115: Babe Ruth Diet with Ryan Sickler | Soder Podcast | EP 113

Hey everybody I want to thank you for coming and seeing me on the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. We've announced the second leg. It starts up in February, February 13th in Orlando, then February 14th in Tampa going to be in Buffalo, February 28th, Boston, March 6th, Philly, March 7th. Go to dancoder.com, the whole second leg, all the way through April is on sale, all available at dancoder.com. Do the way back, pause this, go watch his special, come back. Please. Welcome back. I always am interested with friends of mine that are sports fans that are also, that I know, friends of mine that are also fans of the same team that know each other. You were, you know, your new yorks, you did stovies. Do you guys text about the Ravens? Only a lot this year. Yeah, you guys sure. So Lamar's out now we talk very little bit about it, but I told him like, there's no reason Ronnie is not calling our draft pick next year. Oh, yeah. I told him that last year. Yeah. Yeah. You 100 percent should be doing our draft. Yeah. That should be the thing. Right. A lot of times for non sports, for non sports fans, the NFL draft, what they've been doing recently in years is they have a celebrity fan of the team come and do a draft pick on usually night one, or do they still do Gidele doing the round one and then the celebrity does round two. That's a good question. I feel like this year I didn't see Gidele do all of them. I feel like this year they usually Gidele does like the top 10 because that's the sweet shit. He wants that. He wants the strongest hit. Yeah. So they give Gidele greens on the draft and then they bring in the celebrity and stovies big enough he could be Ronnie the character. No doubt. Yeah, dude. You got to understand how big of a football fan is. I told this story in an album and on this is not happening, but I was legitimately supposed to be one of the ballboys for the 1984 Baltimore Colts. Crazy. The team that left. The team that left and became the Indianapolis Colts, that would have been how much worse of a drug problem you would have had if you were a ballboy for a team that left. So we go. Even dead, this is before eBay and all that stuff back then and you could just go to the practice and you like the players will throw the ball with you on the side and yeah, they were only also making like right 60,000 and they're working to use car dealership in the offseason. Or pro wrestling. Yeah, or they're in a local wrestling. And Raymond Butler was playing catch with me on the sideline and he said, you know, we're already in season, but how do you feel about being a ballboy and I was like, oh my God, I'd love to. So that practice, my dad talked to him and all and we're, I'm going to be one of the ballboys for the 84 Colts. And then a few months later, my dad wakes us up in the middle of the night and he's like, yeah, you know, believe it. Shit, we all go downstairs crying watching the Colts drive out of it. And it was literally the middle of the night, right? Did you guys storm too? It was all so dramatic. Did you guys really watch him drive out of town? Is that a real thing? Yeah, they were all on the news. It's all still. So they filmed them driving out there. Here's the thing. They perp walked. They knew. They knew. And then the first time, because Ursa at the time was a drunk and he would get on flights. He was going to talk to Arizona and everybody. And then the media would meet him when he'd come off the flight. Sagar and I text about this shit all the time. Now hold on real quick, because I need to know, even as a sports fan, I need to figure this out. I'm a little cloudy on this entire thing because I do know all I know is that 84, I was a one year old. 41. 42. Yeah. But all I heard was, oh, Baltimore left in the, the cults left Baltimore in the middle of the night to move to Indianapolis. And you think they're using that to be dramatic. I didn't think they left middle of the video everywhere in the snowstorm. It gets a little more dramatic. But here's what you're about to say, Ursa. Are we talking Jim Ursa, who just passed away, or we're talking about his father? His dad. His dad. Jim Ursa was a little kid. Yeah, 84. 84. So he's a young kid. Because Jim Ursa. So you're born 84? Yeah. I was born 83. Okay. So they're leaving. They're leaving like, well, I'm, you've only known him as the Indianapolis cult. That's it. Right. But Jim Ursa, the son that just recently died was awesome. He would just do drugs and party and play guitar. He would like, he had this band. He would go around with guitars and show them off, right? He like bought Jimmy Hendrix's guitar and he's like, you want to see Jimmy get it? He would do what I would do if I were the son of a football owner. And you, and you had a Super Bowl underpainting, manning. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you have Johnny United says hello to you. Like all these classics. So he had a hard road because this is the guy who was a child when his dad did this. Sure. But it's the family business, man, where just like the Models, like we're going here now. We're going to context the Models owned the Cleveland Browns who left for Baltimore. So Baltimore got a team back in the same way they lost the team. Is that saying, man, you lose the man the same way you get him. Well, if you're cheating on the side, guess what, they're going to cheat on the side. And Baltimore was like, let me get some of that pussy in our Models. Well, I didn't want, well, nobody wanted Cleveland. I thought a whole joke about it's like getting somebody's like, you know, use titties. Yeah. Ugly titties. We want new titties. They go, oh, they're from the side. We want the nineties where you could see the ripple in the bed. Yeah. Not some, you're not your ex ex wife's titties. And reminds me of the Simpsons when Homer's friends with that bond villain and he gives him an NFL team and he goes, the Denver Broncos, and it's the Denver Broncos on his patio. So back to then. So Urse Jim Urse is dad who likes the sauce, Robert Urse, who makes still hate in Baltimore. You can go to bars and they're still fucking shit up there about fuck. Three. Oh, yes. That's. It ran deep, dude. That's, I mean, that is a breath. Have you ever seen the band that wouldn't die of the 30 for 30? No. Okay, so there's a 30 for 30 called the band that wouldn't die and it's the Baltimore Colts marching band. They were the only team in the NFL had this marching band at the time. Well, when the Colts moved out of town in the middle of the night, they went and stole their band uniforms and they hit them in a funeral parlor for years. And then slowly, but shortly, the band would still perform around the city. They would get on like a ghost band. They're just a Baltimore Colts marching band. And they just like show off rates, do parade, like, you know what I mean, appropriate. Here they go. There you go. Tuesday, 3pm. I swear to God, it's a Colts marching band coming outside my place. But then the Models move Cleveland to Baltimore, which I was not a fan of either because that is exactly what happened to us. Meanwhile. You guys have empathy for Cleveland, I got empathy for Cleveland, but then I don't because of what happened. So we go from 84 to 96 without a football team, a storied franchise, storied city, everything. But we watched Jacksonville get a team, we watched Carolina get a team. We watched the Rams move cities two times. We watched Oakland go up and down, watched Cardinals Lee St. Louis go to Arizona. We're watching all of this and we're like, where the fuck is our team? Yeah. And then Model decides to move Cleveland to Baltimore, now what I do, I know he's hated in Cleveland. Was that 96? 96 is when we become the Ravens. But what I like about that is Model said, look, I value this city and the storied franchise enough. I'm going to start a new team. Yep. I'm going to start new records. Your legacy will live, Jamal Lewis is never going to beat a Jim Brown record, but the way I would see Eddie George on the Titans beating an Earl Campbell on the Hoylers, Oilers because you're doing the history of it now, fuck that. You did that. Here's my question to that. I thought I remembered at first that they were going by Browns records and stuff when the team was new. They started from scratch. Because this is what's crazy and for non sports fans, if you're still following what happened is once that team left Cleveland and went to Baltimore became the Ravens years later, the NFL gave Cleveland another team, that was the Browns again. Three fucking years. Three years later, 1999. It wasn't. The team didn't do shit. Yeah. And still hasn't. And it still had zeros in their win column multiple times as top five first round. They should be a goddamn juggernaut at this point and they just fucking suck. So you've got, and by the way, the Baltimore Cleveland rivalry is super bowl since we've come. I know. It's fucking public breaks now, but you guys, the Baltimore Ravens are one of those organizations where you have cool unies. You've always had cool unies, cool color scheme, purple and black fucking rules. And Baltimore is a city where you're like, you feel justification, you've got that mid-Atlantic attitude of like, we're poor, we work at the docks, everyone's drunk and fight in each other. We need a team to cheer on. And you need a team like that. And then you were a defensive minded team was the right choice for the city of Baltimore. Were you immediately, so this is just you were talking about Ryan Cicler, the fan of football in Baltimore. You understand you're getting the Browns. Are you your mad that it's the Browns, but what about when they tell you it's the Ravens? That's, that's when it changes. That's when it changes. They came in the go. I'm not dead. Look at me. I'm sexy. They go, uh-oh, I had a summer away. Well, think about people also like, are you going to still root for the Colts? And I'm like, that's like rooting for an ex-wife to hit the lotto, we're not doing it. - There was a time when the 49ers got rid of Candlestick Park. There was a rumor that they might go to Los Angeles and I had to really have the moment where I'd go. I couldn't be a Niners fan. Santa Clara's South enough. - It's South. - It's tough. That's 40 minutes South. But you go to LA. You put the LA and the red and gold were done. We're done, good luck. God bless. I would, that would be, did you think about other teams to go to? - This is the thing. The blessing of this, if you're a sports fan is, okay, now I'm not just a Colts fan. Now I'm a football fan. So right away, I find Steve Largent and Greg Craig and I love the Seahawks. I find Ronnie Lot and Joe Montana. - Sure, that's pretty good. - I find Asias and we already knew him from Maryland, but I think he would. I found Walter Peyton. - I think he came a football fan. And I was a fan, I wasn't a diehard of anything. I liked the Raiders for a little bit, but I really liked the Giants when they had hostile or day maggot, when they won the Super Bowl. He took over for Phil Sims when he got hurt. That was a great team that year. - Yeah, he was a little red and blue when they won. - Those old Giants. - Great team. - Those Giants, the ones that say Giants on the side. What are you doing, New York? Go back to that. - Seriously. - With Skataboo and fucking Jackson Dart. Go back to the old school says Giants on the side. - But I wanna say this, 'cause you're a knowledgeable football guy for sure, sports fan. I know I'm biased, but Baltimore is the greatest football city town. Listen to me. I'm gonna back it up with stats in history. All right, not Green Bay. Not all these other storied franchises. Let me back it up with some stats first and then you can decide it's not even close. It's so easy. Are you ready? When we first get in the league, we're the Baltimore Colts. Super Bowes aren't invented yet. - Yeah, you're playing with a champion chip. - They were even letting black guys touch the ball. (laughing) - We guys are just doing white dudes with space man haircuts. You're going like, while we run it, we call it the tough team. And that's what happens when you run straight out of 'em. - So we're gonna run the tough team. We're gonna run right out of 'em. - 58, we win the championship. - Yeah. - Which is the Super Bowl then. - The greatest game ever played, they call it. The overtime with Alan Amici's sudden death against the Giants. That is what Catapult did. - That Frank Gifford. - He was on that team. - He's on the Giants team? - Yes, he was. - Shout out Kathy Lee. - That Catapult to the NFL into the juggernaut it is today. That's when everybody's like, oh this is an awesome thing. Now, we then go on to win what we lose Super Bowl three against Joe Namath and his guarantee. We win Super Bowl five. So we've got championships and Super Bowls as the Baltimore Colts. They leave. Now, in the interim, you ready for this? - Yeah. - We get a USFL team. Philadelphia stars move to Baltimore, Baltimore stars. Guess what we won? The USFL championship. Hold on, hold on. I'm gonna get to the best one last. We got a semi-pro team called the Baltimore Bears Championship. - Okay. - Okay. We get the Ravens. Two Super Bowls. - 2000 and 2012. - In between all of that, they won't give us a team. Like we said, we're watching them everywhere else. They give us a CFL team. - What? - Oh yeah, bro. The Baltimore stallions. I interned. And. - A Canadian football league team. - Brother. We're the only American team to ever win the gray cup in the history of the gray cup. The Baltimore motherfucking stallions. Baltimore is the greatest football town in the world. Every team that has come has gone to the pinnacle. - If we were about to enter a hall with like a bunch of trophies and stuff, then we go. - And now. - You know what? - To prove for everything I just said. Yeah. - Okay. - We're gonna see a FL fucking stallion. We won. - You guys are a football town, but here's what's crazy, what is Baltimore high school football like? I think that makes a judgment on a town more than anything. Well, because you go to Ohio with like Pittsburgh kids or like out like the Philadelphia area where you get South New Jersey and you get Philly. But then you go to Texas outside of Dallas and you get I mean Texas high school football. But then Florida high school football, I mean, it's it's crazy because I think high school football to me cement what more of a football town is because it's the kids. It's like the kids that live there are playing. I don't know because pro, I mean, you guys have the chips. That is a crazy stat. - And that's correct. Right? - That is a crazy stat. - That is about all the time like every level that has come in. We have won. Not just had a team. We've won the top. - Yeah. Football town, you guys might be that. I mean. - But you're right. So I'll say this. Baltimore is a football town. No. But Maryland as a state. Yes. There's a lot of good schools like the math. - Well, you guys also go to big 10. It's all the money that's, so I'm from Baltimore. But Maryland's only this big, but the money is close to DC. - Yeah. Everybody on the other than Stavvy is from whenever they say I'm from Maryland, I go where it's always right outside of DC. I'm like you people had money. You're in the Rockville, Montgomery County. That's where the good high school players come from. - Do you, because they can get coaches that relax in college and get- - They're premier schools. - And then they get fat kids who are smart. - And university in Maryland. - That's the key. - Fat smart kids. - A lot of high school teams have fat kids. No, no, no. You need smart fat kids. - You're right. - We love how to pull. - You're right. - Who know how to pull a set of the screen? - Pull it. - No, wait a second. - Yeah. - You need to have fats that show patience. No, no, no. Don't immediately- - You got to have dancers. - Yeah. And that's why we're going high schools. That's the only place you're going to get that, because the fats and lower income neighborhoods, that people in lower income, they need that food. They're eating because they have to eat McDonald's. - Good point. - These kids are having protein shakes that the rich white high schools do in drills. Learning how to walk backwards. But yeah, it is out, do you take, when you tell someone you're from Maryland and you're from Baltimore, and then you meet someone and they go, "Oh, I'm from Baltimore." And you do that game where you find out how far away from Baltimore they are. Does anyone ever apologize or is anyone ever like taking the, like, I guess the accountability on Don, like, really from Baltimore, like when you zero in on it? - Yeah, I don't know. I don't really give a shit about it that much. I'm always interested in like questions. - I'm always interested in like questions. - A lot of people do that. You know from Baltimore, you're from 15 minutes outside, you're Baltimore County, right across. - Yeah. That's a younger thing to do. - I mean, my birth certificate has West Baltimore specifically. - So it's up. - I'm born in St. Agnes Hospital directly next to, which is no longer there now, Cardinal Gibbons High School where Babe Ruth played his ball. - So where are you at now? - Demolished to school. Had a statue of him in there. Demolished to school. - Really? - It's gone now, yeah. - I didn't notice. - It's from Baltimore. - Yeah. So Babe Ruth from Baltimore, center field of Camden Yards. - Shout out. One of the most classic ball parks in Major League Baseball. - His dad used to have a pub called Bambino's Pub in that area, and there's a little thing in there for it. And I think there's a bar out behind it now called Bambino. - Why does that make me feel so good to know that family members of athletes back then were exploiting them too? - I mean, doesn't it make sense why he's probably, it was an alcoholic too, it was dad though. - It's your portfolio as diet? - No. - Did you see what he did? Can you bring up Babe Ruth's diet? - Babe Ruth's diet? - It's uncomfortable. It doesn't sound, it doesn't sound like, a lot of those diets that go like, "Can you believe you consume that?" And you're like, "Yeah, that's crazy if he did." - And then he's going out performing like that. - Judy's fucking a pitcher and a hitter. - I was saying, "Show Hey Otani's the closest we got." So, this is what the internet is. - This is what the internet says. Babe Ruth was known for his legendary appetite on conventional diet. Here's a glimpse into his typical daily intake. Again, this is off the internet. - Daily. - Always have to take this with a grain of salt. It might not be true. Breakfast. Breakfast. Pine of whiskey mixed with ginger real. - Ah! Wait, that's how it starts. - Starts. - A pint. - A pint. - For breakfast. - That does me in. I have a pint and a couple breaths of air. - You think you could hit a 90-mile-hour fastball even eight hours later? - Maybe that's the trick though. - Maybe. - Maybe it slows down up. It makes that ball a fucking beach ball. Pine of whiskey mixed with ginger real, for this stomach, a steak, four fried eggs, fried potatoes, and a pot of coffee to balance out that whiskey. - The liquid amount alone would make me sick. - I'm gonna put them out alone. - Lunch. - Lunch. - Right, lunch. That was just breakfast. - That's not a lunch. - It was at 8 a.m. just four hours later. Two porterhouse steaks, two heads of lettuce with blue cheese dressing, and two platefuls of fried potatoes. Afternoon snack. - Snack. - Four hot dogs and four Coca-Cola. A hot dog and a Coke for you. - We're not even a batten-pregnant. - He's not even at the failure. - He's on his way now. - He hasn't put on his weird socks yet and his fucking wool baseball uniform. Dinner. - Same. - Same as lunch. - Just to remind you that's two porterhouse steaks, two heads of lettuce with blue cheese dressing, and two platefuls of fried potatoes. You run that back twice. - Late night snack. Four hot dogs and four Coca-Cola. That feels AI, other dietary habits reportedly consumed over 10 calories, enjoyed sweets, including chocolate ice cream and apple pie, drank large amounts of beer and whiskey, smoked cigarettes heavily. Babe Ruth, ruled. All these guys now are on like different kind of like probiotics and all this stuff. Babe Ruth. - If that's real, they should pay one athlete to do that and see what their fucking numbers - And go. - And go. - You still think you're gonna hit 284 in the air? Yeah, that's crazy. They should make show hey do that. They should make sure we only got it could do it They go show they're show hey 10 K's three fucking home runs in the NLCS. You throw up on the mound You couldn't move him his his his interpreter like Mr Otani say you want him to eat the same is a baby roof Yes, we want him to live by that diet and play baseball He says that is impossible Trying to do that and then go against but also I think I could do that on a food competition day now That's like manverse food shit In fried potatoes is enough for me for most of the day let alone a steak a pot of coffee How much was Babe Ruth pissing and the coax in the pot called and the whiskey, too Don't forget the pine a whiskey you're putting cigarettes on and breakfast and nothing the rest of the day Sounds like this blood was like tree sat like that's fucking crazy. Oh the fuck it Bullshit he was there's no way a man Inflation That's like a 2025 480 there's no a 215 that's bullshit. That's a high school kid today That's borderline. That's like no to 15. There's no way he way to 15 or That's what the caloric intake of real food was this is before they made science food So it actually was beef it really was yeah, they go now it really is hard to gain weight now You don't understand that all that happened. I was there with a babe Babe can I have an egg? For hungry around the babe and you're like dude. This is ridiculous the four hot dogs four coax Is legitimately enough for a day for me yet and all that syrup and sugar just fill you Oh god, and then I'm just choosing shots and fucking play ball. Yeah, it would pitch in here Hey guys, it's the freezing cold winter and if you're working outside that sucks and you should layer yourself against the outdoors Check out brunt workwear They're like, uh, you know a really good and affordable Heavy-duty clothing company for you guys that do real jobs. 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It's an in-network doctor So you put in your insurance info if you don't have insurance you just find out who's near you Who you can book an appointment with if you're a hypochondriac it should be a website. It should be in your favorite websites if people still do that Even if you need a yearly physical just go get it out of the way right now Go to Zach doc.com/soder to find an instantly book a doctor you love today that's D.O.C. D.O.C. dot com slash soda doc doc.com/soder And then find a doctor and then you're like, I don't think got that out of the way now. I can enjoy the rest of my year Look that man right there is not 215 pounds. That's 250 pounds. I was gonna say 280 look at that That's a big boy and also let's be real No disrespect the pitching back then was weak as fuck you throw it like 89, but it's hanging over home plate. I imagine what if you sent Vlad Guerrero Jr. back to the like When he was playing when was at the 20s Vlad Guerrero. Junior 800 home run the dog. I can't believe this this man's super human Jesus Christ. What are we doing? Oh my god. I'm so nervous That's like that old Shane joke where he was like they were so good at baseball. They knocked that accent off us It's a holy shit. My favorite turn when Shane goes from doing that voice to go holy shit. See how far he hit that? Yeah, dude. They were like that's crazy just to fucking sit there and consume that much I mean you guys had a guy that I love that I just watched a 30 for 30 about Tony Sarah Goosa. Yeah, the guy was kind of a little bit like that the goose was like he was a throwback for sure Eat a sandwich drink a fucking big soda and then go beat the shit out of people. He had my favorite fucking line It was the year. It was 2,000 when we had the greatest defense in the history of defense People in Chicago are getting real mad at you right now and all they want to we 165 points in the regular season and only one touchdown and all the postseason that touchdown score in the Super Bowl was a kick return Special teams not the defense I mean, I just watched that 30 for 30 and they go over it and it's funny watching Ray Lewis who is before so goose died. It's like him and goose talking and they're like man that's he fend that was was that Marvin Lewis Was your decoy dator Bill Bella check it. Jeff Whiton the middle of billet billet. It was How bad is it so to be Brian Billek and you have a name close to Bella check well also that and remember He was the all-fence of guru of Minnesota with cold pepper Randy Moss and and Come on, Ryan. It's a cardie Moss Carter Ross Carter and Dante call pepper and all they did was throw the ball And now he's coming to a team where he's like I can't do shit. We didn't score touchdown for we didn't score for a touchdown for three Five games and still one like two of them off on the like that's stupid try not to offer but goose he During the AFC championship against the Raiders he Tackled rich Ganon and then accused him of you know putting all his body weight on him Popping down on that shoulder and it took Ganon out of the game and then we ended up beating them They scored three points. Yeah, and he was crying about it later and then they interviewed goose about it and said Did you hear that stuff Ganon saying about it? He said you know what you don't know what my wife said? She said What's he complaining about? I take that weight twice a week. That's great That is great. That is great Where is that dude where is we need funny players? Yeah, here's the problem is we don't have there are some guys that are kind of funny But those are like we need to like there's no care. Are you doing kid? There's no characters anymore. There seem to be a lot more of that But that's also us getting old it is also think the league is like watch what you say watch what you do a lot of podcasts Yes, so people are like anything from ruin you now for those guys, but we had him and Sam Adams He was a throwback for sure goose and like he's a guy it would drink a bunch of beer and the guy before The radio show where you just get hammered in Baltimore those guys used to have local radio shows Oh before podcasts before they could get money before everybody knew a way to sell somebody money or before Gambley apps were paying every athlete to start a podcast they had to do like local radio and they had to be like, but some guys Like goose flourish. That's right Because they would have a radio guy with him so they'd go like all right We're back and we're livid fucking dirty devies Segura, you know the goose is here Tom's and then they he'd be funny and then the radio guy would handle it Tell him yeah, well We had a guy like him before on the Colts to name art Donovan. You remember artie Donovan? No, dude number 70 art Donovan was goose before goose He was that guy the big dude that and he was the greatest storyteller letterman would have him on all the time real yeah Letterman loved art Donovan because we see a boxer was he in a bunch of movies? He was not a boxer He's from Brooklyn originally, but he was a Baltimore cult Hall of Famer. All right I'm trying to think of the guy from Texas with the mustache that was the boyfriend Oh, yeah Randall techs Cobb. Yes. No, not him. Okay. This woman always had random tough guys on and and artie was for sure But he was a great like you listen to him tell us you're just a phenomenal storyteller and Letterman loved it He could sit and listen to him all night. So I Was lucky our varsity club senior year we had our little whatever party or something at his art Donovan's country club and he came and spoke And he didn't give a shit that we were 17 or whatever. He's fucking this and fucked that. He's telling old stories Nothing and if you're into asshole, well, that's just fine. I'm okay. I'll grow to agree with it guys and girls in there But he would drink a case of beer just like Babe Ruth a day. Yeah, that was his thing He's one of those guys and I get fucked up. I know drink a case of it a day But he was built, you're not built like that. He's built like, you're going to do cases. - You know what it is? So it really is like, we go. Their mental health was so bad, blah, blah, blah, they were doing this. Everybody was a, their sexual oppression, blah, blah. - You go, they also were having three martinis at lunch and coming back and flying through that afternoon block. They didn't have phones to sit and scroll. They sat there smoking cigarettes going like we'll do a merger. I'm pretty fucking bagged up. The guys would just get drunk at lunch. So he was, so he's a Hall of Famer and I like to get a little mini helmet autographs. - Yeah, those were awesome. - So he would sit, you got one up there? - I got a nine year one up there. - He would sit in a local bar right outside the stadium, every game. So before game one time, I went in, went to the back, saw him, he signed the helmet for me, talked to him for a little bit, and then I went over to the game. Like that's, those guys are gone. - I'll tell you right now, dude, how great of a life that is. If I did comedy until I was like 60, and then I just like hung outside of comedy clubs, selling ticket, signing ticket stubs. Hey, I'm just sure of you guys. - People buying drinks. - I go, thank you very much. - Yeah, I was real silly guy back then. (laughs) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then if I opened like, Dan's laughs, and I just went like to restaurants and shook hands, - Yup. - Get to join the stakes. I would do the retired athlete thing. I'd open a car dealership if I was popular enough. - You wanna know what I wanna do, Dan? - We gotta get out. - People gotta get out of comedy and open up restaurants again. - I wanna be a bench coach. A baseball bench coach. - For like a high school semi-prose, bro. - Oh, yeah. - I just wanna sit there, eat my sunflower. - Oh, to get. - I'm talking back and forth, ask 'em some shit, and then be like, all right, let me get outta here. Y'all on an umpire or something. - We wanna talk about a swing being too low, and have just a barrel of double bubble behind me. Just with a large bar. - Well, you hustle a lot of that shit, you know what I mean? - Spittin' the belt. - Spittin' too much where you go. There's no spit left in this mouth. - I'll manage if the manager gets thrown out of the game. You know that kind of shit. I'm like, you guys are on your own, man. - What I love, Katie loves baseball. It's her like her favorite sport. So we watch, she's gotten me back into it big time. Like big time, we watch day baseball. I'm sad attending with the World Series. I'm like sad attending, but I watch that and I go, fuck, I would love that. Just a giant cheek of charm mixed with double bubble, and just spittin' talkin' to my friends, goin' fuck with that. Like if List came back with Doug out and I go, what are you fuckin' swinging at that? What is that shit? You fuckin' better than that? That premise has got nothing on it. What are you doing? Or he's fuckin' smoke-sworn and you're like, do it high, high, high, high. - Yeah. - Or we're fuckin' change round your neck and shit. - Fuckin' what a punchline. Nah, fuck, yeah. - Well, I would love to get a crown put on me after I come off a sword with notebooks. - He's back on it. - He's like one of those turnover swords. - You're like, fuck dude, sport culture comedy. It'd be great. - It would change everything. - I'd go, I'd find all the ones that are just fuckin' clout chasing you. You go, how you fuckin' do a joke? Yeah. - I don't know. - I did so much as a kid, I would take a piece of bread. I'd take like a piece of wonder bread and I'd put it in the microwave for like 10 seconds just to get it warm. - Fuck the shit out of it. - And then I was killed. (laughing) - Dude, I said I would peel the plastic off of it. And I'd roll it up and that's what I would put in my mouth as well. - Right. - Because bread will stay in there all day long. - What? - Staying there all day long, man, I'm not. My dad gave me to bat. Did you, have you ever done snuff or tobacco you've done and did? - I mean, I dipped. I dipped when I was in high school and I played football. I do, 'cause I smoked cigarettes already by then. And so I was addicted to negative things. - Yeah, right. - I accidentally sip the dipper. - Dude, the worst was we played Grand Junction Central, which is on the other side of the Rocky Mountains. It's my junior year and I was like backup, outside of the linebacker, kick-off team, special teamer, and backup, will-backer. So we like, it's a trip. We like have to drive through the mountains. We have to drive through the fucking Rockies. But I was dipping and I had like three cans of Kodiak. And then I fucking, and we're in the hotel the night before and I had a power aid bottle. And we were just like watch TV and I was dipping and our coach Anderson came into the hotel room. And I was like, and I just like held it to my lips or I'd go like fake drink it. But it was spit. So I was like, I was like, when he was just in the peripherals so he was like, oh, so does drinking his drink. I'd be like that or whatever. But then he was talking me for a while and I had a mini dip in so he could, I probably knew. And then like after a while I was like, uh-huh. And he walked out, and he was just like a guy. I didn't like, it was hot. Nate dipped, Nate and Shane are my two friends that dipped the longest. We're like, I would get into a car and Nate would have like a die-em-out-and-do bottle. He'd be like, where's your spot set tonight? And he'd be like, I like that. We're Shane on the road. He'd be like, fucking pack a lip. - Snapple was the one everybody used in my day. It was like a die-mout. - Great. My friend's mom drank his spit. My buddy, my buddy's older brother Andy used to dip and he put it in a mountain duke can that he fucking did it. And it was heavy. And it was on his thing and she was like vacuuming his room and she took a sip of it. And she threw it like caused the problem. - My dad gave it to me young. - Dip? - Yeah. - What kind of dip? - So we had, I would do, this is how dumb it was. I would do a skull band at the pouch. - Yeah. - I would have some either Hawkin or Kodiak. - Kodi, shout out. It had fiberglass in it. - Yeah, it did. - I don't know a lot of people knew that. It had a little fiber-lected. - That's how you give a little cut. - Yeah, you put it in the bloodstream, yeah, 100%. - Oh fuck. - And I was like. - How old are you? - I mean, we're an elementary school. - That is way too early. - We're an elementary school. - I was gonna give them a pass if it was middle school. - But here, why? - If we're being honest with each other, I genuinely regret not learning another language. I genuinely think I should have, should know two to three languages. That I think the world would be a much better place. If you knew what other people were saying instead of relying on interpreters or captions, try to out with Babel. Babel is all about small steps, big wins, and progress that you can track and feel. They do like little tiny lessons. You can fit them right in. Easy to remember, just 10 minutes a day. It's the only way that I was like, maybe I'll start learning Spanish. 'Cause I should know it. Working restaurants since I was 14. All I know is like kitchen Spanish, which is just the curse words that my friends have taught me. Probably not in good faith. Probably just being like this giant weather will go out there and curse. But how about I actually start learning Spanish? Because Babel lets you practice real life conversation. Step-by-step, no stress. Gonna build the confidence to speak up. And then finally, maybe learn more progressively. But I'm saying, make fast lasting progress with Babel. They backed it with science. People much smarter than me were like, this is probably the right way to learn a foreign language. And you're like, yeah, this is, I'm stupid. I need it to be laid out. But here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babel subscription at babel.com/soder. Get up to 55% off at babel.com/soder. Spell B-A-B-B-E-L. com/spanish rules and restrictions may apply. I got so sick from it, obviously immediately. I'm diarrhea, I'm throwing up all this. I'm like, why would you give that to us? And he's like, that's why. So he told me, he said, I watch my uncle one time. His uncle used to chew red man with a plug. So red is chalk. So you put a plot and what you do is the more you chew on it, the more juice tobacco juice it squeezes out. Those are the guys that get the big spits. Yeah, 'cause that when it's chalk, you're like, and a lot of times in the major leagues in baseball, they'll do beach nut or the do red man mix with bubble gum. And M-O-B is trying to stop that, but you could see do like a Rafi-D, Rafi-D. Oh, does he mixes it? He still does. Oh, he's on the Giants now. When I see a new guy on the Giants, I go, Rafi's got a fucking cheek in, but I'll be like, it'll spit like six times, and you're like, well, that's chalk. 'Cause there's only something that can produce that much fucking liquid. But he watched his uncle fall asleep in a chair and swallow it. And he said he just puked everywhere and everything, and then he's like, I did this and it made me sick. To this day, the smell of it. So you never went back after? Never. It worked. My brother didn't either. I mean, I was like, I mean, as a father now, my daughter's 11, she's in fifth grade. I can't imagine giving my kid a dip. Make her throw up. But it worked. I can't stand winter fresh or any of that shit anymore. My mom was gonna make me do the, when she caught me smoking, she was gonna make me do the pack of cigarettes thing, but I didn't have a pack on me. Kept it outside in the garden. Where you smoke a whole pack? Yeah, in front of her. It's like, make me sick, but she was like, where your cigarettes sounds like I don't have any on me. I did. They were in the back. And an Eminem Minnie's container in the rocks to the left of the porch. (laughing) You missed it. You stupid mom. But that would've fucked me up. 'Cause my friend had to do it. He still smoked. I loved smoking, dude. The second I started smoking, I was like, this shit. I could never do it. I could take a three-foot-bong hit, but I can't take a little of a cigarette. It will, not only will it fuck me up. I'll feel it the next day. I'll feel it in my skin, my lungs, I can't. I could have a cigarette burning in my corner, look. I could look, back in the day, smoke my eye, my nose. Take it out. That looks good. All right, guys. That was my little week. I fucking loved it, dude. I put a cigarette in, let it bounce a little bit while you're talking. If I could smoke a joint, and Coach Little League, I would do it all day long. Shout out my friend Johnny's dad, Johnny Sr., who is the fucking man, black dude with a rat tail. Nah, that rules. Had a cool ass voice, see. Johnny's dad was the fucking man. (laughing) Rat tail, dude. Rat tail, and he was like, Johnny, the way to talk, but he was a literally coach. Johnny was a nasty athlete. He was my friend from kindergarten. He was like, nasty. Any sport he played, they talked him into playing football freshman year. He was on varsity by sophomore year starting. Like, look at that kid. That kid. He's a flip, too, cutting me. The kid in your school, he could do a flip. I'm pretty sure he could, but he was modest. So I don't think he would, you'd get embarrassed if you're like, Johnny, he's fucking, you just, but he ball out. But he was incredible baseball, soccer, basketball, football. Anything he played, he was great at. But his dad was a literally coach in the league. Whatever, they were the royals, I think. And I was on the reds. But I would watch, I was friends with Johnny. So like, if we were playing at different times, I'd go watch his game. His dad would be on the chain link fence with a fucking newport outside coach in the team. Johnny, Johnny, you better swing it at. And then he'd be smoking. I was like, do Johnny see in your pocket? That's where he's coaching from the just the other side of the team. And then he's like, I don't want the smoke getting in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going right there. Right through the cheek, not from the kids. And he'd come back in, but I remember him leaning against the fence watching Johnny just rip a triple to fucking left. It was awesome, dude. Dad's like that that you smoked. It didn't give a shit about us. We coached 100%. We had a guy named Owl. We were the braves. And he would smoke during the games, during practice. And he would get down to show you how to bump. I would still laugh at this all the time. He's showing you how to bump, but the cigarette's right here. Yeah. And it's, you know, the smoke's burning your eyes and you're like, and he's like, what's going, why can't you see? I'm like, 'cause your fucking cigarette is burning my eyes. He get around you and stuff. And he's like, never take it out. He wouldn't put it down. He's like even offended if he does. He gets fine for your fucking allergies. Yeah. He's burning my eyes. You're going to rife here. Yeah. Dude, my dad would like smoke, my dad would smoke a cigarette on the, he worked at a liquor store in Mill Valley. And my grandma lived in Greenbray. So we'd have to drive every morning, like 6 a.m. to go to it. And he'd get in the car and light up a cigarette. And he wouldn't roll down the window for like a minute. Like he'd be like a couple of things and then I'd be like, and he'd be like, oh yeah. And you're like, oh, I'm sorry. Is my fucking clean lungs a problem for you? Also, this tells me that when you do this by yourself, you don't roll the fucking windows down. Yeah. I mean, that boy, that boy, Gary lives cricket loose. But I think everyone did back then. Everybody fucking stuff. My Aunt Marguerite didn't give a shit. We getting a station wagon. It's my dad, my grandma, my three brothers. She gets in. She don't ask. No. She's just lighten up back there. You don't ask? Nothing. Light up. She had the little case, the little leather one with the thing that would go like this. You know, you undo it. She had our little, I'm like, I'm sitting next to you, right? We have restaurants being like, smoking or non-smoking people. Can you believe these non-smoking people? I'm all enough that people smoked on planes. That one blows me away. It still blows my mind. That blows me when you're on a tube and there's a smoking section. Yeah. They call it. Do you know that Bruce Pritchard, the brother of love from WWF, tells the story of, that's how they got the character of the million dollar man to D. B. O. C. What do you mean? Vince McMahon was on a flight and a guy a couple rows behind him was smoking a cigarette and Vince McMahon went, "Hey, can you put that cigarette out?" and the guy was like, "No, man." He's like, "How about $100?" The guy's like, "No." He's like, "How about $200?" The guy's like, "I'm good, man." He's in first class. He's like, "I'm good." And then Vince kept giving money until the guy was like, "All right, I'm just put out his cigarette." And then everybody's got a price. That's right. I think that's what Vince said to Bruce and they made the million dollar man. Everybody's got a price for the million dollar man and it turns out he was right. He was right. He's just a billion dollar man now. He just changed that. It still works. The character still works. Except now he's got to be a snarky nerd that's on steroids. Man, I grew up watching wrestling too. I go back. I go back. Listen, I just the other night, I went on, I go to a lot of YouTube now. Two things I've done. The other night I went and watched a super cut of all the general lead jumps. Great. Just the jumps. Great. Nothing else. Great. Just jump after jump of that charger. Great. One after the other. It's fantastic. It's like 20 minute super cut of just one after the other. And every now and then, a little whale and we'll get in there. We'll be right back now. I'll get a little one in there. But every now and then, it really is a come shot. Come away. It's so great. It's a fucking bunch. I was just, I was like, somebody had to put that in. Look at that hill. He's about to bust. Yeah. He go, ball. The general lead. Well, he's buzzing in the air. So I watched that and I watched and it's shorter than I remember it being a hogan beat the chic for the belt. Oh, that's quick. The time has G. They put the belt on the quick. I remember it. They knew they were going to launch hogan pretty quick. Yeah. And chic, he was like a good, he took the belt off backland. That was the problem. How do you get the belt off, bob backland and put it on whole cogan? You have the iron chic, do it. And I ran. People did not like it the time. Yeah. And I was really into the history of that too. So I found out bob backland wouldn't give that belt up to anybody. Do you know who's a legit tough guy? That wasn't a real wrestler. When they brought the chic in, they're like, I mean, wasn't he a bodyguard for, like, he was. She went to the Olympics straight up. It was like a real real tough backland had no problem handing over to him, but it wasn't to be like a Yahoo. Yeah, that was the end of the, that was the end of the real tough guy where they kind of like, if you had the belt and you were out at night at a bar, someone might fucking test you. And if you lose that belt, you're not fucking. Yeah, the Bruno San Martino's and shit back. Yeah, they would go to bars and guys would be like, oh, you're the heavyweight champ. I'm gonna fucking test you and if they, and if they would have to beat the shit out of it, guys. That's why they say the most dangerous guy that ever wrestled was Haku, who was a, yeah, they said he would fuck. He was like a strong fighter. He would like look for it. He would like, he would go to bars like, oh, yeah, yes, yeah, but he was just a fuck and he's like, he's great. His sons are in the WWE right now, Tonga Loa and Tomatanga, but they're fucking dude. They talk about Haku, like, you, you want to fuck around, Haku will beat your ass. We talk about all the time. We were supposed to go sit my brother and I got in trouble to this day again. I don't know what we did, but we were supposed to go see Andre the giant wrestle killer con in a steel cage at the Baltimore Civic Center. Great. And we did something. You want to talk about smoking inside? And my dad said, we're not fucking going and we're like, whatever dad's going to let us go. He's like, you go inside, you sit in that chair, you go inside, you sit in that chair. And we fucking sat there all day. We kept thinking like, he's gonna do it. Because he always would, that time he fucking did it. Oh, no. But were you going to see all the ones at that time he didn't do it? And they also won time and I had to look it up because I couldn't remember if I made this up or not, but they, when I was a kid, the high school I eventually went to, they came and wrestled at the high school. And then we looked it up and I guess they did go and they did. It was on the internet. But I guess they would do these exhibitions like Snooka and Snooka was there. Jimi, you're wrong. How's that? What's interesting about wrestling is it's very similar to comedy and it's very similar to pro football what we've been talking about was there was a time when it wasn't profitable where you had to do it because you were doing it. Because like it was like a little clickish, it was like a weird thing. Like I tried to explain to the younger comedians now guys in their early 20s and shit that when I started doing comedy you were almost ashamed to tell people. You were like, I do stand up comedy and people would be like, what? And now you go like, I do stand up comedy and they go, so do I and I also blog and I write and you go. And you didn't get that weekend. Because I review soaps with my poodle and go, yeah. But that's what wrestling would be like and a little like you're taking the gig wherever then. But they're working the road. They're doing it for five bucks a night. They're just wrestling whenever they can wrestle because they just want to do this shit. So some promoter was out there being like, we'll find high school, we'll do whatever. And also if you play football at the time it was like in paper lines, the George Pimpton book, but the guy that was the dad and Webster, forget what his name is, George Papadopoulos. George Papadopoulos. Papadopoulos. He would. He would Vikings. Alliance. Alliance. Cause he was in paper lines. He would go wrestle in the off season because that's what they were doing. And so then these guys, what's interesting about it is wrestlers became possessive of it the way comedians did back, we're going through what wrestlers went through. They're still kind of going through it because you got a guy like Logan Paul who's unbelievable in the ring but didn't come the right way, didn't come up the right way and you got people struggling with that, which there are guys that are like streamers and then they're funny and they can do stand up if it works, it works. But they were like really protected because they used to have to go do fucking high school gyms. The way we had to do after prom shows and American legions and shit American legions, but that's same with us. Like I remember I was on bowling alleys, American legions, yeah, someone I forget who we were hanging out with, but we were at a show and Katie was with me and someone who was like shit, soda and I used to do after-proms and Katie's like the fuck is an after-prom. I remember her and you would go do that at a prom. Well dude. It's a New York thing. I was going to say I've never even heard that from anyone. For everyone. So what would happen is Caroline's, this I knew specifically of Caroline's back when it was in Times Square, high schoolers would hire them to do an after-prom comedy show. So at one in the morning, there would be a comedy show with me, Joe List, Aaron Berg and a couple of like whoever was like- And Caroline's? Or have the scrolls? Okay, okay. And these kids would come in and they get soda and they're after-part. It was horrible. All these kids wanted to do was finger and jerk each other off and then we're sitting there going like dating, am I right? So I used to get black out drunk. And then I would do it like it was like- a dare speech. - 'Cause they're telling us to pay you shit. They'd pay you like maybe a hundred bucks and you'd go on at like two 45 in the morning. So I wasn't stopping my drinking for some Pipsqueak. So I would get drunk. I remember buying at the Dwayne Reed across the street from, which I think it's still there. In Times Square, I'd go by two corona forties 'cause they would close by the time I'd be done. And I'd go to that green room, I'd smoke inside and I'd drink those forties. And then I'd go. - Oh, they bruised in it 'cause they're a fucking game, right? - That was my guy. - They bruised in it 'cause you lost your dance moves. Alcohol I didn't take before and after for them. And then I'd go out there and I'd go, you guys, joke, you know, no. (laughing) I remember doing my Russian joke one time in the school, I was like, that's racist. And I was like, shit the fuck up. (laughing) - You just said dare, dude, you made me have a flashback. So I remember when dare came to our high school, I graduated 91. So this would have been 90 'cause there's a year ahead of me. - It went to the high school? - Yeah, they came to our high school. - That's too late. - Came to high school. - You gotta get 'em in elementary school. - Well, I'm 52, dare, I don't know when dare came about, but this would have been late 80s. - 'Cause I'm telling you early 90s. - Early 90s, I'm in fifth grade, around 92, 93. - Three are coming to my high school. - But they're coming to my elementary school 'cause they're testing it in the waters to see who responds the best. High school, I would have, by the time, if they were to get my high school, I'd have been like, fucking nice. - So they sent a tray to pass around the auditorium with fake drugs to what pills look like glued to the thing. - In Baltimore? - This point, we're out in Carroll County. - Okay. - The tray goes back up. Somebody put a joint on it. It went back with more drugs. This cop was fifth. It went back to him with more drugs. But there's like, here's your fucking dare price. - As he's getting in, he has pretty intense stuff. - Who put that in there? Who put that in there? - That shot would never forget that. I was like, that was fucking balsy. - Who the fuck put that in there? Smelling that joint. Sun's the bitches. Also, I need to talk to you after. - His hold, I won't forget this either. His whole scared straight speech. So they would take, this is right before prom, so they would take a car that they said was, - Yes. - Kids died in from drinking driving. - They would throw that right on the lawn at the front of the school. - You drive by, it's like three kids died in that car, drinking a drive for prom. You're like, what, my buddy at the junkyard gave you all that? - That's so funny. - That's such an East Coast thing, when they go, my dad works at the junkyard. - That's where I grew up in a junkyard. - That's where I got this car, right at the junkyard. - My buddy's that on the junkyard. So we grew up in this junkyard. But the other thing they would do too, this guy, he came in and he gave a whole speech about how a drunk driver hit him on duty. And he was, in such peril that if they put him, the game, any kind of pain meds or put him out, they were afraid he wasn't gonna wake up. And he tells this whole horrific story about the surgery he has to have with a state trooper. - Yeah, what are you in the Civil War? - And we're all just like, what the fuck? And then he passes the drugs around and it goes back up with one more and he's just fucking high. - That's so funny. I had to be a wake during surgery. Had you want to play jokes? It's so funny because my mom would like, she worked in insurance all the time. She'd talk about work, but she worked specifically in medical malpractice. So I would learn about doctors and stuff and what they were doing fucked up. So if that would happen, I'd go, well, you can't find a decent anesthesiologist. This fucking guy's full of shit. I go, first off, you know, insured anesthesiologists not being able to put anyone out. That's the whole point of the thing. Yeah, they would make stuff up where they'd be like, and then they died. But I would go stay with my dad who at the time I was in there was living in, that was already up in Lake County. So I'm already watching mother fuckers that are like drinking and on death. And I'm going like, this ain't how it is at all. I prefer if he smoked weed. He'd be fucking calm down. - I tell him, look, after what happened to me in the hospital, which is what my special is all about. I haven't alive, go watch it. The one thing they told me that I, 'cause I was like, I guess is the end of marijuana. And they're like, no. And I was like, oh yeah, you guys are cancer doctors. - Yeah. - And they're like, so what they said and I want to make this very clear. They put, I have to be on blood thinners for the rest of my life and everything. So they're like, look, you should stop drinking. You should just stop drinking anyway. And I wasn't a huge drinker. I'm just like a guy that could have a six pack in the fridge for months. - God bless you. - I know. But I'm not saying it like I'm better than anybody. I have smoked a small forest. - Sure. - Okay, yeah. - Not, that's just the one that works for my body, works for my mind. But they said, we prefer you to smoke or ingest nothing, obviously. - We want you to do it. - They always say we prefer to say not to ingest it. - And these were the cardiologists, the pulmonologists, everything. We prefer nothing. However, if you're going to take anything, cannabis is the thing that we recommend. Do not vape. Do not take any tobacco products. Do not take anything with your blood and your lungs. And I'm like, they're like, you can smoke with the clots in your lungs. I'm like, what? Like it's not gonna make anything any worse. Cannabis is not gonna make it worse. I guess you shouldn't and we don't want you to. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - Come to my next episode and I go, "Sickler said this is making me beat." - Sickler's surgeon said. - Sickler's surgeon said that I won't have blood pots if I smoke those much. He goes, "I didn't say that at all." He goes, "I didn't say that at all." That's absolutely Mr. Provo's job. It is a thing where, like I kind of realized, when I do it too much, but man, oh man, the drinking stuff for me is like, I would have been fun to rip. I would have been fun to have Babe Ruth's diet. You see that and you go, but it was funny about living in 2025 as we look at that diet. We go, "Oh no." But in the 20s they go, "Well, if he's got the appetite for it, it's must be healthy." - Ah! - You go, no, four hot dogs and four coaks, you fat foxes. - I think that's what I'm doing. I always joke about, like if I'm making into my 80s and stuff, I do want to try heroin. I do want to try these different things, but now. - These amount of friends I've lost because of it? Yes. It's gonna be good. - I'm gonna check in with it. - But now I think I just want to eat myself into death. - Yeah. - And I mean the sandwiches that are made out of pizza dough and they, that's just all the, that's where I'm going. - Yeah, we'll be a drug. - Oh, dude. - Babe Ruth and it, from my 80s and whatever. - When I get, when I get in digestion, that's when I'll take the heroin. (laughing) - Yeah. - You have to understand it's a little bit of a calm, a little bit of calm B, we put it all together. The special is out now on YouTube. Go watch it, click pause on this, then go watch Ryan Sickler's new special. Listen to the honeydew, listen to the way back machine. You're the fucking man. I hope your Ravens turn it around. And if they fire, car-baw. - Zach Orr has got to go first. Our decordinators got to go first. - And if maybe-- - Car-baw'd un-get-fire mid-seat. - All right. You, this is what, let me just say this. - He's done too much. The man has won us a Super Bowl, and he's done too much. If he's gonna go, he deserves to go down with the ship. - You're right. - That's his job. 'Cause also, what kind of message does that send to the next coach? Oh, here comes Dan Soder. Wait, I wanna go coach for a team that, that guy did all that, and he just dumped them in the middle of one bad scene. - Treat your man right. - Even if you don't treat him right, let the motherfucker go down with the ship. - Yeah, exactly. - And then we can fucking build a new ship. - Exactly, I think a lot of us need that advice in our regular life. - But you fucking rule, Cicler. - Thank you, brother. - Goodbye. (upbeat music)