Becky G: Cheating & People Pleasing

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her becky g welcome to call her daddy do i call you daddy or alex you can call me whatever you want i'll call you poppy okay i'm just kidding i will not i will not get upset about that um i have been so excited to talk to you i feel like you have had just such an incredible massive career i know you started at nine years old now your music has streamed over 28 billion times you've sold out tours you've received five latin grammy nominations you've been in this industry for almost two decades but i do still feel like there is so much to discover about you and so much of your story that hasn't fully been told so i've been really excited to talk to you about your music and i'm so excited to talk to you about your music and i'm so excited to talk to you about your music and i'm so excited to talk to you about your music and i'm so excited to talk to you about your music and i'm so excited to talk to you balance is impossible to sustain all the time it's just you have to recalibrate okay good answer what's the worst habit you have you know what it used to be biting my nails these are my actual nails y'all oh i do not buy my nails no more i am so bad at that and that's why i just do gel because i'm like okay who is the first celebrity that actually left you starstruck oh shit oh damn you know what's so crazy okay obviously you've probably had the same thing where it's like this is what we do right so you're like play cool play cool and you'll meet some people and they're so much more like human and chill than you thought they would be so you're actually not as like woo like oh my god you're actually like oh you're cool as fuck like we can have a conversation and i don't feel what i thought i was gonna feel in the best way not in a bad way but i would say when i did the oscars for the first time and i was doing the rehearsals on the stage i wasn't starstruck by the person themselves but the photo cards that they have of them you know how they have pictures of them yeah yeah yeah girl denzel washington i was like i've seen him in so many movies like why is it that i'm freaking out right now like he's gonna be right there when i'm when i'm singing like huh that actually is such a good answer too because it's not like denzel washington's like finding places to get paparazzi like mega super famous people that are obviously like so worthy of like kiss the ground they walk on you know they're so incredible no that's a good answer he's a legend yeah um okay what's the worst rumor you've ever seen about yourself online look i know ai is a touchy conversation these days um but i be seeing the craziest pictures of myself and they're fully crazy crazy has it ever been so bad i know what i'm gonna look like when i'm pregnant and she's giving cutesy like i'm i'm here for it dude that is that's getting scary it's scary what is the worst date you've ever been on um i remember still till this day it is i love food so like if you have me choose between you and food i'm gonna choose food because food's always been there for me you know um i remember it was so awkward and like me and this guy were like dating for some time too so it was like okay you're getting a little too comfortable and i don't like this um but it was something as simple as like the food came and i was like eating and i do happy dances and like i don't chew with my mouth open but i take big bites you know i want to get a little bit of everything on the plate and this homeboy has the choice of words to say you know it's not going anywhere right like okay i would be so livid no i remember and i'm like what the fuck you brought me to olive garden what did you think was gonna happen wait he okay so he brought unlimited unlimited breast sticks wait those bread sticks and the pasta they won't be there forever i know it's frozen technically but it's so good like it's the consistency it's just you know the fettuccine alfredo yeah wow the breadstick in it what was your reaction no i just remember i kept eating my food i was like you're just background noise right now like i'm now i'm gonna chew my mouth open i hope you don't like me break up with me right now you're like i'm gonna finish this and leave you but again i'm not leaving until i finish this meal yeah uh and it's unlimited soup and salad bitch so girl oh i would be livid okay what is your worst irrational fear worst irrational fear you know i had a feeling we'd get into like therapy talk eventually but like this is a little soon um i think just letting it's not really irrational i guess but just like letting the people i love down like yeah the people i love down is like letting them down is just it's a lot yeah yeah so let's get into therapy talk yes let's do it girl okay so take me back tell me about growing up in los angeles like what was your community like i mean um i'm a proud um inglewood native and i'm a proud chicana mexican american i'm one of 19 grandchildren on my mom's side and one of 15 on my dad's there's grandbabies or great grandbabies now so i'm a tia i have nieces and nephews um and my baby sister just had a baby too so the family just keeps growing so i grew up around a lot of community it as my grandma would say like mi pueblito like my little village like this was everything for us growing up so i feel like i grew up feeling supported and feeling like i was never truly alone even though obviously you go through things in life that sometimes you do feel lonely in um i always had like my tribe you had all these people yeah yeah and i would say inglewood you know it's a predominantly brown and black community um i grew up watching the airplanes take off from lax and land into lax and i would always wonder where are those planes going and where are they coming from you know and now like it's so crazy to fast forward to where my life is now and i'm still here i'm still in la i'm a proud angeleno um but i'm on the planes now and i get to see my my grandparents houses depending on which side of the plane i'm sitting on because if you know lax and you're a plane if you're on the right side you can see inglewood on the right side and if you're on the left side you can see hawthorne and that's kind of like the south bay like that's like where my my family is from it is so crazy that like no matter how successful you get and where your life takes you you still connect that younger version of yourself where like that little girl was like i want to be on one of those planes one day and like i want to see the world and now every time you're on a plane you're looking down being like oh my gosh i'm the girl on the plane now which is really sweet yeah um i do know that at nine years old you decided to start working to help support your family which is like that is really really young that's about like third grade did it feel like a choice at the time it did i think older me now looking back at it considering the circumstances there was definitely pressure external pressure um just from the the system i think around me to to step up in some kind of way but one thing i admire about little bex is that she was very much the driver of her life even if she wasn't she was convinced she was and i think this is a theme with like i'm the oldest of four kids i have two younger brothers and a little sister and you just always gotta know like even if i don't know i gotta know i gotta figure it out you know so um i very much knew what i was getting myself into i very much wanted to pursue this considering that no one else in my family had ever worked in the entertainment industry it was kind of out of the blue that all of a sudden because i saw random shirley temple you know uh multi uh vhs videos growing up but i was like oh she did it i can do it too you know or dakota fanning and um and so i i yeah i just i just did it and i think what's interesting is like having this passion that you were like i want to do this like no one told me to do this like i really wanted to do this but then inevitably especially i think in the entertainment industry because you're around so many adults like you are forced to grow up quickly in a way that no one can really prepare you for and like in what ways i guess did being praised for being i'm assuming getting called mature like a lot of young girls badge of honor yes like how did getting called mature and strong reinforce those traits as like the eldest daughter to like step up and to take everything on yourself i think it does feel very rewarding when you're young you're like oh i'm doing something good i'm doing something right um me today is like there's no such thing as good or bad or right or wrong there just is and i think i very much was just trying to survive the circumstances that i was living and when we lost our home which was kind of like the catalyst as well as uh and i talk about this in my documentary actually but um the addiction kind of playing a huge part in in the four walls that i was growing up with with my dad being an addict um we had nothing we found ourselves living in my grandparents converted garage it's six of us and you know there was no insulation uh we we did have carpet it was just rolled out on the ground though it's concrete on the other side it wasn't soft or plushy but it was carpet um and it was it wasn't tough though like you're a kid there's a bit of naiveness that i think was in my favor if that makes sense because i was like oh it's a big sleepover every single night like oh i'm sharing a bed with my baby sister like oh cuddles you know like it was never looked at as something that i was like ashamed of at least not yet because in that time you're so young you don't really know what's happening or you do you have an idea but you can't really do something about it you know so you're just you're just making with what you've got and like when you talk about how you know addiction in those four walls like when you look back like how long do you feel like you were in survival mode of like there's nothing i can really do i just gotta i just gotta get up every day and go do my thing i mean the truth is it's generational yeah it's generational and i i think when you and anybody i think who's probably tuning in knows if you you've grown up around addiction um it is there's something there it's it's not always just drugs it's not always just alcohol you know sometimes it's work um there's a an avoidance of type that fuels this this deeper wound and that is absolutely generational you know so this is before my parents this is before my my grandparents even um and i have a lot of empathy around that for sure but i i would say then the the moment i came out you know i had young high school sweetheart parents who who got married straight out and we're like we want to have a family and by the time my mom was 23 she had all four kids and i think what's so interesting when something is generational it's like it inevitably is so hard to not have it just be this like normalized understood thing that it actually takes someone going against the grain and making things like a little uncomfortable or calling things out to actually have it not continue to be this transgenerational trauma but that takes such an effort to break and so when you are such a young child how are you going to do anything other than like fall in line and play your role and then eventually when you have some more autonomy then you'll be able to look back and be like huh what would i have changed about that dynamic but until you have that there's nothing you can really do and i think something that could be really relatable to the audience watching is like it makes me think back to that word mature as a young girl like you shouldn't have to be mature at such a young age so when you are given that validation that makes you feel like you're in the inner circle of adults it's intoxicating but what it really is when you get older you look back you're like that's really fucking dangerous to tell a young woman like you're so mature you're so strong it's like but should i have had to be that mature and strong like did you ever feel like why am i carrying a lot of this weight like did when did that click for you because i'm assuming it did it absolutely did it manifested physically before it did uh with like full conscious awareness so a lot of my symptoms were uh full-blown panic attacks multiple a day um chronic people please I just the words no like the way my body would just like literally like contortion in a sense if I like really felt to know and I had to say it and then and most times I would fold and I'd be like okay well maybe not like because I'd see the reaction on the other side growing up in this industry longer than I've ever not been doing it it was like the perfect storm so it starts within the household right the four walls that I grew up in but then the conditioning that happens in the industry it's very rewarding when you start to gain success for being such a chronic people pleaser because you're like wow you love me you you choose me when I'm doing what you want me to do but what you're also though saying Becky is like you grew up in a place where you were people pleasing so like how many times did I have to say yes right so no wasn't yeah it wasn't really an option it didn't feel like it can you also talk about you mentioned earlier which I think so many people will relate to is also the added level of complexity of being the eldest daughter oh girl you want to get into birth order theories we can do that we can do all the attachment theories I I am definitely someone who I think in the beginning was like oh I'm just an empath like that just is you know like and and I am I am somebody who chooses to lead with um you know kindness and awareness around how someone is allowed to feel how they want to feel even if it doesn't align with where I'm at but that's like the progress part that I've gotten to if we rewind a few years ago yeah I was like oh I'm just I have to be a self-sacrificer I have to give up mine for the greater good I have to you know think logically and not about how I actually feel and I think a lot of first-borns feel that way but what's cool about learning about birth order theory because I'm the oldest of four and I will stand 10 toes down for my brothers and my sister I'm so thankful that they exist and they are my best friends um they didn't have it easy either you know so it's not that like firstborns have it the hardest but it's that we have a different version of our parents all of us do it's such a good point because I I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't have friends who are the oldest child and that is so in line with what they've said and then also I think any of my friends who are the oldest and had some instability in their home a lot of times we talk about how a parentified child develops such a high EQ because you're so hyper aware of every single person's emotions in your family and it almost forces you to be one step ahead of every situation so that you know like this is how I'll solve it this is how I'll handle it like this is going on with my parents like this is how I'm going to save my siblings is how I'm going to save myself this is how I'm going to fix this situation and you're constantly having to be ahead and thinking of everyone but yourself and it's hard to realize that everyone's emotions are not your responsibility yeah and i'm curious if you have any advice now as you've like clearly done a lot of work on yourself and lived a lot of life to anyone who is watching that has still that like weight or burden of being the oldest child and taking on so much responsibility yeah okay wait as you're saying this is literally making me think about there was a time where i oh my god it's gonna be really embarrassing to share i don't think i've ever shared this story but um i remember i was we were going through a lot as a family and i was like i was offered this opportunity to be a part of like this like disney holiday experience and i was gonna perform it was gonna be the coolest thing ever and i me my family we're from cali like we loved going to disneyland growing up and my baby sister had never been a disney world before so i was like oh my god like you know things are not so good at home i'm gonna take my baby sister to disney world this is gonna be amazing um i'm gonna do some work but we're gonna have a good time i do drinks around the world and epcot and have one too many and i wake up in my hotel room and i'm like wait the sun hasn't even gone down yet like what happened like i was in full panic mode palpitations like i'm sweating i'm looking at my sister and the moment i look at her i just start crying and i'm like i'm so sorry and my sister's like crying but she's like laughing she's like this is my baby sister guys and we're because we're going through so much at home i was like i wanted like take her to have a break from everything that we've been going through and then here i am getting all topsy-turvy upside down yeah but it sounds like becky it's because you needed a break you needed a complete breaking point and i'm over here crucifying myself right and i'm like i'm the worst sister on the planet like i can't believe i did this like i ruined the trip like i'm so sorry i'm like profusely apologizing to her i'm apologizing to my girls who are on the trip uh morgan who we were talking about earlier my stylist shout out to morgan um you know and so it was like a very small group of us and i i call them to the room and i like i'm like putting on this like you know confessional like apology of like why i did what i did and i'm explaining myself and they're literally looking at me like are you serious right now as they're still tipsy by the way right they're like girl they're like do you know what i have done blackout drunk and also like girl like you all of us are here because of you you you were looking at your sister being like i am going to give you the reprieve that you need me out it's like what we just talked about like hey actually seems like someone may need a little bit more me i needed it a little bit more and yeah and i was just like and i walked away from it being like wait and so it just led to a much more open conversation around other young women my age who were like wait don't do this to yourself like by the way you know that's like a thing right people go drinking around and it's like a challenge of like how far can you go and bitch you made it to frozen like you were like let it go let it go and we were like yes like let it go and you're in your head thinking you ruin everyone's time yeah and you're like oh my god i ruined this whole thing and it's like girl you why couldn't i just because of those people pleasing tendencies where you're like yes it's you're so hardwired essentially yeah ready for the worst case scenario ready to make sure that everyone else is comfortable and everyone's like becky go back to bed you're like oh yeah that's that's just like a good example like you know some people are just like girl i don't even remember what happened wasn't that so funny no i was like oh my god i don't even remember what happened like how did we get back like oh my god i put my baby sister in the worst position as if she's not also like a whole like grown-ass young woman herself you know and so it was just like one of those times where i was like yo i need to check in with myself and i need to like dive into this like why am i hanging myself up for something that should actually actually lead me to more curiosity yes like what is going on yeah and it's like what's so crazy because i have siblings too and i'm the youngest but it's like when you have dynamics with your siblings no matter how old you get you still kind of see each other in those four walls that you grew up in yeah and so when you are around your siblings my siblings and i have had some really beautiful conversations around like regressing almost when we're around each other because like i still feel like the baby and you still feel like my oldest sister and like there's so much history that you meet adults and you're a complete different person to these people that you're interacting with they don't see you as the oldest daughter they don't see you as someone who was trying to help provide for them so there's like so much ingrained in family dynamics that are so beautiful but also like they can be really big wounds that you have to like actively recognize and be like girl your baby sister is fine you took her to disneyland and she's a big enough adult that she could have managed herself you can't ruin the party continue like i stayed in the room i ate some chicken nuggets and i definitely was like i need to sober up and take a shower but the party continued with the vibes and the disney of it on everything was fine everything was totally fine by the way i was like is there pictures is there videos like did somebody catch me off guard and they were like no like you were so normal like you're so fine but i was going through so much panicking that i like completely shut off and like you know i think that that that is like a really good example of like just how far on the spectrum you can go of like codependency people pleasing like you don't give yourself any space and grace to just be a young 20 something year old figuring it out i was gonna say it also feels like from your upbringing like you really had to be in such control at all to be a part of the times because there was no plan b there was no safety net it's like you need to figure this out because there's no other option and um i know you had a complicated relationship with your father how did that dynamic influence just like decisions you made growing up as a child you know it's really interesting looking back at it now i think i had a lot of anger um anger wasn't an easy emotion for me to process obviously they say anger is sadness uh what is it sadness is a bodyguard and so my anger i would put towards my career i just thought that the more successful i became the more uh i made uh the less this would be an issue and if i became a better husband to my mother and i became a better father to my siblings then you know maybe he'll figure it out you can't do the work for someone else you know and i i wish yes of course you can't go back in time but i wish younger me had someone to to lean on and also hear that from because it is this like unspoken permission that you give yourself to say you know what not my problem it takes a long time to get it takes a lot and when it feels like the whole entire family system depends on you for that you're not going to and by the way every person who plays a part in that system feels the same way right so it's like i said it's this like unspoken thing but yeah it's definitely something that i wore for a really long time and there was a lot of avoidance with that um with my dad and i i just tried to out dad my dad that's how i became a big daddy you know how do you think like that essentially it sounds like yes anger and resentment towards your father like how do you think it impacted your view of like just like authoritative figures at a young age like did you respect male figures and adults were you scared of them i think it made me more vulnerable i didn't necessarily respect my dad and we've had many conversations about this um i had no respect for him and and the choices that he was making i still had love for him and so the care to want to continue to move things along for the sake of my siblings and their mental health and their emotional well-being that desperate need was was very much a part of my life and i think that's very much present but it made me vulnerable to looking to other men in the industry to be like the one who is gonna look out for me like big brother figures or other father figures and like these people are not your daddy they are not your big brother they are they can be healthy partners actually in business but if you put this like very young filter on it you are you're like wow no one's ever looked out for me or believed in me in that way and you you hold the keys to to to the the treasure box that i'm holding and i'm like i'm gonna look out for you and i'm gonna look out for you and i'm trying to unlock of of what's gonna get me to where it is that i i know i can get and so you are you absolutely are vulnerable to it but that was something that i needed to work through that wasn't anyone else's fault you know that point too and i bet so many women will relate to what you're talking about is like the feeling of never ending like you just said like i wanted to out dad my dad yeah that is like such a heavy thing to feel because you're you're never gonna be the dad of your family but you tried clearly and then that's gonna like linger yes into these male relationships where you're like can you play this one role that i needed in this role like what did out dadding your dad look like in your childhood for you yeah i mean i became the sole provider for my family by 16 years old girl Yeah. And it looked like being at, you know, peaks on charts and not having any health insurance. Because when you work in the entertainment industry, you know how that goes. Like, it's not, you don't, health insurance isn't built into a record deal. You know, like, these are things that, you know, I was able to provide for myself. But like, when it came to my family, I was like, my dad's losing his job, like my siblings got to get through school, tuitions have to get paid, like, and they deserve to get paid. They deserve to play sports if they want to, like, because they're good at it. And I have an escape. They deserve an escape, too. So it was like, I just needed to produce more than for myself, but for everyone else since, yeah, since my very, very early teen years. It's so much pressure to put on yourself. Yeah, it was. It was a lot. Was anyone there to support you? I think that people were there to support me in the best ways they knew how to. Yeah, I think my mom, oh my God, my mom is my girl. Like, my mom is somebody who, even when she didn't know what was going on, I think she had a good read on things. I remember it getting to a point where I had worked so hard to get far in my career. And optically, things were very successful. Behind closed doors, things were not very successful. And so I was just a single girl living on her own. Like, I'd be just fine. But I'm providing for my whole family. And, you know, it looks a lot different. And so I remember just kind of like, finally, like looking up and being like, wow, I'm still here. Like, I'm still here and not in a good way. Like, I haven't moved forward. Like, I'm still in the same neighborhood I grew up in. I'm still dealing with the same shit when it comes to like my parents and their marriage. I'm still carrying these weights. I'm still and I and I thought I, I reached like a milestone at that point that many my age hadn't even really reached. And I was still hung up on the fact that like, but we're still here. Like, you know, and and I think that my mom, when she's witnessing me in that moment, you know, it gets to a point where you're at a breaking point. You're like, I this pressure is unbearable. That like, I don't even want to exist anymore. And I remember my mom grabbing me by the face and telling me, you could choose to never pick up a microphone ever again. And I promise you, it's okay. Like, you you're good. We'll figure it out. We've always figured it out. Like, it's not on you. This isn't on you. And she took that off of me. Were you able to fully hear that, though? Like, could you believe it? I did not receive it. Girl, that's a whole other thing. Was I willing to receive it? No. Because again, the system isn't it's subconscious. It's not. I don't think our parents go through life saying I want to cause our kids harm. I don't think our grandparents do that, saying I want to cause my kids harm. You know, these are just things that systemically exist, you know. And so when I say it's generational, like it's generational. And so I'm like, yeah, but somebody's got to do it. Because if I don't, who else will? And that was the voice that kept me going for a really long time. Until I ended up in therapy. And I was like, yeah, I can't. This isn't sustainable. I feel like so much of our dynamic with our parents shapes the partners we choose and how we show up in relationships. Like, looking back, how do you think your upbringing influenced the relationships that you were drawn to? Oh, tremendous. Tremendously. Tremendously. I think the first time we ever experienced love is through our parents' eyes. You know, and it's yes, of course, in the way they love us, but also in the way they love each other. And I think I grew up in a culture. I mean, it's gonna sound funny, but it's like very ride or die. And like me today is like, if I ride, why do I gotta die? Like, why do we gotta die? Where are we going? I want to know. Like, if I'm riding, there's some, there's some conditions here. There's some boundaries that I'd like to put in place, you know? But it was very much this, like, my grandma would say this phrase to my mom with my dad in regards to their marriage. Like, ponte las guantes, mija. Like, put your gloves on. Like, you're gonna fight for your marriage. And I remember being young and being like, well, that's very one-sided. Like, shouldn't it be both sides? Like, shouldn't it be? But you can only meet people as deep as they've met themselves. And I think my mom had a very profound way of loving. And my dad did, too, but it just looked very differently. You know, it looked very different. I know you grew up in a household where one of your parents cheated. And then in your documentary, you opened up about being betrayed by your partner. How did you decide to share that with the world? You know, I remember going into that process with the documentary in particularly, and there being conversations about, are you going to talk about this, you know, very public conversation? Are you not going to talk about it? And I was like, well, we're going to talk about it. We have to. To me, I've always believed like half the truth is still a lie. And there was conversations about like, well, I just wouldn't even mention it. Like some people don't even know what happened. Like some people don't even even are looking for it. And I'm like, yeah, but how can I have been in a relationship with someone for so many years and do a body of work, you know, that's supposed to really capture where I am? And this time in my life and also my history and control, I'll delete and pretend that this person never existed, you know, and I was in many relationships, but particularly in a long-term relationship since I was 19 years old. And I know that there's like things online about like the 19 theory. Like, you know, when you go, I think anybody who gets into a serious relationship at a young age, isn't conscious of the fact that you are going to shed and you are going to go through seasons. And that doesn't, stop necessarily. But in your younger adult years, I think I had a very strong sense of self based off of old programming. And when I went through this very public situation with my partner, it was like this, like awakening. It was this like moment of like, oh, there's a massive misalignment in who I thought I was. And who I actually am. And I think that that happens a lot for people who grow up in family systems where it's like, you can see it on someone else. So easy to judge someone else and say, Oh, my God, like, don't you see it? You know, and then you can find yourself on the other side of that table the next day and be like, wait, hold on. Not everything is what it seems. And also, I am not my mother, and he is not my father. And so there's also the possibility that there's an opportunity here for there to be some healing, whether together or not. An opportunity, though, nonetheless, to really practice what it is to be the person that I know I want to be in this world, versus who I thought I was. Right. And that's like going so far back into again, the conditioning of the chronic people pleasing and like, wanting to just say yes, and wanting to be like, sweep it under the rug and keep it moving, you know? Yeah. And even like, I appreciate you saying that, because I think having had like, you just like we're talking about, like watching your father cheat on your mother and being like, okay, I have a documentary moment where I have something playing out in my life that to me at face value could look like I'm reliving what happened to my parents. But now I need to assess it and be like, I can't let my my shit from my past influence. Like, what is how I feel right now with this partner? And what do I want to do? Like, do you mind talking about just like, when you found out like, how did it affect you? Because you're obviously in such a more healed place now. But like, I've been there. I have been there girl where like, I stayed with someone who cheated and I wanted to stay but I was so complicated because those decisions are like, people are judging you don't know how to react. Like, how did you handle all this? In the moment, I think also you saying like you wanting to stay, it's interesting, because your want isn't enough. Like you can want it so bad, but that's just not enough. You know, and I think that understanding where that want comes from is also really important. Because if you're just doing it to want to prove other people wrong, then you're just doing it for others. And that's not a good place, you know, to come from. And it's interesting, because well, I've first off, I've for the safe space to be able to talk about it because some of the stuff that i was challenged with um there's a private heartbreak that's taking place and then there's a public heartbreak that's taking place and both are extremely painful but what was i think the hardest part for me to navigate through was giving myself that space and grace to make that decision for myself um and that was one of those moments where it was an opportunity for me to heal and look inward as to okay whether it's this person or another person that i get into a relationship with i'm capable of still making these same decisions so this is more than just like a well let me be the barbie that everybody wants me to be and play uh cupid with all of these cute guys in the industry that everybody wants me to be with and because my life is supposed to be entertainment for other people or um let me um you know really listen to what other people's uh perception is on what an empowered woman is um you know this very binary thinking right i wanted to go there i really did oh man the therapy sessions that i had of this like very black and white space that i was existing in it's like you know and and it was very clear to me that it was a space where i needed to decide for myself but that's so hard becky because like i i think we all know like there especially because you were handling it in the public and private like you just said there is such a loud narrative especially for women of like if you stay you don't respect yourself if you stay you're weak and like what what is your take on that assumption and how did you manage to like block that out and be like what do i want it's interesting you say that there's a a quote that esther perel who i know you've even spoken you have the biggest girl crush on her she's amazing i remember hearing something along the lines of like you know back in the days women used to be shamed for leaving it was just a mistake how could you leave how could you throw it all away you know he can change and then now it's like the opposite now it's like if you stay you're a dumb bitch you you're a dumb bitch you so stupid i cannot believe her oh my god i could never i could never and it's like the girls who would say i could never like i actually love that for you i love that that's where you started that that was your ground zero that was not my ground zero my ground zero was people pleasing self-sacrificing doing what other people wanted me to do forgetting that i mattered in that equation and this was an opportunity in my life to unlock and go inward and make this about me which was so uncomfortable you know it's really really uncomfortable to go inward and say wait this is about me and what i want and if you know me you're not going to be able to do that because you're not going to be able to do that because you know that i do not make decisions passively and it was so hard to shut out the noise and the insiders say she didn't she didn't even say anything they just swept it under the rug and kept it moving like no i called off my engagement i took off my ring like there are things here that took place behind closed doors privately between me and this person who i love and care for deeply who i've been betrayed by and we could go into the spectrum of betrayal because it looks different for everybody but the thing about betrayal is it doesn't just make you not trust the other person you don't trust yourself anymore and so that was like this ain't even about you anymore this isn't even about them anymore this is about me and there was something so empowering about that process to say no i come first this is about me what do i want and there has to be alignment with me and there has to be alignment with me and there has to be alignment with the person on the other side like i said earlier like the want isn't enough the love isn't enough like it love is it's a beautiful thing to experience for someone but i mean considering everything i went through with my family like i i walked away from my dad like it wasn't something that i wasn't willing to do and so i think the misalignment from how from a public perspective how it was so uh and i'm not really like a controversial person you know maybe getting getting blackout drunk in disney world is probably the most controversial thing i've done so it was so unfamiliar for me to kind of like wear this like uh i don't know this thing that was projected onto me that i am like not an empowered woman that i'm a contradiction about what i sing about and it's like no those feelings are real what i sing about is real like those there's so much more nuance to emotions like you're putting me in a box and everything i've ever worked for is now being squeezed into this tiny like i'm put to be this small all of a sudden and it's like everything else i had ever worked on didn't matter anymore and like of course i was you think i was mad at everybody the world i was mad at him too i was like come on why do i got to be put in this position you know it's so hard it's like almost like when someone experiences it with their friends and family not wanting them to go back like imagining that heightened to the hundredth degree where the world is like what are you doing what are you doing and then putting the world aside for a second because i think this can be really relatable because again i went through it like how did you navigate the emotions of feeling so hurt but loving someone so much i think that emotions aren't forever they're temporary they come and they go i can't make life decisions based off of other people's emotions in my comment section you know i think when you are a person on a platform or of some type of celebrity uh and fame you are a bit of like a mirror to other people sometimes and they think they're seeing you but really what they're seeing is themselves and so maybe they've gone through something and that's why when when a girl stands on her i could never i'm like girl from this point on i could never trust me when i say i just had to get there like i said their zero was that mine had to be learned experienced felt stressed um and and really like worked on with real professional intervention before i could make that decision and that was that that's what was really i guess um important to me when it came to the documentary and like talking about it i was you know some people are like it's very unresolved like are they together are they not and i was like well that that's what it was it's three years ago and it was unresolved we didn't know what was we were gonna we were committed to working on it and we were committed to figuring it out because when you spend that much time with someone it's not that you want to forgive and forget you almost have to remember you have to remember what you come from and the hurt that's been caused to know that you don't want to be capable of ever doing that to someone else ever again and i got to experience that and i did there were close people to me with enough i think discernment to know that people who don't know me don't should not have a say in what i do with my life um but there was people in my close circle who were protective of me of course who were just as hurt and and upset about what happened but also just as curious and also just as um supportive of the figuring it out because if if this was gonna end it was gonna end amicably it was gonna end with clarity and with real resolution and with respect because that's that's what i deserve you know and if it's gonna end with that i'm not gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like because what was can no longer be anymore and i know that there's a lot of things with like betrayal you know in relationships any type of betrayal trauma in general it's like it'll never be the same again but maybe that's the point you know yeah it's such a it is such a great point can i ask are you still together girl yes yes okay so can we talk about like one how does it feel right now just like talking about this for the first time i got butterflies well i'm happy for you because i remember in the days weeks and like month following when this happened to me um when this happens like your your reality is so shattered because like you said you don't trust yourself you don't trust him you're like wait what what what just happened i'm really struggling to understand how we got here how did you stabilize your reality and what question did you need to start asking yourself that you're kind of referring to that got you to the place where you knew you wanted to move forward i think removing myself from the relationship yeah and in a way that was um about not just like self-preservation obviously like i was distraught and and broken in a lot of ways but i think it was more like removing myself from the context of anyone i've ever had to be something too so it was much deeper like what came from this revelation wasn't just like my romance relationship with this particular person it's like every romantic relationship i've ever been in uh every family relationship i've ever had every business girl every business relationship i've ever had how how many dynamics have i been in where this version of myself has been in the driver's and and really taking the time to evaluate it feel it understand it and then come to a place where then my needs my wants are a lot more clear and then getting to you know uh what is it called like conscious uncoupling you know like conscious uncoupling to then be like this is the new baseline is there still alignment and where it is that we see ourselves you know and that was really empowering not just for me i think for the for the both of us but um but especially for me like getting to a place where i was like oh no like i'm allowed to change i'm allowed to evolve and i'm allowed to exist in this so much differently and if i'm capable of changing i'm allowed to evolve i'm capable of doing it what actions are you doing that proves that you are committed to the same thing and that takes time like that doesn't happen in weeks that doesn't even happen in months like this happens with continued effort and experiences and willingness and and it's it's that commitment to being different on both sides i'd say that really is what unlocks the the healing of it all how did you start to rebuild trust and like how did he meet you there because i think it it really can't just yes be on the person who was the person who strayed like you also like you're saying have to take up accountability to also be like i'm not going to hold this over your head i am choosing to move forward like what did rebuilding that trust look like for both of you i think you just know i think it's just it's so it is uh i remember you being like okay well i can't trust my gut because my gut has led me into some funny places right if i'm always going based off of survival mode so like really um i don't think over analyzing it but really being honest with yourself at what part is coming up like i did in in individual therapy and family therapy and couples therapy like i do a lot of parts work and it's so helpful for me because it makes me understand that i'm not just this version of myself right now i'm every version and this one and will be many more you know so like that grace that we were talking about before was something that i felt like i needed to take my time with and so it was just it was just me i was really like learning to give myself the space and empowering myself with the experiences with professional intervention especially to be able to to feel good about this decision because like i said i think that whole like it'll never be the same again like something about that was actually exciting like oh there can be something new and it's like oh i'm not the same version of myself that i was when i was 19 when you first met me you're not the same person that you were at 22 when i first met you like we are very or 23 i have very different versions of ourselves today you know and and so i don't know it's just this like earned wisdom i guess you can say that kind of is the guide in that and i think what's so interesting about this is that it's not so powerful what you're talking about and very relatable is how you're talking about it's not just you as becky at this age going through this with your partner it's still like i we talked about the beginning of this is like the younger you watching your dad cheat on your mom and watching your mom with like the boxing glove analogy and being like why do i gotta die like why do i gotta ride or die like what if we can have these honest conversations to go back a childhood how did you really really have to consciously work to be like my emotions right now are about my partner in this or are my emotions right now about what my father did to my mother and how am i going to try to that awareness was very evident to me from the from the from the beginning i think um at least in this season of my life when when this took place and so yeah i knew i couldn't trust myself in that moment to make any decision it was like it was again very binary in my thinking it was like you're either fuck yes or absolutely not and it was like i'm gonna end up in the same situation if not here with someone else and i need to take this time to figure out why like why what is the why i remember i think it's in your documentary you kind of talk about how your dad wasn't like entirely secretive about his infidelity with you and it put you in some really different difficult situations like how when you look back at your younger self do you think those moments impacted you as a little girl yeah it of course it impacts you i think it definitely leaves an impression of like oh so that just happens and like younger me teenage me out working my dad being a better husband being a better father really standing on my i could never it's different when you end up in your own situations you know and like i said it wasn't just this particular relationship it was like every relationship i had ever been in was a dynamic of me hoping that things would be different and masking this like subconsciousness of passiveness around this to stay or to leave is anyone's choice to make you know for themselves and i made my choice and i i made it from parts of me that i like i said really worked on and earned to feel good about that decision but i also can see all the other sides now you know and i it's it's really a relief to be able to talk about it because i know that there's so many people who don't know me fans who are very supportive and very loving um you know who who saw me kind of going through this from an outside lens not knowing the details not knowing everything that actually happened not knowing that what you see is not always what it is um and and i feel like for them to know like it wasn't something that was done passively and it wasn't something that wasn't done taking everything into consideration um it's not that it was important to me for validation but it was important for me in the sense of standing up for myself you know absolutely and i also just to like reiterate what you're saying i think it's so i can even feel it from you i'm also happy you're talking about it because i can imagine even if you don't give a shit about what the calling you weak or whatever and you're like there's so much that you don't owe people to tell them the amount of work you were doing behind the scenes but what i what i would assume is like this is one of the most amazing parts of your life now that you've worked through it and this is someone you genuinely love and so to not be able to like feel fully like you can celebrate it because there has been this stigma like i hope this now allows you to just like release that and know that like there shouldn't be judgment around this and you shouldn't have had to explain this but now that you do i can imagine there are so many women listening being like okay like how many of us have stayed and it did work out and that's beautiful and if you didn't that's beautiful for you but we can't judge anyone's situation right yeah without really knowing it's interesting you say i appreciate all of that i will say going back to like the peace that i feel i don't think it's that i was waiting at all for anybody i think it was more just feeling like i wanted to catch people up to speed on my time instead of on other people's time like going back to the pressure cooker like i also wasn't hiding like we go to the grocery store together we you know like we have good times together we are closest friends and family you know know what it is and that's really all that matters to me but i think um but it's that peace you know the the difference between secrecy and privacy was unclear to me at a young age growing up in the internet like i got discovered at 14 years old making covers on youtube so i thought like what i eat for breakfast everybody should know when i take a shit on the toilet hey y'all guess what i'm doing sitting on the toilet you know like all that era of like real-time posting like i don't know it's my relationship with it is so different and has definitely um in in a more evolved way matured um that feels right size to the version of me that i am today which is i don't have it all figured out i am absolutely not perfect but do i feel empowered yes because empowerment as a woman isn't being perfect it's living in your truth and standing in your truth and owning that there is a spectrum an array of experiences and emotions and opportunities that are gonna be taking place in this lifetime and if i'm not fully present for it that's where i'm really cutting myself short and so to be fully present in this moment with you talking about what it's taken to get here you know from the beginning up until this point is yeah it feels really good and feels really liberating it's it's kind of what's been inspiring everything i've been working on so it's amazing because you can see how also passionate you are about this current era i guess essentially you're in yeah can you see yourself getting married can i see absolutely girl okay yeah i would love to i'm like reaper balls to me why not propose to me every year why not i love it i've seen there was actually this really cute tiktok trend about this woman who is uh sharing that and i thought it was adorable but yeah i guess it's each their own you know i think something that's so incredible about you is like you're so positive and i think that when people are faced with really difficult situations in their life not this specifically but just like everything we're talking about there's kind of a choice you have to make it's either going to define you or you're going to take it and you're going to grow from it how have you managed to reframe challenges in your life and be so positive can i just say this i can say the same about you no i i actually think um like ptg post-traumatic growth is a choice and um i do think that there is a shift in mentality that happened for me where it i don't want to be a victim of anything i want to be a survivor of things and also we deserve so much more than just to survive life but to actually thrive in it and that is also available to us too and so i can change my mind today and that's okay and i can you know embrace different versions of myself that thought they knew what was best and not shame them or judge them um and same for future versions of myself like i can build her up and i can be her greatest champion because i know she's waiting for me like a relay like this is this shit's a marathon girl and we are all running it with ourselves and we just got to keep going but constantly of course with connecting with ourselves understanding like what is it actually going to take of me what is it going to cost me because when i say yes to something i'm also saying no to something else and if i'm saying no to something that actually means more to me like i should take time to understand that you know um and so with everything that's been taking place with my growth now being kind of the source of inspiration um the phoenix that i feel that i am rising from the ashes of of so much that i had to overcome in my younger years i just feel like i know it sounds funny and we talk about being a bad bitch but like man like it feels really good to know like i've always she's always been there this isn't like a new era this isn't like this is just an expansion of who i am you know like i'm just evolving and i think it's so inspiring and i think it's so inspiring and i think it's so inspiring for people listening because like i can assure everyone that you and i have both sat in moments in our life where it has felt like the lowest and it has felt so horrible and the positive you can tell yourself when you are going through the toughest times is knowing all of this is going to make you stronger and then you will sit here one day like becky g being like girl i feel like a bad bitch i feel confident and it's like because the amount of things that try to chip at your confidence and your self-esteem if you do not become a victim of those circumstances and you actually use it as power and strength you end up just being like oh i am unstoppable as corny as it sounds like i think for women it's important to hear because it is such a fucking hard ride that all of us in our own journeys have to ride but when you start to kind of reshift that mentality it doesn't happen overnight but at some point you're like am i gonna just keep getting fucking knocked down and be like this is so depressing this person did this to me i hate that or you can actually change your entire life if you just reframe the way you look at things and it is a lot easier said than done uh my advice would be to feel it like shit is still shit you could put perfume on it you could put a bow on it you could put sprinkles on it bedazzle it it's still shit let the shit be shit it's a shitty situation like give yourself permission to feel it because once you can allow yourself emotions are energy emotion i am so let it go through you let the shit be the shit shit be shit and remember you're always deep down inside you are that bitch like you really are and she's just gotta like we forget like i think we live in such a hustle culture where it's like we're like proud to be like i'm burnt out like oh my god i haven't slept like don't be proud of that mama like rest recover like prioritize like your your well-being like you're not gonna be like you're not gonna be like these are things that like of course i had to learn but like i i definitely hold so much grace for the past versions of myself that had led me to this version because i'm just like damn like we really are out here functioning thinking that like it's just gonna move on and it's like this too shall pass is something that i've lived by um for sure but i think that you know life will keep meeting you with the same lessons until you actually listen and learn it and you you can think oh you know different job or different person or a different environment like i move my life across the world you will continue to attract the same things if you don't level up your frequency and nurture yourself and put yourself first girl yeah we all needed that yeah I want to also talk about how that kind of becomes then applicable to the industry you're in with regard to women um it's no secret that the world is set up to make us feel like there's only space for one woman in the room and i think in your specific situation the media constantly tries to pit you and other artists against each other how have you navigated this throughout your career i think we are realizing that i always say juntas somos mas together we are so much more and i've been blessed that in my career i've been able to lead with that mentality and there were situations growing up in this industry whether it was on in the english market or in the spanish market which now i'm just like i'm spanglish speaking i i'm no english no spanish i just am who i am but um specifically in the earlier years where it was very separate that programming was still the same like deeply rooted in the media and in the industry systems and it was interesting going into like spanish music because it was the most empowered i ever felt as a young woman in my artistry but it was the most macho world that i could be involved in and there was very few of us at the time and it was like an iconic like few of us you know that we're doing it like um in the mainstream way and i look back at it and it's like the fact that radio or playlisting had the audacity to be like we can only have one female in rotation and i'm like so you're gonna say that to me carol g nati natasha anita like who are all global superstars in their own right today but was carol g from colombia anita from brazil you know becky g coming from la nati natasha coming from you know the dominican republic like that's what we're that's what we were dealing with we were dealing with being on you know radio show um radio shows like festivals and stuff and you know you're toe-to-toe like it was so cool to be a part i i to me my experience and it was really great because there was a lot of synergy with where we wanted to come together but um you know we're toe-to-toe with our boys like on the charts and we're like haha you know we're all gang gang and they're just as supportive of us but we're looking at their shows like well they've got 20 dancers and crazy scaffolding and amazing lighting programming and i'm here with four dancers and my dj who's my cousin who's been with me since day one and we are very limited because what we're getting compared to what our male counterparts are getting looks very different and instead of being like why don't we get what they get it was like all right we're gonna work together so um we're gonna get the same makeup artist i'm gonna get the early shift and i'm gonna get the later shift or swap swap skis on the next show and i'll get her flights and you book her hotel and then you know angie right angie angie was our girl angie she's that girl love her ever angie shout out she has the best shout out angie mark um so angie would come with us and she'd be glamming all the girls and we'd all be like pitching in and it'd be like we all look amazing we all have the beat that we wanted we all have like the the styling and everything because we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same we all have to be the same backstage and it was this like iron sharpens iron like it's not personal it's not me versus you it's us versus the system and damn it was so powerful like we made history together all the female collaborations that i've ever put together have done incredible things like history making numbers and that make brings me so much pride because it's so much more than a hit song like hit songs happen every single fucking day i saw something bigger the amount of times somebody would tell me if you think it's such a hit why would you share it with somebody else like why why do you want to do this with them and because it's them and i'm me and us together is we which is massive like i needed to see that as a little girl so i don't know i guess for me it's not really like how do we prove to other people that we're deserving and worthy no we know we're deserving we know we're worthy y'all better catch up or get out the way and how incredible because no i i don't think a lot of us knew that story i think it's pretty again rare because the system is set up for women to feel so competitive with each other the fact that you four women looked at each other and you were like let's all go in on this together to basically support help further all of our careers that is such a powerful thing to do and i think it's so important that we're able to do that and i think it's so important that we're able to do that and i think it's so important that we're able to do that that is such a testament to an exact example of how we actually can all further push a bunch of us up the hill instead of one person and that's just how i move like and and i and i hope it does inspire more people you know i do think that it's unfortunate that we are still having the one seat at the table conversation but like look around other tables are being built and you can build your own and it doesn't have to be what it was it can be something new going back to like that radical change that we're in right now i think it's so important that we're able to do that and it doesn't have to be what it was it can be something new going back to like that radical change that we're in right now i think it's so important that we're in right now you can change your mind you know you can you have the power to do so amazing can we talk about your new music yes you have a new single marathon and you look so good in this music video i was mesmerized i'm like we really wait what did you think i need to know it's so like i was literally this is me i'm sitting at my kitchen table when i was watching i was literally like this the outfits the glam the styling the dancers the whole thing i'm like you're you're amazing you're incredible thank you and you're so talented but like what can you tell us about it like how did this come together how did this song come together what does it mean to you it was just like this divine alignment i don't know how else to explain it other than that like it was just this like taking my power back and when i did marathon i was like this just really encompasses exactly where i am exactly where i am and exactly where my audience is because the alignment of what's happening with shower and marathon like a decade and plus and i have you know the comment section saying this is my middle school song and my favorite my freshman year this i was like technically mine too we all grew up together we all have been out here pushing forward like doing what we do doing the best that we can and the fact that there's this synergy of just like and we're gonna keep going it's just i don't know it it feels so special well and it is such it's such a good song where you're like i like want to like get ready to this when i'm going out with my girlfriends i want to listen to this like when i'm alone in the car and i need a little like confidence like it has all of those things that you want in a song but it's also so clearly your style like it's it's just so right and i'm so happy for you like it's such an it's really incredible like i'm obsessed so much that makes me so happy what went into the writing process yeah so i would say the whole process from like beginning to end including like music video and uh even like playing it for fans uh before its actual release was like so interesting um and how like there was just a lot of things that were just like oh this is meant to be oh this is meant to be can you feel it when you have you can see i really do think i know this there has been moments where i'm like you know i don't think you really know like you don't really know what's gonna happen i there have been moments where i'm like oh this feels so good this feels so right i don't even really care what happens after this yeah it's just so right like this is just oh it feels great um and to get to that in my artistry at this phase of my career having been through so much it's like so beautiful and such a blessing to be able to feel that and know that that's possible um but from beginning to finish it was like it was just a good time like everything that i've made in this season is like even if we're crying we're crying in the club girl like we are you know like it's a vibe it's it's meant to bring joy and that was important to me because everything that is happening right now like around us is not like there it's not giving joy like it's not it's not giving joy it's been giving pressure it's been giving hate it's been giving so much negativity and to be in a position of privilege as an artist earned privilege to get to be in a position of privilege as an artist earned privilege to get into a space where i feel safe enough to lean into my individuality my empowerment my like just this liberation i was like i need to put this into a song so that i can microdose it to my fans so that if they are going through something like they listen to this song they know they can shake their ass and they deserve to shake their ass like they deserve this moment right now for themselves it's and marathon is like that's like i you gotta have the hype girl you gotta be your own biggest hype girl before we go in your documentary you said becky g came to save rebecca what relationship do you feel like becky g and rebecca have today oh man i did say that huh i would say that look i've been blessed to collaborate with so many amazing artists in in my career but i feel like this is my greatest collaboration yet me with myself yeah it's been beautiful to know that like becky g the boss the person who says it how it is who goes on stage and doesn't second guess herself she's very much real and rebecca who is this more vulnerable more passionate um more intimate more sensual side of myself is also a star in what i've been doing lately so it's just like yeah i'd say they're like the best collaborators now yeah i think it is such a beautiful message to anyone watching of like your circumstances growing up don't need to define you but you can use them as your greatest strengths and now the fact that you make music for people and like even you saying like i do this for my fans i want them if you're having a bad day you can listen to my music like you're still doing what you did at a young age but now in the capacity like you said where it is like genuinely something you want to do you don't have to do it and that's incredible and i just so much i'm a fan i'm i'm truly like so inspired by you and like i can't thank you enough for your time and for sharing so much about you your life today no i can i can say the same the feeling is absolutely mutual it's funny one thing i did think about before coming into this is uh what i admire most about you is that you really are a facilitator for a safe space and so when it comes to like you know we want to keep things uh light as a feather today like let's just talk about the fit girl like let's just talk about your outfit that's totally fine and if we want to go as deep as the ocean like i'm right here with you let's talk therapy let's go there and if you want to go as deep as the ocean like i'm right here and i think that that uh that is something that obviously for someone in my position uh is is just such a blessing because ultimately anybody who's listening to this like we're all just human beings we're all looking for quality connection in life and there is no difference between me you and whoever the hell's listening to this in their car at home with their home girls or all alone like we're just we deserve yeah we deserve that no this is the girl talk we needed becky g thank you so much you