Beware Greek Ambassadors Bearing Grifts

Crooked Con is coming up right after the election, and we have just added a bunch more great names to the lineup. We've got Governor J.B. Pritzker coming, Senator Chris Murphy, and then over from the House side, Ilhan Omar, Robert Garcia, Sarah Jacobs, Jamie Raskin, Sarah McBride. We also have Carlos Eduardo Espina, Simone Sanders Townsend, Eugene Daniels, David Pakman, Jessica Tarloff, Heather McGee, and then all the other people that we've announced on the website, plus more to come. Great list. Check out the full lineup and get tickets right now at CrookedCon.com. We'd love to see you there. That's CrookedCon.com. This is Matt Rogers from Lost Culture East. That's with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture East. Okay, we've been talking about Kewpie Mayo for a minute now, Bow, and wow, the feedback we're getting. I mean, so many of y'all love this stuff. You're stopping us in the street going, I love Kewpie. And if you're thinking, wait, what is Kewpie? Do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise, the one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle. Once you know it, you start seeing it everywhere. People ask what makes it different from basic mayo. Well, the answer, egg yolks. Kewpie is made with egg yolks only, giving it this incredibly rich umami flavor that elevates everything. Burgers, fries, sandwiches, chicken, noodles. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. People who really love food and flavor use it. Whatever you're eating, Kewpie it. So if you haven't tried Kewpie yet, find the bottle with the red cap and see what everyone's talking about. You'll understand. Kewpie, the original Japanese mayonnaise. What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It, live from Hollywood. A special shout out to our viewers on MSNOW. I'm John Lovett, former presidential speechwriter, Rachel Maddow. and host of the funniest show you are currently watching. Tonight on the show, Congresswoman Sarah McBride, Congressman Derek Tran, and the great Tig Notaro are here. But first, let's get into it. What a week. On Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal reported that Kimberly Guilfoyle, the U.S. ambassador to Greece and erstwhile fiance to Donald Trump Jr., participated in a shockingly brazen bribery scheme by Big Fat Greek Scandal, they're calling it. According to the report, Guilfoyle asked Trump donor Eric Dieters for $100,000 to pay down her American Express bill just ahead of her confirmation hearing. And while we didn't previously know that Kimberly Guilfoyle was $100,000 deep in credit card debt, we did sort of spiritually, instinctively know, right? We knew Kimberly Guilfoyle was in credit card debt the way freshly hashed sea turtles know they must crawl to the ocean. Ironically, being deeply in debt and not knowing how to pay it back made her a perfect fit for Congress. Poor Greece. See, some of the jokes are at the expense of Republicans, but occasionally, Greece is going to take a shot, you know? Guilfoyle was privately lobbying the Trump administration to help Dieters with IRS and legal issues in exchange for up to $1 million if she was successful. She was not successful, as hard as she tried, much like this convention speech. Leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty and the American dream, the best, is yet to come! Very, very forceful speech, Jake, from Kimberly Guilfoyle. Forceful is one word for it. But she still texted Dieters asking for the additional $100,000 in a way that would not leave a paper trail. And it is smart to leave a paper trail when you're asking for no paper trail so that anyone who might look for a paper trail will see that you were too smart to leave a paper trail and call off the sale. Off the search, wrote Guilfoyle, it won't show up anywhere if you wire money to American Express. That's all it will show, please. It won't show up anywhere. Not the Wall Street Journal, not John Lovett's opening monologue, not anywhere. Guilfoyle also texted, honey, please, I need you to get this done for me today, along with the praying emoji and a PDF with payment instructions via the Signal app. Why am I on this, replied the Atlantic's Jeffrey Goldberg. laughter laughter Dieters, however, did not send her the money, telling Guilfoyle that it would end his marriage. Boy, every relationship has its own challenges. My mother was right about what she said at our wedding. One day you would send a bribe to the ambassador to Greece. But hey, sometimes ending a marriage is the best thing that could ever happen to you. Just ask Gavin Newsom. He was married to Kimberly Guilfoyle. He's got to make sure people know. Isn't that wild? Life is long. Life is long, you know? Life is long. Dieters also told Guilfoyle he would pay her $1 million if she could land him an interview on Tucker Carlson's show, which also never materialized. I have an in with him, insisted Guilfoyle. You know that demon he says attacked him while he was sleeping? That was me! This is the biggest failure to secure $1 million since my Wednesday night appearance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? laughter Yeah, sure. applause Dieters and a local guitarist had also written a song called Kentucky Outlaw that he wanted Guilfoyle to show Kid Rock. Here is a. that's real. Here is a taste of the song, which we can legally play as long as we comment on it. He's a Kentucky outlaw He fights a man and refuses to crawl That sucks. The Wall Street Journal also obtained screenshots in which Guilfoyle warned Dieters to stop talking about their corrupt arrangements in texts and emails. In January of 2025, weeks after her nomination to the ambassadorship, Guilfoyle complained that Dieters had told one of her podcast producers about their deal. She wrote, It's unbelievable when we have a private arrangement with you that you would now CC a producer talking about the money. Good luck, babe. Your podcast producers are going to know everything about you. There is no way around it. Oh, that reminds me. I have to kill producer Bill. Added Guilfoyle, You'll literally cost me my ambassadorship. Stop writing. See, Kim, you were worried over nothing. It didn't cost you your ambassadorship. It does mean that you now need a pardon from Donald Trump, the father of your ex-fiancé, which, even if you're on cordial terms, isn't necessarily a lock. I am on perfectly good terms with my almost-mother-in-law, Mia Farrow, and I don't believe she'd want me to go to federal prison, but until she signed the paperwork, I would be nervous. Meanwhile, Trump said this week that the administration does not at present believe that a plague bioweapon has escaped from a Russian lab. They're saying, it's very much under control. So, we hope not, Peter. We've heard this before, a couple years ago during your first term. Are you getting the same vibe right now from Russia that you got from China at the start of COVID? Well, China didn't say much, and Russia's not saying much either, but they do say they have it very much under control. Cool, cool, cool. Very reassuring. Very reassuring. Hey, should we be worried that Dr. Fauci is driving from Costco to Costco buying all the toilet paper? According to a new report in The Atlantic, the White House has asked the Pentagon to draw up plans for a strike in Iran to take place before Election Day with the hopes of giving the GOP a boost in the midterms. And yet, on Thursday, Trump ruled out a strike, writing on True Social, we will not be attacking Iran at any time prior to the midterm elections to be held in the United States on November 3rd. Said one Iranian commander, running from the bunker, we are going to have the best fucking month of our lives, hoping against hope that at least one of the other commanders also really, really wants to kiss. It's a welcome change after Trump suggested Iran go ahead and blow up San Diego, where Pete Hegson, Heg Seth traveled to greet the returning sailors of the USS Abraham Lincoln. Here he is, running behind the Marines at Air Station Miramar. Look, Heg Seth is 46. It makes sense that he can't keep up with active-duty Marines. It would be pretty tough, even if he weren't sweating out pure gin. Heg Seth is a world-class schmuck who should be impeached and ultimately sent to prison for war crimes. But I saw a lot of people mocking him for his athletic prowess from the safety of their keyboards. I just know that Heg Seth and I, while having very little in common, share the same reaction to being in our mid-40s, complete and total denial. Because right now, I, too, believe I can keep up with those Marines. Hate to fall behind, but love to bring up the rear. Am I right? This guy knows what I'm talking about. Crooked media on MSNOW. All right. Not that Heg Seth kept my sympathies for long, because on Thursday, while aboard the USS Lincoln, the defense secretary said the public will be able to watch a live stream of the firing squad when it executes former Army Major Nadal Hassan, who killed 12 soldiers and one civilian at Fort Hood in 2009. We know what it is. It was a radical Islamist attack in uniform inside the ranks. And so he's going to get a firing squad of soldiers, as it should be. And we'll make sure that people are able to watch it, that it's public, because people need to understand that there's serious consequences for these types of things. That's smart, Pete. Only problem, it's not exactly a deterrent for mass shooters craving information. who want to go out in a blaze of glory to stream their dramatic and exciting execution to the public. One way to potentially create more mass shootings is to launch a new reality show called So You Think You Can Shoot Us. Speaking of gruesome reality shows and yet more leaked audio and a clip that is incredibly the most damning yet, Texas Republican Attorney General and, yes, ladies, he's single, Ken Paxton, talks at a private fundraiser about cutting programs like the one he's in right now Social Security and Medicare. reasonable cuts and mandatory spending, you're going to have to do it. Or there is no solution. That's just a reality. We have to suck it up. We've been spending like crazy and no one seems to care. It's going to bankrupt us. I would really like to pay my fair share of taxes, which is less than I'm paying. Quite the cut up, that Republican lady. Ellen Les Jenner is over here. If you actually listen really closely, you also hear James Salarico whisper into the microphone. I'm James Salarico and I approve this message. Meanwhile, Maine Senator Susan Collins squared off against her Democratic opponent, Troy Jackson, in a debate Tuesday that focused on the impact of tariffs on Maine. Troy mocked it, but I was successful in getting concrete, pulp and road salt removed from the tariff list. I didn't mock the fact that she got road salt back. I mocked the fact that what about everything else? I mean, we can't eat road salt. Maybe you can't eat road salt, said Health and Human Services Secretary R.F.K. Jr., chowing down on a flattened possum he described as dry brine. In sexier news, New York Democratic congressional candidate Chris Gallant responded to a recent uncovered X-rated BDSM photo he took several years ago as part of an ad campaign for a fetish brand. Gallant would have addressed this earlier, but he was under a gag order. Going back to less sexy news again, on Bill Maher's show, author and journalist Anand Giridharadas made an important point about homelessness. A pretty large chunk of those people who end up in cities were failed in some other parts of this country. There are a lot of families who fail the first duty of family, which is to love your kids more than any other thing. And there's a lot of families in this country that look at some verse in some book and choose the verse in the book over their child's face. Every time someone is sleeping on a subway bench in a city, the rest of America can sort of say, ah, look at these cities. But we are holding a lot of your people who you fail to love and take care of. The clip has gone viral with a lot of people praising his point. This is how it's done. You never hear about this in the media. And the secret to a perfect poached egg from a Michelin chef, though I do think that last one is just my algorithm. And it's true. There is a long history of cities like San Francisco and Los Angeles being a refuge for young people escaping hostile families and seeking a life where they could be gay or trans or whatever else in places with fewer barriers. And it's true. There is a long history of cities and greater possibility. There's a reason there are so many songs about California. It's been a beacon of freedom, opportunity, and hot shirtless guys on roller skates for a long time. But this is a trap. Fox News blames every conceivable ill on the depraved coastal elites, on immigrants, on socialists, and trans people. It's to lay guilt and provide an easy, satisfying answer, a confirmation of their viewers' moral superiority. And we can't slip into that same mentality as good as it might feel. I'm sure slipping into the La Brea tar pits feels awesome for a minute. Last year, USC found as part of the 2025 Greater Los Angeles Homeless Count that nearly 80% of unhoused people had lived in Los Angeles County for more than five years before losing housing. The California Statewide Study of People Experiencing Homelessness out of UC San Francisco found that nine in 10 unhoused people were residents of California when they became homeless. According to LA's own homelessness agency, the unhoused are not, for the most part, made up of outsiders. They are people who live in our communities but may have been priced out by an ever-increasing housing market. We see ourselves as morally superior, tolerant, and welcoming, and compassionate, but that is a lie. Oh, Alabama kicks their kids out because of the Bible? LA kicks people out because we won't allow construction of buildings over seven stories. Californians get priced out of housing every day, and where do they end up going? Conservative Texas, which, by the way, has built more solar and wind power. I heard they even have a vegan running for Senate. And for those who stay in LA, how many live far from their jobs, sitting in traffic on crumbling roads, or waiting for slow and unreliable buses that require budgeting hours just to get to work while our mayor and city council block housing construction and our leaders hold a press conference to celebrate a new 10-mile transit line that won't be running till 2047 if we're lucky. On the bright side, if we all get in our cars now, we can arrive at the new K-Line station right when it opens. By the way, LA's homelessness agency, the one I mentioned earlier, it has wasted hundreds of millions of dollars through mismanagement and corruption as the number of homeless people in the county is once again rising. It's actually hard to know how much money was actually squandered because the previous CFO, of this agency, and this is real, only had a degree in cultural anthropology. And listen, no offense to our cultural anthropologists, but your degree is a joke. Wow, that, you were right. There's too many cultural anthropologists that listen to this show. And while I'm at it, a decade ago in Los Angeles, no mosquitoes. Now, many mosquitoes. And it's a special kind of mosquito that bites during the day. We only got the fucking day walkers. Fuck! Again, this is not a criticism of the state. It's a criticism of the state. It's a criticism of a non who has written eloquently on the causes of homelessness and the ways we fail, the most vulnerable in our society. His point isn't wrong, but it is part of a more uncomfortable story about the chasm between our values and our actions. What's broken in Los Angeles cannot be laid at the feet of Trump or Fox News or some anti-gay hillbilly pastor. The homelessness crisis in California is no one's shame but ours. The allure of Donald Trump has always been that he tells supporters you don't have to change or grow or compromise or suffer even one uncomfortable thought. That's not true. It's a criticism and it is no coincidence that Trump's influence rose alongside algorithmic feeds which encourage the same easy, self-satisfied, Manichean view of politics in the world. And we have to defeat that Trumpian mindset, but not only in these midterms. We have to defeat it in ourselves. Otherwise, we'll never achieve our ultimate goal, destroying Christmas once and for all. On Thursday, the trial began for an Ohio man charged with harassment after he sent a picture of Shrek to the United States. He said, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. penis to a state senator. When asked why he Shrexted the politician, the Ohio man replied, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. But don't worry, we are going to show you the image he sent. You have three seconds to avert your eyes or put on your glasses. Here it is. A man was arrested for sending this picture. He spent a day in jail. First, they came for the guy who sent a picture of Shrext's dong, and I didn't speak up because I was simply too horny. Free that pervert, Ohio. That is not harassment. That's funny. And by the way, think about the mindset of a state senator who calls the police after getting that. The police? Shut up. Can't call the police for looking at Shrext's hog. In Milwaukee, a woman was arrested for pretending to be a substitute teacher because she was bored. Folks, you can just do things. 24-year-old Amy Jones signed in to enter the building, went into a classroom, and allegedly called the students fucking lame and annoying for not having weed. She also disparaged the students over their weight and bragged about the felonies she'd committed. Oh, captain, my captain, said the children. And finally, this October, authorities confirmed the first rabid raccoon in L.A. County in over 50 years and the most rabid bats ever recorded. So happy Halloween, everybody, and see you at the hospital. All right. We've got a great show for you tonight, and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by Helix. A good night's rest sets you up for a great day. So if your mattress isn't doing its job, neither can you. It's time to upgrade your sleep. That's where Helix, the most awarded mattress brand on the market, comes in. Helix custom builds your mattress based on your sleep needs. Just take the two-minute Helix sleep quiz to determine your best fit. They deliver your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the U.S. Plus, you can rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges and a 365-night sleep trial as part of the Happy with Helix guarantee. I love my Helix mattress. I have a Don Lux. Super comfortable. I took the quiz, and that's what I got. It's just a great mattress, and I sleep better when I'm home because of it. It's comfortable. Great for, you know, streaming a show. Hey, you want to watch Silo? Yeah, in a comfortable bed, even better. Why aren't they at Silo? You know, how'd they get there? Who built it? What's up with that Silo? Go to helixsleep.com slash love it for $27. off-site wide. This offer is exclusive to Love It or Leave It listeners. That's helixsleep.com slash love it for 27% off-site wide. helixsleep.com slash love it. Love It or Leave It is brought to you by ZBiotics. As the weather cools down and our schedules fill up, fall naturally changes how we approach our social life and morning routines. Between tailgate parties, cozy dinners, and holiday gatherings, staying on top of your game means planning ahead, especially when nights out are involved. That's why you need ZBiotics pre-alcohol. ZBiotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's It was engineered by PhD microbiologists to break down acetaldehyde. You don't want it. And it's an unwanted byproduct of alcohol metabolism. Make pre-alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and enjoy your next day activities. ZBiotics has sold more than 14 million models and earned the trust of thousands, including us. Get rid of this acetaldehyde. I love ZBiotics. It's great. You should use it. Try it for yourself today. And if you're a ZBiotics fan, make sure to go to ZBiotics.com slash love it, code love it for 15% off your first order. When you're going to have a couple of drinks, you feel better the next day. It works. I had it at our wedding. So ZBiotics.com slash love it, code love it. ZBiotics.com slash love it, code love it. And we're back. All right. We'll be joined by Congresswoman Sarah McBride and Congressman Derek Tran in just a moment. But first, Cricket Con. Cricket Con is less than 30 days away. It is a chance for political nerds, pollsters, organizers, journalists, creators, and Cricket hosts to gather in one place. in real life just days after the midterms. I'll be hosting an episode of Love It or Leave It on November 6th, plus a panel at the all-day CrookedCon event on Saturday, November 7th. You can check out the lineup and get tickets for both Love It or Leave It and the full-day CrookedCon at CrookedCon.com. All right. Now, this is a reminder. Please call your congressperson. Sometimes they will come on your podcast. All right. Please welcome to the show. It's Congressman Derek Tran and Congresswoman Sarah McBride. All right. Let's start with this. Okay. The polls are good. The environment for Republicans is bad, but let's get our heads in the game. What worries you? And if you wake up and there was no wave or the wave was less than we imagined, what is it that you think right now we're either missing or not taking seriously enough? Well, first of all, it's great to be back on and this is a big exclusive. This is the first time we've had the trans caucus in Congress appear together. Yeah. So it's a big scoop for you. No, it's huge. It's huge. Yeah, this is, right. Look, this is an important day for the trans community. That's right. That's right. You know, as you mentioned, the polls are looking good and it does feel like something big is about to happen. We are seeing right now hundreds of millions of dollars being spent by Republicans in a last ditch effort to try to divide and misdirect the public's attention. We're seeing them trot out the same tired political strategy from 2024 and that is to try to distract the American people from the fact that they are lining the pockets of the wealthiest 1% by going after some of the most vulnerable 1% in our society right now. But what I'm seeing right now is that the American people are seeing through that. They're not falling for it and they are ready to turn out. The thing that keeps me up at night is that we are in such a good position in a number of polls that people might be complacent. That people might take a victory for granted. I'm also concerned that there are many people in our own party who are so fearful about some of the most dramatic scenarios that people worry about, that they're catastrophizing, that people might scare themselves into not participating. And so I think right now, obviously, there are still a few weeks left. There's a lot of time for things to change. But right now, if the data is accurate, and if the sense that I'm sure Derek is also feeling on the ground is there in November, I think as long as we don't take it for granted, we're going to have a Democratic majority in the House of Representatives. What do you think? No, no, I agree with Sarah 100%. You know, I. When I'm out there, everything feels good. I'm talking to folks. They feel good about this. They're pissed off for all the right reasons. But my thing is, you know, we're worried about a free and fair election. And, you know, when we have our ICE and CPB officers or, God forbid, the National Guard at our polling places, that is worrisome to me. And that is what keeps me up. But I think, you know, we're going to do the right thing. The courts are going to do the right thing. They're going to stop him. But that fear is still there. We're prepared for the worst, but are obviously hoping for the best. And I think, to what I was saying, we have a voter protection effort, to Derek's point, that is unrivaled. We have significant precedent on our side from the courts, especially if he tries to do something with the Insurrection Act. I think we have to be clear with the American people that there is going to be a fair election in November, and that the law is on our side. And at the end of the day, in part, to prepare for the worst, we have to steal a line from Donald Trump, have a victory that is too big to rig. That's right. Yeah. So let's hope for the best. What do you think the first priorities should be if, knocking on wood, nothing taken for granted, nothing is certain, but what do you think the priorities should be for a Democratic House? Do you want to go first? Yeah, I think it's health care. I think that's what we've been messaging about. I think that's when I talk to my community and my constituents. That's what they care about. They don't have their health. They can't go to work. They can't take care of their family and be with their family. It is something that I've talked to leadership about in the Democratic Caucus, that we've got to do more, and we've got to do better. And we see the gutting from this administration hurting so many individuals with H.R. 1 and his big bullshit bill. This is where we can come in and we make a difference. And I think it's expanding health care. And I really think that's where we can make our mark. How do you think about, look, the person that would have to sign a bill to make reforms to health care would be a man named Donald Trump. How do you think about what, if let's say there's either a Democratic House and a Republican Senate, or ideally both chambers are Democratic. Either way, you're getting something to Donald Trump's desk. How do you think about that? Well, I think this is one of the fundamental questions that we're facing right now, which is the realistic outcome, obviously, that there's still going to be divided government, that Donald Trump will still be in the White House. And look, I think when it comes to health care, I think Derek's absolutely right that restoring the care that was cut in the big ugly bill has to be the number one item on our agenda. We can use all of the leverage that we have at our disposal from appropriations bills to hearings to leverage that power to try to get that care restored. I have a theory that Donald Trump didn't really care about the Medicaid cuts. He just wanted his funding for ICE and his tax breaks for billionaires. He knew that he had this unholy alliance with congressional Republicans, which is he gets what he wants on corruption, on immigration, and on tariffs, and they get to dictate the policies on everything else. He knew it was going to be deeply unpopular to cut Medicaid, but he knew he needed to have that in the bill to get some of the hardline Freedom Caucus members to support the big ugly bill. I don't know whether he's going to want to die, politically die on the hill of continuing the Medicaid cuts. And I think the leverage that we will have, our capacity with the gavels and with appropriations bills increases the chance with this president that we could restore that funding. But I think more broadly, this isn't just about reversing or reducing the harm of this administration. It also has to be about lowering the costs for the American people on all of the issues that are keeping them up at night. And it means laying the foundation for a big, bold, transformational policy agenda for 2028 and beyond. And I think there are sort of three buckets that I'd really like to see us lead on. This is my personal opinion. But the first is, Leader Jeffries appointed me to be one of the co-conveners of a caregiving working group. It's one of five working groups outlining the affordability agenda for our caucus in the first 100 hours, first 100 days, and first year. And I believe that we can unite the full spectrum of our caucus, from progressives to moderates, around bold caregiving policy, paid family and medical leave for all, universal child care investments, and home care and elder care, so that it's actually affordable to start a family and take care of your loved ones again in this country. I believe that we have to build on our progress that we actually made with bipartisan support around housing, by creating a federally funded construction workforce program that puts people back to work and ensures we have the workforce necessary for when we pass meaningful investments in housing construction to actually build that new housing at scale and at speed. And those are jobs that'll put people back to work in fields that are more immune to the impact of AI. And that's, I think, the third thing that we have to focus on, which is meaningful regulation of big tech, specifically AI, to protect workers, to protect our safety, and to protect our democracy. Congressman, so Thomas Massey introduced articles of impeachment against Pete Hegseth. So we're going to have these battles over the forward-looking agenda. We're going to be in budget battles with Donald Trump. Or there's going to be this tough deal-making, right? There's going to be questions about what health care cuts can be undone. I pity anyone that will then be facing a choice around whether they would accept funding Medicaid and increasing the funding for the Pentagon to make up for the hole created by the Iran war, a decision that is coming for all of you, so good luck messaging that. But as that's going on, people are demanding accountability. They want investigations. Do you think the Massey argument for impeachment is a good one? What do you think about it? No, absolutely. I got the opportunity to question Hegseth in one of the HASS hearings, and I can tell you this man is ill-equipped to lead our troops, right? I do believe that accountability is extremely important. And I think when we look at where we are right now and the suffering that's going on around us, if we're going to get in control of Congress and we have the gavels, we have to first address that pain point that so many American families, so many Americans out there are facing. That is our priority. The accountability part of all of this, absolutely. We can walk and chew gum at the same time, and we're going to do that. It's not just Hegseth, him being incompetent. It's also this administration that is insanely grifting off of everything. It's corruption everywhere. And that is so frustrating. And one point to the last question you had, I think we can't lose sight of the fact that us winning control, even Even though we may not get any bills passed, we can stop this administration and make lame duck that's so important so there's a lot of republicans uh that may not be returning to their jobs god willing uh are there any republican members of the house who you would even if your your mind knows you want them to lose your heart will be a little sad is there any person up you're like i'm i do want them to lose but i'm gonna miss seeing them around fuck no really no not a single one look there there are republicans who are perfectly pleasant there are republic in private there are republicans who you can work with on some issues but we have had a front row seat to their cruelty to their chaos to their corruption we have a front row seat to the blank check that they have given this administration and after all of that i don't care whether you're perfectly pleasant in the hallway democracy is far too important for that and and even in my heart i believe that okay well said sir uh you were a cook in the army i was uh so my childhood friend frank costanza uh he was a cook in the army uh hey what's the longest i can keep potatoes until they turn black until they turn yeah what is there you know the uss lincoln they were they were struggling because they were uh stuck at sea they weren't getting enough supplies were you ever in a position where you had to figure out uh how to make a be part of making a good meal with with less than what you need like was there ever a point where you're like i know what to do i know how to make all this work together no i i think i think that's a great question um i've never had the opportunity of serving on a ship thank god because uh i was army and not navy and one of the things that um you know we were so blessed with is the fact that our government took care of us and we made they made sure that there was enough food there's enough rations you know we got the orders that we needed to come in um what they did on the uss lincoln was insane um to keep them out that long to to there was it's countless countless numbers of suicide attempts um the fact that you know this administration through um this defense secretary secretary war whatever you want to call them um it's just incompetent and in able to to control and manage what's going on um says a lot about why we need to make sure that we got to win this this november you know that's plain and simple i read uh homage to catalonia by george orwell and it was about his time uh serving in a militia during the spanish civil war against franco and then he gets shot uh randomly and he barely survives he ends up in a spanish hospital and he said that even when spain was incompetent across very many uh avenues they always had incredible meals in the hospital but you weren't really hungry because he'd been shot in the neck but they would still try to make him eat all the soup yeah look look food is a morale booster right and i think the military understands that um so you know i i love my job and if they didn't like me um anyone mistreated me they got half portions that's cool that's cool use the power that you have hey do you cook ever i do cook do you really what do you mean what do you make you ever roast a whole chicken i have a i've roasted roasted a whole chicken once i do the turkey every thanksgiving oh you do family yeah and i've only cooked it properly once out of five years uh i um uh uh spatchcocked and and dry brine to turkey and then that morning my fridge died and i did almost cry i'll be honest but then i called around and i got one last turkey and then i made it much more quickly this year you know what i want to do i'll tell you i want to fully debone the turkey and then i want to roll it wow have you heard of this you can roll it you can take a whole turkey every every part of a turkey take the bones completely out then you put like herbs and stuff and then you roll it it's like a like a and then it just cooks like a log and you slice it and your every slice gets everything little light made a little dark but everything's moist and it's even i'm gonna make a turkey log um so congress hey what reality show are you watching i'm gonna start on saturday the new season of traders oh you are great i'm gonna start on saturday the new season of traders oh you are great i'm gonna start on have you watched ultimate girls trip are you watching ultimate girls trip i've never i haven't watched is it worth watching it was great just wrapped highly recommend because we've talked about this in the past the sort of reality tvfication yes of our congress and each time we talk you've sort of uh evolved in your appreciation of the ways in which reality tv has wrecked either our culture or the people uh within it so i think traders is interesting do you think that next that uh when the um the lefties and the mods are duking it out on the house side you can bring some of the wisdom of watching traders to you and i'm gonna start on saturday the new season of traders and i'm gonna start on saturday the new season of traders and i'm gonna start on saturday the new season of i would love to be the alan cummings of that dispute yes please do you all watch traders okay good do you watch any reality show i don't i got a job you what i got a job oh okay all right sorry sorry you're hard for people of delaware and watch traders we're just the same yeah uh you're a member of congress not sure why you're wearing a robe and holding a gavel you're judging us uh oh hey do you think we can get mom donnie to convince trump that medicare for all was his idea absolutely he has a spell on that man i have not seen a crush like that it's cool as an elementary school i think we need to dispatch him to make trump think that all i like trump is gettable on some of these issues absolutely absolutely trump has no core other than personal enrichment and so if you can just flatter him he often does what you want he's the most manipulated man to ever occupy and he's the most manipulative man to ever occupy and he's the most manipulative man to ever occupy the white white house occupy and he's the most manipulative man to ever occupy the white white house which we see on full display with putin and other world leaders so that's something to look forward to uh well now that i have you both it's time for the first annual meeting of the joint orange county delaware tourism board congresswoman mcbride congressman tran in the interest in the interest of driving up tourism i'm going to picture two beautiful districts against each other tonight we're going to definitively answer the age old question what's the most beautiful place on earth orange county or delaware you will both defend your state and i famously neutral john lovett will rule on the winner you will both defend your state and i famously neutral john lovett will rule on the winner that's right baby i'm like avocado oil neutral with a high smoke point what uh the stakes are very high because whichever place wins that's where i'm going on my honeymoon all right uh here we go first up all right old bay or sriracha what do you think sriracha all the way i mean i guess i have to say old bay but i do love sriracha more personally wow wow that point goes to orange county damn i mean you didn't even defend it you didn't even defend it you didn't even defend it you didn't even defend it the state birds delaware blue hen chick or the california quail i mean i i mean the the delaware blue hen is wonderfully encapsulated in our university of delaware mascot and so we actually celebrate this which i don't know if you even knew that your state bird was the quail is that right that's the and you share it with the rest of the state of california look i can tell you the blue hen tastes delicious and oh that's right we eat we eat your mascot you don't eat ours ha and they're fighting and we all want fighters right now in the democratic party so fighting blue hens oh yeah the fighting blue hens okay i'm gonna give that one to the california quail what sorry come on okay next up weird you're sorry take it up with the judge weird law delaware it's illegal to get married on a dare versus orange counties you can't own a pig in seal beach though some exceptions might be made so this is an interesting one because in a sense isn't every marriage on a dare the day the dare of happiness in the future you know on some point so all marriage is illegal in delaware yeah in a sense there's never been a legal marriage in delaware which is cool everybody's sort of living in sin in the state of delaware every marriage is a dare i never thought about that for i dare you to marry me that's what it is will you marry me is i dare you marry me you're gonna bet the rest of your life on who i am right now i was so different six months ago what will i be like six months from now and don't you want to own a pig on your honeymoon on a seal beach you bet i do so you can't do orange county i choose delaware there you go yes finally although orange county did say they would consider issuing permits to some pigs are you aware of this pig traversy i did not know wow i don't know it says you could have a service pig is an exception that's fun huh i have a service pig service anything yeah you could have a service for any of the airlines yeah those people that brought those service horses on the plane they should be cool about our dogs it's like of course i'm lying about my dog everybody be cool about it now i can't bring my dog on the plane because some asshole brought a service peacock this sucks it's like we're all guys it's just to save 150 bucks everybody be chill about it this is an emblematic of the excesses of the left absolutely for sure 100 let's see knott's berry farm or the rehoboth beach boardwalk including funland and the funland haunted mansion well i i hate to tell you the haunted mansion is actually closed right now for renovations but an even better haunted mansion to come no no no you can walk from the haunted mansion down the boardwalk to baltimore avenue where there are a ton of gay bars including aqua where i like to go and you can have a shot with me at aqua wow can i do that at knott's berry farm walk from knott's berry farm to disneyland happy place on oh that's interesting walk to an even better theme park kind of sad for knott's berry farm hey can i ask you a question derrick tran did they rename montezuma's revenge because when i was a kid and i went to knott's berry's farm they had a ride called montezuma's revenge i remember it i've been on it is it open still or i think they closed it i'm gonna be honest i don't know i haven't been to knott's berry farm in a minute i like names like that are grandfathered in like this is a ride named after a racist diarrhea trope oh i'm gonna give that one to delaware i am i am i'm sorry thank you because of the shot with me what yeah because i get a shot with you there's there's you know not berry farm where you eat some berries no state or local sales tax in delaware versus no equivalent found self-explanatory yeah i don't know you're gonna have this is gonna be a tough one for you congressman tram because uh it's not your fault a lot of local taxes here in california they really get us coming and going but it's it's california versus delaware no i know that more bang for your buck in delaware not only do we have no sales tax but housing i think is three times less expensive but it's delaware in orange county you can get a beautiful beautiful home in rehoboth beach as a rental for probably what you'd have to pay for one day in orange county you can get for a week in delaware and you know you can get your more bang for your buck uh in delaware and more bang for your whatever in rehoboth it's not a dock in province now it's not a dog that's right oh no oh no you saw that clip fuck all right um i'm gonna give this one oh come on to delaware you both ably defended your states uh i'm gonna declare the winner the great state of california 100 i think that was rigged feel good interesting interesting thank you both and we'll be right back hey don't go anywhere there's more of love it or leave it coming up love it or leave it is brought to you by trees.com listeners of this show have heard us talk about our love of the online plans to our fast growing trees for years but now they've got a new name it's trees.com it's simple it's chic it's still america's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over three million happy customers they have all the plans your yard or home needs including fruit trees privacy trees flowering trees house plants and shrubs all grown with care and guarantee to arrive healthy whatever you're looking for trees.com helps you find options that actually work for your 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apply on election night we will all be feeling a lot of feelings do not spend it alone spend it with us me alex wagner for crooked media presents live election results we're gonna have john favreau john love it tommy vitor stacy abrams dan pfeiffer aaron ryan and many more special guests to be announced and they're all going to help us make sense of what's happening as the election results roll in so here's what you need to do subscribe to pod save america on youtube and tune in on tuesday november 3rd at 9 p.m eastern 6 p.m pacific for hot takes catharsis and as many results as we can possibly get this is matt rogers from lost culture east that's with matt rogers and bowen yang this is bowen yang from lost culture east with matt rogers and bowen yang okay we've been talking about qb mail for a minute now bow and wow the feedback we're getting i mean so many of y'all love this stuff you're stopping us in the street going i love qb and if you're thinking wait what is qb uh do you not have the internet it's the og japanese mayonnaise the one with the qb mail and the one with the qb mail and the one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle once you know what you start seeing it everywhere people ask what makes it different from basic mayo well the answer egg yolks qb is made with egg yolks only giving it this incredibly rich umami flavor that elevates everything burgers fries sandwiches chicken noodles chefs use it restaurants use it people who really love food and flavor use it whatever you're eating qb hit so if you haven't tried qb yet find the bottle with the red cap and see what everyone's talking about you'll understand qb the original japanese mayonnaise you can see my next guest on her stand-up tour with dates coming up in fresno california and colorado springs she's also the co-host of the handsome podcast please welcome tigna taro now i would like to start with um something of a rift between us something of a brow something of a donnybrook i feel like we have a few of those well i'll start with one and we'll go from there which is uh you recently invited uh ari and me to your home for a lovely dinner and when we walked through the door you said something that did catch me off guard okay and you said and i quote i'm so glad we drew your names out of the hat and i reacted a little bit um i would say i was ever so slightly put off by the idea that we were invited to your house based on some sort of a lottery some sort of a some sort of a bingo style auction that you held yeah with stephanie um and now then i was sort of mercilessly attacked yeah for the remainder of the evening and when i brought this up with the team i'd love to leave it they also felt that i was wrong yeah so defend your idea of choosing us at random to come over i told you it wasn't totally at random first of all i can never get over how cute your face is as as gay as i am i'm always just like how is it that that face was even designed thanks yeah thanks um but anyway um what happened was stephanie and i well i told her i i wanted to start um socializing a bit more because you know we have our our family our kids we're working and there's so many people in our lives don't read your cards you asked me a question so um there are people in our lives that we adore because they have cute faces there are people that we want to get to know better um and then we just thought let's make a really uh solid list of who those people are and it's a good list and then we're going to throw it in a hat there's actually no hat okay no there's a hat it's a good looking hat um it's um yeah so we just throw some names in there and we picked yours out and i think that is very um it's not random do you understand it didn't start out random and then there was a slight randomness after but the list is not random how many names were in the hat um it was just you and ari and uh the people that were there how many names no um i would say this will help i think i would say there's probably like i'm actually nervous 40 names and there was like what eight of us uh pretty good odds it's really good odds all right um and then um well two of those were me and stephanie right so there were six there were six okay yeah so six out of 40 so three out of 20 it's about a little less than a little more than one in seven chance that we were gonna get invited it's pretty good wouldn't you say that's a pretty decent like would you be offended if you were invited to this party that i wasn't offended i was something between miffed and offended miffed and offended would you have would you have felt that way people right see you're wrong again thanks a lot it was free to take my side i it was lovely and i wasn't once you explained it it made sense yeah yeah yeah and i got over it eventually i got over it well we're talking about it here hey you were recently in tennessee i was and uh you were doing stand-up uh-huh and uh uh when you're doing stand-up and it's what i do it's what you're it's what you're even if i'm not funny it's what i do um and you're gonna tell my audiences go ahead no that's a great note yeah it's good that's a good thing to tell them uh you're in chattanooga tennessee i was and i have to assume that you're sort of uh i don't know how well known are you in chat chattanooga tennessee what happens when you go to chattanooga tennessee well uh thanks for asking um i i well you know the show i i did two shows so one sold out so there's a second show right cool and um the next morning i went into a coffee shop to get a coffee for the road and i'm not bragging so everybody get off my back but i walked into a coffee shop and the seven people that were there recognized me had no idea i'd had a show there okay the people behind the counter recognized me and then after all of that happens a woman walks in behind me missed the whole thing and then she says um why do you look so familiar to me and stephanie my wife had told me before you should just immediately say i'm a comedian and an actor because i used to say oh yeah i don't know just to kind of skip past it yeah yeah but we never would skip past it because they'd want to figure it out so there i am am using what Stephanie told me I'm a comedian and actor and she said but what's your job and I said well I'm a comedian and actor so I used it again trying to get out of this and she cut me off quickly and she said I heard you and she said but I'm wondering do you go to a lot of beer events around here I said I don't and I don't go to many beer events ever anywhere and so that's about how I'm known in Chattanooga pretty good I would say it's pretty good for Chattanooga I would say everyone but her seemed to know me in Chattanooga as far as you know everyone but that one lady and she did kind of know you she couldn't place it but she'll see me on here one could only hope I did a show in Chattanooga did you? how'd that go? it's pretty good yeah you know their pride is in October down there pride is in October yeah they keep it in October why? I don't know for October beer fest you think it might be tied to beer fest? well I thought it might have been the heat I was thinking of this woman who asked if I go to beer events was it October when you were there? I know I just got back yes it was yes in fact it was October hey speaking of we're doing great I like that I like that both of us that Stephanie is like your behind the scenes coach being like hey I just watched that interaction in the future we're going to try a different method and I get the same from Ari Ari does that for me a little bit Ari's like hey what you did there that was weird you were weird you're the reason that interaction you just had that you're confused about you did that that's your fault and then I learn and I grow and I change I tried to but beer fest lady in Chattanooga was not having it I heard ya I heard ya what's the truth though I am a comedian and actor next hey it's spooky season yes are you decorating for Halloween? how did you come up with this question John? look at the cards we got the last time you were here we didn't have these things are looking up things are really good on MS now we are kids are ten we have twin boys and we went we took them when they were how old were they three to CVS and they bought all of the no offense CVS but the CVS garbage in the Halloween aisle and we have had that ever since and so when I just got back from Chattanooga I pulled up I was like oh right Halloween's coming up it just looks like CVS drove by and just threw garbage in our yard and kept going oh yes we decorate you know I was thinking about when you said no offense CVS if CVS was a person I think they would not be offendable I think they'd have a kind of sturdy attitude and they'd know their failures and their successes they'd be pretty even about it like sounds like me you just described me yeah I think that is like you you and CVS have that in common yeah yeah you know your strengths you know your weaknesses you know you're not easily offended but you're saying if CVS was a person I'm like here here I am yeah sure you're friends with CVS in a sense yeah in a sense then it's interesting to think how would you be what's Walgreens like and I think similar I don't know wackier CVS doesn't invite Walgreens to their party Walgreens not in the hat it's too complicated sorry Walgreens it's too complicated for you know yeah they tried to be friends but they just couldn't you know too much in common I know much a comment some people are too similar to be friends what are we talking about I'm not sure how do you decide what to land on well I don't really know hey yeah because besides your dry wit and incredible charisma you're also best known for not knowing much at all about anything in that spirit it's time for segment we're calling tigs say the darndest things and here's that works I'm gonna present you with a recent news story and ask do you know about this okay you can just be humiliated you say yes or no the news more than I follow pop culture why don't we just see what comes up and see if that's true here we go first up do you know about this the ballad of Stella Lefty you know Stella Lefty is yes I do she's a country singer huh I follow music and documentaries mostly yes I am aware of Stella Lefty and her song Boston which she has a few songs she's been in do you want me to tell you what I know yeah that's the point yeah she's written some song she has some songs out there that people think sound a lot like others yeah they bear an uncanny resemblance to similar songs and it's also a little strange to sing a song about Boston nearby the place the original song was about when you're not from Boston you know what I mean if you're gonna take a song that has a melody that's about Vermont it's weird to then sing a similar song about Boston sing about something far away from Boston right you know I don't far away from Boston when you think the distance shouldn't matter now that you think about it yeah all right I think yeah okay that's all we need to know I think you know what take new about that Steve Hilton's Lesbo ad do you know about that Steve Hilton's Lesbo at like meaning lesbian that's right uh-huh I said Lesbo yeah like they would have said in in the movie look who's talking in 1989 oh you know when I learned the word what I call myself what is Lesbo Baggins because you eat so many meals that's right I also just call any lesbian Lesbo Baggins oh cool Republican candidate for governor Steve Hilton here in California receive backlash for a horny campaign ad which likens vote votes for Steve Hilton to having lesbian sex for the first time and we do have a clip oh I can't believe I'm doing this don't be nervous it's not that bad I've just never done anything like this before like what if my dad finds out just try it give me your hand close your eyes and I'll do all the work I didn't realize how long this part goes on and that's sorry that's great I don't think the lesbians should vote for Steve Hilton but that's pretty good hey as a lesbian publicly lesbian what's your reaction to that I love it not a single note no it's really good I'm so I can like go home and google that yeah yeah I can I can show Stephanie it's on all the computers my kids you bet it's on all the computers that's the craziest thing about it uh next up we have a cell phone uh um it's in a sense in a sense what is it it's an old radio it's a real old radio works I think we got it for the show radio it's a because this is like what radio became I got it okay yeah um have you heard about AI let's not move this let's not lose this momentum have you heard of AI stand-up Tiffany Sloan no um like rather than let's just show you a clip I have a lot of mixed friends anyone mixed in here hell yeah what are you my guy german and english okay you're white my comments are just men saying hi four thousand of them hi hi hi hi and not one of them said hi here's rent wait that's not a real person no what is happening uh we've we've made a series of mistakes that and basically you and I have yep well here's the thing we are responsible for this we're responsible some doors lock behind you and several have locked behind our society we kept walking through doors and then trying them to get back through but we actually can't we're through that popular uh because she's good no listen she's good she's really good really here's the thing here's the thing she's really good here's the thing if she walked into a coffee shop in Chattanooga nobody's confused about where they know her from when is she she is like she has a big following the clips are going viral all the jokes are stolen so they're they're going through basically some of them are manufactured my understanding of it and someone can correct me if i'm wrong uh it's tiffany sloan oh i thought not tiffany lefty no that's it that's lefty that's the that's the a lot of thievery going yeah listen it's a yes we've sort of we've uh um you know we stopped going to church and then things really kind of went downhill so uh john and tig stopped going to church this happened and then that comedian and that that entity yeah the jokes are either stolen or kind of crafted from other comedians material and they just put another comedian's like i think some of the like i saw a video of a comedian saying hey that's my joke and it's just like kind of a dude and then you go and it's just a sort of like this sort of you know i don't know what you describe that shape as this that that this shapely woman made of AI doing his material. Which is not good. No, no, no, no. You don't think that? I mean, a great comedian shouldn't, even someone as good as Tiffany Sloan shouldn't be stealing other people's work. You should definitely not be stealing people's work. And we've always said that. Yeah. Me and you. Everybody head to tignitaro.com for a ticket. That's it for now. You're going to hang for a bit. Everybody go to tignitaro.com for tickets to see her on tour and listen to Handsome wherever you get your podcasts. And we'll be right back. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've been on the fence about therapy, now is the perfect time to explore it through our longtime partner, BetterHelp. Insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, which hopefully reminds us all about the importance of prioritizing our mental and emotional well-being. Therapy isn't just for big life choices or major crises. It can be a place to talk through smaller everyday frustrations and roadblocks. The work situation, taking up too much mental real estate, a relationship dynamic you can't quite name, or simply the sense that something feels off. You got to get therapy. All those things happen to everybody. You know, you need it. And if you can get it, you should. If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. If you don't have insurance or don't live in the United States, you can still get 10% off your first month. Visit betterhelp.com slash love it to explore your payment options. That's betterhelp.com slash love it. On election night, we will all be feeling a lot of feelings. Do not spend it alone. Spend it with me, Alex Wagner, for Crooked Media Presents Live Election Results. We're going to have Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett, Tommy Vitor, Stacey Abrams, Dan Pfeiffer, Aaron Ryan, and many more special guests to be announced. And they're all going to help us make sense of what's happening as the election results roll in. So, here's what you need to do. Subscribe to Pod Save America on YouTube and tune in on Tuesday, November 3rd at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific for hot takes, catharsis, and as many results as we can possibly analyze. Okay, we've been talking about QB Mail for a minute now, Bow, and wow, the feedback we're getting. You're stopping us in the street going, I love QB. And if you're thinking, wait, what is QB? Uh, do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise. The one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle. QB is made with egg yolks only, giving it this incredibly rich umami flavor that elevates everything. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. Whatever you're eating, QB it. So if you haven't tried QB yet, find the bottle with the red cap and see what everyone's talking about. You'll understand. QB, the original Japanese mayonnaise. And we're back! We're joined once again by Congresswoman McBride and Congressman Tran. It's time for the rant wheel. Here's how it works. We spin the wheel wherever it goes. Wherever it lands, we talk about it. You have 60 seconds to rant about a topic of your choosing. Let's spin the wheel. It has landed on Sarah McBride. Yes! Take us away. Well, picking up on a topic we talked about earlier, I do not believe that celebrity reality shows are better than civilian reality shows. I am tired. I am tired of seeing people go on these shows who don't have their lives at stake if they win or lose. It's probably why both of you failed at Who Wants to Be a Millionaire the other day. You're playing for a charity. You're not playing for your own success. And so we don't see the ruthless gameplay that we need to see on those TV shows. And I gotta tell ya, I know everyone's gameplay when they're a celebrity. And so do all the other contestants. Except for you when you were on Survivor because none of the other contestants knew who you were on Survivor. They were lying and they did know. I have proof. I can prove it. The gameplay is less ruthless. They can't deceive one another. It's not as good TV. And none of this applies to you because even if you went on Traitors, Celebrity Traitors, no one would know your gameplay since you got voted out of Survivor on the first episode. So you're all good. Don't worry about it. Doesn't apply to you. Wow. I believe it's a new record seamlessly making a genuine point while insulting me three times over the course of 60 seconds. Pretty impressive. Let's spin it again. It has landed on Tignitaro. Let's see. What do I want to rant about? Well, I do want to warn you right up top. My ranting is not much of a rant but I will tell you that traveling a lot, bathrooms are tough for me. Mainly because I have no germ issues. Germ issues. I know we all have our different reasons here for bathrooms. I hear you, girl. I hear you. Girl, I know you hear me. But, girl, have you ever been in a bathroom stall and then right. Nancy Mace has forbidden me from this. Well, I'm here to tell you be glad because you know how the little area is open where you can reach to the other. stall? No. No. You've never even been where a toilet is? Never. Okay, well, here's the thing. Somebody at the airport put a pillow down. Oh, great. Tell us more because I've actually heard this also. By the way, I also heard about this at my raffle prize, at the raffle I won. I won a raffle to come to dinner with Dignitar. You want me to talk more about it? It's so disgusting. They put a pillow on the ground. Okay, the end. Somebody put a pillow on the ground. Exactly my point. It's so disgusting. It's so disgusting. And that's all I can say in my rant over and over is how disgusting it is. However, there are pluses to bathrooms, public bathrooms, one of them being that I overheard a woman in the stall next to me with her probably two-year-old who she was probably traveling alone with. She locked the child in the stall with her while she was going to the bathroom and I got to hear the little kid say, ooh, mommy, gross. It stinks. And she was like, shh, stop it. Quiet. It stinks, mommy, gross. I would prefer that than seeing a pillow on the ground. I think that's such an important point. It really is. And I'm so glad I could be a part of these brilliant people up here and talk about smelly, gross things in bathrooms. I know there's bigger issues in bathrooms. Not that I can think of. I think it's all pretty well set other than the gross thing. Well, there's my rant. Beautiful. Thank you. Woo! It has landed on me. I have a very specific and very small rant. And I've ranted about many things. And so I've ranted about serious and big issues before. And you know that I have. I care about big and important things. This is not one of those things. Here's what I believe. We've sent a man to the moon. We've achieved amazing things. There's an app on my phone that can translate any language and that also may end life on Earth. That's impressive. Hard to do. I think that when you open a tin of fish, it should be closeable. That's it. I don't know how and I don't know why. But what I don't like is that when I open a can of anchovies, the opening of the can is kind of an insuperable boundary to closing it again. And you really only have two options, which is to force it close and kind of nudge the little metal thing under and then either hope for the best or wrap it in tinfoil super quickly. And when you open it, it's fish surprise. Or you put the whole fucking thing in a Ziploc bag and then kind of push it closed and then put it under something in the fridge. And I just think we can do better. Yes. That's all. It's a very small thing. You know? I was listening. I do, yes. Because I, you know, I'll open up a can of anchovies and. I've seen you do it. Mm-hmm. You're not scared to do that. Not scared at all. No. No, I'm brave. I'm brave. Yeah. One of the bravest people I know. This is the second episode in a row. I'll say it once again. Comedians are the bravest people. We've often said that. We do. We say that. We'll be right back. We will be. And we're back! Boy, I'm good at this. Or am I? Which is why it's time for a segment we call Second Thoughts. During the show, the producers of this program have collected all the ways they think I could have done better. They also occasionally will provide a small treat as a kudos for the rare moment where I've done something great. And I was handed these cards and Bill said, who I did refer to killing earlier, there's a kudos today. And I went, like a child on Christmas. And then he went, for Sarah. And that kudos was for the Trans Caucus, which we all felt was a delight. We really all appreciated that. Really less about the treat itself and more the achievement. First thing I'd like to apologize for, I showed my audience Shrek porn. And presumably everyone watching, MS now. I said, put on your glasses instead of put on your contacts to see the Shrek penis. And everybody feels, you feel contacts was funnier that I shouldn't have changed it to contacts. I changed it to glasses on the fly. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to the team. I let them down. I realized when the two members of Congress came out that I also showed them Shrek's genitals. I asked a member of Congress how long I can keep old potatoes. I'm sorry for implying that someone in the army would be on a boat. I cried, I'm going to make a turkey log. I called myself famously neutral, both halves of which are questionable. Tig, I'm sorry for looking at my cards while you were earnestly answering my question. I did start every question with, hey, again, a new tick I've developed, somewhat like Jiminy Glick. And I don't really know where that came from, but it's happening more and more, and I just turn to people and say, hey! So much thievery. You think that? I don't even know if it's stolen. I just think it's, you know, yeah. Oh, I attributed AI and plagiarism to not going to church. I tried to describe a shapely woman, something I should never do again. Is there anything else you think I should apologize for? I want you to think about it and come back to me once you know. Do you have any regrets? I do. Okay. Not tonight, but it's. Sort of lifelong and unrelated. Yes. I regret insulting you two out of the three times. No, I think two of them are warranted. I think they're all good. They all worked. Hey, it worked. Alright? If it works, it works. And I have but one regret. This show must end. But that is our show. Thank you so much to Tig Notaro and Representative Sarah McBride and Derek Tran. There are 25 days until the midterms. We will be back next week with astronaut Danny Olivas and comedian Moshe Kasher. Have a great night. Love It or Leave It is a Crooked Media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Hallie Kiefer, Sarah Lazarus, Raman Borsellino, Peter Miller, David Tolles, Claudia Sheng, Jay Banks, Raul Calderon, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroat. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. We're gonna have Jon Favreau, Jon Lovett, Tommy Vitor, Stacey Abrams, Dan Pfeiffer, Aaron Ryan, and many more special guests to be announced. And they're all gonna help us make sense of what's happening as the election results roll in. So here's what you need to do. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific for hot takes, catharsis, and as many results as we can possibly analyze.