Bert Has Sexy Lady Legs | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100% Welcome to another Two Bears, One Cave. I'm in Austin, Bertrand's in Los Angeles. A quick reminder, the Two Bears 5K is going down in Nashville, Tennessee on April 10th, and you can get tickets, you can register, I should say, at twobears5k.com. It's going to be our biggest one ever. We are going to have not just a fun community, come if you walk, come if you jog, come if you're a competitive runner, but there will be recovery, there will be entertainment, there will be television stars, comedians, porosos. We're going to bring some country-western stars up to sing. It's going to be, I think it's going to be more fun. I think we should almost like do these, I love incorporating music into the 5K. It's a good time. Because we did roast, the first time we did one, we had Tony Hinchcuff, he had just done the roast. Yeah. David Lucas, and everyone kind of roasted each other, which is fun. And we did a podcast one year. Yes. I think music's, music's the shit, dude. The music is great. It is so fun to do. It kind of goes with like, hey, we're having a good time here. And football, I should say, athletes, football players will be there for sure. Oh, yeah, we're going to have a ton of football players. We got to definitely bust them with the boys, and then we should do it. Did you see the fucking footage of Jason Kelsey with sumo wrestlers? Yes, I did. I was so fascinated. I was, because the first time I saw, I've always been curious about that. I saw Micah Parsons. I think he was in Japan. And him just getting, I mean, he was like not even making the guy budge. And I was like, holy shit. And then watching Kelsey do it too, I was like, this is fucking fascinating to see guys at that level of like, you've been around Jason, like he's a big, strong, I know he's retired, but he's a big, strong guy. Obviously played in the NFL for like, I don't know, 14 seasons or some shit. And as a lineman, and just seeing some of these sumo guys just fucking like lift them up and put them, you're like, fuck, these guys are really incredible at this, man. It's just impressive. Jason Kelsey, you forget that the Kelsey brothers are meatheads. They are fucking bros. They are. Jason Kelsey, I will never forget. Like, you know how you like? One thing someone says to you, and then that's the thing you always remember about that one person. I'll never forget being at the Super Bowl that year, and I was getting ready to bench. I know what you're going to say. 325. And he was like, dude, what time? And I was like, what? He was like, dude, I live for this shit. This meathead shit, I fucking live for this. What time? I was like, 9 a.m. He goes, I'll be there. I'll fucking be there. And then he came, and he was there early. And he was like, let's get loose. You can't. And then his energy was like, I want to see how many times I can do 135. And then everyone started repping out 135. That is. How many times could they do that? Oh, I think they did it like fucking 40 times. Yeah, I was going to say, it's got to be out there. But the thing I love is when you know the dog is a dog or the horse is a horse, you know? And the thing you signed up for is exactly what the fuck you got. By the way, I know someone's going to be like, really? You were surprised that a sumo wrestler is better at sumo? Yeah. I fucking get it, man. What I'm saying is, I understand that a sumo wrestler is better at sumo wrestling. Though you don't have to explain it to me. I'm saying that you're watching an NFL athlete compete in this thing, and it's impressive. So go fuck yourself, if that's your message, okay? Eat shit, you fucking cunt. What? Wait, what? Did you ever see the Australian guys that just run at each other as fast as they can? Fuck that. That is the most, that might be the most terrifying thing I've seen anybody do. Oh, fuck. That is awful. I would never in a million years. It's these South Pacific, like, Samoan people who are, they're all built like a brick shithouse. The women look like they could just fucking throw you through a wall. And there's actually women doing it, too. And they stand, I don't know what it is, 30 yards apart or something. Pull up a video so we can see it real quick. I would rather be piped by a shower full of Dominicans. Which is happening. I think that's going to happen. I am going to commentate on all of it, in English and Spanish. Pull up a video of those guys just, I mean, it looks so violent. It's terrifying, dude. I mean, there's. Look at that. Look at that. And there's no, and then people are just completely knocked out, concussed, having seizures. Yeah, it's, there was one, there's one of these where it's two women and they meet in the middle and the one goes into, I think in a, oh my God. Oh my God. His sweat, play that back, just roll that back, watch. There it is, there it is, dude. What do you think, what do you think is the, this is how silly, but you know, there's gotta be a phys, a physics guy who knows that the thing has to be the thing. There has to be like one thing. Like if you go faster than the other guy, I mean, it's gotta be like physics. Like if you weigh more and run faster than the other guy, then you have to win. It's like slap boxing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you have like, yeah, you have the weight times the speed equaling the force and yeah, it is physics, dude. I mean, holy shit, man. God, they both went down. I know. There's one where a woman hits a woman and she knocks the other girl out on impact and she's about to flex on her. Like she's like going to do that thing where she stands over her and you can see the horror wash over her at what she's, she's just like, oh. Like she's about to be like, yeah. And then she's like, oh God, like she's, you could tell, you can tell that that's what she's, it ain't that dude. It's fucking nuts. I would love to do that against a Polynesian. That was the word I was looking for. Do you think I could take out one of the women? No, not the women doing this. Not the ones that I saw, dude. No, they would put you in the hospital. That's what they should be. They should, I think they should be more inclusive and bring in dudes. Like instead of Pat McAfee, doing a field goal for a fucking college game day, they should do this. I don't know if this is, no, that ain't it, but. Oh my God. Oh yeah, that's it. That's it. Oh my God. See how she was like, yeah. And then she backs up. She was like, oh no. Like, she's like, bitch. And then she's like. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude. You don't think you could take her? Bro, look, that woman is probably. She's not more, shouldn't weigh more than me. You don't think, right? I mean, she's close to it. I mean, I think. I think it would be pretty fair, me and her. I'd pay a lot to see it. I would love to see it. Can we get that at four bear, at the two bears 5K? If we, look at her legs, dude. Look at that woman's legs. That woman is stout, man. That woman's fucking. Yeah, no, she is. I would love to see her run into you so much. Do you know who I think is really sexy? Is, I get really into female body, like female bodybuilders. Female bodybuilders, fuck off, nevermind, I'm not gonna tell you. No, I said, tell me, tell me, dude, tell me, come on, tell me. You get, you get turned on by female bodybuilders. Is her name Moana? Moana, she was in the. The cartoon thing? No, no. The Disney cartoon? I know an adult who watches that to go to bed, a man, he's 15. He's not a, he's like a regular guy. Are you serious? He watches like, he watches Disney and Pixar to fall asleep. And I'm like, you're so fucking weird, man. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do I know this man? You could. Oh, I. Do you know who it is? No, no. Okay. No, but I had a guy. I don't know if I'm allowed to tell this. There's a guy I worked with who's a Disney adult. Yeah. And he was on tour with us at the same time that I was with Ron, who Ron does not get Disney adult. What's interesting is Ron is Disney adult. I respect Ron for that, yeah. He's Disney adult adjacent because I think in black culture, sometimes when you, I think you start growing up the second you lose your virginity. You start growing up? Yeah, like that's when you become a man. And Ron lost his virginity at what I will only say is an alarmingly young age. Yeah. Does he still work for you? No, but I talk to him all the time. I just talked, he called me the other day. And so, so Ron, Ron, I understand. It's interesting from, from 3000 feet up, I saw that this one guy, 4,000. 4,000, is it 4,000, is it? Yeah, it's 4,000. You said that wrong. You looked so scared when I said it. You're like, is it 4,000? Okay, keep going. I was using, I was using salt of the earth wrong in a pitch. Yeah. For like a whole fucking run of pitches. And the very last one, this woman goes, I think you're using salt of the earth wrong. And I was like, I hope not. She goes, have you been saying salt of the earth the entire time you pitched this movie? And I was like, yeah. And she goes, you've used it wrong. It's not, salt of the earth is not the poorest dirt bag people. And I was like, that's not salt of the earth. She was like, no. She was like, so I think that's why people are confused by your story. Yeah. And I was, I was, yeah, just so you know, I, I mean, it's not, it's, it's however many feet you want it to be. Oh, okay. From 10 feet up. Yeah. From, from six and a half feet up to the ground. From fucking four stories. I could see that, that Ron and this guy were similar, that they both had, they arrested development for one guy that was bullying and for Ron was losing his virginity. And there were parts of Ron that I, that I. I still enjoy, but I could see parts of him where he was holding on to his child. 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He does the race cars, the ATV race cars. Yep. Like he races cars like professionally. He's a sneaker head. Like there's a part of him that's still holding on to a little bit. We've all got that in different ways. For some white guys, it's Disney adults. White guys only. I like that. And this, I remember this guy, we were working at Universal and he was like, would it be cool if I had the day off and I went to Disney? And I remember looking at the look on Ron's face and he just looked at me like he's going to Disney. And then he got fucking hammered at Disney and was giggling and came back with like ears on and like the whole costume. Is he a comedian? Yeah. I can't really get into details on who he is. Okay. But, but, uh. You can't even say if he's a comic? No, no. Cause I don't want this guy to be outed. Oh, okay. And so, but it was Ron was just like, what the fuck? It was almost like he was like, is it cool if I go get my mom? And Ron was like, what the, what the fuck? Yeah. It's, it's, I mean, I think there's a lot of people who, if they, if they're not around it regularly and they hear about a Disney adult, they go like, what? My brother. My brother was a little bit of a Disney adult. Yeah. I kind of, I mean, I do get it. It's not like completely foreign to me. Like why, like why going there, make somebody have, I get it. I totally get that. I'm saying like, it doesn't happen to me. It's whatever you attach to. For me, it's for me, this is sounds crazy. Whatever that feeling is, that blanket that happens when you, for me, it's Monday night football or like Sunday night football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that feeling where I go, okay, I can like, I don't need to do shit right now. I just can. I sit on the couch. I, this is silly, but I look at the, especially Monday night football. I look at the shine on their helmet from the lights and it reminds me of being like 10 years old in my dad's room watching Monday night football with him. And the theme song? When the theme song? Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. That's ESPN. That's SportsCenter. Yeah. Yeah. The, but yeah, I, I, I understand Disney adults. No, who, who turns me on is. You say Adolph? No. Oh. I don't, turns me on is the wrong word. I think she's, I think she's sexy. Is. A bodybuilder. It's, she's like a rugby girl from the Olympics. Okay. And she's kind of. Ray Gunn? You know, I love Ray Gunn. Okay. I don't know. I'm just guessing. Ileana, what's her name? She just did an episode of her. She's got a podcast where she lifts weights with people. Oh my God. Zola, did I send you footage of the thing? Oh, that's her. That's her. Ileana Mara. Mm-hmm. Ileana? It sounds, it's no, no, I think it's, those are eyes. It's probably. It's probably Ileana Mara, right? No. That's not how you say that? No, you say. Okay. How do you say it? Okay. Pronunciation. Okay. Let's see here. Yeah, do it slow. Ileana Mara. Oh, yeah, it is. This is exactly how I said it. That's good. Ileana Mara. It's Ileana Mara. Yeah. She's got a podcast, but I think, I don't know. I think that's, there's something sexy about like. Can we hear the OG Monday night football theme song? Yes. It's dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, right? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's so fucking. Can I tell you what fucking makes me crazy? Yeah. Is I, my assistant never knew who Howard Cosell was. I could see that, dude. After the. What the fuck? You told me he doesn't know. Come on. He'd be, you could fill a boat with what shit he doesn't know. Yeah. I mean, you've, you've given me quite a few things. I brought up friends and he was like, friends. I've heard of it. And I was like, friends? Was it, was it kind of like Seinfeld, like a thing in the nineties? I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I was like, you don't know who Matthew Perry is? He's like, Matthew Perry. He, wait, he doesn't know who that is? No, he didn't know who Matthew Perry was. He knew friends, right? Obviously. No, no, no. He was like, friends. Kyle? Yeah. Ah, he's like, is that like, uh. Was that like, it was like a TV show or like a movie or something in the nineties? How could he avoid it? That's. Homeschooled. Oh, cause the cultural imprint from that is just massive. Tom, when we went to London, by the way, I'm telling this as a secret. He's taking the day off today. So when we went to London, he woke up at nine in the morning and went out and bought a Peaky Blinders outfit to go to pubs with him. Stop. He is a Disney. He's a Disney adult. He's a wildly a Disney adult. Is he a big Peaky Blinders fan? Was he like, I want to dress like the guys on Peaky Blinders? He was talking with an accent. Hello, mate. He was like, oh. Do you mind if I get me a cup of Tide Pies? Have you been doing all that shit? Tom, I'm not lying. I swear to you on my children. A girl came up to us and she goes, oh, you got a Peaky Blinders outfit on, do you? Oh my God. And he went, he went, and he like, kind of like, did it. You know, look, like, she goes you know you're the only one dressed like that in here right and he was like and then she looked at me i swear on my hand of the bible she goes is he special and i have video of it i have video of it he has it because he was filming he thought he was getting hit on for his peaky blinders outfit she goes is he special did he wear like a window pane kind of checkered he no he had the hat with the razor blades on the back or whatever and the gloves and a fucking scarf and he went he he went pub to pub starting at 9 a.m he had the day off he went pub to pub and he was like i'm getting this is pub has the best guinness in all of london and i was like kyle it's like the best cheeseburger in all of la when it's not real it's like it it's all fucking guinness yeah and then we met up with ari though this is the best we met up with ari ari texted me he's like yo i want to hang out i want to catch up he hasn't been around any fucking comics and forever you yeah and uh he meets ari you know and ari's got kind of like a fucking kind of a weird wraparound here at times you know from the things he's done you you mean his personality in general yes yeah kyle loved him he goes i don't know what all the hubba blue is about this guy's great guy's awesome yeah i mean he is awesome but ari was like cool outfit he was like i gave pretty cool we went to texas he got a cowboy hat and he got a cowboy hat with a rattlesnake bandana with the rattler here so he really is special jesus that's the perfect assistant for you he is it's it's like it's like a rodeo clown yeah he's he's julian's been doing this thing where he's like like last night he's like hey mike can you and i'm like all right and he goes are you fucking mad your your accents are absolute shite you don't do it i'm like get the fuck out of here like he's he's like trying to off accent me and wait is yeah is he dwyer where did he acquire a british accent he just picked then he was like ah man i really don't know if learning german is going to be beneficial to me that's what he said last night and i was like yeah there's not that many places you can use it he's like yeah i don't know man i think it might be time to pivot all right maybe stop doing german then he's been doing german yeah he's been learning german on german yeah he's been learning german on duolingo on his own yeah yeah and he's like i'm like yeah and you know so i was like yeah maybe not yeah on the nine yielding out no he didn't say that but he um yeah he's he's he's a lot dude he likes the accents he loves we need to get him we need to get them in those those uh young black football leagues in miami oh my god that's such a good idea i would watching those kids celebrate is my favorite i don't think they know what they're doing that made me miss my dad the most because i would we could have gone to a youth black football game in miami and i bet my dad would be like it's just they're just different they're just something else look at them look how they move they dance they're just full of joy buddy zolo i'm sending you the video right now okay zolo is zolo there yeah yeah i'm here i'm sending you the video right now we just don't move like that that's what he was saying we just don't have that in us you're like speak for yourself man it's the greatest they're like they're like fucking nine years old and they're fucking it's incredible dry humping the field it's my favorite thing i fucking i watched i watched that that whole thing i think it's called by backyard athletics or something and i they do interviews and they're like uh i i heard the word fit slim thick through that who's slim thick lotto lotto all these girls want to all these guys want to have sex with lotto i don't even know who the fuck lotto is you don't know lotto no slim thick you see do you get it zolo that's lotto yeah wait what does lotto do is she having young thugs baby am i whose baby is she having wait lotto was on hot ones i don't know no who's her there you go oh 21 savage sorry 21 savage i love remember when there was 21 savage and then there was 22 savage i don't remember that there was like a guy was like i was just because they were all internet rappers and the other guy's like well you're already googling savage i'll put 22 savage and they'll think it's his new album or something that's very funny yeah it's kind of brilliant you see his balls off oh yeah i think he yeah wait pull up okay this is my favorite i sent this to tom this is my favorite this is right after a touchdown get out of here dude that's so fucking amazing fuck why are we not why are we not sponsoring one of those teams poor osos i'm so down i'm so down to sponsor one of those teams yeah and we fly in for their games there'd be maybe a youth league would be like a vodka company i don't know but then again it's miami i think it's miami we sponsor a fucking league and they just have poor osos unit we get sick fucking uniforms dude and then and then and we'll live stream the games on ymh it's so awesome it would be those that is my favorite that energy is my favorite fucking energy in the world i'm i love that shit yeah that'd be fucking cool i i'm so down dude 7 p.m last night it's getting cold out fall is here it is rolling through la i turn on the hot tub i get two nice glasses i fill them with ice and load them up with diet mountain dew and i bring them out to the hot tub and leanne and i had ourselves a great evening grab a pack of mountain dew the american original born in the foothills of tennessee mountain dew was made for a damn good time outdoors i'm telling you right now there's something about that citrus kick with the rustle of leaves under your foot and the sweaters on with the scars that they just pulled out outdoors on a saturday morning getting ready for football back in 1948 two brothers created mountain dew deep in the foothills of tennessee the bold taste you know and love has proud american roots tasting great since 48 from hanging out around the campfire to play and catch in your backyard get outside and enjoy a mountain dew mark your best fall memories with the crisp refreshing citrus kick of mountain dew get out there and enjoy the outdoors with mountain dew an american original tasting great since 48 look for mountain dew in stores near you if you've been sitting on a business idea shopify is here to make it actually happen and i'm here to tell you that the time to launch is now because the holiday rush sets in because it really is going to be here before you know it with shopify you don't have to spend all your spare time learning how to be a e-commerce expert just so you can launch a site and start selling from the store to checkout to analytics shopify houses everything you need to get your business up and running all in one place shopify is the backbone of so many brands and businesses you know and love like ours here at ymh we've been using shopify for i mean over a decade and it makes it easy to see what's coming in what's going out it's the easiest thing to look at from anywhere in the world get that idea off the ground before the rush of black friday and the holiday season hits if you're ready to launch your business before black friday go to shopify.com bears to start your free trial that's shopify.com bears go to shopify.com bears today to hear your first cha ching that was you know that's who i was as a child is not knowing what i was doing but dry humping the turf yeah and my dad would lose his fucking money what the fuck is wrong with you i bet it didn't have that rhythm i i know i told you the story about my first i caught my first fly ball at like at like six years old maybe we were in uh coach pitch and i was playing second base for the yankees bases were loaded it was dusk it's towards the end of the game and i caught a fly ball second base i caught it i spiked it i took my shirt off and i started dancing and the crowd went fucking bananas and my dad lost his fucking mind he was like what the fuck is wrong with you because everyone tagged up and they scored and we lost and my dad was like what the fuck is wrong with you and i was like i loved it he was like of course who doesn't love a fucking hot dog that was the first time i ever heard the phrase hot dog yeah yeah hot dog yeah you're hot dogging it yeah you do you act like you've fucking been there before well you also that your your little antic lost the game too you could we lost the game because of that yeah i didn't know what tagging up was six by the way how why didn't we have the inflatable fly rule like that's you know yeah for little kids what the fuck are we doing anyway you know follow the rules follow the rules hey have you seen these bodybuilders taking their blood pressures yes why what is happening can you explain it to me well they're at these like conferences like these like i think these like fitness conferences and i don't know what the impetus of the guy asking is but essentially He goes up to people he knows are juicing out of their minds, right? They're on all kinds of gear. And he knows that I think that's why he's asking, right? Because also people like that usually say no to that because they know the results aren't going to be good. I've seen guys go, actually, I'd rather not do that. And by the way, I remember doing that when you had that one guy that worked for you. And he wanted to come over and take my blood pressure. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I've been around you several times where you've been like, don't do it. I've seen you fucking almost chew someone's head off. I get white coat syndrome. So I went somewhere with, I got an IV somewhere. And I said to the lady, I said, I'll let you take my blood pressure as long as I can still get the IV. Because I go, I get white coat syndrome. So if you take my blood pressure, it's going to be high. But if it doesn't matter, I won't get it. And she goes, okay. So she goes, I just want to take it. Just take it. So I take it. And it's like 140 over 95. Or something. Which is high. And I go, but that's not my blood pressure. Like, I take my blood pressure every day. That's not my blood pressure. And then literally five minutes later, she took it again. And it was 123 over 70. She was like, that's fucking insane. And I go, I know. I get really nervous when people take my blood pressure. It's always high. But I take it every day at home. And I know what my blood pressure is. So I go, I can show you my phone. And that's what I did. I showed her my pictures. I take my blood pressure every day. And I take a picture of it. You do it every day? I do it every day. Oh, yeah, because I have high blood pressure. And I'm on meds. And I'm on testosterone. And I get blood clots. And I have embolisms in my lungs. So I like to get on top of shit. OK, that makes sense. So keep going back to this. So these guys are geared out of their fucking minds. And a lot of those guys, I mean, you see, these are not just like tuned up a little bit. Like, these are fucking gorillas, OK? And so these fucking animals. That might be my new favorite phrase. Are you on gear? No, I'm just tuned up. I mean, it's insane. You can just tell by the way some people look. It's like, there's no question about what's going on in this person. And some of them are basically walking ready to die. And so they take the blood pressure. And it's alarming. And I don't know. See, I saw this fucking clip of this guy being like, what's yours? It's like 210 over fucking 112. And you're like, OK. And then I don't know if it's just here's what it is or he's getting them to acknowledge it and do something. You know what I mean? Like, is it just, let me just show you how poor your health is. Because there is something ironic about a really muscular person and learning that on their insides, it's really bad what's going on. So like, it's an illusion that you're going, oh, you're jacked. You must be in great health. Like, no, these people are close to dying. How is it possible? How is it possible? Like, what is it? Is it Tren that they're taking? I mean, well, some of these guys are probably on full stacks, man, of like, yeah, Tren and Deca. And fucking, huge amounts of testosterone, you know? Like, where their levels, their walking around levels are 2,300. Shit like that. Their blood moves like oil in their system. It doesn't even fucking flow like blood. They're about to fucking croak every day. Some of them do. You see these guys. They're fucking like 38. And they're like, I'm. And they're like, it just fucking dies. Yeah, you dumb fuck. Of course it did. You took too much shit. It's not about health. It's about looking. Looking good. Yeah, because these people have body dysmorphia. Not all of them, but some of them absolutely have body dysmorphia. Like, they see themselves in the mirror. They see the traps like this. And they can't even close their arms. And they're just like, got to get bigger. Yeah, I think you need to go to a therapist. Like, you have some issues going on that are not going to be resolved on the fucking bench fly. You got to have to work this out. I got addicted to-- I'm addicted to testosterone, I think. Addicted? Like, well, I-- so I don't take as much as-- like, I talked to a bodybuilder. And he was like, you're on testosterone? I said, yeah. He goes, you know you got to dump blood, right? And he goes, you got to dump blood every now and then. Yeah. I go, I'm on blood thinners. And he goes, doesn't matter, dump blood. He goes, what are your levels? How much are you taking? By the way, these guys are so scientific. I was like, I don't know, like, 25. And he goes, 25, what do you want, cis-- cis-hosteraetatazine? And I go, yeah. And he goes, 200 milliliters or something like that. OK, yeah, that's all right. Yeah, OK. How many times did you take that a week? I said, well, I'm supposed to take 25 three times a week, but I only take 15 now three times a week. So I kind of lowered it because I was-- my testosterone was high. And he goes, that's nothing. I was on 400 three times a week. That's what I'm saying. These guys are-- What the fuck? It's not even a level you can imagine what they're on, dude. It's not even comprehensible what they're doing. Yeah. That's how you look like this, dude. Thank you. Oh, oh, not me look like this. Yes. If you took those levels, though, you'd be walking around like a silverback. Yeah. Yeah. It's-- it's crazy. Let's see them take their blood pressure. We can check your blood pressure. Oh, if you want to. Look at that guy. 183 over 98. Oh my god, I'm dying. Pretty impressive. Do you think your blood pressure would be higher or lower than this guy's? It's probably higher. Can we check your blood pressure? Nah, I kind of don't want to. Why not? I don't-- I don't want that on the internet. Sorry. Do you think your blood pressure is higher or lower than this guy's? Holy fuck. His blood pressure is better than mine. Of course. 187 over 118. Well, I'm going to die tomorrow. Pretty impressive. Higher. Wow, look at this. It'll do, dude. I'm not-- Oh my god, the cuff. 163 over 97. Pretty impressive. We were just going to ask-- Fucking A, man. That's insane. Yeah, that's crazy, bro. That's crazy, and it gets-- it'll get crazier than that, you know? Yeah. It's-- it's-- it's too much. They're on too much gear, and they're addicted. I've had high blood pressure. When I was in the hospital for the blood clot-- What's the worst you saw? My 163 over 97 was mine. And I think it was even higher when I had the blood clot, and it was in my lungs in the hospital. And they were like, you know, it's really high. And then they gave me a Xanax, and it still didn't lower. And I was like, whoa. And that's what they-- that's how they knew. And my oxygen level was like at 80. That's scary, dude. Check this out. So healthy, less than 120 is your systolic, and less than 80 is your diastolic. And-- This isn't right. This is not right? No, this isn't right. OK. Because one-- anything in the 120s is fine. Actually, they'd even say to you casually, eh, 130. Like, 130 over 80 is good. It's not bad. Yeah, this is probably-- but like, that's a human being talking to you. Like, they have to put it in like some-- and you also have to account for people being fucking morons. So they don't tell you like, yeah, just let it ride. They have to tell you that it's like this, so that when you kind of teeter out of it, you know that you're kind of on the-- you're on the line, you know? I had a guy with high blood pressure go, I-- they say ignore the bottom number altogether. I went, what? He's like, my doctor told me just don't even worry about it. What's the craziest one we saw there? Was it like one-- 183 over 116? 183 over-- oh, my god. Yeah, that guy who was like, I'm going to die tomorrow? That guy? Yeah, 183. 183 is-- that's when I got on the tour bus with Ron during the pandemic. We took Ron's blood pressure. 183 over 98. 183 over 98. 183 over 98 is one, OK? So that's pretty crazy. I want to see this guy. This guy passes, which I can only-- both of them. His girl is also like, no, that's not a good idea. It's because she knows what his is. This guy's-- This guy's bad. This guy's-- This is going to be crazy. This one was crazy, right? It was one-- what is it? 187 over 118. 187 over 118. 187 over 118. I feel bad for that guy, though, dude. Man, like, you got to-- And here's the problem is, and I don't-- Hypertension crisis, that's called. That guy-- this is why that girl didn't want her boyfriend to do it online, because now we're watching this. Yeah, of course. And we're commenting on that guy. And that guy is going to get clipped in this. And he'll be like, guys, I had been lifting that day. I took a lot of pre-workout. I had two cups of coffee. I got a theory, though. I think the people that said yes knew what they were getting. I think they knew what they were getting into, and in a way are like-- they're feeling kind of cleansed of the secret. Like, I think they want-- they're not like, I have no idea. It's probably good. Like, they knew it's going to be bad. Yeah. I think they know it's going to be bad. Yeah, and that's the same reason that one guy was like, I don't know, don't do that shit. The hardest part of this is, in order to lower his blood pressure, he's got to stop taking gear. Of course. And then he doesn't get to look like that. Yeah. I've worked with a bunch of bodybuilders on tour, and personally. And I'm just going to say this, and I apologize if I'm offending any of them that know that I'm talking about them. But their body dysmorphia is insane in that if you go, yo, let's take our shirts off and get a picture, and they're not on gear, they're like, no, I'm good. And you're like, you're in great shape. And they're like, no, I'm good. I'm not going to do this shit. Dude, do you remember? This wasn't even geared up. This just shows you how this-- this dysmorphia works. Because if you're a regular person, like me, you go like, yeah, I look like shit. And sometimes you do look like shit. And sometimes you look OK. I never quite get to-- man, I look amazing. It's just not in my register. But you know what I mean? It's somewhat normal, right? And then we used to go to that fucking Barry's Boot Camp. Remember that Australian guy that would run class? Chris. Chris Ty Walker. And he looked perfect. Like, the guy looked like a fitness model. Gorgeous. And he would go, I'm a fat piece of shit right now. And I would go, excuse me? And he was like, this isn't good right now. And I'm like, wait, where? What are we talking about? And then, yeah, this fucking cunt would be like, I'm a fat piece of shit. And we were like, what are you talking about, dude? And he would look like this. And he was like, yeah, I just haven't dialed in my eating or running lately. And I was like, you motherfucker. But it also was insight. I'm not just giving him shit. It was insight into how that dysmorphia works in people that are objectively fit and really good shape. He was like, I don't look good. I look like shit right now. And you could tell he wasn't being performative. No, no, no, no. He used to run track. He was British. He was British or Australian? Yeah, he was British. Really? That was so long ago. I thought he was Australian. Do you remember when we found out he was gay? We're like, what? You're right, UK athlete. Yes. I remember that. And we were like, you must crush so much cock. And he was like, nah, not really. Yeah, yeah. And then he took us out to gay bars. Yeah, he's like, I'm not really like that. And we're like, go fucking get blown by that guy. And he was like, OK. Now, he was a fun dude. And he was a great. He was our trainer. We're really burying the lead. Yeah, yeah. He was our trainer. Will you guys bring me a water, please, if you don't mind? He was our trainer. And we found out he was gay. He was gay. And both of our jaws hit the ground. And we're like, what? Yeah. What? What a waste. And he's like, and then you were like, dude, you must crush cock. And he's like, no, not that much. No, he was, yeah. And you said, we should go out with you, and we will get you laid. And we went out to the Abbey with him. We went out, legit bar hopping. We spent the night with him and went bar to bar trying to get him laid. Thank you, brother. Thank you. And me and you were being, we were, mind you, this is our trainer. This is our trainer. Get him, dude. I mean, come on. And so at the end of the night, we're fucking hammered. He's not gotten laid. And he's like, you guys want to get pizza? And we're like, now this is our fastball. Fuck yeah. Yeah, we were like, are we allowed to, boss? Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, we had a good night. I'll never, it actually left an impact on me. It's been 20 some years that he would talk about his physical self like that. And I was like, what do you mean, man? And he was like, this isn't good. I've been letting it go. I haven't been. And like, you know, really like strict about things. And I was like, huh? Like you're talking to an actual pig in front of you right now. What? What are you talking about? We should get him to run our 5K. A hundred percent. We should reach out to him and tell him to come down to Nashville, run our 5K. He is a great, he was a great trainer. He was fantastic. That Barry's Bootcamp, some of you have done it, but it was just like, it was, I guess, kind of one of the, you know, early adapters to that style because it was 20 some years ago. And it was, you would get on the treadmill, you would run. For 15. And then get off, you'd have to do, so it was like high intensity training. I heard that the actual guy was a real fucking asshole, Barry. Barry. I heard Barry. I never did a Barry class, but I heard, I heard terrible things about them. Shout out to Barry. And maybe, maybe you're not, but I heard that you were a terrible person. But then the, but Chris was a great trainer. And yeah. He would do the back and forth and it would absolutely kill you. I mean, it was brutal. You'd do, you'd do like, you'd do like a 10 minute run and then you'd do 10 minutes on the ground and then you'd do another 10 minute run and then 10 minutes, and then abs, abs to close. It was intense. And it was like, it was intense. I'll tell you my favorite running thing, not to like, since we're talking about Two Bears 5K, I got to say this, I did that bootcamp and I never had run faster and better in my life because it was programmed, because he was doing what they're, what they call fart licks, which was like. Fart licks? That's the name of it. Yeah. Fart lick. It's called fart licking. It's fart licks. Type in fart lick. F-A-R-T? L-E-K. Yeah. Fart lick. It's, uh, fart lick is a common misheard fart lick. I told you how to spell it. Swedish running training method. Oh, that's right. Cause fart, fart is the sweet, fart is the Swedish word for speed. Oh, for real? Yeah. The actual word fart means speed in Swedish. So yeah, it's speed play. So what you do is you, you run high intensity sprints. Like we'll go up to a seven or a 7.5 and then you bring it down to a five. So then it would be like two, he'd be, he would do like 40 seconds, five seconds on of a sprint and then bring it down to a five, 45 seconds of a sprint, bring it back down to a five. And I use an app. I've, I've been using this app for my whole adult life. It's since I've taken this class, it's called Aptiv. Two A's, A-A-P-T-I-V. And they've got the best treadmill workouts with shout out, to Akeem, if you want to find them online, he's A-A-C-K-D-N-T-S-T-P. I think it's Akeem, don't stop. And, and Akeem is my trainer. I use his workouts exclusively. I fucking love them. You put on headsets. Yeah. That's him. That's him, dude. I, you know, I, I, can I tell you Tom, I sent him a message. Yeah. I'm, I'm going to blow up your spot for a second Akeem and I apologize. So I had a one day where I was. I was in, I was really like, just distraught, like really fucking, I was, it was in the middle of filming and I was, I, I, I was like just beat up and I was really like sad and I was like, I, my OCD was kicking in and I, and I hadn't been partying and I just felt like a piece of shit and I got on the treadmill, I didn't want to work out and I put on one of Akeem's workouts and I did it and immediately I felt better and I fucking left him a voice death text and I started crying in the voice death text. You did? God. Dude. I, I'll, I'll fuck it. I can play it for you if you want me to. Please. And did he respond or was he like, don't ever fuck with me again. Don't send me shit like this. He was like. No big shit. He was like, uh. I don't want to hear your fucking tears. No, he was, he was awesome. He was like, this is why he was like, you know, I, I've been texting with him for a long time and, and cause I always do Akeem Emmons is his name. Oh, he's on Tonal too. I think I have seen this guy on Tonal. All right. You ready? Yeah. You ready for this? Yes. Please. July 15th. This is the middle of production. This summer? This summer. Okay. Nine, 10. Okay. Now you guys, if I say anything crazy, just edit it out. But all right, here we go. Hey, buddy. It's Bert Kreischer. I just wanted to give you a message in case you ever wake up and you wonder what you're doing with your fucking life. Like I did today. I'm sitting here wondering what I'm doing with my life. Is vanity my major thing? I've been drinking in like six months and I feel a little lost and I woke up sad and angry and feeling like I don't even know who I am anymore and I got on the treadmill and I did not want to fucking work out, but I knew that if I worked out that would feel better and I trusted you, I literally trusted you, I'm going to get emotional, man. I literally said to myself, I know that if I start, I won't stop and I know that if I say I'm going to do 33 minutes. I'll do 33 minutes and I know at the end of that 33 minutes, I'm going to feel fucking better about myself and I did the personal best one and after the second round of two minutes at a 6.3, I found myself smiling and I just got done and I feel so much better, man. I just wanted to share this with you. I just wanted to share this message because I woke up knowing that I got a gift and that I'm sure people want it sometimes and I just didn't think anyone wanted it. No one wanted it. Why would anyone want this shit and I was lost and I was confused this morning. I was angry and I didn't want to go to the gym and then you gave me your gift and your gift was encouragement, enthusiasm, fucking everything you give, man, and I just wanted to and I know this is so stupid and please don't ever share this with anyone because I'm so humiliated that this is how I feel after a workout, but I feel amazing, man, and I didn't wake up feeling that way, so thanks. Just thanks, have a great fucking day, have a great fucking day. Mind you, I'm crying in the gym in Atlanta, everyone's just staring at me. Well, you know, I went through so many emotions listening to that myself. I was like, "Oh, you know, he's gay," but then I was like, "Man, that really touched me too, man. It's nice to hear you being vulnerable like that." I think whenever you hear somebody being vulnerable, you always have this empathy that you feel for them and I think he was probably really, really affected to hear something like that, man. He was like, "Don't play that corny shit for me ever again." That's what I thought. No, I'm kidding. That's what I thought, man. He said what Trick Daddy said, "I don't do corny ass shit." No, no bitch shit in this house, man. No, he was nice. Yeah, it's funny, working out for me, I have no vanity in this. I don't love what I look like and I'm never going to look great. Here's the deal. I was saying this to my trainer today. He was like, "Dude, you look good. You should take a picture and post it," and I was like, "No," because all us 50-year-old men are posting pictures shirtless and we're only on GLP-1s. It's like going like I'm rich, but it's all in Bitcoin. Like I'm not- None of us are, none of us are, it's fucking ridiculous. I have that, I told somebody this and I forget who it was, how, you know, there's days where you're like, yeah, of course I'm never going to like the way I look. Like you just accept it. And then there's other days where you're like, oh, but what happens is you leave hope alive. That's what it is. Like in your mind, you're like, this is the year. This year, I'm going to fucking really dial it in. And you almost fantasize about how you're going to eat and the types of, the type of training you're going to do. Then you get like, you get some way there, like you're not a hundred percent on it, but you get some way there and you can be, I don't like self-loathing, you know, like I don't like, I allow it to like visit, but I don't like it to fucking stay, you know? So I go into that thing where I'm like, God, you look like shit. And then I'm like, that's a fucking, you know, it's not a great thing to tell yourself. So I try to like not embrace telling myself that. But yeah, I mean, I get, I get the whole, you know, aspect of like looking at yourself, not being happy along with the other things too. Like the other more important, like emotional things, like it's always a ride. But one thing is for sure, the, the effects. Forget the aesthetics shit. Forget the aesthetics. The effects of the, of like work. I worked out yesterday. I worked out today. And like the way I feel just like how I feel emotionally leaving that is priceless. That is such a different thing. I, I, today I, I did, uh, I did shoulders and, and chest. I did, I work out every day. I work out every single day. I, if I don't lift, I run and I'm, and I, I, I have to, but I don't do it. I really don't do it. I don't do it for vanity. I really do it. Yeah. For the, for mental health, to feel better about myself. Of course. And if I don't do it, like, like Kyle, when we were in London, I woke up every morning and ran like four miles and he would like, oh, I just need another hour of sleep. I was like, that doesn't do anything. The hour of sleep is not going to change the way you feel about yourself. If you get up and you push it in the gym, that your blood flows, it oxygenates everything. It cleans out your organs. Does he run with you usually? No. Does he train with you? Yeah. We, we got into, he's. What? What is it? He's not, he's not. What is it? I don't understand. He's, my trainer today got fucking frustrated with him because. When was this? This is. This is yesterday? It's, this is this weekend. So I make everyone work out on the road with me. I make everyone. Who is this motherfucker on the left? Oh, he's just a, he's just a bodybuilder who happened to be there. Really? Yeah. We're like, can you get the picture with us? And he was like, yeah, he's 22 years old. And then are the other guys comic? Who's in the, who's in this picture with you? Brenna Sagalow. Okay. On the far, far right. Okay. Kyle, Kyle goes, did you do something to my arm? It feels smaller. And then, and then Pat Berzer. Okay. Me. And then Alex, my trainer. That's Alex. Oh, okay. Alex. I've met Alex before. Yeah. Alex trains. Alex. Alex. Alex trains us on the road. And then Pete trains us in, uh, in LA. My other, my other trainer, Pete trains us in LA. Wait, have I met, I think I've met that Alex guy, right? You've met both. You met Alex in the Sue Bears 5k. Um, I think Kyle, but Kyle looks good, man. He looks great, but he's, he's really strong. He's got, he's afraid. I'm speaking out of school, but he, I think he's honest with this. He's afraid of getting hurt. He'd been hurt before. Yeah. And so like when it comes to bench, he's always like, oh, I got like a thing. Where did he get hurt? On his leg in the army. On his leg? He got hurt? His quad ripped off. He ripped his quad? And they've tried to attach it twice and it fucked it up. And now. That's terrifying. And so once you get hurt once, you can't get through that mental break. Oh, really? I've never heard of that. What's it like? Never even, even, this is a new territory for me. I can only imagine. I can only imagine what a dramatic orthopedic injury would be like. Yeah. Yeah. You know what my, um, so I, there's, there's no way. I have a visual of you not even reaching for things. You're like, it's not worth it. You know, the only way that I've been at, like, cause you get PTSD from that shit. As I'm sure he did. Almost passed out. Almost passed out. But the thing is like. You have to fucking do that. You have to like start doing things again. And the, what some people do, certain ethnic people will just be like, I just won't do anything ever again. That's, you know, that I could get hurt doing. And then the rest of us. I waited for the, I was like, what do black people do? And then I was like, oh, he's talking about the other ones. No, but there's, you know, people get like really cautious, which I understand. Like you should be somewhat cautious, right? Especially something. Something bad has happened, but you just have to dive in. And you know what I, my biggest PTSD is as far as like, well, my God, I don't want to get hurt. Cause I don't want to get hurt is a slippery floor. A slippery floor still makes like sweat come out of me. Like my heart stops. Adrenaline spikes. Anytime I'm like, I go like motherfucker. Like I freak out on a slippery floor. That freaks me out more than anything. Yeah. More than anything that, that freaks me out. I can, I can get, I can get into Kyle's head really quickly. Cause he's like, he's like a little brother to me. No, no. I just go like, uh, all I have to do is let's see how heavy we can go today. And he'll be like, immediately. He's like, oh fuck. Does he even do leg stuff? He probably just leaves it alone. No, he's got, he's got, he squats more than me. He's, but you can tell. That he's scared. That at a certain time he starts going like, you know what? Like we were doing, we were doing slant board. Board squats. We were in Philadelphia and we were doing a slam or no, no, uh, maybe Lubbock, Texas the other day. And we're in a green room doing slant board squats with a 50 pound weight. And I, and I'm doing abs while he's doing that. And so we're switching for, for 10 rounds. So 20 rounds total, but 10 rounds back and forth. We're switching and I'm doing abs and I watch him and he goes, oh, ah, fucking my knee, my knee. And you're like, what? And you can tell, like, he just gets. He's terrified of re-injuring it. And the hardest one for him is bench because he's, he's really strong. Yeah, why the bench one? That's curious. He's terrified of ripping a pack. I mean, what kind of shit is he doing? Why is it? I mean, he's trying to keep up with me and I, I love benching heavy. Yeah. But I also have the thing where I, I just go, ah, fuck it. I just, I go fucking berserker. When I'm benching, I just push as hard as I can because I've pushed as hard as I can and nothing's happened. So I go, let's just keep doing that until we do it. And then. Like, I just, you just got to shut it out of your mind. If you live, if you live like that. What does he do on squats? He does, uh, probably, probably 250. I mean, for somebody who has like a devastating quad injury, that's pretty crazy. His, um, his bench is substantially lower than mine, but I think it's because he doesn't push himself. So like, he's the kind of guy that when he benches, and I'm not saying this to pick on Kyle, but I'm saying this to relate to guys that do this. Guys that go, uh, they'll be like, uh, the, the trainer will go, all right, we're going to do six. And he's like, I probably do four. And you're like, well, no, we're doing six. And he gets to four and he's like, I'm done. Just racks it. Yeah. It just racks it. And, and I've always said those last two where you can't get it off your chest, those are the most beneficial for you. A lot of people think that. Yeah. I think so. I mean, those are my favorite ones. And on those ones, I go extra slow down cause I can. And then I just as hard as I can. Pushing up. Yeah. And just go, that's it. That's the deal. I think you got it, man. Today I did, uh, two, I did two or five for three rounds, 10 times. That's great, dude. But I, but I don't do it. I, like I said, I, I don't, I don't think I don't have a great chest and I, I mean, my shoulders look incredible, but like, and I, my triceps are impressive. My biceps are, I think could be added to my, my legs are insane. I mean, if you saw, I mean, my legs are. I have a hard time wearing jeans cause I think I'm just letting everyone down. Like my feet are. How are you letting them down? I, cause my legs are fucking gorgeous right now. Wow. If, if you had to pick, if you had a blind taste test of legs and I shaved mine, I shaved them. Yeah. And then I sent a picture where my legs shaved and Leanne's legs, you would, you would pick mine in a second. For what? You would never. The fuck. I don't know about that. You'd look at, I, I will. Look at those legs. Look at those fucking legs. Yeah. That's I mean. Look at those legs. If that's a woman, if those are shaved, you'd lick them. To be completely fair. And I don't mean this to be an insult. They look feminine. Yeah. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah. They do look feminine. Yeah. Yeah. I got feminine legs. Yeah. I got beautiful feminine legs. Okay. All right. Oh, look at that body. See, this is a very positive. Yeah. Angle you're doing. This is nice. Yeah. Okay. All right. god so uncomfortable we can take it down by the way that's the first time i've read comments in a while those are pretty nice thank you guys hey there you go thank you mr clavicle thank you uh what's up in florida yeah i haven't been i haven't been a comment reader in a while are you an iphone duo guy i don't know what that is the new iphone that folds oh i haven't seen it it just came out no i'm not is it have you have one no i don't have one are you gonna get one i mean i feel like it's like one of those i it's fun to get like new technology but i'm like you're also hearing about i'm new meaning like i know people are gonna be like samsung galaxy's been doing this i got it fuckhead i'm saying that that i just you know i'm interested but i have heard that like there's they're breaking and then there's these like black bars that are appearing so i don't know if it's like a disaster product or what but yeah i'm interested man i didn't know the one thing i heard about this they go a guy folded it 2 000 times just to test it and i was like wow how small did it get he's like no yeah yeah yeah is i love i love when i think of a great idea and then very quickly they're like that's the worst idea ever like uh we were they were talking about i wrote it down i wrote this down thinking it was a genius idea tom yeah because i remember my prison idea where we start monetizing prison fights and and gay sex and and guys jerking off and then i do that money goes back it's a great idea yeah better for the community yeah yeah and so then i then we were you were talking about uh medieval times got in trouble i i just heard about this briefly and broadly that there's a controversy that there's um there's sexual harassment going on that so knights will be knights it says i guess kind of like a play on boys will be boys saying that there's allegations of sexual harassment animal abuse unsafe work conditions and aggressive union busting so it basically with this investigation i think it was at vanity fair that did it yeah they they discovered and through their investigation these are allegations just to be clear that former performers describe a workplace that involved harassment intimidation and retaliations against employees who complained they said treatment of horses wasn't great um knights and other performers at the buena park california location went on strike in 23 demand into that one better pay safer conditions improved animal welfare um the medieval times hired replacement performers during the strike and then a job a judge subsequently found that the company violated federal anti-union campaign rules um so yeah there's a whole like slew it's something that i had not even i mean i've to be honest never thinking about medieval times but a lot you do i do quite often you think about medieval times a lot i've been to my birthday for medieval times three times okay so it's something i love medieval times yeah i love it you kind of i feel like that you would be someone who would go like yeah that's what you're supposed to do in media well part of me is like well nights will be nights it's i mean let's let's buy into the time but then i thought to myself wouldn't it be brilliant if they did 1930s times and then and we go to restaurants and then immediately i was like i guess you know if that's not gonna let black people in and you can hit your wife segregation yeah yeah kind of but do you this part you go like i kind of want to i kind of want to try that i mean smoking inside is what i was thinking about oh that's what you're thinking about as the first thought i was like anyone everyone can smoke inside and you get to talk like that you're like hey toots smack the waitress's ass i love the um the old ads from like the it's i think it's like the 50s that are geared towards women are so unbelievable you can't believe that they're real they're like a man doesn't want to come home and hear about your problems like it's so insane how they tell like women that they're like he doesn't want you hear your chit chat and also make sure you always look presentable to him that's what'll make your guy happy it's really crazy retro sexist ads have gender roles reversed in modern day makeovers it's it's a man's world show her it's a man's world she's on her hands and knees does you're serving him dinner yeah dude that's that's what it is see that's the restaurant i want to go to that's where you want to go i understand that would be so fucking fun what's his ideal gift for all occasions there if you scroll up a little bit right there it's a little further lower on the far left oh darling how lovely i've just longed for fowler's bottling outfit for years she's like did you get me bottles she's thrilled okay okay okay let's let's work let's work this out okay so what is this 1950s so it's it's 1950s restaurant okay now okay now obviously you're not gonna let black people in there that's gonna be we're gonna have to deal with that okay okay that's just part of the this all you gotta realize don't get upset yet okay we haven't pitched you the idea don't get upset at the blatant racism in this pitch out of the gate okay go ahead listen listen it's going to be expensive to go into this restaurant okay yeah it's gonna be like it's gonna be flying on the concord it's gonna be expensive it's expensive to move to idaho i get it go ahead when you when you go there you can smack the waitress on the ass yeah call her toots sure hey lover get over here and get me a drink yeah and they don't know but all that money goes back into the people it's like role-playing so it's almost like like bdsm like you're getting people to go okay i'll let you do you can you can say the n-word you can say anything like it's just 1950s it's 1950s but then it's really expensive so the people that are there get a ton of money for you to be a bad person yeah i mean you're essentially describing a strip club i think right i mean i don't know but i think like hey come here show me those tits i feel like you can do that at a at a gentleman's club as they're called it'd be cool if they did that one time on a plane yeah like one time they're like uh hey guys throwback thursday that ironically in the 1950s strip club i bet you actually had to do more than you do today that's what i would guess i bet they were actually they probably were gentlemen back then what i wonder what the rules were in a 1950s strip club it's got to be different dude it's got to be i bet there was more art to it are would you consider opening your 1950s private club i well i mean if i gotta be honest with you i don't know if 50s is the year i go to okay but i medieval times is too far back i would love to do find a middle ground okay how about how about 1986 1986 like how about we just how about we find a middle ground where we get like the bad aids no 80s club oh no age just hit age so you'll have gay guys walking around like condoms are big here yeah but like what if we found a middle ground and like like you're and then in the 1980s club every night they're like president reagan got shot and everyone's like what like it's almost like you role play cocaine yeah cocaine's everywhere and they're like uh and then some guy walks by the table and he's like i just got a vhs player no fucking way i can watch a movie at my house yeah god dang you know you know you can't say the the this word anymore crazy which word would that be i don't know i'm gonna say it but like like that would be fun like you found a good year i think you're onto something i actually think finding the right year is the key find the like and like and like all the all the black guys got to come in jerry curls and the cosby show's big and everyone's like and then you see like a black guy break dancing and you're like whoa i'm sensing a theme with all your pitches though of this what you're like where do black people fit into my club well i want everyone to be able to come but i can't do the 50s yeah i can't do the 30s break dancing would be new and exciting for people yeah the 90s night and there's and 90s is like because i think this is gonna sound pretty bad yeah but i think the 80s was the perfect time for race relations in in the way we saw it i think we were like they're pretty happy right we're pretty happy we're all pretty good so like so then that brings us together and then in the 90s we found out with hip-hop that they're not yeah yeah and we're like oh shit they've been in their cities kept the illusion alive you're saying 80s was like the time when like fun music pop music exploding very fun jackson five no one was racist everyone was like jackson five you go back a little further i think yeah jackson no jackson five is the 80s when they did their pepsi cola tour they do the taste test they do coke and pepsi taste test for you and they're like which one do you like and they're like we only have new coke i mean 80s and 80s restaurant would be fun 80s restaurant would be fun i think music would be a lot of fun in the 80s style would be fun like fashion would be very fun oh how much fun would be to get dressed up in the 80s 80s gear and go out to dinner and everyone's in it's like it's the whole i like it's so fucking fun why don't you just open it dude just fucking do it i got too many good ideas yeah that's a fucking solid one can i tell you what made me really sad and i only say this so that you because you get to do this yeah and i and i want you to do this because i i'll never get this again i was watching um i was watching a documentary on on blockbuster i mean i might have been a podcaster i was watching it about blockbuster video yeah and they were explaining the vhs i don't think it was a podcast They're explaining how the VHS worked and how the VHS players worked and how initially, you know, the Blockbuster's big thing was that they put the videos out on the floor so you could touch them. Initially, when they started making VHS stores, everything was behind the counter and you had to look at it behind the counter. They were very small. And then Blockbuster went and they put it out so you could peruse them and touch them and look at them and read the back. And it was like really fascinating. But I remember the day my dad brought home a VHS player and we all gathered around it. Tom, it didn't have a remote control. It had a cord that was the remote control. The cord was maybe like 20 feet long and you could hold the cord and press the remote tethered to the cord to fast forward and rewind. That was how you did it. But my dad brought home a VHS player and then we all drove down to the corner of Bears in Florida. Where there was a VHS store. It was all behind the counter. Blockbuster wasn't open yet. And we rented a movie and we took it back and we watched the movie, everyone together. And it was like this monumental moment in life where technology met family. And you get those as a family. Like the first time my dad got to sit down in front of the TV and watch a Mets game in color, you know? Or like these moments. And I got really sad that I'll never have that with my daughters again. That I'll never. Bring something home for the first time. Like the first time we got a big TV and we put it in. I remember everyone's like, holy God. And the girls were like, put on Baby Einstein. And it was mad. And they're like, whoa. And we all watched Baby Einstein. I know what you're saying. I was like, you get to do that still. Yeah, yeah. I'm so fucking jealous. But it'll morph into something else that's exciting for you to do things with that. Leanne's like, what about grandkids? I was like, boo. No? You don't want grandkids? Oh, I mean. Come on, Papa. Papa Bert. No, I'm not going to be Papa. What are you going to be? I'm going to be. Mein Führer. Dude, my dad's parents were like Southern put together, you know? Yeah. And he went by Grandfather. What? Yeah. And then his mom was like, I think she said to call me Grandmother. And I was like, you have to be like Grandmother to you? I thought that was so bizarre. It was like, there was like distance in that. Hello, Grandmother. Like, it's very strange. Yeah, they're dead. Who cares? Dude, I watched Theo's special. Yeah. His grandmother, his grandmother didn't allow him in her house for 10 years. Why? Because he took a piece of chocolate. So she would allow the whole family over. And say, you, not you? Stay home for 10 years. Jesus. God damn. I mean, and it's not like a Theo-ism of like, you know, I knew a guy with a tin shirt, you know? Yeah, yeah. It was like a moment in his special where I was like, he was talking about why he got into drugs. Yeah. And it broke my heart that Theo for 10, and that his mom didn't stand up for, no one stood up for him. That's crazy. As a child. That's crazy. At five, he didn't see his grandmother again until she was 15. He was 15. That's crazy. It's, it's almost like fucking child abuse. I would say it is. 10 years is crazy. It's a great special. Everyone should check it out. It's on Netflix. But I, I, I broke my heart that, that he's telling it very casually. And he's like, you know, I have no ill will against my mom. And I was like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, that's crazy. No, you can't. I mean, that's, that's a different generation's way of teaching a lesson. All right. Don't forget. Two Bears 5K is April 10th. Register at Two Bears. TwoBears5K.com. We have a new Two Bears shirt on sale at store.ymhstudios.com. Bertrand, that's a, that's a fun pod. I love you. I love you too, buddy. And I'll talk to you soon, man. I'll talk to you soon. All right. Bye. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call. Two Bears 1K. Two Bears 1K.