Bachelorette Fails, Wedding Night Confessions & Marriage Advice That Works w/ Val & Kaytlyn

This episode is brought to you by chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about chat GPT work? It's the new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix house at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house. We have two special guests today. The famous Val. Yeah. And our other girl, Caitlin. You taught me how to mop my floors. Mopping the floor. You know, soap. Who would have thought? This girl said bride fell off the boat and we didn't know for a few minutes. A few minutes is an eternity in the water. If you want to have a really big and expensive bachelorette party, you should be paying for majority of it. 100% agree. My mom tried to show me her lingerie the day before I got married. I said, Kim, I beg of you. And I'm like, I'm ready. My mom goes, do we need to talk about anything? You're like, I got it. I was like, you should have done that 14 years ago. Well, thank you guys for being here and filling in on maternity leave. Well, thanks for having us. Yeah. Extending that thing out as long as we can. Yeah. We've been talking about this for a long time and like, what are we going to talk about Val and Caitlin? And like, when are we going to have them on the show? So I feel like we have a really fun, when you guys are prepping for the episode today, we feel like, oh yeah, this was good. Or what is this? I mean, are you excited about the topics today? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's going to be fun. I feel like we always have like fun combos. So I'm like, let's just record it. Why don't we? I've always got something to say about, oh, about anything and everything. And I'm like, wow, we get to have like uninterrupted conversation now. Like that's really spiffy. Well, perfect. Well here, we are here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor. And that's typically how we start our podcast off. Did you guys, do a hope and heart? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I can start since I'm not going to throw you guys in the hot seat. Tell me everything that's hard in your life at the moment. So this might be a little TMI, but I did start my, I'm on my period ladies. Your body's working. I know. Super healthy. So that's hopeful. My heart is I'm still using this flex disc thing. Okay. People chime in the comments because this thing is messy and that's been hard. Like my floors are dirty, you know? So, and it's just always a mess. Like I'm out in public, we're at church and I'm like, yeah, Abby's like talking to me through the stalls. I got blood on my hands. No, literally. I'm like, what are you supposed to do? How do people do this? And my other heart is I'm pretty sure I'm going to be, when does this episode come out? Three weeks. Okay. Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on my period when we're in Italy. Perpetual. Oh, dang it. Perpetually on your period. Just forever. I know, which for the obvious is very annoying, but then also for the fact that I'm, if I just could be really messy on my trip. Oh, that's, you know, just switch to tear bonds for the trip. I think, yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm like, I would just do it. I know, but honestly, the tear bonds hurt. Yeah. After not using them for so long, I used them last month when I went home. Is this TMI? No. Okay. This is a girl's podcast. This is for the girls. Girls need to know. This is how we're kicking it off. Whenever you were telling me about all this, I was like, I had no idea. Yeah. So we need to know. Thank you. That's encouragement. That's good. There you go. There you go. Yeah. I feel like when I went back, I used tampons when I went home because I got really frustrated with the mess of the desk and it hurt after a couple of days. After two days, it felt really, really, yeah, sensitive. So I don't want to go back to that. A lot of people have done talking about period underwear. Have you seen ads for that? Yeah. I don't understand how that works. Just free bleed that right into that, right into them panties. It's like a pad that just smells all day. No, I do feel like it would stink. Yes. Yeah. And I feel like it's really limits what you can wear. Yeah. Like you can't wear that kind of underwear with everything. Nope. Yeah. That's yeah. No workout clothes for you. No, I know. I have none advice. I am a tampon girly through and through. I have none advice for that. Dang it. A lot of people message me saying that they love the period underwear and I've been getting served a lot of ads. I'm very tempted to get them, but it just, maybe I need to talk to her about it more and get more of the logistics because you're like, does it smell? Yeah. Do we wear more perfume? That day? Well, cause even when you wear a pad all day, I'm like, it gets, it gets you. Yeah. Well, that's half the reason that postpartum like has that special smell where you're like, I'm just, I'm an onion farmer. Literally. And this isn't right. I've never been able to put that smell to something. It's literally an onion farmer. Like you're just milky and bloody and it's like that smell. And you're like, it's just, I'm an onion farmer. It's just, you smell stale and sour. It's yeah. Yeah. Like, like is that what happened? Yeah. It's dried blood. So yeah, that's kind of been, I've just been navigating that this week, which isn't bad, but yeah, it's been on my mind constantly. I'm like, am I leaking? Am I? Yeah. How are my pants? I'm wearing Brown. I think we just bring back that. Can you check me? Remember that? Can you check me? Yeah. Have you seen that trend where it's like the girls ask the guys, they quiz them on girl things. And that's one of them. What does that mean? What does, can you check me mean? Can you check me? Yeah. We're all like 13 starting our period. Oh, can you check me? It's almost like, Hey, I'm just letting you guys know I'm on my period. Can you please check me? So comical. I'm so mature. I'm so mature. Yeah. So those are my hopes and my hearts. Well, I don't really give a solid hope, but there it is. There it is. Hope we will one day figure it out. It's honestly not been the greatest week. I'm like this Wednesday. Yeah. So we're getting through it. There's so many things that I'm like, I don't want to share that. I don't want to share that. Yes. Next week. That's good. Next week. Don't be a hope for sure. I pulled the trip. The trip could be a hope. Yeah. I'm going to go shopping this weekend. I'm excited for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yes. My hope Dave and I celebrated nine years, our nine year anniversary. Oh, sweet. What'd you guys do? Not a thing. I love that. That is nine years. I'll tell you what we've, we've been saying the last three years, we're like 10 years. That's when we're going to like do it. Yeah. So, I mean, we like said some nice things to each other. That's good. Love that. Love that. We said 10 years, we're going to go big. I think you should. That's kind of where we're at too. Like we're at nine years too. And I'm like, Hey, 10 years, let's go. Let's do something cool. I don't know what, but cool. So I want a piece of jewelry on 10 years. Like, yeah. So I'm like, so start saving up those pennies. Save up those pennies. He asked me last night, he goes, if you could have had a snapshot into our life nine years ago, do you think you would have believed it? And I was like, I don't even think I could have like comprehended it. You know what I mean? Like when you're married, you've got kids, you're like just your young self. Like you can't even really imagine it. Totally. Well, I feel like it's even hard now to be like, I am older than 23. Like that's one of those things where I'm like, I'm, I'm a teen mom. I'm walking around target. I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl. I have literally said that to my children before. It's like, I'm just a girl. This is my first time too. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just a girl. But here we are. Amazing. I love that. My heart guys, I gave myself gym flu. You ever heard of that? No, I've been complaining to you for weeks. Yeah. But then yesterday I'm outside with Abby after burn and I'm like, I don't feel very good. Oh no. We were looking at each other because we kind of talked about hanging out. I couldn't look Abby in the eye because I was like, I am going to throw up or pass out one of them too. Yeah. We were both struggling. Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to hang out. I'm sorry. Yesterday was brutal for sure. I had to go home and take some ibuprofen and lay down and it never got better. Like I went to bed at like seven 30. I was like, I'm achy and my stomach hurts and I think something's wrong. Like I'm going to go to bed. And then yeah, Dave's like, I think you have the gym flu. It's like a thing. I've never heard of this. I just looked it up. It says temporarily flu-like symptoms such as nausea, chills, body aches, and fatigue that happened after intense exercise. Wow. It comes from overtraining, pushing your body past its current recovery limit. I know. Dehydration, low blood sugar, and muscle inflammation. All those things are mean right now. Yeah. Five months. Well, what you were saying that you had to need, like chat said you had to have like 2,600 calories. Yeah. And then you had to eat more. Yeah. I asked Chai GBT last week, like, hey, give me, give me, give me, like how many calories should I be eating? And give me some ideas of like a day of eating. And they were like 26 to 2,800 calories. And I was like, that's a lot. I'm eating at a constant state at that point of food. And I'm certainly not consuming that much food. And so I was like, well, I'm starving myself. I know. Well, this is like the hardest time too, of like breastfeeding is like, you know, like they're getting hungrier. You're right before they're starting solid. So they're hungry and it's still all you. you gotta up that well in five months i'm like i think i feel fine but then i go work out i'm like i don't feel fine yes that's how i felt um yeah i totally felt that way and then i literally once i stopped nursing a year it was like life had been just breathed into me and i was like i'm fit but i feel like you came back i struggled really bad at four to five months postpartum yeah i feel like there's a hormone shift there that i really felt and i got frustrated at the gym because i'm like i feel like i should be feeling stronger i feel like i should be doing like i've been coming you know yeah you feel like there should be a shift but you're just still so fresh yeah but five months doesn't feel fresh but like your body is when you think about it like the grand scheme of things like you look at your baby and you're like but he's not fresh anymore right like he feels like not a newborn anymore but yeah you're just starting over from scratch yeah it's just hard yeah well and i also think like you have to remember like five months we think of it as like a long time but like if we were talking about pregnancy like five months into pregnancy you have a long you're only halfway so you know what i mean like you got to give yourself grace in that because it really isn't that long because you think six weeks right after birth there's nothing there and then you're basically just like running yourself into the ground yeah trying to feed the baby and take care of the other kids and like you're on the back burner still and i like i agree i think there's a total hormone shift at like five months because that's always when i go downhill yeah like and this is my worst one i've never felt like that the other ones but this one i'm like noticing it really i was going to ask because val just had her third her third baby yeah um cute jackie do you feel like your expectations postpartum after the third were different or bad like do you feel like you thought oh i got this and then yeah i felt that with the second i'm like will i do it again with the third probably yeah no yeah realistic expectations for myself i totally was like no i'm good like i know what to do and i know what to expect and i feel like as far as like management wise of like okay i've got three kids like that's easy i feel like i've got that i like figured that's come really easy but yeah the like fit my physical part of it has been a lot harder yeah and it's not sleep or anything like that it's just like i feel like my body should be able to do the things it could even during pregnancy and i'm like no i'm not quite there yet you know so it just feels like it's taking a little bit longer yeah and it's like i haven't really lost weight this time like i did with the other ones so it's just everything's a little slower and so i'm like maybe that's age and it's just yeah third third third time so i think my expectations were off a little bit there will come a time i always i literally just a year postpartum is like i give myself a full year and then after that i can you know but i'm so glad that like i can be hot feel hot if i could if i could pick though like i would much rather have the wrong expectations of like me physically than the wrong expectations of like what my family like looks like you know because i feel like that's just so hard like that was really hard with one to two but i so i'd rather have it this way because it feels more like okay i can like do xyz yeah to help it i cannot work out as much or eat more or whatever but the other one it's like can someone come help me and live at my house and literally me yeah you know like all of us so mom never leave yeah yeah i mean tears anytime my mom would leave with my second so see i feel like i all i mean i don't know cozy was so cozy was caitlin's like i always disagree about this well no i don't disagree because i could understand that but i really just had to get with it within two weeks yeah like after two weeks of having cozy i mean we were at the farm five days feeding the animals i was at girls night and i'm like who's holding my baby because i just was like i'm certainly exiting the house so i don't lose it but i i don't know i just within two weeks i had to get with it and so i just was like we're just gonna try to get back to our normal and get out of the house by 10 a.m which is like a feat but i mean i don't know i had to for my eldest yeah because that was yeah she was really shut but yeah so i think it i mean i'm not expecting the third to go the same any like i'm not expecting that to be walking the park like at all but you just know you can do it totally and i'm like you're i always i'm like you have to get uncomfy to stretch like you have to get in that uncomfy and just go with it and i would just find the humor and everything like remember how cozy would literally have a blowout literally every day every single day and it was like all right we're packing for at least two blowouts while we're out and you know what ain't no time well i'll wrap that up encourage you in that val thanks you've you've done an amazing job you look amazing you've done you know that you were struggling with those thoughts or anything i just feel like you carry yourself so um gracefully sweet thank you yeah i agree except for yesterday when i was just in the fetal crack it up we were like not we talked about hanging out and it was like i said i see you want to hang and we didn't i wasn't looking you in the eyes then you go maybe we could push it to next week i was like that's perfect we could push it i said i really don't hang out right now i need to lay down i need to lay down that's so real i love it that is so real let me hear your hope in your heart i feel like my hope this week is just like we've been having like a lot of family time and i have just been loving that like i feel like after we started preschool i'm like let's just let's do fun things as a family just be together like all the time so we've been doing a lot of family time and it's been it's been super fun and then my heart is that my oldest is not feeling great yeah so we had a couple yeah we had a couple days of lots of laundry so so i'm just like and i feel like being sick i'm always like don't give it to the other one and so yeah it's just what does she have what is it i don't know yeah it's something yeah it's been so weird and like yesterday no symptoms yeah nothing and then this morning symptoms and i'm like sister what does she have a rash yet well no she had a rash for what it was literally like two months ago i noticed it and i was you know texting it to our close personal friend and i'm like do i need to take her in like what's going on and i sent him pictures and now there's like it's hypo pigmentation like they're white dots and he's i know and i said do i need to be concerned about that and he's like no it's just what happens like yeah they'll go away over time so i'm like okay but yeah the rash a little rash going around um yeah having sick kids is so hard it's the worst you got in the car today after seeing you and he was like mommy i don't feel good like benny oh i said i think you're fine buddy yeah yeah you're you're but you're fine no he's totally fine and that's i even have to do that with benny because i'm like what are you watching yeah like i remember it's like we would be watching check in i'm like well it's like we'd be watching up and it's like you know when he's walking the house he's like my elbow hurts well which elbow my knee hurts that's very much my child i love that so i'm like i've seen that one totally he hasn't gosh so she's a so i have to be like but he was so sweet helping me buckle cozy into the car and he's like can i can i be a big helper i'm like yeah or like when he came to you and was just like wanting me to love on him for a minute i was like oh yeah that was sad yeah i was like that was great he did and i was a little shook that he did but i was like i'm so grateful like thanks for coming to me buddy that was so precious it's always an honor when another kid chooses you you're like yes you're like i am a safe mother theresa yes they love me they love me they love me they love me they love me thank you to instant hydration for sponsoring this portion of today's episode i'm not even kidding you guys about to go make myself one don't dump that hydration in there they are so good i'm obsessed with the flavor like i literally just crave it you have i love the strawberry lemon me too and you guys it doesn't even taste like an artificial strawberry flavor no it tastes like real strawberries and real lemon it's the perfect amount of sweet and it's the perfect amount of salty instant hydration is the perfect amount of hydration that my body needs living an active lifestyle instant hydration is a premium electrolyte drink mix designed to support hydration energy recovery focus and overall performance without sugar or unnecessary additives one of the biggest differences with instant hydration is that they use authentic french gray sea salt imported literally from france it's naturally harvested and rich and naturally occurring trace minerals they're known for their refreshing flavors not overly salty smooth taste and just making it an easy daily habit for a better way to stay hydrated go to instant hydration.com slash always here and use our promo code always here for over 40 off your first subscription order it's instant hydration's best offer available that's instant hydration.com slash always here promo code always here okay let's talk i don't we probably should introduce a little bit more how we all became friends because maybe some context would be helpful yeah they're like who are these people why are they on the podcast yeah just more than like they're our friends but wow we became friends we would be both moved here at the same time yeah we just here after each other and we had a mutual friend yeah or like a mutual mentor friend yes and they kind of put us together and we just hit it off yeah we did we were both pregnant and we were you were farther along than me but yeah we just hit it off our husbands hit it off and then that's how i met abby it's because we were in like a group like a mom's group together yeah and so it was at my house everyone came she was there and our kids were the same age so we were like let's all do stuff together yeah do you know something that's kind of funny about that this is This just goes from my personality type. This might be bad. i think someone texted maybe it was you and you're like does anybody want to go to the park just like on a wing yeah and i was like do people just go to the park on a wing like i was like so and then abby responded yeah i'd love to and i was like oh my gosh people say yes i need to start saying yes to things and i was like this is a good example of putting yourself out there and asking people to join along and then that's how you become friends it's just like putting yourself out there and saying yes to things because in my head i was like i'm immediately no but i don't know why i think i just did it i'm just comfortable in my house well and i remember i remember that because dave was out of town for work and so i was by myself and i was like i've gotta gotta get out do something you know i've got these two little kids and so i think it was a saturday which is like risky business with moms parks are busy and it's like no yeah everyone's with their family but yeah and i we became friends yeah that and then just that was years ago though yeah that set a good tone i feel like for our friend group of just being like let's just set play dates and throw it out there who wants to come and just come if you can type vibe and then i came to burn with you like two years ago yeah and then i feel like that's just yeah caitlyn's burned out you were at augie's gender reveal and i didn't know you no not gen no it wasn't his gender real it was i was at griffin's second birthday yeah we were just talking about that the other day yeah it was griffin we were both there but we didn't know each other yeah we didn't know each other and i was like fresh friends with abby i feel like fresh friends but i was like i want to make friends and i had reached out to her a couple times because like you know griffin and benny would like play a lot together like at the gym and i was like hey i do something fun after the gym every single day if you ever want to tag along like you know we're going here tomorrow like if you want to come and then she started like moving things around to like go to these things like our funtivity yeah is was that and so i just that's kind of then she just invited me to griffin's and then i'll invite her to benny's birthday party because it was just like a month later and i feel like just from there it's you know taken off like our friendship has just kind of taken off and i feel like you i talked to a little bit at griffin's party yeah but like you had just started burn i think yeah at that time yeah fresh so i was like oh great like i'll be seeing you around like you know just cute things but then i just feel like we all mesh so well and we all have like i don't know like it's motherhood so much more fun together and i think we've all realized that and so it's like okay like yeah like let's get together let's make that effort yeah to do a funtivity or whatever you know caitlin for context and if you're this friend or if you're like the person who's a good planner and you're like a glue of a friend group this is such a good idea that caitlin did she created a shared note and she plans weekly funtivity so it'll be monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday and some days there aren't things but you'll look up the free activities going on in the area the cheap the taller times you've done all the research yeah and you'll look up the free activities going on in the area the cheap the taller times you've done just put it on there and if there's anyone who's new we'll just add them to that shared note totally there's like never an open invite and they're out and about so it's not like someone's house where you know you're maybe feel capped at people or don't over invite it's just an out of the house activity with the kids every day and anyone could come so yeah yeah because even our friends with no kids sometimes go oh totally like lauren she comes like and i love when she comes oh my gosh i'm like wow i get to eat yeah another set of hits a good idea it's so fun and i i mean the reason i started doing that is because bennett was working from home and i was like oh my gosh i'm like oh my gosh all of a sudden and couldn't be there no and our house at the time was like he didn't have an office or like a room he was just in the dining room working so i'm like we gotta get out yeah like she is bothering him like yeah to no end so i'm like we have got to get out and so and that's how i like i met ashley is i was like hey you're new here like to arizona and i was like i do something fun every single day yeah so if you want to do that i feel like it's easier to parent toddlers outside of the house sure and inside yeah at least for me so i don't know and i just feel like it worked and it's a great idea it was yeah and i'm like i i feel so grateful for it yeah what we got is sacred it's like so special so that's good thank you guys for sharing your hope and your heart yeah today we're talking about a couple different things we're going to talk about marriage and all but we're going to start it off and talk about bachelorette parties because we got this question a while ago i don't remember what the exact question was but maybe just our thoughts on bachelorette parties how we did our bachelorette parties and how we did our bachelorette parties and how we did our bachelorette parties and i this is a girl's episode so let's talk about bachelorette parties and then we'll talk about marriage too at the end because you guys have happy successful thriving love and marriages you both value mentor a lot of young girls in marriage caitlin you do too in your church and with your nieces and stuff so oh yeah just talking about it you guys have a lot of wisdom to share and the area of getting ready for marriage and preparedness mostly kind of how we focus this um you guys actually sent in some of your horror stories i feel like that's mostly what we hear online and i never skip a bachelorette horror story video so we're gonna react these i don't know what these are so we'll all react together the videos my friends took of me dancing drunk in my apartment haunt me yeah that'll haunt me yeah that'd be haunting don't want that out there happy haunting she says i am haunted bride kissed another man ended up divorced then married the bachelorette affair oh that's crazy wild god so it was more than just a bachelorette affair it was more than just a bachelorette affair it was more than just a bachelorette affair it was more than just a bachelorette affair it was more than just a bachelorette affair it was more than just a kiss yeah yeah certainly some things that was a kiss it was a kiss it was a kiss to you if you're on the bachelorette party and your friends about to get married are you just like what are we doing here oh what are we doing here yeah i feel like it's your job to be like stop it yes stop it well it's your job to be like pull yourself together sister this is not cute what's going on yeah i feel yeah head in a mode like like pull yourself what is happening here i just watched that that's good oh my gosh okay amanda crew said i was so sick the whole time turns out i was pregnant oh man that's a shock at your bachelorette party that'd be hilarious left my nursing baby for the night dot dot dot drenched someone's air mattress i borrowed with my mother-in-law oh yeah i've been to lots of bachelorette parties where there is so much breast milk in the fridge oh man yes you're like can you go to lunch i can't i can't gotta actually need a pump i'll be late clara said on the way up north to my bachelorette the car slid off the road because of all the snow and ice that's sad that's so sad what a terrible start i used to pray all the time i don't know if you guys like lord please don't take me until after i'm married please don't take me until and then it's like not until after i have kids and i'm like please not talk to my children not until i see them grow up you know like seriously he's getting moved but that would be one where i'm like please not don't move my bachelorette party please don't take me until after i'm married if you're gonna take me just not right now please don't take me there i know gosh darn i just don't think he cares about that my bridesmaid tried to bring her mom and sister without asking me it's a little weird i'm like yeah that's a little wild i mean why can't have fun with me you gotta bring in familial support well okay okay i feel like like your mom has come to things before yes and it's great yes like love ruth yeah yeah so i'm like there you need there's it depends on the mom yeah yeah well also i don't know i feel like a trip feels closed a trip yeah trip is closed yeah yeah yeah unless unless she asks and you're like bring her along yeah it's like are they like long time yeah i mean last i hung out with ruth i think we got donuts so i'm feeling great about that we can come on any trip i have as long as bosa is involved bridesmaid made a sexual joke about my husband in front of my mother-in-law dot dot dot we're no longer friends yeah that's our sexy joke about my husband in front of my mother-in-law i want to know what the joke is sometimes i'm like yeah what was the degree of the joke yeah like how like how crazy are we talking like yeah was it like yeah that's a little what do you mean by a compliment well yeah it's like you've been there this is cute or something i mean maybe a little yucky yeah i don't know yeah that's like i'd have to know the caliber of joke here yes you know but in front of a mother-in-law that's yeah gosh why is she there actually is my question so why are these bachelor party family affairs yeah yeah they shouldn't be my mother-in-law is a bachelor party family affairs my mom did come to my bachelor party but i didn't feel weird like because we did lingerie and stuff yeah oh my mom tried to show me her lingerie the day before i got married i said kim i beg of you i remember like two weeks before my wedding my mom goes do we need to talk about anything you're like i got it excuse me before you're ready uh shut your mouth shut your mouth i do but not with you not with you i will be calling other reinforcements you should have done that 14 years ago my thing is i'm like i'll just go ahead and talk to whitney about it like my older sister i'd be like i don't want to talk to you about it i'll talk to whitney about it thank you the next one says accidentally threw my id in the trash while trying to go through security at the airport because then you think about like their honeymoon too like how do you travel for that after yeah driving just driving yeah breaking the law right away that would be really stressful um this gal said ordered a stripper and he tried to rob us oh yeah gosh where'd you find this guy where'd you find this river he shows up in a cop uniform too like double whammy oh my god he throws one at you he robbed you shoe this girl said maid of honor had his tipper for driving to the beach in our split cost she was one of three drivers so she requested more money yeah she said my tip for driving not just gas money but just like i would like a tip oh that's like you know like those videos where it's like you'll feed your baby and then you like hold up like the tip thing and then you're like oh my god i'm gonna - Yeah. - To your baby. It's like, "All right, and for the service today?" like you do the dishes and you hold it up to your husband you're like 10 20 15 how much you're gonna tip me for that like that's a little wild you know here's your bottle tip tip can i get a tip please thought we were going to a dance club in miami but it turned out to be a strip club oh yeah i mean miami come on i feel like that's a mistake you make one time you're like well then you just turn around you're like all right time to go we misunderstood the description of this place didn't quite didn't quite read the yelp reviews on that one yeah you're like wait a minute this is not what we meant to do my sister-in-law accidentally texting me the bride in quotes this is torture i'm going back to the hotel uh yikes oh yeah oh that many girls together yeah this girl said who knew that penis confetti would stain onto your skin if it gets wet imagine church the next day gosh terrible you're like it's not what it seems this girl said bride fell off the boat and we didn't know for a few minutes whoa okay a few minutes that's too many minutes where's she going minutes is an eternity in the water like what was she wearing was she like in a swimsuit or is she like wearing an ensemble like a lab jacket hopefully gosh oh my gosh that's funny thank you shopify for sponsoring this portion of today's episode i recently launched my first e-commerce business vizwell beauty and whole endeavor was powered by shopify it was so intimidating trying to get this thing off the ground and there's so many tasks you need to do and i didn't even know what they were and i was like i need a platform that supports me every step of the way very user friendly and basically just makes it very streamlined shopify's templates and ai tools get you a stunning site setup running fast no coding needed they literally have your menu on the left side of the screen and you're going through the menus shopify checkout means more customers actually buy and returning ones can do it in a single click the and the best part is that all of shopify's tools are conveniently located in one easy to use platform just sign in and start managing all aspects of your business right away if you're ready to hear the of your first sale today head over to shopify.com abby to start your free trial today that's shopify.com there are a lot of good ones on here i feel like bachelor parties are always they can go one of two ways yeah they can go really wrong where you're like this was a this was this shouldn't have happened yeah that we need to talk about this actually we should find clear communication or they can be really really amazing and fun i've actually really been lucky i haven't gone on any bad bachelorette parties and my bachelorette party was awesome so you love that where'd you go what did you we actually did i went to the lake of the ozarks in missouri yeah and it was really fun because it was driving distance so everyone could kind of go we went we did a long weekend actually we did labor day weekend oh yeah this is actually crazy this just flashed back we almost sunk our boat almost sunk oh my gosh no because it's such a busy lake and yeah there were so many boats out there we were on a pontoon and the waves were really high it was very choppy water and they kept crashing over the boat and you probably had a lot of people in the boat a lot of people on the boat the boat the whole front end of the boat went under and the propeller came out and we all had to dive to the back of the boat to try to weigh it down that's so scary that's actually terrifying it was really scary it was a little i haven't yeah i didn't go on a boat for a little while after that yeah yeah it was really scary but we were all fine and it worked out my cousin was driving and he was very like glad you had someone there yeah it was like not you no you do not have a boat definitely not but it was really fun it was just like really chill girls weekend yeah it was cute that is fun that was cute did you guys do one i had one yeah yeah mom was kind of the same what was that we went to one of my friends or my maid of honor i had a maid of honor and a matron of honor my maid of honor had a family lake house in dallas or like outside of dallas and we went there um and yeah they had a pool we went on the lake ate like good food so same thing like chill nothing crazy it was fun just a lot of good quality yeah i remember we played games which is like fun and really you know it's like everyone's goofy i felt like mine was half and half like i mean it wasn't even a weekend we were literally at my house but the first half we went to a pool dancing class that's fun i'm not surprised it was fun like and it was all just girls and i only had like three bridesmaids i think but i invited more people more people just like anyone that i was like i just sent a mass invite and was like whoever wants to come like come you know and so we did we went pole dancing just all of us girls we like hired out a class a little private room yeah we hired out a class and you know learned a little routine it was something i was back that was back when i really was feeling myself but um back when i was really something but um yeah you're still something baby you are you better believe it just getting better with age but um yeah and so then we just went back to my parents house which is where i was living and we watched bridesmaids and ate pizza class like it was and we just chatted and hung out and so it was like we had fun and then we just went back and had pizza yeah and watched a funny movie and to me i'm like that's perfect yeah like i don't need anything crazy you know i've gone oh sorry i just say i feel like these days bachelor parties would be a little crazy oh so crazy so crazy which i mean i'm i'm kind of past that oh yeah but i'm too old for that yeah do you mean crazy party wise or crazy expensive expensive yeah i would think honestly both yeah yeah i just feel like the girls i know now that are going on bachelorette trips i'm like are you okay i'm like are you in debt yeah how are you financially handling this it seems crazy these days here here are my thoughts on bachelor price i can give you my do and my don't if you want to have a really big and expensive batch about party um you should be paying for majority of it one hundred percent of you if you want to go somewhere big people can pay for their flights but they probably shouldn't be paying for their flights and their stay and their food and the gifts and all the things yeah you should be covering majority of the cost yeah i agree i agree with that and i've been i've been on some really nice batch of parties where i was like oh my gosh i don't know and then they've really been generously yeah paid for it which is super super kind yeah but if i think if you're expecting something big and you want to do that that's fine but you should you've got to cover it you should cover the call oh i think i agree because i feel like a lot of times now like the reason that they're wanting to do that is like for the gram yeah you know exactly and i'm like no if if that's your end goal like you should comp that yeah you know yeah i feel like whenever i was doing the wedding like i was in a lot of weddings in my 20s and so i went to a lot of bachelorette parties and if it was that way then a lot of them were like driving distance or yeah like where we lived or something like that yeah same uh like i couldn't have done it no i couldn't like i just i i think i was in 15 weddings in my 20s that's insane and so i just i there's no way i could have ever done right you know like a flight here a flight there like i just i never could have you know i mean that on top of buying a 200 dress and shoes yeah you think about a lot of people are in their young 20s there's no way we could have afforded any of that no yeah well i got married like i was in college yeah i wasn't working full-time yeah like you know what i mean i'm like i couldn't have afforded no any of that you know so if it wasn't i'm i'm out like i'm so sorry you know the last bachelorette party i went to it was after i had kids and i was like i'm gonna go to a bachelorette party and i was like i'm gonna go to a bachelorette party and i was like i'm gonna go to a bachelorette party and i was like i'm gonna go to a bachelorette party candle making class and all these different things but she made them optional that's and so it was like if someone couldn't afford to do those things they didn't have to it wasn't like weird you know because there was lots of options yeah there were options and it's like she just i think just saying like hey if you can't do this that's okay yeah no pressure yeah no pressure and i just was like that is great because they're i mean a lot of people did one thing or you know like both of them are just nothing you know but they were just there yeah to spend time together and so i loved that yeah i thought that was a great idea make things optional just seemed like it could meet everybody a little bit more yeah then paying thirteen hundred dollars totally i know or yeah maybe it's just like okay if they're paying for a flight you put you have to cover the living or whatever i think it's i'm okay paying sharing some of the costs totally if you're gonna travel far and do a big thing you want to be this whole show yeah you can't expect people to pay for that yeah no i don't even think that's considerate no or like kind because you don't know everyone's situation and like i get it like it's your big day and you know hopefully you only get married one time and all those things but like i think it's important to still be like considerate of your friends and what they're going through and what's going on in their lives too or else it's just like are you are you wanting them there because you love them and they're your friends or are you just wanting them there again like for the aesthetic of it or you know for the pictures totally i mean unless you know all your friends in the tax bracket that they're in which i know some people like that i'm like that's true that's true i know some people like that i'm like they have all very wealthy friends and they all do very wealthy things and then i'm also like but then at that point are they also not because they're also wealthy that you could just pay for it for everyone i don't know yeah yeah yeah that's true probably a mix i don't know well and i think what you're saying too like i some of the best advice i got before i got married was hey don't make your whole wedding season all about you because it kind of already just is yeah and so don't do that to your friends basically and i thought it was such good advice because it feels really counter-cultural but it was like okay i want my friends to walk away being like that was great yeah i had a great time and totally cared for and because i'm like Like, people saying yes to being your bridesmaid, like, it's because they love you and they want to do things for you. You know, it's a big service, I feel like. So, yeah, I just remember getting that advice and being like, okay, I want to, like, think about that. And I think that it applies with this, too. Oh, I totally agree. Like, hey, just think about other people. You know, don't get mad if maybe they can't come or something like that. Like, I knew this girl recently, she was telling me, like, yeah, I'm in this wedding and I can't go to the bachelorette party. She's already flying there for the wedding, but she can't go to the bachelorette party. And the girl was mad at her. Really? And I was like, I'm so sorry. You know, that kind of sucks. Yeah, that is really. And I think it was, like, shocking a little bit. Like, oh, I didn't expect her to. Yeah. But I was like, yeah, hey, it's okay. Well, especially something that, like, they can't help. Yeah, she couldn't because of work. And it was like, you know, that's. You can't help it. What am I? How? Could I have made that, like, better? You know, and for someone to get mad over that, you're just like, I feel like that almost shows just kind of true colors. Yeah. But I think you just want to, like, love your friends. Totally. Regardless. It doesn't matter. Yeah. For sure. I agree. I agree. Yeah, you can be disappointed that your friend's not going. Totally. But to be mad feels a little wild. It's super weird. Yeah. It feels a little wild. Offer to pay for. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm like, even, like, work, it's like, she can't, you know. Yeah, it's true. She's already flying for your wedding and stuff like that. It's like. Yeah. It can just be tough. Big ass. Yeah, that is a lot. That's a lot. I think that's just, in general, a lie within the wedding industry. And I think coming out of the wedding season and marriage, I'm like, dang, it is about you. Yeah. And it is your big day. But I think that's a lie that we're sold in marketing that, like, as a bride, it's all about you. It's only about you. It's your special day. The bride gets what she wants. It's this and that. But it's like, it actually, it's us. Yeah. We're joining families together. It's not just about me. It's not just what marriage is. Exactly. It's not just about me looking beautiful. Totally. We're having this, like, extremely special day, which it is. But that's not the big point. Yeah. And when you look back at your wedding, you're going to think about the moments with your husband. Totally. With your families. With your friends. Not just how, you know, when you're thinking about yourself constantly, there's nothing that, at least for me, nothing that makes me more anxious than when I'm so self-obsessed. Oh, 100%. And I, like, I agree wholeheartedly where you're just like, I don't really want it to be 100% about me. And the moments that maybe are, like, I think about, like, my bridal photos, like, where we did the first look and stuff like that. I'm like, no, that can be about me and Bennett. Like, that's about us. And then I really think, like, my biggest memories are our groom's dinner that we did, where it was, like, our two families came together and, like, gave Bennett and I advice. And I'm like, that to me, like, was so special and sweet. And I'm like, my bachelorette was, like, kind of a back burner. Like, I'm, you know, like, that's not, I don't think about, like, oh, man, that was, like, so, so special. And so I feel like. Like, I don't know. That's just kind of, like, what I think about it is I'm like, I don't think that should be, like, the pinnacle of your marriage season, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I think it can be super fun. Oh, totally. Something fun to look forward to. But, yeah, you don't want to ruin any relationships over it. Totally. Not worth it. You don't want your maid of honor or your bridesmaids to walk away being like, glad that's over. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that would be so sad. Like, gosh, I don't know. I just think everyone needs to be happy and love each other. Golly. If you think of a bachelorette, it's just, like, an ultra. It's just a girls' trip. Yeah. And you can have that in your house. Yeah. Oh, totally. So I feel like if you're maybe in this situation where you're in this season and you want to do something, just don't feel, like, the pressure because we all had super low-key bachelorette parties. So low-key. I had the best time with my girlfriends. It was so fun. And, yeah, there's just no pressure. If you want to do something big, that's fine. But, you know, there's costs that come with it. Totally. Oh, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Some of my favorite bachelorette parties that I had with friends, it was, like, we had their shower in the day that morning. So it was, like, you know, moms came. Like, all these other people came. And then at night, we did the bachelorette part. So it was, like, fun dinner, bachelorette shower, like, stuff like that. And I've always really liked that. That's a fun. Yeah. That's a fun day. Because it feels like it kills two birds with one stone, you know? It's like, okay, we did the shower and that. It's just one weekend. It feels like you don't, I don't know. It feels almost like less commitment instead of, like, oh, another weekend or another this. It's like you, I just felt excited. I was like, this is so-and-so's weekend, you know? It's fun. Yeah. And it was, yeah, it felt. It felt, like, doable. And those are always my favorite ones that I've done. That's such a fun. I love the stretch, that schedule. Like, okay, you go to the house. You get your Airbnb or wherever. You have a great dinner. Yeah. Whether it's in or out. Then you go. We went to a karaoke bar one time. That was so fun. Oh, that's so fun. We're dancing, singing. We've gone to a club. Like, you know, it's been fun. I mean, we're, like, sober clubbers. Totally. It's so fun. And then you come home and we do a lingerie party. And it's, I love the lingerie party. I think that's so cute. It's so fun. Yeah, I think it's so fun to do those types of things. Just, like, it's exciting. It's so girly. You know, you're, like, ooh. Did you guys do the thing where you, like, tried it all on? Yes, I did. Oh, my gosh. I was so shy because my mom was there. But I was, like, I'm all yours for the time. So who cares? Yeah, who cares? I, like, right now. And then I'm, ah, right back in. See, I didn't try it even on. Really? What was I doing? No. Oh, yeah. I didn't try it even on. I will say, though, and maybe if my mom's listening, don't. But what I did do is I took Bennett to, like, Victoria's Secret, like, a week before we got married. And I was, like, OK, pick out what you like. That's fun. But I never tried it on in front of him. Right. But I was, like, pick out some things that you might like. Wow, that's fun. So maybe I didn't try it on in front of my friends, but gosh. Gosh, Bennett got a little sneak peek. Gosh, Bennett, I was, like, Bennett, what are you into? Like, I don't know. He's, like, I don't know. That's kind of fun. He's, like, and that's literally what he's, like, I don't know. Like, he walked into Victoria's Secret, like, deer in headlights. He's, like, I'm not allowed to be in here. We tried them all on. And then my bridesmaids, they made a book. They all labeled them which outfit. Yeah. And then you give it to Blake, like, a menu. And they get to pick. Oh, that's cute. That's cute. Which one it is. And it's, like, a surprise. I forgot that we did that at home. The menu's a good idea. That is so fun. I remember doing that. But it was, like, I always forgot to do it right before the wedding. So I'd be, like, after the rehearsal dinner, like, writing out this menu. I'm, like, here, here. This is for later. I planned this. I planned this so far in advance. Yeah, I thought about this weeks ago. So good. Weeks ago. Ten minutes ago. I love that. Thank you to Osea for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. 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Go to OseaMalibu.com and get 10% off your first order with code ABBYY, that's O-S-E-A-Malibu.com/ABBYY. Just moving into like more of the marriage category, isn't it crazy to think that, do you ever just think about the actual vows that we say on our wedding day? They're pretty dark. Yeah. They're dark and they're heavy and they're weighty. Did you do your own or did you like, you used to do the standard ones? No, because I was too nervous to speak in front of people. We just did the like. Yeah, which I thought they were beautiful. Yeah, they are. I'm like, these are so powerful on their own, I'm okay now. I'll bare my soul on my own. Yeah, I'll bare my soul. I was like, I don't want to be so nervous to speak on my wedding day, I was already so nervous about everything else, that just felt like an extra weight. But yeah, I'm like, okay, this is like, my words here are so weighted, for sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for good days and in bad, all the list. And just thinking about that, I feel like you guys have such good wisdom in how to speak into girls that are engaged or single or desire to be married or maybe even are young married. Yeah, I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. important to like give a lot of grace and a lot of forgiveness first and then you could even have the discussion about it because again like you there is so much weight to those words and to those vows that i think it's just so important that when something crazy does happen to just give give them the benefit of the doubt you know and forgive right away and then you can have the conversation about it and you know you you know that you love them you know that you're not leaving each other right and so i don't know that's just kind of like that was like my biggest yeah takeaway from our first year or three of marriage was like no being offended is a choice we need to lead with forgiveness you know yeah leading with forgiveness is really good i think that is especially when you're with someone all the time and you're learning how to communicate you're learning how to especially when you're with someone so it's such a long for a long period of time you're like okay our humor totally how does one joke how does one show love or poke when i take it a little too far yeah yeah and ben and i only dated for six months before getting married yeah you know so we had a lot of growing yeah we had a lot of growing and we had a lot i mean i was 20 when we got married so like so young yeah and i feel like again like we grew up with each other and there's a lot of growing that happens in the nine years that we've been together and like i don't know i just feel like we're so committed to each other because we've just learned how each other communicates and to just lead with that lead with i know you probably didn't mean that yeah yeah we probably didn't actually there was no malicious intent here because we know we love each other and you know yeah for sure the little fights i think are probably the most common oh totally beers and those are the ones where it's just like you've got to just let things roll if you're back yeah brush that right off you can obviously say it if it was rude be like hey that's rude but then move on yeah it doesn't have to be like a fight you know yeah it's like what i do call it out and move on yeah yeah i don't like that piece up yeah i don't like that piece up yeah i don't like that piece up yeah i don't like that piece up yeah i don't like that please stop i said all the time likes to hop yeah i don't like that piece up yeah i don't like that piece up yeah i don't like that piece up i've seen you say that yeah he's like that wasn't nice that wasn't right nice that wasn't right nice that wasn't right you're like oh sorry yeah you said and you you're like oh sorry yeah you said and you you're like oh sorry yeah you said and you take their sorry and yeah yeah you trust take their sorry and yeah yeah you trust take their sorry and yeah yeah you trust it yeah or there was one time i literally i said about i said i need to check my tone there i yes didn't mean it that harsh like i need to check my own tone and i'll call myself out because bennett is the most even kill person i know he's laid back he's so chill so like i could say just about anything and he'd be like all right like that's fine yeah and i'm like i need to check my tone there like i'm sorry i didn't actually mean it in that way like i need to check myself but that's good really good advice yeah i feel like mine is kind of similar i think that it's so good in those first few years when you're engaged whatever just to keep the mindset that we're on the same team like they are your teammate and they are for you like you guys have the same goal uh because i think it's really easy to think they're your enemy like your husband can be your enemy and it's just not true you know but that was like a huge like shift for me that dave is on my team like he is for me we want the same things like we want to be resolved we don't want to hurt each other you know the same common goal yeah yeah and so i think that thinking that like anytime we would get into like a big argument even small ones i'd be like no we are on the same team like i remember saying that to myself we are on the same team yeah and sometimes i had to say it through clenched teeth yeah you're on she's my teammate yeah but i think it helped me to just forgive and be like okay you how i took that was probably not what you meant you know like you didn't mean to hurt me or offend me or whatever it is i think that that also helps to keep the peace too because i think sometimes you get an argument or a fight or whatever and you just maybe can't resolve it all right there and that's okay but you have got to be able to have peace in the meantime because our first couple years of marriage we had we had someone tell us one time hey when you and dave fight or when y'all are mad at each other like you take the whole room down and that was really hard to hear because you know we were like gosh we do like we just suck the air out of there yeah because we could not have peace in between yeah and so sometimes especially like with kids just with life like you may be getting an argument and someone's got to go to work or someone's got to go like do something and you've got to be able to be kind in the meantime until you're able to come back and be like hey this hurt my feelings hey i'm sorry you know whatever it is i just think you got to be able to like have peace in the meantime oh yeah that's really good you just can't sometimes you can't just give a whole day to resolving you know like that's just not realistic especially with kids yeah just with responsibilities you know that's really good yeah you can't be fretting over your argument at work totally you have to go to work and show up and be good yeah yeah um i remember when we lived in kansas city we were in a small group and i remember the this girl and her husband were talking about well she was talking to us about how he had called her out on her tone he was like hey that was that was not christ like at all how you spoke to me and i really didn't like how you said that and i remember she was sharing that to me and i was like wow that's like that was a very bold thing for him to say to her and that to me when i heard that i was like i need to be careful about my tone because it really is everything like i'm going to live with caleb every single day yeah and does he want to live with someone that's peaceable or someone that is just nasty yeah and it's irritated and talks to him short-tempered and of course not i don't want him to live with me i don't want to live with someone like that yeah when you'd want to be able to tell him too exactly speaking that way and so we talked about that and caleb and i now have like a very um transparent candor about that like if i start talking with the tone he'll be like hey i don't like i don't really like the way you're speaking and same for him i'm like hey you're being quiet you're shut down whatever it is like we just call each other out and that and it's like demanding respect in tone is good and i think that sets you up for just healthy communication well i think it sets you up to feel safe yeah like to feel safe like you know that that's not going to cause a huge blowout fight for you to be like hey i don't really like how like i'm being talked to right now yes you know because it's like it's coming from a place of like i want resolution right i want there to i want everything to be peace and like to be okay but like we've got to reign it in yeah we can you know we got to reign it in exactly i think that's a lot that was like a learned thing that i i had to put into practice and try because growing up i think i thought winning an argument was getting louder yeah like the louder i get the more i'm winning yeah and kills that's just not yeah that's right like that and that's not being a team yeah now we're one against another the other yeah so if we want to be a team we have to learn how to talk peaceably so and like let things roll for back so i think those are both really good tips yeah yeah i think my first one would be um i think you should have a roommate pretty much the entire time that you're single it's a good idea i mean not this isn't like a blanket statement i think there are a lot of times where it's great but i you're going to live once you're married you're living with someone the rest of your life yeah and so learning how to live with other people get along with other people that you're not vowed to yeah yeah it's really good practice and learning how to resolve conflict amongst roommates and friends will be really good practice for your marriage and i think even just like tb in your home you know there's a little more pressure when it's like you've got roommates yeah when you're by yourself it's like whatever yeah i was living basically alone with my parents yeah and i feel like if i would have like had a roommate like coming from a different family like someone coming from a different family where they have different things because like even living with my siblings i'm like no like we're all kind of the same but like living with someone that came from a different family i think that would have helped me like so much yeah to be like oh like yeah i'm just gonna let some things brush off my shoulder ain't no thing you know yeah that's good yeah what do you like what else you guys got i said for my like single advice you know uh get a mentor some type of mentor i think that's so big when you're single because i think it's so good to have someone to run things by that's not your best bud you know that's gonna like tell you probably what you're already thinking you know um or just someone that's already lived it like i think sometimes i remember thinking this a little bit whenever i was single that i could like someone married or or you know had kids or something they just couldn't relate to me or understand me it's just not true yeah you know it's just not true and someone like don't isolate from your married friends but yeah get a mentor that you can like run money stuff by like figure out money and you need a mentor to probably do that yeah you know it's like to ask advice about do you think i should date this person like where do you think i should go to meet people you know just all kinds of things i just think i've found that so so valuable for my own life to just have a mentor and especially my single years to just yeah i have someone there as a sounding board for you you know because you just need it yeah you do you really need it you're just learning so much and figuring things out and you just need someone that's been there and experienced it and can just speak into hey that's kind of stupid yeah you know it's kind of a wild thought process that was a little crazy that was a little crazy or like hey you should try this you know like you just need someone yeah yeah that's done it that has you know a bigger picture a little more tenured in life yeah you know i think that's so wise is this like single and you're like looking to get married is that like the type of advice that we're thinking like i mean i always thought like for me when i was single i wanted to live the way that i wanted my spouse to be living like yeah i wanted to be doing x y and z like getting these things like i was doing these things like following these guidelines i wanted my future spouse to also do those things because then i knew that like we could be at a similar caliber together like and those habits would like continue forward you know that was just kind of like my thought is i'm like if i'm looking to get married to this amazing guy i have to be an amazing girl too like you know what i mean so like i have to be someone that like i would want to you know someone that i would want to marry like so that was just kind of like my thought when i was single is no i want to be the type of person that i would want to get married to you know like and i feel like i feel like i did it except for we're opposites like we're opposite but we like yeah and it works so great in that but like i think about like our core values and like our common goals like are very much the same and like we were talking before we came here and it's funny like you know how everyone says like after you have kids it's like you have to date each other and then it's like i can't wait for that i can't wait just to date the crap out of you again you know and i'm like i'm so excited for that like you know and so it's just like you know being that person and like looking forward to those types of things i feel like is just fun and you know you have to think about those types of things when you're single and looking to get married you know yeah for sure i think i've heard that in a sermon one time it says be who you're looking to be who what you're looking for is looking for yeah yeah it's like hard i know i've heard like a king will be interested in someone that's not a queen yeah yeah yeah yes yeah you want to be the caliber of the person that you're looking for yes yeah and that's like that would be like my biggest advice like raise the bar you know yeah totally that's good that's really good yeah i think both those are great um i think i think a lot about how i feel like culture today is very uh it could just be a little fleeting with the feelings and i was thinking about your mentor advice and when you invite people in outside and i feel like you have to give that person the um you hey i want you to speak into this yeah i want you to be candid and i'm going to listen yes you have to give them that authority yeah yeah to speak into your life in that way very clearly um but i just think especially in this day and age we're very tempted to just kind of float with our feelings and but i really like him he's so cute he does all these things he's really nice to me and all that chemistry yeah like we're like we're like you have to have that vibe and all this stuff you need to have that person that's like hey he is a serial cheater yeah you know like you can't be right in front of your face girl like you have to have someone to call out what your feelings are going to blind totally have someone lift those rose-colored glasses totally you know the rose-colored glasses and i like that too like you do have to if you're expecting a type of person date you have to be that person yeah because you can't have these expectations and then not live up to the bar uh my next one is this is i want you to i want great you should go spend your money like you shouldn't go into debt and you shouldn't be crazy when you're single yes go buy the cute clothes ah because once you get buried it's very respectful and good and exactly what you need to do is that you need to be on a budget and like one with your finances with your spouse but when you're single ladies go have fun don't go crazy like okay this is the caveat i was a dance teacher when i was single i was not making dollars you have to have a budget you have to not be in debt yeah and you have to set yourself up well financially that's going to bless your marriage yeah that is like the number one thing you have to get it together because that was something that i actually regret was that i wasn't more disciplined in my singleness and then when i got to marriage that was really hard yeah totally because then i was like Caleb you're so mean i'll get anxious about like our budget meetings when they were not he was not intense at all sure but it just felt you said i've never done that before yeah yeah i was so new and so that was something that was a learning curve for us in the first well how many years seven years all of the years still learning i'm really glad kill was diligent in that because then we hit years where we had no money and that muscle was exercised and you just never know what's going to come and so it's really good and your singleness to prepare for marriage by getting really good at managing your finances saving money setting it aside but at the same time ladies go buy the shoes i can yeah go get to that go get that queen outfit you know what i mean yeah yeah just don't go crazy i will say Dave tells guys that he like you know spends time with that are single he's like hey look at how she spends her money yeah it's to tell uh-huh he tells him to look at that and I always am like oh oh my gosh yeah you know or if Dave knows a girl that has paid off a lot of debt or something like that he's like hey you should date her yeah you should date her yeah he's like hey that's great that she did that you know it is so it is funny he like puts a lot of emphasis on it and I never thought about that until after I was married and heard a guy talk about it yeah I feel like that's such a boy thing to think about oh yeah you know like we're I feel like when we're dating we're like hey how would they be as a dad like how would they be as this like I saw this tick-tock the other day where it's like someone has to be the bread loser of the family and someone's got to be a bread winner you know and I was like gosh dang it I'm the loser but yeah I was just like I feel like that's such a good boy thing to think about like okay like what are her spending habits because like that will probably like potentially be on you my guy like make sure that you can handle that you know or even how they if they if you confront them or ask them about it are they defensive about yeah yeah yeah because I mean that's one of the biggest reasons for divorces oh it's financials yeah I know and so yeah that I think the same advice for girls if that guy is careless and loose and reckless yeah gambling but if he's got that their money girl wow I don't think you're saying that I'm just kidding I'm just kidding my dad did tell me to either marry for height or money and you picked height I picked height dang it just kidding happily married truly happily married love that guy money is such a funny criteria no he literally said yeah and he my dad's literally kidding he's the goofiest guy on the planet but it's just so funny like to him be like hey Caitlin you either have to marry for higher money like because like I'm sure right now and he's like someone over six two at least I'm like okay well that is very tall yeah he's super tall nailed it nailed it I love that that's great that's fine did you guys have any other pieces of advice yeah I had one more I said to find things you like to do together and I say that one because you know I it's just not always so feasible to go on a date every week no it's not no you know financially it's not doable sometimes you've got a brand new baby sometimes you live somewhere where no one can watch your kids for you like and I just really remember feeling a lot of pressure of like gotta go on a date someone put so much emphasis on that like each other date each other I know I know and you know I remember feeling like we didn't have kids until we'd been married for a little while and I just remember being like I don't feel like I need to go on a date every week like yeah I'm with you all the time yeah and we chat like I just didn't feel like I needed that and so sometimes I think it just put pressure on Dave to like think of something to do or think of somewhere to go and see him um and so then but then we've had seasons where it was like you know I did want that but maybe finances didn't line up or whatever it is but I think us finding something to do together like Dave will come to burn and that just feels like a date I always love watching you guys at burn I mean he's so competitive but like he's so competitive but it is really cute to watch counts me and him at the same time yeah how many did you get and yeah but he always he it feels like a date to us you know yeah it's so well they're just so cute it's so much fun to watch I'm so excited to watch this you know yeah and so well there's kids aren't there and it's something that you both like to yeah and it's like we drive there and we'll chat and we have these three questions we always ask each other it's like how are you doing physically emotionally or spiritually and then can we do anything for each other like so is there something I can do for you this week and so it feels like if we can kind of knock those out and do something together it feels like really cup filling for me um and yeah I just I wish we would have started that way earlier than trying to like always prioritize a dinner date yeah or whatever it is instead of yeah just finding things we like to do together yeah because it just it made a big difference for us for sure so something whatever it is like maybe it's playing a game or you know maybe it's going for a walk or oh we love that's been it nice it's like just going on walks and like chatting I feel like one of my big like pieces of advice I have like two that I'm like we need to live by is have a lot of pillow talk yeah where we're just chatting with each other and you know it's just you two like have pillow talk and like have so much gratitude for each other I feel like whenever Bennett and I are like going through a struggle season I'm like okay let's talk about three things that we're really grateful for like within each other and like Bennett and I talked about how gratitude is like the highest frequency like it will make you feel better and so when we're really struggling or low let's talk about like what we're grateful for and talk about gratitude because then like our energy gets higher and like it starts shifting and we're just at a more positive space you know but I love the idea like do something together it does not have to be anything crazy we were just talking about doing a date night of getting like a coloring sheet and new markers and him and I watching a movie and like coloring I'm like that was just chatting he's like we can order some crumble i'm like that's pricey let's pop some let's let's pop some popcorn like you know we can just microwave popcorn but like you know it's just totally and we looked at each other we're like we're doing that this weekend that sounds amazing like let's get another little coloring sheet because we always have some for benny but like get one that covers our table and let's just go to town color me some new markers wow like you know such girl we are such girl parents i'm like all the crowns in my house are broken into little tiny markers we get that that was part of the thing but it's just so cute but like little little dumb things like that like that date will cost maybe ten dollars and but i'm like i love it that i'm like that sounds actually so nice especially when you're in a season of like little kids yeah i'm like you're just tired sometimes oh yeah like sometimes you're like i just want to be home well whenever we do go on dates we're like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh we try to go at like four o'clock so we're getting home right after bedtime yeah like for the kids and then it's like you guys are in bed oh yeah and then i'm like oh now we just get come home to like you know clean house kids in bed and i still get to get in bed by nine o'clock like you know it's a hack go on your dates at four o'clock you know go at four o'clock you dilly dally for a little bit dinner at five yeehaw it's great time i love it the old people special and then no it's me and bennett it's me and bennett plus geezers i love it like out on our at chili's we already know that i'm at chili's with bennett and that's perfectly fine so i was caitlin just had a birthday at chili's i didn't love chili's i know um you were like you knew the song like heavy chili's number one fan i want to get that shirt that says i feel god in this chili's tonight i want to get that for him from the office yeah i was like i want to get him that that's like been on my list i want to get him that i want to get him that i want to get him that i want to get him like i feel like i need to go up to an employee and be like can i buy your shirt off your back he is a big fan yeah they know who he is there it's a they genuinely do it's a mutual i haven't been to chili's since they discontinued their unlimited soup and salad i went in with caleb i sat down i said i'm gonna do the unlimited soup and he said we took off the menu i said get up caleb we're leaving yeah you're literally like this you're like i'm not even gonna look at this menu it's unlimited it was like 12 dollars for like unlimited soup and salad 12 bucks you're like yeah okay what okay you grow for a long time the three what's the three triple dipper yeah the triple dipper i will say abby and i got that in the um well i guess abby got it at the airport um in dallas when we were flying home from florida and she was like this was a mistake for like airplane food i'm like yeah this that was a little crazy girl that was a little crazy of you to get the nashville hot mozzarella steak right before you board a plane that kind of sounds yeah i was like i don't know about i don't know about all that abby twice i've done it well i wrecked my stomach and i'm always like the airplane it's the perfect time to get that and i always it's bad yeah yeah really the bubble got dang it yeah what you can't you know yeah i mean it's a hard time to have it there and you're there well you know you're like i don't know what to do you got you always got to have some gas x and tums on you at all times that's maybe a little modium i don't know caitlin you're so prepared for everything ask me about my car kit i know literally okay we're gonna move to patreon we're gonna talk about what we recommend we don't do yeah we're gonna do some hard don'ts and i think this is gonna be some good tough love things to hear so if you want to hear that conversation we're gonna move that over to patreon we have our book club over there we do our recipes from always hungry we have a whole chat there what else we have on patreon blanking oh we have extended segments every episode that you get full access to and lots of other fun things so check out our patreon thank you to quince for sponsoring this portion of today's episode yeah i'm going to italy and most of my outfits will probably be from quince it feels italian so italian i just want to live in my non-polyester clothing from quince i do feel very feminine and adult yeah when i wear my quince pieces and that's because quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like mongolian cashmere organic cotton and washable silk the designs are timeless thoughtfully crafted and made to be worn again and again everything at quince is priced 50 to 80 percent less than similar brands they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middleman so you're not going to be able to get the exact same quality that you're going to get at quince it also brings that same approach to everything they make from hotel quality bedding and bath to kitchen essentials and thoughtfully designed furniture they make well-designed pieces for everyday living they have a lamp find the fall pieces you'll reach for most at quince download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash abby get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada and the uk too that's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash abby okay this one you guys were actually talking about before we even started so oh great i'm scared hi abby and abby i just want to say i love you guys this podcast so much it's so relatable and so funny um my question was how do you know when to potty train and how did you potty train especially a boy because i know you guys all have boys and i am like two girls my son is 21 months old um so a little early but i just wanted to know what you guys did and what worked thank you potty training is the worst you know i did myself a disservice because when i was nine months pregnant teacher kept telling me i want to go in the potty i want to go to the potty i was like hey buddy you got a diaper on i consistently said that so really he was like wanting to go and i was like i'm not there ready yeah so i feel like it has been maybe just a little bit more of a drawn out process yeah now because he has been bigger opinions yeah you know um something that has helped us a lot is that i asked him to pick out a fun kids potty on amazon that he got really excited about it's a clownfish it's really cute it is cute it's really cute it's super low to the ground i'm like that's basically a yeah it doesn't it doesn't make sense but he has a lot of fun and he gets excited to go on his clownfish um so that was really helpful to help connect the dots and making it more exciting because when we just had him on the big potty it wasn't exciting for him it wasn't exciting for him he got it was felt more like a chore so just thinking of different ways that you can make it fun but i don't know we're still in the process um well you know when i'm on the other side you've done it twice yeah you've done it once i've done it once with the girlies and ladies i think you just be patient you know we do the method of like you just they run around with nothing on for a weekend yeah and then after that we'll go out with a pull-up but anytime we're home we still are wearing nothing and yeah it just takes time it takes a lot of time and i think that's like the biggest patience so much patience and just knowing it's gonna end yeah they will go yeah potty at one point and gosh if it's kindergarten that's fine by me like you know there will come a time yeah you just have to keep that in your sight but i'd give a chocolate chip if they would go in the potty on their own and then after we've moved from that if they didn't go at all in their underwear they got a chocolate chip oh i should start doing that yeah but if they go a little bit in their underwear they don't get anything like yeah it can't be even a little bit you gotta get all like a tiny bit of an accident yeah yeah that's interesting i never thought about cherries being the non-accidents yeah okay okay i'm gonna start doing that yeah yeah but it just takes time and lots of asking i i remember with my first it was like every at the top of every hour we just went to the bathroom yeah and but i didn't do that with my second and he probably had more accidents because i it just was you know i was thinking about it as much sure but the first one is like all you're thinking about yeah but just be ready to clean up stuff totally and yeah they'll figure it out get the hypochlorous did you do the watch with benny i did the watch with her but i remember a little but the watch here's the thing about my my child is she is very spunky very dramatic very likes her things a certain way and so to me it was like she had to basically be in charge of her like a potty training herself because if i had any part of it then no but like for her like it's so funny because it was opposite for her to go on the big potty like she's like no i'm grown yeah she's like i'm a big kid so now i'm gonna go on the big potty you know like putting on a little potty she's like that's almost like he was like no big potty or i'm not doing it yeah no exactly so it's just it's like you have to get a read on that and try different things and see what's sticking like like for her we tried to do the no pants method and bennett was like this is crazy he's like that may be different for boys i think yeah i didn't think it was terrible for cj but i could see it being different for yeah yeah and so but yeah i think you just got to try different methods and if one method doesn't work like don't compare yeah and i said just don't get mad at them yeah because they're figuring it out it's hard to learn yeah it is hard it's really easy to want to get mad oh you're like just go on the potty yeah we've talked about this like 10 times perfect okay this next one the girls have answered but i want to know if you guys have any different answers hi abby's um i was just wondering um what your baby essentials are before you give birth i'm just trying to prioritize my what are some baby essentials that you need to have before baby is born and what could be kind of left behind thanks bye happens in wives baby i mean i feel like i choose to breastfeed and like from so for me like those essentials are kind of stuff for me like it's the silverettes yeah that's those are really those are so helpful for me like non-negotiable gotta have borrowing from someone yeah if you can't afford them literally expensive which is so i know but there you can you don't have to get yeah but you don't you can there's other ones that are a little bit cheaper and like i've bought those and they were just fine but like put those i would put that on your registry like 100 if you're choosing i would buy those if i don't yeah if i don't get them on my registry then yeah i'm buying them or borrowing yeah that's a non-negotiable for me so like that's like my baby essential even though it's not for the baby i'm like no because i'm feeding the baby like i gotta be comfortable i gotta make sure that like i'm right you know that's a good one i forgot about those yeah man they're they're everything to me you saved my life yeah you're like take them but i want them back i want these back yeah seriously that's probably my biggest thing i feel like pajamas i mean i just i'm one of those people that like my kids only wear pajamas for like the first oh yeah two or three months so and you just need a lot of them yeah especially like the more kids i've had i feel like the more the longer i've extended that out oh yeah just so much easier yeah yeah so i think lots of pajamas and then yeah diapers wipes and i think somewhere you can sit your baby down yeah so like a bouncer or like one of those pillow things that people say don't use but yeah like we all use it anyway but something where you can set your baby down i think is so big we need places to put that baby or like i know that i think you said this but like a wrap like a wrap of sorts like i have a fabric one for when they're really little and then a little bit more structured one for when they get a little bit older because i think the structured ones they have to be 12 or 15 pounds i can't remember like a little bit bigger but like right out the get-go that baby will be wrapped to me like and that's like my skin to skin i'll just be wearing a nursing bra have them wrapped to me and then i can you know move move about i don't know at home i was never a baby wearer at home i wasn't oh i am wearing out and about but at home i'm like baby in the back i'd rather have i'd rather put it on the pillow i'd rather put them somewhere yeah yeah i i always just had them well yeah benny wouldn't be put down yeah i mean yeah cozy was way easier i could put her anywhere and she'd be chipper yeah but like benny i had to wear yeah like a bum smack always you know you know another like small thing that i wish i would have had it at the beginning but i just got it with jack was um like a touch light like not a hatch or anything the little egg the little egg yeah because you can just like throw it in your bed and it just kind of rolls around and you just get it whenever you need it you can squeeze it or they have ones you can just tap yeah i have the tapping one it it's amazing and then you can travel with it so like i take it with us now whenever we go anywhere and i use it like if i ever have to get up in the middle not the kid oh interesting especially when you're doing a bum change yeah i'm using your flashlight on your phone yeah right yes well it's so bright and it's like harsh light yeah like the phone light is so harsh but i feel like the egg like if you just tap it it's like a warm yeah like it still kind of feels cozy but you can see if you have to like you know change a bum and the hatch always got kind of confusing because you got to hit it in just the right spot but this i really love it it's like 20 bucks yeah it was i took it to the hospital and same yeah baby too yeah i did hack love that i know okay last one hey girlies ignore the tv show that's on for my little one in the background um my question for marriage is how you deal with or do you deal with comparison of marriages or like looking at other marriages and thinking i wish i we were in that place i wish we were at that standard do you deal with that if you do deal with that how do you deal with that and how do you still focus on the positives and yeah i mean we've said it like comparison is the thief of joy and you never know what's going on behind closed doors no you know so i think you just can't i know that's like such a heart that's like such a crappy answer but like you do not actually know what's going on behind their marriage you know yeah i don't even i don't want to say this to negate your answer because i agree with you yeah i think i also don't think all comparison is bad yeah sometimes i think if there is a person you're like oh man i really admire that in their marriage and i want to be like that or i want to have that quality in our marriage sometimes i'll just voice that to kill but i'm like okay i saw that i really like that how do we implement that or how do we get there yeah and that's healthy yeah yeah that's a healthy that's a healthy so i think there's a level level of healthiness but if it's yeah like envy jealousy or making you feel bitter then you just have to remember like hey you like you can't compare yeah because you just need to be great gracious and we're not gracious grateful for what you do have and i think gratitude in my head would be the antidote to that yeah yeah yeah i feel like anything about money like that's not never good yeah you know if you're like they have more money than you know it's like well that's just not your life it's not like well yeah and i think just be happy yeah but like i feel like i've thought that about you before like you know abby is so good at this like i want to be more like that as a wife you know and so i think that's good you know like seeing things i feel like even how i've asked you things for you're like what i need to check with caleb i'm always like i should me too yeah i need to check with david yeah let me check i feel like that's like my first answer to everything is i gotta check with bennett yeah we talked about that let me check on that one let me check on that one but yeah so i think i agree with you i think it's okay maybe on like some character things but probably not like your husband to someone else's husband yeah yeah it's like you i think it's more of like how can we better ourselves like like i liked what you said like i like this quality that i feel like they have how can we how can we implement that you know i think that's good and like you want to keep growing and moving you know in your marriage progress forward and i think like when it comes to like if you are feeling tempted to like compare husband to husband i think you just make your husband your standard like there's not even anyone else that is my standard it's just this is my standard that's sweet yeah you know and so then i feel like you're not as tempted to be like well so-and-so does this for his wife or so-and-so does this you're just like no this is my standard like what my husband does totally i think that can kind of help alleviate that a little bit also like you pick you picked him yeah you know like you picked him so like you know love that yeah maybe he doesn't do this but what does he do really well totally yeah i think contentment is so important in marriage and i think if you're looking sometimes marriage marriage like wow they have so much money or they have so much this or they go on so many cool trips and i want to do that all this and that it could be easy to compare or maybe feel jealous but um contentment is going to be your best friend totally praying for contentment actively fighting for contentment in your life will be it will just greatly benefit you in every area yeah like it'll just be a piece that comes within you yeah yeah you won't feel like you're lacking even if you have a smaller house because you're like i'm just so grateful for my house i feel really happy here if it's our needs whatever and if you can find those things in each you know within your marriage it'll be good okay ready for some recipes recipes ladies what are we cooking because you are both are very good cooks oh that's nice yeah and if you don't share one recipe i'm gonna make you also share a second one and same for you oh my gosh you have one too i have a recipe i know what mine is and i'm gonna share i know what yours is too i mean i have one that i give to almost everyone postpartum it's a rigatoni dish i gave it to you when you're postpartum is that what you're talking about yeah yeah i i don't i've never had it i know i will because for you i asked i was like do you want like this or do you want something meatier and you were like no we want yeah something hearty and you know me i had strong well yes well no and no i'm just saying because dave i was like i know it's like hot it's like soup and you're like no i'd rather been at grill and i'm like that's great i love that so good he is so good at the grill and i had his grill oh so good wow it's chicken thighs too which chicken thighs chicken thighs are easy i mean that's what he's doing tonight baby come on over come on but yeah come on over but yeah for me it's rigatoni and i bring it to postpartum because it's actually dairy free and a lot of people when they're nursing like baby's tummies are sensitive to dairy and also there's no like leafy green it's just zucchini and like tomatoes which i know the tomato can kind of can sometimes have like a problem with breastfeeding but like who cares yeah it could be a little bit acidic but you know yeah yeah so but that's just my thing is it's just like rigatoni and like um grape tomatoes and you just let them boil and simmer in um chicken stock and zucchini and it's so good with like italian sausage and i feel like i've had so many people text me after i brought it to them and they're like my milk increased so i'm like yeah girl like that's like i feel like that's one of my favorite things is i love helping people in like their breastfeeding journey because it's so hard so yeah have some support in that love that it's such a good dish i know i need it i'll make it yeah one day mine's my cookies i make a chocolate chip cookies so good yeah it's very yum i feel really passionate that everyone should have one baked good that they like just kind of have mastered i'm trying to find that stuff and that you always just have on hand yes but yeah these cookies are so good i love it i love it these cookies top notch it's not my recipe i found it the key is you have to freeze your dough really i never freeze my dough yeah you have to freeze the dough do you bake it frozen no do you have a lot of flour in your cup cookies uh 16 ounces i don't know oh my gosh we're out the ounces i gotta get my food scale out for this yeah i use a food scale oh my gosh revolutionary there's a good amount of flour this i am dying is that good or bad he did say they were good so i was like these are good don't you dare tell me yeah yeah dark brown sugar and you have to freeze it yeah your dark brown sugar is really it's got that extra molasses yeah so good the second one i want you to link are your baked tacos oh yeah a half-baked harvest okay because you've made them twice now i'm like oh i love them i felt bad the last time i'm in for you because you said is there another pan and i was like nope nope there is not and it wasn't because you wanted more maybe she'll have a lot of them tacos there were a lot there were it was three couples and you like didn't want us to run out and i was i just had that happen at the birthday party and i was having i was like scared no i was scared perfect that's so rude i'm sorry i was not rude you are my bestie you can say that but i should be like i should have another bit no it was good i was full we were all satisfied everyone was happy but i think i walked in i was like i think my eyes got bigger than my stomach yeah well once they're filling eat them because they couldn't eat dairy yeah so yeah it was just it was for less people but i was like ah shoot do you do you have another pan of those crap i hate to disappoint you that's so funny i love that you asked that that just like makes my whole life sometimes i say things that come my mouth and then people tell me later i'm like that was so rude it was i didn't think it was rude at all i just was like yeah she's right i should have made more that's a bold thing i'm the one that's walking with four pans and then i have two pans walking home and i'm like i did i overdone it again we had some people over for dinner tonight and i didn't have enough and i was so embarrassed so i was like i'm so sorry worst feeling i just keep adding things last minute all of our kids ate way more than i expected i was like i'm really sorry i hope you got that right i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so some cereal or something got some cereal home run by the taco bell near my home yeah they're good the big tacos yeah those are really good so link those too also your rice graceful treats are i yeah yeah they are really good i am making those um tonight so you know okay make it perfect that's a whole meal that's like oh my fruity pebble ones wow yeah they're good those ones are bomb i'm bringing them for benny's birthday at preschool yeah i want those are so good yeah my recipe is a southwest corn chowder i haven't made it in a long time but it's really good it's from ambitious kitchen i love her recipes yeah they're good i hope i haven't linked this one already i don't think i have but it's it's potatoey it's kind of hearty but i feel like we're kind of moving into football season yeah bring it on soup time get out that i know me too i'm like let's go football and soup you are the soup queen you are every week i'm like can i please make soup he's like do you realize i just spent 12 hours and 115 degrees yeah and i'm like listen i get it i know listen i get it but gosh i am the one cooking it okay well i think that's all we got for today you guys thank you for coming on thanks for having us this was so fun i hope i mean i know this will be a blessing to people you guys have such good wisdom and advice and you're such good friends and i'm super blessed by being in your lives and i learned so much from you so just thank you guys love you love you too abby and addy and addy if you guys want to leave a voicemail um thank you guys so much for calling in and leaving questions it's so fun you guys can leave a question at the number 602-456-9690 and while you guys are at it if you want to leave us a review sorry i feel like i have those lip those uh dry line to my you know the white ring i got a dry mouth um if you guys want to leave us a review and rate the show wherever you listen to your podcast spotify youtube apple all the places we would love that mama epting left us a five-star review she said love love love i look forward to listening every friday i have an 18 month old boy and another boy on the way so exhaustion runs rampant in my life these girls are breath of fresh air with their honesty and humor and i so appreciate that they love their husbands oh so that's sweet truly love that both the hope and the heart are shared even if i don't actually know you you are my buds that is oh that's so pretty them and putting them on the wall over there that's a good idea you should start doing that that's cute some wall decor here some wall decor thank you guys for reviewing and leaving us and remember we're always here you