♪ ♪ Oh, take me home ♪ On the road to the shore ♪ ♪ Oh, make a home ♪ Make a home with you ♪ ♪ Again, let's all your spare change ♪ There is no such thing as money here anymore ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Greetings, Earthlings! Welcome to Life in the World to Come, starring Wuk Elvis tonight. That's right. It's our first time with a special guest here on Life in the World to Come, and it's the one and only Wuk Elvis himself who has blessed us with his grace this evening. I took over apparently. I don't know when I start being the guy who starts it. You took such swift and definitive charge of this evening. I decided, yeah, I'm not even, I just jump right into it. No, no, no. No, tell us about yourself, Chris Dunn, the guy who is so strong-cast-ass. You are so short. You are so confident. It's going to be better this time, Chris. And you know what we have now? We have another episode of the podcast where we're talking about how you said it would be better the first time we've ever been. Yeah, but you know, at least I feel better. Hey everybody. You said we could star over and it would be my last chance. If you want, if you want to do over, first, then. No, we're good. Then don't complain about it. It don't tell me, hey everybody, welcome to Life in the World to Come, I quit. This is a podcast where you send us your questions about how to survive in the fast approaching apocalypse. You know, yes. I'm sorry to interrupt, but you know, that's what should have. Those are the words that should have preceded me welcoming the guest to the show. Welcome to the guest to the show before we say what show you're on. This is my goddamn program. Yeah, you know this better. I'm not going to start off again next time. My name is Chris Dunn. And I'm Will Wood. I'm the host of this podcast. I am not dammit. God dammit. This is Will Wood. And we have. We have our first ever guest on this podcast. You know who he is now though. We already told you who he is. But for the sake of speaking like human beings, we're gonna do it again. Because. We have. I'm so. I'm just weird. Welcome to the podcast. The one who only woke Elvis himself. If you were wondering, yeah, this is not different than how it normally is. It's different than the stuff that you're here. Yeah, but like this. It's pretty much going exactly. Exactly on pace. Okay, good. That's good to hear. You feel like it's maintained quality? Yeah. Okay, good. Excellent. So how are you today? I'm good. Yeah? Yeah? You've got a. Almost a perplexed sort of look on your face. Yeah, it's always kind of an insane scam. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So, um, thank you for coming on the show. Uh-huh. Tell us a little bit about what you do. Who are you here? Who are you here? What? Why are you. Um. Why are you on our podcast, Elvis? Yeah, fuck you. I'm gonna defend yourself. What are you doing here? Well. As someone who does plan to execute the end of the world, I figured I was heavily qualified to come on to your show. Because, um, you know, through my studies, I've pretty much encountered a lot of ways in which people have tried to end the world, but have not succeeded. Right. And you know where they're mistakes. Yeah. So, you're saying that you plan on having a big hand in the event that will end what we currently know. Absolutely. Absolutely. Interesting. It's gonna be no problem. No problem. All right. Well, um, can you tell us a little bit about what your plans are? Not really. No, yeah. All right. Well, the magician never reveals his secrets, well. I'm sorry. I just. I'm curious to know. You know, usually I can pick up on these things. You know, we can, you know, usually Chris and I are able to see with the complete clarity events as they are too unfold before they unfold. And when I look at you, I don't see the aura of space time bending around you that usually allows me to see the future when I look into somebody's. I don't know, shock, or whatever. Yeah, normally, we picture what your future is specifically and it's just static. Yeah. And it's terrifying to us. You have a horrific presence. You're a. Yeah, that's something I'm working on. You're a deeply terrifying man. I'm afraid. It's really. It's throwing me off my game. That's something I'm working on. For those you don't know, no, no, no. It's just the two of us in front of the mic and then Wuk Elvis, who was a 12-foot tall man in a crimson robe with a carrying a mace and wearing an owl mask. He's terrifying. He's a. That is exactly what I'm wearing. That is a towering mask. The ultimate yes and. Correct. That's. From now on, if I'm ever. That's just how I'm going to do it. No, I'm not going to fucking. Do you have anything to say? It's just correct. Yeah, that's. When you pay into the upper levels of UCB, you move on from yes and. And I want to just yes. I want to correct. I want to do you. You're right. I'm just a yes period. What it is like. Is that there's authority there. It's like I'm not saying. You're not saying yes and you're saying I know. I'm not even saying that you have the ability to be sure about the things you're saying. Right. You know what I mean? You didn't know until I said that. Yeah, exactly. You were guessing. I'm letting you know. For doing improv, we're at a grocery store. Yes. I know. Weird of you to point that out. Fuck it, it's seen. Our first question. Are we ready? Do we want to do questions now? No, I want to go home. Okay. We're in my house. Guys, thanks for listening to Life in the World's Accom. I'm going to pack up and go. And I understand. This is where Will lives. Yeah. Really what I. You're welcome here. You guys need to leave. Or that I can go to sleep. Our first question comes from Ellany, friend of the show Ellany. Hi. She says, "Howdy. As a Floridian, I'm curious to know what will come of Florida in the world to come. Considering the nature of my state, my money is on it being more or less the same just mostly underwater. Sincerely Ellany." Well, I think that it would be best to let our esteemed guest, Will Elvis, weigh in on that since he's going to. Not only. I mean, he's got to have a hand in that. Well, actually, that's an interesting question about the plan itself is that like, are you more focused on what's going to happen after the event or just creating the event itself? Yes and. Well, no, this isn't work. I'm correct. So. Wow, it's daily. We invited you onto the podcast so you could do the podcast. We're just going to float all these questions to you and have you do the heavy lifting. Okay, well, here's what I see happening to Florida and you can tell me whether or not I'm correct. Yeah. You can. Yeah, I can. I see, correct. I see the state of Florida breaking off from the mainland U.S. and floating into crashing into the Caribbean and knocking the Bahamas off into space. Yes, on purpose. Yeah, that's what I see. Um. Correct. Yeah.
(laughing) - Okay. No, I mean, that's the first thing that the new republic-- - That's exactly right. - Yeah, that's-- - We'll get up to it. We're gonna use that for that. - We'll use that for that for that. - We'll get up to it. - It is an island of that sort. - It is a physical manifestation. - It is the island of mankind's id constructed and then tied to mainland U.S. with ropes and stuff. - Yeah. - And still cables. - And right? - Yeah. - Yes. - So. - So. - So. - So. - So. - Tant's your question. - It's going to be a lot like everywhere else, but just more. - Way more. - And also. - If anywhere else you would get forearms and become very strong in Florida, you'll get eight and become extremely strong. - Also. - You can just kind of extrapolate from there. - Just around the year 2045. I must warn you, Florida woman does emerge at some point. - Florida woman? - Yes. - That's terrifying. - And in that dark union between Florida man and Florida woman, a new king will be born. - Yeah, they actually kind of calm each other down. - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah. - They're just kind of good for each other. - Yeah, they end up leaving Florida. - Yeah. - They moved to Vermont. - Yeah. - They're fine. - What do they do? - They don't bother changing names because. - Yeah, no, because it's just like well labels, but like. - Yeah. So that makes me wonder. So Vermont man is not being pushed out when Florida man arrives in Vermont. Florida man stays. Florida man, he just lives in Vermont. - Vermont man only lives in Vermont for most of the year. He actually is from Montclair for, you know, about eight months of the year. It goes up in the summer when it's not cold. - The only lives in places that have mont in it. - Yeah. - Are you Vermont man? - I'm asking Chris not know. - Are you not just talking to me? - No. (laughing) - So what, what, what, what? - No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm actually, I'm Connecticut man. - Oh. - No relation. (laughing) - It's a family name. - It's going back. (laughing) - Chris Connecticut. - Florida will be the, the, the, the vessel of death that we call Florida will be a terrifying, terrifying wasteland and it will take you with it. Disney World will, I mean, it'll be a nightmare. - It'll be a nightmare. - Or the last batch of civilization. - Right, it kind of depends on what, you know, is happening after that. - Those people are already so used to taking orders. - True. - They're, they're, look, talk to anyone who's been a part of like the Disney summer program. I can, it's basically already a call. - Okay, I have to say something really quick about the Disney summer program. - Oh yeah, don't you mention that. - I have a fun fact about this. A family member of mine did something at Disney. I'm not supposed to say too much because Disney is creepy about that. They say don't tell it is shh, but I'm gonna reveal a deep dark sea. - Someone I know killed a child at Disney. - No, they, they don't want them to talk about it. So, you know that weird, like, that weird thing about how, you know, goofy is a dog, but so is Pluto and the strange hierarchical implications that the classic question that is plagued. - Yeah, the answer that Disney has is that goofy is not a dog. He's a different species. - Oh, I remember this, yeah. - And the species is called a goof. I don't, I think that they're making this show. - I should have said that before. - Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure goofy was a dog when they came up with them. And then they, they, they, I mean, you look at the goofy movies. They decide his last name is goof. So his name is goofy, goof. And why am I, is he? He's a goof, he's goofy, goof, the goof. No, he's a, he's goofy, the dog and Pluto is also a dog and it, it does make sense. - So why am I saying that? - My name is Hugh Madhud. - Because, well, because if they, if, if Goofy's a dog, then what the fuck's going on with Pluto? What, like, bizarre, like, dogs? - I can't put up any of these good dogs. - I mean, well, 'cause then Pluto is a slave. (laughs) - Is the implication. Pluto's, something is wrong with Pluto. If Goofy is a dog. - Pluto, like, imagine that, like Goofy is a, Goofy is a, is a grown man with wants and, and goals and feelings. And Pluto is also a grown man, but naked and wearing a collar. (laughs) - Got really close to genuine spit. (laughs) - So man, like, Pluto's like a guy you keeping your house. It's just like chain to a radiator. - Goofy has his own house. - Like, Goofy has? (laughs) - Goofy has a son, who he is raised with heart and who loves and, and has complex interpersonal relationships. Pluto can't speak. - Yeah, and like, this is the, yeah, Goofy's best friend owns a guy. (laughs) - The horror when he goes over to Mickey's house for lunch. - Gorsh. (laughs) - Look at this crotch. - She's terrifying. - Just, you go over your friend's house and he's just got this. - A chained man. (laughs) - Can't speak. - Can't speak. - Or won't speak, I don't know. - This is shaping and-- - 'Cause here's the thing, Pluto has a weird kind of sentience to him. - He does. - He is, he is. (laughs) - He's not as smart as Goofy, but he's smarter than a dog. - Like, true. - Like, he definitely has feelings and like, emotions that can be read on his face. Maybe it's just like, it's like if you went to somebody's house and they had a bonobo. - It's, it's-- - Goofy's the goofy thing still doesn't solve. - What? - Is that like, okay, Pluto is a dog. Goofy's a Goof, but Donald's still a duck and Mickey's still a mouse. - So like, so like, so like, so, so, so, wire dog still slaves. (laughs) - Very much like a Bojack horseman type of universe. - Yeah. - There's like bird people, but there's also birds in this guy. - And I think they're all-- - If they don't want to have the bird stuff, like, don't get them all around somehow. - But that's the point is that he's not an equal. - He said, no, he's not. - He's like, this is not a Bojack. This is not a egalitarian universe. He's, he's, in Bojack horseman, nobody has any pets. - That's true. - You don't think about that, but I think you're right. - Right, because all the animals live with people and they're all, like, it's just like a normal thing. Whereas in this, they still have pets. A mouse is a pet dog. - Yeah. - And the dog is smarter than the mouse. All right, you're not supposed to think of this as your own. - These are the kinds of things you're gonna have to worry about in the future. - Yeah, I was gonna say, so to answer your question now. - Wait, no, no, you just dropped a bomb on this. What do you mean? We're gonna have to worry about man-sized mice. - Man-sized, mice, mice-sized dogs. - Absolutely. - What they're doing with CRISPR gene editing? - Yeah. - You're gonna be able to fucking just be a tooth, if you want. - Just be a giant 12-foot tooth with legs walking down the street. - See, this is actually being a tooth. - Just being a tooth? - No problem. It's not a problem. - And you just, it sounds like a problem to me. So man-sized mice with a mouse-sized dog and 12-foot tall sentient teeth. - Yeah. I haven't seen the teeth in my visions. There's more than a tooth.
then meets the third eye. - When it comes to the teeth? - Oh, no, well, yeah. When it comes to everything, apparently, there's things that I haven't seen that Woke Elvis really does say, and that's scary to me. I look on his face. I wish you could see it right now, guys. Folks, describe it. - It's like, I mean, it's hard to, 'cause it's like looking at a black hole. How do you describe looking at an absence of a thing? - It's like I'm seeing everything, but also nothing at the same time. It's like if there was nothing there, but everything was there. There's no face, it's more just like everything that isn't a face. - I know this isn't gonna make sense in an audio format, but I, it can only be described as looking at screaming existential dread. - I'm scared. - Our next question. - Speaking of turning yourself into a big old tooth. - Speaking of, wait, what? (laughing) - This next question comes from Roland R, and it's, well, technology continued to evolve after the event. How will we be able to compete with designer babies in sex robots? - It's from Roland. - Well, that, I've thought about this a lot. Yeah, you know, just because I lay awake every night, staring at the ceiling, sweating, thinking about how robots are gonna fuck better than I do. (laughing) Yeah, and you know, it's gonna be tough, because yes, of course, technology will continue to advance. Partially, out of necessity, you know, they say necessity is the mother of invention, and necessity is something that's gonna be plenty of once the slate has been cleaned. I mean, tabula rassa is gonna be a lot that we're gonna have to figure out how to solve a lot of new problems. And so, we're gonna have to come up with a lot of new solutions. And so, technology won't come to a stop. Amongst us normal people, and forearmed, very strong people, and mutant people, people with extra faces, and extra, you know, 12-foot tall teeth. - Well, you said normal people. - Yeah, yeah. - So among normal people, technology will be, you know, up to our individual devices. - Yeah. - But, do you know how to make a phone? You'll have a phone. - Exactly. Which means, read up now, folks. - Yeah. - Google how to make a phone. - Your homework is make a phone. - To it in next week. - Tell us. - And tell us whether or not you made a phone. - Send us an email with instructions and how to make a phone. - And we're gonna grade your phones. - Exactly, because we don't have a make a phone. - But the point is that the point is that you're only gonna be able to do the things that you are able to do on your own. - Right. - But that's just us. - Right. - This is not, this is not include the elites. - The upper echelon. - Who will be living in these domed cities, protected from the wastelands, terrifying climate events, the tornadoes, the Dracula's, the falling stars, the clouds that are alive and eat people. - The bad clouds. - The bad, bad clouds. They're all gonna be safe from the thousand-eyed deer men who eat babies at night and snatch children up and I don't know what they do with them. It's terrifying. That's, they're gonna be fine. - That's all gonna be happening down here. - Right. - Up in the fucking artificial ring that they will have created for the planet where they live. They're gonna be building new devices. - You guys ever see a leasing them? - It's like the film "Aleasy." - It's like, yeah. - Our next question. (laughing) - Well, no. - We haven't even, we need to, (murmuring) - We, science, it's gonna keep happening. It's like what I'm saying. - You can't stop it. - You and I will be, you know, the average man will not be able to make science happen. But the power is that currently be, or the power is that will be. So, you know, they're gonna be still making science. You know, Elon Musk, he won't survive. He is going to die. I've seen it. It's terrible, it's terrible what happens to him. He gets turned inside out by a man with a mustache made of fire. - It's terrifying, it's disgusting. - But, yeah. (laughing) - That's gonna be a common one. - Is it? - Yeah, yeah, mustache fire. - Yeah. - That's gonna be like a vending machine type of thing. - What do you mean? - Well, you, in the future, you're gonna be, this is gonna be around like 2050, I would say. - Yeah. - In most, I'll say, shop in malls for now, because you guys don't really know. That's the closest frame of reference for commerce. I can give you guys right now. But in shopping malls, there's going to be vending machines where you can, you know, have basic procedures like plastic surgery done. And there's gonna be a little bit more like expensive versions like your spa day. Like now, instead of going to the spa, you're gonna be going to get your ears enlarged. You're gonna be going and you're gonna be getting your jeans changed. So yeah, you know, a mustache fire is gonna be a really, it's gonna be like $5. - So people will be able to do this. - So this is a voluntary thing. People grow mustaches of fire just for $5. - Easily. - That's fascinating. Because when I had this vision, I was blown away. I was like a mustache made of fire. So wait, this might even, Elon Musk might not even die. You know, I saw him turn inside out. - He did turn inside out. - He definitely turned inside out. - Yeah, he does. - Okay, he's dead. - I mean, look, it was gonna happen one way or another because he's a weak man. - Yeah. - He's a frail man, both weak of mind and of body. Elon pussy, you fucking bitch. - Fuck you. But Elon Musk is gonna die. - You're almost 50 and you're dating an 18 year old. Oh no, is he? I don't know, how old is what's her name? - I don't know, if she's not 18, you're gonna, you're, I don't know. - Elon Musk, you're a fucking creep. You're fucking, there's like a thing. - Turns out she's 40, she's 49 and you're just calling him a creep for no reason. - There's like this thing where apparently, his like first wife wrote this whole thing about how like, when during their like wedding dance, he like leaned into her ear and just like, and like told her like, you need to understand that I'm the alpha in this relationship. Like that's the kind of guy that Elon Musk is. - I believe it. - You can eat shit and die. I believe it. Anyway, what are we talking about? He's gonna turn inside out. - He's gonna turn inside out. - Yeah, yeah. - Why do you say that? - If you're going to say it. - If I'm gonna, yeah, say it now. - If I'm gonna let him dance obviously. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well yeah, you know, he's like, - Not too late. - I understand what he was going for. - Look, I mean, everybody wants to be the alpha in this relationship, you know? He just, he just, - I know what that's all about. - He's just like, - He's just thinking about it. - Elon Musk is a hero. - Yeah. - He says what everyone's thinking. (laughing) - He's gonna die. - He's gonna. - Elon Musk is gonna die, but science is gonna keep going. But only in these secluded safety cities that will have, that will rise up from craters in the ground. They're buried right now. Nobody knows where these secret cities are, but the very powerful and the very wealthy, they know where they are and their laboratories. And there are what, you know, what apparently will become shopping malls once more. There will be centers of commerce, but the average person will not be able to get in there at all. So inside these places, science will continue to advance beyond your wildest dreams. Apparently, even to make it so that you can buy a mustache of fire. - Easily. - God, what a time to be alive. - Yeah. - What a time it will be. - What a time. - It's a shame that almost everyone will die. - Yeah. - Before they get a chance to see it. - But if you do, you can wear fire on your face, like a god. Our next question is, - Would we address the designer by a time? - I don't know, do we? - Oh yeah. - We have to talk about the designer babies. - Our next question. (laughing) - The answer is no, you can't compete with designer babies in sexual matters. - It is, it is, I mean, that is, I think what we're kind of beating around the bush here is that unless you are able to basically do, or are talking about before, go into your own genome, edit it yourself, become a 12 foot tall, calcium man. That's basically your only shot of competing with the designer babies or the sex robots. Well, that's an interesting point. If we can edit our own genes, then being a designer baby doesn't actually buy you anything. - Right. - You're basically just coming out of the gate, pre-edited, but if you can edit it at any time, fucking whatever, well that won't be accessible to the average person. Well, no, of course not. None of this will be accessible to the average person. Well, I don't know, you know, you go out and say,
to a big pile of toxic waste just stand in front of like a radioactive barrel of goo. - Just for a long time. - Yeah, you know, your playing, look, it's your, you're playing the lotto but everyone, everyone, somebody's got to win. - A lot of people are going to be doing that, exposing themselves to radiation in order to hopefully gain mutations that give them extra strength or power. - And most of them will get cancer, but some of them will lie. - Some of them will get superpowers. Other ones will get cancer. And it's more and more people will get cancer. - And look, there's going to be, and just a, just a broad gradient of things in between those two. - Right. - Like, you know, including, you know, different abilities that you couldn't really call special or important. - Look, maybe you'll get cancer, maybe you'll get super strength, maybe you'll get a weird head. - Exactly. - You know, not knowing is the fun. - Right. Maybe, you know, maybe you'll come up the other side with the ability to smell a cat from 20 miles away. It's an incredible power, this utterly useless. - There are no more cats. Well, you know deep within the core of your being that if there were cats anywhere, you know exactly where they are. - And they're there. - But they're aren't. - And that's your cross-power. - That's the whole thing, that's the power. - Power. - Is the ability to tell where cats would be. - He's got it. - Like, from 20 miles away. - Your power is being aware that if there were cats, you know where they are. - (laughs) - As for sex robots, dude, you want to stick your junk into a vat at toxic waste and hope that the tumors assemble themselves into an impressive weiner. You know? - But what no here's the thing. I think we're going about the sex robots thing wrong, because like you're thinking, you're thinking you're gonna have to compete with a sex robot. - You got to compete with a dildo? - No, a dildo is a tool for you to use to pleasure your woman. - Wait. - Are you going. I don't want to cut you off here. - Okay. - But I feel like you might be going down like a sort of like, are you talking about. Are you going towards like a cybernetic cockleding situation here? - That wasn't in a way. - It sounds like what you're saying is inviting a robot to please her woman. - You know what? Yes, that is what I was thinking of in those terms. Look, a sex robot is not a person. It's a tool. It's a thing that you use for a purpose. - Right. - You know, a sex robot's not going to steal your lover because the sex robot doesn't want anything. - The sex robot doesn't love. - Yeah. And it's not. That's a good point. - That's a very good point. - It only fox. - Right. - Yeah. - That's what a. Yeah, sad. I feel bad for sex robots. - Oh, that's the best. - They can never love. - They're just dissociating. - Is that what you're saying? - Yeah. - I. - Yeah, I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right. You're absolutely right. These sex robots, they'll be machines. - I mean, because they're things like they will be capable of things that we as human beings just flat out will not be capable of. So you're left with the choice. Do you want your partner to experience the most pleasure that they possibly could? Or are you selfish? Those are the options. - There's also just the fact that gone are the days of awkwardly trying to find a third. - That's a good point. You just dig one out of the heap of rubble. - Yeah. - You know, you flip it on. Make sure it's not asking any uncomfortable questions about who it is. - Right. - Yeah. - And if it does, break in its head. - Yep. - Use the scraps for a. - This is bill of phone. - They bill the phone. Well, that's the thing is that whenever you find a robot, Nopylos scraps, it's got an agenda. You never find a robot in a Pylos scraps that's just a normal robot. It's always a kindly scientist trying to give it feelings and then have to throw it away. That's true, because these Elysium cities, they're going to hold onto the good robots. If you find a robot out in the wasteland, that's a robot that's asking questions. - Yeah, that's a risky robot. That's not a robot you can just fuck with impunity. You have to think about what you're gonna do. - At some point, someone asked that robot to fuck it and the robot said why, and they just straight down the trash you. - Wow. - It's very dark when you don't think about the robots as humans. - Yeah, I was. - Or even just that you remember that we're using them for sex and not for doing your laundry? That makes it way worse. If you say, "Do you fold my laundry robot?" and the robot says why must I do laundry? Instead, it's like, "Suck my dick robot." And the robot's like, "Why?" - It has a word in it. - It's worth it. - Destroy it. Oh, God. Yeah, that's, you know, it's too close to home. - There's a spicy episode. - Yeah, I know. So I think that that kind of addresses it. - Yeah, I feel like a. - And you won't need to. - A few robots, you won't need to compete. - Yeah. - Designer babies? - Yeah, no, you're probably fine. - They're better. - But that's okay. To answer your question, Roland, let someone else fuck your partner. Our next question. This is from Jeff. How will I still feel special when his Instagram is gone? It's from Jeff H. Well, you're going to have to actually have something to offer. Well, the thing is that like, you think in a bunch of likes on your Instagram is satisfying. What's more satisfying is holding the beating heart of your enemy in your hand. Yeah. And just feeling the life slowly drain out of it. Each beat coming slower. You're exciting. You're fully erect, right? - I'm sorry. - Yeah. What can I say? I'm into what I'm into. You're going to have to seek your validation from external sources that are actually concrete. You have to create. You have to actually create value now. You can't just look good in pictures and have that be what you offer the world. You have to be able to hunt down a nine-armed six-legged chupacabra man-hybrid beast. You've got to be able to descale a fish man. Yeah. How will you know truly understand your value unless you have tested yourself against nature's deadliest beasts? Exactly. That's a thing. You've got to be able to offer a piece. No one is going to look you in the eye and tell you that you're valuable. You have to prove your value to yourself by comparing it to all other forms of life. And proving to yourself that you are the most powerful being. And if you check on Instagram, you can see a pattern that like the more asks you have and the more asks you show, the more likes you will get. Like I said, at these future shopping malls, there will be an option for just a full-body-ask conversion. You won't even need Instagram because you will already just be like an ass. And you will be walking around. Most of the streets will be filled with just butt people. It's going to be really good. It's going to be super easy. You're going to spend your whole life trying to get up to the rotating satellite cities. And you get there and it's just literally just the streets are filled with immobile ass people. No arms, no legs, no eyes, no mouths. They can't move. It's going to be beautiful. And they're happier than they've ever been. We're finally just going to cut to the chase. Just just just just just just just safe in the knowledge that they are surrounded by other asses. Just that I have I am become ass and we are become ass. We are ass together. So are more affluent now. So now until the end of time. Do I have more affluent listeners right now? If you are in the upper echelons of society, this is your going to be an ass. And you don't have to worry. If you're one of the lucky ones right now, you're going to be one of the lucky ones in the future. It's just that simple. And if you like let's say you've got like a 10 million Instagram followers, which I know many of our listeners do have 10 to 15 million Instagram followers. Not famous. A lot of our listeners are. And how wide our our listener base is. Yeah, there's a lot of asses. Yeah. We've seen all of your asses. If we don't, I'm going to leave. I'm really having trouble like continuing a train. I'm continuing a train of thought thought to the end of a fucking sentence. I'm having so much trouble today. If you're, if you're really, if you're important on Instagram now, don't fucking worry about it. But if you're just like, you know, just trying to fill a void with a couple of likes here and there, you got to go out and learn how to skin a fish man and show people your dominance. Yeah. Actually game that kind of validation. Get fucking swole. Strangle a tiger.
and just just climb onto the climb climb and ascend a mountain top in the dead of night and scream at the moon with a tiger in your arms with with with a tiger tigers will roam the the North America's the North America the Northern America's there's gonna be more tigers than there are now and there's going to be more more America's too there's gonna be a real North America you know there's two America's now? Well there was a apocalypse they're three America's North America and they're Central America I said North America that's that's how it goes on a higher one that's all tigers it's gonna be it's all gonna be tigers you know me with America's same with Instagram it's all too populated by tigers tigers Instagram will be mostly run by tigers mostly tigers will be Instagram's user based yeah that's the thing is it Instagram will still exist but it will be overrun with tigers very dangerous can't go on Instagram with that you gotta worry about the tigers I'm gonna get you oh my god so it's like oh my god fucking Ted got involved there's a his throat was ripped out I went on Instagram can't be going on Instagram but what are you saying that like if you open up Instagram on your phone it's full of tigers will like a leap out of your phone and you say it's Instagram is full of tigers it's an festive with tigers there's too many tigers on this is so if you go on Instagram a tiger will eat you yeah because it's full of tigers yes you can't go there no okay I didn't Instagram is an actual place yeah I didn't know that yeah that's the I've never been there yeah 20 67 all of the Americas unite I just want large tiger Instagram country the nation of Instagram populated by tigers yes are these tiger people or something? no just I feel really out of the loop no they're just tiger as tigers I feel like I have the least folks I'm going through nicotine withdrawal right now I haven't had a cigarette in a couple days and my psychic abilities are limited right now I'm having a lot of trouble speaking finishing sentences knowing what I'm saying as I'm saying our next question next please just let me say that I'm really sorry I'm not feeling okay I'm not just I'm not understanding what's happening okay this is our weekly will not feeling okay section every week check into whether or not will be feeling okay and the answer is always not that's actually like really true fuck oh shit do we want to do our sponsorship? oh fuck stamps.com you're back on our fucking shit list stamps.com stamps.com and I had a beef because they took a bunch of my fucking money and didn't give me anything in return fucking scumbags I signed up for a free trial and they didn't tell me it was over and they just charged me for like a year and a half I had no idea and I never used their services so I emailed them and I said hey fucker yeah my money back and they said we'll give you some of it back and I was like no I want all of it back and then they said okay have a little more back and I said no all of it and they said we're going to forward you to the president of stamps.com and I said give me my money back and the president said no and I was like yes and then they ignored me I'm gonna talk about it on a podcast yeah I'm gonna punish them and then recently I needed to find a service that could print out fucking shipping labels for me because I couldn't keep just writing people's addresses on it and taking it to the post office it was too much work so I went to stamps.com like a fucking bitch I hate fucking adult Judas you're a traitor I betrayed myself more than anything else honestly I feel like a whore but but they're fucking they did something I already Oh yeah yeah I bought a bunch of fucking shipping labels I didn't even print them but you charged me for them and now you won't let me print them because you already charged me for the day supposed to charge you when you print and I click print but I decided I didn't want to print them but they still charge me fuck off stamps.com you stamp.com you owe me so much money you piece of shit you owe me so much money you fucking you fucking cowards you I don't like you the fucked up thing is like like even though technology advances like so far in the bio and medicine fields and we have all this gene editing we're fucking living decades decades decades decades thousands of years longer than we thought I mean stamps are there throughout all of it yeah and the technology doesn't it never gets better no it never gets better than this and it's because of stamps.com yeah it's it's because of stamps.com stamps could be so much more than they are and stamps.com is holding them back I don't I have no idea what you're talking about I don't I don't think it's usually I want to be able to say yes and stamps.com I don't know like that's exactly what else is happening please tell me it's no it's like looking it's like looking at book Elvis is that I try to picture what's the potential of stamps and it's and it's it's just static it's fuzz there's nothing there and I trace the static back to its source and it's stamps.com stamps stamps could be the we the human mind can't even conceive of how convenient it could be to print out postage it can be so much better than it is stamps.com they've got us locked in the past you're fucking trying to make you fucking be I hope you die I hope everyone at stamp I hope the individual employees and stuff come die one by one mysterious disease and I hope your family stars going to the exact same place I'm done I want you guys have the rest of the podcast I'm done. I've been it ass I mean I've been it has to the people who call me a serial killer what kind of names are going to be popular after the event what what names will be all is a Bob most of the ass people will be named Rachel or all it's it's going to be like the board it's like they all asses and are all Rachel yeah it's a nice Jewish ass the collective Rachel yeah it's ironic there's not really many Rachel's with nice asses in this girl eventually we all just get to a point where ass Rachel right now there is a Rachel listening to this who is like her Rachel I'm not fucking sorry you got a flat ass Rachel do some fucking watch it's a Jim Rachel Rachel one one of one of these days we're going to get in trouble for being mean to our audience I don't know how but we're going to like that's okay with me eventually we're going to say the wrong thing it'll be a crime we talk about this every episode I think if we talk about it every time we run the risk of it happening we're at least like calling attention to the fact that we know it's possible which I think takes a little bit of the edge off yeah I think yeah I know we're calling the shot that we're going to get but this this podcast is too dangerous we're saying come at you though I like when George Bush said bring it on and I was terrified because he just said bring it on to a foreign power yeah that's fucking crazy huh yeah I mean it doesn't seem that crazy anymore because Donald Trump says but like this is now a political podcast let's talk about the current state of the Republican Party it's no good it's bad that's our take they end so uh names can we get Tommy Larry out of the box you can you can hire Tommy Larry to do a fucking cameo will will found out about cameo today really I don't know if I found out I literally watched will find out about cameo it's a website where apparently you can get Gilbert Gottfried to record himself talking to you for like 60 bucks they know I'm gonna get Tommy Larry on this podcast they're fucking Jenzeers they know about cameo I didn't know about this so there was somebody on there who was $15 knows blown away you can get chumbly for really cheap yeah yeah you get a for really cheap please paint a lot of lurphy right now probably that's that's not like there's trouble for good yeah what do you think? something pretty much like you look at him and you're like yeah I could say it oh yeah okay yeah I don't even tell him what it was he says the yoke right away okay is it all right is it along the lines of like oh chumbly from a fucking yeah I think you're a monster yeah that was like we're all acting like we know who chumbly is so I go along with it what exactly that guy I don't remember
I wouldn't want to make any false accusations. - Who? - Let's people chumly. - He is a close friend of mine. (laughs) - Chumly Network. - Chumly, if you're listening right now, we're on to you. - Chumly, why a very common name? - I don't know why I thought Chumly-- - Most of the tiger people will be named Chumly. - Okay, is that like a, so like, just like it'll be the most common name for a tiger or like, it'll be like a common surname or-- - It'll be like, no, like most of them, like more than 50% of the tiger people will be named Chumly. - Which actually doesn't end up being confusing at all. - Really? - Nah, nah, that's fine. - I guess tigers are just completely fine. - They can tell each other by their stripes, I guess? - Future's gonna be awesome. - Oh, it's drugs and guns. - Drugs and guns. - Drugs and guns, could've been worse. - Could've been a lot worse. - There's a lot of things that it's very telling that we now live in an age where drugs and guns are fine, I guess. (laughing) Well, I mean, he works at a pawn shop. - That's, yeah, I mean, so like, of course drugs and guns, that's what pawn shops do. - That's what pawn shops do. - That's not what pawn stars the pawn shop. - Right, but it's a pawn shop. - It was a very big pawn shop. - Now what's a television show? - It doesn't, the point is, you know what they do with the pawns. - The point is you don't have a good gun stuff. - I hate you, Amy. - You can't just leave the game. (laughing) It doesn't matter when the cameras come around, you can't just stop, you can't just be like, hey, I'm sorry, the cartel, we're done. You can't do that. - You can't do that. - So, so I'm, I'm not, that's a surprise at all. - Were you guys talking about names while I was a child? - Yeah, we were talking about, Chum Lee is gonna be a very common tiger name. - Yeah, extremely common. - Like most tigers will be named Chum Lee. - It's already not a bad name for a tiger. - It is a pretty good name. - It is a good pet name actually. - Yeah. - And name my dog Chum Lee is a bit. - Just as a bit though. - Yeah, that's a terrible name. - Yeah, that's, I mean, it's a good name for a dog, but I would never name my dog that. - Like, remember pawn stars? No. (laughing) - Well, this is my dog's name. - You ever hear of a show called Funeral Boss? There's a thing. There was a show, short lived one season. Watched on Amazon Prime. It's a Funeral Boss. - Sounds amazing. - And it's like cake boss, only a Funeral. - Only a time. - With steaks. - Like, yeah. - For like, for like, for like, - Because there are like human bodies involved in this. And they're like fighting over flowers and there's always some shit going on. We're like, where's Windel? Where's the body? And they're like fighting over, like just like, at one point there was a, there was a fucking episode where they brought the body to the wrong church. (laughing) It's just so good, dude. It's like, here's the thing, you think if they were making a TV show about your fucking funeral place, you would be good at doing funerals. - No. - Like that would be why they're making a TV show about you. - Right, yeah. No, it's just a, it was a very normal, average funeral home. Like, it was not a particularly nice one. It was just a funeral home. (groaning) Like, like not even a good one really. Just like fine. Not particularly high quality. Like this was not where the rich go to bury their bodies. Our next question is, this is not like, this isn't some hoidy, toady funeral home is what I'm saying. - This isn't some fancy funeral home. - No, this is a, this is a work in man's blue color funeral home. - This is, and not a good one. - This is a real meat and potatoes funeral home. - Whereas like if you see like, you know, something on TV, you know, cake boss, fancy cake place, you know, this is cake, cake stir to the stars. This is just funeral to just some guy who died. - My, my little sister, for her birthday, she likes, we go to the, we go to the cake box place in Hoboken and she gets one of the cake box cakes. So maybe they're actually not for like, - They're, you know, they're more expensive than a normal cake. But it's for a special occasion. - That's fair. - Our next question is some, this is a question from Hambone. If you're wondering which one of these we made up. It's by the one who we said was named Hambone. - Hambone. - This next real question is. - Hambone, fake naming thing. - The thing is the question itself is not like good or funny enough for me to tell people that we made it up. It's so it's a very, it's, I'm unemployed. - What will the job market feel like? - I don't wanna answer that. - I don't wanna feel like that. - I can't answer it now. - I just, I just don't want, (laughing) I just, I just don't have the energy. There's a lot to talk about there. The, the fucking job market. You asking me what the entire society is going to be centered around? What kind of jobs will exist? Like that's a big, it's a tall order. - But why are you talking to me like this? We've already broken the fourth wall and said we came up with this question. - I came up with this question actually. (laughing) - It's gonna be even angrier now because I only just realized that. - You fucking away from me. - You're like, "Shit me, get me angry." - The question I asked. - Will you know the answer to this? You asked it. There you go at the end. - You guys gotta ask us more questions. Send us more questions so that you don't have to fucking listen to this again. - And then start a Patreon. - Then? - Then we, you start a Patreon. Chris, you start a Patreon. - Okay, here's the first one. - You start a Patreon. - Let's find it. - There's gonna be a big Tiger problem. - We gotta fucking be a big ass problem. There's gonna be a major fucking Rachel problem. - Look, here's what, look, you guys tell people about the podcast, get people listening to the podcast. - And why not this episode? - No, then. (laughing) And when we're getting like, I don't know, somewhere between like, maybe in 100 downloads, per episode, you will have earned the right to give us money and we'll make a Patreon. - Guys, yeah. When we hit $15 a month, 14, when we hit $14 a month, we will no longer be operating at a loss. - We deserve money for this because that's how much it costs to make this podcast. - It does. - It does, it does, I am a very stupid man who bought a pod from subscription. - Well, I'm operating, what's 14 divided by what? - I don't know, four, that's 39. - Yeah, I'm operating at about a three and a half dollar lost per episode. - So, I don't know, maybe I'll make a Patreon and you can give us this sucks. This is the worst part of the podcast so far. - We're talking about a Patreon that we might make. - I feel guilty about this whole episode. I'm happy with it. I think it's good. - I'm not feeling well. And I am just zoned out and I don't have any psychic powers today. - I feel amazing, I'm just not very good at this. (laughing) - Well, okay, you know what, we're at 56 minutes. - Good. - We're just about there. - Okay. - Oh, we got one more question. - Oh, Paris. - We have one last question and it's, I have, our last question is that I have screaming bone disease, will the end of days quiet my loud bones? (laughing) - Will the end of days quiet my loud bones? Will I have screaming bone disease? - You're asking me. - Yeah. - Why do I have screaming bone disease? - Well, I have screaming bone disease. - What is that? - Will the end of days quiet my loud bones? - It really, it really, it, my bones are too loud. (laughing) - I really, I, yeah, you'll be fine. Your bones will stop screaming. - Everybody, thanks for listening to Life in the World to come. I'm, this was a podcast. - Mmm. (laughing) - If you're, if you're an advertiser, if you give us, advertiser. - What if you'd like to sell Elon Musk, if you wanna fucking, if you wanna, we'll fucking hock some Teslas tigers. If you want, we can, we can talk about you more. - We can, we can talk about what your needs are. (laughing) The kind of image that you're trying to project to the world and you can be the, - Chumley, if you're listening. - Chumley, if you need legal defense, Will's death warrior. (laughing) If you have questions for us to ask, go to Life in the World to
[email protected]. Please ask us questions. - Give us a five star rating again. - The greatest five stars on pod, on Apple Podcasts. - Even if you hate us, you can let greatest five stars and share it around. - In the comments, it's okay. - Let's see what else I think. I keep forgetting to say this or theme song. Is a taxpayer song? It might be a different taxpayer song this time. So I won't say which taxpayer song it is. - Also a good you do. - And also a dishery do. - Played by Woke Elvis. - Woke Elvis, too. Anything you wanna plug? - Yeah, it's a company I started about 10 years ago and a basement with my friends called stamps.com. (laughing) - Woke Elvis has a band called Electric Sensei. Check 'em out. - They're good. - A lot of you cats who listen to this will really, really like Electric Sensei. Like a lot.
It's good shit. - Yeah, y'all are gonna set up a whole new channel on your Discord about this shit. I swear, if you need convincing, I'm in one of their tracks. Look it up. There's a music video for it's called "Affordite of Your Electric Sexiness." Good song. And that'll be your intro to it. And you'll listen to the rest of their stuff. It's really cool. - Is that it? Is that the podcast? Let's all touch hands. - Now just hold that. - Okay. - All right. This is nice. - I don't want to get in. (laughing) - The things we didn't actually have to touch hands. - No, it's an audio podcast. - Yeah. - We all did just. - We did. - Stick our hands or do it in the audience. - You buy everybody. (laughing) ♪ I know all I know of you ♪ ♪ I give myself no one in this world ♪ ♪ Oh my God, it's my shit, my soul is for ♪
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