Best of "Guam" (Compilation)

Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day-gum v-grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mavily! This episode of Distractable is present to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a five-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home-internet-check-availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, 2nd-F 2025, all rights reserved. What are you doing right now? Some stupid. Yeah, I agree. I'm getting out of here. Let's leave. You and me wait. 3-2-1. Over and leaves first wins. Oh. Wait, it's clearly right there. Neither of you left. Headeders, send me to Guam! This Guam look like. Armin Guam! Put me in Guam! You have no idea what that, why do you look like you're underwater, I don't think Guam is underwater. Look at all this Guam! Is that offensive? No idea, probably. I feel offended. You know, to be fair to Mark, I looked up Guam and the first image was a beach. Oh, pretty close. Guam is a U.S. island territory in Micronesia because I know there's a military, a lot of military presence in and John, who was on an aircraft carrier, they would dock there and that's actually where he spent all of COVID. Oh. These guys are, they know the future. Guam's World War 3 significant. Oh, wait, that's two. That's two. I can read. Wait, no. Read that article. He was there for a blip. Yeah, you got to remember it. Guam's World War 3 significance is on view and coming soon. Oh, God. I made that last part out. Oh, I thought it was not a boob. North American boob's. Woo, yeah, American boob, brown, brown, brown, brown. Editors, blackout his camera for a little bit. No, let's go say editors, snip that out and set it to Molly. American boob, boob, mollolet me feed. Yeah, okay. Now black screen, blackout, wait, and Mark and I will just talk for a minute. Fade me out. Fade me out. All right. Perfect. I'll be worth it. All right. Anyway. So Bob, listeners, there's nothing you're missing. I swear to God. There's no reason to be any kind of upset. Well, your shoulder's still in shot. Wait, you can come back now. [PHONE RINGING] Whoa. Oh, yeah. That's cool. All right. Well, you can't talk. I just finished a level. But I was playing flow-free. This is a bridges one. We go over it under the bridges. What is that? Are you sponsored by these mobile games? Like, I don't know. No, they don't like me. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of "Destractable" where I am here. Keep an eye-- camera one on me. On me. Hey, now are my co-hosts are here. They've been here this whole time. [PHONE RINGING] I was here. I never left frame. I was just turning it on my beautiful light. To be fair, I didn't know what you were doing. So I was covered for you. Guess who's in Guam. Me? Oh. [LAUGHS] And it hurts the way. It's like a lifetime license. And it's like, yeah. And so over my entire life, I would have probably never used all the sounds in there. But man, I got to get it this time. Could just start putting extra sounds into videos and stuff, just 'cause you got them. Yeah. I mean, that's basically what we do in YouTube and here on Editors, hit 'em with all your sound effects. [PHONE RINGING] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wow. Easy there. Now my fade-out sound. I don't think. Now my fade-in sound. A bunch of guys. More than two. There he go. Oh, wow. I'm glad he's gone. I hope he never comes back. I don't think Mark has gotten more than a quarter of a sentence out of his mouth without way just jumping in on something. A bunch of dudes who before the FDA was the FDA spent years. And I mean years eating food with a bunch of things that they thought was deadly, but they didn't know for sure. Any kind of chain, any amount, any configuration. And those things can do random-ass things to biology. And who knows what they can do. They could do nothing. Most of them just do nothing because your body just like doesn't even interface with it and purge it. So F-E could be, oh, no. Bob, did you get that one? F-E is iron. I-- oh, no. I'm saying it's bad-- if you-- I don't know, I don't know. Wait, wait, disappear for a second. I need to talk to Bob. Dispire for a second. I got to talk about it. Peace off for a second. So Bob, was that a smart joke that he made or was it-- I think the concept was good, but then the punch line was confusing. [LAUGHS] [LAUGHTER] It's still funny to me. I'm so glad that staying through the whole episode. You reached this apex where somehow you have found success and you have money. My god, that's me. Now Bob's gone. Editors, can you make the whole tub just blow up? [LAUGHTER] Cut up, dispire. Our highest-produced episode ever. Now that you're done working on, ironed long, we need the full editing team to blow up Mark's bathtub. Get an M80. Get a green screen. Go in your backyard. Film a practical explosion for our cinematic experience of a podcast. Listen, viewers, you're not. Or listeners, you're not missing anything this episode. There's nothing you need to be watching for. There's nothing. Oh, wait. If you only guess within the 21st century, that'll probably help mark a lot. Probably. Well, it's like me trying to stay in Russia whenever we were playing that other game. That's true. I don't know how many times I told you it was all in the US. Yep. Pumping in Guam. Ah, that was funny. I love that short. Yeah. How's it going, everyone? Boys are back. Welcome to another episode of Distractable. Yay. I'm today's host, Wade, joined by Mark and Bob, who also faded in with me. How you guys doing? Good! Let's try to match the energy. Was that not the energy? I'm stupendous. That's good. Anything new? I might explode. Oh? I will give you 10 points if you explode randomly on camera. I don't know if I've edited it in, goons. Editors, can you make that bathtub marking as to be an explode again? This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. You already know that T-Mobile 5G Home Internet is ridiculously easy to set up with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month. But here's something new worth noting. T-Mobile now has the fastest 5G Home Internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. No, seriously. Their 5G Home Internet speeds are officially the fastest, which means that when you're downloading all your movies that aren't mine, every single one except for mine, you'll get them at the fastest speeds possible, along with all your video calls and uploading files and maybe even streaming something in the background. And yeah, it is still a great value. Back by a five-year price guarantee, so your build doesn't slowly creep up when you're not paying attention. So if you want the fastest 5G Home Internet, with a simple setup and savings that actually stick head over to t-mobile.com/homeinternet to check availability today, price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fee supply fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data the second half of 2025, all right, it's reserved. - Let me explain to you in a way you can understand. Editors, like, help me out with this one. Pretend my head is your car. Editors now delete my head. - Heekamoo, that's your car. - Well, I think the tweet was right. Wade's car's in the ocean. Editors, put Mark's head in the ocean. Look at all the guam. - Push him, guam. - I don't know where it is. - This is, you know that thing that Mark was using to keep track of points. It's an ink, writing tablet thingy and there's a little marker on the side. This is the one that has color. Obviously, it has yellow. Also, I don't know what I just flash on there. - Editors, make sure it's horrible. - Put it in guam. You influenced me and it's awesome. Anyway, we're shut up, shut up. Shut up the both of you. I'm not living in a younger group. - I agree with you, Mark, you're right. - Shut up, shut up, shut up. - I'm not living any younger. - Wade, disappear. - Anyway, that was my car buying experience. It was fine. It looks really smooth. So we know this never happened. - Okay. - Because that's not how you got your car. It was on a boat that sank. You swam down to get it out and you drove it out from Atlantis. - I thought it was on a boat that sank. Thankfully, it was not. - And someone on the subreddit will provide a picture that is just as realistic as yours of this occurrence that I'm describing. So we won't know what to believe. - Hmm, subreddit, get on that. Defend me. I've never said that before in my life. I don't know if you have. Specifically, subreddit, defend me. Maybe you haven't said, you know. - Subreddit, read round me. - Subreddit, put Wade's car in Guam. It's a convertible. - Well, all the Guam's getting in. - It probably was, it probably was Guam. - Is it Guam a place? I think it's Guacamole. Which one's which? - Ah, same thing. (laughing) - Sorry, Guam. - Guam's gonna be real pissed when they hear this. He called us Guacamole. - Wade called you Guacamole just to be clear. - Hey, actually, look, listen, we don't have to. - Oh, okay. - Hey, God, okay. It's the next one after this current episode. - I almost got hand shook. - I wasn't listening. I didn't hear none of that. - Bob, you wanna do a deal? - All right, yeah, Mark Skahn. Let's make a hand shake deal. (laughing) - Editors, peace, mark out, fade him out. - Oh no. - Yeah, Adam Savage is a bastard and having tools within our reach is dumb and also a little beta behavior, let's be honest. - Yeah, yeah, pretty much. - Adam, we know you're a big fan of this show. I'm sorry. - Well, we're not a big fan of you, get out. Well, I don't know, well, cool, hey, I'm not with it. - We all speak for each other here. (laughing) - Editors put him on an island cause he's alone. - Put him in Guam. - Ah, I'm here in Guam. (laughing) - I'm so, I'm sad, like, Guam was the ocean. It's fine, it's not important. It's fine. The lost city of Guam also known as Atlantis. - Apparently. - I have a counterpoint. - Oh yeah? - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Maybelline New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Maybelline New York. - Maybe it's Maybelline. (bell dinging) (grunting) - I guess I should be going like this. Oh no, I should not do this towards myself. - I wanna throw this out there. What the fuck, do you have a knife? - Oh, highway, do you miss out on a lot? - I clearly did. - We're in a knife fight right now. - Well, don't worry, it won't matter cause I am the only one who matters here as the host. - Editors, put Wade between us, my left marks right. - I'll do it. There's points on the line. You wouldn't. You shouldn't. (screaming) - Wade, are we stabbing the creek? I'm sure I stabbed this way. (screaming) - Everywhere, in all directions, get 'em. - It's all me, always has been. - I'm cutting myself out of this podcast. (blows raspberry) - I'm going to Gwong! - Gwong? (grunting) - High Gwong! (laughing) - I just did my office, I didn't go to Gwong. - Thought you guys could get away. - Fire. - I say warmer, you'll miscalculate you. - So I'll say colder. - Oh, fire's clearly hot, you idiot. - God, you got me, you're right, you'll look at editors kill me. - Setters kill 'em in Gwong. (laughing) - I wish I had a team for games. One day you'll be your own boss and you can do what you want to do. - I hope so. - It's almost done though, right? - Yeah, actually. - I like a people on the separate, a myseverator just sometimes like, "Oh, if it's almost done," like he says. And what am I doing? What do they think I'm doing? - Jerking off in Cancun. - It's Gwong. - Meany, meany, my name, oh. - Let's go for a walk, boys. - Oh man, I went early. He's gonna know how to beat this. - Yeah, look, here's my hobbit hole. (laughing) - Keep it up, Mark, he'll eventually play. - Watch it. - Hang on a little, catch on. Hang on, wait, I'll do it again, dude. - Wait, you don't get to see what I got. I already rolled. Oh, he played "Eedy, Meany, Mighty, Moe," but with rock paper and scissors, it looks like. - Track this, editors. - Yeah. - Peace me out. - Look, paper, you win. - I'm gonna put on the wheel, pramptively, mentioned Mark's height the most. (laughing) - I'm winning. - Wait, is that good? Or do you lose a point for that one? (laughing) - We don't have any minus points, so let's make that a minus, that'll be a minus. - I like when our heights are compared. (laughing) - Huh? - I don't know, it's left. - No one's laughing. - Editors, no, please, take the studio out of here. (laughing) - Put 'em in Guam. (laughing) - Do what you like me to do, phone things? - Yeah, I try to do it. - Can you look up what the origin of buck bag is? - We could transition this to a restaurant. - Didn't work, guys, it didn't work. - I brought it back, so I was the first call back, right? - Oh, Mark accidentally pieced himself away at Editors. Mark needs to be invisible now. (laughing) - That's gonna be a rule, the next counsel. If you ever make this, you have to miss your camera. (laughing) - If you happen to do this for some reason, you piece out. - He excitedly wheeled around to try and catch the plans that I tossed, and he smacked his head on the wall if the jail had collapsed into a heap. And then, from the background, he's here. - A trapple? (laughing) - Drinking, walk down the whole jail. - To clarify, when you say wheeled around, he's not in a wheelchair, is he? - No, no, he, that's a phrase that, no, no. - Okay, I thought he was like, you? - That, it means to turn around quickly, isn't it? - I guess that picture didn't trapple. Just, first of all, it was a wheelchair. That's not funny, by the way. - All right, put Mark in Guam, put me in Guam. Fortunately, I knew of one power that could get me out of the situation. I raised one finger, first, this finger, and then I raised the other to the security camera, and I say, editors, put me in Guam. (gibberish) The teleporter activates, and I zip out of there. - Unfortunately, Guam is located at the deepest depths of the Marianist trench, as far as I know, so I found myself trapped in the depths of the ocean. Fortunately, I was a live streamer, who had a 24/7 stream going on, and my views were jumping like you wouldn't believe. All I had to do was escape Marianist trench, and I would be cemented as better than in trapo. - Unfortunately, due to some past misjudgments and misdates on my part, the only platform I was still allowed to stream on was X. Fortunately, after I failed my escape attempt and died, Groc will be able to keep me alive in people's memories, escaping random bullshit nonsense forever. - Thanks, AI. (laughing) - Editor's note, Groc did not actually help Mark in Guam. - Little do you know. - He didn't help him in Guam. He just recreated his likeness so that it could live on forever. - I feel like Groc's the no-but of improv, isn't it? - In a way, in a way, in a way, everyone needs that. - Hmm. - Mark, you got points for. - Bistaca? - Mick triple? - No, not that. - Schmorg is morg. - Look at all this Guam. (laughing) - You can't some point. - Treaty of Westphalia. - tungsten. - Full of cream. - Devastation. - Without everyone in it, only two two. - Up, my ass, and kill me, fucking kill me. (laughing) - Vassy episode, congratulations Wade. - Thanks man, is this winter speech time? - Yeah, I was like. - I call you to inject your speeches with another disclaimer to not do anything that we receive in remotely. We weren't even suggesting it, it's all dumb. - Yeah, if you research chemical, then. (whirring) - All right, that might be the worst winter speech I've ever heard in the history of this podcast. Bob? - You did it. You were the victor, and I'll prove it to you by telling Wade to go ahead and give his loser speech already hurry up. - And now the end is near, and so I face my final curtain. - My friend? - No song lyrics. - I lost, I'm over it, that was funny. (laughing) - Peace, baby. (laughing) - Anyway, that's it, Wade's gonna host the next one because he's a good Gillionaire now, 'cause he wins the Squid Game. (laughing) - Thanks for playing, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. - Podcast out, and I'm dead. I'm dead in Guam, put me floating in Guam. - Oh, all right, well, thank you guys. That was it, all right, there he goes. That was an entertaining episode. Bob goes from not even being here at the beginning of episode to taking it all, and I think that is. - Hey, and Wade left. - And Wade now Wade's gone. It ends as it began. I thank you, Bob, who was also known as My Scrum, on YouTube and Twitch, Wade, thank you Lord Minion777, or Minion777 on Twitch and YouTube. - So thank you, everybody, so much for being a part of this podcast experience. Be sure to follow it, or we'll kill you. Have a good day, podcast out. - So any last words? - Do we, what is with the deal with this? Are we like leading our channels or how serious is this? 'Cause who's our delete search channel? - Yeah, a good feeling about this one. The last words, what did you say? - Mm-hmm. (slurping) (all laughing) - So those only listening, Wade made a peace sign. - Which means, fade me out. - Can we have a little lixine on the show, or is that a your channel exclusive type deal? - No, he goes for every watch. - But you know, 50, 50, 50 chance of getting one key, though. That's the danger. - All right, that's your winner's speech. - Bob, I was really sad to see it all come to an end this way, but in a way, it's also really good. We're back, we're full circle. back where we are. We started eating chicken and dumplings like old times, more like the one old time anyway. - Just wait for the next skit video on Not Mark Shen if he's leading it, called the Rise of Slender Man. - We're gonna smear peanut butter all over somebody's face and they're gonna be the king of the sun things. We'll work it out later. - I am Andrews at this blow it all up. So, we're done. - Podcast out. - The Guaman Mark, yeah we're Guaman. - What happens when I do two? Do I go double Guam? You disappear from where you are and you reappear in Guam. - Take me to double Guam. - Wow. (laughing) - Double Guam. - Yeah, the editor's just like, "What the fuck is this evil Guam?" - All right, we're out of here. Peace. Podcast out. That's it, that's good. - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even there. Meet new, grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. Try new, grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. - Maybe it's Mavily.