're not talking. - That's what I meant. - Yeah, yeah. - You guys don't talk often? - They don't talk at all. And he cut him off. - No. - We'd go through these systems. What's he saying? - No, but I think you have your podcast together. - Not anymore. He. Bird slept with Christina. - Well, he did. - He did. - If that happened, what would you do? - Oh my God. - No, but what would you do? - Great. (laughter) - You know, that wouldn't be your first reaction. - Probably. - It would be like, you'd be confusion first. Let's go through the feelings. - Confusion would be a little confusion first. - Confusion first, yeah. - Confusion first, right? - Panic. - Yeah. - Anger. - There would be some humor to it. You would probably laugh. - That probably laughs. - Yeah, like, I can't fucking believe this shit. - It's crazy. - Yeah. - And then how? - How and when? - Well, physically. - And why? Yeah, how and when and why? - And who? - I would understand. (laughter) - I'd understand the how, which would be, he would be on his back. - Yeah. - Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. - Yeah, that's just math. - When? - Where's the when? - We don't know. - Wednesday. - On Wednesday, okay. Okay, who, all right? Who, Bird? - Yeah. - Where? - House. - House. - How? - Yeah, how? - I, on his back. - Wednesday. - Wednesday. - And why? - And why, what's why? - These. - They have this chemistry. (laughter) - Right, right. - Yeah. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - Are you still with that chick that I saw you with? - Yeah. - I was with Kirk. - Yeah. - That's your chick? - Somebody I'm seeing. - I mean, it was a while ago, so it's a long time. (laughter) - It's been a while. - It's been a while. It's been a while. You'll see. - Is that your girl? - Bobbie Lee. - You've got brown eyes now. - You know what? - Is that your girlfriend? - It's somebody that I am seeing, Tom. What the fuck are you getting at? - I don't know this lingo. It's somebody that I like that we're seeing. I don't know what it is yet. - Andrew. - It's, uh. Bobby. Bobby is afraid of getting too close to the sun. - I got it. - He's cool on the beach. - I saw him. This was like a year ago or something then. - Well, he doesn't want his heart broken. - I got it. - And that's what it is. I think that's more what it is. He's afraid of getting his heart broken. - I've been ripped apart many times. - He's been shredded up. - I've been out there in the wild. - You got ripped apart then. - You think this could be the one? - I don't know. But let me say something. It's gonna take a while for me to my wounds to heal. You know, my wounds are healing. Let heal first. - He's in a healing phase. - I'm in a healing phase. - Yeah. - And we respect it. And we really want to let him be in his healing phase. - Yeah. And I don't know if you know this, but as you get older. - It's mean as much. - Doesn't mean as much? - Yeah, I'm not as the desire. - Is not as fiery if I may. - Yeah. - You may. - Yeah. You're getting old. - Warby Parker. - I love fashion. I love my eyes. And I love my eyes having fashion. - That's why you love Warby Parker. They're incredible. 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That's rocketmoney.com/badfriends. - And then go to rocketmoney.com/badfriends. - Holy. - Older. - Yeah, yeah. - Late 40s? - I guess, yeah, 46. - Yeah. - And one day, the fire will diminish. - In life? - No. - And the peepee. - Yeah, and the peepee. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Blue chew. - That's why we're sponsored by Blue chew. - I mean, you don't have a problem in the Sackie Sakaloo. - No, but I just wanted to try it. - Yeah, I mean, you haven't tried it before. - No. - Yeah, I'm either. I have, I mean. It's a lie. - I've had it any. - Does it help? - It does. The erection lasts a little too long, longer than I can imagine. - Oh, shit. What am I going to happen here? - What? - What? - You still have your house out here? - No. - I still have my house. - Yeah. Go to hotel. - What? - Good advice, man. - What? - Let's go to the hotel. - Go to the hotel, too. - Go to the bunker down. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Actually, definitely go to the smokehouse. You're going to go somewhere for dinner. - Yeah. - Hunker down. - I'm ready. - Yeah, you're going to be fine. - Do you watch movies like you go to a movie theater anymore or no? - I've done that. - What? - What? - What do you just return back to Earth or something? Do you go to movies? - Yeah, he goes to fucking movies. - Yes. - I can't see this man going, come on, Christina. We're going to go to the, you know what I mean? Lemme and watch this all inside. - Why? I love movies. - Okay. - What's the last movie you saw in the theater? - That's a good question. - Yeah, yeah. - It's been a minute. I, you know, I saw the naked gun thing in theaters. - Oh, that was fun. - Yeah, that was fun. - You see one battle? - I just saw it two days ago. I saw it in a home theater. - Yeah. - I thought it was fantastic, by the way. - I love it. - What a great movie. - I thought it was fantastic. - Fantastic, what was? - One battle after another. - Fantastic. - You didn't see it. - Yes, I did. We spoke about it. - We spoke about it. - And I can't, it's all great. Like, I cannot stop thinking about Sean Penn and that thing. - He's fun. - You know, I hate to do this back to the award bullshit. But if he doesn't win anything for that, I have lost hope in all sorts of fuck. - Yeah. - Because he's incredible. - He's incredible. - He's ripping theaters at the table. - Love it. - That guy's the man. He's ripping theaters at the table. - And you know, there are like, Sean, you cannot smoke here. - Get the fuck out of here. - Sometimes with like, I realize this with grates. It happens in comedy and it happens in acting. It happens in music. You get so used to say, you're like, oh yeah. That guy. Like you know it. And then you see something or you hear something or whatever again and you're like, oh yeah. That's why we talk about that guy. - Yeah. - This guy's fucking incredible. - Yeah, he's incredible. - Since he was a kid. - Yeah. - Which is even more impressive. It's not like there was like, oh, he popped off when he was 45. He's been-- - Even as specifically. - When you saw that as a kid, you're like, that's something different. - Yes, and bodies. It's not like he's not doing a sketch. He really embodies Spacoli in that role. - Yeah. - And if you watch Mystic River, is that the movie? - Yes. - Oh my God, dude. - No, everything incredible. - Incredible. If that guy signs up for your movie, it's something special. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wait, do you go to the movies? - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - I'm a big movie guy. - I'm a centafile. - What have you seen recently? Out of that, the Korean movie. - Yeah, what's the one chance? - Oh. - No other choice. - I couldn't get behind this character. - Well, yeah. - What's one that another one that you saw that you liked? - You know, I saw Predator Badlands. - You liked it. - I thought it was great. - Really? - I thought it was really good. You liked it? - Yeah. - But no other choice you left. - But 80% of the movie, I was just like, this character is so annoying, I couldn't do it. - I mean, he gives away his dog. That bothered you. - Yeah, that bothered me, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but we just did. - Yeah, we just did. - Yeah. - Don't, yeah. - Yeah, okay. - You'll see it. - You never walked out of a movie, Tom? - I've walked out of multiple movies. - Yeah, give me a movie that you walked out of. - How's the Gucci? - Oh, shit. - It's an absolute piece of shit. - Really? - It's fucking terrible. - You went to the theater, watch it. - In the theater. - Yeah, yeah. - And you were by yourself? - I couldn't believe they paid people to be involved. The performance that this fuck gives in this movie. - Who's that? - Who's that? - This fucking fuck on the right here. - Yeah, oh my god. Were you like, could you not hire a dialect coach? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He was like, "Bapa, I love it. It ties." - Yeah, yeah. - So bad. It's so bad. - Who was that guy? - And then there's, that's Lady Gaga. - That's Lady Gaga. - Yeah. - And then like, I think it's Ridley Scott directed. - Yeah. - And you realize this thing happens with directors. And then if you have a certain level that you achieve and no one can say shit to you, that you just make these, you're like, the scenes over, you're like, what was that scene all about? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like, I could not feel like a bigger waste of film. - You should be more collaborative. Or at least, I would listen to an actor like, what do you think? I thought this was-- - Those guys don't want to be told shit. - Terrible. - I've done so much. - Yeah. - Like I saw another fucking show from Ryan Murphy. I get previewed called Beauty or something. And it's about like beautiful people. And once again, he has managed to like sexualize everything under the sun. - It's like this motherfucker. - He horny's up like everything. - Because I love his American horror story. - American horror story. - Yeah. - Or like Mott. - Oh, yeah. - So there's like the famous serial killers. - Yeah. - You know, the Versace One. Fantastic. - Yeah. - I think he did, I need to do Dahmer too, wasn't that his? - Mm-hmm. - It's really good. The one he did about the Menendez Brothers. - Oh, Menendez Brothers. - I'm watching it because the Menendez Brothers One, I'm like, you know, I feel like I know some of this story pretty well. And then I'm like, what's up with these guys? And just, and their cocks being out. - It's like, yeah, yeah. - Oh, it's Ryan Murphy. - Oh, wow, wow, yeah. - Everything like sexualizes the shit. - He's got, he horny's up fucking everything. And he wanted to see their cocks as, and he was like that. - Yeah. - And then they're sitting there in like the speedos and the pool. - 100%. - This is the story of the Menendez Brothers One. - He's slain, the shot their parents and the fucking face. He's like, but show their cocks one more. - One more cockshot for these guys. - Is that Ryan Murphy? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Power gay. - He's the power gay. I love the power gays, don't you? - What did you say? - The power gays. - Power gay. - A gay with a lot of money. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's the best. - You mean Hollywood? - Yeah. - It's a whole industry. - I told you there was a power gay outing every Friday at the IHOP. - It looks power outage for the gays? - No, he looks so mad in these. - Yeah. - Not enough cock in front of him. - Yeah. - Every Friday night I would go to the IHOP in West Hollywood. Every Friday night it would be Brian Singer, Spacey, all the power gays. - Yeah. - And they're just like-- - Power gays. Combine with our forces. - They're at the IHOP in like two in the morning. - We will suck. - Yeah. And I'd always wanted to like just listen in. - You were just talking about-- - You think they would hit on you? - What? - You think they would hit on you? - No way. - We need one of you. We haven't had one of you. - Yeah, dude. I would rip it. I would rip it. - Yeah. (laughing) - How's your dick feel? - I don't feel anything yet, do you? - No. - Yeah, yeah. - It takes 30. - No, I think you need to see something. - Listen. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe then we'll see something. That doesn't do it. - No, fuck it. - Yeah, that does not do it. - Yeah, that check, it's gays. - Yeah. - So that show of beauty is not going to be good, you're saying? - No, I'm not saying that. I'm just, and the guy is very talented. The point I'm making is everything he does, it's like-- - Actually, fuck, fuck, come. It's like a teenage boy. - Yeah, yeah. - Like everything about it. It's like, and that tits are dick, come, and fuck, come. Everything has to be that. Like even the trailer, you were like, "Jeez, that's fine, man, Christ." That's all it is. It's like hyper-sexualized. - Yes. - That's what he's known for. - It's hyper-sexualized. It's like, you gotta tone it down. Yeah, look at it. - Yeah, when you're like, "This is the Menendus brother." - Yeah, dude. - Yeah. - Now, it was a gay porn. - But he's a talented guy. - He is talented. - That doesn't take it away. - Let's give him that. - I said he was very talented. - Well, both things can be true. - Yeah. - At one time. - He's dreaming of cars 24/7 and he's very talented. - Yeah. - You're getting that kind of body, huh? - Me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, your body's getting pretty good. - Yeah, he showed me before. - Yeah. - He goes, "Don't tell Bobby I'm showing you, but he showed me." - I mean, from what you looked like 15 years ago. - That's a different statement. So it's much better than 15 years ago. It's still a pile of shit. - No, but that's it only in your eyes. - I've noticed that about me when people go, "You look great and I see myself in the mirror." - It's a nice cock shot. - That's a really good thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then I think the guy strokes it too. - You think it about killing mom and dad? (laughing) - It's cocky. - It's like, "What's the conversation there?" - You're like, "I remember the Menendez brothers." And then the guy's like. (laughing) - You can even imagine if your brother walked in, you'd be like, "Dude, get the fuck out." It wouldn't be like this, like, "Hey man, we ran out of soap." - I think it's a different guy. (laughing) - Is this a different show? - No, it's his brother. - Oh, it's just a different guy. - Yeah. (laughing) - I got black. - Yeah, yeah. - See the shadows. - See the shadows? - See the reverse shadow, that. - You realize too that you're like the Rhymer's like, "You're gonna be Lyle Menendez." And you're like, "Fucking sweet." - Amazing. - He's like, "All right." So you know, you set it up, you kill your brother. You kill your parents. You go to the gym, you're jerking off. (laughing) - What? - After I kill my parents? - Yeah, right after. - Yeah, right after. - It gets really hot and heated. - Yeah. - No, that's not the end of everyone. He goes, "How do you feel about gonna play their out coffee? "How do you feel about playing Lyle?" Kids like, "I'm so excited." He's like, "That's great. "Can I see your cock?" (laughing) It's for the show. - Oh, it's for the show? - It's for the show. - It's for the show. We need to make sure that your cock is just like Lyle's. - I don't remember that in any of the materials. - Oh, it was in every trial. They talk about his cock and all the trial. (laughing) - I guess I haven't read this track. - Yeah, we did a lot of research. So I'm gonna have to see your cock right now, here. - Yeah, right here. - At Denny's? - Yeah. - At the IHOP on Santa Monica. - Okay. - I never saw that. - No, me neither. - No, that meant that thing. - I didn't see it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You saw it. - Yeah, it's hot. (laughing) - Good, good. - Long story short, we love all this stuff. - He makes great stuff, man. - He does. - Would you do cock out in a movie? - 100%. - Oh yeah, why not? - Papa blew two. - Yeah, fluff it up. - Who doesn't fluff if they're gonna be on camera cock? - Oh brother, yeah. - Well mine would be green for the green screen. - Right. - Yeah, yeah. Do it in post. - Do it in post. - Yeah, yeah, that's what mean. You better do this in post. - You do cock out. You did butt, you did butt for your show. - I did butt. - Yeah, yeah. - I would do cock if with a fluff like, you know, amendment. - Yeah. - Well, you gotta get final cut. - Give me time before every take to fluff. - Yeah. - You could be the fluff. - Yeah, I'll be the fluff. I just show up. - At your gay nightclub name is fluff. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Asian fluff is here. - What would you need me to do though if I was your fluff? Like what? - What's this? - Just a little tick. - Okay, okay, okay. A little tick, a little tick. - Okay, okay. - And a little smack maybe? - Yeah, yeah. - Let's get the blood going. - Yeah. - But maybe the blue choose enough. - Yeah, maybe. - I think it's gotta be. - Yeah. - Or show me photos. - Okay, mine's actually kind of, you know? Let me see. (laughing) - That Ryan Murphy photo you did at that. (laughing) - Menendez scene really kicked it up in a full gear. Leave that photo up for him. Yeah, just put a shirtless boy in front of an American flag. - Can I tell you something? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I got nothing right. - Either do I. I got nothing either. - That's the pipes are old. Let it get down there. - Yeah. - Can I, I want to ask you guys some advice about my, shooting my first special, all right? Right before you go on, are you nervous? - Yeah, I think this should, you should have. It's healthy to have some nerves because it's meaningful to you. It's meaningful to you. So you should have some nerves. But you also know that you've done this a fucking 10,000 times. - Right, you're gonna kill it. - More. - More. - Yeah, okay. So, okay, so that. (laughing) And then, have you ever messed up on a bit like, oh my god. - Yeah. - And then what do you do? - You're gonna tape another one, right? - I'm doing four. - There you go. - Okay. - You don't have to think about it. - So that, yeah, yeah. - And don't forget. - And then rhythm. - Here's the other thing. Don't forget this. You can piece together. Different shows, dude. - Yeah. - You can cut it up. - Four shots is a lot. - It's a lot. Yeah, yeah, you can cut it up. One of the shows I'm gonna go wild. - Do you know which one? - The last one. - I was gonna say, don't do it for the first one. - Yeah, the last one I'm gonna go crazy. - Can I tell you something else? There's nothing wrong. Nothing, I said wrong 'cause I was talking to you. Nothing wrong. Nothing wrong with looking like you're actually trying. Like, some people are like married to the idea of like making sure they're cool or whatever. - Oh, no, not me. I'm gonna be sweating. Trying is not a bad thing. - No, I'm gonna try. - Yeah. - Have you ever seen this guy? - He tries. - Yeah. - I've never seen you not try. - Yeah, yeah. - You've never mailed it in. - Yeah, I'm not gonna mailed it in. - Well, so it's not your style anyway. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You don't mailed it in. You always give. You give a performance, whether it's five people or five thousand people. - I'll tell you this. If you feel great after the first one, cancel the final three. - Are you being real? - No. - No. - No, which money it is? - Yeah. - Don't do that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. My set design, I get out. Did you do a set design on yours? - You're like a couch. (laughing) - I don't sticks. - No, no, no, no. I mean, like some people just use it like a drape or whatever. - Yeah, a curtain. - What do you have? - A forest. - Little zen garden. - Like a zen garden. - Yeah. - Nice. - And he's gonna rake in the middle of it. He does a little rake. - I do the rake. - You have some functuary kind of shit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I find that tree the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's tight, dude. - I got one fly in chopsticks. It's gonna be great. - That's funny. - Yeah, yeah. - Are you doing the headband? - No, I'm not. 'Cause that's racial. - What are you talking about? - I don't know. - I don't know. - You have a Netflix special. You wanna put both out? - Yes, dude. - I'd love to. - The special is called Teacher. It's out now on Netflix. Please check it out. It was super fucking fun. To do a shot in Milwaukee. And, yeah, it's number six. It's real with it. - Amazing. - It's awesome. - Awesome. - And also the second season. - Second season of Bad Thoughts? - Bad Thoughts. - It's gonna be coming out when, summer? - It may. - Oh my God. - It may. - Fast. - The movie. - The movie is done. - Is it done? It's um. - I don't know if it comes out. - Kirk Fox, Frankie Cunonus is it? I know that. - Frankie Cunonus is in it. Luke Wilson. Tim Bolts. Arturo Castro. Genesis Rodriguez. Myself. And Raul Trujillo. Fucking incredible. - Amazing. - Amazing. - Please go watch Teacher on Netflix. Please. And also, Il Tigre coming out. And Bad Thoughts season two in May. The kid is in Netflix. Machine. But dumb, if you will. Will you say thank you for being a bad friend? - Thank you for being a bad friend. - Thank you for being a bad friend.