Best of "Guam" (Compilation)

This episode of Distractable is present to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home-internet-check-availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, second half 2025, all rights reserved. Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! Gwom! I'm hearing gwom! What are you doing right now? Some stupid. Yeah, I agree. I'm getting out of here. Let's leave! You and me wait, three, two, one! Whoever leaves first wins. Oh, wait, it's clearly right there. Neither of you left. Editors, send me to gwom! This gwom look like. Armin gwom! Put me in gwom! Yeah, I have no idea what that, why do you live in here underwater? I don't think gwom is underwater. Armin gwom! Look at all this gwom! Is that offensive? No idea, probably. I feel offended. You know, to be fair to mark, I looked up gwom and the first image was a beach. Oh, pretty close. Gwom is a U.S. island territory in Micronesia. Because I know there's a military, a lot of military presence, and John, who was on an aircraft carrier, they would dock there, and that's actually where he spent all of COVID. Oh, these guys are, they know the future. Gwom's world war three significant. Oh, wait, that's two. I can read. Wait, no, read that article. It was there for a blip. Yeah, you gotta remember it. Gwom's world war three significance is on view and coming soon. Oh, god. I made that last part. Oh, I thought it was not a boob. North American boob. Woo! Yeah, American boob. Editors, blackout his camera for a little bit. No, as I could say, editors, snip that out and set it to Molly. American boob. Woo! Mollolet me feed. Yeah, okay. Now black screen, blackout wait, and Mark and I will just talk for a minute. Fade me out. Fade me out. All right, perfect. I'll be worth it. All right. Anyway, so Bob, listeners, there's nothing you're missing. I swear to god, there's no reason to be any kind of upset. Well, your shoulder's still in shot. Wait, you can come back now. Oh, yeah, cool. All right, well, you can't talk. So I just finished a level, but I was playing flow free. You know, this is the bridges one. We'd like to go over it under the bridges. What is that? Are you sponsored by these mobile games? Like, I don't know. No, they don't like me. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Distractable where I am here. I keep the camera one on me on me. Hey, are my co-hosts are here. They've been here this whole time. I was here. I never left frame. I was just turning it on my beautiful light. To be fair, I didn't know what you were doing, so I was covered for you. Guess who's in Guam. Me? It's like a lifetime license and it's like, yeah, so over my entire life, I would have probably never use all the sounds in there, but man, I gotta get it this time. Could just start putting extra sounds into videos and stuff, just because you got them. Yeah, I mean, that's basically what we do in YouTube and here on Editors, hit them with all your sound effects. Easy there. Now my fade out sound. I don't think. Now my fade in sound. A bunch of guys. More than two. There he goes. Oh, wow, I'm glad he's gone. I hope he never comes back. I don't think Mark has gotten more than a quarter of a sentence out of his mouth without wait, just jumping in on something. A bunch of dudes who before the FDA was the FDA spent years. And I mean years eating food with a bunch of things that they thought was deadly, but they didn't know for sure. Any kind of chain, any amount, any configuration, and those things can do random ass things to biology and who knows what they can do. They could do nothing. Most of them just do nothing because your body just like doesn't even interface with an urgent. So FE could be, oh no, Bob, did you get that one? FE is iron. Oh, no, I'm saying it's bad. If you, I don't know, I don't know. Wait, wait, disappear for a second. I need to talk to disappear for a second. I got to talk to you. Peace off for a second. So it was so Bob, was that a smart joke that he made or was it? I think the concept was good, but then he, the punch line was confusing. It's still funny to me. I'm so glad that staying through the whole episode. You reached this apex where somehow you have found success and you have money. My god, that's me. Now Bob's gone. Editors, can you make the whole tub just blow up? Our highest-produced episode ever. Now that you're done working on, ironed long, we need the full editing team to blow up Mark's bathtub. Get an M80, get a green screen, go in your backyard. Film a practical explosion for our cinematic experience of a podcast. Listen, viewers, you're not, or listeners, you're not missing anything this episode. There's nothing you need to be watching for. There's nothing. Oh, wait, if you only guess within the 21st century, that'll probably help mark a lot. Probably. Look, it's like me trying to stay in Russia whenever we were playing that other game. That's true. I don't know how many times I told you it was all in the US. Yep. Oh, that was funny. Oh, that's short. How's it going, everyone? Boys are back. Welcome to another episode of Distractable. Yay! I'm today's host, Wade, joined by Mark and Bob, who also faded in with me. How you guys doing? Good! Let's try to match the energy. Was that not the energy? I'm stupendous. That's good. Anything new? I might explode. Oh, I will give you 10 points of you explode randomly on camera. I don't know if I've edited it in, fellas. Editors, can you make that bathtub marking us to be an explode again? This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. You already know that T-Mobile 5G Home Internet is ridiculously easy to set up, with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month. But here's something new worth noting. T-Mobile now is the fastest 5G Home Internet, according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. No, seriously. Their 5G Home Internet speeds are officially the fastest, which means that when you're downloading all your movies that aren't mine, every single one except for mine, you'll get them at the fastest speeds possible, along with all your video calls and uploading files and maybe even streaming something in the background, you know. And yeah, it is still a great value. Back by a 5-year price guarantee, so your build doesn't slowly creep up when you're not paying attention. So if you want the fastest 5G Home Internet, with a simple setup and savings that actually stick head over to T-Mobile.com/HomeInternet to check availability today, price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fee supply fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data a second half 2025, all right, so reserved. Let me explain to you in a way you can understand. Editors like helping out with this one. Pretend my head is your car. Editors now delete my head. He can move. That's your car. Well, I think the tweet was right. Wade's car is in the ocean. Editors put marks head in the ocean. Look at all the gwom! I just don't know where it is. This is, you know, that thing that Mark was using to keep track of points. It's an E-ink, writing tablet thingy and there's a little marker on the side. This is the one that has color. Obviously, it has the yellow. Also, I don't know what I just flashed on there. Editors make sure it's horrible. Put it in gwom. You influenced me and it's awesome. Anyway, whatever. Shut up, shut up. Shut up the both of you. I'm not living in a younger. I agree with you, Mark. You're right. Shut up, shut up, shut up. I'm not living any younger. Wade, disappear. Anyway, that was my car buying experience. It was fine. It looks really smooth. So we know this never happened. Okay. Because that's not how you got your car. It was on a boat that sank. You swam down to get it out and you drove it out from Atlantis. I thought it was on a boat that sank. Thankfully, it was not. And someone on the sub-reddit will provide a picture that is just as realistic as yours of this occurrence that I'm describing. So we won't know what to believe. Hmm. Sub-reddit, get on that. Defend me. I've never said that before in my life. I don't know if you have. Specifically, sub-reddit, defend me. Maybe you haven't said. Sub-reddit, read round me. Sub-reddit, put Wade's car in Guam. It's a convertible. All the Guam's getting in. It probably was. It probably was Guam. Isn't Guam a place? I think in Guacamole. Which one's which? Oh, same thing. Sorry, Guam. Guam's going to be real pissed when they hear this. He called us Guacamole. Wade called you Guacamole just to be clear. Hey, actually look, listen. We don't have to. Oh, okay. Hey, God, okay. It's the next one after this current episode. episode. I almost got hand shook. I wasn't listening. I didn't hear none of that. Bob, you want to do a deal? All right. Yeah, Mark. Mark's gone. Let's make a handshake deal. Editors, peace mark out. Fade him out. Oh, no. Yeah, Adam Savage is a bastard and having tools with an arm reach is dumb and also a little beta behavior. Let's be honest. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Adam, we know you're a big fan of the show. I'm sorry. Well, we're not a big fan of you. Get out. Well, I don't know. I'm not with him. We all speak for each other here. Editors put him on an island because he's alone. Put him in Guam. I'm here in Guam. I'm so they're saying Guam was the ocean. It's fine. It's not important. It's fine. The lost city of Guam, also known as Atlantis, apparently. I have a counterpoint. Oh, yeah. I guess I should be going like this. Oh, no, I should not do this towards myself. I want to throw this out there. What the fuck? Why do you have a knife? Oh, highway. Do you miss out on a lot? I clearly did. We're in a knife fight right now. Well, don't worry. It won't matter because I am the only one who matters here as the host. Editors put Wade between us. My left marks right. Don't do it. There's points on the line. You wouldn't. You shouldn't. Wade, are we stabbing the crate? I'm sure I stabbed this way. Everywhere in the all directions. Get him. It's all me. Always has been. I'm cutting myself out of this podcast. I'm going to Guam. Bunk. I just did my office. I didn't go to Guam. Thought you guys could get away. Fire. I say warmer, you'll miscalculate you. So I'll say colder. Oh, fire is clearly hot. You idiot. God, you got me. You're right. Look at editors kill me. Steaders kill him in Guam. I wish I had a team for games. One day you'll be your own boss and you can do what you want to do. I hope so. It's almost done though, right? Yeah, actually. I like how people on the separate of my server are just sometimes like, if it's almost done, like he says, what do I do? What do they think I'm doing? Jerking off in Cancun. It's Guam. Genie, meanie, my name. Oh, let's go for a walk, boys. Oh, man, I went early. He's going to know how to, he's going to know how to beat this. Yeah, look, look. Here's my hob of the hole. Keep it up, Mark. He'll eventually play what you got all catch up. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. You don't get to see what I got. I already, I already rolled. Oh, he played eating, eating, minding, mo. But with rock paper and scissors, it looks like track this editor's piece me out paper. You win. I'm going to put on the wheel up preemptively, mentioned Mark's height the most. I'm winning. Wait, is that good? Or do you lose a point for that one? We don't have many minus points. So let's make that a minus. That'll be a minus. I like when our heights are compared. Huh? I don't know. Just laugh. No one's laughing. Editors, no, please take the studio out of here. But I'm in Guam. Oh. Don't you like me to do phone things? What do you look up with the origin of buck baggers? We could transition this to a restaurant. Didn't work guys. It didn't work. I brought it back. So I was the first call back, right? Oh, Mark accidentally pieced himself away. Editors, Mark needs to be invisible now. That's going to be a rule of the next counsel. If you ever make this, you have to do your camera to disappear. If you happen to do this for some reason, you piece out. He excitedly wheeled around to try and catch the plans that I tossed, and he smacked his head on the wall of the jail and collapsed into a heap. And then in the background, he's your e-trapple. Drinking. Walk down the whole jail. To clarify, when you say wheeled around, he's not in a wheelchair, is he? No, no, he that's a phrase that no, no. It means to turn around quickly, isn't it? It's a picture to entrap, for some reason, a wheelchair. That's not funny, by the way. All right, put Mark in Guam. Fortunately, I knew of one power that could be out of the situation. I raised one finger, first this finger, and then I raised the other to the security camera. And I say editors, put me in Guam. The teleporter activates and I zip out of there. Unfortunately, Guam is located at the deepest depths of the Marianist trench, as far as I know. So I found myself trapped in the depths of the ocean. Fortunately, I was a live streamer who had a 24/7 stream going on and my views were jumping like you wouldn't believe. All I had to do was escape Marianist trench and I would be cemented as better than entrap-o. Unfortunately, due to some past misjudgments and misdights on my part, the only platform I was still allowed to stream on was X. Fortunately, after I failed my escape attempt and died, Grock will be able to keep me alive in people's memories, escaping random bullshit nonsense forever. Thanks, AI! Editor's note, Grock did not actually help Mark in Guam. Little do you know. He didn't help him in Guam. He just recreated his likeness so that he could live on forever. I feel like Grock's the no-but of improv, isn't it? In a way, in a way, in a way, everyone needs that. Mark, you got points for Bistaca? McTriple? No, not that. Schmorgas, Mark, look at all this Guam. You can't some point. Treaty of Westphalia, tungsten, full of cream, devastation, without everyone in it, only two two. Up my ass and kill me fucking kill me. And that's the episode. Congratulations, Wade. Thanks, man. Is this winter speech time? Yeah, I would like to call you to inject your speeches with another disclaimer to not do anything that we receive in, really. We weren't even suggesting it. It's all dumb. Yeah, if you research chemical, then. All right, that might be the worst winter speech I've ever heard in the history of this podcast. Bob? You did it. You were the victor, and I'll prove it to you by telling Wade to go ahead and give his loser speech already hurry up. And now the end is near, and so I face my final curtain. My friend? No song lyrics. I lost. I'm over it. That was funny. Anyway, that's it. Wade's gonna host the next one because he's a good Gillian air now because he wins the Squid Game. Thanks for playing. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Podcast out. And I'm dead. I'm dead in Guam. Put me floating in Guam. All right. Well, thank you guys. That was it. There he goes. That was an entertaining episode. Bob goes from not even being here at the beginning of episode to taking it all, and I think that is. Hey, and Wade left. And Wade now Wade's gone. It ends as it began. I thank you, Bob, who was also known as my skirm on YouTube and Twitch. Wade, thank you Lord Minion777 or Minion777 on Twitch and YouTube. So thank you, everybody. So much for being a part of this podcast experience. Be sure to follow it, or we'll kill you. Have a good day. Bye. I guess not. So any last words? What is with the deal with this? Are we like leading our channels or how serious is this? Because lose are delete search channels. Yeah, good feeling about this one. Last words, I would you say? Mm-hmm. So that was only listening. Wade made a peace sign, which means fade me out. Can we have a little lixine on the show, or is that your channel exclusive type deal? No, he goes wherever you watch. But 50, 50, 50, 50 chance of getting one key, though. That's the danger. All right, that's your winning speech. Bob, I was really sad to see it. I'll come to an end this way, but in a way, it's also really good. We're back. We're full circle. Back where we started, eating chicken and dumplings like old times. More like the one old time anyway. Just wait for the next skit video on "Not Mark's channel," she's leading it called "The Rise of Slender Man." We're going to smear peanut but all over all over somebody's face, and they're going to be the king of the sun things. We'll work it out later. Mm-hmm. Anyway, Adder is at this blow it all up, so we're done. Podcast out. Big Guam in, Mark. Yeah, are we Guam in? Uh, what happens when I do two? Do I go double Guam? You disappear from where you are and you reappear in Guam. Take me to double Guam! Wow. Double Guam. Yeah, the editor's just like, "The fuck does this know for Guam?" All right, we're out of here. Peace. My guest out. That's it. That's good. (upbeat music)