Bobby and the Ice Queens with Trixie and Katya

My neuroimmunologist that I see, that's very expensive, specializes in my arthritis, I said, well, my rheumatologist has me on this medicine because she read that it helps with inflammation. And, you know, it's kind of new, but I guess they're just discovering it. He goes, yeah, she read my book. I'm the one who discovered it. Fierce. I was like, oh, I don't mean to seem dumb. Oh, that was my book, bitch. But I was like, my rheumatologist, she's very well read. He was like, yeah, she read my book. I wrote that. I studied that. I discovered that. Bloop. Bloop. I was like, okay, guys, I'm talking to the right person. Okay. I have to tell you one thing that happened. Please tell me, tell me loud. Last week we said we had a cliffhanger about Malin Ackerman. Yeah, we did. And we do. And we do. But I'm going to get to that one second. So a couple of weeks ago, I went to pick up my boyfriend and one of my friends because they were having a little, a little Monday happy hour. And I said, well, I'll come get you or I'll come pick you up. I'll come slaughter my fate. Right. Yeah. So I go pick them up. I go pick them up in the car. I drive. Big deal. And then I was like, you know what? I'm feeling wild. Guess where I parked my car? In the middle of the road. Vaseline fucking alley. Well, tell people what that is because non-California and LA people have no idea. Okay. Well, it's the alley behind the big Vaseline production company. No. It's in West Hollywood. There's no cars. It's just roller skates. It's big guys who are shaved hairless sliding on slick. No, it's a parking lot. A parking lot? Alley parking lot area. So it's a block. It's a block. It's part of a neighborhood. Behind Santa Monica Boulevard. Where our friends used to live. Yes. So I parked my car back there because it's nighttime and there's no parking. So I go, great. And I forgot about Vaseline alley. So I get out of that car like, NYC just got in this morning thinking the world is beautiful and bright. And I look over and there's a guy with the car like this. And there's a guy, they do this thing where if you're the jacker offer, the other guy stands about this far away and is the lookout, but is also watching the car. The jerking off. So it's kind of like this. Hall Proctor. Yes. And it's very like in the, the, the, the, the newborn area where they have the glass with all the moms looking. The ICU. Yes. The know where they have the new babies. The NICU. Yeah. The NICU where the parents in movies, if there's a sick baby or like, and so you have like Joe Schmo, the closeted guy in like sunglasses watching the jerk off, right? The freak off. He's, he's, he's, he's peeping, but he's also protecting. Yes. Yes. So I grab and I see that going on and I go, you know what? Festivals are coming up. Let me bring my DJ computer into the bar. Last thing I need is for my entire DJ computer to get snatched up. Like, Oh yes. Because you know, people are looking, people may be on applying drugs to these sexual scenarios, having impaired judgment. What? You know, drugs and sex combining. Yeah. Which is the corner of kill street and murder. It's true. West Hollywood. Okay. So I go in, I, they're like half in the bag and I go, okay, Monday. Okay. Work on a Monday. You know what? Caution in the wind. Good for you. Right. So I sit down for trivia and I have. I've been in trivia in so long. I think my third date with David Silver, we went to trivia and the first category was in a first third date where you barely know each other and you're like, I hope I know stuff. I'm so dumb. Right. Stupid. So that way you're setting it up so that if you know anything, you feel smart rather than be like, I'm about to tear this shit up. Don't forget you went to state school for fine arts. You're an idiot. Thank you. You know? So the first category was name one winner from each season of drag race. And I said, watch this. Bam. The second one was Hollywood movie directors. Of the night. 19th century. 20th century. David was like, bam. Then knew nothing else. So I got all confident and horny and then lost. And then they fucking tore you down. Yes. So this time I sat down and tell me why today of all days. I forgot it's Barbie's birthday. Oh, I sit down. The trivia is so overwhelmingly about Barbie that you're like, I am going to tell you. I nipples wired, bricked up. Like, you know, why smart people are so fucking insufferable because they know everything. So high on their own supply, which is knowledge. I knew every fucking question. Of course you did. I was, I knew every fuck. I bet you even rephrase the questions that were inappropriately like forms. I was going up to the host being like, that actually was wrong. I don't know where you're getting your Intel, but it's faulty. That Barbie actually didn't come. The number three model didn't come until 1961. So you need to do some more research. Yeah. Maybe you want to go home and I'll take your job. I was almost walking table to table. Look at other people's answers being like, you think dumb, ugly, stupid, all three when you're in high school and you do your test and you have a wrong answer. And the teacher's like, I would go take a little more time on number six. Like I was so insufferable. Damn. I was Erin Brockovich. Yeah. I was like, whose number do you need? Animal Daniels, age 11, one wanted to be a synchronized swimmer. Spent every moment she could in the PG and E pool by age nine, zero. The number of times. I've had sex. You want their diseases. That's all you got lady, two, two, two wrong feet, ugly fucking shoes. So I get first place at the trivia and of course my friends don't know anything. They're half drunk. I champion the whole thing. You just chugging water from Hinkley. Yes. So on that I'm having too much Pinot Grigio and they're like, well now we're going out cause we're celebrating. Now we're, now we're going out. It's 11. Now we're, now we're warning. An hour warning. So we go down, we go down to Smitty's, which used to be a gym bar. The old gym bar in West Hollywood is now company called Smitty's. Smitty's. I love that. Smitty's. Smitty's. Smitty's. No one's in there but us. And we're celebrating our trivia win. We won like a $50 bar tab that you have to use the next time you come. Wait. You get a 50. Oh. You can't even use that day. I thought you meant like they charge you $50 the next time you come. Yeah. Like $50 is already on your tab. No, no, no. That would be fierce. Oh you think you're smart bitch? Yeah. Yeah. And now. You owe us 50 bucks. Yeah. We got you a hand job in Vaseline alley. So why don't you go open up the back of your car? Well, wait, wait. Huge of truth. Huge of truth. Now, let me, let me know a little bit about Vaseline alley. Cause I am. Like I know. Ask Nick. Were you just there or not? Are you a liar? I parked. I parked the car. Okay. Do you know where we parked the car? I'm over at aqua for alley. Cause I have a sponsorship. Oh my God. I'm in Abilene alley. Cause I need to take my makeup off. What about when, what about when they sell that Abilene at the sex stores? Cause people will use as lube. Honey. Who do you think you're talking to? Miss jerk off 1998 through to 2016. Yeah. Undefeated. First, not first runner up. No, I swept every category all the time. Oh my God. What about Valerie? When she goes, did you see my sponsored posts with Nivea? And he goes, oh, did you, was that sponsored? She goes, no, but I'm letting them know my open to sponsorships. It's so it's like, I just kind of real. Like the only reason I get all these sponsored videos on my YouTube channel is because I be talking about makeup products all the time. Not begging, but like, you're, you're, you're dropping hints. I'd be talking about products. I like. Yeah. So if a product I like how slabs being like, we know you love our products. Do you want to talk about it? I'm like, absolutely. Your assistant is writing 25 emails a day, begging them to give you a sponsor. Like Brandon can write an email. Thank you. Are you kidding? He's he's tight. He's on his typewriter. He's sending my assistant. Goodie Proctor. Listen, Brandon uses actually gets the, that's the, that's the touch. That's a cinches. The deal clinches the deal. He won't even download the Gmail app. He uses it. He uses it in Safari. Love that. He's in charge of my whole business. I love that. Safari. Safari. Who is she? Who is she? Open her in Chrome, please. I don't know what that's all about. So what happened at the Emmys? We're backstage. Mullen Ackerman. Okay. I got the wig. I go. Oh my God. You don't know me, but I know. Like, I really feel like for Mayo. I'm like Liz purse, the caps me out. I'm crazy. I know you. I go. You're in three of my favorite pieces of media. Watchman. Watchman. Watchman. Watchman. Yeah. And. Hunting wise. Oh. And she said, oh yeah, I love the comeback. Right. Right. Right. Because she said, when people tell me they love the comeback, I automatically know they're cool. They're on the level. And I said, I'm on the new season of the comeback. And she goes, oh my God. She was like, I know it's starting up again. It was so early. I like. They didn't ask me. No. I don't know if I, I don't know if she's in the trailer. So I don't know if I can confirm that she's in it. Okay. She's in the trailer. And then she said, I know maybe as much as you do, she said, I don't even start yet until like next week. Oh wow. So it was, I had just filmed like the day before. So you guys are really bonded. No, we didn't really bond, but I just love her and she's so beautiful. She was there with Brittany Snow presenting for Hunting Wives in the wig category. No, they weren't. No, no. Kelly Mantle and I, Kelly Mantle presented for wigs, which I found hysterical. At the Academy Awards? At the, at the Emmys. Oh, at the Emmys. She presented. She presented. Oh, the, the dingbat ones. The ones that didn't even air. She presented the award for sci-fi fans. And fantasy hair design. Wow. That's fierce because she was on. She could do sci-fi fantasy face. Yeah. Well that, I mean, come on, let's not, a golden eye or whatever the fuck before you get completely assassinated. Oh, that wasn't golden eye. That was hot rod or, um, uh, black bird or, um, what's it called? Eagle, eagle heart. Yes. Yeah. Oh my God. Did you see, I was watching, uh, Jill Kim Booster talk about how they're considering Jacob Elordi for the new, um. The new what? The new 007. Oh. And he was like, you can't be 6'6". Be covert. Thank you. Tea. Very true. Tea. They need Ginger Minj. Ginger Minj. No Ginger Minj. Super, super small. Never tells the truth. You can't catch her. You can't catch her. She's elusive. She's covered in Vaseline. Thank you. Every time I try to hug Ginger Minj, she slips out of my hands. Thank you. I hate it. Yeah. You cannot catch her. She lost all the weight too. She's just, she's leaving you in the dust. She's always wet. Wet, small and lying. It's like Fina. I can't even have a conversation with Fina anymore. Fina just walks in and flexes her arms and leaves. She doesn't even talk to me. That's what she did the other day. She didn't even talk to me. No. She's like, "Get out of here. Just feel my bicep and punch it." She looks great. She looks great. I don't want to shout her out. I don't want to tell her story. Well, then why are you doing it? Her commitment to personal betterment. Transformation. She do therapy. She go to the gym every day. She has a tight bedtime. She gets up early. She does that thing where she wraps her body in cellophane like in fried green tomatoes to please her husband. Yeah, she's awesome. She's great. I believe she is what you call the definition for me of a ride or die. I tell everybody you're my ride and die. I'm your bride or dyke. Bride or die. If I don't get married to you, I'm going to turn into a lesbian. Somebody recently told me, they said, how come you guys don't say dyke anymore? I said, we can't. So to those of you who liked it when we said that, we can't anymore. But if we say lesbian, just in your mind, drop it in. Listen, I'm not a woman of sapphic experience. Not a monolith. Not everyone feels the same way about that word. Hold on. Exactly. Same thing with a lot of different words like beautiful, gorgeous, lovely. But we've got a person. We've got a person who I believe identifies as a dyke. It's not like I have black friends, you know, whatever. Because you don't. No, I don't. You have enemies. Thank you. The NAACP are always out to get me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bob and I have sex every week. You put the AA in NAACP. N-A-A-2. N-A-A-A. That's fierce. Okay. No, what was the point of that story? Oh, we were talking about Bina. People aren't a monolith. Some people have approached me. Right, right, right. It was at the airport. And somebody said, how come you guys never shout out the dykes anymore? Say dykes only. And I said, well, we got really. We got a lot of that. I was made aware that not everybody feels the same way about that word. So I haven't said that in a long time. Well, I was shocked. So, you know, have we talked about our. Did we touch on the Jillian Michaels thing? Or the. We touched on it last episode a little bit. Can I just touch on this very quickly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I was shocked as a viewer when she was. So the change or the evolution of like what is considered to be an offensive or slur. That's always changing. Right. And it depends on which group you're talking to. Like certain things. People were completely uncomfortable with the O word, which was obese. Right. Or overweight. Because they were like, well, what weight? And Jillian Michaels was shocked and appalled to hear that they preferred fat. Or fat bodied. Yeah. Which that was news to me, too. Because I'm not sure. That's not everyone. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Because I've had. Again, it's going to sound like I have black friends. But like I have had many fat friends who called themselves. If they were to describe their body shape, they'd be like, I'm fat. Right. Like, excuse me, I'm fat. Yes. I have. I think I have the same friend. I mean, I had. She was the one who told me like. Yeah. Just because she's like, I prefer fat. Yeah. It's like, I don't want to. I've had. Let's see. Like one, two, three, four, five. Very, very close friends from high school up into college who are so funny. I mean, these are like cherished best friends. Kind of like see them every day. Talk to them every day. And they smart people who are like, they don't want a euphemism. They don't want it. They don't want to be tiptoed around. It's like, I'm fat. So you can call me whatever. And I know. No, but not everybody feels that way. And of course, they're not going to. When I was doing Trixie Motel, because I was an executive producer, I had to take from the network extra training modules because technically you're in charge on set. Crazy. That I wasn't in charge of anything. That is. Um, but we had to take extra training models. And one of the things I learned, this is going to blow your mind. Let's say I'm gay. I am gay. And let's say we're on set together. And I say, oh, I love this bag. If let's say a heterosexual man is working behind the camera, he could file a harassment because we, even though we are gay, we can't speak for everyone in the room feels about that word in a professional setting. I had never thought about that. I haven't either. And I continue to won't. I've never thought about that. Um, I had a similar experience when I was on a pride shoot once. That's great. That's interesting. And the, um, the sound guy was trans and I mean, I didn't know sound guy was trans and I'm just so used to in dry calling everyone girl and he was like, Hey, I don't prefer a girl like, and I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm so used to it. And then later in the day, I accidentally said girl again and I apologized. I just was so used to, I mean, I call my straight band members girl. Yeah. So I, I just, you know, he hit you. I consider myself end stage woke and it's very possible to call someone. You are nothing. What? You are nothing of the sort. You are so excited. I just would get it right every day. I'm not woke because I never go to sleep. I think you should go on the road with that. Tracy, what do you feel most comfortable with? Um, fat dyke. Are you overweight? Lesbian is a, is a slur. That's for her would be obese. Lesbian. How very dare you? Can I just share when we were on the road in Kansas city, me and miss thing over here, we're getting coffee. And there was a break in the conversation. Everyone's looking at their phones and then she turns to me and goes, Oh, do you know? Oh no, you're a dyke. Nevermind. And then walks away. I listen. I was the thing that a lesbian wouldn't know. I don't know. I can't remember. It's on piker. Yeah. Who's that? Thank you. I'm probably a lot closer. Right? He's a very, he's a very, well, he's a Twitch streamer. Very active on Twitch. He's a Mary. I don't want to thirst over him. Be the 4,000th person. you oldie i was like okay got it because normally at every bar they just card you oh i see what you mean you look so old there's no possible way you could be anything under than 50 we can get you a booth grandpa yeah so i walk in what the fuck is going on in here yeah and what is it what's going on in there something called march madness mary you don't know what fucking march madness is i've heard of it okay but i just want to say it's people watching college basketball with any people experiencing madness surrounding college basketball i think of it like the people with the reborn dolls i'm like it doesn't hurt anybody but it's weird no no no i'm gonna disagree with you very i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm not gonna it's not i'm gonna just and i know it's i know high tops is a sports bar yeah but it's still a gay bar get the fag off the tv i'm not you know what i mean get the sports on the tv i'm not watching i'm not watching no can we put on some martina traversa chilova can we put on some venus and serena like there's sports that's can we put on some johnny weir that no i mean you got to realize that sports are we're the outliers here do you know what i mean like most people love sports and many and many gay folks love sports lesbians dykes they tend to love hello there was a lesbian turnout this girl came in well i don't know their gender expression this this this person came in yeah very flagging okay flagging flagging sapphic okay gotcha flagging sapphic really flagging strap on like that level okay huge packer in yeah yeah huge packer with a with a strap on over it the march madness is playing they walk in with a uh huge fucking pit bull on a leash with a with a with a like hannibal lecter mask on the pit in the oh thank god in the bar at the gay bar and the the fags gather around lay on the ground in the gay bar and start petting the dog i was like this is the gayness i came for not the sports right right right get it off the tv now i came for the giant dogs and the gay people laying on the ground rubbing the belly that's why i'm here you're miss cat cafe that's what you are yes and i know i don't see many pit bulls um i i don't know many people with big dogs they and it was giant massive and very scary scary terrifying the terrifier i try not to be i don't know i try to be open-minded to the the idea that the stigma around pit bulls could be based on fair oh so i try to be open to like well yeah i mean you never know but i i try not to be like oh pit bull aren't those dangerous based on what colloquialism i don't know i haven't done the research okay i'm not walking to the bar being like that's a crazy dog no but i mean i've just had the experience well yeah sometimes they get the hannibal lecter mask on the dog kind of made it scary yes because it it it it well right because it's like because i don't think it was for fashion no i think it was to prevent it from ripping your face one of these legs mama their face latched like the chimp gone face brother what's it mom dad brother sister gone but what i like about going to bars gay bars where there might be more women you get the animals which are kind of the star of the show so you want animals in the bar in california these bars that are indoor outdoor what's the difference oh i suppose i don't mind the animals in the bar what about pet dander i wonder if the animals like it it's loud it's crazy i don't know i mean i think it's animal dependent i've known most dogs to be like quite antisocial but other dogs are very social but listen to me run in my mouth like you're gonna bring a parrot to a club any minute now my hans mccaw your pigeon has hatched it's going to be picked up in florida my bird was hatched is being carried from florida in an rv to california where i will be able to visit it for weeks and hand feed it do you have to breastfeed it or whatever do you have to do breast pumps yeah i have my no i have my breastplate your wind chime and your breastplate yep i think you should do that as a youtube series did you ever love me back to life i know you never watched um i know you never watched um i know you never watched um i know you never watched i know you never watched uh real houses of beverly hills but there was an episode where um so many breastfed a parrot no that was the witch it wasn't a parrot either it was a goat yeah no it was it was a it was um same difference there's a crow that lands in my fountain in my front yard huge and black it's the size of a fucking collie they're crazy they're crazy it lands in my fountain they know it drops peanuts in it gets peanuts from god knows where drops them soak and comes back later and eats them wet and it stares at me the whole time and i know that i've read that crows are very smart so i've been leaving seeds on the the step being like love you love you you're cool smart because they hold a grudge for life but sometimes it shows up with the bones and feathers of another bird and it like eats a hummingbird in my bird and i kind of i'm like damn girl you're gonna sit here where all these other birds because you know we have a smaller bird and just stare at them like what do you think that crow is doing she's showing everybody who the boss is and she's showing you that she knows you she recognizes you and that you would cross her it's a wrap well i was reading this because i've been doing what i feel like is a collegiate course i already know too much about parrots but i've been doing a lot of research on macaw species specifically so i can learn so much and it's listen i don't want to be corny economy hurts nobody you know it's lovely animals are amazing don't you ever don't you ever presume that any kind of knowledge is corny ever again you you bitch right you bitch i'm sorry i apologize thank you um but uh macaws parrots the crow crow facial recognition okay it's like when you steal five dollars a day from target um they uh it accrues because they get your face once it goes into like over a certain amount grand larceny they nab you that's the crow oh i've so many subreddits about birds oh conures all kinds yeah yeah so one one thread i read was what's the strangest behavior that your bird exhibits and of course birds are so smart many of the species are estimated to be like three or four year olds i read this book called alex and me by irene peppercorn who is the woman who found out she's the one who proved that not only can birds up till her she's a scientist people believe birds can only mimic she is the person who proved that they copy us they also some species learn the meaning and the syntax these birds learn thousands of words and apply them in strings like sentences amazing so terrifying amazing it's crazy right i mean the dogs do it too oh yeah whatever you know but whatever dogs yeah i i so i downloaded a bird app the other day okay because um you know twitter um shut up it's x now oh right right right um um i downloaded x2 started jerking off no um the i because okay so i don't you've never been in my condo you never will um because it's horrible i hate it it sucks i can't wait to get out of there um and when you the the i know i've talked about this ad nauseum but when my brother and his wife and my lovely nephew stayed they were able to to witness firsthand soberly in um sound-mindedly the the noise problem that you open any window and it's like armageddon it's like t3 terminator 3 it's like it's like the end of the world it's crazy so we have to do something about it and we have to do something about it and we have to do a mockingbird or what i thought to be a mockingbird i was like what is going on with this fucking bird out there i download the bird app which is something called you probably have it i'm sure it's called merlin bird id interesting so you you you it's like shazam for birds and um it's cunty i just came yeah i know change your panties because i'm about to blow your mind again um cornell lab um i think it's uh so you submit a photo and it identifies it or no no you record it record the song and it gives you it gives you a um so let's see what did i not know i wonder if i can have a history it was um how um south angeles has a lot of cool birds we have we have wild parrot species that are invasive i i'm i don't doubt it i don't doubt it i don't know east hollywood has those green parrots silver lake let's go um so anyways i don't know what the hold on hold on i don't think it has i'm sure it has a history whatever but it was a mockingbird it was a specific type of mockingbird and it was they could imitate car alarms house alarms like other birds obviously it was like crazy because i was like what the fuck is this noise i was like is it a bird or some kind of weird app or something like uh it wasn't like tweet tweet it was like fag yeah yeah it was like the fags are hurting right right brick terror remember remember your old one hoot oh the cartoon of an owl i was like that is a man up there that's a man hoot too good hoot um so i was reading the weirdest thing people's birds have done some of them were weird but kind of funny like oh my bird likes to break its pellets in half put one in the water eat the crunchy one and come back later for the wet one a lot of birds like to use the water to change the texture of the food very interesting don't we all yeah right um you like to shave straight guys asses before you lick them thank you and then get robbed right so one of the craziest ones is i said my they said i don't know where my bird got this because none of us watch wrestling um i don't know where my bird got this because none of us watch wrestling i said i'm reading i'm continuing he said let's get ready they said our bird is obsessed they said our bird is obsessed wait let me just read it because i read it read it it's hunted i don't know i don't know i don't know but they were they recited the full gettysburg address no okay this is great what's the weirdest most baffling thing your bird has done this one says somehow my green cheek conure is obsessed with macho man randy savage that's incredible i don't know how it happened we're not in 90s wrestling household by any means but at this point we can ask her if she wants macho man randy savage and yes you have to say the whole thing and she loses her mind until we play clips on YouTube that is so fucked up that is so fierce that's so specific macho man I mean listen I remember macho man Randy Savage I do too there is some appeal it's kind of drag and it's also kind of drag you know in retrospect and I think correct me if I'm wrong I remember when it was WWF not WWE wasn't there also a WCW I remember when Sting was yellow and blue remember Sting is all black and white but he used to be like yellow and blue is that wrong wrestling people who oh I don't know that person I mean I'm thinking who they got they got Goldberg oh see I don't know I was like I'm way back Papa Shango I was way back like Hulk Hogan married my brother liked wrestling and we had it for Sega me too we had it for Sega so we would watch my brother and his friends would nut over the pay-per-view like whatever you call them specials we have to pay to view them and like it was WWF not WWE and it was at a time when it wasn't clear that it was entertainment we thought it was real oh same when I was a kid I was like wow how are they doing this how are they doing this this is crazy and it was so very soap operatic but now I believe it's a lot gayer they lean into the gayness they lean into the homoeroticism big time and what I can appreciate about wrestling and what I understand peripherally people in the comments you better know there is a it's a lot like drag where there's strong local following strong regional following and it's a lot like drag where their characters are like mascots they have an accent and they have a whole backstory yes yes rivalry and all that stuff and a lot of the guys are hot Mary you think I've jerked it to The Undertaker is that The Undertaker who is it Tempest Du Jour Tempest is that what you meant no it's James Mansfield I know loves wrestling I know so little about it but whenever I'm scrolling and I get a wrestler I always watch it I think it's cool there was a great there was a family I think they were they were Latin I think they may be Puerto Rican or Mexican I'm not sure but Bad Bunny gets starred in one of these episodes of the matches and I just lost it because Bad Bunny I would just I don't know he's just got that thing I would just do anything he asked me to I saw this gif of him that made me so horny it's him like this and then he goes and just smiles like that and I was like love he needs to be in more movies I feel like his on screen charisma is just off the charts and you know that dick is a hammer you know it's the big ears it's you know that dick is a hammer it could be a peanut and I would still rock my world a peanut a thumbtack a nonpareil let's take a break do you think that when people are like I want tight pussy the truth is if you got a big dick it's all tight so when you're saying you're looking for tight maybe you need to take up more space that's true but they also need to consider get the silicone injection your dick brick hard like a metal I got three holes like a pretzel tight as a virgin boy don't get nervous tight I'm here to give you customer service right did you write that I saved dick by giving it CPR is that train it's cup caca oh cup caca cup caca cup caca cup caca who some feel is an industry plant I'm very that's a conspiracy theory I'm very invested I've seen that online too very invested in that conspiracy theory is that kind of a compliment to be like it's so flawlessly executed it must be a team of scientists yeah actually that's how I would take it nobody thinks we're a plant no no we grew up in the trash outside the lab they think we're a fake house plant a fungus that was in the bio the biohazard waste as the other drag race queens say to us regularly you guys are just doing what you do I love how you just go out there and wear whatever girl you can just go and do whatever girl you and Katya are just like doing your thing and you guys can just do anything they mean it as a compliment so many people have said to me you can just go online and just like fart and people love it and I go okay yeah well you try your best and people don't love it so what is it sometimes I feel like I can telegraph my farts like I know if they're going to be funky or not so you're like your eyes just like Janet Jackson's that was Tyra Banks you don't know that clip I do yeah it's truly diabolical Miss Banks really was off the chain no you know what was diabolical the inspector jacket the inspector gadget jacket what the fuck is with that jacket girl I've been thinking about it a lot oh oh oh in the doc yes no shit who does she think she is I've been thinking about this and it never came off what it gave is drag queen um reveal number like thunder yeah yeah lightning yeah it's like I wonder if she's going to take it off well I mean Labada on the other hand I wonder if she's going to put something on she sure did girl there's nothing worse than that drag queen choir robe with two stones baby you have my heart no baby what about doing what about doing a good 45 second intro with a dirty um bathrobe a dirty the makeup dress yeah the Roxy Andrews makeup dress it was like I was like not I wonder if she's going to take that off please take that off right now because it's it's it's it's so it's not a reveal it's not a cover up wasn't Bob selling those makeup dresses I don't know what you call it it's straps of fabric but it's like it's like very baggy legs it's like a tank top that goes into very baggy legs oh like a jumper or it's like a gender affirming like a caftan no it's like leg holes it's like pants and they're very Bob I don't Bob write it oh like harem pants I'm not sure what you would call it but I think Bob was selling them for a while an ugly as hell outfit I don't know but they look good for getting in drag because you don't want to be naked but you want something you can get off easy later because I hate when you put makeup on you got to pull it off you got to pull a t-shirt over the makeup you ruin the color oh yeah I always do makeup shirtless with my robe on my titties out yeah always do the robe because you will a white shirt with how much brown I put on my jaw please my black chin strap thank you please also yeah and also I hate yeah white shirt white shirt white shirt white refrigerator let's go get you a home girl I saw something incredible on the way here we're currently looking at a new studio to move my dragon to I hate you I hate you so much we're looking at the studio over here because there's a lot more space over here in Burbank in North Hollywood and I drove by it today Nick it's a nice facility can you rent me a room in there no we should get them side by side don't fucking edge me you faggots I'm dead serious it's right over here and it's by the airport it's by the planet business it's by a bunch of shit by the airport oh Burbank yes I was like don't edge me you faggot are you for real and so you could like keep your drag there go get it go to the airport whatever yeah no shit okay don't yell at me I'm sorry I'm just getting emotional I'm getting emotional I'm getting emotional because I'm hurt hurt people hurt people I went over there today and I saw a FedEx truck F-E-D-E-X and there was like a four lane highway over there by the airport you know by the airport there's big open fields and by the Burbank airport there's a lot of like land with nothing the land honey the land this FedEx truck you want to talk me hitting my own driveway every time I come in the driveway my boyfriend came on the other day and bought one of those I was sitting there in drag crossy and he bought one of those markers that's for me fat backseat those fat back CD for markers for removing scuffs off cars oh damn he put it on the table he goes did you want to do it or should I and I go I guess I'll do it you faggot so this FedEx truck huge long FedEx truck they pulled out to block like all four lanes and all the cars they put it in reverse smoothly quickly deftly backed into an alley with maybe two feet on each side I looked in the window to look it was such a such a good park job that I had to get a look at that fucker's face I was rubber I was like craning my neck calm calm she was turned in tapped in turned on do you know me calling the garage door guy and say hi it's me again I hit the door again can you come fix it no but what did the person look like just a normal guy um attractive maybe 40 um Latino big sunglasses and he just was like palming the wheel perfectly backed it up that is so that behavior and you know I thought it was going to be a lesbian yes of course that behavior to me is so sexually attractive it was amazing yeah I was almost like 10 and 2 thank you so I couldn't couldn't clap that is so sexually attractive to me so it's such a turn on such a such a plus in the in the pro category to me parking is parallel parking is the only skill in driving that I I really lock in on every other part of it I think I I could take a remedial course probably every 6 weeks you should see me do a 16 point turn out of the studio parking lot it's really it's really it's really impressive it's like oh did that person not not only like not have a license does that person actively forget and unlearn driving skills every time they get in a car you pull out after that 16 point turn you get hit by Carlos one of those food food delivery things yeah Cassandra comes and bowls me over and then a Waymo t-bones you yes but yeah me yelling into the front seat of a Waymo I think we should exchange information no one in there me turning me like flirting with the Waymo so when you bumped into me was that like kind of like did I tell you hot coffee did I hot coffee I did have something I wanted to bring your attention right away I don't watch porno wait I know we talked about this anyway I don't watch porn and I have I'm afraid but you listen it's like I don't smoke but I inhale well that's a funny thing you should say because you literally just read my mind dare you talk about this no oh okay what if I'm psychic I know you're psychic but I the way you will not even like loft the idea that I might be intuitive in some way no I know you're very intuitive excuse your mouth I know you're very intuitive you have a women's intuition that is it is very over the line much more than most women but I but psychic is a little bit of a stretch however at the count of three we're going to say a number from one to ten it's going to be one two three blank okay and we're going to and I'm going to lock in and I'm going to say this number okay one two three seven oh I almost said seven but that was so close though so that's the difference between psychic and intuition six seven yeah seven eight she ate that was like like, did I tell you what was in DC? And I was walking with my friend and my friend is like, I say, you know, I'm psychic. I'm always trying to like confirm it. And she was going to show me a house where there was a murder. And I said, I said, show me what block it is. And I'm going to tell you what house it is. And she goes, okay, I know what you're thinking. It was police tape. I'm like, I think it's this one murder house or the guys actively with the knife. Yeah. But I walked by and I go, it's this one. And she goes, Oh, close. It's this one. So I'm like, I got it. There's only three, but you didn't like, that's not like three houses on the street, but I'm thinking because it was next door. I'm like, yeah, but I got it. I got it. Yeah. You got it. Yeah. I, this is going to be so gross and I'm just going to, I, I just want to say it. It's okay. Ask them. So, um, I think I've already talked about it. I'm so sorry if I have, you can just stop me. Cause it's gross. I, um, I don't want to watch cause porn to me is very overstimulating. It's very overstimulating. And like, I get like, as a person who has, I know it's just a shock who has had a history of compulsive sexual activity or behavior around porn. Um, I try to, I get, uh, I want to, I don't want to get desensitized and I don't want to get, I want to reset my nervous system in terms of like, what is, um, you know, uh, titillating or whatever with my, also because for me, just for me, it has ruined sex sometimes where like, I can't be in the moment. I can't be like, I don't, I'm not conservative or traditional, but when people make claims that take a break from porn yielded a healthier sex life in their marriage or something, I do believe that that could be entirely possible. Oh yeah. It's not a, it's not a broad stroke against porn as like some moral judgment, but I mean, I think they should all go to hell, but that's just my opinion. How come they never ask us to present our host at like porn awards? They do. Yeah, they do. Oh my God. We went for a porn award and Mary, they have asked us to present at the gay VNs. What's the award? Best double anal angels. Um, uh, I don't know what it was. I think it's funny that we can't get a golden globe for a pod, but we can get nominated at the porn award for a pod because when we do pods, Mary, people get so horny and also just take a look at the breasts, how they grow throughout the episode. I can't control that. Can I tell you guys what happened to me yesterday? I was filming. Wait, I'm not done with my story. This is part of it. Okay. Got it. I was filming with Nick. What is it? The international content creator awards, which is a primarily adult films and stuff. And we are obviously nominated. Um, but I'm filming with Nick yesterday and you call, you call and I go, I got to call Katya back, you know, cause probably important because God knows you would never fucking call me. You call, you call and you go, I just want you to know that you could never do anything to ever take my wet pussy. And I go, okay, I got to go. I'm filming. That's the kind of, that's the kind of dismissive attitude that I receive from you on a daily basis. Which is why I rarely share those moments of vulnerability. And that's okay. So I've learned, I've grown and I've, I've learned from it. What's the nasty gross story. Well, okay. Is it about your body? No, it's about somebody else's. Uh, okay. So I, I, I deactivated, deleted my only fans account. I'd not my one that I share the one that I view. Thank you. Um, because I'm trying to curb my, um, financial situation to take me myself out of dire financial straits, actively taking steps to save and be better with money. Now, of course I just did it just for fans account. So I, so have you ever done rocket money? I'm not, no, I haven't. Yeah. I love rocket money. It's fierce. It is fierce. It's $10 a month and it gets, it will tell you like what shit you're subscribed to. And also you can, it helped me, um, helped me avoid 129 99 Microsoft office suite. Like I've ever done a goddamn word document in my life with my hunting pecking ass. I would love to see you open Excel baby. Oh, a spreadsheet. Oh, what? Okay. My legs. That's about it. Put a dryer sheet in there. And so anyways, the, um, I, I'm tuned in, tapped in, turned on. And, uh, there's this guy who famously makes this, this is so, this is really vulgar. Just, I'm just letting you know at home, this is vulgar. If you have children and, or you have parents in the listening, if you're eating lunch, they have children, they've had sex. No, but maybe not sex like this. Um, so this person is famous for making their ass talk. And what I mean by that, it, no, it's not farting. It's not farting necessarily. Okay. It's like, remember when let's just ask you if you ever creamed, you ever creamed your ass? It sounds kind of disgusting, but so there are producers looking at me like you should kill yourself. Um, um, it's, it's, it's, it's like, she's been looking at you like that for a few years. Why haven't you done it? She holds up a sign that says, why haven't you done it? Yeah. I don't say let's take a break. I said, do it. The noose has been coming down. Yes. I love an, uh, water boy and Feruza bulk holds up. That's how I feel. This is, do you want me to kill them? Love that shit. So this person is sputtering. It's squelching. It's, it's a very, very lurid, lurid, um, highly sexual ASMR experience. So I don't watch it. I listen, I put on this noise canceler. Okay. And it's, it's, it's so the sound don't want to watch, but I do want to watch, but I say, no, no, no. Can I clarify? It's not an audio. It's a video. Using as audio. Exactly. Because I don't want to become overstimulated also because I have not ejaculated in over three, three months. Catch that truth. Catch that. And I'm not joking. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Just as you're sitting there incredulous as am I. Yeah. White pee. Brandon called ejaculate white pee. That's so gross. Mine is a little, okay. It's going to come out chunky and gold. Like, like, like, like probably like gallstones, kidney stones. It's going to come out chunky and like Thai iced tea. No, that's my regular pee. Clotted. It's going to come out clotted. Well, when my eyes like, I, I bought a big jug of Fiji water at the studio yesterday because my morning pee was like barbecue sauce. So I was like, maybe I should try hydration. Gave it a shot. It's doing good for me. But back to the nasty, the other nasty thing. It's a squelching. It's a sputtering. And it's a very, very, um, it's a very, uh, what's it like? Lack of a better word. Nasty in a good way. Like sex sound, you know? How is the sound being made? It's made from the dick, um, going in the butt and coming out. And then once it pulls out, because there's so much lube in coming there, it's like sputtering the, it's like. Wow. So there's actual sex occurring. Oh yes. This is very much so. Very, very penetrative and very, very like, um, uh, very hard hitting tonight at 11, you know, kind of. I think of like. The famous people who love our pod. Like I think of Amy Poehler at her desk right now, listening to you tell the story. How is she going to listen with all those lights in her face? Oh my God. My, my friend, Vanessa, the DJ who I make a lot of music with. She said, oh my God, my friend. I told her, I said, I listened to Baldwin the Beautiful in the car when I drive. And her friend said, I watch it while I drive. Her friend said, I put it on my phone and I put it in the cup holder and I watch while I drive. I said. Love you. I hope you do your mascara and red lights too. I don't recommend that, but I said. Work. Yeah, that's fierce. I watch the road while I drive, as do you. Thank you. No, I don't watch it. I, I, I am a. You survey it. I survey it. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I've got, yeah. Anyways. So I, I tried that and I, um, I, I thought it was interesting and I actually became hypnotized and it became so, it's so lewd and it's so like, um, I don't, I don't mean to, it's not a judgment. I'm just saying it's so like, so sexually almost, it's just too much. It's so much that I become like, okay, I gotta stop. This is a little too much. Just from the audio. Just from the audio. Now I'm back to just gifs. When I was into straight porn for a while, I watched a lot of extreme closeups. 8K. Yes. 8K. With extreme like noise and 8K of the dick in the pussy hole. This is exactly what I'm talking about. And I found that exciting and I found myself confused by why I liked it. Why? Because it was just so medical. It's so medical. Oh, well, I, I don't, I don't appreciate as any, it's like, you know, Valerie Cherish is sick on seeing red. I don't like that. Seeing red. I don't like that. What do you mean? Well, you know what I mean? An anal. When you see, seeing red, I don't like that. Right. But that's another story. I also love it in season two of the comeback when she's watching her like acting real. Oh, it's the scene where they're watching a clip from seeing red and Valerie's all insecure about it. Because the reviewer's like, I think people are going to see in a whole new light. And she's like, what does that mean? And Mickey's watching it. And it's her like, I want you to, it's like, it's like, I want you to think about killing yourself when you put that shit in your arms about like talking about drug use. And Mickey goes. After all these years, red, you can really act. That is one of the best redeeming things of the comeback is that every time they yell action, Valerie's good. Yeah. Like it would be so hard to root for her if she wasn't great. But you know how difficult that role must be for an actor, for Lisa Kudrow? Because there's so many layers to the, the, the, the, the, the performance. You know what I mean? Like there's like, there's the real person, the person who's like putting on the thing. And then there's the actor. And then the, you know what I mean? There's so many like different, I don't know if this one that sounds like corny or pretentious, but I find it like a very multi-layered. I find the way she's able to inhabit it and live in it and play with it, but stay anchored to it. Yeah. It's a real gift. I'm not. She is so talented. No, you are. No, I only can do what I do. No, you're inside the actor. You're very Uta Hagen, very method. I can't be other people. Yes, you can. And you do it better than Daniel Dave Lewis. I was in a community theater. No, I was in a day new theater. I was in a day new theater production of A Night Out with the Rat Pack at the Apple Holler in Sturtevant, Wisconsin when my sophomore year of college. Did you play old Blue Eyes? I was super. famous yeah and blue eyes this woman her name was laurie minetti she used to read the lottery balls in wisconsin on tv in the 90s where you had to actually pull the ball and some hot bitch would have her perfect manicure and be like yeah here's the ball here's the ball yeah she said brian people like you and i people hire us because they want us they want us to play our personalities oh i see and i remember going home being like is that bad and then i just i'm like all the other years later i was like well sometimes you play yourself and that's okay and guess what nobody else can do it nobody else can do you but lisa kujo can do anyone i mean valerie is not lisa no no but i had a you know it's funny i had a um not a casting agent but a casting agent assistant um tell me like you know after the hacks thing they were like you know they they wanted you but mostly like let's be real like i was like i'm not an actress like i know you're not an actor they wanted your legs they wanted your huge fuckable tits that grow a size every hour that's what they wanted and they got it so take that down a few ruchi boulevard and sell it let's take a break i'm a scottish size 12 and the uk 14 and my breasts won't stop growing that would suck no i that was i was such a i was so blindsided i was blindsided shocked and betrayed i've never felt so shocked and betrayed full body chills thank you my question is does she have to get them reduced like regularly is that what happens no the trouble was that she like so her doctor would say in order to get that operation we need you to lose weight but she can't because she'll lose weight and then her breasts will grow it's a real catch 22 or catch 38 d double d if you want wow and i have never felt so seen i've never felt so validated because i didn't even know that i had a condition you know i hate to get political but i've been thinking about this a lot the people who don't believe doctors the people who are the maha people the the the rfk people well if you if you really think this shit when you get sick don't go to the hospital well well you can't play both sides of the street bitch no no no but let me let me tell you i am not defending anti-vaxxers or whatever but one thing we do have to address is that just because we're because you have an md does not mean you you are like don't trust every doctor no one knows everything nobody knows everything but i i was raised i don't know about you but i was raised with blind faith in medical doctors but doctors when they take money from let's say a medicine who's paying them to speak on behalf of this drug they not only they they legally a they're under the oath where they have to only do good as a doctor and b the hippopotamus they have to be very open about the money they're getting and they have to be very open about the money they're they might receive to endorse a drug and they sometimes they're not but politicians etc really have no they're not they do not have any like i have to be completely transparent about this big pharma paying that are lobbying me taking me golf whatever yeah right but but doctors are courted all the time and then and paid by a huge and taken out to lunches and aspensky weekends with um you know pharmaceutical companies they're up their ass they're giving them blow jobs hand jobs all kinds of jobs you don't even think about a lot when we watched um i'm not saying but i'm like nobody's perfect and no industry is that's because that was a bias i grew up with trust doctors no matter what i'm like there is it you know like doctors sometimes suck have terrible bedside manners that was the other thing but why is one bad doctor experience all doctors are lying to me that's no no no no that's not what i'm saying that's not what i'm saying but i had the opposite uh like bias that all doctors are are infallible and one of the actual one of the things i agreed with with the body positivity folks was like i was like they're the insensitive the insensitivity of doctors i was like that's no that's not news to me and and name a doctor who has good bedside manner right and it's very you would think bipartisan we've all had a doctor say the wrong thing to us or you know i can count on three fingers the amount of doctors i've had who have been not only like made eye contact with me while they were telling me what's wrong with me or whatever but like made non-judgmental suggestions or even like listened without without you know what i mean yes i mean i or like we didn't send the nurse in to tell me something yes i have ankylosing spondylitis that's the disease i have the number of people that take years and years and years and years decades sometimes long time to find diagnosis because many doctors don't know enough or don't believe or whatever go home you're just making it up you're sick like people having chronic pain and like their body when when they get diagnosed they look back and they're like wow these symptoms started when i was a teenager and they kept telling me it was nothing i understand that these people get very you get so lost when you're like does anyone fucking believe me like why would i be in the doctor's office if i'm not in pain it doesn't feel like something's happening yeah so i understand that too i really do it's it's it's and also and i think and people of color don't often get the same treatment of course and girl fat people get immediately prejudiced against yeah because a lot of so many doctors should we go to med school i've been i don't know about you but i do have a lot of friends who are like i don't know about you but i don't know about you but i do know about you the thing is like health care as a business there's your fucking problem number one when health care is a business there's it's a it's it's a market their decisions made you know with the market in mind it's just it's a whole fucking piece or the other problems is giant pharmaceutical companies it's like doctors might have to give a certain amount of transparency companies who make the drugs don't they don't have to say this is how much it costs and so much we're upcharging whatever like that's not happening and the fda is in bed with the fbi the fbi is in bed with the cia let me be let me be me cia is in bed with mia and she's on tour and fka twigs won the grammy for best dad's album for you sexual thank you good for her all right i'm going to see mother mary i'm going to go to the premiere what are you talking about uh the new the new film with anne hathaway and michaela cole where it's very witchy oh my god it looks amazing you gotta watch the trailer i'm trying to i i told our i um our agents if you don't get me a seat at the premiere of this movie in la it's curtains i'm leaving here i'm going to disneyland incredible thank you for the invite i feel almost insecure and shame is a landfill emotion right i am a millennial white gay and i'm going to disney it feels a little on the nose and i'm sorry guess what everybody's got most people have a nose boop um i got my girl caitlin my tour guide from last time oh you do the secret pizza gate thing underground i'm not gonna feel bad for that it's it's just feel bad for about you're you're so you're super rich you're part of the illuminati it's fine we worked all weekend we're going to toronto this week we need a break we need to unwind you have arteriospanglitis absolutely you know what i mean and um i'm i'm really interested in going on a week-long trip to universe um to uh really interested going to walt disney world i've never gotten in florida i've not seen animal kingdom i've not seen epcot all of that you neither so i really want to go i want you to go and i was just in dollywood yes and i also want to go to universal orlando because they have a lot of stuff that we don't have here will you come to london to do a bald gig so we can see katherine tayden oh mary yeah of course but also have you heard about our john i've never been to six flags magic mountain well it's closing so you better go bitch well we have a six flags great america outside of milwaukee who cares about her we go to six like if they're doing out on the mountain i've been feeling very roller coaster you've never been to out on the mountain no i you go everywhere you don't ask me you that is that is the most patent you have never uttered a falsehood so patently untrue in your life in our 12 years together somewhere a game of telephone between you not saying it and not hearing it i never got invited it's your arteriospangliitis which prevents you from picking up the phone no no no you can't ever go you can never go because you're busy no you're booked and busy why can't we get booked no you get okay do you think that six plays could pay us they have asked us many times and it's not plus you don't want to you don't want to perform there you want to ride the rides because i want to dj and then i want to ride rides they have asked you to dj i'm just going to ask directly to camera six flags any of your gay parties please let me dj during the day or at night and then go ride some rides no it's at night my dream is that you and i can be in dragon ride a roller coaster i have a video of it okay so that i you wanted us to bungee jump and drag that's totally different that's the most extreme scary thing you do in your life and it happens once i'm talking about multiple roller coasters i'm talking about climbing up hills i'm very into these videos of people on slingshots plus passing out oh i love those i love those too but wait we have a final final final thought um my ass and i just forgot what it was i'm sorry no no um the bald and the beautiful will be in florida in december orlando we can plan for disney then yes and what a great time to go to um disney world orlando theater we're performing so we can maybe stay an extra day oh my god see you you give it up to god and god gives it to you we're playing bald and the beautiful at the walt disney theater in orlando in december yeah we i wanna i i you can go it's okay you can go so crying and start crying okay final thoughts i don't have any well thank you so much bye girl bye girl incest you you Thank you.