BLAW Special: Day Four

(soft music) - Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are listening to the Dad Still Standing Podcast. My name is Still Matt Deersley, and I am here with my friend, Liam Preston. Day four, baby loss of wearing a sweep. - Yep. - As you're aware, we've done some short episodes this week. We're coming to you every day to try and help you navigate it, try and help you get through it. Get people talking about it, trying to raise awareness of it. What I just today about, so today's is all about getting out of the shit zone. - Yeah. - And what we mean by that is when you're having a bad time and you're feeling up against it, what can you do? What have we done to get out of it and get back in our lane? - Exactly. - On track. - That's the hardest thing, right? When you are down in the dumps, when you feel like life's being you down, when you've got the images of your children, you've got the sun, socials everywhere. There's almost no way to turn where you're not gonna see baby loss this week. - Yep. - And you're in that really, really low shit place. What do you do to get out of that? - And I'm gonna give the next nine minutes to Matt. (laughing) - Social media is a big one. So you say use social to get yourself out of that shit. - Yeah, and what I mean is, and I don't mean go on to social media to get yourself out of it. Don't be afraid to come off a social media to give yourself that break from it. - Of course. - Because if you're on Instagram and you're part of a baby loss awareness, actually on Instagram, there's a lot of stuff on there about baby loss. And it can, especially during baby loss awareness week, it can be a little bit overwhelming. So for example, I know people that immediately after they've suffered a loss, or when they're in that first stage of grief and they're really hurt, they've just come off social media, because they can't deal with it. And they don't want any more reminders about the fact that they've lost a baby. I've done it, not recently, obviously, because of the podcast, but some of my previous losses have come off social media, I've disengaged to social media, because as good as it is, as good as it is for raising awareness around stuff, it can sometimes be a little bit toxic, so don't be afraid to come off it. - Yeah, I absolutely agree with you. I think it's about pushing that reset button, isn't it? I think we mentioned it one of the episodes earlier this week, was around just giving yourself that distance, "Oh, I just don't want to do this." Yeah, I just don't want to do this. I think trying to, I'm trying to think how I would do it. I think trying to find the positives, I think it's really important. I think if you've lost the child, it can be overwhelming at times. - Yeah. - All that grief is all encompassing. By so, I was trying to hold onto things that make you happy, things that make you smile, the good things, try and do positive things during the week. So, look, we were midway through the week now. Like, try and plan something for Friday, Saturday, Sunday, just so you'd not have to think about it, just escaping it, and it's more than just this week, right? It's just generally just things. - Yeah, good, it's about it. I think the easiest thing to do is distract them. - Yeah. - Distraction is the easiest thing you can do. - Yeah. - To try and pull yourself away. Oh no, it's got its face on. - What do you mean, oh no, but also, I would say, if there's something, and it's a recurring problem, and I'm not saying baby losses and a recurring problem, but if there's one in the many facets of baby loss, that is a recurring trigger for you, yeah, tackle it. Don't ignore it. - It's like, I'll head on. Sometimes the best thing to do is go head on and deal with it. - Like what? - I don't know, for example, if you've got issues with, so if you're having issues with, you don't feel like your friends and family are supporting you. - You think take them on this week? - Yeah, not necessarily this week, but if you feel up to it, say, look, do you know what? That was me begging to take a slap in a desk. Baby loss or wear this week? - Yeah. - You're not supporting me. - You're gonna cause trouble, mate. - I'm, do you know what? - If I cause trouble, I cause trouble, but if Matt's caused you trouble, by following it's advice, please email dad so it's standing podcast and team loss. - Like I said, and I said this in the beginning of the week, this week is my fifth baby loss or wear in this week. And I've had a loss recently, and it's my fifth loss, and I'm a bit passionate about it. And I genuinely think if there are people out there that are not acknowledging your loss, and I say that, you know, I say this coming from where I am, and not saying my friends and family, I don't acknowledge my loss, absolutely. But, and I'll come onto that in a little while. I'm afraid to turn around to him and say, you're not supporting me. - Yeah. - It's baby loss or wear in this week. You've seen everywhere's blue and purple. - Support me. - Yeah, and that's coming from a place of that, that personally, and I won't go and look, cause we've only been short amount of time, is that having suffered five losses, I genuinely think people are less impacted by your losses the more you've lost. - Well, we're gonna cover more losses here, but that's my feeling at the moment. - That's a really good strand of it. - People are less impacted by it. So don't be afraid to say to people. - Yeah, I've had numerous losses. You're still fucking out. - Well, we'll definitely cover it. It's really important. But I think you're right. I think that try and find the thing that's making you the most down. - Yeah. - And then either do something about that. So be positive about it. Or remove that temporarily from the situation to try and pull yourself out of it. I think there's some really good ideas there around how we try and get out of those dark times. - And Janak, and Janak as well. - Try and see the little wins this week. Step by step. - Yeah, step by step. And Janak, when I was, we're not, and again, I'm talking about myself. - It's not a problem. - It's like, it's fucking podcast mate. - Is that a little fun? - Yeah. - Yeah, fucking one. Listen to someone else's. - No. - No, I don't do that. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - I don't do that. - I don't do that. - I don't do that. - Yeah, just turn your headphones off, and then you're like, "Yeah, yeah." - When I was at my lowest following someone my lowest, it's right. And I was thinking, "I can't do anything. "I can't do anything. "I'm rubbish." But all of that. Do you know what got me out? - Was it me? - No, no, no. - Okay. - And this is going to say I'm fucking stupid. Making my bed in the morning. Right, because if you get up and you make your bed a morning, you've achieved something. And then take that and then do something else and then you've achieved something else. Right, and that was, and I got that from a social major, social major video that was a Navy SEAL commander. - I was going to say it, yeah. - And he was saying, "I'll just happen to come across it." And I think someone sent it to me, and it was, "Make your bed every morning." Because then you've achieved one thing, straight away, straight off the bat. - I stubble on it. - Because then when you got back to bed at the end of the day. - No one likes getting into an arm-made bed. - Absolutely, no. - And no one likes looking at an arm-made bed either. - Nope. - Not like I don't think you should have made my bed, but like I would make a point. I'd get up, I'd get shout, and I'd try and make my bed as neatly as I could. And then I'd kick on from there. - So the message here is, try and find the little winds. - The little winds. - And I can pull you through the day. - Yeah. - To try and help you get in a better place. 'Cause you're right, actually going for the jugular, just going for something that's gonna make you feel amazing. - Yeah. - And you can do a lot of ways of work, but that's a small, short winds. - Yeah. - Could make you feel a lot happier. - Yeah. - And probably sustain it more than just the one off. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So yeah, it's good. - That's good for a walk. - Go for a walk, he's good. Get outdoors, fresh air, nature, always really helpful. - Go for a walk while listening to a podcast. Preferably this one. - Absolutely. And if you listen to him all the way, just listen to him again. - Exactly. - He's really good. - Yeah, better than more you listen to him. - Apparently. - Yeah, that's what everyone's been telling us. - Yeah. - Fourth time round. - Yeah, for the jokes still land. - Yeah, fourth time round, the jokes are even funny. - Yeah. - So what I would say is yeah, get outwards, see friends, see family if you can. Pull yourself away. Also, don't be alone, I think, is helpful. - Yeah. - If you can be, if you need to be around people, then try and reach out to them. And you don't have to always go, you know, we were talking about craft and that text message. We don't always have to do it that way. It can just be like, look, I just wanna pop around for a cup of tea. And just to be away. - Yeah. - And with some other people. - Yep. - I think that's, yeah. - That's good, good, good couple of things. - I think again, that's good. Sorry. - No, no, you guys. - No, I think again, the responsibility for getting out the shit is on you as well. And as harsh as that saying is, and I'm realized, we're sitting here because we've, you know, we've got ourselves out of the shit. I'm, you know, I still kind of feel like I'm in the shit a little bit. - Yeah, yeah. - But the responsibility is on you to get yourself out of that shit. And I don't mean like it's on you to ask the help to seek support when we spoke about that yesterday. - Yep. - In getting yourself out of the shit, the buck stops with you. - Or the pound, the dollar we talking about, - No, no. - I won't mention the economy right now. - No, I'm not gonna. - No. - So thank you for listening. - Yes. - This has been kind of how to get out of the shit zone. - Yeah. - It's been a lot of money. - I'm sorry. - No, no, no, you know, you're a good, - I'm a fiery, fiery laser. - I'm a fiery, fiery person. - Yeah, absolutely. - But I think it's really important. Please get in touch with the podcast. Like I say, if you've got any ideas and tips for how people can get out of that zone, like I say, drop them on a DM to us, tag us in a comment, or just email us. It's dadstilts.com and [email protected] and we'll try and pull them into some socials that we can share throughout the week. So tomorrow, we can do a bit of a wrap up. We're gonna be talking about wave of love. and why it's important and so thank you for listening and we will see you soon.