Autism Stories: Michael from CtrlAble

[Music] Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Autism Stories. I'm your host, Doug Bletcher, the founder of Autism Personal Coach. Autistic people are the true experts of the artistic experience and autism stories is where we interview autistic people to learn from their diverse stories, experiences, and get their insights. If you would like to be notified about each week's episode of Autism Stories, we suggest you subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform. On today's episode, Michael from controllable joins us to discuss the community he built for disabled gamers who believe gaming should be accessible for everyone. We hope you enjoy today's conversation. Michael, thanks so much for joining me here on Autism Stories. Thanks for letting me be here. I've been following your podcast for a while and you will do some good work. Really appreciate that and I'd love to start off our conversation by learning where does your story in the autistic community begin? I'm not trying to go for and talk about my actual story because I think that with my channel is re-situation, but let me just dig into my story. So in the autistic community, it kind of began long before I had the language you understand what I was experiencing as a child. I was born in Virginia, but because of my dad's work as a hotel gentleman, you're retended to move around a lot. So I've been to a three states of in my childhood and life, mostly of birth in Texas, but I did restate in Oklahoma as well. My mom was a sailhawk mother for most of my life in Homsville, me from first through eighth grade. So I would say that my childhood was shaped by some sensibility, controlling emotional tension. Well, in my old house or the houses we used to go over and be in apartment mostly. So my dad was deeply consumed by his job, so I never really had the kind of close-of-over-and-study relationship I wanted. While my mom, me while was really controlling and primitive, a lot of my childhood memories that I can remember really involved just being grounded for long periods, just being sent on my bed or sterile wall for hours or even being pushed out of the house during the day and not really being let back in until later that night. That kind of environment deeply affected how I felt myself and how safe I felt in my own home. The Homskulling was a vivid experience for me. There were parts that I genuinely loved like history and science because we always went so far and sat down together with my mom and we would explore books, website and ideas and through that I got into that 9% title on the history exam, oh, start test, I hear in Texas, but whenever I was doing it for high school, a math will really just never stick with me. And instead of recognizing that my process of information differently, my mom's response was usually just repetition pressure. So I would be forced to do the same work she again, multiple times during the day, sometimes for about two to four days straight because she just did not want me to move on until I got it. Looking back, I can't see that a lot of my difficulties were not about laziness or defiance. I was just processing the world differently, but at that point no one will really around me really understand it around the age of 10. I began having some serious vision related issues, so where kids led to the discovery that I had audiovisual process and difficulty with my old-life doctor. I was sent to vision therapy, I'm not sure how long I would guess it was about six months to a year. It might have been a year and six months, but I don't absolutely remember, but during that time, I remember my mom having conversations with her professional about things like ADHD and ADD, but she was strongly resistant getting me tested for anything related to mental health or neurodevelopment because she was just afraid of the medication and what it might mean, especially in the early 2000s and the number of things really started with medicine. I was also taken for learning development, testing at one point with multiple people, but I don't really know what actually came out of it. I do know that some of the signs were there early, there was just never a clear framework to me to really understand myself, but as I grew older, things became harder. My parents kind of fall off then, especially at night, and there was a whole lot of emotional pull out with those fights becoming preferently taken out on me the next day, wishes with the grounding and things like that. Before I entered high school, my family situation, I would say fully book apart because my dad became sick, so my parents the only way to make a really deal with it was to separate. And very soon after, I would guess about one month, maybe two, kind of reconnected with an old girlfriend, which was the girlfriend before my mom. So that area kind of marked the beginning of the major and severe depression for me. And my mom and I spent time in homeless shelters before she struggled to find and keep stable work, oh, with high school being one of the onlyest periods of my life because I had no will social circle. And I didn't participate, but I think it just felt constantly watching control with my mom pushing me into difficult classes, monitoring my school life very closely and even responded to any grade below her expectation for even just a tennis misunderstanding. If I missed a class, oh, she was actually all my grandparents and pretty much called out a little search party just to find me. Even though I was just there at school, trying to work with the disabilities of people doing such a thing like keyboarding for one. My teachers often stayed in close contact with her and I sometimes just ended up with eating lunch with just the teachers themselves, everything of life and so just making friends with showing me deep in my isolation. So, through all of this, I was also just struggling with anger, emotional depression and disagreeing since that nobody believes or understood me because I have moments at the teenager where my frustration poiled over and those moments up this was treated just as approved. I was probably aware of being in size, that I needed to be supported and my mom ended up just, I would say once every couple of years called the police on me, which didn't help matters. At the same time, I was just trying to still build a life I did become an Eagle Scout at the 15 or 16. scene around and there before high school. The Amazza Riccato was building a playground for fair-pura date, work back for Whiting Grant, which is still something that I am still proud of in a year's later. And during college and other major family web show happened after my mom forced that work situation at Bush Meantopanic, and just escalated into a food conflict where she took my belongings and just left me stranded. And that was kind of became the breaking point that led me to move in with my dad for a time and layer with my whim lover. While I was living with my whim lover, things started actually make more sense. I was, I noticed, as legally blind by an eye doctor, as time health explained the individual difficulties I had dealt with for years. I also began fair-p, that is where I finally received diet. Yeah, I noticed this from my fair-pissed, that gave so much of my life with all diseases, best known disorder, ADHD, predominantly, an agentive presentation and dysphemia. So for me, joining the autistic community was not a sudden beginning, but a long overdue recognition because it was the moment when years as a revival understanding and essentially difficult, the emotional pain and just filling out a place just started to form a pattern that I could understand. I would say that my story in the autistic community had begins with surviving all that event, solely learning that I was never really broken. I am still learning that I would see this day with going to home my fair-pissed every couple of weeks and learning more about myself. But because before then, especially in, I just felt very unsupported, misunderstood, and just never getting a world that was just not built for the way I experienced it in long term. Now, you created a community built for disabled gamers and Nintendo fans who believe gaming should be accessible for you. First of all, what is the name of your community? And what have you learned about community building from this experience? All right, just while we are ready, that my name is Michael from Controllable YouTube Channel. You can spell it with the capital C, the RKCRL, upper case A, and the RKBLE. And it kind of, with me creating it, it kind of taught me that community is not built just through the branding. It is built through belonging, consistencies, shared values, and actually giving people life where they feel seen that I never really had, especially through the high school. In many ways, Controllable kind of grew out of the dance eyes did not have a framework. With a high school, isolating me, and I just did not really find friendship or connection in traditional spaces, especially with me, and have ending up being with my teachers, physical teachers, and classes just doing their peer, oh, teachings through the lunch and never had a community today. The place where I found people was honestly through being online because at the high school, we used to have computers. And whenever it first started, it was around 2016. So the computers weren't really that regulated. So while I was trying to build my mom, I went really, I was a bean torture, but through the grounding and everything, I couldn't really go on my computer. So I ended up doing gaming online and Discord and RP forums and other kinds of wolf-like messages. Where those faces, I just first felt the connection of just the sheer pastions, ideas, and creativity. And for just someone like me who struggled socially, it's more conventional settings. Unlike me, these were no less than relationships to me at that time, because they were will-friendship people that I can really talk to, and just will spaces of identity that I just couldn't get. And at the same time, I also learned on that communities can go wrong when they become hostile and stagnant and overly kept or even dismissive, because I have had multiple different experiences in both platforms and gaming guilds, where people were unnecessarily reused and kind of resistant to my ideas, or was just more interested in just showing things now and happily building something exciting. And all of those moments just released that with me and taught me that a bad community that is not fault just because people disagree. It falls because people stop breathing each every curiosity patience and honestly just a sheer purpose. And I feel like especially when I was in high school, and more so especially after I went to COVID, too many spaces forget that five-willy matter, because to many communities, especially if you look at gaming, they become cynical, territorial, or even upset with why something cannot be done instead of what can be built together. And that is the part that I am trying to bring to controllable and to challenge people, because I want to bring back a old sense of the old, early 2000s, 2010s, full school gaming community, where people were just excited, imaginative, and just will invest in a full thing together, because I grew up, even with my mom issues, during an era when gaming communities was built a well series like, "Hey, look, all of duty, minecraft, the old weed, the DS360, and it just feel electric." There were the sense that games were not just part of it, but places where friendship, memories, and identities were really being formed. And some of that energy, especially with COVID, has just been locked, with part of it being COVID, but also part of it as the fragmentation and commercialization of just online space. And also, with many communities now leading with fatigue before the connection, controllable with all intentions and purposes, is my attempt to bring some of that old spirit back. And what I learned from Moe with building controllable is that community cannot just be about me, even if I started. That's why whenever you look at my videos, I would always say, "I am not controllable. We are controllable." Because, well, I may be the founder, but I am not the community itself. A controllable only works is if people feel that it belonged to themselves. So, oh, my pillars is trying to listen to people, trying to welcome different needs and perspectives, especially through my projects and comments, and just building something bigger than just a per-help platform. Accessibility is part of that, especially with me being disabled, but so is the tone, the culture, and even the trust. I have learned that leadership in a community is not just about control. It is about being the steward. It is about setting the tone, but catching the mission, and making room for other people to matter. So, that's the biggest lesson of all. So, is that I am not controllable on my own. Everyone, it is controllable. You mentioned accessibility. You mentioned being disabled. Are there misconceptions about disability? And, or accessibility within gaming that you find yourself correcting most often. I will say one of the biggest misconceptions I find myself correcting, especially when I've brought comment on other people's videos and I have mentioned it before on my interviews is people thinking that accessibility is the same thing as just easy mode. That misunderstanding comes up constantly and it misses the point pretty much entirely because accessibility is not about removing challenge. People that are disabled can do normal modes or hard modes or hard boron, Minecraft. And it's not about oh, Plattening design or even making every game the same. It's about giving more people a fair chance to engage with the experience and preferably. For some players that might mean subtitles, remapping, larger text, clarity tutorial, audio sliders, reduced button mashing or just even visual use. Those features do not make a game lesser because they make it more playable. Accessibility is not a cheat code and it is an invitation. A never misconception is that accessibility only helps disabled gamers. Look going back to the brain. Easy mode. Like mentioned. The reality accessibility features really often improve the experience for everyone. Subtiles can help people in noise environments. They are UI help new players. Better tutorial can help players who are overwhelmed. Remapping can also help someone with an entry, temporary pain or just a simply different preferred playstyle. Accessibility is often discussed as if it were a niche concern online. But when in reality that is actually part of good design and why it's been popping up in more and more games. Well, because it's all about less built-in clarity and respect for the reality that at least you know, all leaves engage with games in the same way. As we now have things like the Xbox adaptive controller. And some people can go for and have their own little controller and that makes games easier. And some people who need stick with the regular layout. I will really spend a whole lot of time pushing back against more social misconception as well. If admiration not being the same as respect. A lot of disabled players are praised in adjure terms. But their actual needs are still in nor when systems, games and communities are being built. Like the controller situation that I taught at Rivia about last month. People say that they care about disabled gamers. But that means very little if they have dismissed the discussions about barriers, control bands and just platform limitations or just even designed to that leaf-lash be high. Because will we spend, and this is always drive on controlable, is that a listening, adapting and taking inclusion seriously as a design priority. And this is not just the PR fucking point that all of the company do. And I'll give you one more example too. I care about it. And that is who gets up behind. You've been with disability advocates itself. And when you're on pause conversations where accessibility really becomes too narrow or focus only on the most visible needs. There is not enough room for new online to have cognitive accessibility, neurolibergence, entry overload, processing issues, legal blindness or even the fact that not all support needs really look the same. I also think that there is a misconception that accessibility discourse has to be joyless or thankful. It will it does not have to be. Ends can still be weird, creative, cozy, difficult, emotional or even cosmic or that I talked about with the feeling of the library. Accessibility is not the enemy of artistic identity because it is part of making art and play more reachable. Because at the honest heart of it, I am always trying to remind people that life is already hard mode for a lot of us. Games really do not have to be that way. Or at least they do not have to be inaccessible in ways that are unnecessary. Accessibility is not about taking something away from gaming. It is about giving more people away into game. Now through controllable, you've shared an accessible games initiative review which is a survey to help evaluate the accessibility of Nintendo games using the accessible games initiative framework or a GI. What are some key components of the AGI framework? Okay, before we begin to that, I want to show out to Nintendo Forecast. We actually did this AGI framework review as a team. He was the one that actually wanted to do the project. I first read he style to him to go over and ask him to be on an interview with me with a controller because I wanted him to go over and bring some Nintendo experience. Will he turn into being a project because he wanted to do something more? I would say more epic and more important. So I thought of, well, let's take this AGI framework and go over it. I kind of made everything working and he kind of gave me an idea. So I just wanted to show out Nintendo Forecast for that. I would say the key strength of the AGI framework is that it provides a sweatshirt-sheered language for discussing game accessibility, whoever van just relying solely on the impression. What will appeal to me about it is that it breaks accessibility down into a vertical observable criteria, whoever van just reading it like a general feeling. And my part of the project I adapted the idea into a review framework built around 25 accessibility criteria. I grew into a water category such as visual auditory, motor, cognitive and just system level support. That makes the conversation more transparent. Instead of simply saying a game is accessible or inaccessible. We can ask specific questions about what it does well for a false short and who is actually being considered with the game. For visual accessibility, the framework considers adjustable in a text size, contrast options, color rely, friendly support, with a UI, and whoever the game will be relies too heavily on color alone to communicate important information. For auditory accessibility, it starts to look at the subtitle, dubtile customization, visual cues for key sounds, auditory balancing options, and care tools that help players better process a sound for game. For motor accessibility, the focus includes from buttons, remapping, input, just to the alternatives to rapid button press. We have ability with different and proske and assist options that will reduce the physical strain with the cognitive accessibility of that part covers like a adjustable difficulty with easy EM or R, the ability to reduce pressure mechanic. Replayable instructions, clear tutorials, for giving text points and support. for reducing visual or mental overload. Then there is the system level side, which considers how well a game worked with water platform features and accessibility. And why this is especially useful is that this is not only a checklist. This is a framework that can produce a qualitative and quantitative insight because in my project, Edie Criterion is based playing Mark Baharai before multiple toy answers, which is present partial absent blankly. And from there, again, can be translated into category told and an overall percentage for. And that percentage will help viewers get a snapshot, but the will value will utilize in the deeper data behind it because the goal is not just to reduce games to a number. The goal is to create a vector that helps us compare patterns over time. I did the side comment gap and show where Nintendo and other development approach are making progress and where they are not. And I do love Nintendo, but if you're looking at gaming and prices, one of the big things that's been going on lately is, well, the economy and money, especially in the US because in the US, the games are starting to be $70, $80, $90. And let's say you're a disabled person and you cannot go to a shop like GameStop and you have to go over and get the game online. Some companies like Sony and Highspot, they, or even Steam, they would go over and let you buy the game. And sometimes you can give the, for companies, the game pack and get some money, especially if you're on Steam, where there's a two hour limit, but places like Nintendo, they don't do that. They don't take the game pack, they don't give you money, it's okay. You can hear it's a game, there you go. And if you're disabled and maybe you get a game like GTA IV, you cannot return it. But we are letting everybody think who does the form and fill it out and that is it. So, no one like I'd say anybody like that who fills it out. So it's more community led. They were taking things great from the community and fun to form, we're not adding over factors. On the form, I will not form, but on the spreadsheet, I will for and have like controllable furtive that wanted the categories and also, via sources and that part is me talking about my controllable dissection, but that is not included in the actual number of the proof of sheet. And that is why I built it around the Google for submission and a public spreadsheet for a great of results to get that anonymity and to actually base it around the community because it allows players to report on what they're actually experiencing. While the sheet gives the viewers a clean, visible overview of each game, over time that can become something bigger than a single review series. It can become a living database of everything. And that is a part that will excise me most because it turns to accessibility from a vague talking point into something that is measurable, discussable and even useful for disabled players and their families and creators and this ability to have a kiss alike. - I'm wondering about gaming in context of your artistic experience, Michael. Where do you see the impact of gaming in regards to how autism specifically impacts you? - That's honestly a good question. The most helpful option for me, are to one that reduce friction and make information easier to really process. The subtitles is a very huge one, especially with my revision issues. They do not just help dev or hard hearing players because they also help people with processing differences, attention issues and anyone trying to follow a dialogue in a noisy environment. So for me, subtitles can provide an extra layer of clarity and making the audience really experienced easier to follow and less mentally exhausting. Good subtitles are even better than when they come with customization. Such as large print, bigger contrast, those bigger labels or even background opacity. - And larger UI and larger text is also incredibly important, especially as a legal influencer. Because when you live with visual limitations, small print and other menus, that can quickly become major barriers with something just as simple as just scalable text. So it can honestly be different. You turn the game that feels inviting and one that feels exhausted. The same goes for larger screen or better visual presentation in general. Accessibility is really often built or broken down by reverty, player can comfortably perceive what the game is asking you to do. And better tutorial, willing matter, far more than people willize. A strong tutorial is honestly not just for beginners, it would be about some people do skip the tutorials. Oh, I disagree that people do that because it will help players to process information differently and players to really need the repetition and even those who are overwhelmed by too many systems at once. And people that are maybe returning just after people break. Clear instructions, we playable guidance and the ability to learn at just the manageable pace are all willing nature, SS built humans. Sometimes the most valuable accessibility option is really just simply a game which besting that not everyone learns the same way for at the same speed. And overall, the most helpful options are just the ones that make games more flexible because they let players engage on their own terms by our fan of forcing everyone down a simple widget path. And that doesn't kind of design, does not really weaken games and it actually makes them more humane and more ways that people can actually play through games, it's very nice. And lastly, Michael, how can our listeners learn about you and join the controllable community? I would say that the best place to learn and join the controlable community is the willy-chisk going to my YouTube channel controllable. And I'll tell you how it's built again. F12C, their KCRL, F10A, BLE. And it's just a little fun note. What I controlable was actually, okay, but by me because the control part is kind of remind people about games and computers like controllers and able because I am disabled. And the YouTube channel is the main home of my content where I talk about this built the end gaming, Nintendo, disabled player experiences. And even the bar conversations that really often gets overlooked in gaming culture and sometime with other disabled from people white now. Now the channel is continuing to grow with about 500 and non-usezcribers and I am very incredibly grateful for that because every new sayscriber commenter and returning viewer Billy Hill sprangthin what I want this community to become. I also just want to make controllable more than just the channel people watch. I want it to be a place where people can participate which is why in the lead to the HCI review form and the public and spreadsheet are available through the channel and in every big of description to type it out. So viewers can contribute to the SS build the conversation and help build a clearer picture of how games are serving disabled players. The idea is not to just talk about SS build from a distance but to create something very practical and mini-striven that can grow over time. And I also want to give you an exclusive if that's okay. Sure. How can I say no to that? With my channel I am also building something toward something big. Like I mentioned I have about 590 subscribers and I've been trying to think about what I wanted to do for my 1000 subscribers celebration. Now some people go and do crazy stuff. And that is going to be an extension of the same community spirit. I was working on it and I've been planning it as both a Discord server and Minecraft server. Because I was thinking some people that are disabled can't leave their homes. So I want there to be a place that is connected to my channel where people can come on to my Discord server and Minecraft. And it is essentially designed to be a creative, structured and immerse space where Mindy storytelling and government inspire role play and cheer role building come together. And with me talking about the game means and communities. I used to be in multiple different Minecraft city nation or peace server. And I did something that I eventually tried to do with this project but I am going to make it for disabled people and these other servers sometimes get still. Here we're going to actually have it will play base and actual will play events. So in many ways it will be reflects the same values as controllable itself with the long and creative collaboration and giving people a place to matter besides my YouTube channel. So if people want to be part of what I am building the first step is to find controllable on YouTube, describe, join the conversation and grow with us and hopefully whenever we get to 1000 subscribers, I will launch our Discord and Minecraft server and hopefully with that everybody will know that there is always a place in this building community with video gaming that there will just isn't. There has been some disability disabled gamers but nothing like I've been trying to build especially on the nendocyte. So hopefully through these project people can get to know more about this ability and will it just be more rare and find a really good place with a community. Absolutely and I really hope controllable continues to grow for you and for our community. It was really pleasure Michael for me to meet you and for you to share your story and knowledge with myself and with all our listeners. I mean you're welcome. I love talking to people so don't be afraid especially in my comments. I always talk different and we talk to everyone. Thanks so much to Michael for the conversation. To learn more about Michael and controllable, please check out the link in the podcast description for this episode. We always love hearing from you and would especially love to hear from you after listening to this episode on what accessibility feature has made the biggest difference in your own gaming experience. Did you know autism personal coach provides support by autistic for artistic. We empower autistic adults and teens to be the best version of their authentic selves through customized life coaching and community groups. We also support parents and partners of artistic people by providing insights and guidance to bridge communication gaps and nurture mutual understanding. So please visit autismpersonalcoach.com to begin your experience of judgment free coaching rooted in empathy, expertise and respect for artistic identity. Until next time I'm Doug Bludcher of Autism Personal Coach. Talk to you then. Inside. Inside is more than I can join. [Music] [Music]