289: Biggest Opp!

I will tell you right now if we got to a million subscribers on YouTube Before we hit 300 episodes I will do a 10 hour episode for episode 300. Oh my god You get me to a million subscribers on YouTube before we hit episode 300. When is that it's coming up? How many so countdown begins guys this episode this biggest op I know you're gonna do it with like multiple people and like chop it all up and stuff But I just got the vision of just us locking ourselves in a room for like 10 hours and just going to lyrics. I can give you five hours Okay, so episode 300 is Pretty soon actually. I think it'll be before the end of 2026 because this episode will be 289 okay, so you have 11 episodes to get it to a million on YouTube I could you'll get 10 hours. This is great gamification. I like this is like tell all of your friends. Yeah, tell your friends Yeah, tell your mom grandma whoever's got a YouTube channel. Wait, you're brilliant. I just want my plaque like I've worked Really hard. I just want my plaque. I want my present. I just want my present So yeah, that's that this is gonna be a really good episode. I'm really excited We've got Lauren here. Welcome to the pumpkin patch Lauren. It is pretty wild in with this This is you were you were not joking. I was not messing around. I said this spooky Halloween September October vibe. I'm I'm hitting it hard. Do you like keep this stuff in a storage? Or how do you handle this or did you buy all this recently? This guy looks familiar. We know this guy. He's brand new. He's brand new! Yeah For those listening, it is a ginormous pumpkin figure He is I believe 46 or 48 inches tall and he like comes out of the ground and has arms that extend everywhere Do you not have someone just like him like last year? I had a skeleton dog. Oh, that's that was it skeleton dog Yeah, pumpkin patch is a new theme this year. Okay. I really wanted to mix it up go big not home and Yeah, here we are. I love that. I know I really like it. I'm excited to To show you guys because this might be the first episode you guys see The spooky this spooky patch. Yeah, I know Morgan I don't think I've ever heard anyone say go big not home. Which is so shocking to me, but I love it It's go bigger go home, but like right not going home. I'm very big knowing no option But that's why I'm like why have I not heard that before? Might have happened for the first time just here. I hope that was just now would love that Right here right now. That is like a stem in my head constantly But I'm just really excited to get into this episode. This is a concept. I've been toyed with for a while and Have you heard the phrase biggest op? Yeah. Yeah. What do you feel like it is to you? What does it mean to you? Honestly, we have a friend who says it about things that are always funny like a dog That's like barking at another dog. So that's what I think of But I know that it's a much bigger than that lot more Enxed to it. Yeah. Yeah, so for those I haven't heard the term before biggest op is like your greatest rival and enemy a primary source of opposition and there's so many times in these Reddit stories where This person is friends with their biggest op. That's yeah, and you're just like Girl like you got to run this this girl hates you or you're dating your biggest op. Yeah, this guy does not like you I literally I don't know how I ended up on this side of videos, but I keep getting the most disturbing videos of like people doing pranks and being like There was this one prank going around where you would introduce your boyfriend of the camera. I was like this is my friend And these guys it was like a compilation video and all these guys were like Your friend and they'd like hit the girl with a pillow or like like hit her in the face and I'm like this is fucking deranged Like do not date do not be friends with do not associate with Don't breathe air in the same room as your biggest op. No, if you feel someone's your op you gotta go. Yeah, you gotta be done No matter what it is So we're getting into stories today I'm sorry. I'm trying to think if I would be upset if I was hit with the pillow I think I'd be okay depends on how hard the hit was I'm not sure the video. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna show you the video It was disturbing But yeah, these stories all have an op and we get to determine who is who Is it a big op or am I making small peanuts out of nothing? Big peanuts out of nothing. Ooh that Mountains out of molehills for sure. That's above my big race. Yeah, but I'm super excited. We've got one We've got pumpkins. We've got good vibes. It's a Friday Hey, hey, hey I love a weekend. It's been a stressful past few weeks Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a stressful year I'm fostering a dog right now and this dog is being my biggest op I love him, but he's just a little goofy He's so cute inside though. He's good inside the house. He's great. Yeah, the minute you walk out the front door though Yeah bad news bears But it's all good. I'm gonna help him find his next amazing home. Yeah Okay, are you ready? Mm-hmm. Let's dive in let's do it , okay? Oh This episode is presented by State Farm There's impressive like instantly winning over your boyfriend's parents And then there's impressive like being smart about saving money for your dream home or a sweet new ride And a great way to do that is to bundle home and auto with the State Farm personal price plan bundling just another way to save with the personal price plan like a good neighbor state farm is there Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state Let's kick this off. Okay So this first one coming from Amma the asshole titled Amma the asshole for telling my friend that her baby looks like an alien Oh And how soon after too oh gosh my best friend of 15 years recently had a newborn baby boy I went to visit her at the hospital her whole family was there including her husband or baby daddy because they're not actually married Side note we had a fling in high school Anyways, she asked me whether her baby was cute or not and told me to be as honest as possible Oh because she couldn't tell since of course it's her own baby Honesty has always been a policy in our friendship In the past I've always been honest with her like whether an outfit was ugly or a haircut was bad And she always admired that quality about me. So I thought why not be honest about this too She did it to herself I told her that at first he looked kind of alien-ish and that his head was a bit oversized She laughed Then my neurodivergent brain kind of got off track and I went into detail about his bulging eyes Oh long arms and double chin among other things bro I kind of lost it a bit and by the end she was in tears She couldn't stop. I realized as she was holding him that she had really taken it to heart And now I feel bad She was pretty quiet at first and then later told me to leave the room I felt so bad she was literally sobbing at this point Later that day I got a paragraph long text from her Telling me that she's never going to talk to me again and that I went too far this time She said she thinks her baby is adorable and that I was way too brutal about her newborn blessing Sure, I kind of feel bad, but she literally told me to be honest and I was I gave my two cents because she asked and I don't think I should be blasted for telling the truth. Am I the asshole? You know Here's the thing I've I've come across people where again she laughed at first when whenever Op said alien-ish that's a normal thing like right I a lot of people talk about yeah right so then I was I'm thinking that Is not that big of a deal a lot of a little babies are like and it's cute. It's a little like squishy I don't know whatever so if sometimes people talk in that type of language, but Bulging eyes and scraggly arms like calm down like I don't know. I just kind of think like yeah, like you are you are the asshole You can still be honest and be tasteful about it I mean, that's your. relationship and you guys are like honesty is best policy and she's expecting you to like to not lie to her face you could still give like feel like you're not lying to her and then and still chill out you know I mean especially have a little bit of common sense this is somebody who just gave birth there's a lot of hormones involved there's a lot of love involved like chill out what are you doing what do you think I'm completely on part of you I'm a bit baffled that well we've always had an honest relationship have you or do you just say you're honest when in reality you're kind of actually a jackass because I've always been honest with her whether it's a bad haircut or her outfit sucks like I don't know like I get you want your friends to kind of help you if you really look hideous but at the same time like you you're kind of coming across like your opinion is so high in mighty yeah and I'm like this is her baby like what what's the point of dragging this baby like you dragged the fuck out of this baby she can't send it back so you just traumatized her said her baby is really really ugly look why not just lie or why not just end at alien they they say that there's a phrase I'm not going to know it you probably will botch it but there's a phrase that some that goes along the lines of don't tell someone something unless it's something they can fix in a few seconds oh we've talked about this yeah so it's just like if you want like a haircut okay let's fix this a little bit let's push your bangs to the side because this is accentuating XYZ and then next time ask them for this type of cut cool whatever if that's what works for your relationship great but like if you were to like go in and be like I hate your chin or like something like that that's you don't do that just don't do that it's just not there's no reason that that helps anyone unless they're literally like going into like a cosmetic surgery and they're showing you like these like pictures and they're like do you like chin one or chin two like then then fine but like otherwise shut up don't do it I'm very very confused how they've lasted 15 years I also think like just in this post to there's so many subtle digs where she's even like I went to visit her the hospital her whole family was there including her husband parentheses or baby daddy because they're not actually married side note we had a fling in high school yeah so basically like I had them first I didn't want them we had a fling in high school also they're not even married so yeah what why is that relevant to this story at all yeah again do you like your friend mm-hmm they're not even married so it's just baby daddy yeah no that's that that baby was born out of wedlock ew the fact that you would mention this actually in this post is so odd and it's really making it seem like a lot of jealousy so much jealousy she got the life that you wanted or something I don't know but something's off yeah I do not blame her for being like I don't want to talk to you anymore I mean clearly again as you mentioned like hormones just had this baby yeah maybe had 30 hours of labor and then you went through all that and someone says your kid looks like shit yeah like she was sobbing to the point of just tears and I understand why you would need to at least take a break from the friendship if not end it for good top comment on this one obviously you're the asshole laughing my ass off why did you even waste your time posting this next one down the I'm not mean I'm just honest and I didn't mean to be mean I'm just neurodivergent clubs need to be annihilated and I will say a lot of people start picking up on that where it's like having anything whether it's autism ADHD neurodivergency mental health issues whatever it is like that's not an excuse to be mean or xyz to other people there yeah there's like you could like if if they were to mention it and be like I can't really tell because I'm wondering if this is a part like maybe something that's missing me but I'm just I feel like it came off very much as like an excuse like why would I like I'm I'm in the clear I don't do anything wrong because I'm just being honest yeah so that's what's annoying next top comment you're the asshole she asked for honesty not a full roast of her new one most babies look a little weird at first listing every feature after she was already laughing crossed into being hurtful being honest doesn't mean saying everything you think especially to someone who's just given birth the full roast comment like just actually makes me laugh because truly like it feels like one of those things that you see on TV where they're just when they like go and like roast the celebrities just is like that's not what I don't think that's what she asked for no yeah really then someone does point out the we had a fling comment I knew you were the asshole I feel that we had a fling comment ugly baby or not honey she won let him go oh god I love I love that I mean honestly I think it's so disrespectful to why mention bring that up in like any context unless like the person who is married brings it up I just I think it's really not tasteful it's not no that would bother that bother me like yeah that's in the past it's not let's not do that I know I feel like we had a story it might have been on patreon where the friend had introduced them and was like talking about giving a speech at their wedding or something and was just like I need everyone to know like basically I introduced you I'm the reason you guys are together so weird or gave that speech at the engagement party yeah it's sounding super familiar if anyone knows please let me know in the comments well we do get an edit from OP let's hear it okay everyone I know everyone thinks I'm the asshole but if everyone knew what she said when I got my first husband you would know why I thought it was okay to be so honest I still don't think I'm the asshole oh okay edit ten toes down yeah edit two y'all are so fucking rude yes I'm autistic and ADHD yes it makes me say cruel things but I don't mean it if anything I have good intentions with what I say y'all should read a fucking book about neurodivergent minds instead of ridiculing us I'm not using it as an excuse but rather an explanation go touch grass and stop bullying those of us in the world who care about authenticity you you came here and asked for people's opinion they're giving you opinion like like and that's what that's what gets me is that like if if the neurodivergent was as just like an explanation that I think that there'd be a little bit more like being receptive to people's feedback and sure if people are being really mean about it then like acknowledging that but I do think the ten toes down I didn't do anything wrong and like you guys just need to accept that like I'm gonna say mean things and I I deserve to do that I think it would be way better if OP responded inside hey calm down maybe you guys are not familiar with this but these things do happen I don't mean harm at the end of the day if it hurt my friend it hurt my friend and that's what I need to focus on I didn't realize there was gonna be so much harshness I was just looking for but that wasn't what was happening and I think that that would be a really good like one here's the thing and maybe maybe I'm misunderstanding what she's saying but for her to say I'm autistic and ADHD yes it makes me say cruel things I'm autistic and have ADHD you have ADHD it doesn't make us say cruel things so I'm like are you trying to imply that autism and ADHD is the reason you say cruel things because other people have those same diagnoses and it doesn't make them say cruel things so maybe you just need better coping strategies to keep those things in yeah I mean yeah I know what you mean I do I do I'm like maybe I'm maybe I am totally misunderstanding what she is saying well and it's hard for me to say too because I think that everything is so unique right like I feel like every aspect of like neurodivergencies like there's it's like a personality along with it so it's like for some people like it might look way different than another person it does like different from a person yeah so I don't want to like speak on behalf but I do I do think that at the end of the day like if you feel that you're saying cruel things then you should be like I'm so sorry and then own it and be like I'm so sorry that is not my intention like I just thought that's how my brain was processing I meant no harm instead of being like I didn't do anything wrong I'm just being honest yeah like be own it and be like I I said a cruel thing but it was out of love and I'm so sorry it it came from a a place of love yeah and then you but like instead if that's what's making OP story just not really you know it's not lying enough it's not that great yeah no definitely definitely an op okay moving on to number two here oh hoping for another update I wish OP did delete their account five bitches bye so number two is coming from our slash relationships my boy My boyfriend, 19 male, got the job instead of me, 19 female. He's unintentionally rubbing it in my face, but won't stop. My boyfriend and I both applied for an open position for undergrads at a local engineering company. The position was very appealing. It offered good pay, flexible hours, and was a great resume addition since there are a pretty big company. The application process was long, and arduous, and extremely competitive, and they ended up only accepting three undergrads out of a final pool of ten. Boyfriend and I both go to the same school, top five in the US, so education wise, we were both qualified, and he majors in CS while I major in bio with a minor in CS. I hate to turn this into a competition, but my boyfriend is smarter than me and a lot of areas. He has a more analytical brain, whereas I'm more creative. I have a heftier resume than him, and I'm better at communication. I would have loved for us to both get the job, but if not, I was fairly sure that I would get it. Also, he only decided to apply after I told him that I was applying, but that's a whole other issue that I don't want to delve into. Anyways, we both make it to the final pool of ten, but he ends up getting the job, and I don't. I was upset, but hid my sadness in order to be happy for him. I really, really wanted that job. When he got the email, he was ecstatic, and he was running all over his dorm, excited, and screaming. I was still in the room. At the time, he already knew I didn't get it, so it kind of hurt that he acted in such a dramatic way. He did apologize afterwards. Anyways, now he's been working there for about two months, and it's going great for him, but he unintentionally rubs it in my face a lot. I'm currently working as an intern at a CS lab at our school, and of course, I get paid less than him, and I have less benefits, but I quite like the job. My boyfriend will say stuff like, quote, ah, you only get paid 15, 50 an hour. That's so little. I get paid $20 an hour, or he'll say something like, quote, hey, we had a sushi buffet today, and there was so much sashimi. Could you guys get any like, no, we didn't, obviously, thanks for asking. Other examples are, quote, look at all the free stuff I got. You get any free stuff this week? Quote, I can't believe I'm getting paid this much to do basically intro stuff. Quote, I love my job so much. I definitely understand that half of this is because he actually likes his job and can't contain his excitement. But the other half kind of comes across as insensitive, yeah, though he might not realize it. If I didn't apply for the job and not get it, then of course, I wouldn't mind, but he knows that I tried super hard to get the job and didn't end up getting it. Shouldn't he know to tone it down a bit, or am I being too sensitive? I want to tell him it makes me sad, but don't want to come across as selfish, just because I didn't get the job, doesn't mean he can't be happy about it. Different things, OP, this is like, to me, this is deeper than what you think it is. Thank you. That's so messed up. I mean, I think that if they were like really sarcastic people, and that's the way that they communicated with each other, and he thought that they could be funny, then maybe. But I don't see really any way that he could possibly think that what he's saying is okay. Unless she had just done that to him about a previous situation, and so he thought he was being playful, but even then, it still wouldn't be okay because the reality is a job is such a sensitive thing for everybody. If you're doing good at your job, if you're not, if you're happy, if you're not, it's just like, it's something that people put a lot of effort and focus, and their heart goes into a lot of it. And so to mess around like that is just so cruel. Yeah, I can't, I'm like, I'm trying to see if there's any way to like devil's advocate this one, and I can't, I just, I can't, I think he's a big asshole. I'm a little confused by the whole scenario too of like you telling him, I'm applying for this job, I'm really excited about it. And then he goes and applies, I yeah. Was it to knock you down a peg? Was it because this is truly just a once in a lifetime internship job opportunity and he needed to do it? I'm kind of weirded out by it because it's like, why couldn't you let her have this? And then add on the fact that he continuously is rubbing your face in it. It's so messed up. We had a sushi buffet lunch today. Did you get any? There was so much sashimi. Yeah. No, I didn't have sushi today. I'm working at the school. I'm not even there. Honestly, and like the thing is, it's like, I think that if he wasn't trying to be a complete asshole, he would have just left it at like, we got the shimi today. I was so excited. Did you get any like knowing that she didn't? It's so, it's pointless. Yeah. It's very, very, oh, purposeful and feels malicious. Again, just these jobs. Did you get any? Right. You only get paid 14.50. I get 20 dollars an hour. I know. If she would have just been like, he kept saying how much he loves his job. I love my job so much that I'd be like, okay, you know what? He probably doesn't mean it. He probably just can't continue his excitement. But I can't from these quotes, I can't, I can't believe that he's doing anything else besides trying to put her down and feel bigger. Like I just don't, I can't see it otherwise. And I'm tried. No, I did. No, I just don't. And I get being so overly excited and like, this is a big opportunity, cool. But you still, in your head, have to realize my girlfriend was up for the same position. She didn't get it. I did the typical response, I think, for something like this, which maybe isn't necessarily the right response, but would to be more reserved because you feel bad rubbing it in the other person's face. Exactly. Exactly. That's more typical. Right. Right. This. And it's again, again, and again, very consistent. There's not anyone I could imagine speaking to in this way. So to do it to like, you're the person that you're supposed to like really be looking out for and be a team and be partners with is just like, what? Like, I wouldn't even do this to a stranger. Like I wouldn't even do this to someone I don't like. Like imagine talking to a coworker like this, like you're going up for the same promotion. Yeah. No, it wouldn't. No. It's unprofessional. It's mean. It's very cruel. Top comment on the post, they quote the 15, 15 hour, I get paid 20. They say, that's an asshole moved by your boyfriend, regardless of all of the other insensitive crap he's doing. This one is the worst. That's not unintentional either. He's doing this on purpose. Obviously, someone responds to that and says, even if I generously assume the boyfriend is just terminally clueless, there's a clear vibe of sucks to be you going on here. Exactly. It may help ease the sting a little. If next time you can work in a, I'm delighted that you're well paid. When are you taking me out to a nice dinner to celebrate? It would probably hurt a lot less if he was making any sort of attempt to have his success also be your success in a rising tide lifts all boats kind of way. I get that he can't like bring home lunch sushi in a take a box for you, but he can at least use a little of his extra $5 an hour to take you on a nice date. Kind of a side note, but I'm also really side-eyed in his, I can't believe I'm getting paid this much to do basically intro stuff. I'm a CS major, and especially with internships, you actually don't really want to be doing intro stuff. You want to be doing work that will prepare you for the real working world. It may be easy now, but when he has to explain his summer intern work, when job searching, he's either going to have to be real good at bullshitting and then learning real fast, or he's going to end up in a mediocre job. This comment is not making his work ethic look real good. O.P. responds, "I actually love this. I will definitely try that line about dinner. Thanks. I'm probably going to have an actual sit-down conversation with him though. After that, if he slips again, I'll use that. Trust me. It's probably not actually intro stuff. He's probably bragging to make himself seem smarter. Yes, I said it. My boyfriend has quite the ego. He thinks very highly of himself because he just knows he's smart, and that he doesn't really have competition. I mean, cool. Intelligence is attractive, but when you flaunt it too much, it gets really tiring. That's it. I was going to say it's just like, it's not attractive when people act like a complete fill in the blank about it. It's like, well, go be smart by yourself. Bye. Bye. It's just like the comment here, it's like, I mean, he does this about sometimes other things, like a really high test score. Even though I got a bad one, again, just looking back at their ages, they're 19. He's clearly got an ego. He's been, you know, maybe the smartest kid in his class for a while, and people don't on him and tell him how good he is. But I don't think that means you should stick around and be belittled. But this is someone that if you do stick with them, it's always going to be on better than you. I'm smarter than you. I don't know, I think that there's a chance he grows out with this type of thing, like he said, he's really young. - I think he could, I think he could grow out of it. - But I don't think that OP should have to wait for it. - No, he needs to be knocked down a couple of pegs and it's not gonna come from you because I don't think he respects you enough in that way. - And that's exactly why I don't think that OP should stay 'cause I'm just like, I think the core thing of relationship with respect doesn't feel like it's there, respect and consideration. And maybe if he's so wonderful in every other way, then yeah, then stay and figure it out with him. But if you're feeling this is a theme in a lot of areas, then it's really something to make Skunnattles. - Yeah, but if you stay, you should definitely be like, great, I'm not paying for anything anymore. You make so much more than me. You're like, daddy, daddy's cut it cut. - You're gonna treat me? - Yeah. - Thank you, babe. Just tell everyone. - So nice you're making more money than me. - Yeah. - Thank you. - I am dating just the servers. I am dating the smartest guy who makes so much money so it's on him tonight. Thank you, babe. (laughing) - Oh yeah, playing with it. - OP does start reading all these comments 'cause everyone's like, this isn't unintentional. This isn't normal. This isn't okay. - Yeah, yeah. - And OP goes, all of these comments have made me realize how he's being incredibly insensitive and half of these might even be slightly intentional. I will be having a very serious conversation about this with him, thanks. And just some other details of like, thank you for that comment. I am gonna use that. Yep, using that line, this, that. And then we get an update. - Let's see it. - You were not as excited as I wanted you to be. - Let's hear it. - Thank you, thank you, that was nice. A massive thanks to everyone who gave me advice and also opened my eyes to how big of a douchebag my boyfriend of eight months was being. Woo, special thanks to those who eloquently put what I've been wanting to say for the past few months in a words for me so I could say it to him. A day after I made the post we were hanging out in his dorm when he began talking about his work. He wasn't necessarily bragging this time. It was more like talking about some projects that they're having him do. After a pause in the conversation, I decided to bring up my feelings about him rubbing his job in my face and constantly comparing our positions. I said something along the lines of, quote, I'm really, really happy for your job and I can tell that you really love it and have a great time there. I'm not sure if you remember, but I was actually really disappointed that I didn't get that job, but I've been trying to move on from my disappointment. However, I feel that you are making it harder for me to move on by constantly comparing our two positions. Sometimes it seems like you're trying to rub the benefits of your job in my face. I then listed a couple of examples. I've been feeling a bit hurt over this and I would really love it if you could stop comparing our positions because that's very inconsiderate. And maybe instead we can both share a bit about our day at work without turning it into a contest. End quote. After that, my boyfriend squinted at me and said, quote, are you serious? Classic. He then persuaded to tell me that I was, some of you guys called it being way too sensitive. He also asked, quote, why can't I be happy about my job? And quote, do you just want me to never talk about anything that you don't have because it makes you feel shitty? This is so infuriating. He also said to my utmost astonishment, quote, I mean, I don't see the problem with comparing the two positions. It is obvious that my job has better benefits and perks than yours and I'm just pointing them out. You don't need to see that in a negative light. What an, oh my God, you're such an idiot. Go just stop, stop, stop interacting with humanity. There was much more bullshit that came out of his mouth. But after like two minutes of hearing him rant about how I was being too sensitive and restricting his happiness, I said, his name, you are an absolute piece of shit. Everything you just said was not only extremely inconsiderate but very selfish. I really, really wanted to just yell at him and list off the hundreds of things that was wrong with what he said. But instead, I refrained and just said, dude, we're over. Hell yeah, this is so satisfying. He said, what? Yeah. And I got up from his bed and bolted straight out of the door. I've been ignoring his text calls and Facebook messages for the past few days. I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm enjoying my job more. And overall, I just feel free as fuck. On a side note, there's this cute guy who sits to computers away from me at the lab. I currently work at Winkyface. Love it. Beautiful, beautiful ending. Also, just want to point out that response. I'm not even surprised. And I do think that all of us should be aware because that is such gaslighting behavior. And I think that it can, if we didn't have this village, if OP didn't have this village behind her cheering her on rooting for her and just all of the support that's come from this, OP might be crap. Am I being too sensitive? And I'm really starting second-guessing herself, especially the way that OP explained it, was very kind. She just expressed really her feelings. And instead of her partner coming and meeting her there and being like, that was not my intention. I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way. Like, goes into this attack mode. And it's common for people to get defensive when someone calls them out on their behavior. But if they can't come down to earth with you when you're expressing yourself in such an effective way, then your relationship will always be so miserable. Because any time you guys hit a bump in the road, you're going to feel so unheard. And nothing's going to get solved. And so I do think it's really important for us to hear the way that he responded. And then when you're in conversations with somebody that you might be questioning, realize what they're doing. It's not OK. And be able to be competent in that and not fall for what they're trying to do, which is gaslight the f out of you. Sorry, was that too long when you said it was wild? I really like it. No, I do think it's something people need to hear. Because it's so easy to just like, obviously, we want to hope for the best in people and think that they don't have ill intentions or whatever. And maybe they don't. Maybe that's just their twisted way of thinking. And they're, I don't know, maybe they have a victim complex. And it's like, no, you don't want me to talk about my job. But you're not happy for me. And it's like, I don't know, maybe the reframing and gaslight or whatever it is is coming from a not evil place. But most of it's not. And I do think that is the case. But hey, that person needs to work on it. You were just trying to explain your feelings. And if your feelings are met with contempt and disdain and reframing it, so you're the bad guy, like, that's not okay. Like, no, you went into this being like, he's unintentionally rubbing it into my face. You weren't even assuming bad motives. But he can't even take you saying, like, hey, you're hurting my feelings. Yeah, he flips it on you. Right. Regardless of the situation, you want a partner that's going to meet you with like, I'm so sorry. Like, I made you feel that way. I hear you. Let's work on it going forward. Yeah, obviously, I'm excited about my job. And I know you, you know, you're excited for me too, just in the same way I'm excited for you. So yeah, I'd love to talk about our jobs in constructive, great ways. Yeah. We should be able to do that. But instead, it's like, well, clearly my job is better than yours. So I'm going to talk about the benefits. Yeah. What? Right. No. Miss match. And goodbye. And honestly, if you're listening to this and you feel like, I actually feel like I do that, then I think that it's like something to recognize. Because to your point, a lot of these toxic, I'm saying toxic, but like just an umbrella of ways of reacting in relationships that are not necessarily helping or positive for the relationship. A lot of them don't come from like trying to be evil. No. A lot of them come from like being like so wrapped up in your own defenses that you don't even see or realize what you're doing is harmful and not helping the relationship. And so it's perfect. Yeah. It's surprising you're doing it is how you work through that. Exactly. And I've done this. I'm sure we've all done some extended. It's human to be defensive and try to reframe it because it's literally like a psychological thing to defend yourself. Right. It's so normal. Yeah. It doesn't mean you have to deal with it. And if it is, you then work on it. Yeah. Absolutely. This next one needs a little work. Okay. Maybe a lot of work. Okay. This episode is brought to you by Chrysler. Anthony asked you to be a chauffeur, referee, snack distributor and somehow keep an eye on everything all at once. The newly designed Chrysler Pacifica is designed to make that juggling act a little easier with features like stone ghost seating and storage, the fam cam and rear seat entertainment and hands free power sliding doors and lift gate. It's stylish, practical and thoughtfully designed around the beautifully unpredictable reality of family life. So check out the newly designed Chrysler Pacifica. Visit Chrysler.com to learn more. Chrysler is a registered trademark of S-C-A-U-S-L-L-C. Okay, number three for us here. Coming from. "Am I the asshole?" It is titled, "Am I the asshole for calling my sister useless and telling her she has to start pulling her weight?" I don't know about the second one, but the first one, yes. "I, 33 female, have a sister, 23 female, named Hannah. I am a state-home mom and I have three kids. I am in charge of 100% of the household duties while my husband takes care of the bills. Hannah met her husband, 30 male, when she was in college. They got married shortly after she graduated. Hannah is on the spectrum, gets overwhelmed very easily and is a little slow. Because of this, her husband told her that if she doesn't want to work, she doesn't have to work, and he will take care of everything. Hannah has never worked a day in her life. Her husband is a high earner and comes from a wealthy family so money isn't a problem for them. She also rarely cooks or cleans. The most she will do is load the dishwasher and put dirty clothes in the washing machine. The only thing Hannah does during the day is play with her four cats or read. She likes to knit too. Recently, we were at our parents' house for dinner. During the dinner, my mom would not stop gushing over how good my brother-in-law treats my sister. She almost started crying because of how happy she was that my sister found someone who loves her and takes care of her. My mom even gave my brother-in-law a hug and thanked him for taking such good care of her. At the end of the dinner, my mom picked up my dad's plate, I picked up my husband's plate, and I was expecting my sister to pick up her husband's plate. But no, my brother-in-law picked up my sister's plate and told her to go relax and when he's ready, they can head back home. She asked him to hurry but don't rush because she is tired. She gave her a kiss and told her that he would be back in a minute. That didn't sit right with me. When I got done doing mine and my husband's dishes, I went to the living room and I saw my sister laying down on the couch. I went over to her and I told her that she should start contributing more to her household or her husband will get tired of her. She seemed confused at first and I said to her that no man wants a useless wife. Wow. Not true, by the way. There's lots of people out there that want to just princess treatment. My brother-in-law walked in on me saying this and got very mad. Yeah, he yelled at me that my sister isn't useless and worth isn't measured and how often she does the dishes. He called me bitter and told me that I was pathetic for talking to my sister that way. I love this guy. I love this guy. He thanked my parents for the lovely night and barged out of the house. My parents agreed with him and told me that I was being harsh and shouldn't intervene with my sister's marriage. They said that I should apologize to my sister and that I sound jealous of her. You are. My husband told me I was right and that nobody but my brother-in-law would want to marry my sister and that she doesn't contribute anything to her household. Of course, he's like, "Keep working, bitch." Am I the asshole for trying to give my sister marriage advice? Such a big asshole, yes. Yeah. You're the asshole. If you actually cared, if you were actually genuinely worried about her well-being and her long-term happiness, this is not how you would have approached it. It is full speed, jealousy, so obvious. Don't even try to pretend it's not, get in the kitchen and wash those ditches, bitch. Also are you in their house every day? Are you watching what she does every day? Maybe she is being a homemaker. Maybe she is doing more than just throwing laundry in the washing machine and loading the dishwasher. It's also just so funny. It's like, every relationship is going to work a little bit differently. Surprise. It's like, you know, if they're happy, they're happy. Why are you trying to intervene? It's so weird. It's not your marriage. Yeah. If that's working for them. Yeah. Leave it. Are you unhappy with your dynamic? Clearly. Like what? Like, why feel the need? Who cares? It is jealousy. It's so weird. Yes. It is jealousy. Yes. She can get by knitting and- She doesn't know their cats. She has a great life. Playing with her four cats and reading. I'm like, sign me the fuck up for what Hannah's got. Okay. Let's go. Like, it is interesting that you feel the need to intervene and say something. No one likes a useless wife. So messed up. Clearly not useless. Clearly they're not hammock is working. No. I mean, even as the husband said, like, your worth isn't measured by how many dishes you do. No. You don't know their dynamic. She really values that he can come home and vent about his day. And that is his sounding board and she's supportive and they have this amazing emotional mental relationship and maybe- maybe it's just physical. I don't know, but it doesn't matter because it's working for that. Yeah. Okay. To build off of that. I actually- my brother was dating someone once who made us breakfast. I thought it was so nice. So I wanted to- I started doing the dishes without even her- like without even asking. And she was like, oh, no, no, no, please, please. And I was like, no, let me. And she was, no, you don't understand, like it's therapeutic to me. Like I feel like it's meditative to me to be able to do the dishes. Like I zone out and I really like it. And I'm like, oh, okay, well then go off this, you know. So it's just like if you see people that are happy, then why are you trying to intervene? It's because you're jealous. Like you're just jealous. You know? It's totally one of those. Yeah. And you know it's jealousy because if you were really worried, you would never call anybody useless. I've like had somebody say this to me as a joke before and I got very serious- That you're useless? That you're worthless. And I got very serious because we had a playful relationship where like her and I would like, you know, mess with each other. But I was like, don't ever call me that. I just think to ever- Were worthless? Yes. To ever call somebody worthless or useless. I just think that those words are so, those are not words that you should be using towards a person. I'm sorry. No, it's so completely and utterly degrading and it's almost like inhumane. It's worthless. It's awful. Yeah. So I just, yeah. So again, I am like very opposed to everything, I'll use Thurman down right now. Can we give a little round of applause for the brother-in-law? Yes. We love you. We love you. Yes. Oh. God bless. I love that energy. We honestly just sighed in a very similar sounding way. And so it's just so refreshing. Obviously the comments, they agree. Love to hear it. Overall vote on the post was asshole. Top comment based on ordering in the default way, top. Your husband cleared her plate from the table once so she is useless and unworthy. Obviously you're the asshole. Your brother-in-law and parents are right and your husband either just doesn't want to argue with you or is also an asshole. But I think you are on the money where you're like, oh my god, yes, she sucks. Keep doing what you're doing, babe, you're doing great. Exactly. Like, even relationships where there's a stay-at-home parent and one person that goes to work, even in most, a lot of those dynamics, the person that works full-time still comes home and contributes and helps in some way. Yeah. So definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I think the guys got it made. Yeah. And he's like, let's not, let's not rock the boat. Uh-uh. You're doing great, sweetie. Yeah. Exactly. So someone does respond to that too and basically agrees and is like, her husband pretty much seems to consider her a servant. From the sound of it, he makes messes and expects her to pick it up after him and has implied she's only worth marrying because she does the menial work taking care of him when he lounges about. Her sister might have been a person she could count on if she wishes to up and leave her husband, but about that bridge is now well and truly toast. In most households, once he's home from work and she has been working all day, evening chores are split. Literally what I was saying. But nope, he gets to put in his eight hours a day and she works 24 and much harder too. And then picks up after him at her own parents house, sheesh. Next comment. You're the asshole. You and your husband both jealousy isn't a good look on anyone. Their relationship isn't any of your business and how dare you try to speak for her husband and stir up trouble. Yeah. Wild. Quote. Yeah. How dare her husband treat her so well. Someone knows it's a woman's job to pick up the dishes I roll. She maybe could convince me that she had good intentions as she approached. She was like, okay, I don't, I don't want to intervene, but I've heard of my girlfriend. Her husband ended up leaving her because she didn't contribute and I just wanted to, I just want to make sure you stay happy. Then like maybe I could be like, okay, maybe she had good intentions to still stay the fuck out of their business and still absolutely like not, but like, but there's no chance. You can't convince me any, like, no, no, no good intentions or all jealousy. Even if you were concerned that maybe you want her to have a little financial independence. Right. Hey, just want to make sure you're good. Like get a job her time, you know, you don't have kids, maybe put some money away just in case. Yeah. No, you're you're clearly - I'm not concerned if you're calling her useless. - I took problem with that. - I do too. - Why? - 'Cause she's just. - Sorry. (laughing) - What? Huh? No, I took problem with her calling her useless too is what I thought about. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool, cool. (laughing) Oh my God, he grow up. My girl, grow up. Moving along to this next one, this person also has a lot of growing up to do. I do have a trigger warning on this story. It does contain mentions of EDs. So please listen with care, or if you can't handle that today, just skip to the next one. So this is coming from our slash Am I overreacting? It's titled Am I overreacting? My mom wants to wear my prom dress to my wedding. My mom has lost a lot of weight and I'm very proud of her. That said, she is trying to fit into my prom dress, which I wore when I was my skinniest. My mom has always been very negative about my weight and her own. Every time I'm around her, she makes me either way myself or tell her how much I weigh. She tells me I need to lose weight and always talks about how beautiful I used to be when I could fit into that prom dress. I'm planning my wedding and of course, she has to be in charge of every detail but she mainly wants me to lose weight. My fiance and I made a pact to lose weight before the wedding because of photos and we want to look and feel our best. Thankfully, my fiance makes me feel good when he talks about weight loss and actually motivates me. So that's a bit of the backstory for you. My mom called me the other day and said, "I'm going to lose enough weight to wear your prom dress to your wedding." Now this prom dress is very special to me. It represents when I was my skinniest but I also had an eating disorder and was very depressed. I love this prom dress and have always been compared to the photos of me in this dress. The part where I ask if I'm overreacting is when I freaked out when she told me she wanted to wear the dress and I told her she wouldn't be allowed at the wedding if she wore my dress. That dress represents my past and I don't want it brought into my future. I told her she couldn't wear the dress and now she doesn't want to help to pay for the wedding. (gasps) She said, "I'm not going to look good in a wedding dress anyways if I don't get down to the size where I can wear that dress again." Evil. I feel like she told me she wanted to wear the dress in order to get some reaction. So reddit, "Am I overreacting?" Also, everybody coming to my wedding has seen those photos of me in the dress and has compared me then to now. Pictures of the dress attached. Yeah, no, this is awful. Oh my gosh, yeah, no, you picked a, this is a good story for this theme. This is an op. This is a big, big, big op. - Big op. - So bellied to be little, but she's a big op. Big op, sorry, that's bad joke. No, I'm sorry. Big op. I would be distraught and I think it's really hard. Like I grew up with this in high school where my mom was very, very, very concerned with weight, always talking about weight. And I think there's something, maybe it's a generational thing because my mom, I think maybe Justin's mom and other people I know in that generation, there is a lot of talk of weight. There was a lot of pressure to be this model or whatever. I think the media and even now, I mean, we're getting back to a point now where it's like there's a lot of people that struggle with eating disorders and these things. And so it's like, it's very, very hard. But when you have your mom who's like, weighing you as an adult woman, there's no mention of age, but like you're not in high school anymore, you're getting married. So like you're an adult woman and your mom is like, you need to step on the scale or tell me how much you weigh. - It's really awful. - This is a very, very, very unhealthy relationship and you don't deserve this. - No. - And your mom being like, I wonder where your prom dress? - What the fuck? - And it's also, you know what my brain was thinking this entire time is that like, mom would flaunt around the wedding and try to, I don't wanna say steal the show and be really dramatic. - It feels like that's what she's trying to do though. - Definitely like take some of the thunder away from the bride, being like, look at me. I'm in her old prom dress. The one that she can't fit in anymore. Look how small I am, aren't you surprised? - That's 100% what this is about. - And then it's like, it's also stealing the spotlight but also being like, fuck you, daughter, fuck you. See this dress? You can't fit in it, but I can't. It's bringing the issue or just the concept because it's not really an issue for OP. OP is like, I'm motivated to work out with my fiance because we just wanna be healthier or whatever. He motivates me. That's amazing. Do it for you because it makes you feel good. Not anyone else, not because you've been shamed, not because your mom is giving you complex, no. But the way in which this mom is handling this and then the manipulation of it where it's like, I'm not paying for your wedding and fuck you. You're not gonna be able to fit in that dress and you won't look good in a wedding dress if you're not that size. Like, it's so bad. It just, it makes me wanna call my mom and say thank you for never doing it. Like, my mom has never done anything remotely. I don't know. And I'm just like, all of our parents like we, they all, no one's very nice, perfect, right? Yeah. But it's like, I just think like, I, I don't know. I just have like a lot of gratitude around that because I can't imagine like growing up having to experience that. And again, a lot of it too is like, you know, people like to say like, it's our parents' first time living too and XYZ, but like, this is such a clear case of the mom having these issues that are being so deeply projected onto her child in a way that is so harmful and so unsupportive and so mean. And I just think it just, it, it pains me to hear stuff like this. And I will say my mom has stopped. No, like, yeah, it was, it was definitely, it was definitely like a high school college thing. And then I really, like enough was enough. I was like, I laid down the hammer and like set the boundary and I was like, you cannot bring this up with me anymore. Yeah, it is not healthy, right? It is not okay. And she has never mentioned it since, did not mention it with wedding dress shopping. This mom for sure would and probably did. Like every single dress, she was like, you look beautiful. Yeah, like, and I, I think it's hard for me because like, I think a lot of people go through wedding stuff where they're like, I'm gonna be my, my thinnest and it's like, why do we do that to ourselves? Like, that was not me. I literally didn't, I never did a wedding dress dye and I never did that shit. I was like, I'm just gonna be me and it is what it is. But I just, I don't know why we put that pressure on ourselves and we don't need to like do what makes you feel good on your day and it's your day. That's like, just be happy and have fun. That's all that matters. But let's get into these pictures, okay? So this is OP in her prom dress. It is a super cute pink floral dress where like the top is a floral lace with like a nude under and the skirt is just a solid pink skirt. A cute prom dress, very prom. Yeah. I would say this is not even a mother of the bride dress. No. Like, this is very clearly a prom dress. Yeah. To the point where like, I feel like mom was just trying to egg her on and fuck with her. Yeah. I almost wonder, not that I'd think OP should take the risk given the mom. But I almost wonder if OP was like, okay, you can wear it. Wear it. I wonder if she actually would because it, I think she would because I think that would be. Yeah, I think that OP's mom wants, has this vision in her head of all the guests coming and seeing her and being like, oh my God, you are like, you look greater. And then her being like, yeah, believe it or not, this is her prom dress from 10 years ago. But what she, she herself has to change her body to fit in the dress style. I don't know. It's interesting. I'm like, I kind of want to call her on the bluff, but I wouldn't take the risk because I also think there's bigger issues that this is highlighting where I think this is a great opportunity to set boundaries with your mom. And it's clear the mom is projecting insecurities onto the daughter, creating issues, but this is your chance to set the boundary. And if it's not received, then you do have to make the tough choice of going low contact, maybe going no contact, maybe not getting financial support for your wedding. And that sucks. Absolutely sucks. But you've kind of proven by the situation that it's not healthy. And why give your mom any satisfaction? It's not, this is so toxic. Yeah, I also just think like unless somebody is asking something inappropriate on their wedding, you should just overall respect what somebody, the attire that somebody requests on their wedding day. I just think that's a really simple one that's just kind of like, don't wear way. Don't wear my prom dress. like add to the list, some people ask people you know like things like you know get a professional makeup artist to like cover up any tattoo because you're my wedding party and like that can be a little that can be a little aggressive dye your hair yeah yeah exactly like I think that there's you know obviously requests for weddings that get out of hand and are asking to some of the curate them that who they are to your aesthetic which is weird but I think when it comes to things like clothes for the mom to not have respect there that would really pissed me off no matter what it was it's also insane like you're trying to wear a dress that she wore as a child yeah to the teenager going to prom like you're trying to wear a dress for a child like prom that's why I'm saying like I do think the prom dress is inappropriate because it's it's not mature for a mother of the bride this is a prom dress a teenager wore this it would only be cool if they both like we're like he both down you know it's so goofy it's the weirdest thing to like to die on that hill but it's the weirdest thing clearly not overreacting and the top comment says that not overreacting I'd rather have the cheapest wedding in the world than let my mother do this make it very clear take the dress and hide it and for god's sake don't listen to her comments about your weight it sounds like you found a decent man listen to him in fact tell her that if she mentions your weight for the wedding one more time she's going to be seated at the furthest table from yours maybe she'll check her attitude next comment down literally rent a tiny storage locker just for the dress so you know where it is OP fucking unhinged you also might want to just unadvite her sounds like she would cause drama and make you feel fat no matter how much weight you lose choose you yeah someone responds to that if it were me I would just sell it or burn it or something break the cycle definitely definitely honestly next comment down 8k upvotes first comment had 4.2k upvotes this comment has almost 8k upvotes 47 this awards not overreacting your wedding is about you and your husband not anyone's hang ups about their body yeah there's someone that responds to that and says OP's quote I'm planning my wedding and of course she has to be in charge of every detail no she fucking does not like yeah you can choose I know it doesn't feel like it but you can choose how your life plays out is it going to be hard to cut a family member off yeah yeah but it's your life yeah like what's going to feel better cutting a family member off or being tormented by them every day forever you know there's something that I had this late night thought I'm sure there's probably like a forum about this already but for me it was an original thought but I was having a really hard time making a decision and it it was about relationships in relationships in your life and people that you love and care about and everything but ultimately it'd been it'd been something to my I was thinking about for so long that I kind of made this decision where I was like this is a mistake that I need to make and that gave myself this permission to do what I was really really scared to do which setting boundaries with a parent is very scary and I think that we are always trying to make the best decision the right decision and a lot of us can get hung up on that and for me to just say like this is a mistake that I need to make gave me this this type of freedom that I hadn't I didn't really I have before when making decisions I gave myself the grace that like maybe this isn't the best decision but it's something I need to try because this isn't working right now and I don't feel good and it was really really really helpful yeah that's beautiful and I think that I don't know who else needs to hear it but if you do just I think that really helped me telling myself that it's okay if you make a decision that might be a mistake but like if you know that you are constantly dealing with something like this in a relationship where you know your mom is traumatizing you then it's like it's okay to set a battery with her and it not go the way that you might think it will go it's and it's okay to figure it out from there but if you you have to kind of push yourself outside of your comfort zone to make decisions that are very very scary in order to find the best version of yourself and find the best life for yourself so that's just what I'll leave you all with I appreciate that yeah so we do get a little bit of an edit from OP in the comments hey guys OP here I forgot to mention some things first the reason she's quote pain for my wedding is because it's my money she charged me rent because I lived with my parents for six years while dealing with mental health issues they have over twenty thousand dollars from me paying them and they said it will be used for my wedding wow that is why I want her to pay for it because I want her to stop having the money and holding it over my head yeah second I'm scared to go no contact I don't even know how to go about it I'm scared of my mom and she has a lot of control over me I also don't want to lose my dad in the process he's the only person who seems to care about me and he's actually been a good person in my life everyone on my mom's side is just like her though so I don't think I would mind going no contact with them third sadly my future mother-in-law passed away when my fiance was young so I have no motherly figure to look up to fourth I honestly didn't know she had my prom dress and I don't know where it is I could find it if I was alone in her house to look around honestly I don't know what to do there is a there's always going to be a lot of fear with these type of things and with with your dad that is a that's a real concern and that is a real possibility but I think that you have to have also faith in in the world and the universe that one your dad is still going to make it work because he loves you and two if he can't figure it out then there's other people in this world that will give you more love that will make you feel more safe and more whole and to you know try to balance on this tight rope in order to just continue to receive and give love is going to burn you out so bad and at some point like you just won't be able to keep it up and so it almost is like if you attempt this now and do it and try to do it in a way that is you know not like scorched earth but I think that you know it will fall into place in the way that it should and I think that dad if you guys have a strong relationship he'll pull through and then if not he shows his true colors and it's like damn I don't need you either sorry that might have no I think be a little too simplistic I think that's like kind of the only way forward and yeah I know $20,000 is a lot of money that is that is life changing money life changing money but honestly I don't even know if they have that money anymore but it's also just like a it's a mind it's a mind trick no it's it's manipulation I would look at it like as you you paid rent in a certain place and we a lot of us are paying rent and I don't get my rent money back and I would just look at that and try try to like take away from because they are pulling the strings they are holding this over you and they will forever until you say hey I see those strings snip snip they're cut yeah keep the 20k yeah I'm gonna keep it yeah because I I think I can't imagine it's like okay 20k is a lot of money a lot of money I don't even know if they have it they could have spent it and this is her reason to sabotage because she doesn't want to pay for your wedding because guess what she doesn't even have that money anymore and maybe they do but I just think that oh he should really reframe it and like and and think about it is like I paid rent and think of that just as an entity that you pay rent to like if you were to lease from somewhere else and just be like that was money that you know I was planning on paying because I was paying rent and and think about it that way because I do think there's this like mental trick where it's like that's my money that was promised to me but like they're manipulative they're using it as a manipulative and this happens all the time especially like families that are really wealthy like there's a lot of strings being pulled in order to keep the children the way you want them to be and so I think it is this mind game and it's just helpful for people if they can really detach from that I know it's hard it is so it's all of this emotionally mentally financially maybe physically I don't I don't know it's just like it's so hard to pull away but I think you can and you deserve to and you deserve to be happy and not reminded about your weight all the time and you deserve an amazing wedding so hey if your wedding looks a little different because that 20k doesn't exist that's okay because it is going to feel lighter and better and more fun. Yeah. This post. is only three days old. Oh, you don't have an update yet. Go and send OPs some messages. I link all of these stories on the YouTube version. Go and send her a message if you have a Reddit account because I think as we've seen so much in a lot of these Reddit stories, when you get uplifted by a community being like, you don't deserve that, that's okay. I had a mom like that. I did this. If you get those responses and that support, it becomes exponentially easier to then make the change. Go and send OPs a message. Give them a message. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So I will make sure the link is in the description, but moving on to this next one. Let's get back into domestic bliss. This is coming from our slash relationship advice titled, "My husband 36 male poops too much for me 36 female to feel comfortable having another baby with him." I'm sorry. What? I didn't think I would hear those words all in one sentence. Okay. Let's let's go. My husband and I have been married for seven years and together for 11. We have a three and a half year old. We're having marriage issues for more reasons than I have character limit or time to write all down. In short, I feel he lacks a sense of responsibility and proactivity in our relationship. I've been harboring so much resentment especially after our first baby. I'm in therapy to work through it myself. He has a bathroom habit where he poops every morning during our toddler's wake-up, breakfast, and drop-off time. Oh, okay. This is different. Every afternoon after lunch and every evening during bath and bedtime, which precludes him from the hardest and most demanding times of everything every day. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What a piece of shit. Each bathroom session is an hour long. Edit, maybe half pooping, half shower time. I know he can change his timing, apparently on command, because when we need to be out and about, he somehow finds a way to do it earlier or later or just not go at all. Though, I don't know how much that affects him. I'm so annoyed. I'm so annoyed. We both work full-time. I am 99% the one who wakes up with the baby and gets him ready for preschool. He may drive kid or to school after I've readied him. And I'm the one to get baby bathed and ready for bed most of the time, unless I wait for husband and baby goes to sleep usually later than what I'd prefer. He knows I've been delaying family planning because of his uncertainties around work, looking to change jobs for the last two years. Now, he's finally stabilized in his new role, and when I bring up the topic of another baby, he always says it depends on me. My son asks for a baby sister because all of his friends have baby sisters. His response is it depends on mommy, but it doesn't. The issues, lack of awareness and proactivity, and needing me to tell him to do everything or else he just doesn't feel he needs to be involved or present, I have with him, from our first baby, is still unresolved. And I don't see how I can manage two kids while he's gone for the most busy times of each day. Yes, I also think about if I should even think about having another baby with him. I want to have two kids because we have a limited family in the US and I want to make sure my son has someone who is family when he gets older. Let's assume I want to keep this relationship dot, dot, dot, no. I asked him to go to the doc and talk about his frequent bowel movements and he said he did before and it's normal. I feel like he prioritizes himself and his needs before our families because he seems to be able to adjust when he goes, but as a default, he seemingly chooses the busiest times of the day to do it. When I asked him point blank how we're supposed to have a newborn when he's gone for three hours every day at the most critical times, he said that his parents can take care of the baby. His parents live two hours away. It's not a come over and help once in a while situation. This is a multi year if not lifelong daily need that I require from him and his first response is someone else can do it. I'm so uncomfortable. But I wanted him to see that this unavailability is a concern of mine and to actually put in some thought. I can't stop him from pooping. It's not like we have room or I have the will to house his mom for three years to make up for my husband's need to poop. It's not like she wants to live with us for three years either. And this is just one specific concern. There are plenty of other concerns. Oh god. I don't know how to talk about this concern without feeling dismissed, but also not making him feel like I won't let him poop. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Just I'm so uncomfortable right now because this is just so not okay. Okay. First of all, let's try this. Take out any form of entertainment and including his phone goes in with no phone. No Apple watch nothing. See how long it takes him to poop. He's probably got an iPad in there. For sure. I would check under the sink. I would check behind the toilet. I would check in the toilet and make sure there's not an iPad in a plastic bag in the back of the toilet. Good call. Good call. This man is choosing to be in the bathroom for three hours a day because he doesn't want to be a parent. Yes, exactly. He doesn't have to poop for three hours a day. And if he does, he needs a colonoscopy. Well, this is not normal. Exactly. And that's the thing is that like I maybe would have given a little bit of grace if he wouldn't have gone to the doctor. Him go to the doctor being like they said it's normal. No, normal lies. Not normal lies. Any doctor would be like colonoscopy stat bro. Yeah, dude colonoscopy stat or it would have been like, yeah, I went to the doctor and I've got hemorrhoids. I've got this. I've got that right. There would have been an answer. Right. It's normal. No, it's not no chance. You're a literal piece of a poof. Oh my gosh. Three hours every day and conveniently during a bedtime wake up drop off. He doesn't want to be a parent. Wow. Yeah. Why give him another reason to not be a parent. Why give him a fun call? He wants to be a fun call. My parents will do it. Yeah. Your parents already raised you. They don't want to raise your kid to get real. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's brutal. And this is only one issue. The poop is only one issue. There's so many others. That's and that's this poop thing is enough. Give your kid a sibling from another dude. Get divorced. Get remarried to someone that actually participates in your life and have a kid with them. That's what I was going to say. I was going to say here's the plan. The plan. Okay. I love the plan. Let's lock it. Lock it. Okay. Okay. First lawyer. Divorce. Yes. Boom. Love it. Get him out of there. Bye. Second date. Have fun. It's work. Yeah. And then new man, supportive, loving, changes diapers all the time. You know why? No, and this is a true story. I know I have a friend who got a new man and he was like you did all the heavy lifting and I'm going to change every single diaper. I will not let you change a single single diaper. There's multiple people I know that never had to change their baby's diaper because the husband was like your breastfeeding, you're doing so much. Yeah. I got diapers. Yeah. And obviously like maybe one or two when the husband or partner or whatever was gone. But yeah. I literally think she's like maybe I changed a month like 30 days worth of that. Yeah. Yeah. They're they're out there. So you're going to find one of those. You're going to bring them in. And like she said, you're going to have another kid, more family with this supportive. And then guess what? Every other week in custody, you get to drop your kid off and you get to go on a fun little date night with your man who's actually great and everything would be wonderful. What happens if you had a work trip because she also says she works and is still doing 99% of the things. Did I read that right? Yeah. We both work full time. I am 99% the one that does all the kids stuff. Like what happens if you need to go on a work trip? What happens if you want to take a vacation with your girls? Like what happens then? Yeah. Is he still this incapable and is hiding from your toddler and the bathroom for three hours while he gives the kid an iPad and hopes he doesn't choke on a cheerio? Like genuinely, what does he do? Yeah. Yeah. I would disappear. Like I would make it so he has to participate. And it's hard because at this point, it's like do you even trust him to watch your kid? Yeah. Like this is not a functional partnership. No. No. No sucks. What was this written? This is recent. So it's from March, 2026. I've had it in a folder for ages. I have wanted to talk about it. And I was saving it for a parenting theme. But then I had this theme pop up and I go, oh my God, the poop guy. He's an op. OP is still active on Reddit posting in our slash nails three months ago. No updates as OP still with. Let me see. Pooper. So we do get a bit of an update. I mean, OP is commenting so so much. Like I truly would not be able to get through all these comments unless unless we had a five hour episode. Like, there's a lot of comments. them. So someone asks here what many things does he do when he is working full time and gone three hours a day, dodging parenting and partner duties, genuine question. Oh, he goes, it's not amazing to be honest. Read to his son because before bad time was 100% me. Take him to bed and give him a bath, which was 100% me at one point. Come downstairs on weekends before noon. Take kiddo to school sometimes and feed him in the mornings because I was doing 100% of that before I snapped, play with kiddo while I cook. Don't call me to ask when I'd be back when I'm gone for an hour. He waters my plants. That wasn't asked. He thought I'd appreciate that and I kind of do except he barely wet the soil. He does laundry more now, but I probably do half of the washing and drying and I'm the one who puts everything away. His own accord, he feeds and litter box pets, does dishes, take a trash, does taxes, plan vacations, pay portion of the bills, in charge of finance portfolios. That sounds like borderline, nothing's still. That's, I mean, it's just not, it's not it. We know that. Oh, Oh, Pinoza too. No, I know. So we do get like a kind of an update in the comments. I spoke to him again yesterday about how hurtful it was when I brought up my concerns and asked him for a plan and commitment and how his first instinct is someone else can do it. He insists he's in the right because other people's parents help out. Why can't I take help from other people? I can't seem to convince him that this is not a helping out situation. It is a lifelong everyday issue of seemingly lack of awareness or willingness or accountability on his part, but he doesn't see it that way. I'm also certain it's not because he's maliciously doing it. Like he actually 100% believes that this is a reasonable response and a great solution to my concern. Yes, his bowel movements are at these critical times, but to him, it's just whatever time is convenient for him waking up after lunch and settling down after dinner and clean up at night. It just doesn't register to him that these times are more important than other times. He thinks he can still help after. Or if I needed him, I'd ask to me, this is clearly weaponized in competence. There's no way. And OP said another comment. He's not pooping in public. So you tell me you had your morning coffee or you went to work and you didn't have to poop all day. You're conveniently waiting for afternoon or not even right when you walk in that house door. This is weaponized in competence because he doesn't want to parent. And honestly, even if it's not, it's like some of the most dangerous people are people that really do feel that really genuinely do think and feel in a way that is toxic, not positive, not healthy, not contributing. Like it's just, it doesn't really matter. And I know we talk about this a lot. And I like to like dig in to try to figure out like what the intention is and where it's coming from because I do think sometimes I can help people like deal with it and move on or maybe potentially be able to make a change. But I think in this case, this feels like like so ingrained that it doesn't even matter whether he genuinely thinks it or he's being like the incompetence like and it doesn't matter. It's just like this is this is not so you want another kid we can hear that. And this is not someone that you trust to have another kid with. And so to do so, I think you're just going to be locking in to even more term pain, pain, pain, pain, pain. So it's so much turmoil. You shouldn't have to beg your partner to to show up. No. Opie goes on to say like people ask why I stayed or how I didn't know was it different before. I'm an independent and capable person in my opinion. His lackeys didn't bother me as much before because I had my own life that's completely separated from him when we were dating. And I know I can do stuff even if he doesn't know how, but marriage, having to manage a home together, make large decisions together, having kids, and sleep deprivation. It's just too much no matter how capable I am. I realized over time I do need his care and attention along with his help. But I've already built up resentment because I honestly didn't understand why I didn't come naturally to him as it did to me. And it's not going to. He's also been enabled now this long. You have a three and a half year old and he hasn't had to be a parent. He's not going to change. No. Unless you fucking leave him. And even then it's it's a long shot. Goes on to say like we both have abandonment issues as children. Parents left us in relatives care for a few years, etc. Interesting that he'd then recommend his parents helping. I'm just tired and confused. I know him. He's not a bad guy as in he's not actively malicious, but the end result is the same. Yeah. I'm sad, alone, disappointed and hurt. Yeah. I don't know how much longer I can last under this type of environment. On his side, I understand that he's feeling attacked, ashamed, unappreciated. Like he's trying the best he can. And I don't see his efforts. I do. But the ROI of all of his efforts is too low enough to get him to a baseline of common sense. And it took a decade to do even that. I'm exhausted. If anyone has additional thoughts outside of the extreme, I'd love to hear it. For my kiddo, I want to see it work out obviously. For my sake, I want it to work out too. But why does my relationship have to be so much harder? Like we are two waves who are crashing into each other and never in tune and never synced up. Like we share two languages, and I still can't get him to understand me. Yeah. I think, I mean, realistically, this is going to be a trap that you find yourself in your brain continuously, unless you do make a change. And I do mean to draw a change. And I'm sorry because I know that you don't want, I know you don't want that. I know it just is hard and scary and just so I get it. But I do think to there's there's always a chance you guys can get back together. Separate. At the very least. Yeah. Separate. Move out. Co-parent. And see if he can be a willing participant in your life. Yeah. Like he's not even a participant in your son's life. Yeah. And it's like you saying like I obviously don't want to separate because of our kiddo. Your kid might have a more active and involved and amazing dad. Yeah. If you do separate. Right. And you deserve a partner. Like you're working full time and doing all the house stuff and parenting. Like you deserve a partner who's going to split it with you 50/50. Yeah. And he could potentially move on re-marry and find someone who doesn't work and wants to be a stay-at-home parent. And then there isn't this. He's not enabled. Yes. Which again, not saying that OP did anything wrong at all. But like some people do like they just they lean so hard. And they they once once they're enabled, it's like they're they have a hard time. Kind of like fending for themselves. Yeah. And so I agree with you like it. It's like there's all the what ifs right now. You're thinking of all of the possible bad things. But what about all the good things. And if you and if you feel like this now. It's going to grow. And if he's not willing to really, really, really work on this and change. Then your resentment's just going to grow. And you're just going to contain like maybe it'll be better for like a little bit. But you'll probably be right here down the road and asking yourself the same question. And so I again, back to that like just like a mistake that you need to make. Comment that I made, which maybe won't resonate with people, but did for me. But I think that it's just something where it's like separate. Try that. Try it. And if you really think that it was a mistake, then you can deal with that and and try to make it work. Yeah. And I think he would be very okay. If you were like, I made a mistake, let me move back in. I'm pretty sure he'd be okay with that given that this is his life. Right. He's getting very pampered. Yeah. This post is now seven months old. I do think it is very real. OP is involved in our slash nails subreddits talking about different shapes, our slash Hoyas talking about plants and telling someone that it's just aphids on their plant and giving them tips to rinse it with soap and water. It'll eradicate the pests. So it is giving real account. I do see us getting an update. I hope for OP sake, whatever path happens is just a more balanced, healthy, enjoyable one. Yeah. Cause this doesn't sound fun. No. OP, you are out there listening to the best OP. Yeah. Absolutely. We love you. Okay. On to this next one. Are you ready to wrap up with Adoosie? Adoosie. What is Adoosie? This is coming from our slash relationships. It's titled my 25 female boyfriend 24 male got a fake number pretending to be my ex just so he could talk to his ex girlfriend. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. I'm not good at math. One more. What? What? Sorry. If the title is confusing, I will explain best I can. I feel heard my boyfriend Max, my ex boyfriend James, my boyfriend Max's ex-girlfriend Brooke. Two weeks ago, I received a text from an unknown number claiming that they were my ex boyfriend James. I believed it was James as he did write a status on Facebook saying that he had a new number. It was just casual talk. How are things? How's your new boy? boyfriend, I replied platonically and friendly, as we did end on good terms. My current boyfriend, Max, said, "If I am talking to my ex, then he should be allowed to speak to his ex, brook. Stop!" I said, "That's fine. You can speak to who you want, although you know I won't like that." I wasn't happy because the only reason I ever stopped him talking to brook is because their messages were always flirty, and she still sent him nudes. Oh my, I, okay, doozy now I understand. So I asked my boyfriend to block her, and he did. But he said that he would talk to her anyways because I'm now speaking to James, my ex. That was that. A few days later, Max went to make dinner, and I was in the bedroom. I was looking for some socks from Max's drawer, and I found a cheap mobile phone that I had never seen before. I looked on it, and it was the text that I sent to James. I was livid. This is insane, you guys. Okay. He was pretending to be my ex boyfriend. Yeah. I confronted Max straight away, and he admitted that he wanted to get back in touch with brook, and he thought, if I spoke to my ex, James, he could use that as an excuse to then be able to talk to brook. Just go back to brook, dude, don't make this so complicated. I am pissed off. Too many crickets. I'm really angry that he had to do this behind my back. I asked to see his messages between brook, and they are all flirty and just borderline and appropriate. How old are these people again? 25, 24 boyfriend, ex is 25, brook is 20. It's all we got. Okay. TLDR, my boyfriend pretended to be my ex, so he could speak to his ex. We live together, and on a dog, is this salvageable? Where do I go from here? Not salvageable, you move out, you take the damn dog. Did you say that in your head when you read this one? No. Oh, that was great then. You just thought that on the fly. Yeah. I love that. Thank you. Okay. It was pretty. It's like, that was such a, that was wonderful. I always, I'm a big fan of like calling back like 90s or early 2000 movies, and just, oh, yeah, that was great. I know. I wish I could do a Jennifer Coolidge voice. Like, that was pretty good. Oh, I wasn't trying to do her, but like, I did envision her in my head. Like, yeah. In the dog or whatever. She, like her voice is, oh, iconic. Oh, god, yeah. I still need to watch White Lotus, but we're not going to do tracks because we really do need to unpack this. Yeah. Um, he's a bit of a nut. It's so funny because he's, he's like, such a moron, but like, and he, like, his moron little mastermind. It's like, it's slightly impressive for a moron. Oh, my gosh, but no, no, I'm sorry, I usually do try really hard to like find the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. I can't. No. It's a no. It's a no. It's a no for me dog. I think what you said, perfect. You take the dog. Leave. There's just no, the disrespect is so loud in so many ways. And it's just like, you know, you know, you don't want to do that. You know, that's not the love of your life. You know that it's not your husband. That's not your future husband. Your future husband would never do that. Okay. You know that. Your future husband would not be dying to unblock his ex and taxed her flirty shit and get nudes and, and, and be willing to deceive you, lie to you, like, pull a fast one on you. Like, stock your ex because clearly he's out there watching his face, but yeah, like a, that's no, no, no, your future husband's not doing that. So what's crazy is he taxed her and was like, how's your new boyfriend? Basically, like wanting to know what she thinks of him. Yeah. Yeah. What's the tea girl? How's that new boy? Yeah. He packing. Is it good? Yeah. Like, are you having fun? Like, what? Yeah. He's very not confident. Has a wandering eye and it's just not the same good. There's just too many betrayals that are just screaming. Why is he trying so hard to talk to his ex? There's so many red flags. I hid the red flags. So I'm like, red flags aren't spooky, but they may, they might be the spookyest of all. I need a bouquet of them. You're good. You're good these days. Look at you. You're quick. You're very humble and menitive of me today. And I'm like loving it. I'm not doing that much though. You're doing great. I'm a big fan. Oh, that was funny though. I was thinking that too because I genuinely like, I feel like I always forget about the red flags and now they're not here. And I keep thinking like, where do I grab the flag? And I normally don't. Anyway. So I'm like, now that it's gone, we can't have some times, you know, gets the best of us. There is one of the top comments here. You have separate problems here, a partner who is willing to tell really huge lies and impersonating someone else as a huge lie and who tests you covertly to a partner who is being counts. What I'm allowed and what you're allowed must be exactly equal, regardless of context. And three, a partner who has flirty conversations with others. I also like just back to this whole thing with the bean counting. What I'm allowed and what you're allowed must be exactly equal. It's not equal because he's pretending to be your ex. You're not actually talking to your ex. You had to manipulate the situation and create a false narrative and lie to me, just so you could talk to your ex. Wild. If you want to talk to her so bad, talk to her or just like break up with me and go be with her. Yeah. He's a freak for sure. They go on to say deliberate, premeditated, planned lies is beyond the pale. Uncounting isn't going to age well. The wanting attention from others is kind of gross, but you could choose to overlook it and live with it or give him an outlet for it. Some version of opening up the relationship up to you what you think, however, the bean counting doesn't bowed well for a negotiated solution. Someone else, what the fuck, that's so crazy. He's obviously super invested in getting those nudes from his ex. So we do get an update. Thank you to all of those who answered and helped me think clearly about the situation. I broke up with him the same day I posted on Reddit. Oh, that's my girl. I posted on Reddit and two hours after I ended it. He didn't take it too well, but I followed through and I left him. He didn't seem that bothered, to be honest. I bought my dog and all of the vet bills are under my name, so I legally owned the dog. If he wants to take me to court for him, he can, but I've looked into it and he won't win. Without all of this situation, I'll never understand why he did what he did. Surely it would have been easier to just message Brooke behind my back to begin with. Question mark. Instead, he went to extreme lengths. He wanted to be a free man, freely, freely messenger. My only guess is because he felt guilty for talking to his ex and wanted to make himself feel better. Yeah. No, yeah. It's a hilarious equation. I don't know. None of it makes sense to me. I moved out of our homes straight away and I lived with my parents while I looked for a property. I found a place and I'm moving in two weeks, so that's something. Anyways, thank you all for the support and advice. I must have looked crazy for posting first and not dumping, but I finally came to my senses. No. Thanks again, Radda. No girlfriend. You did not look crazy. The thing is, is that when we're wrapped up in someone and something, I'm living with them. It's like sometimes we really, we really do just gotta bind us. We got blinders on. We do need a little bit of reassurance and we gotta pull ourselves out and that's why it's like, okay, we sit over here and we're not like cheering for every breakup, but at the same time, we're cheering for people finding the best version of themselves. Yeah, you also have to realize with these reddit stories, you're typically hearing some of the worst of the words. No one, not typically people don't go to Reddit saying, oh my god, my boyfriend's amazing. I was talking to my friends who had a couple of complaints about her partner and I was like, you should go to Reddit. Well, I was just like, I was like, give it, give it the bars and hell on Reddit. I was like, he's doing pretty good. He's doing pretty good in comparison of the things I've heard, but no, I know it's, it's so. No one's perfect. No. But they're usually not this level of, that's, that's bad. Yeah, and I do think that like, I totally understand people posting because it's like, we do get wrapped up in things and that becomes our life and our familiarity and it's, it's really freaking hard to like, leave and it's really scary to consider a different option. And I think sometimes again, we just need that village of support. And if it comes from Reddit, there's, there's a lot of good people there that there are on the two watt takes up right? Like, there's a lot of people that are like, are there that are willing to help, looking to help and like, have your best interest, which is just like, these all anonymous people, but, I mean, mostly, but at the same time, it's like, you can kind of like feel more comfort in that. And the fact that there's these people who don't know you or anything about you to like, have preconceived notions, they just stay in the game. Yeah. unbiased, they're just trying to be a good person and help advice. No, I love it. I will say something that's like Ben Sneaky amazing for me lately is the community on Patreon. Like I've always said the community on Patreon is so nice and supportive and yeah, yeah, yeah, but we have a couple different chats on Patreon and there's so many people that don't want to share their stuff on Reddit or like they post on Reddit and it gets taken down right away and they'll post in the chat being like, you guys, am I overthinking this? Like, did I fuck up? Like, am I wrong here? And everyone replies to them in the chat being like, no girl, that's crazy. Like, and so supportive. And it feels good. It feels really cool too because like a lot of people on Patreon have their profiles, you see pictures and it really is this like special community and there's people that have been like, wait, you're in blank? I'm in blank. Let's meet up. So we have people making actual friends on Patreon too. We have people falling in love over this podcast. I know. Like the live shows, which we should probably do one soon. I know. I know the four UFAST or whatever it was got canceled. It did. It got canceled. They never made like a formal announcement and they said they would, oh no. I'm working with our Spotify family right now. We're definitely trying to put together something special for the holidays for you guys. Maybe a show sometime soon. I do want to go back on tour. I think just with life, though, and how busy I don't know if I can do a nationwide tour. So yeah, it might be like major cities to start and then see how things go. But I do want to see you guys. I love, love, love meeting and seeing you guys in person. It really revitalizes me and makes me have a passion again for the show, not that I don't on the daily, but it really just makes it all feel so real and special. I've been meeting a lot of you in person lately and I actually took a notes sheet now. I just started it where I've met people. I met Olivia at the Hollywood Bowl. I met Quinn at Northwood's tap, Natalie Miriam, Rylin, James, Ivy, Susan, and Abe at the State Fair. I met Allison and Courtney at the MSP Airport. I just met Faith. We met Faith at Home Goods. Faith. So I love when you guys say hi in person. It really, again, makes it feel real and just special. And we have this community. We're all in this together. Yeah, it's just so, it's so special. So let's say hi to us. If you see us, I know you love it too. You will always find me when I'm looking my worst. I know. Afterwards, when me working at Home Goods, I was like, I've really got to start dressing better when I go. I was wearing like a white sports bra on a white tank top that like I was, I can't remember what I was doing, but I rubbed again something like black. So it just looked so dirty. And she grew up the day before. That was like our second time at Home Goods in like two days. The day before we ran into someone we knew from college. And I'm like, I look like a fucking wreck. Like what are we doing? So yeah, you it's it's kind of like a calling beacon. If I look my worst, I will see you. You will find me. Yeah, you will find me. You probably do a double take because you're like, is that her? Oh my gosh. Say hi to us. Yeah, we love you guys. It makes us really happy for sure. Yeah. And hey, if you want that 10 hour episode, one million subscribers on YouTube before episode, I would say it has to be before episode like 298. So I have at least two weeks to put together 10 hours. I'm like obsessed with this. I just think that this is going to be so fun. Like they're genuinely going to do it because why like, that's so scared. I'm so scared. It's so fun. I'm so scared. No, they're going to do it. They're going to make it happen. I believe in you guys. I thought editing the update episode was bad. 10 hours of two outtakes. It's going to be incredible. And I will say, I'll tell you right now. I'll even give you this. One million before episode 298. I will give you 10 hours of THT and every single story we'll have an update. Oh my God. Are you sure? Are you? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Better get cracking guys. Follow, subscribe. And get on it. Plan your cross country trip because you have now a podcast that you can listen to the entire way. Yeah. I do think I think we mapped it out. And I think it would release around like Christmas or New Year's. So it's like perfect for holiday travel. Oh my God. Yeah. You're just killing it. I'm trying. We're hard on it. I'm trying. Thank you guys. Head over to Patreon. We will be doing another theme of biggest op over there. I have a lot more of these stories. A lot of big haters. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. They are those B. Comkinhead. All cabs. B. I. G. Haders. Thank you. And until next time. Until next time. Bye. Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)