Bald Bryan (Carolla Classics)

[Music] Welcome to Cruel Classics, I'm your host, Superfan G of Onig. This is the podcast where we put the best moments highlights and fans like to clip small 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. If you look at gain access to the ad-free archives of the Adam Corolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the newer podcast, beat it out. Make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack at Adamcorolla.substack.com. Sign up, listen ad-free. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us at [email protected]. All right, let's get to the clips. So as announced yesterday, Christie shared the unfortunate update that Brian took a turn for the worst while getting treatment. It seemed like he was going to come out of this one again, and he's now non-responsive. We're going to continue to highlight some of the best moments in the evolution of Brian throughout the history of the Adam Corolla show podcast. Come to first day, we have Adam Corolla show 2.25. This one's just Adam and Brian. Brian given an update on his life and his health. Hope you guys enjoy it. Hello, and welcome to Pluto foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. We're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch anchor man, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean girls. Side up. Time in. I'm the key in the world. And so much more for showtime. Express nothing. They're free 24/7. That is so fast. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. And we're doing another day in date show. It is the 16th of December. In case you thought I was a liar, Paul Bryan sitting in. Well, Paul Bryan usually sits in, but this time he's sitting in with the news. Yeah, I'll be getting known for two today. Yeah, Teresa Strosser is, I don't know where, but wherever it is, it's somewhere that's important. She's in a better place. Yeah. So, uh, so Bryan, now Bryan, how you feeling? Feeling good. Feeling good doing therapy four days a week and chug around alone. It's getting better a little bit every day. You know, it's not a dramatic room in the day-to-day, but it's a little bit every day. Your speech is improved. At least 60 percent. Good. That's really good news. I can tell because people laugh me of what a lot less. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they get that sort of, the glaze over look and they're kind of like, you know, I'm like, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm like, we don't do that as much. I do the two watts. Two watts is my limit. And then the third thing comes in the form of a laugh and a point. Sure. So, if I talk to somebody I can't understand, whether it's a language, you know, in LA, you pretty much have, well, in LA, it's an issue because, um, you have people that don't speak English. Right. And they, they abound. And, you know, here's the whole thing. If you don't believe me, come out to Los Angeles. Oh, do it from the safety and comfort of your own home. Just dial a 818 prefix for a 213 prefix and see what crazy language answers to phone. But as I've said many times, that's one of the indicators it's time to move. When the last six times you've rediled or misdiled, you've gotten somebody who you couldn't understand on the other, the other end of it. It's usually decent, uh, it's about time to head to Oregon. So what I do, now LA, LA has crazy, LA has tons of Mexicans. Right. And then they just have tons of crazy nationalities. Yeah, never pockets. Yeah, like the, the, the, the, I mean, I think, Donnie, check on this. But I think that you can probably take the driver's test in Los Angeles in like 165 languages. Oh, yeah. Which is another, another good sign. I know I sound like a xenophobic here. That will work. And it's like the DMV, all of the different languages. Yeah, when you go to a new town, when you're looking for a new town to move in, just walk in and go, um, how many languages do you do your, your drivers test in? And if they go English, oh, in German, you go, all right, I'm setting up shop here. Because not only is it just to language is, but, uh, one of them kicks ass on the road. And then they got an awesome much more fast. That's a, that's a fast-moving, schnitzel-driven town. If they do what LA does, which is, oh, we have 330 different, different languages, probably not a good thing. Now LA, you don't understand, half the people you don't understand. And then you also have to understand the other half of the people are possibly homeless, drunk or insane. Yes, I saw the man's naked ass hanging out of his pants today. Oh, you did? If he wasn't homeless, it would be the mayor. Oh, really? If he wasn't, yeah, he wasn't homeless. So, so when you speak to people in Los Angeles, there's a very good chance you're not going to understand them. Yes. In which case, I do my first sort of, uh, how's it going? And they give the, uh, you know, and I go, uh, pardon me. And they go, uh, and then I do a second. Uh, pardon me. And they go, and the third one, I always laugh and point. Yeah. Yeah. For two months. Yeah, that's it. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Drafts. Yeah, yeah. Telling you, Mike, find out how many languages the, uh, the driver's test can be taken in in Los Angeles. And again, one of the signs. Now, not because I hate the cultures that the other languages are written up in. It helps. It just means you live in a very disjointed culture. Yes. There really is a wall of pamphlets in any given, well, the right DMV. You go to the right DMV, you see a wall of pamphlets on every language is broken out by different parts of the world. Yes. And it'd be nice if it was, in fact, a melting pot. But it's more like different colored Legos. People don't really meld into one. You have a sort of career town. You know, the thing with the mismatch Legos? Yeah. Yeah, it'd be nice if the crypts and the bloods would turn into one big gang. But they don't. All kinds of sweets. It was sweet. Oh, man. The, the, the crumbs, the cribs. Wait, the crypts and the bloods, the cribs. Like velvet revolver. Velvet revolver. Yeah, one big super gang. That's a horrible word for me, by the way. As speaking of a sweetest speech, bringing it back to speech, I'm realizing now that I have trouble saying the same syllable more than one's like revolver. Velvet. Getting two V's in the same word or two L's or two, whatever. That's, that's my next challenge. I'm getting past that. Just saying, like cookies, it can be hard. I've got to really concentrate and get that cookie out there. Right, right, okay. That's the next goal. I know. Are you working on speech in your therapy? No, sadly, I think I will get back to it. But the sad thing about speech therapy is every time I went back to speech therapy, they would start over the beginning. Like with tongue exercises and strengthening my tongue and stuff. And I'm like, I'm past that. Please, let me tell you what I need. And they would always start at the beginning. It was a very frustrating experience. Now, let's see, besides English. Now, see, this is a basic class C. Driver's licenses. The exams also available in the following languages. Wow. Not even enough of those. Armenian. Cambodian, Chinese, Croatian, French, German, Greek, Hebrew, Hindi, Huang? I don't know, that is. Hungarian, Indonesian, Italian, Japanese, Korean. Yeah. Laotian. Tangan, tongue, tongue, and Turkish. In case, tongue is for any of the linemen from USC. How do you say tongue in the language? The side there. I don't know. I thought they communicated via fire. And like flaming sticks or something over there. They're doing the casual bra. Really do we need a tongue and also, I know. Again, I'm sounding like Jockeston here. But if all you speak is tongue in, like, you don't speak a lick English. It's just nothing but tongue in. As the Karola household, we spoke. We're speaking tongue in. What are the chances that you're going to recognize a sign that says something like yield or merge or actually, more practically when the cop from Seamy Valley is yelling at you through his loud speaker to get out of the vehicle. And it's the next vehicle. Yeah, and you just speak tongue in. Maybe that's going to end. Maybe that's going to end in a bad way. I think a fun thing to do would be to organize all those languages into a wheel. Make our teenagers spend the wheel and they have to take the test in one of those languages. I like that. Yes. Son, you better cram for your drivers. Not only your drivers test, but your language test. You get Turkish. 31 languages other than English. That's right. 31 flavors. We are, uh, I wonder if anyone beats us in that department. I mean, I wonder if any country or any city. No. No. You know, the countries have, all of the countries have driver tests. Oh, that's a good. Sure. Many people have them don't even know those countries. Those countries I want to actually have no driver test. Well, yeah, a lot of those countries are like, uh, all right. They're out there taking the test. They're like, let's see you parallel park your donkey. And you have to actually back the donkey up. Me, me, me. You have to, a lot of people make the noise, the booping noise. Sitting on it has to make the day very good. But, you know, people are loud enough. Yes. All right. Now, uh, you got some news stories. What's going on? I will tell you some news stories upon my arrival here. So I'll be doing these on the fly, as they speak. Yeah, I told the Donnie just yank up, uh, five or six news stories. And, uh, Brian will, uh, I'll equip myself. You want to, uh, hear about the Golden Globe nominations? Yeah, who's nominating? Because I don't know anything about us until now. Well, apparently up in the air leads with six nominations. This is the George Clinton movie directed by right man. I spoke to Jason right man at his party that he threw, that he throws every year. Niceest guy in the world. Really? Yes. The celebrity kids can go either way, right? I got to tell you, he's quite a bit nicer than his pops. Really? Quite a bit. Did you and Jimmy had the thing in his house, right? We worked with Ivan right man for quite some time and Ivan right man. I will not say is an A-hole, but he's one of these guys. Well, let's see. Remember Gecko and Wall Street? Gordon Gecko, yeah. Yeah, kind of busy guy had seen a lot of success in his life. I mean, if you walked into his office, you would see that the movies on his walls have grossed more than the gross national product of like India in the last 10 years. Very aware of his own success. It's hard to forget about it when there's posters all over the place. And then stuff like Ghostbusters in Japan goes over 10 billion yen and stuff, you know, awards. By the way, you think about the Academy Awards or the Golden Globes. Imagine all the awards that are given out of Europe and Asia and all. I mean, I think how many, how much shit he's got from France in Germany and Japan, you know? It was probably had to turn down, except him, because he couldn't even get there. Oh, he's going to send his maid to him. And Jason Riven. I mean, literally Ivan Reitman's and he lives in a house that's a $75 million house. And he lives in the show of Iran's sister's house. This is office above the thing. So he's one of these guys where, like, time is precious. And he doesn't like the waste a lot of time. There's Ivan Reitman. Ivan Reitman. And he's seen a lot. And so when he gives you notes, he wants you to do them. And he doesn't like the part where you come back and meet among lighter. And he says, what happened to this note? And you go, we talked about it, but he's not a huge fan. And he said, real straight shooter. And, you know, straight shooter, everyone thinks of straight shooter is a good thing. Not always, not always. Yeah. Not always a good thing. It's like send his away or speak his mind. Yes. Straight shooter can be code for a whole. Right. So he's a very straight shooter. Now, Jason Reitman is wildly competent and sweet. He says, nice guy. Yeah. He's very nice. I think he actually wanted to work with us on the man's show at some point. Maybe when he was an SC student, do you wonder how he got there? I was going to say he's close to an age. Is he around your age, my friend? No. He's probably 10 years younger than we are than I am. I was saying, we, I'm saying I'm like me and Jimmy. But he saw the hammer and was wildly complimentary and very friendly and like, Twittered on his thing, on his Facebook, that people should see it, stuff like that. That's cool. It's a great guy. And when I ran into him or I didn't run into him, but speaking to him at his party about four months ago, he said, this movie up in the air. He said, this one, this is it. Wow. And I said, wow, I mean, thank you for smoking. And Juneau wasn't enough. And he said, he said, now man, this one really-- Those are rough. He said, this is really something special. Cool. And again, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Well, apparently just the odds on favorite for best picture drama is nominated along with precious and glorious bastards. By the way, if I'm the errands of being only OK, which who knows who I'm seeing, I'm going with the glorious bastard is my favorite for the best picture category. Yeah, I think the thing about, well, precious will be one of those sentimental things. The Hurt Locker and Avatar. The other two. I heard the Hurt Locker was great. It was. I heard it was great. I did not see. Good name for T's V. That's right. That's all category on the air. Precious, you want his bastards? Avatar? That's great. Wow, some stiff competition this year. And by the way, you couldn't get further apart than something like Precious and Avatar. That's right. Now, that's Golden Globe. Golden Globe drama. The Golden Globe, of course, unique for having a comedy, or this is called comedy and musical category. The man on the knee is there for best picture R. But with Avatar, I mean, I feel like Precious feels like a drama. Right. Whereas Avatar just feels like a huge, huge video game. Yeah. So that, and in glorious bastards is kind of a romp. And a lot of great performances. But to me, if you're going drama, I haven't even seen Precious. But I'm assuming Precious seems like that should take that one. And up in the air is in that sort of half a comedy. I guess it's a drama that is sort of like, like you would say, Juneau, like I can't say Juneau is a comedy or a drama. It's got elements of both, you know? I guess so. I guess so. But I think if I was to, if I had to put it into a category, it would become any because it just doesn't seem to fit with drama. Well, but anyway, Hollywood for and for us to agree with you and puts in the drama category. And the comedies, the comedies or the musicals are nine. Julian Julia, it's complicated. 500 days a summer and the hangover. Let's say comedy. All right. It's complicated. That's the one with melle's dream of Baldwin. It's weird when they nominate pictures that haven't really come out yet. So he's a little confusing because you kind of want to have a knee jerk reaction like, oh, that's going to win. We're like, I haven't seen it. I believe it's a good or not. Do you think ever? Did you see the drama? Yeah, that was funny. I enjoyed that a lot. I'm kind of got nominated for a rest picture. Sandra Bullock got nominated twice twice. The Prozl and the blind side. The proposal. Yeah. Was that comedy act? Yeah. I think that was the drama and comedy. One comedy. The Prozl was the one with Ryan Reynolds, I think. Yeah. And then the blind side. It's the one starring the chick from Precious, right? That's all. No, no, no. A different, different, different plays. That was a place for Baltimore right now. That's right. Yeah. She probably had 10 pounds on that there. And by the way, at the high school level, wouldn't you would protect, you know, Precious protecting your blind side? I feel like I feel like I the very least one are pulling. I would like to see her just I don't see her getting out of a three point stance, but the good news is I don't see her getting into one either. Sure. I just see her up as that sort of weak side tackle, crouching, moving just the beat before the snap as they always do, although they never call that penalty. I see it all the time in the NFL. And you know, just making short work of Justin talk. She can handle. The swim move. She hooks him. I feel like she'd be OK with the bull rush, being out of the speed rush. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. The Golden Gloves are known for obviously doing TV in movies. So the nominees for best told us, I can only fold his favor. The nominees for best TV series comedy are 30 Rock, Entourage, Glee, Modern Family, and the Office, that's best comedy series. Well, I got to say, I've been watching some modern family. I like modern family. I definitely say it's the best sitcom of the new band, right? I've watched sitcoms in years. And I somehow got on the modern family. I think my in-laws TV on an episode and I watched it out. This was a pretty good show. And I started TVing it, and it's a pretty good show. Well, as I've said, I think that two and a half men set the movement back 10 years. We were getting away from the stilted sort of live audience, sort of very fake-looking, phony-looking, early '90s, shitty, fucked out sitcom that they were trying to make me do with CBS, by the way. And into more of the curb your enthusiasm and office style, 30 Rock, more stylized, more interesting, smarter, if you will, sitcoms. And yet, and then came two and a half men and turned the whole movement backwards 10 years, and then everyone was trying to recapture the two and a half men thing when someone should have just said, "Look, it's a mediocre sitcom that somehow caught fire. And it's an anomaly. Leave it alone." Let's lose focus. Keep going ahead. Yeah. Do not lose focus. Keep going ahead. And it's almost like we were working really hard on an electric car. And we're moving forward and we're making progress and things were looking good. And then somebody like proposed ethanol and everyone went, "Huh? Maybe we should do that." And then we all shifted our focus to ethanol. And that's one guy yelling, "Hold on, we got something going here." And there's one guy who has a truck that runs well off ethanol and everyone else's doesn't really work. Everything else is just accidentally on purpose and it doesn't really work. And everyone went, "Fuck, and then we wasted 10 years and resources and technology." We could have been that much further along in the battery department. So what modern family has done is maybe finally put an end recalibrated. Recalibrated. Probably put an end to this 10 year back step we did trying to capture the next, you know, the stupid four camera live audience thing. And yes, it's very fun. and as a matter of fact, read those off again because the office, yes, single camera. Now, basically, for those of you who aren't in the know, I'm going through this right now. Everyone in town wants to do a four camera and I want to do a single camera, basically, when I'm going to explain it, four camera, very traditional, load in the audience, have the set set up, literally walk from the kitchen to the dining room set, much like the last one I did on CBS, and shoot it all in one day. Single camera is shot like a small movie. I mean, as a matter of fact, it's bigger than like when we did the hammer, 30 rock, for instance, would be much more complicated than that, and then has little things like testimonials and flashbacks and stuff like that. >> Yeah, flashbacks and stuff like that. >> Someone talking directly to the camera, for example. So single camera is a sort of 20-minute movie, episodic movie, and four cameras done like a play that you film in front of an audience. >> So, speaking of which, 30 rock is another one, Entourage, single camera. >> Yep, and Glee, I don't know anything about Glee. >> Single camera. >> There you go, those are the five nominees. >> So, they're all single camera. >> They're all, they're nominated for Best of Comedy Series. My lawsuit against Charlie Sheen is settled, I'll be able to talk more about this. >> That's really worried. >> Jesus Christ, this asshole set this whole fucking town back 10 years. >> Cryer! >> Cryer! >> The best drama series nominees, if you're interested, are Big Love, Dexter, House, Mad Men, and Trueblood, only one network series, House. >> It seems like, it seems like, it seems like Mad Men's going to walk away with that. >> It would seem like, but who knows, I mean, Big Love. >> What happened to break, what happened to Breaking Bad? >> I don't know. >> And that win last year? >> I think one thing. >> One thing, Amy. >> Yeah. >> All right. >> Dexter is a fan favorite, so who knows, that could possibly win? >> Yeah, all right. >> All right. >> So, hold the phone for a second, because I think we got somebody on the phone talking about someone near and dear to my heart, Pat from Seattle, by way of Seattle, Washington. >> Adam Laker's Corolla, how are you? >> What's going on, Pat? >> He was your phone name. >> Yeah. >> Hey, man, I want to ask you about, well, first I want to ask Brian, how are you doing? What's the latest on you? >> Hey Pat, I'm doing well. I'm feeling a little better every day, and I'll talk about it a little longer. Thanks for asking, man. How are you? Dexter, the other thing was Norm McDonnell, man, I got to have him on the podcast that can happen anytime. >> Yeah, I ran into Norm about two weeks ago, and I said, Norm, you got to come on the podcast and he did the, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love there, yeah, whatever you want, you know. >> I'm not only raping my best friend's girlfriend. >> Yeah, well, I don't know if it's rape, if it's consensual. >> Yeah, you're right. >> I don't know if it's rape, if it's consensual. Dreams was rounded out by Moore. Yeah, for those of you who missed the story, Norm McDonnell told us on the radio program that he had sex with his best friend's girlfriend, which is one of those things, it's sort of like murder. It's kind of like sniper bullet or ran over him with a car, but then when someone starts talking about a rusty machete and breaking into a sorority at night, there's different levels of murder. And so like, he's like, I had sex with my best friend's girlfriend and you're like, wow, oh, wife, sorry, best friend's wife, and it was sort of like, well, that's been done before, but that's still a little out of line, and like, where was the guy out of town? No, I was mowing the lawn, it was literally out front mowing the lawn, and it's like, wow, you were having sex with your best friend's wife while she was, hey, anal sex. So that's when it sort of went from sniper's bullet to rusty machete in the sorority. The way it was like, that was like, wow, buddy, it's like, on the other hand, you do have to admire his moxie. The kids got it, yeah, I was laughing the other day about us breaking down the Kenny Rogers songs too, about coward of the county, another good rape related song, and Lucille or whatever don't take your love to town, whatever that song was about the guy who was a bent and mangled in the Asian panic war, that crazy Asian war, yeah, yeah, has bodies twisted and paralyzed. I know you got needs, please, not in front of me. All right, I will promise you, Pat, that we'll get Norm in here. And again, Norm is funny and elusive, and I don't think he likes getting up before noon, but I told him that, you know, the good news about the podcast is, you don't have to. Anytime. Anytime, brother. So we'll work on that for you, Pat. Cool, man. Appreciate it. Thanks for that. Just got lost by Norm as unreliable. Here's what I would, here's how I would classify Norm, Norm is very intelligent, highly intelligent, and very talented and a little bit crazy and a little bit unreliable, but also realizes how high his intelligence level is, and how talented he is, and that sort of like I would talk about Lawrence Taylor, you know, he knew what he could do on the field, let him do coke all night before the Super Bowl, let him bang a couple of prostitutes. He doesn't have to be at the two a day rookie practices or anything like that, and he's still going to get you three and a half sacks on the big, at the big game. You know what I mean? He doesn't need to know the playbook, is just line him up on the outside, tell him to speed rush the quarter back, and you're going to come to the walkthrough, right? And God bless him. When that whistle blew, he showed up, like he was ready to go. I don't know if it was on an hour's sleep and he's still like cocaine going through his veins, but when that fucking whistle blew, you're just I didn't get out of there. Get out of there. And he never saw the guy dog it, he never looked hung over anything. He would see him chase down sweeps that were going to the other side of the field and catch the guy from behind. I mean, so on one hand, it's sort of like, well, could he have been better if he practiced and, you know, ate right? I'm maybe on the other hand, was there any outside backer that played the position, any better and heated? No, so shut the fuck up. So I sort of feel that way about Norm McDonald. He's the white Canadian L.T. What do you think of his, his roast thing where he did the, the old corny joke? She saw that, right? Or he did the, sort of the hackney jokes, but it was very self-aware. It's very, oh, that was really funny. He's a really brilliant guy who's a little bit nuts. On the other hand, he is starting to turn the corner a little. I mean, he's getting a little disheveled and a little, you know, he could get by because he had a fast metabolism and he was nice looking, but he's starting to turn the corner a little. Well, we'll bring him in and talk to him, talk to him all about it, but a good guy and I'm often mistaken for him, which takes a compliment versus Gilbert Godfrey. Colin? Hey, Adam. What's going on, Colin? I'm not just working at home listening to one of the podcast from yesterday, and I've got two double features this week. Yeah. Lotta Kurola. Thank you. But my question was actually about the kind of ramp up and content we've been seeing. You know, we got car cast and you got the regular roll cast and you did the home improvement cast. Sure. And you got the live, live thing going on tomorrow, and of course, last of all, Brian was great. I feel like you have kind of all these different content streams kind of happening. And I want to get your thoughts as we're getting 2010 here and get to see possibly the first full year of the podcast, Kurola media, we're seeing, are you looking at any kind of larger holder for all of this stuff? You know, like I saw you on Kevin Paulks' chat show, and he's part of a larger sort of online television network sort of thing. And I was wondering if you had spoken anybody about you kind of teaming up with them or if you were looking to kind of make a larger name that encompassed all of these different things. Yeah, she was going to team up with Lawrence Taylor. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. We are going to, you know, for 2010, sort of try to do a net, you know, become a network. It's going to start small, we'll build, hopefully we'll have many different shows under our umbrella. I guess like a network has, might have a network, might have a comedy and a drama and a reality show. I think we'll try to do that. I'm not so sure about the partnership part yet. We have a relationship with CBS right now. We'll see if that continues past the new year or at least past the end of January. But in general, the idea is just sort of onward and upward. I don't think we exactly know what the future holds other than bigger, better, more more content and more names, more celebrities and just more to choose from and more of a destination. And you know, talking, I was talking about Brian the other day about doing a movie review show. Brian loves movies, it's the kind of thing you might want to do as well. So yeah, bigger, better and getting it out there. Do you have any ideas, Colin, is there something you feel like you're missing? Well, all my friends and I are big, big, big Dylan listeners and big role listeners. And I don't think there's anything we, we talk about more than how cool Sundays will be over at Jimmy's. You're, you're, you're damn it, you're talking about him, you're, you're, you're talking about him getting a little hint on the podcast. And from the reality standpoint, we've only talked about how if you guys, whoever that Jimmy sat down, did 20 minutes, 30 minutes after the afternoon games, between the afternoon and the night games and threw it out there, I just, I think that that would hit a large base of your listeners really into here and that kind of, you know, you don't have to say about the games and Donnie suggested that and I think it's something we might do. I mean, we've just been kind of holding off just to, because I didn't want to hassle Jimmy and hassle everyone who was there and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, I'll, I'll talk to Jimmy about that and I'll talk to Donnie about it. Yeah, we'll bring a little that player and we'll get now everyone's going to be drunk. So you have to keep that in mind. Yeah, it'll add to it, it'll add to it. And so, yeah, we'll do that. Okay. I'm really liking all the new original content. I think you're right on this front way is kind of how entertainment, you know, it, you're letting the listeners choose, right, it's all about the content you provide, if it provide good content. Well, I, you know, I'll give you, I'll give you a real good example that doesn't involve a blowing smoke up my own, uh, Tokai, but we're doing a sports show spider in the henchman and that's, uh, John Sally and Kevin Hench and John Sally, one of the hippas coolest, most interesting cats, ever wear three or four NBA championship rings, he's a vegan and he's got a lot of real interesting thoughts and, you know, Kevin Hench, super smart, super bright, the psychopedic knowledge, and psychopedic knowledge of sports and, and psychopedic knowledge of, and psychopedias as well. I mean, that guy's just sharp and, you know, every other sports show does this, you know, nothing's out of bounds and, uh, you know, holds barred, yeah, try going on Jim Rome show and getting into something, you know, getting into drugs, getting into sex, getting into whatever. I mean, yeah, you can make a few Tiger Woods jokes, but you, you, you cross the line. You tread lightly. Yeah. No, it's true. I mean, you go on Bill Simmons show, yeah, it's a good time and I, and I love Bill and I love his audience, all like that stuff, but you will get bleeped out, have stuff dropped out, pulled out. I mean, if you start getting into things, uh, like from a language standpoint or a content standpoint, it's yanked. I mean, you find me, whether it's the NFL network, whether it's, you know, Bill Simmons, ESPN, whether it's Jim Rome, whatever it is, you name me the big sports cast show and then see if you can go on that show and, you know, like Petros and money out here. Great guys. Great show. Um, you can't, you can't say shit, I don't mean you can't say shit, I mean, you can't say the word shit. I mean, and, you know, there's certain amount of, of censorship that goes on on the sports shows. You just plain and simple cannot openly speak your mind and get into it. Same with the best dance sports show, which is supposedly the eddy show. You couldn't really do that. You could, you could, you could dance around certain subjects, but if you want in the best dance sports show and you said, uh, Hey, man, I got a bunch of these topics I want to talk about. The producer might say, now don't talk about this and don't talk about that. This spider in the henchman is going to be a show where these guys are going to talk about anything and everything, use any language they want good and, uh, lawyers, uh, be damned. Good. All right. Thank you, Colin, and, uh, look forward to that, especially if you like sports and be a really good sports show. I like inches, uh, our columns on Fox sports.com, so I'm assuming he'll be a, uh, interesting take verbally on the sport world. Super good at, uh, what he does, uh, yeah, one here and another story. Sure. Well, the headline of this one says, Courtney Love loses custody of daughter. Rockstar Courtney Love has lost custody of her daughter, Frances being Cobain to the, two legal guardians have been appointed to care for Frances being loved 17 year old daughter with the deceased Nirvana frontman Kirk Cobain, according to legal documents obtained by who else, CMZ.com, the court has appointed to Kirk Cobain's mother, Wendy O'Connor, and his sister Kimberly Don Cobain to watch over the minor. I'm going to name five or ever third kid. I'm going to name her custody and lost custody. You have custody. You have custody. I have custody. Yeah, but custody has mine. When is a athlete going to be named a decustity? I'm sure it's happened already. Really? He said the starting line and fullness. Ducosity Jones. Ducosity Ferguson. Wow. It's going to be awesome. All right. Uh, so that, that, to me, sounds like she's getting into drugs, right? Uh, I saw Pick-Rever allegedly on, uh, I think a national and quieter cover, uh, or something of that nature. And she looked pretty God. Oh, really? Really? But for somebody to go, look, I'm, I'm taking your kid away from you. It pretty much means it's not, well, you're lazy, my, I had a lazy mom at a depressed mom. But this means someone is doing a lot of drinking or doing a lot of drugs or back on or with something in somebody, same, but somebody's like, like Kirk Cobain, is it Kirk Cobain's mother? It's Kirk Cobain's mother and sister. Uh-huh. She is saying to the court system, hey, man, go check her wee wee and see, see what color it turns the paper, because otherwise, look at her, look at her, look at her, they're not going to take the kid away unless there's some failing some drug tests or something like that, right? I would imagine that's going to be top of the list. So it's got, uh, corny love. Hey, uh, Spencer from, uh, Mississippi, by the way, has a, has a question for us. Spencer? Yeah. How you doing, guys? Um, well, first of all, it's good to hear a ball, Brian said it's so much better, it really makes you glad to hear that. Oh, thanks, Spencer. Uh, yeah. I just wanted to, uh, and I wanted to ask you if you still have a bit of a grudge against coming to Brian and, uh, if you would ever do this tonight, yeah? Um, yeah. I'm a whore. I mean, you know, if someone asked me to do anything, I would, I would do it. Um, I don't, I don't know if I would say I have a grudge against him. I, I don't, uh, I just think he's, I just think he's a pussy. I just think he asked me to do a show, you know, I don't know, eight years ago, I, I kicked ass on a show. Maybe it got a little blue or got a little racy and I've never been asked back. And I, you know, I used to do a talk show and have done many talk shows and I had, uh, nine foot guys from Pennywise, uh, locked me in a room and attempt to assault me and vomit on me and they got to come back on the show three weeks later. And I had Steve O try to strangle me and he got to come back on the show two weeks later. All right. Well, the reason I had them all on, the reason we had them back is because people wanted to hear from them again. They thought it was interesting and so on and so forth like I don't, I, let's, listen, maybe it's got to do with some publics is I, I don't understand this town. This town is packed full, full of pussies who just follow protocol and I can't tell you all the times where I've heard so and so's very upset or so and so's got it. Panies in a bunch or so you better apologize, you better apologize to so and so or you step on so and so's feelings. You guys think the celebrities are bad. Who, who, where do you get to the, uh, suits, where do you get to the managers, where do you get to the agents, where do you get to the publics? It's just a whole bunch of guys so I don't think ever went to a regular high school or ever got into a fight or played any pop order football. Nobody knows what it's like to have, I don't know, buddy like Ray, you know, get him in a headlock and then spit on him and then push him down and everyone's like, everyone's ever and here's my whole feeling about all those people, fuck off. Just fuck off. I don't give a shit about you. You should assign a ray as a friend to these guys like on the pier out for a week, you know what I mean? Yeah. Go friends, it's okay for a week. You should aspire to get to that like Don Rickles, Charles Barclay territory where not caring or being a indifferent toward people is actually your sort of your calling card, you know? Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm getting there, you get there, you get there, you get there to ascend to that. Yes. So, um, I'm a little normal Donald in the sense that, uh, well, I'm funny so everyone can fuck off. I, I don't know, I really don't know what's up with Conan. I really don't know what's up with his producers. I don't know what's up with anything. All I know is I went on a show about 10 years ago. I said, Lesbian, uh, he got put off by it and now there's an issue. But look, it's, it's the same thing that's going on times a couple of shows. And I show up, uh, without sounding like a pompous ass, I show up and deliver. If you want a good guest for your show, call me and call me that afternoon. show up that evening and I will deliver. But if you want to get into a bunch of politics, fuck off. You heard a lot, but they got to justify their jobs. Everyone's got to justify their jobs. Look, watch the fucking credits, the next TV show you see. See all the fucking names go flashing by. I mean, you know, I laughed like a fucking maniac. You know, whenever I see any doctor drew shows, and I see my old managers, you know, executive producer, he doesn't do shit on that show. And neither does any of the, you know, listen, nothing personal if you're listening Howard, but you were, you did the same thing on the man show, nothing. Right. You watching, speaking of which, you watching sex rehab. Yeah. Great show. Oh, yeah. So I saw, I saw a trailer or a preview for the next season of regular rehab with Dr. Drew, one word size more. Really? They finally got him. Size more is back. He's like, it's a big, no, he's not back. He's a big get. I mean, he's, he's where after he was on thing. He was doing his own, uh, uh, drinking bunodushi kind of size more. Yeah, ton of size was out there doing his own show. It was very crazy. It was really wild. And he's in rehab now. So well, that's the four. That's his shocker. Drew got him. All right. Well, let's hope my old manager, Howard Le Penis does a good job with it producing producing. This is a good producing job. He did. He's done a wonderful job. The last three. Yeah. What do you do, Adam, with the overflow, uh, guantano, with the Hanes, you send them to Illinois, the, the, the, the Obama administration notified Illinois governor Pat Quinn by letter Tuesday that it intends to acquire a rural prison in his state for the relocation of quote, a limited, a limited number of the detainees from guantano, but Cuba. Uh-huh. So I send me Illinois. Yeah. It's a hell of a worse than Cuba. A rural part of Illinois, by the way. Oh, those fucking guys are going to be miserable. First off, uh, you know what I would do, by the way. I know, uh, I know whenever we, you know, uh, by the way, we're such horrible people. You know, we, we, we feed these guys their special meals and we have an arrow that faces toward Mecca. Sure, I think that right. Yeah. We had a fucking first off. I would fuck with these guys and turn that arrow towards Jerusalem or toward Haiti or just, I'd pick some shitty place on the globe. Maybe toward Mexico. In some place that really would mess with their, um, their ideology. Like my, uh, Vegas. All right, Vegas to be good. I would take the Mecca arrow that, and I just turn it toward, I just turn toward Vegas. Right. I do, I just beat, I'd be like, uh, one of those, uh, batters. I didn't want to stay in the batters box. So we knocked the chalk out of the batters box. Like you did that scuff thing with his foot. Yeah. I'd be one of the guards at Guantanamo that always kicked that arrow out a little bit toward Vegas. That's Guantanamo. Yeah. Good back. Good time. Yeah. So I'd have praying toward, uh, like, the, the wind hotel. That's right. Yeah. I see this palace. Yeah. Uh, and, uh, secondly, you know, the, uh, Cuba. It's a pretty, uh, you know, not great digs over there in Guantanamo Bay, but, uh, you can't, the very, very tropical over there. And it's very, very nice and, uh, rural Illinois. Who? Oh boy. It's cold and hot. Yeah. Good. There'll be more miserable over there. But more of a punishment. How to, uh, this whole, what are we going to do with Guantanamo Bay? And then what are we going to do with Cuba? And then what are we going to do with it? I just feel like we should, let's just shut Cuba down or take Cuba over or give it back to the mob or do something. Yeah. It's teetering, right? It's already right from the takeover. Well, first off, what would it take? Like a couple of guys from the Coast Guard Reserve to go over there and just take it over. Wait, one, one zodiac boat filled with Coast Guard Reserve. They don't have a rush of hiding anymore. Hey, the rush has gone. Um, Fidel is, I guess, gone. Teetering. His brother is sort of in there. Like, I, let's just, let's just shut that place down, turn it into a casino. And by the way, everyone there would be happy, right? Exactly. It wasn't that long ago. It's a couple of generations ago. Like Godfather too, in 1940s, like Cuba was a cool vacation destination for everybody. But like the rich person is like vacation hideaway. Right. Yeah. Good times. Yeah. Well, this story here is cut off by the printer. But I think it says Lindsey Lowhand's father arrested New York. What? Yes. That's not the Mr. Lowhand. I know the Michael Lowhand you've come to love. Oh, boy. You know what I would love? I would love to get Joe Jackson, Michael Lowhand and, uh, what the hell? And Joe Simpson, all together in the same room. And just their tips. Just have the grim reaper with a sickle. Just pace back and forth behind them. And only he would know who the, who the blackest soul. That's right. Of that group was like, who was just a worst individual on this? And then with one clean swipe of the sickle, all comes ahead. Yeah. And we gamble on it. Be an awesome paper. Well, if you, if you gambled that Michael Lowhand's crime was a white collar crime, you were dead wrong. He violated an order of protection by calling his estranged girlfriend. Uh, and he was arrested. What? Yeah. I know, hard to believe. Pick up the phone and call your ex-old lady and you get, you get arrested. I guess is a violating your order of protection. She must have ratted him out. Must have. Or, or her or her boyfriend or someone like that. Oh, man. It's, uh, you know, you've arrived when somebody gives you the, you know, you must stay a thousand yards away from this other individual. And if you call them, you will be arrested. That's right. Jesus Christ. That's a sweet time. Yeah. My bell. Uh, yeah, the stories. One sorry left. But I feel like we were to do this teen sexting. You care? No, I'm, I'm into teen sex. All right. Teen's blasé about sexting, but only 4% copped ascending picks. They tell me that sexting sexting now is sexting when you do you have to do the picture part? Uh, I mean, you have to just text about your sex for those of us who remember being teenagers. The fact that young people are making use of their cell phones to send sexually suggestive content as only unsurprising as downright expected. So sexually suggestive content. So texting, hey, you're hot or hey, I want to do you know, I guess it's, it's sexy. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's kind of, uh, it's, it's bizarre, but somehow the way you can speak to a lady has changed, not for the good over the last few years, quite a bit. I think they kind of brought it on themselves, because that sort of part where they started doing that, uh, it's miz so and so. And, uh, who? I'd like rock rock. Well, that didn't help. But, you know, anything a man does, we can do better or why shouldn't we get, you know, equal pay for equal work and all that kind of stuff. And once, uh, we did sort of get them off the pedestal a little bit. I mean, here's the thing about putting a lady up on a pedestal. It's, it's, it's sort of, uh, it, there's good things about it, like, like a hundred years ago. Right. There were perks for being a lady. Sure. And there were definite setbacks about a lady. You never had asked to lift anything. Yet at the same time, your job was to cook and not work. Yeah. And, you know, you would get your carriage door open first. And Sir Walter Rolly would throw his cape down if there was a puddle in the street. And men would fight over your honor. And only with their cursing front of you. Oh, sorry. I mean, there's a lady press. Right. Uh, nobody heard, heard suck at ho before, you know, uh, 1991. Sure. Uh, now you guys have successfully sort of even the playing field. And now we have the sexting and the rock of love. Yeah. It's like, you want our world, you want to want to be on our, in on our world fine. Take it for the better and the worse. But also, I mean, if you were in high school now, and there was a, you had a girlfriend, and you were 16 years old, and your hormones were going insane. And there was a device that the girl could take a photograph of her titties and then send it to you. And it would land on your device. How fucking fast would you do that? Or how long would you beg for? How hard would it be going after that? It's insane. And so this now, now, now, here's, here's the thing. Uh, if you think about what the future holds, does anyone think it's a coincidence that what feels like five out of the last seven miscalifornias or miss USA's or miss universe have some sort of bootleg porn film or some boyfriends come forward with some salacious photos or so and so forth. That's now, uh, I mean, that's going back five years or seven years from this point on. Right. When there's a camera, the high schoolers now, the high schoolers now and of tomorrow, the next generation, all the seven and eight year old kids today, there will be no such thing as now, now that's miss USA or miss whatever. But what about the next hot, you know, Angelina Jolie, right? Well, you know Angelina Jolie's a wild child, right? And Angelina is sexually sort of expressive. She made some mistakes. She's made some mistakes. Okay. Now, imagine if Angelina Jolie is eight years old right now. The next Angelina. All right. Let's just say, just to say the Angelina Jolie for I'm twisting the universe. But the Angelina Jolie is eight years old right now. Uh, Angelina Jolie is going to go through, have some trouble years with John Voight. It'll be 135 years old. By the time she's in high school, she will express herself. Now, remember, she's got a flip camera. camera. She's not only that, whatever technology is going to exist eight years from now, forget about what we have just now. The fifth interaction iPhone and Joy Donnelly. Oh, they'll have her boyfriend will be able to put a contact lens in with a chip that films every fucking, oh, write that down. Jesus Christ. The films everything that he sees from his point of view, panting, boom, goes right on the internet. Imagine Angelina Jolie, now then 25, 20 years from now, turns into the kind of star that she is today. How much footage would we have of her girl on girl, boy, you know, three, some one on one alone with a cucumber? You know what I'm saying? I know. So our kids can enjoy hopefully not going into show business or politics, but enjoy seeing their favorite celebrities nude with the and in high death, doing God knows what, that they regret from 10 years earlier once they hit it big now. Oh, that's a 4-2. Yeah. All right. I think we have one more call, by the way, from Mill Valley. David. Yo. What's up? Adam, big, big, big, big fan from way back. Great. Great. And with you guys, a question is for Paul Bryan. What's up? I have got a buddy who was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor in September. Well, lucky him. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's still going through the ringer though. I mean, he's been to, I guess, four or five doctors and just continues to freak out. I mean, he's got, you know, like high, it was in sweats and all sorts of crazy anxiety. So even if you get that diagnosis, and it's benign, how do you deal with the freaking out process? I mean, you got to get a lump on your brain after all. I can't speak for your buddy. I would say if I was in a situation which I was, I would personally, I know your meal value is in the Bay Area, right? Yeah. Yeah. We're just towards the Golden Gate. Yeah. Yeah, which is one of the best institutions in the world for doing brain tumor stuff. Really? Go to UCS. It's actually in Boston, but yeah. Well, they are lucky because Boston is a, there's some good facilities at there too. But I would say leave no stone unturned. See all the doctors you can and get all the opinions you can, get all the scams you can and make sure you haven't left something on the table. It'll option on the table, you know what I'm saying? And where is this thing located? You know, I don't remember the name of the, of the spot, but I guess it's like under is, okay, you can just go down and back from your eyeball, it's on the bottom side. So I guess they can't go in there and cut it out because there's too many nerves and blood vessels. You've been surprised that they can't operate on in the brain. Oh yeah. A lot of them just can't go there. Yeah. Right, right. Well, I mean, look, Brian is wired to be composed and was composed the day he told me the day he told me he had the brain tumor, it was delivered to me in about the same tone. He told me that it shrunk 60% and about the same tone that he spoke to me and all our interactions in between. So if you're wired like Brian, I don't think this is going to change your wiring. I also know that if you're not wired like Brian, then there's not a lot of unwiring you can do. I mean, same, same. If you're a warrior, you're going to worry sick, you're going to worry over a planter's war. Yeah. All you can do is as Brian said, is be proactive, get as much knowledge as you can on it. And all you can do as a friend is to be positive and, you know, called Dana Gould and throw my fundraiser. That's right. David, just do some form if you can. If you're an physician, do some like send him a gift certificate for a meal or something because I will say from the radiation, the radiation really takes a lot out of you. I mean, it really saps your motivation, your energy. You don't want to do things and he's not going to want to cook for himself or whatever. Send him a gift card for a grocery store or a restaurant or something like that. It'll make his life easier during the radiation period. Thank you guys. No problem. Good luck to your friend. Take care, shelf David. All right. Well, a good high note to go on. That's fun. Yeah. Nice brain tumor. You're what part of your treatment right now? Radiation is done, long done. I do chemo once a week, actually, last week, it should be one week per month, last week because my chemo week. So it's kind of, it's kind of staffed energy, you can just clarify that for a second. Chemo's a Hawaiian body, Brian Fox once a week. Correct. Yeah. I just want to make that straight. I think a lot of people, no, no, because of what, because of the brain tumor, I think people. Oh, okay. I thought it was the whole thing after I personally. I just, I just wanted to clarify you doing chemo's off my back of the island and I'm doing them again in a month. And if you'd like to help out, Paul, Brian, or keep tamps on Paul, Brian, you should go to. Um, go to my wife's blog in, in, in community tumor.com. She really details what's going on with me and you can keep up with me and you always know how my progress is doing. Thank you very much, Paul, Brian. Until next time, this Adam curl, a four ball, Brian, saying, Mahalo. All right, this Adam curl, a show 225 coming up next. We have Adam curl, a show 314 featuring Teresa Strosser, Brian Bishop, Matt Silverstein, and Dave Jesser. Yeah, get it on. Get your horses. This is an awesome show. Yeah, to get it on, no choice but to get it on. Welcome back to the show, Paul, Brian, all the way from, uh, Italia. Correct. Uh, so what was it? How was it? It was supposed to be over there for a week and I was going to fight, I was going for two weeks. Um, it was all ready to head back and, uh, uh, of course, um, I don't know how big news it was over here, but it was huge news in Europe, of course, the Icelandic volcano erupted, spreading volcanic ash into the air, um, literally freezing off flights in Europe. So wherever you were, it was where you were, unless you've wanted to try and get a train ticket or a ferry somewhere, but, um, our flight was from Rome to London, where we're supposed to spend a couple of days because I'd never been to Europe at a little London and, uh, then back home and our flight was canceled and then re-cancelled and it's, uh, people were kind of like, oh cool, you got a couple extra days of vacation, but when you're kind of stressing out about your flight being maybe canceled or maybe not canceled and you spend all your money and Rome is not the world's cheapest place to stay, uh, it's stressful. So luckily, um, Chris used to be a business traveler, so we had a ton of, uh, hotel points and she had a high school friend to live there. So we stayed with her for a couple of days and, uh, once they pushed us back like a full week, we're like, all right, let her guard down, hang out, drive to the Malfi Coast because that's cheaper actually than Rome. Sure. So we rented a car for relatively cheap, drove down there, spent a couple of days, drove back full home last night. Yeah, because they, you know, it's not cheap. No, you know, they old saying one in Rome, eat top ramen and, oh yeah, day in your hotel room and spank off to just the trailers on the porn subdivision for $14. In that case, it's during its success. When in Rome, get to the Malfi Coast where it's cheaper. It is. It's beautiful there and, uh, I've been there before and it's just one of those. Uh, I mean, I, I guess out here in Southern California, it's sort of PCH-ish, uh, up north, but, uh, it doesn't compare with a little, a little Baja mixed into it. It's that, uh, on steroids, on crap, on crap. Oh, wait, turbo. Yeah, turbocharged. Yeah, turbocharged that. You ever know, I mean, when you drive this thing, there, there, there, there's a couple of stretches, uh, between here in San Francisco that are, they get close to it, but that's nothing about that. Right. And it's just way over the ocean, it's for windy, no guard rails, no guard rails, no line. No, no, it was not driving. Great. And if you go over the edge, you'll keep going. You're in the Mediterranean sea. Now, how's, how's Christie's driving? Excellent. Good. Freak girl. Oh, no. Wow. There's a little factor. After she drives all right. Okay. What was the best thing you ate? Crap. My ate. I was there for 20 days, supposed to be for 14 days, there were 20 days. I probably had gelato 21 times. Mm-hmm. Do I look fatter? I look fatter. No, you look good. No, you look good. I also walked literally miles. I mean, miles and miles and miles. Chris, did gelato stand wasn't there? That's right. I was like, oh, I've been to this one three times. I got to buy the next one. The first day in Rome, we saw the, you know, you know, Rome a little bit right out of the lab, you've been through. No, actually, I don't know it very well because when I was in Italy, we went to the Malfi Coast, actually. Unless you're talking about the Kristen Bell comedy, I have nothing there. Yeah. All right. Well, we went to the Tubby Fountain, the Spanish Steps, the Vatican City, and the Pampillon, all in the first day. And, you know, you can hear me. Yeah. That's my brace, which I wore the whole time and put a few miles on that brace. So back to Iceland and the volcano, I've heard about how the volcano is disrupted the air travel, whatnot, or the Richard Branson thinks it's a much do about nothing. That's a big news. Yeah, that's the big news. And it's cost billions of dollars. But what about Iceland itself? What about it? Are they having. [BLANK_AUDIO] Problems do I need to call Africa and get them to bail them out? Are we cool? I don't think I don't think Reckiivick is waiting on the bar I don't think Reckiivick was high on the air traffic list. You know, I'm saying I think a lot of I just mean the actual The the country. Oh, I mean is there ash covering? I mean is there molten lava? I don't believe there is like lava flow or death or destruction There may be like crops dying because of the ash in the air But I don't know about actual people dying as far as I heard there were no casualties The news I heard it was Sky News, which was like British version of Fox News It was all about Consulate flights and how people were stranded in let's get the Britain's home. That's all I've heard as well But you know normally when something happens you hear about the actual country know like It's funny that nobody ever goes. Oh and by the way the people live in the country. They're all right They're not being crushed by bull. There's a spur by love like Bjork Yeah, no one else from there the sugarcube somebody. Yeah, maybe the sugarcube should speak for them Oh sugar Ross or Maybe a card against the right card. He's one of us bands somebody from one of those weird bands from the 90s Gonna have to step up the podium Everyone's okay, but it's something like them something. I don't go with Bjork or the sugarcube It's definitely Bjork. Okay Bjork is definitely from there, right? Wallflowers, but why do I know because I last week Brian you weren't here correct me If you may have, but I The Brian Bush of Hano doesn't do that Gaslit Adam Well, first of all Zachary Levy gaslit the world because well it doesn't matter I think it's Levi. Yeah, it's Levi. I might be shitting on your Levy sounds Jewish and Levi doesn't he's from the the spy TV show, right? Yeah, right the man's name is Zachary either. It's Levi or it's I think it's Levi But Levy does seem more so while you while you were gone Adam raced in this long beach Grand Prix thing and three Jews came in ahead of him So I thought oh, this is oh, yeah, that was when I was going right Adrian Brody and the guy played David silver on 90210 Brian Austin Green and Zachary Levi who I didn't even check I didn't even confirm because I was so certain Based on the name Levi well, it turns out he dropped his original last name. Oh, that's a very Jewish thing to do Right for the sound you mostly people changed the name to sound more Gentile. Yeah, who wants to sound like a Jew That's so about it. I want to be mistaken for a joke. I mean seriously With a rich history of being rounded up And put into cattle cars. Why would you want to even take that chance? Yeah, I don't know what my people were called back in Hungary But the only strawsers who are famous were brothers in the Gestapo. So obviously one of my relatives was like, you know, it would be a good name That's right. Let's just call ourselves what the Nazis are called and then let's get the fuck out plus lip salts Doesn't roll off the tongue like blade or something like that. I mean, let's face it Not only do you guys want to change your names to pretend you're more like us, but also There are some funky ass Jewish names. I mean I worked for a doctor faking bomb And then there's the short. There's the ones High school with a Randy Bort and stuff like that They're they can be unattractive in one syllable or multi-slavic and horrible, but there's no there's no cool There's no mini drivers. Oh God. It is such a disaster I mean I once went on a first date with a guy. I had met him But we were meeting on a first date and I will say this he's a very creative guy and he happens to have been the man who wrote the flaming Mo episode of this great episode really really great right air or Smith Yes, and we decided no we decided that we met whatever we're gonna me at this bar and that whoever Brought the name the most Jewish sounding name of one of their relatives. They relative could be deceased But the most Jewish sounding name would would win this bet and thus buy the drinks for the night And I wish I and we fold them up in piece of paper and we gave them to the bartender and let the bartender Wow, yeah, and I won and now I can't even remember but it was like Some of the names are so unfortunate You wish you would wish for like a hymen left go. It's you would cross your fingers for that We had a Deborah Hyman in my high school my friend's dad was named Moisha Wittenberg The hymenor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we changed name to buster Race we're headed that church God I mean yeah, yeah, well my grandfather's name was high. I'm right in the old country He got here. He was like fleeing things weren't good and he spoke a lot of languages But English was not one of them and he thought he gets to Ellis Island and he thinks hi. I'm that's no good What am I gonna do? I've got to make it sound. I've got to I've got to angle size it went with hymen No, no, it doesn't know from the high right so yeah, my mom was lasnick Yeah, it's her maiden name not good cuz Lowsky was my grandmother. Well, you know, I had a Gorog I mean these are all stepped. I don't have any real. There's no real people in my family But we had a Gorog and our family, which is a crazy spelled same forward backwards Alendron, which is a bizarre bizarre, but Yeah, there's a crazy old world fucked up name. So hey change your name so you don't get hunted down by any any Jew haters But number two, you know Benny Blades is a pretty solid name. Yeah, NFL. Yeah, yeah, white out for the NFL Yeah, there's some there's some pretty good solid Angle of names out there Kirk Douglas used to be like isser israelivist right that guy is not gonna be a movie star Jeff Ross was Jeff lift sholts Sounded like a joke By the way Zachary leave I or however you say same. Oh, yeah, so it was the debate. Okay, so his I just assumed I made a huge mistake It's your almost I didn't not fact check the man's name. We was born Zachary leave. I P you P you you G. H. Oh Silent G for gentile. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's a Scottish name. Well, I didn't know if it was pronounced pug or P you Yeah, there's there's yeah, yeah, so I sent out a tweet I think it's my I don't know if it's spelled the same ways Jethro Poo who played for the Dallas Cowboys for all those years. They wrought That's a strong name that we as a look up Jethro Poo for Dallas Cowboys see if you can find there is another famous Poo And people told me it rhymes with like church Poo right so not only is he not a Jew, but definitely not a Jew But his name rhymes with Poo and he's a committed Christian agree to Wikipedia He told relevant magazine My job on set I believe it's to first just love people and gain that trust with people where they know that I really do love them and care about the well Well being blah blah blah at some point come to me and ask me what is your piece all about? What is your comfort all about where do you get your love? Where do you get your talents and I can turn to them and say without blinking Jesus Christ? Wow Well, let me say this is about Zach Levi because he was over at my house three days ago really yes Yes, and when all the silverware remained you should have known then not a Jew Yeah, I have I first think well what I did is I hit all the prescription meds You know those Jews that's what that knows first thing they're like two cans Sam with that beak of theirs and they go right after the Viking is what it's made for it's evolutionary. Yeah, the knows Obviously it's evolution area. I mean if you think about it Zebra's up stripes to hide in the in the glades and giraffes necks are long so they can get to the foliage The top of the tree the Jews are to sniff out prescription meds and people's house. That's just a science man It's just an adaptive advantage Yeah, the bigger the nose the faster I can find your Xanax in your jewelry box under Yeah, you know your necklace is and what and I take those two. Oh, man. You guys like one of those airport dogs Yeah, except for Xanax sniffing shoes Maybe they should use us at the airports. Hey shed get Adrian Brody down to the airports It's the fancy illegal prescriptions coming in from Mexico. It's like somebody's got a quarter of a clonnie Yeah, in Mexico from L.A.X. Oh, yeah, that's true So there's there's Jeff Jeff Row P.U. who was a all-star defensive lineman for the Dallas Cowboys back in the day now he spells his last name the same way So Zach, okay, so here's what happened So I invited Zach to come over and you know have a beer and he's a big car enthusiast it likes cars and So I said yeah, it nicest guy I met in my whole Toyota Grand Prix experience really cool guy. So he came over now what what had happened was My and you can I don't want to embarrass her, but you can talk to my wife about her friend who thought Zack was cute and met Zach at the at the at the race and blah blah blah blah He's like the poor man's junk to rescue right from the office. Yeah, but I say cuter. He's cuter Yeah, he's really cute and he's tall He's a good inch and a half two inches taller me. It's like six three six four. He's tall well-built good-looking young guy and You know, it's funny because he kind of plays a goofball on TV But he's really not a goofy guy. It's really sick of tall good-looking hands of that because whenever they cast nerdy girls They're always super hot and they put glasses on. - Right, yeah, they put their hair in a bun. And somehow the guys who work with them can't do that math. We can't see their super hot ass, their big titties, their beautiful pouting lips and everything were like, "Well, I don't want to fuck her "'cause she's wearing glasses." - Yeah, glasses. - I think we could correct that in about a tenth of a second if she removed them. - I appreciate that they cast a hot guy, almost like a really immodily looking nice and cuter guy to play a nerd. - Well, so nice guy. So, my. - The next friend. - The next friend of a little crush. - A little homework and was like, "Oh, the guy's like a born again Christian." And then I was like, "What? "Really? "Didn't come across that way, but who knows?" And then my whole feeling is good as long as you don't proselytize. So the thing is like, listen, I wish everyone lived their life with that code and then left me alone. - Yeah, don't try and save me. - Because it's all for it. - He's not gonna be busting into my house at night, looking for my Xanax, like you can't choose. So, I was thinking about it. I was thinking about it. And then he came over and we were like talking and I was like, "You want a beer?" And he's like, "Yeah, beer." And then I was like, "You want another beer?" And he's like, "Yeah, I'm another beer." And he's like, "One other beer?" And yeah, it was during the day. So, we had a few beers and then we were like, just sitting around and talking to the kitchen for a while. And I was like, "Yeah, man, that race was brutal." And I was like, "Browning us in green, man." And he fucking was banging into me. He's like, "Oh, that motherfucker passed me too." And I was like, "Whoa." - Oh, wow. - And then I was like, I was saying the thing. And he was like, "Yeah." And then Tanner founds blue pass me. And I was like, "God damn, that guy's fast." And I was sitting there looking for indicators. And between the beer and the couple of well-placed Goddams. - Jesus Christ, yeah. - Yeah, I was really kind of like, "Oh, all right." Now, I may have done more of the Goddaming than him, but nothing didn't seem to be anything uptight about the guy at all. And then he asked me if I want to come over and watch the playoffs with his buddies. You're gonna have some beer and go to his like, bachelor pad and he struck me as well-balanced, super nice guy. He's a really cool guy, but I, if he's religious, he certainly keeps it to himself. It doesn't pass much judgment. - Who won the Grand Prix? - The Jew, Brian Austin, Green. - God damn. - God damn, yeah. All right, so retraction, but a good story to follow it. And a good guy. - Yeah, he couldn't sound sweeter. And I appreciate the fact that he's religious and spiritual, but he doesn't foist it. - Listen, isn't that how we should all be if we do choose to be that way? I mean, whatever you are, whatever your creed is, your religion, whatever you pray to, and whatever it is. I mean, if you're vegan, good, quietly go be a vegan. And if you'd like to share that with your family or you'd like to raise your kids that way, that's definitely your progative. Although, I'll take it a step further. I don't like when I see the Hasidim walking down Fairfax Boulevard and dragging along the little eight-year-olds who are wearing the fucking whole beards and the payoffs and the black hats and the black trench coats and everything because I feel like they're being indoctrinated into something that they probably wouldn't have gotten into. I probably wouldn't have wandered into being a Hasidic Jew if they'd just been left alone. And the one good thing you can say about my parents is we were left alone. I'm into exactly what I'm going to be into. It's not like, you know, I'm working with my dad. He does silk screening for outdoor signs. And at some point, I'm 45 and I'm like, I love this silk screening. No, I would have never gotten into it if dad didn't have a business. Well, my dad had enough dignity not to have any dignity and have a business or do anything. So I'm exactly, I feel like I'm into exactly what I should be into. And I think Teresa, you probably have that same feeling and Brian as well. There's going to be a fan of the Steelers just don't even die or a fan of the Steelers just don't force your kid to wear their office burger, actually bad example. Well, if you force your kid to wear the jersey. But what about, I mean, this does bring up that point. I'm always kind of curious about it. Maybe it's just because I'm secretly bitter that my family had no plan for their kids and no intention of sharing anything with them. But these people that, you know, they're Steeler fans. Some of them, a lot of them didn't even grow up in Pittsburgh. Their dad grew up in, you know, Beaver County. And then they move to Colorado when there are kids and then ended up in Florida. But dad always followed the Steelers. And now as a result, you have a 37 year old son who's a die hard Steeler fan. And then the son may also work at the same tool and die manufacturing plant that dad is the foreman of or whatever it is. And it's like, I know it's a gig and I know you have to pay your bills and we can't all just to follow our mues and our dreams and everything. But at some point, don't you think you're going to wake up at age 16 and go, wait a minute. Do I even really like the Steelers? Did I ever really want to work around tools and die? Or is it just, was this just what my dad did? And I just kind of followed. And I know there's that part where, hey, your dad loves cars and he grew up around cars. And he gave you that he showed you this appreciation and now you appreciate cars. But isn't that just your dad kind of grafting his shit onto you? Maybe you're not in the cars. Or you wouldn't have been that in the cars. Yeah, but there's also, well, yes. But there's also a cool side of that, which is, for example, my wife's dad owns a power tool shop. And it's kind of cool. It's a cool thing. I know the place. And his son, her brother, is now working for the same power tool shop, which their grandfather originally owned and founded. So it's like the family business, which is kind of a cool-- I can't get in. --kind of the thing. Now T gave a kind of sending you out. And it's a cop-out. Yeah, well, you sure you could wake up at 60 and decide, I'm not interested in tools. And I really wanted to be doing something else. But I kind of got stuck working at the power tool store. Sure. Well, I mean, at least didn't work in a douche factory. I need some charge for sorting the nozzles. There's something-- Yeah. I mean, he works at a cool tool shop. I know a cool thing is because 20 years ago, I needed a pom nailer and I couldn't find one anywhere. Before the hand, I'm at Home Depot or anything. And I opened the phone book and found this place. And went in and know exactly where it is. And what's the power tools on that? Do any tools not sound sexual? Because it feels like it almost there. Pond nailer? Yeah, almost all hammer. And a pneumatic product. What's the thing where you find the stud finder? Yeah. Well, any time you have screwing, caulking, and caulking, and studs, even sawing. Even when it comes to plumbing, they have the male side, the female side. And it's really, it's kind of weird. But they just do it straight out. It's like, well, you want the male end or the female end. And it's clear that the male end is the foulest the female end is the China. It's kind of how it is. But yeah, I'd like to-- I'm jealous because I wish somebody did something in my family. On the other hand, I don't think I would become a comedian or a radio show personality or anything. I really don't think I would have. I think if my dad had-- I was so desperate all throughout my 20s, and I'm fairly pragmatic, and I'm certainly not into chasing my dreams. It's just when your reality is so miserable, you're sort of forced to chase your dreams. Like, I'm the kind of guy who-- I don't think I would write a book if someone didn't pay me to write a book. But if you locked me in prison for three years, I'd come out with a book. And I was locked in prison, essentially. That was my life. So what was I going to do? If my dad had a good job, you know, like, own day, whatever, fill in the blank, some sort of company that did custom vans or did something. And I got involved-- my buddy, Bobachman, over at Galpin Ford. You somebody got a car from him, right? All right, Bobachman's a good guy. His dad has Galpin Ford. His grandfather started Galpin Ford. It's a great business. He can do his-- he can do his custom car stuff and sells whatever and put his own flavor on it, whatever. But he's sitting in an office over at Galpin Ford. Now, he would not be running a car dealership. He just wouldn't. I don't know what Bo would be doing. Bo makes plenty of money, and Bo's happy. But I'm just saying does Bo know what would he really be doing? I see. Probably wouldn't be this. And he should be grateful to his grandfather and his dad for bringing him into this business. And he leads a great life. But does he ever wake up in the middle of the night and go, who am I? What am I doing? I know what I'm talking about. What am I doing there? Right. I want to be taking pictures of waterfalls in the assembly. And I would be no better than Bo. That's for God damn sure. If my dad was a Lucius Bachman, I don't know if he's dad is saying Moysha Bachman. If my dad was that guy, if my dad was Bo Bachman's senior, and he pulled me into this thing at a high school or college or whatever, I'd be in, man. And I'd be in right now. Like there's no way I'd be taking my groundlings classes. And now I'd have plenty of money. I'd be comfortable. I'd be getting laid. I'd have a cool custom new Ford once a year. I'd be driving around a crowned Vic with the cops suspension. I'd be fine. And I don't think I'd move. I'm so curious about that. I find myself fantasizing all the time. What would life have been like, let's just say, if I wasn't desperately driven to better my circumstances? Because there was really no option. My trust fund was at my parents' trust that I will fund them. That is also your trust fund. Like, I spent one summer working for my dad at his shop and in Santa Rosa. It was so fucking miserable. Yeah. Well, specialized in electronics like alternators. Alternators and starters. And what I would do is I would take the pickup and I would deliver the rebuild alternator to generator starters and sometimes drop off the core. I would drop it off to whatever other mechanic. High end customer. High end customer. Like when you're rebuilding your alternator or starter. Luxury brands. Yes. These are not people who can just buy another one. Well, I'll tell you, the only guy lower on that food chain is me who would go out to Sun Valley to pick a part and pull a starter off a 79 dots and pickup truck where someone had died four days earlier and if the head on collision, but the starter was still intact. You don't have to think of death on it. You wipe the blood off and the brain matter and you bring it in. That's fine. So I'd be driving around delivering these parts and generally, I think at the time I was probably 17 and the almost every shop had the poster of like the half naked girls with the tools and the automotive part companies gave away these. So it was a little creepy because I'd walk in and oh, you're a Nelson Strosser's daughter and it was just all a creepy experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were, I could tell it was a little, this is, that's our friend's daughter. But on the other end, she is 17 and it's hot. So she's putting her cut off. But you stepped out there, methamphetamines. You know what's weird? I can't sniff out meth with my eyes. Yeah, she's only worked for description. Yeah, yeah, so I realized then I've got, I need another alternative because this sucks and I cannot do this for my lifetime. Yeah, and you work a couple of shifts over at islands and you realize I'm fucking miserable. Well, yeah, a year, who will hands? But the point is, you do need, I mean, look, let's put it this way. If you're metaphorically, when you're asleep, to get you out of bed, you either need to hear an alarm or wet yourself or hear somebody break the window downstairs or push you or, yeah, there needs to be a discomfort level for you to rise and get up and get dressed and go forward. Something has to agitate you. Oh, yeah. We need to put a pebble in your shoe. Right. And when you're just lying there, and your comforter feels all snugly, and you got your silk sheets, and your saw and logs in here, the sound of the rain forest behind you, and you have the blackout curtains, you really don't feel like getting up. So there needs to be a discomfort level and. Scratchy wool blankets. Yes. Parking dogs. Mine was made of hair. We got all these calls, you got all your news. Let's take a call, and then we'll do some news. That's good. We'll do that. All right. All right. There's lots of interesting questions from WAH here. Let's start with line three, Tim. Hey, guys, what's going on? What's going on, Tim? Well, I really like how all the network and podcast stuff is going. Thanks, Tim. Film balls, really cool. I'm glad you guys brought that. Yeah. Brian seems to be doing really good with this totally awful. How is your health, Brian? It's okay. I sort of generally clinically, you know, basically how I'm doing, quote unquote, and I walked all over God in Italy and without a scratch, so I feel like I'm doing okay. When do we get your next pet scan? Am I right? At about 24 hours. I'm going to. I was supposed to have one Friday, but I was. Stuck in Italy. Stuck in Italy. So we'll find out some news on. Hopefully, no news. Hopefully you're like, "Hey, still the same. Carry on." But I feel as good as I felt three months ago, baby. We send us an email if, you know, when you hear something. Yeah, if I'm not baby and ever again, I'll send you an email. Please. All right. Tim, go ahead. And also, like the parent experiment, he's beginning better and better all the time. Yeah, everything's getting good. And I adore you, Adam, of course. But I have a beast that I want to express to you. Okay, go ahead. How you can hate unbop villain. I don't understand. You love John Hyatt. You seem to have, like, music. You have a good taste, otherwise. But I don't understand why he don't like Bob Dylan. It breaks my heart every time you hate on him. Okay. Well, let me put this into perspective, as I try all the time. You know, when I get into the Bob villains of the world or the Kate Hudson's of the world, saw Little Bride Wars, by the way, over the weekend. Just to see how bad it was. Oh, see that. Yeah, it's not good. When I hate on these people, A, it's nothing personal, and B, it's not because I don't think they're capable. I just think they're overrated. First that Kate Hudson and Bob Dylan and uttered the same stuff. That's the whole thing. Actually, ever. Act lady A. Act with an A. So it's that it's that it's that thing where I, you know, Kate Hudson is a fine actress. Well, not a great actress. Okay, she's an okay actress. She's not beautiful. She's cute, sir. And the Bob Dylan thing is, Bob Dylan's written a lot of really good songs. He has a mediocre voice. It's an interesting voice. I'll give that but a mediocre voice. I don't like his heart playing very much. And I give him his, I give him his due for writing some really iconic songs and being the voice in the right place and the right time. I just don't want to worship at the altar of the guy, like everyone else. I don't, I think John Hyatt is better than Bob Dylan. I know he's better than Bob Dylan. I songwriting is better than Bob Dylan's. His songs are more interesting. And for me, they have a sense of humor to them. Which I like. Which Bob Dylan has some really clever stuff. And he's good. There's a guy that no one's heard of that I think's better than he is. So I bring him up every time Bob Dylan's name comes up. And I'm just tired of hearing about Bob Dylan. He's fine. He's good. There's a lot of guys I think are better than he is. And I don't, I just don't think Bob, if you once saw John Hyatt doing acoustic set. You saw Bob Dylan doing acoustic set. You'd like John Hyatt better. Bob Dylan has going for him cultural relevance due to the timing. That's right. And I, and I, and you can't take that away from someone. On the other hand, it can't count as talent either. Right place, right time, captured the imagination of a nation, and all that kind of stuff. He also experienced his Jewish last name to a more Gentile name. Yeah, that's right. He's not going for him. Yeah, and he has some really, you know, laylady lays a good song. And he has a bunch of good songs. And then he has to like, he's not going to work on Maggie's farm no more. And who gives a shit? Yeah, I can hear tangled up in blue on a loop. Well, plus it's about depression. Yeah. To me, I don't know what it's about, but to me it is. Yeah, so I heard the hurricane on that time radio. That's another great song. There's nothing kind of there. Oh, it's a little, you know what? It's very preachy. It's very specific. Yes. And it needs a little more metaphor. It's a story. Yeah. Somebody has a question about the unicycle. Cool. Hey, Chase. Here's a chase. What's happening, Chase? Hey, man. How you doing? Good. By the way, speaking of Bob Dylan, I am the only human being that's not a huge Bob Dylan fan. Every single person in this business, although it's kind of interesting. The Jews are huge into Dylan and the huge into Springsteen. And I think they kind of count them as their own or something. Springsteen, how do you? I know, but he's like an honor. He's been kissed in. He loves him. They love him. There's no way to that does not love Bob Dylan. Springsteen is from Jersey. His name is Springsteen and he can play. It was a lot of love. Yeah, well, he's tortured and he's a good writer. And if someone said he was Jewish, you'd believe it. Of course. Except for the part where he rocks. Do you have anyone like that? Someone who everyone loves, but you? For me, it's Bob Marley. Speak up. Everyone loves Bob Marley. Right guys. Right guys to cop out boring, horrible music. Oh god. Yeah, I have. But mine are people I have to pretend to like. One director. No, no. You're like, they're really hip director that directed the movie where the guys are all mean to that one girl. Oh, um. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. How was that guy's name? I do not get that guy. It was the movie. Yeah, that was the movie. And I've since seen his other movies and I don't get any of them. Todd Salons? Hey, Chase. No, I like him. Find out in the film vault. Chase? Yes. Is it Chase? Question for me? Yeah. Um, I'm getting ready to do a music video where I'm riding the unicycle, playing the guitar and singing. All at the same time and being a fellow unicycleer. Uh, it's kind of funny because I've actually gotten this all together in my own town and let me do it on square. And we try to document the process and I was wondering. There's intense things that you might think that everyone may run the problems of time to do this. Uh, yeah. Are you good on the unicycle? Yeah, you know, I've been riding for about five or six years off and on to something fun and I've had that idea to maybe try to create a viral music video. so like, okay, go, you have them on, not that long. - Sure, yeah, riding the treadmills. Yeah, but the advice you want from me is on what? - Well, I think, you know, I guess I got that on your nuts. I got to tell you, the unicycle, I was off it from, you know, age 10 to age, you know, 40. And the nuts grow quite a bit and gain a little sensitivity in that time. And then when you climb back onto the unicycle and you sit on your nut sack for the first time, it's like, holy shit. - It's like my new cycle. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You never forget, nuts do get more sensational. - Oh, that is a sorry. (laughing) Chase, I don't know what Chase's question is, sounds like a good idea. It just, reason 105, why my parents are horrible, which was, as you guys have heard before, the reason I have no unit, it was off, I took a 30 year sabbatical from the unicycles because when I broke my arm, I rode my unicycle with my cast on. (laughing) I don't think my mom, my mom didn't mind being a crappy parent, but I don't like it, I don't think she liked it when I advertised it around the neighborhood. Like, well, who's riding around with it? Literally, I had a broken shoulder with a huge cast on my arm and I would ride my unicycle, like, hey, no big deal. I literally broke my shoulder playing football and then I put, they put a huge cast on my arm and I rode around with it. And she didn't like the kind of advertising, so she said, off the unicycle until you get the cast off and I rode the unicycle no problem with my cast on and then gave the thing away to a guy up the street and named Chris and then when the cast came off two months later, I said, a Chris, where's my unicycle? And he said, I put it in your yard. And I said, well, gee, it's not in there and he said, yeah, what are you gonna do? And then I said to my mom, hey, mom, did you say that? You know, so I got a Chris put in my yard and she said, now, what are you gonna do? And then I said, well, maybe you could call Chris's mom and see if it can get me another unicycle and she said, all right, and that was the end of that. - You're one passionate. The one thing you were tripping that-- - I fucking unicycle. - Oh, you're in flames for $14. She's gonna got me another fucking-- - Stuffed out. - But here's the horrible, there's the horrible burning. A, it wasn't a bong, B, you know, it wasn't $3,600 to go to Cape Canaveral to go to space camp for a month. It was literally a $20 unicycle, which most parents would consider a nice activity. Like, just getting exercise, he's doing it. - You have a bike. - Get some sunshine. - Yeah, a whole bike would be 40 bucks. This is a half a bike. This is a half a bike and announced, you know, and I wasn't the one who wanted to give the thing away. You're the one who made me get off it, which then freed it up for Chris Debarro, not the Chris, you know, this Chris. And by the way, three brothers, two of them dead, two of them dead before age 25. - Jesus Christ. - Yeah, a little bit of a curse over there. - Oh, you. - I don't know if it had anything to do with my unicycle or not, but three brothers, one of them gone at 19, the other one gone at, I don't know, 23. - One thing that I'll say for your parents and for mine, I'm not sure about if this is true for yours, but I think it is, is that they've been very good sports. They weren't good parents, but they've been good sports about us discussing it. - Well, they don't know. - They don't even bother them. - Well, what are the things about not being a fan? It's not being a fan. - Well, I haven't been thinking about this lately because of my book, which ended up to be a lot about, was just, it's just about being pregnant, but it ended up to be a lot of worrying that I was gonna turn into my mom, and thus be at best neutral on motherhood. And it works like this is the worst buzzkill that's ever happened, you know? So I didn't even think about it, and then now that I'm just polishing it, I suddenly got a little nervous. Like, wow, my mom really takes some hits. I mean, I didn't intend for this to be about that, but really, I was really, why was I concerned? Because motherhood looked so fucking awful based on how it was for my mom. - Yeah, it was a bummer. - It was a bummer. - It was a bummer, it was a burden. I was like, you know, every time I said to my mom, - You don't mean that's burdenin' buzzkill? - Hey, buzzkill. No, I'd say to my mom, like, hey mom, could you give me a ride to Van Aysha? - Oh my God. - I was the same way, it's like, why would you want to have kids? You derive no pleasure from having them because you never go to any pop-order football games, you never cheer, you never get excited. - I believe you alone sometimes. - If they're on cable TV, you don't even bother to get cable. So there's nothing, there's zero pleasure that can come from it, and then they wanna, they wanna quarter for the ice cream truck, and you gotta act like they fuckin' asked for dry in all right. - Right. - Like, oh God, oh no, really? Oh, Jesus, fuck. - Well, I was like, concerned that this was gonna, you know, which is why I made it happen. That was all I had, and also it continued. Like, it wasn't just that my mom wasn't so great with being responsible for my brother and I, which by the way, she lost custody, which was unheard of back then. She lost full custody of both of her kids when we were three and five. So that shows you about the level of parenting that she was manifesting. She got me back, I won't go into it, but let's just say they made a few mistakes. God bless them. They're God's children, as Zachary Levi would say. I'm sure. Jesus loves them, Levi. But my mom also, it extended to just hating babies, and I didn't realize. - I didn't like babies here. - You being a restaurant, okay, with my mom, and a baby would cry, and my mom would literally get up and leave, like the sound of a baby crying, and I was just brainwashed. I was indoctrinated, like babies are awful. The sound of them crying is a knife and you're fucking brain. If people take their babies in public and the baby cries, the people are awful, the baby is awful, and now they've ruined everyone's dining experience. - The good news is Logan, if you accord that, we now have a new intro for the Paris family. - Yeah. (laughing) - I'm not going. - Anyway, I remember. - You're so wonderful as hula hands when the kids were coming. - Oh God, so anyway, so look, the whole time I was pregnant, I wasn't talking to my mom at all. I think my brother told her I was pregnant, she didn't call, and then in the end, the baby's breasts at eight days old, my husband convinced me to invite my mom, and when she showed up and saw the baby. - Hold on. - Yes. - Why is your husband at home? - I'm like, listen, you know, my feeling would be like, good rinse and good luck. Like, I know, listen, your husband's much better man than I am. Like, I would be like, look, if this annotates her, or they don't want to, on the other hand, is was she trying to heal you a little through her? - Yes, I think he thought like he needs. - I got to live with this nutcase for another seven to 12 years. - Depending if he takes back up smoking or not? - Yeah. - I just think it's for divorce, I got it, not death, all right? - But, you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - Yeah, I think he was looking at the long term, and he thought, he did the right thing, and anyway, well, I won't go into it, but it has a happy ending in as much as my mom showed up with no notice. She just drove from Vegas five hours and showed up at this bris. - Yeah. - And when she saw the baby, it was like her face was trying to be like, this is no big deal 'cause she's kind of cold, but there was just tears. I mean, it was just like, the baby was just covered in tears in her shirt, and it was like, just this really-- - Oh, it was baptized. - Yeah, and it was also baptized. So anyway, it comes full circle, and in the acknowledgments, I do thank her because she did help babies that the baby while I was writing the book, but she takes major hits. I mean, about like hating kids, about our house being a mess, and it's kind of like-- - You can't, I mean, there's a couple, I got a couple of quick stories here. First off, just from Ryan and I was like, really? It was like, it was like emotional. I was in my workout room. I was skipping my rope, and then I came back into the, oh, now I'm trying to get down, he's attention to that. - He was curious when people have no peripheral vision. - You got a frame right now, so yeah. - Well, anyway. I was skipping my rope, and I was just thinking about life, and I just thought, you know what? Love life, and love your life, and ease up, and enjoy, and blah, blah, blah, and I was just having that thought. And I came back into the house, and I have to walk through the kids' room, and the kids were asleep, their lights were off, and they were sleeping, but they'd just gone to sleep, so they're still awake. So I was kind of quietly trying to get past my son's bed, and my son said, daddy. And I said, yeah, he said, come here. I want to tell you a secret, and I leaned in, and he said, I love you. And I just, I broke down, I was just like a heap, I just, it was like tears. I didn't want to upset them, but I was like, I was just like a sobbing mess. I really, I was like, had this huge rush of this emotion, and hold on, it's not me, I have a fucking problem with this. I, that's a weird, that's a weird thing. Well, you know, you make a good waiter, actually. There's a weird, he walked right, you're flapping your arms around. So now, that's, that's number one. - I just interrupt your emotional story. - Did you lost it? - Yes, Brian's when feverishly flapping is off, so you walked right now off to the bed, that. - He's ready for his check. Just tell our guests to hold on a second. - I'll warm up on the coffee. - No, I'm gonna give you a cue when it's done. Thanks. [BLANK_AUDIO] Yeah, I'm writing a book too, and you write a book, and you have to write something about the author, and you have to tell these stories, and you start getting into these stories, and you can't help it because that's what happened. That's the way it was, people were divorced, people were depressed, people you're on your own, you're doing your own thing, you're fending for yourself, you can't manufacture things, that's unfair, and you can't say my parents were evil, because that's unfair. But, were they supportive? Not really, did they pay for college, or even talk about it, or even discuss it? No, obviously they didn't, were they that interested? Yeah, I mean, look, I don't feel like if you're accurate, then you become a historian. Like, you're not talking, hey, Germany invaded Poland. Hey, stop talking shit about Germany. Why you got a dis Germany? Well, that's what they did. That's what happened. I'm just reporting it. So, I've had to get into that a little, my book too, and then I had one of these moments where it was, I haven't told this on the air, I don't think, but it was one of those, maybe I have, but hope mom doesn't hear this one. It was definitely one of those, oh yeah, that's what I remember. That I remember you, yeah, I haven't, I haven't talked to you in a while, but I don't remember, but now that's right. You're back. Yeah, you reared your ugly head, that's how it goes. My family, their policy is, they're the greatest people in the world, but if you want them to do anything for you, you've come to the wrong fucking place. Like, my mom doesn't do shit for anybody, and neither's my dad, and they're like, they don't have any money, they don't have any skills, and they don't do anything for anybody. No resources. No resources, and not even, listen, I'm no painter, but if you're painting your house, I'm bringing over six back. No, they've never helped. My dad's never helped the human being move, or body move, or whatever, like they just don't do things. Nice people, they don't do things for for the kids, and really for anyone. And so, but I forgot, but what happens is, is you find out quickly as a kid, oh, don't ask this person for anybody for anything. Right. It's pretty easy. You ask somebody, hey, can I borrow a dollar? And somewhere around the 10th time, you ask them borrow the dollar, there's no 11 time. You don't go back. So, I would just go out in the world and bump stuff from people, eat at other people's houses, and borrow money from other people, and whatever. And then, when I become an adult, if something happened, like, you know, I got, I got picked up on warrants and put in a jail. I got picked up on warrants and put in a jail, and I called my buddies. You know, they they don't have any money. I knew they didn't have any money, but at least they had will. Like, I knew my mom and my stepdad had 600 bucks to bail me out, but I wouldn't even think of calling them, and I knew Chris and Ray and Snake didn't have 600 bucks. I knew they each had $200, and they put it together. They could whatever, because it was my mom, who I spoke to earlier in the week, or I said, I got warrants. I was kind of testing the waters. Like, maybe she'd go, how much did the video? And she told me, take, take bluff side instead of Ventura, and that's where I got pulled over and arrested. So, I actually got arrested. When I haven't had any of these glimpses, now my mom was a wounded poor wounded person whose mom was horrible to her, and she basically spent her whole life taking care of herself. My mom has three modes. She has, feels the cold coming on. Has a cold or just got over a cold. Those are three modes. But either way, she ain't going to help you, because something's coming on. She's got something. Or she's getting over. Getting over. So, I consequently have not asked her or my dad for anything ever in my adult life ever. I mean, once a while, I'll crop up, like, we'll need a sitter or something like that, and Lynette'll say, why don't you, and I'll just be like, you know what? I got a streak going here. I can't break it. I've never spoken about anything. I've never asked them for anything. I never will. And I've been lucky enough, and they've been lucky enough that I'm not a drug addict, and that I can take care of myself. But when we were doing our first show at the Elportale Theater, I wanted to, my mom wanted wanted tickets. In North Hollywood. In North Hollywood. Somebody had tipped my mom off to the tickets, and I probably told the story on the air about saying, again, this will feel familiar to you, to you. But also, again, it's one of those moments, whoever you are, where you go, oh, yeah, that's that person. That's why that's why I have this. Yeah, and then you get back together, and then you go, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's why we broke up the first time. Or when you're firing somebody, and you go, you listen, you're other co-workers who called you verbally. You said, fuck you, douchebag. You're like, yes, that's why, right, and you can smell the booze coming from the room. Right, so I can only smells in it. I know, that's right. The shoes don't have the booze bells. So I was doing this show, two shows at the Elportale, and it was up on the marquee, and it's in North Hollywood, my hometown, and somebody passed it and told my mom that, because I don't invite anybody even in hometown. I do know inviting or anything, because that's my whole thing. Boom, good. We got me off, you got me off your list, you're off my list. I don't have to, I'm not borrow anything from you. I don't ever ask you for anything. You don't get invited to the shows. I don't ask for money. You don't ask, it's fine. The lives are clear. Right. So she wanted four comp tickets. Now, by the way, that money's my money. Right. Because that's how I get paid. And the shows sell out. The shows both sold out. And I get 80% of the door. We don't eat me, my car gets the podcast, 80% of the door. So that's just another, you know, whatever, 180 bucks we ain't going to get. But fine. But I called her that morning of the show because I knew she wanted the comps. I knew she'd be confused and blah, blah, blah. So I called her and it was Saturday morning. And I was kind of going over what we're going to do. And it was two big theater shows. I'm not a standup. I've never done this before. And Donnie's never done before. We had to set up this projector. And we're going to load up a whole bunch of slides of all my old life and the old stories and the everything. So I said, I call my mom about 11 o'clock, Saturday morning. I said, you know, I got comps. Your name will be at the window. Give me your name. It'll be you plus three, blah, blah. And then I paused and I said, hey, you know what I got to do today. I'm going around the old neighborhood. I'm taking pictures of the old apartment, my dad's old house, old places, the rental house. It's all in the same eight square blocks in North Hollywood. I'm going to go take a picture of the house whose closet I installed the wrong closet. I'm going to go by ABC closets and Burbank and take a picture of that. Then I got to go up the locker center and take a picture of the old house. Me and Ralph from K Rock lived in and the old shakies that they turned into a Mediterranean disco. And then I'm going to come back to the warehouse at like three in the afternoon. And we're going to mean Donnie. You're going to load everything in the computer. And then Donnie's going to go over to the thing and hook it up. And then blah, blah, blah. And I said, hey, do you have some pictures like some old pictures like of the house or me or my room or back in the day or anything? Because when I come out to North Hollywood to take all these pictures, old things, if I could swing by and get a couple pictures to photoskin into the computer, that would be big help. And she said, uh, yeah, yeah, well, I think we're some old pictures of the house and you and that kind of stuff around. And I said, uh, well, could you get them out? So then when I go buy in North Hollywood in a half an hour, 45 minutes, I'll come pick them up from you. And she said, well, could you give us a couple hours? I'm just, I'm making a health drink. I'm making a health drink. And I said, well, the problem with a couple hours is I got to go down, take a bunch of pictures in North Hollywood, then I'm going to hit Burbank, always better closets. Then I'm going to go up the locker center and then I'm coming back to Glendale to load them into the thing and coming back to North Hollywood, be whatever. And she said, uh, well, we're right in the middle of making a health drink. Now, the house is 1100 square feet. It has two closets and there's a shoe box with some pictures sitting in one of those two closets. And I said, I said, mom, I'm really, I'm stressed out. I'm really busy. I'm slammed because we got two shows, hour and a half shows at a theater tonight. It's sold out. And in between now and those two shows, I got to drive all over creation, take all these pictures. Then Donnie and I got a load of man to make an order and blah, blah, blah. And she said, yeah, it's just we're making the health drink. And you know, of course, I could have just left my house and she could have gone and got the fucking shoe box out of a closet and pulled it out. She's also a little worried. That's going to take the pictures and burn them and then fake it a lot or something, you know, let them run pie this health drink. They can't like leave it alone. Claps turned into jelly. Smoothie seems like a pretty simple option. All right. And then I said, you know what? A little sarcastically, a little bitterly, but she didn't pick up on it. I said, hey, mom, forget it. I'm fine. I'll take the pictures and handle it myself. And she said, okay, well, I'll see you tonight. And I thought, that's it. That's it. I'm taking care of myself. Right. I'm bringing my smoothie, my health, right? My health, right? Because something might be coming on for me. Yeah. I'm going to take care of me. You, I'd like to get four free tickets from. Right. And also for yourself. But you just said, hey, man, I'm really swamped today. Yeah. I know you in step daddy got nothing. It's not like her going, I got a dental appointment. And if I cancel it, they're going to have to pay for it. You got nothing on your fucking ledger. I'm telling you, I'm fucking and slam, this guy rebuilt your house. Now, sorry, take care of yourself. And I just thought, yep, that's right. That's why I checked out at 13 and never asked for anything. - Right, the part of the maternal equation that involves sacrifice is just missing. - Yeah, but it's okay, 'cause study loves you. - Oh my God. - That's all good, man. - That's probably why that was such a rush of euphoria. It was like, this didn't happen in my case. Those like you, you know, you could have walked on by, you didn't, and the fact that he, that was his secret and then he feels that bond with you shows that you didn't become, you know, a corolla in that sense. - Yeah, yeah, let me, let me ask the wheeze, a question. Hey, wheeze. - Yeah. - Maybe we do our next guest, just a separate show. All right, there's Adam Crowell Show 314. Okay, but next we have Adam Crowell Show 333. The great Billy West, Teresa Strosser, and Brian Bishop, the very first episode of the new ACS format that mimicked the radio show format, but evolved from a different style of ads versus ad breaks, a different running time. All together, one show was opposed to segmented as much as the old morning show was. A whole bunch of differences, but a whole bunch of the same. The stuff we all wanted, missed, classic episode. Really fantastic start, Billy West was a staple of the morning show, and he's very funny here. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, Riley, auto parts. Yeah, they're in the business, keep your car in the road. You know that, they're offer friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need to maintain and repair your car. Ah, I got race cars. Race cars are funny, they're high performance, but they're simple. So you can work on a lot of the stuff yourself and that's why I always go to a Riley. They've got thousands of parts and accessories in stock, either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you're in a jam. Their team can test your battery for free in or out of the car. So if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one, and if you need windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed, or a quick service, they've got you covered as well. - I've come in there scrambling before and been astonished and have friendly and helpful. Everyone is there and they know their stuff. They even held the door for me last time as it the one in Glendale. The professional parts people, the Riley Auto parts, are your one stop shop for all things, auto do it yourself, and you can find what you need either in store or online. It's O'Reilly, right Dawson? - Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit them. - At oReillyauto.com/atom, that's oReillyauto.com/atom. - Hello and welcome to Pluto Fall. We're all your blockbuster favorites or landing all summer long. - Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. - Welcome to the real world. - Mean Girls. - Set up. - Titanic. - I'm the key in the world. - And so much more for Showtime's press nothing. They're free 24/7. - That is so a fact. - On Pluto TV, stream now. Pay never. - From a warehouse in Glendale, California to your iPod, it's the old and improved Adam Corolla show. Adam's guest today from Futurama, Philly West. Teresa Strosser's got the news. And Ball Brian's back on sound effects. Plus a spirited round of what can't Adam complain about. And now, don't call it a comeback. He's been here for years. Adam Corolla. - Yeah, get it on. You got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Well, welcome to Teresa Strosser. - Thank you for having me. - Welcome, Ball Brian. Hey man. Sup. - That's your first stop. I was thinking all day. - What your first drop can it be? - We got the 360 sound effects machine for Ball Brian. He spent the weekend loading up his 2,000 or so drops. And he stole from the radio show. - You know what? I really wonder if for this very momentous occasion, if maybe from the dead, Isaac Hayes might speak to us. - I'd like to spend the entire show just listening to all the drops. I haven't heard what feels like forever. - I miss Isaac's. - So Isaac says no. - Wait a minute. - How is this show going to do in this new format? - Oh, you can't throw this on Brian. He has a tumor, the size of Texas and he has a root. - What? - Oh my God. - Isaac says it's going to be good. - He says it's going to be good. - Sometimes. - Sometimes it's going to be bad. - What? - Oh, all right. Let's stop blowing ourselves here T. - Yeah. - If in fact, we're going to do that. Couple things I want everyone to know. First off, it was very fitting that I was, I stopped to get gas on the way here. And I waved at a guy who was in a really shitty Honda and his name was Lawrence. By the way, when you name your kid Lawrence, it's either going to be, he's going to be a skippering his own yacht through, you know, Monaco or he's going to be skippering a piece of shit Honda Civic through Glendale. It's a little flip of the coin with Lawrence. - And now stop speaking. So Lawrence. Lawrence came up to me and he said, - Hey, Larry Miller. - Hey, Adam, hey, what's up, what's up? What's going on? And I said, you know, nothing. And he wanted an autograph. And he said, he said, man, what's, wow, man, it's the radio show, man. I missed the radio. I listened to you on the love line. I listened to you in the morning. And now what happened, you're gone. And I said, Lawrence, good news, buddy. Good news for you because, you know, Teresa, and he's like, I hate that bit. And I was like, well, you got, no, I said, - Wow. - No, he said, he said, I said, I'm doing it. I'm doing the show. - He's getting out of, take things personally. - No, no, he didn't say that. I said, I said, I'm getting the band back together, Lawrence. And I'm doing it right now. And he said, not with Danny. And I said, no, not with Danny. Yes, that's what he said. Construction worker. Hey, I said, we got Dawson back. We got Mike Lynch back. We got producer Angie back. Brian's got a sound effects. Teresa's back with the news. We're doing the guest. The format is back. We are back and I'm going there right now to do the, you know, the maiden voyage of the old, new format. And he was like, awesome. And I, someone, I have to hear, by the way. - I can do the door. - I have to hear later, isn't that's what I mean? That's all I needed to hear. All right, the point is, is I ran in the Lawrence and this was, he was an angel sent from recita. - Right, I can tell you. - Yeah, it's just to say, it's a harbinger of Goodwill. He just said, he said, man, I miss the show. I said, Lawrence, you are going to have the show. And this is what I want to say to everyone. We've been, essentially, we changed the format from a morning show to sort of dumped Charlie Rose, you know, basically where I just sat here and interviewed people. And it was good enough. It was a nice place holder. And I appreciate all you people who are listening, staying with us. But it was always my dream and my plan and Donnie's plan as well to really go back to this format, to get the band back together and do the show. We didn't have the time, we didn't have the money, we're working on a million different things, but we're back now. And here's how it's going to go. We are going to do a program. We're not going to do a podcast. That's going to be the Adam Corolla show, not the Adam Corolla podcast. We're going to have guests, we're going to have news. We're going to do the segments. We're going to do what can Adam complain about. We'll do Germany or Florida, we'll do all that stuff. And it'll be like the morning radio show, but instead of having to kill four hours, we'll do about 90 minutes, maybe two hours, and I'll get to say shit and fuck. And by the way, Jack Silver, my program director, can't say shit about the fuck that I'm saying. Right, and by the way, he did haul me into his office and tell me that I could never, ever do another bestiality store in his air. So I'm too ready for today. That's the point. It is what it was, but better, complete with Ball Bryan's sound effects. So the curtain can stop now. Here's the deal. People are getting paid now. So what's that mean? Well, that means that you guys can have us by soliciting. Yes. That was the whole peanut gallery life. It's a stipend about our amount of payment. People are getting paid. They're not getting rich, but they're getting paid. And thus, that means you guys are going to have to help us by helping some of our sponsors. And we won't have a lot of them. We'll have a few of them, and we'll work them in. It'll be seamless. It's like-- Totally organic. It'll be like me talking about man-great. Oh, really? What about it? Well, man-great is this big chunk of iron. It's 100% iron, and you put it on your grill. You know why the stakes at the Steakhouse taste so awesome? I'm going to talk to Bryan about this, because you eat like bean curd. But you know the stakes at the Steakhouse are awesome. And then no matter how much you spend at Whole Foods, you go home, and it's not the same. Can't get the same taste. Stainless steel. You're cooking all the grills come with like the stainless steel grill. This is an iron grill. And it absorbs the amoleances and the juices and all that. With that char. And then when you cook it up again, all the flavors are released again. It's great. They got a little Father's Day special, 25% off retail. And you can click on the banner at AdamCirola.com. and when you go there, and you click on that banner, you then help us. Again, Bald Bryan Sound Machine 3 Grand. Oh really? Lawrence from the parking lot of the Chevron. That's been the 3 Grand on that. That was at our pocket. So again, 100% made in America, 100% cast iron comes with a big wire brush, weighs about 80 pounds. It's awesome. And if you like to grill, or you have a dad that likes to grill, great Father's Day item, 100% cast iron, taste like a steakhouse, addoncrawler.com. All right, so Billy West is coming in. Yeah, and speaking of Danny, today I was somehow reminded of Cancer Danny. Remember when Billy West used to do that? Oh, yeah. Oh, maybe we can get him to do that. I have, I got a couple. I got a couple stories involving my ex partners. First day, I saw Dr. Drew and his wife and his dogs today that came over and nice little hike. Nothing cuter, by the way. Then my son on Dr. Drew's shoulders, while we hike along the nature trail, just hopped on them. And not a better 4-year-old or 50-year-old on the planet than my son on Dr. Drew's broad shoulders. So though, my son is too big a post to sit on my shoulders. He does that sort of sack of potatoes over my shoulders. You know, my daughter gets up, stands on my shoulders, and-- She's fearless. Absolutely fearless. But my son's kind of a pus. Anyway, hey, quiet, weezer, I can hear you in there. Or not, weezer. Someone's-- someone-- the inner comes on in there. Sorry. So where were we? Uh-oh. Dr. Drew hiking with a little sonny who used to be built like a butt plug. Right. Remember when you used to say that? Right. Now he's built like a double-ended dildo. Thank you. Yeah. No, where was I? I wasn't. You were hiking with the dogs? No, I actually started off with one of those pocketpussies. Then he went to the butt plug. Now he's a double-headed dog. You saw a couple of your partners. First, you saw Drew. Yeah. Came over with the dogs and-- Yeah. And actually first, last week, on Thursday night, I saw Jimmy Kimmel. And this is an interesting-- Made the news story. Yeah. So it was on TMC all over, splashed, all over TMC. And I think we can-- what happened was my worst nightmare. About a month and a half ago, I was watching TV with the Mrs. and I saw the commercial for the new Sex in the City. Sex in the City, too. And it said, coming out, May 27th. And I said, that's my birthday. And now I know how we're going to celebrate. Now, I was half kidding. Right. I saw the first one. I watched Sex in the City. I like Sex in the City. I'm the only dude I know, straight dude I know, who likes Sex in the City. But I was half kidding when I told my wife I want to see that's how we're going to celebrate my birthday. Now, the first fuck-up was since-- I saw the commercial two months ago and movies always come out on a Friday. I thought my birthday was on a Friday. Right. This is, you know, coming out May 27th. I said, oh, my birthday's on a Friday this year. I didn't do the math until the Wednesday before it that it came out on Thursday. I guess when you're that big, you come out a day in advance. Exactly. Either way, I said we're seeing this. So my wife, as a joke, said, oh, well, and not as a joke. Actually, it's funny. It's interesting when people want to do things. Like, there's plenty of shit. Lynette doesn't want to do. You can really tell. Like, you can tell when people aren't interested. We get in this argument all the time. It's kind of like talking to a kid. And he goes like, I don't know what you want me to do. And you go, how about you just help clean up around here? Well, like, what? What do you want? And you go, well, what do you mean? What? What do I have to tell you? There's a sink full of dishes. And they go, well, I don't know what you want me. You know, and you go, come on. If you wanted to do something, you would do something. Yeah, if you would see that the pots need watering. If you were looking for something to do. Oh, I got it. It's exciting. Yes. That's the point. So Lynette, when she doesn't want to do shit, is pretty much cross between a cigar store Indian and a pier pile on. But when she wants to do shit-- Effective. Totally effective. Which makes me mad because I go, oh, this is what's lurking inside of you? Sure, I'm reminded of when our former intern Ted seemed pretty useless until there was 10 grand on the table for Outbook August. And then he booked, I want to say Howard Stern. You'd be absolutely amazed. I thought I'd call them. The point is, yes, what people can do when they're motivated. So Lynette wanted to see sex in the city, obviously. And I was kind of joking about it. But all of a sudden, she calls Jimmy. She gets everyone on the blower, and it is done. And I said to her, come on. Nobody I know, cousin, Sal, Jimmy, these people-- no one wants to see sex in the city. And then they all decided, be funny, kind of, as a goof, and especially on opening night. It's quite a long movie. I mean, you're really committing to this gag. That's where the pot comes in. So Jimmy says, great, all by all the tickets at the arc light. You buy the weed. And he-- no, they provided that as well. I love that theater. And he said, the only thing they had available was the front row. So we get the whole front row. Now, this is basically West Hollywood or Hollywood opening night, eight o'clock, showing for sex in the city. The theater is just chalk a block filled with chicks. And I don't mean chicks. I don't mean like producer Angie chicks. I mean like-- Spinsters. And not only that, the ones like where she comes out, where rock and the high heels, they're like, woo! You dress up for it. Oh, yeah. Woo! I mean, it's insane. It's really-- it's as close as I've ever been to a Magic Johnson theater. It really is in terms of-- in terms of the-- Interactivity. Lot of interactivity. I mean, it's really-- it's somewhere between like a black theater and rocky horror. So like the first Samantha sexual entendre the crowd goes, no. Woo! You go. Yeah, yeah. And plus, the whole movie was just chalk full of, you know what? Sometimes the best man for a job is a woman. Woo! Just tons-- just non-stop. They're just completely pandering to the games and the kids. That's all I've got. And I got the chicks behind me like screaming. So-- Well, it opens with the Jay-Z song, right? Yeah, that's it. And so, well, I don't know. We were a couple minutes late. But the point is, oh my god. So somebody pulled out these medical marijuana things that look like those little-- you know, there's new breath fresheners that are paper thin about the size of a postage stamp. You just put them on your tongue, and they just melt away. They just dissolve. That, except for like 80-bone loads worth of that. Wow. You just put the thing on your tongue, and it's like eating a pan of pot bread. I do not know this existed. Oh my god. Look at Dawson nodding his head over there. It's insane. And it doesn't end. But it's good. But it does not end. And I only half of one of those fucking posters there. Right, because that's a problem with pot. You don't really know the strength until you start. And I've gone on that pot-browny magic carpet ride, where I couldn't get off for way too long. It's like-- it's a beautiful monorail up in the sky. And someone says, get on. And you go, this is awesome. And you go around the park, and you see the Disney. You go through the Matterhorn. You see the submarines. And you see the autotopia and all that kind of stuff you go around. And then at a certain point, you go, all right, I'd like to get off. And a guy starts laughing maniacally. No. No. No, we're going around 200. You get off with, I say. When I say it, that's like a very long fucking time. Right, that's what happens with pot brownies. So I just took half. I just took one of these postage stamps. I just tore it in half, and I just put it on my tongue, and it just melted away. I was high as a kite, immediately. You get some popcorn? Oh yeah, popcorn, red wine, everything. Because we're like in the drinking part of the, you know, arc light. I never had a better movie going experience in my life. I was screaming at the thing. I was whooping and hollering with the gays and the chicks. I got to tell you, I know the movie's not being very well reviewed. I have some reviews. Do not sit alone in your apartment and watch this movie. You have to see it in a group. Get high on one of those green postage stamps. Right. And return to stoner. That's basically what I said on there. And get high as a kite, and go with a bunch of gays, and a bunch of yentas, and then just scream, and then just let the music pick you up and carry your way. You will be, and I say, carry like carry branch up. Yeah. Screaming, and hooding, and hollering. And that's right. And actually, they're printing the posters immediately with their quote. I was like, you'll get out of it. Let it carry you away. Get high. Get to gays. I was high as a kite, but I will say this. The first hour was fairly tight, fairly well done, very great visually, and all that kind of stuff. And then it started to get preaching, didn't know where to end, and did that piece of shit thing that movies that overstay their welcome do. Paul Brian knows this from working on the film vault. It always drives me nuts when they do this. They go, all right, we have a movie here that should be about an hour and 45 hour and 50 minutes long. But we're going to make it two hours and 23 minutes long. Except for somewhere around two hours and 19 minutes in, we're going to realize we're going long, and then just wrap it up. So it's like, wait a minute. You fuck. already went well over two hours and I'm getting that kind of rushed ending that like a sudden ending after I've sat here high yes yes I felt right by the way this is just a quick brief bit of a snatch if you will that'll be an important word later of a review because I know you were high but let's just say you had not been all right this is a from Lindy West of strangers dot com sex and city two takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human working hard contributing to society not being an entitled cut like it's my job and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car it is 146 minutes long which means that I entered the theater in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long white mustache this is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls eat some weed bitch what about Roger Ebert the movies visual stylers are threaded director Michael Patrick King covers the sitcom dialogue by dutifully cutting back and forth to whoever is speaking Carrie narrates the film providing useful guidelines for those challenge bites intricacies sample later that day big and I arrived home he needs to pot patch because I don't think he can swallow oh yeah oh yeah no it could probably dissolve on his tongue but who wants to get nearest tongue let's give that pot patch all right see three people will thank you well from the Guardian in the UK I sensed a claustrophobic panic rolling high was that wait was that Ebert's review that he voiced yeah I don't know I don't know his his his voice is automated voice things sounds like oh she sound like set or set one of the Stephen Hawking it's got Stephen Hawking mixed with R2D to how 2001 or how it's got a little that this is a little English accent well this guy from the UK says I sensed a claustrophobic panic growing at the screening I attended like Martin Sheen waking from his uneasy slumber and apocalypse now and thinking shit I'm still in Saigon various members of the audience would emerge from their periodic reveries and mumble out loud shit Carrie and her friends and by that token we the audience are still in Abu Dhabi yeah well they hit you over the head with all the you know sort of oppression of women in the Middle East right that kind of stuff and it got a little preachy but look here's what I'll say about this and and I think I think all movies and an all restaurants for that matter and even some literature should be everything really that's reviewed should be reviewed like this if you're not a fan of this kind of food or this kind of movie you're gonna be miserable right if you do like this kind of stuff you'll probably like it because it's more of the same sure like how they review horror movies I would never see a horror movie however if I were a fan of that genre I'd like to know if I would like said horror movie right for checks exactly yeah and even within like porn genres if you like a busty black women stepping on cockroaches and high-heeled shoes and it doesn't there's still like Casa Blanca and a doctor show Chicago of that right yeah but then there's a hot tub time machine of that right so the point is is there can be bad even within the genre that you like but here's a deal if you're a big sex in the city fan you'll enjoy even if I'm not hot well would it kill me to sit in the parking lot of the arc light and take one bong hit am I too old and I'm a mom I announced what I was done with this movie I'll never see another movie really I I won't do anything now I won't go to any of my kids recitals I won't arrive I want to operate an aircraft there's nothing I'll do anymore that after this postage nap thing this is unbelievable I did have occasion to smoke pot yeah I smoke pot like once a year and I smoke pot the other day but it was like an emergency medicinal pot it wasn't like let's have fun this was eating happy pot that's the best kind mine mine was like I have to readjust my central nervous system this one had done it and then and then what happened so enjoyed the shit out of the movie with all my gay friends and all that that was awesome and also by the way seeing the miserable look on Jimmy and cousin South's face was was today enjoying it well I don't know I was so high everyone was so high that I don't even know what they knew they just knew it was really funny in ironic that they were there right and and that was good and man show guys at sex in the city movie right so what happened was is when we were leaving that then we're gonna go get somebody because you know what are you gonna do when you're that high right now do you still have your tampon in at this point or do you take it out oh I just use in a pad just for spot eyes at I see light flow yeah light flow day and we we're leaving the arc light theater and stumbling out on the sunset Boulevard and sure enough there was a TMZ reporter and now I felt bad because this guy was like hey how was sex in the city it was just Jimmy and I walk in you know walk and point because you make your wives walk 10 paces behind no like an Abu Dhabi okay 15 15 so well now just in case a shit someone's got to pick it up right so I so we come stumbling out first and here's the sex here's here's the guy from TMZ now the funny thing is is when you listen to the story and I don't know if this is the one that aired on TMZ or this is the one from the website I think we have the one from YouTube which aired I hope but anyway well well let's just take a listen this is us coming out of the theater you know I was gonna ask you how was sex in the city oh yeah I thought you're guys gonna go see you're gonna go see kickass or something like that no no sex in the city yeah you look so happy I've never seen you look happy in my life I think the one from the TV show would be more interesting because it's got Harvey 11 in it it's got the guy in it it's got the music and stuff in it that's what I would this is fine nothing wrong with this one but if you go to YouTube you get the one that's actually from the broadcast because this is a long form version of it right so you want somebody pitching the story to Harvey he's sipping his coffee drink and he has a laugh I'm just saying oddably what do you think it's more interesting call yeah yeah because it's the one that's actually it's our first show I know there's there's some I didn't make it a bunch I didn't make it abundantly clear I said it was on YouTube that I should fire you and burn down your freaking house but here's the thing here's what I want to say even whether I even if I say get it from here get it from there isn't one that has Harvey 11 and as the guy talking about it on the TV show all that just a much more it's a richer it's a richer experience yeah yeah so we'll try to find that for you the point is the reason I bring that up is I so I thought all right we're busted for sure the man show guys are just walking out it's like you're coming out of a gay porn yeah and and it's the guys from the man show and I feel bad for Jimmy because I dragged him into it right right and this is the opening night I mean you're look I don't care if it's Star Trek or Saw 9 if you're out at the eight o'clock showing of the opening night especially when the opening night is a Thursday I think it's safe to say whoever's leaving that theater is a fan right I mean this is an event and it's difficult to even get tickets right for example transformers right there you go so I feel bad because we're gonna be outed essentially on TMZ and poor Jimmy didn't even want it didn't even want to go and I can't figure out how they're gonna spin this when I see it the next night and I didn't know for sure if the guy was from TMZ and I know if it was gonna be on TMZ but I watched the following Friday and it did come up we'll bring that up in a second I think it's on I think it's I'm almost positive it's on YouTube but so far I like your strategy of embracing it don't act ashamed act like I unironically meant to see this movie and I loved it yeah yeah and I was very good strategy I was still really high there oh obviously I've never seen you look how you're you foric I got to get one of those tabs I was in an awesome mood awesome I think I have glaucoma listen my eyes hurt if you if I give you oral right now you still get a little bit high from the amount that's still going through me now did anybody else partake yes yes there are plenty of partakers not everyone but plenty but your wife from time to time will enjoy every mood shifter yes there was some that she was high and one of the gals got so high that they had to pull the bring the car around oh no and by the way bring the car around for booze usually you can't walk right we've means I cannot maintain yeah this was after dinner this was after dinner bring the car oh my god yeah all right well we'll see if we can find the actual can I tell you briefly while they're looking for that we have it yeah I had occasion to have Demar all the other day for the first time yeah god damn it I understand Michael Jackson yeah so you ever had that yeah oh my god that's good it was your procedure this is the one that aired okay and I know you probably leave in the movie theater it was Adam Crowell's 46th birthday last night, so they'll leave in the movie theater. The guy goes, "How was sex in the city?" So they start joke with them. Awesome! Awesome! The first one was great. That's second one. It was great. Oh yeah. And then the camera guy goes, "I thought you'd see kickass or something like that." That's just the part where you kickass? Uh, no. Well then, no kickass. What? And. They're honest to God go. Now they're joking, man. Jimmy Kimmel falls back a little bit and then they can catch us up to him and ask him, they said, "How was sex in the city?" "Can I have a couple of guys?" "I'm the gay experience together, but I'll be in question." "Oh, hi." "You're on sex." Well, it's good to see you guys. It's really great for you. All right, thanks a lot, Jimmy. Now Harvey has to laugh heartily as if he's in on the joke. Yeah, except for. Harvey actually has. Did they go and then the whole room laughed at him? Right. So it's as if we didn't go and then I was talking to Kevin Hinch about it actually that night thinking, "Well, this is funny because all you have to do "to really get out of something is to go over the top." Like, "Oh, yeah, I love sex in the city." So I was thinking like if Lynette says like, "Are you cheating?" Yeah, that's what I do. I cheat all the time. I'm cheating right now. I'm thinking about fucking one of your friends this weekend. And your sister? Yeah, and then she just laugh it off and we can move on. Yeah, looks at everything. It's better than what you hear. I don't know. Why? Hold on. Who you talked to? Fucking Donnie. Right. Now does this work like if a cop pulls you over? Yeah. And ask you. Were you speeding? Were you speeding? Oh, fuck yeah. I set the land speed record. I just got back from Soulflats in Utah. Yeah, broke speed sound. You didn't hear Sonic boom behind me? Fuck yeah, I'm speeding now. This is awesome. Can you see my hair moving? Is that the Autobahn? I thought they were on the Autobahn. Yeah. Man, hell yeah. It's wide by German. I love speeding. And I'm drunk and shit. Now how about if the IRS tried to audit you? Have you been hiding any assets? Assets, speaking of hiding. Yeah, that's where I'm hiding them in my asset. Yeah, I have a pillowcase full of hundreds up there. It's awesome. Yeah, I bought a windmill and an island. And I actually put the windmill on the island. Yeah, that's from channeling all my assets. Yeah, the camons. Yeah, see, that's what you do. I thought you handled that very well. It's funny that I thought we were going to get roasted on TMZ and-- Well, you were celebrated. They thought we saw another movie. That's the point. I thought we were just cold busted and I didn't believe us. Max is your wife's celebrity crush, by the way. Oh, yeah. And blonde from TMZ, she likes him. Well, she is pretty. I got to say, normally your wife has one celebrity crush and then you have another. This is one you both could fuck. Right, I know. The blonde guy from TMZ. And I did work with him and he was an extremely nice guy. Oh, see, now you're making me that much hotter for him. All right, T-bone, you got some news? Yeah, so we start with life or death. Let's start with-- Oh, we got a little intro. Never mind, let's do some news. Let's do some news. Let's surprise us. Let's see, let's guys. Yeah. From the International News Center, next to Donnie's Minivites, this is The News with Teresa Strasser. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, what's that? OK, life or death? Sure. It's a good life. It's a good life. Celine Dion says the effort to begin pregnant with twins was physically and emotionally exhausting. We have an eight-year-old bald Canadian trying to fuck you. It'd get a little tiring, yeah? Every fair, he is between 100 and 150. No one is sure. Right. Renee. Yeah. But now she's 42, and she's now pregnant. She says she never gave up trying. She underwent several in vitro fertilization treatments before becoming pregnant with twins and turned to acupuncture from a Montreal-based specialist. Sure. And it works if the needles are dipped in cheese. Oh my god, is that how they do it? That's how they do it. Yeah, acupuncture. Accusupuncture, it's called. Because a lot of people find that useful. Yeah. They also have a nine-year-old son, Renee Charles. OK, hey, hey. God bless them. Well, listen, I'm not as annoyed by hers, everyone else's. I'm not annoyed by her. I need a reason to be annoyed by someone, and she hasn't given me a reason. What has she done but be very talented? I know. Dedicated. I don't trust him. Love children. I don't trust them. He loves children, too, including her when she's 13. Yeah, hey, I don't trust whether it's him or Elvis. Hey, I met her when she was 13, but I hung around for five years. And then I fucked her. That makes you weirder. I'm more understanding the guys who fucked them at 13 and the guys who hovered around for five years. I know. But we're supposed to somehow accept it. And then when you hang around for five years, it's all awesome because, hey, you're 41, and now she's 18. Right. And one day, she's going to be 42. And you're going to be-- 1,000, 2, and 150, and we're going to be-- When three be each difference in those, too. I honestly, I have no idea how old he is. I know she's 42. He's also one of these guys that's been 59 for 11 years. Like, when you're balding and you have that gray goatee, you just-- you stay that one age. Yeah, and I think he-- to me, I have some kind of health scare. He had a little brush. He had a health scare. It's called being 90. I wish his he was 90. Those were the housey on days. Don't enough makeup. Some of us still think he's nice. But did how did they-- So they did get a sample from him. So they did use his sperm. Yeah. So he could-- they still produce it. Now, they just had to put a finger in him. They dropped the ditch at on him, and they just milked this prostate into one of those cigar tubes. You know who else is pregnant? Alicia Keys. Yes, she is. And engaged is some guy named Swiss Beats. Swiss Beats? Yeah, Swiss Beats. He's a producer, Swiss. Oh, Swiss Beats sounds like a tennis shoe manufacturer. Yeah, it does. I think-- That's Swiss Beats on? Yeah, I bought him because I like the ad with Venus Williams. Yeah, I thought they're just for kids, but they light up when I jog at night as you know. Oh, that makes it more safe. Yeah, so I wear my Swiss Beats. Swiss has been married before and has two sons. What? Black guy? With two sons from prior relationship? Swiss Beats? Yes. She's going to-- This will be a flyer in case Swiss. Right. She's going to be performing in South Africa on June 10th. What? Yeah, in the car. I don't play Sun City. Well-- I know it's cool now. It's OK now. Right. Yeah, because Nelson Mandela. Yeah. So it's going to open the 2010 World Cup soccer tournament. Yeah. That performance. Listen, Bonone, whoever else is trying to rain in this upper ass, I'll say it once. I'll say it a thousand times. I'll say the same thing about the metric system. We know it's better than our system. We don't like it. Leave us alone. I don't want to see another fucking World Cup commercial. Not interested. I don't want to see a bunch of 163 pounders running around in Chinese shorts. We don't like it. I know it's your thing. I know it's the world's thing. Look, a lot of you guys have right-hand drive cars. Right, we don't do that. We're picking up over here. Right, I understand it works for you. Works for you. Now leave us the fuck alone. Now they're saying, Mariah Carey may be pregnant. Can I say this? Let's say this. We got shit that you guys don't like. You know what they don't like over there? That we have? What? Drag racing. They don't like drag racing. They don't care for it. And they don't have arena football. Do we fuck with you? Are we over there all the time? I think we said Bob Sieger over there all the time. Hey man, I want to say about drag racing and arena football. No, you don't enjoy it. We respect that. We'll leave you alone. Don't force it on us. We don't give a fuck about your soccer. We're not having it. Leave us alone. We had a moment with Mia Hamm and the Gals. It's over. Sure. All in the past. The girl with the sports bra, Brandy, testing. If it would have caught on by now-- By now. Well listen, it was huge in the mid late '70s when Pele came over here. It was a big deal and played for the Cosmos or wherever he played. Point is, it's been 30 years. Not interested. Thank you. Next. And then Beckham was playing here. And you think that would have done it. Europe. Focus on porn. Not interested, thank you. That's something we can wrap our head around. Euro porn. Good, solid, Euro porn. Now, do they have more real boobs in the Euro porn? Real boobs, less tattoos. And something about that accent makes everyone seem amateur. More size-er. Yeah. I've not seen a Euro porn. It's better. OK. Just imagine people from Belgium versus Florida. It's a good point. All right. Unfortunately, there were some major celebrity deaths over the holiday weekend. Yeah, there were. Dr. Dennis Hopper, whose stellar career included the film's Rebel Without a Cause, Easy Rider, Blue Velvet, Apocalypse Now, and Speed, lost his battle of prostate cancer on Saturday. He was 74. He was nominated for two Oscars, Best Supporting Actor for Hoosiers, and Best Screenplay for Easy Rider. I feel like the nicest thing or the most comforting thing you could say to a guy like that is, look, you live 15 years longer than you should have. I mean, with all the smoking and boozin and womanizing and drug-doing and fast-living, you could have bought it on that chopper on Easy Rider. Like really, you can't complain about when you die. And what age you die. You can really complain if you went earlier late. You know, if you do nothing but jog and eat health food and you kill over 51, you're pissed. If you're a sumo wrestler and you make it to 65, you know what? - You did pretty good for yourself. - Right, our former NFL player. - Right, and just a big dude eats a lot of junk or slams a lot of drugs or whatever. I feel like Hopper at what, 74? - 74. - Pretty good run. - You got a lot of this 74 years. - All right, dad, he was married five times. - I don't think there was ever a point either where, you know, where the guy was like 56 and what, you know what, I'm gonna slow down with the booze and the cigarettes and the broads. Like, you just want to fuck it, I'm party. And I think if you pulled most 22 year olds aside and said, look, you can lead a nice boring, slow life and make it to 81 or 86 or whatever, or you can keep this fucking party going and you're gonna have at least another 50 years of fun ahead of you. I think most any of us would go, fuck it. - I'll take the Hopper deal. - Take the Hopper deal any time. - Now, as for Hoosiers, since Brian, you're kind of a movie genius and all. - It's a great movie. - The scene where he soars up and shows up to the, that breaks my heart every single time. - It does, you get drunk again. - He gets drunk again and shows up to the game. - It's like Shooter. - Yes, Shooter. - Yeah. - It's tough. - Yeah. - Yeah, Junhackman gives him, gets him intentionally thrown out of a game and turns over control of the team to shoot her. - Yeah. - And he can handle it. - He can't handle it. - He relapses. - Oh, it's brutal. - Yeah. - Also Gary Coleman passed away. - Yeah, I always felt, I was, you know, I always liked him and I always felt bad for him. Maybe it was a stature or something, but just that sort of being the butt of a lot of jokes and literally having a face and a lot of butts. And just being on top of the world, like he was back in the later '70s, early '80s, and then never really being able to, you know, and then having to do all that, like, you know, retarded celebrity, get me out of here. Bullshit. - Yeah, it's gold commercials. - Yeah, right. - Yeah, it did seem undignified, but he would've thought that Todd Bridges would be the last man standing of those three. - Yeah. - Dana Plato. - Well, Mr. Drummond. Is he still around? - Oh, Mr. Drummond. Where's he? - And Mr. King. - He must have gone a long time ago. - I don't know. I think he's been around. - Conrad Bayes. - Conrad Bayes. - I think he may still be around. - Well, Gary Coleman died after suffering a brain hemorrhage from a fall. He was hospitalized in Utah last week with-- - Well, I don't make fun of him, but how far could he fall? - What you talking about? I ain't no death. (laughing) - All right, that's it. It's too soon. - All right, I see so, too soon. He fell in his head, but he had some issues, right? - He did. He was in a coma. He was on life support, a coordinated TMZ. - Jesus, I forgot to ask Drew about that. - Well, I'm gonna get to that. - Okay. - The 42 year old actor's wife, Shannon, decided to take Coleman off. Life support early Friday morning. He died surrounded by family members and close friends. Now, where'd he go to learn about compassion? - You go to Dr. Drew's Twitter feed. - Conrad Banks a lot. - Conrad, oh my God, Conrad Banks outlived Dana Plato and Gary Coleman. - Yeah. - And he might outlived Todd Bridges, although I think Todd Bridges been sober a long time. - Yeah. - Okay, so Dr. Drew sent out the following tweet after the untimely death of Gary Coleman. I knew Gary Coleman fairly well. His life was sad and solitary. His outbursts were primarily the result of his profound medical problems. - Yeah. - So he might have had kidney trouble. - I suspect Gary's head injury is affecting his behavior. - Yeah. - Well, that was Gary Busy, but it works well. Wow, you're good. - Nice. Nice work. - You shown incredible restraint. I thought I was just gonna be drop, drop, drop. But it's been, it's been a little light for me actually. - Whatever. (laughing) - Yeah, sorry, go ahead. - So Dr. Drew explaining that some of his outbursts were the result of the fact that he was ill for so long. Now a happy story is that of Brett Michaels seem to have come back from the brink of death. He performed on the finale of American Idol. - Yeah. Every rose has its dawn. - Oh, does he do that one? Are you really? - Just like every don't, I-- - He rarely refers to that one of his hits. - I have to explain to my wife what a piece of shit half the song she likes are. Like she's like, "I like this." No, you don't. It's a piece of shit. But I think it's listened to the words. Every rose, just like every cowboy. Oh, he's sticking to my cowboys. Oh, this is virgin territory now. This is where every day heads it's done. I'm like, this song is a piece of shit. - Don't be a player hater. - I can't like it. - She's like, "Fuck." - I kind of like it. - I like it so much. - I don't like myself for liking it. - What about a shocker, Brian disagrees with me, all right? - I don't hate it. - The other awful, their other hit is awful. I can't talk, don't turn it into that. - It's so far from talking about one. - Talk dirty to me, sounds like if you could play two and a half chords on a guitar and you were 13 and high off that postage stamp aid on Thursday. - Right. - That's a song you'd come up. (humming) It's like, "Oh, Jesus, fuck, what a piece of shit." - It's barely music. But every rose has its thorn, is a good song. - It's pleasing. - It's pleasing. - It's not shitty. The lyrics are horrible. - And if you ever saw the behind the music, tell the story of the relationship he was having and he couldn't keep it going on the road. - Yeah, great, it's diabetic. Look, he's a nice guy and everything. I wanna know what's up with the bandana. - Well, I mean, clearly he's got a hairline issue, right? - There's some kind of rocker pattern baldness or something like that. - By the way, somebody sent a Twitter about me that I was like Brett Michaels because in every picture, I wear a headband and then I got really self-conscious and stopped wearing headband. - But if you went into a coma, you wouldn't have somebody put a headband in your head. - Well, I think sometimes I can't get my bangs to do right, so I just put the headband on or maybe I haven't washed my hair. - Let me take a quick pause and give a little shout out for one of our sponsors, by the way. You know, Donnie's got himself a souped up custom computer that he does the show on made by zero one media. They gave it to him. - Oh, that was nice. - Yeah, they're not gonna give you one if you listen. By the way, they don't give these things out. That's not how they think business. They sell 'em, but what they do is they take 'em and they customize 'em and they soup 'em up and they can fix your Apple computers, by the way. They can fix your iPods and your iPhones. Don't believe that crap that you have to throw all that stuff away. And you just go in there, they got a custom computer system and they can do custom computer systems for film, TV, music industry, they've been doing it for over 15 years. So if you wanna do this, like if you go there, I'm gonna start my own podcast, so I wanna film my own thing or wanna edit my own stuff. Don't just get something off the shelf, let them soup it up for you. - They can customize it. - That's right for your every need. - How do I find a zero one media? - Oh, yeah, you just go dial 310, that's 310. 651, 84, 88. That's 651, 84, 88. And you tell 'em, A sent you. And again, we're doing this show and we're doing it for you guys. We're doing it for free. And we hope that you help us out by checking out our sponsors because I'm not saying buy a computer if you don't need a computer but if you're thinking about one or you wanna customize your current computer, check out our good friends over at zero one media centers. - Or if you're really a fan, take your computer, demolish it and have them fix it. - Yeah, if you care about the future of this podcast, you drop your iPhone in the toilet. - Yeah, right. - And then you fish it out and take it over to zero one. - Thank you, all right, where were we? - Well, I was talking about Brent Michaels. Now first of all, it comes back, okay, I think he had appendicitis, right? And then he has this brain, then he comes back to be on the live finale of-- - Isn't that God begging you not to sing that piece of shit song again? Like maybe, you know what I mean? Like God goes, first, I know how I'll get him to stop singing that shitty every rose, as it's still-- - A appendicitis. - A appendicitis, and then he doesn't listen. All right, I'm gonna give him a brain tumor. No, I'll give him an aneurysm, hemorrhage. And still, continuous. L, also one time he was singing up on stage again, a piece of the stage work was whacked him right in the face. He's like, how many ways can God take to put the fucking guitar down and hop on a groupie? - Wow, so you think all of this is a sign that God doesn't want every rose how this thorn to be played? - No, and talk dirty to me for sure. No one would sing that piece of shit again. - Powerful enough to get rid of Brent Michaels. - Here's how God works, though. First off, he doesn't want dirty his hands with these hair bands from the '80s, but here's how God works. He gives you a little messages. - Right, first a whisper. You don't just catch on fire. You just get appendicitis or you get hit by a piece of the stage and the face and the Grammys. And by the way, what is this guy doing still rocking? And I'm holding my fingers up in quotations. Why is this guy still rocking at this stage? - He can't stop rocking. - I don't like boys and they're just a novelty shit band from the '80s, sorry. - They have the one good song now. Okay, so not only did he win celebrity apprentice, but now. - But I like him personally. - He doesn't really want to be over on celebrity apprentice. - I sort of began to love him. And especially when they showed him with his daughter. - Yes. - And she obviously, you know, they are obviously close. Now there's talk that he may be replacing Simon as the judge on American Idol. - That would be the greatest comeback ever. - It really could be. I mean, first, I didn't even really know who he was when it was Rock of Love. - Right. - And then celebrity apprentice, he wins, and then taking over for Simon Cowell. That would be. - The greatest dream job of all time. Well, first off, now they have, it's not like he knows anything about music, if you've heard his songs. Anyone could do that job, greatest gig ever. Greatest job ever. But that show's gotta be head and toward it. It's gotta be marching toward the grave, right? - Yeah, the last finale, the ratings were down quite a bit. - Good. I mean, look, they don't need four judges. They sure as fuck don't need Ellen in there. Randy doesn't do anything. Simon's the guy and then we make fun of Paul Abduel. That's how it works. - Right, that was fun. - Right. - Yeah, she'd be on one of those morphing patches or whatever, allegedly. And then she'd say crazy shit and then he'd make fun of her. And then Simon would be mean. But I actually think he could make a great replacement. - Yeah, he'd be fine. - If in fact they don't go with Howard Stern. - There's also been rumored to-- - I don't think you're going to do that. - So he said this when he was performing in Bilixie, Mississippi. He told the crowd-- - Bilixie? - Bilixie. - Bilixie. - Yeah. - Bilixie. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Bilixie Blues. - Bilixie Blues. I should-- - Yeah. - That's a Neil Simon plash. I should pronounce it correctly. Bilixie. - Yeah, you choose. Gotta learn to stay together. (laughing) - I know. God, it was almost like when I said, "Germagesty." - Yeah, "Germagesty." - I was looking at it and it felt so right. Anyway, he told the audience, "I can't say this is true yet 'cause I don't know." Next year they asked me to possibly be the judge on American Idol. So that's what he told the crowd. And a source says he is indeed in the running. - And I hate those bent, starched rocker cowboy hats. I can't figure out, does it look worse on a dude or a chick? You know the weird, starched bent cowboy hats that rockers wear over the bandana? - Yeah. - Worse on a dude or a chick? - Definitely dude. - I think it would work. - It's bad on a dude, but there's something really bad about a chick wearing it too. - No. - I think it's worse than the way it works on a chick. - It's pretty hot look on a chick sometimes. Like it comes with a-- - Yeah, see Brian. Yeah, see Brian, see what sense boys are. Yeah, so she, you're with me. - Yeah, I think it's okay on a guy. They don't like him on a chick. - It's weird on a chick, yeah. - Yeah. - When I was your age, television was called "Boosh." - Guys should know, a chick should know better. - That's what I'm saying. ♪ Every room, this has its dough ♪ - Not a bad song. - Poison, not a good band. - Yeah, that's a good song. - That's a good song. - That's-- - And I like, oh, there we go, I'm back. - No, you have to judge it by the other song. - I appreciate the fact that he, he doesn't refuse to play it. He knows that there's only good songs. He's gonna bust it out at every opportunity. - Exactly, what are you gonna play unskinny Bob? - Right. - Or, I mean, can you imagine the B-sides? - No. - If that was the single unskinny Bob, what'd they hold off on? - Hi, you guys ready? I Tee, what else is in the news? - Well, I promised you a B-stiality story. - Yeah, you did. - Since I was not allowed to do these. Which was appropriate. I shouldn't have been doing them in the morning radio. - Well, look, whatever the story is is what it is. If it has to do with B-stiality, it has to do with B-stiality. I know Jack Silver put a moratorium on it, but now you're free, baby. - That was a weird conversation, by the way. Me and Jack alone in his office. And I had an instinct to defend myself, but then I thought, really? - Yeah, fuck it. - I think I'm in the wrong here. And I can't fight for B-stiality. - Well now, what about when an animal's fucking a dude? - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Like, they turn the table. - Right, man by dog. - Yeah, is that as bad? Is this still off limits? - Some tell me it wasn't the first B-stiality conversation, Jack Silver had an office. (laughing) - Okay, well this story from the Times Tallahassee Bureau, and yes, it does take place in Florida. - Oh, hold on, the room's spinning. Okay, wow. - A ban on B-stiality long pushed by state prosecutors and animal rights activists seemed poised to finally become law this year with Republicans and Democrats and both chambers of the Florida legislature joining forces to push it through. - Now this is from Tallahassee or Tallahassee? Tallahassee? - B-l-oxy. - All right, so this is for-- - I've only seen it written. - All right, now listen, I fuck up people's names all the time. - Ms. John Aumon, poor would never say B-l-oxy. - Yeah. - Still don't know how proud it is correctly. Jure Majestie. Had no idea, but when it was Jure Majestie, it all made sense. It was like a lightning on, yeah. - Yeah, that's Jermaine Jackson's kid, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Jure Majestie. - Jermaine? - Yeah, and I said Jure Majestie. - Oh my God, can't we just call people colossal turds? Like if that was one of your friends, you'd go, what a fucking self-absorbed piece of shit. Named your kid, like, a prime majesty or something. Like, what the fuck? I never talked to you again, prime majesty. I name my son, prime majesty. Yo, 'cause I name my kid Adgestity. What the fuck? - Adamant. - It's such a narcissistic, horrific thing. We have to start judging as a fucking society. We don't do it anymore. Like, really, really. No one's calling them an asshole for doing that. What a fucking asshole. Your name is Jermaine, and you name your kid Jermajestie. - It looks like Jermajestie. - What a fucking douche. - Yeah, that is. - Larry had to use so many cuss words. - Douche, all right, sorry, go ahead. - You know, the problem when you do a lot of reading as a kid and not very much interacting, a lot of times you've only seen a word. So my first year in college, I was in a class, a giant first year class with probably 200 people, and I expressed an idea as being innovative. Because I had only seen the word written innovative. - Oh, innovative. - And I thought that's very innovative. - Wow. - And then I was known for that all year. So this is not a first, for a second. - You know what at the opposite of that is? When all you do is talk, and you never read anything. - Right. - I remember, and I was an adult, like, I was 30 years old. I said, you're gonna give me a hernia. And the person said, you mean, I took the A, I made it a hernia. I wasn't hernia. - Right, you thought it a hernia. - You didn't, like, herniate your dish. You a herniated your dish, like, right? - Right, like annihilate. - Yeah, yeah, that's it, because people go, "Hey, I've a hernia. "I got a hernia. "I got a hernia." And I thought it was one word, a hernia. I thought it was spelled A, H, E, R, whatever, like a hernia. - That must have been confused. - Fucking embarrassing is what it was. Thank God it's time for your majesty. - Oh God, I hope it was broadcast for hundreds of thousands of years. - No, it wasn't, but, sure, it's worse, isn't it? - It's more fun. - So, in Florida, now you can imagine, this isn't a difficult issue to unite both Republicans and Democrats. Hey, let's take a stand against Beastgearly. That's a slam dunk, that's a gimme. - Yeah. - Right? - Sure. - It failed. - What? - Yeah. The inability to outlaw something so repugnant reveals how difficult it can be to get even the most carefully crafted, widely supported bill passed in the Florida legislature. The whole thing just kind of collapsed, unfortunately, so we are back to square one, said the Senate's incoming minority leader who has tried since 2008 to close a loophole in the law. Now, obviously, this doesn't happen very often, but when it does, you'd like a way to prosecute Floridians. There was a panhandle man who sexually battered and has fixated a pregnant goat in 2008. - Bitch, was asked before it? - No, it's fixated. You know that's one word. - Yeah, and then-- - It's not, and then it's fixated. (laughs) - Pregnant goat. - Yeah, why doesn't it make it so hard? - But it wasn't pregnant with his kid. Oh, that's a good joke, thank you. (laughs) - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is. - Nice, that's wordplay. - Sure, go to Steve. That's gonna be the kid's name. - The little baby, the kid goat. - Hold on, Molly, if you're listening, we're vacationing in Florida this year, baby. Talking to my dog. - Because they lost when they tried to close this one. - Yeah. - So you and Molly are gonna take a trip to West Palm Beach? - I'm not saying I'm going to fuck my dog. I'm just saying, if I want, I want to do it in a place, you know, where's that frowned upon? - Right, we're a man and his dog can love each other in any way they choose-- - On the lawn of the Ramada Inn. Where do they pull this exist? - For the Madison. There was a man who molested his neighbor's dog in 2004, and now, Leon County, you may remember, because I believe this was the story I reported on that got me in trouble, 'cause this upset me. A man sexually battered his guide dog. - Wow, thanks for nothing, by the way. Like, hey, first off, like fucking with your guide dog is like a cop fucking with a kid working at a fast food restaurant, you know you're getting a fucking snot rocket in your burrito, don't you? - Oh no, there's no car coming. Let's go out the car right here. - It's safe to cross. - Totally safe. - You know what, you go ahead. - It sounds like a mac truck, but it's not. - Yeah, go ahead, you're fine. - Let's go. - Sexually, I mean, okay, a couple things. First off, that leash they have is more of a handle than it is a leash, so I would argue that they're kind of asking for it. You don't put a handle on a dog without saying, let's fuck, you know what I mean? That's like, that's like when a chick wears a short skirt, you know what I mean? - Right. - She sort of has to take some responsibility for her own rape. - Shouldn't have been jogging in those shorts, sweetie. - Not at night. - Not at night. - Or whatever. (laughs) - But especially at night. - Especially at night. No, I'm saying, don't put a handle on a dog with a blind guy, by the way, it's not dodging a lot of pussy. It's not like that guy's the fucking life of the party. Like, it's a blind guy. You could go 10 years. years without a piece of pussy, right? - You're gonna have to buy it, probably. - I'm just saying, bear with me here, I'm blind. - Right. - I never get late 'cause of my condition. - Right, you're lonely. - I'm super lonely. - You've gotten very close to your dog. - Oh, son, there's a handle on it's back. Oh, what are you gonna do? - You spend a lot of time and you guys are kind of, you have to sort of be in unison. - Yeah, oh yeah, we gotta be one. - Yeah, so you really have to be. - Yeah. - Well, well, machine. - Well, it's not something that we think is a widespread, widespread problem, widespread. - Mm-hmm, yeah. - Florida, I don't see, well, the prosecute these cases. So, when they do happen, the man raped a pregnant goat, okay? He is fixated, and he battered, wait, you battering, it's battering Ram, right? - Same guy. - Yeah. - A different guy. - A different guy. I mean, I know it's not a widespread problem, if you will. - I know, I'm-- - Clearly, it is a problem. - I must say this, I don't get nearly as upset about this as other people do. Most people get upset for the animal, but if you think about an animal, most of the animals just get eaten by other animals. - Yeah. - Or they end up, you know, first off, listen, show of pause, how many dogs haven't been raped? - (laughs) - You know what I mean? I mean, every dog gets raped, that's a dog-- I don't think dogs have consensual sex, do they? - It always looks so rapey. - My dog rakes the shit out of my kid's chair. - To what? - No, they're chairs, and she's a girl. Imagine if she was a dude, - Oh my God. - And they had a handle on it. I'm just saying-- - So they're generally raped. - Here's what we do. - In their own species, so what's the difference? - I've seen enough wild kingdom to see when lions get it on, the fucking-- You know, the lion doesn't go in like, tap the lioness on the shoulder, pardon me, which is like some curvassier. It's like, no, I'm gonna get behind you. I'm gonna take my teeth. I'm gonna grab the tough the skin and the back of your neck. I'm gonna grind away on it and pound it ya. And the monkey world that works it away, like, hey, man, I'm the alpha male. I'll need to fuck you and your friend. - Right. - And by the way, I don't need pussy. - I just fuck. That's the way I roll. That's how it works. - That's not being this for you at all. - But as an animal, when you're getting fucked and it's not volitional, is that a surprise? - No, you should be used to it. - Yeah, it should be like, oh, this again. - So what you're concerned about is the man who feels that he has to have sex with a pregnant ghost. - Yes. - And your other choice is an animal is being turned into ribs or cutlets. - Right. - Eatin. - This is one of the better moments of your life as an animal. - Being raped by a man. - Yeah. - Give me the answer. - Absolutely, high water mark. Yeah, now I'm worried about the dude. - Right. - Everyone's worried about the dog, the dog's fine. It's the dude or the goat's fine or the sheep's fine. They're all fine. And if they're not fine, we're just gonna slide around and eat them anyway. But the dude who thinks that's a good idea, that guy's trouble. - Either he thinks it's a good idea or it's the last house on the block. - Right. - Either way, it's really sad. - Yeah. The blind guy, I give a pass, still. - Yeah. - He had a bad hand dealt to him. - A friend. - Yeah. - And so did his guide dog. - This shouldn't have put a hand on him. (laughs) Listen to you, if you got a handle on you right now, Brian will be balls deep in you right now. Right now. - That's true. - It's so disturbing. - It's true. Don't put a handle on him if you don't win it. 'Cause I went grandpa used to say. - Now do I wrap the news here? We bring in Billy West or what? - I'd come home and he'd be fucking his lunchpale and his aunt as she case. Only because that handles. - Billy West? - Yeah, let's bring our door-restroster and the news. Fuck you, CNN. - Oh, that was nice. - So good, didn't it? - Yeah. - Yeah, Billy West, do I haven't seen since we did our radio show? - Hey. - Hey, Billy West. - How are you? - Yeah, I have a seat right there. - Hi, so good to see you. - Let's play. - Hey, Billy, what's happened? - Let's see, Billy, sit next to Theresa. - Yeah, here. - Please, slide over to your right. - He's never been better. - Because the topics that I'm listening to out there, I'm going, I want to be in there. I'm so goddamn jealous. - Well good, you want to talk? You want to have my fucking dogs? - You started with BCLD, what? About five minutes ago? - Uh, maybe 35. - Okay, 35. They don't even do that much time on the BP spill in the Gulf of Mexico. - Was there a spill? And there's this many guys running around. It's always guys though, right? - Into the B-stiality? - Yeah. - Yeah, well first off, women just don't act out sexually. They're more victims than they're victimizers. And then secondly, they don't have penises. And that is your weapon. That's your shank, you know what I mean? That's what you use. Without a weapon, without a penis, all you have is a tongue. And then there's really only some of the damage you can cause with the tongue. - Many visuals. And these guys like to look at a goat while they're screwin' 'em and stuff. - I can. - You want me to rape you or fuck you? Is bleep once? - No. (laughing) - Consensual. - That is consent. - I know. And what it was, there's singles bar at the farm where this guy can just go in and drink and go up. How you doing? Ooh, I wanna know how the conversation goes with the guy who was molesting his neighbor's dog. Hey, he's watering his lawn. Hey Phil, listen, what a talk to you for a second. I know, I know, I stole your newspaper. I thought you were out of town. No, it's not that, not that. What is it, my car's parking drive way again? No, no, no, no, fuck, my dog's pretty smart. Communicate, pretty good. Like, I know when he's hungry and I know when he's tired and I know when a guy's been massaging his balls. (screaming) (screaming) Teen, knock off the sand effects. Hey, Billy, can you do that? - I've been practicing a lot. - What do you do? Do you catch the neighbor molesting your dog? I mean, it's not like the dog gets a look in his eye. Like, he just got fucked by the neighbor guy, right? Like, you have to catch him, right? - Yeah, it's unclear how, maybe he did see, you know? I mean, - What do you put down here? - He looked up at his friends. - He puts an elbow rubbing on your shoulder. - I just put him in a peanut butter? - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. - Billy, by the way, is here to promote Futurama, which is coming back to Comedy Central. - Oh, yeah. - It's already happy. - June 24th, by the way, 10 PM Comedy Central. - Yes, sir. - What season are we in for Futurama now? - It's a technical thing, you know, how it was on Fox, they preempted it, you know, all over the place for football, which is fine, but there were episodes that didn't run, or they didn't count them as episodes, so they were low on the count after four years of doing it. There wasn't enough to syndicate, it's supposedly, and then it was syndicated, and a whole new audience got to know it on Comedy Central. - And Billy, of course, I started off being aware. Well, you've probably heard Billy West voice and didn't know you're listening to Billy West voice, because-- - Yeah, you thought it was March shot. - Right. - Or some of the characters you see on Howard Stern. - Or Geico, I was doing a Geico commercial. - Did you, can you do Ellen DeGeneres 'cause Wikipedia said he could. - They can't, what, who put that in her? - Get the same haircut. - I don't know about her, what? - There. - Wow. - There you go. - There you go. - There you go. Thank you. - Yes, Billy, sorry. - I was gonna say that I did that Geico commercial, there was a swive guy going, you know. - Then they go get you a better deal in insurance, and he goes, does Elmer foot have trouble with the letter R? And he comes in and he goes, "Sh, be very, very quiet." I'm not saying rabbits, got Elmer? That's rabbits? - Rabbits? And they carry that commercial, yeah. - But it was done so well, minimal dialogue, and I said at the end of it, I walked off like an actor would that's totally frustrated, go, "This guy's beginning to love me the wrong way." - It was you doing, you were doing Elmer's voice, but you didn't do the announcer. - No. - The announcer guy's on camera. - Yes. - And that spot. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He's kind of creepy looking. He sounds older than he looks. Who is that? - It's from the brother's McCulloch, McMullin. - McMullin? Oh, that's the guy? - You know how he could be so good looking the guy, and it's almost like bizarre. Like those wags-y. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, the guy's from TMZ. - Yeah. - Oh, TMZ. - No, no, no, no. - Max? - No, that's cute. That's not so good looking. You look like you're out of a movie from the '50s. - Even like a Kirk Douglas kind of. - Yeah, just the thing where you're cheating is so pronounced, so strong. - It is. (screaming) - Yeah, Kirk Douglas. - Thank you. - Thank you. - But not, can you do him now? - Hmm. (laughing) There you go. - Dude. - What voices do you do on Futurama, Billy West? - I do, right up on the screen there. It's great that you have visuals. I was looking at Brett Michaels, and I said, "It's anyone ever AB a picture of Rota?" - Oh, he does look all like Rota with the headband of it. - He's the whole fairings, and yeah, yeah. - I do, uh, Phil, Jay Fry. 25-year-old pizza delivery boy, and if it wasn't for me, Billy Leicester would be driving a truck full time, and I do Dr. Zodberg, a crustacean doctor, with all the cool meat hanging off of his face, and young lady, bring me a sandwich from the dumpster, and leave the nuggets on it, and he's got adopted a lot of curly from the stoos. I was a total stooge homo. You know that. I like the lower brow. Mark's brothers were a little weird or required taste, but curly, I throw anything from the three stooges that I can into almost every show I've ever been on. This lobster doctor, this crustacean, when he runs off he goes, it's weird because I never really got in the Mark's brothers because they were like too smart when I was too stupid. The three stooges were easy to get. It was sort of like Monty Python when you were nine. You just couldn't take it in, you couldn't really absorb it. Hello, Rome's service. Send up a room. Right, right, right over the head. Songs about philosophers, you didn't know who hiding it was. There's, there's Brett Michaels and Rhoda, by the way. Oh my good, we did it. They do look almost exactly the same. We should post that. If he got a picture a little Steven when he was with the E Street band. Yeah, all the guys. All the Rhoda's. Yeah, bandanas. Well, well, now like Beastiality is mainly the purview of men. I think the stooges is only something men really understand. I do not get it at all. No, about then you're right. It's in. It's in. I told you it's in. Oh, is that more Beastiality? Yeah. Oh, sorry. It's in as you fucking a cat. I thought that was like it. It's like the three stooges. What a cunt. What a cunt. The cat. You didn't have to say it twice. I said it once, once, once. Billy. What are you married, Billy? I was. What happened? Bad chemistry. Yeah. No one goes into it with failure on their mind. You know, you always think you're going to be the exception because the, you know, statistics say that you're not going to make it the whole way. Sure. But how long were you married? About 12 years. You think I'm going to marry again? I got girlfriend or two that I go see. And I'm getting my love advice from a gov-on from fucking New Jersey. I said, Jesus, I think I might go over and just, you know, have some laughs with her and have some fun. Listen, you take her. You go over that and you take her and you fuck her. You know, and that's his, he's, that's his romance advice, you know, and he used to do sonatry. He's to sing like some nitrogen. I'm thinking about him. Take her and fuck her and tell her you love her. You know, that's gov-on wisdom. So, probably, pardon that. I'm thinking of, oh, wait a minute. Someone's going to headphones. Oh, what Bill and his was headphones on? Yeah. Oh, I see. Do you want me to turn this way? Yeah, you take my headphones. Yeah, you got yours to the, you got yours to the right. I see. Now, we're going to do a little, what can Adam complain about? I think we had some of those questions. What can Adam, okay, can't Adam complain about? Can I ask a question? Sure. Sure. Go ahead. Can you complain about the pot clinics and the people that go there that are in perfectly great shape, except they all have cancer? Well, I can, I can make a couple of thoughts on all the pot clinics. It used to be, you'd have to know some dude who lived in Canada who would send you pot like once every six months in a package. It was packed in coffee grounds. Now, you throw a rock and you hit nine of these pot clinics. They don't, we don't need them all on the same street. They're not, there's more pot clinics than ATMs. Now, and actually Jimmy Kimmel brought up a very interesting point to me, which is he said, have you noticed that the pot dispensaries came back about the same time the cupcake made its renaissance? Yeah, that's true because they must, there must be a correlation. Cupcakes disappeared. And now there's 500 high end cupcake shops on every corner and right across the street is the pot place. And now to just start stacking them. Like upstairs, weed downstairs, high end cupcakes. Yeah, or sprinkles downstairs and go to synergy. Yeah, it's great. But why do they keep, like they give it in somewhere or other, but they never, they don't decriminalize it. It's still always in the hands of slut element. It's one of these things. And I say it all the time as it, you know, pertains to society. You know, whether it's don't ask, don't tell in the military or, you know, gays being able to marry or pot being legalized. What did you say? My ass don't smell. I said, I want your people to get married. The point is this, it's going to happen. So let's not, let's not drag our feet because that's, that's, here's what makes you dumb as a society. Not, not the initial fuck up. Like the initial fuck up kind of makes you bad. Like, you know, hey, we need a drinking fountain for the schwarzes and the white people. Right. By the way, I always ask, what about the Mexicans and the Asians? I don't do them but no Mexicans. I have a hard time since I was a baby. Yeah, but if you're Mexican and like Alabama in 1959, and you headed to the white drinking fountain, wouldn't somebody Columbia? Do you just drink off the hose? It's a good question. Jim Crow didn't address that. Right. It should have done that. And what about the Jews that weren't fans of Jews, at least the clan was. But I get the point is this, I mean, you guys can't use drinking pounds because of your nose. Anyway. Well, I mean, you have to get the right angle. But I mean, some of us have low water pressure. You really got to get in there. And you guys can't get that big beak in there. So point is this. Well, you got a big nose. Yeah. Because the air is free. You guys have wide nose. You like to do with jokes down. All right. So my point is that is really raid on a Palestinian flotilla. Yeah. Was commander Joe Lieberman coming there and that whole thing or what? He is Zionist. You're going to blame Joe Lieberman? I mean, wait a minute. I'll do it as soon as I get my nose out of Israel's ass. That's a pretty good Lieberman. Now, let me say this. Here's my point. My point is, it's not that you make the stupid laws in the first place. You can't help that society should always do that. It's that you don't recognize them and do away with them, like the beastiality law in Florida. Yeah. And I'm saying is how many years are we going to spend arguing over the pot? How many years we're going to spend arguing? I mean, this don't ask, don't tell bullshit. It's been around for years now. It's a fuck. Let's move forward. Somebody must be making money somewhere. Here's the real question. 50 years from now. Do you think it will be illegal to buy marijuana or to get married as a gay person or to be gay and open about it in the military? If the answer is no, then let's fucking move forward with our lives. The culture is evolving and there's no stopping it. So let's just move on with our lives. By the way, it's just Memorial Day. So do away, right? And many of our, many of our troops are gay and lesbian and they should be able to be out. Yeah. A lot of mucops too. Yeah. You know, when we say, when we say, when we say, drop your pants and come out with your ass up. We say a lot. We mean a lot less than 1%. I heard that 15,000 troops were relieved of their duty because they were a gay and lesbian. Thus far, it's quite a few. I'll relieve my, they're all bottoms evidently. Well, you're gonna be relieved of your duty. It's such a great little setup. Thank you. You're talking about duty and bestiality. All right. Donnie, are these phones working, by the way? Let's look at about. Thank you Nicole. So what happened at the other radio station, the other joint? They flipped. So what happened to Tom? Tom, like us? Yes, what happened to Tom? He's just hammering and jacks up north. Wait a second. You should start getting your advice from him on women. Yeah. Because it really knows how to tell, you know what I mean? You've got to stay on. You've talked to anybody about anything. We got Pedro to call for. Hello, Pedro. Hello Tom. What's on your mind? I want to talk to you. You've been bagging on the Tupacabra. Like it's not real, but it's real and shit. Tupacabra. Oh, the Tupacabra, that's right from people who don't know. It's this mythical goat sucking vampire creature that apparently only Mexicans can see. Tom, like us, has to resurface at some point. I miss the man. All right. Now listen, we have the rest of the news to do. Yeah. We have what can Adam complain about. An intro. We got an intro. Let's hear it. By the way, hold on a second. I'll tell you what I can't complain about. That fucking phone is not turned on. I need to come in here and turn the phone off. That's a problem. Yeah. Well-oiled machine. Stuff. The world is full of it. And one man can complain about it all. This is what can't Adam complain about. Welcome to this week's episode of Adam the Complainer. Hey, Nathan. Hey. Nathan, call from Singapore? I'm called from Singapore. Even with that, isn't it? Yeah. It's in China. Not in China, not in China. You know what I like about Singapore, the cane people. We got to get back to fucking caning in this town. The cane is a cane for a vandalism. Why the fuck? Okay, come here, man, look and click. Well, this thing is for sure. This place is pretty damn clean, so. How much graffiti is there in Singapore? None. Maybe like, maybe like two walls or three walls? Why? Just because everyone's a saint or because they'll cane your ass if they catch you with a can of crayon out front of this. I think it's the kid. Oh, Claire! Okay, fucking works. And by the way, it's not gonna kill ya. We should start caving. I mean, dad did it, so why not, you know, just go for it. I know. All right, sorry. Go ahead. So I just got a question for you. What do you have to say about cover bands? Oh, you mean? And they don't cover artists, people that make a living up other people's music, you know? What can I complain about as it pertains to cover bands? Yep. All right. I don't know if he quite understands the nature of this bit. It sounds like you don't like cover bands, Nathan. Listen, I'll tell you one thing about cover bands. I'm glad you call them cover bands because I don't like it when people call them tribute bands. Same way, I don't like it when they've, I don't like when they change the cockpit to the flight deck. Right. And I don't like when the people don't go, uh, not, not victim of rape, rape survivor, you know, and that kind of shit. Yeah, like when people change their length, we already have words for stuff and people change going over band, it's called a cockpit and it's called victim of rape. Right. Do you like that? That would be my cover band, by the way. Victim of rape. Victim of rape. Hyperum tonight, Victor, it's goofy name night. Victim of rape is playing. I'm an Eagles cover band and it's based on that victim of love song. I know. Victim of rape. The tribute bands take a line from a song. Right. Right. And they call themselves that, but I'm thinking of like more obscure ones. Right. Yeah. Like a Beatles tribute one. Everybody's green. Apropos, I just walked into, uh, of nothing. And I walked in my kitchen this afternoon. I said to my wife, I'm going to name a song that I know you hate. And then I said, heartache tonight by the Eagles. There's going to be a heartache. And then I said, she said, I hate that song. I said, that's why I married you, baby. That fucking song blows just like so many fucking Eagles. Yeah. And the terrible song. She should be listening to good songs like. ♪ Goodbye to you, my trusted friend ♪ Yeah, seasons in the sun. ♪ We had joy, we had fun ♪ ♪ We had seasons in the sun ♪ In the sun. Yeah. It's the whitest motherfucker that ever crossed the radio wave. Oh. That ever tickled the ribbon of a microphone. What would it sound like a Barry White song, uh, seasons in the sun? ♪ We had joy, we had fun ♪ ♪ We had seasons in the sun ♪ ♪ And now I'm going to put my head between your legs ♪ ♪ And now I'm gonna put my head between your legs ♪ Hi, T-bone. You got the news? I'm so into that. You know what I'm playing about, I know, 'cause we're running late already. You know, I got second half of it. I always have a listener from Singapore. I know. Nice of Nathan to call. But actually, this leads me right into a pertinent news story, which is that Joe Walsh. Mmm. How you doing? Yeah. The father of a straining order against a man who's threatening to kill him. Again? Now, see, in or out of the Eagles. Mmm. I'm doing well with Brian. You're doing well with Brian. Yeah, you're doing well with Brian. Okay. Yeah, that's what Joe Walsh sounds like. That's what he sounds like. Yeah. Well, Joe. (singing in foreign language) It's not clear why I am here. Give him a James gang stuff. You turn him walk away. ♪ 'Cause the rocket bound him way ♪ ♪ Is better than the way we are ♪ How you doing? There you go. You're well. Do you get a lot of call for the Joe Walsh, like kids' parties and stuff like that? No, but we got into a little bit once at K-Rock back in New York when Howard was on FM radio. Oh, really? Yeah, 'cause Joe was doing a Friday night show. Mmm-hmm. And his bodyguard, his handler, is the same guy that was with John Belushi. Mmm-hmm. Nice job. Yeah, I know. And so one night, the record was playing. Mmm-hmm. And he kept playing at the end with nothing. Mmm-hmm. Right. And he had fallen asleep. Joe Walsh. Yeah. Mmm-hmm. And they needed to pick me up. I don't know if he's into that anymore. Mmm-hmm. Yeah. But Smokey, this guy's handler, was like, "What do you do with a track record like that?" It's, uh, can you do any other, you got any Eagles, any James Kang, do you have any other Joe? What was his big solo hit? I got a lead. Yeah. That's okay. ♪ Am I the righty ♪ ♪ Does 185. ♪ That's been good. Oh, yeah. Okay. But Turn-A-Walk-A-Way's probably his best son. Mmm-hmm. Best guitar riff. Oh, yeah, yeah. Turn-A-Way, that's a million years ago. Oh, yeah, yeah. Turn-A-Way's probably his best son. Yeah. Oh, fucking way. Oh, fucking way. Did you like the old Eagles when they had the- Did you like the old Eagles when they had the- Eagles when they had the- Eagles when they had the- -That's right. -That's right. -Thank you. -Or Lionel. -I hope that's true. -I hope that's true. -I hope that's true. -Or Lionel. -I hope that's true. -Look, here's what it is. The Eagles are like -- There are like hauling oats and that they've officially done more harm than good. That's the point. -That's the point. -Yeah, they're like -- They're like -- They're like a veteran. You know what they're like? They're like the lone in the first Rocky. -Decorated war veteran. -Rambo. -Rambo. Yeah, it meant a lot to this country. Now, he's killing innocent people on a mountain in Washington and someone's got to take him down. -Well, speaking of innocence, there's so much of it when it comes to the Internet and old people. 89-year-old in Britain unwittingly pulled up hardcore porn while searching for the answer to a crossword puzzle cue. Jack Sedgwick thought nothing of typing wild Asian-ass in Yahoo. -Sure. -So, you can imagine his shock and surprise with the results. -Well, for them, it's like, first off, gay is happy, ass is a donkey, cock is a rooster to fag the cigarette. They don't know where they are. -Right, a lift is an elevator. -Sure. -And try and all rape is -- -Oh, wait a minute. -I think I ain't answering. -No, that one's the same. You're right. -The poor granddad said he was completely shaken and that he didn't know this sort of stuff existed after trying to -- -Who's he sharing this with? -Because we've all been shaken and we're talking about anything. -He's lived a long, long wife he learns. -89-year-old is nothing. -Who is he telling this to? I like a lot of these people with these stories. Like, I was walking in the kitchen and I slipped on a banana peel that I dropped earlier that afternoon because it was drunk and a mop handle went up my ass. Who are they sharing this with? Because if this has happened to me, I could mums the word. I don't share. I do call the constabulary. I don't really have myself arrested because I don't like it. -I was the focus now in this video. I've gotten either the porn, the wild Asian house. -Who are you admitting this to? -To you. -I was looking up at Asian, a wild Asian donkey, and all of a sudden I saw some hot Asian ass and now I have to, what, rat myself out to my grandkids? Like, who are you talking to? -Who are you talking to? -Me so hot. -Oh, I'm trying not to. -That was Jacky breast cancer, cowboy. He eventually plugged in donkey sanctuaries and got the answer. -Sure. Who's he talking to? That's my point. -Yeah, I imagine one of his. I mean like if you ever done this where like you've done something's been embarrassing or a little out of bounds As far society goes and then marched out of the room and went you've got to look at this You know what I mean or let me tell you about something I wouldn't you just be sort of quietly embarrassed and move forward That's how I've spent most of my life right yeah, what are what's all the all the all the all the quietly embarrassed and I don't you know Share all tiger woods as Guma's are coming out of the woodwork like everyone's making these bold announced Yes, everybody wants to be famous. Just sit in your room and keep it to yourself. Yeah, shut Yes, they're cutting on yourself. So you can learn to feel out of the screen. Right. I love their ass But the eyes I don't get. How do you see out of those things? Yes, thank you next story to you A second grader in Florida was accidentally given a porn DVD instead of her class digital yearbook Making matters even more disturbing. It was schoolgirl porn Apparently the DVD was mistakenly swapped with the teacher's husband's adult video collection his wife's a teacher and he likes schoolgirl porn The student's mom Dana Hale is outraged because her daughter and 12-year-old son popped the DVD in and saw x-rated material before turning off The teacher hasn't been disciplined yet and hasn't even called to apologize That's another one of those things were as a parent. I would not even oh well here's what the kid would hear clear out Oh, grab daddy's nivia and that would that would be a nivia is way way too viscous Okay, I don't want to mix with spit with the mr. Miyagi Really when I pull a fucking Miyagi out on that viscous, I'll break it down into in the peanut Oh my god. What do you think Miyagi was doing? I need a dream until now Wax off everybody loves we have The knee socks and the little plaid. I know listen when you teach don't you want your if you teach do you want your husband to be into that? I feel like it's connected to your job. I feel like I'd want him to be more into like librarian porn, you know because that's you know You want it's always been that way, but now we know too much, but at least it's really a pure profession You know what I mean? That's true. He's taking an interest in what you do. Yeah, see honey You say they were taking interest in what you do well I meant the syllabus and you know, maybe the recitals. Yeah, I'll be it off to that. Why not syllabus. That's this is Nice word. I love it again. So another story that we shouldn't know Yes, but the mom ratted out the the mom of the 12 year old and by the way digital yearbook What the hell? Yeah, sorry. What is it? Yeah, I got a little card with my name is spelled on it and bad hair. Yeah I don't think you ever got your own yearbook. I didn't get a yearbook. No, that was $18 but I didn't get my diploma either You know what I did to my yearbook. I I wanted to look cool when I showed it to people So I signed girls pictures to Billy with love Wow, like 10 or 12 of them in the whole book. Yeah, your own yearbook as though it was yeah, I had a girlfriend in junior year But not for graduation, and then I wound up going to feel like they got a little suspicious when you spoke And run on sentences about your girth Like aren't you supposed to have a hell of a summer? Why talk about your cocker? Mr. Five by five Stay sweet By the way, still can't walk Billy get all the goofy voices back that right? No, oh really? No, I was quiet in school. Wow Yeah, I was I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Well, I almost quit I was gonna quit high school and join a band that was gonna take off in the road Hell needs is anyone here really needed their diploma for anything? No, Ryan went to college the reason went to college, but after that now you know you have a two diplomas you don't need I Don't like I learned as much as I ever needed to know by like the end of junior high right everything else was like Horse shit. Yeah, so I wanted to be like Huck Finn, you know or that kind of life just hop in a band going the road You should do PSAs like the more you know, you know, you know, I'm Billy West I know a lot of people are telling you to stay in school But anything you learn after the eighth grade is basically horse shit Just start a band the dropouts got all the jobs. Don't be left behind. Yeah Hook up with the right-of-way slave on a ramp to go down the Mississippi The more you know the more you know, thank you all right. Well that I couldn't be one of those guys because you have to X Serious I'd be laughing my ass off because everything I wind up doing is like psycho stuff and cartoon stuff Yeah, it would not does not work especially we're talking about late 60s early 70s right? I mean, that's not the time for that Yeah, all right, we need to wrap the show by the way our first Thank you so much for having me and I want to tell around I want to tell everyone Billy West can be found on future Rama a new episodes June 24th 10 o'clock on Comedy Central Kyle gas coming in here tomorrow half of the Tenacious D and also one more time when to give it up for one of our sponsors man great man great What do they do? It's a grill enhancement system. You put it on your grill. It is 100% cast iron It is made in America and you get the steak house quality grilling that's the deal you little less stainless steel crappy barbecues Doesn't work that's why the one at home tastes shitting the one at the steakhouse tastes awesome It's not the cow it's the grill and now you can do it and by the way comes with a I guess in a Brass watch whatever it is. It's a mega super mega brush there I'll hit it against the microphone and it comes with two of these things. It's awesome And spits it out on your steak Loot out again. You got a little father's day special 25% off a retail you go to add and curl a dot com and You click on the banner and again you support our supporters and we keep on keeping on ball Brian nice job In fact never play this again. Thank you, and until next time the sound crew from Billy West Teresa Strosser Thank you of course ball Brian saying Mahalo All right, those Adam Krolisho 333 pitching the classic gang and Billy West come on next we have Adam Krolisho 2185 Brian Whitman Gina Gradham Brian Bishop from October of 2017. Hope you guys enjoy Well, here's something I think everybody will win pole dancing could be on track to become an Olympic event The International Pole Sports Federation, which has been around since 2009 has been given observer status by the global Association of International Sports Federation, which officially recognizes activities as a sport This move means the pole sports federation will soon be able to apply for the Olympics now pole dancing is going to join Arm wrestling dodgeball and foosball with observer status. I like it, but well, it's a slippery slope explain. Well pole dancing starts with pole dancing Then it goes to a Hybrid sport of sort of curling where you take five dollar bills and you slide them across a wooden stage and see how close they can come to the vagina so Then we have a competition or amongst the Ethiopian guys who work in the bathroom, which is how how much will forest can we sell and how much cologne can we Spreads out and I'll point out that's totally unregulated by the IOC right that last event and then the next thing you know We have the strip club DJ competition Brian Whitman. Yeah. Hey, man. Hey everybody. Look at her. She's with us. So she's hot Oh boy, she's hot. She's so hot that I touched her pattern around the back before she came out to set her stage and I burned the palm of my hand She's H-O-T, sizzle H-O-T and I have E-A-A and I have two you everybody get your dollar bills ready for this way You're gonna be here all that long Wish she was but she's that Everybody those guys are the worst not occurs to me and I know if I don't know those guys I only know them from sitting there. You mentioned and hearing them. You know, I have to know some of them personally. Hey, I'm Whitman I'm in I Whitwood. Yeah, I've heard you have the radio, but do you think there's a chance if I gave you an air check The practice tape of the introduces some of these girls. You could bring it into jack silver And we could do like a Saturday night strip club DJ competition Yeah, I'm sure that's possible. Just give it to me and I'll be sure not to leave it here in the booth when I leave tonight You know, it's interesting they say that Gina grad says that pole dancing has now reached Observer status by the way pole dancing has had Observer status 200 here. Yeah, yeah, yes, it didn't have to build an audience Guys just sitting. All right. Yeah, yeah Yeah, those guys, you know what I mean? Yeah, they didn't score. I don't think they could score mathematics Wasn't their thing, but they were observing now I it always went here's in my problem with the pole I know I don't like watching Fire eaters or sword swallowers like you got a sword is putting it down. It's like I don't like that I don't appreciate it. I'm not a big Gallagher fan. No, and when the chick gets Inverted and then she let's go and she's just hanging on with her cross legs I'm like sweetie. You're gonna by the way. I don't care about the brain damage part, but you're gonna be you're gonna be forcing over the wheel to get a slide down and then they kick one leg off and they ran for one leg. I'm like, I'm nervous mom. Now this is a wild Wednesday night here in Mellon, Cali. She's going to take this sort of fire and she's going to eat this thing. Oh, bye. I hope that's been pre-approved by our friends from the Los Angeles County Fire Department. But anyway, there goes Vanessa, fall down the gullet. It's a sort of fire and she's slowly, oh, I can't even look, I can't look the other way. I'm going to fall. Oh, my, my, that, that, that, that, that gullet, that's all we went down there and her stomach is on fire, call the fire department. It's hot and sexy at Mellon, Cali's. This Wednesday night. Well Adam, as someone who took pole dancing exercise class for two and a half years because it's so fun, if I can do that, the professionals can do it. She's a little newbie in a crane in Cali, Cali girl, she's up on the pole. She's got her legs up there, now she's going inverted. She wants to know, shut the lights up. Yeah, got it, bless her. Yeah, she's right. Now what I love about her routine here is that she does all five vowels. She does the eight, the E, the I, the O, the U. And she feels in the mood sometimes why. And she's in a sometimes why kind of move tonight. We're all going to leave a little bit of food. And Brian, let me take you to a little house business here. We've got this men brunch coming up, that's new in the three every week day. Unlimited mojo potatoes and go say hi to from Leapies in the bathroom. He's saying next to chain three, yeah, that's all his own change. He puts in there. We call the primer. Perhaps I said too much. Jane, say four, say four, Jane. Try to throw some kitchen his way because for weeks in a nasty, nasty child custody battle right now. I believe Vanessa's up to the letter E. So check it out. Vanessa's got a yeast infection, but maybe between the discussion of leap and the child of custody battle and Vanessa with the yeast infection, we're after a little to transparent here. Well, I don't know about that. I think we just want to tell the truth because you know who knows the truth. The guys right down there on the front row, they came down here this morning with a fist full of cash, could all have they booed the truth. Well, Brian, as long as we have Brian's house with her, the truth, I like to say. You know, you've only been here for nine months, but I've been attracted to you for about a year. Man, I've seen your work over to your girls, and I mean beyond professional attraction, but into a manly masculine attraction. That's how to you to say, since we're into the truth, man, I got to tell you, I was over there at the other club. I kind of knew you were warm from my form, so I moseyed on over to the glory hall. I ran out of patience waiting for you to show up. Now, now is the rule. Now, I'm not going to stand there with my big ol' league, but I've got to say this, and all the listeners here, I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time. I've got this voice and this job is really just a thinly-veiled veneer over condensation. At least my therapist says it. Well, I got to tell you what's going with my sexuality. I'm going to tell you, buddy, what you're, oh, and look at her doing that double triple axel there. That's what she was, and he reminds me of Scotty Hamilton for about two and a half years talking. I'll tell you something, buddy. I'll tell you something. Your therapist won't dare to tell you, buddy, you haven't asked that. Just word quick. You are hotter than a firecracker, and I've got some sexual feelings for you, buddy. Well, I got to tell you this, bro, bro, when I fly in from Burbank, we hit the carrying, that poster, the thunder from down under, I stop every day and stare at that bad boy. Yeah, I got to tell you, I don't care if they're fake Australian accents, I am physically attracted to those men, I'm physically attracted to you, and I say we give her to this whole facade, and we go open, open ourselves up a bakery, that's that cares exclusively to get a couple. Wow, look at that men. So with a triple axel, that's far rigged perfectly, you know, she's going to get 10 out of 10 there. That is the whole song. I've seen before. That's amazing. It might be a new record. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl. You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. All right, this is Adam Colisho 333. Come up next, we have Adam Colisho 345, featuring Natasha Legero, Teresa Strosser, Brian Bishop, also from 2010. This is the gang going over Jack Silver's closing bit from the morning show, that he demanded they play on air, that they all find to be quite abysmal. Hope you guys enjoy. Something that's haunted me from any of you here, Tim. Today I was thinking about your guys as a last show at the Terrestrial Radio, and my favorite part of the entire day was that awesome comedy bit, Jack Silver put together, you know, where he was drinking all those shots. I was hoping that you guys could break it down for me and it would exactly tell me where the comedy was in that movie. Well, it's an out, Jack Silver was our program director over at Kayla Sacks for the three plus years we're on the station, and I would say this about Jack, I like Jack personally. What? Yeah, he was a nice enough guy. I was a nice enough guy, but his comedic sensibility did not blow with mine or jive, with mine or anybody I knew, by the way, who had a sense of humor. So Jack was constantly, Jack had his idea of what a morning radio should sound like, and it was forged in the crucible of Rick D's circa 1988, and I just thought I didn't want to do that kind of show, and to be fair to Jack, he was, he did what I say all executives do, which is if you took a beaver and you put him on the roof of the Sears Tower, they would start looking for wood, so they could build a dam. And if you said to him, "Hey, you're 133 stories off the ground, what do you think, what do you build this dam for?" He'd go, "I'm looking for wood, get out of the way." I'm a beaver, that's what I do. That's what I do. And program directors and television executives, they're all just beavers. Some are better at it than dam building than others, but if you're not in a river, you sure as fuck don't need a dam, and that's, they do what they do. Like Jack Silver did what he does. Yeah, and to put it less creatively, when you have a hammer, all you see is a nail, and he had a hammer. Right. And that hammer was boobies, and talk about drinking, and take a lot of phone calls, and do the wing bowl. Right. Hammer, hammer. Well, as I've said, many, many, many times, radio stations still give the time out every eight minutes, when there's, everyone has a cell phone, everyone has a radio. I mean, think about this. I know I've broken this game film down, but there was a time when the time was a commodity. They put it on bank signs, and you'd be driving down the boulevard, and you go, hey, what time is it? Like, you wouldn't know, because there wasn't one in your. You'd like to pull over and ask somebody. Yeah, there wasn't one in your clock radio, and there wasn't one, or there wasn't one in your car radio, and there wasn't one in your oven, there wasn't one in your coffee maker, there wasn't one in your microwave, there wasn't one in your cell phone, there wasn't one everywhere. Well now, they're everywhere, and if you notice, banks no longer put signs in front of their banks to tell you what time it is, because they realize it's a waste of money. Why are people going to look at our sign when they have the time in their car? But radio stations, what do they do? They get the fucking time out. I would say more now than they did in 1951. Why? They're beavers who build dams on skyscrapers, and give the time out is the exact same as I'm looking for wood. Get out of the way. That's what I do. And you're fucking heretic if you say, "Perhaps we don't need to look for wood on the top of the Sears Tower." All right. But Jack's bit? When Jack came in, so when we did our final show at KALISX, I wanted to have. Here's my thing, you guys tell me if I'm overstating this. When a sitcom goes off the air, they try to wrap it up nicely, and there's lots of hugs amongst the cast members. But as a viewer, you don't have that feeling of, "Wow, what am I going to do with my day now?" You know? I mean, it's like, "Okay, sign failed. Good run. Whatever. Good. Frazier. Good run." And maybe you feel there's a void like, "Hey, man, I laughed at that show. But you don't feel like an emotional void. You feel a sort of an entertainment void. That morning shows, radio shows, radio personnel, it's not me, me, and everyone else. There's an attachment. There's a bond that's made. And people feel it. You know, they felt it when I left Love Line. And it's not a moment to sort of. It's a moment to celebrate, but it's also a moment that it's a funeral of sorts. It's a passing. It's. You're moving on. You're bearing this old show known as Adam Coroll and Dr. Drone. You're bearing this old show known as the Adam Coroll, a show. And you're moving on. In my case, in Brian's case, Theresa's case, not too much. (laughs) Is it a total dirt career? You're moving on to disability. Yeah. Which you're moving on to. But you're moving on. And I think we all felt that moment with the possibility of Dawson, who wanted to play a Robin Trower song. (laughs) Dude. That'd never happen. (laughs) And Alan Parsons song. Later, husband. Maybe. Didn't I play one of my own? I think you did. I think you did. You played your own and then you wanted to play an Alan Parsons. Yeah. I'm bleeding for you man. The point is, the point is this. People called with things that were like eulogies that celebrated their attachment to the show. Right, and we all sort of spoke. You know, it was a tear-filled sort of-- I announced I was pregnant. You announced you're pregnant. I announced I was the father. Was people called in saying they're going to miss you. They're going to miss us the more and they're going to miss the show. And then Jack Silver, as the program director, was-- and by the way, this was at the end of the show. This is if memory serves about 9.40, 9.30. I mean, this is at the end of a four-hour show. Jack Silver wants to come in, as the program director, and say a couple of words. At least that's the way I understood it. And I thought it was going to be a Theresa. I know we had a couple arguments in our office, but I want you to know I really respect you. And I think you're going to go on to great things. And Adam, we had a difference of opinion on occasion, but I think you're a funny guy. And there's always room for Paul Bryan. God forbid you get a tumor in six months. And I thought there'd be one of those, a slight burying of the hatchet with a, you know what? We had a pretty good run here, kids. And that kind of thing-- That would have been so appropriate, because the tone had been set. I announced I was pregnant. And Joel McCale called in. A bunch of people called in saying how much they were going to miss the show. Yes. It was kind of a tearful, emotionally charged-- but Jack had produced a bit for this final-- He'd gone into the studio. He'd gone to the studio, produced a bit for this final day on the air. And I believe we have that. We do? That's what I'm told. Yeah, that's-- And as it turned out, you know, somehow, I think Paul Bryan or Dawson or somebody brought a microphone into my last staff meeting yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is a good joint. Adam John from Running Genius, Jack Zeller. That is one last chance to celebrate me state of the station brunch. Boys, quiet, Namskolls. Now, you all know that this is our last day of FM Talk. Oh, God, the room is spinning, Shredrick. Man up, Nancy, times are tough. No room for pansies on this bus. Oh, sorry, boys. Look, today, we are here to celebrate 13 glorious years. They amazing years of FM Talk. So everybody raised a glass. I've got my tequila. Let's toast to Tom like his. Now, I've got a shot of Middleton. Irish Whiskey and let's raise a toast to Adam Corolla. Shotty Agermeister for Frosty Heidi and Frank. Smooth. And I got one. How about a shot of 151 for Conway and Whitman? Stegler. Malib-- I don't know. Down the hatch. Anybody for Kamikaze? Shot for the Bona Dutti? Oh, that's a good one. How about you, smiley? Let's do a Sandbrookah shot for the shot and Jeff Shaw. No, Jeff, I'm Jeff. You might want to slow down a little bit. Put a sock in a butt face. But I have the feeling that I'm going to do up for Howard Stern. How about a socky bomb? Here we go. And finally, one for me, little Jackie Silver, the Genie, created this FM talk thing. Crap him out of here. Anybody got a fresh bottle? Here we go. Hey, stay tuned for more. No, wait, there isn't any more. OK, thus ends the day of Jack Silver and the little FM talk station that could. Good night, Jack Silver, programming genius. Paulius, let's have a group hug. Let me, let me, let me, let me, give it to you. Adam, as your people say, Lahiam, he did that no two, by the way. All right. Yeah, she could tell the toneally. It was tone deaf to the moment. Not exactly what we're talking about. But then as he was playing that, I did feel a sense of closure, because I was like, no wonder this guy doesn't have any idea of what I'm trying to do or say. I was confounded, in fact, I relate to Collard Tim, because I, I didn't know what to make of it. I thought was this over my head or something, and I didn't get the joke? Way under, Collard, Collard Tim, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. I, uh, yeah, I, you're just a reaction, right? When you came back, wasn't curvy. I think, as you're like, hmm, OK, and then you guys went to commercial. That was, uh, yeah, that was awesome. But I've laughed my ass off on that, because that is a piece of garbage. And, um, I mean, that's, that's not funny at any point. Well, I'm at the part where it's not funny is the least of my worries, really. I mean, no program director's funny. I'll have a horrible sense of humor. That's how they got to be the creative engine behind a radio station. Definitely not funny. But to me, it's more that it was sort of out of touch and inappropriate. And I don't mean, I don't mean to overstate it, but it's mean we were having a real moment. And I think Jack did not want to participate in the gravity of the moment. Yeah, or maybe he had recorded this in advance and kind of had to stick to it and didn't sense that the show had gone in a different direction that day, probably. And it was so, you're right. It was toward the end when we, I think we were running out. There were more people we wanted to talk to and we were running out of time. I can't remember if there were people on hold. You know, I don't know if it was DAG. Somebody like that. There were people that had been part of the show that we wanted to talk about. Dawson had another path trap or something to play. Right. Those are good songs. We've got tracks. We've got tracks. I wanted to do the alternative. We're creating a bunch of sides. Number two. No, actually, me and Lynch were sitting in the back office when Jack Silver played that. And both of us looked at each other and wanted to rip Silver's head off for bringing us into the bit. By saying, I think Dawson or Lynch had a microphone in there. Oh, yeah. We wanted to distance ourselves from that as quick as possible. No. I knew it wasn't you. For the record, you were obviously not involved. No, you never stayed a moment after work. So. I'm like a shot. Dawson worked actually really long hours. I wouldn't know. I was out of there 10, 12. I waited for you, man. All right. Well, thanks, Tim. But it is nice whether you're breaking up with someone or folding a radio station to realize at the end. Oh, this is why. All right. There's Adam Cole Show 345. Brian did a famous impression of Jack Silver, one of his most famous on-air recurring characters. He did it on the old morning show and he continued it into the podcast. Didn't do it a lot. He broke it out very rarely, but it was a hilarious impression, very accurate. And with great comedic timing. All right. That does with this weekend's cruel classics. Whatever happens, we all love Bald Brian. And I think we all want to wish, I think he's in all of our thoughts and prayers for those that break, along with his wonderful wife, Christy, an amazing daughter, Tessa. I want to thank Brian for all his years contributing to the show, all the time and effort he put in. He did an amazing job. He was a hilarious part of the show. He was a key part of the show. He forever changed podcasting, a literal trailblazer of the industry. He was told he had six months to live and he's still going. And he made it all this time. We love you forever, Brian Bishop. You always be our Bald Brian, Mahalo, and get it on. It's the great beyond. We love you. 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