Big Jay Oakerson Goes to Germany & Amsterdam | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Get an RV from Outdoorsy. Right now, my listeners can have all services, all service fees removed from their booking in 2026 with code TRIPPIN at Outdoorsy.com. That's O-U-T-D-O-O-R-S-Y.com and use code TRIPPIN at checkout to remove the service fees. It rules. Try it for a week. Try it for three weeks. All right, bye. Back to the episode. Hello, Trippers. Welcome back to a banger new episode of UB Trippin. We welcome the return of the king, Big Jay Oakerson. That's right, Trippie Award winner for Worst Trip of the Year 2024. He is making his return to tell us about Amsterdam. Big Jay Oakerson, if you don't know, is one of the best comics working today. Legitimately, maybe the best live performer in the world, maybe of all time. Maybe you've seen him in his specials, They Them, directed by my director, Eric Abram, or Dog Belly, produced by me, one of my great, great wins in the stand-up comedy world. And he's here today to tell us about UB Trippin. Big Jay is, guys, you've got to see him. His stuff, Dog Belly on Netflix, They Them on YouTube, they're all great. But to see him live is to really see his joy. He's legitimately one of the best. Maybe the best. I'm not joking. You ever hear a musician where you're like, oh, their stuff is good, but then you see him live and you're like, it's a whole other level. Billy Strings, Muse, The Last Dinner Party, Danny Brown. When you see them, you're like, oh my God, I didn't know it could be like this. And that's what Jay is. Every single time you see him is a whole different show. I suggest any time you can. And do yourself a favor. It's a guaranteed good date night, good friend night. Go see Big Jay O'Kerson on the road. But first, we've got him on an episode of UB Trippin. Please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Do me a favor. A lot of people get unsubscribed without them knowing it. Go right now. It's the best way to support the show. Click the subscribe button. And guys, sit back and enjoy one of the true joys of comedy. Big Jay O'Kerson telling us about Amsterdam. Big Jay back. Trippy award winner. Making his return. Thank you. Thank you. So UB Trippin. What was your award? What was your award? I know what it was. I think it was craziest trip. Worst trip. Worst trip. Yeah, yeah. Worst trip. Worst trip. Chris O'Connor won it last year. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because it was going over. Yeah. My life fell apart. And then I went to South Africa. Just using calling cards. What was South Africa like? The calling card system wasn't the best. Yeah, yeah. The calling card system was pretty rough. I had to get word back home a couple times. You had to go get yelled at. A lot going on. For sure. But you're back. You're back now, Jay. Fresh off the roast. And now we're going to do one about where? An early comedy trip to Germany and Amsterdam. Those two countries. Yeah. That's all I ended up making for you. Play the music. Where you been and where you going? This is our East Travel Show, yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin, yeah. That was music, Jay. Nice. Yeah. I like that. That was a theme song. It got me hyped. It's not the same as the Legion of Skanks style theme song. No, no, no. Outback Campfire vibes. Yeah. It's more of a conversational energy. Yeah. Hey, guys, guys, come on. We're getting more about the joint. Come on. Yeah, we're the theater at a little higher volume. They flicker the light. I'll shoot, guys. Yeah. Having the light flick of podcasting. Also, my co-host on, I'll do this stuff later, I guess, on Legion of Skanks, as of right now, definitely not as of when this comes out. I'll be long gone. This will be retro. Jay, let's talk about this trip. It's pretty cool, because you're one of the, you don't really travel. No. Yeah. All of my traveling ever, especially internationally, has always been comedy related. Nothing, I did The World Stands Up. Yeah, London. So I did a couple gigs around London. That was the only reason I went there ever. Okay, yeah. I went back there, one, I was back there at a time before. I was back there for a black show promotions. In London? Yeah, staying with a guy named John Simmet, who was very sweet, and he was the yellow Teletubby. No. Yeah, yellow or green. Already, or became? Yellow or green. No, he was, like, at that point already. Maybe he was done doing it by that point. Was he a billionaire? He did comedy. No. Well, he had, like, a nice, what do we call it, like a townhouse, like attached to other houses. Were Teletubbies completely engulfed? And you would say, yeah. So they're, like, triad negotiations. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. On your contract. Absolutely. Goodbye. You're taking what you can take. Yes, exactly. He goes, can anybody do it? Hey, we like having you around the office, so we, okay, we'll miss that, so we'll pay you a little bit, but. He goes, a bum would do this for food. If the union let us pay bums in food, we would save a lot of money. I don't think the voices were them, either. It was, like, people. People inside of it versus the thing. It's like a. You do your hands thing good. It's more impressive to be a Power Ranger than a Teletubby. Mm-hmm. Because at least a Power Ranger, they have to assume you do the karate. Oh, yeah, you do the jump kick. But I stayed with him and did these black shows out there, and they were, I was in the black circuit at that point, so they were, like, fine. I had, like, a decent time, but again, it was everything, like, traveling. I've never also traveled ever with money, where I can go to the place and be, like, well, yeah, I'm going to stay in a good place. That I want to stay in. I've just kind of, like, what are they giving us? So I've done, I was at his house for a couple nights with, like, wonky, spotty internet. It was so many years ago, too, you know? And then ended up staying in, like, whatever their, I think me and Will Silvins did a couple of the shows together, and they put us in, like, whatever they said their version of Holiday Inn was, but it's, like, cot beds. It was, like, it was so bad. The beds were so shitty. Me and Will shared a room, I think. It was, like. The thing is, too, as trash as you look, you're a bit of a debutante. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, maybe that's what held you back from actually going places. You're, like, I'm not doing this in not style. Right, not the brokest way. And if you can't do it in style, then you're, like, I just won't do it. Yeah, I'd rather not go, exactly. I don't want to stay in. One time we were talking about the subway. I don't want to stay in a hotel that I can afford that because it sucks. We were at your old place on the, the Bum Block. Yeah. Bum Block 9. Oh, yeah. Bum Block 5. Fifth Street, right? Yeah. Fifth Street. Yeah. And Bannon still walks by there sometimes. Really? When I'm walking over, she's, like, no, hold on. Let's go in the stoop. There's something here. I remember something. Yeah. Something. Yeah, something good happened here. What was it? But, oh, shit, what was I going to say? Oh, I know. And we were, like, let's take the subway to wherever we're going. And you're, like, no, no, no, a car will be faster. And it's, like, okay, you always take a car, a cab, whatever. And then I looked, and I was, like, actually, no, there's traffic right now. It's, like, 35 minutes in a car and 20 in a subway. And you're, like, yeah, we're going to take the car. It wasn't about the speed. Yeah, because, you know, we could, like, sit there and roll the window down. Maybe even talk to a guy and let me smoke. Yeah. Oh, those are fun. Yeah, so if you had some money, which you do now, fresh off the roast, you're a multimillionaire. We all know what you got. It was millions. Millions upon millions of dollars. For doing those sick jokes. No. Ask me, they're me. Not a millionaire at all. But I will say that I could definitely, like, yeah, it's made me think more about it now. When someone's, like, hey, you want to go to wherever? I go. I guess I could, you know, when people start saying places, like, well, someone will be, like, dude, you got to see Italy. Like, I'm going to be in a shanty or something or in, like, you know, their holiday inn that's going to be bad. Yeah. And then it's, like, oh, no, I guess I can go now and, like, pick a nice place. I'm going to do, like, that's going to be the trip you could put some money into. Yeah, you could get Airbnb in, like, Florence or one of those. Is that an Italian city? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. Florence, Italy. That sounds right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's, yeah, any of those places. You know what I mean? Like, sounds like Turks and Kings. I would love to see you write an international travel tour of seamlesses and just say, what can you get sent to your Airbnb or hotel in all these different spots? Oh, hell yes. Yeah, dude. No, hand it here, bro. Hand it here. That's not what we're talking about. I need it today. Thanks, buddy. What is this, change? Here, keep the change. Change. Thank you. Only because it's under $10. You know, you say it's funny. It means something to him. I had that. I was behind. I had a garbage truck in my neighborhood the other day. And as the truck pulled off, the guy on the back, cash flew out of his pocket. And you could hear him screaming, screaming to the guy. Like, yeah, sure. You could see him screaming to which guy? Like, stop! No, screaming to the guy driving. Yeah, like, please stop. But he just keeps going. So I get out of the car and I picked it up for him. No, it's like, you know, drive it up. And I drove it up to him and he comes over to my window. It was a $10 bill. But, I mean, he was like, thank you so much, man. Thank you so much. And I was like, yeah, you're welcome, man. I was like, I feel like I was doing more of a favor to you than I actually was. It's like, oh, I guess it was. For $100, you'd back up and go the other way. But he was pretty stoked about it. I was surprised how stoked he was for that $10. Like, man, I almost lost that $10. I'm like, damn, that sucks. But I was there plenty of times in my life. I remember finding $20 in a deli once and being like, it might as well have been like $2,000. I was like, this changes my whole week. My moment of when I realized I was in different categories, I went to a Yankee game with Brent Azizi and it started raining. Drizzling, but they were going to play. And he was like, let's get. And he's already been on a TV show for fucking eight, seven, eight years by that point. And he was like, let's get ponchos, like disposable ponchos. And they were like $10. And I was like, yeah. And then it hit me like, I've never been able to afford. I would just stay wet. Yeah, instead of just going to buy a poncho. No way, $10? I wouldn't have that. And then I was like, oh, I have. Well, it's like poncho or you're like, yeah, the $10 was kind of for like hot dog and soda. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm like, no, it would hurt me. That was our game we used to play with the Sixers. We used to do that. We used to, if you wait until the end of the game, you can get like $10 tickets. Yeah, exactly. Or two for $20 because, you know, they weren't even that good. But it was like Iverson's for early year, early years. Oh, nice. You just go sit in like the worst seats in the house, but you were still there. Yeah. And, you know, they'd get deals where it's like family night. It's like $10, you get five hot dogs. And my friends would be like, let's do it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Or we'd sneak stuff in. It was just like not a thought of getting like a beer at a game. I was like, no way. Merch. Merch for anything. Merch for anything. Never. I was never like, I never walked out of like a stadium when you go to a game and be like, I got to grab a jersey. Yeah, no way. And you're like, a jersey? No way. The back end of the game, it's like, that's $150, man. No way. What? Bro, I went, I did the D.C. one with Shane because he was like, whenever you won, I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Kind of home, you know? So, it was so fun. But they gave, it was one of those where they gave everybody the jerseys. Yeah. So, it was the Wizards. I asked my brother, I'm like, you still pull for the Wizards? He goes, oh, hell no. I'm like, bro, I got a personalized shirt made for you. Yeah, fuck yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, just like Shafir. So, it's like, it'll work. Yeah, I got one of those when I was with Bert, I think for Oklahoma City Thunder or something. Yeah. That's like, says my name on the back, which is pretty cool. It's like, I'm not a Thunder fan, but it's cool. No, but it's still cool they made it and all. And by the way, you can get that made yourself, but you can't jerk off. But you got it at the stadium. It's cool. Everyone's asking me, how have I never made an Eagles jersey with my name on the back? I go, I don't know why that's gayer than just wearing another guy's name. It's like saying, I'm also on the team. 12-man, guys. 12-man, rise. Exactly. He goes, what, did your brother play? Nope, I just had a jersey with my name put on it. I'm not a member of this team in any way. I'm pretty slow and small and white. I'm a fat 5'3". It's just better to wear another man's name on your back like you're his girlfriend. It's less gay. Or chicks that wear, like, right? No. They need to sell chicks' jerseys that are already balled up perfectly. Yeah, tied up on the side. Tied up on the side. So, yeah, to go back to the thing, I'm not a big traveler. Do you still do, hold on, hold on, I'll do it. But do you still do any, like, poor stuff that you can't shake? I saw Sal walk away from, he was thirsty, walk away from a guy selling waters because it was $1.50 instead of $1. He goes, it's $1. And the guy's like, $1.50, we're by the park. He goes, no way, I'll just be thirsty and move on. No, I've, if it makes sense that I'm still, maybe. It's, like, and the thing of it's so new, having a couple of, you know, we're nowhere near Sal at all, even. But, like, no, now it's, like, more of the mistake, like, we were just saying before, it's, like, I never bought merch. Yeah. So, now I go, even though I know it's, like, that jacket's definitely going to be a little bit short on me. I'll probably wear it one time only or that hoodie's going to dry once and do it. I just go, it's, like, give me that $80 hoodie, though. And it's, like, you know, and by the way, sometimes you get lucky. Yes. And it goes, but, I mean, I remember I bought a Run the Jewels in a Wu-Tang. We went to go see there, like, one walk. I wore them both to the thing one day. One wash, just, like, they're just, like, too short now or, like, you know, Ripley. They're just, like, not very, but now I'm just, like, give me all of it. Like, that. When I go to games at all, if I go to a game. That, that, that. That's cool. It's better for me to go to a game, like, at the Away Stadium here to see a Giants game against the Eagles because, like, there's no thing for me to walk out of there and be, like, I mean, throw blankets. I get, I'll find reasons for them. I'll find stuff for this. I'll go to the Yankees thing. I'll be, like, I don't need anything. I don't have space. I live in a way smaller place than you, so I'm, like, what can, oh, dog toy. Dog toy. I have to, I want to put money back here. I've got. I went to the, I went to the Phillies one with, with Shane. He's, like, I'm going to go to the, the team store. Uh-huh. Get some stuff. And so we did, and I got a Fanatics hat, and I was holding it. He goes, you want me, you want me to get that? And I was, like, huh? And he goes, oh, you're stealing it? All right. Like, I'm still going to steal when I can. But they, oh, my God, the stuff I buy at the, at the team store now. I mean. I mean, how many throw, you have throw blankets everywhere in your house. Everywhere. Eagles. It doesn't even go with the decor of the room. It means nothing. Well, now they're just, like, outside, like, let the dog lay on them once, because they are, at the end of the day, stupid. But when you're there, and you're, like, give me that $100 really shittily made. Like, you're in a good mood, you're drunk. Yeah. Not even drunk. I've never even drunk at those things. It's really walking out, they're just, like, man. By the way, I'm picturing all the things I go, I would look really cool in that white throwback Eagles jersey. And you get it, and you're, like, I don't look very cool in it at all. Then why don't you try it on? It's not, like, a store. They do. Let's get to your trip. So, yes. So, not a lot of traveling at all, but way early in comedy, right after, it was right after 9-11 happened. You're welcome. So, you're welcome, everybody. Bought and paid for. But it was right after it happened, and they just started, like, flying people. And I remember my parents being so scared, because I got offered a, so I get to this point, I'm doing comedy. Scared. Four years, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, because of the travel, just, like, flying and stuff, because everything was going on. You know, I mean, they made people scared that, like, you know, because remember, after 9-11, it was, like, a guy with a shoe bomb, and then, you know. Oh, yeah, like, it wasn't going to stop for a while. Yeah, it was, like, things were going to stop. Underwear guy. And not long after that, I got offered this, probably why, again, it trickled down to somebody, like, four years in the comedy. Yeah. At that point. Oh, interesting. Is. Cool benefit, though. Go ahead. It trickles down to four years ago, because people didn't want to fly and go wherever. So, it was black circuit comedy shows. Technically. For troops, though. So, but it wasn't USO. It was going to be, like, you know, like, black bar shows, basically, out there for military. But for, like, the black military people parties. Yeah. Like, the parties that they're going to hang out at. That's cool. It was interesting. Yeah. So. Oh, what a weird audience. Very weird. So, we went the first day we land in Germany. Frankfurt, I want to say. Okay. Yeah, it's Frankfurt, I believe. And we go to the military. We're doing the show in a big tent where there's, at a carnival they're doing. And the carnival's for, like, the military people, basically. It's, like, all, it's rides and stuff, but it's, like, the military people and their families, I guess, they brought out there. But it's all black. It's all the black people. Hey, guys. I'm breaking in real quick to tell you a little bit about today's guest, Big Jay Ogerson. This is not an ad. This is letting you know who you're listening to. And you should know. Because he's one of the best live performers, honestly, of all time. He's great. He's a joy to watch. Every time I see him, I'm like, is this magic? He's so in the pocket, so ready. You can see him three times in a weekend. And, honestly, the shows won't be more than, like, 20% the same. It's awesome. You should see him live. He's also one of my best friends in comedy. My first friend in New York City. And, honestly, producing his Netflix special was one of my real wins in stand-up. You should see him. Definitely check out Dogbelly on Netflix. It's They Them, the double crowd work special on YouTube. The Rose of Kevin Hart's still available. You can check him out on his radio show, The Bonfire, that he does with now-thin Robert Kelly. You can also see him on Legion of Skanks that he does every week with Steve Renezisi and Luis Gomez. Or Story Wars, where I am the all-time champion, besides Jay and Luis. Three wins. But you've got to see him live. Please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening, by the way. But, because a lot of times they unsubscribe people, which is kind of crazy. So, hit whatever you're doing. If you want to support the show, you don't have to send in money. Absolutely not. Just hit the subscribe button so you're alerted to new episodes. Here's where Jay's going to be on the road. You should get a ticket right now. All tickets are available at BigJayComedy.com. Levittown, New York. We're in August now. Royal Oak, Michigan. Albany, New York. Virginia Beach. Timonium, Maryland. That's Baltimore. That's McGoobies. Leaving Ohio to hilarities. Seattle. Denver, Colorado. The Comedy Works downtown. Best club in the world. Where else we got? Wow, that's a good one. Rochester, New York. Austin, Texas. And the Comedy Mothership in October. I won't be there because I'll be watching the New York Yankees win the World Series. Brea, California. Ooh, good one. New Orleans, Louisiana. At Skankfest, where I will also be. New Brunswick, New Jersey. Louisville, Kentucky. And rounding out the year, Oklahoma City. One of the best clubs in the Midwest. Bricktown Comedy Club. And Philadelphia at Helium Comedy Club for his pre-New Year's Eve shows. That's it. So please, also subscribe to Big Jay Ogerson on Instagram and on YouTube, where he's constantly putting up new stuff. For myself, I've got one thing to tell you. Obviously, subscribe to this podcast wherever you're watching this. If you're watching on YouTube, which I think a lot of you are, or Spotify, between those two, it's 90%. Hit subscribe right now. Please, do me a favor. That's the best. That's the best way you can do to support the show. And leave a comment for the algorithm. A dumb comment. Or, what I'm hoping, is you leave your tales of wherever we're talking about. What you want from that place, or where you've been. you know if you have been to that place uh that's it for me also the end is now available at arishafir.com if you buy it right now or if you've already bought it you now because of the one year anniversary of ymh lives you will get all the ymh lives that's right the uh toss a ring toss and with a peg up the butt of a gimp yeah it's a happy couple giving their best for comedy and now you get every one of them uh the ymh live from tom christina free if you get the end which is seven episodes of the top storytelling in the world guys like nate bargazzi shane gillis dan soda robert kelly big j okerson chris de stefano ali sadiq miss pat jordan jensen steph tolev steve simone tom segura me column taro it goes on and on and on mark norman it goes on and on and on well it goes it goes on and on doesn't go on and on and on that's it guys uh hope you enjoy it get every episode for the end right now for just 29.99 that's uh seven for the price of five and that's it let's get back to the episode let's get back to amsterdam one of the best comics one of the best podcasters in the world big j okerson take us back to amsterdam early when we get there you know i'm like young enough to i'm like in my early 20s so i'm like hey i'm like uh i'm like who wants to go on rides with me and i'm out there with two black comedians um i don't want to say names for like rides yeah or have three i'm out there with three black comedians actually one's a female very very funny okay um uh dominique her name is okay i can give her a name but you can say i'm all we can bleep them all if you want yeah decide later well one's because like i don't want to tell someone else's story or something it's like personal enough that you're like i don't know if they want to say they did this oh a hundred percent so like yeah um but we go to amsterdam so uh anyway so we uh we go to this carnival and oh i should actually there's a there's a prep there's more there's more before i leave i forgot this is a major part of the story so uh i pack i'm gonna be gone on this trip for like supposed to be three weeks or something like that two weeks maybe at least when is this in relation to the south africa trip years before years before okay years before isabella was born by then i didn't i didn't i just started dating carla oh my ex-wife wow just started dating carla and i was coming up from philly i was still driving up from philly or south jersey every day and i joined the boston comedy club in the village started a uh a basketball team at chelsea piers for the league and i was on the team and i would go so i was going up there and my plan was i was flying out the next day from new york but i was like i'm gonna come up there that night i go i'm gonna go up there and play my baseball or my basketball game um i'm having carla my girlfriend he comes up and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna go up there and play my i packed my clothes and my suitcase i'm gonna put it in your car later that night and you'll take it when i come up tomorrow i'm just gonna take the train up okay and fly out of new york and you'll have my bag already okay i go did i go into this game here's i remember that game by the way okay sure sounds like great sounds like nothing would go wrong i was i was you know especially when i was younger i was like especially at that point i was playing basketball a lot so i'd get frustrated because i was like i could play all right and i was like i'm gonna go to new york and i'm gonna go to new york and i'm gonna go to new york and i'm being cut to the side because like jay moore's there and matt frost was on the team something like that like and then also any black comic that showed up you know it was rudy rush mike yard mike brit talent uh these guys and rudy rush was good mike brit's really good wasn't they were all they were all good yeah i was just like there was other people playing a lot that were like i am better than yeah like you know i mean so it was a little frustrating but it was like just it was it was a popularity because who cares anyway at the end of the day it was like no one yes it's definitely still you i never let it go but um no but i'm just saying like it was more like the camaraderie was the idea of it yeah we had a league yeah yeah but i was definitely like i want to play you know i mean i was like i want to do and i remember like one of the fights that night i remember the ball got stolen from so i don't know why i just remember this it stands out so much because the moment it's how much they didn't value me i ran the guy down oh from behind and blocked his shot it's like you know it's closed gyms when i hit it like hit a wall you know i didn't know what to do i didn't know what to do i didn't know what to do because he didn't see it coming so i sent it and i remember the bench goes nuts and they go yeah he goes jay come out they put me out i'm like i just did a thing like come on they looked at you like give him one chance to shine he goes all right he did it and they're like you guys are contributing to a win like we don't really care we're all drinking after this take me out yeah so i remember and then i left i left hey remember when that one time you got a block so good everyone's having fun couldn't tell you if we won or lost didn't matter everyone's having a great time except me i walk out i go outside and my fucking trunk has popped no my fucking saturn and uh my suitcase gone they just took the whole thing now um 21 2 22 21 maybe and i'm like uh 22 i guess and i'm like fucking pretty rattled by that i'm like that's everything i own i'm broke i have no money so i go home that night the next day it's a nighttime flight we're taking flying overnight the next morning i wake up my grandmother rest her soul thank she was like i mean i did but i packed for like weeks and you know we weren't rich i didn't grow up with like a bunch of clothes it was all my clothes i packed basically and uh she was like all right so i had to go buy like another wardrobe basically like that morning a big and tall and a suitcase and my grandmother helped me with all that and then i pack and i go up there and uh now i gotta travel with it and the thing you know i go and i go to the airport we go to the trip so now we're in sorry now we're back to that's important okay all that because it starts off with such a fucking bummer of a situation yeah losing all my clothes i'm down already whatever i'm making on this trip by the way which wasn't gonna be a lot it's like i'm losing it all but it probably seemed like a lot to me i was probably gonna come home with like three grand or something and it meant the world to me so like um so we land or walk around this carnival and i remember like it feels like they sort of know us like but from like i guess they get like comic view like tapes out there or something or dvds were big out there so they were really excited about the other comics particularly and like they some people knew who i was which was neat i was so young in comedy but i'd already done this comic view oh wow at this point maybe twice that was the first step for an open mic huge step yeah like yeah when people were coming back from philly and they were like just from comic view i was like doesn't matter you just said tv he's back from tv i was like tv's not a real legitimizer yeah from tv imagine saying that out that's my next time i bring you up like from tv from tv jay oakerson so so we're walking around and then i go uh to dominique you know i want to ride the rides and the other guys are like man i don't care about the rides and i'm like so i go let's go there's like a tilt-a-whirl kind of thing so you know it's baskets uh you know you're sitting two people in a basket it spins yeah uh the thing itself spins and then the thing and the platform itself drops down no no no these are you're sitting you're sitting in a car okay there's a bunch of them there's individual carts you can sit like probably two to four people in a cart the cart spins and the whole floor is spinning so it's just like okay okay what's the one where it spins you against the wall gravitron or the roundup and then the floor drops that's gravitron that's the indoor one roundup is the outside one where it goes that's an exciting one you can't control yourself we have a roundup at uh skank fest buddy no way yeah i don't know if i trust that i did it last year very fun we had a ferris wheel and a roundup that's let's see that's uh that's the tilt-a-whirl that's the tilt-a-whirl okay yeah so you have even a video of it moving because it's it's interesting how it goes you can see the platform um yeah this is a great great example of it can you worry on the side can you look tilt-a-whirl deaths none my goodness if there's any ever but all right you see what's happening yeah you're going around okay so getting nauseous by the way this thing for some reason isn't a line okay to get onto the rides the rides it's ride ends get right back on no it's like stand around it and like be the first people to get to a cart oh okay which is strange yeah strange way to handle it um fatalities caused by tilt-a-whirl are exceedingly rare yeah yeah i think 44 41 year old man stood up while the ride was in motion in livingston new jersey and he was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna get out of here i don't want to ride the ride i don't want to ride the ride i don't want to ride the ride i don't want to ride the ride i don't want to ride the ride i don't want to ride the ride ervington and was subsequently struck by a following car yeesh well okay so there's no video of that no no nobody in the 40s um that's the biggest problem wizard of oz was just coming um so i tell dominique dominique's bigger girl yeah i'm fat it's all hell but i'm like i'm going all by age i'm just like i'm 23 i'm like i know i'm young at this point i'm like i if you go along with me i'll get us the cart okay she's like i'm going okay okay so i'm standing that's already in frankfurt yeah yeah okay um we're standing on this uh i'm staying or i'm me and her both stay on the outside of it yeah and i'm noticing when i was watching it before uh it makes a noise it goes it goes you know it makes a noise maybe 23 or 23 but it makes it it makes it it makes a buzzer noise and that means that the ride's coming to an end coming to an end so i uh no i go in my mind i'm like i'm like so i know i'm fat and slow also but i made her i've told her that i'm going to be the one to get us this card and i want to come through so i i wait for uh that noise i'm like that noise but when that noise hits i treat it something in my mind just like i panic and i want to get so i'm like now you go even though that just means it's stopping it's going to start slowing down so i hear that buzz and i mean like seconds later waits few two seconds later i go out and put my foot on the platform my other foot never makes it i go up i go up and hit and it's like um it's like wrestling stairs metal do you know what i'm talking about like that what do you got graded metal graded metal so it's like uh it's it's it's tinny it doesn't really hurt it's just like it's like you know like rattles the whole fucking thing uh you know it's thin metal-ish kind of but like it just it rattles and yeah i'm yeah i go something up and then i get up and i think just because people feel bad that i've made such a scene like they let me get in the cart that i was right next to like no one people could just went in it if that was new york people like oh man that sucks as they walked right into the one hundred percent yeah so they didn't do that thankfully shout out germany so i we go in we get in the cart i think you could fit like three or four people in these carts me and are both big so we sit in it two of us and the thing clicks down and it's got to come over here and it's essentially a mechanism it's a hole and you know the lock goes like that okay so it locks in like this into the hole nice guys go closer with that yeah so it goes like that now what's happening is i'm trying like you know it's everything i'm already embarrassed so much me and her probably both a little like look at us squeezing this fucking thing and the guy's coming over like push the thing down to get it locked in on us and when he does it i just i didn't notice it you know i'm so across this thing it catches my shirt so it's a layer of my shirt between this like bolt and the thing so it's not really clicked on there very well and when the ride starts going like cooking it comes out hi guys this is the paid advertisement for rumble wallet they're sponsoring this portion of the show guys banks can delay limit or freeze access to your money crypto was created to give you real ownership and control and rumble wallet lets you buy store send and cash out crypto i wish i had known about i 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and entering uh my exclusive promo code trippin5 when you sign up now and once you're set up you can even support creators directly on rumble ah do that support me so scan the qr code and use the link in my description download rumble wallet and try it yourself and don't forget use the code trippin5 and claim five dollars in um is usat for some of you this might be the first crypto you own and it's free well once you use it you'll understand the difference between accessing your money and actually owning it restrictions apply there are a limited number of entries available terms and conditions apply see the description below or visit rumble.com promo official rules for details today's episode of ub trippin is brought to you by cash app guys what's the craziest scam that's reached you i know i'm looking for a flat an apartment as it were in london and a lot of people go hey let's go off open rent and go to another site no you can send me money there nah nah although i want to because i 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services platform not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partners visit cash dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures so now she's freaking out i'm holding on to the bar acting like it's not a big deal when i'm like i don't know if this is a big deal when this thing hits its peak speed like does this thing fly as fling us out no idea we done we just lucked out and i guess our our gravity our gravitational pull held us in and we got away from that and then we went to uh i know that feeling of fear really i don't i if you've never really seen one be like i don't think that's right yeah well my other one i had was here at a great adventure man when they did the superman ride and everybody was clicked in like it sounds like a ratchet like and the whole team got together and got one click on me and then you are just suspended by the harness everyone looked at the other one else goes and with a guy literally holding the track and pushing with his feet on my stomach on the harness it made one click dude i was on a plane with rogan i was on an edible and i got because i got low blood pressure so if i stand up too quick sometimes um i'll like get lightheaded i passed out before a couple times and i got my head that like well if we take off we're going up i'm going to get low blood pressure to pass out but then we're just going to keep going up so i'll never recover yeah yeah yeah and there's like a pretty solid chance i'll just suffocate and die and i was like and we were all we had pulled out of the gate on the plane but not moved from there and i got that in my head and i was like well i gotta get off this plane oh yeah and i was like so close to be like hey get me get me off the plane you don't know what's going on you don't know what's going on right now get me off the plane if not for picturing rogan mocking me yeah i've accepted before i've had uh because of pressure stuff i have pressure issues like ears and stuff i've had stuff like i've had pains like here in the corner of my eye i've had pain in my eye i've had pain in my eye so bad on a plane where i was like something's up i'm not going to say anything but like i think my brain's bleeding i'm like i'm not going to say anything you're pretty sure but you're like well i was like i'm not gonna but i think it's like i i think though if i go to sleep right now i guess i'm not probably waking up this is something terrible's happening what would this pain come out of nowhere that's what the one click is we're like oh i'm um who are these guys i remember going up on that you're next to somebody yeah superman i was next to a guy named greg who was a bartender at the comics trip okay the reason we got to go on the ride so much was because we were so much as it was another girl who worked the comic strip isabella's godmother actually worked for pfizer um she's like you know like an hr person or whatever and she was like uh but she they have pfizer day at great events where it's like it's open to just the employees of pfizer for like one day because there's thousands of them and uh but it was way less lines than any other thing you know and it was so we got to go on and we were going up the slow ride the slow ascend i was looking down i was like i don't think this is good this is bad like this is gonna be a real check and i go you know what let me look over at greg because his excitement and happiness and how fun this is is gonna get me sinking that out and i looked over and he was looking like this and i guess i went i went what he goes he goes dude he goes if you fall out there's nothing i can do what and then he also saw that yeah yeah yeah i didn't i never even checked on his response to that but he had a face he was like i wouldn't have done it oh so i just wanted to be over i might rather rather than getting embarrassed me walking off of it which is what i should have done i was like no they said i'm in i'll just die yeah i think i flung it won't be because i'm fat they'll just think it's a flinging yeah they're gonna say this thing doesn't work shotty equipment yep okay i'll take that they're gonna show pictures of me they're gonna go this guy wasn't too big for a ride if i get off the ride now i'm gonna die of suicide in about a week from this embarrassment so i'd rather just take the chance well i did that one time they took me off of a ride in minneapolis the mall of america and then christine got off too and i started yelling at her for getting off so i'm like you're drawing more attention to it what am i gonna ride the teenage mutant the shredder by myself he's lashing at anyone around you anyway i was like someone's gotta get it i'm big and fat now everyone thinks i ruined your time also because you were fought clearly okay on the ride stay on there you fucking dickhead why am i mad at you you want to try the other rides i bought the day pass and i did the let's see we can get our money back i was like she goes you don't want to try any of them once i go no i can't do the shredders right i can't do the other ones you so okay so you're on with dominique we get on we survive the tilta world we go inside we do the show that show's good from what i remember being a fun show you know nothing like bad like i guess i did okay and then it's exciting then we're walking around and uh we go okay well now we're you know let's go hit the carnival because now we're like celebrities you know at the carnival they're gonna be like oh you guys and down to anything of just like maybe a girl cares or something you know whatever and we're uh walking around and it was uh some lady she goes oh my god are you and i started doing the already like the yeah yeah yeah yeah that's me and she goes you know i knew it she goes guys i told you this is the guy who fell on the total world thing earlier and then people came over to see me like are you all right dude man that thing was loud and i was like all right that's so stupid so stupid so then um we were there for just that one night then they send us to the next day our show is going to be we're driving out to manheim germany another military base where they're going to be doing we're doing a comedy show that night at a at a pool party a huge indoor like pool thing this is for black people again yeah okay black people and we uh black uh soldiers yeah okay all the military guys and girls and they um and they're i'm sure there had to be some white people there i'm sure to some degree but it was like it was a very black you know it was like promoted black you know it was like like a black you know this white people showed up when i was in the black comedy circuit there'd be white people at a lot of the shows but like it's a black crowd there's a few white people showed up so that's what this was going to be it was promoted that way when we get to this pool party place we don't even know where we're performing yet yeah we get there we walk in and they start telling us uh i start noticing everyone's got laminates on that has uh and this is timely i believe it was that album whatever it's with dmx the cover of uh blood of blood flesh of flesh it's like him covered in blood like with his arms out like that okay dmx if you can find that jorge um this pick they were all this was on their laminates they had dmx they go why is dmx performing tonight and they go no no no yeah that's the one with the blood yeah oh that's pretty that was the laminate decent body on dmx yeah he was ripped um until the drugs got him then what he got that or he died he just kind of got whatever and then died i mean the funniest thing you'll ever watch and there's no reason to do it now dude is when his son came to him as an adult and he goes i want to have a relationship with you dad and he's like i want a relationship with you too and his son's like really eloquent he's a really eloquent kid and he goes uh he goes he goes so i want to have our relationship move forward and be father and son he's like i love that he goes i want to have a relationship with but i need you to do that without drugs he goes well it's good seeing you he's like he like leaves he's like i ain't doing that i barely even know you he just goes he goes trying about doing drugs i was gonna suggest we do drugs yeah he goes but like never mind man i thought you were gonna be cool so they're all wearing uh this laminate yeah and we asked like what's this dmx coming and then they were kind of like uh they started giving us like uh yeah he's supposed to like he's something's weird with his travel but he is supposed to be coming they're saying it's not like no way and then they tell us kind of last minute they go all right it was we just say that to get make sure this because it's packed there's like tons of people here and this pool it's over there's too many people here and i'm like they go no we just say that so we make sure we get everybody out here and then we tell them that there's like travel problems and he couldn't make it and they can't get that mad and then he goes uh it doesn't matter he goes so then he goes he goes i'm like oh they're gonna be in a bad mood he goes now they're gonna be in a good mood because we're bringing back they were like last year um we got in trouble but we kind of got everybody like keep it cool this year like last year we got in trouble because uh we do a butt naked this is what they're wording butt naked booty dance contest where so i guess last year and they have like women there that are like you know local german black chicks i guess and shit but like uh that'll compete in this but like last year they said two officers got discharged because they were up there like you know like show spreading their pussies and like you got naked nuts at this thing and they go but we're doing it again and uh so like we're doing it again so they won't give a shit about dm he's like they'll be stoked about that and we're like oh okay then and then we go where are we performing and i mean it's all happening very fast when i remember like and then we go to like i mean like a don't cry for me argentina balcony yeah in the middle of like a wall it's like not it's like a castle wall almost but like we're on a balcony i mean what what a hundred what we're on a balcony is what he wants to perform indoors it's indoor like balcony off this wall that's over the pool the indoor pool but i mean a hundred feet up from it you know i mean it's like really hard we have a microphone and the guy comes out there and he goes what he goes have they never all right y'all we're about to get the show started right here he goes uh first things first we got to clear something up man we got some bad bad news today dmx got stuck in transit he ain't gonna be able to make it tonight we're not gonna be having unfortunately dmx will not be performing tonight and i mean they go nuts then he goes but i got good news for you goes we are bringing back the butt naked booty dance kind of yeah because you remember two officers got discharged last year because we're bringing it back every you know like they're they're going for it and the place goes nuts excited they did get excited he goes but first we're gonna do this comedy show so we're gonna bring up the first guy big j and i mean i just ate shit for wow you know what again epically terrible introduction again i don't even remember it being like that bad of a i mean in the world of bad shows like it doesn't resonate with how bad the show because i think i probably just did like fine you know i mean like i got through it i think i had to do like i think at the end they were doing like you do five she's gonna do ten he'll do fifteen i'll do fifteen you know whatever so it was like we were kind of getting out of there quick and then uh endure pool and a bomb holder's best kept secrets man yeah city anyway go ahead it was nuts this place was crazy so um we did that show and we got out of there and then the next morning the guy the promoter who's promoting all this picks us up yeah and he goes all right i'm driving you guys say hey i'm driving you guys say hey i'm driving you guys say hey i'm driving amsterdam which i even know it's possible yeah i've been driving in amsterdam yeah i didn't know it was possible i don't know yeah exactly i don't know that's what you when you know you were saying that about going to you know moving to europe yeah that you're saying it's like what's going on which i've always heard that it's true but it doesn't even make sense to me it's like dude three hours to paris three hours to germany three hours to germany couple hours to amsterdam couple hours to here yeah really like that seems like things are all that would be like crazy far away bro you should visit me i'm in london stay with well you got the bonfire okay go ahead forget still yeah don't have series x in the uk studios yeah they probably do they probably should both stay with me in london then you go take your train to paris perform there come back take your train to amsterdam perform there come back agreed during the weeks anyway so yeah so this guy picks us up and he goes we're driving on the autobahn hell yes okay hell yes we're in a minivan and we get on it that was pretty exciting we've seen how that works how everybody flies drives that fast and shit was it was it sick it's cool do you see people whizzing by you at your yeah what did you think the fastest somebody went was 150 miles an hour maybe i mean people were like it was like they're gone daytime nighttime daytime they're just there to unload it's pretty nuts i mean we were going like a steady like i kind of i think i got with the conversion exchange he said it was like 100 miles per hour which is pretty fucking fast that's pretty fast yeah and then it was like 100 miles an hour and a minivan i mean you feel the things like so at this point now it's just me and the other two guy black dude comics wait was he trying to get to 100 and just to show you or was it like no this is how fast i'm going no he's like i'm gonna go 100 because for a while time-wise almost like yeah let's just get there as fast as possible without killing us right damn this message is sponsored by raycon guys raycon makes the best earbuds on the planet they are secure they are sleek the sound is unbeatable get yourself some raycon i've tried the honest tried shaking them out good luck with that it's not gonna work and now i'd like to move on to a talking point they gave me that i need to comment on said with back to school season here i've been thinking about one thing really wish i had had when i was in school raycon's everyday earbuds classic now in another world or with a younger podcaster absolutely sure that would have been great whether you're headed back to school or shopping for a student these are such these are back to school essential absolutely that's not what i'd wished when i was back in school it's maybe number two confidence confidence was number one when i was in school i wish i'd had confidence i wish i understood that when girls said i love your curly hair you have beautiful eyes that they meant they were trying with me or that my friends were actually my friends and they weren't with me just out of pity if i had known those things and i added raycon's unbeatable sound quality and earbuds then yeah it would have gone a long way actually there was no bluetooth back then so they would have kind of been like what what is this and i had been like these are from the future that would have okay if i had confidence with women and with with men to be able to be sure of who i am and i brought back some high quality earbuds They were unusable because of Bluetooth. I think it had not been even invented yet. It still would have been cool. I'd be like, one day this will be something. And they're like, what is it? And I wouldn't have been scared. I wouldn't have been frightened to tell them what it was. You know, because they're like, oh, what if they don't believe me? I have confidence. Like, my hot girlfriend who likes my curly hair and beautiful skin would be like, just listen to him. He's never steered us wrong before. But I don't have that. You can't go back, you guys. You can't go back. But you can do the present, where Raycon earbuds are the best. The Everyday Earbuds Classic is the perfect back-to-school companion. Go to buyraycon.com slash chippin to get 20% off. Thanks to Raycon for sponsoring. Hey, guys. Today's episode of You Be Chippin is brought to you by Superpower. Guys, if you're a regular listener, you've probably heard me talking about Superpower before. It's a health membership that starts with one simple blood draw. 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Head over to Superpower.com and use code TRIPPIN for $20 off your $199 Superpower membership. After you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about them, how you heard about Superpower. Tell them UB Trippin sent you to support the show. Let's get back to the episode. So we got there. And he just straight goes, I forget why. He was like, I'm not staying here. The promoter now, our only point of contact, goes like, I have to go back to whatever. I'll be back here in a couple days. Okay. Maybe four days or something like that. In the meantime, I got you guys some gigs out here. First one was first night, and we go to do it. First of all, they put us in a condo, I guess, technically, above the comedy corner. Where is this one? And I'm saying the word wrong. It sounds like Lights of Place Center or something like that in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam. Okay. It's like the Lights of Place, and there's a thing called the Comedy Cafe or something. And there's a condo they put you in right above it. Okay. They put us in the Comedy Cafe's condo because no one was in there. Sometimes, just so people know, condos go from anywhere from like just an apartment they rent. Yeah. To like a former abortion clinic in illegal days. It just happens to be above. Yeah. For sure. You know, sterile behind a door. This was -- I mean, it was a condo. It was a condo. It was a condo. It was a condo. Yeah, it was a condo. It was a condo. Okay. It was a fine apartment. Here's what it didn't have. This was crazy. Again, at the time -- we're talking about the 2000 -- Hot Plate? Two. 2001. Didn't have a fridge? Had a fridge. Okay. It had a stove. It just didn't have a television at all. Ugh. At all. Yeah. And this is before you'd bring your laptop. This is on your computer. This is before you'd bring your laptop. Yeah. This is honestly before Wi-Fi, really, I think. Yeah. So these aren't even things. So you're not getting internet. But at least you're like -- Turn on the TV. A DVD player. Yeah. We could go rent something or buy a DVD and watch a movie or something. It's so funny. You're 22, 23 at this age. Yeah. I mean, for me to even ever turn on a TV if I'm in the Netherlands -- Well, keep in mind -- It would be so nuts. Can I tell you this, though? Here's the thing. Do not go out. Yeah. We did go out, though, a bunch. Yeah. But it was just the idea of that, though. It's like the end of the night. It was like -- to me, again, it's always -- Yeah. I'm not a person who goes to bed to TV and shit. Yeah. No, that's just who you are. Yeah. So it wasn't even about doing it. We wanted to do stuff. Yeah. And we also -- none of us have fucking money. And this guy was like, "I'm going to pay you when I come back," kind of thing. "You're going to get the money when I come back." Here's what's also going on this whole time that's looming on this, too. I just started dating Carla, Mac's wife. And right before I left for this trip -- Yeah. -- she told me we were dating for weeks, maybe a couple months or something. Fucking? Yes. Yes. Nice. I think so. Fuck yeah, dude. Pretty sure. But something. We were doing something. At least where I was like -- well, she's kind of -- we're dating each other. But I don't know if we're official, like, boyfriend/girlfriend. And then she told me kind of at the -- we went to eat after the comic strip one night. And she was like, "Hey, I should tell you this. Like, I don't know if we're official, like, boyfriend/girlfriend." And then she told me kind of at the -- like, we went to eat after the comic strip one night. Like, I'm actually also, like, semi-seeing this guy who lives in Boston, who, like, I've gone up there." She was going to -- she was deciding whether to go to school in Boston or New York for law school. Yeah. At that exact moment. And she was like, "I don't know which one I'm doing yet." And basically, it's so funny. It's like she was choosing law school here or there. I basically was choosing, like -- This guy or that guy? Yeah. Yeah. And she was like -- and so I'm going for my final go-to. Yeah. I'm going to go through in Boston this weekend while you're gone and have no way to contact me. You know, again, phone card, you know? Right. Or calling card. No cell phones. No nothing. So I'm like, "Okay." You know, you just got to eat that thing. So I'm freaking out about that also. I'm like, "Oh, man. This chick is just, like -- ah, man. This is the first girl since my last breakup that was nasty." Not nasty, but just sucked. And I was like, "This is the first girl I've liked actually in the -- ah, man. And this trip that I got no money, I'm not even having fun." You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm the low man on the totem pole. This kind of sucks. So that's looming. Okay. Also on this trip very much. And so I'm getting -- what are we doing? I don't know. I got high. Keep changing things. Up, up. Oh, it's not doing it. Yeah, go ahead. So they -- wait, where am I at in the thing? We got to Amsterdam. Dude, I got high. Yeah, that's fine. We went to Amsterdam. We get in -- oh. Yeah. So the place has no TV, no nothing. And we're like, "All right. Well, it's like we're going to have to hang out." But we have like -- I mean, cumulatively, under $300 between us. Okay. Got no place -- you don't have to pay for the place. You need food. We need food. Yeah. And they left us there. And he left us there like -- And also, when is he coming back? And when is he coming back? Days. Yeah. Who knows? Supposedly a day. Who knows? And now it's all seems weird. And we went to this place and it seemed like everyone seemed confused when we got there. To like, "Oh, you're not going to come back. Oh, you guys are the one." Okay. "Hey, we're on the show tonight at the Comedy Cafe." Like, "Oh, oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah." And we go on. And I think they always said one of us could go on. And so they talked me into doing it. Like two other dudes I think talking to was fun. And then I went up after a guy like Murders in Dutch. Yeah. And I was like, "Oh, I'm going to go." And I was like, "I'm going to go." And I was like, "I'm going to go." And I was like, "I'm going to go." And it's funny, I went back years later to Amsterdam and watched the sex show with Joe DeRosa, Rachel Feinstein, Marina Franklin, a couple other people. I can't remember exactly, but we went out there and we watched the live sex show. And I got to say, it was one of the most awkward things I've ever seen, the live sex show. It was very strange. Both times. Especially for someone who's, well, so the first time, we spent this money and we go in there and then they have like, you know, a hot chick stripper comes out, gets naked. Yeah. A novelty fat girl stripper comes out and gets naked, whatever. Another girl comes out, you know. Just gets naked. Just gets naked. Slowly. Stripping. Just like a stripper. No, the fat one was like a novelty comedy thing, sort of, you know, she's- Can you imagine? Yeah, yeah. If we met this seriously? No, go on. Take your clothes off and get out of here. So, yeah, they do that. And then when the, I guess it was beginning of the couple or maybe not. Maybe it was just his own thing. It's a sex show, so there's guy strippers and girl strippers, I guess. Okay. That didn't blow my mind, but they just, this guy came out, it was like an executioner mask or something like that. And like, you know, the straps and leather and spikes, big black dude holding a sword. And I remember one of the comedians, one of the guys, he goes, "Man, that better be Xena Warrior Princess!" And then when she got on stage, and it was, when he got on stage and it was a guy, and he started taking his clothes off, those guys were both, I mean, without question, they yo we're leaving we're leaving and I was like well guys it was like a sex show like it means there's gonna be a naked guy in the thing and they were like yeah I don't know man I ain't doing that shit and they were like we're out and they left so we all threw away that money that was we didn't even see the show really a little bit of it and then we're like do we do do we do the prostitutes you know I mean do we go I mean we're here in the red lights do we go in and I don't really whatever they did they just kind of operated like together I don't know if they went in the same room or what quite honestly I said I'm not trying to protect anybody because I really what I know is myself I was at this point particularly I had just started coming to New York and feeling a little bit comfortable up in New York I was a person who didn't travel much as a kid I didn't do a lot of stuff like on my own like I'm jumping on the bus and a train and going and visit somebody or hopping on a plane so being somewhere else and not knowing where I'm at was scary as fuck this isn't cell phones this isn't laptop internet right right nothing you're on your own I was just scared yeah you're gone so when every time when these guys were like were leaving the sex show in my mind I was like look today I just go alright I'll see you guys back at the place or whatever like I paid the thing I'm gonna watch it or you maybe go alright whatever I'm leaving but like I wouldn't have left then only because I was like well we paid for it we already gave the money that's the poor thing we're talking about right you can't leave I paid for it they're not gonna give us our money back because a guy is getting naked at a sex show that's the point that's another one of those things where you're like maybe we throw a movie like hey this kind of sucks I want to get out of here so what happened or whatever they just kind of like where they were walking like ahead of me a little bit and like just kind of in their own kind of thing and they went off at one point and I was basically I had a decision where I was like if I'm gonna go I don't know if they went in to a thing I go but I go if I'm gonna go I gotta go right now yeah or stay do the right thing no no if I'm gonna go in with a prostitute I'm saying oh I gotta do it right now wait wait wait now we're walking around the red light district hold on hold on okay so you left with them I left with them yeah okay because I didn't want to be by my I was worried about being by myself yeah so now we're out in the streets walking through red light districts they go into a brothel they go into a place but I don't know if they I think they went into a place that was gonna be like a bunch like a brothel an actual brothel with like a lady and like you pick the girls or something like that so I don't know what but they went into there okay and I didn't know like a storefront with a plate with stuff in there yes but it was like it wasn't just it wasn't just like a girl in a window okay it was like a brothel it was like a place that you can go into and they went into that and I and you know two girls were chatting them up or whatever and I was like when they just got away from me enough I was like shit I gotta go now because I don't want to come out after them because I don't think they're waiting for me I think they're gonna keep just doing their own thing so you're gonna get in there out I'm gonna get in and out quick fucker quick fuck a black dude and then get back out black chick hopefully no I'm saying you gotta out quicken your fuck to them I gotta try to fuck they've already started you gotta start I wanna try to be done before they're done yes I wanna be outside when they're done but I'm here and you know I'm a fucking horny 20 something year old I wanna go in I wanna get one so I'm gonna try so I go in to the first storefront I see okay and it's a very unattractive black lady with a not good budge wait wait you went to a storefront yeah okay you know the lights were all going what do you do knock on the window no she just kinda calls you over and I just went in I was just like I was complete sucker for whatever I was like you called me in here I am first one I could see cause I just wanted to get over but I go in there and it's a black woman just not attracted to very little to do with her being black other than it was like she just had like fucking Leslie Jones hair and she was kinda chubby and just kinda like her outfit it wasn't my thing whatever it was so I was like oh yeah and then when I went in my pockets like all the fucking change fell out and I started picking it up and she goes I'll help you pick that up and I was like yeah I was like I think I'm gonna go actually and then she goes can I keep this and I was like what is it yeah yeah the change I was like yeah and then you find out it's like I probably gave her $20 in change cause the money that's been broken down they're changed they have like you know $5 coins and shit whatever yeah right so I think it's like that's like a dollar I thought I gave away a couple bucks I was like oh I gave her if she's letting me out of here for $10 I'm probably making a killing I probably got like $40 yeah each one of their coins is a fucking full dollar yeah yeah yeah it was just like everything fell out of my pockets I was like ah shit what can I keep this yeah it was so grubby but I was like yeah and so I left and then those guys came out like minutes after me and then we found our way back to the fucking place and then realized by the next morning I mean we just don't have food or nothing whatever so now's where we start making where it gets kind of fun weirdly enough and you know I'm still going through it worrying about my ex you know with this other guy can't get a hold of her at all but like in the down time a couple things one one of the comedians smokes weed so he was like let's smoke weed so it's probably the second time I ever smoked weed no really in Amsterdam and started smoking weed and I got like I was enjoying I was almost throwing up every time we smoked just from the coughing but like I was really having a good time like I felt it like you know for a little bit and I was like it was fun and then when we started doing what we did have was a camcorder first weed yeah we had a camcorder so then what we were doing for the days why oh cause you were with black people that weren't film crimes probably yeah yeah we were knocking off mailboxes no then we started getting creative and just like I'm lucky the two guys I was with while like you know black black dudes yeah silly guys and because of that what we did we just made movies during the day with the camcorder with editing and stuff like you know like retard like ridiculous horror movies we would make like silly things we would use the city in it's own way we'd go out and have to wait for a bus to come twice because you want something to appear behind it the second you know what I mean but no editing so you have to like film it all like in exact time and it was the dumbest shit dude and we laughed about it and we would watch that night smoke weed and watch that night and go to Burger King every day that's where I found out they put mayonnaise that's where I realized they put mayonnaise on their fries that's the Pulp Fiction thing yeah well on the fries was what I thought was weird they give you like a you know when you get a side of ketchup or they give you like a little like a hot mustard it's a thing of mayo to dip your fries in which is interesting it wasn't bad either but we would get dollar menu every day we were there that's what we ate 100% of the time we didn't get to try any other foods and then we'd watch our videos and one of the last days we were there we were walking around a bar we went to a bar and we saw George Clinton just sitting in the bar Parliament Funkadelic what? all the blue and you know the red braids and the whole fucking crazy hair you don't know who that is? I do know who it is we saw him what do you mean just there in Amsterdam? yeah and those two guys start like kind of like talking to him like friendly enough and he was very friendly we talked to him for like two minutes what are you in town for? what? you just went up to him? I didn't I mean those guys yeah oh man we're playing at the whatever theater right across this brick road or whatever that we're on I'm not sure I remember the name of the theater but I was like we're like oh okay you know whatever and we left and the next night we were walking around and we walked by that theater and we were like oh my god we just happened to be walking by that theater and he goes oh that's the George Clinton thing and these guys just walk up with their American accents and I remember the comic so funny he goes up to one of the comics goes up to the guy running security at the front door like beside the line we didn't even we're not even in the line beside the line he goes hey uh where were George? and they just open a they opened a fucking velvet rope for us and we walked in and we watched the last four songs of Parliament Funkadelic in Amsterdam so cool so now but also what's happening over these days is our money's gonna be dwindling down anyway because we're spending money this guy's giving us money and our shows are being cancelled the shows we were supposed to be doing out there are being cancelled in Amsterdam why? I don't know what do you mean why? I don't know they were just telling us that day he's like ah that show's actually not happening now and you haven't seen the guy who's supposed to pay you? no so he's supposed to come back so now but now it's also happening I think now also I got my own thing with Carla going going on where I'm like I gotta get the fuck back because now I was like I don't know I gotta hold her or something and she was kind of like I don't even remember what it was but in my mind in hindsight it's like some version of like you know a giggling like I can't really talk right now you know and I was like I gotta get the fuck out of here I gotta go home the show it's all the trip is falling apart now I'm not making as much money as I thought you know what I mean there's so much going on oh they're cancelling shows they're not gonna they're not gonna pay you for those shows no way so it's like I don't I'm not the guy getting deposits maybe those guys did but I'm not so it's like now I'm eating shit on this the ones so I go I make up a lie and I go I wanna get out of here I don't wanna do this last week the last thing we were gonna do was go up to Rotterdam nope where's fucking cities around Amsterdam what are you looking for be something a B Basilica no no no it's not that it's much easier Belgium Belgium Brussels is in Belgium it might be both Belgium I think the last thing was gonna be in Belgium and I was like very good waffles I'm bailing so I'm like this is all falling apart one while it's falling apart what do you mean bailing where are you gonna go you gonna get home you gonna buy a flight switch the flight home I gotta go home early the guy goes alright so he's the day he was coming up the day before he was gonna come before he took us to Belgium and I was like yeah I changed my flight I gotta go he goes alright man alright no big deal he's probably happy to not pay me for the rest of the stuff anyway I'm not setting the world on fire on these shows I'm available you know what I mean I'm getting along great with the other comics it's just that i also like they're not my you know it's like they're definitely like closer than i'm with them as the third yeah like i'm always the way they could just be having a blast together and i'm also like in there you know yeah three hour drive okay yeah yeah so i'm fucking uh i make these plans and the guy goes all right man i'll come and i'll take you to the airport that day okay what time you're gonna pick me up because you know it's international i gotta check my bag and i got you he goes we're gonna be he goes i'm gonna get you there about an hour before the flight i go dude it's international my bag's big i really gotta make sure i promised you we're gonna get you man i got you he shows up even late for what he said he was gonna show up for and i get there with like a half hour before boarding international flight i get to the front of the line the guy comes in with me and i go man i go uh you know i'm gonna check my phone the guy goes you like not even he's like no you're so past the time and we could take this bag at all and i was like what the hell am i gonna do and then the guy goes uh ben i remember his first name only he goes he goes you know i got you man he goes i'll take it back with me and then you know i'll just he goes i'm gonna have i'll send it home with the guys not even overthinking that you're really putting a lot this bag is huge you know it's it's all my stuff you know i mean again i don't know if we're doing laundry or anything while we're out there it's three weeks of clothes yeah i need it and uh he's like i'll send it home with you and then one of the other comics uh say he was gonna bring it home and then when he said he brought it home the next day i was like i'll come to you and i'll come grab it he goes oh man it got stolen from my apartment right outside my apartment man bag got stolen now what happened was he never what happened was he never brought it home because i don't i would have tried to get out of bringing it home too it was insane to ask somebody else to do that they're like what who would they bring it home to it was insane to ask somebody else to do that they're like what who the guy that was here like a who left like a week ago yeah yeah yes they're like yeah dude and it's like i mean it's not a bag once like it's a fucking ordeal like bringing us down with the strip club yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're gonna bring this heavy bag like oh no man no you send it fuck that and that's what happened and it never came back so that trip i couldn't tell you if i made a couple hundred dollars or what now you lost your bags twice something two times to bookend that trip but but carla decided to go to cardoza university i put a baby in her jewish and now i got a 23 year old daughter because of that well not because of the trip at all but maybe because you weren't so needy if you had been there you would have been dumb fucking needy 23 year old actually the fact that she was the fact that she was like i'm gonna go see this guy and i was still like well i gotta go to i'm on an international tour i'm doing big things i'm doing a multi a three turned to be two country tour of europe so three sure call it two to a call it even uh trip to europe so good luck with your guy boss was he at law school dude doesn't even sound like he's a lawyer yet that's why i'm so happy i remember to go back for that preface that's such a big thing of it it's like i lost all my clothes the day before i left and then all my clothes got left in germany after that so i my poor grandmother got because i had to come up and be like i think i'm gonna go to cardoza university and i'm gonna go to cardoza i think i made like five hundred dollars did you get paid who knows but i ever was dude i wasn't all of it and it was like a thing where i just had that but you know in my mind also i had to eat crow a little bit because i was like i was also bailing early on a lie but like also the shows were being canceled it was going like hey why yeah what the fuck bro you got i know both those comics still both of them do say it goes after i left they had a fucking blast the rest of the way also yeah they just kept having fun they were having fun there that i was not with george and you would never have thought of doing that okay i'm like if there wasn't anything going on with carla yeah if i wasn't worried about that like if i'm not there she's gonna move to boston and uh you still wouldn't have fun no no i think i know the money i would have had the same but no i would have had that same fun but i also wouldn't have gone home i would have just like stayed i just would have been like well i'm good now i'm doing this third place i hope this doesn't fucking i hope we have a couple dollars not the burger king every day i will tell you to relieve your attention every time i go to europe everybody tells me like like so i what i do is i go three or four days on and the rest off to like have fun i'll stay in the last city or go early to the next city um and then there's a one or two cities are sandwiched they're like you get in that day you leave the next morning and they go always do that with brussels it sucks yeah they're like there's nothing to do good yeah i did it so yeah i didn't really lose anything um jay's decision to leave trip oh trip trivia award yeah best decision to leave haha hey so this is what we do at the end of the episode that's the trip so you went home now i went home and i had to go daughter out of it and then i had to go buy pants and shirts like it by the way big and tall clothes aren't cheap because they charge you more because they're fucking bigger size the same fucking rock aware jeans that you were buying ari when you were a young wigger yeah same rock wear jeans 100 bucks more that big and tall um yeah that sucks sucked it's like getting banished on a pet or you had to dress like your fucking neighbor's dad you know dress like in fucking the store brand big and tall clothes or you can pay the harbor bay is one of them uh big dog athletics this is what you said in the storytelling show story yeah really you had two ways to go to yeah oh yeah it was bigger or the dad yeah that was it there was two choices now i just had to lose weight because i don't want to dress like a dad but i also can't dress for whatever they think their young thing is now yeah i got this for you oh the ticket it's me and lewis's seat he was three or four whatever hell yeah but if you ever do like a poster you know like a like a yeah this would go like where the border goes fuck yeah i don't know oh it's awesome thank you that way that way what a fun night god a fun night you so killed what a fun night i'm just glad after it was over something that's crazy i'm just glad afterwards everyone's stayed good friends i'm glad there was no dissension in the ranks of the actual dais i think it might have been actually the first after party where the my two friends most likely to just skip an after party both came oh yeah you and adrian oh you're both like and it's not gonna be my scene i'm not i'll meet you there i don't know something came up did you hear someone say kevin hart owned that club makes sense it does make sense what he got his fucking talons and everything they couldn't get a fucking whiskey at the before me and derosa went to get drinks like no whiskey only only tequila only this guy's tequila and you're like yeah did you watch me um go behind the red carpet at the uh his private area for a second no what'd you do i went over i said hi to keith yeah he was very loud yeah or it was very loud so no no i couldn't hear him we couldn't hear each other but it was like a nice like i was like hey keith but you know it's loud and he's surrounded by people not talking to him just people yeah and then i stood there and i just remember i was standing there i didn't know if it was like in my mind i'm like am i standing here to like wait to gain audience with kevin or whatever and then i just looked over my left and i was like and i just looked to my left and i was like is that meek mill and then i just went hey dude i'm gonna go back but the gem popped out you know this isn't like my thing and then i and then it was shane or tony or certain people or josh adam meyers they'd be like oh sick i'm staying here yeah i am staying here i went outside smoked cigarette yeah came back in when i came back in first person i saw seth green and i got to tell him what i've always when i said this i go dude i've been hoping in entertainment for 28 years i've been now at least i was like i've been hoping this tell you that we which i by the way i have told this before a million years ago at a jfl but i know he doesn't remember that interaction it was the airport yeah interaction so seeing him this he just watched me on the roast i go i've been waiting for a long time dude to go we went to the same fucking school growing up in west philadelphia lamberton a school no one would that's not like a you know it's not one of the main schools in the world it's not one of the main schools in the world it's not one of the main schools out in philly it's just this weird place it's kindergarten through 12th grade before you you were the he's a little older than me yeah yeah but it doesn't matter it's kindergarten through 12th grade yeah so when the kid didn't matter so when we were in second grade and he was in uh what do you figure maybe like fifth grade yeah yeah probably show the work it's not no no it's not then we can show the work he didn't know who i was yeah you know he was because it was like hey everyone seth uh has a commercial a fruit loops commercial seth's in radio days seth's in can't buy me love seth's in it and it was like there would be things that would be cool things like we all liked them because they did a smart move to school it'd be like tonight's homework make sure you go home and watch it the mini series with seth and the thing would be like yeah yes seth and then he got like a so fast i gotta tell him that and i gotta say just like when i told the slipknot guy that i saw when he was a kid their reactions are never like i feel like all these things i would go yo that's cool get the fuck out of here that little fucking prison that was nuts holy shit and it's like he didn't just start shooting the shit he goes remember it was like all we had was like a fucking it was like a school in the middle of the shit there's things to talk about it's a weird school and it was just kind of like ah yeah ah yeah yeah cool i'm like all right well and then i went over and then and then someone goes uh i think lewis is doing coke in the middle of the room which he wasn't someone just said that to me they go lewis is doing coke in the middle of the room i go what and then he obviously said i went and he wasn't doing coke in the middle of the room but like uh i just came in and i saw but lewis was like you guys were hammered and i wasn't hammered at all i just went as i go all right guys i'm gonna go i'm gonna go smoke another cigarette and then i was like yeah i was like i'm proud of you for making it i'm proud of you for Oh, yeah, for 45 minutes. Adrienne was lit, and she never gets drunk. And she was having a good time. Really? She was lit. Just a weird thing. With Marlene. So they were like, she was like, ha, ha, ha. He really does a thing, though. What? Kevin, which is interesting, that like, you know, the branding thing is great for him. I mean, it's why he's a billionaire, probably. Yeah. But like, just the idea of it, to go to this place. And I was like, I remember going to the bar, and I was like, can I get a- Three drinks. Of course. I understand, but it's like, it's tequila exclusively, tequila, his tequila. And just the idea of those things where I'd be like, oh, man, you got to just have like an open bar. Yeah, open bar. Like, if you want, maybe, maybe, because you're like, there'll be people that are influencing him with more money. He's got billions. But like, to go, the only tequila we'll have is my tequila, but, well, obviously we'll have everything else. Vodka, White Claws, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Or- Go, yeah, we have everything. I think the way we would do it is we have everything, but also here on top is my tequila, all around the row. So you see it. Show it. If it's like a Mark Normand thing, it's like, you're going to show- He didn't say, get bodega, get all the whiskeys out of the bars. No, but all, but you do all specialty. Hey, we're doing specialty things. It's all with his Grand Corde, you know, whatever. It was so funny, they gave me two bottles in the green room for my trailer that I just gave to a- Justin. Justin and Adam, I gave to our- That's cool. I go, here you guys, I'm not bringing this back to New York, so I'm like, yeah. And then the other day I got home, I got a delivery and it's like a bottle of, it's like, hey, thanks for lighting me up. You know, whatever, it's like whatever the standard note he wrote to everybody was. It's not personalized. Who? Kevin. Kevin. But it just goes, you know, it's like, thanks for lighting me up. And it's like a bottle of Grand Corde. I'm like- I don't want this. Stop. I've already given it away twice. Yeah. I'm not, I don't drink whiskey at all. By the way, by the way, it's a nice bottle. So in my mind, I'm like, oh no, I will keep this. No, you'll keep it then. It's a really beautiful bottle. Oh, you have that Japanese whiskey? It's just a funny thing to keep like, it's like, hey man, try this. He goes, I don't care about booze this much, man. Stop forcing it on me. Stop. Give me a fucking, yeah, free Netflix account for a year. I hope that was a good story. I hope that was a good travel story. That was. The Buy One Kevin Hart story is also includes you, is you're doing What's Your Fucking Deal at Montreal. Yeah. I was the audience, Mike. And Kevin Hart, every seven or eight years, he remembers he was friends with you. Yeah. And then he'll pop a set up. He just popped up. And you were like trying to like kind of get people to know about it, the show. And he goes, I'll do one, which was cool. He just popped in. Yeah. He was like, yeah, I'll be there. And if I get done with this, I'll be there where you're like 50-50, he comes, I don't know. But it was one comic after another. That's how What's Your Fucking Deal went. And there's an audience, Mike, where in case people get like, everyone's been talking in the front row. You get a little trapped. You just get somebody in the back. Yeah. I think my moment, did you ever do a Gramercy? No. It is some place where I was audience, Mike. Indoor theater. It might not have been a theater. It was probably the Gantry Loft when we did it at the big place when we, or the big room when we did Skank Fest in Brooklyn. That's a big room. Okay. Yes. That's a very big room. Did an old black comic do that show? Like Tracy Morgan or Yakov Smirnoff? He's not black, but, or Arsenio? No. No, no, Arsenio. Oh, no, no. Who's the guy that was on In Living Color? David Algar? Different world. Different world. Sinbad. Sinbad. Was he on that one? No. That was, Sinbad did one. That was a JFL Toronto. That was a JFL. That was DeRosa's audience, Mike. And Sinbad wouldn't do crowd work. He just kept doing material. And then about, but he did 90 minutes. And when DeRosa, about 45 minutes, came in the green room, he goes, I don't know what I'm doing out there with this microphone, dude. He goes, because he would go like this, because he was doing material. It's a crowd work show. So I remember Joe going like, he's like, man, I've been watching a lot of movies about vampires lately. Like Sinbad would say that. And he goes, hey, Sinbad. He goes, this guy over here looks like he is a vampire. He goes, uh-huh. Vampires apparently don't like silver. And they don't like, he goes right to his Joe. Uh-huh. And then Joe just came in like, the shows like that, Bobby's in that happen to him too. There's a couple of those. That's why I don't do the show really anymore, because it's sort of a design flaw in it when people don't do it. And also the idea is like, it's my show. I don't want to be audience, Mike. Right. And I go, I'm actually though putting the weight of the show on somebody else, really. It's like, I do my sets, but really the audience person. It's the person who's like working on it. And Bobby, one of them Nashville Fest, dude, he just kept throwing people up door, just kept throwing people up. And Bobby came up and he goes, buddy, I'm standing out there for two and a half hours. I don't want to do it anymore. I go, stop, stop doing it. Because they're not even doing crowd work anymore anyway. Like, just get out of there. I remember once the one where it really was, this is what the audience might should be is some comic made a joke about cheating or something like that off a riff of somebody. And then like 15 rows back on the right side, I was like, as audience, I go, hey, I think I'm having to roast on stage. I go, hey, when you say that, I'm going to do it. When you said cheating before, this guy did a quick glance over to his right, to this chick he was with. Yeah. And he goes, oh, really? And then he goes in on him. Like, that's what the audience might should be. But anyway, we're doing a Montreal. I'm audience. My Kevin Hart's doing this pretty big favor, coming to the show. And then he's up there talking to our audience. And I like. He told a story I couldn't believe he was telling. I kept telling him. I go, this is film. We're filming this. Oh, yeah. He goes, it's fine. I go, all right. And I think at the time, like his new chick was there. Wow. But it was a story. I mean, just like a chick story. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't like. Nothing illegal. It was from before. It was just a shitty thing he did. Yeah. And, you know, in a weird way. And it's like, so when you tell. I mean, like, I told a bunch of stories. I must say, to summarize it, it was just like, it was a girl I was hooking up with that I thought liked me a lot. Yeah. And I was just like, you know, in my mind, I was really thinking. And he was like, yeah, dude, I think that chick's kind of like a whore, which she was. But he was like, I think she's kind of. He was. It's like, it was one of those friends. It's a bit of a dicky move because the thing is, you're warning me for what? What am I going to tell you? I'm going to marry her or something? Yeah. I'm like, I'm just having fun. Yeah. And I think when I said, I think I got under his skin when I gave him like a, I go, I think you're just mad because she fucking came and like, wung at my direction. And that's usually not how it goes. Like, we do a lot of black shows together. So it's like, you end up, I end up entertaining some like fucking pile of pudding while you fucking fuck a hot chick in the bathroom. So I was like. So I finally got a hot chick in the bathroom. So this girl, she wasn't even hot. Yeah. She was cute. Yeah. Chubby girl, but she was cute. And it was like, no, but she's just like down. And like, you know, I'm like, when I go to New York, I'm like hooking up a lot. You know, I'm like me and her dipping off to go fuck in my car or whatever. And I'm like, he's like, yeah, she's a whore. And I'm like, you're just mad or whatever. And then we picked her up one time and he was just like, he got in the back seat with her while I was driving. And he was like, yeah. He's like, Jason, you suck really good dick. And then she just basically started sucking his dick essentially. Wow. And I was like, he's like, see? And I was like, that's good. But when he started telling the story, I was like. You sure you want to tell this man? I go, I'm not embarrassed of it because I mean, it's a zillion years ago, but it makes you look like you were not a good friend. And I don't think you were a bad friend, but that's a bad friend move. Every time though on that show where I was like, oh, this guy did this. You could just tell he wasn't told what the show was and had obviously no idea who I was. So it was just like, he heard something in the loudspeaker going, hey, this guy over here has a dumb shirt or whatever. And he just like looks and like the look on his face is like, who is this? And who gave him a microphone? I should work on a Kevin Hart impression because. Yeah. You have a lot of Kevin Hart stories. Yeah, there are. But because there also is like a thing. It's like, I see like the what's imitatable. Yeah. When he went on that breakfast club show defending the roast thing. But he goes, he goes, Tony Hinchcliffe's going to make those kind of jokes. You're going to get those jokes. Would I say him? No. But Tony Hinchcliffe. It's like, I don't know why something about that because like he's saying Tony Hinchcliffe and it's like, I don't think, I know he knows the name. But like the familiarity, what you're saying, Tony Hinchcliffe, they go, you guys aren't friends. Yeah, it sounds like. You guys don't know each other at all. Hey, tell me his name 20 times in a row so I make sure to say it right. I'm that guy. I'm a speech pathologist who comes in and helps me. Now, Tony Hinchcliffe is going to say those kind of jokes. He goes, you don't know what kind of jokes Tony Hinchcliffe says. You're such a bubble. But God bless him. He's still defending it. And really, I'll say it a thousand times and roost up, dude. Sheryl Underwood, man. What a fucking sport. What a ruler. What a dog that has gone out there and fucking fought the good fight. When the jokes were about her, the jokes are about her and she has to keep going around being like, everybody, I'm fine. Stop. She glances by it in such a good Miss Pat way. When Miss Pat talks about her molestation, she's like, and then this guy's dick smelled like this, but I went over here. You're like, whoa, whoa. Sheryl Underwood's like, no, what a great time. She handled the view pretty good, too. Oh, I didn't see her on the view. She did a view. Didn't they hate her because she was on the talk? Yeah. She did the view. I thought she got a little, I wouldn't put this on the show either. This isn't worth it. But she did say something on that where it's like, she goes, I thought I was the big dog at one point because they were, and that's kind of something other people have been saying where they really seem to go at her. I'm like, they went at everybody. They went at everybody. I don't think it was disproportionately on her. No, that's what happens when you look at like- And she kind of grazed, gazed, she kind of like put it out like it was that, too. She kind of goes like, yeah, you know, it's a- No, they went at everybody. They went at Tony and Shane more. But she gave herself a bit of like the, it did feel like they were like, it was the roast of me a little bit. And I was like, oh, that's weird. But it doesn't matter because two seconds later, she's always kind of like, they ran at Bobby. They ran at Bobby. We did the thing. He goes, it worked out for me. Things are good. I know Tony. I think it's probably also like, hey, so I don't know her, but like I got to pick on somebody and I can't do it. Lizzo's going to be tacky. Anytime anybody asks me, dude, I just said the flat out thing I said, I go, I don't know Cheryl Underwood. I don't know her so well that I wasn't, well, if I didn't get that information, but if they were like, yeah, so one of the things people were talking about is her husband killed himself. It's not a dig on Tony or anybody who made a joke about that, especially if they talked to her. I would just be like- Even if I called her and asked her if it was okay. Unless I had a joke that was like such a monster about that, that I'd go, hey, I think this is so funny like would i run it but but besides that i would just go i don't know or so i'm just going to not be a voice because i said i used to fit friends calling me fat i remember the first time i did eddie if did i got eddie if's face a million years ago now 20 some years ago now but it was a you know i went on stage did eight fat jokes about myself and then got off stage and he was up there he goes he just goes hey guys how about it for that fat fuck huh and we came up i go hey man no i go we're not friends like that i go so whatever you're doing right there i don't i don't like that at all and i did that with bobby slayton too that's funny wait okay go back sorry thank you for having me um dude that ruled that was fun so here's what i ask everybody at the end um is any place calling you to go and then if you have any travel tips i assume like don't lose all your luggage before yeah travel tips make sure you keep your suitcase handy uh and bring it with you wherever you go and you're nobody will bring it home for you um and what was the first thing you said no no for real a place that's calling me yeah some place you want to go in the world it's any it's not like the number one but you just feel like maybe i want to go there one day yeah like uh not that's pretty i like i really like green places okay so it's like i do like that i think i would really like like seeing i again like when i go to like washington states and stuff so whatever like the foreign equivalent of like those rolling hill is beautiful but the desolation of it you don't like i don't like so it's like probably to me it's more like when sao and then was like we went to fiji i was like that that sounds like a thing where i'm like okay i'm with your own all-inclusive yeah yeah yeah i don't want to overthink it but i also want to like because i said the thing if i'm gonna do with things it's gonna be literally i want to watch movies while i'm in a pool looking at an ocean doing it a thing do you know i mean i want to do my thing but i want like yeah yeah swingers yeah you want it taken care of yeah okay i'd like some fucking salty swingers maybe to be there well there's places for you there's places like that and like yeah yeah no absolutely i said those are the place though guys i said aside from like again i just also buy all the hype of like no but you know i my fucking daughter like at any given time i could just go hey i'm gonna go to my uh ex-mother-in-law's place in santa marta on the beach columbia of columbia and i'm like yeah the problem is i'm gonna go out there on the beach i'm not gonna understand the television out there and then i'm gonna go out there and i'm gonna uh and then the food's gonna be weird and then i'm probably gonna get kidnapped and they're gonna kill me if my parents don't pay money which that's you're not gonna enjoy it it's not gonna happen but you're not gonna enjoy it because i'm in my mind i'm just kind of like this is so like oh my god is that a loose chicken like things like that yeah is that chicken is that chicken we're spoken for it's so funny is it just a native chicken walking around like a pigeon that's weird by the way so i get the same feeling in fucking ybor city yeah like is that loose roosters all right so you're gonna resort somewhere okay very nice jay everybody check him out on his on his alone's uh podcast every week called legion of skanks i have been the president i was the one time host i was the conan o'brien of that show and now i do it alone ever since lewis quit passing of lewis aggressively lewis unfortunately died one day in a crazy accident or uh road rage or heart attack or the bets should be on kashia lewis type of death type of death yeah you know what that might be part of the fucking argument last episode before you come yeah it goes if lewis dies before you come back what would it be from that's a great subject it's not bad i like that thank you bubba yeah all those tour dates at big jokerson.com comedy big j comedy.com big j comedy.com and i'll do the bumper and do everything i'm gonna miss you gotta come i'm gonna miss you too yeah all right everybody that's the episode hope you enjoyed it thank you very much big j okerson for tuning in next week i believe it's joe de rosa telling us about either japan or somewhere else i'm not sure but big j okerson is right now um what a fucking joy to have honestly always brings it subscribe wherever you're watching and listening and and and go subscribe to his instagram right now or his youtube big j comedy big j okerson just search for it i don't really know the name um and reach out to him by the way give him a dm and tell him you enjoyed him in this episode and please come back he's always good he's always good he doesn't even travel that much but when he has he always brings a great story he's one of the best story it's awesome to have a storyteller that's amazing and also a crowd work guy that's amazing and also his bits are pretty fucking good how many women cops could you beat up 99 it's a great bit at the end of dog belly which i produced produced three specials now me oh no i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do it adrian apaluchi big j okerson salvo cano salvo cano's got an episode coming soon where he interviews me about my trip to egypt please subscribe so you can get notified when that comes i think i've mentioned enough you want to subscribe before i go first of all this podcast is produced by your mom's house network edited by alan caffey uh helped along by chris larson and niana palette um but what i wanted to tell you is um it's been one year that i've been growing out my hair one year let me give you a good look at my hair and i gotta decide what to do with it now it was july 31st 2025 i shaved it bald you see it all you see it all still not going in there shaved all bald in the lounge of in mexico city yeah i got bumped up to first class on the mexico to uh southern southern mexico uh to a beach where i started my six seven month uh travel across latin america yeah i'm already gavara che gavari damn norma would come up with something good and i shaved it bald i've grown it since then it's gotten me in a little trouble i remember a few times i was in colombia where they really care about their appearances the women the highest level of plastic surgery in the world and the men i mean they constantly go in and i go la barba no es bueno they all these barbers like come on dude obviously come in come get it fixed up like no i'm not touching it bro i'm not touching i did shave the neck parts that's about it a year i don't know what to do now i might go mullet i might go shave mullet to honor the memory of theo vaughn rest in peace you're one of the greats man and i'll miss you every day i remember our talks sarah tiana's parties back in the day you were awesome and i never thought i never thought a fucking skittles overdose would have taken you down yeah if you don't know theo vaughn was having a good time at a wedding between his cousin and a squirrel and there was free skittles and he just couldn't stop eating he just couldn't stop eating eating sorry i'm honor his memory and he's gone now but maybe to honor him i'll get a mullet maybe i'll do the let me thing longer maybe i'll just keep it going and and shave this leave a comment tell me what uh styles i should make if you if you can do a gif or a picture in the comments so i can see what you're talking about even better and it helps the podcast uh please tell a friend about this show why not i'll tell you some of my uh um because i'm probably not gonna do an episode about amsterdam i do usually have a rule for this podcast well three rules no politics unless it directly involves the trip you were on not even if they got into something later case in point myanmar didn't see any of it had no effect on my it was in a short window where the army had given up control on song suki was out of house arrest um and so what am i gonna weigh in on the politics i can tell you what i'm gonna weigh in on the politics i'm gonna weigh in on the politics you know i talked to someone i did it at the end of a of an old skeptic tank which again guys i got one comment so i'm not sure i'll do it do you guys want me to put the skeptic things up on the ubi trip and patreon i gotta put them behind a paywall but if that's something you want yeah but let me know if you want to or not um the only way to reach me really is comments for the first two days of this episode where i weigh in and kind of reply and stuff it makes some jokes and also on only trails i'm the number one comic on only trails you can see kind of my whole trip through latin america if you go to my only trails ari shafir it's a picture of me i think in front of machu picchu um what was i gonna say i think i've been not given apartments here in london because of my appearance it's crazy but i like they like look at me they go it's actually full and then i'll see it still on the market it's got to be this but i don't want to play that game but i do want to get out of here i'm not going to play that game i'm not going to play that game it's been frustrating it's been very frustrating i have not gotten settled at all i knew it'd be difficult but i didn't know it'd be this difficult fuck shit uh anyway let me tell you about my amsterdam because i won't do a trip so here's my rules no politics unless it involves that like uh for instance uh um if you were um in palestine during the invasion or uh at the nova festival during that invasion sure politics plays a role or if you're in politics um you know um if if your thing was being an ambassador in a place or working in an ambassador's house during the invasion in libya sure politics is going to play into that but generally nah and it's been covered and i don't think honestly my rule is i don't think comics should cover it we don't really know enough and it's kind of silly um i do see a lot of hypocrisy on both sides so i can't help as a as a um antagonist to kind of poke at both sides going like what about that um It's fun, it's fun. Trump sucks, Biden sucks. obama sucks clinton sucked bush sucked i don't know what to tell you none of them did what they promised um i don't even weigh in i just kind of like tune in once in a while if my friends are saying some shit i'm like let me research this like oh nah this is wrong anyway anyway and i have friends on both sides of almost everything almost every middle east american politics and now finally in england i'm left out of it because i don't know who your president is right now anyway the rules are no politics no resorts because really unless you got really rowdy unless you were at hotel rwanda i'll do one of those no resorts and no amsterdam because this just talks about i got so high and i lost my way around i'm sure i'll do another one if i get pressured of like hey i really need it i have a special coming out i'm sure i'll do it but like i really i i guide myself not to and i get drawn into politics obviously all the time it's it's the antagonist that makes me just poke it's like shane had a had an interview where he said he was talking about and they were saying how uh the women's soccer team was just as good as the men's and he's like and he's with a bunch of women uh athletes he's like and his friends like don't don't say it don't say it because you want to be like wow i mean come on they said you know george bush is worse than hitler barack obama's worse than hitler trump is worse than hitler and you're like wow i mean i don't know about worse my brother has a story there was a shooter in in um sniper in washington dc and if you guys remember this 20 something years ago first it was like a mta worker and you're like oh maybe they're doing government workers then it was like someone who used to be a mailman i'm like okay it could be government workers then it was just some random other person then a woman then an old man and then it was like other it's totally we don't know who this is the city was on high alert the suburbs too turned out it was a guy driving his nephew around his nephew what a shot by the way threw a hole in the trunk sniping people i mean what a shot Democrats, you got to recruit him. If I had one, anyway, I mean, if you want to take matters into your own hands, I'm not against it. But you got to do the training first, you know. Luke Skywalker fucking went and trained with Yoda before he went and tried to kill the Death Star. You can't just go, I'm going to do it. What? You think you're just going to learn how to snipe? You got to train, bro. Anyway, got my ear piercing. Great, message well put, dorks. Anyway, thank God the other side is calmer because there's got to be better shots from what I understand. Anyway, anyway, anyway. What was I saying? What was I saying? What was I saying? Oh, so the sniper was going around and then people were calling him fake tips. So my brother was talking to someone at work and they go, the guy who's calling him fake tips, it's making the police go and investigate that. And he's actually worse than the sniper. My brother goes, well, I mean, it can't be worse than the sniper. The sniper's worse. And they go, oh, you're on the sniper side? I'm like, no, no, I'm just saying somebody distracting the police is not worse than the guy who's actually killing people. And then the lady at work goes, all right, fine, well, just as bad. And he goes, I mean, you're making me take the sniper side here. No, not just as bad. The sniper is much worse. So anyway. That's my general rule. And if you're hearing me go, this is something I do in podcasts a lot, too. You can always tell. Or if somebody says something, you go, oh, OK. Oh, really? Which means I don't know and I don't really care to talk about it. So if you seem to know, you seem to know. But I'm not going to sit here and check you on stuff I have no idea about. So I go, oh, really? Oh, OK. That's me going, can we move on, please? It's kind of like when you're at a party and someone gets a little too racist and you don't know them at all. And maybe they're joking, benefit of the doubt. But also. Maybe they're not joking. And you don't want to hear it. But you're also not going to be the guy. Look, none of us are the guy who goes, hey, man, that's not cool. I won't stand for this. That's not the reality. The reality is I just want this to stop. And I want to move away. And so if I can see a friend go, all right. Oh, excuse me one second. I'm not going to lay down the law. I'm anti-conflict in person. So I just go, anybody brings up anything like that? I go, oh, yeah. And then once in a while I'll say something. But anyway. No answer. But Jay did a great answer. But my Amsterdam says I'll never get to it. Obviously the first time I got to it. Obviously the first time. You might have heard about this in my special on Netflix, Double Negative. Where I got the best grilled cheese sandwich of all time. Right next to the Anne Frank house. Guys, I need to get the word out better. Because I've only made one or two statements about this. The place is under new ownership. I went back. I got reports that it wasn't good. And I go, you're being a naysayer. You're being negative. How dare you? It was the best. Multiple different cheeses. I wish I could show you the special on Netflix right now. But they have pretty strong copyright rules. And they won't let me put it on here. You can't even screen grab a Netflix special. You can't even press screen record. It comes up black. Pretty smart. Netflix, do comments at least. Anyway. It's new ownership. I went back myself to test it. And I'm like, man, this is just a foreman grill. One slice of cheese and a foreman grill. So do not go back to that place. It's not the same. It is not the same. And in Frank House, still quite the same. Still very much the same. That grilled cheese sandwich is gone. And I walked around and I tried some coffee shops, which is what they're called, where you get high. You know, I was already a pot smoker. So I wasn't like, I wasn't like debilitated from it. You know, also from my experience in Europe, Copenhagen, Cristana, better. I haven't been to Spain. I haven't tried the weed. No, I did try the weed in Spain, but I haven't been to the dispensaries there. So I don't know. I've heard Spain might be better. And then also Eastern Europe is a whole other thing that I won't even count. But from my experience in, limited experience, Norway, everywhere I went and got weed, Copenhagen, Denmark was the best. And not Amsterdam. But the last time I was there, you know, I've gotten weed and I'm sure I stopped in and got some. I walked around and I went to some park and I can't even tell you what it was. But I saw, I saw a video piece. I went to see a Yayo Kusama. You know, she's like great. Anytime she's had any exhibit anywhere, go. It's in Finley rooms. They're so fucking cool. I kind of want to copy it and make it myself, which I probably could. If I find an apartment big enough with spare room that I can make an experience room. I saw a video piece. I don't have it. I don't have it. I'm going to leave it in the comments. I'll leave it and I'll pin the comment. First comment. There was a question. There was a quote in there. It was a video between a poet and a videographer and a musician. And it was in an all mirrored room. The video, whole video screen on one side. And I sat and I watched through the mirror and it was talking about this. It was talking about the cell phone, iPhone 13 mini and how much of life we lose. And every time I'm in, I was like, I got to get off this thing. I got to get off this thing. As soon as I find an apartment, I'm going back to a flip phone. Light phone. Maybe I'll get a light phone if they give service in the UK. I mean, I got to get on WhatsApp. Everybody uses WhatsApp here, so I don't know how to do it. Anyway, I'll figure out a way because I'm losing my life. It was the quote with something along the lines and I'll leave it in the comment. I'll pin the comment. All right. If you. Beauty, so soft. Let me see if I have it in here. I will tell you right now. Go check out Big J comedy. So soft. Whisper. Nope. All accounts. iCloud. Share notes. Nope. On my phone notes. Beauty. Nope. I don't have it. It's about how if you just stay quiet and still for a minute, you can realize life's beauty. And it's gay. I know what I'm saying, but I found that sometimes. When I was in Edinburgh, I had my flip phone and I was passing by like a children's hospital. I got to like, you know, I'm not on the phone normally. I'm here now. I'm constantly on it. And I looked up and I saw these like, like drawings from these kids in the windows. It was like really cool. Kind of like, you know, little things touch you. Like this takes you away from just observing around you. I'm killing. I'm talking to myself, by the way. Every time a comedian just tip says, I don't read comments. It's because they read comments. You know what they also don't say? I don't start wars. Yeah, they don't say that because they never did. And they don't even think about it. I don't read comments means they read comments when they're trying not to, or they're trying to let you know that you're not going to get through to them on the comments. I read the comments on this for the first two days and respond to them. Um, be still and you hear the whisper of beauty so soft. Something like that. I'm going to write in the comments to who it is and what the quote was. And I'm watching it through a mirror so I can see myself and the video behind me. I've turned around. Man, it hit me. And then I went outside and there's all this outdoor stuff, outdoor sculptures and stuff. Isn't that great? Great art. Like it hits you even way later. Drone, boo. Yeah, anyway, I love Amsterdam and it's one of the top comedy scenes in the world. world. Boom Chicago is a great club. Their local shows are packed. If you find yourself in Amsterdam, go see a local show. It's going to be pretty good. It's not going to be a level of New York. It's not going to be a level of New York or London or LA or Austin, but it will be really good. Berlin, Amsterdam, there's great comedy scenes popping up all over. I've got to think Mumbai, New Delhi too, but I don't know about great. Anyway, let me give you Jay's dates real quick so you can go see them. BigJayComedy.com Here we go. Go see them. Go get a ticket right now. Levittown, Royal Oak, Michigan, Albany, New York, Virginia Beach, Timonium, Maryland, that's Baltimore, Cleveland, Ohio, Seattle, Seattle, Denver, Colorado, the best club in the world, Denver Comedy Works, Rochester, New York, Austin, Texas, The Mothership, that's going to be sold out anyway. If you want tickets, you better go to that right now. Halloween weekend, Brea, California, New Orleans, New Brunswick, Louisville, Kentucky, Louisville Comedy Club. By the way, best chain in the country, the Bricktown Comedy Chain, which is Louisville, Tulsa, Oklahoma City, that one in Indiana. Where else is there? I think they have one in Tacoma? Philadelphia, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, at the Wilbur. Whoa, he's going to do multiple shows there. That's it. Go to bigjcomedy.com. Guys, that's it. Yeah, Amsterdam kind of rules. The Anne Frank Museum is great. The Bowls Museum is a good tip. Go to the Bowls, and they give you, like, they tell you how to, you've never taken Bowls, but you see it at bars, and they, this might have stopped by now. It might have been stopped in the heat. But they give you all these testers, and they let you have a couple free glasses. Pretty cool. The Heineken exhibit, where you see the Oompa Loompas making their Heineken. They take their Heineken boat and make them, and that's great. And then the fucking no-ear dude, Van Gogh. His museum is pretty great. And then whatever this modern art museum. I like modern art. Anyway, guys, that's the episode. I hope you enjoyed. Next week, Joe DeRosa. I think I might be wrong. I might be wrong. Joe DeRosa's in two weeks. Next week is either Noam Dorman on Israel, or fuck. Prison episode. Fuck. I forget. Subscribe anyway. You don't want to miss a DeRosa episode. And whoever the next one is, also you don't want to miss. That's it, everybody. Hope you enjoyed the episode. Go get The End right now, by the way. Seven episodes of The End for the price of five, plus you get the free prequel, plus you get every episode of YMH Live right now. Go and get it. Seven for the price of five, plus every episode of YMH Live, where you see Joey Diaz coming out of retirement. You see this is a limited time. You only get this for the next two weeks. If you already bought it, you get it. And you see the peg in the ass, in the gimp's ass, where they play ring toss. Man, man, they really figured out how to do a live show. Alright, guys. Bye. Please save this to recording. Yes, it is! Bye!