Bobby Lee Loses Control w/ Ivy Wolk and Lea'h Sampson

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If somebody asked you, "Hey, what did you have for breakfast?" And I said, "Oh, I have frozen waffles, what's your first thought?" If you had ate frozen waffles for breakfast? What do you think it was? I'm sure that was delicious, but what is? What is what? It's frozen waffles. What is frozen waffles? It's frozen waffles. I know. He stumped me with this question earlier. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. I mean, ask Bobby the same question. It's frozen waffles. What is this? Oh, that's Leah's dog. Luna. Hi, Leah. Hi, Bobby. Hello. She's friendly. Nice. Hi, baby girl. You okay? Where are you rushing from? Restaurant. I know it's working. Did you shave? You look like it seems like glue on the side of your face. Your whole face look like glue. I hope so. You look like a glue person. Oh, I look like a glue person. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, who's the judge here? Let me see what she's talking about. There's a wall of glue in here. I was confused about what that is for. I'm obsessed with glue. Okay. Everyone has a little fix. So that's. So start this way. I love you. Thank you for being here. I just have to say something. Oh, yeah, the calm. Yes, the calm. It's the calm that's on the side of the mouth. It is calm. You know what? Once a day, I do eat my own come. You know what? I run out of protein. I'm happy. I'm surprised I could reach your mouth. That is. That is very impressive. No. I have transport. It's true. I transport it from my head. Anyway, let's move on. Okay, gotcha. We get thank you. Hello. I be low. Leah Thompson. I be low. What a pleasure. I make my name. Thank you. You don't get one. Yes, I do. This wig is real hair. So I can actually use the headphones. Do I need to? You don't have to. Yeah. Unless you want to hear his musical talent. Wait. Can I get my vape? Have to get my vape. I need my vape. What is your problem? Oh, for four. Oh, my God. You're like a fucking junkie. Like, let me have my damn vape. Okay. Missed you. Come on. 12 step it over here. Let's go. 20%. Yay. Good enough for me. You can hit it, Bobby, if you want. Okay. Thank you. Welcome, Bobby. Ivy woke. Has no lips. What? Why your lips so thin? Look at yours. That's madness. Look at yours. Am I shorting? Aggressive? Yeah, it's always the same thing. It's either my lips are too big or everyone else is lips too thin. Like what is the whole thing? It's pure projection. It's first of all. It's first of all what? Hey, everything in the top of the top. Hey, you open your eyes when you speak. We're okay. We're okay. Be careful. Sorry. All right. Ivy, I'm so sorry. It's like basically the same. I think I might have more top lip than you do, actually. You do. Our bottom lips are the same. The same. The top lip, I think I beat you on that. I'm so sorry. I came in. I came in so aggro. It's all right, Bobby. You actually, you look thin. Doesn't he? You look sick. I'm sick. Oh, unwell. It's a little zumpic. He's a little zumpic. Oh, you're a little zumpic. You're a little zumpic. Mom picked me up from school. And she was like, and I was like, I'm finna eat a snack when I get home. And she was like, what did you just say to me? And I was like, I'm finna eat a snack when I get home. Is that shellac on your nails? Who's that woman next to you? - We don't do, it's not, we don't fuck 'em, we don't put 'em-- - I don't-- - My mom says we don't make the mouthful out of them. We don't fucking do any of that, we don't, we don't do that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Learn a new recipe, but we don't do that. - Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We keep it real cute. - It's like a white girl thing, right? - Oh, for sure, it's nice. - But I am only just now in my adulthood learning how to like be a friend to animals. I have classically like had this story in my head that I am bad with animals and that they like energetically don't like me. I think there was a, my roommate had a cat in like one of the last departments that I lived in, and I was the only one that stayed in New York for Christmas and I had to take care of the cat for a week. And it sat on like the dining room table and we made a contact and I looked at it and I went, I will never know you and then it just never touched me ever again. - You said that to the cat? - I said, I will never know you to the cat. - Yeah. - Okay. - And it understood. - Yeah. - But now I'm trying to be nicer to animals. - You don't need to be. - Oh. - I always say, if she wasn't a good dog, I'd, to the, to the pound. - She's very good. She's very well-behaved and quiet. - Thank you, because why? - Can I have your dog? - To do what? - Well, with what cost? - What? - For what? - Oh, for money? - How much money would I have to give you to get happy? - You want it. He's looking at it. - 'Cause I have four dogs that, you know, I love dogs. - You have too many. - Yeah, yeah. - That's so many. - If I want to property. - If I give you a hundred grand. - I want to, fuck all that. I want property. - Okay, I'll give you a 30 square. - Oh, she didn't, she's in need of a car. Can you give her, can you give her a car? - No, fuck that bigger. I want property. - Okay, where? - I don't know. - This, this. - Don't send her to Idaho. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't have people like her and Idaho. - They, they're not talented, not at all. Not at all. - I didn't mean talented. - Okay, what do you mean what do you mean? - I think she, she meant black. - Black. - Mexicans. - That's what I thought. I was like, what? - New Mexicans are in Idaho. - They have Mexicans in Idaho? Where'd they come from? How did they get here? - What is Idaho? - It's a state. - It's a state. - Potato? - Almost a potato? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a state. - I'm a fucking dog, you can, you can babysitter. - Yeah, I'll babysitter. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Tell me about yourself, Leah. What's going on? You live in New York? - I live in New York. - You stand up? - I do. - Yeah, it's funny. - Your friends with Yamanika? - Yamanika? - Yeah. - Relax. - Do you know her? - I love her, but that's not the disrespect her name. Yamanika is great. All the, all the three black women. (laughing) - Yamanika? Like, what would it be? - All the black women. - You're a friend of mine. That's her name, Yamanika. - Yamanika. - Yamanika's fucking fantastic. - Yamanika. Yamanika. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, she's dope. She's great. She's fucking keeping everything together out there. - Yeah. - Yeah, the piece. - You should want to fuck her, what? - No, no, no. - Okay. - I got a movie with her last year and I hung out with her for like a month. - Yeah. - Yeah, very talented lady. - Okay, how'd you feel? Did you? - What's so funny? - Bobby seriously thinks that like, no black chick will ever date him. - Oh, I know that. That's a very, that's very, very, very. - Because the only Asians that black women tend to date are like guys that have a, a gold chain Asian, a tall muscular. - No, they date white women like you. The black women that date at that, thank you for being the black correspondent. The second, the second one. - They have my community. - They date, black women date Asian men that shut the fuck up. And kind of like what you're doing right now, but you're doing this thing where you look nervous. We don't like that because you can't be nervous. You can't. - I'm not nervous at all. - You're giving very like fucking like COVID, when you need to give like Hiroshima. Like we need to just fucking be ready to fuck up. - Oh, so don't do COVID, do Hiroshima. - Yeah. - Okay. - Pearl hot on the thingy boss. - Pearl hot on the button. - Yes. - You want sneak attack? - Yeah. - Straight attack. - Oh, you want, okay, straight attack. - Yeah, straight attack. - No sneak. - Yeah, first of all, I'm not nervous. - Okay. - I know how to play Hiroshima as well. - Okay, well your arms are folded and they're just gay. - Okay. - But there's different kinds. I think there's, those are, there's two types. There's many different types. - Of what? - There's the sneaky Asians. - There's sneaky Asians. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The ninja. - Yeah, they, no, they own beauty supply stores. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Those are the sneaky. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And they want you while you're shot. - Exactly. - Your parents, they own a plus-sized store, right? - Yeah. - Did they own beauty supply. - For people with bodies like yours? - You think of that? - I thought you said I lost weight. - The way you were like three weeks ago. - I didn't say all of it. I didn't say you lost all of it. (laughing) - I think that you still have a little ways to go. - Not working, man. - I'll be honest. - Oh, really, Pinto Bean? (laughing) I'm fine with my weight. - I mean, okay. - Well, as the most fit person in the room, I will say, you know, they say you don't age, you know. - Yeah. - You, you've, yeah. - You've looked, you've got a good look. - Forever. - You've got a good look. - Yeah, thank you. - Yeah. - This is see, look at him. - Yeah. - You're a shame off. - 54? - 54, yeah. - 54 years old. - You're my mother's mom. - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. - Is she single? - She is, yes. - If I dated her, would it be weird? - Yeah. - Why? - Just 'cause I don't want you up in the house. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't, I don't-- - Ivy, clean your room. - Yeah. - Ivy, clean your room. - Ivy, do your homework. - Why? - Um, just 'cause I think ethically and morally it just did. - You know, last night I ate your mother's butthole. - Oh. - It's a nasty area. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - That's great, Bobby. - How would that make you feel? - How would that make me feel? Probably bad and uncomfortable. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I would say something. - But guess what, three fingers, bud. - In my mother's butthole. - No, that's how we tap. - Tap what? - Our fingers. (laughing) - They're actual. - Who is fingers? - What? - Oh, you and my mother. - Yeah, whatever. - Well, smallest fingers, you can detect if you sell them the truth. - I've never smelled my mother's butthole. - Well. (laughing) - I'm not that white like that. - Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just I, the glass is full of me. (laughing) - I've never even seen my mother's butthole, have you? Not mine, yours. (laughing) - Yeah, I was like, wait, why would I see your mom's butthole and then I had to think about it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Is she on dialysis? - No, see, I think that different people, you either have naked parents or you don't have naked parents. We've talked about this. I had a very naked mom. - I had a naked mom too. - Yeah, so I saw all parts of her but not her butthole, no. - It's strange, yeah. I love my mother but I've never seen it. - But you had naked mom and dad. - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah, but they never bend over like that. (laughing) - Seeing a butthole, there's work required to see a butthole. - You like acting? - I do, I really do. - Yeah. - But you're good at it. - I am very good at it. - Yeah. - How about you? - I'm great. - Have you been in? - She's here. - Dad President? - No, actually, the Diddy documentary, that's just kidding. - Oh, you were not here. - Check it out. Shout out to 50 San for giving me my role as the-- - Do you know 50? - No, but. - Wait, that's-- - I like, I live by him. I love his energy. I love that you should attack and conquer every enemy that comes your way. - Is there any new information on that doc? I didn't watch it yet, but was there anything new that came out about him? About Diddy? - I signed the NDA, I can't speak about it. But. - I only signed the NDA, I can speak about it. - Did you watch it again? - Yeah. He has a guy to put on a chain for him. That's pretty cool. - What do you mean? - Like somebody-- - Oh, not that, you've seen it, but-- - Somebody clasps his necklace. - Like, there's a guy that follows Diddy and he has to put the gold chain on him. - That's his only job is to put the chain on. - Yeah. It has to be the right one though. If it's not the right one though, then-- - Slight work. - He's out the door. - Let's start from the basics. Start over. - Yeah. - Let me get to know you a little better, okay? - Me? - Yeah, both of you. - Yeah. - Okay. - I'll start with the white one, if I may. - As you should. - I'm over here. - Hi. - Hi. - That's the usual. - Ivy. - Uh-huh. (upbeat music) Monarch money, if you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season, you need to be using Monarch. 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Oh, Hims ordered me because I'm a Hims and I'm gonna get Hims, all right, Bobby? 'cause I don't wanna. Then out my hair, baby. For simple online acts to personalize an affordable care for hair loss weight loss and more, visit hybs.cobslashbelly. That's hybs.cobslashbelly for your free online visit. hybs.cobslashbelly. - Hey, you know what? Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral menoxidil and finasteride. Featured products include compound drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality, prescription required, seed website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. (upbeat music) Ivy, where are you from? Los Angeles, California. - And you moved to New York? You live in New York currently? - Yes, I've lived there for two and a half years. - Okay, and boyfriend? - A situation ship. - Right. - Is this still with the old guy? - Yeah. - How old is he? - 38. - That's old? - Yes. - I'm 20. - Oh, you're young. Oh, okay, okay. My bad. - I don't get to it. - I didn't know how old he was. My bad, my bad. - He's 30, he's 38. - That's me. - Yeah, yeah. But classy. - You know what, Jaime, you know, I'm trying to get-- - Where's the fuck right now? - Can you please? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You don't want to fuck that guy. - You don't want to, you'll come in two seconds with that. - I believe it. - Why have you guys together? - No. - Could I ask you something? - Yeah. - Do you think I'm gay? (laughing) I mean, that's, you really think, 'cause people think that I'm gay. - No, you think I'm gay, shit. - Like what? - You move, you move. - I move gay. - But that's you move gay. - It's a big gay, because it'd be like, yo. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Like, hey. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, I shouldn't do that anymore. - No. - Yeah, no. - It would suck. - I'd be like, hi. - Hi. - No, it's when you be second dick and shit. That's the thing that be making people-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You think that's a dick before? - For sure. - Also Bobbie's gay name. - How do you know? - I'd look at you. Look at your mouth. - Bobbie's a gay name. You should be like, I'm Robert. - Okay. Let's go back to you. - Okay, let's go back to you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is gay for immigrants to have American names. I think that's kind of good. - I was born here though. - Prove it. (laughing) - I don't think I can. (laughing) - I don't know if I can prove it. - I have your birth certificate. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has my birth certificate. - Why do you have his birth certificate? - 10 years and he doesn't know how to keep paper work. So I'm like, you know, leather hen. - Yeah, I do it. - So, your parents did get divorced early? - Yeah. - Yeah, that break your heart. - No. - It wasn't your dad who was a big fan of comedy? - Yeah, my dad, like in the 90s, like early, early 90s, used to host for Joe Rogan and they would like go up and down like college clubs in-- - Boston area. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And my dad once watched Joe Rogan punch a guy in an empty crowd for talking during his performance. - That's about right, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then my dad like, I don't think ever did comedy after that ever again. - Oh really? - Yeah, I think, yeah. - How long have you been doing comedy? - I've been doing stand up for, since I moved to New York, so two and a half years. - That's amazing. I bet you're funny. - I am. - Leah. - Yeah. - Boyfriend? - Open eyes, please. Yes. No, no, it's a bunch of like-- - Randos? - Randos, yeah. - Yeah. - A bunch of victims and randos. - Yeah. - Whoever, just like, again, it was ever just nice to me and eats my ass and just like-- - Is that like a key for a guy to eat ass for you? - Why are you writing that down? - No, I'm not writing that down. - No, it's like, no, it's just like, and-- - I mean, what do you have glitter on your face? - I don't have glitter on my heart. - Right from me. - Okay. - Well, it's 'cause I did help you with that. - Yeah, he did do that. - Are you just fluent? - Kind of, I've just been carrying my luggage around everywhere I've been going, 'cause I've been around the block, you know what I'm saying? Who's just waiting for it in life, too? - Oh yeah, I literally was on the curb, like a full-on prostitute. And I was like, no one can take my shit. This is where the fuck-- - You guys have spots lined up? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Where? - Different places. - Yeah. - I've been doing the illusion. I've done a few at the comedy store. I'm doing Steve Fury's comedy confidential show with the where you read this. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Very nice. - I've just been bouncing around. - Yeah. - I'd love to see you guys. - I'm at the comedy store on Friday. - Really? - In the belly room. - And I've been, I'm not, I'm open to new shows, but I want to like settle in first before I actually like committed to do a show 'cause LA is big. - Are you living here now? - I'm, I'm going to. - Okay. - Yeah, I'm just trying to get into the day. I'm filming a movie right now. So that's why I'm like-- - Oh cool. - I need a power out here. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, you guys are so funny. - Thank you for platform, having a platform for like mental illness. And it's like-- - Thank you. - For very unwel. - And thank you, Gurley. - Thank you, thank you, thank you. - That's amazing. - Yeah. (laughing) - You're okay. We're okay. - What is your name again? - It's Jamie Garcia. - Okay. - Why did you change it to Jamie? - Oh. - Because she said the immigrant-- - The immigrant. - The immigrant. - It's gay and weird and yet. - Okay, it's timing. - Yeah. - Wait a minute. - Like a hymen? - No, it's J-A. - No, say sexy. - Oh, it's timing then. - Yeah, that's one good thing. - I had two hymns. I had to get them cut into one. - Oh, you're one of those. - Yeah, two. - I had to accept eight hymen and I had to get it sliced into one. - Who discovered that? - A gynecologist, she was like, there's two here. And I was like, oh. And then, now I'm happy. - Wow, nice. - Did it ever really-- - Must be nice. - Real like symptomatic on all of this. - Yeah, it hurt during sex because it was like, two holes pushed into one up one. You know, nobody got two dicks. (laughing) - Don't nobody got two dicks, but-- - You look like a Rick and Morty alien. That's crazy. - Yeah, I had two hymns. - I got 'em snip into one. - What is a hymen? - I can tell you. - Go ahead. - It's a tissue that covers-- (laughing) - Wow. - You doing that, yeah. - That covers the vaginal. Some part, I don't know, bro. - I don't know. - I know. - I know. - It's so strong. - I mean, is it either the fallopian tubes? - No, so that's the inside. - I don't know, no, no, no, shit. I got hymns outside. - Hymen's outside. The hymen is like, it is like, it's tissue that goes over the vaginal opening. When you have sex for the first time, it like perforates and breaks open and it kind of just like-- - So you had a double wall. - Yeah, I had two. - That's what we should do in the border. - I had two. - Anyway, I'll try. - I had two hymns for the pussy of one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So how do you break through two hymns? - You just got a, I got a, was put under anesthesia and they took like a scalpel and they just cut. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - They circumcised you. - Yeah. - You were having sex with two hymns or just you had one hymen broke and you had another hymen, how does that work? - When I had sex for the first time, my hymen split into two and then afterwards, I would have sex and I'd be like, this kind of hurts, but whatever. And then I had a gynecologist who was like, there's two holes here. - Oh wow. - And so then they fixed it and I was one hole. But what sucks is I thought that during the surgery, I don't know, since I was under, I thought like, okay, they can give me a labiaplasty while I'm down there, a husband's stitch or something. They left all of like the extra bits. So all of that like extra tissue, even though it's like cut into one normal hole now, it's just still there. - Okay. - Really? - Yeah, it looks so free. - There we go. - I'll be good for you. - So I had that second one, the third one, all the little two holes there. - Wow. - So the penis would have went into one hole. - Yeah, the penis would go into one hole and then the other one would like get kind of pulled. It was just too tight. - Wow. - Open opening. - Okay, bragg. (laughing) - Look at the one with like nine little holes. That would be crazy. - Yeah. - Her before. - Brad Williams would love that one. (laughing) - Oh, that's too small. - Yeah. (laughing) - Right. - Yeah, this is why I call myself Jamie. - Ew, this is weird. This is-- - Yeah. - So they cut it into one. They removed that like little middle part of tissue, but then they sort of like didn't remove all of it. And so there's like some stuff, there's tissue still in the opening, but it doesn't affect me sexually or yeah. - Pull up mine. Pull up mine. (laughing) - Yeah, which one's somewhere else? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't know where. - Yeah, yeah. - Let me guess what-- - Yes, what does mine buy? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You are, yours is the last one, the-- - Paris? - Yeah, that's yours definitely. Looks like it's a mouth and it has teeth. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. Yours is grizzly. - Crunch. - Is yours grizzly or what? Look at me. Is yours grizzly or what, darling? - Is grizzly mean? - What? - Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? It's kind of cheese grater-ish. - Oh yeah, that's what I meant. - Like dick goes in and comes out and shreds. - Yeah. (laughing) - The skin's still floating around inside of me. - Yeah, I hope not. - Yeah, I don't like commitment. - Yeah. - So, yeah. Yours is Bobby, yours is the fembr-- (laughing) - That swastika pussy, right? (laughing) - That's you though. - Well, it looks like the wicker man. (laughing) Right? Anyway, I don't have a pussy, Leah. - You know, I don't want to find out, I don't care. - Okay. - I think if you did, you'd be a lot cooler. - Oh, you don't think I'm cool. - I, for old man, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm old guy now, huh? - Sorry, for, oh, nigga, you kind of cool. - Yeah. - See how I just switched it to show how cool you are? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I'm old now, huh? I'm old man on the block. - Some of them might call you uncle. - Yeah. - What does uncle mean, baby? - It's like uncle. - Oh, uncle, yeah. - Well, I believe that uncle is, someone said it's actually not uncle, it's uncle. - No. - No, it's uncle. - It's uncle. - She got black air forces, she got black water on. - Unk is like usual, I mean it started as like how you, what you would call like in middle age to elderly black man who like has nothing to do and is kind of just sitting in a lawn chair outside. - Unk, Unk is the dude that got the air forces, the white ones that hanging out at the bar. - Yeah. - Applebee's during happy hour in the corner buying the $2 shots, nothing I would know. - Yeah. - But he's the one that's like, I'll take care of you. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. and got shit to do. - Yeah, he's a lay about it. - He's a lay about it. the elder male lay about, but now, yes. - But I never hang out in areas I ain't supposed to be. - Any more. - Yeah, yeah. At a certain age like, yeah, I ain't going to the club. - Or that place. - Thank God. - I would be really scared if I turned around in the club and I saw you under some strobe lights. - I'd be scared, fuck, I'd call it IC immediately. I was like, this is Mexican man. - Yeah, yeah. - Are you missing? - No, I'm Korean. (laughing) - Like that type of age. You don't like the Koreans? - No, because my mom, my mom, you know, it's funny. You know, I say the black people can't be racist. Yes, they can. My mom is like literally a naughty, which is like shout out because it's like, you know, she deserves it. But yeah, she talks so bad about like everybody. She's like Japanese, she's like Japanese, act like they're better than Chinese and Filipinos are the negatives of the Asians in their career. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, what are the Koreans though? - Koreans are just in the way, you know? - Oh, over in the way, over in the way, what do you prefer? - Money. - Okay, Asians with money. - Jews. - Now, Jews are stingy with their money. - Yeah. - Asians too, but I feel like if you think I can make you money. - I'm generous. - Jews, if you make them money. - Give her $20 right now. - No, no, give me 200, the fuck? - Oh, $200 right now. - You want $200? - I want $200. I'm being nice. - So ridiculous. - Tell them sister. - Thank you, brother. - Oh my God. - You're not shit. Thank you. Now give her a 100 for being my white course, my white, yeah. - I made it. I made it. - That is called the 19th Amendment, ladies and gentlemen. That is. - That was incredible. - Give 'em to it. - You want me, Bobby? - No. - No, no, no, no. - Any $100. - No, no, no, no, no. You get nothing. - Okay. - You get absolutely nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? I want you to have it. - I'm happy. - Yeah. Thanks for coming. - You're welcome. - I love us. - That's her Uber money. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We didn't get her over. We didn't get her over. - Me too. - And her too. - I'll take a jet. - I give you $200. - What? - You know about slavery? Give 'em a slavery? - And the Holocaust. - Yes. - For me. - You do wish now? - Okay. We all got museums and shit. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm still suffering. Okay. Bike lives matter just happened. - Where are you at? Where do you want to be driven to? - Shit. Where you want to go? - No, where are you going to go? - What are we trying to do? - Where are we going to take it? - Where I'm staying? - Where? - What part of town? - Why are you at first of all? - No, no. - No. - You got to rest first of all. - No. - It's my fucking show. - I get to see what I am on. - I'm on. - I have a smile. - I'm on. - I'm fast. - I'm on. - Don't forget your gay. - I'm gay. - I'm on. - Right, so no. - Where do you want to go, bitch? - All right. Your mom's behind me. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh. - Why are you freaking like that? - I got angry. - I got angry. - Hey. - He's old, short breath. - I'm sick for me. - I have a small throat. I can suck you off and keep it cool. It ain't got to be weird. We can't. Big T small jaw. - You enjoy sucking dick? - I do. - Oh wow. - If I like them. - If I like them. - If I like them. - You don't like it? - If I like them. - No. - I neither. - Sunday morning cartoons for you. My fucking head. - Yeah. - I'm a terrible experience. I'm thinking about my childhood. I'm thinking about the woman. - You're probably terrible. - She's hitting it the whole fucking time. I'm chomping. I'm mashing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Just terrible. - If the dick is ugly and weird shaped, not probably what you got going on. No. - She's a soldier. - She's a soldier. - Oh. - Oh. - Really? - Give her $200. - Give her $200. - Oh. - For doing the Lord's work. - Yeah. If I like him and if it's not, but if it's a weird dick, nah. - I don't have a weird dick. - I don't have a fuck. - She doesn't. - She doesn't. - Can I defend myself real quick? - Whatever. - Go ahead. - No, don't, whatever. - It's your shit. - It's my shit. - Go ahead. - All right. - I got the money. - You don't forget it. I want to defend it. I accept it. I have a crooked weird dick. Is it weird? Be honest. - No. - Thank you. Tell her. - I used to say this was like- - Tell Leah. - I'm 12. I feel like this is a sex offender situation. - No, no, no. - Yeah, what? - Me too. Me too. Me too. - Yeah, yeah. - It's pretty. - With your situation ship, what's the forecast? - What's the forecast? I mean, honestly, I feel like it will go all the way. That's what you're hoping. - Something like Joe or- - I think my forecast with it is I'm too busy and hate dating so much that and same with him that I think will just stick it out until we both get bored. - You are 21. - You are 21. - You are 21. - Being the old guy in the room may make a suggestion. - Yes, senior. - Say something wise, right? Right now, you guys are young, stand-up comedians, right? Focus only on that. Get a career. You can get dick any time you want. - Yeah, that's why we do it. - Okay. - Yeah, anytime you want. - I don't want you to be distracted. - Thank you, Papa. - I want you guys to- - I'm locked in. - There's no dick in this world that could ever detour anything. - Okay, good. - No, it's never that easy. - No, even if I got like chlamydia or something, I wouldn't do it. - Women who throw their lives away for dick, you're retarded and you're gonna die. - Crazy. - Because you're not, you're not gonna last. Let's focus on making money. Let's focus on the light bill. - You're gonna light bill. - Stupid bitch. - So stupid, right? - Nothing can ever take my eye away from them. - Never at all ever. I killed men. - Oh, you killed men? - Like emotionally. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, so I don't even- - I talked to a friend recently. Yesterday was like, very funny standup female. She's like, "I'm moving to Florida with my guy." - Oh! - Florida! - And I'm like, "Alright, bye." - He brainwashered to thinking that she's not funny enough to continue standup. Because she probably is funny enough to- - Well, they justify it. - They go, well- - They're stage time in Florida, huh? - Ah, yeah, it's going A, A, like, it's funny. - Sure. - Yeah, yeah. - A fuck? - No, but God bless. - Yeah. - Well, after a show, send me your info. I can talk some sense in that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's really dark. - That's dark as fuck. - I mean, the good news is he's a billionaire. That's why- - See, that's where you fuck the menistar out with that. - Yeah. - Yeah, you call her a dumb cunt. - Yeah, that was a fuck like- - That was so rude. - I'm so sorry. - Like, you didn't say that he could like, - Yeah, that's absolutely. - For a billionaire. - Yeah, okay. - And then he's surprisingly would die some way and then I'd give back on stage. - I don't know if I would quit comedy to win over a male billionaire just because men are so finicky and I'm already so bad with them that I know I'd probably only be able to keep his attention for like three weeks. - So I sign and I'd work instantly. - Wow. - Erder. - I get it. - So smart. - I wouldn't do it, but you know, you have some enemies of maybe mom or something. But, you know, he's like a lot more guy. - A lot more, yeah. - I'm just looking. - Have you ever modal on? - Yeah. - The strength you used pulling up my luggage. Yeah, that was. - Well, tell me some of your jobs for people who are comedy and we'll see if you're- - If they're McDonald's. - That's Mexican light. - McDonald's, T-Mobile. - Oh, that's Mexican as fuck. - Okay, I lied. Metro PCS. - Oh. - Dominican. - Yes. - Fucking Dominican. - No, there's Mexicans in Metro. - There are hell in Mexicans in Metro. - I share it. - I'm assuming the bus. - My apartment in Brooklyn, I share an address with a Metro PCS. They get my mail. I get theirs. And there's a soulful white boy that works at the Metro PCS, but also at the deli across the street. Only white guy I've ever seen working at a deli. It's crazy. He's addicted to having a job. He has like a chin strap beard. He's always wearing Playboy Cardi merch. And all he does every day is because there's no customers at the Metro PCS. He sits on my friend's stoop and he drinks 40s all day and just leaves them. And so I have to kick them to the side when I get home. And he just sits there all day and he watches videos on his phone of other people playing video games. - What makes him soulful? - The 40s. - Yeah. - The 40s drinking like a six-year-old black man that was in prison for 20 years? - Yes. - Yes. - That's very soulful. You don't date black men, do you? - You seem like you would and should. - I've been into black guys. Black guys have been into me, but it's never lined up in that way. Like I've never, a black guy that I've liked has never liked me back. A black guy that likes me. I've never liked back at the same time. - Where are the type of black guys that like you? - Nerds, like comedy guys. - Dore. - Hey Jack, off to like, was it Kent Sentai? Or was it-- - It's Kentara. - Yeah, kind of shit. - It's black guys that like experimental jazz music. It's black guys that-- - Oh, gay. - Yes. - That guy's that like anime, it's black guys that like video game. - And you like the black guys are like NBA players. - No, actually. I like the type of black guy that likes comedy and likes music. - Gay? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, well give me another chance. - Okay, I like a guy in like a nice, like a big oversized denim jacket who is gonna come up to me at a party and be like, "Let's talk about the new ghost face killer album." You know, which has happened to me before, apropos of nothing. - Yeah, yeah. - Black guys literally come up to me at parties and they're like, "I wanna talk about Memphis rap with you." And I just have to be like, "Okay, this is the next hour of my life." And I always have something incisive to say. I always have something incisive. - And they're the ones they would fight for you. - Yes. - I have a question from both of you ladies. I'm learning a lot about you two guys. Pretty hot now skinned. No, have you ever been with a guy That you guys hooked up with guys and after that have you told the guy or the guy he fell in love, right? - He blush. - I'm trying to, girl. (laughing) - Such a racial evening with you all. (laughing) - So, the guy's like, "Damn, I'm in love with you now." - What? - He's my pussy. - Yeah. - Have that outfit. - Damn, I'm in love with you now, girl. - I can't. - My sister. - I don't think I've ever made a man in love with me after fucking him. I have genuinely trash, trash pussy. The only person that would like my pussy is a raccoon. (laughing) - Really? I've never had that outfit. - Was that a full question? - No, and like, you told him, "No, baby, you can't be falling in love with me." Like, how do you ever told a guy? - No, falling in love, so I can rob you. I'm gonna fuck. That's not my problem. You bitch. Like, falling in love with me. I don't think anyone's ever falling in love. No, I think people, I don't know about my pussy though. I have like, shoppings free at Ross Pussy. I don't really have like, fucking take me to like, Chanel. - I have, I have Goodwill dressing room. - Time shit, yeah, on a Sunday morning. - Yeah, it's crumpled in the corner of the bench, yeah. - How about Dave and Buzz? - Are we chillin'? - What's your experience with that time, man? - How many bitches have you said, "Hey yo, bitch, the pussy's so good." It's just like, "No, Shoddy." - Shoddy. - Who are you? Get off of me. - I had a 1-X. - You had a 1-X stand? - Yeah, a couple of days ago. - Wow. - And like, she told me, "Baby, my pussy's too good." (laughing) She said it, but she's like, "Well, 'cause we're about to fuck." And then. (laughing) - That's a virgin. Go ahead. - He's wise, it's a fake story. - I have sex. (laughing) - Prove it. - I have a under bite. - I have a section. (laughing) - Yeah. And no, she's like, "My pussy's too good for you." And like, "You're gonna fall in love." So, you know, don't fall in love with me, 'cause there's somebody else. - Is that what she said? She was in a relationship. - She wanted to do a thing in her house. - She was lying. - She wanted a ride to work. That's really what she needed. - No, I was gonna have a car. It was an apartment. - Behind me is one of those like real sweet romantics. Like, he sent soup, he sent flowers. - Oh, okay. (laughing) - Yeah, he's like, he's like, he's our sweetie pie. - Do you whisper to the pussy, like, through your under bite? Do you like, "You'll get a taco back." - No, I don't be pussy. (laughing) - I don't even be pussy like that. (laughing) - No, like, I don't just eat random pussy. Like, it has to be like, good pussy, you know what I mean? I have to fall in love with the girl. - You don't have, okay. - Bobby say six seven, please. - All right. - All right. - Right. (laughing) - Bobby's so confused. - Let's move past that. - But yeah, Bobby, take over. (laughing) - I can tell you're a good person. - Oh, thank you. - Yeah, you have good person like, wait. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You help old ladies across the street and stuff. - 'Cause he has like, all sisters. So I know he's got like lots of sister energy. - Oh, they beat the fuck out of you. - No, they beat the fuck out of each other, not me. - Mexican women are so important. I dated a Mexican girl in college and I got, it sent me into psychosis. (laughing) Full of blond psychosis. I was like, somebody's always knocking at the door and it was just because I didn't have that fee fee in my life anymore. (laughing) Mexican women are really, really important. - I'm also the Mexican women, (laughing) small like donuts and faboloso. - And I love that. - It's a very nostalgic sense though. - Yeah. - I can get behind that like, laundry, old school like laundry detergent scent. That makes me feel like warm fuzzy. - They get up at seven in the morning on a Sunday and they're cleaning music loud as fuck. - Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. - Yeah, I love that. - They blast like Anna Gabrielle, all like the hits and stuff. Oh, so good. - I have no idea what's going on. - What are the sexually, what are you thinking about when it's happening? - We having sex. I try not to come. - What do you fuck? - What do I fuck? - Yeah, so you fucking on that it's not her anything. - Right, like-- - Oh my god, girls, it's way gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful, amazing women. - Amazing. - Yeah, but you're like really gorgeous and amazing and smart and awesome and you have amazing bone structure. - Thank you. - I'll take one. - I agree, I agree with, I mean, I, you know, yeah. I mean, yeah, I miss her. - Oh. - Oh, here we go. (laughing) - I might as well make it weird. - You've all made it weird. - I'm one of the bartenders at Showing Peaks. Now we gotta listen to you. - Are you guys friends with X's at all? - Fuck you. - I have, I have one X that I am still friends with because he was a really good nice guy but the other two I don't really do. - No, fuck, I think they're dead and I hope they are. Well, I wouldn't hope they are, but if they are, it's fine. - They loved you. - What if I'm the guy now? - One of them's a guy now, which that's frightening and I don't wanna contend with that because that was the Mexican girl. She's a guy now. I don't wanna have a Mexican twink in my life. I don't wanna face for that in my heart. - Well, my first love was a pedophile. The other one should, yeah, I was just like, I don't like kids, so it was never gonna work. And then the second one, it depends how rich the man is. - What are some homes and things on your mind, Bobby? Let's start with you. - You know, I'll be honest with you. I apologize, ladies. I'm a little lost. - It's okay. - I don't think, let me talk. You've talked more than me. - No, I have it. - Go ahead. - All right, go ahead. I'll be right now. - Oh, tell me now, then. - No, you go first. - You keep doing this. It's kind of making us uncomfortable for each other. - Okay, my bad, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - There we go. - I feel safe. - Come on, hello, kiddie. - The diminutive Asian is bad, let's go. - No, I've had a busy week. I don't think I'm on your wavelength. You guys are super quick. And in my mind, I can't catch up. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about. - Yeah, because I'm with your women. You thought we were stupid. - No, it's fast. It's witty. It's fun times. - Samey. - Yeah. - Zippy. - Oh. - Yeah, so I'm a little, yeah, yeah. I'm a little behind, but yeah, I'm just observing. - How are you, Bob? - I feel great. - Hold some, I said, hold some. What are some wholesome things? - You want to talk about, let's talk about Christmas and what that brings. - Okay, yeah. - Yeah. - Well, my grandma was found dead in her apartment a week ago. (laughing) - Was she really? - Yeah, she was just, she was just a hot dead man. - My grandma was, she'd been, how long had she been dead? - Yeah. - We know now. - Yeah, wow. - Wait, no one checked up on her? - Rest in peace, Barbara. She was in psychosis. We weren't talking about her. - Oh, oh, you, oh, really? - She lived out here in LA. - She lived in Long Beach. - Oh, that's a good way to go. - How long, how long was she dead before they found the body? - We don't know. - Oh, wow. It could have been weeks. - My mom and I are going tomorrow to go clean out her apartment that her corpse was in. - Do you think she loved you? - Who found her? - She didn't have jackfuckin' shit. My grandma was a problematic ass husband who was banned on Reddit for being transphobic. And she was on Reddit. My grandma was a prolific redditor who was banned for being transphobic. She was an ornery lesbian. She spent the last few months of her life in psychosis, but overall, she was a very troubled woman and then she was found dead. - Oh no. - So that's devastating for the family? - Do you shed a tear? - Yeah. - Okay, good. I was of like grandma as a kid or was she always kind of? - She was always somebody who was extremely kind of volatile and strange. I liked her though, because I can sort of pal out with an ornery lesbian. I can sort of, I can chop it up with a bitch like that. I can chop it up with a girl with borderline personality to sort of just fine. So I liked grandma, but she was troubled. - I found my grandma dead and I think it's because I watched Harry Potter because my mom was saying that Harry Potter's witchcraft. And the one day, we actually go see Harry Potter. I come home and she's dead, so I think, yeah. - We went from the holiday spirit. - Well, that is awesome. That's family, that's family. - I want to talk to my friends. - I'm talking to ya. - You're talking to my friends. - I'm talking to my friends. - Ginger, you know, stop it. - Ginger, you know what I mean? - It's about purple pussy. - Yeah, it lives on me, lose some. - Let me tell you about my grandma then. - Go ahead. - On that note. - So my grandma died a month after her son killed her other son. - Whoa. - That's a wristband. - Yeah, I think she was actually pretty in good health and I think she died of a broken heart. So yeah, she died because of like a family murder. And that murderous uncle is still a part of our family. And Bobby's met him. - Did he ever go to prison? - Yes, for a long time, 17 years. - Do you think he's rehabilitated? - Absolutely not. - Oh, yeah. - He's raucous. - He's raucous. - Damn, that's a Spanish side. - Any new year's resolutions? - My grandma. My grandma. - Bobby hasn't even sicker grandma's story, and I'll tell yours and tell the story. - I'm not gonna tell that story over and over again, okay? - I can tell you about mine. - You gotta tell me about my grandma. - She just put the Christmas tree up. - Oh, I'm gonna love. - Yeah, here we go. This is the wholesome story. - How would he die after? - No. (laughing) - Bobby, please tell your grandma's story. - I wanna hear it. - And then we, she made hot chocolate. - Oh, she did. - Wow. - We got a normie. We love a normie grandma. - You guys use that kind of cinnamon. What's that called? - Cinnamon. (laughing) - I'm just talking about our chocolate. - Vanello. - Yeah, that's our chocolate cinnamon. - Vanello. - Vanello. - Cinnamon. - What is that our chocolate cinnamon thing that? - It's like a chocolate. - A chocolate? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - A doule. - A cinnamon. - You should try a doule. - What? - I wanna try it. - Yeah. - A doule. - A doule. - Yeah, yeah. - What is it? - Yeah. - Okay. - You're a man with no information. (laughing) - Yeah. - Well, I'm learning. - Yeah, if you were. - Yeah, yeah, there we go. What is that? - Hey guys, enjoy refreshing apples. Sweet caramel comfort in every sip with a new caramel apple five hour energy shot. Caramel apple five hour energy shots. Deliver sweet and tart apple hits with a smooth buttery caramel coated finish. Dive into caramel apple flavors straight from the orchard for a sugar free fall treat. 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We use Shopify to get our merch out there We only use the best here at Tiger Belly shop of a helps you launch a store and start selling in a few simple steps without needing to be an E-commerce expert like I'm no expert at e-commerce Right, I'm a simple person. I want something laid out in a simplified way So and I needed an AI assistant and they have one called sidekick Oh, and he can help with business tax along the way from store setup to planning promotions, dude I'm really trying to get into Shopify so that I can start selling some merch on my own and crank in them dollar bills And lucky for me Shopify's pre-built themes and AI site builder can make it easier to create a professional looking storefronts Gotta look like it. Oh wow This is I did I just we're just getting in now breaking news launch before black Friday at time of year when more people are Already shopping and ready to buy that's genius Black Friday people buy my shirts. I love that if you're ready to launch your business before black Friday go to Shopify dot com Like to start your free trial as Shopify dot com slash tiger belly we're going to Shopify dot com slash tiger belly to hear your first Guys you're in a jungle you can still open a store check out this tune It's like you're cinnamon. Okay, just look at it. He's giving us nothing. Okay, is that it? I'm falling. Why don't you can you read the description please? It has a mayor the girl you you don't you We're tired of working. Go ahead and has a thick creamy ported a no read Yeah, Ola is a traditional Traditional warm corn-based breadridge popular in Mexico and Central America got to that and it has a thick, you know saying thick Don't come to me if you touch me again, I will very good. I will fuck your dad Destroy your whole lineage It has a what it has a thick and creamy Whatever that pee is porridge And like consistency and it's beloved by comfort food Dumb ass. There's no, but there's no buy I see it comfort What breakfast and holidays like the day of the dental Christmas? Yeah I'm honest, no like jump around and stuff Yeah, yeah, we have it in the Philippines too. It's like chocolate porn and any New Year's resolutions guys Full his simple become better Yeah, better man get my money up. I want to make I want to make $200,000 next year. Oh, that's a good goal $200,000. I'm gonna my goal is to have $500 million by next year and Have them that's how much money you want? That's how much you do with $500 million. I would kill Tony Hinchcliffe Don't cut that Too much power and I don't care. Yeah, have you ever met him? No, and I don't want to okay. I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to smell his fingers. I'm scared. Yeah Well, with that money I bail her out of jail once she kills you some of them I need to bail you out Yeah, I want to just not kill my dog. Like just survive just like Forever with $500 million low key another's a witch in Mexico. No, whatever you can clone your useless You can use that money to get a clone. I think it's 80k per clone Tom Brady just cloned his dog. I think Barbara Streisand did too. Yeah, you're cloning like three of them. Yep, she did That's crazy and she confirmed that they are not the same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like Yeah, yeah, but I want to I'm gonna make a movie you're gonna be in it Yeah, what's the part you think you can be in store clerk? Literally. I was about to fucking say that but you're black You're gonna do blackface and you're gonna be in blackface You're already doing it. Yeah No, you're gonna be a woman you're gonna have a the the goal That whatever I don't think just give it to miss Pat. Let's move on Yeah, I don't think we get it, but New Year's resolution I have no brain powered for a resolution. Okay. Yeah, so Keep my myself my baby my family happy and alive and safe. Okay. That's good. Yeah, take it over the world You're gonna take over the world. What's yours? Do better. Here's a do better do better 200,000. What's yours Bobby? Figure out something else to do I think yeah, yeah, yeah, I want I want in a new hobby or something. Yeah Me too, but I feel like you have so many interests like weird ones too that I feel like you could tap into yeah Maybe yeah, I've been roller skating by myself. Okay, my dog's not gonna Yeah, I'm really good at I grew up doing roller derby. Oh really? Yeah, we did you're the long beach is a really big roller derby Yeah, but I did it out here There was this place in our village called the LA Derby Dolls It was like this big warehouse with a bank track and a flat track and I was a competitive roller derby player for is that why you real Lesbian with that the girl that's not yeah a lot of really roller derby girls lesbians Here's the thing is they look that way, but a lot of the girls I grew up with doing Derby turned out to not be gay at all some of them are now, but The majority of them know you just you it's because you get it out of your system young So you do roller derby as like a child or like a pre-teen or a teenager you present gay for most of that time you run a slam into Puss that's continuous lady like a homo erotic activity don't like this and then you turn 18 and you're like Okay, I'd never I don't have to experiment now in college right? You know the flavor already. Where are you roller skating alone? Glendale that's a part no moonlight. Oh, yeah, yeah, I grew up going there. It's one of my favorite places in all I've been going to moonlight, but I shot something. I've been like really way amazing I go by myself roll around and then there's a part like what am I doing? But then I kind of like it. Wait, that's so cool. Are you kidding me by myself? Yeah, what else are you gonna get into? I ordered some tennis rackets. Maybe do start doing that. Oh my god. Do you want to do pickleball with me? That's not the same sport. It's not obviously, but I don't have tennis skills. Yeah, I don't have pickleball skills But if you have tennis skill you have pickleball skill. I promise you. It's like the the easier version of it Yeah, okay, let's do it. You'd be great. It's like ping pong, but like you know He's really athletic like he he is so good at every single sport and it bums me out He's so agile. Oh, give me a shy you guys are amazing. Thanks. I mean, I wish I was more alert today You know, I was back and be ready big. No, you know what? I would have you back individually. Yeah, yeah together I don't know if I can handle it. It's so fast. Don't you think there's just so fast On and on and on and I can't you know every thought that I have I let it pass and then it's too late You know what we can do as my son dumb but like like You know what what you know what can us three do? No nothing like that Bobby you and I are out of this we can do like a reboot of Mad TV What do you think wait you had mad TV questions? Yeah, I don't know I guess I just wanted to generally talk about it because I do love mad TV But what is interesting to me about that TV is that it made no cultural impact And that my sort of like thesis around mad TV is like it ran first it ran for so many years and yet Culturally it holds no water at all, and I just wanted to know like how a lot of great talent came from I'm easy amount of great talent came from that because it was on basic cable and I know that because I would watch it network TV Allegedly, but Jordan Peele came from there Artie Lang came from there came from there Uh, fucking Harry's I think I like Baron Holtz. I think so many amazing. Me too. Bobby the main one came from and Bobbi was there too. Oh, yeah, yeah, I got it years. I was on it like you told my memorable like sketches and shit I'm mad TV bitch. Yeah, the fuck the the every the steward fucking Well, you're doing one too. You're very young. I'm not around anybody that has seen mad TV like People my age have not been mad TV. Yeah, that's why you have seen old. Why is it a diss? [BLANK_AUDIO] right. It's so hurtful. It's like old SNL. Yeah, I used to watch it, but it's not fucking no relevance. I can't tell you SNL sketch. I can be on it. I can't tell you an SNL sketch like it has been around for a hundred years. I can't maybe one or two, but I can tell you some fucking mad TV sketches. I think for a certain type of person mad TV means more than SNL did because it was it was a more irreverent and edgy sense way more irreverent. Yeah, I think that's why it was way more fun to watch for me at that age. Yes. Yeah, I think so for somebody like me, mad TV. Listen, I fucking got an audition. All right. I'm like open micer. All right. I show up. Right. I get the job. This was what a hundred years ago. This is two thousand. That's a hundred by a hundred years. 25. Were you born yet? No, you weren't even born yet. Yeah, yeah. So while I was on med TV, you weren't even born yet. Yeah, no. Okay. I did eight years, right? You don't think about cultural significance or any of that shit. You're like, I know, but the thing is that everyone can't be a white thing. Yeah, you can't be a white show up. It kind of lets me with things being a young comic and getting paid every week and being on TV was a big thing for sure. You don't think about the other thing. Yeah, I view it as family. Okay. So this weekend, I went to a Christmas party and Michael Hitchcock was there. Yeah. And then Art and Marine was there. And then today I shot that thing and Jen Espanol, the makeup artist from that TV did my makeup today. Oh my God. So it's like, it feels like family. So when I run into these people, she did the prosthetic. Yeah, she did the prosthetic. She's so good. Yeah, she's good. She does Adam Ray stuff, whatever. But my point being is that it reminds me of home. Yeah. But don't think about what the significance culturally. Okay, but also let's say that it's like real shit. Matt TV by far is fucking legendary iconic and the history. That's not what you were saying. Yeah. No, no, no. No, no. I say it's in live in color. Matt TV was, oh, we sleep on this one. Sedgithine or Taylor. Remember he had a fucking sketch show? That shit was so fucking good. Yeah. No dishonest now. But I think Matt TV and all that is. I love Matt TV. I really do love it. I have YouTube. I watch the rewind. I love it. I eat it all. I love Matt TV. It means a lot to me, but I think it's something where people my age, people my age don't know about it. And I'm wondering like why that is. Because they were talking. You were, you were sigots. You're a spurn. Yeah. It's like people your age don't know what a curisole from. They don't know. You don't know anything. Okay. So I guess I've had two or three very significant for me sketches. They're always putting you in a wig. Yeah, I know, but you know, thank you. They always made you put the wig on with the Korean scientist one was right. Yeah, that's a good one. And then I had a port. No, not that. That was funny to me. Yeah. I love the 24 hour with the 24. Yeah, the John Cena ones. And I also had the drive. I love the Matt TV sketch where they kill Ashley Simpson. Yeah. Yeah. That's me as Connie Chung. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Matt TV was also special because they got no about celebrities. I think SNL always had to sort of protect the reputations of most celebrities because they were such a big part of the show. But Matt TV was really, really skewered celebrities in a way that we had Ryan Reynolds way your time. We got the best ones. Right for he was like, right. That was for sure. That was for Bobby. Now he, you know, is extremely famous. Yeah. Before. I mean, you know, but, you know, you guys didn't have to adhere to like politeness towards celebrities as much as SNL did. That is true. Yeah. And so they could do stuff like murder Ashley Simpson and have a running joke on the show where Ashley Simpson is being molested by her father. Yeah. That's your whole gag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Matt TV was great because it came on at the time where after Matt TV, the, the booty videos, the, the, the hip hop booty videos came on after. Yeah. It was great. It was like a combo. It was like watch these minorities and white people do wild shit and then watch the black shake ass. But this is really cool. When I was eight, like underdogs while you were on the show, did you feel like you guys were up against, um, I mean, we felt the weight of SNL, right? Because they were the show. We felt like they're, they're the stepchild of that show. Really? And their ratings were better than ours. And we felt like their bitch. Yeah. And it hurt every day. It was painful. And we got no advertisement, no billboards, no publicity. So we got no backing from the network. So maybe this is why to go to my point earlier, and Matt TV is not something that exists in my generation's cultural consciousness because it wasn't pushed as much. See, we discovered it. I asked you why you got defensive. And then you just answered the question. We found it. Yeah. Yeah. It was easy. But it's not something that I ever think about though. You know, I mean, it was just a segment of my life. I've done, I've been on other sitcoms, I've done other movies, I've done other things. I always, whenever I'm doing something, I always think about how it will play in the culture. Yeah. But imagine this, right? Being on a sketch show, a network show, right? With to you, the best, funniest people, right? Yeah. And they were. And you get to show up and play with your friends, right? Yeah. And, um, at the end of the day, that doesn't exist anymore. A network show, where you have your own parking lot and all that kind of stuff. And it was a magical time. And, um, I will never forget. I promise you, you'll get to a point because I've been asked by a legitimate network to go, do you want to do a sketch show? And I said, no, it's not my interest. But once you get legs, because you're still young, right? You will be in an opportunity where they're going to go, do you want to do it? Because it's going to come back around. I'm sure I'm sure it'll happen eventually. I like don't think it'll never happen. You're 21, man. I don't think it'll never happen. But I'm saying like in the 90s and the 2000s, it's like low-be people who were new could get operatives like that because people took a chance on them. And because it was zeitgeisty and interesting to have a sketch show or have something like even like girl code or guy code on MTV, it was like just comics shooting the shit and talking. I don't know. I think it's just it's harder. And it's like when the stuff that I want to do, you're fucking 21. I know, but I have it's going to happen. Bobby, I have big ideas. It's so wrong. I didn't reach. I didn't get mad TV into those 30. And I've been doing comedy. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 54. Right. You're old. Yeah. Yeah. I was 31. I got that show. I struggled before that. Struggling as an open micer. Having the dreams, things that you're saying now, those dreams, I was like, how am I going to do it? I have to wait until I'm fucking 30. I don't know when it's going to happen for you, but I'm going to say that you're very young, right? It will happen. Well, I think also like you're in the era now. We're all in the era now. I mean, you're doing the hand thing too now. Yeah. I can't. I'm a black woman. I can do it. Okay. They wanted to kill her people. It's like you know, in this generation, it's like you can be on social media and get mics like that and get shows like that and pop off versus like when you had to be in the streets and you didn't have social media and have all of that. Yeah, I think in some parts, you're now to make your sense. Yeah. I mean, I think it's great. I think there's a lot of people that are excelling in comedy and short amount of times. I do think it's because now they have a platform to be seen that people can see them. I feel like that happened to me. Social media really was the thing that made me be seen. I was still, I've been doing the shit, but you know what I mean, so I mean, yeah, I think it's good to happen. It's a cycle. There's no formula to this shit. It happens. It is what it is. It goes and goes. But please fund my projects. My name is Leah Samson. What's your memo here? Vemlo to the camera? Yeah. Can you, are you alright, cute? Yeah. You're a great God. First, you're a Christian. I like God. I believe in God. After all the shit you said, well, he knows my heart, girl. You know, we're going to go to officially a Samson and and follow her, please. And we also have. Walk mind virus too. Walk mind virus too. Real? Walk mind virus too. Yeah. Follow Ivy. Walk on. Walk mind virus too. Okay. And ladies, what do we learn today? A lot. Hi, my recap. We can't, we can't, we can't, what we talked about. Yeah, hi, me. You do it. Men are shit. Men and you do better. Bring back sketch comedy and rollerblade girls are gay. I need to be talk about that. Oh, roller derby. Yeah. Okay. Good job. Anything else? Yeah, I learned that you were Korean. Yeah, he's true. What did you think? He was tired. Asian. I was such a delayed react. He's so exhausted. That was good. I like that. That was true. It is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap it up, Bobby. Anyway, guys, one wonderful program. We've learned so much today on this program, Tiger Belly. Yeah. How many episodes have we done? Oh my god, over 500. Over 500 episodes, you know what I mean? And I've never had guests quite like you guys. Where I was baffled and speechless and bewildered. I couldn't get anything in. But I really enjoyed it. It was very entertaining because it was very funny, very fast. I was trying to let you speak. No. I was trying to let it go. I know. I know. And maybe you should be on medication. I don't know. Honey, honey, if they up my dose, my pussy will atrophy. Okay. Okay. Anyway, I love you guys. Thank you so much. Have them a round of applause everybody. [Music] How was that? You hear that? [Music] High hat, yeah. Okay, go ahead, I'm ready. You didn't call out like, come on. [Music] Hey, I'm sorry, is that too that for you? Hey guys, welcome to Titan Ready. Come on. [Music] Hey, Kalayla. Ah, hi, Hyman. Thanks for coming on my podcast. Are you the captain of the ship? I'm the captain for now. What's going on? Where's where's our real captain? I do not know, he's uh, he's asking questions not prepared to add circle. I don't know. [Laughter] Hey, maybe ask him what he had for breakfast? I'll let you know. Oh yeah, would you have for breakfast? What time do you wake up today? I was at the comedy store last night, I was out late. Okay, skip that question. Um, I woke up, that was not your question, I asked. Stephen, I woke up today and I ate waffle. Oh, can you hear it? Yeah. Uh, Kalayla has to listen to it, it's fine. It's pretty good. I woke up and I ate some frozen waffles. But not frozen, you know what I mean? I don't. We have a kid. Um, I don't eat frozen waffles that aren't frozen. Okay, do you buy eggos? I don't. Have you had one? I know what an eggo is. How do you get in it before? Yeah, they're okay. They're okay? Yeah. What do you get? Home style, buttermilk? I just make your own. Charberry, chocolate? Oh my god, why are you so angry about eggos? I love eggos. Oh, clearly? If eggo offered me a deal, I'll be the face of eggos. Let's get that going. Guys, eggos, if you're listening. Here's eggos. Do you know these two girls? Have you met them? I met Ivy. Have you met. Have you seen her like doing stand-up and stuff? No. What about Leah? Leah, no. She's from Texas too. She's from Houston. And you helped with her luggage? Oh yeah, I helped her luggage. What a glamorous life she lives. She lives out of her suitcase. She does? Yeah. Well, it's because she was in the, um, the, down the, the driveway. And I helped her. I actually don't know if she's from Houston, but I know she's from like the south. Oh, I ask her. But, um, but yeah, they're real fast and they're real quick. So I really need you to come through for me this episode, okay? Okay. What do you want to talk about? That's not what I was, I'm going to need you to come through. Like, don't ask me what to say. Okay. Okay. So like last night I was with this chick. She told me that we can be dating. She said she wants to date, but she thinks I'm a manhore. But then she said that she thinks I don't have it in me to be a manhore. Like a cheater. Is that a compliment? Or is that like a dish? Oh, I see what you're saying. Is she saying, okay. Like you don't have it in you like, in what way? Like you're the nice of a guy. Yeah. Or that you're not cute enough. Uh, I don't know. You tell me. She says, yeah, you tell him. You tell me you're a lady. She said, I think that any guy of any like, ugly, fine, whatever in between can be a manhore. But not me. No, you can. No, she said, I don't think you can cheat on me. You don't have it in you. It's a compliment. It's a compliment, right? I took it as a fence because like, what do you mean? I can fucking cheat on you if I wanted to. Oh, what? I hate that. I like it at the same time. I can cheat on you if I wanted to, right? It basically was. But I don't think that's what she wants to hear either. So don't say that. All right, I didn't say that. Went through my head. I was like, I think she thinks less of a man of me. Like she thinks I'm a less of a man. I don't think so. I'm a man. Well, yeah, guys, he's a man. I'm a man. He's a man in bed. I was like, oh, yeah. He's losing his goddamn mind. What are you on today? He's on the hard brews. How many brews we got in? I love those called brews. What are you doing for Christmas? I'm going to be here. With who? My myself doing spots. Oh, maybe there's an invite for someone. I'm not taking any craze this year. I don't have it in me. Normally, I take in craze. I don't have it in me this year. What's a pet peeve for, like, ladies my age? That should be illegal. Bating wise? Yeah. Illegal immigrants? What? Oh, what are you saying? That's a pet peeve for girls? Immigrants? Immigrants? No, we're good with immigrants. Me? No, I don't know. I have papers. You have papers? Yeah. Your whole family has papers? Yeah. Doesn't matter. They'll still come for you because ISIS is just out to harass. Just like my ex. She keeps calling me. She's still calling you? She's harassing me. Wait, what are we on? What's the update on that? I don't know. All the truth, man. That is the truth. The truth is he's not over her. What's the update on your ex? The last time I talked to her, I was like, "Hey, are you for real? Do you actually have a pen pal?" And then I was like, I told her like, "Hey, don't you get. " Are you ever going to get tired of. Collect, call from prison, I don't know. I got it. Get it? Yeah. And then what did she say? She said, "Shut up." Is that what the word pen pal comes from? Like the penitentiary? Oh, I never thought about it that way. Or is it just the pen like a ball pen? Pen pal. No, it's just letters. You're right. I can't remember the letters. Oh, okay. But I like. Did you write in pen? Yeah. You can write with pencil. Pencil pal. Pencil pal. You write in pencil? No, I don't write. I have this graphio. Oh, I've seen you draw and scribble. Where are you notes at? And someone was like, "That's not the Superman-esque. That's the sucey." That's. Oh, yeah. No, that's the super essay. S. What's. And the super essay? Super essay. And then someone said that. Oh, yeah. And you know what? I have a interesting thing that I noticed about you. You tried to draw. I think at least now I've noticed. You keep trying to draw a cube. And I think you were taught wrong. Can I teach you how to draw a cube? Yeah, but. You've tried like 16 times on a page. And I kept looking at you. I was like, he's getting one line wrong. Explain it. Is he not doing the typical. And then you connect it? I think you. Okay, let's watch him draw a cube and you'll know what I mean. And I kept wanting to correct him when we were in the middle of a pod. I'm like, "Hey, you. " Let me see. Yeah. Okay, draw the square first. Here, hold on. I'm gonna get my. Wait, sit next to Klaila. Okay, yeah. Okay, I film it. Yeah, there we go. Okay, draw. Go ahead, draw the square first. Wait, I can't see. I have this graphio. Disclaimer. What is this graphio for people that I don't know what that is? Just poor handwriting. Well, it's a learning disability affecting writing, causing issues with spelling, legibility, and cubes. And cubes. Basing, expressing thoughts, coherently, stemming from difficulty with motor skills. Okay. Oh, you got it. That's the first cube you got right. So he was doing it wrong before, right? Nobody was watching.