Author Joel Carroll ("The Book of Joel")!

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Hello, the rebels, and welcome to the Shurper screening room, a presentation of too many podcasts, and it is, ah, your host, Jim, the podcast Shurper, who also hosts that other show too. Welcome, if it's your first time here. This is the show where we get to talk to folks who don't necessarily have a podcast, but they are creators, they're actors, writers, directors, authors, musicians, you name it. People who can create and the guest that we have today is a really amazing person, his story may scare you a little bit, but he is just incredible. I always have a lot of respect and admiration for folks who just go through hell and can come back and do something positive for people. And that is exactly the story of my guest today, his name is Joel Carroll, and Joel has written a book called the Book of Joel, and it details his involvement with drug addiction, alcohol addiction, and even being in a gang, and this one might not beat for the kids. I mean, there's no bad language or anything like that, but if some people have very inquisitive minds or maybe they're very sensitive to certain subjects, they might not want to hear this interview, and I would advise maybe listening to it a little bit later or putting on your headphones, but it'll always be here for you, or you can listen to it later on on Shurperlution.com. I really enjoyed speaking to Joel, and his message is definitely a powerful one. I think you're really going to enjoy this interview, so let's have a listen to my talk with Joel Carroll, the author of the Book of Joel. Welcome to the Shurper screening room. I am sitting here today with Joel Carroll. He is the author of the Book of Joel, and we're going to get to know him a little bit today and find out about his book. So Joel, is this your first book? It is. So what exactly inspired you to write it? So the things that I've been through in my life and being able to survive it, and get off the drugs and alcohol eight years ago. People when I share my testimony or I speak in meetings around the city, people like you have to put that down on paper. I've never heard anything like that in my entire life. So being not educated, not caring too much about academics in high school, outside the Washington DC area where I grew up. It was definitely a project and one that I was looking forward to achieving since I really didn't finish too many things in my life. So this is very special to me and my family and people in the community here in Tucson. So you were a teenager when you started getting involved with drugs and alcohol. That's when I started 14, 15 years old. What do you think you did it? Did you think it was pure pressure or just a means of escape? I love sports when I was a kid, but I just never grew. You know, I'm 5'4" on a good day. And I love basketball, baseball, football, never got on the field because I was so tiny. And then once I tried it out for basketball in the mid 90s, and they just cut me right away. And I was just outclassed in every sense of the word. And I just wanted to belong, but like I wanted to belong to something, belong to someone outside of my household and my parents drank heavily when they weren't at work, my father worked at the Pentagon. And when they came home, they would drink. That's what they did. So when I saw everybody in high school drinking and smoking pot or using LSD and I wasn't on that team and I got depressed. I reached into my mommy and daddy's locker cabinet and I tried it for myself and that ended up being close to 20 years without putting it down. So this really became a way of life for you as well as affecting you physically. Did it affect you socially too? Did you just end up hanging around people who were drinking and taking drugs as well? Oh yeah, I went from a real shy kid that people got along with all kinds of people. But the second I drank at that bus stop and I got on to that bus, I was a completely different person. I just, I didn't have a filter. I felt like I had a confidence about myself that I never had in my life. You know, I just walk up and start talking to all the females in my school. I just didn't care. Like I was so outgoing. It was amazing. You know, I was like, it's a magic potion. Alcohol is a magic potion. And I loved it. I just didn't know what it was going to end up doing to me in a long run. I would imagine that at some point, this was catching up to you, especially if you were going to school, wreaking of alcohol and already having taken drugs. Yeah, I drink before I got home and then I went from smoking weed to smoking from out of hide, which is a bombing fluid. We dip our cigarettes in it as drive across the bridge to DC. So going into school, I was drinking to Keela or whatever. My parents had at that time and then I would smoke and bomb the fluid going into the high school. And because of that confidence and wanting was yearning to be part of something. I ended up becoming gang affiliated and that drinking and the drug use just fueled that desire. I was very tenacious. Whatever I wanted, I was going to get it. Doesn't mean. You know, I was going to get it in a good way or in a healthy way. I was going to get it anyway possible. And because I was so small. I had that complex to where it was like, you think I'm not, you know, tough enough being around you guys, I just kept drinking and drinking and using and that really fueled that going forward and ended up not wanting to open the books at school anymore. So while you were affiliating yourself with gangs, you were further removing yourself from the life that you were living even more. Yeah, I get into the gang life and my parents having such a long leash for myself and being able to go out, they still thought I was playing basketball. I was out in these neighborhoods and. Well, I was being tested with the guys in the gang, you know, I'd be walking my girlfriend down the street in the in the mid 90s and I've had guns put on my mouth. I've had guns put to my head. I've had cars pull up with mask men just run up on me when I'd be walking my girlfriend's dog home. And it ended up being the guys I was in the gang that I wanted to be affiliated with and they were testing me. And I didn't care, you know, I've been beaten up so brutally bad and watched in DC. I almost got beaten to death in front of cops. You know, because it was a certain neighborhood after coming outside of a club, but I just turn around, I start drinking again. Was there ever any point that you felt like you were actually going too far with a little of this? Never. Never. I was pedal to the metal. I mean, I got hit in the head at a club in 1998 and I had a stroke. And I have a death in the left side of my head right now and I couldn't function for a while. And I went right back this time I just started doing cocaine, you know, to numb it because I didn't trust anybody and I definitely did trust hospitals. No, I wanted to put my name out there. I wanted my name to be out there of sports and it didn't work out. So I was going to put my name out there some way, some former fashion and that way was being a very violent gang member and being an idiot, you know, with drinking. And I was just a fool, man. Yeah, that's what happens very often with gangs that you actually lose your own identity just to fit into the culture of the gang. I lost myself in the book. It talks about how my sister's boyfriend who is one of the leaders of a gang from a Midwestern state. He came out there and he's older than I am. They all are older than I am. He didn't want me to get affiliated. He respected my father working at the Pentagon. He respected my mother. But he took me under his wing when we met and he never wanted me to become affiliated because he knew that lifestyle and all the deaths and the murders never. thing that was going on in the DC area, and I did it anyways behind his back, and I just kept proving to them that I wanted to do that, but he named me Omen, O-N-E-N, the Omen. And I'm a liberal. I was born on Friday 13th on a weekend of a full moon back in 1978, and I was like, when he named me Omen, I was like, wow, that was meant to be. You know, I was born on Friday 13th weekend of a full moon. I'm Omen, it's ominous. You know, I snap, I black out, I have rage, and bad things happen when people mess with me, and they really did. So when he named me, Omen, I was like, that's an Omen. I was like, I'm gonna take off, and I'm a relicist. So the scales, you know, the scales of justice were Joel, which is a biblical name. And then you have Omen, and it totally, within a year, it was full till Omen, everything, all tagging bridges. It was on my shirt. I was just going, go harder, go home, and I was a, karma's a mother, man, I'm telling you, all the things I've done to people, it came back to unfold on me. And yeah, it was tough, man, and I'm just grateful to be here right now. I can imagine you were probably in so deep, you probably felt that there was no way out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. I want to say this right now, you know, I've lived in so many places around the world. My father was in the airport. And cultures, different food, different cuisines, like things that I enjoyed as a child. And because I felt that I wanted to belong to something, I lost myself and my parents were victims of my alcoholism, even though they drank every day, and that alcohol turning into, you know, cocaine, crack cocaine, the firm out of height. I think kidnapped into words of an asses Virginia before a crack cocaine deal gone wrong. I robbed a jewelry store in 1999 when my daughter was born. She's 22 now. And instead of being a man of getting a job, I put a mask on, ran up in a jewelry store. We did a jewelry store. Hi, everybody got caught by me. I ran to Florida. They testified against me on the stand. You know, so since a child, I started gaining these resentments that I could never let go of and it baffled me to my core. And I never talked to anybody about it because that's just not what you talk about. You don't go to somebody and be like, Hey, brother, I'm depressed. Hey, brother, you know, I'm seeing shadows that you guys aren't seeing and they're going to call me a freak of weirdo. You know, a lot of things were going on to me spiritually and mentally that I just ego on pride wouldn't allow me to bring that up to these individuals. And I knew what I, I crossed over that side into the dark side. If, you know, if you will, I put in so much work and everything that ended up happening wasn't the way that I, I planned it out. You know, people telling me guys that I ran with were pimping out my girlfriend behind my back. You know, who needs enemies when you're surrounding yourself around individuals that were doing things that would bring you down all the time. You know, and that's just the way that I ended up living. So I just got high more and I drank more. Now that's 19 years. It's filling myself with those companies. So how old were you when things started to turn around for you? So I was going to commit suicide in 2012. At this point, I have three children, two different women. I've done some things in my life to get away. I joined a military. I got kicked out because I chose to continue to use. That was back in 1998 before I had my stroke. That was like one of my God shots where you can change your life. I mean, it doesn't happen. Something's going to happen. And I continued to use anyways. I got honorably discharged. I then became a chef at the Ritz Carlton in Miranda in the mountains in Arizona. And it was beautiful. I'm a very spiritual man. I, I have that sense. You know, if there's something evil manifesting or something that's loving that's manifesting around me, I can feel that, you know, and I've always been over for that as a child. So I became a chef at the Ritz Carlton. When I left Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina, I put the crack cocaine down. I moved back here to Tucson, built swimming pools for a while. I became a chef at the Ritz Carlton. I was a student at the Art Institute. And I succeeded. I mean, after being kidnapped, after having a stroke, after bearing dozens of people that I was very close to and drinking and using for at that point, many years, I picked up one drink at the Ritz Carlton. I said, I deserve a freaking drink. I deserve to have a drink. So I drank one drink. That one drink spiraled to such a dark place. A place that never even been before in my life. I got a DUI to strip club out here. My wife was pregnant. My second son, when I got that DUI, I quit. And I said, you know what? I quit. I don't care if you're pregnant. After that little dude, after baby in your stomach, like I'm done because I was just too upset of myself. I put the alcohol down after 17 years, picked up meth and fetany. I got a lot of family out here in Arizona. And I didn't live here too long. You know, I've been all those other places, but I picked up meth and fetany, put the alcohol down. And that was the darkest chapters of my entire life. It's very disturbing. And I was going to take my life after the things that I've done and seen on meth. And I got stuck in this dark web out here. And it's very sinister and disturbing. And I ended up in a psych hospital. And they would have tied me and they'd take me to the psych hospital because I was in a nut job. Instead of a committed suicide, I walked around a psych hospital again in 2013. I had to play and jump in a front of a truck, go on 50 miles an hour, right in front of the hospital. And I walked around it for two hours with my hoodie on, 107 pounds at 34 years old. And I was contemplating jump in front of a truck or go get help, take the medications, your family's begging you to take, jump in front of the truck. And it took me two hours to walk into that hospital. And I got medicated. I was there for weeks in a psych hospital. And I went back to salvation army rehab, 2013. And I gave my life to God and I've been clean ever since 2013. Well, Joel, that definitely sounds like a very long road that you've been down. And you probably got yourself to that point where you could actually look back and realize the mistakes that you made and realize that you didn't want to do them again. Absolutely. You know, I dedicate my life now because of all the experiences, you know, in the rooms of recovery, it doesn't matter which one for me, you know, I go in here and I speak what I know. That's my experience strength and hope. I have all those years of experience, just 43 years of experience in his life. Everybody goes through what they go through. And I'm just willing to share mine. I'm not afraid to speak anymore, which that's I was terrified to speak before. And then because I changed as a person, my wife felt that she knew that and she took me back after doing that hardcore program and gave me four sons. You know, it's, I just can't believe a man and I go around and I'm advocate here in the community. It doesn't matter if they're 80 years old. They've been in prison 40 years. I'm there. You know, let them know that they're not alone. Kids, I work with children, I work with teenagers that are runaways. Hey, I was a runaway. You know, I can relate to that and they could fill my my energy. People could fill that energy if you're false or not and I go in there and I give it everything I have in a short period of time. So people know that I'm authentic today and I don't have to lie. You know, Jim, I was a liar for 28 years, and I was a thief for 28 years. I mean, a hardcore klepto, cars, jewelry, people, souls like that was legit. And today, I just, I give back as tremendous. Because of that, I'm here with you tonight because somebody else saw something at me. I find it interesting that you said earlier that you always felt that there was no one you could talk to with all of your problems. And then ironically, you became the person that people could talk to with those problems. Right. We're afraid. We're afraid to speak up because we feel like a lot of us feel like that nobody can relate at all. And then that ego in that pride always have to be what's our crutches are, you know, what our crutches are. And we can't let go of those crutches, which is our ego and pride. Like, I'm a man. A man doesn't do that. I'm tough. I found out I'm not tough. I'm wrong, man. I was doing a lot, but I'm not as tough as I portrayed to be all those years. It's definitely a hard lesson to learn in life that no one is invincible. Absolutely. And that's something that it takes some people a long time to acknowledge that that pride or that ego is what's holding you back. And sometimes you don't even realize what you could have been had that not been standing in your way. Absolutely. Absolutely. Was there a point where you actually realized that you know, maybe this should go into a book. I worked at the car wash when I got out of the Salvation Army rehab after six months. So now I had a foundation which was God and I had AA and NA and I had a sponsor and I was working to steps and I was like, you know what? I'm going all in. So two years into being a manager at the car wash and I was excelling quick because I'm a honest guy and they felt that and they saw my work ethic. Somebody going through all these testimonies and all these events that I was going to sharing my testimony. Somebody was like, you need to get to this field, behavioral health field. That's addiction, that's mental health, it's everything all in one. You need to be a spokesperson for that because you've been in these psych hospitals. You've been incarcerated. You've been homeless begging for food at a church. And then also you've had a family and you've done all those things so people can relate to you. So what happened? I was going in and after all my domestic violence classes were done with my health mental health agency, I started, I got a job at a psych hospital where I was a patient. And I prophesized it said I'm gonna go work there. I'm gonna shake the gentleman's hand and inspire me to do this. And it took about three years to do that. But two years after I was clean, I went in there I got the job and it said you know what, you're gonna be working with vulnerable adults and children on separate units. We need to make sure that your record even though it's extensive, they should share there's certain things on there that you know are gonna negate you from working and dispute it at all. I was like okay I asked my wife is can you get all my criminal history from Virginia, Prince William County? Can you get all that for me? I'm not good on the computer. Please do that. I'll go to the courts here for everything that I've gotten trouble for here. And what the governor's office here in Arizona, they want to dissect our history, our criminal history. Even if we were convicted, they want to know what happened, why you did it and what you learned from it. So while I'm getting this, it's called a good cause exception because I'm a felon. I'm typing out the stolen car, right? 1998 stolen car right outside Washington DC. I typed a summary on that. While I was typing, I heard people in my head saying you should write a book and that was people that I was using within all these different states. And I'm looking at it and I'm like man you're pretty good at this. You know, I'm not educated but I can I can put words on there and have somebody else put them in place. So I ended up doing that and that was in 2015 and they allowed me to come back for the good cause exception after they dissected my criminal history. And it was that month that I started writing my book 2015. I just finished. It just got published. Do you think that the person that you are now recognizes the person that you were 19 years ago? Oh, it's nuts. I can't believe I just can't believe this. I can't. They say, you know, you get on this paint cloud and recovery and some people get off that paint cloud. But I'm so grateful for everything Jim. I'm so grateful for everything. My water just broke. Not like a woman, but my water just broke down by the street and we have no water tonight. I got I got a house full of kids. My wife. We have no water. So I mean, I'm just grateful. I'm trying to get them in that mindset. These four young men that are my sons. I'm like, Hey, you just be appreciative when we do have it. What we got? You know, I got bottles of water for days here. You know, we can we can manage. We don't have to all pack up and go to Nana's house. And we'll we'll get this one night. We're going to be okay, but everything. I'm a I'm a different man. That man at the psych hospital who inspired me to change. I shook his hand three years later. I said, Jeff, I want to say thank you. And he said, for what brother? I said, for inspiring me to change my life. He said, I'm sorry. I don't recognize who you are. I said, I wouldn't bro. I'm a completely different man today. Completely different man. In your book, the book of Joel, what's the first piece of advice that you give people when they feel that they're heading down the path that you have already been down? We're not alone. You're not alone. I wasn't alone, but again, the ego and the pride of an alignment do so and more so than that, the alcohol wants it to my system. It's already wrapped, but you're not alone. People can relate to whatever it is you're going through. There's somebody out there in your community that understands what you're going through and can and can guide you to the next step. There's always somebody that can relate. And people should be aware that there are always resources for them to help them walk out a better path. Yes, absolutely. For anything. I mean, it's crazy. It's amazing. You know, the system's still flawed, but we're making huge leaps to fill in the gaps between mental health and addiction. Whatever, whatever it may be, it doesn't matter. We're not alone. And it's the biggest message that I have for people is you're loved and don't be afraid to ask for help. So now that you're looking back on your life and you want to make amends for some of the things that have happened, is there anything in particular that has been very powerful to have to look back on and make those amends for? So I take medication. Go to church. I do meetings here and there with COVID, I have a son with cancer. So I kind of want to negate from going places just because and I know I'll be okay because the field I work in, I work in a drug rehab. But there's so many pieces to this puzzle of life. And what we all want throughout the day is to be as comfortable as possible. Because we're all okay until we're uncomfortable. And then what happens when we're uncomfortable? Some adults snap, lose it, start breaking stuff. Some people are able to go meditate, do yoga. People have different means and advice to do it. But I have so many different areas in my life that I'm able to combine because of I stopped doing one because I think I'm okay or I stopped taking my meds because I don't snap on people. Month later, the meds out on my system. And then I'm, oh yeah, that's why I was needed to take my meds. There's a lot of ego that goes along with people and taking medication from doctors. You know, I don't smoke hot because I'm paranoid. But you CVD supplements. I do the CBD oils. I do the beard stuff. I smoke the bud without the THC and it really does help me out. But there's more to it than just that exercising, walking, going out, playing basketball. Do you know those things? I used to enjoy before my addiction. That actually was going to be my next question. What is it that you do nowadays that keeps you in a better frame of mind? Talking to people. Talking to people and sharing my story and at home, coaching baseball, going on the field. I wanted to play in the big leagues. You know, I wanted to be in the NBA. It didn't work out. But all those dreams that I had as a child, they're all coming to fruition today because I'm at my son's basketball game. I'm at my other son's baseball game. You know, I'm able to teach them what I knew. And it wasn't all for nothing. You know, it wasn't for a weight. So it's just amazing, man. I look at the goodness and everything and when I lose kind of control because I get irritated or something's not going my way, I'm able to bring it back in. You know, so it's just amazing to be able to do that. I find it very ironic that you originally said that you always felt that you didn't belong. Now you are such an important part of other people's lives because of where you've been and you're helping to steer them in the right direction. Yes. Sometimes we don't realize the effect that we may have on other people's lives. And because you made one decision that you wanted to live and you didn't want to go down the path that you were on. Everything is changed. You're on the other side of that coin. It completely, the roles were reversed, you know, truly. And if you were to tell me even when I got clean and I was in rehab, going to church and going to meetings that what my purpose would be is to work with other people that are struggling with addiction or mental health or just life in general. I put everything I had on that bet because I just had no intentions on doing this. I had no intentions on doing what I'm doing today. And I guess especially with COVID, a lot of people feel very isolated and that there's no one to turn to. Right. Yeah, I lost a coworker this morning to COVID. He was young. He was healthy. My boss called me and said, yes, someone so passed away. I'm like, wait, what? He was just with us. He passed from COVID, you know, and but we adjust as humans. You know, when I tell these guys that are leaving this detox, this hospital portion of my job, that's the look, you might not know what your purpose is today. I said, just don't pick up. Just don't use just for today. Just don't pick up. Don't pick up that drink when you get irritated. I said, you'll figure out what your purpose is eventually and then might shock you. Mind blowing, what you end up doing. Like I did think I'd ever be an author. Like there was no freaking way. Like I'm not educated nor did I want to be educated. And people that read my book, they're like, bro, that is phenomenal. Did somebody write that for you? I'm like, no, I spent six years in my house writing this because I'm a very deep thinker. And I'm vivid in the things that I say. But I'm like, I never knew I would do this. There's no freaking way in the world, man. But we adjust. We adjust. And I know people that relapse and die drinking and using a cause of COVID and and the meeting shut down. You know, you can't go to a 12 step meeting a year ago. So that was an excuse for them to go back and it was hard for them. I'm not going to say it's not, you know, but did they ever pick up the phonic call? Of course not. You know, that any bitty shitty committee in our minds is like, it's never going to work out. So what we do is who is we adjust. Just like I don't have water in my home today. We will adjust. We'll make it through the night just for today. And we'll figure gear it out tomorrow morning. But like you said, there's always a way to reach out to people out of the people that you spoke and do have you found that them might be a person that you really reached out to that the words that you say affected them very powerfully. So I don't know the capacity of what I am doing right now. Like I have bars and all those book signings and the other day that people are just blown away from all over the country. For me, it's, it was a big deal, but it's not a big deal. You know, and I got people reaching out to me from Virginia, Florida, Houston saying they ordered my book, an ex-girlfriend from 25 years ago that didn't know what I was going through when she had to leave me because I was a freaking hoodlum. And she read it and she's like, oh my God, I had no idea you're going through that. You didn't talk to me about any of this stuff. And then she's mind blown all these years later, like, oh my God, I love you so much. She's like, you went through so much. And I'm like, I didn't know how to tell you, you know, I just don't know how to tell you. And then I'll get somebody to reach this out that I haven't spoken to in two years. And they're like, I a bro, I just want to reach out and say I'm two years clean. I got my wife back, got my kids back. I'm working in the field over here in this state. I'm doing exactly what you're doing over here. I love you. You changed my life. And I'm getting that. And I'm getting that not when I want to get that. I'm getting that when life, when the universe, when God is ready for that to drop into my phone or drop in somewhere. And when I have a lot of doubt, you know, a lot of doubt in my book and my speaking and everything like that. And then all of a sudden, boom, somebody reaches out and they're like, oh my gosh, you changed my life from three years ago. So I get that in increments exactly when I need that. So now that you've come out with the first book, is there anything that you want to do beyond that with your life? Do you want to write more books or is there something else that you want to do to further your cause? Yeah. I know this kind of a deep question, but I have a guy asking it anyway. I got some things I'm planning. So this writing my book was tough, but I knew my life. I knew what my life was. But that part wasn't difficult. Reliving it was brutal. That's why I took me. I had to take nine months off. I had to take six months off. So when people said, you have to write again, even my grandmother, she was like, you have to write more. I was like, really? She was like, grandson, it's phenomenal. I was like, really? And this is before it even got published. But she was like, he needs to write more about the wisdom of it all. But the wisdom, the knowledge, the understanding, and put that into a book about something. So I, when I'm tossing a turning at two in the morning and I got too many thoughts going on on my head, that's when I get the most extravagant ideas of my life, because I have 10,000 thoughts going on in my head when I'm trying to count myself to sleep, something will, I'll catch something in my mind and I'll pull it in and I'll jump up and I go, no way, I got to put that in my notes. So I'll write that down. So I've got two ideas for my next two books. I'm traveling to country to speak at seminars. I just got a PR guy. And that's what he's looking into. And I told him, I said, you know, I, I'll believe everything when I see it, because I don't trust people. But I'm going to stay humble throughout all of this. Make this thing one second at a time. And if it's God's will, then greater things are going to happen. But the people that I've read so far around this country, they're like, I have to be a movie like this is people are addicts everywhere. People go through mental illness everywhere. But like to be there during 9/11, my father was in a Pentagon. Not everybody deals with that. The DC sniper killed somebody across the street shot a Vietnam veteran across the street for my apartment in Manassas. And I heard it. So we went on the balcony. And everybody goes to that part while they're in that hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita, not everybody goes to that part when they're an addict or they don't get kidnapped and make it. You know, so I don't know. That's your question, Jim. I'm going to take this thing one day at a time, continue working and just this community to inspire people to change just for today. And as soon as thing takes me, man, I don't want to be a celebrity. I don't care if I'm famous, but I don't want to be a celebrity. I still want to go fishing with my family. And I still want to have that private life. Well, it already seems that that one day at a time plan for you is working out pretty well. So it's okay if we don't think too far in advance, right? It's interesting that with your age, you're really in that sweet spot. You're young enough to be able to communicate with people who are younger than you, but you're mature enough to be heard by people who are older than you. It's an interesting age for you to be in at this spot in your life. Faithful. I'll be 44, man. And if I shave my beard, I'll look like I'm 19. Like I'm a little dude. Like people are shocked when I open my mouth at work. You got all these people coming out of the penitentiary and they look gross and they're tough. But I know that insiders, a good person because they wouldn't have walked into my job if they weren't. And I hit them at 7.30 in the morning with wins them for the day. And after that, they're lining up. They're lining up. And they're like, I needed that you are me. You're just younger. You know, so I'm, I shocked myself, man. I'm not going to lie. I'm stuck in myself right now. Yeah, I always felt that when you're in your 40s, you've definitely got a lot of perspective under your belt. And you've clearly got that. And especially I'm sure that's evident in the book as well. Yeah, I never thought about that ever. I never thought about that. But you're right. Yeah. And now you're at a point where the people that you were actually afraid to talk to about your problems, you've become that person that people will talk to. Absolutely. You know, some people like all the gray hair that I'm growing in, I don't want to cut it, you know, because that's experience, you know, seriously, man. And I feel better today than I did when I was 16. Because in 16 in northern Virginia, I was, I wanted to die to drink of myself to death. But from that experience, I gained some wisdom. And I learned how to shut the hell up and listen to some people. And I like to see people change their lives, not them talking about it, but actually living it. And I want to see it. I want to show, show me. But yeah, perspective, go fishing, go for that. So people can get your book on Amazon or any other stores that sell books, whether online or in person. So the book of Joel, cunning, baffling, and powerful, the cover has a demon sitting in front of me with a bunch of bones on the ground from everybody I lost to violence, suicide, and addiction. And then it's a, I'm in front of the demonic entity in a hoodie, but I'm handcuffed to a chair. And there's eyes coming out of the clouds looking down on both of us. And that could be that or that could be the demon or that could be me looking at myself. And then there's tornadoes coming up both of us because it's just chaos. So if you see the book, you can, you can get it at FultonBooks.com. I publish her out of Pennsylvania. You can get it at Barnes and Nobles.com and some Barnes and Nobles stores. Amazon.com. I'm recording the audible right now, or I actually have a narrator right now doing the audible for gentlemen from the Washington DC area that should be out in the next two months. You can get at Walmart.com, target.com. Ali Baba, you can get it at, I mean, you just look my name up online and miraculously, it's already there. I can't believe it. Two months. Okay, Joel. I can't let you go without you sharing a little bit of wisdom for our listeners. So I was just wondering if there's anything that you'd like to leave our listeners with before we wrap up the interview. As a child, I saw spirits that nobody else saw. I had a demonic entity that tormented me in Belgium. And the next morning, my best friend Michael died. We were seven years old at 10 years old back in the States. I got bullied and I blacked out and almost killed a kid with a painted rock on a golf course in Phoenix, Arizona. At 14, 15, I was playing basketball, collecting baseball basketball cards and put everything I had into sports, but it did not work out for me. I got gang affiliated in the mid-90s. I felt like I had a proof of a point that I belonged here on earth and that I had to make a name for myself. And because of that, a lot of people around me were murdered. I was involved in a lot of violent things. And I turned to drugs and alcohol. And it not only destroyed me, but it destroyed thousands of people that I've met. It really did. And one way or another, I got hit in the head and had a stroke in 1998. 1999 I had a beautiful daughter who was never there for her, ever. So I know what it's like to be a deadbeat death. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book. So she can know that yes, I may have not been there, but I am a human and I want her to know who her father is. I got kidnapped over a crack hope. Can't deal on wrong? go on sideways. Those guys were about to bear meat until their phone rang and it was the woman that owed them money. It doesn't matter where we go, we cannot run away from our problem. Going to the beach, sipping a martini is not going to change your mindset for a long period of time. Someone once told me, a pastor once told me that in the Old Testament, there's always say about this is there was witch doctors and sorcerers and they used to create potions to give to the weak-minded individuals in the world. People that were strong-minded and have a strong will and believe something greater than themselves never needed it because they were in a sense of peace and would say, "No, thank you, I'm okay." But those weak-minded people would reach out for that potion and they would consume it and it put a curse on them. Thousands of years later, a day they called a drug. The drug is a potion that somebody created and they're giving it to the weak-minded individuals that are lost somewhere in this world and because of physical pain, mental pain, anguish or peer pressure, like you said at the beginning, they're reaching out and they're picking that potion up and it curses this planet. With this fentanyl, I'm doing fentanyl out of it all the time. You may not be a drug addict, may have never been an alcoholic, but we're all affected in one way or another from addiction. I just want to let everybody know here you are not alone and to reach out. If you ever need to speak to somebody about your child, your brother, your husband, your father, your mother, because we all need support in this life. We all need support. Now, I don't think I can add a single word to that Joel. His name is Joel Carroll. He is the author of the Book of Joel and I really appreciate you coming by the show and I also would like to say, I'm glad that you made the right decision and you got your life turned around and you've given it a real incredible purpose and it's going to mean a lot to a lot of people. Thank you, brother. Thank you so much, man. I'm honored. Thank you. Be a rebel, follow the show at shift pollution on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. Thank you so much to Joel Carroll for coming by the show for screening room and if you're looking for a book to inspire or if you know someone who may be having problems with drugs or alcohol or even in gang involvement, this is a book to check out. It'll get you on the right path. Joel is an amazing writer and an amazing speaker as well as you clearly heard in the interview. So thank you so much again, Joel. Next week we'll be back to too many podcasts and my guests will be a guy named David Keck and this is another strong subject story but David is just another incredible human being. I was really honored to get to meet him and to speak with him and to learn his story and to find out what he's doing for people as well. You can hear any of these episodes on shorepollution.com of course or on any any any of your favorite podcast apps. I'm there. I promise you and it'd be well you're there if you can subscribe to the show or leave me a nice review on Apple podcasts so to let people know more about the show pollution and wherever you see these shows and if you enjoy them, please share them on your social media feed. Let everybody know what's going on over here. I'd really appreciate it. Mr. Bruce, I think we're good for this week. We've done a good deed. Let's head on out of here until then folks. Viva, let's show up pollution. See you next time. [BLANK_AUDIO]