Bad Mood

Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now, Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta, 3 cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork, and BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for 6 months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's. Home of the Save. This episode of Distractible is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at Ookla Speedtest. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ookla Speedtest. Intelligence data, second half 2025. All rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners. All watchers and welcome to Distractible. This episode. Blasting Bob snubs Marvel. Shows his ballistic brilliance. Then begs to be therapized. Wicked Wade the Blower becomes Pennywise. Gets funny fuzzies. Throws tantrums and rationalizes rage. New Mick Mark predicts snow in paradise. Plans a spring clean. Threatens interviewees. People unpleases. And gets grumpy. From goblin mode to corporate stall meetings. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's time for Bird Mood. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show. Hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible. That's right, I'm your host, the guy who's in this room today. No, it's not Mark. It's me. I'm in weird places. My name's Bob. I'm hosting because I won the last one. Despite all that stuff I said in it. And I'm joined today, as always, by my two competitors slash co-hosts, Mark and Wade. Hi. I'm going to say a bunch of stuff today. Who knows where it's going to take me. Probably right to the top. I'm going to say some stuff today. Which will take me to the top too, right? Almost guaranteed, probably. Anyway, if you've never been here before, I always host this episode. While sitting in an unpowered Halo Fireteam Raven arcade cabinet. That's why I have this thing in my hands. Also, as the host, I will be giving the boys some sort of game, or prompt, or whatever. We'll talk about it and I'll give them points, which I'll write down on this book thing. Which is not my usual one, but whatever. And then there will be a winner, and they host the next one. That's how it works. Could I introduce some bias early on into the episode? Okay. Okay. So think about it this way, right? Mm-hmm. If I were to win, that would give me enough time. Now that I have all this free time, and I'm probably going to blast through all the Dungeon Crawler Carl books in the next like day or two. So I'll have a bunch of. I'll be so desperate for time. I'll be able to spend time to make the perfectest crime episode ready for the next recording session. Bang, boom. It'll be the greatest episode of Distractable. You could be on the precipice. This obviously won't be the greatest episode of Distractable ever. Obviously. Obviously. But. If you. If you're going to be on the precipice. off your laughings i do i'm like penny wise except for instead of fear i need laughter so it actually reminds me wait i had a pretty funny scenario uh so i was uh i was working on cloak stuff and we were interviewing someone for a new position and uh uh on my desk uh where i was interviewing um jason had found a knife just in storage like we're going through storage and there was just so happened to be a knife there um wasn't mine but he was like this must be yours so he's like he set it on my desk as i'm getting this guy that's being interviewed in coming in and on the desk is a big fucking knife like it's like a foot long with a with a letter on it that says hey found this knife and i sharpened it for you jason and i had to go to the guy like look i look this isn't an intimidation thing it's just it's i don't know where this came from i i've never seen this before so let's talk salary you so anyway it was very understanding so uh it all worked out no one no one was threatened or scared or anything that's exactly what someone who was very threatened and scared would say yes mr market player i'm not scared mr market player how do you know that guy i i've met every jason in the planet no that's jason wasn't who i was interviewing the guy interviewed didn't i met every interviewee in the planet i just want to sell some shirts i love your designs mr market player your voice sounds so familiar oh well you're hired now you're fired here's your severance pay oh that's good that's better than joke i was gonna made that was good because you both laughed so hard at it it wasn't funny it was just legit you know there's an epic rap battle with uh george carlin versus uh richard pryor and one of the things is like uh when i tell jokes people laugh when you tell jokes people go hmm that's funny i feel like i'm the guy people go hmm that's funny uh the compliments of like not laughing but being told man funny really the same i i feel so warm and fuzzy inside people tell me funny i do that i feel like i do that a lot and i apologize because i do go no that's funny i do that a lot i get that a lot here yeah i don't know you do that to me too wait a minute oh no but to you no it's really funny when it's you wait hold on what are you really funny look you're both really funny trust me oh okay thanks oh no i fell for it again i got a low sense motive against his charisma rolls yep everything else all my other stats way low but my charisma i can't wait to hear your new microphone mark i'm sure i'll notice i mean i don't i doubt that it's going to sound any better but i think from a functionality standpoint it'll just be a little nicer that's all i'm really hoping for because this one it has like this weird swivel head on the top part of it but there's no real point to that and i feel like all and all the ergonomics of this thing are just like i don't like the way i have it's it's not very elegant and i it bothers me not this microphone but my mic at my home desk setup is it sounds good it's good mic but it's really tall and then it has like a big ball thing on top and like it's just real awkward i get that it's it's aesthetic it looks cool but i don't care i don't want it on camera i'd like if it was much more compact and uh ergonomically designed but i'm using a newman it's a newman tlm 107 i think he's using a newman haven't you had that so bitch forever no i had like the 105 or the 106 i got this one a couple years ago it looks i mean it's very similar but it's the one of the newer ones look i'm not even going to correct you because i think it's funny if you call it it's going to piss a lot of audio heads off if you keep calling it a newman so please do oh i'm sorry it's a newman that's good keep calling it that man what's it supposed to be i don't know it's neumann but whatever it don't matter it's n-e-u how is that noi it's like german or something i don't know that's why it says berlin i just thought it was my microphone's last name this whole time newman berlin my microphone uh it's newman my new mic is going to be a warm audio why a thousand is that how audio heads say that one yep i'm pretty sure neumann was that the bad guy not the bad guy dennis nedry what's the actor's name oh it's the bad guy on seinfeld yeah neumann seinfeld heads are gonna get really mad if we say sorry steinfeld that's it wait did you do small talk probably yeah about going outside and so on it was it was very it was as good as my jokes man it was funny it was really that was really good small talk what if i point this at you that was really good small talk i'm the pillars on which this foundation is set and then you guys are the stars that stand on top of it that's nice that's really sacrificial of you just power wash me occasionally then reseal that's just another step i don't want to take explains the cracks in the bald this episode is brought to you by t-mobile 5g home internet you already know the t-mobile 5g home internet is ridiculously easy to set up with a price that doesn't feel like you're getting scammed every month but here's something new worth noting t-mobile now is the fastest 5g home internet according to the experts at ukla speed test no seriously their 5g home internet speeds are officially the fastest which means that when you're downloading all your movies that aren't mine every single one except for mine you'll get them at the fastest speeds possible along with all your video calls and uploading files and maybe even streaming something in the background you know and yeah it is still a great value backed by a five-year price guarantee so your bill doesn't slowly go down and you don't have to worry about creeping up when you're not paying attention so if you want the fastest 5g home internet with a simple setup and savings that actually stick head over to t-mobile.com home internet to check availability today price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply fastest based on ukla speed test intelligence data second half 2025 all rights reserved hank joined bj's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30 i coach football now coach hank saves up to 25 off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks that's just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home of the save join for just 20 at bj's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save uh anyway you guys want to talk about today's topic i think we've really been set and weighed up for this one i want to talk about what happens when you get it wrong a bad mood you're allowed to not be in a bad mood way but we would really pile in and on so i'd pretty well understand if you were in a bad mood but i this is uh stolen from an episode of bluey where bingo is in a bad mood and it's pretty funny there's some shenanigans uh but also recently i've been really bitchy and i have really bad tendencies when i'm in a bad mood not in like a oh i take it out on everyone else sort of way just in like a i'm real insufferable i don't know how much you experienced me being in a really bad mood around you because usually if we're if we're hanging out or doing something we're usually having fun because that's kind of what we do but i i'm miserable when i'm in a bad mood i like because like mandy if i'm grumpy mandy's like i want to cheer you up let me do something nice for you i'll get you your favorite food only makes it worse i don't know why i literally if someone does if i'm in a bad mood and someone does something nice for me i'm like fuck off i don't deserve nice food i don't deserve nice food i don't deserve nice food right now i hate that you did that and it's like man that's a really rude really not a good way to behave but i it's how i am i'm awful when i'm in a bad mood i guess that is kind of taking it out on other people but i literally i would just go lock myself in or i would i would go away and lock myself in a room and be like everyone stay away i'm in a bad mood but then people intrude on that because i don't live in a vacuum i live with family and stuff but like anyway i've been i've been having been having some bad moods lately i've been having some bad moods lately i've been kind of bad about that and i was curious maybe you guys could teach me how to deal with my bad moods better or if you have any funny stories or if you have a similar or your own unique version of what how you behave when you're in a bad mood i just want to talk about it i'm working some stuff out here guys help me therapize me therapize you therapize him in the face hit me with the therapies i'm gonna hit you with the theranin i don't know what that is but it sounds entertaining is that next to neon on the periodic table theron on yeah yeah yeah that's it yeah yeah there are men is the little electromagnetic device thera theranaw thera theranone was the company that that person was made the the lady on the forbes it's german they're annoying they're annoying probably she went to jail you know the lady who just straight up lied theranos allegedly no it's pretty much conclusively proven yeah of course she went to jail we're not making those claims look it up she did not succeed in her defense in court uh but yeah i know that was man if that machine did exist it would really do a lot of good stuff i actually know what you guys are referencing for what what happened to my voice there what was that who i don't know i just got excited i don't know what happened well i actually know you guys are referencing for once his true voice came out man oh man i can't believe it that was not the that was not the voice that came i'm scared right now i'm very scared i'm fine i'm perfectly fine just like bob's magic trick that scared me legitimately i actually i'm not gonna lie when bob when you disappear in that closet i actually went where'd you go i i'm not joking i fully had a second there i know i have that effect on people i'm quite the magician we here at distractible incorporated our toddlers what was the question i don't even remember what we're doing here what are we doing we knew about theranos after we talked about it for a solid 90 seconds he was finally like i know what you guys are talking about for once that's right i didn't know the name but i knew the subject matter so once once it was explained it's like oh i have heard that story about the lady who was yeah selling the whatever theranos i i just i felt like one of the part of the group for once you know i was on the end i knew you're literally already in imagine how we must feel knowing so many more things so much more of the time it's like a constant high man i don't live that life but i was here once i i peaked i was icarus i flew too close to the no now i'm falling back down i got bad mood stuff i said pose mark you have bad mood stuff yeah i've been in bad moods every once in a while what do you do how does it go do you take it out on everyone around you like i apparently didn't realize until now that i do you only took until now to realize it i always thought i didn't but the thing was i used when i used to be in a bad mood i used to also be single and alone and so i couldn't take it out on anyone anyway so it didn't matter uh but now i realize i actually i'm pretty mean sometimes when i'm in a bad mood but not in like a i seek you out take it out on you sort of way but in like a if you come too close to me i'll be a real bitch about it and that's also kind of it's pretty unfair not very nice for somebody to imagine single you going to like a bar and like ask like hey you want to go out yeah and then you're like well i don't and then walking back out again because you're in a bad mood yeah i did that a lot uh you got me yeah i remember we were we were all out eating dinner and he would just like shoot himself down after he gets the yes which is the craziest moment to do it no one wants to go out with me i said yes well you lied actually unironically some incels uh you've probably you're probably right oh man thank god i found mandy i would absolutely be that person uh who gets to go first i'm gonna flip this pen and if i catch the tip that's mark and if i catch the the clip that's wade that's a really good way to do it i caught the clip wade you go first bad mood me all right uh so i am just i remember being in a really bad mood at my computer and i have this like wrist rest right that i rest my wrist on that's the whole point wrist rest and uh i don't remember what i was in such a bad mood about whether it was family or something but i was just genuinely pissed off not even just like i was actually like pissed off and i just like threw a baby tantrum where i like slammed my fists around and i hit my desk and knocked the wrist rest off which was slightly askew to the left well i had food on my desk and the wrist rest of course had to hit the thing of like hit my drink on me so then i threw the tantrum and covered myself and like i don't remember pizza or whatever the hell it was and then i was in like an even worse mood kind of but also it kind of reality checked me where i was like huh me acting like baby makes mess like baby now i've got to clean up this mess that i made because i was being a big bitch for no reason i deserve this this doesn't have to be a theme of the episode you are allowed to be in a bad mood and i feel like like slamming your desk and making a mess is kind of like from our perspective in the now that you're not in a bad mood seems silly i feel like of all the things a person could do that's not that's pretty good like if you go punch a pillow or you go you know you go screaming to a pillow or you slam your desk as long as you're not hurting yourself or like breaking you know breaking your own stuff that's like you just kind of made a mess that's not that bad it may feel silly that you did that you're like i gotta clean this up now but you didn't like scream at someone or like dude like you know you that's that's fine that seems okay sometimes you're in a bad mood yelled like fuck and slammed my fucking fist down and then made a huge mess and then felt like i'm still in a bad mood but it's like i was no longer in a ragey self-destructive mood it was just like a well now i'm an asshole i see that i'm an asshole i have a mess to clean up and i'm still in a bad mood what did that accomplish didn't help my mood but i guess it did help my mood but it didn't help my mood that sounds like it helped a little i can't really imagine you doing that in in with sincerity i could imagine you being like for the bit just be like doing crazy and making a big mess i don't get actually mad very often like i get upset or like annoyed actually mad is very rare for me that was an actually mad moment that sounds like a decently healthy way to try and to work it out sounds sarcastic but i'm really trying to be it sounded a little sarcastic i'm not gonna lie i look i have the same problem with james james the first time he went poop on the potty he was like i did it and i was like you did wow you would poop on the potty and i was like no wait how do i be sincere i'm really proud of you i love you i love you so much good job yeah no i do that real bad uh but that sounds pretty good oh okay if you went higher pitch now i believe you i've been known to be in bad moods on occasion i'm always fascinated by the fact that something flips in your head and it feels good to do shitty things when you're in a bad mood i don't know why but you know it's like you just you have these words that you're usually and you're like that'd be a shitty thing to say i don't want to say i don't feel bad but when you're in a bad mood it's like i'm gonna i'm gonna say oh this sounds like i'm trying to say a slur or something this is not what i'm going for meanwhile he's actually like you're a poo poo head i've uh i've been in numerous bad moods i'd say the most recent streaks with even sometimes on this podcast where i would come on and we'd cut it out but i just i just get so frustrated from all the stress and the pressure and it would bubble out and i'd i'd blow up for one reason or another um and i would just have to go and it's always like blow up and then it's like i go out and i talk to amy and then i feel better that's like been the only thing that's made me feel better is like i go over to amy and amy's like you're being a dick and i'm like i'm being a dick i'm instantly oh i mean you're right she just has the needle for your balloon it's not like you know you know we've had fights on occasion and we've been mad at each other but for the most part if she says something like that it's just like and i'll come back and even if i i blow up you guys sometimes i come back and say i'm sorry sometimes i come back i'm like i'm still mad because amy wasn't there or something but yeah no it's uh we're gonna get a amy cardboard cutouts for our office just to go like all right we gotta pass the fine mark hey you're being a dick and you're right here it's like they on unison that's what i made scp amy you know the the the light stand with a lab jacket with that fucking walkie talkie that just made the crazy ass noises that was such a fun one i love that walkie talkie that's so good anyway so yeah i in the most recent that's the most recent bad moods i've got plenty more but yeah bob have you ever blown up with us i'm i'm uh i'm a i'm a shover downer i've had a lot of fun with you definitely i've definitely been in sessions where i was in a bad mood i i think i could say it's never been related to you guys or because of you guys but i've come in in a bad mood because other stuff but i'll hold the whole time i'm just like let's keep going but i think i think if you if someone who knows me watch carefully they could tell because the whole time my comedy is a little bit more assaulting and a little a little bit more like like it comes it's not like i'm here having a good time it's like i'm here to take it out through jokes against people or whatever like yeah we've done stuff enough over the years where i think we've all had moments i'm sure but thinking about this there really is more like a very self-centered therapy episode but i like this this is good uh have you ever had a moment where you had some big realization about like how you were processing your bad mood or how you're processing emotions in general because i've i've always been a very like shove it down inside of you and i've always been a very like shove it down inside of you and i've always been a very like shove it down inside of you and i've always been a very like shove it down inside of you and i've always been a very like shove it down inside and i pro and i do process things internally it's not like i shove it down and never deal with it but it takes a long time to do that and there are way more efficient ways to deal with stuff emotionally uh and like productive ways like if i'm being a dick to mandy for reasons that are unrelated to her it's both unfair to her but also she could totally help like it's it's very similar to what you said mark like i am an asshole but often if mandy is like look i'm trying to be nice to you but you're being a dick to me being a piece of shit i'm immediately like oh you're right oh sorry like he deflates it very quickly but like have you guys ever had any like breakthroughs about i don't know about yourself or your personal you know journey with that sort of stuff processing emotions it's a little bit less to do with bad moods but like i learned how much of a people pleaser i am which i think relates to like whenever i am in a bad mood like you i internalize a lot like i'm like well i'm not gonna go share this with everyone else and put it on their shoulders this is my problem and i've i've got to be the one to handle it like i i can take it i can deal with it i've done it with it my whole life but like even at a young age when my parents split up i remember being asked like oh do you want to go stay with your grandparents or here do you want to go to like your dads your moms and you know i was always asked where i wanted to go which was a lot of pressure at like four years old because it's like four-year-old me was like everyone seems to like spending time with me they love having me so i've got to like make two people sad to make one happy and uh i would always try even if i wanted to go somewhere in particular i would try to be balanced and always pick a different person so that way everyone got to have the joy of me around my four-year-old ego um because you know as a four-year-old i literally thought everyone was always so nice you know because i was a kid i was i loved so people were nice to me even if they wanted like a break i never knew that as a kid they wanted a break i was like well i picked them the last week and i gotta pick someone else this weekend then someone else next weekend like i try to make that balance and so the people pleasing became just an integral part of who i am which you guys have seen at conventions where we're like let's go to dinner and i'm like hey can we bring 50 other people or whenever i'm like trying to balance out like doing collabs or playing games with people it's like well i was really having fun playing this game but i've not played with so-and-so in like two weeks so i better do this this week instead of continuing that thing i actually want to do and when it comes to like being in a bad mood it's very similar it's like everyone who needs the vent i will be there say what you need to say get it off your chest then someone's like wait what do you what do you do you have anything you want to get off your chest i'm like no i'm good on the inside i'm like yes please let me out it's like shut up you i'll deal with you by playing a video game later but i mean i'll talk to molly and like with amy you know molly's there to help me and she'll let me know if i'm being an or so on and so forth and i've gotten better about letting stuff out there but there's still that people pleasing tendency in me where it's like no i've dealt with a lot in life i can continue to deal with a lot this is relatively small compared to what i've dealt with in the past so it shouldn't even be that big of a deal why am i in a bad mood anyway and i'll try to like rationalize out the bad mood which doesn't really work but i try i try that aggressively man does that not work you know what kind of you know what kind of i am i'm a people unpleaser nothing pisses me off more than a poorly timed text when i'm not even mad or busy in fact most of the time when i'm not busy i'm like i i'm not even like oh i just sat down if a text catches me at the wrong time i'm intentionally not responding for a while actually it's not it's not necessarily that but i just i don't i'm like i'm not gonna no i agree texts are different i hate getting texts i'm very insular sometimes when i get pissed off and i'm just like everybody just off i'm not gonna talk to anybody i don't want to be bothered and then instead of doing some productive efforts i sit and i don't i don't want to talk to anybody everybody you know so i i don't know it's the most impotent useless kind of grumpiness possible i i did that sometimes when i was like in high school with my my high school girlfriend sometimes i would get mad because i'd be like but i wouldn't have been damaged and then it'd be like finally she'd be like oh i want to spend time with you and i'm just like oh no well now i'm not gonna do it it's just the stupidest thing it's like the most asinine opposite day kind of unhelpful and so uh yeah i've tried to push that out as much as i can but when things get really busy i do get caught up in it i'm just like i don't want to do anything i want to go drive in a circle where's 275 let me drive around it i have that in a weird way too like if someone messages me about playing something i'll be like annoyed and grumpy the entire time leading up to it and then i'll play or do whatever it is i'll legitimately have a good time and it's like man why was i so not looking forward to this this was fun and then the next week i'll go through the same cycle of oh like ryan wants to play a game on friday i'm like oh ryan wants to play a game on friday i guess i'll put him on my schedule to stream with him on friday oh asshole poking me and then we'll play off like one of the best times i've had all week i'm like oh what a good time and then i'll hear like the next week like hey you want it oh you want to do some thing you son of a bitch again god we had such a good time last time you whatever i don't know what it is about me where i'm like that people want to play games i'm like i don't want to play that game i want to do go do this and it all plays like oh that was so fun i wish we could have kept going hey you want to play next week oh do i want to play you do i want to play next week i got to do it's the same thing with a shower you know sometimes where it's just like i know it feels good that's what i'm in there i'm like oh it's so nice take my clothes off and i got oh i gotta step in there ew i don't have 10 minutes to shower having having a kid has been such a bad excuse for me because there's like in in everyday life if you're just on your own like ignore everything else there's always a thing where you're like well i could shower now but like i was gonna work out later or like there's always something right that that's like that's not a great like you could always think with james it's always like well i haven't showered in a couple days but james is probably gonna wake up from his nap and i'm gonna have to change a poop or i don't know who knows like your babies do all kinds of stuff i'm gonna have to roll around on the floor why would i ever shower i'm just gonna pig pen it up he doesn't care i don't care i'll just wear these same sweats for it's such a i don't know that that's universal but i feel like it's so hard with him added on to my regular baseline level of laziness and sloth and slothiness sloth slothy slothiness slovenliness whatever it's like it's so easy to just look at anything and be like i could drink some water there's a glass of water in my hand that i got to drink but i'm just gonna be dehydrated in like another couple hours why would i even like what is this a losing battle god you're so right i've had this water i have this water bottle next to me i was like i don't want to drink that ice cold water ew ew i'm gonna grab this ginger beer instead ew i'm drinking it i'll drink it fine i'll drink it you son of a i was not trying to peer pressure you i do the exact same it's i don't have water is diet mountain dew water can i drink my diet mountain dew and feel good about my life it's used to make it probably yeah something in there is water this is unrelated but related it reminded me of a time where i was i was at some kind of convenience store i used to work at a convenience store to set this up and of course when people would come in you have like the ding so you knew that a customer was arriving i remember being in a store and i was in a bad mood i think i was arguing with somebody i don't remember if it's family or a friend or whatever but i was having like an argument i was kind of in a bad mood and i remember what ended up breaking it was somebody walked into the store and it had a very similar ding to the place i worked and like in the middle of being like yeah i don't care if you ding hi how are you like just out of habit of working at the store i turned to greet some random person while i was in the middle of this argument and it completely shifted everything away made it really funny but uh you need to get that you need to get that sound saved on your phone or something so you just be like god it's just a bad bad thing that was a really hard thing to break was if you ever heard a similar ding or if i went to like udfs around cincinnati if someone walked in it was like do not greet people wade you're not wearing an apron you don't look like you belong you look like a weirdo if you're just like hi how are you like if someone's walking in to buy their coffee i this is a very uh i am him energy of me but i i used to work at jimmy john's and we used to it was the one on campus and it was open super late and i must be the only human in existence who we would you know we closed it like three if i remember right which is really late but we would get a big rush because the bars would kick everyone out at two and then we get a bunch of people in and then right up till close it's like it's three o'clock we close the door and we're like go the home or go somewhere else trunks whatever and uh everyone and including i'm still surprised i mean i know it happens but i'm still confused why people are so mad when you go to a store and it's like ah we close in an hour and you walk in and you're like yeah i'd like a burrito or whatever and they're like burrito this guy doesn't he know we close in an hour it's like yeah i know you close in an hour doesn't that mean you're open and i know that as a customer i know that that's like a dick well again like you're at work i understand that sucks sometimes it's worse than other times but when i was working if someone walked into my jimmy john's at 2 55 in the morning all my co-workers would be like this god god damn it i'd be like just make him a sandwich like it takes us five minutes by the time we're done making this drunk sandwich we can close the doors and it's no different than if they'd didn't come in but we didn't have to stand there doing nothing staring at the clock for five minutes but like i feel like it's very natural to get mad get that you're like i just want to go home just go away what but if you're open especially i think one one time i went into a place it was like it was really late dinner it was like 7 30 at night and i was like i need something i went in and the place closed at like nine so they weren't like about to close they had like a solid hour and a half still and i walked in and i got that same where i walked in and they were all hey sir what uh sorry we're kind of the lines kind of closed down what can we get for you i'm like you guys are not even ramoli clothes like you're you are jumping the gun on this one i get that you don't like your job or it's been a rough day but like please make me a sandwich i'm really i'll pay you i'll pay you full price just give me the sandwich i'm sure i'm sure i don't know i mean do you guys feel that you ever work till close somewhere and it was like i want to say something that's going to sound extremely derogatory all right so with the sandwich shop i imagine it's different with like a sit-down restaurant because like sometimes people do come in late but with the sandwich shop i think it's that case of where the monkeys and the ladder and the banana and the water you know this i don't know what the hell you're talking about is that something i'm supposed to know okay so there's a science experiment right there's a cage full of monkeys or something and monk not or something it was monkeys for sure it was absolutely all right all right we locked in monkeys okay monkeys or children something there's there's 10 or so monkeys in there right and they put a ladder and there's a banana on a rope up top eventually you know one of the monkeys like hey climbs the ladder as soon as he climbs the ladder they spray cold water into the cage right they take one monkey out they put a new monkey in who has not been sprayed he's like like banana goes up there get spray everyone gets sprayed and then they beat the shit out of the new monkey damn so it got to the point where they were replacing the monkey and eventually it's like the monkey even if it touched the ladder and they didn't spray it they would still beat the shit out of the new monkey right they'd be like don't touch the ladder and got to the point where they started replacing so many that there was no monkey that had ever been sprayed with water but they would still beat the shit out of the monkeys because they were like this is just what we do this is what we do we don't touch the ladder the ladder will be beat up and and it's like i think what that is what the people come in is people that work at restaurants where they people sit down but they get to a new food restaurant they can't be like oh i gotta be mad for something we're gonna beat the shit out of that customer for coming in before close even if it takes five minutes to make the food i think i think that might be that such a horrible experiment like i know i'm laughing and smiling but also that's like that's terrible that is interesting i had never heard that before i think it's real i'm pretty sure it's real but you know who knows i i have to say too you and i both worked at the same restaurant sorry and i do it is different at a sit-down place when it's like okay we close in 15 minutes and then someone comes in and just like table for three like well you're not going to eat and leave in 15 minutes are you but i did always think the social like some people are oblivious and then so maybe it doesn't work so well but the social pressure of being that last table in a restaurant while like five servers and the bartender and the and the chefs in the back are like in the way everyone in the whole place is is waiting to leave and you're sitting there just like sushi that's gotta be so fucking awkward right like that they are they're suffering enough but maybe people just don't give a shit i don't know they're having a magical moment which is the greatest date i've ever been didn't we do that at a fogo or something once the brazilian steakhouse where we were the last table they still had to bring us the meat we would never we would never do that what no we're the only table there's like four guys just hovering around us with meat on like no other people did this not us yeah yeah yeah we wouldn't do that that doesn't sound true i don't think that happened were you spreading lies about us puts me in a bad mood man better look out he's not going to want to hang out with us there is nothing like finishing cleaning up your ice cream area and then having a customer is like i want a giant chocolate malt extra thick like two minutes close and it's like but that sprays everywhere it'll cover everything we've just cleaned and milkshake again you go into the guy but sir it sprays everywhere we don't have the technology to block that i mean that happened a lot people would come in last minute for ice cream it was always like oh fine we'll make it we're open and we can serve it here you enjoy your sunday glad you want that midnight banana split there was we actually had closed and we'd locked the door uh we turned like the lights off we were counting like the registers or whatever we did before closed like before we actually got to leave and someone came like fran i think i haven't even told this story here before someone came frantically up to our dorm was like pounding on the door and it's a glass door so we see them and we're like okay something's wrong so we open we're like uh we're closed can we can we help you it's a police i desperately just i really need a milkshake sir we are we are closed what do you mean you desperate an emergency milkshake i've never heard of this it's like i am really fucking high and it just sounds so good i need it so bad i was in a bit of a conundrum because i was like well there is another one udf open like 24 7 like three miles from here but i also don't want to tell this guy who's high out of his fucking mind to go driving three miles to another location so what do i do here i don't remember if i told him there's another location or not but it's like i don't really feel like it's morally correct for me to send you driving off somewhere in your current state but also i'm not making you a fucking milkshake we're closed everything's shut down couldn't if i wanted to well i could make you a milkshake but i'm not making you a milkshake a die it's gonna die i can't get arrested we're closed we can kill now i dealing with people late at night the rest of the day was fine that last like 20 minute window of just staring angrily at the front door daring anybody to come in it was your monkey ladder boat squirt did it work when you glared at them angrily did anyone ever turn around no that because we i think we like we knew we couldn't actually glare so it was like a we should create a scenario as like a therapy session whereas like you're working at the desk and i'll walk in and you make me leave right okay all right okay you get the apron you got your little choo-choo hat right you had a hat right for udf yeah they wore hats i'm pretty sure they had hats i don't think we had hats yeah yeah poofy shoulders like like gloves like dainty gloves right no i don't think we use gloves anyway knock knock knock knock knock are you open no open all right can i get a milkshake how are you in here the door was locked oh i'm fine thank you for asking i would like a chocolate malt please we're out of malt powder and milk i see milk duds you could crunch them up the cash register is broken i'm gonna hang out here the police are on their way well thank god all right i guess you can hang out ah see you come on man no you failed no you'll never grow as a human oh you were so cool how can i say no that charisma man it beats me every time that's right look hey but you're funny don't forget that hey very funny all right well i'm gonna say this therapy session is concluded can i share a story i found before you finally wrap it up i don't care if it's for points or not i just found it really funny if it's actually funny i'll point at you and tell you there's a story i was like i don't know if i have this many stories i was looking at other people's stories what happened when they were angry and there was a person who i couldn't tell if they were like a ceo or worked in hr but they worked in like customer whatever an employee something where employees would come knock on their door and come into their office basically quite often they were having a really bad day after dealing with someone particularly annoying they like whatever they went to take a bathroom break and they went to like a bathroom stall closed and locked the door and were like sitting there doing their business and someone came and like knocked on the door while they were in there and they were just already annoyed and pissed but they forgot that they weren't in their office and they yelled come in angrily instead of obviously occupying and apparently that changed the trajectory of their day because it was just really fucking funny of come in and the person outside's like uh never mind and i found that story very funny so i had to share that one you're just holding the door handle you're like my life is at a crossroads right now i have a choice here i see two paths anyway that was it short and sweet but i found it really funny uh unfortunately i actually laughed and i didn't point at you and say it was funny so i guess because it wasn't my story that there wasn't there a story about how like i forget which senator or something it was like it was like a bathroom stall it was like tapping your foot or something remember being assigned like i want to solicit sex from you other person in the next stall there was someone like that i don't remember who but it was it was like a senator or congressperson yeah that was in the news so from then on is anyone else has happened to anyone else where i became irrationally afraid of tapping my toe in a in a bathroom stall lest it be misread as a solicitation or something because i'm like i'm not a stall toe tapper by any means but i've been known to bounce my knee a couple times when i'm pooping so i'm like anyone else get weirdly afraid of that i am not an overthinker generally i'm i'm pretty laid back but public bathroom stalls if i'm in a stall like if i had to sit down to do business and i'm in i sit in there and i'm like i need to make sure i'm ready in case someone opens the door i don't when i go to the bathroom at home i'm like a toddler i like take i strip naked and just what but when i'm in i like sit on the thing and i'm like oh i have my pants positioned and i'll make sure that i look presentable and i'm not tapping i don't want to make any action and i'm like i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that extra noises i don't want anyone around me to know what's going on here it's very polite and professional i literally possibly the only place in the whole world where i'm like i better make sure i don't do anything unthought you know thoughtless or do anything extra if someone came in here they'd be like oh excuse me and i'd be like yes good day like i don't know what it is about but yes no i that i didn't need that news story in my life to make me way overthink what i'm doing in the bathroom stall and i i come up with contingencies too if i sit down and i'm like down and i forgot to check before i decided if there is toilet paper i'm like i'm frantically like all right which side do i ask how do i ask for toilet paper from my neighbor what if our fingers touch while he's handing it to me what does that mean do i need to do something like it goes i go down whole rabbit holes uh it's it's stressful situations but i would never tap my toes i do everything in my power to avoid using public restrooms i plan my trips around all right well if i eat this food usually i've got like 30 minutes or i've got three hours before i need to so we can go to the store after that but then straight home ever since we were at a convention uh years ago uh we i we had like someone that was escorting us around there's a lot of fans around and so someone escorted me to a restroom at one point and i thought their whole point was they were going to not let anyone else in the restroom so i went to like stand at a urinal and then right as i was in the middle of pissing a fan comes running in camera out dude can i get out of here get a selfie and i'm like dick in hand mid piss like can it wait a minute like and i was like i don't know if i'm on video right now i don't know what the fuck's happening but like i don't know ever since that experience of just like there's Nothing I can do. I am standing here and there's I guess I'm either on camera or I'm not. I don't know Why are you pissing so far away from the urinal? You could just kind of like hey I don't even know that I was but there was just something in my brain where I was like This is how my dick gets revealed. Are you standing at the other opposite wall going for the distance record? Is that what you're doing? No, not now. It's like the carnival game I was trying to hit the target pop the water balloon. See how much you get in there I was like, I'm a piss sniper Well, I mean that's how they knew you were in there you're just shouting up the Tammy regularly haul stuff to her kids at college That's why she shops at BJ's wholesale club saving up to 25% off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals Laundry pods even they can't screw up. Have you met my kids and with BJ's gas she gets there for less They call me the road warrior. This is your home road warrior mom home of the save Join for just $20 at BJ's dot-com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only BJ's home of the save What's that what's the snipers name the Dude, it's the snow guy the white something the snow guy white death. I think it was white death white death Yeah, there's a sniper called white dead. I try to think of a pond where I was yellow something I've hit 16 targets with one bladder better than brown death the poop sniper Point at me say that was funny. That was funny. Damn it. Why didn't I go brown? That was a good That was a good extra story. I appreciate that and none of us tap our toes in the bathroom noted god No, I remember next to someone who claims to be one of you two, but their toe is tapping. I'll know it's a trap I would say that's the end of the episode mark you earned points for man. I wrote like wait again today Crime lie point climate change very funny illegal interview tactics Where'd he go? Not saying those slurs you have to try so hard not to say when you're in a bad mood Talking to Amy people unpleaser monkeys slash children in cages and mmm die Wait, do you heard points for outside walk penny? What? Oh, here's your severance. There you go Neiman and I Actually know what you guys are talking about. Oh, there you go. Yeah in the weird voice bitch, baby mess the Thing that makes you activate. Hi. How are you? But that sprays everywhere and I'm a piss sniper Making the actual score. I will say it till your last little addition Wait, mark was up. It was nine for mark and eight for Wade. One of Mark's is a lie point Mm-hmm, Wade Wade scored some piss sniper points It's now nine to nine and mark has one life point can't believe my poop sniper joke didn't get a point This is traditionally where we spin the wheel And The thing about that is I have to move my computer to do this next part. Oh man I can't believe a gun on a mount isn't it? A good stable platform to put my computer on you got to work on your halo reach That's funny. Oh the coin flip. I'm gonna flip my pen. You guys all have a coin Do we want each one of them? They'll got it. All right heads is spin tails is no spin Jesus Christ Tails, I got spit. Wait, I flipped that right to my microphone. Sorry about that. All right. Here we go gamer skills activate I forgot that this was a stupid system. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Sudden death! Sudden death! Oh no! You know, it's not so stupid, it's just natural. I don't think it's that stupid. I'm pretty sure it's not stupid. But we don't have the sudden death wheel! Oh fuck! Oh god damn it. Well, it's got plus ten percent on it, I don't know if you knew that. It's plus ten percent! I don't even know! I think it was at six percent plus ten. I mean, you could rebuild the wheel, you could do that from a. I think it got. I don't think it's been spun since the last time. I think it got freshly reset, and I think we started it at six percent. I think that's correct. So I think it goes to sixteen percent, and then the other eighty-four is split between the two of us. Forty-two, forty-two, sixteen. I'm hoping it's a still-is-still image, and you get that, Guess who's not getting a one-man show if I get to do that? Oh, you never know, this guy! Alright, wait. So what do we decide the weights are? Uh, sixteen, and then. Forty-two, forty-two, if it's a hundred percent, if it's on a pie. This one is just straight-up weights, so I think I can just put forty-two, forty-two, and sixteen. Math sounds right in my head. Okay. Now, all I have to do. Is share that one. There you go. You guys see that? Yes. One-man shoe. One-man shoe. I'll show you. It has a probability of sixteen percent. I believe this. The perfect-est crime horror one-man show. It's all good, except unless it lands on. Oh, my God! Holy fuck. Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, I thought it was. Wade wins! Yay! Oh, well, all right. Listen, I asked for bias, and this is what I get. I can't believe it. I thought it was stopping in the yellow. It, like, paused in there. I'm happy that didn't happen. Well, thank God we made these wheel spins as easy as possible for Bob being not at home. Yeah, Bob, why don't you carry your wheels with you? Listen, it would be smart if I did that. All right. Wade wins in a sudden-death spin-o-rama. There's no one-man shows. Congratulations, Wade. Would you like to give your winner's speech? It was a good, well-earned fight, and I was in a bad mood going into this. Not really, but I'm in a better mood now, so well done, Bob. You did it. Congratulations to all of us. Except Mark. Would you like to give your loser's speech? You both are really funny. You're funny, you know that? But not in a ha-ha way. In a way that pisses me off. I'm pissed. And let me. Let me tell you. When I'm pissed. I don't. I don't. I really got nothing. Mark, you're being a dick. Thanks, Amy Cutout. Somehow that makes me more mad. You sound like that guy I tried to interview. Guess what happened to him? Knife. Severance. Anyway, good TV show, but I've never seen it. So I'm only going based off hearsay. That's not Severance, that's Jackass. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck you were doing. Hi, my name's Johnny Knox. My name's Phil, and this is Severance. That could also be King of the Hill. Let's end this, Guy. I don't know. All right, I'm done. Okay, yeah. Wade wins. Wade hosts the next one. Thank God for that. That's going to be it. Make sure you check out the merch at distractible.shop. Check out Mark and Markiplier. Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion777. I am IceGurb. This has been Distractible. Make sure you follow the podcast, and then you'll know when there is the podcast. And thank you for listening, and thank you for watching. And equally, neither one of those is above the other. They're the same. You're the same. You know when I point and talk seriously that it's the truth. You're the same. Thank you, everybody. That's it. We'll see you in the next one. Podcast out. Watch new episodes on Spotify. I coach football. Home of the Save. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's. Home of the Save.