Becky Robinson

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Then I'm going to Hammond, Indiana in the new year. I'm bopping around the country. I'm all over the place. And then I end this little casino run, of course, at The Win in Las Vegas, my favorite casino in Las Vegas. Love The Win. Come see me, andrewsantino.com. For those tickets, andrewsantino.com. In here, we pour. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. All right, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on the other side of the room. My guest's my name, and we're going to get today. It's Becky Robinson, mate. Oi, mate. Becky Robinson, mate. How you doing? How you doing? She's entitled. The entitled housewife. Probably one of the best characters I've seen created, birthed, and pushed out to the real world. Very, very funny. Very good, dude. And I never see you anymore. She's all I have. No, no. You're more than that. You're dynamic. You're funny. You're sweet. You're smart. You're cool. You're hip. You're young. Sexy. Sexy. I don't want to say it. Sexy. All right. She's a sexy gal. She's a sexy little gal. I'm sexy. Sexy little gal. I asked you before we started the pod where you live. We're going to put her address right here, guys. Put up her address right here. That's her home address right there on the bottom of the screen. 27017. I thought you moved. I thought you were going to leave Los Angeles and move somewhere peaceful. I'm thinking about it every day. Yeah. Every day. I'm in Calabasas in this beautiful house, and I'm like, I'm miserable. I wasn't going to say you lived in Calabasas, but you just burnt it. You just said it. Well. Well, there it is. I've said it. That is her address right there. I hope it's still on the screen right now. And her phone number and her social security, we're going to put in the comments down below. So find it. Take it all. You know, I've given my number out to everyone. Why? Why do you do that? I just. A couple years of touring, I don't know. Drinking after shows, I'd be like, call me. Call me. Give me a ring. Yeah. Is this for love purposes or just for fun? No, just friends. Just buds? Yeah. Have you ever fallen in love on the road? Yeah. You've met someone who's fallen in love? I fall in love all the time on the road. I fall in love very fast, but I can shut it down if I need to. What happens when you shut it down? Why do you do this? Because you're inside to go get out? Yeah. Yes. Bail? Yeah. Because something's like. What is the thing? Get out. If someone. If I get scared, I guess. Can you sleep in the same bed with a partner or no? I don't like it. Hate it. Yeah. Why do we do this game? I don't know. We've got to cut it out. You know, we just went to a wedding and we had. The last room available at the hotel block was two queen beds. Yeah. And she was like, "Aw." And I was like. Yeah, that's nice. It was huge. I would do two twins. Comfortable. You get to hook up in one and then go sleep in the other one. Perfect. Who gets the bed? Well. Who gets the wet side? I would assume you would make her have it. 100%. Yeah. 100%. You get back to your wet side. You heard me? You get back to your disc-covered bed. This is your wife, right? You have a wife. Yeah. I have a wife. No, you know what's so funny is we ended up sleeping in the other one, the second bed. Oh, isn't that nice? She didn't. You know, it's funny. I'm just a big sleeper. I move a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like. Act outs. I do bits. Whatever doesn't get out during the day comes out at night. I'm riffing in bed, dude. Yeah. I'm riffing in my bed. I'll do stool bits in bed. No, I'm just a big sleeper, and so at home, I know she gets annoyed, but it's like I move a lot. I can't help it. Yeah. How many times are you waking up to pee in the middle of the night? Three. Yeah, three. Well, I have this great therapist who's helped so much over the past year and a half, like really. Lisbeth. She's. Lisbeth? Lisbeth. Not Elizabeth. Well, it is Elizabeth, but we call her Lisbeth. Lisbeth. She's a real cunt. And. This is your therapist? Yeah. You don't like her? She's helped, but she does it in a cunty way that I need. You need it. She was recommended by some very wealthy housewives, who I also gave my phone number to, and so I knew she was good, because they've got a lot of shit going on. Yeah, housewives too. Yeah. And she was like, "What's going on?" I was like, "I'm not feeling well. I'm not sleeping well." And she was like, "Why aren't you sleeping well?" I was like, "I get up to pee a lot," and she goes, "Are you drinking a lot of water before bed?" I was like, "Yeah." She's like, as though that was supposed to be explosive. Right. Of course I'm drinking a lot of fucking water before bed, because I'm smoking a lot before bed. Yeah. What do you want from me, Lizbeth? Yeah. And I just got a bidet. You did? So I'm kind of spending a lot of time on the toilet these days. Japanese toilets are the best. Dude, bidets are the best. No, every time I leave my house, I'm like, "This feels poor." Yeah. When you poop in public, it's a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, the bidet's really great. The highest end one I've ever sat on at a hotel, it had. So the seat warmer I liked. Yeah, the seat warmer's nice. It also had the fan. Yeah. Which is a little strange, because after you score it, I don't know if I want a fan blowing that air up. I'm like, "Oh." And you usually don't use the fan. No, I don't like that. I think that's great. Yeah. But the music, have you had the one. Do you have the one with music? Only in Japan. Yeah, they play a little tiny. It's awesome. It's like. It's so nice. Yeah. It's beautiful. And it's so funny, because you do it, they do that out of respect for other people coming into the bathroom. I love that. So they don't hear you. It's great. Because otherwise, I'm scrolling at full volume to mask my noises. Yeah. You're on TikTok just flipping. Something. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking a lot, aren't you? He's going for it. Have you been golfing? What's going on with the swing? Yeah, I have gotten really obsessed with it. It's the best. You know, I'm curious. It seems like you're getting really good. It seems like you've gotten really svelte. I see out here your golf outfits have gotten better. Oh, this is because I'm not eating because of just depression. But it's going good. Depression. Skinny up. Who doesn't eat when they're depressed? It's funny. Yeah. No, it is. It's funny. I'm not eating because of depression. Either one or the other. There's two streets. Yeah. You either eat all the time or you don't. And I remember my buddy, Anthony, in college, he lost like 40 pounds. And a friend was like, "Is he sick?" And I'm like, "No. His girl left him. He's like really sad." And I thought, "That's the depression I want." Yeah. That revenge bod. Yeah. Revenge bod. Mm-hmm. No. You know what's so funny? When I'm anxious and fulfilled with not eating, I'm like, "Oh, I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat. Yeah. That's my revenge bod. Mm-hmm. No. When I'm anxious and fulfilled with nonsense, I don't eat because my anxiety is so high. Yeah. I just don't eat. I will drink too much coffee. I'll have an entire pot in the morning. And you like to be buzzing like that? It doesn't really do anything to. I mean, I can feel I'm more awake, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like my lazy eye right now is perked up. By the way, for those that even give a shit, my lazy eye or my infected eye is getting much better. Thanks for the love online and the hate. Love it. I was going to say. It's great because you have a fungal eye and fish. It did suck. It hurt like crazy. I couldn't sleep. It was like swollen. Then I started putting antibiotics and eye drops in and all that stuff. So it's getting better, but it still is. You said it. You were like, "It looks a little tired." It's a titch. Normally, you're like. This one's taking a nap. Yeah. Yeah. Normally, people think I'm on Adderall or Coke. Yeah. It is funny. I've never done them, but people always think I'm on them. Have you always thought that I'm on them? Never? No. No. I just. No. You know me for too long. You're so consistent that I'm like, "That's his personality." Oh, Jesus. God. He kept the bodies outside, Dad. Let me take some pictures of you. Some of the guys taste like sweet soup. What did I. No, I've known you for 12 years, 10. It's got to be at least 10 years now. Long time, yeah. It's crazy. I've been in LA for, I think, 13. I got here in 2013, yeah. Let me give you a little bit of flowers because I really do love you. I've always loved you from afar. I always thought you were so funny and very talented, and now that you got your comeuppance, you got what you deserved. You really did. I believe that wholeheartedly. I think you- A lonely, long life. Yeah. Isn't that what we want? A lonely life. A kiss. The love of a canine, and that's it? Dude, dogs are all that matters. I played with a new dog in the neighborhood. Shout out new dog in my neighborhood. It was fucking amazing. A little puppy, and this woman was like, "Can the dogs. " I was like, "Yeah, I want to meet that little play. Little play." Little puppy kisses all over me. Oh, but that's really sweet. No, but you're great, and I'm happy for this rise. When I saw you started creating characters and really going hard with them, I was like, "Yes, correct." You know when someone finds their thing and you go, "Come on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it." Totally. That's what you do. That's what you got to be doing. Forget the rest of it. Your stand-up fucking sucks. No. Let me tell you right now. No. No, that's how I feel. No. Every time I've leaned into characters, though, good things have happened. It's not because your stand-up sucks, it's because that's a good strength of yours. That's just another strength. I think the characters maybe just allow me to be a little more bold when sometimes I feel- You can say wild shit. Yeah, you can say wild shit, and they kind of have helped me become more myself on stage in times when I've been a little scared. Yeah. I have some roses for you, too. You know what I was thinking about when I was driving over here? I don't want them. Let me say this. Entitled is her new special. It's going to be out in October. I'm allergic to roses. October 20- October 24th. 4th. October 24th, her special is going to be out, and October 24th is, of course, as everybody knows, a Wednesday. I think it's a Friday. Friday. It's a Friday. It's a freaky Friday. Grab your gears. It's coming out for pre-order now. order on October 17th and I'm releasing a docuseries on that date of like leading up to shooting it. Yeah. Are you nervous? Got norovirus on the road. You did? Yes. How do you get that? How did you get it? Actually, we went to the, we were in D.C. I heard strip club. We went to a strip club called Archibald's. It was the closest strip club to the White House. Seriously? It was. Show how far it is from the White House. I want to hear it. Go ahead. You could see it. You walk out, you see it. And. I love Archibald's. I go there pretty often. Can it be only white girls, please? White dancers only, please. It was awful, man. It was like they didn't have any makeup on. The lineup was sad. Like if I'm going out to strip for the night, I'm putting a whisper of makeup on. No winged eyeliner, not even a mascara. Not a lip gloss. Just for those that don't know, those that don't know, for the men listening, what would the standard issued minimum makeup be if you were stripping? What would you put on? I mean, they all roll up looking like they've just been going through a breakup. Maybe they are. Maybe strippers are always going through a breakup. You know what? Just a little eye, a little eye shadow. A little lip liner. Yeah, a little, just a little, a little definition, you know. Otherwise your face can get blown out by all the lights. And they didn't have poles. They had one ring that they could kind of toy with. There was one really hot one. But Nicky Paris, he's been opening for me for like a year. He got it first and he's like throwing up. It's like, I'm food poisoning. It must have been the pizza, the margarita pizza. Then the next day on stage, I was like, because I change halfway through my show into entitled and I like got it right before the show. And like ran off stage to change. It was just throwing up like liquid. It's just liquid coming out. You're crawling. Did you ever get it? I never got that. Oh, you're so lucky. And how many days is this? A week? Like 48 hours strong. Oh, you're like, that's easy money. Let's go. But it's bad. Two days. You lose some weight, though, huh? Feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. You're like, no, I'll come back. How far is it from the from the White House? 0.3 miles. Oh, brother, that's around the corner. She close. That's awesome. Yeah. Archibald's. Shout out to Archibald's. Some of the best chicken wings in the DC metro area. Archibald's. Yeah, I never got that sick. I mean, the only time I got really sick on the road was coming back from Nashville a couple of years ago when I fucking passed out and threw up on the plane. Yeah. And TMZ. Because MGK and MGK and Megan Fox were sitting behind me because they were on the flight. TMZ obviously knew they were on the flight because, you know, those guys talk who's landing where. Yeah. And they caught wind midair that I that I passed out and threw up in the toilet. And so they called my agent and they were like, is it? Well, people on the plane were texting friends. How did they know? Do you throw up really loud? Because I've thrown up. Oh, the whole plane. It was a big deal for the plane because I literally passed out. I literally like I was in the bathroom. I threw up and passed out. So it was like, we need a doctor. We need a doctor. The whole plane knew. OK. Yeah, it was rad. It was rock and roll. And MGK was like, do you need my sweater? He was actually extremely nice. Do you need my sweater? Yeah, he gave me a sweater because I threw up all over myself. And he was like, dude, take my sweater. We still have it here at the studio. It's just like all metal. Yeah. Spikes. Spikes everywhere. Take my spike sweater. Oh, this will wake you up, brother. And then that was the sickest I've ever been because I was sick in Nashville. And we don't to this day know what the bug was that I got. But Nate Bargatze's sister, sweetheart, she got her friend who was a nurse to come get me an IV and vitamins and all this stuff. And she was like, you're going to be great tomorrow. And I woke up the next morning and I was like, fuck, should I fly? And I was like, I got to get home. Yeah. And halfway through that flight, dog, whoop, bop, bop, bop. You get up to altitude. Nah, man. That was a bad day, dude. Shit. I regret it to this day. So back it up. Are you playing a little bit more golf? Yes. And what are we shooting today? What's the kids shoot? I'd say a little over a hundred. A little bit, a little bit over a hundred. A little bit over a hundred. Just a little bit over a hundred. Yeah, but that's fine. How long have you been playing, though? Because with the character really came this like identity of golf with you. Totally. But you haven't played since you were a kid. Well, my dad put me in junior golfers when I was an adult. My dad is like a really serious golfer, a scratch golfer, and he played in college. Where do you go? Western Michigan. Shout out to Western Michigan. We love them. And is that Kalamazoo? Yeah, Kalamazoo. He grew up super poor, so it's like to him, golf is like if you follow the goddamn rules and be quiet. Tuck it in. Tuck it in. Head forward. Two slutty backs. Be quiet on the course. And I did so many. I was a competitive gymnast growing up and a competitive diver and a competitive snowboarder. Should have known I would date a woman at some point. And it all lined up. And when it came to golf, I was like, Dad, I'm like, I'm ready to learn golf. But he was so serious about it that I was like, I can't I can't do this like it. I don't know. He would just, like, scream. So I was like, I can't fucking do it. If I hit one bad drive, he'd be like, fucking hell, you got no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. I'd be like, drill sergeant? Jesus Christ. Becky! I never seen a drive so fucking bad in my 14 years of life! He goes from being the jolliest son of a bitch to like, yes, a sergeant. That's hard, especially because if you're so good, you're very athletic. And so when you're not good at something, you're like, I don't want to do this. Don't yell at me about it. It's making me mad. Yeah. I'm good at other stuff. Yeah. I'm already frustrated. Yeah, I know. I get that. I know this sucks. I know you're embarrassed. I get the opposite. I'm so much better than my father that I have to be patient with him and he gets very upset at his game. See, I don't want any upsetness happening. See, I'm the same way. I don't care. I don't care enough. I think golf is so fun and so ridiculous. And like once I kind of discovered that on the course and the people that I could play like that with, I was like, oh, I love it. Now I'm just addicted. I think about it all the time. Me too. All day. I'm thinking about it right now. Oh, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about how calm I feel at the range. Just smacking that shit. Smacking that shit. Next to a, you know, small girl that's, you know, she's 13. She's already got into UCLA and she's hitting it three times farther than me. Right. A tiny little Japanese girl who weighs like 100 pounds. Tiny. She's been there all day. Roping it. Parents dropped her off. I love that, dude. Yeah. I loved it. I used to go see that all the time when I played at Griffith Park. You'd see these like little Korean kids go there. Their parents would drop them off and they'd be there hitting balls for like six hours straight. I'd finish a round. They'd still be there. Yeah. And those kids are going to become millionaires playing golf for the rest of their life. Their parents know. Like, hit the range. They know, dude. It's actually really smart. As I drive out of the club with my flat tires. We got to get you some new tires, man. My tires are always bald. We got to get you some new tires. Why? You're always on the road. You're never even home. You're not home to drive. I know. You live on the road. You really do. Oh, no. Let me say one road. You're missed tour dates, dude. I know. You're missed tour dates. I don't even think you're going to remember saying this. OK. Because I don't see people ever often, like, I don't, the tour schedule is so intense that, like, I rarely go to sets in town anymore just because I lose my voice. And stuff. But there was, like, a party at the improv. I think it was the holiday party. And I remember you were, like, the only person in, like, a year that had, like, come up and you were like, how are you? How are you actually doing? I do remember this. We were in the parking lot. Like, you really asked me, like, really genuinely. I was like, it just meant so much to me. I thought that that was so nice because I was like, I'm not doing fucking well. Thanks for checking in. Because your team makes you think it's, like, normal. It's not normal. And they want to tour you into the ground. But I could tell you were, like, under a lot of duress because I think, like, you had really started to pop really big. You were taking off. You were touring a lot. I mean, a lot of people want you. They need you. They have hands on you. And people are like, you got to do this. Becky, you got to do this. And you kind of get inundated with so much, not just yes people, but also, like, demands. And you're a good-hearted human being, so you feel like you should do them. You're like, I guess I should do this thing, right? Should I do this thing for these other people? You probably should. Be nice. I just know that feeling. So when I saw you, I was like, I really want to just ask you how you really were. I do remember that because I thought I could tell you were cruising, but you kind of felt not present. And now you feel very present. Maybe because you've leveled out, like, life has leveled out a little bit. You can back away and go, okay, okay, okay. I get what I need and what I want out of this whole thing. Yeah. You know? Yeah, totally. But it's a fucking nightmare. I don't think people even understand. I guess this is the champagne problems and people are always like, oh, cram your fucking river. Yeah, yeah. But we're still humans. And so when you get, when you start to get the thing that you've worked for, sometimes you don't know what to do with it, which is why people sabotage themselves because they're like, I don't know if I like this. It's really crazy. I don't know if I can handle the chaos. I feel like I did a lot of stuff. A lot of self-sabotage even along the journey of it all. I was also, like, hiring friends and stuff. And that was the biggest, like, mistake. No, I fucking hate this guy. See, I keep him around. The whole thing is a party. Like, my best friend from college, like, everywhere. There was just tequila everywhere all the time. People lived at your house, too, with you? Friends that you hired? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I see that a lot in the business. Yeah, people started living at the house. Yeah, their dogs and, yeah, all that stuff. See, that, I think, you're crossing into this, there has to be a boundary. That was the biggest, like, mistake. I mean, we had great times. Great times. Building years, but, like, now that I have this epic power lesbian tour manager, and she's just like, "Becky, come here." She treats me like I'm Mariah Carey. Sometimes I'm like, "But let me hug a couple people." And she just, you know, drags me. Lesbian says no. She says no. Mom says no. She's got a little lesbian magic eight ball. All of them say no. She's very serious. Yeah. Everything says no. Lesbian magic eight ball. Everything says no. She helps me say no. She knows, like, how much energy I'll have on a certain thing, and, like, yeah. Did she tour before you with somebody else? Is that how she was, like, prepped for this world? Yeah. Oh, yeah. So she's been around the block. She's been around the block for a long time. She's been around the block for a long time, yeah. Wow, good. She toured with, like, Bernie Mac for a while. Another lesbian. That's very good, yeah. Probably one of the greatest comedians I think I've ever seen live. Did you ever see Bernie live? No. Oh, fucking unbelievable. That guy was, like, shockingly funny. Oh, I can't imagine. So good. Tour with Bernie Mac. Who else? Jane Lynch. Oh, fuck. Holy shit. I think she did something with, like, Mariah for a while. What? She really did Mariah Carey? She's done a lot. She's had a crazy -- I love that about her. I want to say Jamiroquai, but I know that's not it. Jamiroquai! I know that's not it. Virtual insanity? It's, like, someone really sexual that's, like, R&B. A lot of, like, R&B people. Okay, I'll go down the line. Lenny Kravitz. I'm going down the line of, like, the hottest, sexy guys. She says his name all the time. She humble brags, you know. She'll be saying that about you to the next person. She fucking better be. D'Angelo. D'Angelo. So hot. Genuine? My Pony? No. If you're horny, let's do it. Oh, my God. Rani, my pony. Dude, honestly, that song was so sexual. and I was young and I remember my mom being like, what is he saying? And I was like, nothing, I don't, nothing, don't worry about it. So gross. I thought it was so sexual. I remember, I was probably 10 at the time and I had like my first crush on this baseball player that was like my brother's age and I would play that song and just listen. Stare at him? And just fantasize so hard. Your brother's friend's taking ground balls and you're flicking the bean to genuine? Just pulsating. You can go. Love a man in uniform, you know? It's about that big, yeah. Fuck you. Vroom, vroom, vroom. No, you made it sound pulsating. You made it sound like it's a. No, it's bulbous. Dude, bulbous is such a good word. It's a great word. You're hooking up with someone they take off your pants, you're like, watch, are you ready for the bulbous? Are you ready for the bulbous, baby? The bulbous. Okay, so now you told me outside, we don't have to go too into it, but because you're single now, are you going to be on the apps and all this bullshit or no? I just, I just went on them, like, two nights ago. Do you hate them? Do you like them? What do you do? In LA, I hate them. Yeah. But every now and then on the road, I'm like, I need something. You need to get it. Yeah. You just want to get it in. Every once in a while, you know? So which base are you touching now? Are you more dudes, more chicks? Who are you touching? Who's getting in more? I've gone hard right back to dudes. I dated a girl for three years and then, yeah. You're swinging. I like that. Yeah, yeah. You think you'll go back? You think you'll venture over to the other side? If a guy pisses me off enough, yes. Yeah, it's common. Because right after the woman, I was like, I need an idiot. You need a fucking idiot. Like, I want, like, a meat stick. Meat penis, you girl. I want a meat penis. But then I found that so hardcore that I was like, nah. And then I found a guy that was, like, a little gay and I was like, this is kind of nice. And then now you're free. Now it's whatever you want. Yeah. You're tasting it all. Yeah. Yeah, the apps I hear damage from, that's all I hear from Bobby is just, the apps just don't sound healthy. No. It sounds like he just is miserable all the time. Yeah. He's, like, matching with everything he's doing. He's matching with everybody and he's like, I don't want to date any of these people. I'm like, you showed me a girl the other night. Yo, we were at the airport. You showed me a girl and he's like, what's up with this chick? You like this chick? What do you think? And I looked at her, I was like, that's just, she's like a, she was, like, stunning. And I was like, she's, like, college educated, has a good job. It was, like, all these things and he was like, I don't know. I was like, dude, that is, it's insane. That's the problem with LA, though, is, like, I feel like there's such a buffet of the hottest women so I'm not, you know, I'm at the, you know, I'm not going to stand out on those apps, you know? You're going to stand out on those apps. You take good pictures. And then people are like, oh, you're the old golf lady from TikTok? And then, you know, and then they have a bunch of stupid questions. You're not the old golf, you're the young golf lady. You're 26 years old. People need to know. People come up in the airport and you're like, are you the old lady from TikTok? Well, because you play the character. Like, yeah. No. You don't look old. It looks, it honestly, it looks like everyone we grew up with in the Midwest, the entitled housewife, it looks like every wife I ever knew of a friend, everybody my parents were friends with. It's like that, it's such an accurate, there's got to be someone you base it on, one person in your life. My parents, yeah. But both of them, right? Both of them personality-wise, but the outfit was kind of like, yeah, I'd seen this. Is your mom a golfer? Is she into this shit? No, she dabbled, but she kind of has a claw for a hand. She has a claw for a hand. She has a claw hand? Yeah. Was it by birth or an accident happened? She had a stroke during a brain surgery. Oh, Becky, why'd you have to? I mean, I'm ready for a joke. I'm glad you brought it up. It's a story I've been wanting to tell. Yeah. What was the brain surgery for? So she has a hand that's kind of like this. She had a tumor that she didn't know about that was just growing her whole life. And she's okay now? Yeah. God bless. She gets lit off half a claw. Oh, really? Yeah. Because of what? They scooped a bunch out of her head. Scooped out of her head? You know? In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is incredible, man. Shorter days don't have to be so dismal. I know we just turned them clocks, but it's time to reach out and check in with those that you care about and to remind ourselves that you're not alone. You are never alone. Look, days get a little bit darker now. It's a little bit tougher. It's going to get colder and nastier weather. And sometimes you need to connect with someone. That's why BetterHelp is here to connect. And it's not someone that you know. Sometimes I think that helps. They got over 30,000 therapists at one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. They got over 5 million people globally. And the best part is the matching is great. You can change therapists at any time and they're tailored to you. 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And that's the number one reason relationships kind of get eek. Don't do that, man. Make it easy on yourself. Help organize with Monarch. Don't let financial opportunities slip through the cracks. Use code WHISKEY at Monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50-5-0, 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with our code WHISKEY. Ginger. I like gingers. Did they give it to you when they take some of that stuff out? Did they give you the tumor? You know, I don't know. Can I take that home? I want to take it to go. What do they do with the tumor? Can you box that up? Box that up, dude. Put that in a plastic to go. I just talked to a buddy that had an appendectal. He had an appendix burst and he had to have the surgery. And you want to take it home? I was like, what do they do with it? Like what? Hannibal Lecter cook it later? Oh, just save it. Put it in the case. There it is. That'd be pretty cool. That would be kind of rad. Put it in a vodka bottle. Let it ferment. You know, let it sit for a long time. Pickle it. I'd probably get turnt and want to take a nibble out of it. I know, if you're too fucked up. One of these nights. You got to eat the worm. Got to eat the appendix in the bottle. I got to eat the worm. Yeah. But mommy's healthy now. Everything is all good. But she can still whack even with the claw. Sometimes it's, you know, yeah. She's still, she does get out still. Yeah, but like my dad is, you know, she's always like, Steve's watching fucking golf again. He's out on the course again. It's his life. And that's the character. That's literally where her birth was. Yeah. It's like complaining, like in pure agony. It's very successful. The reason I like it so much is because it's real. And the complaints are always with a happy twist. It's like a funny, you're like shitting on things in a very happy way. Yeah. Where people are like, oh, she's excited. It's like, well, she's angry, but it's like angry excited at something. People, yeah, people that are like angry to me, I just like, it's the funniest thing. And people who take themselves seriously like that, I'm just like, this is the funniest. That's what, how it happened. I was just watching my parents over the pandemic and they were so serious. Like, you know, I just want to go to the Thirsty Lion and do happy hour with the girls. My dad was like, golf is all we have. And he was wearing, he wouldn't wear a mask, but he was wearing a golf glove on both hands. What, really? I'm just doing my part, Bex. That's so funny. My sister like is working in the ER, like, you know, in the trenches. Watching people die. Yeah. Watching people die left and right. They're like, we just don't know if we believe in it. And I was staying with her for a month during the pandemic and then I went to my parents. I think that's what made it stick out even more. And I was just like, you guys are out of your goddamn minds. Where are your parents? Where are they at? Ooh, P-Town. Yeah. You're not really a Portland person. No. You don't have that vibe. Yeah. Is it the spray tan? No. PNW people, Pacific Northwest people are very, it feels very Colorado-y to me too. Totally, yeah. You're not that. You're not like a hike-y. Whoa. You're not a hike-y. No, I fucking hate hiking. Well, you know what it is? No, it's not even the activity. I just mean there's a culture to the clothing. There's like a style. There's like a vibe. Perth tones, REI, water socks. Patagonia. Huh, what is it? Patagonia. What's the other one that everyone, the expensive one that people like, the fucking, it's got like a dinosaur bone as it's, it's like a fossil as its symbol. It's called, There's so many of them. No, no, no, hold on. I know it. It's like an old fossil. Arctic. Arctic. Arctic. Arcteryx. Arcteryx. Arcteryx. Arcteryx. Arcteryx. Arcteryx? Arcteryx? Oh, yeah. Is that what it's called? Yeah, it's like the highest. Arcteryx? Arcteryx, I think is what it's called. Yeah, Arcteryx. Arcteryx. But it's like, this is like Patagonia for the richest people in the world. Yeah. Like a jacket is like $800. We have Duluth Trading Company. Duluth Trading Company is the best. Minnesota. No, but that's well-priced. We're talking, this is like ritzy. By the way, I have to say this now that we're in this kick. Last night, I got down a fucking wormhole watching Mount Everest hiking videos or like in my TikTok feed because I watch one, you like one. Was that because the one popped up of the girl taking a selfie and falling down? Fell and died. Yeah. Do you know this? I was served that last night. She died. She took off her rope to take a picture of somebody else and then she fucking fell down and she died. That's it. You're gone forever. She slid down. You see her sliding all the way down. You just watch her literally meeting her demise. So someone was literally just the whole way down. And they're never going to get their phone back. She's got their phone now. I ain't never going to see that again. Never going to see that. But they fed me. It fed me all this stuff, and I thought, look, I like adventure. I get it. But I think it said, I Googled it. How many people die a year? I think it was like five, four or five. Hiking Everest? Yeah, and you go, well, that's not a lot of people. But then you think, yeah, but not a lot of people are fucking doing it. Because you know you have to see people on the way up that are dead. Yeah, 4.4 climbers a year. But does that talk about the. Yeah, okay, so there's a mis. They said that the numbers are skewed because this doesn't account for. This is only tourists. This doesn't account for people that are. What do you call them? Native? Yeah, but they call them something. There's like shamans. No, there's guys that take you up there. Oh, whatever. I'm dumb. I'm so dumb. Anyway, you see people on the way because the bodies are frozen. They're stuck, some of these people. Sherpa. Sherpas. Sherpas. And you can't fucking get the bodies down if they're in such precarious positions. It's dangerous. So you try to get the body back down. So they leave the bodies, which is fucking crazy to me. You ever seen me? That you're hiking and you see. A dead body. You're like, okay, I hope this works out. I hope it's better for us. I mean, I don't. I think that's just an omen of like, don't do it. Totally. You've never. Have you done anything absurd like that? No. Like it's just wild skydive bungee jump? Yeah, yeah. You've done it all? I like action sports. I've gotten like stuck in some glacial things. Have you ever seen the movie Vertical Limit? I love Vertical Limit. What? That's you? You're in that? Yeah, I'm Montgomery Wick. Yeah, you're going. Remember when he finds his wife frozen years later? So sad. Yeah. No, I would like to. You're going off the backside of the mountain, aren't you? You risky little bitch. Yeah, if there's powder. If there's powder. If there's powder. If there's powder, I'm going, dude. Absolutely. At this age, I don't know. And we're not doing that anymore. Well, when you're a gymnast growing up, you're kind of like, I learned to backflip on a snowboard before I learned how to 360. I don't know if I could do it today, but. You could. Backflips actually. Once you learn how to huck. It was like pre-stand-up. I was like, I need to feel something. Yeah. You know? Once you learn how to huck, though, you got it, dude. Yeah. I went with my buddy Colin in a snowstorm in South Lake Tahoe, and I'll never forget. The chairs stopped. The chairs stopped because they were, like, too crazy. And I was like, well, we're up. We're here. We have to get off. And it was too high of a jump. It was probably 30, 40 feet. And then so finally, they were like, we are going to get you, you know, they're. A guy's yelling to us. And they're like, you got to get up, get off. So we go all the way up to the end. We get off, and Colin was much better than me. And he was ripping because it was like, you can't stop. If it's that much powder, like, you can't stop. You can't slow down. Oh, yeah, you get stuck. You get stuck. And it was sideways, and it was super blind. And that was for the first time I thought, fuck, if I die, this is going to be such a bummer. It's a bummer, you know what I mean? Like, because I know it's happening. Like, when I die, I want it to happen. I don't want to, like, watch it happen. Yeah, no. Just die. I don't want to see the sad faces coming in and out. No, that's awful. Even though I've taken multiple toboggan rides down, that's fucking sheer hell. That is sheer hell. That's scary shit, too. You're like, oh, I guess this is. You're like. It happened to me once after I, like, really hurt my tailbone, too, and you're like, fuck, it's the worst. It sucks. And the ski patrol is always the hottest people you've ever seen. 22-year-olds from Sweden. Yeah. We moved here for the telly ride to be on the mountain. I am Ansel. I am Ansel on the mountain. They're always hot people when I go to, like, Breckenridge. They're always hot foreigner kids who are like, this is their, this is their, what is that? Eat, pray, love. When they just go live on a mountain for a couple of years. Be a lifty for a couple of years and just kind of reconnect with nature. And they're always just. Yeah. Just hot blondes. Just a lot of hair flips and, like, yeah. Just a lot of hot blondes. Yeah. Where did you go then growing up in Oregon? You went up to Vancouver? Mount Hood. Yeah, the hoodsy, dude. Mount Hood, Oregon, because there's a glacier up there you can ski year-round. All right, here's a good piece of trivia. Highest, highest, highest elevation mountain in the continental United States. What state is it in? I looked it up the other day. It's somewhere really random, isn't it? I don't know. I'm not going to tell you. It's, uh, it's not the Rockies. I'm not going to, just guess, dude. New Hampshire. New Hampshire. Good guess. Vermont. No. Mount Whitney here in California. Is it? Mount Whitney is the highest peaked elevation here in the continental United States. Now, the highest in the United States is in Alaska. Alaska. But in the lower 48, my dog, it's out here in California, dude. Hey! That is one I think would be fun to. Mount Whitney? I mean, I don't, I don't, like, hike. I would never choose that as an exercise program. But it would be dope. Or do it for leisure. But it'd be cool to summit that. A little free solo. A little, like, Alex Honnold. Just fucking. Something, you know? I'd love to scale up one of those things. Yeah. Yeah. That's why you've got a lot of free time. You can do it now. If you're single, you're cruising, you're living that life. Now, what are you on the road now? Where are you going? You're leaving somewhere in, like, a day. Tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow. Where do you go? But we have Vegas this weekend. What are we playing? We have Sparks. This will be out. Casino tomorrow. Vegas will already have happened. So, the show was awesome. Show was so great. You should have gone. Or Sparkles. Wait, what, Sparks? It's called Sparks. You pulled your poster out of the show? Tomorrow night's, like, a casino. And then Saturday is the Palazzo Theater at the Venetian. Yeah. Yeah. You done that? I haven't played Vegas, like, since, like, Brad Garrett's Comedy Club. Oh, no. Years ago. I play it every year. I'm doing the win in March. I do the win a lot. I did. Last year, we did. Or two years ago, we did MGM. We did Cosmo. It was owned by MGM. So, we played Cosmopolitan. And then, before that, I did the win again. And then, the win. This will be my third or fourth time doing the win. I like it up there. Golf course is out the back door. Yeah. And I sneak that in the contract. I go. Yeah, you have to. Can I play a round of golf? Yeah. And they're like. You know, we don't usually. I'm like, but it's me. But it's me. Do you ever golf with fans? You know, I never have. But I'm trying to do this thing. I'm trying to do more charity. And so, I'm trying to find a way to do things like that. That I'm like, how can I get money from this to give to something rad? Because then, it'll increase the awareness. And then, it'll be worth it, really. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, December 6th. Those that live in the Los Angeles metro area. Please come to LA Valley City College. We're raising money for Special Olympics. I'm doing a Ho Ho Homers. You can hit dingers off your favorite celebrity. You should be there. You should be there. I'd love for you to come pitch. You'd come hang out. Yeah. No, you have to pitch to people. People are paying to hit homers off of your ass. Oh, okay. You're trying to strike out these fools. And it's for Special Olympics. And so, that's rad. That's really cool. I would do a thing, play with me, if it was a big charity thing. Like, what I really want is to sucker. Like. A group of, like, super rich people to give, like, tens of thousands of dollars to me for a round, and then we could give it to something cool. That'd be wonderful. Let's put our heads together and do it. We should do something like that. Easily, yeah. I would love to do that. Yeah. Get these super fucking rich fucks to give the money away to. Something good. Good cause. Something good. Something with our faces on the flyer would be nice. It's usually kids for me. It's always, like, cancer. Kids' cancer stuff, I'm always like. Like, when adults get cancer, you're like, big deal. You already live. Kids' shit is like, give me a fucking break, dude. Where's your God? What's going on? What's going on, dude? That'll question. That makes me get a little questionable when I'm like, what is he, six? What are you talking about? Yeah. When a guy's like 52, they're like, yeah, he's got cancer. You're like, it happens. Just lived a long life. You lived a long life. 52? I hate when somebody goes, yeah, my mom just died. You're like, oh my God. I'm so sorry. Like, yeah. How old is she? 97. And you're like, well. She touched the sun. Was she ready to go? She touched the sun. Was she ready to go? Sounds like. Was she prepared? I have days now where I'm like. Take me. Take me. Dude, I got some in the bed days where I'm like, what if that rock does speed up a little bit? Is it coming at us still? Yeah. I love when NASA's like, we blocked it. You're like, let one go. Let it ricochet. See what happens. What a shame. Let it ricochet. Let it just bounce. Another great word. Let it bounce. Bounce off. See what happens. I would love for the power grid to go out maybe for a little bit. That's coming. I guess not for, of course, like the hospitals. That would be awful. Right. Get a generator, hospitals. Hopefully they have back. They have backup generators for that. But now we're not going to be able to power all these fucking AI servers. I know. It's going to suck the power grid to shit. You know that, right? We're fucked. We're absolutely fucked. Although the Japanese, they're up on it. The Japanese are making. Didn't they figure something out? Well, they have like roads and sidewalks that have kinetic energy and they harness the kinetic. So because there's so much foot traffic in certain areas, they're creating these plates that bounce, that trap energy and hold it and store it for future use. Japanese, dude. They're always. You've been over there? Yeah. Japan's the best. Not a single trash can. Can't incite. And not a piece of shit on. Nothing on the ground. The amount of trash I had in my pockets at the end of the day. Yeah. Well, because you feel like you should. You're like, well, this is. The amount of zins. You zins. Oh, dude. Just lining your jeans. Crusty pockets. Nicotine jeans. Why doesn't. Why don't jean pockets have a separate nicotine disposer? They should. Remember the old high pocket? Like this. Yes, the high pocket. There it is. There's my little nicotine pouch. I think it would be filled up so quick. That's actually brilliant. Yeah. That's what that's for. Yeah. Have you ever done that when you had to, when you take out a pouch and then you're like going to meet someone and you put it in your hand, but you're like, I have nowhere to throw this. So you have to hold it for a while. Yes. I hate that. I always cram it into something. I put them in my bra. Really? And I'm convinced I'm going to get breast cancer from it. Because I shoved the 12 milligram Lucy's into my tits. And then I forget about them and they just, you know, they marinate in there for hours. All these doctors just. Sometimes I'll finish a round of golf and go to take off my sports bra and they just fall out. Nicotine pouches in your tits? I'm so. I'm so gross. Becky, you have a breast cancer. I need to wean off. How did you get it? I was pouching. I was tit pouching. No, you don't need to wean off. You're fine. You're not smoking cigarettes? No. You're fine. I never have. You're smoking weed though. I love a little weed, you know. No drinking anymore. Yeah. Well, I didn't drink for nine months leading up to my special because I didn't think I would like. It's the most money I've ever spent on anything. And I didn't. You want to brag about it? Go ahead and brag about it. Say how much you spent. No, I'm kidding. It's very scary. Yeah. It's a lot of money to spend for a special. It's crazy. But you did it because you care and you want to make a good product. Yeah. And you did it yourself. The only reason I had that money was because of being on tour for four years straight and like the fans that paid to, you know, come and see the show and like buy visors and stuff like that. And. So then they get back now. I can give it back to them. here's what I've done I hope you like it and here's me getting neurovirus and DC on the way but yeah I didn't drink for nine months leading up to that because if I if I'm boozing I like you know I keep going you're a bad girl yeah well I've got a little Irish in me yeah you do a little animal a little bit and um a little Guinness gremlin in there I like to chug oh I'm a chugger I love chugging if it's beer I'm chugging yeah I even do it with like my morning coffee like I'm like I'm not gonna fuck around with this I slam it why cause you need the movement cause I'm like let's go you need a bowel movement I guess I don't like sipping hot beverages oh dude I love sipping a hot coffee fuck me taking a walk with a dog and sipping a coffee is like my I'm like get it out of my hands you want it gone yeah are you a multi beverage woman like when you go out to dinner how many beverages do you have yeah multiple iced tea, diet coke, martini yeah Coca-Cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimists pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new Coca-Cola for everyone pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you when you shop Kroger delivery you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door our refrigerated trucks keep your items fresh while our associates are committed to getting every detail right carefully selecting and packing your order with care because bringing you fresh quality groceries is what we do best and right now enjoy $20 off your first online order of $75 or more restrictions apply see site for details Kroger fresh for everyone cappuccino later that's like Bobby he does that he'll have six beverages and you're like you're not even going to touch any of these depends how quick the cocktails are coming that's exactly yeah but I like a diet coke to wash down a meal love a diet coke yeah just had one today yeah diet coke it's just such a good topper it's just a good I had a cherry coke at the movies the other day cherry coke that was life changing cherry coke I don't think I've ever had one how was it it was so good I'll tell you what you don't know you're too young to remember this they used to be clear they had clear Pepsi and clear coke I remember the SNL sketch about it the gravy the crystal gravy that's right I just remember having that as a kid I was like clear Pepsi I'm sick it's not going to die my teeth my brother it's pretty sick and then the jolts we used to have jolt cola we used to have jolt cola which was twice the caffeine three times the sugar I don't even remember that was that the 80s fuck you Becky you know I wasn't around for those times this was in the late 90s dog jolt cola I used to go around and I used to go to White Hen Pantry and go get myself a long john what do you call a long donut what do you call like a maple bar see a maple yeah that's long john yeah we call them long johns that's a midwest thing it is it's got to be because when I say that people call them either they call them a maple bar or they call them well maple is maple the chocolate ones what do they call the chocolate ones long chocolate bar it's a chocolate long john chocolate long john no I swear to god a long john but they also call them what they're also called bar cream stick no or an eclair no eclair is filled with filling because this is long johns don't naturally have filling in them trust me my guy Abdullah at the 7-11 will tell you different are you a big donut guy you know honestly it's probably one of my sweetest vices ice cream and donuts like ice cream I probably have more than I ever should and donuts if there is a donut at the place I will eat it so if I'm going to a location and they're like somebody got donuts I was like oh is that right I can't pass it up donuts are so fucking I can't say a long john my favorite kind of donut I'm a cake donut guy cake donut yeah because I like I like donuts with coffee no cake meaning like the thickness you know like the Krispy Kreme is like an airy traditional donut the cake ones where they're thick oh yeah baby give me an old fashioned old fashioned dunk it in my coffee that's what I want to cigarette dude dunk it in my coffee oh my god because that's what my grandmother did my grandmother was the size of this room she was like 550 maybe she was a big lady dude and she used to drink coffee and smoke you say 550 you're a big girl no I think she was probably genuinely if I'm being honest she was probably two maybe like 250 she was a big lady okay probably 5'3 and she would sit in a moo moo and I loved her so much she was so rad and she'd make a pot of coffee and she would smoke drink that and eat donuts and give us sweets any sweets we wanted cigaretteable she was the best that's old school grandmas I see all these skinny grandmas I'm like get fucked mine was this big Roca Roca Roca where was she from Italy Sicily Siciliano Siciliano Siciliano Becky you're not a good Italian get a good Italian boy arrivederci your father tell me you like clams now you eat the clams now well Roca's dead oh she doesn't but she died in the upper 90's she dead here in the states or in Italy in the states yeah once they come over here they die she would've lived to be a hundred over there yeah she would've she would die when you come over here I know yeah she definitely would've in here we pour whiskey whiskey hey I want to tell you about Cachava Cachava is phenomenal and this is actually my favorite flavor the chocolate mint is so good this is an all-in-one nutrition shake it is phenomenal I'm always on the run I'm always on the go and what's hard to do is grab a full sit-down meal so sometimes I like to grab something on the run and you can combine two packed scoops 12 ounces of water shake it blend it whatever you want you know this is going to do everything you need it to do and much much more it's 25 grams of 100% plant-based protein six indulgent flavors they got chocolate vanilla chai matcha coconut acai and strawberry all the good stuff your mind and body crave for that whole body health with every two scoops of Cachava you're going to get 85 plus superfoods nutrients and plant-based ingredients no artificial flavors whatsoever no colors no sweeteners none of that nonsense non-GMO no soy no animal products no gluten and no preservatives Cachava is phenomenal if you've never tried it you are behind your future self will thank you go to Cachava.com and use that code whiskey for 15% off your next order that's Cachava K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com the code is whiskey for 15% off ginger I like gingers where does where does Becky vacation to? you know I like I think my favorite place is probably Switzerland I like wow ski yeah that's your favorite or just like the greenery of it all yeah it's your little getaway where if you could move anywhere in the world and not have to job no job thing just life go away Switzerland yeah really yeah how are the winters though aren't they shit that's the best part oh you love that yeah because you're from bad weather so you don't mind it yeah yeah because it's shit I'm from rain 300 days a year Portland is tough dude my friends are up there right now they're in Bandon outside of Coos Bay yeah rainy rainy rainy rainy yeah don't you love that we don't get it out here I love the drought we have the fires earthquakes we got all the good stuff hopelessness crime high taxes everything you want I think it's great dude bring it I say raise the taxes get more homeless I say let's fuck it up well I mean we're already on the path I know we're doing a good job I don't know yeah this is gonna get worse that's why I think eventually I bought a generator it's just in case I don't even know how to use it gas powered well when the fires were happening everyone was like if you get the thing and you put it in the pool and you have a generator you can like put out your own fires and I got the generator and I stopped there yeah that's not true you can't put out your own fucking fires your whole house is on fire what are you gonna what the fuck are you gonna do I got this boys guys I got this one no no no I'm fine yeah it's on fire but I got it I got a little face fan where it's a little bit of water it's a little mist I think that'll do the trick Becky's out there with a coffee cup just throwing it on the house from the pool guys take off to the next house we're good here but you were in Calabasas because you can you can get touched you can get fire up there that's dangerous pal yeah we got evacuated this last time we had to pack go bags and then service did it do any damage to your home no thank god but the what was the one a few years ago the that one burned down some of the at the park in the neighborhood did it really nothing near you though it didn't hit you I think it sizzled like the backyard whoa yeah get out of there dude it's the stuff they try to hide when you're buying the house you know yeah like this this was like like this always did it smell yeah that's always like that it's the area yeah don't worry about it well they have to disclose if somebody died in there right isn't that a California law if somebody died in the house they have to disclose it if you ask I asked the neighbors did anybody die here who died who died it's gonna be me my second landlord in West Hollywood that was I'll never forget she was like are you gay I was like no she goes oh good I was like hmm it's interesting to feel that way in West Hollywood and then she's like the man who lived down here down in this he died of AIDS okay so let me get your keys that's what I mean she was like very nonchalant about it I was like right on such a classic LA landlord story but she like offered it up it wasn't even the apartment I was moving into she just like gave it to me you need to know the lore well she did also like that I wasn't gay because she like she was very I imagine extremely homophobic for sure she wasn't kidding and she it wasn't like a fun quip she was like are you gay I was like no she's like good just dead serious yeah like she goes back in her apartment tells her husband she's like you know the new one he's not a gay he's not a gay he's going to heaven she used to make me come over though and fix her fucking internet and stuff all the time she would just she would fucking call me the computer is not working and I'd have to go help her no she was an old lady man I felt bad she was homophobic you know what I mean we had a few things in common you gotta give back no I had to I had to help her out but it was so weird that she was that was such a weird thing for me. offer up that that guy died of AIDS I was like yeah that's crazy but they also that didn't stop the party because that that complex dude West Hollywood living isn't it the most fun we're we're in West Hollywood this apartment was uh uh Harper and Norton right right around the corner from right from right uh from the lay factory no no no well down the block yeah down the block it was kind of it was it was Santa Monica basically Santa Monica and Harper yeah what was the name of that old uh uh deli that was it's a gym now it's so weird there's a go get them tiger on the corner which is so funny oh yeah used to be that big like French place there was used to be this that's a block away Merrick's yeah that's gone too yeah it's all gone I miss the old neighborhood yeah it's all gone now now everything is now it's just one big soul cycle they still got the Barney's bean though can't give up the bean dude but we're not allowed to go there anymore why not because I'm a dinosaur you walk into that place like look at that old fuck youngins everyone there's like 22 years old oh no we went in there for like a someone had a party there that's where you hang out yeah it's like his age no I don't even go there isn't that crazy it's like UCLA kids it's like it's like college kids oof which is not it is it is like yeah it's not I thought it blew my mind last time I think we went there for like a um there was like an after party for somebody's show yes someone had like an after party and they were like stop by Drew Tarver um his show uh oh the other two the other two yeah and they I think they had like an they had like afters afters or something and we went over there and I was like oh my fucking god I'm 100 years old like everybody there the youth it was so crazy you don't feel like you're getting older you still look young well when I see the way the youth is dressing I'm like goddamn they don't care they're not self-conscious at all they're like here it is well we cover it up they don't care because that's the cool thing now yeah then the cool thing is like fucking let it rock yeah we were so concerned and so we looked worse because we were overly concerned they look better because they have no concern yeah isn't that funny yeah I remember straight in the fucking hair and eyeliner eyeliner a lot of my brother's friends were like you look slutty you're like that's what I want yeah you were not a slutty person to distract from the braces were you a little slutty girl when you were young I tried to be you you did you put in your best foot forward I tried yeah and then what happened uh it just wasn't you it just didn't work out what is that now they're like I'm in my slut era yeah well you were not you never hit your slut era huh I just looked so heinous that I was like heinous is such a mean word like I had my parents were trying this like new age like kind of trying different things um orthodontist so I had braces at the bottom of my teeth what like not in the middle at all they were like at the bottom so I could actually smile in pictures like and cover it up that's so funny but like it looked weird and with the rubber bands I would smile and like one time someone was like it looks like you have bugs in your teeth and just like the gymnast body like broad Michael Phelps shoulders and just you know it just couldn't didn't work and my sister was you know hot and I just yeah is your sister hot yeah how old is she she's 37 too old for you she's got married yeah sorry she got married dude she got married we're trying to find him a love yeah she got married to a guy you like yeah love him you hope so right yeah did she date a bunch of guys that you were like fuck I hope this isn't him yeah please don't marry this bunch of like absolute dicklets just dildos assholes where does she live now Portland she's a peatown girl she's an ER nurse he's an ER doctor tale as old as time and then him too he works he's a doctor isn't he they always marry a doctor don't they that's what I just said it's a flight attendant marrying a pilot yeah they gotta yeah well because you know it's so hot and heavy in the office right all that emotions running high all that blood blood you gotta get off to that baby I always wonder how that starts when the next couple like want to have dinner I think it's in the banter behind the desks all right is that where it happens in the hospital yeah like when my grandmother was in the hospital I remember like to to like a male nurse and a female nurse flirt flirting and I thought my grandma's dying yeah yeah you guys can't fuck well my grandma like do it see a single smile roll around cut it out dude yeah but you these people are at work all day they gotta feel human at some point yeah they gotta do something did you go bananas at the wedding did you go off did you make a good speech I did I had to yeah you got a crush a couple things went wrong during the day and my sister was just not happy everything goes wrong it's a wedding it's not supposed to go right I know Jimmy Choo broke and what her shoe broke her dainty she got married at 7,000 feet altitude on Mount Hood in like a hut she had the daintiest little Jimmy Choo's and it just snapped holy shit like her makeup and then you know a couple of things and I was the maid of honor so I was like doing everything I could and then there were a couple speeches that great no boy no I heard a couple last night I was at a wedding last night yeah a lot of speeches one went 45 minutes that's too much speech that's from my own family don't we know the number of her speeches is under five you've got to keep it under five minutes I think we get a little more no under five no dude you don't need more than five minutes five to ten no you tell one good what if it's your sister hey hey it's me I'm Micah uh I'm Danny's best friend we grew up together for so here's what I just want to say about Danny one of the most loyal sweet cool dudes I've ever met when I first moved here I had no friends and you know it's always yeah and Danny was the only guy that came up to me and was like hey man come kick it with us yeah and I'll forever be grateful and that kind of love and bond and open and respectness is what he's gonna give to you Sarah so let's raise a glass that's it that's all you need you need one good banger story but they're still reading off a paper like this he was the only one that said hi to me the phones are tough too the phone yeah when they're on the phone get your head out of there well a lot of amateur hour is this when they go when they're doing this with the mic and they're going when when we first met each other it was a time in our lives oh yeah I'm like but the microphone is your mouth with the mic the sound fuck the sound is your mouth with the thing it's gotta be right here yeah oh to the side of your face just to the side you're like and and she's always been my girly you're like guys it's and it's almost like waving around yeah yeah yeah it's so honored to be your brazen mean it's treacherous yeah I gave a hell of a speech you know you knocked it out of the fucking yeah I know you did and you were sitting I tried to hook up with all of the men of honor did you get any D a little bit you got a little bit of D well you know you always find a way to finagle a little bit I mean girls gotta eat Santino coca-cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimist pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new coca-cola for everyone pick up some coca-cola at a store near you when you shop Kroger delivery you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door our refrigerated trucks keep your items fresh while our Associates are committed to getting every detail right carefully selecting and packing your order with care because bringing you fresh quality groceries is what we do best and right now enjoy twenty dollars off your first online order of 75 or more restrictions apply see site for details Kroger fresh for everyone after noon glare totally ruined my watch party for the big game that's when my buddy recommended blinds.com with custom window treatments made to fit your style space and budget customers who shop at blinds.com experienced overwhelming satisfaction side effects may include a fuller deeper night sleep and the sudden urge to host the watch party again blinds.com isn't a medication but it can improve how you feel about your home visit blinds.com to order your free samples today take a look at the value like fishing no you know it's a funny as a kid I tried and I just you know my patience is not good I wouldn't say mine is either do you like fishing well I just went to Alaska and I've really fell in love with it fly fishing what kind of fishing halibut okay well I love halibut delicious did you eat it did you catch and cook yeah I hold my whole freezers full seriously yeah give me some pretty somebody fucking fresh from another thing how many pounds did you catch do you know we all brought home like 80 pounds there's five of us what in your checked bag well they ship it oh it's sick I know I'm getting like a show can you imagine yeah I threw it in my Louis Vuitton ma'am what's in this carry-on halibut it's a lot of hell a lot of fucking halibut you hungry ma'am your suitcase is dripping yeah halibut smelting some of that ice just put in the overhead and shut the fuck up don't ask questions you know 80 pounds is a lot of salmon and lots of halibut well there was a couple halibut they were like 120 pounds and this is good salmon this is so you sashimi grade you can probably worms in it right you can probably cut it and eat it I didn't know I thought you catch the fish and then that's it no I know you had to fucking beat it over the head you got to kill it and I was very against that until I brought up like an over 100 pound halibut and then I was like give me the mallet and I swear to God it's the most proud my dad has ever been like a tear came down his face that's my girl yeah that's my girl yeah that's that is a good moment for a dad 100 pound fish hobbits are fucking huge too they're massive they can reach over 500 pounds 500 pounds tuna gets big too and they're at the bottom yeah so that's or they're at like 500 feet or tell me about the tuna get up to what size because tuna gets tuna fucking big dude you see those tuna fish they get up be a thousand thousand pounds you think uh they weigh up to two thousand pounds holy fuck they can be over 10 feet long that's a lot of sashimi have you ever been to billy sushi in minnesota no but this kid's from minnesota what's it called billy sushi billy sushi yeah on sunday nights he does this like little underground tuna thing massive tuna they chop it up and throw in sashimi it's really sexy marking it in the can in the phone right now because i gotta go to billy sushi fucking it's in skinnyapolis and the guy who billy he's like really really funny see a white guy it's right by nicolette island no he's he's he's an asian man he's an asian man billy sushi yeah billy sushi sushi restaurant opened up in 1994 by a white guy can you imagine if i just said that in the wikipedia for some reason why would it do that i'm saving it should know this is what i do i put him in my want to go on my goog map so then when i go back to any city and i have a bunch of those little green dots on my want to go do you go back to those dots all the time i or i recommend them too if somebody goes hey i'm going to this place what do you got so i've marked like like la like i've marked here in la like places that are people like oh you got to go try this if i haven't been yeah like look at all the green dots yeah that's smart those are the places that somebody goes hey i want to go to a spot in la because you think of the normal places you go to and i'm like oh you know you got to go to yeah and i'll draw i'll name drop a new place like we here there's a new place let's go i feel like i could give recommendations for any city but la oh i got i mean yeah yeah but i got some good la i got some new good la so i'll tell you what was good alba we just went to uh olfactory kitchen is pretty good little italian restaurant okay and uh okay oh campor oh my god you know about this you know about this campor no steak downtown yeah just a little bit of beef beef and beef fantastic shit though i gotta tell you fantastic i'll jot that down um but the recommendations i like because someone just texted me a friend just texted me he's like i'm in chicago and i was like i just give him the hit of the wanna goes yeah like you got to go to some of these go to these spots yeah all right you think you can do any city huh jacksonville go something with fish got it jacksonville jacksonville i would say chicago i like to go to all cheval all cheval is all right yeah small cheval is also nice what small as well all cheval is good okay yeah what's your favorite steak in chicago you like steak yeah yeah we go to all cheval uh i don't know bavette's bavette's fine you've been you've been doing this a lot longer than me i'm from chicago that also doesn't help yeah uh i'll tell you where not to go you know anywhere in memphis well you don't like what am i doing why am i isolating memphis i've done what happened in memphis we tanked what do you mean we just had a bad show what do you mean bad but stand-up show yeah you kidding me i don't see that ever happening for you ever memphis i can't possibly yeah we played graceland we ate it who's we me and robert e lee me and bobby lee and i gotta tell you the crowd didn't like it elvis was livid it was on his property elvis for one you guys fucking suck couldn't take it it's like get out of my face peanut butter boy peanut butter boy died on the toilet i would like to die on a toilet toilet such a weird well on your toilet on that bidet yeah hell yeah while it's still spraying you're dead your ass is just getting cleaned over and over the paramedics lift you off this is water spraying everywhere her ass is soaking wet what's a bad show to you i'm so curious we just didn't connect with the audience and i just feel like it was just not it the rhythm was wrong it also was a bad venue the venue was not good it felt like a what do you call it like uh yeah like conference room conference room that's what they are at a hotel it felt like that yeah oh yeah yeah and it was like the audience was really way far away i hate that it sucked it's not memphis it's not your fault memphis it's not memphis's fault you know what is your fault memphis is senseless killing because we fucking we heard gunshots we walked outside like it's crazy bad news down there scary be careful um on this tour of tours that you're doing right now how many cities do you have left uh like 15 ish take a break man what are you gonna do after that you're gonna take a little time for becky yeah a little bit liar like mid-december to mid january is that a little break what do you think is a good that's fucking christmas dude that's not that's not you didn't organize that god did if i asked for more they're gonna god did i had to beg to get just that god that's so what are you doing that's not that's not that's not that's not they keep asking for my next tour name and i'm like i don't have one who's your agent or what agency ca ca i'm calling those guys no they they know that yeah give them a call give me your agent's name i'll call matt blake who is it who is it give me the initials ca you can call matt ca christella alonzo she's your agent she's a comic she is no who wait who i can't think of it ca chris yeah longer chin christ christina christian amici christian amici and christian's calling you going come on we got to get more more more more more more more more more more more more more more shows more shows well i'm always like i want to take a break then i'm like wait a second i want to play oahu that is kind of tight yeah you're moving too much yeah but daddy's still proud of you you're killing you're killing it do you it's hard to go well you have a family at home it's hard to go back and forth between like getting comfortable on the road and getting back comfortable at home it can be for sure i mean i think if you i think you just set a schedule to make sure life happens when you get home so you're not home doing bullshit yeah you know then do you ever go like i need to stay in bed all day i don't think i'm gonna stay in bed all day kind of guy but i am a stay at the house kind of guy i'll go from the couch to yard to front room totally to to the basement um he got a basement no i don't but i was gonna make up something crazy i've been wanting to build a bunker don't do it the world is gonna end and be there for it yeah what are you gonna be the last one alive what a nightmare i love how people the doomsday brothers are like i want i want to be ready when it happens it's like and then you'll just be you and then you have to fuck your friend like oh yeah well that's kind of cool depends how cool your friend is is it one that i've been you know holding out for maybe that's good who is it tell us doomsday but a bunker is bunkers are chill though it's like it is just like a basement yeah but but but bunkers are for people that think the world is gonna end and the world will end but it's like why avoid it everyone's gonna be gone unless you can fit all the people that you love inside your doomsday bunker what a waste of time just go with the rest of us unless there's a mickey d's and a t-bell still open with full staff i don't want to be a part of it yeah mickey d's and a taco bell combo is that the one no because the combo is kfc taco bell those are the combos it's a good double dash mcdonald's doesn't do that mcdonald's says i don't need no there's standalone i know combo i know combo but but burger king did they do it what are the combos ran into some trying times they did yeah the whoppers week the whoppers week it just doesn't have i'll be the first to say whoppers week whoppers week it doesn't have the pizzazz of a fucking big mac it's not even close it's just not even close i wouldn't say it even has the pizzazz of a uh you're gonna say regular mcdonald's cheeseburger no the cheeseburger that's fallen off kfc taco bell pizza hut kfc taco bell and pizza hut under the same room i've never seen a trifecta because they're all owned by yum brands yum brands it's got to be a japanese brand it's got to be a japanese brand there's no doubt in my mind it's got to be a little guy that jumps taco bell yum brand i you know it i've seen it and i can feel it in my bones yum brand where are they from where is yum brand kfc taco bell pizza hut and they're never quite right when they're conjoined they're not they just can't put all the because you can't have a little bit of something in them and the chicken has a little bit of burrito and that's right dude you can't be the jack of all trades master of none what is it who owned yum brand um it's owned by a company known as yum china yum china i knew it i told you some fucking wild ass asian shit yum brand yum brand they use words that they think that we would use you know like you know i'm you know what i mean like if you ask someone yeah who doesn't speak english how american sounds like you know what i'm you ask someone yeah who doesn't speak english how american sounds like hello dude yeah you're like all right that's not i mean we do say it but yeah not all the time no right dude yeah right yum yum food yum food tummy style you're like no tummy style yeah tummy style um rebecca yeah um i appreciate you i love you i thank you so much for coming on this show it means the world uh to take time out of your day with your banana in the purse you you banana in the purse i've been running around was that a bit tell me that's a bit give me your show your grab your purse so the kids can see this is fucking embarrassing give me your purse real fast just give me this fucking thing give me this i like this bag satchel for the day it was a nice bag veronica beard just sent it thank you so much by the way v beard shout out to v beard v beard we're gonna play a game called what's in your purse new nanner unbelievable teeners nicotineers teeners well those i just took from your office yeah you can you can have anything you want from here you know i'll give you anything that you want on this god this is a fresh purse as of today makeup pouch airpods in the makeup pouch a little bit of advil a little bit of visine for the girl pouch another pouch pouch number two jesus christ dude wallet she's got a wall like george costanza look at the fucking size of that thing but she's got paper she's got endless money in here she's even got euros what else oh no these euros canadian oh canada oh canada the gooch wallet got her global entry card like a fucking dork if it's not already attached to your number you fucking nerd and a sag card you get discounts on the movie theater nerd fuck you look at the size of that get rid of it grow up your gum healthy gum healthy Gum, another, mince, good-smelling breath. You've always had good breath. Matt has got a cornucopia of pills in him. Really? Pepsid. She's Jewish. We've got hot burns. Shades, love a good pair of Ray-Bans. This is like the GQ What I Can't Live Without. Yet another two-pack of Lucy's running amok in her purse. Dude, the gums. You never want to. Wait, your parents are orthodontists, too. Go to the dentist. No, they're not. I thought you said that. Who did your teeth? No, they made me see this weird orthodontist. Oh, the weirdo. Who did your teeth? Cute dog. Oh, my God. Oh, so it's your bat phone. It's a backup. So why do you have two? In case I want to film something. Right. Well, you know, I use them as photo albums. Do you? Yeah. Double phone. Different phone numbers, charging bank, smart, hair clip. This is a bag I packed. Never use it just as of today. That's just today? Yeah. Jesus Christ. If it was another bag, there'd be a layer of zins on the bottom. So this is just a backup phone? Yeah. And there's no number attached, or it's working? It's on. You're not filming Get Ready With Me's before you do a show? Get Ready With Me. Get Ready With Me. I didn't need to perform at the Artheum. We saw the funniest. Get Ready With Me to go to Auschwitz. Do you remember that? That girl, she got in trouble? She did a Get Ready With Me before she went to the concentration camps. Oh, in all seriousness. Yeah, she was like an influencer. I love those parodies. I was like, oh, dude. What a sweetheart. Did she put makeup on? By the way, I don't even know how. Yeah, she did. She did such good Holocaust makeup. I don't even know how to fit this back in. This is what's so sad. Well, you wouldn't, you know? It's a woman's packing. That's it. And you're going to squish my fresh banana. Dentini. Here's the best part. Look at that. Banana handle. All right. Go see Becky on tour right now. Her website is, of course, BeckyRobinson.com. Not what I ain't. No, what is it? You do no prep for me. No. What is it? What's your fucking website? It's BeckyRobinsonTheGreat.com or EntitledHousewife.com. EntitledHousewife.com is phenomenal. I've preached that enough of how good I think that is. Go to BeckyRobinsonTheGreat.com, EntitledHousewife.com. Links are going to be in the description down below. Go see The Great. Very funny. So talented. And please see her special. It's going to be available October 24th. October 24th on your website. Yeah. Also, what's the link to? YouTube? Is that where the player is? No. No. It's like a private third party. Yeah. Yeah. So go to her website, BeckyRobinsonTheGreat.com. Go to EntitledHousewife.com and go watch that fucking special. Spread the word. Spread the love. And keep seeing her live because live is how she stays alive. We end the show the same way. Look at that camera. Say one word or one phrase to end the episode. One word. One word or one phrase. Bulbous. Can I fucking do it? We pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Gingers are hell no. Ginger. I like gingers.