The conversation is a fast-paced, humorous mix of absurd anecdotes, pop culture references, and satirical observations. It begins with playful banter about seasonal water and summer energy, quickly escalating into jokes about "shaky diseases" and ridiculous lifestyle choices like a "shaky salt drain" ritual. The discussion shifts to wild animal facts, such as the powerful bite of Tasmanian devils and the aggressive behavior of hippos, blending hard facts with comedic exaggeration. It then delves into human evolution, questioning why humans walk upright, contrasting it with animal behaviors like tree-dwelling or climbing. The dialogue includes biting critiques of modern society—such as the decline of vibrant car colors and the rise of soulless, mass-produced architecture—while poking fun at cultural trends like the lottery and social media. A recurring theme is the absurdity of human choices, from pet ownership to financial habits. The narrative is punctuated by references to famous people, viral moments (like Sean White’s snowboard jump), and satirical statistics, all delivered with a light, irreverent tone. The overall effect is a satirical, observational comedy that blends science, culture, and personal quirks into a chaotic yet entertaining flow, reflecting both humor and deeper cultural commentary.
- You two are bad friends. - You are these two idiots. - Ooh, I did an Asian dinner. - You two are disgusting. - Ooh, are you two or something? - We're bad friends. - Oh, this is spring water. - Yeah. - It's a beautiful spring water. What's the difference between regular water and spring water? - Flastic. That's the difference, isn't it? - Oh, I'm sorry. - It's a season thing. - You've never had winter water. - You've never had some winter water? - No. - Well, it's a winter wonderland now. - Fall water, any of the seasons. Spring is the only season I've drink. - Which season do you like the most? Water-wise. - Summer. - Summer water. - What's summer water? - Summer water. - Happy summer blast. - Yeah. - Summer love is on the rise. I'm telling you, dude, you're getting so tuned up for this summer. Your body's gonna be good. Your brain's gonna be good. - No. - I think you're gonna get some summer love this summer. - Or I'll get a disease. - Which one? - The shaky one. - Parkinson's. - No. - No. - No. - That's not the shaky one? - No, there's other shaky ones. - What's the other shaky one? - There isn't any more. Parkinson's is the only one. - I feel like that's the main shaky one. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Shaking tremors. Give us, pull up shaky diseases. - They're right here. - Multiple sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis. Man, say that five times. They can't. - Yeah. - You know what I want to do? I want to get a shaky disease and have a time of shame and go down to the seventies and go do our salt drain. - Yeah. Dude, I'll do salt change. I've always wanted to do the line with the shaky disease. (laughing) (singing) (singing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (singing) - Some people get a time machine and they'll get, you know what I mean? I want to go see, you know what I mean? Meet George Washington. Not me, dude. Shaky salt drain. - Shaky salt drain. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's do Bob. - No, that's not what I was saying. I love him. - Michael Jeff. - I'm a big fan of him. - He's the man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The Instagram handle is shaky salt drain. Oddly enough. (laughing) (laughing) - He's the man. He jokes about it all the time, which is so you have to. - Yeah. At some point, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks. And then you got a joke about it. - Do you think Christopher Reeves is resentful toward horses? - Oh, he hated him. - Yeah, after that. I mean, I got hurt by that. - I got hurt by that. - Turn him into glow. (laughing) - If you got hurt by an animal, you're gonna hate it for life. Although, that might not be true. I got bit by my buddy's dog. My buddy, Adam's dog when I was a kid. - Yeah. - He's the love dogs. - Yeah. - I deserve the bite. I came in the backsliding door stoned at night trying to sneak in to be quiet to not wake up his mom. Dog bit me. My fault. - I know Grim Jenny, she has a big pit bump scar on her face. Right? And then I go, can you dog sit? (laughing) - I ask her. I just say, no. - Why are you, Jenny? - Yeah, 'cause they're little though. My dogs are little. - You don't have big, scary dogs. - They'll bite your ankle. - Well, that's not true. - Yeah. Julio. - Julio is a nightmare. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll bite your neck. - He will kill you. - Yeah. - Julio has that, like. - Yeah. - But then you go, come on, come on, Julio, Julio. And then Julio will calm down. But if Julio senses something's up. - Uh-huh. - Attack mode. - Yeah. - Attack mode. - And then Julio will have to move Marines and Honey Badger's get along. - They're so similar. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I wonder who would win in a fight. - That's such a good question. Who would win a Honey Badger or a Wolverine? - Yeah. - No, who would win though, you think? - It says they do not get along. They hate each other. They're highly territorial. - I would say so, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I think a Honey Badger, aren't they crazy? - Yeah. - They didn't create it. I mean, the X-Men should've had, you know what I mean? - Honey Badger. - Honey Badger. - 'Cause Honey doesn't sound threatening. - I think that's what it is, yeah. - Good, but like Honey Badger, yeah. - Wolverine would most likely win according to AI overview, due to it's significantly larger size. - That's what I thought. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Size and strength. - Yeah. - Offensive power. - What about Tasmanian devil? Is that a mix? - Oh yeah, they got it. - They're small. - Oh yeah. - But they're crazy. - They're crazy. The sound that they make is insane. - Have you ever heard it? - Yes. - Oh, it's insane. - It's insane. - And wait, you know why they'll win? - Let me see if I can do it. - I'm hungry. - As many in Bobby. - Yeah. - Keep doing. - Do it again. (laughter) - You know the lore of the truth? Why they're called Tasmanian devils? When people first came to that area, they lived in the woods at night. They heard that sound. - Yeah. - They thought it was the devil. They thought it was the devil. - The devil. - They thought that was devil's eye. - That is very true. Also, these things are crazy blind. They can't see shit. - They can't see shit. - But their jaw. Look at the jaw strength of a Tasmanian devil. - Look at it. - Look at it. - They can bite through. I want to know how many pounds per square inch or something. - That's what my new come noise, by the way. (laughter) - Tasmanian devils have an exceptionally powerful bite for their size. They cited around 500 to 1200 pounds per square inch. - Wow. - What's the average human bite? What's a human bite? - Humans bite force is 150 pounds per square inch. - Wow. - The Tasmanian devil is-- - That's not good. - That good or bad? - It's 10 times us. - It's, yeah. - That's crazy. What is that? Alligators is 3,700 pounds per square inch. - Wow. - That's why all those idiots in Florida are like, they love the threat. - Yeah. - I'm a good down there. I'm a wrestle. That guy or sea would have. - But I hear hippos are the ones you don't want to fuck with. - They're aggressive. - They're gigantic mouths. - You know, and they are very terror toward, not only protect their babies. If you see a hippo baby run. - 'Cause they'll kill you. - The mother will kill you. - Yeah, they'll just kill you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What's the father doing? Is he, is he MIA? - Yeah, he left. - Go ahead. - No, you go ahead. - No, you go ahead. You go ahead, you go ahead. - I don't want it. - Yeah, I don't want it either. - Yeah, yeah. - I'll be back, get in the bread. I'm gonna get bread. I'm gonna get bread. I'll be back. - Never comes back. - Never comes back. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see them bite through stuff as nuts. - Yeah. - You ever seen them bite through like a watermelon? - Oh shit. - Yeah. - They can crack right through it. Fancy? - Fancy? - Why'd you say watermelon? - 'Cause I always see pears of hippos and watermelons. - Out of all the vegetables. Just be pumpkin. - I always see videos. - Yes, say pumpkin. - No, no, no, no. There's always videos of hippos with watermelon. You see that, you know it. - Yeah, yeah. And fried chicken. (laughing) - I knew it. I was waiting for it, dude. I was waiting. Look at that. Oh yeah, it is watermelon. - Whoa. - Whoa. That thing. Wow. - Have you ever seen him feed him a carton of new ports? He'll do that. (laughing) - He'll go right through it. - It's crazy. - That's so funny. Also, hippos, there's a pink residue that comes out of their skin. - I don't know this. - Do you know this? - No. - It's a pink residue. (laughing) - That's a pink residue. - No way. - Yes, that's all that. - I'm looking for the joke in my mind. - There is no joke. - There is no joke. - That's a pink. - That's a pink residue. - Is there not a residue? - Oh, he's right. - Yeah. - He posts a creed of thick, oily, reddish, something's called blood sweat. - Blood sweat. (laughing) - Not crisp sweat, blood sweat. (laughing) - It's sunscreen, SPF. - Wow. - Yeah. - Blood sweat. - Yeah. - That's where it comes from. Blood sweat and tears. - Tears. - Yeah, I wonder what it is. - Wow. - While they secrete a red substance. - They do. - It protects their sun, skin from sun and bacteria. - Yeah. - I thought about that. - I do you know why I know that. - That's awesome. - What the fuck do I know that? - That's awesome. - Out of all the things. - I know. I just know that. - Well, we looked at my dog today. We took a dog on a walk today. And I thought, how weird that we're. Of all the species. Like we're the ones that want to walk upright. That figured out walking upright was the move. Isn't that crazy that we were like, "Fuck this off. Or is this crazy?" - Yeah. - I'm up here. I'm getting up. Well, how did we get up? - I have no idea. - Like something must have taught us to get up. - God. - Excuse me? - God. - Don't bring your Spanish fucking voodoo to this room. (laughing) Humans walking upright because it offered key survival advantages. I know, but why did we-- What other animals can get up right they do? - No, I mean, banana. (laughing) - Go on. - No, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is-- - They're up in the trees. - Banana. - Right. - Yeah, I get it. - Yeah. - Food is up high. - Food is up high. - Food's up there. - Food's up there. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, we didn't want brown food. We wanted high food. - Yeah. - Is it right or not? - Oh yeah. - You come up with what? - Brother, I love it. - No, no, no. What do you mean you love it? - No, it's 'cause we're up to-- - Why do you think? - Vantage point attack. - Exactly. - Bigger. - Yeah, yeah. - Me big. - Yeah, me big. - You're small. - Yeah, you're small. - What happened to-- Why did we stop climbing the trees though? - Probably hurts. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Like, we've evolved. You would think that we still-- - Well, I probably-- - Alex Honol does it. - Honol does it. - Yeah, do you see that? - Yeah. - Tell me about it. - Pist me off. - Why does it piss you off? - I just-- - Yeah. - Why is he doing that? - I'm saying. - It's crazy. - Yeah. - I mean, Kudos, the guy's amazing, but you're like, what is this story? - Well, El Capitan is scary or though. - No, he said this was fucking weird. - But I'll tell you why. 'Cause I saw it. Did you see it? - I watched. - Yeah. There are places where he could fall. You know, because once he gets to a certain section, he's climbing again. And he could have fell down to like the next level. - I know. - Yeah. - Is El Capitan. - Yeah.
You're dead. There's nothing saving you. - This was a great PR stunt for Netflix. I mean, 100%. And by the way, get paid. Good for him. - Yeah. - That second of his wife like waving out the window was the weirdest. - What do you think of that relationship? - I mean, I think it seems like it's going up. - I don't know. It's strange because they talked about it. Is this the same girl from the documentary? - Yes, same girl. - Where he says he's gonna leave her. - Yeah. - I'm either gonna climb, you either stick around and I'm climbing or you can kick fucking rocks. - Yeah. - And she was like, "I'll stay." - Yeah. - I mean, they must genuinely love each other. - Yeah, maybe. They have two kids now. - They do? - Yeah. - Where are they? Up at the top of that building? They're at the one center or whatever in Chechron. - I wouldn't be able to watch if I was a kid. Like, if your dad was doing that, would you be able to watch? - No, it's crazy. Oh, that's cute. - Yeah. - By the way, this was in China, right? It was in Beijing. Or where was it? - Singapore. - Oh, Singapore. - Was it Singapore? - Singapore. - Yeah. - Great audience Asians though. - Oh, every second. - Oh, no. - Everything blows their mind. - On the floors or though. Oh, with the cameras on. - They were. - Yeah, they were. - They were. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This guy, it was cool to see, but like you know, you knew he was gonna do it. - Yeah. - I kind of wanted to see him slip a little bit. - And there's also a delay. You know there's a delay. - Oh yeah, they do. - There's no way. If he fell, there's no way. They'd show it. 'Cause how quick can you snap a camera away? 'Cause they're punched in, these guys are. And the guys that were doing the cameras on the ropes, that was crazy too. 'Cause they had to do, you know, I'd be a drone. Give me the drone, I'll fly that next to the guy. - Like if my partner wanted to do that, I would just be like, yeah, I'm not gonna be there. - Okay, okay, let's make it more real. What if your partner's like, I love deep sea fishing and I love deep sea diving. - Okay. - And I like swimming down with sharks. - Calyla. - She did that the whole relationship you were with her. - And guess what? - What? - I'm at home. - I'm not watching that. - Yeah, I'm just, you know. - That's true. - Yeah, yeah. - But you said, good luck. But you let them do it, you're just not gonna go. - Well, I did a couple of times with them. Those kind of activity. But that's a completely different then, though, I think. - It's just his life threatening, 'cause he's an expert at this. The chances of him falling are less likely than one of the girls getting bit in the ocean. - You think so. - 100%. You guys don't agree with that? Think about this. Think for a second. This guy is a flawless professional, right? He was never gonna fall, that's why they did it. Those girls getting the water, they have an element that they can't control. He controls this, all this. They have animals that are, you're at their whim. They could just attack you for no reason. This guy, he was never gonna fall. There was no fucking way. - But they did change the day, 'cause it was raining. - Well, yeah, 'cause you'd slip. - I mean, let's, let's man up. - Oh, yeah. - Do it on the rain. - Do you wanna win with raining? - Pussy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Pussy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I heard you didn't clap at the rain. I can't do it. Let's see if you can do it during 20. - Get real, L. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Not win. - Yeah. - This guy's the man, though. He is one of the greatest athletes of human history. - Did you see, speaking of great athletes, did you see Sean White jumping over Gillis and O'Connor in Central Park? - No. - During the snow closing in New York, Sean White literally jumped over Gillis and O'Connor. Like, look at this. You just like Ali's over them in Central Park, right? Is that where it was? - Yeah, on TMZ. - How sick is that? - Wow. - They're just chilling drinking Bud lights and he's ollie hopping over these guys on a snow. - Wow. - I'd love to get hit in the head by that snowboard. Get paid, huh? Get a check from Burton. - Wow, wow, wow. - How cool is that? - Yeah. - Can we even say it or no? - See what? - How about you doing tires? - Oh yeah, I'm doing a couple of episodes of tires. Why, what? - Huge. No, I'm saying, I don't know if you're not. - Did we talk about it? I don't know, we did the whole script thing, you know what I mean? I think that did it. - We got you that role. - Oh, on the episode. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You remember that? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm doing two. - I'm doing two, yeah. - Awesome. - What's your character's name? - I don't know. - What did you want it to be? I think you should bring that to the table. - I'd love to do that. - I think you should just tell them what you want to play. - Yeah. - You know, I've been thinking about it. - Yeah. - I'm a scene. - Does it matter? - Your name? - Yeah, yeah. - I feel like all that every time I played something, it's always like a boring non-creative name. - I'm always Ken, for some reason. - I mean, we know the reason. - Yeah, or what I've played, I've played Jenna couple of times. - Ken, Jen. - Yeah. What else have I played? - Dude, I finished all of Bert's show, by the way. - You saw it? The whole thing? - It's awesome. It's on Netflix. - Wow, yeah, I know it. - It's such an easy watch. - Is it? - Yeah, it's great. - Yeah. - Everyone in it's funny. It's great. - Am I saying it right? - Yeah, yeah. - Fantastic. - It's so funny. - Yeah, it's great. - Great guy. - Kills it, Chicago. - Yeah. - Great dude. - It's a funny show, man. - You know what's so funny about Chicago guys? You Chicago guys help each other. - Well, we like each other. - But you guys always help each other. - San Diego guys don't do that? - No. - Why not? - There's not a lot. - Well, there's a lot of fun. - I can see a lot of Chicago guys. They're like, "Hey, you know what I mean? Use that guy." - There's a lot from Chicago. - I think that's what it is. - You're acting in comedy. - Yeah, yeah. - What do you mean? San Diego has a lot of famous people. Has Adam Driver never called you? - Bobby, I want you to do something with me. - Yeah. - How do you feel about good soup? - Nick Cannon is from San Diego? - Yeah, yeah. - Dude, Ted Danson. - Yeah. - You know, I need you to babysit from me, Bob. - Kiss on the kids. - Was that Nick Cannon? - Yeah. - And you know, I need you to babysit from Bob. - For me, Bob. - Yeah. - My ambiolic is from San Diego. - Yeah, who else? - Adam Brody. - Okay, that's good. - I didn't know all these people were from there. - I mean, that's a lot. Tom Waitz. - Wow. - Wow. Tony Hawk. We know Tony. Sean White, Bill Walden, Kendra Wilkinson, Tony Gwyn, Jr. Sayow. - Yeah. - Christian. - Interesting. I'm not even on that list. - You are. - Where? - Where? - You're right there. Bobby Lee. - Oh, I am. - Why does it say comedian? Nick Cannon. Dude, this list is thick. - It's a pretty good list, yeah. Cameron Diaz. We skipped over. I thought she was from Long Beach. - She is, yeah. I don't know. - She was born in San Diego, but went to school. - Not born, yeah. Robin Wright. - Penn. - Yeah. - It's with the La Huayah school. - Is it not? Oh, they got divorced? - Yeah. - He was so good in that movie. They got divorced, huh? - Yeah. - You know, I had dinner with her one time. - Robin Wright? - Yeah. I was in Michigan. - Yeah. - Right. I had a couple of scenes in a movie. And the producer of the movie was dating her. - Whoa. - So I had the producer like, I had dinner, you know what I mean? So I show up and she was at the dinner. - Was he a good looking guy in the producer? - Pretty good looking, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause sometimes you meet these producers that date as actresses and you're like, I don't know. - Well, he was long face like Sean. I think she likes long face. - She likes long face? - Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, descriptive. - Like a president, like an old president. - Oh, yes. - So you wouldn't be her type. - No. - You're a long face. - Yeah, I'm a long face, yeah. But what I remember about her is her being very funny. - I mean, she's so smart and cool. - Yeah, she was very funny. - What's your favorite role of hers? - Jesus Christ. - She didn't play that. - Okay. (laughing) - The first time I noticed her was Princess Bride. - Yeah, it was really, really good. - Yeah, and then Jenny. - Yeah, Forest Gump is probably the most iconic. - Iconic. But she was good in Wonder Woman. - Well, she was fun in that. Yeah, buffed out. Yeah. - She's just a super beautiful though. - Yeah, she's pretty stunning. - Stunning, right? - Yeah. - You think of her? Who would you, Sharon's tone or her, you think? - Her, for sure. - But Sharon's tone or her prime though? Oh my God. - No, she's, she's so cool. - This whole sum just beautiful. - Yeah, look at it. - Wow, what a beautiful girl. - Gold is my, gorgeous. - It's very talented, too. - Absolutely lovely. - K Blanchett's, I think, the same thing. - Not my style, but yeah. - Yeah, but just beautiful. - Beautiful. - White, yeah. - What is it? - On dressers sent me something. Let's see, it's some sort of meme. - No, I just, this guy won the lottery. And it's so, so surprised and he found love. - 181 million dollar lottery winner falls in love. Yeah. And the lottery winner is the woman, yeah? Because she, that's, she won the lottery with that guy. - Dude. - Just by chance. - Two days after. - Yeah. - Tell me this guy's British, 100%, right? - Yeah. - Is he not British? - No, it's American. - Where? - North Carolina. - I find myself a beauty girl, dude. Wait till you see my, wait till you see the girl that I got. She won't, nothing from me. - Is that incredible, though? - She's poisoning him. - This is basically what happened. - Life changed. - Yeah. - Life over. - Life over. - You think it's over? - The lottery's the worst thing they say statistically. Like, these people end up killing themselves, going broke. - You want to hear a statistic? - Same thing. Same statistics. Bobby statistics. We'll be right back. - You want to hear one? - Right. - People that are, they're in a car accident and paralyzed from the neck down are, get, are happier than lottery winners. - No, you made that up. I mean, that sounds really why. - I'll tell you why. - Why? - Can I tell you why? - So, when you win the lottery, right, your friends and family, they change. Right. - I don't want the money. - Me, me, me, me. - Also, you don't know how to manage money, so you lose them money quickly. - Right. - You start buying houses and cars for your friends and all that stuff, and it becomes more painful in your life. - Well, you win the lottery. - More burdened. - More burdened, more pain, you know what I mean? And somebody that's been in the car accident paralyzed from the neck down, right? When they can taste orange juice for the first time, there's super joy there. And they can move a pinky, right? Like every day, something new thing happens, right? You get more joy.
And there's more, you know, I mean, the small things matter, small things. And then you realize who your true friends are and loved ones. When you're in an accident, yeah. And so they say that you're happier. I agree. I mean, you see the history of all these people that win the lottery is awful. That's awful. Yeah. They lose it quickly whenever they're always like, the guy, what was the dude? There wasn't there kind of just killed himself that one that won the lottery. Not too long ago. Like, he just, you guys think that this guy's gonna lose the law if he loses the money? Yes, yes, that's mental health struggles. Very big. The curse, the curse, the lottery, uh, 70% of lottery winners go broke or face severe financial distress within a few years. That was kind of like, do you remember the show? Um, what was it? Move that bus, you know, that fucking show extreme, extreme home makeover. They would give these people these mansions. People that made like 30 grand a year, they give them a fucking mansion. They couldn't pay the taxes on it. They'd go broke, then they'd be in worse financial debt than they were before they got the house. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's a, so they got sued, right? Didn't they get sued and then they settled and then at some point, the show had to continue on the air. So what happened was then the network started paying for the taxes or the, whatever. So these people wouldn't drown. Right. Wow. That's interesting. It's a bad, it's a bad game. A lot of cases. Hey, guys, do you know where sponsored by Pepsi? Bob, did you see that Pepsi did another Pepsi challenge? Oh, well, well, well, well, people still do that. Yes, they do still do that. And 66% of people chose Pepsi's zero sugar over Coca-Cola's zero sugar. Oh, that's not even close, dude. I know. 66% of people over what percentage of people chose Coca-Cola's zero. 44% 34. I guess Pepsi doesn't make you good at math. Right on, man. Good man. Is that true or? That is very true. That's right on the number. Yeah, yeah, perfect. All right. Let's take the challenge and see. I want to try. I want to try. See? There we go. Okay. I'm going to take a straw in the A and then the B. Ready? And I'm going to try B first. Now you go backwards. You always go backwards because I'm going to try A first. And then I try B. Okay, don't say anything. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, what's yours? I'm the count of three. We'll say. All right, close your eyes. I got to do it again. Yeah, I got to do it again. I should do it one more time. Yeah. Oh, yeah, got it. I got it on the count of three. If my mind is also, you know, I'm parched. I'm in the Sarah desert, right? I'm dreaming of a cola beverage. We're in a studio in Burbank. No, in my mind. Oh, yeah. Like what would I write? Okay, I'm parched. Yeah, I mean, the Sarah desert, right? And I'm trying to find a liquor store or something or a store or a convenience store so I can get a beverage. Yeah, I see one in the desert, right? And I would if it's a mirage. It could be a mirage. And I only have one opportunity to buy one beverage. One would I pick? What you're gonna say? I'm gonna say. One, two, three, A. No. Let me see. Let me see. Oh my God. Pepsi did. No. What's yours? I picked Pepsi. Yep. Wow. Got me. If I had an option based on this hand test, I'm going with the rising star. Because you're a rising star. I'm a rising star. Am I? Yep. I am. Yeah, because you chose the 66%. But my star's a little bloated. So as long as I keep drinking Pepsi Zero sugar, it might be a shooting star at some point. If you want to use that analogy. Fuck, I did. Well, you also think of it this way too. I'm an alien. I'm visiting around. I'll second that. Oh my God. What city am I in? Los Angeles. Hi. Hi. I heard about cola bandwriters. Can you give me-- They're phenomenal. Are they? Yes, one is the one that's the best up and rising one. Let me tell you something, Naelian. Yes. I can get you the Pepsi challenge. So you can decide for yourself. In a mountain mountain mountain. Is this this right here? That's it. Wow. That's the Pepsi challenge right there. Are you an alien or a robot? I am a combination of a cyborg and human parts as well. You know what I should-- I've never questioned you. I'm sorry. I have also bionatrix systems. Are you made of bionatrix? Yes, I am. Wonderful. All right, why don't you take the Pepsi challenge? What's your name, sir? What's your name? Alongo. Alongo. Alongo, what do you think? I love it. Take a sip. OK, here we go. Mm. Me na pop, baby na na pop, pop. That's not going to short-circuit your insides? That's me short-circuiting. OK, we'll drink up before you die. Before your system crashes. B-bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Did you like that one more? That one is better. Which one? Which one? What, what, what? The long go? The long go likes what better? Pepsi. You heard it here first. Alongo likes Pepsi more. Pepsi, Pepsi zero sugar. Alongo likes Pepsi zero sugar more than Coca-Cola zero sugar. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Go out and try Pepsi zero sugar today. Let your taste decide. [INAUDIBLE] The lottery is roast statistic. I'll give you statistic. Smoking a pack of cigarettes is the health equivalent to having unprotected sex with five prostitutes. It is? No, I made it up. Oh, fuck. But it sounded real. It sounded pretty real, yeah. It sounded real. OK, true or false. Let's see if you can get it. But you know, I'll give you one. Yeah, go with one, right? It's better to just be a cigarette smoker for COVID. [LAUGHTER] True. It is. It was, yeah, it turned out. It is. Smokers had better lung capacity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, better propensity to like fix themselves. No, you know. All right. I'm not Google it. I don't like that you're smoking. Yeah, Google it. It's true. Because I looked down when I Googled things that are the joke. No, it's not. It's true. Google it. No. [LAUGHTER] No, people that spoke. Extensive Richards, authorities like World Health Organization confirm smoking increases the risk of severe illness, hospitalization, the death from COVID-19, in fact. Oh, I made it up. [LAUGHTER] Can I tell you, you sold me? Yeah, yeah. I bought it. Can I give you a statistic? Is it real, full of faith? You tell me if it's true or fake. Fuck, okay, go ahead. All right. 78% of people that got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine drove Dodge Chargers. [LAUGHTER] 78? Yeah, yeah. Is that real? I think it's false. I think it's false. It's, I don't know anybody that drives me. It's 87. It's 87. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Other way. Yeah. Wow, that's a good one. [LAUGHTER] That one's for McCone. McCone, welcome back. McCone, he's back. Give it up for McCone. He got stuck in New York City. How was New York? You pig. It was great. It was very fun. It was nice hanging out with you. And yeah, we took the boy-- That's G. --took the boy to Madison Square Garden. Had a fun little time there. Then we went to-- then we went to what we thought was a gay bar. But it was just gay night. Yeah, yeah. It was all women. We went downstairs. And it was all women. Wow. And then it took five seconds for the intelligent people to go, oh, it's a gay bar. And these fucking dorks, him and his buddy, were like, it's a lot of babes here, man. They're like great ratio. And they were all-- I was like, great ratio. These women don't like penises, but-- Oh, wow, wow, wow. You can tell because a girl came out to me and dapped me up right away. She literally goes, yo, fucking love your show, dog. And I was like, yeah, thank you, dude. Wow, wow, wow, wow. By the way, big and the lesbian community. That's huge, bad friends. We love that. Really? Yeah, fuck yeah. We had a lot of fans there. It was great. Yeah. That made me feel good. That's amazing. All right. Sorry. Sorry for sharing. That's really good. I like that. You go to a gay bar. You find out. Yeah. You get recognized as a gay bar. You know? Bobby, you're back. Where have you been? Yeah. You bad boy. I just got tuned out for a second. It was so weird. Yeah. Where are you going? It was more than the statistic. But then it's like, it was too late to say it because it, we had transitioned on to something else. And then it just got stuck on it. But it's like, I'm not even going to say it. But I'm just saying, come on. Give it to me. Yeah. Give it to me. It's stupid. They're all stupid. It's so fucking dumb. I don't know why for like a minute. I got hung up on it. You know what I mean? You know those people that are in China where they can walk like, it looks like they're, they can walk above the ground like they're floating when they, they're dancing. Yeah. Do you know that? Did you know that those, there's not everyone can do it, but those people, they don't have bone marrow. Did you know that? Not being real. So sad. This is a hundred percent. What do you mean this? That's not a good one. I know. But that's why. But that's why for a minute, I was thinking about it, right? For a minute. It was it. I know it was it. For some reason, I couldn't get my mind. I got stuck in it. In my mind, I was like, this is not a good one, because you're making it up obviously. And then I just couldn't stop thinking about it. Bone marrow. Exactly. It wasn't even good. That's why I even said, I don't even say anything. No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just did. Yeah, I know, but you didn't have to call me out. Well, it was just so. Yeah. Oh, you did this. What did you do this? I didn't like it. I didn't want to say it. It was terrible. The meal was bad. It was bad. I don't want to eat that. Like a kid. Get that. What is that? This is the most condescending bullshit I've ever seen. Yeah, like it. Right? Yeah. Oh, my God. I hate that. Like spitting someone's face. I didn't spit on you. Spitting face. Yeah. God, that's the word. Wipe it away. Yeah.
What else did you do? Would you get into I mean there was a much we were snowed in but I went to the I went to the the met That was very fun. Hmm great museum. Yeah, you went by yourself. No, I was staying with my friends Jackson and Abby Oh, why are they anyway? Who gives a fuck? Shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it down. Oh, get the fuck out. Shut it down. Yeah, um, that's great No, that is nice. You want to tell us what you thought the mat? Yeah, you don't even want to know What is the beautiful artwork you saw? Did you have a slice of New York pizza? We went to a bar together above above five guys That was actually wild you walk into five guys Like you're going to order and there's a fucking bouncer by the fryer Yeah, you hand him your idea and there's a bar upstairs secret bar upstairs. No, it was kind of cool at five guys Yeah, and you could take up inside inside and you could take some peanuts to go upstairs and everything Wow, it was kind of a cool little bar It's like a nice little nook Tucked away five guys in the village. Wow. Is that the original five guys? No, the original is four guys and that's up the street They just had the one up. Hey, dude That was back. That was your bone marrow. Yeah, yeah, four guys. No, the original five guys I think is in DC am I wrong? I believe so. I'm like I think my buddy Tyler took me to the original five guys in Arlington or wherever it is. Arlington, Virginia. There it is. Yeah, I think I went to that one with him Now is the original like the original panda or the original whatever is it better than the the chain of it? I mean, I'm sure the locals would say yes, right? Because they grew if you had the first you're always gonna be like We did it. It's like the band. You're like I knew that band Like that band that album wasn't as good as the first one that I heard because the original panda expressed their actual restaurant restaurant I apparently is very good. It's in Pasadena, California. What's that called Panda Panda in Panda in right? It's right there zoom in but the original concept for Panda Express started with Panda in sit down restaurant open my Andrew and Peggy churn churn in Pasadena 1973 and foothill Boulevard it burned down during the fires However, somehow the Chau main did survive that stuff. It's just incredible. Chau main is so strong so strong There's the original that's Panda Express the original Panda in I hate Panda Express It's it's good in a bind, but I want to try Panda in let's go. I'd love to go is it still open? Is there an original McDonald's? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's here in California. Yeah, this is open. Let's go to it. We should try Panda in The first the first McDonald's is in San Bernardino. Are you being real? Yes, and it's still there. I do not know if it's still there I think it's a museum now And then the first chain of course was in Illinois That's where our boy Ray Crock stole the idea took it and we went there as a on a field trip as kids Yeah, you know what I'm obsessed with novelty architecture. Love novelty architecture You know what novelty architecture is Yeah, what is it McCone? Architecture that's kind of silly right of the ordinary. It's yeah, the fun of it and the love of it It's not fun like the Randy's doughnuts is one look at that That's so funny they had idle hour that bar in North Hollywood. I've been to that bar. It's one. Yeah, what is that? It's it's a bar on Lankersham. Oh those barrels. Yeah, I love it and you go sit in the barrels. Wow But then when beer starts filling up in there it gets scary I mean, that's yeah, another one. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there it is. Yeah But you know, it's like you know how some like you go to the city is all over the country now and they all look the same Oh, why can't we like, you know express ourselves in different ways our Architecture-wise. I mean in terms is that money? No, we're going now the problem is we're going backwards because what happens is people want stuff that looks nice and new But in fact it actually is just cheaper and poorly built, but they like the idea because Okay, like the all these fucking apartment complexes going up. Yeah, they all at the same exactly. Yeah, because people want new Right, so they say I can't afford a fucking house, but I want a nice apartment. I want something nice and new I want a new build. I want no one to live in it, but the problem is they throw these things up They they they do it with the cheapest materials possible and they built them so shanty like but people want the image of nice and new from the outside Yeah, that's why the whole city of fucking LA looks like that. Yes, fake luxury It's a bummer and it's taking over and if you look at like the colors of cars that we have today versus in the 70s It's like what happened to those fun colors. Well, here's the problem now. Yeah as a car guy It's paint a sample now because they don't sell as well and they're come a car companies Main goals to sell as men. It's volume at the highest level. It's just sell a billion fucking cars They don't give a fuck. They're made a plastic get rid of that's why leasing started They were like here. We'll get it back and then we'll just sell it at a huge discount that because the highest colors of cars that sell are like white black and gray And so they're like fuck it. We won't make any other colors. God. It's just made our society and our culture look like green land It sucks all of it. So now you have to paint the sample you want a special color You have to order a color of a car it costs more money. Yeah 1970 the arrow the top selling cars were avocado green harvest yellow earthy brown burnt orange. Wow beautiful Beautiful fun. I fuck with the burn orange. That's such a sexy color. Yeah, and what's today now? Is that today? White is 38 black is 19 gray is 15. Those are the highest that I said. Oh my silver and blue are nine and seven red is five It doesn't even happen anymore. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. It's incredible. What happened? Well, let me be honest yellow is the fucking yellow stinks Yeah, yellow's weird hard yellow on a car is not it. It's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, doesn't do it for me midnight purple would be fun Oh, hello, is that the nickname for your penis? Yeah midnight purple to gay Hey dude midnight perfect. What's the opposite of this? What's a color of your car? What is that color called? It's like that's why I like it. It's like it's like a Soft baby blue soft baby blue. Yeah, yeah, not a hard baby blue It's like that. Yeah, it's exactly right. It's like it's like a card. It's like it's like this. Well Kind of I guess right? He's lighter than that. He used to know the blue the kid goes right to Texas stuff. Yeah That's what I see when I see his car. When are you gonna move to Texas? The rumor is you're moving to Texas No, everyone on the streets talking about it. No, I'm not leaving LA. Everybody says do you know this people on the round LA are saying he's going back He's going to Austin. Oh, no. He keeps going there. He's looking for a place to live. I already have a place Oh, oh, it's big idea. You have a you own a place in Austin my sister and I do oh Really, where is it? South Congress? It's like yeah by one of those boot shops. No, it's actually like by like a Verizon store It's like a random neighborhood. You know that on South Congress That was the funniest neighborhood back in the day. I used to love going down there and now it's a Lulu lemon and a fucking soul cycle and a Right, so house so house and earth bar It's just it's here. It's California now. I like that strip in Austin will have that pizza place. What's it called? We're right across from the boot. We went. I know it's so good. Is it fucking called? I don't I love that place Why can't I think of the name home slice home slice? Yeah, that place is fucking great. Yeah, it's a fun place. 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I had a meditation subscription I never used. - Hundreds of dollars wasted. - A couple of video games, like games. - A couple, like 20. - 20 of them. - Okay, that's fine. - I saved, I don't want to disclose it but thousands and thousands of dollars a year. - That's a lot of money that you saved while using all those apps premium features. Let Rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join right now at rockamoney.com/badfriends. That's rockamoney.com/badfriends one more time. - Rocket money.com/badfriends. - You keep the troops in line, these boys. - You don't do that with your crew? - They're all subject to NDAs. So I have a. - Fuck, we never made these guys sign NDAs for the tour we did. - For the tour we did. - Too late. - McCone has one. - Yeah, Adam, they could ruin our careers. - Once we get a career, they could fucking bear on it. - I'm actually here to get them to unionize. I'm trying to take down all of the podcasts. - Yeah. - We are in. - Very funny, right guys? - I'm funny. - Dude, you guys deserve to own the means of production. - Totally. - We've been saying that for six years. - Yeah, it's a, yeah. - This is a republic, man. This is not. - This is a republic. - Yeah, this is a republic. - Dude, I know dude. - This is a republicist. - No, this is a republicist, too. - How far is Jay Leno's cars? - He lives upstairs. - He does. - He'll come down in the middle of this. Man, get him. - How is he okay? - He just keeps like getting into slapstick style kind of accidents. - I think he's doing a lot of prat falling. - I think the video of him, the video of him where he's like, I'm fine and then he gets in the car. That one is just. - He just fell down. - Well, where he hits the fire hydrant, where he's like tall. I mean, he's a colleague and a friend. I mean, like, I'm not, this is, yeah. The burn accident, like, oh my god, he's okay. I hope he's okay. - I think he's gotta be okay, man. - He's still doing car shows every week. - Burn accident. - How many cars? - Terrific garage accident. This man who death follows him everywhere he goes. He's like in the movie Final Destination. - Do you know him? - Yeah, brand new phase. - Adam, do you know him? - Jay? - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - What? - Yeah, yeah. You guys serve him Vietnam together? - Well, it's a, we, there's like, you know, like the Harvard Club. - Oh. - It's like for talk show. - Talk show club. - So it's me, Leno, what's called him? Bill Mark, Kelsey lately. Yeah, who else? I don't know. - Jimmy Fallon. - Jimmy Fallon, that British guy that no one likes. - Gordon. - Gordon. I mean, sorry, he's a friend. (laughing) Are your boys with him? Bobby, your boys with him? - He produced something I was in. - What did he produce? - That game show I did. - Oh, it's terrible. - What was it called? How to be a fat so-for-ring? (laughing) - Apparently he's terrible to, like, in a restaurant. - Well, the rumor was Balthazar. - Yeah, Balthazar. - Oh, he was like a dickhead. - Yeah, yeah, what's his name? The, who's the restaurant's where the owns Balthazar? - Losanderers. - What, not Jose Andres, you fucking idiot. (laughing) - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - No, no, no. - Okay. - You guys are inspiring me to talk to these 80s. Keith McNally. Keith McNally, yeah, yeah. He did that post. - You blushed. - You blushed? - I'm used to get these who's just from one side. - You don't ever blush. Man, oh, you represent bad friends. Don't blush. - You're right. - Why, that's nice. - Yeah, you're right. - You don't have like a bitch, dude. - Stop, don't talk to him that way. - He fuck you out of the frame, man. - Tried to out of heart, Lomb. (laughing) - No, guys, he's what you're making. - Out of the frame, man. - It's a complete honor and a privilege to do you guys. - You got it, really? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - I'm here, I'm here in Los Angeles. I'm just visiting and this is one of the stops I'm making. - What are you doing in LA? - Yeah. - You hate LA. - I don't, no, no, I don't hate LA. - Don't do that. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I like LA, it's because it's gorgeous. Yeah, I'm from here, I was born here. - Yeah, but you're a New York guy. - Yeah. - You're a New York guy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm just Jewish and wearing glasses. - That's what I meant. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We like to keep you guys over there. - They're Jews in LA. - I know, but here they're there, we keep them in order. - We keep them. - Where are the Pico Robertson era? - Area. - There or Century City or Beverly Hills. - South Beverly Hills, South Fairfax. - Do you like have a wall around the-- - They would let us do it. - Let us do it. - A war song again. - I think it's pretty popular to me. Who do you think runs the industry that we work? - Chinese people? - Yeah, no, that's not true at all. - Seriously? - No, no, no, no. - You don't think the Chinese run us? - No, no, no, no. - I do, on stage, I do a joke about if they have to not take it from the Jews, Hollywood. And if they did, you know, Bobby, they would make like, what, going to work one, going to work two and so on, the Chinese. (laughing) - It would be terrible. - Are these movies? - I'm just saying, if they ran it-- - Packed it instead of the Jews. - Packed it a train is a good movie. - Yeah, it would be called, yeah. We don't know how to wait in line. - Do you ever think about what it's like just there in China? - Yeah. - Yeah, I haven't been in, have you been? - No, but it's just, what, for like 60 years they're just going like-- (laughing) - Yep. - Is that dynamite? - No, I'm just like in a family line. - A family line. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do we the worst in assembly? That's how slow he goes. - I'd be terrible at getting Chinese, I mean, I'd be one of the worst Chinese imaginable. - A little American kids get easy, big ovens. - They're whole life, they're just this. - That's what they get, that's what they get. - I imagine. - And I have a, I have my own YouTube and Jewish style long form interview talk show and I complain, look at this, this is way, this is terrible. - She loves it. - Yeah, she loves it. - Also, what are they dreaming? What are they thinking? - Are they fucking? - Yeah. - They're going to the club and fucking. - Really quick. - How do they get drunk? - At work. - Yeah. - No, they're not gonna, no, they're not, they're not gonna go to the bathroom. - They're not gonna work. - They have to poop their pants, they have to, (laughing) - I just think, yeah, what, what's, what do they do for fun over there? - It just, it feels so boring. - Okay, we're working in a factory, Adam, okay? - I'm not gonna work in a factory. - I don't know, let's do a scenario. - Yeah. - Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. - Oh my god, that was a tough, you ate cha-tong? - Hey, what's up? - That's really, holy shit. I like the way you talk. - Oh yeah, I just spent some time in America. - We have to be back here in two hour. What do we do? - Can we sleep, eat, sleep, eat, or potty? - You don't get two hours, there's a suicide net. If you want to jump off the roof, then you have to go back and make more iPhones. - Have you jumped into the net yet? - No. - It's pretty fun. - I'm drawn, yeah. - Oh wow. - You gotta jump, it's a little bouncy. - Yeah. - There it is, I've been in that net. - Dude, that's so crazy. - What is, what do they do after work? - Yeah, what do they do after work? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They go home. - Are they washing mandalorian? - Yeah. - What do they do? - They eat. - They eat, and they go to bed immediately. They go to bed, 'cause they gotta be up in three more hours. - There's no TV? - It's a tough life. - Well, I'm glad there's no TV, 'cause the TV sucks. They're smart to not have TV. - TV is awesome, you get to have sports games. - Yeah, sports TV is different, but TV shows, like name a TV show you like. - Supranos? - That's on right now, that is a current show. - Inside the NBA. - Yeah, see? - Well, it's good. - Non-sports shows. - What's a good show right now? - Mm-hmm. - See? - And just like that? - Fuck you, I like that. - I've seen every episode. - Shit, I've seen every episode. - Why? - 'Cause I'm not a good actor? - No, I thought you were great. - I put that up. - You know, Sarah Jessica was on my show, actually. - I love her. - Yeah, yeah. - She's so nice, you know? - She's awesome. - She's awesome. - She's the president of Girls. - Yeah, push your white whale for your show. - Uh, Amy Schumer probably. Or, my whale for the show. - I don't know, how's she like, Amy Schumer, but I'm never met her. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my jabadakuku, I'm so long. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Unsolo, my jabadakuku. (laughing) - Come on, we love her. We're talking about it, come on. - Yeah, she nice. - Is she nice? - Yeah. - Well, yeah, I see her at the meetings. - Oh, yeah. - She is, yeah, yeah. - She's like, I'm Chuck Schumer's niece. - Yeah, she says that to me. I'm like, I'm supposed to be impressed by that. - Have you ever met her? - Who's niece or you? - Who's niece am I? - I mean, beep, beep, and then Yahoo. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You gotta be somebody's. Somebody has a piece. - Oh, no, I've gotten none of the advantages of-- - Do you have no nepo shit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. - Waste the time. - I know. - It sucks. - Get out of this business. That's what my parents told me the night before I moved to New York. - I'll don't listen to those Jews. I mean, but honestly. - No, I mean, like, seriously, they were like, we don't know anyone in the entertainment industry. - But as good as you are, as funny as you are, as talented as you are, to not have anything to help you outstinks. - Nick Mullen. - Pretty much, that's the only thing. - And he's an anti-Semite. I mean, it's like that, we're on it. Yeah, it's pretty much the only person that's ever known. (laughing) It's like a, no, yeah. I remember, like, I thought, 'cause I started in DC, and I was like, I was like, the glasses, Jewish guy, and like, the local scene. And then I moved to New York, and I told my parents, I was like, we don't have any connections in show business. You're gonna fail, you're an idiot. And then I moved to New York, and they were like, they were probably 2,000 guys named Adam Friedland. Literally, Adam Friedland.
I'm free like just me to use yeah, there's nothing special about me whatsoever. Yeah. Yes, there is to do stand up You know, you know, there's something special about you. Well, I was I have a little secret No, where were you born in the city? Where were you born Santa Monica? You're born in the Wikipedia the West Side Yeah, I'm on the Wikipedia St. John's Hospital. Are you really yeah, one of the most famous guys born there? Well Mariska Mariska Hargitay Mariska Hargitay big fans of her at this show. She she was a she's on the list next to me notable Patience it's not not cool when you guys make lists, but this one's good Is this with my Wikipedia Freedlin is who writes it? Can you you can check out like what he's the former what fiancee of podcaster Dasha. Oh, yeah, he's currently engaged to wait. No, come on. Don't how does this know this she gets mad Well, did you put this out there? No, no, look at the editors. You can check. Oh God This was terrible for hot hot. I Was it when I did the photo shoot for that article they did comedy central presents Taking it easy Shane text me he was like it's actually making me so mad how gay this is That's a cool photo that's a cool photo dead and I love those chairs that you have on your show. Yeah No, but I was on the chair They asked me to do like around the floor and I was like can can you not use these? I like stopped in the middle of it They use it as the main picture and every comments group chat was like fuck this guy Yeah, that's cute and also like look at my cheeks. They like airbrush me. Ugh disgusting. What do you mean they airbrushed you? Like look at that. I mean, I've acne scarring they got My it can never get rid of mine. I have this big chunk here They can't even if they tried they're like it get what you acutin. Yeah, yeah, me too 100% me too twice. Yeah, yeah How much how much rage against the machine do you listen to when you're on acutin literally? That's all I would listen to Fuck you dad. It makes you aggressive. Uh, it makes you crazy. It makes you kind of crazy. Make you a little manic Yeah, I took my senior year and I was doing my college essays and Did you pick at your acne is that why they're scarring? No, this was because a group would it would group and then and then we had Cystic acne should lay it would layer it out. What's the cause of that kind of acne? Asian people probably in my proximity The more of you that were around really you grew up around Asian people. They were everywhere these people. You can't get rid of them I grew up in Vegas actually a lot of this is from a lot of Filipinos. Oh, like you like them. I love love them too I love those are good. They're the best ones. They're good. They're the good good. They're the second best people What's the first Mexican? Yeah, I love Mexican. Yeah third What mine? Yeah, yeah, um, what's your rank? How are I getting races? Oh, oh you should do it. We're like bill simm I can do my Asian list. Yeah, what's your list? You have an Asian list? No, no, not not Asians just every kind of person every kind of So I cut off an injury using okay. Oh, yeah, it's just good Yeah, top three races. Can I say fat whites? Fat whites up there. It's some of the worst people No, I love fight white because they're nice to me. No good-looking whites are not as nice. That's true. The guys are good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's go Korean Koreans are best race for you. One. Well, I'm Korean. I have to say that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't put you Okay, you're up your top 25. Okay. Number two Filipinos. Yeah. Yeah. Three Mexicans. Mm-hmm. Yeah for any kind of black Mm-hmm any kind even like Minnesota All right, it's your pal Lacey's of blacks. I like that. He's good. I mean, hey guys. I'm gonna do an Ali. All right. Yeah You know some black um Black people let's hear it. Well, you know the I like Guazi and I like to Ali. No, you know how they like he likes black guys that like metal Yeah, like all black guys. Yeah, all black guys. Yeah. Yeah, you ever met vampire Mexicans. No, yeah, I love that El Paso. You go. El Paso, Texas. You know, we got them here on the east side. Yeah, like Mars Volta. They like Dallas. Where to see us? Yeah. Yeah. What's that black guys at the Goth music? Yeah, I love got black got blacks are cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. They're my favorite Oh, I know Trinity. It's crazy because they always sound like they're from California. Oh, like yeah. Morpheus is my Feast style. Yeah. Morpheus style like us. Yeah. Yeah. Those are my favorite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I said try to go super say in they think it's a real thing Yeah, those guys. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. I was at my show is wearing sunglasses in the audience. Yeah, you know, I mean like a like a snake dark purple jacket Yeah, I like that. No shirt. Yeah, no shirt. Yeah. Yeah shirtless. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tattoo of some sort of number punk punk. Is this punk Mexican? Yeah, punk Mexicans are great. Oh, I love that. Smith Mexicans are the best. Yeah, Smith Mexicans. Yeah. Smith Mexicans. I grew up with a with a lot of Mexicans and I became like I earned their respect because I smoked a mota and I also smoked weed and they're like, oh, they Jewish kids. They like they like weed, too. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and They're like tell me how to like you're like a emo and I was like, no, I don't know And I was like, I like access. I was like, I like like radio head and like, I don't know I guess I like me and he's like they're like you like those low sweets and I was like, yeah, I love the Smiths and They're like they're really into the Smiths, but specifically Morrissey and I was like, yeah, and I was like, but I was like It's weird that you guys are into the Morrissey because like you're homophobes Yeah, they're like that's a fucked up thing to say about Morrissey man like they didn't know Get that he's gay They're like they have no idea hymns hair hymns when hair starts to thin confidence can too. 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Yeah, what if I what people haven't heard about your brand Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns Best part is that iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world That's why they got the best conversion in checkout on the planet it helps you boost those conversions less carts are going to go On abandoned and more sales for you all right, so it's time to turn those what ifs into With Shopify today sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at Shopify.com slash bad friends go to shopify.com slash bad friends Shopify good.com slash bad friends Genuinely though. Yeah, all jokes side. Who is the one that you want to get on there so bad There's got to be someone that you're like you know who'd be fucking perfect for the show that won't do it Uh, see any sweetie no cam Just no no no just no cameras no No condoms look cameras no card no condoms. Uh, I don't know Obama Happy fun. Hey, have you children Bobby? He's been here. Yeah, you just met Obama did just meet him. What was it like? So long.
knowing. No, no, no, it was wonderful. It was great. It was, it was really good. Yeah, he's like magic. Sweet, such a sweet, like, affable and also like disarming. Right as you talk to him, you're like, Oh, I feel good. This is fine. I want to ask him if he's depressed. I did. What, you did a ray? Yep. I said, how do you feel? You look like you're depressed. No, you know what it is? I bet you he's. Can you imagine what it's like to be a ballman? It's got a suck. Yeah. Why? Because all the time, everything is all the time and you're the one. He's fucking Neo. It's like, yeah, yeah, he is the one. Yeah, you're the one. You're the one. You're the one for all the good and all for the bad. No, no, more so it's just like everything, everything went crazy after he was the president. That's what I mean, it's also got to be like, is it my fault? Well, 100%. Yeah, yeah, that's what he looked like when I met him. Really? Yeah. Really? That looks a lot like Morpheus from the from the movie. Sure. Sure. If you're small-minded, but this is if you really know what's going on in the world, you probably always has to be nice to when he's out in public. Yeah, you feel like you have to. Yeah, but I don't have the kind of image. But you have a bad boy image. Yeah, you do. You think I'm a bad boy image? Yeah, I'm nice to everybody. No, I'm nice to everybody. No, no, everyone says like you're at that. No, you're at the Vyper Room Sunset Street. Yeah, yeah, I kiss the sidewalk where River died. There's a lot of stories I hear about people. I always do. I miss you, River. When someone meets me and they'll go, you know, I met Bobby when he was in town or whatever and I'll go, oh, yeah, and they'll go, yeah, he's like through a fork and like yelled at the server and we we loved it. Yeah, yeah. They love they they love when he's a fucking mania. I'm you know, that's not true. You know that I'm a nice guy. No, but I'm saying you do you play? I don't do that. You play bits with people. You guys got to pipe up. You do bits and we know you fucking do like people with less money than you. Yeah, he does like doing bits with strangers and then it leaves he likes it's like his what Bill Murray. He like he wants to be Bill Murray. He wants like to leave a nugget of you know what Bobby did here when he was here. Oh, yeah, he loves that shit. Yeah, he like went to a wedding and yeah, you do love that. Don't lie. I guess so. Yeah, you do. You're a rambling man. What? A rambling man. I'm a rambling man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a marble man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, the camera. We learn you do that kind of thing. You go to like a random bar mitzvah and you're like Bobby Lee just chilled with us all night. I would do that. Yeah, yeah, that sounds kind of like actually. Yeah, not a bar mitzvah. You wouldn't do a party. Yeah, yeah, he would do it. He would do it if it's like a, uh, if it was like a small click somewhere at a private little thing, he would bust in on that. Oh, famous people. No, he loves that. Oh, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Famous. Famous. He wants famous person. You have in your phone. It's not like him. What? Already. It's not like him. He has way more. I'm going to ask him next, but yeah, who's yours? Um, uh, fuck, man. Uh, it's not in my phone. Look. What? Yep. Oh, no, I know. I know. Look at that. Look, look, look, look at it. What are you doing there? Dude, like, it looks like I was going to point at something. Yeah. Can you text a pic of me? Just go like this. Is that your girlfriend or wife? That's my wife. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you have? I don't know. I don't, I don't, there's no one I, you know everyone that I know. That's not even Travis Kelsey. Do you have his number? No. You lying. Fuck. Do you have Travis Kelsey's number? No. You really, so how do you go? How do you hang out with him? DM. Oh, you DM him. Only DM. Oh, no, on Twitter. We don't do. All right. Only honest. Who's your most famous? Uh, no, no, really. Stop. Maybe. Stobby. Our boy. Yeah. Shane. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. Um, non-comics. You got some people in there. You know, you know what he inside is. Oh, wow. That's not inspired. I don't want to. I saw you too much. We do it too much. Jamie Lee Curtis should we text through this? Why? Cause you were in one of those yogurt commercials. It's yogurt for your pussy. You think she got that to believe, be like the mean stuff people say about me. I'm going to do the pussy yogurt commercial. Just go as far as you can. Yeah. You're like, I'm going to go all in then. Yeah. You're trying to fight me on this. Yeah. No, he did a movie with it, right? Yeah. Which freakier Friday? No, it's called Borderlands. Nobody wants to. Borat. Borderlands. Oh, it's what that director Eli Roth. Oh, no, nevermind. Yeah. Um, oh, he's good friends with uh, Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Oh my god. Tell it. Can you say my boy Adam? Uh, Adam says the ambulance was fired. Yeah. I like that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's like what would happen if Michael Bay had drones. Finally has drones. Thank God. He has drones now. Oh my god. I love Michael Bay. Yeah. Tax Michael Bay that Adam's here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just actually just say Adam's here. Adam just Adam. Yeah. It says what up? That's you. That's it. You have no, no, no one. I don't really have anybody on my phone. Let me, can I throw some names out? Yeah. You want to be on Batman? No. You know, Batman's number? No. Okay. Charlie day. No. It's all DMs. Really? All DMs. So you send your cock out all, all, all these guys? Just the, just the dogs. Yeah. Just the dogs. Yeah. Yeah. During COVID, me and my friends got addicted to that. Send your dick to the dogs. Just, yeah. In the boys chat, like my friend just in the middle of the lockdown and just said his penis. And I was like, and he was like, yeah, it's, he said the rule was, it's gay to send it to girls, but it's cool if you're sending it to your friends. And then I said, well, I, I eventually played the game. Yeah. And then, uh, and then, uh, he's like, you're puffed. And I'm like, dude, no, I'm not puffed. And then he said it to my girlfriend. It'd be like, is this puffed or is it really? You were puffed, though. I was puffed. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. We know when someone's puffed, dude. I wasn't. Well, you know what? Hey, you know what? Also could post stroke, post stroke, though, does that doesn't count as puff after you have a stroke post stroke post. Oh, oh, I don't know why I thought it was like, yeah, like after, because after you not, you're on the calm down. So can you send a calm down photo? Well, that's, that's puffed. Now, because puff is on the way up. I think that is the deep deflation. The deep puff is, uh, that's not on you. That's fast to deflate post. Yeah. How fast you deflate the point is I wanted it to look beautiful for my friend. Yeah, we got it. But I mean, how quickly, how quickly after you not, does it deflate? It depends on how quick my wife is coming upstairs. I'm barely hard at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the noodle. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's pretty fast for me. I can get it three minutes, full minutes. Yeah, three minutes for me. Yeah, three minutes of deflation. Yeah. What do you 13 years old? Yeah, yeah. What do you the healthiest man in the world? No, I use Bluetooth. Oh, yeah. Shout out to, oh, they don't do us anymore. They don't know. They did, they did come down for a very long time. Yeah. Yeah. We used to do make irresponsible claims. Are you doing shows in town or no? No, I was just in Seattle, for the doing a weekend. And now I'm meeting with some of the most powerful executives. Wait, what club's up there? There's a new one, Emerald City. Have you done up there? Seattle last time I did it was a club that closed years ago. I'm alive. I used to play. Yeah, parlor. Yeah, yeah, I play there every year. But that's closed forever. It's gone. Yeah. This is new Emerald City. Yeah, it was like, it was like nice. Yeah, it was my first weekend after a year because I took the year off the road to get the talk show up and running. So yeah, so it was like my first weekend back out. It was so fun. It's actually like, yeah, you know when you're doing stand-up all the time, you hate it. Yeah, yeah, it really, I feel like a young kid again. I feel like a bright-eyed kid again. Wow. Do you bring someone with you? Yeah, I brought my boy Caleb out on the road and he has to do anything. No, no, no. Yeah, I brought my friend Caleb, who also works on the talk show with me. He's a writer on the talk show. And yeah, no, it was like, it was funny remembering how to do an hour. Yeah, yeah. And then like, yeah, and then you get it back down and you're like, oh, actually, this is up last again. Yeah, yeah. And then, uh, whatever. Cut only. Jesus Christ. Last night I was at the store. I was about to go up, and I just laughed. Where? Gilson's? Yeah. I just looked on stage. I was like, I don't want to do it. Why? It was the first time I was ever like that where I was like, I'm not going to do it. Are you over it because the hour's done? Yeah, I just looked at it because Sebastian was up there killing it. I was just kind of like, I'm going to go home. You have a shotgun on dick. Yeah. Yeah. Just for fun. Who did he killed a woman? I'm still. It would be funny. Let me say you have anxiety. What's going on here? No, I'm a, I'm a, uh, I'm a fidgety guy here. Yeah. You mentioned you take a man of scalp. Adam, do you take anything? Do I take anything? Yeah. You're depression or anything? Yeah. Jank them. You're off and jank them. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't take anything. I just got an Alexa Proud. I'm not a whack adieu. Have you ever taken anything? Cock. Yeah. A lot of cock when I was in college. I tried to do, uh, oh man. Thank you too. One of the antidepressants. I don't know which one I did. It was Olaf. Yeah, one of those. But I think your penis doesn't work, right? No, mine still did. Oh, nice brother. Yeah, mine still did. It wasn't that. I felt like a woman. Well, I am.
depressed. Yeah. I'm sad about the world. I mean, you're supposed, isn't everyone depressed? Right? Yeah. It's sad that you die, right? What? I mean, I feel like depressed is like everyone's you should everyone should be depressed, right? Yeah, varying levels. Yeah. All the sad all the time, though. I mean, it's yeah, if you're going to die one day, so that's really sad. Yeah, yeah, you don't get to be alive after that. I'm on the fence about it. It's like I am depressed, but it's like, I mean, that's, I think that's what drives. Yeah, this thing about there's this thing about LA comedy, they fucking talk like this, like women to each other. Now I can knew you are. Now I can knew you're you got all those kings of comedy out there, busting down the walls of these sensitive guys. I rewatch the King's special in Seattle this weekend. It was my favorite comedy special as a kid. Oh, King's a comedy. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah, it's so fun. It's so good. The fucking Titanic that is I think it's the funniest standup bit of all time. That's whatever that one. The Steve, the Steve Titanic bit. Oh, my God, he's unbelievable. What a genius. Give it. He did. Well, it's the same joke about if black people, you know, like, yeah, but doing it in his tone, he said, I hated that dry ass long ass movie. And he's like, something about the little boy that killed that kid drown these motherfuckers. Yeah, he establishes that he doesn't like the movie Titanic. Yeah. And then he says, uh, you know, what a you never hear about 3,000 black people dying at the same time, which is like, you know, that's a joke. We've, you know, like, it wouldn't have been like that. It hadn't been black people. And he's like, you saw that movie, the band can't play it as a shit went down. And he's like, what kind of black band keeps playing cool in the game would have been ruined. That's funny. And then, and then, and then he talks about how he does this act out, which is this really takes it to the next stratosphere where he has this tiny little side table. And he turns it over. And he's like, I would have been turned over the damn table. And then there's a dinner napkin on top. And he's like, open it up a dinner jacket. And then he does this thing where he's blowing on the dinner, like, like a sail and these kicking people. Thank you, Robert. Yeah. Yeah, are you Robert? Yeah, Robert Lee? Yeah. Okay. I like Robert Lee. It's, it makes you instantly like a, yeah, like a, ooh, my stroke, Robert Lee. A general. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have the same name as a general. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow, your middle name is young, young Lee. Yeah. With an E. What, what do I, young Lee? Yeah, the best name of all time. Young Lee. Wow. That song was so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love, yeah, I love music. Now you love young, you love young Lee? I think he's really cool. Yeah. This kid, that's this kid's great. Bitches come and go. Yeah. Uh, yeah, this is you know that, uh, Robert, he doesn't know that. You don't know. That's a reference that is not going to go near him. What kind of music do you listen to karaoke? Oh, come on. That's good. Stop it. Yeah. Yeah. Why? What? I like it. I like it. I like it. Team someone pouring their heart out. But no, I'm more like, you know, I've always been more into like, you know, alt, alt E kind of stop. You know, that's not true. What do you mean? You like commercial shit. Like cold play. Sure. I love cold play. Yeah. First two albums pretty good. Yeah. You like commercial shit too. Yeah. You like all of it. I like all of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love, I love cold play. Yeah. Yeah. You have his number? No. I don't know. I like bands like the Pixies and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Who Ghazia like cool. Sonic youth. And what's, and what's Andrew more into? You know, he's into everything. Like he is a true. He likes everything. Hip hop historian. I love hip hop. Yeah. Yeah. He knows a little bit of everything. Big, big wicker, big wicker resident. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jazz guy. I like soul. Yeah. I told Jay to kiss when he came on the show. I came out of the closet. I was like, I feel bad, but we used to me and Jewish guys used to will lock the door and put on Mitchell and Nesson. Just pretend to be like you. And he was like that. He thought it was cool. I had to come clean. Why would you think he wouldn't like it though? I mean, it's embarrassing. So what? Yeah. He'd be like, yeah, you're pussy. I don't know. I have found out from the from the talk show that rappers have gotten along with rappers. And it has made me feel love comedy. It's a lot of them do. It's a dream. I mean, it's like a bar mitzvah or something to find the approval of a rapper to. Yeah. I had G Herbo on the show on your show. Yeah. Yeah. And we got along famously. And it was like, I was like, it's incredible. It's incredible. I mean, he's probably killed like three, maybe. But three is not that bad. Three is not a lot. Five, five. He grew up in like fucking literally black hulk down. I mean, like Chicago, South side of Chicago was like, yeah, part of the world. Yeah. Is it still tough? I mean, yeah. What happens? I mean, why is it so tough? What happened? Yeah. What happened? 13 year olds have guns. Oh, they did. Yeah. Yeah. Kids have guns. It's like legal. We correct me if I'm wrong. It's legal under a certain line of demarcation for like if you're black, if you kill another black person, basically, but like North, if you like the cops are going to stop anything. No one, no one's going to break anything up. They should, I mean, they should probably, right? No, no, no, you got to let it go. Do you have Lori Lightfoot's number? Yeah, you want a caller? I'm trying to try to fuck you have her number. Who's that? Fuck no, Laura Lightfoot. Yeah, she's the big didn't Trump call her mayor crackhead mayor crackhead. Yeah, that wasn't very nice. Chicago's homicide rate per capita significantly higher than New York City and Los Angeles, Philadelphia being the closest, not still you still not us fillings. Because when I'm in Schomburg, I don't, I don't feel it. No, that's not where we're that's not that's not it. Yeah, no, it's crazy there. I just see many, many malls. Yeah, that's all the malls. Amy's Rosemond. No one's going to click up there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I play the improv. Yeah. Yeah. So from the Schomburg improv, how far do I have to go? I do it. It's north, south side. It's southeast from there. And it's Schomburg north of Chicago. Schomburg is northwest of Chicago. Northwest, right? So how far would have to drive down to get the South like an hour to get to where you want wouldn't where I want to go? Yeah, yeah, you know, you don't want to go. Yeah, but if I step out of the car, I'm like, hello, what would happen? They probably they go, that's a bomb. Not mad TV, motherfucker. Mad TV, mad TV. You'd be good. Yeah, I'd be good. You would. Yeah, yeah. If I go, hello, then I'd step out and they go, that's some motherfucking with that dude on man. Oh, it's miss miss one. Oh, it's the miss one. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're like, oh, he was on just like that. He did the podcast with Carrie. He was fabulous. Carrie and J.D. As I love I watched the whole thing. I had no idea what was going on on that. Wait, you I never ran it. I just didn't know. Wait, you weren't a fan. I had no idea about what it was. Why? Because I put in the work. I know all about it. They called I knew I mean, I was culturally sex in the city. Culturally, I know what it is. You culturally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you look great. That shirt's cool. Did you bring your own war? They maybe wear that. And this is what people like you wear, right? It's like a paparazzi style. It is. That looks like you guys are just out in LA and the stars are just like us. Yeah. And just like that. And just like that, the stars are like us. She was very nice. I had her on my show and and gay fellow told me that I showed her in a light that no one has. And if I really if a gay person says that they know this shit. Wow. Yeah. They know this type of what kind of light did you show her as like her personality and like a just yeah, true when genuine way. I try to do that on the show. So it's like a kind of a suite. It was a really nice. I mean, if a sauna might a homosexual. If a butt pirate says that to you. What happened? A butt pirate. Butt pirate. It's an insane. Butt pirate. But it was surprisingly like she was surprisingly kind of down to earth. And yeah, the experience wasn't like because my fear is, oh my god, you know, I mean, because if she was rude, then I'd be like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. I mean, but it's just like she was pretty cool. You know, so yeah, yeah. Did you rip ass on set? Did you ever rip ass around anything? What? I asked her, yeah, we did a thing where we asked her, I did like fake questions from like friends. And I got Caleb to leave one of the voicemails. And he's like, Hey, like, I just want to address the elephant in the room like, was there ever a time where like Charlotte or random you just like farted like really disgustingly like, yeah, all you're making the show and like, who's your favorite carrot boyfriend? And she was like, she was like, I think that's the one that pushed a little bit far. She's very proper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like a reader. Did she ever tell you about that? No, no, well, he likes to read books. You didn't chat with. Yeah. What? You never chat? Oh, no, this was you were like sitting. She's like reading something. You know, I'm just I'm playing a candy cry. Really, you didn't you didn't vibe out. Wow, good morning. Good morning. Is that something? Yeah, yeah, really? Oh, you're not making your sound good. Yeah, no, I would say. No, she'd be reading. He'd be reading. How was your usually? Well, she asked about your morning, you know, and that kind of good morning. Yeah, yeah, that's a nice thing. It should go. Have you ever been up to Sedona or something? She said that. Yeah, yeah, right.
- That's really nice. - I think that's really nice that's how I'm a year. - Did you get Jade on your show from a guy named Vinny? - Vinny. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he told me he knows you. - One of my good friends. - Vinny, yeah. - Yeah, that's crazy. - Have you seen his tattoo on his butt? - I've seen it all. - That tattoo is the, he's the one of one tattoo. - He's the man. - We know him. - You've met him. You met Vin our food show. You met him. - You don't like it, you have Vinny on him. - On his ass, he has the Dallas Cowboys star next to a Palestinian flag. - Yeah. - What is that? - It's not the same tattoo. - Okay, fuck. - The combination of those two things is unbelievable. - Well, Jerry Jones is Palestinian, that's why he got that. - Yeah, yeah. - He was in the PFLP, for a while. - That might look like a Dallas Cowboys star, but I can't. - Now it's just a star, but it covered up a what? A name? What was it? - It was a butterfly. - Butterfly, that's right. - What? - So you were like, "I'm embarrassed. "I have a butterfly, somebody." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I was drinking, I had a butterfly tattoo there. - Okay. - I was drunk. - And then I was embarrassed. I put a star on top of that. - That's a good story. (laughing) - You have tattoos or no? - No, I have no respect for any tattoo I've ever seen ever. - It's like street art. - Yeah. - You might get a look at a graffiti and be like, "Wow." (laughing) - No, no, I've been, I don't even know. - I don't know, why would I do that? - Yeah. - I'm just ridiculous to get that for ever. - For ever? - For ever? - He's got 'em all over. - Wow. - I like the Mad TV tattoo. You've actually earned that one too. - Yeah, Comedy Store. - How many seasons were you Mad TV? - Eight years. - Eight years. - Oh my God. - You're the cool, that's so cool. - Yeah, I was on it. - It was so cool back then. - It was so funny. - Yeah. - It was just, I used to watch it. - Did you say something though? - I prefer this. - SNL? - No, this. - Oh, sorry. I got with you like this thing. - This kind of thing? - Yeah, there's no notes. There's no somebody saying, "You know what I mean? You can't do that." - These are the conversations that comics have. - Yeah, yeah. - What no one's watching. - Yeah, he said, "There's no like, oh, you're 20 minutes late with the fuck, you know what I mean?" - They said that on a Mad TV to you? - Yeah, that you would get in trouble if you were like an hour late or whatever. - Really? - Yeah, yeah. - How did Arty's survive? - I wasn't on with him, but, you know what I mean? He barely survived, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - The story he tells about the pig thing is the funniest. - Crazy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You never did anything with him. - No, I never met him. I mean, I know him now, but like, back then you didn't, no crossover. - No crossover, no. - I crossovered with Alex Borsten who did Miss Juan, you know what I mean? - Yeah, oh, I thought on their run. - I thought it was. (laughing) - Were you like, "Hey, this is what the hell is this?" - Oh, no. - No, you came up with that? - No, I didn't come up with that, no. - But if someone was doing a character on Mad TV with me, like, "Heshi, Tessha, what's the pedophile?" I would be like a little bit like, "You're a black guy, why are you doing?" - For me, it's comedy, there's no bounds. - There's no bounds. - He's also. - She's so good at it. - Yeah. - My friend, actually, his mom was a dentist. She did Alex Borsten's teeth, or no, no, no, he wrote a letter to Mad TV and he said, "He loved the Miss Juan character," and she sent back what he called a headshot and it said, "Fill, you look like a man," and then she signed it. (laughing) - Yeah, and he had it next to a stone-cold thing because his mom did stone-cold's teeth. - Wow, wow, wow, wow. - He looked like a man. - "Fill, you look like a man." That's so funny. Who wrote that? - She did. - Really? - She came up with it with the character, yeah. - Yeah. - You know what she said to me when I got on the show? She pulled me aside. She goes, "Get off the show as quickly as you can." She said that to you because I hate it here. - Oh, I thought she was like, "I don't want to see your celestial ass around this." Listen, you fucking. - How long was she on? - Three or four years. - She's lowest, no? - Yes. - Wow, she's the best lady of all time. - She's the best. - Oh my God. - You have her number? - No. - Why didn't you get her number? - There's some cast members where I just never clicked with. - She was one of them. - She was one of them, yeah. - Do you play clubs here when you're in town or no? - No, no, no. - Come to the store. - Come to the store tonight. Are you there tonight? - Are you there tonight? - No, I'm out. - Now, how long you mean? - I'm here tonight. - When are you there? - Really. - Next week, Monday. - Are you gonna do Monday that. - Monday, Tuesday. - Yeah. - You have Jay's number? - No. - He's upstairs. - What? - Jay, Jason. - I love him so much. - He comes to the store now more. I don't know why he's been coming a lot, but he has, isn't he? - He's amazing. - He's. - Everyone says that. - I don't know him. - I don't know him. - But the late '70s, they say, everyone was like, that was the best comic I've ever seen. - Well, you know, and then the store was the divide between him and Letterman. It was either you or his side or his side. - Well, yeah, and then he crossed the picket line during the strike. - Yeah. - How pathetic is that striking? - Yeah, yeah. - From what? From fucking stick. We're going to start a union. What does the fucking lame is a rob? - Yeah, but they never got paid anything. - I know. - The store was getting all the money. - Yeah. - I mean, Jay, like, Jay crossed the picket line at a fucking clown car or something. And then Mitzie gave him a drink ticket. - Yeah. - You know so much about that. - Me? - Yeah. - I was there, dude. I was there, brother. - Yeah. - Oh my God, you should have seen it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You should have seen it. That was the good comic. - I think you're like Andrew in that way that you guys know tidbits of something. - But it's about comedy, dude. - Yeah, that's specifically everybody knows those stories. But that's also why young people divided on who they liked more was Letterman or Leno. - I hated that. I hated that. I liked all of them. - Yeah. But it became this kind of thing. It's like that generation. - It was a rolling stone. - Yeah. - Yeah. I mean, I like Conan as a kid, because he was silly. - Love Conan. - Yeah, it was like a sloppy fun show. But I love Jay. Just finding a-- (laughing) - Come on. They're friends. (laughing) - I'm friends. (laughing) - They're a friend. - Yeah, just finding dumbasses and asking them one plus one. - Yeah. - It's so fun. - Or you want to plug anything? - Adam Frelisho. - Yeah, yeah. - Do girls come to your guys' shows? - So all guys, insurrection. - It's all guys. (laughing) - All insurrection. - Yeah. - We're doing it at the Capitol next year. - Actually, because of the talk show, there's like more, now there's, uh, there's like, yeah, like parents. - I would say we get a couple. - A lot of couples. - We get couple. - Yeah, a lot of couples. - A lot of couples. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, actually girls like to show. - Well, you guys are more sex symbol kind of style. - Thank you. - For me, I command, uh, yeah. I just lose her. No, no, I love the boys. Shout out to the, you're the craziest. It's like they let out the insane asylum. - Or Adam, look in the camera and go, um, thank you for being a bad friend. I mean, that's how we close the show. - All right, thank you for being a bad friend. - Yeah, that's good. That's it. - That's it. - That's it. (upbeat music)
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
The conversation humorously explores the differences between seasons and water types, joking that only spring water is consumed.
Summer water is celebrated as a "happy summer blast," with participants joking about gaining summer love or falling ill with Parkinson’s.
A running joke involves "shaky diseases" like multiple sclerosis and Parkinson’s, with absurd humor about getting a "shaky salt drain" as a form of personal revenge.
The group discusses animal behaviors, including the powerful bite of Tasmanian devils (up to 1200 PSI) and the aggressive, territorial nature of hippos.
They compare human evolution to tree-dwelling, joking that upright walking was a survival advantage, and contrast this with modern urban design.
A satirical segment mocks the idea that lottery winners are happier than those in car accidents, citing statistics that show financial ruin and mental health decline.
The conversation turns to pop culture, including a viral moment of Sean White jumping over snowboarders in Central Park and the absurdity of social media trends.
Various humorous claims are made about food, car colors, and cultural quirks, including the decline of fun car colors and the rise of boring, mass-produced architecture.
Summary:
The conversation is a fast-paced, humorous mix of absurd anecdotes, pop culture references, and satirical observations. It begins with playful banter about seasonal water and summer energy, quickly escalating into jokes about "shaky diseases" and ridiculous lifestyle choices like a "shaky salt drain" ritual. The discussion shifts to wild animal facts, such as the powerful bite of Tasmanian devils and the aggressive behavior of hippos, blending hard facts with comedic exaggeration.
It then delves into human evolution, questioning why humans walk upright, contrasting it with animal behaviors like tree-dwelling or climbing. The dialogue includes biting critiques of modern society—such as the decline of vibrant car colors and the rise of soulless, mass-produced architecture—while poking fun at cultural trends like the lottery and social media. A recurring theme is the absurdity of human choices, from pet ownership to financial habits.
The narrative is punctuated by references to famous people, viral moments (like Sean White’s snowboard jump), and satirical statistics, all delivered with a light, irreverent tone. The overall effect is a satirical, observational comedy that blends science, culture, and personal quirks into a chaotic yet entertaining flow, reflecting both humor and deeper cultural commentary.
FAQs
Spring water comes from natural springs and is filtered through rock layers, often giving it a unique taste and mineral content, unlike regular tap or bottled water which may come from various sources.
Many people prefer summer water, as it's associated with the warm, vibrant energy of the season, and the phrase 'summer water' is often linked with a feeling of excitement and renewal.
Shaky salt drain is a humorous, fictional concept popularized in a joke about people with shaky conditions like Parkinson's disease, referencing a supposed 'salt drain' ritual to experience a time of shame and adventure.
A Tasmanian devil has a bite force of 500 to 1200 pounds per square inch, which is about 10 times stronger than the average human bite force of 150 pounds per square inch.
The name comes from the sound these animals make, which early settlers in Australia thought was the devil's noise. They believed it was the devil's presence in the woods at night.
Many people who win the lottery face financial distress, poor money management, or mental health issues, with statistics showing that 70% of lottery winners go broke within a few years.
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