Bachelorette Fails, Wedding Night Confessions & Marriage Advice That Works w/ Val & Kaytlyn

- We have two special guests today, the famous Val. - Yeah. - And our other girl, Caitlyn, you taught me how to mop. My voice cracked. - Mopping the floor. - No soap. Who would have thought? - This girl said Brian fell off the boat and we didn't know for a few minutes. - A few minutes is an eternity in the water. - If you want to have a really big and expensive batch of at-party, you should be paying for majority of it. - 100% agree. - My mom tried to show me her lingerie the day before I got married. I said, Kim, I beg of you. (laughing) Two weeks before my wedding, my mom goes, do we need to talk about anything? - I got it. - I was like, you should have done that. - 14 years ago? - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Thank you guys for being here and filling in on maternity leave. - Well, thanks for having us. - Yeah. - Extended that thing out as long as we can. - As long as we can. - Yeah, we've been talking about this for a long time and like, what are we gonna talk about? - About Caitlyn and like, when are we gonna have them on the show? So I feel like we have a really fun. When you guys are prepping for the episode today, did you feel like, yeah, this was good or really fun, what is this? - Are you excited about the topics? - Yeah. - Yeah, I think that's gonna be fun. - That's gonna be fun. - I feel like we always have fun combos. So I'm like, it's just recorded, why don't we? - Literally. - I've always got something to say about everything, anything and everything. - And I'm like, wow, we get to have like, uninterrupted conversation now. Like, that's really spiffy. - Well, perfect, we're here. We are here to share the hope in the heart with Heart and Humor. And that's typically how we start our podcasts off. Did you guys do a hope in the heart? - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. - I can start since I'm not gonna throw you guys in the hot seat. - Oh, right. - Tell me everything that's hard in your life at the moment. - So this might be a little TMI, but I did start my, I'm in my period, ladies. - Ooh. - Your body's working. - I know, healthy. - Healthy, healthy. - Healthy, healthy, healthy. Um, so that's hopeful. My heart is I'm still using this flex disc thing. Okay, people try them in the comments because this thing is messy. And that's been hard. Like, my floors are dirty, you know? So, and it's just always a mess. Like, I'm out in public without church. And I'm like, this is-- - Yeah, Abby's like talking to me through the stall. - Oh, I think I got blood on my hands. - No, literally, I'm like, what? I'm supposed to do how people do this. And my other heart is I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be, when does this episode come out? - Three weeks. - Okay, yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be on my period when we're really, it's perpetual. - Oh, I'm doing it. - I'm doing it on your period. - I'm just forever. - I know, which, for the obvious, is very annoying, but then also for the fact that I'm, I'm just gonna be really messy on my trip. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - So, just switched to tear balls for the trip. - I think, yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm like, I would just do it. - I know, but honestly, the team won't hurt me. - Yeah, I'm really-- - After not using them for so long, I used them last month when I went home. Is this TMI? - No. - Okay, this is the girls pot. - Yeah, so this is for the girls. - We girls need to know. - This is how we're kicking it all. This is how we're kicking it all. - Okay, but tell me about that. - When you were telling me about that. - Whenever you were telling me about all this, I was like, I had no idea. - Yeah, so we need to know. - Thank you. - That's incredible. - There you go, there you go. - Yeah, I feel like when I went back, I used tampons when I went home, 'cause I got really frustrated with the mess of the disc. And it hurt after a couple days. After two days, it felt really-- - You really? - Yeah, sensitive. So, I don't want to go back to that. A lot of people have done talking about period underwear. Have you seen ads for that? - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - I don't understand how that works. - Just freebly that right into the panties. - I don't know. - I don't know. - It's like a pad that just right in the middle of the day. - No, I do feel like it would slip. - That's, yeah. - And I feel like it really limits what you can wear. - Yeah. - Like, you can't wear that kind of underwear. - Just everything. - Nope, yeah. - That's, yeah. - No workout clothes for you. - No, I don't have that line of advice. I am a tampon girly through and through. I have none advice for that, dang it. - A lot of people messaged me saying that they love the period underwear. And I've been getting served a lot of the ads. I'm very tempted to get it, but it just, maybe I need to talk to her about it more and get more of the-- - Just 'cause you're like, does it smell? - Yeah. - Do we wear more perfume that day? - No, it happens. - Can you just-- - When you wear a paddle day, I'm like, it gets, it gets, you smell. - Well, that's half the reason that postpartum like has that special smell where you're like, I'm just, I'm an onion farmer. - Literally. - And this isn't it, right? - I've never been able to put that smell. Literally an onion farmer. - Like, you're just milky and bloody. And it's like that smell and you're like, I'm an onion farmer. - It's just-- - You smell still and it's sour. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like, is that what I mean? - Yeah! - It's dry blood. (laughing) - Okay, sure. - It's a little too much. (laughing) - That's what it is. - You're curious what this episode's going. - No, I'm just kidding. - So yeah, that's kind of been, I've just been navigating that this week. - Which isn't bad, but. - Just cross the moon. - That's what I'm like, constantly. I'm like, am I leaking? Am I, yeah, how are my pants? I'm wearing brown. - I think we just bring back the-- - Can you check me? - Remember that? - Yeah. - Can you check me? - Yeah. - You've seen that trend where it's like, the girls ask the guys, the quiz them on girls' things. - Yeah. - And that's one of them. - Yeah. - What does that mean? What does-- - Can you check me? - Can you check me? - Can you check me? - Yeah, we're all like 13, starting our period. - Oh. - Can you check me? - Check me. - It's almost like, hey, I'm just letting you guys know. I'm not my period. Can you please check me? - It's so comical. - I'm so mature. - I'm so mature. (laughing) - Yeah, so those are my hopes and my hards. Well, I don't really give a solid hope, but there it is. - There it is, hope. - We will one day figure that out. - It's obviously not been the greatest week. I'm like, this Wednesday? - Yeah. - So we're getting through it. - There's so many things, and I'm like, I don't want to share that. I want to share that. - Yes. - Next week. - That's good. - Next week, don't be a hope. - For sure. - For sure. - I feel the trip, the trip could be a hope. - Yeah. - It's coming up. - It's coming up. - Yes. - I'm gonna go shopping this weekend. - Oh, that's the hope, that's the hope. - The shop is excited for that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, love that. - Yes. - My hope, Dave and I celebrated nine years, our nine year anniversary. - Oh, yes. - And this week, what'd you guys do? - Not a thing. - I love that. - That is nine years, I'll tell you what. - We've been saying last three years, we're like 10 years. - That's when we're gonna go. - Yeah, do it, yeah. - So, I mean, we like, you said some nice things to each other. - That's good. - Love that. - Love that. - Love that. - Love that. - We said 10 years, we're gonna go big. - I think we saved minutes for that, you know? - That's kind of a workout too, like we're at nine years, too. - Yeah. - And I'm like, 10 years, let's do something cool. I don't know what, but cool. - I want a piece of jewelry on 10 years. Like, oh, yeah. - So I'm like, so start saving up those pennies. - Save up those pennies for 10 years. I know. He asked me last night and he goes, if you could have had a snapshot into our life nine years ago, what do you think you would have believed it? And I was like, I don't even think I could have like, comprehend it, you know what I mean? Like, when you're married, you've got kids, you're like, just your young self. Like, you can't even really imagine it, totally. - Well, I feel like it's even hard now to be like, I am older than 23, you know what I mean? Like, that's one of those things where I'm like, I'm a T-Mom, I'm walking around Target. - I'm just a girl. - I'm just a girl. - I have literally said that to my children before. It's like, I'm just a girl, this is my first time too. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just a girl. - I don't know what I'm doing. - Here we are. - Amazing. - I love that. - My heart, guys, I gave myself Jim Flue. - Have you ever heard that? - No. - I've been complaining to you for weeks. - Oh, that you've had a tire about it. - Yeah, but then yesterday, I'm out of time with Abby after burn and I'm like, I don't feel very good on. - No. - We were looking at each other because we can't talk about hanging out. - I couldn't look at Abby in the eye 'cause I was like, I am gonna throw up or pass out one and two. - Yeah, we were both struggling. - Yeah. - I was like, I don't wanna hang out. I'm sorry. - Yesterday was brutal for sure. - I had to go home and take some Ivy Profin and lay down and it never got better. - I went to bed like seven, 30. I was like, I'm achy and my stomach hurts and I think something's wrong. - I was like, I have the flu. Then yeah, Dave's like, I think you have the Jim Flue. - It's like a thing. - Have you ever heard of this? I've never heard of this. - I just leave it up. - It's temporarily flu-like symptoms such as nausea chills, body aches and fatigue that happen after intense exercise. - Wow. - It comes from overtraining, pushing your body past its current recovery limit. Dehydration, low blood sugar and muscle inflammation. - You need to be in all those things. - You need to be in more. - Five months. - Well, what? You were saying that you had to need, like chat said you had to have like 2600 calories. - Yeah. - I asked you at TVT last week. Like, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me, like how many calories should I be eating and give me some ideas of like a day of eating. And they were like 26 to 2800 calories. And I was like, that's a lot. - That's-- - I'm eating at a constant state of that point. - A food, and I'm certainly not consuming that much, too. And so I was like, well, I'm starving myself. - I know. - Well, this is like the hardest time too of like breastfeeding is like, you know, like they're getting hungerier. You're right before they're starting solid. - Yeah. - So they're hungry and it's still all you. - Yeah. - So you gotta up that four months, I'm like, I think I feel fine, but then I go work out. I don't feel fine. - Yes. That's how I felt. - Yeah. - I totally felt that way. And then I literally, once I stopped nursing at a year, it was like life had been just breathed into me. And I was like, I'm fit. - But I feel like you came back. - I struggled really bad at four to five months plus part of me. - Yeah, I feel like there's a more my shift there that I really felt. And I got frustrated at the gym 'cause I'm like, I feel like I should be feeling stronger. I feel like I should be doing, like I've been coming, you know what I mean? You feel like there should be a shift, but you're just still so fresh. - Yeah, but five months doesn't feel fresh, but like your body is-- - It really is when you think about it. - Like your grand scheme of things. - Like you look at your baby and you're like, but he's not fresh anymore. Like he feels like not a newborn anymore. But yeah. - You're just starting over from scratch. - Yeah, it's just hard. - Well, and I also think like you have to remember, like five months, we think of it as like a long time, but like if we were talking about pregnancy, [BLANK_AUDIO] five months. You have a whole long, you're only halfway. So you know what I mean? Like you got to give yourself grace in that because it really isn't that long because you think six weeks right after birth, there's nothing there. And then you're basically just like running yourself into the ground, trying to feed the baby and take care of the other kids and like you're on the back burner still. And I like I agree. I think there's a total hormone shift at like five months because that's always when I go downhill. Like this was my worst one. I've never felt like that, the other ones, but this one I'm like noticing it. Really? I was gonna ask because Val just had her third her third baby. Yeah. Cute Jackie boy. Do you feel like your expectations postpartum after the third were different or bad? Like do you feel like you thought oh I got this and then because I felt out the second. I'm like well I do it again with the third probably. Yeah. I know that realistic expectations for myself. I totally was like no I'm good. Like I know what to do and I know what to expect. And I feel like as far as like management wise of like okay I've got three kids like that's easy. I feel like I've got that like figured that's come really easy, but yeah the like fit my physical part of it has been a lot harder. Yeah. And it's not sleep or anything like that. It's just like I feel like my body should be able to do the things it could. Even during pregnancy. And I'm like no I'm not quite there yet. So it just feels like it's taking a little bit longer. Yeah. And it's like I haven't really lost weight this time like I did with the other ones. So it's just everything's a little slower. And so I'm like maybe that's age and it's just yeah third third third time. So I think my expectations were off a little bit. There will come a time. I always I literally just a year postpartum is like I give myself a full year and then after that I can you know but I'm so glad like I can be hot feel hot. If I could if I could pick though like I would much rather have the wrong expectations of like me physically than the wrong expectations of like what my family like looks like you know because I feel like that's just so hard like that was really hard with one to two. But I so I'd rather have it this way because it feels more like okay I can like do xyz to help it. I can not work out as much or eat more or whatever. But the other one it's like can someone come help me and live at my house and literally me. Like all of us. Some mom never leave. Yeah. Yeah. I mean tears anytime my mom would leave with my second. So see I feel like I all I mean I don't know. Cosy was so Cosy was just like I would disagree about this. Well no I don't disagree because I could understand that but I really just had to get with it within two weeks. Yeah. Like after two weeks of having Cosy I mean we were at the farm five days feet. I was I was a girls night. I think I'm like in and I'm like who's holding my baby because I just was like I'm certainly exiting the house. Yeah. So I don't lose it. Yeah. I don't know I just within two weeks I had to get with it and so I just was like we're just gonna try to get back to our normal and get out of the house by 10 a.m. Which is like whoop a feet but I mean I don't know I had to for my eldest because that was yeah she was really shuddering but yeah so I think it I mean I'm not expecting the third to go the same thing like I'm not expecting that to be walk in the park like at all but you just know you can do it totally and I'm like you're I always I'm like you have to get uncomfy to stretch like you have to get in that uncomfy and just go with it and I would just find the humor and everything like remember how Cosy would literally blow out literally every day every single day and it was like all right we're packing for at least two blowouts while we're out and you know it ain't no thanks. Well I'll wrap that up I'll encourage you in that vow and that you you've done an amazing job. It's a good job of just being so present with your kids. I haven't even know that you were struggling with this thoughts or anything I just feel like you carry yourself so um gracefully sweet and thank you. Yeah I agree except for yesterday when I was just in the fetal. People were like not we talked about hanging out and it was like I said I was going to hang and we didn't I wasn't looking in the eyes then you go maybe we could push it next week and I really don't want to hang out right now. I feel like my hope this week is just like we've been having like a lot of family time and I have just been loving that like I feel like after we started preschool I'm like let's just let's do some things as a family and just be together like all the times we've been doing live family time and it's been it's been super fun and then my heart is that my oldest is not feeling great. Yeah so we had a couple yeah we had a couple days of lots of laundry so I'm just like and I feel like being sick I'm always like oh don't give it to the other way. Yeah and so yeah it's just what does she have what is it? I don't know. Yeah it's been so weird and like yesterday no symptoms yeah nothing and then this morning symptoms and I'm like sister what did she have a rash yet? Well no she had a rash for what it was literally like two months ago I noticed it and I was you know texting it to our close personal friend Dr. Cooper and I'm like do I need to take her in like what's going on and I sent him pictures and now there's like it's hypopigmentation like they're white dots and he's I know and I said do I need to be concerned about that and he's like no it's just what happens like yeah they'll go away over time so I'm like okay but yeah the rash we'll rush go around um yeah having sick kids is so hard it's the worst see they got in the cards today after seeing you and he was like oh yeah I don't feel good like Benny oh is I think you're fine Benny yeah yeah yeah no you're just have her name but you're fine no you're really fine and that's why I even have to do that with Benny because I'm like what are you watching yeah like I remember it's like we would be watching get a check in I'm like well it's like we'd be watching up and it's like you know when he's walking the house he's like my elbow hurts but which elbow my knee hurts that's very much my child I love that so I'm like I've seen her put that one on her that wasn't awesome so she's a little drama queen so I have to be like he was so sweet helping me buckle cozy into the card he's like can I can I be a big helper I'm like yeah or like when he came to me and was just like wanting me to love on him for a minute I was like oh yeah that was sad yeah I was like he was straight he did and I was a little shook that he did but I was like it's for coming to me buddy that was so precious and so it was an honor when other kid chooses you like yes you're like I am a safe mother Teresa yes they love me they love me thank you to instant hydration for sponsoring this portion of today's episode I'm not even kidding you guys about to go make myself one don't don't that hydration in there they are so good I'm obsessed with the flavor like I literally just created what you have I love the strawberry 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instant hydrations best offer available that's instant hydration dot com slash always here promo code always here okay let's probably should introduce a little bit more how we all became friends because maybe some context would be helpful you know they're like who are these people wearing on the podcast yeah just more than like there are friends but wow we became friends we we both moved here at the same time yeah just here after each other and we had a mutual friend yeah or like a mutual mentor friend yes and they kind of put us together and we just hit it off yeah we did we were both pregnant and we were you were farther along than me but yeah we just hit it off our husband set it off and then that's how I met Abby it's because we were in like a group like a mom's group together yeah and so it was at my house everyone came she was there and our kids were the same age so we were like let's all do stuff together yeah do you know something that's kind of funny about that this is just my personality time this is this might be bad but I think someone texted maybe it was you and you're like is anybody want to go the park just like on the wind yeah and I was like people just go to the bar going away like I was like so like and then and Abby responded yeah I love to and I was like oh my gosh people say yes I'm just saying yes I was like this is a good example of putting yourself out there and asking people to join along and then that's how you become friends yeah just like putting yourself out there and saying yes to things because in my head I was like I'm immediately know but I don't know why you did it I'm just comfortable in my house well and I remember I remember that because day was out of town for work and so I was by myself and I was like I've got to got to get out do something you know got these two little kids and so I think it was a Saturday which is like risky business with mom's and it's like yeah everyone's with their family but yeah and I we became friends yeah and then just that was years ago though yeah that's had a good tone I feel like for our franca would just be in like let's just set play dates and and they're right out there, who wants to come and just come if you can. can type by and then I came to burn with you like two years ago. Yeah, and then I feel like that's just yeah. Katelyn's burned out. You were at Augie's gender villain. I didn't know you. No, not Jen. No, it wasn't his gender. It was. I was at Griffin's second birthday. Yeah, we were just talking about that the other day. Yeah, it was Griffin's second, but we didn't know each other. And I was like fresh friends with Abby. I feel like fresh friends. But I was like, I want to make friends. And I had reached out to her a couple times because like, you know, Griffin and Benny would like play a lot together like at the gym. And I was like, Hey, I do something fun after the gym every single day. If you ever want to tag along, like, you know, we're going here tomorrow. Like if you want to come and then she started like moving things around to like go to these things, like our funtivity. Yeah, is was that. And so I just that's kind of then she just invited me to Griffin's party. And I was like, well, okay, like I want to make an effort to go. And then I'll invite her to Benny's birthday party because it was just like a month later. And I'd feel like just from there, it's, you know, taken off like our friendship is just kind of taken off. And I feel like you, I talked to a little bit at Griffin's party. Yeah, but like you had just started burn I think. Yeah, at that time. Yeah, fresh. So I was like, Oh, great. Like I'll be seeing you around like, you know, just cute things. But then I just feel like we all mesh so well. And we all have like, I don't know, like it's motherhood so much more fun together. And I think we've all realized that. And so it's like, okay, like yeah, like let's get together. Let's make that effort. Yeah, to do a funtivity or whatever, you know, Caitlin for context. And if you're this friend or if you're like the person who's a good planner and you're like a glue of a friend group, this is such a good idea that Caitlin did. She's created a shared note. And she planned weekly funtivity. So I'll be Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday. And some days aren't things, but you'll look up the free activities going on in the area, the cheap, the taller times you've done all the research. Yeah. And you'll just put it on there. And if there's anyone who's new, we'll just add them to that shared note. Totally. There's like never been open invite. And they're out and about. So it's not like someone's house where, you know, you're maybe feel calved at people or don't over invite. It's just out of the house activity with the kids every day and anyone could come. So yeah, yeah, because even our friends with no kids sometimes go, oh, totally like Lauren, she comes, like, and I love when she comes. Oh my gosh. I'm like, wow, I get to eat another set of good ideas. So fun. And I mean, the reason I started doing this, because Bennett was working from home all of a sudden and can be there. No, and our house at the time was like, he didn't have an office or like a room. He was just in the dining room working. So I'm like, we gotta get out. Yeah, like she is bothering him, like, yeah, to no end. So I'm like, we have got to get out. And so, and that's how I like, I met Ashley is I was like, hey, you're new here, like to Arizona. And I was like, I do something fun every single day. Yeah. So if you want to do that, I feel like it's easier to parent toddlers outside of the house than inside. Yeah, at least for me. So I don't know, I just feel like it worked. And it's a great idea. Yeah. And I'm like, I feel so grateful for it. Yeah. What we got is sacred. It's like so special. So that's good. Thank you guys for sharing your hope in your heart. Yeah. Today, we're talking about a couple different things. We're going to talk about marriage and all, but we're going to start it off and talk about bachelor at parties because we got this question a while ago. I don't remember what that question was, but maybe just our thoughts and bachelor at parties, how we did our bachelor at parties. And I, this is a girls episode. So let's talk about bachelor at parties. And then we'll talk about marriage too at the end, because you guys have happy, successful thriving 11 marriages. You both value mentor a lot of young girls in marriage. Caitlin, you do too in your church and with your nieces and stuff. Oh, yeah. Just talking about it. You guys have a lot of wisdom to share and the area of getting ready for marriage and preparedness, mostly kind of how we focus this. You guys actually sent in some of your horror stories. I feel like that's mostly what we hear online. And I never skip bachelor at horror story videos. And so we want to get, we're going to react to, I don't know what these are. So we'll all react together. The videos my friends took of me dancing drunk in my apartment, homie. Yeah, that'll homie. Yeah, that'd be haunting. Don't want that up there. Happy haunting. She says I am haunted. Bride kissed another man, ended up divorced, then married the bachelor red affair. That's crazy. That's crazy. So it's more than just a kiss. Yeah. Yeah, certainly some things. That wasn't a kiss. If you're on the bachelor at party and your friends about to get married, are you just like, what are we doing here? Oh, what are we doing here? Yeah, I feel like it's your job to be like, stop it. Yes, stop it. Well, it's your job to be like, pull yourself together. Well, sister, this is not cute. What's going on? Yeah, I feel, yeah, head in a mode. Like, like, pull yourself together. What is happening here? I just want that. That's good. Oh my gosh. Okay, Amanda Cruz said I was so sick the whole time. Turns out I was pregnant. Oh, man. That's a shock at your bachelor at party. That's obvious. Left my nursing baby for the night dot, dot, dot, drenched someone's air mattress. I borrowed with my mother-in-law. Oh, yeah. I've been to lots of bachelor at parties where there is so much breast milk in the fridge. Yeah. Oh, man. Yes. Yeah. You're like, can you go to lunch? I can't. I can't. I actually need a pump. I'll be late. Clara said on the way up north to my bachelor at the car, slate off the road because of all the snow and ice. That's sad. That's sad. That's really scary. I used to pray all the time. I don't know if you guys, like, Lord, please don't take me until after I'm married. Please don't take me until I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. And I'm like, please not talk about children. That's why I see them grow up. You know. But that would be one where I'm like, please not talk about it. I'm not sure if you're going to take me just not right now. No, I'm not sure. I just don't think he cares about that. No, I really don't. My bridesmaid tried to bring her mom and sister without asking me. It's a little weird. Yeah, that's a little lie. I mean, you can't have fun with me. You've got to bring in familial support. Okay. Okay. I feel like like your mom has come to things before. Yes. And it's great. Yes. I'm like, love Ruth. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, they're gonna need, there's, you know, it depends on the mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also, I think a trip feels closed. A trip. A trip is closed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unless she asks and you're like, bring her along. Yeah. Yeah. Or it's like, are they like long time? I mean, last I hung out with Ruth, I think we got donuts. Yeah. So I'm feeling great about that. Ruth and come on. In a trip, I have a loan as both of us involved. Bridesmaid made a sexual joke about my husband in front of my mother-in-law. Ooh. We're no longer friends. Yeah. That's actually a joke about my husband in front of my mother. I want to know what the joke is. It's sometimes I'm like, yeah, what was it like? What was the joke like? Like, how was it kind of a problem? Like, yeah, I was like, yeah, that's a little. What do you mean by a compliment? Well, yeah, it's like, you've been there. This is cute or something. I mean, maybe a little yucky. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it was like, I have to know the caliber of joke here. Yes. You know, but in front of of a mother-in-law, that's yeah, gosh. Why is she there, actually? Is my question. Yeah. So whatever these bachelor party family affairs, yeah. Yeah. My mom did kind of bachelor party, but I didn't feel weird like because we didn't lingerie and stuff. Yeah. Oh, my mom tried to show me her lingerie the day before I got married. I feel like, I feel like two weeks before my wedding, my mom goes, do we talk about anything? I got it. I'm like, two weeks before you're married. Uh, shut your mouth. Shut your mouth. I do, but not with you. Not with you. I will be telling other reinforcements. You should have done that. Can you just go? Yeah, yeah. I think I'm like, I'll just go ahead and talk to Whitney about it. Like my older sister, I'd be like, I don't want to talk to you about it. I'll talk to Whitney about it. Thank you. The next one says, accidentally threw my ID in the trash while trying to go through security at the airport. Because then you think about like, they're honeymoon, too. Like, how do you travel for that after, you know, driving? You're just driving? Yeah, breaking the law right away. That would be really stressful. This guy said, order to stripper and he tried to rob us. Oh, yeah. Gosh. Where'd you find this guy? Where'd you find this driver? He showed up in a cop uniform, too, like, double away with me. Oh my god! He throws one at you. He robbed you. Shoo. This girl said, "Mate of Honor had his tipper for driving to the beach in our split cost." She was one of three drivers. So she requested more money? Yeah. She said, "My tipper for driving." Not just gas money, but I did this. Oh. That's like, you know, like, those videos where it's like, you'll feed your baby and then you like, hold up like the tip thing to your baby. It's like, all right, and for the service today. Or like, you do the dishes and you hold it up to your husband. You're like, 10, 20, 15%. How much are you going to tip me for that? Like, that's a little wild, you know? Here's your bottle tip. Tiss, and I'm going to tip please. Thought we were going to a dance club in Miami, but it turned out to be a strip club. Ooh, yeah. I mean, Miami come on. I'd like, that's a mistake, you make one time. You're like, "Well, then you just turn around." You're like, "Yeah, all right, time to go." We miss it as to the description of this place. Didn't quite, didn't quite read the Yelp reviews on that one. Yeah, you're like, "Wait a minute. This is how we meant to do." My sister-in-law accidentally texting me, the bride, and quotes, "This is torture. I'm going back to the hotel." Yeah, it's. Yeah. That many girls see other. Yeah. This girl said, "Who knew that penis confetti would stain onto your skin if it gets wet?" Imagine church the next day, gosh. That's terrible. You're like, "It's not what it seems to be." This girl said pride fell off the boat. And we didn't know for a few minutes. - Whoa, okay! - A few minutes! That's too many minutes. - Where she got off-- - The few minutes is an eternity in the water. - The water's like, what was she wearing? - What was she wearing? - Was she like, in a swim suit? Or was she like, wearing an ensemble? - Like, oh, I'm getting it. Hopefully, gosh. - I'm struggling. - Oh my gosh. That's funny. - Thank you to Shopify for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - I recently launched my first e-commerce business. - Woo! - Woo! - Vizbo Beauty, and Polindever was powered by Shopify. It was so intimidating trying to get this thing off the ground. And there's so many tasks you need to do, and I didn't even know what they were. And I was like, I need a platform that supports me every step of the way, very user-friendly, and basically just makes it very streamlined. Shopify's templates and AI tools get you a stunning site set up, running fast, no coding needed. They literally have your menu on the left side of the screen, and you're going through the menus. Shopify Checkout means more customers actually buy, and returning ones can do it in a single click. And the best part is that all of Shopify's tools are conveniently located in one easy-to-use platform. Just sign in and start managing all aspects of your business right away. If you're ready to hear the of your first sale today, head over to Shopify.com/abby to start your free trial today. That's Shopify.com/ab. There are a lot of good ones on here. I feel like, graduate parties are always, they can go one in two ways, yeah. They can go really wrong where you're like, this was a, this was, this shouldn't have happened. Yeah. We need to talk about this actually, which has had clear communication. Or they can be really, really amazing and fun. I've actually really been lucky. I haven't gone on any bad bachelor at parties. And my bachelor at party was awesome. So, where'd you go? What'd you? We actually did. I went to the lake of the Ozarks, the Missouri, and it was really fun because it was driving distance. So everyone could kind of go, we went on, we did a long weekend, actually we did a labor day weekend. This is actually crazy. This just flashback. We almost sunk. Our boat almost sunk. Oh my gosh. No, because it's such a busy lake and there were so many boats out there, we were on a pontoon. And the waves were really high. It was very choppy water and they kept crashing over the boat and then you probably had a lot of people in the boat. A lot of people in the boat. The whole front end of the boat went under and the propeller came out and we all had to dive to the back of the boat to try to weigh it down. That's so scary. That's actually terrifying. It was so scary. I didn't go on a boat for a while after that. Yeah, yeah. It was really scary. But we were all fine. And it worked out. My cousin was driving and he was very like, glad you had someone there. Perfect. I was like, not you. No, you didn't know that I'd ever have a boat. Definitely not. But it was really fine. It was just like really chill girls' weekend. It was cute. That is fun. It was lovely. That is fun. Did you guys do one? I had one, yeah. I was kind of the same. We went to one of my friends or my maid of honor. I had a maid of honor and a maid of honor. I maid of honor had a family lake house in Dallas or like outside of Dallas and we went there. And yeah, they had a pool. We went on the lake, ate like good food. So it's the same thing like chill. Nothing crazy. It was fun. Just a lot of good quality stuff. We played games. It was fun. It was really fun. It was like everyone's goofy. I felt like my was half and half. Like I mean, it wasn't even a weekend. We were literally at my house. But the first half we went to a pole dancing class. That is fun. I'm not surprised. It was fun. And it was all just girls. And I only had like three bridesmaids. I think. But I invited more people, just like anyone that I was like I just sent a mass invite and was like whoever wants to come, like come, you know. And so we did. We went pole dancing. Just all of us girls. We like hired out a class. A little private room. Yeah, we hired out a class and you know learned a little routine. It was. I was back. That was back when I really was feeling myself. But back when I was really something. But yeah, you're so you are. You better believe it. But yeah. And so then we just went back to my parents house, which is where I was living. And we watched bridesmaids and eight pizza classes. Like it was and we just chatted and hung out. And so it was like we had fun. And then we just went back and had pizza and watched a funny movie. And to me, I'm like that's perfect. Like I don't need anything crazy, you know. I've gone. Oh, sorry. I just say I feel like these days, bachelor parties, you feel a little crazy. Oh, so crazy. Which I mean, I'm I'm kind of past that. Oh, yeah. But I'm too old for that. Yeah. Yeah. Do you mean crazy party wise or crazy expensive? Expensive. Yeah. I would think honestly both. Yeah. Yeah. I just feel like the girls I know now that are going on bachelor, trips, I'm like, are you okay? Like, are you in debt? Yeah. How are you financially? I mean, it seems crazy these days. Here are my thoughts on bachelor parties. I can give you my do and my don't. If you want to have a really big and expensive bachelor party, you should be paying for majority of it. 100% agree. If you want to go somewhere big, people can pay for their flights, but they probably shouldn't be paying for their flights and their stay and their food and the gifts and all the things. Yeah. You should be covering majority of the cost. Yeah. I agree. I agree with that. I've been I've been on some really nice bachelor parties where I was like, oh my gosh, I don't know. And then they've really been generously paid for. Which is super, super kind. Yeah. But I think if you're expecting something big and you want to do that, that's fine. But you should. You gotta cover the cost. Oh, I agree. Because I feel like a lot of times now, like the reason that they're wanting to do that is like for the gram. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I'm like, no, if that's your end goal, like you should comp out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like whenever I was doing the wedding, like I was in a lot of weddings in my 20s. And so I went to a lot of bachelor's at parties. And if it was that way then, a lot of them were like driving distance. Or yeah, like where we lived or something like that. Yes, same. Like I couldn't have done it. No, I couldn't either. I think I was in 15 weddings in my 20s. That's insane. And so I just, there's no way I could have ever done. Right. You know, like a fly here, a fly there. Like I just, I never could have. You know, I mean, on that on top of buying a $200 dress in two, anything about a lot of people are in their young 20s. There's no way we could have afforded any of that. No. Well, I got married. Like I was in college. Yeah. I wasn't working full time. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? I'm like, I couldn't have afforded any of that, you know. So if it wasn't, I'm out. Like, so sorry. Yeah. The last bachelor party I went to, it was after I had kids. And we, I did like go somewhere for it. But the girl that was getting married, she made things optional. And I really liked that. That's sweet. Because there, there were like multiple activities. Like we went to an amusement park. And we, they did like a candle making class and all these other things. But she made them optional. That's mean. And so it was like, if someone couldn't afford to do those things, they didn't have to. And it wasn't like weird. You know, because there was lots of options. Yeah. There were options. And it's like she just, I think just saying like, hey, if you can't do this, that's okay. Yeah. No pressure. Yeah. No pressure. And I just was like, that is great. Because there, I mean, a lot of people did one thing or, you know, like both of them are just nothing, you know, but they were just there to spend time together. And so I loved that. Yeah. I thought that was a great idea, make things optional. Just seemed like it could meet everybody a little bit more. Yeah. Then paying $1,300 right now. Or yeah, maybe it's just like, okay, if they're paying for a flight, you, you have to cover the living or whatever. I think it's, I'm okay. I'm sharing some of the costs. If you're going to travel far and do a big thing, you want to be this whole show. Yeah. You can't buy people to pay for that. Yeah. No, I don't even think that's considerate. Or like kind, because you don't know everyone's situation. And like, I get it. Like, it's your big day and, you know, hopefully you only get married one time and all those things. But like, I think it's important to still be like considerate of your friends and what they're going through and what's going on in their lives too. Or else it's just like, are you wanting them there because you love them and they have friends? Or are you just wanting them there again, like for the aesthetic of it? Or, you know, for the pictures totally. I mean, let's you know all your friends and the tax bracket. But I know the people like that. They have all very wealthy friends. They all do very wealthy things. And then I'm also like, but then at that point, are they also not because they're also wealthy that you could just pay for everyone? I don't know. Yeah. Probably makes. I don't know. Well, and I think what you're saying to you, like, I, some of the best advice I got before I got married was, hey, don't make your whole wedding season all about you because it kind of already just is. Yeah. And so don't do that to your friends basically. I thought it was such good advice because it feels really countercultural, but it was like, okay, I want my friends to walk away being like, oh, it's great. Yeah. I want a great time. Totally. And I'm totally cared for. And because I'm like, you're, people saying, yes, being your bridesman, like, it's because they love you and they want to do things for you. You know, it's, it's a big service. I feel like. And so yeah, I just remember getting that advice and being like, okay, I want to like think about that. Yeah. And I think that it applies with this too. Oh, I totally agree. Like, hey, just think about other people, you know, don't get mad if maybe they can't come or something like that. Like, I knew this girl recently, she was telling me like, yeah, I'm in this wedding and I can't go to the bachelor at party. She's already fine there for the wedding, but she can't go to the bachelor at party. And the girl was madder. Really? I was like, I'm so sorry. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, that is really. And I think it was like shocking a little bit. Yeah. Oh, I didn't expect her to. Yeah. But I was like, yeah, hey, it's okay. Well, especially something that like they can't help. Yeah, she didn't just work. Yeah, I can't help it. Yeah. What am I, how could I have made that like better? You know, and for someone to get mad over that, you're just like, I feel like that almost shows just kind true colors and yeah. But I think you just want to like love your friends totally, you know, regardless, doesn't matter. Yeah, for sure Yeah, you can be disappointed at your friend's not going totally mad. Yeah, it feels a little wild. Super weird. Yeah, feels a little wild Offered a pay for yeah, yeah, well, I'm like even like work. She looks like she can't you know, yeah, true She's already flying for a waiting and stuff like that. It's like it can just be tough big ass Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. I think that's it just in general a lie within the wedding industry And I think coming out of the wedding season and marriage and like dang it is about you Yeah, and it is your big day But I think that's a lie that we're so the marketing that like as the bride. It's all about you It's only about you. It's your special day the bride gets what she wants is this and that but it's like it actually it's us Together exactly. It's not just about me looking beautiful and having this like Extremely special day which it is but that's not the big point yeah and when you look back at your wedding You're gonna think about the moments with your husband totally your families with your friends Not just how you know when you're thinking about yourself constantly There's nothing that at least for me nothing that makes me more anxious than what I'm so self-obsessed Yeah, 100% and I like I agree wholeheartedly where you're just like I don't really Want it to be 100% about me and the moments that maybe are like I think about like my bridal photo Like where we did the first look and stuff like that. I'm like no that could be about me and Bennett Like that's about us and then I really think like my biggest memories are our grooms dinner that we did where it was like our two Families came together and like gave Bennett and I advice and I'm like that to me like was so special and sweet and I'm like My bachelor's was like kind of a backburner like I'm you know like that's not I don't think about like oh man That was like so so special and so I'd feel like I don't know. It's just kind of like what I think about it is I'm like I don't think that should be like the pinnacle of your marriage season, you know, yeah I think you're gonna be super fun. Oh totally something fun to look forward to but Yeah, you don't want to ruin any relationships over totally. I'm not worth it. You don't want your Made of honor your bridesmaid to walk away being like glad that's over. Yeah, well that would be so sad like Gosh, I don't know. I just think everyone needs to be happy. I love each other. Golly if you think of a bachelor It's just like an ultimate girls trip. Yeah, yeah have that in your house. Oh, totally if you're maybe in this situation We're in this season and you want to do something just don't feel like the pressure because we are a super low key bachelor I had the best time with my girlfriends. It was so fun and yeah, there's just no pressure if you want to do something big That's fine, but you know, there's cost I come with it totally totally yeah some of my favorite bachelor at parties that I had Friends it was like we had their shower in the day that morning. So it was like, you know Moms came like all these other people came in at night. We did the bachelor at part So it was like fending or bachelor at shower like stuff like that and I've always really liked that. That's a Yeah, that's a fun day. It feels like it kills two birds on stone Yeah, it's like okay. We did the shower and that it's just one weekend. It feels like you don't I don't know It feels almost like less commitment instead of like a whole another weekend or another that is like you I just felt excited. I was like this is so-and-so is weekend. Yeah, yeah, and it was yeah It felt like doable and that was where I was in my favorite ones that I've done That's such a fun. I love the strap that schedule like okay, you go to the house. You get your earbeam beer Remember you have a great dinner. Yeah, whether it's in or out Then you go we went to a karaoke bar one time. That was fun Dancing singing. We've gone to a club like yeah, I mean, we're like sober clubbers But it's so fun and then you come home and we do a lingerie party and it's I love the laundry party Yeah, I think it's so fun to do those types of things just like it's exciting You know you guys do the thing for you. I tried it all while I was I was so shy because my mom was there but I was like Yeah, I like right now and then I see I didn't try any of it on. What was I doing? No, I'm in trying to be on I will say though and maybe if my mom's listening don't But what I did do is I took Bennett to like Victoria's secret like a week before we got married and I was like okay Pick out what you like, but I never tried it on in front of him But I was like pick out some things that you might like that's fun. So maybe I didn't try it on in front of my friends But gosh What are you into like I don't know Wanted to Victoria's you got like deer in headlights. He's like, I'm not like I hear Then my bridesmaids they made a bulk of the Outfit yeah, then you give it to Blake like a menu I don't do that and but it was like I always forgot to do it, but right before the wedding So I'd be like after the rehearsal dinner like right now Weeks ago Thank you to OCF response ring this portion of today's episode are you sick of your skincare? Making all these promises and claims just isn't doing at all when it said it would I'm not looking supple that's all I want supple soft supple skin And the basic skincare is not cutting it and that's why I'm so glad that we found OCF I love their serum personally. I put it on right after the shower and I don't feel sticky I don't feel wet just supple. OCF skincare is clean too, which I really appreciate It's an award-winning bestseller for a reason your skin will feel a difference after just one use clinically shown to deeply moisturize And instantly improve the look of your skin elasticity. They use an artisanal process that infuses vitamins minerals And antioxidants and have been delivering results you can see and feel for 30 years Some are times still your legs are out for me. That's the first thing that I'm like that's got to get a dress in my husband's knees My husband's knees need to be a dress. Yeah, go to a sea of Malibu.com and get 10% off your first order with code Abbey That's O-S-E-A-Malibu.com/abbie. Just moving into more of the marriage category. Isn't it crazy to think that Do you ever just think about the actual vows? I always say on our wedding day. They're pretty dark Yeah, they're dark and they're heavy and waiting. Did you do your own or did you like used to this? No, because I was too nervous to speak to people We just did the like yeah, which I thought they're beautiful. Yeah, they are. I'm like these are so powerful on their own I'm okay now. I'll bear my soul on my own I'm like I don't want to be so nervous to speak Yeah on my wedding day. I was already so nervous about everything else that that just felt like an extra weight But yeah, I'm like, okay, we're this is like my words here are so weighted. Yeah For sickness and in health for richer for poor for good days and in bad all the list And just thinking about that. I feel like you guys have such good wisdom and how to speak into Girls that are engaged or single or desire to be married or maybe even are young married But things that they can do in this season of preparation to prepare for their marriage because on that day We make really serious bows. Yeah, that don't just mean that day. Yeah, I'll rest of your life totally And so how do what what like what advice do you give to girls that are going through this season? Oh, man, I mean, I feel like my first year. I mean transparent. It was hard. Yeah, we had a hard first hour Yeah, yeah, first three. Wow that feels yep same. I feel like it was I was gonna say first year, but if you're gonna out yourself all out my safe They've told me before he's like hey everything's free game. Oh see And then it's like are you gonna make me sound like I have like mean? I'm like You're my favorite person. No, yeah, but I feel like we had a rough couple of years and I'll say most of it was my fault Like I'll say because I don't know how to live With a boy Well, I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl like you're you're yucky Like you don't need me and I will say like I'll put the blame on me, but like honestly I feel like my biggest piece of advice actually came from Bennett when we were fresh married because like he would say Almost like it could be dumb things and I would get so offended and I would like feel it so deeply And I think that's just because I was young and I also feel like when you're young your emotions kind of run you Versus you running your emotions and I was like he just said he's at Caitlin Being offended is a choice And I was like no, it's not and then the more I thought about I'm like oh gosh That is a choice like being offended in your marriage like if they say things because people are like Because we're sticking in like for the long haul like we're together, you know And like there is no divorce is not an option for us. And so it's like we're gonna say things We're gonna be dumb and we're just humans. This is all our first time and so I think it's important To like give a lot of grace and a lot of forgiveness first And then you could even have the discussion about it because again like you there is so much weight to those words And to those vows that I think it's just so important that when something crazy does happen to just Give give them the benefit of the doubt, you know and forgive right away And then you can have the conversation about it and you know You you know that you love them. You know that you're not leaving each other right and So I don't know that's just kind of like that was like my biggest yeah take away from Our first year or three of marriage was like no being offended as a choice We need to lead with forgiveness, you know Yeah, leading with forgiveness is really good I think that is especially when you're with someone all the time Yeah, and you're learning how to communicate you're learning how to especially when you're with someone So talk for a long period of time you're like okay, our humor totally had as one joke had as one - Yeah, yeah, and Ben and I only dated for six months before getting married, you know? So we had a lot of growing, yeah, we had a lot of growing and we had a lot, I mean, I was 20 when we got married. So like so young, and I feel like, again, like we grew up with each other and there's a lot of growing that happens. In the nine years that we've been together and like, I don't know, I just feel like we're so committed to each other because we've just learned how each other communicates and to just lead with that. - Lead with, I know you probably didn't mean that. - Yeah, we probably didn't actually, there was no malicious intent here because we know we love each other and, you know, for sure. - The little fights are I think are probably the most common. - Oh totally. - And those are the ones where it's just like, you've got to just let things roll for your back. - Yeah. - Brush that right off your shoulder. - You would obviously say if it was rude, be like, hey, that's rude, but then move on. - Yeah. - It has to be like, okay, I don't like that. - I don't like that. - Yeah, it's like what I do. - Call it out and move on. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't like that, please stop. - Yeah, I don't like that, please stop. - I don't like that. - Oh, that's fine. - Yeah, that's fine. - I've seen you say that. - Yeah. - Yeah, that was it, nice. - That was it, right? - You're like, oh, sorry, yeah. - You said, hey, you take their sorry and you move on. - Yeah, yeah. - You trust it, yeah. - Or there was one time, I literally said about it. I said, I need to check my tone there. - Yes. - Didn't mean it that harsh. - I need to check my own tone and I'll call myself out because Ben is the most even kill person, I know. - Wow, he's laid back. - He's so chill. So I could say just about anything and he'd be like, all right, like that's fine. And I'm like, I need to check my tone there. I'm sorry, I didn't actually mean it in that way, like I need to check myself, but. - That's good. - Really good advice. - Yeah, I feel like mine is kind of similar. I think that it's so good in those first few years when you're engaged or whatever. Just to keep them mindset that we're on the same team. Like they are your teammate and they are for you, like you guys have the same goal because I think it's really easy to think they're your enemy, like your husband can be your enemy. And it's just not true, you know? But that was like a huge shift for me that David's on my team. Like he is for me, we want the same things, like we want to be resolved, we don't want to hurt each other, you know. - Same common goal. - Yeah, yeah. And so I think that thinking that, like anytime we would get into like a big argument even small ones, I'd be like, no, we are on the same team. Like I remember saying that to myself, we are on the same team. - Yeah. And sometimes I had to say it through clinched teeth. - Yeah, like you're on the same team, but I think it helped me to just forgive and be like, okay, you, how I took that was probably not what you meant, you know, like you didn't mean to hurt me or offend me or whatever it is. I think that that also helps to keep the peace too because I think sometimes you get an argument or a fight or whatever, and you just maybe can't resolve it all right there. And that's okay, but you have got to be able to have peace in the meantime because our first couple years of marriage, we had someone tell us one time, hey, when you and Dave fight or when you all are mad at each other, like you take the whole room down. And that was really hard to hear because you know, we were like, gosh, we do, like we just suck the air out of there because we could not have peace in between. And so sometimes, especially like with kids, just with life, like you maybe get an argument and someone's got to go to work or someone's got to go like do something and you've got to be able to be kind in the meantime until you're able to come back and be like, hey, this hurt my feelings, hey, I'm sorry, you know, whatever it is. I just think you got to be able to have peace in the meantime because you just can't, sometimes you can't just give a whole day to resolving, you know, it's just not realistic, especially with kids. Yeah, just with responsibilities, you know, that's really good. You can't be fredding over your argument at work. Totally. You have to go to work and show up and be good. Yeah. I remember, when we lived in Kansas City, we were in a small group and I remember this girl and her husband were talking about, well, she was talking to us about how he had to call her out on her tone. He was like, hey, that was, that was not Christ. Like at all, how he spoke to me, I really didn't like how you said that. And I remember she was sharing that to me and I was like, wow, that's like, that was a very bold thing for him to say to her. And that to me, when I heard that, I was like, I need to be careful about my tone because it really is everything like I'm going to live with Caleb every single day. Yeah. And does he want to live with someone that's peaceable or someone that is just nasty and gets irritated and talks to him for a temperate and of course, now I don't want him to live with me. I don't want to live with someone like that. Yeah. Well, you'd want to be able to tell him to exactly speaking that way. And so we talked about that and Caleb and I now have like a very transparent candor about that. Like if I start talking with the tone, he'll be like, hey, I don't, I don't really like the way that you're speaking. And same for him. I'm like, hey, you're being quiet. You're shut down. Whatever it is. And so they're out and that and it's like demanding respect and tone is good. And I think that sets you up for just healthy communication. Sure. Well, I think it sets you up to feel safe. Yeah, it does. Like to feel safe. Like, you know that that's not going to cause a huge blowout fight for you to be like, hey, I don't really like how like I'm being talked to right now. Yes. You know, because it's like, it's coming from place of like, I want resolution. Right. I want there to, I want everything to be peace and like to be okay, but like we've got to reign it in, you know, we got to reign it in exactly. I think that's a lot that was like a learned thing that I really had to put in a practice and try because growing up, I think I thought winning an argument was getting louder. Yeah. Yeah. The louder I get, the more I'm winning and kills, that's just not, yeah, that's really it either. And that's not being a team. Yeah. Now one against another. Yeah. Yeah. So we want to be a team. We have to learn how to talk peaceably. And like, let things roll for back. So I think those are both really good tips. Yeah. Yeah. I think you should have a roommate pretty much the entire time that you're single. It's a good idea. I mean, yeah, not, this isn't like a blanket statement. I think there are a lot of time for it's great, but I, you're going to live, once you're married, you're living with someone else your life, yeah. And so learning how to live with other people, get along with other people that you're not vowed to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's really good practice and learning how to resolve conflict amongst roommates and friends will be really good practice for your marriage. I don't think even just like to be in your home, you know, there's a little more pressure when it's like you've got roommates. Yeah. When you're by yourself. It's like whatever. Yeah. I was living, yeah. Basically alone with my parents. Yeah. And I feel like if I would have like how to roommate, like coming from a different, like someone coming from a different family where they have different things. Yeah. Because like even living with my siblings, I'm like, no, like we're all kind of the same. But like living with someone that came from a different family, I think that would have helped me. Yeah. Yeah. To be like, oh, like, yeah, I'm just going to let some things brush off my shoulder. Yeah. Ain't no thing, you know. Yeah. That's good, Abby. Yeah. What else do you guys got? I said for my like single advice, you know, get a mentor, some type of mentor, I think that's so big when you're single because I think it's so good to have someone to run things by that's not your best bud, you know, that's going to like tell you probably what you're already thinking, you know, or just someone that's already lived it. Like, I think sometimes I remember thinking this a little bit, whenever I was single, that I could like someone married or, you know, had kids or something, they just couldn't relate to me or understand me. It's just not true. Yeah. You know, it's just not true. And so I'm like, don't isolate from your married friends, but yeah, get a mentor that you can like run money stuff by, like figure out money and you need a mentor to probably do that. You know, it's like to ask advice about do you think I should date this person? Like, where do you think I should go to meet people, you know, just all kinds of things? I just think I've found that so valuable for my own life to just have a mentor and especially my single years to just, yeah, I have someone there as a sounding board for you, you know, because you just need it. Yeah, you do. You really need it. You're just learning so much and figuring things out and you just need someone that's been there and experienced it and can just speak into, hey, that's kind of stupid. Yeah. You know, one of the wild thought processes. That was a little crazy. Oh, crazy. Or like, you shouldn't try this, you know, like, you just need someone, yeah, I think it's a little. Yeah, that's done it. That has, you know, a bigger picture, a little more tenured in life. Yeah. I think that's so wise. Is this like single and you're like looking to get married? Is that like the type of advice you don't want? Like, I mean, I always thought, like, for me, when I was single, I wanted to live the way that I wanted my spouse to be living, like, yeah, I wanted to be doing x, y and z, like getting these things, like, I was doing these things, like, following these guidelines. I wanted my future spouse to also do those things because then I knew that, like, we could be at a similar caliber together, like, and those habits would, like, continue forward, you know, that was just kind of, like, my thought is I'm like, if I'm looking to get married to this amazing guy, I have to be an amazing girl too, like, you know what I mean? So, like, I have to be someone that, like, I would want to, you know, someone that I would want to marry, like, so that was just kind of, like, my thought when I was single is, no, I want to be the type of person that I would want to get married to, you know, like, and I feel like, I feel like I did it, except for we're opposites, like, we're, we're opposite, but we're like, yeah. Yeah, and it works so great in that, but, like, I think about, like, our core values and, like, our common goals, like, are very much the same, and, like, we were talking before we came here, and it's funny, like, you know, how everyone says, like, after you have kids, it's, like, you have to date each other, and then it's like, oh, yeah. I can't wait for that. I can't wait just to date the crap out of you then. You know, and I'm like, I'm so excited for that. And so it's just like being that person and looking forward to those types of things, I feel like is just fun. And you know, you have to think about those types of things in your single and looking to get married, you know? - Yeah, for sure. I think I've heard that in a sermon one time, it says, "Be who you're looking for. "Be who what you're looking for is looking for." - Yeah, it's like hard to know. - I know, it's hard to know it. - I'm hoping you guys get a keen look. - I'm not interested in someone that's not a queen. - Yeah, yeah, you want to be the caliber of the person that you're looking for. - Yes, yeah. And that's like, that would be like my biggest advice. Like raise the bar, you know. - Yeah, totally. - That's good. - That's really good. - I think both of those are great. I think a lot about how I feel the culture today is very, it could just be a little fleeting with the feelings. And I was thinking about your mentor advice. And when you invite people in, outside, I feel like you have to give that person the, "Hey, I want you to speak into this. "I want you to be candid." And I'm going to listen. - Yes. - You have to give them that authority to speak into your life in that way. - Very clearly. But I just think, especially in this day and age, we're very tempted to just kind of flow with our feelings. And, but I really like him. He's so cute. He doesn't think he's really nice to me and all this stuff. - He's got chemistry. - Yeah, like we're vibe and all this stuff. You need to have that person and it's like, "Hey, he is a serial cheater." - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like, you can't like a black, like a bright and pretty face girl. - You have to have someone to call out what your feelings are going to blind. - Totally. - Have someone lift those rose colored glasses totally, the rose colored glasses and I like that too. Like you do have to, if you're expecting a type of person date, you have to be that person. - Yeah. - Because you can't have these expectations and then not live up to the bar. - My next one is, I want you to, you should go spend your money. Like, you shouldn't go into debt and you shouldn't be crazy. - When you're single? - Yes, go buy the cute clothes. - Ah. - Because once you get buried, it's very respectful and good. And exactly what you need to do is that you need to be on a budget and like, one with your finances with your spouse. But when you're single, ladies, go have fun. - Don't go crazy. - Don't go for it. - Don't go crazy. Like, okay, this is the caveat too. - I was a danger when I was single. (laughing) - I was not making a dollar dollar bill. - You have to have a budget. You have to not be in debt. And you have to set yourself up. Well, financially, that's gonna bless your marriage. That is like the number one thing you have to get it together because that was the thing that I actually regret was that I wasn't more disciplined in my singleness and then when I got to marriage, that was really hard. - Yeah, totally. - Because I was like, "Kill it, you're so mean." Now get anxious about like our budget meetings when they were not, he was not intense at all. - Sure. - But it just felt, - You should have never done that before. - You should have never done that before, yeah. - Yeah, I was so new. And so that was something that was a learning curve for us in the first, well, how many years have you been here? - All of the years. - Still learning. - Still learning. - Still learning. - I'm really glad, Killb was diligent in that because then we hit years where we had no money and that muscle was exercise and you just never know what's gonna come. And so it's really good in your singleness to prepare for marriage by getting really good at managing your finances, saving money, setting it aside. But at the same time, ladies, go buy, go buy, go buy, go buy, go buy, go buy, go buy, go buy, go buy, go, go get that. Go get that cute outfit. You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. - Just don't go crazy. - I will say Dave tells guys that he like, you know, spend time with that or single, he's like, hey, look at how she spends her money. - Yeah, it's a tell. - He tells them to look at that. And I always am like, oh my gosh, yeah. - You know, or Dave knows a girl that has paid off a lot of debt or something like that. - And he's like, hey, you should date her. - Yeah. - You should date her. Like, hey, that's great that she did that. - You know? - So it is something. - He like puts a lot of emphasis on it. And I never thought about that until after I was married and heard a guy talk about it. - I feel like that's such a boy thing to think about. - Yeah, yeah. - You know, like we're, I feel like when we're dating, we're like, hey, how would they be as a dad? Like how would they be as this? Like I saw this TikTok the other day where it's like someone has to be the bread loser of the family. Someone's gotta be a breadwinner. You know, and I was like, gosh dang it, I'm the loser. (laughing) - But I feel like men always think about the breadwinner. - That's the breadwinner. - Yeah. - I'm learning how to make bread. Does that mean anything? - I don't think, yeah, you're the best. - I can get one of my breadwinner. - But yeah, I was just like, I feel like that's such a good boy thing to think about. Like, okay, like what are her spending habits? Because that will probably like potentially be on you, my guy. - Yeah, yeah. - Like make sure that you can handle that. - Yeah, totally. - Even how they, if you confront them or ask them about it, are they defensive about it? - Yeah. - In your mindset. - Yeah, because, I mean, that's one of the biggest reasons for divorces. - Oh, it's my nature. - I know, I know. - And so yeah, I think it's the same advice for girls. If that guy is careless and loose, and reckless, and gambling and all that, he's going crazy. - But if he's got that, they're money, you're own. (laughing) - Wow. - Maybe you're right. - I don't think you're saying that. - I'm just kidding. (laughing) - My dad did tell me to either marry for high or money. - You picked high. - I picked high. (laughing) Dang it. Just kidding. - Happily married. - Happily married, truly. - Happily married love that guy. - High or money is such a funny criteria. - No, he literally said he, my dad's literally kidding. He's the goofiest guy on the planet, but it's just so funny. Like, Tim, be like, "Kate, Caitlin, you either have to marry for high or money." Like, because like, I'm sure, and he's like someone over six, too, at least. I'm like, okay. - He's very tall. - Yeah, he's super tall. - He nailed it. - He nailed it. (laughing) - I love that, that's great. That's fine. Did you guys have any other pieces of advice? - Yeah, I had one more I said to find things you like to do together. - Mm-hmm. - And I say that one because, you know, it's just not always so feasible to go in a date every week. - No, it's not. - You know, financially, it's not doable. Sometimes you've got a brand new baby. Sometimes you live somewhere where no one can watch your kids where you like. And I just really remember feeling a lot of pressure. Like, gotta go on a date. - Someone every week. - Everyone puts so much emphasis on that. - Yeah. - Like, date each other. - Date each other. - I know, I know. And you know, I remember feeling like, we didn't have kids until we'd been married for a little while. And I just remember being like, I don't feel like I need to go on a date every week. Like, yeah. - I'm with you all the time. - Yeah, and we chat. Like, I just didn't feel like I needed that. And so sometimes I think it just put pressure on Dave to like, think of something to do or think of somewhere to go. And, you know, I wasn't like yearning for that time. And so, but then we've had seasons where it was like, you know, I didn't want that, but maybe finances didn't line up or whatever it is. But I think as finding something to do together, like Dave will come to burn. And that just feels like a date. - I was love watching you guys at burn. - I mean, he's so competitive, but like. - He's so competitive. - But it is really cute to watch. - Counts me and him at the same time. - Yeah, I don't know. - How many reps did you get? - And, yeah. But he always, it feels like a date to us, you know? And so, there's kids aren't there. And it's something that you both like to hear. And it's like, we drive there and we'll chat. And we have these three questions. We always ask each other, it's like, how are you doing physically, emotionally, or spiritually? And then, can we do anything for each other? Like, so is there something I can do for you this week? And so it feels like if we can kind of knock those out and do something together, it feels like really cup filling for me. And yeah, I wish we would've started that way earlier than trying to like always prioritize a dinner date or whatever it is instead of, yeah, just finding things we like to do together. 'Cause it made a big difference for us. - For sure. - So something, whatever it is, like, maybe it's playing a game or, you know, maybe it's going for a walk or-- - Oh, we love it. - That's been advice. It's like just going on walks and like, chatting. I feel like one of my big, like, pieces of advice. I, like, too, that I'm like, we need to live by, is have a lot of pillow talk. - Yeah, totally. - Where you're just chatting with each other and, you know, it's just you two, like, have pillow talk and, like, have so much gratitude for each other. I feel like whenever Bennett and I are like, going through a struggle season, I'm like, okay, let's talk about three things that we're really grateful for, like, within each other. And, like, Bennett and I talk about how gratitude is like the highest frequency. Like, it will make you feel better. And so, when we're really struggling or low, let's talk about, like, what we're grateful for and talk about gratitude, because then, like, our energy gets higher and, like, it starts shifting and we're just a more positive space, you know, but I love the idea, like, do something together. It does not have to be anything crazy. We were just talking about doing a date night of getting, like, a coloring sheet and new markers. And him and I watching a movie and, like, coloring. I'm, like, that would just chat, chat, chat. He's like, we can order some crumble. I'm, like, that's pricey. Let's pop some, let's, let's pop some popcorn. Like, you know, we can just wiggle popcorn. Like, you know, it's just that, totally, yeah. We looked into it, we're like, we're doing that this weekend. That sounds amazing. Like, let's get another little coloring sheet, 'cause we always have some for Benny, but, like, get one that covers our table and let's just go to town, and call him with some new markers. Like, you know, we are such girl parents. (laughing) I'm like, oh, well. But, you know, it's a really fun idea. I'm like, all the crowns in my house are broken into little times. But, that's why we get so new markers. We get, that was part of the thing. But, it's just so cute. But, like, little, little dumb things like that, like, that date will cost maybe $10, and, but I'm like, I love it. That, I'm like, that sounds actually so nice. Especially in your season of, like, little kids. I'm like, you're just tired sometimes. Oh, yeah. Like, sometimes you're like, I just want to be home. Well, whenever we do go on dates, we try to go at, like, four o'clock, so we're getting home right after a bedtime. Yeah. Like, for the kids, totally. And then it's like, Okay guys. and then I'm like, oh, now we just get it. Come home to like, you know, clean house, kids in bed, and I still get to get in bed by nine black. - Like yes. - Yeah. - It's hard to have. - Go on your dates at four o'clock. - You know, go at four o'clock, you dilly-dally for a little bit, dinner at five. Yeehaw. - Yeah. - It's great time. - I love it. - The old people special, and then-- - No, it's literally, it's me and Bennett, plus geezers. - I love it. - I love it. - Like, out on our, at Chili's. - We already know that I met Chili's with Bennett, and that's pretty fine. - So, I was, Caitlin just had a birthday at Chili's. - Love Chili's. - I know. - You were like, you knew the song, you're like, heavy heavy heavy heavy. - You know what I'm doing now. - Chili's number one fan. - She's been here for a while. - I want to get that shirt that says, "I feel God in the Chili's tonight." - Oh my God. - I want to get that for him from the office, yeah. - I was like, I want to get him that. That's like, put on my list. I feel like I need to go up to an employee and be like, can I buy your shirt off your back? - He is a big factor. - Yeah, he knows who he is there. - They genuinely do. - It's a mutual. - I haven't been to Chili since they discontinued their unlimited soup and salad. I went in with Caleb, I sat down and I said, I'm going to do the unlimited soup, and he said, we took the off the menu. I said, get up, Caleb, we're leaving. - Yeah, you're literally like, this is-- - You're like, I'm not even gonna look at this menu. - It's unlimited for $12 for unlimited soup and salad. It's $12, you're like, okay, what? - I'm gonna have to go for a long time. What's the three? - Triple Dipper. - Yeah, the triple Dipper? - Triple Dipper. - Triple Dipper. - I will say Abby and I got that in the, well, I guess Abby got it at the airport in Dallas when we were flying home from Florida. And she was like, this was a mistake for like airplane food. I'm like, yeah, that was a little crazy girl. - That was a little crazy. - And you get the Nashville hot mozzarella steak right before you board a plane. - That kind of sounds like-- - Yeah, I don't know about all that, Abby. - Twice, I've done it. Well, I always get something with Teriyaki. And Teriyaki, like I said, like the airplane, it's the perfect time to get that. And I always, it's bad. - Yeah. - Yeah, really the bubble got, dang it. - Yeah, which you can't, you know? Yeah, I mean, it's a hard time to have it there. - And you're there. - Well, you know me, I know me. - There's no way to go. You're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha - I don't know how to do it. - You always gotta have some gas likes and thumbs on you at all times. - That's, maybe a little modium, I don't know, but you're so prepared for everything. - I think there's going to be some good, tough love things to hear, so if you want to hear that conversation, we're going to move out with our Patreon, we have our Book Club over there, we do our recipes from Always Hungry, we have a whole chat there, what else do you have on Patreon linking? - Oh, we have extended segments every episode that you get full access to. - And lots of other fun things, so check out our Patreon. - Thank you to Quince for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - Yeah, I'm going to Italy, and most of my outfits will probably be from Quince. - It feels Italian. - So Italian, I just want to live in my non-polyester clothing from Quince. - I do feel very feminine and adult when I wear my Quince pieces, and that's because Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and washable silk. - The designs are timeless, thoughtfully crafted, and made to be worn again and again. - Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. - They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middle man, so you're paying for quality, but not brand markup. - Quince brings that same approach to everything they make from hotel quality bedding and bath to kitchen essentials and thoughtfully designed furniture. - They make well-designed pieces for everyday living. - They have a lamp. - Find the fall pieces you'll reach for most at Quince, download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com/abbey. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. That's q-u-i-n-c-e.com/abbey. - Ask, ask, ask, ask, abbey! - Okay, this one you guys were actually talking about before we even started, so. - Oh, great, I'm scared. - Hi, Abbey and Abbey. I just want to say I love you guys so much. It's so reliable and so funny. My question was, how do you know when to buy a treat and how would you buy a treat, especially a boy? Because I know you guys all have boys, and I am like done with my friend 21 months old, so early, but I just wanted to know what you guys did and what worked. Thank you. - Ooh, it's pretty tricky. - Party chains the worst. - You know, I did myself a disservice because when I was nine months pregnant, CJ kept telling me, I want to go on the party, I want to go on the party, and I was like, "Hey, buddy, you got a diaper on." - I could just at least add that. - Really? He was like wanting to go, and I was like, "I'm not there." - Ready, yeah. - So I feel like it has been maybe just a little bit more of a drawn-out process now, because he has been bigger opinions, you know. Something that has helped us a lot is that I asked him to pick out a fun kid's party on Amazon that he got really excited about. It's a clownfish. - It's really cute. - It is cute. - It's really cute. - It's super low on the ground. - I'm like, that's basically, yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't make sense, but he has a lot of fun, and he gets excited to go on his clownfish. So that was really helpful to help connect the dots and making it more exciting, because when we just had him on the big party, it wasn't exciting. He got it. It was felt more like a chore. So just thinking of different ways that you can make it fun, but I don't know. We're still on the process. - Well, you know what I'm on the other side. - You've done it twice. - Yeah. - You've done it once. - I've done it once. - With the girl who's 10 ladies. - I think you just be patient. You know, we do the method of like, you just, they run around with nothing on for a weekend. - Yeah. - And then, after that, we'll go out with a pull-up, but anytime we're home, we still are wearing nothing. - Yeah. - And yeah, it just takes time. - It just takes a lot of time. - I think that's like the biggest thing. - Lots of patience. - So much patience. - Just knowing it's gonna end. - Yeah. - They will go. - Yeah. - The party at one point, and gosh, if it's kindergarten, that's fine by me. - Yeah. - Like, you know, there will come a time. - Yeah. - You just have to keep that in your site. - I'd give a chocolate chip if they would go in the potty on their own. And then, after we've moved from that, if they didn't go at all in their underwear, they got a chocolate chip. - Oh, I should start doing that. - Yeah. - But if they go a little bit in their underwear, they don't get anything. - Yeah. - Like, it can't be even a little bit. - Yeah. - You gotta get all the way to the potty. - Like a tiny bit of an accident. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's interesting, and I've never thought about cheerising the non-accidents. - Yeah. - Okay. - Okay. - I'm gonna start doing that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But it just takes time. - Mm-hmm. - Lots of asking. - I remember with my first, it was like, every, at the top of every hour, we just went to the bathroom. - Yeah. - And I didn't do that with my second. - And you probably have more accidents, 'cause it just was, you know, I wasn't thinking about it as much. - Sure. - But the first one, it's like, all you're thinking about. - Yeah. - But just be ready to clean up stuff. - Mm-hmm. - Totally. - And yeah, they'll figure it out. - Get the hapocorus. (laughing) - Get that hapocorus as a gosh. - Mm-hmm. - Did you do the watch with Benny? - I did the watch with her, but. - I remember he was a little. - Oh! - But the watch, here's the thing about my child. - She is very spunky, very dramatic, very, like, her thing's a certain way. And so, to me, it was like, she had to basically be in charge of her, like, a potty training herself. - Yeah. - Because if I had any part of it, then no. But, like, for her, like, it's so funny, 'cause it was opposite for her to go on the big potty. Like, she's like, "No, I'm grown." - Yeah. - She's like, "I'm a big kid, so now I'm gonna go on the big potty." - Yeah. - Like, putting on a little potty, she's like, "That's almost a second one." - She was like, "No, big potty, or I'm not doing it." - Yeah. - No, exactly. So, it's different for every kid. And so, I just think, like, you have to get a read on that. And try different things and see what's sticking. Like, for her, we tried to do the "No Pants" method. And, Ben, it was like, "This is crazy." (laughing) - He's like, "This is normal." - That made me different for boys. - Yeah, I think it was terrible for C. David. - I could see it being different for me. - Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I think you just gotta try different methods. And if one method doesn't work, like, don't compare. - Yeah, I know that. - I just don't get mad out of me here. - 'Cause they're figuring it out. It's hard and hard to learn. - Yeah, it's really easy to want to get mad. - Oh, you're like, "Just go on the buddy." - Yeah. - I've talked about this, like, 10 times. (laughing) - Perfect, okay. This next one, the girls have answered. But, I don't know if you guys have any different answers. - Hi, Abbey. I was just wondering what your baby essentials are before you give birth. I'm just trying to prioritize my registry list. And I'm wondering what are some baby essentials that you need to have before a baby is born. And what could be kind of left behind? - Thanks. - Bye. - That was a wife's baby. (laughing) - That was a wife's. - That was a wife's. - I mean, I feel like I choose to breastfeed. And, like, for me, like, those essentials are kind of stuff for me. Like, it's the silverettes. - Yeah. - Those are really helpful for me. - Those are so helpful for me. Like, non-negotiable. Gotta have larynx. - Got to have larynx. - Yeah, if you can't afford them, literally. - I know, yeah. - You don't have to get, yeah. But, you can, there's other ones that are a little bit cheaper. And, like, I've bought those. And, they were just fine. But, like, put those, I would put that on your registry. Like, 100% if you're choosing. - I would buy those if I don't buy them. - Yeah, if I don't get them on my registry, then, yeah, I'm buying them. - Or borrow them. - Yeah, that's a non-negotiable for me. So, like, that's, like, my baby essential, even though it's not for the baby. I'm like, no, because I'm feeding the baby. Like, I gotta be comfortable. I gotta make sure that, like, I'm right. You know, that's a good one. I forgot about those silverettes, man. They're everything to me. You're saved my life. - Yeah, you're like, take them, I want them back. - I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. - I want these back, seriously. That's probably my biggest things, this little bit. - I feel like pajamas, I mean, I just, I'm one of those people that like my kids only wear pajamas for like the first two or three months. So, and you just need a lot of them, yeah. Especially like the more kids I've had, I feel like the more the longer I've extended that out. - Oh yeah, just so much easier. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So, I think lots of pajamas, and then, yeah, diapers, wipes. - And I think somewhere you can set your baby down. - Yeah, so like a bouncer or like one of those pillow things that people say don't use, but we all use it anyway. - Yeah, we all use it anyway, we all use it. - But something where you can set your baby down, I think is so big. - We need places to put that baby. - Or like, I know that, I think you said this, but like a wrap, so like a wrap of sorts. Like, I have a fabric one for when they're really little, and then a little bit more structured one for when they get a little bit older. 'Cause I think the structured ones, they have to be 12 or 15 pounds. I can't remember, like a little bit bigger, but like right out that get go, that baby will be wrapped to me. Like, and that's like my skin to skin. I'll just be wearing a nursing bra. Have them wrapped to me, and then I can, you know, move, move about. - I don't know, at home, I was never a baby we're at home. - I was in the baby wearing out and about, but at home, I'm like, baby in the bathroom. - I'd rather have, I'd rather put them somewhere. - Yeah, I always just had them, well, yeah, Benny wouldn't be put down. - Yeah, I mean, it depends on their pants. - Yeah, 'cause he was way easier. I could put her anywhere, and she'd be chipper. - Yeah, but like, Benny, I had to wear, and like, a bum smack always, you know. - You know, another like small thing that I wish I would've had at the beginning, but I just got it with Jack, was like a touch light, like not a hat or anything. The little egg, the little egg. 'Cause you can just like, throw it in your bed, and it just kind of rolls around, and you just get it whenever you need it. You can squeeze it, or they have ones you can just tap. - Yeah, I have the tapping one. - It's amazing. And then you can travel with it. So like, I take it with us now, whenever we go anywhere, and I use it, like if I ever have to get up in the middle of that kid. - Oh, interesting. - Yeah, especially when you're doing a bum chain. - Yeah, that means you're flashing on your phone. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, it's so bright, and it's like harsh light, you know. Like the phone light is so harsh, but I feel like the egg, like if you just tap it, it's like a warm, like it still kind of feels cozy, and you can see if you have to like, you know, change a bum. - And the hatch always got kind of confusing, 'cause you gotta hit it and just are at spot. But this, I really love it. It's like 20 bucks. - Yeah, it was smart. - I took it to the hospital when I came. - Same. - I had a baby too. - Yeah, I'd have to take it. - I love that. - Take it last one. - Hey girl, you ignore the TV show that's on from a little one in the background. My question for marriage is how do you feel with, or do you deal with comparison of marriages or like looking at other marriages and thinking, I wish we were in that place. I wish we were at that standard. 'Cause do you deal with that? If you do deal with that, how do you deal with that? And how do you still focus on the positive? And yeah, love you guys. - I mean, we've said it. - Good question. - Like comparison is the thief of joy, and you never know what's going on behind closed doors. - You know. - So I think you just can't. Like I know that's like such a, that's like such a crappy answer, but like you do not actually know what's going on behind their marriage, you know? - Yeah. I don't even, I don't wanna say this to get your answer 'cause I agree with you. - Yeah. - I think I also don't think all comparison is bad. - Yeah. - Sometimes I think if there is a person, you're like, oh man, I really admire that in their marriage. And I wanna be like that, or I wanna have that quality in our marriage. I sometimes I'll just voice that to kill, but I'm like, okay, I saw that. I really like that. How do we implement that? Or how do we get there? - Yeah. - And that's healthy. - Yeah. - That's a healthy. - That's a healthy. So I think there's a level of healthiness, but if it's yeah, like envy, jealousy, or making you feel bitter, then you just have to remember like, hey, you can't compare. - Yeah. - Because you just need to be gracious, and we're not gracious. Grateful for what you do have, and I think gratitude in my head will be the antidote to that. - Yeah. - Yeah, I feel like anything about money, like that's never good. You know, if you're like, they have more money than that. You know, it's like, well, that's just not your life. - Well, yeah, and I think just be happy for a little bit. - But like, I feel like I've thought that about you before like, you know, Abby is so good at this. Like, I want to be more like that as a wife, you know? And so I think that's good. - You know, like seeing things. I feel like even how I've asked you if things for you're like, well, I need a check with code. I'm always like, I should. Me too. - I need a check date. - Yeah. - I feel like that's like my first answer to everything is, I gotta check with Ben. - Yeah. - We're talking about that. - Let me check on that one. - But yeah, so I think I agree with you. I think it's okay. Maybe I'm like some character things, but probably not like your husband, someone else's husband. - Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. - Yeah, it's like you. - I think it's more of like, how can we better ourselves? Like, I like what you said. Like, I like this quality that I feel like they have. How can we, how can we implement that? You know, I think that's good. And like, you want to keep growing and moving, you know, in your marriage. - Yeah. - And I think like when it comes to like, if you are feeling tempted to like compare husband to husband, I think you just make your husband your standard. Like, there is not even anyone else that is my standard. It's just, this is my standard. - That's me. - You know, and so then I feel like you're not as tempted to be like, well, so and so does this for his wife, or so and so does this. You're just like, no, this is my standard. Like what my husband does. - Totally. - I think that can kind of help alleviate that a little bit. For sure. - Also, like you pick them. - Yeah. - You know, like you picked them, so like, you know, love that. - Yeah. Maybe he doesn't do this, but what does he do really well? - Sure. - And totally, yeah. I think contentment is so important in marriage. And I think if you're looking, sometimes marriage marriage is like, wow, that is so much money. Are they so much this? Are they going so many cool trips? And I want to do that. All this and that. It could be easy to compare, maybe feel jealous, but contentment is going to be your best friend, totally. Praying for contentment, actively fighting for contentment in your life will be, it will just greatly benefit you in every area. - Yeah. - Like, it'll just be a piece that comes within you. - Yeah. - Yeah, you won't feel like you're lacking even if you have a smaller house. 'Cause you're like, I'm just so grateful for my house. I don't really have here, if it's our needs, whatever. And if you can find those things in each, you know, within your marriage, it'll be good. - Okay, ready for some recipes? - Recipes. - Ladies, what are we cooking? 'Cause you and both are very good cooks. - Oh, that's nice. - And if you don't share one recipe, I'm gonna make you also share a second one. And same for you. - Oh my god. - You have one too. - I know what mine is, and I'm gonna share. - I know what yours is, too. I mean, I have one that I give to almost everyone postpartum, it's a rigatoni dish. I gave it to you when you're postpartum. - Is that what you were talking about? - Yeah. - I don't, I've never had this before. - I know, 'cause for you, I asked. I was like, do you want like this? Or do you want something meatier? And you were like, no, we want something hardy. (laughing) - Me, I had strong opinions. - Well, yes, and no, I'm just saying because Dave, I was like, I know it's like hot, it's like soup, and you're like, no, I'd rather bend it grill. And I'm like, that's great. - He is so good at grill. - He is so good at the grill. - And your head is grill, so good. - Wow. - It's so good. - Chicken thighs too, which I can buy. - Chicken thighs are easy to grill. - I mean, that's what he's doing in my baby. Woo, come on over. - Come on baby. - But yeah, come on over. But yeah, for me, it's rigatoni, and I bring it to postpartum because it's actually dairy free, and a lot of people when they're nursing like babies, these are sensitive to dairy. And also, there's no like leafy green. It's just zucchini, and tomatoes, which I know the tomato can kind of, can sometimes have like a problem with breastfeeding. But like. - Who cares? - Yeah, maybe a little bit acidic. - No, I'm not sure. - But you know, only the pasta. - Yeah, so but that's just my thing is, it's just like rigatoni, and like grape tomatoes, and you just let them boil and simmer in chicken stock, and zucchini, and it's so good with like Italian sausage. And I feel like, I've had so many people text me after I brought it to them, and they're like, my milk increased. So I'm like, you're a girl, like to me, that's like, I feel like that's one of my favorite things is I love helping people in like their breastfeeding journey 'cause it's so hard. - Yeah. - So have some support in that. - I love that. - That's such a good dish. - I know, I need it. - I'll make a baby about it one day. Mine's my cookies. I make a chocolate chip cookie, so good. - Yeah, it's very um. - I feel really passionate that everyone should have one baked good, that they like just kind of have mastered. - I'm trying to find that still. - And that you always just have on hand. - Yes. - But yeah, these cookies, top notch. It's not my recipe, I found it. The key is you have to freeze your dough. - Really? - I never freeze my dough. - Yeah, you have to freeze the dough. - Do you bake it frozen? - No. - Do you want to flour in your cookies? - 16 ounces? - I don't know what you're saying. - Oh my gosh, we're not that ounces. - I gotta get my foot's going for this. - Yeah, use a foot's skill. - Oh my gosh. - I'm like, there's a good, the amount of flour. - I am dying. - I get her bad, you didn't say they were good. I was like, these are good. - I did, don't you dare tell me it's good. - Yeah, yeah, dark brown sugar and you have to freeze it. - Yeah, you're incredible. - Dark brown sugar is really, it's got that extra molasses in it, so good. - The second one I want you to link are your baked tacos. - Oh yeah. - Half baked harvest. - Okay, 'cause you've made them twice. Now I'm like, I love them. - I felt bad the last time I made them for you 'cause he says, is there another pan? And I was like, nope, nope. There is not. - And it wasn't because you were sour. - If you could show a lot of them tacos. - There were a lot, there were, it was three couples and you like, you want us to run out. And I was, I was like, - I just had that happen at the birthday party and I was having, I was like scared. - No, I was scared. - Perfect, that's so weird. - I was like, no, no, you are my bestie. - You can say that, but I should have another bit. - No, it was good, I was full, we were all satisfied. - Everyone was happy, but I think I walked in, I was like, I think my eyes got bigger than my stomach. - Yeah, but when they're feeling eatin', 'cause they couldn't eat dairy. - Yeah, so yeah, it was just, it was for less people, but I was like, ah, she, do you have another pan of those? - Crap. - Sorry, that's so funny. - I love that you asked that, that just makes my whole life. - I had to say these that come my mouth, and then people tell me later, I'm like, that was so rude. - I didn't think it was rude at all. - I just was like, yeah, she's right, I should have made more. (laughs) - That's a bold thing. - See, I had the one that's walkin', it was four pans, and then I had two pans walkin' home, and I'm like, I did, I, we were done again. - We had some people over for dinner and I didn't have enough, and I was so embarrassed, so I was like, I'm so sorry. - For worse feeling. - Well, I just keep gotta think about our kids, that's my problem. - All of our kids ate way more than I expected, and I was like, I'm really sorry. - I hope you got some cereal or something. - Cereal home, run by the Taco Bell on your way home. - Yeah, they're good, the big tacos, so they're good. - They're really good. - Also, your ice-creams, but treats are great. - I, yeah, they're great. - I prefer farer, yeah, they are really good. - I am making those tonight, so you have to make it perfect. - That's a whole meal. That's like, let's see. - Oh, my 40 pebble ones, wow. - Yeah, they're good. - Those were really good. - Those ones are bomb, I'm bringing them for Benny's birthday at preschool time. - Yeah, I went, those are so good. - My recipe is a Southwest corn chowder. - It's a soup, I haven't made it in a long time, but it's really good. It's from my vicious kitchen. I love her recipes. - Yeah, there you go. - I have a way to link this one over again. I don't think I have, but it's potato-y. It's kind of hardy, but I feel like we're kind of moving into football season, so bring it on. - Yeah, it's soup time. - Get out of that. - I know, we do. - I'm like, let's go football then, too. - You're like, are the soup queen. - You are the soup queen. - You got my kill. Can I please make soup? Do you realize I just spent 12 hours and 115 degrees? - Yes. - And I'm like, listen, I get it. - I know. - Listen, I get it, but gosh, I am the one taking it. (laughing) - Okay, well, I think that's all we got for today. You guys, thank you for coming on. - Thank you for coming on. - This is so fun. - I hope, I mean, I know this will be a blessing if you guys have such good wisdom and advice, and you've such good friends. And I'm super blessed by being in your lives, and I learned so much from you, so just thank you. - We love you guys. - We love you. - Love you, too, Abby. - And, and Abby. - And Abby. - If you guys want to leave a voicemail, thank you guys so much for calling in, and leaving questions, it's so fun. You guys can leave a question at the number 602-456-9690. And while you guys are at it, if you want to leave us a review, it's all right, look at how those lip, those dry lines of my, you know, the white ring. (laughing) I gotta dry my mouth. If you guys want to leave us a review and rate the show wherever you listen to your podcast, Spotify, YouTube, Apple, all the places. We would love that. Mama, Epting, left us a five-star review. She said, "Love, love, love." I look forward to listening every Friday. I have an 18-month-old boy and another boy on the way. So exhaustion runs rampant in my life. These girls are breath-to-fresh air with their honesty and humor, and I so appreciate that they love their husband. - Oh, sweet. - So that's sweet. - I truly love that both, the hope and the harder shared, even if I don't actually know you, you are my buds. - That is awesome. - Oh, that's amazing. - That's amazing. - That's amazing. - I'm so proud of you. - That's amazing. I'm on the wall over there. - That's a good idea. - You should start doing that. - That's cool. - It's a wall decorator. - Some wall decor. - Thank you guys for reviewing and leaving us. And remember, we're always here. (upbeat music)