Bad Thoughts About Meghan Markle | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

(upbeat music) (bell dinging) - Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. We're in Los Angeles. - With the hit show on Netflix streaming right now, number two, bad thoughts. Congratulations, buddy. - Thanks, buddy. - Congratulations. It is awesome. We went to the premiere last week, saw the first three episodes, and I sat right behind you. I was howling laughing the whole time. - You were. It was awesome to hear you actually. - And then, Leon and I, the last night it started streaming yesterday, and Leon and I watched the last three episodes. I got high before I watched them, and I realized halfway through Tom, that I was doing this weird smile laugh I've never done, where my eyes were like scared, but I was smiling. I was kinda like that. (laughing) When you, okay, let's pick apart bad thoughts. 'Cause I mean, I mean, it's millions and millions of people are watching it right now. - Yeah. - And it's still, this is the next week, so we don't know, or the week after whatever, but we don't know where it is right now, but I'm guarantee you it's still in the top 10. It is so fucking funny, but it is. God dammit, it is so your sense of humor. - It is my sense of humor, it totally is. Yeah, I mean, you know, I got a call yesterday, 'cause I had screened the first couple, basically the first one for my mom, and she called me yesterday, and she just goes, "I watched your whole show. And just quiet." And I go, "And what'd you think?" And she goes, "Absolutely horrendous." She goes, "It's so embarrassing that I have to see my friends and know that they could see this." (laughing) - That's what comedy's at its best. - Yeah, I get it. - You are so, you are such an open book in this. I know, right? - My parents started watching it. - Oh my god. - My dad called us more than he goes. The fuck was I watching? (laughing) - The fuck is this? Since eating, guys, he really is eating his ass. I mean, what the fuck? They let that on Netflix? You are the definition. Every fucking person who goes, I wanna show on Netflix, but I don't want any notes. - Yeah. (laughing) - You are the only person I've ever seen do that. - I mean, yeah, it kinda does feel like that. The only note they ever gave me was don't say the n-word. - By the way, by the way, that was one of my favorite sketches is, okay, let's pick apart my favorite sketches. - Okay, sure. - My favorite one, number one, I will tell you right now, this is the best, I think you have the best opening to a Netflix show I've ever seen. That sketch, the assassin sketch, is so brilliant. It's so brilliant because it builds in such an unexpected way, but it's such a great way to grab a viewer and go, this is what you're ready for. You go over the top and in places that are like, the perfect you walking with shit on your legs. I was crying laughing. And then, are someone else on this phone? Like, it is such. - And we got Shay Wigam in that, who's like playing the guy on the other end of the phone. - I met him. - Yeah, but he's like, unbelievable actor, you know? So like. - Crazy. - Getting those people in it like, Dan Stevens was in a couple, Daniela Pineda. It made everything, you know, especially if you take a stoop, like a silly absurd idea, and you have like a real actor go, like, hey, ground this, I think it just makes everything better. - Yeah, that was, that was a great way to start. I will say to date, my favorite sketch out of all of them is the fucking talent show. - Oh, really with the, okay, that's all. - Is that one, man, I think because I feel like, I feel like your dad would've fucking loved it. - Oh yeah, he would've been like, what's the funny part? That's all very real. (laughing) Those are all things that I'd like heard him say, you know, about Vietnam, so that the funny thing about that one, like if you want to know the story, is I wrote it as me taking my son to say goodbye to my dad on his deathbed, and then I go, is there anything you want to tell him? And then he starts saying all this worship, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, he's like, what? And I'm like, okay, so it just keeps progressing. And we had that written, it was like ready to go. And then in the writer's room just discussing it, this idea came out of like, what if it came out of the kid, but it's from the grit? And I was like, oh, that's better. That is better. - That's my best. - That's so good. - The, the, the, the, this guy's sketch? - Oh yeah, yeah, the portal stuff with Rob Eiler. - I don't want to give it away in case you haven't seen it. If you haven't seen it, you should see it. But I, but the Kirk Fox part. - It's, he's so funny. - The reveal is my, is my favorite, is my favorite. How'd you do it? It's so good. It's so good. And by the way, he's awesome in the, I mean, I don't want to tease too much to like. - Yeah. - But like the dad and the cake, and that fucking had me Tom like this, like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. - That one is, yeah, that's one of my favorites too. I, uh, I love the black and white one with, uh, the- - Dude, shut the fuck up. I didn't realize that was you. - That's me, yeah. - Leanne, I'm watching it. And Leanne's like, that's fucking Tom. And I went, no. She goes, no, that's Tom. I go, no, no, I met the lady that plays that. She goes, you met the other lady. And I was like, oh, shit, you're right. - Yeah. - Dude, that, and that's one of my favorite ones. I mean, they're all kind of like, they feel like you're, you're, your babies, you know. But, um, yeah, we had a really fun premiere, uh, that you came to, Leanne, um, bunch of people that were in it. It was a really fun night. - I, I hope people start saying I slept like a homo last night. - I, I, I, I, I, I shit like a Jew, like, there was, it was, the, the, the, the airplane sketch was really funny to watch you defend your old bits. - Yeah, that was fun. - That was really great, man. That was really great. And then, uh, it was dying. Every bit of it, it was, it was really, it, it, it should inspire every comic who wants to make something to really make it in their voice. Because that's what you did. - Yeah. - Just like, like, I'll say tires is Shane's voice, like, fucking, that is Shane. That is if you hang out with Shane, that is what, if you're in a car with Shane, if you're on a bus with Shane, if you're on a plane with Shane, if you're on a bar with Shane, that is Shane. - Yeah. - This is you to a fucking T. It is so, it's so funny. It's, what I thought is, it's undeniable because if someone doesn't like it, then yeah, you don't like Tom, I guess. Then that's cool. - Yeah, totally. - You can't deny it's not funny, but if you go, it's too much for me, then you go, yeah, okay, I get it. - Yeah, yeah. No, totally. I mean, that's, you know, the feedback, I, I, because I think I'm people and some of the people in production, I, I prepared them for this. I was like, I go, this isn't a, a stand-up special, but I go, it's the same kind of thing is going to happen. It comes out, I go, you're going to have a lot of people shower it with love and say how great it is. And then I go, if you want, you can just keep looking and you find the people that are like, I hate this is the worst, I go, just don't, you can't like just focus on it. You just have to accept this part of how it goes. You put something out, you're not in control of how people react, but like we love it, the, the people that made it. And I'm like, just, you know, be happy that some people really love it and then just, you know, move forward. You can't, like you can't. - I haven't read it. I mean, I, you come up, you, you come up in my news thread, I've blocked me. My name never comes up, but you come up in my news thread. - Yeah. - And I saw like three things are very fucking positive. - Oh, that's cool. That's cool. I mean, yeah, I kind of have a Zen attitude now, like Christina was actually complimenting me on it. She was like, you're not like checking all the time. I'm like, yeah, no, it's out. I can't do anything. It's out. - You can't do anything about it, man. You made it. And you had fun making it. And I would argue you grew from making it like you're, I think, I can see your thumbprint all over it. - How much, how much did you fight for things and how much did you allow the writers to convince you? - I mean, you know, that's a great question. I loved that writers room because we had brilliant people in it. We had Matt Zimman, Craig Gerard, Connor Galvin, Rami Hoshash, Jeremy Connor, Greg Tugalescu. And it was this great room where I came in with things that some things were already written. I would go, here's the thing. We would talk about it and some of them would keep a lot like a lot of what was there and some of it would evolve. It was always better after the writers worked together. Sometimes we would discuss one and somebody would take a stab at it and then we would all punch it up together. So it was this whole process. The funny one, because the guy, Jeremy told me this later, he was like, I'm glad you fought for Slep like a homo, he goes because we would have a wall with pins of like our definite yeses. And then another wall had like, we're considering it. And that Slep like a kept getting moved to considering and I would take it out and put it on the definite wall, you know, and he'd be like, how did it make it back here? I go, I fucking put it back here. We're doing it. - Did you direct that one? - Yeah, I directed that one. - I could tell. I was like, was it you weren't in it? - Yeah. - And I was like, wait, I knew you were directed, did you direct a launcher just that one? - Three. I directed that one. I directed the grandparents one, the speech, the little kid. - Oh, are you serious? - I directed that one. And then I directed the one with Bobby Lee, which he's so funny dude. Like when you see our blooper's rails coming out soon, I looking into his eyes and trying to say that shit seriously, I thought we were going to have to do 30 takes. I was like, I can't do this. Every time I look at him, I just start laughing. I just could not, just looking at him made me laugh, which is going to make him upset. How much were you guys on book versus improv? There was some, there was some improv in that, especially like when we got to the end of the bed and we were talking like, you know, I'm like a sandwich and you're like, like, so I was doing different versions of that and they were making us laugh every time. In that, I wondered how much the writers were throwing lines at you because I was like, he doesn't know what some of these meats are. They were throwing things like, because different ones would visit on different days and whenever they came, they would have a bunch of ideas and we would try stuff. But they're the greatest guys. I mean, I had just, I have nothing but good things to say. They always were like throwing out ideas. So we're Jeremy and Rami, like always just, what if we did this, you know, suggesting new, new ways to play it or a different line. But yeah, there was, there was a good, a good bit of improv, but I feel like most of it, we tried to stick to what we wrote. This episode of Two Bears One Cave is brought to you by NASCAR. The 2025 NASCAR season is headed to Charlotte Motor Speedway for one of their crown jewel races. It is a celebration of patriotism along with 600 miles of intense racing action. This is the longest race of the NASCAR season, 600 miles of bumping, banging and intensity and anything that happened during this marquee event. Do don't miss the stars of NASCAR battle it out to win one of the most iconic races in all of motorsports. I, Bert Kreischer will be there in person living it up this Memorial Day weekend at the greatest fricking sport on the planet. Come hang with me. If you want a party and watch them insane racing, grab your tickets at NASCAR.com/tickets. If you can't make it, grab a beer and your friends find yourself seated on the couch and gear up for some of the best racing in the world at Charlotte Motor Speedway, tune into the Coca-Cola 600 this Sunday at 6 p.m. Eastern on prime again, 6 p.m. on prime. This podcast is brought to you by BetterHelp. Mental health awareness is still growing, but there's still progress to be made. 26% of Americans who participated in a recent survey said they have avoided seeking mental health support due to a fear of judgment. I remember that. I remember that. I mean, LA is a little more progressive when it comes to mental health, but I definitely remember the first time that I said I wanted to see a therapist and I looked at the people at the bar with me and they were like, what? Oh, people hesitate to get help. It just doesn't affect them. It impacts families, workplaces and the entire community. This is this mental health awareness month. Let's encourage everyone to take care of what they're well-being and break the stigma. The world is better when people are healthy and happy. And I want to point out those people that were at that table that day. I'm in a much better place than they are. That's all I'll say. Emotionally, physically, everything, everything. I'm happily married. I have two great kids. I've got a great podcast, great business partners, great friends, great tour, great everything. Everything works for me. And I think honestly, it has to do with getting therapy. Better help has over 10 years of experience matching people with their right therapists from their diverse network of more than 30,000 licensed therapists with a wide, wide range of specialties. Better help is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can easily switch therapists at any time for no additional cost. We're all better with help. Visit betterhelp.com/spares to get 10% off your first month. That's better help atlp.com/bearers. It was, it was so beautifully shot. I mean, this is, this is a testament to whoever your DP or director, whatever it was, just the dick sketch. When you go to the lady in the basement, it was racked so beautifully that I went, if you hadn't had what you had in that thing over your short, like, take away the sketch. It was gorgeous. No, he, that's Nico, Nicholas Wiesnet, the DP of all of them. Man, because I told him, I was like, you know, one of the main things. I was like, I don't like watching comedy that is shot. Hey, this is a comedy. So it's super bright and flat. And you know what I mean? The way we kind of, you see sitcoms, I was like, I don't want to look like that, man. I wanted to look cinematic. And like, we had so many conversations about it. And I thought he killed it. Like, everything looked really had its own different stories had a whole different look, but I always looked beautiful. God, man. So what, like, what was Christina's favorite sketch? I don't know. She was, um, I show, she hadn't seen them all. And I was, we were watching some last night. She asked me to show her some more. I don't know which one is her favorite, actually. I really don't know. Um, but she, she was like, she's like over the moon about it. She loves it, you know, she was laughing. I mean, it was, you know, it's so good. It's so, like, you know, it's so funny. You get, you do stuff on Netflix and you put it up and, you know, with our specials, I think we can stand behind them because it's the thing we do. You know, yeah. But with scripted stuff, sometimes you go, well, shit, it's not my strong suit. Right. Uh, even like the cabin, like, I go, yeah, that's what I do. It's, it's just a basically, it's a long form podcast. Right. Right. And I love the cabin. I think it's so great. But like, scripted is like, well, shit, this isn't my thing. Dude, you really fucking hit it out of the park. It's like, I was so, so impressed. And so, and my favorite thing is like, when people love it, I go, I know, right? And then when people don't get it, I like that even more. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know you need to watch it one more time. I'm super grateful for the, uh, honestly, for the experience and like getting to do it because I was telling I was with, uh, Joe and I was like, I go, you know, this is actually my real dream. He was like, what do you mean? And I go, well, I moved to LA. I got, I didn't move to LA to do standup. It wasn't even on my radar. I had zero. It was just, it wasn't even a thought. And I go, even though like, I have a standup career that I'm super happy about and grateful for, I go, you still, that thing in your mind never leaves that you go, it was my dream to like, things like this, you know? So to get to execute it felt like it was a dream, it'd be like if somebody was like, if you could jump into a 22 year old version of yourself and play baseball, like, you know, you'd be like, yeah, like, so that's what I wanted to do. Right. What I wanted to do when I moved to LA was make comedy movies. Like, you know what I mean? Like, so this was like, it felt like they were like, here you go. Go ahead and do the thing you wanted to do. That's so fucking, that's so crazy because, you know, you know, one of the things that you're good at that I am really not good at is you love getting lost in a character. And that was fun. Yeah, that was really fun. I mean, I mean, what did your kids think of it? Oh, they love it. They were talking about it in school. That first sketch sets it off so proper, like, so good. It's such a good, it's a such. Did you guys play around with the order of them other than so much, other than the transitions, which I loved that you did, like the cliff hangers. I think that's safe to say. Yeah. Is that you'll end one sketch and be like, huh? And then you'll start another sketch and be like, oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Now we played with that a lot. And then even when we thought we had our order, we were still debating and we ended up switching some things around. But almost from the beginning, we thought that that assassin one was the way to start the show. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. It's so good because it escalates so quickly and really gets you to where the show will be. Yeah. Exactly. It's a great introduction. It's a great, it's a great foot forward. Thanks. Did you, did you go in knowing you wanted sickler and Kevin Christie and and Johnny Pemberton and Bobby and or did you they audition? It was a casting was crazy. One of the things was like, we're in Austin because we always talk about like we're in LA, it would be like so easy to like call so many people you knew. You know, so that was a big thing and we did cast a lot of Austin people that were super talented. People also came from Houston and Dallas and we had people fly in from New York and Arizona. But when it came to those, it was so the sickler thing, we were just like, hey, you know, who do you want standing next to you? Well, you're naked because at first they were like, should we cast like a local guy? And I was like, I liked it. It was sickler. I was like, it'll be fun to be sickler. Kevin did me just a super solid because it was like, it was a small part and he's like a, he's an accomplished actor. He's been in like a bunch of real things. Bobby, I thought was so perfect to play the part of like, he plays so the victim so well. Like, you know, when he's being kind of like bullied in a way, his natural way of playing that, I think is so funny. Like, him in that role is so funny. I wasn't supposed to be in that one. My role in that one with Bobby, that was supposed to be Momoa. And so our whole thing was, if you can't get someone who's like genuinely a sex symbol, let's get somebody who's like kind of like, why the fuck do you find this person sexy? Well, so what happened? Momoa backed out? Yeah, so we changed all our whole entire production. moved everything all to accommodate like his schedule because he was like I'll do it We were all like out of our minds. Just so happy about it. And then like two weeks before he faced time me from a bathtub He was like, hey, what's up? I'm like, are you taking a bath? He's like, yeah Hey, I can't make it man. I was like I was like he was like in New Zealand. They were shooting more pickups from his movie or something So I was like all right, so then we were like we didn't want to get somebody where you go like yeah, that guy's Sexy - cuz like he stands out. Did you reach out of Brad Pitt? We did reach out to the he was shooting a movie and I don't know Louisiana or something so But then we were like once we get those guys off the table it felt like it was funnier To make it like the anti-sex symbol. I thought it was even I thought by the way I mean, I'm sure my mode would have been it would have been hilarious watch him walk in and I bet he would have killed it But I thought it was funnier that it was the guy that makes subs Yeah, then we just tried to make him like kind of a dirt bag, you know, yeah Yeah, so that that was the and we got surprised like Shay saying Shay Wiggum saying yes to the Badass ass and then Dan Stevens who plays the the guy that runs the old folks home You know that with the old lady the guy who's like these people Yeah, wait who's the one better yet who's the one who plays the gym owner the gym manager that's him That's he's the good thing fucking like like a Downton Abbey, right? Yes, yes, holy shit You know who the end kept saying that was who's not we're watching it. She goes they got carry use again I go carry use The guy from Princess bride and she goes that's carry use and I went no and he had makeup on so I'm going like this You know how you look at like a like a people go hey, what do you see first in this picture an elephant or or a sword and I was like I kept looking at his face try to see it and I was like that's not him and then all of a sudden I went oh shit That is the guy from Downton Abbey. Yeah, it's him. Yeah, he's so handsome shit. He's gorgeous I could see how she could confuse them, but they're also about 30 years apart a lot Well, you know, it's crazy. Yeah, we were doing something and we got reached This kind of sound weird, but like someone said we were making something and someone said carry use is available Yeah, and I went what and then I guess really cool. He's funny He's like he's like really dialed in. I guess he like so like a regular guy And I was like wait, I go we I think he's wrong for it, but I'd cast him just to meet him. Yeah Cast them give him the job. Yeah, I just wanted to meet you. I just want to meet him. He's fucking awesome, dude He is amazing actually. Yeah, he's a really great actor. I got to say this. Okay, hmm, and I'm just curious Yeah, was there ever a conversation about we should put Bert in one Yeah Yeah, yeah, we all saw your promos It's you know, it's so funny. It's is I posted that promo yesterday. Yeah, and I actually I actually I had a dream about a dream It's so funny. I had a dream that I walked off the set of my own show and went over to your show and said hey Can I I just walked off set of my show? Can I work on your show? I don't have a show anymore and you were like of course I got you and then you're like you're gonna be like you can get us coffee and stuff and I was like Tom I had a dream about this right and I woke up and I thought and I thought wait He put everyone in that and I wasn't in it and I was like oh, I should do a promo I'll do a promo to promote the show saying that I wasn't in it That was very funny, but what's so funny is I was like as soon as I did it I was like why didn't I'm put Tom in anything and then and then randomly we did the promo and at the very end I go wait I he was in the cabin that's right and I saw I said oh captain in the cabin But what's so funny is like even like people you know Well like our friends like like Mr. Clavicle. He's a great guy. I love mr. Clavicle. Yeah, but mr. Clavicle wrote I like In one of the comments. I didn't see Burt. I didn't see Tom in the machine There you go. I was like guys. I'm joking like I think sometimes my personality Gets lost in like people think I'm a hundred percent serious all the time or I'm a I don't know what it is But I was like I'm joking obviously, but I'm also not joking at all I'm joking a hundred percent yeah, but zero percent at the same time. Yeah, I got it I got it if you want a small business. You know, there's nothing small about it as a business owner myself I get it the thing that helped me the most when all the decisions began to feel daunting was knowing that I had the right platform With all the tools I needed to be successful shopify Chachink shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world in 10 percent of all e-commerce In the US from household names like Mattel and Jim Shark to brands just getting started Tackle all the important tasks from inventory to payments to analytics and more with built-in tools for running social media and Email campaigns. 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Clavicle We had written a scene in the machine for all my friends to be in like a cameo scene for all my friends to be in But we were shooting in Serbia and there was five days But where you had to be five days you had to be quarantined and it was just so not feasible to bring people over and have them wait for five days and then fly home And so it was like it was but uh, I turned down a a movie that shot in Oklahoma City Back then or like they just they gave me an offer to play the part and And it was like here's here's the days you need to be here and I was like I can do that. It was like let's say 12 days right of shooting this movie and they're like cool. We need you two weeks before then and Then a week after and I was still like okay, maybe and then as we got closer They're like you actually need to stay multiple weeks after also So the 12-day shoot was they wanted me there for like six weeks and I was like I can't do that dude. That's insane It's crazy because of like how they were quarantining back then. It's so crazy to think that quarantines actually Happened yeah, they you could say you can't go outside yeah, and also like we just need you here You got to just stay here for a couple weeks. I was like I can't do that dude. Yeah We did talk about just so we're clear I did want Tom to be in the machine. It couldn't have happened and I did put Tom You were the very first person I called for the cabin. Yes No, the for this show it was casting was like a very scrambled thing where you're always like Who fits into this part? What's the what's the way that they would you know who can do it at what time and it was always like what would be a Good fit people schedule Looking back. I don't know if you what was the one. I think we were So I wanted to actually play you in one and we were kicking around that idea Yeah, so it just it just didn't it's just one of those things where it wasn't like a Never thought about or discussed. It just didn't pan out But you know, hopefully we can do another one. Hopefully there's season two. Yeah Would you like to play just a guy that sucks a dick or gets fucked in the ass or shit himself for each guy with shit on his ass Whatever you're whatever you like whatever you're into, you know, yeah, do you want to do like an orgy scene or something? Yeah, I was just I'll tell you what I can I I literally was like Like I would be so difficult because I'm not cool with all the shit you're cool with. Like I can't, like I couldn't have shit on my legs for an extended period of time. - Oh my god. - 'Cause like I couldn't, I couldn't put the veneers in that you did. - Those were horrible. - The twice, twice, you did it for the thing on the back and the other guy. Like I can't, I can't, like I'm not, I'm not an actor, like you're an actor. You're, I mean, I have to say this and I hope, you know, I don't think there's a surprise anyone. You're a really good actor. You're really fucking good. Like you're good at getting into a character and being a different person and you're also good at being Tom and being subtle and quiet and like your choices are fucking amazing. I am not that good. I can play Bert and that's it. And I can't have shit touch me. I need to wear my clothes. - You do, you do you really well though. - I do, you do pretty well. - You do you really well. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Well thanks, I appreciate that. I think playing the characters is like the most fun. - I couldn't, like it's crazy to see you with hair. - That also freaked me out. And also I think I told you and I wasn't joking. That day when I was playing the Italian guy and I was a walking around and everybody was like, wow, you look great. And I would look in the mirror and I was like, maybe I do want hair transplant. - Oh. - That was the only day that I thought that. I was like, yeah. - Liam kept saying, he is so attractive. He's an attractive guy. He was shaved beard, Bert. He's attractive with hair, he's attractive. And then he goes back to Tom and he looks like Kevin James. Pull up, Kevin James got a new special called Irregardless. Pull up Irregardless if you can. And tell me this doesn't look like a Tom Segura a special, Kevin James. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. Oh my God. - You and Kevin James should do a twins movie. He's gotta be dying that beard, right? - Ah, yeah. - That's pretty dark. - I was dying their beard except for you. - Yeah. My friend Steve that came to the 5K. - Yeah. - We're the same age and his beard is totally dark and I was like, you're using a dye, right? And he's like, no, it just grows like this. - That's real. - That's fucking crazy. Yeah, it was so dark. - Wait, have we talked about the 5K at all? Yeah, we did a podcast on the 5K. - Ah, fuck it, don't remember. We did a podcast on the 5K. I've been eating edibles every night now. - I've been smoking weed every night. I'm not sober, sober. Like, I don't think I ever have an attraction to being sober, but like, not drinking has felt fucking really good these last eight days. - Eight days, you're almost time to get a coin. - It ends in about four hours. - Oh, it's over at four hours, okay. - Yeah. - All right. - It ends in four hours, I'm having a bottle I'm having a glass of our vodka, getting on a plane. Tom, it's just flying, man, it's flying. - Yeah, I know, we fly differently. We talked about that. I just, I'm like, yeah, I don't care, do a barrel roll. I don't give a shit. - Oh, cool. - Yeah, turbulence makes me laugh. Everyone's like panicking on my flight, and I'm like, it's fine. You can hear it like the engine separating from the wing. - I feel so good. I feel so good right now, then I go, don't drink, don't drink. Let's see how long I can not drink on the flight, and that way I'll minimize my drinking, but then we're going to Chicago for a bottle takeover or for a bar takeover. - Both, we have a bottle signing and a bar takeover. - We have a bottle signing and a bar takeover, I'm gonna drink in Chicago, by the way, I'm also eating clean. I'm eating good. - Yeah, where is that, by the way, so we can say it. - And then I think I'm going to the post Malone jelly roll concert. - Okay, hold on. It's the old crow's smokehouse. It's the 21st screw up a little bit. Yeah, the May 21st, 8 p.m. That's 3506 North Clark Street in Chicago. It is a free and open to the public event, 21 and over. Of course, that is going to be a lot of fun. We've done a bunch of bar takeovers all over the country. And so you guys should come out. If you're in Chicago, we will be there from 8 p.m. And if I know Burke, we'll be there until way after 8 p.m. - If you're a college kid and you don't have any money to drink, come out. We'll pour you free drinks. - There you go. - There you go. I mean, that's the thing. College kids show up. If you're broke college kid and you're in Chicago, show up, we'll get you drunk. - There's the offer. - And then I'm going to post Malone and jelly roll that next night. - The next night. Oh, that's cool. - That's really field by myself. - That's going to be myself. I'm moving to concert by myself. - That's okay, you'll have fun. - I don't know. You know, my only problem is I don't want to like, I don't want to bother jelly rolls ban and jelly roll. Like, I don't want to be like, like 'cause I, you know, I'm not going to fucking just go sit in the stands. I'm going to want to go backstage and hang out with them. And then I just feel like I don't want to bother people. - Well, I mean, your friends, you guys can, you'll be fine. - I know. - Go hang, chill. - Yeah. And then we're going to the Coca-Cola 600 for a Labor Day weekend. We're doing something's burning at, in Charlotte, North Carolina, on the end field during the fucking Coca-Cola 600. - During it? - During the Coca-Cola 600. I'm making, check this out. They said, so this is the deal. NASCAR is like, yo, can you do a pop up at NASCAR? At an event, they gave me like five races. One of them being the fucking, Lauren, we went to the Daytona 500, but didn't work in my schedule. Anyway, I pick, based on food, I pick Charlotte, North Carolina, we're making biscuit brisket. Brisket, biscuits, biscuit, brisket, pimento cheese, sauce, and we're making little sliders. And we're just handing them out to everyone. We're going to make a thousand of them. - A thousand. - A thousand of them, a thousand of them. Are you going to have some help? - Yeah, Dave Williamson's coming with me. And the guy's, Jody over at RecTack is coming down. He's going to bring a grill. We've got a party bus coming to hang out. We got tents. I'm so excited for this. I'm like, and by the way, since I've had what's his name, Kurt Pushon, I've been watching NASCAR nonstop. NASCAR and wrestling. I'm like, all of a sudden, I go to one wrestling event and I'm watching wrestling nonstop. I watch Monday Night Raw, the other night live. - Yeah, I mean, those are exciting events, dude. I mean, NASCAR for me, when we went to the Daytona 500, I was like, holy shit. I'd never experienced anything like it. It really was so fucking cool. - Why is it that, why is it starting to erupt? Why is it that NASCAR has red necks and F1 has princes? - I mean, I don't know, dude. Like, F1 definitely erupted and had been a huge European thing. That's like a European sport basically that has gone global. And so it's always been the creme de la creme like that kind of society loves it. But also, I would say in Europe, you do have princes and dukes at F1, but the working class man also loves F1 there. You know, it kind of transcends all social classes, even though people associated as like an elite kind of, you know, fan base, and I don't know. NASCAR started with like in the south, in the southeast, you know, it was like country shit, those guys. That was the origins of it. So it's always been like this thing that it did kind of become like this red neck is what you associate with it. But then you get around them and you realize that these, you know, the fucking brains behind it, they're brilliant. Like the people who are analyzing the data and the engineers associated with it. I mean, it's very, very highly technical and super sophisticated. But people will casually kind of dismiss it as just being like there's a bunch of red neck driving in a circle, you know. - But why is it, why is American car culture? - Yeah. - Is like, and I mean this, I'm just saying, like for broad strokes purposes. American car culture is kind of like, you know, like grease heads, grease monkey, and like, and like grease heads and like kind of low brow, and like, and then European car culture is like, Ferrari, Porsche, Mercedes, like, it's like a, there's like a shine to European car culture. - Yeah, you're right, you're totally right. I don't, I mean, you know, with part of it, I think is that in the F1 world, the teams that have like the most kind of weight to them that are traditionally dominant in that sport, they're all European, like Lux Brands, right? It is Mercedes and Ferrari and McLaren. Those are like, those are household names, but they're also like super elite brands. So I think some of that is just the fan base that comes with that, you know what I mean? Like, here, it's Chevy and Ford. That's a different, it's a different thing. - Do you know what I got into watching? You got me into Drive to Survive. - Oh yeah, so good. And then Netflix suggested Polo. I think it's just called Polo, right? So I watched that. - They have it for everything now. - Wide receivers, quarterbacks. They have the tennis one, the golf one. - They just did Libert King untold. And by the way, you put me in it. (laughing) - That's a friend. - No, but you know what, you know what then? So like, I get high, I watch bad thoughts last night. Lian goes to bed, it's like midnight and I'm pretty high. I got these great packs, vape pens that are like perfect. And because I guess because I watched, because you got me on drives just right, and then that got me into polo. - Yeah. - Last night, it auto-played like it just immediately goes into Meghan Markle's show. - Oh my God. - Dude. - Was that, it's like the thing that got roasted the hardest. - I can't believe, I can't believe people. It's, I don't wanna talk negative about her, you know, 'cause I don't like talking negative about people. It is fucking fascinating. It is like, if you're, it's almost like if you go watch Jeffrey Dahmer put a body into a fucking canister. Like I watched her make tea last night, and it's like halfway through Tom, I realized I was whispering. Like she whispers through it, and it's like, but like she says wild crazy things. It's almost like she was never American. It's almost like she was never like a regular, she was always a princess. Like she's like, the first people that she's like, my friend Delphina is coming over. Her husband Nacho is good friends with Harry. We go out and hike, and it's, and then so I Google Nacho, right? Nacho is the most beautiful man in the world. He is one of the richest men in the world. He runs the number one polo. Him and Harry play polo together. And I'm just like, what world? And then this fucking Delphina shows up. She's gorgeous. She has the most beautiful accent. And guess what? Meghan Markle speaks Spanish. Meghan Markle speaks Argentinian Spanish. - Really? - And I'm like, who the fuck is Meghan Markle? - Well, those art kinds, look at this fucking uncircumcized cock. He is gorgeous, and he rides horses at full sprint, and he plays polo, and he's rich, and his wife's taller than him. Dude, this guy Nacho, I got onto a deep dive of him. And then that's just their first friend. Then they go to the, I watch fucking four episodes of this goddamn show, Tom. - Is he Argentine? 'Cause they love polo. - Oh, he's Argentinian. Yeah, they're fucking, that he loves polo. He's got the, it's called black. He's sponsored by polo, by polo, the brand polo. Like, he's, he's the fucking guy. Dude, how did we not become that kind of white where we played polo? - Oh my god. - Photographers, and they knew how to make Fakashia, and they fucking made tea. She, I mean, Tom, she made biscuits for their fucking dog. She made biscuits for their fucking dog. - Are you gonna make me watch this fucking show? - Megan, I'm telling you, I can't, you know, look, all I can hear is Tim Dylan in my head going, "That's fucking cool!" Like, and which makes it so much more enjoyable. - Of course. - I gotta be honest with you, it is, it's so weird, it's such an interesting insight into someone's life. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, they got renewed. Everybody was like slam, but of course it's probably got crazy views. - It got crazy views. 'Cause weren't the reviews for this just like insane, like that people were like, "I can't tell if she's lying or not." That's the, I kept trying to find out, like you could tell if she's lying. Like, right, she makes these ice cubes with, with flowers inside them. She goes, "I like, dude, she made a fucking mimosa that I swear to God I will make." She freezes orange juice in the cubes that look like flowers, then puts them in the drink, puts them in the freezer, and then when her friends come over, she pulls it out and pour champagne onto top of them. Let me tell you something, Megan Markle could get in my pants tomorrow. - Oh nice. - This fucking chick, she is, Tom, she made tea for her friend. She made tea bags for her friend to take home so that she could make tea later. And then Megan Markle's like, "I've been making tea my whole life." And I can't tell if she's lying or not. - All right. - I can't, where's the black part of Megan Markle? Like, isn't she black? - Half. - I don't know black people to make biscuits for their dogs. That's, I'm just saying that. Like, it's not been a thing in black culture like we make biscuits for our dog or we leave tea bags for our friends. Or, I mean, she made biscuits for her dog, Tom. Listen to what she did. Her friends coming over, they both have dogs. She makes biscuits for her friends dogs, gives it to one of her dogs, and her dog fucking loves it. Then she puts them in a jar, a mason jar. She has labels, pre-written biscuits for her, with the dog's name. Her handwriting is fucking perfect. She puts the top one and then puts a bow around it. Tom, this is what she does. This is crazy. She takes the, she takes the ribbon, folds it, cuts it at an angle. And Tom, it then looks like this. It looks like a whale tail. I'm like, "Jesus Christ." Now listen, I can't imagine their in pre-production talking about this is how you cut a ribbon. I think this, I think this chick might be the real deal. You think she lives like this, regardless of a camera's there? I swear, dude, I'll watch it again on the plane tonight. (laughs) I'll tell you what, the only thing, she can't dance. That's very disappointing. Well, it makes me think like, okay, if you're black and you can't dance, maybe you'd spend your time cutting ribbons. (laughs) I gotta be honest, Tom. I got, I'm fucking, and I know I know this is an unpopular opinion, and listen, by the way, I was wrong about Ryan Holiday. Stoicism's pretty bad ass, okay? - Yeah. - I'm just saying it, I look, I say, I say unpopular opinions. I think we're gonna have a huge turnaround in this mega-markle bitch. - Really? - I think she's gonna be our next Martha Stewart. You think she's the real deal? I think, look, let's, for just argument's sake, Tom, okay? For argument's sake, okay? Argument's sake. Say she is the real deal. Say she does make dog biscuits and make her own tea. She leaves it outside. She steeps it all day, and then Harry meets her, right? Harry's a guy that's had servants his whole life, and then he runs into a chick who, by the way, probably fucks like a banshee. Probably put it down. Harry's only fucked the duchesses of wails, right? All these white prods, pasty white prods, that are, he's basically fucking down to Abby, his whole life, right? - Yeah, yeah. - Meets a what American half black chick, right? - Yeah. - Who can twerk a little bit, fucking rails him. Then casually, casually, makes him a mimosa, they go into his parents' house, and she says casually, let's just argument's sake, Tom. Argument's sake. - Argument's sake. She goes, "Hey, man, this is a little fucked up." It's crazy, man, no one's making eye contact. Like, what the fuck? And they say, "Well, I'm the prince." - Yeah. - She goes, "Yeah, this is kind of crazy." And then they start showing him, like, they go into his bedroom, and he's like, "This is the jaw of an aborigini." And she's like, "You have an aboriginal jaw?" And he's like, "Yes, doesn't everyone have aboriginal jaws?" She's like, "How'd you get that?" And he goes, "My grandfather killed them." He killed them when they decided they didn't want, he'd go there, and if he got them pregnant, and they killed them, and then take their jaws, and give them to us, the president of the children, for Christmas. - Yeah, that's a great present. - Yeah, but then Meghan Markle just casually goes, "You man, this is a little fucked up." And by the way, everyone's like, "How dark will the baby be?" - Yeah. "Someone is black, will he be blacker than you?" - Someone actually said, "Are we looking at a Patrick Ewing "or more of a Steph Curry?" - We certainly don't want too many darker. - We don't do that. - I have to keep him out of the sun before he turns his stalkers night. - Your darkness is acceptable. - You look like you've been on holiday, but you're not like one of those island blacks. - You look like if a moor went to a bifur. (laughing) What does she casually say to that, right? She casually's like, "It's a little fucking racist "'cause she's American, right?" - Yeah. - She's American. And then the whole world turns on her because Harry can't get his brother to fucking be on his side. Just what if she's not the bad person in this? - Yeah, maybe, I don't know, man. - Since when have the royals been the fucking on the good team? - I know, and the rumor is that William, William's gonna be king soon, is that he had planned on removing their titles completely 'cause he so resents her and him for leaving. - I'll tell you right now, the only thing I get in all this is William. - The only person I get is him going like, "Bro, we're brothers." - Yeah. - "Bro's before hoes, what the fuck are you doing?" - Yeah. - You know how we roll. Yeah, our family's racist. Yes, we have Aboriginal jaws. Yes, we fucking, this is who we are though, bro. - What are you doing? - What are you fucking doing, man? - Let's go on holiday. Well, put on Nazi outfits like we used to when we were children. - That's so fun, have a laugh. - Have a laugh, a big goof. We killed the Jews, Jesus Christ. You can watch a Postal also. - Well, yeah, they're kind of fucked, man. They're not welcome back there. At least that's the rumor. - Okay, you get an invite, casual invite. - Casual invite, Andrew texts you and he's like, "Yo, I got a weird invite, Prince William asked, or Prince Harry asked for your number. "Can I give it to you, what do you say?" - Sure. - Okay, great. You get a text from Prince Harry, "Hey, man, big fan. Megan and I watched your show, bad thoughts. We have such the same sense of humor, me and you." And then he writes, "Megan didn't love it, but who cares?" - Right. - And then he goes, "I'd love to have you guys out to the house, Christina. Bring the boys. We have an extra house on the property out in Santa Barbara. Do you take the invite?" Well, I would say yeah, totally just so you know, I think my wife has said some not so cool things about yours. Is that okay? Shit she has What is she not showing like her? I don't know man She put out I think she had some commentary on a video like you know making fun of something about her and And it was in the it was in like the British tabloids and everything too. Yeah, oh for real so they might know Christina's name Yeah, yeah, but I'd be like yes sure we'll be there I'll see I mean I would go I wouldn't you go you go in a heartbeat fuck. Yes, I'm sunscreen for him I'd be like buddy. We're gonna be doing it. Yeah, we're gonna Megan. Did you make those little fucking mimosas? What's crazy to me is that like as podcasters We take swings at people like Megan Markle right yeah, it's free free game and She's got it. She's like a regular person. She is a princess or whatever, but like She's a regular person and then people take swings at us and then we get upset and we but we do we would do it to them So I try not to talk bad about people because I have done it in the past and then what happens to me like It's like a friend or someone you like someone you casually know you're like, oh man What the fuck and they're like, I'm sorry man. I was just looking for content. Yeah Hey, do you pay your own bills? There's a portal that I sign into an approve of certain Bills that go out. Well then land does that for us. Yeah, I figured yeah, I've never paid a bill in my life I also figured that I've never the last time I paid a bill you could write checks Seriously, yeah The last time I paid a bill you could write checks So you have no idea like how any of it go works for you none none I have I you know I look at it this way I think because me and you spend money differently and I've seen you spend money. I actually said to someone recently. I was like And they were like don't you and Tom like have same amount of money and I was like not really he has more money than I do But like I mean I guess in apples and or it's not apples and oranges it's apples in like pairs and they go and like Well, it's not like it's not like I have no money No, but like I do but like I go they go but how like How can I go Tom knows how much money I go Tom's aware of how much money he has coming in and how much money he has going out every month I have no idea how much money I have coming in how much money I'm going out So what I do is I just don't spend because I'm terrified all the time so I live in a place of fear Because I don't want to deal with it. So like I that's right. I'm so I don't spend some terrified that I'm not I don't have any money coming in that month and they're like you do and I was like I know but I think if I was more aware of what was Coming in I might spend more I got you. Yeah, so the weird way to protect myself I just keep myself unaware like I was talking. I was talking. I'm getting back on stage After 11 fucking months of doing I'm not doing stand-up. Yeah, I'm starting to do shows and I did Oxnard last week and I have a joke. I have a joke. I don't know what the joke is really per se But in it it's that Leanne has always bought our cars Leanne loves cars. She loves cars her dad's a mechanic. She's really into cars. Yeah, so when we look at cars Like I run them by Leanne and then she's like no or yes Leanne's always been the final decision on every car And there was a guy in the audience that couldn't believe it He was a bull shit. Yeah, and he was like what kind of car do you have now? I'm being serious who I had when I had Kurt Bush here Kurt Bush said what kind of car do you have and I said the white one And he goes what is it? I said to Mercedes. He goes what kind I said white And he went you really don't know anything about cars. I know that it's like the I can tell you how much it costs And I know it's the nice one. It's the big one. Yeah, but I ask or see it's an S or a C. It's not E But it's like the big one, but I don't know the number. Yeah, I really don't know the number. Yeah Yeah, I've seen it. It's nice. It's really nice. Yeah, I love that car. I love that car And it's a great car and it's probably a lot of it forever because it's sedan. It's comfortable. Yeah, it's not like too ostentatious It's like but it's a beautiful car. It's great. It's like I saw real estate and fucking Beverly Hills, but whatever You look like a Persian guy, but yeah, cuz it's white. I shouldn't have got white. Yeah white's the fucking Persian mother's one my next door neighbor's got a white one Yeah, no, it's a built houses. Yeah, yeah, that's that's very that's so funny though that your lady tells you this is what we're getting I mean the car she has right now you've seen her car Yeah, the black one. Yeah, it's red. Yeah, she that's she picked it So it was for her birthday and she was like that's what I want I was like for real. Can I tell you what I said Tom? Mm-hmm. I go black Like are you gonna why would you pick the black one? It's gonna be so hot She was like the black one sexy. Yeah, it doesn't even color the car and I was like yeah, but Like I color I care more about the color of my car But you like why you had a white I've always had white cars. I've always had white cars Yeah, it's like your white cars extension of your like racial beliefs Yeah, yeah, oh, I wasn't listening goddamn. What did you say nothing? Yeah, no, I'm just I'm saying it just fits you perfectly You had the white truck. What was the truck you had a Denali you kind of Denali? That's the last car That is the very last car I purchased. I have only purchased two cars and I they're my probably my two favorite cars I've eroned Ford Was the expedition. Yeah, Ford expedition And they white Yukon Denali man that white Yukon Denali. That was the shit I remember shit. You know why I bought it because I had captain seats in the back. It was awesome I was the baddest fucking car. Oh, man. I love that car. Yeah. Did you have it for a long time? I leased it. I leased it. I and by the way, I could have you know I might be in a parallel universe if I had never met Leanne. I might be a shrewd businessman Yeah, I think Leanne just took over everything so easily that I was like great Yeah, cool. I'd rather never open an envelope. I haven't opened male I'm gonna be I'm gonna I'm gonna bring Leanne in here. I'm gonna. I'm gonna just have Leanne yell it I'm gonna call her right now The um, I think you do it. The last time I opened male was you do I think you would be probably the same as Bobby Lee you both I think have the same Financial planning. He's like, I don't know what it is. I don't know how much the amount. I've never seen a bill I don't open a thing. I haven't done it in 25 years like zero zero awareness I would say I haven't opened a piece of male God damn in I'm gonna say hang on hang on once I can don't listen, okay? I haven't opened a piece of male. I'm gonna guess. You ready? Yeah in 22 years. Okay, let's see what she says Leanne Yes, when was the last time you think I opened a piece of male 1993 That's worse than what I thought I was gonna say I was gonna say 22 years I don't think I've ever opened a piece of male since I married you Oh, I don't think you opened male before me. I didn't No, I don't think you've opened males since 1993 maybe even before that maybe even ever. Yeah, I've never opened male So it just it just sits there lots of gifts and talents. That's that's not in your real house. All right. I love you. I'll talk to you later Uh, I just I give me anxiety and I think I got myself into a place and by the way, let me just say I've gotten myself in a place where I Have regretted not opening male. Yeah, what's what's something you should have opened Taxes like oh the adults yeah, yeah, I got I got I got upside down on taxes When in 2003 new 2004 because I wasn't opening male And they're like here's your tax bill and you're like and I didn't open it and then I had someone call me say, you know You owe like 24,000 dollars and I was like oh, how did that happen? Yeah, there's a lot of kind of these and then I ran out of I've no I've definitely fucked up. I'm I'm not a good like I fucked up a lot with money because of my anxieties of male and whatnot But the second I'm at Leanne Smooth sailing. That's cool. That it's good that you both have your role in that for sure Yeah, I feel like in my house. It's definitely the other way Yeah, no shit. Why do you think I found you? And I think Christina's paid a bill in many many years. I'm the forefront of changing Gender identities gender there you go That's just I am if there's any guy out there that feels like they're like me That they're not really good with money and they're not really good. They're good at making it Yeah, but they're not good with running it. They spend wildly. They if I knew how much money I would I had I might spend crazy Yeah, I just go. I don't know. Oh, that's good. That is good that keep you like this then you're right If you knew you might go like oh fuck it and just go crazy. Yeah, yeah, that's the way to be then Yeah, I don't think I kind of you know, it's kind of do you do like who you are? Do I like who I am like do you wake up and go? I think Tom's cool shit. No, I don't I mean that's not my inner dialogue Definitely not what's your inner dialogue with you wake up with the board? Honestly, like the first thing is like fuck. I'm tired. Uh, I wish I could sleep more. It's crazy to be tired when you're not hungover No, I'm always like I damn I wish I could sleep more. I always try to just Stay in bed as long as I can unless I like absolutely have to get up. But I mean, what my point is that I don't stay in bed as long. You know, I mean, like I get up. So tired. Then sometimes you know, you wake up skinny. So you're like, it's good morning. And then sometimes you wake up fat. No, there we go. Then you wake up. Wait, wait, wait, where do you judge that skinny or fat? I can tell you mine. And then you tell me you're as ready on my walk to the toilet. Yeah, I make a profile look like an Alfred Hitchcock look. And I can tell if I'm skinny or fat. And sometimes I don't even fucking look. Yeah, I mean, it's similar. Mine is that the mirror is in front of me as I'm walking into the bathroom. So it's straight on. So it's like, it's like your stomach feels like flat and you're like, oh, it's good skinny morning. Boxers feel loose. Like, oh, this is nice. And then yeah, some mornings you go, fuck it. Fuck this mirror. And you just turn right in and pee. So yeah, dude, it varies, it varies day to day, day to day. Why don't they just make a skinny mirror the way the hotels have them sometimes? No, dude. And they just make a mirror to make you feel better about yourself. I a thousand percent agree. There's no reason for a real mirror. Yeah, just skinny mirrors only. Yeah, why do we have real mirrors? And why do we have accurate scales? They should all be bullshit and cameras. We should have scales. We should have scaled. Like when we were kids, when you get on and we go like this, we go, we go, we go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. So you can hop off when you're like, it's down here at 245. Are you weighing yourself? Yeah. How is it? Not great. I've gained. I'm too, I'm 250, but I'll tell you this. Yeah. Like, I put my hands on the, on the counter when I weigh myself and I ease myself onto the scale and I lower my hands and I let go at 250 and then I hop off at 250. Okay. That is insane. It's not as insane as also what I do. Sometimes I weigh myself backwards and take a picture of it so I don't know what it is, but I know how heavy I was. So you don't actually even see it? So what I'll do is I'll stand backwards and I'll take a picture of it and then, but you don't look at the picture and don't look at the picture until three days later when I feel like I've lost weight and then I go, I wonder how much I was and then the other day that backfired on me because I took it and it was like 247 and I was like, I'm gonna look at that when I've lost weight. So I didn't drink for eight days and then I got on the scale the other day and I was like, I did the hands thing and I was like, okay, 250. I'm good with that number and I was like, I wonder what it was. I must have been like 257 when I ran the two bears and I was like 247. What the fuck, I gained three pounds? Oh my God. But I think it's because I had pizza. Dude, I got, I had, hold on, hang on. I had cauliflower pizza, but I don't think they use cauliflower. I think they use bread. That's not cauliflower pizza. That's just pizza. No, I know. But I, but I halfway through I discovered it and I was like, I'll just pretend it's a cauliflower. And then they had these, my sister goes, they have these great pizza bowls and I was like, I think we ordered from a gas station. It was so bad. So funny. And then, and then I got an IV that day. So I feel like I retained all that water. Yeah. And I get two bags. I get dizzy as shit. Holy shit, man. That's a, that's wild. Yeah, I got a trim down too. I think I put on like 10 pounds. Was there a part of the shooting of the, was there a part of shooting bad thoughts where you were heavier like one sketch where you're heavy? Yeah. Yeah. What sketch was that? Well, I saw one sketch. You looked like fatter than the other sketches. Yeah, because I shot it three years ago. That's why. Yeah. Yeah. That was when I shot the pilot, which was there was no deal. I just shot it on my own. And yeah, it's notable. And I kept bringing it up. I was like, should we make like a comment about it? It's that one. It's the coffee one. It is the coffee one. Yeah. That one, I'm definitely way bigger. And everyone was like, no, you know how other people are like, no, what do you mean? I'm like, you don't think people will notice? And they're like, no, I'm like, how can they not notice? I'm 40 pounds heavier. And they're like, I don't think anyone will notice. Was jinx by me a coke written in the script? Yes. Okay. But the last line was improv. What was that? Which one? Which one? The last line is, um, she goes, you killed three people. I go, I know I'm exhausted. And then I go, I don't know how you guys do it. Yeah, that was great. That was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, shit, dude, congratulations on bad thoughts. It's fucking awesome. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy. You've, you've watched me succeed so often. It's so nice to see you succeed. Thank you. And it's just really a treat to be on your side of the fence and just really watch you shine. Thanks, man. I know you know, just go with joy. Um, good luck holding out on drinking on this flight. I hope you can make it happen. Just let go. Let go. Okay. Let go. All right. Let it go. Eight days is good. Eight days is a long time. And then if I don't drink a couple times in Hawaii, you're back on, you're just on it. Yeah. And then if I don't drink, yeah, so it's all you got to do is a little bit. You know, Tom, let me tell you something. If you're listening right now and you're thinking about quit drinking, go ahead. Here's, here's the hold on. Here's the theory. Here's the deal. Just do better today than you did yesterday. That's it. That's all you got to do. Do better today than you yesterday. And if you have, if you get out of control today, realize you got an easier day coming tomorrow. That's all you got to live your life. Can I give you the other tent hint? This is what Leand did. If you're having a hard time on social media and you're on social media a lot, right? And you're like, fuck, I wish I could stop it. You know what Leand has me do? What? I'm allowed 10 minutes. And when my timer comes up, whatever I was just watching, I got to write a joke about. Oh, yeah. It's pretty awesome. It's pretty good. Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks. Thank you guys for watching and listening. And please check out bad thoughts. It's on Netflix. Please tell your friends. And yeah, thank you guys. Check out Lucky Streaming on Netflix right now. Permission to party world tour starts in September. We're in Rockford, Illinois. I will see you there. We're hitting Red Rocks, October 1st. What else, Tommy? Yeah, tour dates. TomSgera.com/tour. I got a full fall schedule and super if you were ever wondering if Tom casually used the phrase, come a little bit in his tour titles. And where does this come from? Check out bad thoughts. Tom thinks about come a lot. Yeah, I guess it's on my mind. Um, thanks, man. Love you. Have a good trip to Hawaii, buddy. Love you. Bye. Keep clean. Here's what we call to bears one cave.