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Speaker 2your kids podcast so pour yourself a cuppa find a comfy seat and enjoy the conversation this is episode 26 and today i want to talk about how we can become our best selves and i want to dedicate this episode to you as parents first and foremost we will do a little bit of a talk about how we can become our best selves and i want to do a separate episode for how you can integrate these principles for your children trust me you are absolutely not going to want to miss this i want this episode to be an inspiring one one which i hope you will refer back to time and time again and whilst the context behind what i'm going to talk you through is very much linked to the new year the principles are something which you can quite genuinely do any time of the year when you want to commit to making some real changes in your life so for some context i love christmas but new year's eve is my nirvana i literally live and breathe the whole year for that day when i was a child and then later into my teens and adulthood i quite vividly remember staying up with my mum on new year's eve and together we would set out our new year's resolutions full of the hope and the promise that this year would be the year i committed to a new fitness regime committed my self maybe fully to my studies or my job or a promotion that i would save i would travel i would spend more time with friends i would eat more healthily or whatever it was i aspired to for that year i was hopeful optimistic and as quite a visual person i spent many an hour visualizing myself as this new and improved version of myself five days later and i would maybe this year just wasn't my year to make the changes some years i did better than others but i think the issue was in the way i went about conceptualizing the changes long word but bear with me fast forward to 2020 and the year of covid a year of some profound reflection certainly for me restrictions and our new way of life made me really question what mattered what was important to me who did i want to spend time with and how did i want to live my life going forward 21 for 2021 was born as part of my 7 a.m shine morning group within my membership and with each and every one of the families i worked with in 2020 i set a challenge to write down 21 things they wanted to do in 2021 the idea behind it was to ditch new year's resolutions and instead really connect to the person each and every person that i did this with wanted to be 12 months later so the idea behind 21 for 2021 and now the upcoming 22 for 2022 is focused around one simple question if you could design your life for now 2022 how it makes you feel the person you want to be the people you want to see in your life and how it makes you feel the people you want to see in your life spend time with and what you want to do and what you want to have how would you design that life and it's so important that if you're going to do this challenge and i'm i'm really genuinely hoping that you as many people who listen to this podcast episode will do this because i genuinely think that it can be life-changing life-altering and i'm not just saying that for impact i've seen it in all of those who took part in the challenge with me in 2020 and just seeing the changes that they've had in 2021 so i really want you to allow yourself to truly get lost in the possibilities now as i've said before as a visual person i really love to spend time daydreaming oh my goodness me it's one of my most favorite pastimes imagining myself as i reflect back on the year that has been and the person i want to become now i've talked before about goal setting and i've talked about goal setting and i've talked about goal setting and how we often get so focused on whether we get to tick the box at the end to say yep great excellent i've achieved my goal and we forget the work is actually done in the process of pursuing our goals it's the person we become the changes we make to our character our essence our core qualities as we strive to make these changes these are the things which matter far more than whether we ultimately achieve the goal and tick the box at the end of the day and that's why i'm so excited that box or not we become a changed person regardless a step closer to the person we want to be so let me share my one for 2021 and then i'll talk you through the process that i went through with everybody in 2020 to help them come up with their 21 for 2021 and for you you're 22 for 2022 if you're really committed to making these changes now my 21 for 21 are very personal they're real i spent a great deal of time reflecting on these before i wrote them and they still resonate with me so much and that's an important part when we start looking at these 21 for 21 and when we start looking at our 22 for 2022 it's not about having 22 things on your list that you want to be able to tick these are aspects of the person and the essence of who you want to become so some of the things that you want to be able to tick are aspects of the person of those 22 things that you'll write down may well be about specific goals but others are about changes that you want to make in the way that you live your life so let me read you mine and don't worry about making notes we're making my 21 for 2021 available as the free resource in the hope that that might inspire you to write your own 22 for 22 so here are mine number one wear heels more they make me feel glad and sexy and i can honestly say that i have probably worn heels 70 of the time that's been a real big change number two spend more time with people who bring me joy and less time with those who don't three laugh more because i have a tendency to be too serious and life is way too short four travel more so i can learn more about the incredible world i live in number five weekends are not working days six say yes to new experiences seven say no to obligations or commitments which don't serve me eight be fully present each moment because moments can be fleeting nine create an investment habit so i get to choose when i retire 10 stop being afraid to say what i want rather than what i think people want from me 11 meditate each day the calm and stillness keeps me grounded and reminds me of the importance of simply being 12 make healthy decisions on what i feed my body more often than unhealthy decisions life is about balance not abstinence 13 commit to exercise each and every day i feel so much better for it and my energy and clarity levels are saw. Fourteen, climb one mountain. Fifteen, write the book I was meant to write and not the one I thought I should write. Sixteen, date night every week with my daughter because she'll be off making her own life soon enough. Seventeen, finish work at 3pm every Friday so I can enjoy a long lingering weekend to relax and recharge. Eighteen, take more photographs so I can savour all those precious memories year after year. Nineteen, read one chapter from a book each and every day. Inspiring stories remind me of what's possible and how incredible the human spirit is. Twenty, switch off from all digital devices at 7pm Monday to Saturday. And all day on a Sunday. Twenty-one, remember the saying, we can only do better when we know better. To forgive myself of any of my perceived poor choices.
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Speaker 2Now, I can genuinely say that the process of writing those 21 for 2021 was a long process. I thought about these. I reflected on the person that I was in 2020 and the person I wanted to become in 2021. And I probably started a good three or four weeks before the new year. Now, obviously, if you're coming to this podcast episode and it is in the middle of summer, or it's in the middle of the year, or we're three months into the year, we've only got three months left of the year. It doesn't mean that you cannot take the essence of this challenge and make those changes. It's all about really, truly connecting to the person that you want to become at your absolute core. Because that's the things, if you listen, and you certainly, if you want to download the free resource, you'll be able to see those 21 that I wrote for 2021. Some of them are, yes, there was an obvious climb one mountain. That's an obvious, I either did it or I didn't do it. But so many of them are about an attitude, a behaviour, a mindset, a shift in the way I approached life that I knew would make some change. And I think that's a really, really important thing to do. And I think huge differences, positive impact on the person that I wanted to become. And that, for me, is one of the core reasons why news resolutions don't work. Because we simply pluck out some things that we want to change randomly from thin air that we haven't really given any time, any concerted thought behind. And so we don't connect with it. It's not the person that we want to become. Because we've just pulled them out of thin air. The difference when you connect to these 21 for 2021 or 22 for 2022 is that you start with the end in mind. You conceptualise, you visualise, you connect to that person that you want to be in those 12 months. And if you're someone like me who loves daydreaming, connect to it visually. If you're not, but you're much more in terms of what you want to be able to have said about your from the inside, then connect to that. But it's really looking forward. Who is that person? What are the things that they're saying yes to? What are the things they're saying no to? What does their life look like? What steps have they made to make some impact and some changes? And it may well be that you're listening to this episode and you're thinking, I want to make a big shift in my life. I'm unhappy in my work. Maybe you're unhappy in the relationship that you have. Maybe you feel that the dynamics within your life are not the same. Maybe you're unhappy in the relationship your family are ones that need to shift and to change. And it may well be, as is often the case, we can't make those changes in 12 months. And that's not what this is about. It's not about that tick box at the end, but it's about conceptualising. If I want to change career, if things are not right in my current relationship, if things don't feel right within the dynamics of my family, what might I be able to commit to doing in 2022 that is going to move that dial? If I want to change career, what might I be able to do in 2022 that is going to move that dial? Now, do I then get cross and frustrated with myself because number four was to travel more, and I've been unable to really do that in the way that I had hoped to do? Absolutely not. I reflect back. My processes, I look at my 22 for 22, will be reflecting back on my 21 for 21 and thinking, how much did I really connect with those? How many of those do I still feel that I need to still connect to those to make sure that they still continue to happen for me? How many of those I just wasn't able to even be able to start shifting or turning the dial on simply because of the circumstances of what the world looked like in that in 2021? And do they still resonate with me? Are they still important to me? Are they things that I want to transfer into my 22 for 2022? Or do they matter less? I think so much of what we do as adults is we get so caught up in our autopilot, and particularly when it comes to parenting, we get so caught up in that, that we don't take that time out to pause, to reflect, to review. And actually, if you download my 21 for 2021, you'll see that very few of those are very specific goals around my family. They are around me as an individual. And you know, I've talked about this so many times. I've talked about it so many times. Self-care is the greatest gift we can give our children. When we take care of ourselves, when we take care of our needs, the person that we want to be, when we feel as fulfilled as we are able to, given our personal circumstances, when we're really able to do that, we can give so much more to our children, to our families. We're more available at every single level. We have to be able to do that. We have to shift our mindset away from self-care being selfish, self-centred and something you simply park at the door once you become a parent. Because when you are fulfilled, when you are vibrant and in every essence, the person that you want to be, or at least striving towards that, the better parent you become. And as we know, children are much more likely to do what they see than what we see. And so I think it's important for us to be able to do that. And I think it's important for us to be able to do that. at your own 22 for 2022 when we talk to our children. And I will do a separate episode specifically around that because there are some easier ways of helping children begin to conceptualise that whole idea and that notion. But it's important that it starts with us. Don't get tempted to do 22 for 22 for your children without really understanding and having connected and to have gone through that process for yourself. Because that's super key. And what you're doing is you're doing it for yourself. And that's what I'm talking about. And what you can also do is there's no reason why you can't do 22 for 2022 as a family. As a family, when you reflect on the year that has been, it always has to start with a reflection. For those of you that want to make these changes, that want to commit to the challenge of 22 for 2022, it has to start almost with an audit. You have to audit your previous year, whether you're doing this in December for the previous year, or whether you're listening to this episode in May, July, September. Audit the time that has been. Audit the person that you are. Audit all of those components. Reflect honestly, not with criticism, but with honesty about where you're at. And then start considering, if this is where I am now, what is the person that I want to become? What are the core things that matter to me most? You've got to connect with the core things. Rather than what we typically do is pluck things out about fitness and healthy eating and aspiring for a promotion or a new job or less arguments at home, whatever those might be, you have to really connect with what those are. So reflect first, what are the things that jar with you the most? What are the things that cause you the most upset, sadness? What are the things that you would like to really genuinely make changes to? And that you are committed and 100% behind making those changes. That's your starting point. How you tweak it with the language you use or not is up to you. I spent a lot of time refining mine so that I had the language that spoke and resonated with me. So when I looked at them, they weren't just a list of things that anybody could have written. They were a list that was specific to me, specific to my aspirations that I could very visualize the merry hand behind each and every single one of my 21 for 2021. And that's what I want you to do, to be able to get involved in the challenge, to set yourself the notion that you're going to do this, that you're going to do your 22 for 2022, that you're going to reflect back on the year that has been, the person that you are, and then begin to look forward to the person that you want to become. So my give this week is my original list of my 21 for 2021. Now I don't say that, I'm not giving those to you because of some sort of conceited belief of, oh look at my 21 for 2021, they're perfect. But what I'm hoping that they do is, because they are very personal to me, very personal to me, and truly resonated with me, they might inspire you or at least give you some guidance. So I want you to look forward to that. when you're seeking to write down your 22 for 2022. So if you head over to my free resource library, which is drmaryhand.com forward slash library, you'll find the link to download the sheet with my 21 for 2021. All you need to do is pop your email address in to get instant access if you haven't already done so. And not only will you get access to this week's resource, but all of the other free resources, across all my podcast episodes. As ever, I am so grateful to all of the incredible feedback that we get about the podcast. And so grateful for the recent reviews that we've had after my appeal to all of you to write some reviews. It's because your reviews help other parents find this podcast. And I know from the feedback that we've been receiving and the wonderful emails that you've been sending in, that you value this podcast, that it has made such a big impact for you. And by just sparing a few moments of your time to write a review, it means that other parents can be more readily able to find our podcast, because we pop up as a suggestion for them. So if you are able, if you have enjoyed this episode, if you continue to enjoy this podcast, then please follow because that means you'll be automatically told when a new episode comes out. But to also just spend a few moments to review this podcast so that other parents can find it. And I know from the can find us and we can spread the love. So until next time.
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